I love tell stories. One of the great things I do is to write and to entertain. I believe I have a gift and if it was up to me I would do nothing but write for a living. But lately I have been having trouble writing because of something that happened in my past. So in order to break up my writers block I have written the scenario that keeps playing over and over in my mind and giving me nightmares. These are the events that I remember happen and as such might have some inaccuracies in it. But, that is unintentional and the following is account is completely true as I remember it. There is another episode that happened that I feel I must right about and that will come later. Please respond if you want, just know this is my way of sharing. If this helps or something similar happened to you and you feel a need to connect, please email me at email@example.com
(Extreme situations, including child sexual abuse contained. Please be advised.)
by Little Katie
A true story or diatribe
The year was 1983, the place was Ridgewood New York. A young child, me, was about to experience things that no child should. I was living with my mother and new step father on Palmetto street. This is significant because until this point in my life I was being raised by my aunt Rosalie. It was decided, some say by me, that I should go live with my mother since she was remarried and I could be a part of a real family. Until the following events happened I had been living there for approximately half a year.
My mother was pregnant with what would be my sister. It was early on in her pregnancy when things seemed to go wrong with life around me. It was a hot summer that year, around August. We were living in a five room apartment, and I had my own room at one side of the house. It was right next to the bathroom and kitchen, so it was pretty convenient for me. It was also the furthest room from the master bedroom, which made things convenient for another person in that house.
"Keith," my stepfather called. By the way so everyone knows, Keith is the name that appears on my birth certificate.
"Yeah dad," I wasn't allowed to call him by his real name. As soon as I moved in I was instructed to call him dad and not Ritchie. "He's your step father," my mom had told me on the stoop leading to our building. "And I don't mean step like these," she tapped her foot against the second to top stair. I remember that speech well.
"The game is about over," he was referring to the Met game which I watched pretty religiously during my early years. If you don't remember the Mets didn't play to well in '83.
"I know but they can still win, they got one more at bat."
"They're five runs down, they're not going to win."
"Can I just watch the end of it?" I pleaded. I didn't know what he wanted me to do, but I knew it was something that would distract me from the game.
"Okay, I will watch it with you." He sat down on the dark brown couch and leaned back against one arm of the couch as I leaned forward on the other.
The Met game didn't last that much longer, and like they did probably 100 other times that year, they lost.
"All right, that is over," My step father said.
"I guess you were right," I was sad because the Mets lost again. It was difficult being such a diehard fan and having to defend them to all my friends.
"I was wondering if you would help me with something."
"Sure dad," the last thing I helped him with was changing a light bulb in the master bedroom. We didn't have a ladder and he had me stand on his shoulders so I could do it. I figured it was going to be something along that line.
"Well you know the baby is coming soon, right?"
"It's still six months away."
"But we have to start getting ready now, you know."
"There are a lot of things that are going to change around here."
"Well I am hoping that you are willing to help me get ready."
I remember thinking that he probably wanted me to help him get the baby's room ready. It was the room right off of the master bedroom, the only thing that separated the two rooms were two huge sliding doors. The doors were like the ones that are often on closets. "Sure, I'll help." I thought maybe we would paint or put the crib together to surprise my mom while she was out.
"Well one of the things that I am going to need to learn is how to change diapers."
I had a feeling that I knew what was coming, but I decided to let him say it before jumping the gun. "Okay?" I wanted him to get to the point so I could respond.
"I need to practice," he said.
"Okay," I was getting a little impatient as many eight year olds do when they figure they could be playing or doing something fun.
"I want to practice on you, this way I am ready for when the baby comes."
That took me completely off guard. I was preparing for him to tell me that I needed to learn how to also and that I was going to have to help change messy baby diapers. I paused and let what he actually said register in my mind. Did he actually say he wanted to practice changing diapers on me.
"So will you let me?"
"No way," I said sternly.
"But I am going to need to learn somehow," he pleaded.
"There is no way I'm letting you put diapers on me." I said without trying to be defiant. After all I was a small kid and he had used the belt on me before and I wasn't about to let that happen again.
"Okay, have it your way."
"Can I go out?" I asked, not wanting to stay in the house and let him stew about it.
"No, no you can't. In fact get to bed, you don't want to be a help then there is no reason why I should let you do anything."
"But it's not even five o'clock yet," I protested.
"I don't care. Get to bed or I'll really give you something to really complain about."
