Turbulence

by

Julie O

  

Part One

  

I was slowly getting used to my work schedule. I only worked three nights a week, as I really didn't need the money. The only reason I was working was to learn how to socialize as a woman. Just as Aunt Kayla had told me, I was slowly accepting my life as a woman. I still had conflicts, but I was taking them on, instead of ignoring them. Still it would be a long time until I totally accepted that I was now a 21 year old woman named Iona.

I arrived home around 2:00 AM after working at the Reef. Thankfully everything was calm after the incident with Chad, the obnoxious college guy. I was fitting in pretty well with the rest of the people in the club. Karen and some on the other girls invited me to go out clubbing with them some evening. To my own surprise, not only did I accept the invitation, but I was actually looking forward to it!

I walked quietly through the house in my bare feet, having removed my heels as soon as I got off work. I didn't want to disturb anyone. Iona's mother, Fiona, was staying with us for a few more days. We were gradually becoming good friends. In some ways I think she sees me as what Iona could have been. I see her as a connection to my new heritage.

As I walked up the stairs I became aware that I was being watched. I looked up to see the glowing eyes of Tully.

"Did you wait up for me?" I whispered and reached down and scratched her behind the ear.

Tully greeted me with affection and followed me into my room. I was still too keyed up to go to sleep so I logged on my computer and checked my mail. Tully took her usual place on top of my monitor and quickly fell asleep.

There was another e-mail from Jenny. I still thought of her as my sister, even though she thought I was dead. It can get real confusing trying to put this all down on paper!

She only knew me as Iona, the woman her late brother shielded in that horrible fatal accident. Still, she was looking forward to seeing me. She would be arriving in San Diego tomorrow. I checked the clock, check that, make that today, and she would be staying at a hotel on Shelter Island. That meant she would only be a few miles away! She wrote that she would call me when she got in and we could make arrangements to meet and talk.

This was good news, although I still had some fear about seeing her again. There was also the guilt factor. I felt responsible for all the grief that I had caused our family.

I typed a quick reply. I knew that she would have her laptop with her. She never went anywhere without it. Then I surfed the net for a while. I was looking at sites on male to female transformations. I wasn't sure what exactly I was looking for, but I was hoping that I would find something related to my present situation. Some were very strange fetish related sites, but then again I think you could look up anything on the web and find an associated fetish site! I found some pretty cool fiction sites and also cool chat rooms related to male to female transformations. There was one that was frequented by authors of transgendered fiction. I met some really nice people and I found it interesting that they wrote about transformations. If they only knew about the world that I had been introduced to!

I related to many of the writers, as they were dealing their own personal conflicts regarding gender. Of course I didn't tell them the truth about myself, I passed myself off as a male to female transsexual, which wasn't that far from the truth! They suggested several websites and fiction sites to me. I found some of the fiction disturbingly close to my present situation. I finally felt sleepy enough to go to bed and I shut down the computer for the night.

I got undressed and slipped into my pjs. I then noticed a small package on my bed. I sat down and read the card on the box. "Dear Iona, I hope this helps you for now. Love Aunt Kayla".

I opened up the box and found a shiny sliver vibrator. I held in for several moments. I wasn't naive about sex toys, but I had never had the need to use one before. I had a girlfriend, named Caroline, who swore by hers and tried to get me to use it on her during foreplay, but I had refused. Behavior like that caused her to break up with me. I guess it was a macho pride thing. I never could understand why she would want a toy when she had the real thing right there in front of her! I really was a jerk at times.

I turned it on and was surprised by how silent it was. I always though they would make enough noise to wake the dead! I slowly slipped it down to my vagina and began to slowly rub against it. I was instant rewarded by a wonderful sensation. I felt myself getting moist as I began to slip it in a little bit at a time. It felt REALLY good! Damm, no wonder Caroline wanted me to use one on her. I soon found myself easing it in more and more. The pleasure I was receiving was unbelievable!

My nipples were very hard and I gave them the attention they desired. I rubbed my nipples with my free hand while I used the "silver wand" on my vagina. Wand seemed like a good description because it was working magic for me! I worked myself to an incredible orgasm and I savored every second of it. That was the best orgasm that I had ever experienced ever in my life. I felt drained and for the first time since I had become Iona I felt like I was completely in control of my sexual urges!

