Trick or Treat 2 - Descent

by Enigma

Part 02

 

Wednesday, November 18

I got myself out to walk again for the first time this week. Some of the energy I found yesterday was still with me, and the walk did me good. I was disappointed not to see Paul today, it had been a long time, and I missed him.

I got home and showered and wandered to the kitchen in just a light robe and panties. That was when the bottom fell out of my world. I found a message on the answering machine from SammaTech, Paul's company. They would not be requiring my services.

At that point, something snapped within me. What was left of my old male self went into a coma, maybe never to return. What remained was the tramp, the slut, the sex object I had come to understand I was since my rape.

I took a couple of suitcases to the bedroom and began methodically packing. My mind was in shock, but what had to be done was perfectly clear. I chose carefully, only the clothes that matched my new self image. The daring, the sexy, the sluttish, towering heels, the sexiest lingerie, the tightest tops and jeans. I dressed in a miniskirt and skimpy tube top, and packed the rest. Then came the makeup, hair care items, shower stuff, the green costume contacts Amy had gotten me for Halloween. I scanned the room for anything I had forgotten. I avoided keepsakes. I wanted as little connection to the life that was dieing as possible. Until my eye fell on a picture of Amy and the old me, taken on a carefree day at the park. I almost cried at the love shining out of those two faces, and mourned the loss. That one I took.

I loaded the suitcases and my laptop computer in the car and came back into the house. I searched my purse and left the new bank card for our joint account and most of the credit cards. I would return the others when I had arranged replacements. I almost left the house key, but just couldn't make myself do it.

Then I set about the hardest task I had ever done, I wrote a note to Amy. Before I got my explanations and goodbyes down, the paper was stained with many tears. The writing was shaky from the sobs as I wrote. I tried to convey my love for her, and my wish that she find happiness. And then I sat there and bawled.

When I pulled myself back together, there was only one thing left. Fortunately, Paul answered his work number on the second ring.

"It's time, Paul."

"Jamie! I am so sorry about the contract. I tried. I really thought this thing would work out. I …"

"Paul! That doesn't matter now. Remember your promise. It's time for that favor." I was just maintaining control as I spoke, and my voice was sounding almost mechanical. "I need you to do something for me. Amy is going to need you in about an hour and a half."

"Wha…" but I cut him off.

"Be here for her Paul. Take care of her. She needs it. Love her like you thought you loved me." I tried to strangle off a sob. "Make her happy Paul! Remember your promise! Love her for me. Give her the children we wanted together." I barely got the receiver down before I lost control and started blubbering to nothing, no one. "Please Paul. Please."

Anyone watching would have thought I was drunk as I wove my way to the car, out the door of my home for maybe the last time. But I wasn't drunk. Not yet anyway.

I drove out to the far edge of town and found an inexpensive motel that I could rent by the week. I checked in and moved my luggage into the room, then sat on the bed in a stupor for a while. Finally I shook myself, and went to look at myself in the mirror. I smoothed the skirt and adjusted the top, then dug my makeup bag out and arranged the cosmetics on the counter.

I cleaned off the old makeup. It was smudged and smeared, and it was from my old life. I carefully started applying a new coat of war paint. I used more vivid colors, went for a more dramatic look than I'd used before. When I stood back and looked at the finished product, I nodded in approval. Not bad, I thought. Time to go get drunk!

I was careful about selecting a bar. I didn't want anything too upscale, but I wanted it to be at least reasonably safe. I found one that I thought would work to drown my guilt and sorrow. Being a Wednesday, it was pretty quiet, but not deserted. I slid into a booth in back that was fairly private, and ordered a gin and tonic. When it was delivered, I ordered a second. I slowed down after the first couple of gulps burned their way down my throat. I didn't want to pass out too soon. I sipped my drink and tried to take stock of my life. Well, that was easy. I had nothing. Nothing except this sexy body that wasn't mine. No work, no home, no friends, nothing but the raunchy impulses that had led to my downfall.

My second drink came, and I handed the empty to the waitress and ordered a third. She looked at me kind of funny before she left.

A minute later, a pretty good looking guy slid into the booth across from me. "You look like you could use a friend. Or at least a drinking buddy. Can I apply for the job?" He had a crooked little grin on his face.

He didn't feel threatening. "I wouldn't be very good company, I'm afraid. And after another couple of these, I'd be even worse."

He chuckled. "I think I can handle it. Besides, if you put away another couple of those, you'll need someone to drive you home." My heart lurched at that word. Home. What I didn't have any more.

He must have picked up on it somehow. "Want to talk about it? I'm a pretty good listener. By the way, my name's Jim."

"Name's Jamie," but I sidestepped his question. "What can I get you to drink? If you're going to be my knight in shining armor, the least I can do is buy you a drink."

The waitress delivered my third, and Jim asked for a beer. Jim tried to draw me out, then when he could get little more than grunts in answer, he switched to talking about himself, throwing in a question for me now and again.

When I was finishing my fourth gin and tonic, I was feeling better, and loosening up a little. "Listen, Jim, you got any plans for the rest of the evening?" Jim had switched to tonic water after that first beer.

"Nope, just chauffeuring milady wheresoever she needs to be," he replied gallantly.

"Well, how about we get out of this quiet place and find something a little livelier?"

He rubbed his chin. "Well, there's a place down the street, but it might not be what you're looking for. They have strippers there."

"Sounds interesting. Besides, I used to enjoy strip joints now and then." I could see the surprise in his eyes. Of course, he didn't know I used to be a man.

I dropped enough money on the table for the drinks and a tip, and Jim steadied me out the door. A few minutes in the fresh air, and I was feeling steadier. "Your car or mine?" he asked.

"Yours, if that's ok with you."

"Fine with me."

It was a quick drive to the next place, and I was happy to see it looked pretty respectable. I looked up at the sign as we walked to the door. "Lariat Club" was all it said. Inside, it was more crowded than I expected, then I saw why. They had a big banner for a wet T-shirt contest, so apparently a lot of guys brought their girlfriends, and even more came to watch.

We found a table, and got another drink for me, and a tonic water for Jim.

"So, you gonna try it?" Jim joked, nodding toward the banner.

"Naw." But then I stopped and thought, why not. This was the newly discovered me, the tramp, the sexy bitch. Why not go for it. "Hell, yeah, I think I will." Jim looked surprised.

A few minutes later there was an announcement for the contestants to meet backstage. I left my purse with Jim and followed the line of mostly younger girls to the back. We all changed into tight shorts, even tighter T-shirts. Mine was stretched so much over my double D boobs I didn't really need it wet to show everything. I was starting to get nervous now. They lined us up in an order that only made sense to them, then led us onstage to a thunderous round of applause.

They announced that the winner tonight, based on audience approval would win $50, and the top three would be offered $100 each to come back tomorrow and perform a strip routine.

I started out petrified, but watching the other girls I started getting into the mood, and ended up having a great time thrusting my chest out for the reaction of the crowd. It was quite intoxicating, not to mention wet, and cold.

I didn't win the prize money, but I did place third, so as I filed backstage to dry off, two other girls and myself were ushered aside to have the offer explained in more detail. One girl backed out, but the other seemed really eager to do it. Still riding the high from the contest, and being a bit soused, I readily agreed to give it a go.

When I got back to the front, I was relieved to see Jim still waiting for me at the table.

His first words were "It must have been rigged. You were the obvious winner!"

I giggled. "You're just prejudiced." I looked at him sidelong, "By the way, got any plans tomorrow night?"

"Maybe, unless I get a better offer. What ya got in mind?"

"Well… I did get third place, so I get to come back tomorrow and dance in the show. Wanna watch?"

"Hmmm. Balance checkbook. See Jamie naked. Tough choice. But, since you might need a ride afterward, I guess I'll sacrifice the checkbook thing and suffer through."

I swatted his arm. I was actually having fun. And my grinning face showed it. It had been a while. That line of thought brought a flash of pain, but I quickly concentrated on the here and now, and pushed my past troubles away.

We ordered another round of drinks (OK, a drink and a water), and sat back to watch the strippers perform. I studied them, how they moved, what they wore, wondering if I could really get out there and do that. We talked in the lulls between acts, and whistled and clapped for the strippers, having a great time. I lost count of the drinks, but by the time we left I was feeling no pain.

In the car, Jim asked me where he could take me, but I mumbled "Don't remember," and promptly fell asleep. I vaguely remember being carried to an upstairs apartment, then gently placed on a bed and having a blanket spread over me. My next foggy memory is getting up to pee, then stripping out of everything but my panties, crawling into a different bed, and snuggling against a sleeping Jim.

*****

Amy entered the quiet house, wondering why James' car wasn't there. She changed into comfortable clothes before heading to the kitchen to scrounge a bite. There as a soggy notepad on the counter, and she looked at it curiously, then with a growing dread as she read the tear-soaked words. Somehow it just wouldn't penetrate. Jamie was gone! How could that be possible. James and Amy were lifemates, two halves of the same soul, one could not live without the other. How could he be gone? It just could not be!

