Walking In Fear              by: Janet L. Stickney               JanetLynn17@Hotmail.com

 

Be not afraid my children, a sign is coming

As I swept the huge skirt aside and looked in the mirror, I thought back to how this all started. When I was 16 my life long secret was discovered when dad walked in on me. At the time I had on a short sheath dress, black heels, my hair done in a pageboy, My makeup as well done as I could manage, and I smelled of perfume. There was no denying it any longer, so I braved it out by saying, "Hi dad, like it?" That wasn't what he wanted to hear of course.

My name is Jeff Grant, I'm 16, stand 5'7" tall and weigh in at 135. I have brown hair and eyes with a pale complexion like mom. Dad stared at me for what seemed like hours, then he told me to get myself down to the dinner table. "Like this!' "Just like that, now move it!" He waited until I left the room and followed me to the table. Beth saw me first and gasped, then, when mom saw me she stood up and stared. "I found him like this in his room, and suggested that he share how he looked with you." Suggested? Right! "Come sit down dear." I sat next to mom, about as nervous as a wet cat and twice as scared. Beth watched me through the whole meal while mom said nothing. Dad scowled a lot and I could hardly eat. "Help your mother clean the table." I did as he told me, and Mom, Beth, and I cleaned away the dishes, then I tried to make a break for my room so I could change but was stopped by mom. "I think you and I should talk, let's go into the den."

I sat on the small couch while she pulled up a chair across from me and sat down. "I'll assume that you know how pretty you are, so I won't go into that, but I want you to tell me everything, like how you got the clothes to why you're dressed this way." With my knees locked together, my nails shiny in their red coating, the scent of the perfume in the room and my hair brushed out, there was no way that she would believe it was just a lark. I had spent almost $100 on this outfit, from the panties and bra to the dress and shoes, and I'm pretty sure mom knew that. Oh, I could have told her it was a goof and try to fake it, but by the look on her face that was out as well, so... "I like it mom." "I can see that, and you do it well, but why?" That's the question isn't it? "I don't know why mom, I've always felt this way, like it's right for me somehow." Mom had caught me a few times when I was growing up, I had even been out a few times as a girl on Halloween, but now, well, there was no more hiding it, especially right now. "I see. Well, since you're out of school for the summer maybe you should be allowed to dress as a girl all of the time, would you like to do that?" It was my dream of course, but…" "Can I think about it mom, I mean, all of the guys…" "No. I want an answer right now. If you say yes then of course I'll see that you have some more clothes and teach you how to be a young lady. But if you say no, then I never want to find any feminine clothes or things in your room ever again, and I want your promise that you'll never dress as a girl ever again."

This was terrible! If I said yes, then no matter what, mom would see to it that I became a girl for the summer, which would wreck some of my plans. If I said no, I might have to make a promise to my mother that I could not keep. Mom said nothing as I tried to find some way to a middle ground, but as my mind went blank on ideas, she merely smiled at me, offering me no other choices. "Dad?" I managed to squeak out. "He'll go along I think, especially if you look the way you do now." "I can't make that promise mother and you know I can't!" "I know dear. It's going to be hard on you, but if you always do your best it'll be okay." She patted my hand softly and asked me again. "I need your decision dear." "I can't make you a promise I can't keep mother. I never have, so that means what?" It means that in the morning you and I will look at the clothes you have and then add to them. Starting in the morning you will be dressing as a girl. Now the only question is a name. We can't call you Jeffrey of course, so do you have a name you like?" For the very first time I was going to have say the name I had chosen, out loud. "Janet, Janet Lynn." "That's a pretty name! Janet! I like that, and it fits you. Now lets go tell your father and sister."

I stood next to mom as she informed them both that from then on they were to call me Janet, and that from then on I was going to dress as a girl. Dad stared at me for a moment, then, scowling, went back to his paper while Beth was grinning from ear to ear at my predicament. "Beth Ann, if you start in on her you will regret it severely. You will not tell anyone anything, nor will you tease Janet about how she is dressing. If you do, your punishment will be worse than you can possibly imagine. Do you understand me?" I watched as her face dropped and she said "Yes mother." I went back to my room and pulled out my pitiful collection of clothes and almost laughed. Old, worn out, too small or short or too tight, my collection was a reminder of my past attempts. What I had on was about all I had that fit, and mom wanted me to dress every day? She would be spending a lot of money for that to happen! Beth is two years younger than I am, and almost nothing she has would fit me except maybe earrings.