After washing up I fell off into a very restful night's sleep. When I woke the next morning, I barely had the desire to pleasure myself again. However, I did say "barely". The wand was just as effective as it had been earlier.

After showering and dressing I checked my mail again and found a reply from Jenny. She said she'd call me when she arrived that evening. I then went back to the fiction sites and looked through the long lists of stories. I was impressed by the huge variety of stories related to sexual transformation.

I then saw one that caught my eye. It was about sexual enslavement. Males were being transformed into woman and then forced into sexual slavery. I had seen several stories like this but this one was different. The women were given a special tattoo that increased their sexuality. The tattoo was also invisible to the naked eye. I read on and found a few more things similar to my situation. The story was set in Boston and the tattoo was from an ancient Celtic book of spells. I clicked on the author's name and checked to see if they had included a bio and e-mail address. The author's pen name was Dugal and he left no e-mail address. He had written a few other stories about using, or misusing, magic to transform, control & hurt people who had angered him. I glanced at his other stories, and like the first one, there was a sense of them being more that just fiction.

I printed out copies for Aunt Kayla and Fiona and I highlighted the key sections of the tattoo story. I then went downstairs to show them my discovery. They were in the garden talking.

"Good morning Iona," said Fiona.

"Yes, good morning dear," added Aunt Kayla.

I smiled, "Good morning. By the way thank you for the lovely and thoughtful gift."

Aunt Kayla just smiled.

"What do you have there?" asked Fiona.

I explained about my Internet ramblings and then showed them the story. They took the copies of the story and began to read them. I was hoping that they would just say that it was all a coincidence, but I began to see a troubled look on their faces.

"Fiona, do you see the name he used?" asked Aunt Kayla

"Yes I do. Dugal! That arrogant bastard! I stripped his powers for doing things that he is now passing off as fiction," said Fiona angrily.

"Who is Dugal?" I asked.

"Dugal isn't his real name. It means "A dark stranger" and that was a nickname of a man we had the displeasure to know. His real name is Keir. I prosecuted him for misuse of powers. He was stripped of his powers," explained Fiona.

"He's a very handsome man and sees himself as a real lady's man. He is also a very egotistical bastard," said Aunt Kayla angrily. Her eyes were so intense with anger.

I had never seen Aunt Kayla so emotional before. It both intrigued and frightened me.

"Keir ruined a lot of lives and hurt a lot of people. However, it was when he used his powers to seek revenge that he came to the attention of the courts. He would hurt women who resisted him or failed to please him," said Fiona, "The victims all said that they had been seduced by a 'handsome dark stranger'."

"How did he ruin their lives?" I asked.

"Various ways. He was very subtle about his use of magic. He would cause them to ruin their own lives, some of the women became addicts or alcoholics, and others became addicted to sex. He was caught when he tried to use a spell on another person of magic. The spell was detected and he was investigated and prosecuted," explained Fiona. "During the investigation it was discovered that he had also transformed boyfriends, of the women, into women."

"He ruined a lot of innocent lives," added Aunt Kayla. She seemed very angry as she recalled the crimes of Keir.

"We did what we could for the victims. They were eased off their addictions and we tried to give them back their lives," described Fiona, "Unfortunately nothing could be done for the transformed males. The transformation spell was too powerful to reverse. We did try to help them get their lives in order."

"Yes, but we couldn't help them all," added Aunt Kayla sadly.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I helped several with conventional therapy and some with a slight dose of magic. One woman was so hurt by Keir that she eventually committed suicide, after fighting depression for several years," said Aunt Kayla. "She had moved on with her life and was out of therapy when she had a relapse. She was too ashamed to seek more help and thought the only solution was to kill herself."

"How long ago did he do this?" I asked softly.

"I prosecuted him over ten years ago," stated Fiona.

"So he lost all his powers then?" I asked.

"Yes. But he was very intelligent and a person doesn't need powers to correctly apply the tattoo that you have Iona. The pain associated with your memory could also have done without powers. It most likely was incorporated in the tattoo itself," explained Fiona.

"So do you think he might have given Iona the tattoo as a way of getting back at you?" I asked Fiona.

"It's a possibility," said Fiona sadly. She then stood up. "Excuse me everyone, I need to place a phone call to the office."

Aunt Kayla and I sat there in silence as Fiona left.

"So, all that was done to him as stripping him of his powers?" I asked

"The courts only cover matters of magic. They leave everything else to the human courts. When possible we "help them" by providing evidence of crimes. Unfortunately Keir didn't break any human laws," explained Aunt Kayla.

