Tool Of Vengeance

by Mardee Louise Prynne

   

The petite teen tentatively opened the door and stepped into the gallery. The receptionist/saleswoman peered at the child over her jeweled harlequin glasses. She was about to say that the gallery was closed but thought better of it since this youngster was surely not a potential buyer. It was an effort not to smile at the charming awkwardness of this child. A dark green hounds tooth checked man tailored shirt was a perfect complement due to the obviously natural claret colored hair, so silky and soft and totally devoid of spray or lacquer. The color and texture of that hair was such that most women would envy especially with the short, sophisticated style marked by side swept bangs. The earth tone slacks which went so well with the rest of the outfit showed that the youngster had a remarkable color sense for one so young or that she followed the suggestions of whoever took care of her. Well polished penny loafers suggested a degree of pride in appearance that was unusual in any teen let alone one that young. Astonishingly long, graceful fingers and lithe wrists sported very little jewelry; a birthstone ring in copy of an antique Tiffany setting, and a small gold watch on black suede band. Buttons deliberately left undone revealed both the Star of David and a smooth unblemished chest set off by a glimpse of a glossy undergarment. The whiteness of the cami or under vest was made more intense by its contrast to a golden tan. A leather envelope, perhaps a portfolio or some sort of pocketbook, was clutched to the kid's side. Before Sara could think of a diplomatic way to offer to help, the clearly misplaced adolescent spoke.

"Excuse me; I don't mean to disturb you but I would like very much to look around the gallery. Maybe take some notes, too. I mean if it's okay."

Despite her efforts to remain aloof from this disturbingly appealing teen, a teen much too young to be flirted with, a smile broke over Sara's classic features.

"Of course you may. I must tell you, miss, that I thought you were lost and wandered in here for directions. I will ask you what brings you to this out of the way spot on a nice spring day…You needn't tell me if you don't feel comfortable doing so."

"Oh, no. Not all. I'm really quite glad whenever anyone shows any interest in me..." An embarrassed hesitation, as if this might be the beginning of a perhaps inappropriate self-revelation. "Anyhow, it's for an honors paper for school. I want to compare and contrast historical artists as social critics to the work shown in small contemporary galleries like this one. I only hesitated because I was trying to think of a nice way to tell you that I really shouldn't be called miss."

"Don't tell me you're married. You're much too young to even have a steady beau."

"Well, no… but there are other reasons why someone shouldn't be called miss." For the first time, this very self-possessed youngster seemed awkward. "It's just that with me there's one really, really good reason not to…"

"Can you tell me what that really, really good reason might be?"

Jude knew he had said too much, had gone too far in piquing this cordial woman's curiosity. There was no way to avoid correcting her misimpression of him without being rude.

"I thought I might not have to but you're really so nice that I can't let you go on thinking I'm something I'm not…"

Sara saw the remark as teenage conceit. What about any of her perceptions of this girl could possibly matter since it was all but certain they would never meet again? What ever it might be was enough to make this oddly appealing teenager look away from Sara. The girl rolled her shoulders back, took a deep breath, and looked directly into Sara's eyes in a way that begged Sara to listen to something that was of great concern to the teen while daring Sara to refuse.

"You see, I'm a boy."

Sara did something she hadn't done since childhood. She began to blush! Should I say to her she's got to be kidding? No. I can't risk losing her, not now. This kid might be what I've been after ever since…He…She could be the perfect subject, just what I've been looking for ever since.. I can't even think about what happened or I'll just fall aapart.

Again, the pubescent enigma spoke before Sara could organize her thoughts.

"You're not sure what to make of me, are you? I mean I can show you my driver's license; well, learner's permit anyhow."

Sara sat back down to catch her breath. This was really too, too much. This adorable teen with looks most girls, most women would die to have just one his many charms was a boy! As astonishing as being told this beauty was a boy was being told she was old enough to drive! This eighteen year old boy could, with some guidance, be a convincing fourteen year old girl or, for that matter, with the right clothes and makeup, a very attractive college coed.

"I'm ever so sorry I upset you. I guess I should have just let you go on thinking I'm a girl. Happens all the time. I'm used to it; matter of fact..."

"You were about to say something."

"Nothing, really. I mean…"

"I think you were about to say that you're really not that uncomfortable with that."

Sara thought to herself that this girl was telling the truth. Girl indeed! I still can't bring myself to think of this gorgeous doll as a boy. Of course, he must like it. Just look at how much he affects the casual girl look.

"By the way my name is Sara Ross. What can I call you?"

"Jude which is what's on my birth certificate but it's short for Judah. I was named for an ancient Jewish warrior. Turned out to be a joke; a really bad joke."

"Yes, I know the name; Judah Maccabee, correct? But why do you say it's a joke?"

"Right but in my case it's so wrong. Every one calls me Jude. Sometimes I get teased and they call me Judy."

"You seem to handle it quite well."

"I'm pretty used to it. I guess I even like it when it comes from certain people. I don't know why I'm telling you this but it seems like you care about people who might be weird, out of the ordinary. Empathy is probably the right word for what you seem to radiate."

"My goodness. You have a terrific vocabulary. You must read a lot."

"Thanks. Yes, I love to read. Makes me even more of a freak than the way I look."

"Jude, honey, I'm surprised at you. You're a lovely person."

"I don't mean to be ungracious but isn't kind of weird that you said I'm lovely. I mean where I live a lovely boy is just the worst kind of drip. And I don't mean just my neighborhood, my family, too.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know why I'm telling you all this, burdening you really. It's just so hard sometimes, so lonely."

"Jude, sweetie…"

Sara reached for a tissue in the desk drawer and dabbed away the tears that were trickling down Jude's smooth cheeks.

"Take a deep breath. Now let it out slowly." Sara tilted Jude's face toward her and smiled. "There now." She walked quickly to the door of the gallery and locked it.

Jude was impressed by Sara's classic beauty, her superb figure and carriage. Sara's dark gray knit dress with its loosely fitted skirt was made less somber by the silver necklace and matching cuff bracelet she wore. The woman's firm, well-formed legs were highlighted by barely tinted hose and gray suede opera pumps.

"This will give us some privacy."

"Un huh, but aren't you going to get in trouble with your boss if you close when the place is supposed to be open?"

"Don't you fret. These aren't our regular business hours and besides that, I've already given notice."

"Notice?"

"That means I've let them know I'm leaving, going elsewhere. Now, come into my office and you can tell me why you're so upset."

"Don't you know?"

"I think I do but perhaps we can understand why it spilled out at right here and now."

Sara lowered the gallery lights and led Jude to her office. The small room, little more than a cubby hole, was in a state of apparent disarray confirming that Sara was, indeed, leaving. Jude saw that, despite the impression of turmoil, there was an organized quality to it. A few large cardboard file boxes were filled or partially filled with folders, papers and notebooks. Piles of papers and personal items covered the desk and cabinet.

"Do sit down." Sara pointed to the one empty chair in the tiny room. Her tone, although soft and calm, said this was neither a request nor an invitation. The woman seated herself on the edge of her desk and crossed her legs. Jude smiled through tears realizing that Sara made no effort to adjust her skirt. Despite Sara revealing more leg than was proper back in the fifties, Jude sensed the woman wasn't being flirtatious; Sara was as unperturbed and as unaffected around Jude as she might with a real girl, a real girl who was close to her. It was, to the diffident Jude, a sense of being accepted as he was or at least felt he should be.

"When I was little I didn't know how different I was. It was kind of okay, but just kind of. At first my folks thought it was cute but then they started to yell at me for nothing. They wanted me to be rough and tumble like all the other little boys but I still wanted to play house with the girls." Here Jude paused and looked down at her hands. A sad smile and a sigh before she continued in a softer voice. "The bigger girls would be the mommies and I'd be their little girl. And then when most boys were starting to grow fuzzy little moustaches, I started getting tiny bumps, sort of like breasts. My mom and her folks thought I was possessed or something…."

Jude paused to wipe away the tears with the back of his wrist, tears that slowly trickled down his hairless cheeks. It was all Sara could do to keep from smiling at the little girl mannerisms that were so natural to this strange teen.

"The only one who stayed friends with me was a girl but she got leukemia and died. Some people, people who thought they were so adult said that God punished her for having stayed friends with the demon child. Rotten shits… The kids around my age, they used to jump me and beat me up or push me in the bushes. Once we were in high school they pretty much ignored me or else they would bump into me on the stairs in school and see if they could make me fall down. It would have been even be worse but there's this one guy who was a year ahead of me and just didn't like to see anyone bullied. He really smacked anyone who tried to hurt me. Pretty much got them out of the habit of picking on me. I really liked him, liked him the way boys are supposed to like girls. I used to cry myself to sleep, I was so miserable…Oh, I'm so sorry for sounding like a jerk but I've been holding it in for so long. That's kind of why I'm so upset. For a long time now I've wanted to be able to talk to someone about my feelings and now that I have someone to listen all I can do is cry… And now everyone in my own stupid family tells me I've got to start being a man or get out. A man! Can you ever imagine me as a man? Certainly not what they think a man should be. I'd rather die, kill myself before I turn into their idea of a man. Not that I want to stay with them but I have no other place to go; at least not yet.. I want to go to City College because that's free but I need a place to live and a way to earn my living expenses, otherwise I'll have to start really pretending to be something I'm not and I don't even think I can do it." Jude paused to catch his breath and looked up at Sara with his eyes bright with hope. "I think I know why I told you I like being what I am and why I just told you more than I should have. It's just so neat that you didn't laugh at me or make fun or send me on my way… It's just so hard being so freaky."

"Jude, darling, you're a lot less freaky than you can ever imagine. Being different can be a great asset in the right circles. Come on. You look like you need a hug."

Sara took Jude by the wrist and gently pulled him to his feet. Jude, at first tense and rigid, slowly relaxed in the tender, caring embrace of the compassionate young woman.

"Goodness gracious, you are sweaty. Here, let me fold up your sleeves."

Sara managed to keep from wincing as she noticed the scars on the inside of Jude's wrists, scars which movingly underscored how unhappy this wraithlike being had been made to feel. As if from habit, Jude turned his wrists to conceal the pale scars, so harshly white and ghastly against the golden tan of the child's otherwise flawless skin. Again, silent tears trickled Jude's smooth cheeks.

Sara leaned back across the desk and reached behind it to open a drawer from which she extracted a box of tissues. Jude was transfixed by the unfettered view of Sara's legs. She effortlessly raised herself to a sitting position but made no effort to readjust her skirt. Her warm smile caused Jude some momentary discomfort.

"What is that you like about what you see? Oh, don't feel so self-conscious about seeing my legs. When a girl trusts another girl, she's less inhibited, less stuck on false modesty. It's okay if you like the way I'm made and it's okay to wonder about what a girl or a woman is wearing under her clothing. It's even okay if you wonder what it feels like and want to… I'd better stop before I make you uncomfortable."

"No, no. It's okay. It's really swank that you want to listen to me and that you know what I'm like.

"Can I tell you what's scaring me?"

"Of course you can, and I promise not to tease you about it, not ever."

"Now that I've had someone listen to me and show me they care I might not ever be able to close myself off again. It's so awful for me at home. I just can't go on…"

Sara paused and took a deep breath. She studied Jude who seemed in a state of shock.

"Jude, sweetie, if I promise you that I'll help you change your life will you promise me that you'll put up with what you have now for another few weeks… at the most?"

Jude nodded and gently bit her lower lip.

"You're eighteen and there's no way your family can force you to stay with them. Your high school graduation can't be more than six weeks off. It'd be best if you stay with them until then.

"Before you make any commitment to staying with me, I want you to see where I live and what you're accommodations will be like. It's also likely that I'll be relocating, relocating to an area far away from here. If this works out, you'll be more than welcome to come along with me and I promise you the accommodations will be a lot better than what I have to offer you right now. There's also a junior college nearby that I'm sure you could go to. Now don't worry about the expenses. It'll all be explained over time. Do you understand what this entails?"

"Gee, this is just so swell of you. I know it'll work out. I just know it."

"Good girl…" An embarrassed silence as Sara realized her faux pas. Jude, although potentially a girl and quite a girl at that, was still living as a boy. Would she scare Jude off before she had a chance to help him fulfill what Sara intuited to be his destiny. Jude broke the tension even before Sara could recover.

"Sara, that's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

They both started to giggle until Jude managed to blurt out, "Don't laugh, I'm perfectly serious."