I knew what he was talking about, he was referring to me getting a whipping. I knew I didn't want that, so I went off to my room. I sat on the bed and fumed about having to be in bed so early. I should of went with my mom, I remember thinking that. I knew she was going to be out late at night because she was going to be at her friends house. I knew she asked me to go and I refused because I didn't want to be bored all night. I laid on the bed for about an hour and finally got fed up.
I walked out to the living room where my dad was watching something on television and drinking a Budweiser. "Can I help you?" He stared at me with his dark eyes.
"I want to help," I really didn't want to do what he said, but I also didn't want to go to sleep at six o'clock either.
"Good boy," I could see the smile under his red handle bar mustache. He walked into what was going to be the baby's room. He came out a few seconds later with a huge plastic bag. He took out some of the items and watched as he placed them on the table.
"That's a lot of stuff," I said looking at all the various items.
"Yeah, there is a lot about taking care of a baby. You're really a good little boy for helping me."
I gave him a feint smile, knowing that I really didn't have much say in the matter. He got down on one knee in front of me and first pulled off my shirt. I wondered what my shirt had to do with changing a baby's diaper, but I didn't question anything. He then pulled down my shorts and underwear in one quick pull. Soon I found myself standing in front of him wearing only a pair of socks. He looked at me and smiled.
"Come here," he said as he sat on the chair. I walked over to him and he pulled me onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and held the package of pampers in front of both of us and proceeded to read the package. I had no idea what he was saying at the time because I was so self conscious about being naked and about to be placed in diapers. The worst thing was they were real diapers, ones people bought in stores and he was going to put them on me. For some reason that mattered to me at the time, I still don't know why.
"Okay," he finally said, "I think I got the idea on how to do this. My dad lifted me on the table and had me lay down. The cool feeling from the table made me goose pimple all over as my step dad opened up the package. I didn't think they would actually fit, after all they were for infants and I was eight. He laid the diaper next to me, I remember looking at them and wondered what he was going to do.
My stepfather grabbed a moist paper towel from a package and rubbed it against my bare buttocks and my penis. The weird sensation of being touched echoed throughout my whole body. He then put some cream on my butt. "This is to keep the baby from getting a rash I think," he said as he rubbed the cream from the top of my butt to in between my legs and under my testicles. I remember him sliding his finger between the crack of my ass and circling the hole. As soon as I squirmed in silent protest he stopped though. "We got to make sure we get everywhere," my stepfather said.
"Okay, I guess." I said, trying to not let on how uncomfortable I was. I remember fearing that if he thought I wasn't being a trooper and really trying to help him learn how to take care of a baby he might send me to bed anyway and I would of done all this for nothing.
My step father sprinkled some baby powder on me and rubbed it in. I remember him rubbing my penis and testicles. "If this baby is a boy he might be bigger then you there," he said almost as a joke. It bothered me that he made fun of my size down there, but he was probably correct. If anything on me was like a baby, it was my privates. Something at the time I was very ashamed of.
He then slid the diaper underneath me. He fussed around with it for a little while but soon enough it was fastened around me. I was amazed that it fit and was also worried because it fit. I felt embarrassed to be in it, but it also gave me another odd sensation that made me feel good.
"You make a good little baby," my stepfather said as he put a pacifier in my mouth.
I quickly spit it out, thinking he was joking around.
"What are you doing, keep that in." My stepfather said in a demanding tone. He put it back into my mouth and I remember just looking up at him afraid to even move.
"In a half an hour I'll change you, okay?"
I nodded yes.
"Now sit on the floor in the corner while I use the bathroom."
He sat me next to a cabinet that was just next to the bathroom door. I remember feeling the soft cloth from the inside of the pampers on my sensitive bottom. I thought how ridiculous I must of looked and was happy that I wasn't near any windows. I could hear some groaning in the bathroom, but at the time I didn't know what was going on. My step father kept an eye on me from the open bathroom door but I couldn't see him because I was looking more at his back. I thought that maybe he had a really big crap that he was forcing out. Now I have more of an idea of what he was doing. After the last groan he quickly closed the door all the way and I heard water running. A few minutes later he was out and carried me to the living room.
He sat on the couch and held me on his lap. His hands were between my legs and he rubbed my crotch. I really didn't understand what he was doing, it felt awkward but good at the same time. I could feel something sticking in the back of the diaper, but I thought it was his belt buckle. I was probably wrong, but I could see how I made that mistake. We sat down watching television for a little while.
"Do you have to go?" My step father asked after a little while.
"No," I said.
