Wishing

by Jennifer White

 

Ever since he was a young boy, Dan had a secret: he had always wished that he had been born a girl.

It started early on. He liked to dress up in his sister's skirts, no matter how many times his parents told him it was 'wrong', and that boys didn't dress in skirts. He would sneak into her room and steal things, so he could wear them in private. He was so scared of being caught, that he would literally dress up in the closet, with the door shut, so that if his mom came into his room, he'd be hidden.

As his sister got older, she started wearing bras. And so did Dan, whenever he could sneak one away from her. As she started to mature from a girl into a young woman, so did Dan's hidden wardrobe. He got caught a few times, and his parents sent him to see a psychologist to 'cure' him. But all that did was make him learn to hide his true self from them.

He was so glad when he got to college, because then he could have his own place, with nobody butting in, and nobody to discover that he was dressed up like the young lady he wished that he was. He loved and adored women so much (and the concept of women in general). They were so much better than men. The worst woman was better than the best man in the world. He hated men (including himself), because of how they treated women. Women were to be worshiped. And those who violated this rule were the worst.

This day, Dan was walking down the street, looking at all of the store windows. He stared longingly at the pretty skirts and dresses, knowing that he would never look good in them. He could do some things like put in falsies to 'boost his bust', but he could never really pass as a woman. Not with his broad shoulders, lack of curves, obviously male facial structures, and such. He sighed. If only he had been born female. Then the world would be right.

Dan turned from the shop window, and started to walk faster. He looked up, and saw a woman coming towards him. She was wearing a long, brightly colored skirt that got his attention from a block away. As she got closer, he noticed her perfect body shape, her wonderful choice of a matching top (which was very well filled out to boot). She was wearing very fashionable shoes on her feet. Her hair was long and brown, with tight curls and blonde highlights.

As she got closer though, Dan locked in on one thing: her eyes. Although she was a knockout beauty, with a perfect body, perfect hair, and perfect fashion sense, and although she had the face of an angel (perfectly done up, with just the right amount of makeup of course), it was her eyes that made Dan stop dead in his tracks. He had never seen such eyes before!

They were bright and cheerful, full of emotion and expression. They were a gray-blue color, and they seemed to pierce him, as if she could look right through him. He found himself unable to look away; he just stared at her as she approached. With all his heart, he wished that he was her. She was the embodiment of all that was good about women. She was the very image of his ideal. With an inner desperation that was stronger than any other time in his life, he wished that he was her.

The woman was so close to him now! She walked past, and he turned to watch her walk away. Suddenly, she stopped, and turned to him.

"The way you're staring at me..." she said.

To Dan, it felt like a dagger through the heart. He had been staring at a woman, something that men did. He liked to think of himself as a woman trapped in a male body, but here he was, acting as bad as any man. Now he noticed that he had become aroused too, as he stared at her. He was acting just like a man. Just like the thing he hated. Dan felt like crying.

His body had betrayed him again, making this perfect woman feel upset, from his staring. He was going to tell her that it wasn't what she thought, but how could he tell her he was staring because he wished he was her? He felt like dying at that moment. Maybe he should just end it all, once and for all.

"No!" she said. "Please don't do that because of me!"

"What?" said Dan, not understanding.

"Don't hurt yourself sweetie" she said.

"How could you know that?" he gasped.

"I'm psychic" she replied. "I can tell what you're thinking."

"Then you know why I was staring...." he said.

"Yes" she replied. "Listen. Why don't you come with me to my place. I'd like to talk to you, so I can help you."

Dan was shocked. She wanted to help him? What could she possibly do, even if she was psychic? It was embarrassing enough that this paragon of female perfection knew his inner thoughts. How could he go with her and let her delve further into him?

But there was something about her. Something so kind and gentle, that he sensed that she would never do anything to hurt him. She really did want to help. And so, against his better judgment, Dan agreed to go back with her to her home. He walked with her, too frightened to talk. What in the world could she possibly do to help him? It wasn't like he had something she could 'cure'. Thoughts of all the psychologists he had seen in the past arose in his head, and the intense dislike he had for all of them.

