Trick or Treat 2 - Descent

by Enigma

 

Part 03

Sunday, November 29

 

It was late when I finally roused myself. A peek at the clock said it was after 10. In the bathroom, I drew a hot bath, and used some of Amy's bath oil. It felt good to just soak, but I finally got moving to shave any stubble, and wash my body. I opened the drain and stood under the shower to rinse off and wash then condition my hair.

When I came back into the bedroom, I thought about what to wear. I settled on the green slacks ensemble I had selected while trying to find a style for Jamie. I wanted to give Erin a good impression. With my current self-image, I wasn't quite sure why, but I felt it was important.

I went with the barely there look for my makeup, more like I wore when I resembled Amy. I slipped into the least provocative lingerie I had, which was probably about like Amy's sexiest. Then the hunter green slacks, light green embroidered blouse, and the sweater. I brushed my hair till it cascaded smooth and sleek down to the tops of my shoulders. I dabbed on just a touch of perfume, placed the appropriate items in a simple black purse, and was ready.

I got to Tony's a little early, after a bit of a search. It was a nice looking little neighborhood place, and thankfully wasn't crowded today. They showed me to a table, but I asked if we could use a secluded booth in one corner. They seated me there, left two menus, then brought an iced tea I asked for.

Erin showed up about 5 minutes later, looked around, then saw me wave and came to join me.

"Hi, Jamie. You look really nice today."

"Thanks, so do you!"

The waitress approached and asked if we were ready to order. We weren't, but Erin asked for an iced tea also. She said she would be back and left us to look over the menus for a few minutes.

From behind hers, Erin said, "So you have a new place, huh?"

"Um, yeah."

"Is it nice? Are you getting settled in OK?"

"Yes, it's pretty nice. I have a few things yet to get to make it home."

The waitress came for our orders, delivering Erin's tea. Erin ordered the veal parmesan, and I chose spaghetti with marinara, and a side salad.

When the waitress left, Erin looked me up and down. "That's kind of a light lunch, isn't it? It doesn't look like you need to lose any weight. If anything, I think you ought to be putting on a few pounds."

I blushed. "It's just a habit I've formed since I started dressing. Besides, I have to keep trim for my new job."

"Ho ho! New place, new job. What happened to the old ones?"

I took a deep breath. "I got fired from my job for looking like this. And I've separated from my wife, and had to move out of our house."

She looked sad, "Oh, Jamie, I'm so sorry. Couldn't your wife handle your dressing, your changes?"

"No. She handled them OK, in fact she had a big part in them. I just had to get away before I hurt her any more." I felt tears welling in my eyes, and fought to keep them back.

Erin reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "Sweetie, I'm sorry I've upset you. Let's not talk about that right now, OK?" I nodded, afraid to speak. "You've got a lot to deal with. Why don't we defer the story till after lunch. We can go back to my place, or to yours, where it is a little more private." I nodded again.

Our food arrived, and I took a few bites of salad, while Erin oh'ed and ah'ed over her veal.

"So, you're going on a trip? Vacation? Business?"

I thought how to answer. "Neither, medical."

"Oh, nothing serious, I hope." There was her instant concern again. "You sure don't need any medical problems with all you have going on!"

"No, nothing serious. Just a cosmetic procedure to help me pass better in my new job."

She scrutinized my face and upper body. "You pass pretty darned well. What else could you possibly need?"

I blushed again. "Um, down below."

Erin gasped and her hand flew to her mouth. "Not 'the operation'! I thought you said you weren't sure about that."

"No! Nothing like that. There's this doctor up in Colorado that does some kind of a tuck thing so you can pass a fairly close inspection. It's nothing permanent, and there's no major surgery, no vagina or clitoris. Just a camouflage job."

Erin giggled. "Neat! But why would you need something to pass on your job. What do you do?"

I started blushing again. "I started last week at the Lariat Club."

"That place over on Third? It's a strip joint, isn't it? Are you waitressing there? You sure have the figure for those skimpy costumes cocktail waitresses always seem to wear."

My blush was threatening to light up the whole room. I mumbled "No, I dance."

Erin's hand flew over her mouth again, and her eyes just about popped out of her head. "You strip?" she gasped, then looked around quickly to see if anyone heard. I just nodded, looking down. She whispered this time, "My God! You're pre-op and you take your clothes off in front of a bunch of guys on a stage?"

I nodded again. She looked at me in awe. "How could something like that happen? And aren't you afraid of being spotted?"

I answered her second one first, "Yes! And that's the reason for the trip. And how it happened? A guy I was with talked me into a wet T-shirt contest. I was a bit drunk, so I agreed. I came in third, and the top three places got to come back the next night to dance a routine for $100. I was still pretty drunk, so I agreed to that too. I was petrified before that one dance, but I got through it, and it was terrifying and thrilling at the same time. After that, they offered us a chance to dance once more as an audition for a job. I was the only one that tried it. That second dance was easier, and just as exciting. It got me hooked, so when they offered me the job, I said yes, since I was out of work and needed an income. I've danced five routines each night this last week."

Erin had sat in stunned silence through this whole explanation, her food forgotten in front of her. "Wow!" She stuck a bite of veal in her mouth and chewed absently. "Wow!" She looked at her half finished veal and my almost untouched pasta. "You haven't eaten much. Are you going to? I've just got to get you alone and hear this whole thing!"

I looked at the salad I had almost finished and the pasta, but my stomach was in knots. I had no desire for food right then. "I don't think so. Let's go."

Erin insisted on paying, and rushed me out the door. We decided to go to my place, so Erin followed me in her car. Inside, she looked around.

"Have a seat, would you like a glass of wine?"

"Yeah, that would be great." She sat on the couch.

I went to the kitchen and brought two plastic cups of chilled white wine, handing one to her, and taking mine to sit in the chair across from her.

She couldn't wait. "Ok, spill. I want the whole scoop. How could you possibly look so good after only two months, and how did it happen if you were never into cross-dressing?"

I collected my thoughts for a moment, then told her of Amy, and our loving relationship, then Sandy, Amy's friend, and the friction between us. Then Sandy's challenge, for me to look and act like Amy at the Halloween party. The cosmetic surgery and implants that Sandy performed, the studying my beloved Amy, the voice practice, the mannerisms. Fearfully going out as Amy's near double, the beauty shop and shopping. Social situations. Meeting Paul, friendship which may have evolved into love. Then the discovery of hormone and anti-androgen overdose. How my body developed further, the loss of male function. Finally the Halloween party. I very carefully left out mention of the rapes. I could not share that shame.

Then after the party, my tailspin into depression first because of not being able to go back, then losing my contract, then losing the last chance at Paul's company. Changing my legal name. My departure to shield Amy and Paul from pain. Getting drunk the night I left, and meeting Jim, the wet T contest, and the job offer at the strip club. I told about finding this place and moving in. Again, I left out my goodbye night with Jim, and the night with Rob, and his payment for it.

Erin sat dumbstruck through the entire narration. She had refilled our glasses several times while I purged my soul. When I wound down, she stared at me for a long time in silence, sipping her wine.