Right after breakfast the next day mom was in my room as I showed her what I had. "Oh my! You have almost nothing at all!" "I know mom, I tried to tell you that." "Well, last night your father told me to make sure that you looked at least presentable, so I guess that means you and I are headed for the mall." I wasn't sure how she wanted me dressed until she told me wear what I had on the night before. "Wear those ugly flats you have. Those will be the first thing we change." Then she left so I could change.

It took me almost an hour to get dressed. It should have taken half that time but I was stalling, hoping for a reprieve which never came, so when I finally appeared in the kitchen, other than the shoes, I looked the same as last night. I walked in just as mom reminded Beth of what would happen to her if she told anyone or teased me. "Eat some breakfast and we'll go." "Can I go too?" Mom looked at me with a question in her eyes. I needed Beth to be cool about this, and if she wanted to come along, maybe she might even be of some help. "I don't mind" I said, and mom nodded her head yes.

Walking out of the house in broad daylight was scary, but walking into the mall was worse than I could have imagined. I was sure that everyone there knew I was a boy in a dress even though there was almost no sign of it. We went into a shoe shop and I bought some new flats to match the dress, with mom adding white and taupe, then white and taupe heels. From there she took us into a department store and straight into the lingerie section. I was more than a bit nervous, but both mom and Beth thought nothing of it and started to look on the racks for things they liked. "You wear a 36A, right?" I nodded my head yes, and mom handed me two very plain white bras, then told me to find two that I liked. I picked out one in peach, and one in black. Both of then with a lace trimmed demicup. I'll have to admit that I held them as if they were snakes, my poor male oriented brain simply refusing to accept what was happening no matter how hard I tried! But Beth patted my arm and told me relax. "Quit worrying so much Janet! You look fine, and nobody is watching us anyway." To the sales clerk, all she saw was a woman with her two daughters I realized. Mom was busy doing her thing, which like all moms meant that she was looking for comfort and cost, not sex appeal and style. Mom handed me a dozen panties in assorted colors, all cotton, two slips, both short, and just as I thought we might be leaving, mom found the waist nippers, and next to them, padded pantybrief's. To my horror, she asked the clerk a few questions about them, then she added two of each. I was very relieved when we left the lingerie shop, which had always been scary for me to go into.

From there we went into the dress shop, where she let me select three skirts and two dresses I liked. I made my choices, found blouses to match, a pair of jeans, a pair of shorts, and she once again paid for everything. "You know what she really needs mom?" "What dear?" "She needs to get her hair done." Mom looked at me, then back at Beth, and finally, using a mirror, at herself. "I think we could all use a cut. What about it Janet? Are you up to having your hair styled?" Beth took my hand in hers and looked at me, those soft brown eyes of hers staring at me. "The way you have your hair done now is really out Janet, and since you're going to be a girl all summer anyway, why not? It might even help with the way you look." "She does have a point Janet." "We can all get matching cuts!" I looked in the mirror, trying to see some flaw in the way I had my hair, saw none, but Beth squeezed my hand, and I said yes. "Matching haircuts?" Sure mom! You're a blond, so am I, but Janet has brown hair. If she wants to hide in plain sight, what better way than to change her hair style and color?" They looked at me, but I said nothing as I was trying to picture myself as a blond. I found myself walking down the center of the mall, my arms full of bags and boxes as I was propelled into the salon.

Beth and I stood by as mom made the arrangements for us. As it turns out Beth went first, then I was seated next to her. "Your mom says that you all get the same style, and we all think this is it. All of you have enough hair for it, and it looks cute on all ages. Yours is the only one that needs a bit more dear." My hair was washed, then came the chemicals, rollers, caps, and then the dryer. I was completely lost on what she was doing, but went along because all three of us were getting the same treatment. While I was under the dryer, a girl came over and did my nails, adding acrylic extensions, which of course I knew nothing about. Beth sat next to me and the girl moved from me to Beth. For Beth, who had longer rounded nails, all she did was polish hers while I sat with my hands under a blue light. Beth moved over and Mom sat down, and the girl dutifully did her nails as well. All of us sat as our polish dried, then I was taken back to the chair. As the cap came off, I saw the color of my hair. It was strawberry blond! Then the rinse, and finally the brush out. One by one they finished with the ladies Grant, and as we looked in the mirror, I started to giggle! Now I do not giggle, but we all looked so much alike, right down to the color of our nail polish!