She made idle chatter as they walked, trying to calm him down. His mind was a furious flurry of activity, with so many conflicting thoughts and emotions all at once. She would need him to be calm and focused if she was to be able to help him. He wouldn't be the first. She had helped men like him before.

"I'm Bridget" she said as they walked.

"Hi. I'm Dan" he replied, still too frightened to open up and really speak.

"Its nice to meet you Dan" she said.

Five minutes later, they were inside her house. Bridget locked the door, and pulled down the shades.

"Why are you doing that?"

"You might be embarrassed if someone looked in and saw you. This is for your own protection. For your privacy."

"Thanks" said Dan, although he didn't understand what they would do that he wouldn't want people to see.

"Have a seat Dan. And listen to me carefully" said Bridget.

Dan sat down next to her, and looked into those awesome eyes of hers.

"Dan, as I told you, I have psychic powers. I can do many things which science says is impossible. You already know that I can read your mind. Your thoughts are transparent to me. I can tell what you're thinking, and what you're feeling."

Dan nodded. He had seen it, although it was still hard to believe.

"And now, I want to do something to help you" she continued. "I want to make a link between your mind and mine. I want you to let me in, and offer no resistance when I try to penetrate into the outer layers of your mind."

"What are you going to do?" asked Dan.

"I am going link up with you, and then put some of my own perceptions of the world into your mind."

"What does that mean?" he said, unsure.

"It means that I can make you perceive the world as a woman. Instead of looking down and seeing your male body, you will look down, and see a feminine body. Instead of feeling like a woman trapped inside the body of a man, for the first time in your life, you will be free. You will perceive yourself as a woman. And then we can see just how much your mind truly is feminine."

"You mean, I'll think I am a woman in body too?"

"Yes. You'll feel like a woman, through and through. And then, we can test you, and see if you truly do have a feminine soul. Some men like you find that they are just aroused by the trappings of femininity. They are excited by skirts and wearing skirts for example, but they aren't truly women inside. I bet you'd love to know just how much of your soul really is female. Then we can figure out how to help you find happiness in the world."

"This is hard to say" replied Dan, "and I've never really told anyone this, well, other than a psychologist, but I really do think that I was intended to be born a girl. I don't think I'll ever find happiness, because of my male body."

"I understand. Its all right" said Bridget, putting her hands over his.

Nobody had ever told Dan that it was okay before. They had all wanted to 'cure' him. Nobody had ever understood him. He was so taken with her at that moment. He was in love. She was his ideal, his perfect one. He would do anything she said.

"Okay" he said. "What should I do?"

"Just lay back and relax" said Bridget. "Take deep breaths. Close your eyes, and listen to what I say."

Dan took a deep breath. He tried to relax. Bridget was talking now, very quietly, like a mother cooing to her little baby. He was instantly relaxed by her, and soon he was enveloped with a warm feeling all over. Then he felt a strange floating sensation, and it was like he was drifting off to sleep.

"Your name is Renee now" said Bridget.

"What?" replied Dan, rudely snapping back to consciousness.

"I said that your name is Renee now" repeated Bridget.

"Renee?" said Dan.

He was surprised at how melodic and high in pitch his voice sounded. He opened his eyes, and immediately he wanted to cry. That was because of what he saw on his chest. Boobs. The nipples were clearly visible through his shirt. He had boobs. Real boobs!

He sat up, and he could feel their weight on his chest. And then there was the hair. He had long hair! He ran his hands through it.... his hands! They were small now, with long thin fingers. His fingernails were long, and perfectly filed into ovals.

Dan stood up, and ran to the mirror on the wall. There was no doubt about it as he stared at himself: he was a woman now. Bridget had said that she'd make him perceive the world as a woman. He hadn't thought it possible. But it was true. His body was female now! It all felt so real.