"You lied to me, girl!" Oh, god, what had she figured out. Could she suspect the rapes? "You told me I'd be bored with your story. You held me spellbound the whole time. This is almost unbelievable."

I hung my head. "It's all true." I was just barely holding myself together after relating my fall from happiness.

She watched me silently for a few minutes, the knelt in front of me, putting her hands on my shoulders. "There's more, isn't there?"

My body shook as a huge sob erupted from deep within me. She pulled me to her, and wrapped her arms around me, resting my head on her shoulder. "Tell me, please." I shook my head. Tears leaked from my tightly shut eyelids, soaking into the fabric of her blouse. "Shhh. It'll be alright. Let it all out."

I shook my head again and moaned, "Noooo. It will never be alright again. Don’t you see? I've lost my wife, my soul mate. She must despise me. And I can't live without her!"

Erin pulled back and lifted my chin, but I kept my eyes tightly closed. "Look at me." I shook my head. "LOOK AT ME!" I reluctantly opened my streaming eyes, and she searched their depths. "Why would she hate you?" I remained silent. She whispered, "There's more, isn't there?" I hung my head and nodded. "Please, tell me."

I choked words out around my sobs, relating a barely coherent description of my rape at first Jerry's hands, then Dr. Albert's. How I finally understood what an awful person I really was, how I fled to protect Amy. How I willingly betrayed Amy with Jim, and how I became a whore with Rob.

She held me tightly, rocking me back and forth. "You poor dear. No one should have to suffer what you've been through. None of this is your fault. You were manipulated, and taken advantage of. You were stripped of your self respect, and put in a position where you hated yourself. But I feel your strength, your inner beauty. You will beat this. You will!"

She held me a while longer, then guided me to the bed. Turning down the covers, she gently helped me out of my sweater, blouse, and slacks, laying them neatly over the back of a chair, then lay me on the bed. She searched my closet and dresser, finally coming up with only a couple transparent babydoll sets. "Don't you have anything decent to sleep in, girl?"

"Don't you get it? People like me don't sleep in flannel nighties. Whores flaunt their bodies!" That set me off into another spate of sobs.

She shushed me, and slipped my bra off, and the red babydoll over my head and down over my body. Then she pulled my panties off and put the matching red panty on me, then pulled the covers over me. I lay there and shivered and sobbed. Erin went to the kitchen and made a quiet call on her cell phone, then came back.

"I'm not leaving you alone tonight, Jamie. I just called my roommate to tell her I was staying here."

Erin shut off all the lights and checked the lock on the door. I heard a rustle of clothes in the darkness, then felt the bed sag as she climbed in. Then I felt the warmth of her body snuggle against my back, and arms wrap around me. "You sleep now, Jamie. I'm right here. You're not alone."

I didn't think I'd sleep soon, but the next I knew light was streaming in the window, leaking through my closed eyelids.

Monday, November 30

I felt the warm limbs tangled around me, and whispered "Morning, Amy my love." Then I remembered. Amy is gone. It took me a while longer to piece together where I was, and who was in bed with me. I peeled my eyelids open, and slid away from the warm body, then propped myself on an elbow to take in my sleeping companion. We had kicked the covers off during the night, and I could see she had donned my royal blue baby doll with no panties. I gazed at her lovely body revealed by the near transparent garment. She was beautiful. And this felt right. The way it ought to be. There should be a soft feminine body there, not a hairy masculine one. Now if there was only some way it could be my true love.

As she slept, my gaze roamed over Erin. I already knew her cute face. It was hard to believe she had been born male. And I suspected since she was having to save for the final surgery that she'd had almost no cosmetic procedures. Moving down, the babydoll shadowed, but failed to hide a pair of pert breasts, about B cup, or a tad smaller. Very nice, though, and I had the urge to reach out and caress them. Moving my eyes downward, I saw her flat tummy and attractively narrow waist, flaring out to slim but feminine hips. At the vee of her legs, there was a tuft of silky hair with a miniature penis peeking out. The rest of her genitalia was hidden from my view. Further down she had long, slim, toned legs that many women would envy, and many men would ogle. Even her ankles and feet seemed feminine.

Once again, had it not been for the one flaw hiding in her pubic hair, I would never have believed she had not been born female.

I fought the urge to stroke her lovely body, and just drank the sight in with my eyes. As if she felt my gaze, her eyes slowly opened to see me staring at her. She blushed demurely, but did not move to cover herself. "Morning," she said as she stretched languidly. Then she let her eyes roam over my body similarly revealed. She curled around for a better look between my legs. "Mind if I peek?" She looked up at me, and I shook my head. She slipped my babydoll panties down, baring the imitation vagina. "Amazing! I've never seen anything like this." She poked at it, then began exploring the folds. As she probed deeper, I felt a twitch from the buried organ, then when she stroked the right place, I moaned. "Oh, sorry." She examined the edges where it was glued to me. Then she pushed away and gracefully stood beside the bed, again stretching her lithe body. She grinned at me, "Hope you don't mind. I thought I'd see what it was like to sleep in something like this. I don't have anything even close."

I looked at her lovely form. "You should. It really looks nice on you."

She blushed. "Thanks, but I think I'll hold out till things are right." She looked at me searchingly. "How are you today? You had a pretty rough night last night. I'm sorry I put you through that."

"Don't be. I needed that. Those emotions have been building up for a while, and it was good to let them out."

She sat cross legged on the bed facing me, and I got a better glimpse between her legs. "You really should let Amy know you're alright, you know. She shouldn't have to suffer through wondering if you're ok."

My vision blurred, "I can't."

"Why not?"

"I've got to stay away from her for her own good! Can't you see that? All I can do is hurt her! She's better off if I just disappear from the face of the earth!"

"Actually, no, I can't see that. In all the years you were married to her, was there ever, even the slightest indication she didn't love and accept you? Even after the changes you went through?"

"No," I whispered.

"And does she blame you for what happened at the party, and with that other guy?"

In a tiny voice I answered "She says no, but she must! She must be disgusted with me. How can she not?"

"First, because she loves you. Second because she put you in both of those situations. And third, because rape is not the victims fault! Did you do anything to entice them? Did you ask for it?"

"I don't know. I must have. How else could it have happened twice? It must be me!" I buried my head in the pillow.

Erin turned me over and shook me. "Get this through your head! It. Was. Not. Your. Fault!!! Now get on that phone and call your wife!"

I shook my head and tried to shrink into myself. Erin stomped over to my purse and brought it back, fishing my cell phone out of it and thrusting it at me. "Call!"

I took a couple deep breaths, then took the phone in trembling hands. I stumbled over keying in the number, and had to try a couple times before it was right. I pressed the talk button and shivered as I waited for it to ring. After 4 rings, the answering machine picked up, and I breathed a sigh. Maybe I could manage to leave a message. I don't think I could talk to Amy right now.

Beep. "Um, Amy? This is Jamie. I just called to tell you I'm ok. And I'm sorry." I pressed the disconnect button and the phone slipped from my fumbling fingers. I buried my face in my shaking hands. "Oh, God. That was awful!"