She sat numbly at the counter for a minute, an hour, a century. Time had no meaning. Then the doorbell rang. Her first thought was "He's back. It wasn't true after all." She flew to the door and threw it open, only to realize it wasn't James, it was Paul. She froze for a moment, then started blubbering "He's gone. Oh God, Paul, he's gone. Where is he, Paul? You've got to help me!" and on and on.

Paul stepped forward and hugged the sobbing woman to him. This looked like Jamie, felt like Jamie, sounded like Jamie, but he knew it wasn't. Still, he held her, and whispered comforting words, falling into the same pattern as when he'd comforted Jamie after she'd been date raped. When Amy quieted a little, he picked up the double of the woman he loved, and carried her to the same bed, tucked her in, and climbed on top of the covers, cuddling her chastely, just as he had done with Jamie.

Tears flowed down Amy's cheeks to soak into Paul's shirt and the pillow. Gradually the flow slowed, then stopped, and Amy's breathing slowed as she slipped into slumber. Paul continued to hold her until he, too slept.

Thursday, November 19

Paul woke first next morning, with Amy snuggled against him, her arms wrapped around his neck, her face nestled between his shoulder and his cheek. As he emerged from sleep, his first thought was that it was Jamie he was holding, but then his memory of last night started to return. He pulled back carefully, somehow disentangling himself without waking her. Leaning on his elbow, he gazed at the woman who looked so much like Jamie. His heart ached for his loss, and for hers. The Jamie he knew had been gone since Halloween. Something had changed that weekend, but he couldn't get it out of her. She would hardly talk to him anymore. He wondered if she had been that way with Amy.

He mused that Amy's loss was potentially so much greater than his. She had fully expected to spend the rest of her life with her James. And now that person was gone, and may never come back. That was a blow she might not recover from. He reached out and lightly brushed hair from Amy's face, and wished it was Jamie.

Slipping from the bed, he used the hall bathroom, then scrounged in the kitchen to first make coffee, then pancakes for Amy's breakfast. He heard the shower running, then shut off, and had fresh hot pancakes ready on the table for her when a dull-eyed Amy emerged in a terry robe and slippers.

While his pancakes were frying, he called Amy's office, getting her nurse.

"Hello. This is a friend of Amy's. She has a personal emergency she needs to deal with today, and won't make it in to the office. Can you please take care of canceling appointments for today and tomorrow, or finding other doctors to take them?" He listened a moment.

"No, I can't explain the emergency right now. I'll let Amy tell you what she can next week." Another pause to listen.

"Thank you very much. Bye."

Amy tried to smile her gratitude, but it looked more like a grimace. She was sipping her coffee, but had barely touched the pancakes.

Paul spoke gruffly "Eat! Doctor's orders!" His wisp of a smile faltered as he added "I've watched Jamie waste away these past two weeks. You can't do it too."

Amy forced down a few bites while Paul set his plate and coffee on the table and joined her.

Amy reached across to rest her hand on his and said "Thanks."

Paul looked at her, trying to remember this wasn't the woman he loved. "Hey, we're both hurting right now. We've gotta help each other through this."

Amy was coming to recognize what James saw in Paul. "How did you know?" she whispered.

Paul paused. "Jamie came to the office last week, to try for the contract work we needed done. At the time, we thought she would get it. As she was leaving, she asked me for a favor. She wouldn't tell me what it was, but made me promise her I would do it when she asked." Paul took a deep breath. "I love her, you know?" Amy nodded. "So, I promised." Amy squeezed his hand. "Then yesterday, my boss told her we weren't giving her the contract. A few hours later, she called me to remind me of my promise, and to claim her favor."

"What was it? The favor?"

Paul looked away from Amy nervously. "She told me when you would be home, and that you would need my help. She told me to be there for you." He took a deep breath. "She told me to love you like I loved her. To take care of you. To make you happy. To give you the children you and she planned to have together." Paul was barely able to get this last out, and tears were streaming down Amy's face. "You don't think she'd ki…, um, uh, hurt herself, do you?"

Amy squeezed his hand tighter and got a faraway look in her eyes, "No, James is a very strong person, with very strong beliefs. He would never consider suicide." She took several deep breaths in order to continue, "But, from what I've seen this past couple of weeks, he may be on a downward spiral that could end just as deadly, if it can't be stopped." She looked back at Paul. "James was so sure he had that contract with your company. Do you know what happened?"

"Jamie, in her honorable way, had to tell the truth. When she talked to my boss, she laid it on the line, about her change. From what I hear, Mr. Johnson was uncomfortable, but seemed to handle it, then continued the talks into the technical details, finally all but promising the contract to Jamie at the end of the meeting. Later, he had second thoughts, and torpedoed the deal. He didn't even have the decency to call her himself."

"That was the straw that broke the camel's back, then. James would have felt that his career was ruined, having just been fired from his current contract for the same reason. And after what he has been through, it would have been too much."

"I knew something happened over Halloween weekend. Jamie changed, but I couldn't get her to talk about it. She got more distant, more moody, less predictable, always distracted. Can you tell me what happened, Amy? She must have been hurt so bad, but I didn't know how to help."

So Amy related the events of the Halloween party, and the way James was callously violated, and her arrival to stop it.

"Just like with you, James wouldn't talk to me. The more time that past, the more he withdrew. I know how James thinks, we were so close before this, I can almost think his thoughts. He would have thought this was his own fault. He would have believed I would be disgusted with him for what he had done. He would have convinced himself he was worthless, maybe even considering himself a slut. Instead of scaring him back toward being a man, the rape may have crushed the last of his male spirit."

Paul was disgusted with himself for feeling a flash of joy at Amy's last statement.

He changed tack. "Excuse me, I have to make another phone call, and this one is going to be kind of tough."

Paul used the phone in the kitchen, not concerned that Amy could overhear. He dialed his boss' direct line. "Mr. Johnson? This is Paul." He listened a moment. "Fine, thanks, but I have a personal emergency I need to handle." Amy couldn't make out what came from the other end of the line. "It's about Jamie, and to be blunt, you helped precipitate the problem. In fact, I have a good amount of vacation saved up, I think I will take an indefinite leave while I consider if I can work for someone who treats other people, good people, like that." Mr. Johnson spoke at length. "Yes, I understand. Good bye."

Paul looked at Amy. "Well, that went well. Not! But it looks like I have some time on my hands if there is anything I can do to help. Really, anything at all." Paul gazed longingly at Amy for a long time.

Amy finally said "What?"

"It's just so amazing. I look at you, and I see her. I listen to you, and I hear her. Holding you last night, I felt only her. The new Jamie, the Jamie of the last two weeks, that wasn't the Jamie I fell in love with."

"Yes, she really was quite incredible. Sandy's challenge was for her to look, act, and sound exactly like me. James was so determined to win the challenge for me that he threw himself into it heart and soul. It probably helped that we were so in love, and that he was so attentive to me in the past. He was able to create a fantastic similarity in a very short time. Then the rape brought it all crashing down. He felt he had to have a self that was separate from me. He was trying to protect me, and find himself. But the pain was too much to bear, and he finally snapped." She put a hint of steel in her voice, "We have to find him. We have to help him. He needs our love like he's never needed anything before!"

*****

I woke to delicious sensations in my chest. Coming awake slowly, I felt something lightly stroking my right breast. I opened my eyes to see Jim, bare chested, leaning on his elbow, gazing at me as he brushed his finger repeatedly across my sensitive nipple.

"Mmmm" I murmured with a smile. "Morning."

"Morning."

"I could get used to that, especially if it can stop a hangover like it seems to have done. I was dreading waking up this morning. But not any more." I slipped my hand behind his neck and gently pulled his head down to my nipple. He took the hint and sucked it into his mouth, swiping with his tongue, sliding his teeth across the engorged flesh, sucking like a hungry baby. After a time of pure bliss, he pulled me toward him so he could reach the other side, and repeated his ministrations.

Finally I sighed, and pulled gently away. Jim let me go without a struggle. "Thank you for that, and for being a gentleman. I needed that, but I'm not ready to go any further right now. OK?"

Jim gave me a rueful smile. "Happy to oblige. When you're ready for more, I'll be ready too. Till then, we'll take it easy."

"Thanks."

I slipped out of bed, and stood looking down at him, as his gaze roamed over me. It wasn't bothering me in the slightest that I was almost naked in front of a man I had just met yesterday. I moved into the bathroom to pee and clean up. I came back out in one of his shirts, though it was more like a minidress on me.

Jim found something for us to eat, and made coffee. I actually felt like eating something, be it only cereal, milk and juice. I picked up my scattered clothes and walked back to Jim's bedroom. He followed behind, to find me topless, with his shirt on the bed. He walked up behind me and reached around to caress my tits. I moaned and leaned back into him. It had been so long since I'd had any good feelings. I just wanted to revel in them. Finally I moved away and pulled my dirty clothes on.

I looked at him, "Don't you have work today?"

