Toonwhich

by Barbi Satin

  

I was just 21 and had my first job. It seemed like the perfect job for a horny young man out to meet the hottest bad girls and just get laid. I would get to travel all over New York City and State with a van loaded with exotic lingerie, leather, latex, thigh boots and shoes and fantasy attire.

My company sent salesmen out to strip joints, professional dominatrix's, bridal showers and anywhere we could make a sale. The guys who had the best sales records were sent to the hottest clubs in the city. The young guys like me had to open a new territory and make a name for themselves.

I was given a territory in upstate New York. I traveled from town to town and was attending bridal showers and going to the back woods strip clubs. The girls in those backwater strip clubs were cute but not too bright. Sales were slow and it seemed those girls didn't know or care that the men who came to see them dance would want to see them in my wares.

I made my way to a town called simply Laststop. As slow as sales were I was wondering it was an Omen. The place was run down and I soon found out that there were no places to go and make sales. There was just a gas station, a bar and one shitty motel.

There was just one road than ran into Laststop. NY, Route 666 and at least on the map it went straight through that town and led to Toonwhich. As I was pulling into that backwards-old town my temperature gauge rose and steam began coming out from under the hood of my sales van. I was stuck for at least a few days in Laststop so I went to that run down motel.

An old man with no teeth was sitting at the desk. I told him I needed a room for a few days while my van was being repaired. Just to get a thermostat up to Laststop would take two or three days. As I was checking in he grinned and asked if I was one of them boys headed to Toonwhich.

I told him I had no plans to head there and he grinned his toothless smile. "Good, young man, you don't want to go there". I just asked him why and he began to laugh and it sounded like a cackle. He never said another word. The room was a dump with just an old black and white TV that received just one fuzzy channel. I showered and shaved and headed out to the bar. I just needed a drink or for that matter several drinks.

The old bar was up at the other end of town so I walked up a few blocks on Route 666. I noticed that there was a gate at the end the road. One old cop simply stood guard. There was a sign on the pole that said Toonwhich, 12 Miles.

I wondered why they needed a guard on that road. I went into that bar and just had to laugh. It looked like a saloon right from the old west. It had an old and dirty wood floor and I had to repress an urge to order a sarsaparilla from the old man at the bar.

It was still early, no later than noon. A few old men were already there drinking boilermakers and they looked half stewed. I took a seat at the bar and ordered a Bud. The old bartender asked me if I was on the way too Toonwhich and if I was there for one last drink. I told him I had no plans to go there and he cackled his laugh. "You don't want to go there".

I took a seat at the window to watch the old cop. Three beers and half an hour later a car pulled up to the gate. A young man perhaps of 18 stopped and got out. I couldn't see him that well but he looked very small and had a swish in his walk. He went up to the cop and they talked for a bit. The cop was grinning from ear to ear then. The young man swished to his car and pulled out a large manila envelope and held out what looked like a poster. I couldn't see what it was but the cop began to laugh. He laughed so hard he rolled on the ground but he opened that gate.

Well I just had to know. I was always a curious type. I went back to the bar for another bud and bought a round of beers and whisky for the old drunks. I walked over to them and set down the drinks and took a seat. They just said, "Why thanks young fellow". Then they asked the same question. When I told them I wasn't headed for Toonwhich they began to laugh and said," You don't want to go there". They changed the subject and asked me what my story was as they pounded down the drinks. I waved to the bar and bought another round. If I could get them drunk enough I was sure they would tell me why I didn't want to go to that town.

I told them my story and what I was selling. They began to laugh again and I thought they would be sick. I asked them what was so funny and they looked at each other and began to laugh harder. They rolled on the floor when I asked if I could make sales in Toonwhich.

When they had composed themselves one just said that I could unload my entire inventory there in seconds. The one who said that ran for the John to throw up from laughing so hard. I asked the other old codger what would be there. He pounded his fist on the table and yelled at me that, "The Toon Witch dwells there". No matter how much I asked they just laughed and said that it was where the Toonwhich lived. They would tell me no more so I went back to the bar. I was feeling really pissed off and a little bit drunk. I knew the town was named Toonwhich! They had told me nothing!

I was stuck there four days and just drank at that bar. I asked other locals about Toonwhich and they told me no more. "You don't want to go there". It was driving me Mad!! Each day there would be just one car to pull up to that gate. Pretty young men would always get out and talk with the cop. He always just grinned and waited to see a poster. I caught just one glimpse that last day of the poster a young man held. I couldn't see much but it was a big boobed bimbo in leather thigh boots, a fetish cartoon.

My van was repaired so I pulled up to that gate. The old cop made me get out. "Headed to see the Toonwhich," he asked. I told him I was going there to make sales and he didn't grin this time. "Show me a poster or you're headed back".

I had a book in the van we used to make sales; Women in drawings in latex bitch wear. I showed him a drawing he began to laugh. He opened the gate and I headed on up Route 666.

 

The End

  

  

  

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