"Did you clear it with the courts before you "helped" the drunk driver give a full confession?" I asked

"Yes, my dear it was all legal," said Aunt Kayla with a smile.

"So what happens now?" I asked

"Fiona will contact her office and they will begin an investigation. You may have to undergo an interview. If it turns out that he gave Iona the tattoo to get back at Fiona he will be prosecuted."

"What can you do to him?" I asked

"In special cases the person's memories and personality can be changed. I imagine that Fiona's office will push for this punishment," commented Aunt Kayla.

"So everything Iona did, may have been because of Keir?" I asked

"That's a possibility," said Aunt Kayla, "It if turns out that his actions caused Iona to be so reckless then Roger's death would be another charge against him."

I suddenly felt the need for a hug and Aunt Kayla was very accommodating. I think she needed one herself. I was a part of something much bigger than I had thought.

A few minutes later Fiona came back, "I am afraid that I will have to cut my trip a bit short. The office wants to start a full investigation into Keir. They want my statement and all the info that you collected Iona. Unfortunately, due to my personal connection to the case, I will not be allowed to run the investigation," Fiona said regretfully.

"When will you be leaving?" asked Aunt Kayla.

"I will leave this afternoon, can you give me a ride to the airport?" asked Fiona.

"I'd love to!" I exclaimed, before Aunt Kayla could say a word.

Fiona turned and looked at me, "I'd like that a lot." Her eyes were welling with tears.

We hugged and she held onto me for what seemed like hours.

I spent the rest of the morning searching for more stories by Dugal. I had to read each story to see if it had elements of magic and revenge in it. I was also amazed how many authors of transgendered fiction there were! I found several other sites and downloaded them on a disc for Fiona. I did a name check and found several Gaelic names that also meant "dark stranger". I found several similar stories by authors called Duglas, Doyle, and Dougal. Many of their stories involved revenge and all were very dark. I didn't find any similar stories under the name Keir. Of course this didn't mean that Keir was writing under all these names, but the style in the stories I downloaded were all very similar.

As I looked for information I thought about the possibility that my switch with Iona the result of revenge by a person I've never met. I felt a bit uneasy about this man Keir, but I felt safe with Aunt Kayla. I also knew that Fiona would protect me. I also began to regret the bad things I had thought of Iona. She too was a victim.

 

PartTwo

On the way to Lindbergh Field, Fiona told me that she would keep me informed on the progress of the investigation.

"Will you be OK?" I asked.

Fiona looked at me and laughed, "I was about to ask you the same thing. Yes my dear, I will be OK. If it is true that Keir put the tattoo on Iona, then her behavior for the past few years can be explained."

"Why did the tattoo have a greater effect on her? I mean it give me a higher sexual urge, but otherwise I am OK," I asked.

"It is hard to say. Magic has a different effect on humans than those born with powers. I have the photos that Kayla took and I will have them analyzed. I fully expect that there are hidden spells built in the tattoo. They may have been tailored especially for Iona," explained Fiona. "I will also contact a friend who may want to do a physical exam on you and the tattoo. I'll e-mail you the specifics."

"I guess it would be a good idea to find out if this thing has anymore surprises," I commented, referring to the tattoo. I wondered if Iona's body switching was a way to free her from the powers of the tattoo.

"Do you think that the reason why Iona switched bodies was an attempt to free herself of the spell?" I asked

"That's a possibility," said Fiona

I noticed the sadness in her voice and I fumbled for something to say.

"Everything will be OK Iona," said Fiona, obviously sensing my concern.

"Thanks. Well, I am happy we got to meet, even if was only for a few days," I added, "Would you mind if I came back east to visit you sometime. I mean I know I am not your Iona, but …."

"You don't have to say it. Yes, I would love for you to come and visit. I have grown very fond of you and you are always welcome in my home," she said with a smile.

"Thanks!"

We pulled into the parking lot and I walked in with Fiona. I was truly sad to see her leave and when we hugged goodbye we both cried.

I had a few hours to kill so I headed downtown to walk around and maybe do a little shopping. I wanted sometime to myself to think about everything going on in my life.

I walked around the downtown area, called the Gas Lamp District. There were plenty of great shops and I worked my way into Horton Plaza. As I made my way up to the third level of the huge shopping area I began to get a familiar tingle. Without even looking around I knew whom to look for. Aunt Kayla was right, I was getting more comfortable with this power. I began to scan for Bill. He was a friend of Roger from our days in the Navy.