"Oh, damn. I forgot all about it." He hustled into some clothes then towed me out the door within just a couple of minutes. "Come on, I'll drop you at your car."

As I got out next to my car, I asked "Still on for tonight?"

"You bet! Where should I pick you up? And what time?" So I told him where I was staying, and a time that would get me there early.

Back at the motel I unpacked my bags and put things away. I planned to be here at least a while. Then I got into my workout clothes, some of the skimpiest I had owned, and found my way to the exercise room. I spent an hour on the treadmill, trying to simulate my normal morning walk. I reveled in the admiring looks I received. They were stroking the ego of the sexy girl that I had become when my male identity shut down. I spent most of the afternoon lounging around the pool in my bikini, alternately swimming lazily or sipping a long island iced tea in a deck chair.

I dressed casual, red thong panties, low rider jeans that hugged my every curve, a red halter top hardly bigger than my bikini, and red 5" heels. I put a leather jacket over my shoulders to ward off the chill that would be present at the end of the night, and went into the motel's restaurant for a light dinner.

Jim picked me up at 6:30 and took me to the Lariat Club. I was early, but I was nervous. I guess I wasn't alone. The other girl that had agreed to the chance to strip was already there. I think her name was Barb. The manager took us backstage, and introduced us around, turning us over to one of the regular dancers to get ready.

"Hi, I'm Misti. I'm gonna help y'all get ready, and show ya what y'all need to do. This rack has the costumes y'all can choose from. Choose some shoes that fit from over there." I saw nothing in the rows of shoes that had heels as low as my highest. I wondered if I could even walk in them, let alone dance and strip. "Y'all won the contest last night, so ya get $100 tonight, plus any tips. A few of us regulars will go out first and warm the crowd up, then y'all get yer shot. If the crowd likes ya, then ya get a choice. Either ya can quit there, or ya can do a second routine as a kind of job interview. If Bill likes what he sees, ya might get a job offer. Questions so far?"

I had picked a red, white, and blue outfit off the rack, and was looking at it in wonder. Red, full, stretchy panties that would look more like paint, a blue top, bra really, with white stars, and a red and white striped short jacket.

"No? OK. Rules are, the customers can't touch ya, except what they can't help when they stuff a tip in yer string. Y'all can start with wearin' as much as ya want, but ya end with only the G string." She reached into the outfit I held and pulled out something I swore couldn't be an item of clothing.

"I'll pick the music for y'all, and ya get the chance to practice movin with it back in the back room a couple times before yer on. When y'all finish the routine, ya pick up yer outfit pieces and skedaddle backstage, so the next gal can go on. Y'all can use those two makeup tables over there to get ready, then see me and we'll go practice."

As Barb headed for the table, I pulled Misti aside. I held up the G-string, "Um, is there maybe something a little more, uh, generous that I could use? I don't have a problem showing most of my body, but I have a little problem down there I'd rather not show off."

Misti grabbed a sequined thing that wasn't much bigger, but at least the strip between the legs was a couple inches wider. "Here, this is one of our old ones. They were too uncomfortable, scratchy, so everyone complained to Bill, and he got us those."

I headed off beside Barb, and poked through the makeup to see what was there. This was heavy duty war paint. Guess it had to be to stand up to the sweat, and to not wash out in the bright lights. I scrubbed off my makeup, and carefully used what was there. Misti came over, looked at me, and doubled the blusher and eye shadow, then made the eye liner a lot bolder.

I stepped off to the side, and checked that no one was watching. Careful to keep my nether anatomy, with its almost believable prosthesis, screened as much as possible, I stripped naked and swiftly donned the patriotic getup. Misti was right! Even with my gaff protecting a lot of me, that thing was rough!

Misti led us to a back room, then asked who wanted to go first. Barb was eager, so Misti eyed her costume and selected a CD, slipping it into a machine. "OK, listen to the music, and watch me work through it the first time, then y'all try." The movements were fluid, and athletic, and very erotic. No way I could do it like that. I almost backed out. But the song ended, and Misti tugged Barb to the middle of the room and started the music. At first, Barbs moves were jerky, but she got better. Her other problem was she had all her clothes off halfway through the song. Misti had her dress, then started the music again. This time she did better, getting more sensuous movements, but she still had half her clothes still on when the song ended. Third time was a better yet, though she could have used a choreographer. She moved nice, but it didn't sync with the music.

I had gotten into watching Barb, swaying to the music, thinking how I would move. Misti glanced at my Uncle Sam costume and stuck in a sexed up version of a patriotic song, working through an impromptu routine while I soaked up the rhythm.

Suddenly it was my turn. Misti shoved me forward, and started the music. I froze. I couldn't think of what to do. Then I moved a little, then a little more. Pretty soon I was doing OK, when I suddenly remembered I had to strip. Fumbling through taking off the clothes that first time really threw off any grace in my movement, and I was just stripping down the panty to reveal my G string when the music ended. While I pulled the costume back on, I thought my way through the music, and I started to see a pattern I could follow, where a move fit with the music, where I should strip which piece of the outfit. I signaled Misti to wait a moment as I finished the mental run through. I waved and the music started again. I was still a little flustered, but I got into my mental dance, and felt how it was fitting the song. My steps flowed easier, and the movement flowed into the motion needed to remove the jacket, then the panty, and finally the bra. The third time, I stood stock still for the first few bars, scanning with my eyes as if challenging an unseen audience, a sexy pout on my lips. After the pause, when it felt right, I started to flow. I felt fantastic by the end of the song. I didn't know if the crowd would like watching it, but I knew I would like doing it.

When we got back to the backstage area, it was after 8 and several dancers had already performed. The set ended, and a nearly nude girl came scampering back through the curtain. Misti handed a CD to someone, then shoved Barb through to the stage. We heard the MC announce one of the wet T winners was next up, and please give a big welcome to Barb.

Misti and I peeked through the curtain as Barb danced. She started off frightened and jerky, but as the crowd cheered her on, she loosened up, and by the end, she was doing great. She moved to the edge of the stage so the cheering guys could stuff money in her G string, then grabbed her scattered clothes and scooted backstage.

Suddenly I was in the bright lights, feeling like a deer frozen in the headlights. The PA boomed to welcome Jamie, the other wet T winner. Then the music started, and I scanned the crowd, getting the beat. My feet moved, and my body followed. I felt a sense of euphoria as my clothes flew away. Then suddenly it was over, and I froze for a moment in a dramatic pose. Putting a come hither expression on my face, I moved along the edge of the stage, letting the guys leave their tips, and their touches.

Backstage, Misti met me with a short satin robe and a big smile. Bill, the manager, took Barb and me aside and asked if we wanted to try another round. Barb said no, she just did it because her boyfriend wanted her to. I nodded my head eagerly, so he sent me off to find what I would wear next. I scanned the rack and pulled out a tiger stripe thing that looked pretty hot, then took it to the back room. Dropping the robe, I got into my sexy you Tarzan, me Jane costume. I tried the opening bars of a few songs in the CD case before I found one I liked, and then just listened to it a couple times, trying to imagine my moves. I started it the third time, and twirled out onto the dance floor and let my body go. By the third practice, I knew how I wanted to do it, and took the CD and the robe to the curtain so I could watch some of the other dancers while I waited.

I saw Bill out front wave at someone on stage, or behind the curtain. Misti found me and told me I was up next. I gave her the CD and robe, and waited nervously, running the steps over in my mind. The last girl dashed backstage and Misti signaled me. I stepped just through the curtain and waited for the music to start. I began with the twirl out to the center of the stage, and flowed into the moved I was visualizing. The beat of the music was like jungle drums, and it soaked into me right to the bone. My moves were savage, erotic, tormenting, and the costume pieces seemed to drop away almost without my help. Then the song was done, and the watchers cheered and whistled, and I made my round for collection. Bill met me back stage and offered me the job on the spot, as he handed me the $100 prize for dancing.

I thought about it. I was out of work anyway, and I didn't want to delve into the new bank account. "Sure."

He responded, "Ok, you work Saturday, then the five weeknights next week, then we talk it over and decide if we both want to continue."

I had a thought. "Sounds fine to me. But there is some unfinished business I need to take care of soon. After this week, not sure exactly when yet, I'm gonna need a week off to wrap up some loose ends from my prior life. Can you work with that?"

"Let's see how the week goes. If you work out, I think we can fit it in."

I gave him a hug, and a peck on the cheek, then went off to put my own clothes back on. It was then that I realized I'd had that whole conversation essentially naked.

Misti came by, "Hey, congrats. But ya gotta take it easy on Bill, the rest of us gotta work around here, so don't spoil him!"

I cleaned off the stage paint, and did my face with what I had in my purse, then made my way out front to find Jim. He cheered as I walked up to his table, and had a gin and tonic waiting for me. I leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. I hadn't had time to do much with my tips, just stuff them into the purse after each dance. I pulled them out, straightened them up, and counted it. I had nothing to compare to, but $84 tips plus the $100 didn't seem bad for dancing 2 songs.

