Who Are These People, And What Do We Do About Them?

by Enny Viar

  

Americans loves things to be black and white, and yet they complain when things are are. In today's society, gender expression is very fluid. Women wear pants, cut their hair short, and take jobs as construction workers, auto mechanics, or race car drivers. Men are also expressing their femininity more. They will wear pastels, pierce their ears, become nurses and "executive assistants", and some even take on the role of a woman to entertain, as shown by people such as comedian Eddie Izzard (the executive transvestite) and drag queen talk show host RuPaul.

The question is, what happens when the line between male and female is crossed? When a woman decides that she IS a man, or a man thinks that his inner self is a female, and they often need to get that inner person out. Today, through surgery, hormones, therapy, and support, these people can actually change their biological gender. Society often looks down upon these people, either by discrimination, prejudice, and in many cases, violence. Mainstream America, for the most part, doesn't understand why someone would want to change their life so drastically to actually become the opposite sex. But it does happen.

On December 1st, 1952, the New York Daily News shouted the headline "EX—GI BECOMES BLONDE BOMBSHELL ". The ex-GI was named George, who had become Christine Jorgensen. Christine was the first American to publicly admit to having a sex change operation, raising many questions on the mutability of gender. Many others, unhappy with their given sex, now had hope that they could right their wrongs; that they wouldn't be trapped in a gender they felt they never meant for. And so, thousands of Americans have taken advantage of the medical advances of the past 50 years, living as the person they want, and conforming their bodies to their "mental sex".

What is involved in changing one's gender? A lot, according to the Harry Benjamin standards of care. Of course, there's the surgery and hormones, but perhaps the most important thing is that you have to actually BE the opposite gender. A "real-life experience" of at least a year is considered absolutely necessary for genital reassignment surgery in the USA. During this time, the person in question must live their life in the role they choose, full time. Some think this "waiting period" is unfair, while others claim it is essential for transitioning.

I'm only about $20,000 short of surgery, give or take a lottery ticket or sale at 'Girls R Us'. A nip here, a tuck there, and down there, too, and maybe I can finally feel comfortable with myself. I can only hope. My real life test has been going on for about 2 ˝ years, give or take a month of falling "off the wagon". Despite the hardships in my life, I see my gender transition as very important to my well being, both mentally and physically.

However, when am I a woman? Does it take feminine clothing, actions, and socializing? Not really, but without makeup, I feel vulnerable. I feel like everyone can see right through me, and know exactly who I am, and what is between my legs. Without makeup, I look just like I do with it on, only with lighter lashes and worse skin. I realize that, in reality, my bone structure, slight frame, feminine mannerisms and long hair will give most people the immediate impression of a woman. But, for some reason, I don't feel they do when I don't have my mask on. The good thing about my current mental and emotional state is that even if I haven't a stitch of makeup on and am sporting a wicked five-o'clock shadow, I still feel like a woman, even though I realise I wouldn't be called ma'am if I walked to the store to pick up a bottle of Mountain Dew. So the answer to the opening question is "all the time". I feel like a woman all of the time.

It all started a few years ago. I started working as a woman full time, and used that to develop mannerisms, style, and my voice. But in order to, in my opinion, be a woman, I needed to look like a woman. That meant two things: boobs and face. Clothing wasn't as important, as long as you got the buttons right, and as long as you wear baggy clothes, no one can tell that you have a supermodel's hips and a couch potato's beer belly (not a nice mixture). But I needed to offset my love for Guinness with a halfway decent set of breasts.

At first, I tried to shape my natural bust with a wonder-bra and some surgical tape, but even with my weight spiking upward and my father being having a nice set of 'C' cups, it just wasn't cutting it for my frame. So, I went to step two, using an old drag queen trick of birdseed and panty hose to make a set of breasts that could shape well and have a little bit of weight to them. They weren't half bad; about average to small, but perfectly acceptable. Later, I moved up to silicone inserts, with a better shape, less irritation, and I didn't have birds landing on me to get a bite to eat anymore. Plus they had little nipples.

Next was my face. I never was particularly adept at shaving, but I learned fast when the need arose. As far as makeup, my experience was pretty much limited to the over-dramatic look favored by other "goths" such as myself. It wasn't exactly the professional girl (not that kind of professional) look I was needing as a system administrator. And since I was cutting myself frequently during shaving, I need a foundation that could not only even out my complexion, but also cover any nicks, scratches, or cuts. The whole concept of blending and matching my skin tone was alien to me at first.

It took me a while to learn subtlety. Gone was the liquid eyeliner and tubes of ultra-vamp lipstick, and in was accented eyelids and soft lips. No cheek color for me, though; I never could get the hang of it. I'd keep the heavy mascara, though. My lashes are long but pale, and I love to show them off.

So why do I do all of this? Not every woman wears makeup, and even fewer care so much about how their breasts look at any given moment. But I feel this as a part of my real life experience, and finally expressing my true gender identity. I have to cram 18 years of female socialization into only two or three, and as an adult instead of a teen. I didn't go to slumber parties, and never once did my mother take me shopping for an Easter dress. I want to be and look feminine, and in our culture, the ideas of femininity and masculinity are exemplified in those qualities that glorify them.