Erin said, "You're right. But it's a step. And you have to find it in you to take the next step, and the next, until you're back where you're supposed to be. If you can't love yourself, if you can't trust yourself, love Amy. Trust her." Erin glanced at her watch. "I've got to get to work. Are you going to be OK?"

I nodded my head.

Erin found the bathroom, and soon I heard the shower running. I dragged myself to the kitchen and got the coffee going. Soon, Erin came out of the bathroom, toweling her hair dry, unconcernedly appearing nude in front of me. She started putting on the clothes she had removed last night, and was soon dressed.

"Coffee?"

"No thanks. I don't drink it. Besides, I have to get home and change for work. Bye, Jamie. Take care of yourself. Find your way home."

I grabbed her in a bear hug, which she returned, then had to pry me off her to get out the door. "Bye," I whispered to the closed door.

After a couple mugs of coffee, I managed to fix some dry toast, and choke it down, then looked at the time and realized I had a flight to catch.

I grabbed my suitcase and found some not too outrageous clothes to take along. I was coming to realize my choice of clothes when I left home was somewhat shortsighted. I showered, dried my hair and combed out the tangles, put on light makeup, then about the most comfortable clothes I had, skin tight jeans, peasant blouse, knee high sheer stockings, and 4 inch heels.

As I drove to the airport, and during the flight to Colorado, my mind whirled with unresolved questions. Was I right to leave Amy? Was it fair to her? Was it fair to me? Was any of this my fault? What should I do? By the time we landed, I was no nearer answers than when I left.

I took a taxi to the motel and checked in, then left my suitcase in my room and walked up the street to see where the clinic was. It was an easy walk. I should have no problem carrying my small suitcase up there tomorrow.

I wasn't to eat tonight based on the instructions I'd received, so I retired to my room and watched some mindless TV. Mostly it was background noise to the battle going on in my head. The same questions kept plaguing me. But no good answers would emerge. By the time I finally drifted to sleep, about the only thing I had decided was I couldn't decide. So, I was going to have to stay away from Amy, live the life I had now, until I could resolve these feelings. With that non-resolution, the turmoil in my mind eased, and I slept.

*****

Amy dragged in the door after surviving another day at work. She saw herself in the front hall mirror. God, how did she keep from scaring her patients away? Her cheeks were hollow, and there were dark circles under her eyes even her makeup wouldn't hide. She hadn't slept well in almost two weeks, since the night James had left. She had dropped ten pounds, and her energy level was down. Way down.

She dragged into the kitchen thinking she should eat at least a bite. The answering machine was blinking cheerfully, and Amy hopelessly punched the button and headed toward the fridge.

Beep. "Um, Amy? This is Jamie. I just called to tell you I'm ok. And I'm sorry."

Amy was back at the machine before the last word, praying there would be more. All she heard was another beep. She listlessly picked up the phone and dialed the number she had called nearly every day since James disappeared.

She heard Paul answer, and broke down in tears, blubbering into the phone, "Oh, Paul, she called. Jamie called!" and broke down into helpless sobbing.

"I'll be right there, Amy. Hang in there!" and the phone went dead.

Fifteen minutes later, Amy had pulled herself together somewhat by the time the doorbell rang. She opened the door, and the sight of Paul set her off into a torrent of tears again. Paul all but carried her to the kitchen and replayed the message, trying to hear over Amy's sobbing.

"Hey, come on, Amy. At least we know she's all right. Look on the bright side."

"But we still don't know where she is. Oh, Paul, what am I going to do? This is killing me." She collapsed against him, and he gently carried her to the bed as he had many times the last couple weeks. He pulled the covers back, laid her gently on the sheets and spread the blanket up to keep her warm.

He sadly walked to the door, and switched off the light. He was about to leave when he heard a whispered "Don't go." He turned to look back, and Amy managed a stronger "Don't go, please. Not tonight."

Paul shut the door as he moved back to the bed, and lay on top of the spread, holding Amy tightly against him as she cried herself to sleep.

Amy woke hours later, and reveled in the comfort of the strong arms wrapped around her. She turned her head, and searched with her lips till they found other lips bracketed by scratchy beard stubble. She came to enough to realize this couldn't be James. He almost never had stubble like that. At this point, she didn't care. She needed the physical sensations of love. The passion of her kiss mounted, and slowly the lips started to kiss back. When she broke the kiss, she heard a sleepily mumbled "Jamie?"

"Yes," she lied.

"Oh, thank god." And the stubbled face sought hers and kissed deeply.

Amy melted to the strong chest, and started stroking with her hands anywhere they would reach. She found where the shirt had pulled loose from the waistband of the pants, and found warm hairy flesh, sliding her hand through the hair, feeling the hard muscles underneath.

Strong male hands began a quest to find Amy too. And as they slid into the blouse Amy still wore, her nimble fingers were frantically unbuttoning his shirt. He tried to do the same for her blouse, but the buttons were too fine, and he made little progress. Amy finally gave up stroking the broad chest she had uncovered to push his hands aside and attack the buttons herself. She made short work of them, and almost ripped the blouse off herself.

The questing male fingers were back, feeling the smooth flesh of Amy's flat tummy, then sliding up and under her bra to find her points of pleasure standing erect. Amy gasped at the contact, and started tearing at the fastenings of Paul's pants.

Mere minutes later, they were both naked, and trying to feel the other everywhere at once. Their breathing was growing ragged, and sweat beaded their bodies. Paul rolled on top of Amy, and moved his manhood so it poised over Amy's waiting slit. The tip brushed her moist folds, torturing them both with sensation.

Paul froze. "Amy? Are you sure? I won’t do this to James if you're not certain."

Amy paused, her hands resting on Paul's slim hips. Was this right? Yes and no. No, because it was against her marriage vow. Yes, because they were here, now, and James was not. And she needed a loving touch just to survive tomorrow. Amy's heart was beating like a drum as she agonized over the decision. Then her hands tightened on Paul, and pulled him down with all her strength while driving her hips forward, impaling herself on Paul's cock. She screamed, and shook with a massive climax, then settled into the age-old rhythm as led by Paul. It wasn't two minutes later when she arched her back and succumbed to another blinding orgasm. Paul maintained his stroke as she froze, and waited patiently for her to rejoin the dance. His breathing was labored by now, and sweat dripped into his eyes. He knew he couldn't last long, but he forced himself to wait for Amy. When they were once more in step, he knew the end was here, and plunged as deeply as possible, then shuddered and pulsed life into Amy. The feeling of the sperm hot inside her drove Amy over the edge yet again, and she groaned in triumph. They drifted into sleep wrapped safe and warm in each others arms.

Tuesday, December 1

Amy sensed the light from the morning sun, and the strength and warmth of the man wrapped around her. Memories of last night seeped back, and she was amazed that she would betray James as she had. But she also couldn't forget the incredible pleasure she had felt in this time where pleasant things were not to be found.

Yes, it was incredible, but it is not Paul that I love, it's James she realized. I needed this to get through this nightmare, but it can never happen again. She carefully moved away from Paul and moved gracefully into the bathroom.