As we walked out of the salon we stepped right in front of two girls that were classmates of Beth's, and unfortunately, one of them had their older sister with them. Kelly and I were in the same class, and we lived three house apart. I stood perfectly still as Beth and her friends chatted a moment, then I tried to move away and get next to mom. "This is my sister Janet, and my mom." Now, Kelly knew that Beth had a brother and no sister, and as I waited for some reaction to what Beth said, Kelly merely stuck her hand out and took mine, shaking it as she said Hi. "Maybe I'll see you around Janet. Come on girls, we have to go." "See, they didn't recognize you!" "Yes, but you don't have a sister Beth, and Kelly and Kim live right down the street!" Mom had a strange look on her face when she said it, but it passed quickly, and we continued to walk around.

"You've had your hair and nails done, so we might as well go all out Janet. Let's go in here." 'Here' was a well known makeup shop, and as we made our way in, mom told me that if they did a nice job of it then she would get whatever they used on me. I was given a damp cloth, and wiped away the makeup I had so carefully put on that morning, hoping the woman would not notice any trace of my beard. Almost as quickly as I was done wiping away the old, the woman selected a new foundation and began to apply it to my face, using small dabs at first, then drawing it out evenly across my face and neck. Then a soft translucent powder, which she let set before she brushed away the excess. I had never used powder before, and that alone gave my face a softer, more feminine look. Then came the soft pastel eyeshadow, first in a soft green, then a light gray over that. Black eyeliner, which she let me put on myself, and under my eye a black pencil was used to outline each eye in an almond shape. On my cheeks she used a very pale coral blusher, then, for lipstick, a plum color. I stared in the mirror open mouthed. I had never managed to look this good, not once! "I think we should get the kit those colors come in, do you have that?" "Of course Ma'am. We create them individually for each client. I'll be a moment. "Damn Janet! I wish I looked as good as you!" "Thanks Beth." Now I was sure there was no way anyone would ever guess it was me. I had become Janet Lynn in a single day! Mom paid the bill, and just when I thought we were leaving, mom pulled me into a small costume jewelry shop. "One last thing Janet." I had my ears pierced, and picked up 12 pair of earrings, a few necklaces, an inexpensive gold watch, and two rings. "Maybe you can use some of my stuff now Janet!" "Thanks Beth."

"I think we have done enough damage to your fathers credit card today girls, lets go home. Beth helped me carry it all to my room, then suggested that we each wear our shorts. "I have a pair almost like yours, and you can borrow mom's pink shell top. We'll look alike!" I said okay, and found the top in mom's room, then changed. The minute I saw Beth, I saw that she was exactly right! We did look like sisters, twin sisters! We walked down the stairs and then into the kitchen. Dad was there, and when he saw me he almost choked on his sandwich. "I think we have made some improvements today don't you?" He was still busy sputtering when the doorbell rang. "I'll get it" Beth said. Dad finally found his voice, and said "damn! You look so…I mean I didn't think… that you would be so, so," "Feminine?" I said. `"Yes! So feminine." "Well, I am, and I like it!" Just then Kelly and her sister Kim walked into the room with Beth. "Kim and I are going to my room, okay?" "Sure honey. Go ahead." Kelly just stood there until I got the message and asked her if she wanted a soda, got a yes, and after I had them we went out on the patio, leaving mom to explain things to dad.

"Your very pretty Janet. How come I haven't met you before?" "I have a habit of keeping a low profile I guess." "Is that because you're really Jeff?" I said nothing, preferring to let her lead the way instead. "It doesn't matter to me of course, I just want to know why you never told me you felt this way! I thought we were closer than that!" I no longer had a choice. I had to confide in her. "I can just imagine what that would have sounded like Kelly. Gee Kelly, that's a cute dress you have on, I have one like it only in green!" You would have run so fast I would have choked on the dust." That made her laugh, then she got serious again. "You changed your hair color, you have acrylic nails, a soft perm, and your makeup is perfect, so this means that this isn't just a one time thing. Those nails of yours will last for months, just like that perm. Are you, have you become a girl somehow?" "I wish! But no Kelly, the best I can manage is to look like one for now." "Well, from what I see you're doing better than some of the real girls I know!" "Thanks." We sat there not saying anything for a bit, then she asked me the central question. "How long are you going to do this Janet? I mean, school…" "I know. My parents say all summer, but if I do that, how can I go back to school as Jeff? I'll be lucky if I don't start walking like a girl or something after three months as a girl!" "MMmmm" was all that came from her.