We watched the professionals dance for a while, and I tried to absorb as much as I could. After my second drink, I asked Jim to take me home. He tried to talk me into coming to his place, but I begged off tonight, then invited him out for dinner the next night, if he was free. He agreed and drove me home. He walked me up to my room, and there at my door, he kissed me for the first time. The kiss lasted what seemed forever, and I gave as good as I got. When it was over, I stroked his cheek, thanked him for the night, and backed in my door.

I thought about the kiss. Not bad! Maybe not up to Amy's standards, or even Paul's, but for a while it would probably do just fine. Did I really want this? I decided the answer was Yes! James was gone in body and in spirit, at least for the time being. What was left was the sexy lady formed in the aftermath of my two rapes. The fast woman who took her enjoyment where she pleased, and took no prisoners. Would I sleep with Jim? I didn't know. Now that I didn't have Amy or Paul, it was probably only a matter of time. Well, that was a question for another day, but I knew it wouldn't be real soon.

I stripped, showered the sweat from the dancing off, and fell naked into bed. Tomorrow would be busy.

*****

Amy and Paul devoted the day to finding James/Jamie. Neither was willing to accept that she was gone for good. They spent time talking together about how they might find her, or for Amy to sob helplessly on Paul's shoulder. Other times they separated to try places she might go. Their efforts were fruitless, and it was late when Paul dragged himself home to bed.

Friday, November 20

Amy rose early from a restless night, feeling more tired than the night before. Even coffee didn’t rouse her. She made a list of places to try today, and people to call to see if they had seen James. Except for Sandy and the other doctors who had treated James, he was not likely to talked to anyone he knew that did not yet know about Jamie. She highlighted Rick Simmons on the list, hoping he might have some insights on what James would do.

Paul was just as exhausted, and had even less of an idea what to do to find Jamie. He was also in turmoil about his boss. With no ideas in mind for the search, he went walking, hoping desperately that Jamie would be waiting for him.

*****

I woke slowly, then sat up in bed and stretched, looking down at my bare body. Streamers of bright autumn sunlight leaked through the curtains and highlighted stripes of my clear skin. I wrapped my arms around myself, giving myself a hug, and reveled in the freedom I felt from James' screwed up life.

My top this morning was a little more demure, coming down almost to my cute little tummy button, but the skirt was deliciously short. Skyscraper heels, of course, and tasteful, well, maybe almost slutty makeup. I admired the lips that Sandy had fashioned. Kissable lips, I thought. Maybe even cocksucker lips. I giggled. No time for breakfast today, besides, my body is my meal ticket for the moment. Have to keep it trim for the boys.

I walked to the corner to buy a paper and a coffee at the Starbucks. Then went back to my room to search the want ads for apartments. I wanted to find something before my week in the motel was over. With a job now, it looked like I might stay in the area a while. I found several promising ads, plus some listings for apartment finding services. Lots to check out, but I had time.

I pulled out my laptop and connected to the motel's wireless internet. First thing I had to do was set up a new email address. Amy seldom used email, but she did occasionally, and she had access to it from the computer I left behind.

Clicking the shortcut I'd saved, I went off to the web site of that doctor, Wells I think his name was. The one with that procedure to disguise my penis, make me look like a girl. I figured I'd been lucky with my one night so far, but I didn't want to push it. Besides, James is gone, at least for now. I need to be me. Jamie.

I reread the information, then drafted an email to his business address, laying out my femme history, and inquiring what the wait time was for the procedure. I explained I had a new job where the risk of discovery was very real, and I would like to get the procedure as soon as possible, to minimize the discovery risk.

I sent that off, then started calling on the apartment ads. Most of the calls resulted in crossing them off the list. Too expensive, wrong side of town (read near Amy), bad vibes. After a couple hours of calling, my list was down to a handful. A very small handful. Oh well, I didn’t have to find one today.

I glanced at my watch. If I left now, I could hit the bank, then get my blood drawn before lunch and have that out of the way. I checked myself over in the mirror, freshened my lipstick, and headed off. First, I found the closest post office, and rented a post office box. Now I had an address I could use. Then I visited a nearby branch of my bank. I changed the address on my new account, and applied for a credit card attached to that account. Next, it was Dr. Myers office for the blood draw. Afterward, I found someplace to eat, and had a shrimp salad with iced tea. Then I looked at my list and headed off to the nearest apartment I hadn't crossed off.

It wasn't a bad place, nor was the rent unreasonable. But it didn't just grab me. I may have to settle for something like this later, but it wasn't going to happen at the first place I checked out.

The next place was a real dump. I didn't even get out of the car. And so it went. None of the places I got to today were perfect enough to jump at. I kept a short list of the places I liked best, but by the end of the day, there were only 3 of those.

So much for a quick and easy find!

On the way back to the motel, I picked up an apartment finder magazine at a convenience store. It was mostly worthless ads, but there were some legitimate entries there.

Back in my room, I pondered what to wear. Then I wondered where to take Jim. I decided I was in the mood for barbeque, so I went with a somewhat western theme. Not that I had any western clothes in what I brought with me. Another pair of really tight, really, really low cut jeans, not flared at the ankle, but wider – a boot cut. The top was like a red, blue, and white checked shirt with mid length sleeves, button front and cropped, with little tails that tied real high up under my boobs. I put my jet hair up in a high pony tail, tied with ribbons to go with the shirt, and that pair of red shoes with the 5" heels. I carefully applied my makeup, a little less subtle than for daytime. Even a little less subtle than I used to use at night. Then it was out the door, and off to Jim's apartment.

Jim was dressed casually too, faded jeans, flannel shirt, and cowboy boots. We seemed to go together.

I asked if he knew of a good barbeque place in the area, since I was new here, and he directed me. It was great barbeque. I would have to remember this place. It had the whole western theme going, but kind of laid back, kind of tasteful, not blatant. We had a good meal, and I found Jim really easy to talk to. He was comfortable sharing himself, telling me about his work, his family, what he liked and disliked. I tried to deflect his questions about me, but he drew it out of me over the evening. Of course, it was an edited version of the truth, close enough that I wouldn't have to remember out and out lies. I had lost my computer job, and my loving relationship had fallen apart. There had been another man toward the end, but he was out of the picture now.

The evening went well. I even tried a little line dancing with him. It was still pretty early when I drove Jim home. I insisted on escorting him to the door, returning his courtesy from yesterday. Besides, kissing is so much better standing at a door than contorted across the middle console of a car. Jim asked me in, but I declined, saying I would see him again soon. He promised to be at my show the next night.

I got home and checked email before bed. I was really surprised that there was a response from the doctor. Well, someone in his office anyway. It detailed the procedure a little more than the website. I had to stay the night after the procedure in their clinic, then would be fairly tender for up to a week. Typical waiting time was 3 to 4 weeks, but quicker appointments were sometimes possible. They asked for a picture, needing to verify that I indeed dressed as a woman, as close as they could come to verifying I was in my RLT at this long distance.

Knowing they wouldn't see it till Monday, I got the built-in webcam in my laptop ready, then captured several shots. Sticking the best pictures in the reply, I sent it off. Then I kicked my heels into the closet, and dropped my clothes in my dirty clothes pile. I hadn't had the gaff off for a while, so decided to free my willy for the night. Then I gratefully slipped between the sheets and into sleep.

Saturday, November 21

I woke before the wakeup call. At first I was disoriented, wondering where I was. Then it all came crashing back. I almost gave up at that point. Then I shook it off, and pulled myself from bed. As I showered, I looked at the pitiful specimen between my legs. Maybe it would just be better to get it cut off. In desperation, I stroked it and teased it, trying to get some reaction. While the sensations were pleasurable, it stayed quite limp. My balls seemed smaller than I remembered too, but I couldn't be sure.

I washed my body, then my hair. Stepping out of the tub, I patted gingerly with the harsh motel towel, and used the blow dryer on my hair. I pulled on some sexy casual clothes, grabbed the apartment finder magazine, and spent the morning in the coffee shop, sipping coffee, eating dry toast and a bowl of fruit, and searching the ads for a new home.

Having gone completely through the half-inch thick magazine, I had dog-eared maybe 10 pages that had ads that interested me. I had a few hours before I had to be back to the Lariat Club, so I decided to check out some of the closer ads.

The first stop, I liked the best of what I had seen so far. It was close to the club, and shopping. It was small, but clean, and had a nice layout. Best of all, it had included high-speed internet. The rent wasn't too bad, and I didn't have to sign a lease. I decided to take it, and made arrangements to move in on Tuesday, so they could have their maintenance man fix the few problems I pointed out.

One more problem solved. One more nail in the coffin of my old life.

I wasn't in a hurry to change the address on my bank account, as I figured I might find someplace I liked better before long. I'd just keep using the PO box. But I would have to remember to get the address changed on my driver's license.

With that out of the way, my thoughts turned to my new job. I had been thankful for the distraction of apartment hunting this morning, but now that was gone. I had to show up at around 3 pm to get indoctrinated, and fill out all the forms, so I had a few hours to go yet. That reminded me, I had to get my social security card changed. I looked up the address of the local SSA office, and went off to see if that was even possible.