"I'm dreaming" he said.

"Your dream come true" she replied.

 

If you or I were standing in the room, we would have seen a man standing in front of the mirror, looking at himself from every angle, with tears streaming down his face. But to Dan, he was seeing a woman in the mirror. A busty woman with plenty of curves, a pretty face, long hair, and a very feminine presence. He wasn't prepared for how it feel to have big boobs, and to see real nipples protruding from the ends of them. He was in a pleasant state of shock.

Bridget smiled. She loved to see someone feel so good about themselves for the first time. But now it was time to test him. She could only hold her concentration for so long, and she needed to find out his true inner self, so she could decide what to do next.

"Follow me to the bedroom Renee" she said.

Dan followed her, almost skipping as he walked. Once there, Bridget asked him to undress. It was just two women together in his mind, so it wasn't a very big deal. She smiled approvingly when she saw that he was already wearing panties underneath his male clothes.

"Now Renee, I am going to pick out a top for you. And it is your job to select something to go with it."

"Sounds fun!" said Dan.

Bridget went to the closet, and selected a particular green top of hers. It was a tank top with a built-in bra. Very pale green, and very casual. She chose that top, because it would really show her something about Dan, because with that top, none of her skirts would be a good match.

Some of her skirts were too formal, like the blue one or the long black one. Some would really clash in color, like the brown ones or the hot pink one. The white one was too long. The multicolored ones didn't match either. Bridget never wore that top with any of her skirts; she needed to wear pants.

Now if Dan was just focused on the trappings of femininity, the external things that didn't really make you a woman, then he would most likely go for one of the frilly feminine skirts. But if he really did think like a woman, then he would realize that none of her skirts was a good pick, and he'd go for some of her pants.

Bridget was delighted when Dan reached down and selected a pair of ¾-length white pants to wear. They were made out of a stretchy material, so he was able to get into them. They were perfect for the top he had on. The fact that he went for pants meant that he wasn't just excited by women's clothes; he was excited about being a woman. Perfect.

Now it was time for the next test. In certain ways, men react differently to women when face with certain stimuli. One classic example is with a baby. Young girls will play with a baby doll instinctively, while baby boys shun them. If Dan was truly a woman inside, then his reaction to a baby would be telling.

But Bridget didn't have a baby. However, her power that made Dan perceive himself as a woman, could also make him perceive a baby doll as a real baby. Bridget had Dan sit on the couch, then went to her room to grab a doll she kept in her closet. It had been hers when she was a little girl, and she could never bear to throw it out, even though it was old and worn out.

When she walked into the room, holding it as if it was a real baby, Dan's face lit up.

"You have a baby?" he said.

"Yes" said Bridget, proudly.

"What's her name?" asked Dan.

"Cindy" replied Bridget. She was glad that he had assumed the baby to be a her. Another good sign.

"Can I hold her?" said Dan.

Bridget handed the doll over, and Dan gently picked it up. If you or I were there to see Dan, it would have been very embarrassing for him. A man, wearing a woman's top that was too small on him, and tight white women's pants, holding a doll as if it was a real baby, cooing to it, making baby talk.

But to Dan, the baby was real. And a real treasure. He cradled Cindy in his arms, rocking her gently. Feeling the baby at his breast made him long for a baby of his own.

"She's so beautiful!" he cooed.

"Thank you" said Bridget.

"How old is she?"

"Four months."

"She has your eyes" said Dan, smiling as he looked at baby Cindy's eyes.

But then the little baby in his arms started to cry.

"Hush baby, it's all right" said Dan, rocking her gently.

But baby Cindy started to cry more and more.

"I think she needs to be changed" said Dan.

"Here" said Bridget. "I'll take care of her."

"Can I?" asked Dan. "Would you mind?"

"That would be wonderful" said Bridget.