An acquaintance of mine, Sarah, who, unlike me, was born Y-Chromosome deficient, was beyond flat-chested. To hear the tale, it was as if her ribcage had two depressions to actually allow her bust line to be concave. As such, she was extremely insecure about her appearance. She was a very pretty girl, but having the body of a twelve year old boy didn't exactly give her much confidence around other people. When in high school, she wouldn't shower with the other girls. She didn't date much until her 20's. She never wore anything except baggy clothing. So as a present to herself when she finished graduate school, she bought herself implants, rounding her bust out to a very respectable size. This boosted her confidence to levels she would have only dreamed of before. She soon married and began a family with her new husband. She was more outgoing, friendlier, and an all around much happier person.

So how does Sarah's story relate to a transgendered person's? As for me, I have no confidence in myself as a woman, at least when it comes to other people's perceptions. Despite years of practice, estrogen therapy, and little plastic boobs, I don't see a woman when I step out of the shower. I don't feel a woman's face when I touch it in the morning. I feel like a woman, and I know she's in there, but for some reason, she hides herself deep inside this masculine body. To be free, she has to make the man's body look like the woman's body. So I'm getting implants, Beauty Myth be damned.

There are many surgical options to feminizing or masculinizing the body. To some, it's a long and expensive road, much more complicated than my own. According to Dr. Anne Lawrence, there are operations to get rid of the Adam's apple, give natural looking breasts and curves, remove breasts and curves, contour the brows to get rid of the body ridge, narrowing or widening of the chin, and of course to give a fully functioning and natural-looking vagina. All of these carry some risk, and complications are varied and not rare. And yet thousands of people undergo these procedures each year.

Is this a quest for the perfect body? Is it a way for some men (and women) to have some sort of self-satisfaction, to have a body they find attractive for their own? While the debate rages, there is a certain group of people for which this may be true, usually called autogynophilic transsexuals. An autogynophiliac is defined as a male who derives sexual pleasure and self arousal at the concept of himself as a female. While this makes sense to a lot of people who have never experienced gender identity disorder, and it's also quite possible that these people do exist, Dr. Rebecca Alison believes that autogynophilia is driven by male sexuality, rather than a personal conviction of the feminine gender as a fundamental part of that person's identity. Most men would not want to give up their principle means of sexual arousal and function to fulfill this 'fantasy - Why have the fantasy if you can't back it up? It is believed that most autogynephiliacs are transvestites and crossdressers, with no intention of taking any hormones or getting any surgical procedures done.

Despite their best efforts, transgendered people are usually not taken as their chosen gender in real life. It's a bit easier for female-to-male (FTM) transsexuals, since testosterone is a very powerful hormone, causing facial hair and bones to grow, the voice to deepen, and give a definite male attitude. For male-to-female (MTF) transsexuals, it's a bit harder. The only thing that they have a leg up on the FTM's is that it's a lot easier to create a vagina than a penis.

As mentioned, testosterone is a very powerful hormone, and its effects are pretty hard to shake. Nothing will stop an MTF transsexual's facial hair from growing except electrolysis, their voice will still be the same, any lost hair due to baldness stays lost, and they will still be as broad and tall as they were before. In other words, unless you already look like a girl, or have a hundred thousand dollars to spend, you will always look like a man in a dress. As such, MTF transsexuals are more likely to be victims of violence.

One recent case of violence against a transgendered woman is the case of Gwen Araujo. Gwen was a very "passable" woman, and being 17 years old, hadn't had the full effects of testosterone on her body. In other words, she looked like, acted like, sounded like, and for all intents and purposes she was, a beautiful young woman. On October 3rd of 2002, she was at a party, drinking a bit heavily, and began to flirt with a boy she had a crush on. They had sex, but afterwards, she was discovered to still have intact male genitalia. The man she had sex with, along with a few of his friends, knocked her out and began to slash her with a knife. She was dragged semi-conscious into a garage and strangled. Then the boys buried her bound body deep in the mountains.

This tragic case, remarkably similar to the case of Brandon Teena in 1993, vividly portrayed in the Academy Award winning film Boys Don't Cry, is not rare. The National Transgender Advocacy Coalition estimates that there were at least 26 reported cases of transgendered people murdered in 2002, including Ms. Araujo. But perhaps A good thing that came from this horrible story is that for the first time, violence against a transgendered woman was covered in the national media, thus bringing attention to this severe problem in our society. The USA Today, New York Times, and FOX news covered the story extensively. Even the filmmaker and star of Boys Don't Cry have made an official statement regarding Gwen's murder, with Oscar winner Hillary Swank saying "The brutal murder of Gwen Araujo is yet another painful reminder that the gender hatred that also killed Brandon Teena is alive, and work remains to be done."

So aside from the obvious struggles that I go through every day, with insecurities about my body, my mind, and how society perceives me, transitioning has been the best thing I have ever done. I'm not 100% done, not even 10% done, but in the end it will be worth the pain and struggles I have gone through. And thousands of other people, transgendered and not, agree with me. Advocate Gwendolyn Smith, who serves on several gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender boards in San Francisco, said "I learned to smile, to really laugh. I've become a far more open person, and a lot less afraid to be myself." And isn't that happiness and self-acceptance what we all want out of life?

  

  

  

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