"Okay, let's get you changed." He put me on the table and undid the tape on the pampers. He took a sniff of them, which I thought was really weird. "It smells like a baby," he said as he put it near my nose.
"Yeah it does," I agreed even though I really didn't know what a baby smelled like.
"Why don't you stay like that until bedtime," he said referring to my state of undress implying that if I got dressed it would be bed time. "It's hot and since mom isn't here to get mad at you for it, you might as well stay cool."
"Okay," I said getting the gist of what he was saying. I sat on the couch wearing only socks. I remember that Ritchie would often look at me as I laid on the couch with my head resting on his lap. He would rub my chest and belly often that night. I remember going to the bathroom that night, he stood at the door and watched. He said he was worried because it was so small and he wanted to make sure it worked properly. Like an idiot I believed him and didn't even protest. At that time I use to go sitting on the toilet instead of standing up, but he could still see it work fine.
"You should of used the diaper little girl."
"No way," I protested the fact that he said about the diaper and not the little tease about being a girl. I knew he was referring to the fact that I sat down while I tinkled.
I must of fallen asleep while watching the television that night, because I woke up the next morning in my bed. I was a little embarrassed when I woke up because there was a small stain on the sheets at my crotch and I thought I had a little accident during the night. I still don't know if I actually did or didn't. My mom walked in a few minutes later.
"I heard you get up," she said as she looked in the room.
"Mom," I shouted as I covered my naked body with my pillow.
My mom laughed. "Don't worry it's nothing that I haven't seen before. But you better be careful a little birdie might come along and take it away."
"Mom, get out, please."
"Quit being silly. Your dad told me how hot it was last night and if you didn't mind in front of him then." My mom trailed off as she saw the bed.
I looked down in shame.
"Don't worry it happens sometimes, let me just wash them and you go jump in the shower."
I did what I was told and took a shower and then got dressed. I then ate breakfast, some marshmallow filled cereal. I think at that time it was Pac-man cereal, I was really into video games at the time and then went out to play with my friends at the park. The cool thing about the street I lived on was that there were at least a dozen boys my age to play with. The park was just around the corner and we would play on the play equipment and some variation of tag.
I came home later in the evening for dinner. My mom had given me a few bucks for pizza. For those that didn't know, pizza was and still is sold by the slice in New York city and for about 2 bucks you got yourself a meal.
I walked into the apartment and my dad was sitting on the couch again and once again had a beer.
"She went to Aunt Rose's house for the night. Some kind of women's party or something. We get to spend some time together again."
"I got you ribs from Chicken Galore, I know how much you love them."
"Yeah," I said as I quickly sat at the table and pulled apart the package that had the food.
"This was my way of saying thanks for being such a good help last night and if you keep being good I might find my way of getting something you might really like."
"Cool," I said as I ate the meal. I didn't realize how much I was being set up or manipulated.
The one bad thing about eating ribs, well at least me eating ribs at that age, was the mess that was made. I had barbecue sauce all over my face, my hands, my shirt, and even on my legs.
"Look at you," my step father laughed.
I looked back at him and grinned.
"Are you willing to help me again tonight and I'll let you stay up late."
I figured it was the same deal as it was yesterday and that to refuse would mean an early bedtime. Plus he did get me ribs, which was real nice of him I thought. "Okay," I agreed.
"Okay, I got to learn how to give baths in the sink."
"Huh?" I didn't get his meaning right away.
"A baby can't be washed in the tub and I got to learn. So let me give you your bath tonight before I practice the diaper again.
"I guess," I answered, not wanting to be put to sleep early that night and not wanting to go through what I did last night and miss an hour of television.
My step father had me lay on the table after he cleared it off. He undressed me completely, not letting me help at all. He threw all my clothes in the hamper and had me remain naked on the table. When he came back out he carried me and had me stand in the sink. We actually had a double sink in the apartment. One side was for drainage only I think though. He ran the water on the opposite side that I was standing. He soaked a little sponge that fit over his hand. I remember the sponge looked like a frog, when I told my stepfather it was cute he laughed. He wetted me down with the sponge, going over my body slowly to get the barbecue sauce and grease off me with the water. He spent a while at my privates again.
"They get dirtier then any other part of your body," as he slowly rubbed the area.
I didn't think he could be lying and agreed with him. Figuring I had to let him bathe me anyway I didn't even protest.
"Hey it got smaller, I didn't think it was possible for yours to get smaller then they were." He teased as he started soaking my buttocks.