The young woman's eyes followed Jude as he walked to the door of the gallery and waited for Sara to come unlock the door. Sara smiled warmly at the overwhelmed boy. She felt a surge of affection as she reflected on how awkwardly he moved while acknowledging there was an underlying grace that needed only to be cultivated in order to spring free. There was an eerie, anxiety producing quality to this affection. It was so like something Sara had experienced before, a situation, a relationship that had caused her pain which she had fought so hard to bury by atoning through good deeds even though there was nothing she had done which warranted atonement..

Jude's awkwardness, Sara was certain, was an effect of the horrible inhibition of the true femininity of this unformed yet already divine being. She hugged herself and hoped that Cybele, Hecate and all the ancient goddesses she had studied and adored would grant her the power to save Jude by empowering the still buried femme anger to rise to the fore.

Sara then strode to her office picked up the phone and, with practiced, speed dialed. Her face betrayed her tension as she waited for someone to pick up. She relaxed visibly as someone picked up.

"Maud, thank goodness you're there. I take it she's out. I think I've found the person we need. No, not think; I'm certain that we've found the right one….Oh, sweetie, I know I said this last time but this time I just know it's going to work out. Right now I need you to let her into my place and show her around…Jude…I'll be home soon so there's no need for you to dress….Thanks, Maud, for being so sweet."

Maude hung up the basement hall phone and walked back into the small dance studio in which she regularly practiced her dancing. The basement of the brownstone had been fitted with a dance studio and a tiny weight room to facilitate the training of the willowy redhead as well as any others who might come to live in the large private dwelling. She looked with approval at her reflection in the mirror that covered one wall. She unpinned her bun and shook loose the copper colored hair. She studied herself as she brushed her shoulder length mane. The black leotard and full fashion white dance tights both flattered her figure while making it impossible to hide any flaws. There were no flaws, not in the least. Maud liked what she saw. Her back to the mirror, she looked over her shoulder at her narrow waist and full hips, her shapely thighs, and her muscular calves tapering to magnificently sculpted ankles emphasized by the heavy seam of the tights. Turning to the side she noticed the a little more than just the hem of the white cotton panties she favored under her tights showed through the tights at the edge of her leotard. An effective eye-catcher, it was a degree of nonchalant innocence that made her all the more seductive and gave her even more control over any male who might be unfortunate enough to be drawn to this siren. As proud as she was of her body, she didn't want to show Jude more than was necessary. She reached for the wrap skirt on the bench and put it on. Though it covered her magnificent hips and legs, it did nothing to conceal that this girl, apparently not long out of her teens, was strikingly beautiful.

She carried her toe shoes upstairs, changed her ballet flats to t-strap heels of a moderate but noticeable height. She then searched through some keys, crossed the back garden, and let herself into Sara's house.

Jude looked at the written directions Sara had given her as she stuffed the money that came with it into her pocket. She stepped off the curb and flagged down a cab.

The cab deposited Jude at the corner of Sara's street in the Chelsea district just as Maude was crossing the back garden Jude was immediately taken by the tree lined streets so close to the busy north/south avenues of Manhattan. Still more captivating was the ladies specialty shop on the corner. The more sophisticated lingerie and nightwear were, Jude thought, too grown up to even dream about. The girdles, foundations as they wee more tastefully called, were definitely for more mature, more developed women but not the pretty things in one section of the display window that seemed be dedicated to teens and coeds. The small cups of the soft bras might just fit! And the fine cotton panties in all those pretty pastels would feel so nice against Jude, especially compared to those coarse thick boy briefs that were so disgusting. He all but prayed for the conviction to enter the store and pick out one or two packages of panties. Even in fantasy the thwarted androgyne could dare no more than that much. At least not until his prayers were answered.

A sigh as he turned and walked down the street toward the building that Sara Ross had directed him. It was a large nineteenth century building that had once been the town house of some unknown but well to do family. A discreet brass plaque quietly declared that "Clare Raymond, Ph. D. / by appointment" practiced whatever it was that he or she did at that address. To the left of the street entrance, almost unnoticed, was a small nameless shop offering "BOTANICALS & HERBALS." Each lacked a street door and could only be entered through the front hall of the building.

Jude opened the entrance door to the building and stepped into the dimly lit corridor. He paused as his eyes made the adjustment from bright the sunshine and shadow of the street to the soft artificial lighting of the corridor. There was a directory of tenants above a row of brass mailboxes. The small number of tenants with no empty spaces on the directory suggested that the few apartments in the building were large. While scanning the directory for Sara's name, the sound of a door softly opening and closing caught Jude's attention.

"You needn't bother with the directory. You're Jude, aren't you? Of course you are. Sara described you quite well."

Jude was startled by the unexpected sound. There was a haughty quality to both the voice and to the attractive young woman who had spoken. It reminded Jude of Jean Simmons as Estella in the film "Great Expectations." A scintilla of apprehension mixed with anticipation went through the naïve adolescent. It would be too cowardly and too ungrateful to say this whole thing was a mistake, that he couldn't pursue Sara's offer to help, however vague, in escaping his fate, a cruel fate that had dropped Jude into an unsupportive, rejecting family and a Philistine community. Now a new, kinder fate in the form of Sara Ross was beckoning him toward deliverance.

"Yes, I'm Jude. Sara wants me to see her apartment." Jude was surprised at the quiet confidence with which he spoke to this challenging beauty.

The elevator took them up to the floor above where they emerged into a cross between a vestibule and an entry hall. Maud said nothing but unlocked the only door and pushed it wide open. She beckoned for Jude to enter.

"Do sit down and relax. I'll show you around a little bit. That is if we have time before Sara gets back. There's a powder room behind that door if you care to freshen up."

"No, thanks." Jude was surprised that this powerful presence used such coy terms as freshen up for go the bathroom and powder room for lavatory.

"I'll put up some coffee for us." The girl's momentary absence gave Jude a chance to look around the room. It was tastefully furnished in an eclectic style. A spiral staircase, certainly a later addition to the building, led to the floor above. The door through which the young redhead had gone was left open to reveal an eat-in kitchen, a rare luxury in city apartments. Jude wondered if this was too far out of his natural habitat to ever feel right.

Well, Sara had promised her change and this would certainly be change. And even if there were to be no other changes, Jude sensed that this new milieu was so much better, so much more honest than the existence that had been such torture.

"How do you take your coffee?" The girl, hands against the door frame, leaned toward him with a smile. Jude had to admit to himself that coffee was an unaccustomed beverage. He hadn't the least notion of how one should 'take' coffee. The split second hesitation was enough of a clue for Sara's stand-in hostess to pick up on Jude's needs. "Say, how about hot chocolate instead?" She didn't wait for an answer. She returned shortly with a tray with some cookies, a European brand unfamiliar to Jude, and a steaming pot of hot chocolate. There was only one cup which she filled and handed to Jude.

"By the way, I'm Maud." Her tone was both matter of fact and warm. She sat down on the arm of a couch facing Jude who was seated in a Queen Anne chair. Maud crossed her legs and allowed the wrap skirt to fall open across her thighs as she rested one elbow on the back of the couch.

Jude was disturbed by the unaccustomed sensation this girl was evoking in him as his eyes followed the curve of her thighs to the black triangle of leotard at the apex of those muscular limbs, limbs so well exercised that the muscular definition was evident even through the opaque white performance weight dance tights. This strange and not at all unpleasant feeling involved all his senses. It was at that instant that Jude realized that he was finding this girl very attractive, attractive and even arousing. Being aroused by a girl was something he had never experienced and something that gave him pause.

Why now and why with this girl? What is it that's so special, so different about her that makes me feel so tingly around her? I'm not even sure it feels good. No, it feels good but it's scary at the same time. All I know is that I need to feel this way again. Please, please don't let me get hard in front of her. She looks so beautiful down there. It makes me feel so ugly the way my dick and my balls stick out in front. By why is is she who makes me feel like I want to do things with her when no other girl ever has?

"Sara told me something about you when she phoned. She says you're a kind of an outcast where you live now, thinks you deserve better. Things will definitely work out for the best if you just trust Sara and go along with what she suggests. You may not believe it but I do know it will turn out right for you. You're going to have to work at it, but if you do, things you'll end up having a really great time of it."

"You can't really know, but I really am glad for your trying to understanding. It's been hard, so hard." Jude tried hard not to cry in front of Maud who, he was certain, could never, begin to know all that a boy such as Jude had endured.

"Jude, just trust me. I know."
Maud slid from the arm of the couch to the seat leaving one leg draped over the arm. Jude stared at her inner thigh as she shifted just enough to allow her skirt to cover, just barely cover the vee where her thighs met.

"Love, 'trust me' can be just an expression, a filler in the conversation. You don't have to take it so literally when I say it but when I tell you to trust Sara, I mean just that. Trust her, sweets."

Jude covered his wrists as he felt Maud's gaze home in on those awful scars. He fidgeted while Maud waited. He was relieved as she looked into his eyes.

"You have to trust her, at least for now. She may be the only escape hatch you'll ever have. Later on, when you've made good your escape from that trap life dealt you, you can decide just how far you can go with trusting her… or, for that matter, me."

Jude looked down and broke into tears. When he finally caught his breath, Maud was snuggling him against her chest and rocking softly to and fro.

The sound of a key and Sara entered. Before Sara could close the door, Maud looked into Jude's eyes. Their faces moved closer as Jude felt his cock start to harden.

Their lips brushed in the promise of a kiss. Jude relaxed, his head resting on Maud's lap as the girl stroked his hair.

"I see Maud's been taking good care of you. Feeling better, Jude?"

Jude sat up and smiled as he nodded.

"Yes, thank you. I just started to cry again, but Maud told me to trust you and now I know I can." It was as if Jude's need to escape from Maude called 'that trap life dealt you…' had blotted out the cryptic advice on how far to trust Sara.

"Good. I'm sure you'll find that you and Maud have at least a few things in common." She glanced at Maud as if the two shared a secret.

Jude felt odd that this didn't bother him. At home with his family, in his neighborhood, and at school he always felt, usually correctly that such glances meant he was being made fun of, being reminded that he was the outsider, too different to ever be accepted by any individual or any group. The fleeting look that passed between Sara and Maud was different; not at all unkind. It was the kind of glance that two people might share when they were planning a surprise, a pleasant surprise for someone they wanted to make happy.

Maud stood up and fanned her skirt to loosen the folds. In so doing she revealed more thigh than Jude was used to seeing. "Oh, dear, this isn't working."

To Jude's surprised delight Maud undid the skirt and, for an instant, held it spread behind her. That instant was long enough for Jude to notice the hem of her panties showing through her tights. That Jude noticed the bit of white cotton panty wasn't lost on Sara. A smile flashed across the corners of her mouth. Jude smiled back secure in the knowledge that thee was not the least meanness in Sara's smile. It was a feeling that was alien to him, a feeling that once tasted would easily become and addiction. A momentary fear went through him. What if he couldn't stay with Sara?

"I'll be leaving now."

Maud's voice snapped Jude out of his trance. She had retied her wrap skirt and was walking toward the door. She paused, made eye contact with Jude and spoke once more.

"Jude, love, it was really so swell meeting you. I'm looking forward to seeing much more of you. I just know we'll have a time together."

She blew a kiss to Jude who smiled but could only manage "Bye for now." The twitching of his not quite hard cock was too distracting for him to say more.

Sara showed Jude around the duplex. He was too overwhelmed by the events of the morning to absorb every detail until they came to the second floor. A small sitting room with what was then called a high fi and a television set. There were some comfortable chairs with reading lamps.

"The two guest bedrooms and the guest bath are in that corridor." Sara gestured toward a door. Jude assumed he would occupy a guest room and wondered why Sara didn't show him where he would be staying. That was cleared up when Sara opened another door.

"My bedroom and bath are in here," she said as she pointed to a door of the corridor. My study's across the hall. You're suite is at the far end.

"It's a little tight but I'm sure you'll make do."

Suite! Can't be. She' s got to be making fun of me. This is all going to turn out to be a sick joke of some kind…Oh my God! This can't be real and it certainly can't be mine.

The suite consisted of moderate sized bedroom with a bed, dresser, vanity table, and easy chair. A bathroom more luxurious than any Jude had ever seen opened off the bedroom. A small study with a desk completed the suite.