As we sat there I saw a familiar look on her face. Now Kelly and I grew up together, and she was like another sister to me. She's quite cute, not just cute like a child, but in few years she'll be a real beauty. Almost as tall as I am, she had very curly auburn with the bluest eyes I've ever seen. Her smile was wide, showing two rows of sparkling white teeth, her figure, while not filled out yet, was still enough to make most of the guys in school dream about her. And she was telling me I was cute? I was a boy in a sack dress next to her! "I was going to plan a party for Saturday, want to come?" "IÉI can't Kelly." "Why not? The way you look, half the guys in school would be hitting on you!" "But I'm not a girl!" "They don't know that, and I'm pretty sure you're not going to let them get far enough to find out, so why worry? Just come over and have a good time, but wear something dressy." "I don't have anything dressy." "Think about it Janet, but be over at seven on Saturday night." As she left, walking across the yard, mom joined me.

"That black dress you have is dressy enough for a party Janet, and with the right jewelry and accessories, it will do just fine." "I'm not going." "I think you should Janet. You can't stay in the house all summer you know." "But…" "Take a good look at yourself Janet, and tell me how you look, boy, or girl." "I know, I look like a girl now, but…" "I want you to go Janet. It'll be fine." I sipped on the remains of the soda, then mom pulled her chair closer. "Your father almost had a heart attack when he saw you earlier this afternoon Janet. He didn't expect you to look so feminine, nor did he expect you to like it so much. That shook him up…a lot." She smiled at me, then, "I'll tell you this much Janet, if you try to become as much like a daughter as possible, be the girl you think you are, and do it all of the time, I'll bet that within a week you'll have him eating out of your hand, just like Beth does." That was true. Beth said "money" and dad was reaching for his wallet. "If I go to this party, someone will find out mom. I look like a girl now, but everything I do isn't feminine, from how I walk to how I use my hands. What if someone finds out? Just what do I do then? Kill myself?" "No dear. You hold your head up, do your best, and if someone says something, just don't confirm it, or deny it. Let them strangle on their own doubts instead."

I said I would think about it. I had two days to decide. The next day, with Beth helping me, I cleaned out my dresser and put away all of the new lingerie we had bought, then I made room in my closet for the rest. "Why not make yourself a small vanity Janet? Dad has those boxes in the basement, and there's that old counter top down there too." It was something I had not thought of, but I liked the idea, so she and I dragged the stuff into my room, and after a bit of shuffling, made room for it. She gave me a mirror on a tilt stand to use and I clamped on an old desk lamp. I now had a vanity of my own! "You can still wear some of your jeans, and maybe some of your tee's, and what about your gym shoes?" Beth was sharp, so I listened to her before I took some of my old clothes to the basement. "Kim told me about the party, and invited me too. Mom said you were scared to go, why? Look at yourself Janet". Like Beth, I had on jeans and a tee, but the padded pantybrief gave me hips, and with the twin mounds on my chest, my makeup and hair, I still looked like a girl.

"I've been hiding this for a long time Beth, and it's hard to be so open. I'm worried somebody will find out." "Listen dummy. Kim and Kelly didn't know, and didn't have a clue until I spilled the beans. Tell me, how long has Kelly known you? Only almost for your entire life, and she still did not know! You look great, so quit worrying about it." Her tirade was out of character for her, but she made some good points, none of which I could refute. "Unless you let some guy get in your pants how would anyone know?" That was what Kelly had said! "I'm going to the party Janet, and so are you. I'll help you get ready if you want, but you're going!" Beth left the room, leaving me standing there, wondering, why was this happening to me?"

I sat at the new vanity and looked at reflection in the mirror. In my deepest secret place, I loved the way I looked now. This is exactly the way I was always meant to look, or at least I think so, so why was I so scared to admit it? Everything I had ever dreamed of happening had happened. I had the clothes, the hair, a family that while not totally supportive, was at least tolerant, and I didn't look to bad as a girl. "Okay" I said out loud, "I'll go!" Then that ugly lump of fear raised up again. Discovery, shame, abuse, even harm, leapt into my mind and it took all of my will power to fight it back into the recesses it came from.