I then saw him walking towards me. Bill was wearing a sharp blue suit and he looked very handsome. He immediately looked my way and his eyes locked on me. Now I was wearing a short khaki skirt and a white sleeveless blouse and well I thought that I looked pretty cute and apparently so did Bill. As we got closer me smiled at me and I responded with my own smile. I was just about to pass him when he stopped beside me.

"Excuse me, but you look very familiar. Have we met before?" he asked.

OK, as pick-up lines go, this was a lame attempt, but I let it slide.

"I was just thinking the same thing," I answered. My response wasn't much better.

He laughed, "Hi, my name is Bill."

"Pleased to meet you Bill, my name is Iona."

I could believe that I was flirting with a man that I had once served with at sea. Yet, it all felt so normal. I immediately felt a very strong attraction between the two of us.

 

"Iona, that is a beautiful name. It's Scottish isn't it?" he replied.

"Yes it is. It's the name of an island," I said with a smile.

I noticed that his attention was suddenly distracted by a man waving to him, "Iona, I have to go. But I feel something between us. I know this sounds hokey, but I feel that I know you. Here is my card and telephone number. Can I have your number in return?"

"Sure," I said and I gave him my number. "You know I feel like we've met before myself."

He took the card and looked at it and then smiled as he placed it in his wallet, "I promise to call you!"

As I walked away I felt as if I did something that was either very right or incredibly stupid.

Part Three

I told Aunt Kayla all about my meeting Bill downtown and that we traded numbers. We talked as we walked down by the ocean.

"So do you think it was a mistake? I mean, with everything going on in my life, do I really need some more complications?" I asked.

"Honey, time will tell if it was a smart thing to do. You went with your heart and that sometimes you need to this."

"Bill is a nice guy. In fact, he was kidded by others on the ship for being too nice," I explained.

"Sometimes fate works in strange ways," commented Aunt Kayla.

I laughed. "Sounds like a fortune cookie message."

"Seriously, you can't stop living your life because of potential problems. You are now a beautiful young woman with your whole life ahead of you. You cannot hold back worried that Keir might find and hurt you," explained Aunt Kayla.

"Good advice," I said, "There is something else I want to talk about with you."

"Go ahead Iona," replied Aunt Kayla.

"I feel a bond with you that is very strong. It is as close as anything I felt with my original mother. I don't feel the same way about Fiona. I mean I like her a lot, but more like a close friend, not like family. Does that make sense? I don't want to hurt her feelings."

"First off, I too feel a special bond with you and I appreciate that you feel the same way," said Aunt Kayla. "Second, I wouldn't worry about Fiona. We've had some long talks about you and the original Iona. She accepts that her Iona is gone and that you are a different person. Likewise she wants to become friends with you. By birth you are still her daughter and you carry the family heritage with you."

I nodded. "I hadn't thought about that. My hands went instinctively to my tummy. "I wonder what it will be like to become a mother?"

For the first time it really hit me that I may be pregnant someday. You would have thought that this would have put me off; instead I found it comforting and appealing.

Aunt Kayla put her arm around me, "I sense that the idea of being a mother doesn't bother you. Good! This is a big step in your acceptance in truly being female. Just one thing, I hope you put off any maternal urges until you finish college!"

"Please!" I exclaimed and we both broke out in laughter.

We walked down to the end of the street and started back.

"One thing. If I do have a baby, will she have powers?" I asked

Aunt Kayla nodded and smiled. "Yes, you are of the blood. Your daughter will inherit powers and develop her own. When that day arrives you will get plenty of help and advice. Mystic children have their own little issues to deal with while they are being raised."

"I can hardly wait!" I joked.

We walked a bit further.

"I hope this isn't too personal, but …." I began to ask.

Aunt Kayla interrupted, "I know what you are going to ask. Why haven't I ever been married or had a child. I don't really know the answer. I love my career and life and the independence of it all. Still, sometimes I have felt a void. Maybe that is why I agreed to take you in."

"Speaking of that, how did Fiona convince Iona to come out here. I sensed that Iona wasn't all that happy about coming out here," I asked.