Jude impressed by what would hopefully be his own living space, a space more personal, more private, more comfy and better appointed than the aspiring girl had ever dreamed of. The young trannie was awestruck by the décor. The pastel the sheets trimmed with lace, the airy curtains and the French provincial bedroom furniture marked this suite as belonging to a girl.

Sara opened the walk in closet and switched on a light.

"We'll have to get you lots things, pretty things to fill this closet and the dresser. Pretty things to help you feel pretty."

She paused and studied Jude.

"Turn slowly"

Jude didn't understand why she asked but he complied.

"Those boy briefs you have on really spoil the line of your slacks. You do realize panties will look so much smoother. Come on, we're taking a walk down to the corner. We have some shopping to do and then we'll have some lunch." Again, neither a request nor an invitation.

Feeling less and less a boy as the moments passed, Jude mulled over Sara's advice, or perhaps her decree, that the boy briefs be laid aside in favor of panties. The very words Sara chose reinforced Jude's long suppressed feelings that panties were the natural, the correct under garments for one who had been forced to conform to a boy role just because an unkind fate had perpetrated a cruel hoax. Jude was more convinced than ever that he/she could adapt to living life as a young girl with no other changes than a correct wardrobe and a home that would accept the boy/girl for the unique being he was destined to transform into.

Jude kept reviewing Sara's observation that panties will look so much smoother. She hadn't said might, she hadn't said could, she hadn't said would! Does she really mean I'll be wearing panties? Oh, God that would be so swank.

After living with a wishy-washy mother who was treated like a child by her domineering family, Jude was not at all perturbed by Sara's direct and unquestionable directives. It offered the dejected teen a set of guidelines that were in keeping with the inner nature of this most unusual yet very attractive adolescent, were so missing growing up. To Jude it was a welcome relief from the constant nagging to be a real man.

Jude was almost in shock as they entered the store he had stood longingly in front off just a short time ago. It was as if Sara had read his innermost thoughts. Now she was showing she accepted he boy/girl's most secret desires. She pressed his hand in hers as they walked up to the counter.

"Size five cotton panties, please. Tailored briefs will do nicely. For my ward here. Three white and six pastels…Do you like these, Judy?"

Judy's heart jumped into her throat as a quiver ran through her loins. This was so right, so natural. She was in a public place and she was being treated as the girl she now knew she always was.

"Uh-huh. Ever so much. Thanks awfully."

"Oh, yes." Sara turned her attention back to the saleswoman. "Those pink nylon briefs. Just one pair for now and something similar in cotton."

Sara let her elbow brush against Judy. They looked at each other and smiled while the saleswoman rang up the purchase. She handed Sara her change.

"If I may so, your ward is a very fortunate young lady. That hair and that complexion of hers doesn't need makeup, not more than a light touch…"

"Yes," interrupted Sara. "We'll be back. I'm sure Judy will need a complete new set of underthings."

Judy couldn't contain herself as they walked back toward Sara's apartment.

"Oh God, Sara. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've never felt this good in my whole entire life.!"
"Judy, just think about how good you're going to feel when you're wearing your new things."

Sara handed Judy the paper shopping bag with the store logo printed on it. With that Judy's walk, never masculine, became more femme but without exaggeration nor was it that mocking parody seen in so many affected effeminate men. No, this was the walk of a well adjusted and unselfconscious girl, an attractive girl comfortable in her own skin.

A policeman on foot patrol approached. Sara sensed Judy's apprehension.

"Sweetie, you're doing nothing wrong, nothing out of the ordinary. As a matter of fact, you're doing right by yourself for the first time in your life."

Judy put her teeth over her lower lip and nodded. The cop smiled at them and touched the brim of his cap, a gesture or salute not uncommon among New York's finest in the long gone fifties. Judy, more awkward than embarrassed, smiled back. The young cop stopped and turned to watch the pair continue down the street. He nodded approvingly as he acknowledged to himself that the younger girl has a marvelous tush. Wasted on a kid so young he told himself as he sighed and continued on his beat.

"Felt good, being noticed, being admired?" asked Sara they entered the lobby of her building.

"Absolutely luscious," smiled Judy. "You know what else, Sara? It made me feel strong, strong and secure. Even just carrying this bag with my new underthings makes me feel more positive about myself than I've ever felt."

This time they entered Sara's apartment through the upper floor of the duplex.

"Go to your room an lay your panties out on the bed."

The down on Judy's arms stood up with the thrill of hearing her new underthings being called panties.

A few moments later Sara joined her as she caressingly fingered her first intimates.

"Take off your slacks and get rid of those horrid things you've been wearing for too long."

Judy knew she should have felt awkward undressing in front of this woman whom she had met only a few hours before. She realized this was, for her, more natural, more ordinary than changing in front of the boys for gym. It was another facet of the unaffected way that Sara and Maud had allowed more leg to show in front of Judy than they would have shown in front of a guy. She folded her slacks neatly and laid them on the bed. With her back still to Sara she stepped out of those disgusting boy briefs.

Judy picked up a pair of white cotton panties and awkwardly held the gossamer fabric with hands that trembled with anticipation. The discomfort Judy was experiencing was due not to any feelings that changing into panties was wrong or unnatural, but to the recognition of a very practical problem. Judy was totally inexperienced in dressing as the girl she always really was and had no idea how to tell which was the front of the panties. At that same instant Judy realized that she was now facing Sara and nude from the waist down. Her cocked twitched and assumed a firmer than flaccid but not hard stance.

Sara smiled kindly. "You'll get used to it. I mean used to being nude or scantily dressed with other girls. You'll get the technique for getting your panties straight in no time. Hold them up in front of you; the edge of the waist band in each hand. Between thumb and forefinger. That way you can see by the cut which side goes to the front. Good girl…"

"Oh, I get it. This is so neat."

Judy stepped into the panties and instinctively flattened her genitals as she pulled the unaccustomed but long dreamed of garment on. She looked at herself in the full length mirror on her door. She turned as far as she could so that she could see the reflection of her tush in the glass. Sara nodded approvingly as the newly transitioning girl hooked her thumbs under the elastic leg bands

and snapped the panties to fully cover her tush!

Judy sat on the edge of the bed as she donned her slacks.

"Maybe I should try wearing my penny loafers without socks."

"Better still would be wearing a pair of flats." She didn't need to add that the shoes of choice would be girls' flats.

"Sure thing. But I don't have any."

"I'm sure we can pick up an inexpensive pair or two at A.S. Beck on Fourteenth Street. Not that you don't rate better than inexpensive; it's just to get you started. Oh, one more thing. Those coarse boy underpants you were wearing have to go in the rubbish at once."

Judy blanched.

"But if my folks find out I ever wore panties, they'll kill me!"

"Will they really kill you?…Or will they do something else, something far less extreme?"

"They'll disown me. They'll throw me out for sure."

"Would that be such a terrible punishment? Sounds like it would be a real reward now that you have someplace to go."

"I must have sounded like a real drip, worrying about being kicked out of that house. Wow, Sara. You really meant all those things you said about taking me in."

Judy took her wallet and keys from the portfolio she had been carrying when she first walked into the gallery and. started to put them of her slacks.

"No, sweets," corrected Sara. "Stuffing your pockets will ruin the line of your slacks almost as badly as those hideous briefs you were forced to wear. Just carry them for a bit. Girls do that with clutch pursues so you won't be noticed, at least not for carrying your wallet in your hand."

Half an hour later they emerged from the shoe store with Judy wearing her new flats and carrying her loafers and her new pumps in a shopping bag. The newly born trannie willingly wore her new leather shoulder bag rather than carry it in the shopping bag.

"Toss your keys and wallet into your new pocketbook. The sooner girl things become second nature to you, the more relaxed you'll be. Remember, now that you have the proper underthings there's all the more reason not to stuff your pockets and ruin the lines of your clothing.

"Those heels will take a little getting used to but you can practice when your with me. Just look at the time. We need some lunch."

Before choosing a place for lunch, they stopped briefly at a pharmacy where Sara bought a packet of tissues for Judy's new shoulder purse.

"Girls never use hankies except as a prop. You know, to blot their tears, especially their crocodile tears."

The inexperienced boy/girl nodded in acknowledgement of her mentor's advice Judy wondered why Sara halted as they walked through the cosmetics section. Judy's heart beat rapidly as Sara paused at a lipstick display, held a couple against Judy's cheek for a color match and the bought them. No sooner were the lipsticks paid for than they went into Judy's shoulder bag.

"This is so wild! I thought for sure that you were going to put the lipstick on me."

"Not just yet but soon, love, soon."

They stopped at a fashionable café where Sara ordered for them both. They nibbled at their salads and sipped white wine while waiting for the omelets Sara had ordered. Sara smiled approvingly as she watched her new protégée wield her fork. Judy reacted with an awkward self-consciousness.

"I've never been in a really super place like this before. Am I doing things right?"

"Of course you are, Judy love. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I smiled because your movements are so naturally graceful, as if you've been living as girl forever."

Judy put her fork down and took her first ever sip of decent Chardonnay.

"Maybe I have been but I was fooling everyone into thinking I'm a boy: everyone including me although I felt like an awful drip being a boy. Sara, don't let them make me go back…That's funny. I haven't even escaped yet and I'm asking you not to let me go back."

Sara reached across the tiny table and laid her hand on top of Judy's.

"Judy, I promise you we're going to protect you and we're going to see to it that you become the beautiful young swan you're destined to be."

Judy smiled although her eyes were filled with tears. A nod of her head was all that was needed to convey her total commitment to Sara and to whatever plans she had for her. A strange thought crossed the young trannie's mind. What, she wondered, did Sara mean by 'we'?

Judy relaxed and leaned back in her chair. She unthinkingly crossed one leg over the other, thigh against thigh.

"Well done." Sara whispered as she watched Judy rest her index finger against the side of her chin as she unobtrusively looked around the small room.

"Huh?"

"The way you crossed your legs. Totally ladylike."

"God, it's so neat to hear nice things about the way I sit and move and all that stuff. You can't believe how much I've had to take from all those goons at school….My own family…"

Her Judy paused as a look of anger flashed across her pretty face.

"You'd think that they might have made me feel protected but no. They make fun of me, too.

"Sorry. No reason you have to hear it. No one can understand what it's like."

"Judy love, I can understand and I do. You'll come to know why. Just rust me for now."

"Thanks for accepting me."

"At this point a young lady would go freshen up. Washing your face will make you feel ever so much better. Don't forget to take your pocketbook with you."

Judy nodded and smiled. There was an impish gleam in her eye which made Sara wonder what the girl/boy was up to. A few minutes later Judy paused as she exited the powder room. Sara grinned in wide eyed approval. Judy had managed to do her lipstick in just the right shape for her face and mouth!

"You look quite smart. Just be sure to remove every last trace of it before you leave for home."

"It was always hard for me to think of that awful place as home. I can't wait until my home's with you."

The waitress, a twenty-something in a peasant style blouse and flowing print skirt smiled at Judy.

"Gee, I hope you don't mind but I've got to tell you that lipstick is the perfect color for you; so great with your skin and hair."

"Thanks. I can always use a compliment."

Sara paid the bill and left a generous tip for the young waitress who had done so much to boost Judy's confidence in her femme power.

Judy felt smug after only a taste of the liberation that was to come once she could become Sara's protégée full time. The budding girl managed to smile at a few men who noticed her out of the corner of their eye as they passed on the street. Flirtatiousness, she found, came easy to her. It heightened the sense of well being and of power that she was experiencing during her first hours as a girl. Better still, it was something she could use any time she wanted to gain control over the stupid males who for so long had made her life so miserable.

"Judy, love, I'm not sure you're going to find this easy but one of us will have to speak to your family at some point. Do you want me to phone them or would you rather forewarn them that your life is changing and they're not going to be a part of it unless its on your terms."

"I'd rather drop it on them myself. It's a treat I don't want to miss."

Cleansed of lipstick and back in penny loafers but without the socks that Jude had worn that morning, Judy took the subway back to the neighborhood she was so ready to leave. As the train broke from the tunnel and jostled along the elevated tracks, Judy noticed the sky had turned ominous with the promise of a late spring shower.

Darn. If I get soaked, the hemline of my panties will really show under these light slacks. Shit! Those bastards will give me an even harder time than usual.

The wind had started to whip scraps of paper around the street as Judy exited the train station. A few ordinary highs school kids eyed her sneeringly as they hung about under the train trestle.

Judy took a deep breath stepped forward with a new determination, anew confidence born of recognizing her rightful femme self.