I looked down and sure enough the head of my penis had gone into hiding and if not for my testicles I would of looked flat down there.
"Even smaller then a baby's," he continued teasing. "Now I know why you pee sitting down, you're practically a girl as it is."
I just looked at him angrily. I didn't like being made fun of.
"Don't worry, I'm only kidding. I think it's the cutest little thing." He reached in and kissed me on the penis. I never had anyone ever do that before in my life and didn't know what to make of it. I figured it was just his way of teasing me some more. "It's a cute little cunny." He said and I nodded because I didn't know what the word cunny meant.
He then took a pink bottle of baby soap from the side of the sink. He soaped up his bare hands and lathered up my whole body. Again he spent an extra amount of time on my buttocks and my 'cunny'. He even slid his finger into my butt hole saying that it needed to be clean. I squealed as soon as he went in and he simply giggled. I laughed to, just to match what he was doing, not because I thought it was funny. It felt weird and awkward and I never heard of washing inside of it.
He then took the hose attachment to the sink and rinsed me all off. After the last of the water drained down the sink he put me in a huge yellow towel and dried me off completely. He then laid me on the table.
"I got to do something before I diaper you."
"What's that," I asked wondering what else he could need to do.
"I need to take your temperature, okay?"
"Sure that's okay." I said not really knowing what he was asking of me.
He went into the bathroom and came out with a thermometer and a jar of Vaseline. I was confused by the combination but didn't say anything.
"Are you ready to have your temperature taken?" My step father waved the glass instrument.
"Yes," I said and opened my mouth wide.
"Not like that," he said and then opened the Vaseline.
"How?" I didn't know of the other way.
My stepfather smiled as he grabbed my legs and lifted them high in the air. He dipped his finger in the Vaseline and inserted it into my rectum. I yelped at the sensation and the coolness of the jelly. He then dipped the thermometer into the jelly and then inserted it into me. He pushed my legs to the side and let me squirm.
"I wouldn't do that too much, it might go up further and then I would have to dig it out." He then laughed.
I nervously stayed as still as possible and waited for the time to be up. My stepfather put two of his fingers into the opening of my butt and pulled out the tool.
"You're healthy," he said as he wiped off the greasy tool.
I just looked at him wondering why he had done such a thing. He then went on with the diapering routine. He wiped off the grease from inside my backside and then kissed my butt cheeks. He then put on the creme to protect against rashes and then added the baby powder before allowing my legs to be let down and let my bottom rest on the pamper.
"I think you would make a much cuter baby girl then anything else you know," he said as he looked at me.
I looked down and sure enough my penis didn't return to it's normal small state.
"Don't worry," he said, "I like you like that baby girl. Your cunny is so cute." He leaned down and once again kissed it. His mustache tickled and despite my anger and humiliation I giggled. "I figured you would like that, baby girl."
I wanted to tell him to quit calling me that while he closed the diaper around me, but I started to think about it. It wasn't the first time I thought what if I was a girl and part of it appealed to me. When I came back to reality I was sitting on my step father's lap in the living room. Once again I was being poked by something, this time it was more severe. I knew it wasn't his belt buckle because he was just in his underwear. We watched the Mets play a night game and I didn't mind that my father was holding me between my thighs and rocking me back and forth. He moaned slightly as he did it and after some time he went "Ah" and lifted me up a little bit.
"I had to get a little more comfortable," he said and then put the towel over his lap.
When he let me back down the only difference I could tell was that I was no longer being poked. He kept his hands at my crotch and continued what he was doing however.
"Dad," I said after the Mets had finally won the game.
"I have to go use the bathroom."
"You're in your bathroom," he said and then smiled.
"No, that's gross."
"Okay, let me take those off of you and then you can go."
He carried me into my room and laid me on the bed. He undid the tabs and slid the diaper out from under me.
I started to get up so I could use the bathroom.
"No you don't, you." My step father quickly grabbed me, lifted me high into the air and spun me around the room twice before laying me back down on the bed. He started to tickle me.
"I give, I give." I shouted and laughed as he continued to tickle my stomach.
"I'm not letting go of you that easy," he said as he put his face between my legs and blew against the skin that was under my testicles. His mustache on that sensitive area made me laugh all the more as I kicked my legs wildly.
"I'm going to pee," I shouted a warning as I turned to my stomach to keep him getting to my stomach, which was my most ticklish spot. He readjusted himself and continued to blow against that sensitive area and tickle my rooms.