I had decided and that was it! I went to my computer and went online, looking for a site that had what I was looking for, and found it in just a few minutes. I copied the file and printed it out, then, on a whim, I scanned in my school ID and stored it. After I had shut down, I read the instructions carefully and went to the kitchen. "Mom, can you help me?" "Of course dear, what?" I let her read the paper, then she and I set out finding everything I needed. "You wear an A cup, but we'll have to do this by trial and error Janet. Let's try this." It took us almost two hours to figure it out. Using two heavy food storage bags, we measured in equal amounts of the stuff they put inside those freezer cubes for picnics and so on. Because the stuff was clear, mom suggested we add some foundation to it and mix it up, which, when we did, gave it a skin tone. Mom cut the top, which was going to be the back, so it would fit me better, and we sealed it up using a hot iron. When we were done I had a pair of moderately passable breastforms that weighed about the right amount, and would conduct body heat! "I think these will work just fine Janet! Go try them on." I went to my room, and the moment I put them in my bra, it was easy to see just how much better than birdseed they were. They actually filled the cups of the bra just right, looked more natural, and felt just right when I touched them. That night at dinner dad looked at me and asked if something had changed, but I said no, and mom kept silent. Even Beth did not know, but my breasts, pushing against the blouse, were now more rounded and fuller.

On Saturday afternoon I went into my room and closed the door. Stripping, I went in the bath and used a cream to remove all of my body hair, which wasn't much really. After that, I opened a box I had in the closet. Up to this point, I had just tucked my manhood away and lived with the occasional discomfort. But once before I tried something and it worked just fine. Now it was time again. I could not risk anyone, for any reason, finding out I was really a boy, and this would help, just in case. I had the newer, longer nails for a day or so before I had become used to them, but now, I found I was unable to reach and do things that I needed to do. No matter how I tried, it was obvious that I would need some help, and there was no way I was going to ask Beth, Dad was out of course, leaving mom. I opened the door and asked her to come up, and when she was in the room I told her what I needed her to do, and why. "You're right of course Janet, but let me see what you have. Maybe I can find a better way." I showed her the flesh colored bandage, and explained how I used it before. "I have to sit to pee of course, but girls do that anyway, so that doesn't matter. But I end up with a smooth front this way." "I see. This is the only way you know of?" "Well, no. I read about another way on the Internet, and it sounds neat, but I've never tried it, and I don't have any idea how painful it is, or if it will even work." "Tell me about it." I did, in as much detail as I knew. "I like it!"

She left, returning in a few minutes, an ice bag in one hand, a small bottle in the other. "This might be just the answer you've been looking for Janet. Let me try it." I was skeptical but nodded my head yes. "I have the solvent downstairs if we make a mistake. Lie down on the bed and spread your legs." To say I was embarrassed would be an understatement, but it had to be done, so I did as she told me. I felt the ice bag freezing my parts, her hand holding it in place with a steady, firm pressure for what seemed like hours. I was unable to see what she was doing, but I felt her hand as she manipulated me, using the bottle of glue once in a while. It took twenty minutes for her to push my weapon inside of me, then my testicles, using the sack to create the labial folds of a vagina, which held everything in place. "Hold still now." In less than a minute she told me stand up and take a look. I felt no discomfort at all, no excess pressure, nothing! One look in the mirror and I knew that this was the way! "I don't know how long it will last Janet, but now that we know how to do it, it'll be easy each time you need it." "Thanks mom. Don't tell anyone, okay?" "Okay dear. Now get dressed."

I put some panties on and sat at my vanity. I did my makeup almost exactly the way the woman at the shop had done it, except that I wore red lipstick, and used my blusher in a thin line under my eyebrows. My hair had fallen into place almost on its own, but I brushed it out, then picked out my peach bra and put it on. The waist nipper took my waist down a bit and I sat on the bed to pull on the pantyhose, then the padded pantybrief. The dress went over my head easily and I zipped it up, pulled my black heels out of the closet and stepped into them. I slipped the earrings I had borrowed from Beth into my ears, put on my rings and watch, and added a dash of perfume. Going to Beth's room, I knocked on the door and was let in. "Holy Cow Janet! You look great!" "Thanks. Can I use the gold belt?" She gave it to me and after I had it on I looked in the mirror. It defined my waist, and highlighted my hourglass shape, and at the same time, it raised the hemline a bit. "That's a lot of leg Janet, but it looks great!" back in my room I grabbed my small purse and went down the stairs, my new breasts bouncing with each step, my dress swaying back and forth.