Paul became aware of the chill as the soft warm body moved away, and he mourned its loss. The memory of last night was clear and joyful in him as he roused further. He had finally made love to Jamie. No, that's not right. That was not the woman he loved last night, just her double, even if this was the original. Amy was a wonderful woman, but it was the quirks and flaws as well as the beauty that made Jamie the one he loved. And it was not fair to Amy to use her as a substitute for the one he wanted to make love to. He would have to be more careful, and avoid a repeat of last night.

As he thought this, a naked Amy came from the bathroom, stretching her arms above her to work out the stiffness of the night. He almost fell back into the trap, so incredible was the sight of Jamie, stretching enticingly almost within his reach.

Amy picked a robe up off the chair and wrapped it around her. "Thank-you Paul, for last night. It was beautiful, and it was what I needed at the time. But please, help me to never allow that to happen again."

Paul could only nod as the words stuck in his throat, and then he watched his vision of Jamie walk to the kitchen to start coffee.

*****

The phone jangled in the half-light before dawn, rousing me from a restless sleep. I remembered I had to check into the clinic early this morning, so I carefully removed the gaff and showered. As I washed my genitals, I was surprised at the sensations the stroking aroused. It had been so long since I had felt that, I closed my eyes and continued to stroke. Did I detect a little swelling of my cock? Or was it just wishful thinking. I shook myself out of the reverie and finished washing. After drying off, I donned a similar outfit to yesterday, adding a sweater for warmth, and packed everything else.

Emerging into the cold early morning, I realized that weather here is nothing like the warm desert where I live. My sweater did nothing to shut out the cold, and I shivered the whole way to the clinic. It was slightly warmer when I got through the doors into the admitting area, but I continued to shiver.

We got the paperwork done, and I was led to an office where a doctor waited.

"Good morning, Ms Hastings. I'm Dr. Wells, and I need to ask you a few questions before we proceed. The main purpose of this procedure is to aid pre-operative transsexuals in succeeding in their Real Life Test, by removing the anxiety of the discovery of their male genitalia. As it is a temporary, or reversible, procedure, the applicability of the Benjamin Standards of Care is questionable. However, I like to understand my patient's position before I agree to this surgery. Tell me about yourself."

I thought for a moment how to phrase an explanation. "I have been under a psychologists care for some time now about my gender issues, and have been under a doctor's care for the hormone therapy, and the cosmetic procedures I have received so far. I have dressed and worked as a female full time for the last three month, and have recently moved into a new job that makes the risk of discovery great enough that I wish to undertake this procedure. I have not satisfied the one year requirement, so reassignment surgery is not an option, nor am I totally convinced that it will be right for me when I do pass that anniversary. I hope you approve this, as I am under a lot of stress in my current job because of fear of being 'read'."

"Well, it is obvious from your appearance, and your commitment to live as a female full time that you are serious about your transition, even if the end result is undecided. Do you have any documentation from your doctors?"

"No, I was not aware I would need it for this procedure."

"Technically, I don’t require it, however, I would have preferred to have it. But you're correct, we do not state that as a requirement. I see no reason why we cannot proceed. Just to be clear, you wish this procedure to be reversible in the future. Is that correct?"

"Why, are there alternatives here that affect that outcome?"

"Um, possibly. Under certain circumstances, we are allowed to proceed with full SRS earlier than suggested by the SOC." My heart was instantly beating rapidly. "We have a psychologist, Dr. Martin, here on staff. If that is desirable on your part, and our psychologist concurs, we could potentially proceed with the full surgery immediately."

"Oh!" My mind was in a whirl again. There was a certain appeal to just doing it. At least the quandary would be over. There would be no need to worry in the future which way to go. I felt myself weakening.

"Ms. Hastings, I can see you're seriously considering this. Why don't we set you up with Dr. Martin and you can work it out between you. OK?"

"Um, ok." At least that would let me have a chance to think more, to talk it out with the shrink, maybe make a rational decision. There was probably no way this Dr. Martin would approve me, anyway.

An hour later, I was sitting in another office waiting for the doctor, trying to make sense of this. I felt I was treading a tightrope here. On the one hand, I had to be careful in what I said here. I fully expected if I told this doctor what really happened, they would likely refuse to do either full SRS or the temporary procedure. And I needed at least one of them. On the other hand, even to that end I was not willing to fabricate outright lies. The partial truths I had told Dr. Well seemed the best path. There were no lies in that, other than of omission.

Dr. Martin came in and greeted me. He was a bear of a man. Big, well muscled, with a full bushy beard. His suit seemed to bulge, and looked about to burst open, but not because the doctor was fat. Just very large. He had a soft voice that soothed me. I relaxed immediately.

We must have talked for almost two hours. The story I told was all truth, but as earlier with Dr. Wells, left out many of the reasons things were as they were. Finally, Dr. Martin sat back in his chair and regarded me critically.

I was getting a little nervous as he studied me. Finally I had to break the silence. "Um, doctor. I, um, hope that you will at least approve the procedure to disguise my genitals. I would hate to have made the trip all the way up here for nothing."

He paused a few more moments in silence, then nodded his head decisively, and reached into one of his desk drawers to withdraw a form. He scanned down it, and filled in several blanks, finally signing the bottom with a flourish.

"This certifies my approval of you as a patient. Good luck. I hope all goes smoothly for you."

"Um, thank-you, Dr. Martin." He stood and shook my hand, then ushered me out of the room, directing me to a nurse's station where they would prep me for the surgery.

I handed the form from Dr. Martin to the nurse who directed me to a single room with a bed and attached bath. That would be my room after surgery. They told me to take off all my clothes and hang them in the tiny closet, and put on the gown I would find there. Someone would come for me shortly. As I waited, I finally realized that I was glad I wasn't getting full SRS now. In fact, I figured I would probably never want it. At least not while there was any chance of becoming James again!

I was wheeled to an operating room in a wheel chair, and helped up onto the table, then covered with a thin blanket that did little to ward off the chill. Soon a doctor entered and hooked an IV into my arm. He explained that this was a saline drip to help keep my body hydrated, and they would use it to administer and regulate the anesthetic during surgery. I was getting a little nervous. This seemed to be an awfully elaborate setup for the supposedly simple procedure I had come for.

The doctor started to inject the anesthetic into the IV, and explained I would be out within a minute or so.

"Wait, doctor. What procedure are they doing here? I am afraid you might be setting up for the wrong one. I was supposed to have a simple procedure to mask my penis."

"That I don't know. You'll have to ask Dr. Wells."

Just then, the door opened. I was starting to feel drowsy when Dr. Wells spoke, "Ah, Ms. Hastings. I see you have opted for the full surgery. Good. We will begin in just a few moments"

Through the fog in my brain I forced out "Wait, Dr. Wells. I don't want full surgery, just the reversible procedure!"

The room was fading.

I fought my way back to consciousness, and felt a dull ache in my groin. I tried to remember what had happened. Suddenly it came rushing back, and I realized with horror it might be over. It might be too late! I tried to move my hands down to my crotch, but they wouldn't work right. I struggled to wake more, but the anesthetic was slow to release me. I sagged back exhausted, and waited for the cotton in my head to clear. Finally I was able to move, and tried to find a way to move my hands down, but all they encountered was bandages. Tears started leaking from my eyes, and I slipped again into blackness.