All of a sudden I couldn't hold it any longer and I started to go. My stepfather removed his head from where it was but continued to tickle me as I relieved my bladder.
"See what you made me do, I peed my bed." I shouted.
"You watch how you talk to me. It's not that big of a deal, we will just wash the sheets and hang them out to dry."
"But the mattress won't dry, I won't have anywhere to sleep."
"Don't be silly, the plastic sheet is still on it."
At the time I forgot the plastic sheet because there was never a need, but I haven't forgotten it since. "Okay, but why didn't you let me go." I was still angry and embarrassed.
"I didn't think you were that much of a baby girl, I figured you could hold it. But next time you will listen to me when I say to use the diaper."
I didn't answer back but I knew that he had made his point and that next time I didn't have an option. I figured the next time I would simply go to the bathroom without saying anything and it wouldn't happen.
The rest of the night I stayed naked again. I fell asleep on the mattress to the crib that wasn't put together yet. Well at least that was where I woke up. I woke up in the midst of yellow liquid on the protective sheet that was on the mattress. I doubted even then that I went to the bathroom again during sleep, but my mom didn't want to hear any excuses.
It was decided, after my mom and step dad had a long chat, that I would wear pampers for the week until I could make it through the night. For some odd reason my step dad went out and bought a package of the same pampers he had been using. I knew that there was still most of a package left and it confused me why he would go out and buy an identical product. For a week when it was time for bed I was to put on the pampers. Luckily my mom didn't go out for most of the week and she allowed me to put them on myself. Usually after dinner, this way I wouldn't forget to do it later. The bad thing about that week was that every morning except one I woke up wet. The odd thing, to me at least, was the area that was wet. Usually on my backside or between my legs, as well as on the front. I didn't understand how I could pee from my behind, but my mom said that the pampers moved the liquid around. I found out later that wasn't the case though.
That Friday my mother was going to spend the weekend in New Jersey to be around friends she hadn't seen since high school. I was originally suppose to go but since I was having accidents, my mother said it was better I stayed home. My dad thought that was a good idea too and we all drove to New Jersey, had lunch and then drove back.
I remember that night, around seven o'clock, I was laying on the couch and my step father came into the room and started to rub my back. He had spent a few hours at the bar or something before coming home.
"Hi dad," I said as I laid my head flat on the couch to let him give me a massage.
"Try using daddy," he said as he rubbed my lower back.
"Okay, daddy." I said willing to go along. In the middle of the week I had received a whipping with the belt for talking back to my mom and I didn't want to go through that again.
My step father lifted off my shirt and put it on the floor and continued to rub my back. I remember he shut off the television because the Mets were losing pretty bad and he wanted to pay attention to him.
"We are going to have the whole weekend to ourselves," he said as he started rubbing me on my tush.
"Yeah I know daddy."
"You can help me get ready for the baby all weekend and maybe Monday I will buy you four games for the Coleco."
I knew that I wasn't going to get out of it, but the prospect of getting more video games at least gave me something out of the situation.
"Would you like that baby girl?" My stepfather flipped me over to my back so I was looking at him.
"Yes daddy," it still peeved me a little that he teased me by calling me a baby girl, but I didn't want to ruin his obviously good mood. When my step father was in a bad mood things were definitely miserable.
"Good girl," he smiled and then pulled of my sneakers and pants and underwear. I remember looking up at him and smiling back, even though I was still a little bit uncomfortable being naked.
A few seconds later he started massaging my shoulders from the front. He then leaned down and gave me a kiss square on my lips. I remember pushing him off of me, well at least trying.
"Don't be such a spoil sport," he said. "This is the way people show that they love each other."
"But that's the way boys kiss girls," I protested.
"Well you are my little baby girl, remember."
"But I'm a boy," I tried to point out the obvious.
"Remember we are pretending this weekend."
"Oh yeah, I forgot." I didn't remember any point about me being a girl. I remembered the baby part but I was worried about getting him mad and I wanted to make him as happy as I could.
"So lets try this again, okay baby girl."
"Yes daddy," I said and then closed my eyes.
He leaned down and kissed me on my lips again. I remember feeling strange about what was going on, but I didn't know why. His tongue entered my mouth and I just kept my eyes clothes waiting for it to end. Soon his hand that was near my head ventured down and rubbed my butt. Even though it felt wrong, my body betrayed me and in some ways it felt nice.
"I see you liked that," he said as he looked at my tiny penis.