Dad was there as I came down, and I know he did not miss the way my breasts were moving, nor did he miss my new shape or my long legs. He said nothing until I had walked down the stairs. "You look very nice." "Thanks dad." "I don't like this…what you're doing, I think you know that." I stood still, not saying a word as his eyes roamed over me. "You say this is the real you, and since I raised you, I believe that you think it's true. If it is, we'll all know by the end of the summer, maybe before, and if it is true, I'll do my best to help make you into the woman you say you should be. Okay?" This was a major concession from dad, and I wasn't about to let it go by. "Dad, I did not, do not, want to hurt you, I never did. If this is not for me, I'll know tonight. If it's wrong, I'll change back and never say another word about it, but in my heart, I know it's true. I should have been your daughter all along. Look at me dad. Tell me I look like a boy in a dress, then tell me I'm wrong." "I can't Janet, because you're every bit as pretty as Beth or your mother. Now go have a nice time tonight, but be home by midnight."

In those few words dad had used my name, Janet, for the first time, he had said he would help me, and then told me he loved me. Oh, he didn't actually say it, but it was there, just under the surface, in between the words. I hugged him, then left a lipstick print on his cheek. "Thanks dad." "Have fun tonight." Beth walked down the stairs, and I have to say, she did not look 14. Her dress, like mine, was short, but unlike mine, which had a square cut neckline, hers was round neck. She had to have padded her bra, but her legs were great and her hair was done in a braid, her makeup flawless. "You girls have a nice time, and if there's any trouble at all, come straight home."

Beth and I left the house at seven and walked the three house down to Kelly's, and was admitted by her mother. "Beth! And who is this?" "This is my sister Janet." "Nice to meet you Janet. The party is on the patio, so you girls go on back." Now, she knew that Beth had no sister, so the only thing I could do was assume that Kim and Kelly had told her about me. I smiled and followed Beth. Kim joined us, then told me that Kelly wanted me to go to her room as soon as I got there, so I walked back in the house. "Kelly said she wanted to see me in her room Mrs. Benson." "Okay dear, go on up." Her door was open, so I rapped once and went in. "I'm running a little late, sorry." I watched as she brushed out her hair and stepped into her shoes. "You look better than ever Janet! What changed in the last few days?" "A lot Kelly, but I would rather not talk about it." "Okay, but I'll find out anyway." "Not from Beth you won't because she doesn't know either!" "Sneaky!" Her smile made her face come alive and she hugged me. "I'll tell you now that I invited five guys and four girls Janet." My heart sank because she was trying to set me up! The expression on my face must have warned her, because she took my arm and dragged me to her vanity. "See that? That's a girl named Janet. She's new here and doesn't know a soul. I decided to have a get together so she would meet some of the kids and maybe make some friends, and she wants to leave before the party even starts! This girl is beautiful but shy, smart, and sexy all at once. I just met her, but I've known her all my life. I think all she needs to do is to find herself, and that's why I invited her tonight. Yes it's true I invited an extra guy, but she also has to learn how to manage the men or they get to feeling so superior, and we all know it's a woman's place to set them right. Now then Janet Lynn Grant, what's it going to be? Hiding again. Or being yourself?" Kelly didn't pull any punches! I looked at her and saw that smile of hers and back at the mirror. "Can I do this Kelly? Can I be the girl I always knew I was inside?" "Self doubt is such an ugly emotion Janet. Of course you can do this! You have no choice really, do you?" She put her hand on my shoulder and said, "We both know that you never would have gone this far of it wasn't right. Be yourself and you'll be fine." "Who"? I asked, meaning who did she select as my partner for the evening. "Michael. He's unattached, nice looking and smart, but mostly, unattached." Her grin broke again. "Besides, we all know he's partial to blondes."

We went down the stairs just as a crowd came to the door. Kelly let the in and we all went out on the patio. Kelly made the introductions all around. I was watching carefully, yet I didn't see even a flicker of recognition from anyone. The girls looked at me as if I might be a threat, the boys like I was new meat so to speak. It was an eerie feeling to sit there and pretend I knew none of them, when in reality I knew them all. Food was served and as I sat at the table with Beth and Kim, Michael came over and sat down. "Kelly said your new around here and might need a guide to the good life." It was an original line, I'll give him that, and it made me smile. "I might, why?" "I'd like to volunteer for the position." I looked at Beth, who caught my message, took Kim and left us alone.

"I never dated much Michael." "That's okay, I haven't either. Why don't you let me take you to a show tomorrow?" Now what? I could go and be the girl he thinks I am, or stay home and wonder why. It would also be an admission that I was more girl than anyone thought so far. "I'd like that Michael, thank you." His face lit up and that crooked smile of his grew wider. None of the other guys hit on me, and the girls quit worrying about me when they saw I was with Mike. "Where do you live Janet?" "Just three houses down." "Great, I'll pick you up at six then? We can get a burger or something before the show." He stayed close to me all night, and I even danced with him, much to the delight of my sister and Kelly. At midnight Beth and I went home.