To hell with it. I'm no longer that simpering little wretch called Jude. No, I'm not.! I've started to be what I was meant to be and that isn't a scared little loser. No way in hell am I going to walk around them.

She strode forward as one of the boys stepped in front of her. She paused, eyed him with a determination that was menacing.

"Excuse me, but I'm going to pass here, right here."

A momentary stand off as the boy fidgeted uneasily.

"You really want your face slapped, don't you?"

Jude was surprised at the calmly firm, even coldly threatening but very female tone that she managed to turn out. The boy's hands began to quiver as he knew he was faced with a tough choice. He could get out of this faggot's way or he could risk getting a smacked around in front of his friends. It was dawning on him and on the rest of his clique that they weren't being confronted by a scared little fruit but by a very angry, very determined person whose nature, although unfathomable to them, could be very dangerous in its wrath. The boy's face fell as he stepped out of her way.

The rain fell audibly as store windows lit up as Judy was about to brave the sudden shower. A blue convertible passed by, paused and backed up.

"Jude," called a female voice from the passenger window. The name hardly registered on Judy who was already committed to be being Judy as quickly and as completely as she could.

A caring male voice from the driver's side spoke in a commanding yet caring way. "You'll get soaked to the skin. Get in and we'll drive you home."

Judy realized it was Jack, the boy had protected her, well sort of.

The girl he was with turned to him and whispered as he pulled to the curb.

"Jack, why do you do this to me? I really don't want to be seen with that chump" "Come on, Carol. I'm just giving the kid a lift so she, er, he doesn't get soaked. You know what a hard time those chumps will give him if he waits for the rain to end."

The girl fussed with her petticoats and skirt as she swiveled as little as she could to allow Judy to push the seat forward to slide into the back seat.

"Carol, for Christ's sake, give Jude some room to get in without him getting soaked any more than he has to..."

"Damn it all, Jack. Who do you care more about me or that little jerk?"

"I'm realizing there are things about you that I don't care about at all. I'll drop you off first and then take Jude home."

"Jack, I'm sorry. I didn't really mean to get you so upset." Carol folded her arms across her chest and slunk low in her seat.

Jack pulled carefully way from the curb and into traffic.

They drove in silence along the residential streets. Carol seemed shocked when Jack pulled into the driveway of her house.
"Jack, what are you doing? I said I'm sorry if I upset you."

His response was to reach across his pretty passenger and open her door. The girl's tone changed abruptly as she leaned over and kissed Jack. Her target was his lips but he turned away so that all she could kiss was his cheek.

"Call me after dinner," she said with a forced cheerfulness before adding in a whisper, "We can talk this out." Her voice resumed its cheerful quality. "Jude, great seeing you."

Jack wasn't about to let go of his irritation with the pretty, conceited, and manipulative girl. "You call me if you have anything to say; anything worth hearing."

The car backed down the driveway and halted before turning onto the street.

"Jack, I'm so sorry to have caused a spat between you two. I mean you've been a steady pair for so long"

"Maybe too long. It's been coming for a long time. I should be thanking you for bringing out that nasty part of her. Gave me that push to break it off with her. Could you believe she complained when I stopped to offer you a lift? We outgrew each other a long time ago. At least I outgrew her for sure. No, not your fault. If anything, you did me a favor.

"Come on up front. Just climb over the seat."

Judy threw her leg over the seat and awkwardly rolled over. Her lightweight slacks pulled tautly across her cute tush. She hesitated as she tried to avoid kicking Jack who had put his hand on her waist to guide her over. He was suddenly mesmerized by the outline of Judy's panty hem through the slacks. The half circle of the gusset was undeniable proof that this was a girl's panty. Jack's hand slipped offer Judy's bottom. Judy made no effort to move quickly but allowed jack to ever so slowly guide her over the back of the seat. She smiled at Jack whose heart was pounding with the realization of what the person he still knew as Jude was wearing.

Judy smiled at him as she spoke in as soft a voice as she dared while overcoming the urge to let her lips brush over his.

"Thanks, Jack. That was nice."

Jack put the car in gear as Judy rested her hand as near to him as she dared. Jack, too, rested his hand on the seat. As the car turned the corner, their fingers touched and remained touching lightly as the car moved along. Jack took the next turn sharply and quickly so that Judy slid closer to him.

Should I move away from him? No. That would show him that I'm aware of what he's doing. But what is it that he's doing? Oh my God! Maybe he's going to make a move on me. No, can't be. He's not a queer. Just look at all the girls he's dated and everyone knows that he and Carol are doing the deed. No moving away 'cause then he'll think…

Jack's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Say, would you get me a cigarette? Pack's in the visor? Want one?"

"No thanks. I'm not allowed…I don't smoke."

"Geez, Jude. You're an adult, well almost, and you still get ordered around like a baby."

She pulled her hand away from his and rested it on her lap.

"Really, Jack. That's none of your business. How about you just take me right home instead of driving around aimlessly?"

Judy couldn't believe how severe she sounded. Not only did she sound harshly independent but she was talking back to Jack who most real girls would let get away with anything just to date him once.

How is he going to react to this? Probably shove me out of the car while it's still moving.

"Come on, Jude. Don't be like that. I know I was a real stinker for trying to stick my nose in your personal business…."

"Don't bother to apologize. I appreciate all the times you watched out for me so I guess we're even."

Jack took the cigarette lighter from its receptacle and lit up. After replacing the lighter, his hand fell against Jude's thigh. For a second or two he groped for her hand before he finally accepted that Jude had moved it away and wasn't about to put in within his reach.

Jude opened the vent window. Jack tossed his just started cigarette out of the car.

"If the smoke bothers you, why not just say so? See, I got rid of it for you."

"I said we're even. Now take me home."

They turned onto Jude's block. Jack pulled the car to the curb in front of a vacant lot. He took a deep breath and stared straight ahead.

The older boy's malaise gave Judy a sense of power and of confidence in her own strength, a strength that was hidden from her as Jude, as the ineffective buy. He knew there could be no going back.

"I see that you don't want anyone seeing you dropping me off at my house. I understand you have a reputation to uphold."

"No, that's not it. I'll see you right to your door if that's what it takes to make you hear what I have to say. I shouldn't be telling this to you or to anyone else, not now, not ever. But I've got to say it to you and then I can forget it…."

Jude saw his knuckles turn white as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

"Maybe I have no business telling this to you 'cause you might not want to know. I decided I had to tell you but that was just an idea. When I saw you near the station I thought today is it. I knew you're so damned decent that you wouldn't ever tell anyone. And, well, don't take this wrong. When you climbed over the seat I could've sworn you were wearing panties. That's how messed up I am when it comes to you. I imagine things that couldn't possibly be true just 'cause I want thing some things to be that way."

Tears were rolling down his cheeks as Judy put her hand on his cheek and turned his face toward hers.

"I swear, Jack, I'll never tell anyone anything you don't want me to."

Jack nodded.

"Jude, when I used to look out for you…It was like I was looking out for a nice girl, a girl I cared about. You see I had a crush on you…No, that's not right….I have a crush on you. That makes me a queer, right?

"So how come I like girls?"

Judy leaned closer to Jack and spoke in breathy whisper.

"Deep down inside maybe I'm more of a girl than the ones you're used to. And how do you know I'm not wearing panties?"

She moved away from Jack and rested her back against the passenger door.

"Oh, and Jack…We're really even now. You see I had a crush on you, too."

An almost beatific smile crossed Jack's features.

"I just wanted to confess how I feel about you before I leave for boot camp."

"Boot camp? Have you gone and joined up?"

"Yeah. Figured I'll get drafted soon anyway so I joined the Marines. Probably be on my way to Korea in three, four months."

"Just to prove to yourself you're not queer, right?"

"Not really."

"I thought we're being honest with each other."

"Okay, that could have something to do with it."

"You can take me home now."

The car parked in front of the two family house where Judy lived. Jack grabbed her wrist and sat in silence.

"Now that I'm home I'd like to go in."

Jack's hand fell limply to the car seat. Judy moved closer to him, one knee on the car seat. She guided Jack's hand over her bottom. "Feel the hem. Really, I'm wearing panties." Her voice came in a breathy whisper

She brushed her lips over the petrified boy's, smiled as she looked into his eyes, and finally kissed his cheek before getting out of the car. She glanced over her shoulder and spoke softly to Jack.

"You really must do something about that hard-on of yours."

Jack watched Judy disappear through the side entrance of the large two family house. He put the car in gear and backed onto the street.

Shit! What did I just do? What if she…That's a freaking laugh. She? He's just a little queer and I'm even worse; getting all hot just being near him. Better keep his mouth shut…This was supposed to be the end of it, right? Then why do I miss her already? Her! Shit! I'm losing my marbles. Good thing I leave for Parris Island next week.

Judy walked slowly up the stairs as she bit her lip to keep from crying.

What's wrong with him? He knows he likes me and that I like him back. He wants me but he runs away from me 'cause he can't face up to liking a boy. Shit I can be more of a girlfriend, a better girlfriend to him or any boy I like than a dozen real girls put together. Why are they so sacred of what they really want? Oh, God! I hate them all! How I hate them.

"Well, the little social butterfly is home. You got a couple of calls. Someone named Miss Ross phoned. Wanted to make sure you got home okay. Said you should be sure to call if you have any questions. Wouldn't tell me anything more than it's about an opportunity for you. Hope it's a good one so you can start supporting yourself. Good jobs are hard to find especially…Well, I hate to say it 'cause you're my kid and all. But most people aren't interested in hiring someone like you. Boys like you make people nervous. You know what I mean."

"Ma, this could be the chance of a lifetime; especially for someone like me."

"You want to tell me about it?"

"No."

"Well there was another call. Some boy named Michael Zagoff. Wanted to explain something to you. He left a number but he said he'll call you later."

"Thanks, Ma. Let me do some of that ironing."

"Funny how you've always been so good at things like that and you want to be so helpful. I really never told how much I appreciate all the ways you helped me out like that. I hope it's not too late for me to tell you that."

"Yes, Ma. It is. Why did you keep letting everyone in this messed family keep telling me to be a man? You have never been able to let me be what I am. Does this have anything to do with the call from Sara Ross? I think you're afraid that my plans with Sara will mean you're going to lose my help around the house."

The ringing of the phone brought a sudden halt to the potential confrontation.

"Yes, Michael, this is Jude. What's on your mind?... Apologize! Okay, that's just peachy…No, I really mean it…That's a swell idea. Sure. I'll meet you for Chinese…Just give me chance to shower."

Jude hung up the phone and smiled at her mother.

"I'm going to eat out tonight."

"Sounded like someone was making a date with you." Jude's weary looking but still attractive mother taunted him as she had done too often in the past..

Jude smiled blandly. "Got to shower and change. Michael is picking me up in an hour."

Poor Ma. She doesn't know how close she was to the truth when she said Michael was making a date with me. Michael said there was something different about me when I got off the train. Poor sap hasn't a clue. Darn it all, I knew I should have brought some of my panties home with me. Can't rinse out the ones I have on and dry them in hour. No, not with Ma hanging around. Better call Sara. Her number's in my case. Oh, my gosh! Sara must have slipped these panties in when I was in the powder room just before I left. This is so totally keen. Wish I had a another pair for tomorrow.

"Mother, I have to make a quick phone call.

"Hi, Sara. Everything is totally okay….You won't believe what happened. I stood up to one of the guys when I got off the train and now he's taking me out for dinner. Just local Chinese. He said there was something new and different about me… Sure, he knew I would have slapped his face if he got too close. Something else, too. This boy, um. Well, it's kind of involved and I don't want anyone to hear so I'll tell you when I see you.…Okay, I'll call you in the morning... Of course I'll come up to your place tomorrow. Oh, and thanks for putting those panties in my case. Just the thought of wearing boy underpants just disgusts me… I know; I know. I just have to put up with it for a little while longer."

Judy showered and, after drying off, used more talcum powder than any boy her age would have used. Next time I'll use Ma's dusting powder. She then wrapped the large bath towel around her but not at waist height as a boy would have done. Girls don't walk around the house with their tits bare for all to see. She would have to be more modest as befits a girl her age. The towel was wrapped around her chest sarong style just under her arms. She vigorously towel dried her hair before wrapping the small towel around her head like a turban.