Aunt Kayla smiled. "No, Iona wasn't happy about coming out here. Fiona threatened Iona with prosecution and possible loss of her powers, unless she showed up. Fiona did this as an act of last resort. I agreed at first, very reluctantly. But then I saw the opportunity and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea. When the switch between you and Iona occurred I knew that I had to help you and guide you. I didn't plan on liking you so much."

"Thank you. I love you too!" I exclaimed.

Just then my cell phone rang. It was from Jenny and she was calling to tell me that she was in her hotel. We agreed to meet tomorrow morning for breakfast.

"Well, it looks like I will have my own family issue to handle tomorrow," I commented nervously.

"You'll do fine my dear. Now, since you brought up the fortune cookie reference, what do you say to going out for some Chinese food?" asked Aunt Kayla.

"Sounds great!" I exclaimed. "I know a great place downtown."

Part Four

The next morning I woke up and fumbled for the "silver wand". OK, it's a lame name, if you have a better name feel free to let me know! The silver wand sprung to life with a soft comforting "whir" sound. I slowly worked around my vagina and back up to my nipples. While it was a distraction to be aroused so often, the reward for gratification was incredible. My orgasms were so wonderful that I could momentarily forget the dark side of the tattoo.

As I pleasured myself I found my mind starting to focus on Bill. Oh my! I was fanaticizing about a man! I fought the remnants of my masculine prejudice and thought about Bill as I worked the wand in and out of my very moist vagina. All right I was getting ahead of myself, but men think about women when they masturbate, so what was wrong about a woman doing this? Besides it felt too good to wrong!

I thought about his looks and being in his arms. I tried to imagine what it would be like to kiss him. As my fantasy got more heated, so did my sexual response. I finally worked myself up to the peak of orgasm and tried to hold it back, but like water breaking through a dam my feelings were too strong and I was soon hit by wave after wave of pleasure! The climax was, as usual, tremendous! I stared at the ceiling for several minutes, until I had the strength to get up and shower.

I thought about my fantasy as I showered. I had never had even a single thought about men as Roger. I wasn't homophobic or anything, it just never interested me. I wondered if my bisexuality was passed down from Iona or something totally new due to the combination of both of us. Aunt Kayla was right, I needed to live the life I was living now and not get hung up on what was right or wrong for Roger. I paused for a second, that was the first time I had referred to my old life as if Roger was a different person than me. Maybe this was just part of the adjustment to accepting that I was now Iona.

I selected an outfit for the day. I picked out a denim skirt and a floral skirt. I wanted to look nice for my meeting with Jenny.

I was due to meet her at her hotel around 8 and then head out for breakfast. Aunt Kayla suggested a place in Golden Hill called the Big Kitchen. It was a funky little place with great food. Additionally they wouldn't care if we were in there a long time.

I drove down to Jenny's hotel and parked the car. I wanted to be sure to do nothing that might make her suspect the truth. I sat there for a moment thinking about seeing my sister. I wanted to get my emotions in check before seeing her. This was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my lives! I finally got my nerve up and got out of the car.

I walked in the hotel and found Jenny's room. I stood in front of the door a few moments before knocking. She answered the door and we stared ate each other for a second. I fought giving away my emotions as we greeted each other.

"Hi, I'm Iona,"

"Pleased to meet you! I'm Jenny," she answered. "Please come in. I'm almost ready."

I smiled internally. Jenny was ALWAYS running late.

"No problem. How was your flight?" I asked. I figured keeping the conversation to small talk would be relatively safe.

"It was OK I guess. I really wasn't looking forward to coming out here. The only other times I had been out here was to see Roger," she said softly.

I could detect the sense of loss she was feeling. Part of me wanted to shout out that Roger was still alive in order to ease her pain, but I knew that it would only confuse things.

"I understand. His loss must have been hard on your family."

"More than you'll ever know. I'm sorry. It's just that being out here brings back a lot of memories," she lamented.

"So what are you plans?" I asked, trying to shift the subject.

"Well, I need to finish closing out Roger's apartment. His friends have been there to start the work. I told them they could have his clothes and most of the furniture. I plan on going over to sort through the personal items. The rest I plan on giving away to his friends," she explained

I nodded. At least my possessions were going to my friends and not to some dumpster.

"So, where is this place you are taking me to eat?" asked Jenny.

 

"It is across town. My aunt recommended it," I explained. "You want me to drive?"

"That sounds like a great idea," she said.

We walked out to the car. I knew that she was dying to ask me some personal questions.