"You got a date!" I said nothing as we walked home, but inside was happy at how things turned out, very happy. That night as I lay in bed I let my hand find my newness, my finger tracing what used to be my manhood. I knew how I looked, but not how it felt, and now I did. I had never touched a girl there before, but I was sure it felt the same, and smiling, I fell asleep, my hand still there. In the morning I wrapped a robe around myself and walked into the kitchen, saw Beth and mom. Then poured some coffee. "Beth tells me you have date. With who?" "Michael. We're going to the show. He said he'll be over at six." Nobody said anything and I changed into some shorts to help mom clean the house. At five I went to clean up, and decided to wear a skirt and blouse with flats. Mike was right on time, but dad didn't know I had a date, so it was a bit awkward. "Dad, this is Michael. He and I are going to the show." He took it well and simply told Mike to have me home by ten. Mike took my hand and we left.

He was excited but polite, and I was scared again, but we both managed to hold things in, until he was taking me home. In the parking lot, right after the show, he pulled me to him and kissed me! I had no idea he was going to do that, and I was stunned, but he took it as glee, and kissed me again! "You're a very exciting and beautiful girl Janet, and I'd like to see you again." I was still held firmly in his arms, and realized that is exactly what I wanted as well! "Call me Mike, but now I have to go home." Right at the front door he kissed me again and I went in to see dad standing there. He had seen the whole thing. "Have a nice time Janet?" "Yes, as a matter of fact, it was wonderful dad." "That's nice. You better go to bed now." That's it! I went to bed and dad went to his room.

Kelly came over the next morning. Mom told her to just come on up, and caught me at my vanity wearing just my panties! No bra, bare chested so to speak, my hair a mess and no makeup. I jumped up to get my robe, and she saw the obvious. I had no bulge, no tell tale sign of my maleness at all. In fact, to my horror, my panties had worked themselves into the thin slit that now defined my desire. She stared for a moment, then flopped on the bed. "I told you I would find out! Now I know why you were able to relax so quickly at the party!" "Let me get dressed Kelly. We can talk later." "I'll wait here." She wasn't moving, so I gave up and sat there and did my makeup, brushed out my hair, and slipped on my shorts and a top, then my gym shoes. My breastforms, which she saw, once again gave me the right shape. "Now then Kelly Jean Benson, now that you know all of my secrets, keep them to yourself!" "Oh that. Of course I will; but I know a place that makes breastforms. Maybe we can go over and take a look. They made some for my Grandmother, and I'm telling you, they looked so real it was scary." "I don't have any money Kelly." "We can look can't we?"

I told mom where we were going, and she asked if she could come along, and of course, we said yes. The shop didn't look very inviting, but we went in and were greeted by a woman about 60 or so. "Can I help you?" "We would like to see some of those breastforms of yours that look so real." Kelly spoke before I did, and the woman went in the back, returning with a small box. "I make them all custom. This is merely an example." I had not touched a girl before, but I had certainly seen a naked breast before, and this one looked just like it! It looked, felt, and was the color of a breast, with a soft brown aureole and a smaller, darker nipple. "How long does it take to make them?" When mom asked that question I snapped around to look at her. "Maybe a day, two if I get busy." "Are they expensive?" "Of course, but he best always is more expensive. On the average, they cost maybe $500 a pair. Do you need them Ma'am?" "No, my daughter does." She looked at Kelly and I, trying to figure out which of us would need them, but in a minute her eyes settled on me. "I can fit you in to make the molds today if you like." I looked at mom and saw her smiling as she took my arm and steered me outside, Kelly right after me. "I think we all now know that your days as a male are over don't we? Maybe the only person that doesn't know for sure is dad, but he's leaning that way. If you want them you can stay for a fitting." Kelly nudged me in the ribs when I took a bit longer than she thought I should have to makeup my mind. "Do it Janet, or go home and change!" I looked at mom and nodded my head yes. Mom gave the woman the order, then I was left behind since the woman said it would take several hours. I won't go into the details, but to say it was messy would be understating it. I called mom who picked me up, and as soon as I got home, I took a shower to wash off the goop. Mike called at seven that night and we talked for almost an hour. Kelly and I hung around together, then, two days later the call came, and I drove to the small shop. The breastforms were attached to my chest, the woman saying, "Remember now, these breastforms will stay in place for two to three months at a time before the adhesive weakens and has to be replaced." "I'll remember ma'am, thanks." To look at me I had grown boobs over night! They matched my skin tone exactly, and no seam or junction could be seen. I put my bra on, admiring the fact that I now had a small but clear cleavage. I drove home, anxious to show mom.