She smiled as Dan removed the baby doll's diaper, and replaced it with a fresh one that she brought for him. Men didn't like babies, and they didn't like taking care of them. The fact that Dan had such a nurturing instinct was another sign. He really was a woman inside. He had passed the test.

After the baby was changed, said that Cindy was due for her bottle. She got it from the kitchen, and Dan asked if he could feel her. She watched as he lovingly fed the baby, wiped the milk off her chin, burped her, and put her down for a nap.

There was no doubt in Bridget's mind now: it was not an act. Dan was a woman on the inside. And he was deserving of femininity. She would help him now, to achieve his goal. But now there was something she needed to do. He was stuck in a male body, and the desires of that body were sometimes overwhelming. Like when he had stared at her. That had been his body doing something by instinct that his mind hadn't wanted.

If she was to help him become a woman, she had to be able to push down the maleness of his body. She had to put him into a position where he was in a state of pure female thought and feeling. Now came the most difficult part. For the man that was.

"A person is a complex thing" she said. "There are many layers to a personality, and finding out who a person really is, is very much like peeling back the layers of an onion. I have peeled back far enough to know that on the inside, you are like a woman."

Dan smiled. It was the best compliment he had ever received in his life.

"Or do you know those Russian dolls?" asked Bridget.

"The kind where there is one doll inside the next, inside the next?"

"Yes!" she said. "I have exposed you now, and we are down to almost the last doll, the furthest one on the inside. I have helped others like you before Renee. And I know that this last layer is the most difficult, because it is tied to your physical body. If you are to realize your dream of womanhood, then we must address this last doll."

"What do you mean?" asked Dan, confused.

"I mean that because of your body, this innermost core has many male traits. Like when your body does things to betray you. When you look at a pretty girl, and wish that you were her, have you ever gotten hard?"

"Yes" admitted Dan, ashamed.

"That was this innermost layer" continued Bridget. "If we can overcome this inner self of yours, and change the innermost doll of your personality into a female, then when we put you back together, your body will follow your mind."

"You mean...." said Dan.

"Yes" replied Bridget. "If we can crush your inner male, and make him become female, then your body will follow the form of your mind. You will become what you perceive yourself as now. You will become a real woman."

Dan fell down on his knees.

"Please!" he begged. "Please do this to me! Don't make me go back to being a man! I can't live another day as a man. I have to be a woman! I have to!"

"This will be difficult" said Bridget. "It will be scary. I know your mind now, so I know your fears."

"I don't care" said Dan. "I need this."

"All right" she said. "Let's get started."

 

Dan took a deep breath. He had no idea what he was in for.

"First of all," said Bridget, "This will require me to get deeper into your mind. You need to allow me full access, and not resist as I go in further. It will be hard to be so exposed, so bare. You will feel my presence, and your instinct will be to close me out. But you can't. You have to let me in, all the way."

"I understand" he said.

"And secondly, we will be doing something that will confront your greatest fear."

Dan didn't even know what his greatest fear was. He tensed up, wondering what she meant. Bridget went to another room, and returned with a copy of People magazine.

"People magazine is my greatest fear?" asked Dan, half-jokingly.

"No" she replied, leafing through the pages. "But this is."

She opened the magazine to a page in the middle, with a hot picture of a male movie star, with his shirt off.

"What?" asked Dan, still not understanding.

"You think of yourself as a woman. But you are still physically attracted only to women. If you are going to become one of us, then you need to change that. You need to feel a physical attraction to a man."

Dan was sickened. A man? How could he do that? Even though he had imagined himself as a woman for all of his life, he had always been terrified of feeling an attraction to a male. He loved and worshiped women. He wanted to be one. He wanted to be with one. The thought of a man scared him to the core.

"This is the only way" said Bridget. "I can only keep my concentration up for so long. In the next fifteen minutes, you need to feel a need for this man. If you can do that, you will become a real woman in your mind, body and soul. If not, then you go back to being you, and I cannot help you."