I followed his eyes and saw that it was definitely sticking up a little bit. It wasn't a full fledged hard-on but it was the closest I got at eight.
"Sorry," I said thinking I did something wrong.
"It's okay baby girl, your little cunny is telling me that you love me." He moved down lower and kissed it. A shiver went through my body and I knew that something was definitely not right. Though it in some ways felt good, in so many other ways it felt very wrong.
"Let's take your bath, baby," he said.
"In the sink again?"
"No in the tub. Go run the water and wait for me."
I walked into the bathroom and I could feel his eyes like lasers looking at my tush as I walked away. I finally got into the bathroom and ran the water and sat on the bowl. I felt the need to go and did my business. My dad walked in on me while I was peeing.
"I love when you go like that, it shows me how much of the little girl you are."
"Yes daddy," I said not sure what in the world he was still talking about.
My dad stopped the water and stripped right in front of me. I remember looking at his huge penis which was about eye level to me sitting on the bowl. It was hard and red and I could see the veins puffing out of it.
"You like it?" He asked as he noticed me staring at it.
"It's gross," I said being as honest as I can.
"I think all girls think that at first, you'll learn to like it."
At the time I thought he was referring to my own so I really didn't think anything of it at the time. I watched as he got in the tub and then he lifted me in with him. He sat me on his stomach, allowing his penis to rest between my legs and touching the sensitive skin under my testicles. He reached around and started to use a wash cloth to soak me. He started to fondle my 'cunny' and kept telling me how good I was.
"Now it's your turn little girl," he said.
"Help daddy wash his wee-wee," he said. Soon he lifted me up and turned me around. I was sitting on his thigh and I was just in reach of his penis. "Little girls like to help their daddies," he reassured as he placed my hand onto his unit.
"I don't know how," I said really unsure of what he wanted me to do and really scared at the situation I was in.
"Just move your hand up and down so it gets nice and clean."
I did what he told me, and I moved my hand up and down along the shaft. I must of did it for a good ten minutes.
"Your such a good little girl, you like this a lot don't you?"
I nodded my head, more in fear then in agreement.
"Good, let me wash you know. Stand up and turn around."
I did what I was told. I stood up and turned around. He pulled me back down just in front of his penis. A few seconds later a shot of warm liquid hit my lower back and started to run down the crack of my butt.
"What was that," I asked feeling something new.
"It's baby soap." He said and started to rub the area, a few seconds later he placed the white liquid onto my penis and rubbed it in. He then took a pink bottle and emptied some of that liquid in his hand and began to soap me up. I didn't understand what the first liquid was but I knew it wasn't soap. My step father continued to wash me with the soap and I washed him. When he turned me around his penis was no longer as big as it was.
We got out of the tub and he followed the same diapering routine that he had been when mom wasn't around. The rest of the night he let me keep to myself pretty much. The only difference this time was that instead of staying topless I wore one of his T-shirts. It came down almost to my ankle. I spent most of the night thinking about what I have done. I never touched a man before and I felt somehow dirty for doing it. I was so confused and my body was conflicted. On one hand I felt ashamed at what I had done, something told me it was wrong. But, on the other hand my body felt so good when my step-father touched and I felt some kind of attachment to him that I never felt towards any man. I remember laying on the couch and I must of dozed off.
At ten o'clock my step father woke me up. "Come on Keith, wake up."
"Time to get up, we are going somewhere."
I looked at the clock and thought that it was ten a.m. and I had really slept a long time. But, when I looked out the window it was still dark out.
My step father took me by the hand and lead me to the door.
"Daddy, I'm not dressed to go out." I remembered that I was still in pampers and a T-shirt. I didn't want to be embarrassed and be seen by my friends like this.
"Don't worry little girl, we aren't going far and you are so adorable."
My step father took me by the hand and soon we were out in the hot New York summer night. There were people on the street, but no one paid any attention to us. We walked two houses up the block and as if we were being waited for the door buzzed to let us in.
We walked up a flight of stairs to Bill's apartment. I had known Bill previously because he taught me how to play chess and sometimes we would play at the park. He even beat me in three moves, which was humbling. He had two children, a four year old boy and a three year old girl.
When we walked in the two children where standing in front of the television completely naked. It took me by surprise and I couldn't help but look.
"Glad you could make it," Bill told me and my dad.
"Yeah, Viv is gone for the weekend and I told you this would be the best time."
My step father sat me on his lap as he sat down. A few seconds later he worked the T-shirt up to reveal that I was wearing pampers. I felt so embarrassed, I know I must of turned solid read. The two children were also in the room and they could see what I was wearing.