We headed over to Golden Hill. I selected a scenic route, instead of the more direct way.

"So Iona, how did you meet my brother?" she asked.

That didn't take long, I thought!

"We were staying at the same hotel in Honolulu. I was there doing some sightseeing and I met Roger by the pool. We started talking and we just hit it off," I explained..

"I see. I was always under the impression that he was too busy on his trips to socialize," commented Jenny.

I sensed some slight hostility in her voice. I hoped that she didn't blame me for what had happened!

"That's what he said. We got to know each other over dinner each night. I think we both wanted company. I was originally with a group, but they wanted to party all the time so I split from them. Roger was working late and I think our conversations helped him relax after working all day," I continued.

Jenny absorbed what I had said.

"We found that we had a lot in common and that I was moving to San Diego. We just hit it off. By the way, Roger and I only talked." I added.

Jenny looked over at me and then smiled.

"That sounds like him," she sighed.

I breathed a big internal sigh of relief. Jenny seemed to be buying my story.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be prying into his personal life. I also didn't mean anything about you two," she apologized.

"I understand. I take it you and Roger were close?" I asked.

She laughed, "Oh yes, we were close. That's why when I heard he was with a woman when he was killed I was so surprised. Normally he would have told me if he met someone."

She was right I would have called her! "Maybe with the time difference he was waiting until he got back to the mainland."

"That could be true," she said.

Jenny was silent for a while. She seemed to be puzzled by something.

"I have a question. Why isn't your leg in a cast? The doctor said that your leg was shattered in the accident. I don't see any damage," she asked

"My aunt has friends who are into new age healing methods," I said nervously. I know, it was a cheesy answer, but it was the best I could do.

"That's amazing. I can barely see the scars on your leg," she commented.

Thankfully we arrived at The Big Kitchen and that distracted Jenny from her line of questioning for the moment.

We grabbed one of the booths and began to look through the menu. I was hoping that she wouldn't bring up my injuries again. We were served coffee and our orders were taken.

Jenny took a sip of her coffee and then stared at me. "I'm sorry about my interrogation, Iona. It is just that I can't believe that Roger is gone. I shouldn't be angry with you. That drunk bastard who hit the cab is the one I should be angry with. I'm just happy that he is locked away for life."

I was instantly relieved, "No need to apologize. My aunt told me that people handle grief in different ways."

"Your aunt sounds like a wise woman," added Jenny.

More than you'll ever know, I thought.

"If you have time we'd love to have you over for dinner," I offered.

Jenny smiled. "That sounds nice."

Just then our food arrived. I had ordered a large fresh squeezed orange juice, eggs over-easy, bacon and wheat toast. Jenny had ordered an omelet and juice. As I ate I noticed that Jenny was staring at me again.

"Is everything OK?" I asked.

"I'm sorry. It's just that you ordered Roger's favorite breakfast. You even fix your coffee the same way, cream and lots of sugar," she explained.

I hadn't even thought about what I had ordered! What a stupid mistake!

"I know. Roger and I found that we had many things in common," I said, fumbling for an answer. I wasn't sure Jenny fully believed me.

Jenny laughed. "I'm sorry. I guess being out here is causing me to overanalyze everything. Part of me still thinks that Roger is alive. I just don't sense that he is gone."

"I understand," I said softly.

We talked about Roger for the next hour. I cannot even begin to describe how strange it is to hear someone else talk about you as if you were dead. I told her about the accident and how Roger saved me. It hurt me to see Jenny cry, but I could tell that she really wanted to hear the story from me.

"Can I impose on you for one more thing?" she asked.

"Sure," I said eagerly.

"Would you go with me to Roger's place this morning?" she asked.

I froze internally for a moment. The last place on earth I wanted to go was my old place. Way too many memories, even if most of my stuff was spread out among my friends.

"OK," I said. I never could say no to Jenny.

She smiled. "Good. I would feel better if someone else was there."

We left right after we paid the bill. I could have been at the place in less than 10 minutes, but I couldn't do that. I listened to Jenny's directions as she struggled to use the map. She never could read a map!

We arrived at my old apartment. I almost parked in my old reserved spot, but I caught myself and parked in a visitor's spot.

Jenny led me up to the third floor and we entered my old home. What I saw caught me off guard. To see my home boxed up and partially packed away.

