5bDZHv Your idea is outstanding; the issue is something that not enough persons are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I stumbled throughout this in my seek for one thing regarding this.

5Fwut8 Just  wanna tell that this is very helpful, Thanks for taking your time to write this.

aObQwc Awesome post. Cool.

APD4L3 Appreciate you sharing, great article post. Much obliged.

H i love is stoy I have a feeling u repeat some part of story bird pill

Hi Carolyn!
I'm sorry about my first comment, I was wrong.
You wrote a very good story.
Please, forgive me.
Kisses.
Silvia.

bad

Now I feel stupid. That's cealerd it up for me

this is one of the best stories ive read in this site. it honestly was is a great story. i have just a bit of constuructive criticism, because not much is nessisary on this superb story.
1.) the story was a little one sided. i no from personal expirence that its easier to write from the perspective that intrests you most, but its still good to widen your veiws.
2.) repeating yourself. u did an exelent job on not repeating pharses (ex. she was hot, so she took off her shirt because she was hot) but u DID repeat adjectives that were used in a perivious sentence, sometimes the sentence directally before it!
3.) loose ends and abrupt endings. in this story, the loose ends were limeted to only two worth mentioning. 1, jimmy's little brother, and 2, the girl's parent's situation. it seems that the fact that susie was consived on their prom night was a little too consise, but didnt affect the readability of the story as a whole in the slightest. finally, i thought the ending was a little abrupt. maybe you could have jumped forward to when they finally get the orb to work again, that exciting moment where they can finally become eachother again. and on that happy note, let the story fade off...

and with that, i will take my leave. i truly enjoied the story, and will look for your future works with intrest.
absolutly superb story!
-enigmas

Very good story, enjoyed it completely; thank you for the opportunity to wile away the time.

I like a good story line with a scence of aventure where you get a chanch to look at the world from a different point of view. As thay say in the old west "were off to see the elephant.

Remember the chanch to put one's thoughs on paper is a gife.

oh my god!! i really liked this story, the best of it's kind i've read in a long time, keep up the good work, it actually made me cry and smile =)