Alone in her room, she dared to slip into the sky blue panties that Sara had so conveniently slipped into the portfolio that Jude had carried earlier. Catching a glimpse of herself in the dresser mirror she realized that with her hair turbaned and her body wrapped sarong-like in the bath towel, she was, even without makeup, a convincing girl. More than that, Judy was more attractive than most real girls and in a way that was totally unaffected and natural. The budding girl, so long hidden and suppressed by an unfeeling society that demanded total conformity to accidents of birth, stepped away from the boyish dresser so that she could see as much of herself in the mirror as possible. She studied the outline of her circumcised penis so obvious through the light cotton of her panties.

Damn it all, that ruins my whole body outline…Maybe it's not so bad right now. I'm still pretending to be a boy at least some of the time. Can't wait for that to end. Sara will show me how to look like a girl down there. She's just got to. Wait! Maybe I shouldn't always hide my dick. Do you think a girl with a dick might have it over a real girl? You never can tell.

She slipped on a pair of beige Jamaica shorts, shorts that she almost, except to family gatherings where everyone had written Jude off as weird, rarely risked wearing during her life as a boy. She slipped a blue tee over her head and then smiled slightly but very approvingly at the effect. The gold Star of David and the chain she wore it on was all the necklace she would wear for now.

Judy brushed her hair across her forehead. The impromptu style enhanced her eyes and added to her understated yet very femme allure. Judy studied the reflection and wondered if whatever Sara had in store for her would evaporate before she could actually make the conversion to living as though she were a real girl. She ran her hands through her soft hair and frowned. The effect pleased her but her hair, like this chance to learn to live as she was meant to live, might not hold. The girl/boy's eyes brightened as she stepped picked up her comb, and walked silently into her mother's room. She lifted a bottle of hair lacquer from the vanity table, opened it and wet her comb by dipping it. After tiptoeing back to her own room, she ran the comb slowly through her hair as she shaped the side swept front with her free hand. Now the femme allure would last.

A knock at her open door. Judy saw her mother reflected in the mirror as she stood in the doorway.

"Jude. You look nice with your hair like that. Too nice for the way I've acted toward you. Say, maybe you should use some of my hair lacquer to hold your hair like that."

"Thanks, Ma. I'll take you up on that. But what do you mean when you say the way you've acted toward me?"

"I dunno that I can come right out and say it. Now that you're getting ready to leave I just want you to know that maybe I should've let you be what you wanted to be. Could be that's really the way you're meant to be. It's just that I didn't want everyone in the world looking at you like you're weird. I thought you might get hurt. Maybe I hurt you more."

"Ma, you did hurt me and you still try to. You never even hinted that it was okay for me to be what I am. No, you wanted me to be a real man as much as anyone else in this pathetic excuse for a family. You hurt me, hurt me really bad and it didn't change very much of anything outside the house either."

"That Sara person; she gonna give you a job?"

"And a place to live."

"What's this all about? What do you have to do? Tell me, I have a right to know."

"Ma, I'm eighteen and I can take care of myself and make my own decisions. End of discussion."

"Sure, yeah."

Ma may be right. Sara's pretty bossy and she never really told me what I have to do in return for her help. There's got to be a payback down the line. Back out? Nah? This is my chance to get out and be me. So what if there's a catch. Sara's just so nice, not like this revolting family and all the goons around here. This is my chance and I'm taking it.

A quarter of an hour later Judy walked down the front stairs to greet Michael who hesitantly rang the bell. Judy sat on the porch rail, her back against a post. She brought one knee to her chest and wrapped her arms around it. She smiled at Michael who was becoming increasingly anxious.

"It's a nice night so let's walk. It's only a couple of blocks. You can just leave your dad's car in front of my house."

"Gee, Jude, I thought…"

"Reallly now, Michael. Is it you don't want your pals to see you walking with Jude the fairy?"

"Come on, Jude. It's not that at all."

"Then what it is it?"

"It's just that there are some things I really want to talk to you about and I'm not sure I want to say them in public."

"Do tell. Whatever you have to say to me can't possibly be so personal that you can't say it in public especially considering that you've never said tow kind or friendly words to me in a row in all the years we've been going through school together. And just remember, Michael, there aren't going to be a whole lot of people there at this hour on a week night even if it is midterm exam week."

"Jude, please."

A scornful smile flashed at the corners of the boy/girl's mouth. A few hours ago this boy had tried to give Jude a hard time and now he was begging for a chance to open up to her in private. Jude was already reveling in the power that had accrued to her in the few hours since she had decided to allow Sara to make her into a full time girl. This dismal male was going to pay the price for the humiliations the local boys had heaped on Jude throughout his/her school years.

"My Ma will probably be watching TV downstairs with my aunt and uncle so why don't we get something we can bring up to my house?"

"Okay, if you're sure that's what you want."

"Of course it's want I want."

They called ahead to have a pizza ready for pick up.

"I'll go and get it. Be right back."

"Michael, if you dare go without me, don't bother coming back."
"Jude…"

Michael followed Jude down the stairs like a puppy dog trailing after its mistress.

Jude stood at the passenger door while Michael walked around toward the driver's door. He got the message and returned to open the door and hold it for Jude.

Judy felt smug as she realized that Michael was getting the message that Jude was not only a girl but that she was going to demand to be treated with all the courtesy and respect due to a beautiful and sophisticated lady. She smiled at Michael and whispered. "Thanks" as she slipped gracefully into the passenger seat. The boy was overwhelmed as the touch of her finger tips on his cheeks brought a blush to his confused features.

Judy showed no mercy as she got of the car with him and all but held his hand as they braved a group of his friends congregating for an after dinner slice of pizza and sodas. A few desultory greetings as they came out of the shop carrying a pizza box was all that anyone dared say to the couple. As they approached the curb Michael fumbled to balance the pizza box as he reached to open the car door for Judy. He breathed a sigh of relief as Judy softly spoke.

"I've got it," She said as she opened the door for herself.

"Thanks, Jude."

"For what?"

"You know what I mean. You didn't make me open the door for you."

"You wanted to. In this case it really was the thought that counted. Besides, I saw no need to make you feel bad in front of those drippy friends of yours Now, what is it that you need to say to me that is so hush hush?"

Michael said nothing.

"Beer or soda?" asked Jude as she took two slices of the pie and put them on plates. "Be a love and get the opener from the drawer on the left."

Jude made a point of bending so as to highlight her tush as she put the pizza in the oven to keep warm. Michael wanted to turn away as the fabric of the Jamaica shorts pulled taut to reveal the outline that was irrefutable evidence that Jude was wearing panties. He began to sweat as he realized his cock was stiffening in his jeans.

Jude straightened up and smiled at Michael as she ran her hands over her hips and then gently tugged at the hem of her shorts. "Aren't you going to get the opener for me?"

Mercifully Jude spared Michael the humiliation of her seeing his hard-on, as visible in his jeans as was the hem of Judy's panties through the shorts, by reaching into the fridge and taking out two bottles of beer.

Judy sat on the edge of the kitchen table. She brought her foot up and rested it on the seat of the chair between Michael's thighs.

"Well," was all she said.

"It's like this, Jude. I know I was part of the crowd that gave you such a hard time all through school but almost everyone does..."

"That doesn't make it right and I'll tell you that's over."

"I know. I saw it today. It's like you were another person. I mean everyone knew that you would have slapped the face of any guy who got in your way; maybe even punched him out on the spot. It's like you were one of…" Michael lost his voice as he groped for a way to tell Jude that a she/he came on, at least in his eyes, like a femme fatale in a 'B' movie mystery.

"Okay, so I've changed my attitude but that isn't all you want to say. There's more, right?"

"Yeah," said Michael as she avoided eye contact. "I gottta tell you how sorry I am, how miserable I felt doing it."

"It didn't make me feel any too okay either."

"Jude, please listen and give me half a chance. For me it was different. Sure, lots of guys went along with it 'cause they felt, they thought it was a good thing, like a duty to push faggots around, keep them in their place. For me it was different…"

As Michael paused to get his thought organized or to get up the courage to say what was on his mind, Jude put her hand on the side of his face and turned it so they were looking directly at each other.

"You see, Judy...Sorry. I meant to say Jude."

"Judy will do nicely when we're alone, thank you."

She had put Michael on the defensive, added to his confusion and to his arousal.

"I always saw you as someone really neat. In my mind you were a girl but you weren't a girl but I still liked you the way a boy is supposed to like a girl and I wanted you to like me the way a girl likes a boy. I was sacred of what could happen if they found out to find out that I liked you so I played along with them. You were the one girl, I mean person, the one I used to think about as I fell asleep."

"The truth, Michael, the truth. You mean you thought about me when you jerked off."

Michael nodded and started to cry softly.

"The bathroom's that way. Wash your face with cold water and let's finish our pizza now that everything's in the open." Judy spoke in a kind and matter of fact tone as if she were speaking to a younger child who needed someone to affirm that what he had done, what had upset him was really not naughty at all. It gave Judy a sense of power and of control to be able to comfort the boy who had so often bullied Jude.

Michael came back a few minutes later looking like he had been through the emotional wringer.

"I better go."

"Don't go. I promise not to tell a living soul about how you feel about me."

She squeezed his hand and led him back to the table.

An hour and a half later Judy saw Michael to the downstairs door.

"Thanks for a nice evening and for the pizza, Michael. And thanks for finally telling me about how you really see me and how you've always felt toward me. Maybe we can end high school better than we started it."

"Can I call you again?"

"Please do, but give me a little time to do my shool work."

"Sure thing."

Judy drew Michal's face closer to hers and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Not sacred, are you?" It could have been a tease or a challenge.

Michael shook his head and manged to get a feeble "No."

"Then prove it," ordered Judy as she covered his mouth with her own.

The boy was tense at first. Judy wondered whether it was from inhibition or

inexperience as her hand brushed over his balls.

Judy gave him one more but far less intense kiss and whispered, "Promise me one; that you'll thing thinking about me while you jerk off."

Michael nodded and all but floated out the doorway.

"One more thing, lover," Judy added. "Call me tomorrow night."

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Judy woke up the next morning, got dressed in boy brief's, jeans, tee, and sneakers. The reflection in the mirror denied that this was a boy. Jude, even dressed in plain and non-descript boy's clothing, managed to project the essential femininity that had so remarkably surfaced in the few hours spent as Judy.

Ma had gone off to work but had left a note asking that they talk things through before Jude picks up and leaves. The now confident teen studied the note as she ate a bowl of cold cereal. She crushed the note and left it on the table. Perhaps she and Ma could sit down and sort things out between them but the time and place would be of Judy's choosing and it would be as Judy, never as Jude, that she would thrash out their differences.

Judy felt all squirmy and uncomfortable. It's these disgusting briefs, Ugh. I'll rinse out my panties and go down to the basement and use the drier. Wearing boy underpants is just too weird. I'll never wear them again. Not ever.

After studying some school notes, she phoned Sara.

"Judy, good morning." Sara's voice was disconcertingly haughty.

"You sound like something's wrong."

"I expected you to call earlier..."

"I had some studying to do. Besides, you never told me when to call." Judy was surprised at the firmness with which she was standing up to Sara who was offering her so much.

"Just be here by one. We have things to do."

Judy reflected on the imperious tone Sara was taking with her. "Must be her time of month," she thought and left it at that.

The walk to the subway station was a revelation. For the first time since kindergarten Judy felt more than a non-person. Boys and girls in Michael's clique didn't quite greet her warmly but they very definitely nodded, however slightly, as they passed by or else raised their hand from a distance in the feeble suggestion of a wave. Judy still despised them for what they had done to Jude over so many years.

Maybe some of them will turn out to be like Michael; kind of okay up close. Jude get a hold of yourself. Don't start getting all soft and forgiving now. Those are the same bastards who made you so miserable for so long.. Kind of a challenge though, to see if I can fit in a regular neighborhood. But that doesn't mean this neighborhood with this pack of shits. But what happens if it doesn't work out with Sara? Then where does that leave me? What if I end up with no place to go and even worse, no place to be me?

Judy climbed the stairs to the train platform, looked down the tracks, and saw the train approaching. She should have felt exhilarated at the thought seeing Sara but now she wasn't quite sure. It was certain that she would never return to being Jude except for rare moments of utter need. And yet there was something unsettling about Sara.

Judy sat dome next to a window and crossed her legs. She thought more about Maud than Sara. Maud was striking, graceful, and so self-possessed.