It was a terrible choice: to gain his dream of womanhood, he needed to do the one thing that most terrified him. He was going to have to feel an attraction to a man. It wasn't something he had ever wanted to do. All of the times he had wished that he would wake up one day as a woman, he had always envisioned himself being lesbian. But that was not an option. He took a deep breath. Like it or not, he was going to have to do this.

But at that moment, Dan felt something new. An intrusion within. It was Bridget, further entering into his mind. It was a strange feeling. Imagine the first time you kissed, and your lover put their tongue into your mouth; the way you felt so strange that someone else was in a place that only you had been. In a way, he felt violated; in a way, he felt scared to be laid so bare.

Things were different now. He could hear Bridget's thoughts, right in his mind! To show him just how far she was moving inside him, Bridget held her hand forward towards Dan. His arm moved in lock step with her, as if he was a mirror to her. She was so tightly linked to him, that her movements became his movements. Her thoughts went into his head. And her emotions were felt in his heart.

"You are ready now" she thought. "Lets begin. Focus on my feeling, as I look at the picture."

Dan could feel her desire for the man in the picture. The way she wanted him. The way she imagined being in bed with him. It was sheer terror for Dan.

"Now join me in these feelings" thought Bridget. "Feel them yourself. Use my feelings as a guide."

Dan truly wanted to be a woman. He tried his hardest to feel as she did, but there was still this wall inside him that prevented him from doing it. A wall that had been built up his entire life, and which just would not budge. He could not make himself do it.

"Lets try another way" thought Bridget, causing the words to go right into Dan's head. "Remember how it felt to hold the baby in your arms? Focus on how wonderful that was."

Dan recalled the wonderful feeling of holding the baby. Feeling how soft and warm she was; the young innocent face, those cute little eyes. He had loved holding the baby. It had made him feel so much like a woman.

"You loved her, didn't you?" thought Bridget. "You loved holding her so much! In fact, you loved it so much, that it made you realize that one day, you want a baby of your own."

"Yes" said Dan out loud. He was shocked when Bridget spoke the same words as him, at the same time. They were psychically linked so closely now, that his thoughts were in her head as well. He realized that he could sense her feminine emotions, thoughts and feelings, just as she could access his.

"You want a baby" she reiterated.

"Yes" he thought, knowing now that she would hear it, as he could hear her thoughts.

"A baby of your own."

"Yes."

"So you want to be a mommy."

"Yes."

"And you want the baby to be yours. You want to give birth to her."

"More than anything" thought Dan.

 

It was true. He really did want a baby. And not just an adoption; he wanted to be the baby's birth mother.

"Focus on that feeling" thought Bridget. "Focus on how it feels to want to be a mommy. You want to give birth. So that means you want to be pregnant."

"Yes" replied Dan in his mind. "I want the baby inside me, so I can nurture her from the start. I want her to grow up inside of me, so when I give birth, she is my baby."

"Yes" replied Bridget. "Good. Focus on how it feels to want to be pregnant."

Dan did just that. He imagined feeling the little unborn baby kick inside of him. He imagined the feeling of knowing that his body was nurturing the new life within. It was what he wanted. Giving birth was the defining act of womanhood; the ultimate feat that a woman could do, but not a man. The miracle of birth. Dan wanted to experience the joy of motherhood for himself.

"You want to be pregnant" thought Bridget.

"I want to be pregnant" he replied, in his mind.

"You feel a need to get pregnant" she added.

"Yes" he replied.

"And here is how you are going to do it" said Bridget, pointing to the picture of the man.

Dan looked at the picture with different eyes now. He didn't see an image on the page of someone like him; he saw at image on the page of a potential father for his baby. He needed to be pregnant. Only a man can get a woman pregnant. So he needed a man.

Inside Dan's mind, the wall was crumbling like a house of cards, with a key card from the bottom removed. Inhibitions from of lifetime of living as a man were being crushed, as his feminine desire for being a mother overwhelmed his thoughts and feelings. And with Bridget's ultra feminine presence in his mind as well, he basked in the glow of feeling like a woman.