"Well, let's take a look at you." I jolted awake at Dr. Wells' cheerful voice. "Everything went just fine, Ms Hastings. I expect a very good result. Let me just peek under these bandages and see how you are doing."

I was almost in tears again. "Please doctor. Which procedure did you perform? Please tell me you didn't do anything permanent!"

"Calm down Ms. Hastings. I read Dr. Martin's report. Both he and I thought SRS was the right path for you and that performing it now rather than later would relieve you of a great deal of anxiety." I was terrified now. "However, I understood your message very clearly in the OR. We did as you requested. I think you are making a mistake, and that you will be back here for the full surgery soon. And I fear you will suffer mental discomfort until that time."

I sagged back in relief as the doctor examined the area under the bandages, then had an orderly come in and replace them with fresh. "Yes, everything looks good, Ms. Hastings. Assuming no complications, you should be released tomorrow morning, and now no one should suspect your physical gender without actually probing the area. Rest well tonight and I will see you in the morning to release you."

I cycled from floating on a cloud with a dull ache in my groin to being clear-headed, but with some real pain. All in all, it wasn't a restful time, and I was glad when the ache/pain eased enough that I could sleep.

Wednesday, December 2

"Well, Ms Hastings, let's have a look." I was jolted out of sleep again by Dr. Wells. That was a very irritating habit he had.

He peeled the bandages off and viewed the area closely. I had a quick but not too clear glimpse of the area, and became worried again that I was now really female. The peek I had gotten sure looked like a woman.

As the orderly rebandaged me, the doctor was giving me final instructions. Basically I should keep it dry, carefully unbandage it to pee, then redo the bandage, and I could remove it tomorrow evening. He also told me any time I wanted to either finish the job, or take the temporary fix out to come back and see him. Then he told me I could go after I dressed. I bid him goodbye, and wished I was away from here already.

I called a cab from my room, and then dressed. An orderly wheeled me out to the lobby with my suitcase in my lap, and a few minutes later the cab arrived. I watched the clinic recede behind me, and felt an unreasonable relief.

The flight home was uneventful, if a little uncomfortable. The drive back to the apartment was difficult because I was so tired. At home, I ate some veggies from the fridge and fell into bed.

Thursday, December 3

I had to pee pretty bad when I woke, and ignored the discomfort in my crotch as I made my way into the bathroom. Sitting, I carefully peeled the bandage off, and took a closer look at my new configuration. It was still red and there was some swelling, but it had a distinct resemblance to a real pussy. Not that it would stand close examination, but anything I expected to do it should be ok.

I was reminded by my bladder what I was there for, so I got back to business. I tried to watch as I loosened the muscles that withheld the flow, and watched the pee start to dribble, then gush out. It was not a coherent stream like I was used to as a man. The folds of flesh were interfering, so I had a little mess to clean up down there when I finished. But, for now, it would do. I carefully dried off and reapplied the bandage, then went to scrounge some breakfast.

I dozed most of the day, snacking lightly when my tummy said it was time, and repeating the potty business a couple more times. That evening, I finally took the bandages off for good. I looked closely at my new arrangement. I felt around, and at first touch, it felt just like Amy did down there. I probed carefully, wincing a few times as I found tender spots. I was relieved that I found no vaginal canal under the folds. I'd still held the irrational fear that Dr. Wells had gone all the way. I tried on panties, then tight jeans, then tight skirts, and admired the girlish configuration that was visible with no need for the gaff.

One thing this did was make me feel more girly, and I was afraid that might shift the balance of my internal struggle.

With all the napping during the day, when I decided to bed down for the night, it took quite a while to drift off.

Friday, December 4

The only thing of note Friday was I got out of the apartment long enough to get my blood drawn for Dr. Myers. The rest of the day I rested, and cruised the internet. I felt like I had a tug of war going on inside. Part of me wished I had let Dr. Wells do the whole thing. It would resolve so much, and give me a measure of peace. That part also pointed out how female I looked now, and how nice it would be if that were real. A smaller, but vehemently vocal part insisted I should set course for manhood. It emphasized the tiny signs of progress from when Erin had triggered a response from my limp dick, and the response I myself had aroused in the shower in Colorado.

I was afraid I was getting close to taking the easy way out.

That evening I called Bill at the club, and asked if I still had a job. He asked when I could come back, and I told him Monday. He said yeah, the job was still mine, and I was to work Monday through Saturday of this coming week. I groaned at the long week, but assured him I would be there.

My mental wrangling kept me on edge, and made me feel exhausted.

Around 7 there was a knock on the door, and I found Erin waiting there. I invited her in, and she gave me a huge hug.

"How are you, girl? How did it go?"

"Well, except that they scheduled me for full SRS, it went great!"

"No!" she covered her mouth in shock, looking at my crotch. "It's done? It's real? Oh my god, you lucky girl! This is great!" She hugged me and danced me around. Then she stopped and held me at arms length. "How do you feel about that?"

"They didn't really do it, but it was close!" So I told her the whole story. She was kind of disappointed it didn't really happen, but she tried to understand. From her point of view, that was the ultimate, almost the only, goal.

She blushed, "Um, could I, maybe, like, take a look?" She glanced up at my face. "Or not, if it would make you uncomfortable."

I smiled at her a little nervously. "Ok. Come on in the bedroom."

I turned on all the lights in the room, then stripped off my jeans and panties and sat on the edge of the bed. She knelt between my legs, and I couldn’t help being a little aroused having this attractive girl kneeling there. If I had been a man in this situation, I would have been in heaven.

She peered closely, then an outstretched finger drifted toward my tailored groin. Just before it touched, she stopped, seeming to realize what she was doing, and looked up at me, blushing. I just gave a little nod, and her finger finished the trip. It touched lightly, then when I didn't jerk away, became a little bolder in its exploration. When she brushed over where a woman's clit would be, a jolt of pleasure coursed up my body and escaped as a moan. Erin started back, looking at my face, then returned to her examination, now deliberately stroking the sensitive spot she had found. My moan was repeated, my eyes drifted shut, and I leaned back on my elbows on the bed. I felt warm breath on my exposed groin, and then the texture of the touch changed, more moist, slightly rough. I peeked down and saw Erin's tongue lightly stroking the spot she had found, and my excitement skyrocketed. Getting a little bolder when I didn't stop her, she probed lightly with her tongue, and swabbed the surrounding area. My breathing was getting heavier, and my hips rocked slightly in time to the rhythm Erin had set. The heat build in the pit of my tummy, and liquefied my insides. I reached one hand to tweak and pinch my nipple, and the heat built. Erin increased the urgency of her assault, and the heat turned to fire, then exploded through my body, making me collapse back on the bed. Erin giggled, and I managed to raise my head enough to see the big grin on her face.

"Well, it just shows that with the right partner, sex is still an option for you!"

I nodded. "Any ideas where I might find a right partner?"

She pursed her lips in mock concentration, then nodded eagerly. "Yup! Me!"

"Come here, you!"