Maybe I can get to be like Maud or at least a little bit like her. She's ever so sexy and still manages to have real class. She actually got me hot. No girl ever did that to me before. Wonder what she has that makes her so special. Oh, my God. Could it be that I was turned on 'cause I just knew that she's the same kind of girl I am? She did say that I should trust her and she said 'I know' when I was taliking about what it's like to be so different. That's it! No, no. This is crazy. Oh, who knows?"

Maud was nowhere to be seen when Judy made her way along Sara's street. Judy knew it was unrealistic to expect to see Maud so soon yet she was drawn to the tall, slender redhead in ways she couldn't understand.

Sara greeted Judy with a warm kiss on the cheek which Judy hesitantly returned.

"When I kiss you, Judy, it's okay to kiss me back at the same time. It's even okay for two girls to kiss on the lips when they meet. How lightly and for how long the kiss lasts depends on the relationship. That ridiculous way of kissing air that some girls have is just absurd."

"I know what you mean, Sara. That's definitely not for me."

"Good girl. You're going to make a great girl and grow into a very elegant lady."

"Suppose I don't want to grow into an elegant lady. What if I just want to grow into being me? Why would that be a problem?"

"Judy, we're not going to force you to turn into a woman over night. You're going to start your life as a real girl at whatever stage and style you think you need to and then you're going to be able to go through all the exciting things that girls do that help define them as women."

Judy wondered what Sara meant by 'we.' Were there others involved in whatever Sara planned for Judy or was it simply a figure of speech or was it like when a king or the Pope talks about themselves in the plural? She was too excited, too taken by Sara to dare to ask.

"That's super," Judy said with real enthusiasm. "You know I think just wearing those panties on the way home yesterday let me give off a kind of radiation, you know like an atomic bomb or something that made a couple of the boys tell me that I used get them all hot I was just being Jude."

"I think 'radiant' was how you felt and you projected that radiance. Felt good to know you can do that to boys?"

"Felt so great….Sara, do you think it's possible that some boys, some men, too, can somehow sense if a girl has a prick, sorry, penis, and get even hotter than they would with a real girl?"

"It's not only possible, it's true. Why do you think you were so attracted to Maud?"

"You mean to say that I felt hot for her because she's the same kind of girl I want to be?"

Sara remained silent but her smile said everything.

A quizzical look came over Judy's excited face. Sara answered Judy's unspoken question.

"No darling, I'm not a girl like you and Maud. I'm what you've been calling a real girl. I can see you're not quite sure whether or not what I just said is true. I'll just have to show you absolute, irrefutable proof."

Sara stood up and slowly raised her skirt to her waist. Judy's heart raced as the dark stocking tops appeared. She started to stiffen as the fair skin of Sara's thighs showed in such sharp contrast to the tops of her hose. The contour of her nylon panties as they caressed the curve of that mysterious triangle where thigh meet body left little doubt that she was genetically female.

"I guess you are a real girl."

"Never assume that until you see everything ; I do mean see everything for yourself."

Sara sat on the couch, her skirt still raised and spread her legs. She drew her panty crotch aside and gave Judy a full and unfettered view of her glistening labia. Her fingers beckoned Judy toward her. Taking the girl/boy's hands she pulled her close, guided her to her knees between Sara's full thighs. The woman put her hands on the side of Judy's face and pulled her to her lips. Judy was rock hard as Sara undid her jeans and squeezed her cock as they kissed. A bead of precum formed as Sara freed the girl/boy's prick from the confines of her jeans.

With the tip of her index finger Sara dabbed the precum from Judy's cockhead. The girl/boy watched in fascination as Sara pointed the finger at her inexperienced mouth. Judy's instincts more than compensated for her lack of practice as her tongue darted forward to take her own precum from her mistress's finger tip. Then her mouth enveloped Sara's finger and gently sucked as if it were a cock to be teased and possessed.

Sara took her finger from Judy's mouth as the boy/girl moaned softly, She placed her hand behind Judy's head and guided her protégée's face to her slit. Then, too soon really, it was Sara's turn to moan.

Judy, her cock pointing straight up, lay on her back with her jeans down to her ankles. Sara licked off one shoe and, with the sole of her stocking clad foot, massaged Judy's panty covered balls. She brought her other foot, still in its black patent opera pump, to Judy's face. "Suck,' she commanded. Judy took the heel into her mouth and, as Sara mashed her other foot against her balls, used both hands to send a geyser of cum over her own chest.

Sara stood over the exhausted girl/boy and spoke as she nudged Judy's ribs with her heel. "Go to your room and shower. I'll lay out what you're to wear this afternoon. We've wasted too much time already although I'm sure you don't feel that what just happened was a waste."

Judy got to her feet and spoke as she hoisted her jeans to their proper position.

"God, no. That was so swank. I mean I never came with a woman before, never even saw a cunt up close..."

Judy reeled from the slap that Sara delivered across her face.

"Don't be coarse," barked Sara. "You sound like a tramp. Cunt indeed! Pussy sounds so much nicer, don't you think?" In that brief utterance she went from condemning through to teasing in ways that both perplexed and seduced the confused teen.

Judy held her hand to the side of her face and nodded. It was the indignity of being treated like an unruly little brat more the sting of the slap that send one tear trickling down Judy's cheek. Being disciplined by Sara was made bearable by what was left of the afterglow of the intense orgasm she had shared with the woman who was to be her guide into the world of womanliness. Judy knew at that moment that she wanted to master the skill that Sara had so ably demonstrated, the ability to punish and yet seduce in the same breath.

"Please get the door," Sara asked softly. "That would be Maud."

"Maud," Judy said zestfully as the gorgeous redhead swept into the apartment.

"Why, Judy! Swell to see you back. " She took off her shawl and flung it onto a chair as she planted a fleeting but wet kiss on Judy's lips. Judy, for her part, eyed Maud's groin area trying vainly to see her new friend's contours through her flowing skirt. The Titian-haired enchantress draped herself over a chair and scanned the room.

"Do get me a cigarette," she said to no one in particular.

"Why don't you smoke your own?" asked Sara as if this were a regular ritual whenever Maud arrived.

"Because your cigarettes don't cost me anything and you know you object to me stinking up your place, as you so directly put it, with my Gauloises."

Judy reached for the Steuben glass cigarette box on the table and brought it to her captivator. Maud stared at it for a few seconds until Judy lifted the lid. The boy/girl noticed that Maud's long fingers sported several rings, which, along with the bangle bracelets on her wrist, complemented the seductively Bohemian air created by her flowing print skirt and tie-on sandals.

Maud tamped the cigarette and waited for Judy to press the sterling silver table lighter and hold it out to her cigarette. The boy/girl watched delightedly out of the corner of her eye as Maud crossed her legs and pulled her skirt above her knees. Maud toyed with her heavy earrings for a few seconds before taking one off. She let if fall as she massaged her earlobe.

"Be a love and reach that for me, Jude."

Judy willingly complied by immediately kneeling to retrieve the bauble and was rewarded by Maud slowly recrossing her legs. A warm glow came over the trannie as her eye caught the shimmer of Maud's white nylon panties. At that very instant Judy realized that Maud was looking straight at her. The boy/girl's rising sense of embarrassment blended with arousal as Maud smiled at her, winked, and pursed her lips in a kiss. Relieved as she was, Judy blushed as her cock strained against her own panties.

"Judy, love, go shower. I'll be in to help you dress when you're dry."

The willing trannie sprang to her feet, turned to Sara who nodded approval before Judy could say a word.

"Do excuse me," said Judy in a voice that was both soft and resonant. "I'll be ready in a jiffy."

The two watched Judy disappear down the hall toward her suite. Sara continued to stare after Judy while Maud moved her focus from the young boy/girl to Sara. Maud's eyes scanned Sara from head to foot before finally stopping at the woman's face.

"Taken aren't we?"

"Oh shut up, Maud. She walks like a little girl in fifth grade. She wants to project sex but she's afraid to at the same time. Her gait is still awkward, inhibited…"

"Spare me your analysis. That poor child was stuck in a nightmare where she forced to live a lie, live as a boy. The difference between her and the thousands of others like her is that she knew it was a lie. Now that she's waking from that lifelong horror, she can shed the inhibitions that were heaped on her. Those wonderful girlish qualities have to be nurtured and allowed to grow. You can't just dress her in woman's clothing and expect her to be a woman without ever having been a girl."

"You officious, flamboyant bitch! If I'm going to support her, she'll be whatever I need her to be. And you know damn well that she'll enjoy being the woman I'll turn her into."

"Of course she will but only because she doesn't know any better."

Maud leaned took a deep drag on her cigarette, held it deep in her lungs before slowly exhaling.

"You have a point, Sara. Perhaps she doesn't have the time it would take for her to go through all the steps in becoming a woman. What I've had as been a luxurious indulgence."

Judy felt Maud's eyes on her back even before she caught a glimpse of the showy redhead in the mirror.

"Gosh, you startled me." Judy grabbed the towel and held it front of her.

"Like what Sara laid out for you?"

"Uh-huh. These things are truly scrumptious."

As she bent to reach for the nylon panties, Judy tried to shift the towel so it covered both her tush and her front.

"Jude, darling, there's no need for modesty in front of me. I've seen what you have before. Matter of fact I see that whenever I undress, dress, shower and so on. I think you get my point."

Judy blanched and then grinned form ear to ear. "You're the same kind of girl I ma! That's so super. Sara sort of hinted that we might be alike. This is too keen. It'll be like having a big sister."

Judy literally jumped up and down and all but clapped her hands together like an excited child who just got a wonderful surprise gift. She threw her arms around Maud's neck and kissed her cheeks. Maud affectionately patted Judy's bare rump. The obvious twitching of Judy's prick told Maud that Judy wanted something a little more intimate than sisterly affection.

"First lesson. Slip on a pair of ordinary everyday panties as soon as you're done drying off. Cotton panties are the easiest., most casual and most comfy for times like this. If you're getting ready for a special date you can put on something more seductive. You'll be surprised at just how pretty and how sexy cotton briefs are going to make you feel."

Judy nodded and grabbed a pair form the drawer. Maud smiled as Judy fussed with her prick an balls in a vain attempt to conceal herself in her panties.

"Jude, sweetie, you're just so sincere…No, I'm not making fun of you. You're just too precious to ever make fun of…Although a little teasing might lead to something."

"Why do you keep calling me Jude? Is that just to tease…Or is it to remind of what a horrible creature I was until now?"

"Jude has so much more character, more power than Judy; and for all anyone knows it's a familiar name for Judy. Most people have pet names. It's a way of showing closeness and affection."

Maud's explanation of why she was calling her new friend Jude brought a truly warm smile to Jude's face.

"Do you?"

"Of course. You remember yesterday that I told you I know about what you're going through. I understand not only because I had to fight the world in order to be the girl you see but I also come from a very similar background to yours…My boy name was Mordecai as in the Book of Esther. I just shortened it."

"Oh, wow! So like in The Book of Esther you decided to be a heroine. Only this time it was Mordecai who became the heroine by saving his own life by living it as he was meant to. And now you're saving your people, I mean boys who are really girls inside, to survive by showing them how to let the girl inside become the real living person. Super!."

The ultra-sophisticated Maud blushed and then kissed the panty clad trannie on her lips. The kiss caught Jude literally open mouthed which gave Maud the opportunity to fleetingly brush the tip of her tongues against the younger trannie's, to sweep it over the boy/girl's palate. An electric thrill went through Jude as she stepped back and stared at Maud. Again she threw her arms around Maud's neck and covered the redhead's mouth with her own. As their tongues darted in and out each other's mouth, Maud reached up and unclasped Jude's arms from around her neck.

"Sweetie, we've got to get you ready to go shopping. I know you're going to love wearing a skirt."

"But I just know I'll get hard and everyone will know I have a dick."

"I don't doubt you will but there are ways to take care of those problems. You didn't see any unsightly bulges under my leotard yesterday, now did you?"

"Gosh, no. That's amazing when you think about it."

"Nothing amazing about it all when you know the secret. It's called a gaffe. Take off your panties and slip this over your thighs. Don't pull it up all the way. I'll show you how to do it."

No quite a smile, but a look of affection and approval came across Maud's lovely face. The special look, engendered by watching the teen wiggle out of the innocent white cotton panties, wasn't lost on Jude who hadn't experienced such unconditional affection since babyhood.

As Jude drew the elastic of the gaffe over her thighs the now seated Maud beckoned him closer. She cupped her student's balls in her hand and gently pushed each one into its cavity in Jude's groin as she used her other hand to lift the gaffe into place.