I had a salad someplace for lunch after surviving the inquisition of several petty bureaucrats, but at least that was out of the way.

Finally it was time. I drove to the club, and walked backstage. Bill escorted me into his office and offered me a drink. Then he got down to business. He listed the rules the dancers had to live by. Seemed to be pretty basic stuff to me. Dance a certain number of songs during the night. Circulate through the crowd some of rest of the time, encourage drink purchases. Customers could buy us drinks, but those would come to us as tea, even though the customer paid drink prices. Lap dances for tips were OK, as long as the touching rules were followed. Absolutely no prostitution-related dealings on premises, but I had the impression it was OK away from the club, as long as we were discrete. I could start with the costumes they had, but might want some of my own after I got established.

Then came the paperwork. New name. Old SSN. New address. No phone yet. W4. Sign a copy of the rules. On and on and on.

It was after 5 when we were done, and Bill sent me out to Misti, who would get me squared away on rotation, costumes, music, etc. She started out by asking what name I wanted to use to dance.

"Huh? What's wrong with Jamie?"

"Nothin, darlin. Just that most gals don't like to use their real names."

"Oh. Right. Um, how about Dawn?"

"Alrighty, Dawn it is. Let's get y'all outfitted."

I learned I would only do 3 dances tonight, as it was my first night. Misti let me pick out the costumes, then sent me to the back to choose some music and practice. She came back after a while with something for me to drink, then watched as I tried to develop routines for each of the costumes. I had some ideas already, but she gave me lots of tips, and the routines got better.

Someone stuck her head in the door and called Misti, who told me "It's time, come on."

I had no idea so much time had passed! I slipped into the first costume I planned to wear, and followed Misti to the dressing room to apply makeup. Then I went toward the stage, clutching my CDs tightly. Misti took them, handed them to someone I couldn't see, and had a few words with him. Next thing I knew, I heard the PA system boom out "Next up is a brand new girl tonight, the winner of the wet T contest this week, lets give a big welcome to Dawn!" Suddenly I was pushed out into the bright lights. Moments later, my music started, and I tried to put myself into the rhythm. In what seemed like moments, it was over, and there was applause and hoots and whistles. I pulled my awareness back to the here and now, and circulated for my tips.

Backstage, Misti handed me a top and shorts and told me to put my tips away and get out and circulate. I pulled the skimpy clothes on, marveling at how exposed I felt in them, then slipped through the hallway to the bar area and emerged into the smoke and noise and bodies, mostly male. I looked around, bewildered, and moved out toward the tables, searching for Jim, hoping he would be there. I finally saw him at a table near the stage. I moved toward him, but was suddenly in the lap of a guy sitting at the table I was passing.

"That was quite a show, darlin! Let me buy you a drink." He waved a waitress over. "What'll it be, sweetheart?"

I looked at the girl, "Um, you know my favorite."

She responded "Ok, and you sir?" speaking to my somewhat inebriated host.

"Yeah, I'll have another beer."

The waitress disappeared, and I was left trying to figure out what to do, sitting on some strangers lap. I felt a lump growing under my bottom, and looked desperately for an empty chair to move to, but there were none close. Why hadn't Misti briefed me on how to handle this!

I managed to fend off his hands, and exchange a few words with him before the drinks arrived. It looked like a shot of whisky, and I tossed it back in one gulp, then pretended to splutter a bit as if it had burned its way down my throat. There were catcalls and whistles from the other guys at the table, and I was wishing it really had been straight whiskey.

"Here, babe, let me buy you another one."

I gave him a peck on the cheek, and said, "Thanks, you’re a sweetie, but that's my limit right now. I have to get up there and dance again in a few minutes." With that I popped up and fled toward Jim. I made it this time without getting captured again.

I gave him a peck on the cheek as I sat in the extra chair at his table.

"Aw, you're not gonna sit in my lap?" he moaned.

"Maybe later if you're a good boy."

He put an over-dramatic leer on his face. "Oh, I'm good. I'm very, very good!" and wiggled his eyebrows.

I giggled, and swatted his arm. "Behave, you!" Jim was drinking a beer, and I picked up his glass and pulled a long draw from it.

"Hey, I would have bought you one of your own, you know. You don't have to drink all of mine!"

"Sorry, don't have time right now. Got to circulate. You staying around a while?"

"Sure thing. I can't miss the best damn dancer they got here getting up there strutting her stuff!"

I blushed crimson. "Say, guess what! I found a place today. I move in Tuesday."

"That's great! Need any help?"

"No, but thanks anyway. I don't have much stuff." I felt a jolt of pain flash through me. "I should be all moved in by the time you get off work."

He looked a little disappointed. "Oh, Ok."

"Gotta go, Jim. See you in a while." Not knowing how soon I would be on again, I scurried backstage to find Misti and see.

Bill stopped me. "Hey, what's the deal drinking the customers beer instead of getting him to buy you one?"

"Sorry, he's a friend. I didn't feel right making him pay a drink price for tea."

"Well, fraternize with your friends on your own time. When you're out front, spend your time with the customers that'll buy you a drink!"

"Ok, Bill. Sorry. Do you know when I'm on again?"

"Nope. But you can check with the DJ through there, he keeps the rotation so he can match your music." He pointed at the dark alcove where Misti had been passing my music CDs.

I checked, and found out I was on in about 20 minutes, so I went to change into the next outfit and redo my makeup.

I made it through the other two dances, and thought I did ok for a beginner. But I hoped I'd get better with a little more practice. After my last dance, I found there were showers we could use, so I rinsed off as quick as I could, dressed in my own clothes, and did my makeup. Walking out to the front, I found Jim still at the same table, and collapsed into a vacant chair. He asked if I wanted a drink, but I declined. I was too drained, and I still had to drive back to the motel.

I got "home" and fell into bed and sleep immediately.

Sunday, November 22

I didn't want to wake up, but the sunlight was hitting me right in the eyes through the curtain that wouldn't quite close. I managed to get to the bathroom and take care of business. Then the first priority was coffee, even if it was only one of those little two cup pots the motels have. After drinking the first cup, I was able to pry my eyes open. After the second cup, I figured I could face getting dressed.

I strolled out the door, and let the brisk air refresh me, and finally bring me fully awake. In the coffee shop, I had yogurt on fruit, and more coffee. With that out of the way, the only pressing thing I could think of was I needed a phone. In a nearby convenience store, I bought one of those cell phones that you pre-pay the minutes. I figured with the amount of time I would spend on the phone, that would be ok for the foreseeable future. Now I had a phone number without waiting weeks for the phone company.

I drove over to the new apartment, and checked out the neighborhood. I found a park a block or so away, and got out to check it out. There was a walking path, and I strolled along it to see how long it was. I didn't think it was as long as the one I used to use, but wasn't sure.

Not having anything else to do, I went back to the motel and cruised the internet some more, trying to understand if I was really transgendered, or just badly mixed up. By dinner time, my eyes were beginning to blur, so I knocked off and went out for a bite to eat. I was really looking forward to having access to a kitchen again. That made me think of cooking for Amy, and my eyes grew damp, but I violently pushed those thoughts away, and ate my dinner salad.

That evening, I watched a little TV, but retired early, and cried myself to sleep.

Monday, November 23

After another tasteless breakfast at the coffee shop, I once again found myself in line at the DMV. I needed to get Amy's address off my license. I had spent a little more time on my grooming than last time, so the new picture was not quite so ghastly. Then it was the bank to order checks with the new address.

Back at the motel, I changed to exercise clothes and spent a couple hours working out in their minimal exercise room. It was empty most of the time, being a work day, but there were a couple of cute guys that spent some time there that I could tease.

In my room, I showered and washed my hair, shaving any stubble I found. Dried my hair and brushed it till it was shiny and silky. With just a towel wrapped around me, I sat at my computer and checked email.

The doctor in Colorado had sent a response. They had given me preliminary approval, based on the pictures I sent, and had reserved an appointment for me just after their Christmas holiday, on January 4th. They quoted the fee for the procedure, and said a deposit was required to hold it. I emailed back immediately that I would take it, and that the deposit would be in the mail today. I wrote down the address, so I could get a money order and fill out an envelope when I got one. I was still a little leery of having that procedure on my genitals, but I was more afraid of being found out at work.

Having been kind of depressed recently, I decided to do something about it. I pulled out my laciest black panties and slipped into them, then pantyhose with a faint crosshatch pattern that hinted of fishnet stockings. From the closet I grabbed a really short, tight, black leather miniskirt, and found a gray and white plaid flannel long sleeved shirt. Donning the shirt, I left it unbuttoned deep into my cleavage, and tied the tails of the front up under my braless boobs to give them some support. The skirt left a lot of leg showing, and there was a lot of midriff on view as well. I did my makeup in my new bolder style, even maybe pushing it up a notch more. Cherry red lipstick added a bright contrast to my monochrome clothes. I cleaned off my nail polish and replaced it with red to match my lips then some large gold hoop earrings, a gold bracelet, and several rings. And finally a pair of black 5 inch pumps. I looked in the little mirror over the dresser, and moved around to try to see everything. I looked pretty good. I thought I just might elevate a few masculine heart rates today, and giggled at the thought.