"A letter came for you today Janet." I took it, but could not figure out who would write me a letter, especially one addressed to Janet! I opened it, read it quickly, and flopped on the sofa. Mom took the letter, read it, and started laughing. "You've nominated to be in the fall cotillion, as a debutante! That's quite an honor Janet!" I was less than ready to accept the honor, then, after Beth read the letter, she mentioned what a kick it would be if I won. "You would be the Princess for the entire year! My sister the Princess!" "You shouldn't just dismiss this chance Janet, it might be very helpful later on." I knew mom was right, but said nothing. After all, the cotillion was almost two months away. "I left something on your bed for later Janet." I resisted looking, and instead helped make dinner.

Mike called again, and we spent another hour on the phone when I heard dad ask, Isn't that girl ever going to get off the phone?" I hung up and went to my room. On the bed was a pink nightgown and robe set! I quickly had it on and realized immediately that unless I wore panties, and the robe at the same time, everyone would see all of my brand new charms! I was tempted of course, just to shake up dad, but rather than let him know what mom had done for me in the groin, I wore my pink panties. In a swirl of diaphanous pink nylon, without the robe tied up, I went back to the familyroom. Dad saw me before mom or Beth, and when they heard him take in a deep breath, they also looked up. "Janet! Close your robe!" I did, but I had made my point just fine thank you very much. Now dad knew, in his own mind, that I was not going to be a boy again. Only my false vagina remained to be exposed, which I would never do, not even for Beth. The days went by, Mike and I dated quite a bit, and I found him to be funny and caring, strong and masculine, and I no longer felt funny when he kissed me. In fact, I liked it. With each kiss he confirmed my femininity. Only once did he scare me. He placed my hand on him. He was erect and hard, certainly ready, yet I would not, could not, do what he wanted. Not yet anyway, but I knew it was only a matter of time. I think he knew it too.

In the first week of August mom and I went back to the shop and I had my breastforms reattached. I also completed the form for the cotillion. Then mom and I went dress shopping. Like all debutantes, the dress would be the style of the old south. The one we selected was pink satin, trimmed in white Irish lace with baby pearls sewn on. We ordered shoes and purse to match of course, then, on the way home…"You know who your sponsor is don't you?" "No! I never found out! Do you know?" "Your father sponsored you. He did it the day after I…um…fixed you. I told him Janet. I told him what I did and why, and he set up the sponsorship the next day." I was stunned to the core! Dad had been steadfast in his worry about me, yet let me find out if this was right for me. But I never expected that he would find it in his heart to go this far, or ever really accept me! "He loves you dearly Janet, and only wants what is best for you. He was so confused at first, but when you always looked like a girl, acted like a girl, and then, started dating Mike, he knew then." "I can't go back mother, I just can't, so I'm glad that dad accepts me this way. I'll tell him myself tonight!"

After dinner that night I went to my father and put my arm around his neck, then sank into his lap, my arms around his neck. "Thank you dad." "For what honey?" "For everything." I kissed him, then because I was crushing him, I got up and sat next to him. In a minute or so his arm went over my shoulder and he pulled me closer to him, and hugged me tight. Our journey through the minefield of learning and discovery, understanding and love had been completed. I was his daughter now, and we both knew it. I went to bed a happy girl that night, no tears except those of joy.

This is where I started. As I swept the huge skirt aside and looked in the mirror, I knew that I was every bit as much a woman as any other girl. My heart sang as I saw myself wrapped in pink satin, my cleavage threatening to overcome gravity, my dainty pink shoes peeking out from under the dress, and, as only I knew, my willingness to show Mike in a more positive way just how much of a woman I was. I was not chosen to be the Princess that night, and yet I was. My father, so handsome and strong, smiling as Mike led me across the stage, and Mike, who made my heart flutter with anticipation, both saw me as a Princess, theirs and theirs alone, sharing me, yet in different ways. I'm the luckiest girl in the world, and I know it.

(the end)

 

 

© 1999
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At the request of the author, this story is presented in 12 point, Times New Roman.