"That feels so weird."

"Never mind weird. You'll get used to it. Put your panties on and take a look in the mirror."

Jude was awestruck by the effect of the gaffe had on her contours. As the boy/girl; stared at her reflection, now so flawlessly female, Maud came up behind her and

draped her arms over her shoulders. Jude looked over her shoulder at Maud. "Thank you," was all she could whisper.

"Sweetie, this is only the beginning. Let's not get mushy or you'll make your Aunt Maud cry.

"Before you finish getting dressed, there's something we should really start you on."

Maud opened the closet where, to Jude's surprise, a number of pairs of shoes wee lined up on a rack. Jude's heart leapt into her mouth with the recognition that these were meant fro him. The several pairs of heels ranged from basic patent opera pumps to T-straps. Saddle oxfords, white bucks, tennis sneakers that were clearly styled for girls were there too.

Maud took out the high heeled t-straps and placed them on the floor in front of Jude. "Slip into these and do the straps."

Jude complied with alacrity and then stood up.

"Golly, I feel so wobbly in these. Besides aren't they kind of dressy for the afternoon?"

"They're for how you're going to be dressed as a stylish young lady. Your feeling wobbly is the whole point of this exercise. You need to learn how to walk in heels and the only way to do that is with practice. The heels will change the way your body looks and the way you move. Walk over to the mirror and take a good look at yourself. Take small steps and put one foot almost in front of the other. It's like when you tried to walk along the curb when you were a kid." Maud nodded approvingly as Jude moved across the room more gracefully than either would have hoped on her first steps in heels. "You learn quickly, love. In your case it's not only learning. You're unbelievably naturally femme. It's a gift but a gift that must be cultivated."

"Maud, these white panties look like a baby's. Could I wear a pair of my blue ones?"

"Of course you can. I've got to tell you though, the erotic power of white is highly under appreciated. And because it's under appreciated, it's very powerful. Just look at how you were captivated by a glimpse of my white panties when we were in Sara's sitting room just now."

Jude began to blush but walked back to the bed where her ensemble for the afternoon had been laid out. She slipped the vest over her head and fingered the little pink bow with its rose in the center. It was something appropriate for a girl younger than Jude yet it made her feel like a real girl, made her feel sexy.

"Come," said Maud as she pointed to the vanity table. A touch of eye-liner and lipstick was all that was needed to emphasize Jude's fine features.

Jude stepped into the soft petticoat. A white shortsleeeved blouse with a rounded collar and then the skirt, gray-blue and loosely fitted. The soft petti gave the skirt a gently understated fullness that was playfully feminine. Jude sat on the edge of the bed as she slipped on the cotton crew socks followed by the saddle oxfords.

Maud stood behind Jude and fluffed her hair with her fingers. The effect was devastatingly real. Maud pointed to the girl's watch on the vanity. It was the perfect complement. Jude had been transformed into a girl in her early teens whose manner and style suggested she was comfortably well off and might even attend a girls' prep school.

Jude took the shoulder bag that Sara had bought for her the day before and, as if having done this sort of thing all her life, checked for tissues and lipstick. To Jude's surprise Maud produced two or three tampons an dropped them into the purse.

"A girl your age should always be ready. Besides having a few of these in your purse is a convincing touch especially if you have to give one to a gg whose caught unprepared."

"GG?"

"Genetic girl; what you've been calling a real girl. Let's go. We've got things to do."

The first stop was the shop where only a day earlier Sara selected Jude's first collection of panties. Jude was a little perturbed when it became obvious that they the first stop would be that same store.

"Maud, did you think the lady in the store will think it's odd that I'm back a second day in a row?"

"I hardly think she'll recognize you. Yesterday you looked like a petite tomboy on the verge of deciding to be more feminine. Today you're the perfect example of feminine but brainy kid who's guaranteed to be valedictorian of her private girls school, the sort who hardly ever lowers herself to wear slacks. Yesterday you wore no makeup. Today your understated makeup underscores your natural beauty. Get the picture? Or should I say pictures?"

By now they were in the shop waiting to be served. Jude watched in fascination as Maud picked a sample stocking from the counter, drew it over her hand and spread her fingers to gauge the sheerness, tone and texture of the gossamer nylon.

"Yes, thanks, we do need some help. My niece will be staying with me for a prolonged visit. She'll need some foundations. A few garter belts to start with. She's never had a brassiere before so perhaps you can fit her properly. A few training bras for now as I think she'll be on a growth spurt pretty soon."

"Since we'll be providing the young lady with a rather full wardrobe of foundations perhaps we should take a full set of her measurements."

"That would be most helpful. Don't you agree, Jude?"

"Un-huh, Aunt Maud. That would be real swell."

The woman put her young assistant in charge of the shop and led Maud and Jude down a corridor to fitting room behind the shop. Jude understood that she was to strip to her underthings and did so in a small changing room.

Why am I being so modest? In a minute I'll be standing out there while that old cow measures me. I know I'm going to get hard and she'll know I'm not a real girl. What did Maud call it? Yeah, a GG. That's it. Wait, I couldn't pop a boner now if I wanted to; not with this gaffe. Great.

Jude used the walk she had practiced in heels to go from the changing room to the center of the fitting room. The shop woman nodded approvingly. "Superb. Such charm already and yet with the promise of so much more to come."

Maud exchanged conspiratorial glances with Jude as the woman wrote down measurements and suggested sizes and styles. Jude sensed that this straight woman was struck by the lithe body of this young being whose barely discernible breasts gave her an aura more seductive than many of the film divas of that era. The boy/girl smiled disdainfully as the woman kept praising her every measurement, her every set of proportions. She was realizing that her beauty gave her power over women as well as men. The smile remained at the corners of Jude's mouth as she looked disdainfully at this woman who was so pleased to fawn over her. At that moment Jude knew she would exercise this strange power that emerged along with her long suppressed femininity. She extended her foot to deliberately distract the shop woman from the task she seemed to so enjoy. The woman stood erect for a few seconds before remarking on the perfection Jude's high arched foot.

"Ma'am, can't we just get on with what has to be done. It's so boring just standing here."

The trannie's supercilious statement evoked a brief apology and a flurry of activity from the woman. Maud made eye contact with Jude and nodded her approval at her niece's snobbish assertiveness.

Jude was allowed to select three garter belts, a long leg panty girdle in white, a brief panty girdle in blue, a white training bra, and a lightly padded bra in light blue and black. While Jude was getting a thrill out of feeling the fabrics proffered to her by the shop woman, Maud had chosen an entire wardrobe of stockings in an array of textures and tints.

"We'll try these on at home. I'm sure they'll do quite nicely to get her started." Maud's tone brooked no contradiction. Then in a whispered aside to Jude added, "I'll have to show you how to get these things on and off. Try it here and she might think something's not right when she sees how inexperienced you are with this stuff. Even very young GGs have some idea about this from having watched their mothers."

"May I make a suggestion to the young miss?" the shop woman asked Maud.

Maud nodded and the woman produced a very lightly padded bra in a cup size obviously a little too large for Jude. She bid the teen to try it on. Maud escorted Jude into the dressing room where the teen removed her under vest and with Maud's supervision managed to get the bra on properly. The cups, as expected, went unfilled until the woman showed them a set of inserts or breast forms, falsies as they were known. They were not simply hemispheres which would be like stuck on afterthoughts. No these matched the contours of actual breasts. Jude bent slightly forward as Maud inserted the breast forms. The bra and firms were adjusted in place to produce a devastating effect.

"We'll be back later to pick up our purchases." Maud, without first asking for approval from the shopkeeper, wrote out a check for the cost of the purchases. The shop woman didn't dare ask Maud for identification less she lose the trade of the commanding redhead and her newly arrived niece who would certainly be needing more in the way of intimate wear in the weeks and months to come.

Despite her recent elation Jude felt more than a little uneasy over her chance encounter with Sara Ross and through Sara, meeting Maud, a girl like herself. Her mind began to race as she realized they were now on a busy commercial avenue. Maybe that lady who waited on us in the store could tell I'm not a real girl. She could have been nice to us so Maud would buy things there. She unthinkingly took Maud's hand.

"Your hand is so clammy. Are you okay?" Maud's voice expressed genuine concern, sincere caring.

"I guess so. I mean I'm not getting sick or anything like that. It's just that I feel scared."

"Being out dressed can do that the first few times. Let me tell you that you look a thousand per cent better than I ever did when I started out."

"Really?"

"No one sees you for anything other than a very attractive early teenage girl from the suburbs. Why don't you rest your foot on that fire hydrant while you adjust your sock. Let your skirt creep a tiny bit above your knee Just look at how many heads you turn."

Jude complied and felt a new surge of power as grown men went out of their way to eye the bare knee of this seeming child young enough to be their daughter. They boarded a downtown bus and took side facing seats. Jude crossed her legs and, flushed with her recent discovery of how easily she could turn men's heads, let her skirt fan out to the side so that a little more thigh showed than was quite proper. A well dressed man seated opposite them was captivated by the display until Maud reached down and pushed her niece's under the girl's thigh. Jude smiled provocatively as Maud glared at the man. They were barely able to conceal their amusement as the man turned ashen. Despite his obvious discomfort at being caught eyeing Jude, his gaze followed the attractive pair as they walked to the exit door at their stop. As she descended the exit steps, Jude turned to the man, made eye contact and blew him a kiss.

"You just too, too fresh," chastised Maud playfully.

"I'm just getting started. And you know what?" Jude didn't wait for Maud to answer but answered her own question. "I'm not scared anymore and I'll never be again."

Maud led them to a dance supply store. The out of the way shop was at once a dance boutique and costumers. Jude was impressed by the frames that held pencil or pastel sketches of costumes along with photographs of well known ballerinas and modern dance stars in the customs depicted in the sketches. Again, Jude found herself being measured and fitted for a veritable wardrobe of dance apparel. She was asked to stand on a large stool by the middle-aged woman who was shopkeeper, custom costume designer, and seamstress extraordinaire. The woman recorded every nuance of Jude's body in all its subtleties and nuances. A young girl, similar in age to Jude, made notes of all Madame's observations and measurements.

Jude realized that this was no idle exercise in determining her size but was part of a long range plan to monitor and Jude's development and to meet her needs. But what needs are these? The girl, some sort of apprentice to Madame, made Jude wonder if they had more in common than their age. Perhaps, thought Jude, we share a similar secret, a secret we carry hidden in our panties.

Her own reflection in a mirror caught Jude by surprise. Elevated as she was, her face was above the mirror so that only her body from the neck down was visible in the reflection. Jude failed to realize that this was herself. The flawless body in white seamed tights and black leotard barely concealing the beginnings of breasts, was that of a young ballerina. Jude was exhilarated and cast down by the realization that this was she. Her almost perfect femininity was apparent only in a static pose; her movements, she knew, would still retain the ungainliness that was part of Jude's unconscious efforts to avoid revealing how truly female he was inside. At that moment Maud, as if having read Jude's mind, took the trannie's hand and whispered.

"You'll need all the things we're ordering for you. No one who is going to get as much dance training as you'll be getting can get by on any less.

"Now. You hurry and change back to your street clothes. We've got to get you back to Sara's so you can get ready to go home."

"I know I have to go back there for a few more weeks but it isn't my home. Not really. Since I've been spending time with you and Sara, tasting what I really am, how could I call that awful, narrow place home?

"I would love to think my home is with you or Sara or both. I do know that it's not back in that awful place I grew up living a lie."

A seat on the subway, a rarity although it wasn't quite rush hour. Jude presented as a boy who, despite his small size and effeminate features and movements, was more confident, more of himself than he had ever been. He resented dressing in the drab boy clothes that he still wore except when he was with Sara or Maud. What buoyed his spirits, was that he was determined to wear panties almost all the time. He would keep a few pairs of boy briefs for doctor visits and for gym class in school.

Jude sat with his knees together. After all, isn't that how girls sit even if they're not in a skirt? He folded his hands on the colorful shoebox resting on his lap. It didn't matter to the young girl/boy that the logo of a women's high fashion shoe store showed the box contained something that no boy would want. The box also held several pair of panties that Jude was taking home in order to have at least a small panty wardrobe at home. For the budding trannie, these shoes were a necessity as were having enough panties to wear each day. How else could he/she master walking in heels if practice were limited to time spent with Sara and Maud? By openly carrying the box she would make it clear that Jude was no longer concerned with the stares and whispers of people who were so clearly beneath him.