On my way to work, I stopped at a convenience store to get a money order in the amount of the deposit for my surgery. Then off to one of those mailing places, to send it off in an express letter envelope. Everywhere I went, I was conscious of men staring at me, and I put a little extra swish into my walk to keep them watching.

I got to work a little early, and sought out Bill, to add my new phone number to the employment papers. Then I went looking for Misti. I needed advice on how to handle a situation like Saturday, when the guy pulled me into his lap. I also blushed a little when I asked her about lap dancing.

The night went much as Saturday night had, except I ended up doing 5 dances, and spent more time hustling drinks. Jim wasn't there as a distraction for that part of my job. Employing Misti's advice, I even got a few tips from the guys I sat with. I even got two offers for dates and one proposition to earn $500 for a night of wild sex, all of which I was able to gracefully decline. I ended up getting out after 1 am.

Tuesday, November 24

This was moving day. In spite of my late hours last night, I bounced out of bed, did my morning ritual, dressed in the grubbiest clothes I had brought (short shorts and a halter top), and then packed everything into my suitcases. It only took about an hour to pack, then search the room carefully for anything I might have missed. I checked out of the motel, then found a grocery store to pick up some cleaning supplies. I drove to the new apartment, and found my new parking space, then had to wait about 15 minutes for the office to open before I could get my key.

First thing was to clean the kitchen and bathroom, plus all the drawers in the bedroom. That took the rest of the morning, so I took a break and got a quick salad for lunch. On the way back, I stopped at the grocers again and stocked up with food and utensils. Back at the apartment, I carried everything inside, and got the food put away, then unpacked my suitcases.

I just had time to fix, eat, and clean up a meal in my new kitchen before I had to be off to work. On an impulse, before I walked out the door, I pulled out my new cell phone and dialed Jim.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Jim."

"Oh, hi, Jamie! How are you doing? Did you get moved OK?"

"Yes, and I was thinking, now that I have my own kitchen, maybe you'd like to have dinner over here tomorrow, before I go to work?"

"Sure, Jamie, that would be great! I've been wanting to see you again."

"Me too. Can you be here by 5:30? Then, maybe you'd like to go to the club with me and watch me dance again?"

"I'd love to, Jamie. I'll be there!"

"Good. See you then. Bye."

Tonight at work was pretty much a repeat of last night, except I was tired going in, so the night dragged by, and I was exhausted by the time it was over.

Wednesday, November 25

When I woke, the clock said it was after 10! I guess I'd worn myself out, what with the moving and the extra dancing last night. It felt great to be able to just eat in for breakfast. The restaurant crap was getting tiresome.

I went out and found a small TV to buy for the apartment, plus a few other odds and ends to give it a bit homier feel. It was just a quick trip, and I got back in time to have some tuna and crackers for lunch. I checked and refreshed my makeup, then headed out to Dr. Myers office. After a brief wait, I was shown into his office, and he bustled in just minutes later.

He was looking at the lab results as he came in. "Hmm. Good news, maybe. Estrogen levels are down, so maybe those implants are finally wearing off. Now you are just about the level of a mature woman, way down from a pubescent teen. And T level is a bit higher. I wouldn't expect it to come up much, as the presence of Estrogen in the current levels will keep it suppressed. But its encouraging that it is up at all. It may mean there is some hope. See me again in two weeks, and get your blood drawn 4 or 5 days in advance." With that he was out the door.

I've never seen anyone that could talk like that man!

At least the news wasn't depressing.

On the way home, I made another stop at the grocery store, as I wanted to do something a bit special for Jim tonight.

My thoughts turned a little sad. Jim seemed like such a nice guy. Oh, there was no fire there, like there had been with Amy, nor even a spark like with Paul. But he was pleasant to spend time with. But it couldn't go anywhere. I was no good for him.

By 5:30 I had the garlic bred in the oven, the spaghetti sauce and noodles going in their separate pots, and was putting the finishing touches on a salad. The doorbell rang just a few moments later, and when I opened the door, Jim swept me into his arms and gave me a kiss.

"Howdy, Tiger!" I purred at him.

"Hello yourself! It's good to see you again. I've been looking forward to this all day!"

"Well, if you don't let me go, your dinner won't be worth eating!"

"Who cares about dinner? You look good enough to eat!"

I slipped under his arms and dashed to the kitchen to rescue the bread. "There's wine on the counter here, would you pour please? Sorry about the plastic cups, I don't have the kitchen fully stocked yet."

I finished the salad while he prepared the wine, then shooed him out to the table with the wine and salad while I served two plates of spaghetti, and brought them out after him.

We ate in silence, but I was aware of his eyes on me most of the time. It made me blush to be the focus of that intent scrutiny.

Finally he said, "So, how is the dancing going?"

"Ok, I guess. I still have a lot to learn. Especially about handling the rowdier guys while I'm out front encouraging the drink sales. And I was pretty tired after last night."

"I'm really looking forward to watching you again tonight."

"Good, it will be fun to have you there."

I washed up the dishes, then got ready for work. I was learning to dress a bit tarty to go to work, since it was good advertising for the club as I was coming or going. That went for the makeup as well. But then, that was what fit the new me best anyway.

I settled for my leather miniskirt, and a tube top that came close enough to supporting my boobs that I could skip the bra. I giggled when I saw my nipples poking through the fabric. Dramatic eye shadow in shades of blue, heavy on the eye liner and mascara, and sparkly red lipstick to match my nails, and I was ready to go.

I told Jim I'd drive tonight, then he wouldn't have to worry about how much he drank.

The crowd was more than I expected for a Wednesday, and the tips were pretty good to. I made it through the evening better than last night, probably because of the good nights sleep. I was getting a little better at putting routines together, but I still had to spend too much time in the back room working them out. I envied the more experienced girls who could whip it out on the fly.

I was pleasantly tired by closing, and Jim had a nice buzz, but wasn't drunk by any means. I drove us back to my place, and Jim walked me to the door, where he held me tenderly, and kissed me. I was a little sad, because I knew I was going to have to break off with him for his sake. I had hurt too many people, and he was too nice a guy to hurt. I decided the give him a proper farewell, though. I kissed him back, putting a bit more spirit into it, as well as a little tongue. By the time we broke that kiss, we were both panting. I unlocked the door then stretched up and nipped his ear, and whispered "Want to come in for a bit?"

He pulled me up till my lips met his and my feet dangled above the ground, then walked through the door, kicking it shut behind him. Before it even latched, I was unbuttoning his shirt, but the kiss was so distracting, I wasn't making much headway.

After we broke off the kiss, I could work my fingers a little better. But I began wondering if this was what I really wanted. Then I remembered Jerry and Marv, and what I had done with them. At least this time it would be my choice. And what else would anybody expect from a little slut like me?

Before I got his buttons all open, Jim had set me down, and slipped his hands up under my tube top, building very pleasant sensations inside me by gently massaging my tits and tweaking my nipples. With the shirt finally open, he paused long enough to strip out of it, then jerked my top up and attacked my left nipple with teeth, lips and tongue. I moaned and pulled his head tight against me, then started backing into the bedroom, pulling him along behind me.

I swung him around so he landed on the bed, then quickly pulled the tube top over my head, and pounced on him, straddling his hips, with my mouth glued to his, and my hands frantically working the button and zipper on his jeans. When that finally gave way, I popped back off the bed, grabbed his pants and brief, and yanked them down over his feet, taking his shoes along with them. I paused long enough to push my skirt down to the floor, leaving me in my panties and heels, and him in his socks. I urged him back up so he was completely on the bed, then straddled him again, deep kissing him, and feeling his rapidly stiffening cock against my belly. I squirmed around, rubbing his cock head all over my tummy and panties, and down through my crotch, all the time keeping him in a lip lock.

After a few minutes of that, I started wriggling down, kissing his chin, his throat, his hard chest. I nipped his tiny nipples, causing him to jolt, then worked my way down over his abs, finally arriving at the nest of hair above my target. I reared back up on my knees over him, and carefully took his pole in both my hands, and started to stroke it lovingly. Jim closed his eyes and moaned.

I kept that up for several minutes, then crawled backward, and leaned down to kiss the drop of pre-cum from the tip. I hesitated a moment, realizing this would be the first time I broke my wedding vows by my own choice. Did I want to? That part of my life was over. I had to look for pleasure where I could find it, and with this sexy body, my best source of pleasure was pleasing men, as Jerry and Marv had so well impressed on me.