There were still two chairs and a table; the rest of the furniture was gone. There was a phone sitting on the table along with my portable radio/CD player. Several boxes marked "Personal Belongings" sat next to the table. Next to the wall were several boxes of books and CD's.

"I have no idea of what do with all his books. They are mostly hardbacks and I would hate to just throw them away," lamented Jenny.

I thought for a second, "Why not donate them to a school library or something like that?" I too, would have hated to see my collection thrown away.

"Good idea Iona. Do you have any suggestions?" she asked.

"Let me call my aunt, she would know of a good place," I replied.

"The phone is still hooked up," said Jenny, pointing to the phone.

As I called Aunt Kayla I watched Jenny begin to sort through my personal belongings. I needed self-control so badly right now! I contacted Aunt Kayla and tried to conduct a normal sounding conversation.

"I'm over with Jenny at Roger's apartment. We were wondering if you knew a good place to donate several boxes of history books?" I asked.

Aunt Kayla immediately detected my discomfort, "I know a place. Are you OK?"

"That's great. I'll let her know. We were worried that the books might have to be thrown out," I said.

"Hang in there honey. We'll talk when you get home,"

"Good. So we should bring the books over to the house?" I asked.

 

"Sure honey. I know a good charter school that could use them," she answered

"Thanks. Good bye," I said, hoping that the conversation sounded somewhat normal to Jenny.

"Be strong," she said.

"I will, bye," I could sense the strength she was sending me.

"So, does she know a good place to send the books?" asked Jenny.

"Yes, a charter school," I lied.

Jenny nodded in approval. She was sorting through a box of my papers and photographs. I watched as she put some in one box and the rest in a trash bag.

"I plan on shipping this stuff back to Ohio," explained Jenny, "I will go through in detail back there."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked.

Jenny looked up at me, "Sure, could you go through that box and sort it out? Put the official papers in one pile and the photos and other personal papers in the other. I'll decide what is important."

"OK. How bout some music?" I said pointing to the CD player.

Jenny nodded. "Great idea. It is a bit too quiet in here."

I turned on the radio and went through several stations until we found one we both liked. The station was playing an Eagles song.

"So, do you like my generation's music?" asked Jenny.

I smiled, "Yes, but I like many kinds of music. I don't like rap or pop music," I said.

"Interesting. After I go through Roger's CD collection you can have any that I don't want," offered Jenny.

"You don't mind?" I smiled, as I sorted through the box.

She shook her head no. "No, not at all. I think Roger would approve,"

Most of the stuff in the box was paperwork, and it was pretty standard stuff, so I didn't get too emotional inside. I passed the stacks over to Jenny and started on the next box.

The second box was filled with more personal stuff. There were old letters and postcards from my family and friends. Additionally there were little scraps of my old life, old baseball ticket stubs, concert ticket stubs, cartoons that I had clipped out and other things that had no value to anyone else in the world. Going through that stuff, without showing any emotion, was one of the most difficult things I have ever done.

Jenny looked over and smiled, "Roger sure saved the most ridiculous things. Save the letters and throw the rest of that stuff out."

"You want me to take some of this trash out to the dumpster?" I asked, pointing to several large bags of trash.

"Sure that sounds good, I'd appreciate that. If I remember right the dumpster is out back," commented Jenny.

I nodded and picked up the bags of trash and headed out. When I reached the dumpster I quickly reached inside the bag for some of the items. I wanted some reminders of my previous life. I grabbed a few of the ticket stubs and a couple of old Farside cartoons. I threw the rest of the stuff out and then went and slipped my treasures in the trunk of the car. I hide them under the carpet that hid the spare tire. I knew we would be going into the trunk later to put the boxes of books in there.

When I came back up I found Jenny crying. I hesitated on what to do at first, but then I walked over and put my hand on her shoulder.

"You OK?" I asked.

She looked up and nodded as she wiped her eyes, "Sorry, It just hit me again that he is REALLY gone," she cried.

Without a word I leaned down and gave her a long hug, which she readily accepted. I could feel her tears dripping down on my back and it was all I could do to not start crying.

"What do you say to a break?" I asked, "It's almost 4:00PM"

"Sounds good. I got through a lot today. Could you help me mail these boxes? We can also take books out, that won't leave much to do tomorrow," suggested Jenny.

As we carried the boxes downstairs Jenny asked me if I could help her again tomorrow. Of course I said yes.