She crawled up beside me and we cuddled for a while. I whispered in her ear, "Stay the night?"

Her response was to bring her lips to mine and kiss me passionately, while her hand slipped up under my top, then my bra, and found a hard little nubbin to play with.

I stood and stripped off the top and bra, turned down the bed, forcing her off, then attacked her clothes till she was as naked as I. Once in bed, our hands roamed over each other, exploring the sensitive spots, and the ticklish ones. The ones that aroused, and the ones that didn't. I paused a while, exploring her shrunken genitals. "Do you still get pleasure from these?" I asked.

"Yes, but less than I used to." I kissed her lips, then cheeks, eyes, chin, throat, chest, breasts. I had to stop there a while and lavish attention on her lovely mounds. Her breathing was heavy before I decided to move southward. I delved into her cute tummy button, and nipped her flat belly, then tugged her pubic hair with my teeth. Finally I found the little guy hiding in the hair, and sucked it into my mouth. It didn’t stiffen like the other cocks I had pleasured, but Erin's breathing told me my effort wasn't wasted. One hand snaked upward to glom onto one of her nipples, and twist and stroke it. Erin groaned between ragged breaths, and she rocked her hips in time with my sucking. Another minute, and her back arched, and she shuddered. A small amount of fluid leaked from the tip, tasting strange on my tongue. Different than the semen I had tasted. Different, not bad.

Erin collapsed back onto the bed, and went limp. I snuggled up to her, and gently stroked her body that was lightly coated with sweat. "Mmmm. That was nice!"

I nipped the side of her breast, and said "Any time, sweet lady."

We cuddled until we both drifted off.

Saturday, December 5

I awoke to the smell of frying bacon and fresh coffee. As I stretched, Erin appeared in the bedroom door wearing one of my babydolls and said "Up you get, lazybones. Breakfast is about ready."

I purred, "I'd rather eat you!"

Erin disappeared instantly, and I wondered if I had offended her, but moments later she appeared at a full run, and dove onto the bed, nearly bouncing me out. Before I even knew she had moved, I felt her tongue on that magic spot in my groin, and saw her tiny dick dangling above my mouth. Well, if she's going to put it there, I might as well take advantage, right? I went to work on the shriveled organ, and the small sack adjacent. The testes within were tiny, the result of continued hormones. That might be me one of these days, I thought. Then I turned my full attention to pleasing Erin, and soon we each glimpsed heaven.

After a little rest, occupied by mutual stroking and kissing, Erin popped out of bed and dragged me after her. "Here!" she handed me the red babydoll. "Scoot into the bathroom, then put this on. Breakfast will be ready when you get out, so be quick!"

I scooted, and she was right. There was a plate of scrambled eggs with bacon, toast, and a mug of coffee at the table when I emerged. She joined me with a similar plate, and a big glass of juice. I actually felt like eating this morning, the first time in a long time. I couldn't eat all Erin had fixed though. It was way too much.

"I have to do some things at home today, so I have to leave soon. Can I come back later?"

I paused to think, just to yank her chain. "Well, maybe." I scratched my chin thoughtfully. "But only if you spend the night again." She sprang toward me, and somehow was sitting in my lap, kissing me deeply. When we broke, I said "I take it that's a yes?" She nodded wildly, and hugged me.

Erin left, and I cleaned up from breakfast, then changed into walking clothes. I figured if I could handle the bedroom Olympics, I ought to be able to walk. I only made it one lap around the park. I hadn't gotten any exercise this last week, and it was obvious in my exhaustion.

I showered, and cleaned up the apartment. One thing about this place, it took a lot less effort to clean up then the house had. Thoughts of the house reminded me of Amy, and that led to the thought that I had not only been willingly unfaithful to her again, but I was planning to be again tonight. That left a gaping hole in me somewhere, but I couldn't worry about that right now. I shoved that thought back into the dark recesses of my mind, and got on about the day.

I made a list, and ran off to the grocery store. I made a side trip first to a department store where I picked up another set of sheets, some towels, a bathroom scale, some wine glasses, and a few items I thought would make the apartment look homier. As an afterthought, I visited the sewing notions area and picked up a tape measure. At the market, I picked up some essentials, then browsed, looking for something a little special I could fix for Erin tonight. I picked up a few bottles of wine as well.

When I finally got home it was after 5, and Erin climbed out of her car when she saw me. She helped take my purchases into the apartment, then cornered me in the kitchen to give me a big kiss.

"I'm glad you’re here."

That brought on another kiss, and a giggle.

I stuck the wine in a mixing bowl filled with ice to chill, and set about making chicken stir-fry, with wild rice to serve it over. Erin watched as I threw dinner together, staying out of my way when she saw I had things under control. She set the table, and when I indicated the food was ready, poured us each a glass of the chilled white wine.

I thought dinner turned out pretty good, and Erin seemed to enjoy it. But I think it was dessert we enjoyed most. That was served in the bedroom, and left us both sweaty and breathless. After we had recovered our breath, Erin dragged me into the bathroom, and we showered together. With the action in the shower, we would have emerged just as sweaty if the water hadn't sluiced it off as it formed.

We were both worn out by now, so we crawled in bed naked, and held each other while we slipped into dreamland.

Sunday, December 6

I woke slowly, relishing the warm body snuggled against me. I had no disorientation this time. I knew before I roused that it was Erin. This was the best night's sleep I'd had, I think since that fateful date with Jerry so long ago.

Erin must have been awake already, because when she sensed my wakefulness, she flipped over and invaded my mouth with her tongue.

"Morning" I said breathlessly when our lips parted. But before the word was completely out of my mouth, she was on the move. Before I could get out of bed and to the bathroom, she was already out, and into the kitchen. I did the necessary, and slipped into a gauzy robe. Padding barefoot to the kitchen, I stopped at the sight I found. Erin was bustling around the kitchen stark naked, throwing breakfast together. I watched for a while, enjoying the energy, not to mention the view. She would glance over at me occasionally with a big grin on her face.

After we ate the light breakfast she'd made and cleaned up, she was off to the shower. I followed more slowly, and by the time I got there, she was drying off and urging me into the shower. I showered quickly, well, compared to Erin, it was a pretty long shower. I dried and hustled to the bedroom. Erin had a sport bag on the bed and was wearing an outfit I hadn't seen before. She must have come prepared.

"Well, don't just stand there, get ready!"

"Ready for what?"

"You'll see, just hurry!"

"Ok, but what do I wear?"

Erin invaded my closet on a mission. She exclaimed over the universally sexy clothes that were all she found. She finally came out with my one "conservative" outfit, the hunter green slacks and sweater, with the pale green blouse.

"I cannot believe your clothing selection. It looks like a hooker lives here." She stopped with a shocked expression, belatedly remembering that technically I was a prostitute, albeit only a single time. She waited for a reaction, and she was so cute in her shock that I forgot to take it personally.

"Nope, just a stripper!" I quipped back.

She giggled nervously, then broke into a grin and gave me a quick hug. "Here, wear this. It's pretty."