At that moment, Dan crossed a line. A dividing line between male and female. His feet were firmly on the female side of the line now. Inside, he was no longer a man. Inside, she was a woman. He was no longer 'Dan'. Now she was Renee.

Renee looked at the picture of the hunk in the magazine, and felt a tingling between her legs. She was imagining herself in bed with him. For the first time in her life, she felt aroused enough to get wet between her legs.

The innermost 'Russian Doll' of her soul was female now. And her body immediately started to react. Her body started to change. Renee felt weak, and collapsed to the floor. She could feel Bridget start to gently pull back from her mind, leaving her alone and cold. The room started to spin. Renee could no longer keep her eyes open. She passed out, falling into a deep blackness.

 

* * *

 

"Bridget?" said the woman laying on the bed.

"Renee! You're awake!" she replied.

Bridget had been sitting in a chair by the bed, reading a book. She hadn't left Renee's side since she had first passed out.

"How long was I out?" said Renee, who still felt a little groggy.

"Three days" replied Bridget. "The chain reaction inside you sapped all of your body's energy. You've been resting, recovering. But you'll be fine now."

"Chain reaction?" said Renee.

"Yes. Once your inner self become truly female, the rest of your body reacted. Bit by bit, from inside to out, you changed. And now you are a woman, in every way."

Renee smiled. She was overwhelmed with joy.

"But something feels different inside" said Renee.

"When our minds were linked" said Bridget, "we shared. You will find that you can remember a lot of things about me now. Experiences when I was a girl. Little things like having my first period. Or learning to braid my sister's hair. Many such memories of mine are in your mind now too. You will find them helpful as you make your way in the world as a woman now."

"I can remember!" said Renee. "I remember when I... I mean you... had your first kiss with Jimmy Jackson. And I can remember learning to dance in heels. It all seems so real."

"It is real" replied Bridget. "But it all happened to me. You'll always feel like my sister from now on, because we share so many of the same memories."

"I like that" replied Renee. "A girl couldn't ask for a better sister or a better friend than you."

"Aw, that's so sweet!" said Bridget.

There was much work to do now. The authorities were searching for Dan, but he would never be seen again. And now there was a woman named Renee, with no past, no job, no ID. It would take some time and trouble to get her started in her new life. She would live with Bridget for a few weeks, until all of the necessary arrangements could be made.

But those problems were insignificant compared to the hurdles that had already been jumped over. Renee was a woman now, in every way. And even if she ended up working as a cocktail waitress or a baby-sitter, she would be far happier than she had ever been in her life.

She was very beautiful, so she knew she could always find a wealthy man to marry. But she had already decided that she would marry for love, even if it meant winding up with someone poor. She wasn't the kind of woman to use her body for monetary gain, or to move into a better lifestyle. No. She was determined to find a man who loved her for who she was. And that was the man she would marry, and have babies with.

When the day came for her to leave Bridget and move out on her own, she cried.

"I will always think of you" she said. "Every day I will give thanks that I met you."

"Good-bye Renee. I will see you again" said Bridget.

"Good-bye" she replied, the tears flowing freely. But she didn't care. She was a woman now, and it was just fine for a woman to be all emotional. Renee had never been so happy. She was a woman now, in every way, and it was all thanks to Bridget. At that moment, Renee knew who she would name her baby girl after, as soon as she found a man of her own, and got pregnant. Then, her dream would be complete.

 

* * *

 

Bridget sighed as Renee left. It always made her feel wonderful to help someone like that. She had taken a miserable man, on the verge of ending his life, and helped him become a happy woman. It would be months before she was fully recovered, having put out so much of her psychic energy.

But once she was ready, she would keep her eyes open, and her mind alert. Somewhere out there was another man who needed her help. Another man for whom she would open the doorway into womanhood....

  

  

  

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