"I got to go," I whispered into my stepdad's ear.
"He says he has to go to the bathroom," Ritchie announced.
"Sorry it's broken, you got to use what you got on."
I looked at him trying to find out if he was trying to trick me.
"You use those things like a good little baby or I'll give you a whooping right here and now," Ritchie whispered into my ear.
I knew that he wasn't joking around and knew that I didn't have a choice. I squirmed a little in his arms and soon enough I used the pamper for it's intended purpose.
From the look on my face or the sag in the pamper the adults must of known what I had done.
"You are right, he sure is eager to please," Bill told my step father.
"He's a good little baby, just like yours are." Ritchie said.
"Let's get him out of those dirty diapers and he can stay like my kids," Bill announced.
My step father put me on the table and stripped me naked. The two children and Bill looked on intently. I could feel there eyes boring into me.
Soon I was placed on the floor and felt self conscious as everyone laughed around me. The two kids stood around me as we were before the adults. My step-dad lifted up the little girl and stood her on his lap and bounced his knee. Bill picked me up and did the same thing. I felt odd that now another man that wasn't even my step father was holding me. He turned me around and I was facing the little girl.
"You wish you had one of those, don't you?" He whispered into my ear as he noticed I was looking at her privates.
"Uhuh," was the only thing I could mutter. I had thought about what it would be like to be a girl in the past and some nights I would even imagine it as I was drifting off to sleep. This was the first time I actually said it to anyone else, though I didn't know if I was being completely honest.
"It's okay honey, we know." Bill told me and allowed me to look a little while longer.
Ritchie let her go and lifted the boy up next so he could have a ride. I watched the boy about as much as I watched the girl.
"You like that don't you?" Bill asked me.
I nodded yes.
"You would like him to be your boy friend wouldn't you."
Again I nodded yes, confused by all the questions that were being asked of me.
"You would like to play with his wee-wee, wouldn't you."
Again I nodded yes, more out of thinking that was what they wanted to hear then what I really wanted to do.
"Go over there and kiss it, show me how much you want to be a girl."
"Okay," I said and then was let down. I walked over to the boy and kissed him on the penis. He laughed and rubbed my head. I felt guilty for doing that to him, I still do. But part of me, like when Ritchie did things to me, found some pleasure in it.
Soon I was back on Bill's lap. This time sitting down. He started fondling me as my step father did to the little boy across from me. All the while, Bill was telling me how much I liked little boys and how good it felt to like them. Pretty soon I was believing him, forgetting that he was fondling me and thinking it was because I was looking at the little boy.
After a while my step dad took the boy into the back room with the girl and I was left alone with Bill.
"They are going to play alone for a little while and sleep back there tonight. You and I are going to my room, okay?" Bill asked.
"Okay," I said even though I was scared as hell.
Bill laid down on the bed and pulled me on top of him. "I am going to teach you all about being a girl, because we both know how much you want to be one."
"Yes sir," I said, scared about what was going to happen.
"Call me dada like my kids do, okay?"
I thought it would be confusing to call two people dad, but I agreed anyway. Bill liked it and gave me a kiss like Ritchie did earlier.
"That's the way that girls kiss boys," he instructed.
"I know, daddy did it before."
"You like that don't you." Once again he fondled me.
I nodded my head yes.
"There is another things that girls let boys do to them."
Bill instructed me to lay down on belly. He turned me around so that my mouth was over his penis. He instructed me on how to pleasure him orally. I didn't like the idea, but I figured if I didn't he would tell my dad and I would be in trouble and get the belt. As I was doing that act, one which disgust me that I participated in so young, Bill kept pushing his finger in and out of my anus. I didn't understand what he was doing and even though it hurt a little and felt wrong, it also made my body excited.
"Good boy, your learning to be a girl already," Bill moaned as he kept up the act. A few seconds later he rolled over on top of me and put my head on the pillow. I was done pleasuring him orally and he moved around so we were facing the same direction. He crawled between my legs and his penis kept poking me in my testicle as it pushed up onto my groin between our two bodies.
"Close your eyes and imagine your a girl and I'm doing this to you."
Even though I was scared as hell and knew this wasn't the exact right thing to be doing I followed his instructions. I imagined I was like his daughter and was with doing the same thing. I felt confused and excited at the same time. Thinking I was a girl somehow enhanced the sensation and though I was only partially excited before now I was fully excited.