I dressed. Of course, the 'conservative look' was somewhat spoiled by the black 5 inch FMPs. But my shoe selection pretty much all fit in the overly sexy category. No conservative selections at all there.

She hustled me out the door, into her car, and tore out of the parking lot. Just before nine she pulled into a parking space of a small church, and urged me out. I looked bemusedly at the building. It had been a long time since I had been in one of these. Erin grabbed my hand, and pulled me inside, taking us to seats several rows back from the front. Erin's boundless energy seemed subdued in this environment, so I focused on what was happening, and listened to what was said.

Church let out at ten, and I followed Erin outdoors. A lot of people were standing around talking, and Erin seemed to know them all. She took me around and introduced me to seemingly dozens of people. And they all seemed fond of Erin. Who wouldn't, she was a real sweetheart. But too many people would not tolerate her if they knew what she was going through. I wondered if any of these people knew, and if they would treat her differently if they did.

Back at the apartment, I said quietly, "Erin, we need to talk."

She suddenly had an anxious look on her face. I saw the fear of rejection in her eyes, and mused that she had probably seen too much of that. I kissed her gently, and said "It's ok, honey. I just need to understand." I guided her to the sofa and sat close with my arm around her.

"Why, Erin. Why are you here?"

"Don't you want me here?" she said in a small voice.

"Yes, I do. I like having you here very much, but I need to understand why. Is this that you think you are saving me from hurting myself?"

Her head jerked up. "No! There are lots of reasons, but that is not one of them. I need someone right now, and you have the love to share at the moment. You need someone too, and I have some love I can share. And someone has to show you that you deserve love, and you deserve Amy. And I think I can do that. Plus, you're a nice person, and you're fun to be around, and you're great in bed. And I can’t find many people willing to be in bed with me right now."

"Ok, ok!" I grinned. Then my expression turned serious. "You're a nice person, Erin. I seem to end up hurting the nice people around me. You would do well to stay away from me."

"Stop! You cut that out right now! You know that's not true. It's just that you've been badly injured emotionally, and you need time to heal. I want to be here to help. Please?"

I looked into her eyes, and relented. "You have to know, too. I still love Amy more than anything, and if I ever again feel worthy of her, and if she'll have me, that's where I'll be."

"I know. And that's where you belong. And I won't stand in your way. I wasn't looking for anything long term when I went into this. But I must admit, I think it will hurt more than just a little when you leave me." She took a deep breath, "I think I'm falling for you, just a little."

"Yeah, me too." I looked into her eyes, and kissed her lightly. "Ok, next question. Why church? Or why take me there, maybe."

Erin thought for a minute. "After all the pain and turmoil I've gone through to this point, I am trying to make sense of it. To find the purpose. And God is the best source of answers I've found so far. And it's that particular church because they're not zealots, and they're tolerant of people with differences. And I wanted you to go because you need answers too, and I was offering you a possible source of those answers. If it doesn't work for you like it has for me, there's still no harm."

A tear started trickling down my cheek. "I thanked heaven every day for Amy when I was with her. Then I met Paul, and he is one of the best people on earth too, and helped me so much. Now you. What have I ever done to deserve such people in my life?" I hugged her tightly.

"So, you still want me around?"

"You bet! Anyone that can put up with me is worth her weight in gold!"

She swatted my arm, "You stop putting yourself down right this moment!" then crushed me to her and kissed me fervently. "Um, if I'm going to stay again tonight, it would be easier if I brought my clothes for work tomorrow instead of having to get back to my place in the morning."

"Well, what are you sitting there for, let's go!"

Erin was already moving, tugging me along behind her. She drove us to an apartment complex not far away. She led me to her apartment and unlocked the door, leading me inside. "Jackie, you home?"

A rather plain girl emerged from a bedroom wearing a terrycloth robe and toweling her damp hair.

"Jackie, this is Jamie. I told you about meeting her the other day?"

"Sure! Hi, Jamie!" She squeezed my hand, then returned to drying her hair. I looked at her a bit more closely.

Erin saw the look. "Yes, Jamie, Jackie is like us. She is pre-op also. We met a couple years ago at Mikaela's, just when we were both starting on this path. We both were having problems where we were living, and ended up rooming together." Turning to Jackie, Erin said "We just stopped by to pick up some clothes for work tomorrow, so I don’t have to come back here in the morning."

Jackie grinned, "Oh, ho! So that's the way it is, huh?" Erin just grinned back. Then she looked at me. "Really? You were born a guy? It's hard to believe. I wish I could pass that well."

Erin giggled. "And get this, she works as a stripper over at the Lariat Club!"

Jackie's eyes grew round. "Really? That's not a TG place. How do you get away with it?"

Erin glanced at my crotch. "She hides it pretty well." Then she pulled me into another bedroom where she started collecting what she would need.

"Why not bring enough for a few nights. Then we have the option of extending your lease." I wiggled my eyebrows lasciviously.

Erin laughed at the corny expression. "Ok." She packed a bag with what she thought she might need, and I followed her back into the living room. Jackie emerged from the other room wearing a nice skirt and blouse that accented her figure, wearing tasteful makeup. I looked at her again, and thought how feminine she looked now. Before, if you knew, you could just see the male characteristics in her face. Now, even knowing, I couldn't tell.

"You look very nice, Jackie," I complemented.

"Thanks."

Erin bustled me out the door, and we were soon back at my place. As soon as we got in the door, she jumped me, and dragged me to bed. As we rested after, she asked, "Can I come watch you dance?"

I looked surprised. "Sure, if you want. But someone who looks as good as you will have to fight those horny guys off with a stick. You got any guy friends that could come with you for protection?"

"I am a guy, remember?"

I looked in her eyes and said quietly but emphatically, "No, you're not." That earned me a big hug, but I don’t know why I got a treat for telling the truth.

"Yeah, I can ask one of my friends from Mikaela's. Maybe several will come. Lots of them like to see transsexuals make it good in the real world. Can't get much more real than what you do."

"Erin, that's twice today you've referred to me as TS. I'm really not, you know."

Erin just smiled at me.

"Well, I'm not!" But it bothered me. Could she tell something I was missing?

Monday, December 7

The week settled into a comfortable routine. Erin stayed every night, and most of those we enjoyed more than just closeness. She cooked breakfast, then went off to work. I generally wasn't hungry for lunch, skipping it, or eating a yogurt. I had dinner ready when she got home, and we ate together before I headed to work.

Work was exhausting, but exciting. I quickly switched to the more revealing G-string Misti had first shown me, since the one I'd been using was extremely uncomfortable without the protection of the gaff. I wasn't tiring yet of teasing the guys in the audience with my sexy body modeled on Amy's. I was just thankful my face and hair left no doubt that I was emphatically not Amy. I could just imagine what would happen to her career if a rumor got out she was stripping in the evenings. I was getting better at putting routines together. I was also surprised at my increased confidence due to my modification last week. I spent less time practicing in the back room, and more time hustling drinks out front. That increased the tips, and the propositions. It was a rare evening that at least a couple of guys didn't try to purchase a little solace in my arms (or wherever). Most were easy to put off, occasionally they weren't.