My lips opened and slipped slowly over the bulb, while my tongue swirled around the tip. I had now crossed a line, and I knew there was no going back. I kept up a gradual descent, keeping my tongue in motion the whole time. When the tip hit the back of my throat, I shifted a bit, and pushed forward some more, till my nose was buried in his pubic hair. I lightly scratched his scrotum, and made a rumbling growl deep in my throat, transferring the vibration to Jim. He lunged his hips forward reflexively, driving the shaft even deeper down my throat, but I didn't retreat. Yet. Then I pulled slowly back, till he almost popped out of my mouth, back down to the bottom, pause, lick, rumble, up. I set up a gradually increasing rhythm, and Jim matched it with his driving hips. It was only a short while later that I felt him stiffen, his cock grew, and suddenly there were jets of fire pulsing down my throat. I bobbed up and down, working to extend his euphoria, doing my best to swallow whatever he shot.

Then he collapsed, and stopped moving. I licked around his shaft, and kissed the tip gently before crawling up and snuggling against him.

After a while, when his breathing had slowed, his hand began to wander over my body, touching everywhere he could reach. He kept this up a long time before he focused his attention on my boobs. He switched sides often, teasing my nipples back to steel hardness. He leaned over and sucked one nipple into his mouth, then continued to vacuum up the tit flesh around it till his mouth was stuffed with as much as he could fit in. His tongue worked my nipple inside his mouth like a pro. His hand kept the other of my twin peaks busy, until he switched sides to favor the other one with his mouth for a while. Changing sides periodically, he continued to stimulate, building the fire higher within me, causing me to writhe under is assault, until the heat exploded through my body, and I spasmed and arched my back off the bed, then collapsed as the heat faded.

As I drifted in lassitude, Jim let his hands wander. I roused enough to stop the one that was approaching my hidden secret, and whispered, "Not down there, please." His hand moved away.

We drifted off to sleep cuddled together.

Thursday, November 26

I woke Jim in the dawn by deep thoating his morning woodie. He reared up in bed, looking down at the top of my head as I worked his tool, then settled back and closed his eyes again, this time not in sleep. It wasn't long before I was gifted with more liquid fire.

I rose from the bed, and strutted to the bathroom, swinging my ass and looking provocatively back over my shoulder. When I came out a while later, I wore my sheer robe, panties, and high heeled slippers. I strolled past Jim and out to the kitchen to start coffee, bacon, eggs and toast.

Jim emerged a few minutes later, dressed in his clothes from last night, and took the coffee mug I offered. I pointed him to the table, and a minute later laid a plate in front of him piled high with bacon and eggs. I sat across from him nibbling a piece of toast and a strip of bacon, watching his face as he ate. I needed to remember that face. He'd been there when I needed him.

When he finished, I stretched across the table and laid my hands on his. "Jim." He looked at me and I looked deep into his eyes, then away to hide the tear that was swelling in my eye. "You're a good guy, Jim. You've been a good friend, right when I really needed a friend. Thank-you." He started to speak, but I held my hand up to stop him. "Like I said, you're a good guy. I'm not good for good people. I hurt them. I bring pain. I can't see you any more."

"Jamie…"

The tears were starting to leak out of my eyes now. "No, Jim. You finish up now, and go on to work. Forget about me, Jim. I'm no good for you. I don't want to end up hurting you." I dashed from the table and closed the bedroom door firmly behind me, leaning against it and sobbing quietly.

Jim pounded on the door. "Jamie, open up."

"No. Go away." I screamed. There was silence for a long time.

"I have to go now, Jamie. I will be back. We need to talk."

"No!" I screamed.

After a while, I heard the front door close, and I slid down to the floor, curled into a fetal position, and continued to sob. I must have fallen asleep because the next I knew it was getting dark. I pulled myself up and listlessly got ready for work.

I opened my laptop and checked email. There was another one from Dr. Wells. There had been a cancellation for next Tuesday, was I interested? I fired off a quick call to the club, to talk to Bill. Fortunately, he was there.

"Hi, Bill. It's Jamie."

"Hi, Jamie, everything alright?"

"Yeah, fine. Bill, you remember when I took the job, I said I needed a week sometime to straighten out some old business? I don't know if you've decided to let me stay, but if you're going to, could I possibly take this next week off? It's really kind of important to get this taken care of quickly."

"Jamie, that’s going to be kind of hard so soon after you started, are you sure it has to be right away?"

"Yes, unfortunately. Please, Bill, it's really important."

"Ok, Jamie. We'll work around it somehow. And by the way, if you keep up like you've been so far, you'll be around longer than this week."

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I really appreciate this, Bill. See you in a little while. Bye."

I fired off an email right away, saying I would take it, and requesting a quick reply so I could make travel arrangements.

As I finished getting ready for work, my thoughts circled back around to Jim. I would miss him, but he was better off without me. Then I thought about what I had done last night and this morning. I had been unfaithful to Amy voluntarily for the first time. I am supposed to be a man, yet I had sucked a guys cock. Twice! I guess this just proves what I've believed since Halloween. I am a worthless slut. Someone who takes her clothes off for the entertainment of others. Some one who sleeps around. Oh, God. I had unprotected sex last night! I could have AIDS! I may not have much of an opinion of myself, but I sure don't want to kill myself, especially in such a horrible way.

I decided that since I couldn't seem to control my baser instincts, I better keep protection on hand, and make sure I use it the next time I slip. I also need to get an HIV test soon. Wonder how long I have to wait before it could show up in the test?

On the way to work, I stopped at a drug store and picked up a box of condoms, and slipped several into my purse.

My first dance tonight must have reflected my depression, because the tips were definitely light, and when I got backstage, Bill dragged me off to the side and told me to get my act together (no pun intended) or I wouldn't be around after this week.

So instead of mingling with the customers, I went back to the back room to practice and try to get my mind into the game. It must have worked, because the rest of my dances got a better response, and Bill didn't chew me out again.

Friday, November 27

When I checked email after lunch, Dr. Wells' office confirmed me for Tuesday, and supplied instructions about not eating after noon Monday, and to be at the clinic by 7 am.

I immediately used the internet to make reservations to fly up Monday, and to fly back Wednesday. Then I found a motel near the clinic, and booked a room for Monday night.

That night at work was a little different. The dancing went better, but the real twist was after the first dance, when I went out front to "mingle", a guy dragged me into his lap.

"Hey, cutie. How about having a little drink with me?"

I gave him a little smile. "Ok by me." But instead of signaling a waitress, he handed me a whiskey glass from his table about half full of an amber liquid, neat. One of several sitting there.

"Here, babe. Try some of the good stuff, this is Jameson's."

I took a sip, and it burned deliciously all the way down. So I took a little bigger swallow. I felt the warmth spreading out from my tummy. "Not bad!"

"Got that right, honey, this is the best!"

He kept me on his lap till I had to be backstage for my next dance. Before I got up, he stuffed a $20 bill into my bra, and said there would be another one if I came back after the next dance. So I did, and he pulled me into his lap again, and shoved another glass of whiskey into my hand. Same thing, drink the glass of whiskey, sit in his lap till I go backstage, dance, then back to him for another $20, and another Jameson's.

This lasted all night, then he asked me back for another drink after my last song. By that time, I'd 4 of those tumblers of whiskey, and I was feeling pretty good, so I agreed. We sat and watched the last few dancers, and walked out together when closing came. Or rather, he walked and I wove. Outside, he whispered in my ear, "How about coming to my place for one last drink?" I obviously wasn't thinking straight, because I agreed. He escorted me to his car and held the door for me, then went around to slide behind the wheel. Nice car, I thought. Jaguar XK8. Just a bit out of my class. I snuggled down into the leather seat, and watched dreamily as the buildings flew past. I fished in my purse and found several condoms, slipping them into my jeans pocket. I had a feeling how this evening would end. I couldn't tell you where we went, only that it wasn't far before he parked in the garage of what turned out to be a pretty swank condo.

Inside, it was obviously a guys place. Probably had a cleaning service, or a maid. Everything was neat, clean, expensive, modern, and lacking any personal touch. He led me to a comfy leather sofa, then went to a wet bar and came back with two generous tumblers of what I assumed was Jameson's, since he seemed to favor that. Handing me one glass, he sat beside me.

"You're a beautiful woman, Dawn."

I was feeling no pain by this time. "Why thank you, um…"

"Rob."

"Rob." I looked over his face, and lean muscled body, and said, "And you're a beautiful man, Rob." I giggled.

"Why, thank you!" he laughed. Then he tipped my chin up with his forefinger, and leaned down to kiss my lips. He held the kiss for a moment, then I felt his tongue swipe my lips. He pulled back and looked at me, then took my glass and set his with mine on the glass topped coffee table. Then he wrapped his arms around me and kissed with more passion, probing with his tongue, until I let my lips part so he could enter. My head was already spinning from the whiskey, and the kiss wasn't helping any. I didn't feel his gentle touch on my breast right away. It didn't penetrate my fogged brain until a moan escaped my lips, and I realized it was because of the tingling spreading over me from the nipple he was tweaking through my top.

He stood, and scooped me up in his arms, walking toward a hallway.