"Good girl," Bill said, I think he felt what was happening to my body. His sweaty body was disgusting me, but my body was reacting in a way that brought me pleasure. I was so confused that I just kept my eyes closed and waited for everything to end.
After another ten minutes Bill quit rocking back and forth on top of me. "Here is what you were waiting for, keep your eyes shut for a surprise." Soon gobs of warm liquid covered my penis and groin, making a big mess.
I opened my eyes to see myself covered in the slime, even though I didn't exactly know how it got there. "That's your present for being such a good girl, it means you made me very happy and that I love you."
"It does?" I choked on the words as I looked at the goo.
Bill rubbed his finger over my penis, which at this time had all the excitement run out of it as I looked at the stuff in disgust. "Here taste," he said and then put his finger in my mouth before I could object. It was the most awful thing I had ever tasted.
"It will help you grow to be a pretty girl, its good right?"
I nodded my head again because I knew that is what he wanted from me.
"Have more, suck on my finger like you did my cock." No one had ever used that word before to me but I knew what he was referring to. He ran his hand over my groin once again and I did as I was told. He looked at me and smiled, I smiled back as I sucked on his finger.
He then took a damp cloth and washed me off. Then we both fell asleep in his bed. He kept his hand around me and even though I wanted to throw up or get a drink to get the awful taste out of my mouth, I couldn't.
The next morning Bill woke me up. The two younger children were in the kitchen eating cereal and I joined in. None of us had a stitch of clothes on and the adults were just in their underwear.
After breakfast we were all brought into the living room. I sat down with the girl on one wall like I was told and the boy stood against the wall opposite us.
"See how big his pee-pee is," my step dad told me as I looked at the four year old boy.
"Uhuh," I said.
"He is more then twice as big as you are, see I told you were a little girl."
I turned beet red, but couldn't say anything because he was telling the absolute truth. The boy was more then double my size and I started to feel embarrassed.
"It's okay," Bill jumped in, "Keith likes being a little girl. Don't you."
I nodded yes, even though I wasn't completely sure.
Bill instructed me to pleasure the boy like I did to him the night before. I knelt before the boy and put his penis in my mouth and did what was expected. I felt horrible that I did it to a child and even to this day feel guilty about my participation. I still remember his small hands stroking my hair and the side of my face lightly as I did something to him that I had no right to.
"See I told you, Keith didn't even hold back at all."
"So should we let you be a girl Keith?" My step dad asked.
I was worried what he meant by that. I could see the only difference between me and the girl in the room was a very small piece of anatomy. I was thinking maybe he wanted to shave it off. Remember I was eight at the time and didn't know much.
"Yeah we should, right Keith?" Bill added.
I found myself nodding my head in agreement.
"Good," the adults said in agreement and Bill walked into the back room.
My step father lifted me up quickly and put me on the table. "It's time for you to get ready baby girl."
"But daddy," I protested.
"Don't worry, they are going to be in pampers too for the rest of the day." My step father reassured me. Soon I found the two kids looking over me as they stood on the table as Ritchie applied the rash cream and baby powder. Soon I was in pampers once again and knew that was how I was going to stay all day.
Bill came out of the room with a pink dress that looked like it was meant for a toddler. I sat up and allowed Ritchie to place it on me. They then placed two hair clips in my hair and a pair of pink bootie like socks. To make things worst, the little girl was put in a extremely similar outfit making me feel more uncomfortable. The boy was dressed in regular clothes, not even in pampers like I was first told. When I looked in the mirror I noticed that the dress I was in didn't even cover my bottom and the pampers stuck out.
I spent the next day and a half like that. The only time I was undressed was to have the pamper changed or to participate in various sex acts. I remember I was warned that if I didn't behave, meaning do what I was told, they were going to make me go outside like that. I was not going to allow that to happen so did what I was told until it was time to pick up my mother. I felt so guilty and ashamed that I didn't think to tell my mother. I was also afraid that I was going to be in trouble for being a snitch, I had gotten in trouble for saying things before I shouldn't of.
There were a few things that happened that week that I didn't expect. One, I was introduced to being a girl. Despite the circumstances and the horrible way I was treated, it appealed to me greatly. It was that day that I knew what I really was inside, even though I tried to repress those feelings they've always returned. I believe that was the birth of little Katie, and that is probably the only thing of joy I've taken from the whole situation.
This actually happened and to the best of my recoglection is completely true. Please understand my intent and take from it all that you can. Please comment.
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