Erin managed to find male friends to escort her both Monday and Tuesday to watch me dance. She was up there whistling and cheering at me right along with all the guys. It was a hoot having her there. I think all the guys enjoyed her being there too.

Having Erin in my life was doing wonders for my peace of mind. She was a booster, a lover, a friend, and a huge patch of sunshine in what had become a bleak world. As I became more at peace with myself I came to realize what it was I had thrown away with Amy. And I knew then what I had to do. So I was more than enthusiastic when Wednesday rolled around and it was time to visit Dr. Myers.

Wednesday, December 9

I was feeling good as I got ready to see Dr. Myers. I had concluded that if at all possible, I needed to be James again. Losing Paul and Erin would hurt, if it came to that, but losing Amy would kill me in spirit if not in body. I was planning to go back to being male, but I looked female right now, and I was feeling good about that as well, and about myself. I made my face up carefully, and reveled in the miniskirt and cropped top I wore. The matching deep red lipstick and nail polish added flair.

I waited for Dr. Myers in his office. When he bustled in, I preempted his verbal barrage by getting started before he raised his eyes from the chart.

"Dr. Myers. I've come to a decision. If there is any way it can possibly happen, I plan to transition back to male. How do we approach that goal?"

He looked me a moment, like he was shocked someone could beat him to the punch. "Alrighty then. The chart is your friend his week. Lab results show a significant drop in estrogen levels, and a small but encouraging increase in free testosterone. It looks like the function of the testes is not completely destroyed. Only time will tell what, if any, damage has been done. The higher T level implies the anti-androgen has been significantly flushed from your system, lowering the possibility of further damage. I still don't think hormone therapy is a wise choice at this point. That is a last resort if we should find you can't produce enough on your own. So, I think we're still in wait and see mode, but if the trend continues, then I think the outlook is favorable. See me again in two weeks, and don't forget the blood draw beforehand." With that he swirled out of the office as if he was determined to wrest back the advantage.

That night, the dance routines came off pretty well, judging by the tips, but there was one guy in the audience that didn't seem to want to take no for an answer. I finally managed to get away from him, but it was a pain to be hassled like that.

Thursday, December 10

Erin didn't make it to watch me again Thursday, but I knew she was home waiting for me, and that made the evening better, even if it seemed longer. The same guy from the prior night was there, and when I tried to explain I wasn't a hooker, and I wouldn't go with him no matter how much he offered, he got a little abusive, but the bouncer showed up, he calmed down, and I slipped away backstage. I didn't spend any more time with the customers that night, and asked the bouncer to walk me to my car when I left.

The little bit of heaven that is Erin made me forget about my spot of trouble. When I got home she was posed provocatively on the bed in one of the sheer babydolls. Things only got better from there.

Friday, December 11

The night at the club seemed fantastic, as the asshole that bugged me the last two nights never showed. I was flying high, and my dancing showed it. I circulated with the guys out front, and flirted outrageously, but no one got obnoxious. I did pretty well with tips both from the dancing, and from the guys in front. As good as the night went, I was glad when it was over. Erin was waiting at home, and I only had one more night to work before I got a night or two off. I was feeling good as I stuck around till closing, watching the last dancers from the lap of one friendly and generous guy or another, sipping simulated drinks and collecting tips.

I headed out of the club with purpose. I was ready to see Erin, and I was thinking maybe it was time to call Amy tomorrow. Finally. As I started to pull my car door open, a large arm reached past me pushing it closed again. I turned to see my tormenter from the prior nights standing way too close. I tried to back up, but the car was right there.

"Hi, babe. I've got a nice crisp Ben Franklin here that says you're gonna suck my dick tonight."

"I think not. I already told you, I'm not a hooker. I don't do sex for money."

"Aw, the bitch thinks she's too good for me." I saw a metallic flash from the corner of my eye, and felt a sharp prick under my chin. "Don't do anything foolish like screaming, girly. Cause it would be your last. Understand?"

I tried to nod, but that pressed the knifepoint into my flesh, so I whispered "Yes."

"Now, let's just walk nice and easy over here. Nothin funny, or this knife will slide real smooth right between these ribs." He was pushing me toward a dark pool of shadow between the back of the club and the next building, and I felt the point of the knife press into my back. I tried to force my limbs to move, but they were not cooperating. The creep had to almost carry me as I staggered forward.

When we got deep into the shadows he spun me around so the knife was pressed to my belly and mashed his lips against mine.

"Come on, baby. I like a little response when I kiss a chick." The knife nudged in a bit, and I felt some pain. This time when he mashed his lips to mine, I kissed back, and tried not to gag.

"There, now, see. I knew you could do it." He stuffed something down my bra. "There's that bill I promised you, now lets have some action here." He forced me to my knees, sliding the knife up till the edge rested against my neck none too gently. "Now, behave yourself down there. I'd hate to have to permanently damage that pretty neck of yours. Now, pull my zipper down." I started to bring my hands up. "With your teeth, bitch!"

My hands dropped to my side, and I struggled to get the zipper tab in my teeth without slicing my throat. I finally managed to do it, and started drawing it down. It was hard to move, and it slipped from my teeth a couple of times before I got it all the way down.

"Good, now reach inside real gentle like and make nice with my big cock, ok sweetie?"

I followed his orders, and soon I was staring at a not overlarge veined phallus. I gently stroked it with my hands as the knife remained at my throat.

"Ok, that's good, baby. Now suck it way down deep in your throat. Come on now, you can do it."

I managed to get my seemingly frozen jaw to open, and soon he was sliding inside. Fortunately he was not large, so when it hit the back of my throat, it was about all the way in. He shoved it the rest of the way, and I gagged, and reflexively tried to spit it out.

"Tut, tut. None of that, girly. Just keep working on me with that wonderful cocksuckin' mouth of yours."

I recovered somehow, and started moving back and forth, taking him deep, then out almost all the way. I was able to relax a little, and got my tongue into the game, hoping to get this over as soon as possible. My attacker groaned in ecstasy.

"That's perfect baby. See, I knew you was a pro. Only a pro can do it that good. Oh, yeah, babe. Keep it up."

A few more moments, and thankfully he stiffened and started pumping his sour cum into my throat. I gagged again, and coughed, and semen spattered out around his cock. Then it was over, and he slipped out of my mouth as he rapidly shrank.

"Ok, slut, now lick me clean and zip me up! Careful now." I did as he said, finally pulling the resisting zipper back into place.

Suddenly he grabbed my hair and yanked my head back till my face pointed up toward him, then he snarled, "You thought you were too good for me, bitch. Now we'll see who's too good for who."

I felt a jolt that shook my whole body, and was suffused with a blinding pain that spread from my belly to sear every fiber of my being. He released my hair, and I looked down to see him pulling a blood soaked knife from my abdomen. Unbelievable pain filled me, and I slowly toppled backward till I lay on my back with my legs awkwardly under me. As I gazed up at beautiful star-speckled sky between the buildings, I thought 'So this is the way it ends. I'm sorry, Amy. I'm so, so, sorry.'

The stars started to fade one by one till everything was black.

 

End of Part 03

To be concluded in Trick or Treat 3

  

  

  

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