"Rob?" He quieted me with another lingering kiss. He laid me on a bed, and our lips separated. "Rob, I don't think…" His mouth closed over mine again. His hand went to my boob again, then after a bit, while the kiss still held, slipped under the edge of my cropped top, and up over the mound of flesh to the hard nub at its crown. I moaned into his mouth. Now his hand slid my top up around my neck, baring both tits, and he divided his attention between the now revealed breasts. Then is mouth left mine and sucked in one nipple, and shortly my moaning increased. "Rob…" His attack escalated, with both hands and his mouth moving, kissing, stroking, sucking, tweaking, nipping, pinching, licking, and my protest trailed off into a moan. "Rob…" he pulled back abandoning my boobs, "…don't stop!" I realized he was pulling off his shirt, and in moments he was giving me the pleasure I craved. One hand worked the button on my jeans, but they were so tight he was making little headway. Without volition, I realized my hands were down there, succeeding where he failed, then pulling down the zipper for good measure. I fished the foil packets out of the now loosened pocket and laid them on the nightstand. He slipped my 5 inch pumps off my feet, then tugged the skin-tight jeans down, and finally off, leaving me in just my panties and the top that was tangled around my neck.

I felt his hand moving toward my hidden treasure, but I was quite sure he wouldn't appreciate the treasure that was actually hidden there. So I pushed him back and attacked his slacks, then pulled off his shoes, socks and pants. I giggled at the red silk boxers he was left with, then stripped them off as well. What had appeared to be a bump in the front of the boxers turned out to be a flagpole instead, because it poked straight up when the boxers came down. That got another giggle out of me. I leaned over him, dangling my DD's over his member, swinging them to slap him around, then dragging them back and forth. Placing my hands on the outer sides of my pendulous boobies, I squeezed them together around his cock, then moved them up and down, stroking his erection. Rob lay back on the bed with his arms crossed behind his head, watching the show.

I peeked up at him from under my hanging hair, and grinned foolishly. Then I pulled back, grabbed a foil packet from the nightstand, ripped it open and smoothed the condom onto him. I started to lick his lollypop, around the top a few times, then full length top to bottom, and back up. I moved down and gently sucked one of his balls into my mouth, swirling it carefully around with my tongue, then let it pop out so I could move up and engulf the head. I just sucked on that for a while, gently, then stronger, then gentle again. I then took most of his length into my mouth, and started bobbing up and down, swishing my tongue around at the same time.

He grabbed my head with both hands to stop it. "Wait…" he whimpered. I froze for a few moments, then started swabbing him with my tongue. He groaned, "Stop!" but I just kept licking. He quickly pulled my head up off of him, all the while panting.

He flipped me over on the bed and reached for my panties. "Unh, unh, unh!" I waggled my finger in his face.

"I want inside you!"

I was pretty far gone with the booze, but still knew what a disaster that could be. "Sorry, pussy's off limits tonight." He frowned, and I giggled, "but there is another opening available." I rolled onto my tummy, pulled up my knees, and stuck my bottom in the air. A look of astonishment flashed across his face, then he was reaching into the nightstand drawer for a tube of lubricant gel. He crawled up behind me, and pulled the back of my panties down. I felt something chilly against my sphincter. Something slipped inside, moving in and out easily, spreading the slippery gel. Then it withdrew, and I felt something much larger press against me. I was pretty loose from the drinks, so I didn't tense up as he slid into me. There was only a slight twinge of pain, totally unlike the agony I endured the last time.

He slid slowly in a bit, then out a little, then in a bit more, working his way ever deeper, till he could go in no further. He started a slow out then in movement, gradually increasing the speed. By now, all pain was either gone, or it just didn't register. But the feeling of pleasure was growing. Rob reached around me with one hand, kneading one breast while his other hand rested on my rounded ass cheek. The sensations were starting to overwhelm me, and I was moaning continuously. I felt his rhythm start to get ragged, then he started pumping his seed into the condom. He spurted for long seconds, then resumed the rhythm. The pressure building in me continued to grow, then he pulled back his hand and gave my ass a resounding smack, and that tipped me over the brink. I shook and felt electric arcs shooting through every part of my body, then when it finally faded, I collapsed on the bed, pulling him out of me in the process.

I was dazed, and exhausted, and just curled up on my side, pulling my panties back into place. A few moments later, I felt a large warm body curl around me and pull me close. Soon after, I heard heavy breathing behind me, and slowly drifted into sleep myself.

He took my rear entry again sometime during the night, while I was mostly asleep, then another time as the early morning sun shone through the window. The condom packets on the nightstand were gone. I sure hope he thought to use them because I was too asleep to remember.

Saturday, November 28

I was walking kind of gingerly when I got out of bed. My abused anus was complaining about any movement. We dressed, and Rob drove me back to my car at the club. He was the gentleman again, opening his car door for me, then my door after I had unlocked it.

I slid behind the wheel, and he leaned in to give me a kiss. As he pulled back, he stuffed something into my bra cup again, tweaking my nipple at the same time. "Thanks for the great night, babe." Then my car door was closed and he was back in his car and gone.

I reached into my bra to fish out whatever he left, and found five crisp hundred dollar bills. Ok, now I can add hooker to slut, tramp, and all the other tawdry labels I applied to myself. I wasn't a bit surprised that I had come to this.

I drove back to my place, letting my mind wander where it would. I wondered how Amy and Paul were doing, and felt a stab of pain. Shoving that ruthlessly aside, I thought about what I would do today, coming up blank.

I removed the gaff, then took a shower, making sure I washed off all my makeup from last night. I lay down on the bed naked, and dozed off. I hadn't had much sleep last night.

I woke up with a hollow spot in my tummy, and saw it was after 3. Guess I had a pretty good nap. I drifted out to the kitchen, not bothering with clothes, and fixed something light to eat. Sitting at the table, I wondered what to do. Well, it is Saturday. Erin suggested I visit Mikaela's on a Friday or Saturday, to meet more of the community. She said there was dancing, and maybe I could get some other perspective on my gender problems.

I didn't expect the crowd would get very big till on toward 8, so I had some time. I tidied up around the place, still naked, letting my wee willy dangle free. This was the longest it had been out of captivity for ages. It was looking kind of shriveled, and white, and more wrinkled than usual. I examined it more closely. I could not see that it was either better or worse than before. About 6:30 I showered again, then glued it back into its prison to begin getting ready.

I chose a royal blue minidress with a halter top which left a plunging neckline in front. It needed a strapless bra, so I found a black one, and matching panties. I cleaned the red polish off my finger and toe nails, and redid them in a plum color. Makeup was next, more subdued that I wore to the club, but bolder than I used to wear. I smoothed nude sandal toe pantyhose up my legs, and stepped into the dress, fastening the halter behind my neck. I slipped into matching blue open toed sandals with 4 inch heels, then selected jewelry to complement. Finally, a few dabs of perfume, and I was ready to meet the world.

At Mikaela's, I stopped inside the door to look around. I scanned the crowded tables, then scanned back. On the second pass, I saw an arm and hand waving in my direction from a table toward the back. Glancing around to make sure it wasn't intended for someone else, I started making my way across the room, and as I approached, I saw that it was indeed Erin.

"Jamie! It's so good to see you! I was afraid after all this time that you wouldn't come back! My, don't you look fantastic!" she gushed.

"Hi, Erin. You look pretty hot tonight, too. Yeah, a lot has happened since I was here last."

"Hey, everyone, this is Jamie." She said to the others at her table. "Join us, won't you, Jamie?" There were two apparent girls, including Erin, and two apparent boys. In this place you just couldn't tell, though.

"Ok, if I'm not imposing." Everyone seemed agreeable, so I slid into a chair.

A waitress showed up then, so I ordered a rum and coke.

Introductions were made, and their conversation picked up, presumably where it left off. I managed a word now and again, but mostly just listened and sipped my drink.

After a while, a band started playing. They sounded pretty good. I didn't dance a lot, but I danced a couple fast songs with both girls together, and a few songs with each of the guys, some of them slow, some fast. It was fun, and relieved some of the tension that was an ever-present companion.

We three girls made a potty run part way through the evening, and freshened our makeup while we were there. It turned out that the others at our table were exactly what they appeared. Erin was the only 'alternative' in our group. The others had found the place through friends and acquaintances, and had become semi-regulars, forming other friendships among the clientele, including Erin.

Erin announced that it was time for her to leave about 10:30, and I was ready to go by then too. We walked out together, and stopped by her car to talk.

"So, Jamie, got any plans for tomorrow?"

"Um, no, not really. I have to do some packing for a little trip I'm taking. Other than that, just get settled into my new place."

"Would you like to meet for lunch? You still owe me your story, and I intend to collect!"

We arranged to meet at a little Italian place called Tony's at noon. She gave me a peck on the cheek, and climbed into her car. As I drove home, I wondered how much I should really tell her, and how to fill in the gaps I chose not to tell. My mind chewed on the problem all night, so my sleep wasn't very restful.

 

End of Part 02

  

  

  

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