We "stumbled" on a package-shipping store as we left the apartment. I had used it many times as Roger, but I had to pretend to find it as Iona. We shipped the boxes and headed back to Jenny's hotel.

"Would you like to come over for dinner tonight?" I asked.

She shook her head no. "Thanks, but can we do it tomorrow? I kind of want to be alone this evening,"

"Sure, no problem. What time do you want me to come by tomorrow?" I asked.

"Same time, I'd like to go back to that breakfast place again, if you don't mind," Jenny asked.

"Cool," I replied.

Back at the hotel we hugged again and said good-bye. I was very proud of myself, as I was able to pull away from the hotel before I broke down crying.

 

Part Five

Marny was sitting in the garden with Aunt Kayla when I came in. I was so happy to see both of them. After we unloaded the car we returned to the garden. Aunt Kayla brewed up a pot of tea.

I talked about my day with Jenny and the various things that happened. They let me talk without interruption for nearly an hour. It felt good to let out my feelings, along with a few tears, make that a lot of tears! I finally finished and I sat there waiting for their responses.

"I think you handled that as well as can be expected," commented Marny.

Aunt Kayla nodded in agreement. "So you think she suspects something about you?"

"I don't know. Like you told me, people's senses are hampered by the beliefs that society has given them. She may just slough it off as coincidence," I said hopefully.

"Your sister sounds very perceptive," replied Marny.

"She is. She always knew when I was lying to her," I explained.

"How open-minded is she?" asked Aunt Kayla.

I looked at Aunt Kayla. "She is willing to accept new ideas. Why do you ask?"

"So, she might accept the idea that her brother is now a woman," asked Aunt Kayla.

"You don't think I should tell her do you? I asked.

"No, but she might be willing to accept you," explained Aunt Kayla.

I thought about it for a few moments.

"Hopefully we'll never know. Maybe it's best that she thinks that I am dead," I said softly. I was feeling slightly sorry for myself.

"Don't be so sure my dear," said Aunt Kayla.

That night I sorted through my old books. I fought the urge to take them all, but instead I removed a few of my favorites. They wouldn't be missed.

Tully joined me and I took her into my lap and stroked her as I called up my e-mail. There was a message from Fiona. She said that the photos of my tattoo were being studied and that an investigator might be coming out to San Diego to study it. I involuntarily ran my hand across the tattoo as I read the message. She also said how much she enjoyed our visit and that I was welcome anytime back in Maine.

I closed my eyes and thought of Maine with it's rugged coastline and dark forests full of pine trees. I could almost smell the trees and hear the ocean. I felt very much at ease and very relaxed. Suddenly my problems didn't seem so bad. I lifted the sleepy Tully off my lap and changed for bed. I immediately fell into a deep sleep.

Part Six

The next day Jenny and I were back in my old apartment sorting through what was left of my belongings.

"I've decided to drive back to Ohio. Roger's car is in pretty good shape and he did leave it to me. Besides I've always wanted to drive cross-country," explained Jenny.

"You won't mind driving all by yourself?" I asked.

"No. Plus it will give me time to think," she smiled.

I was going through the remnants of my CD collection. I didn't get greedy and I only selected a few of my old favorites.

"I'm still surprised with your taste in music Iona. I wouldn't have thought you would like those CD's," Jenny commented.

"I was raised on classic rock," I replied.

Jenny nodded, but I didn't think she believed me.

"My aunt would love to have you over for dinner this evening," I said, hoping to change the subject.

"I'd like that. I am interested in meeting your family," she smiled.

By mid-afternoon we had finished boxing up the remains of my previous life. The only things left were a few pieces of furniture. Jenny had talked to the manager who said we could leave them. He was very nice to Jenny, even though I had never liked the man. He was always so rude when I ever asked him to fix something in the apartment.

After we mailed the last of the stuff we drove over to my home. Jenny was silent most of the time. She seemed lost in thought.

I pulled the car into the driveway and was about to get out when Jenny stared at me very intently.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

She continued to stare at me in silence. Her behavior began to unnerve me a bit. Her eyes seemed to searching for something, as if she was trying to see inside me.

"Please tell me the truth, you owe me that," she demanded.

I looked back at her. A feeling of fear began to fill my body.

"Are you Roger?" she asked.

I froze for a moment. I was unable to speak and all I could do was to slowly nod yes, as tears began to run down my face.

 

End of Part IV

  

  

  

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