Jude let himself into the apartment about an hour before his mother would be home. The phone started ringing as he fitted his key into the lock. He managed to grab it after about seven rings.

"Hi, is Jude there please?"

"Hi Michael, this is Jude."

"Super! I thought you were a girl when you picked up the phone just now."

"What did you expect me to sound like?" Jude responded icily.

"I dunno."

"You didn't call to be surprised at what I sound like and you, of all people shouldn't be surprised if I do sound like a girl. Actually you should be pleased by that."

"Come on, Jude, don't be mean. I said it was super."

"I guess you really meant it. Sorry if I sounded like a stinker."

"I don't mind. You want to go to the movies with me tonight."

"That would be neat but I have to study. I have an essay exam tomorrow. We'd get home too late if we went to the movies."

"Maybe we could just take a walk and get a soda or something."

"Sure. I'll be ready at seven thirty."

Jude hung up the phone, carried her new shoes to her room and doffed her outer clothes. Still in the blue nylon panties she had worn under her boy clothes, she put on a robe, tied it left over right as had been her habit for so many years. A glance in the mirror told the fledgling trannie that something was amiss. She smiled and retied the robe. After finding the thinnest cotton socks she owned, she slipped them over her feet and folded the tops over into cuffs. Jude stepped into her heels and felt elation at being able to engage in what for real girls was a very ordinary part of being a teen.

Oh, God. This is just so neat. It feels so, so good, so right. I'll never get over how really right it is for me to be dressing like a girl but I really must start acting like this is the most ordinary, most natural thing going. Of course that's right. It is natural me to dress like what I really am.

Jude laughed as she hurried to answer the phone.

"Okay, Ma. I can take some supper and then I'll study awhile and go out to meet a friend…If you must know it's Michael. It's not like I have a whole lot of friends around here…No, I'm not going to be out late. And Ma, as strange as it seems to you, I can take care of myself."

Jude heated some soup and crossed her legs and began to eat as she studied her school notes. Her shoe was dangled from her toes as she swung her foot to and fro in small arcs. These feminine refinements were all so natural to Jude as the long repressed femininity rose gracefully to the surface as the awkward veneer of her life as a boy fell away.

Jude showered quickly. Recalling Maud's advice she stepped into a pair of snow white elastic leg cotton panties, donned her robe and brushed her hair. She saw a bobby pin her mother had left on the sink and used it to keep her hair from falling across her face. A wry smile as she studied her reflection. The bobby pin was conspicuous. She would wear it anyhow. Everybody knew Jude behaved like a girl so there was no reason to pretend being a boy, at least not with Michael.

Jude selected a white broad cloth shirt, buttoned it leaving an extra button undone. The swells of flesh around her protruding nipples looked silly when she was a boy but now, she knew would look cute an sexy even without the help of the bras that Sara had bought for her on yesterday's shopping excursion. A pair of jeans and then penny loafers. Before switching the light off she scanned her room for any trace of female attire she might have left in the open. It wasn't that Jude really cared if her mother found out that she was committed to dressing and living as a girl but she wanted to tell mother when she was ready.

Michael was waiting for her on the porch steps. He rose to greet her as she came out the font door. Jude put her hand on his shoulder, glanced up and down the street, and kissed Michael on the corner of his mouth. She removed her hand from the startled boy's shoulder. "Dreams can come true." There was just enough emphasis on 'come' to set Michael's hormones racing.

"Like my hair this way?" she asked teasingly as they passed under a street lamp.

"It looks great. Real cute., but…"

"But what?" snapped Jude.

"Isn't that bobby pin looking for trouble?"

"If being the real me is looking for trouble then I guess it is. What's the matter? Are you afraid to be seen with me now that your jerk off dreams might come true?"

Michael was taken aback, even frightened by this sudden burst of womanly belligerence that Jude so readily displayed. Even as Jude was becoming more overtly effeminate, the boy/girl was showing more determination, more assertiveness than ever before.

Jude took held Michael's hand. The overwhelmed boy was stiff but gradually relaxed until they turned onto the less empty commercial streets.

"You can let go of my hand if you need to. I understand.."

Michael pulled his hand away from Jude's. "Jude...I'm really so sorry. You know how I feel about you. It's like I want you to be my girlfriend even though you're really a boy…"

"So?"

"I'm scared. We might get jumped for being queers…"

"Oh, Michael, you poor sap. How do you think I felt all through school? Okay. Will it help if I get rid of this?" Jude pulled the bobby pin from her hair. "This date is over. You can walk me home."

"But why?" pleaded Michael.

"If you think so little of yourself and of me that you think we're queers, I don't want to be seen with you."

They paused in font of Jude's house.

"Michael, come into the vestibule so we can say good-night without worrying about who sees us."

Once inside she pinned the beleaguered boy against the wall and began nibbling at his lips. Her hand found his hard cock through his chinos. Her mouth engulfed his as the heel of her hand massaged his dick. As her tongue played across his, her hand grasped his balls. The firmness of her grip on his balls caused him to moan. Again, the heel of her hand rubbed along his hard cock pressing it against him through his pants. She held her face a few inches from his and smiled sardonically as he came leaving a large wet stain in the front of the tan chinos.

"I guess that makes you a queer, letting a guy kiss you and then coming like that."

The girl/boy drove her knee into his balls just hard enough for him to double over but not go down.

"No need to call me ever again. I'm sure you don't want your friends to know that you hang out with queers. I wonder how you're going to explain that come spot. Have a nice night."

She pushed him out onto the porch and closed the door behind him knowing he would be begging to see her again. Jude felt remarkably calm after having treated Michael as he deserved. It wasn't simply payback for all the years he and his friends had made Jude's life a misery. Jude had been angered by Michael's hypocritical concern over being thought a queer. To Jude it was a lesson in just how deeply ingrained was the venom that was poisoning so many potentially happy and decent lives. Michael, seemingly on the verge of acknowledging his special needs when he told Jude how he felt about the boy/girl, on the verge of saving his own future by seeking what he really needed, had now shown himself unable to free himself from the small minded values of 1954. That wasn't for Jude. It was only a matter of time before Jude the attractive girl would cut all ties with her past as Jude the boy. She didn't realize how soon that would be.

A smug half smile formed on Jude's face as she walked up the stairs to the second floor apartment. She almost felt sorry for Michael if any of his crowd were to see the wet cum spot on his trousers.

Say, a few of his pals might have seen him with me and they'll know that he got off with me. Holy shit! They'll treat him like they all treated me. Maybe even jump him. Poor Michael. Can't say he doesn't deserve it after the way he treated me even though he liked me.

To Jude' surprise the front door was open and Ma was standing there with her arms folded across her chest.

"Hi, Ma. See, I'm home early…You look angry. What's wrong?"

"You've got some explaining to do. The heels and the panties. Just what do you think you're trying to do to yourself?"

Jude stood arms akimbo and stared her mother down.

"Ma, first of all I'm eighteen and I demand to be treated with respect. That means allowing me my privacy. Second of all, I tired of being pushed to be what you and your sister and her dumb husband want me to be. If you had any self-respect you would have moved out of here years ago just to stop them form treating you like some sort of mental midget. My God, you're still a really attractive woman if you only did something with yourself and started doing things on your own. I'll explain what's going on but not when we're both so angry. For now just stay the hell out of my room."

"Jude, I'm sorry. Aunt Martha and Uncle Walter went through the apartment. They're the landlords so they have a right to inspect it."

"Nothing gives that pervert the right to go through my personal things."

Jude started down the stairs.

"No, baby. If you start an argument, he'll hit you like he hits Martha."

"First of all I'm not your baby. And as for that ridiculous brother-in-law of yours, jus t let him try. I'll straighten his ass out once and for all."

The altercation brought Jude's aunt and uncle to the stairs.

"So the little feigeleh (a Yiddish word that literally means little bird but is used to refer to an effeminate boy or man.) wants to straighten me out."

He charged up the stairs toward Jude who sidestepped and threw her weight against the older man as he lunged at her. Walter fell face down on the steps as the force of his fall knocked the wind out of him. As he struggled awkwardly to get to his feet, Jude grabbed his hair and yanked backwards sending the overweight man sliding down the stairs on his back. Jude rushed down the stairs, knelt over him, pulled his head up and held him by his shirt front.

"Yes,' she hissed sardonically. "Not only does the little feigeleh want to straighten you out, she's going to do it right here and right now and you're not man enough to stop her."

Jude stood up and waited until Walter was almost on his fight before she smashed her fist into his nose. He put his hand to his face and looked in shock as the blood from his nose covered his hand.

"Martha, call the police. Stop him! He's crazy. He'll kill me!"

"Sure, call the police so he can tell them how his faggy nephew beat the crap out of him because he snooped in her closet and in her dresser." A punch to Walter's belly punctuated Jude's comments. "That'll go over real swell with your cronies on the corner."

Jude began to pound her uncle until he collapsed at her feet, a whimpering blob. She drew her foot back as if to kick him. Walter curled into a heap, his hands covering his crotch. The angry trannie stood over him, arms akimbo.

Martha and Ruth, Jude's Ma, each took one of Walter's arms and tried to pull him to his feet. As he tried to shake loose of their grasp, they released their grip and allowed him to fall on his butt. Jude, meanwhile, stomped upstairs.

"Jude, where are you going? Stay here. We may need you."

"Ma, I don't know what you mean by stay here but I'll tell you now; there's no way I'm staying in this house." Jude walked into the second floor apartment and closed the door behind her.

Martha motioned for Ma to stay and help her with Walter who needed first aid more for his shattered ego than for the bruising Jude had given him.

"You know, Ruth, Jude isn't so crazy as we make him out to be. You should talk to him. You know maybe I should say talk to her. May be right that Jude would be happy living as a woman. You saw how strong she was just now. That's only since she began having girl's underwear."

"Yeah, Martha. Maybe that's right. Maybe I should listen to Jude and get out of here…"

"No, Ruth. We're your family and this is your home." She spoke to Ma as if she were correcting an unruly child who was threatening to run away.

Half an hour later Ma went upstairs to find Jude who was talking on the phone.

"Speak to you later." She hung up the phone and glared at Ma.

"See, Ma. I can take care of myself and I'm going to from here on out."

Ma recounted her conversation with Martha. Jude sneered and began to reproach Ma in a voice that was icily firm.

"Sure she needs you to stay. She's afraid to be alone with that revolting husband of hers. He won't let her friends so she wants you to give up your chances of finding some sort of happiness to be the one friend he'll let her have. And do you know why that is? You're rent money pays their mortgage. You are paying off their house. Not only that but you do most of the cooking around here and the shopping too. You're better for them than having a slave. You act like their servant and pay rent for the privilege.

"Look, Ma, you're a grown woman so you don't want advice from me but if you're smart you'll follow my example and get out of here."

It took Ma a few minutes to compose herself.

"Jude, listen to your mother. I said we'll talk and we'll talk, straighten things out.

If you move out how're you going to finish school on time? Just six weeks until you graduate and get a job. We can make it all right…"

"You know, Ma., I almost believed you the other night when you said we could talk and get things right between us. Not that I care any more whether you do or you don't but I thought you could learn to accept me for what I am. Maybe you're fooling your self but you're not fooling me." Jude's eyes burned into Ma who squirmed restlessly.

"Jude, Jude. How can you not believe me?"

"Ma, you were willing to complain to me about my heels and my panties just because that fat shit Walter snooped. If you really wanted to accept me for what I am you would have defended me, told him to stop snooping instead of attacking me.

"And as for school; it's more important for me to be in a place where what I am is respected than it is to graduate on time.

"Just remember that I was willing to hear what you had to say until you showed me that what other people think is more important to you than what I am."

Jude packed her new clothing and personal effects into whatever boxes or bags she could find and carried them down to the vestibule. Ma was awestruck when Jude came out of the bathroom. The boy/girl's naturally pretty face was made even lovelier, more charming by the skillful employment of lipstick, eye liner and eye shadow that she herself had so quickly and adeptly applied.

Ma sat sobbing softly as Jude glanced out of the window until a car pulled up. Jude hurried down the stairs to open the door for Sara and Maud. Ma watched sitting dejectedly from the top of the stairs as the trio put the bags and boxes in the trunk of the Lincoln Continental.

The older woman seemed in shock as she stood up when Jude came up the stairs.

"I'll be in touch…maybe in a few days." She kissed Ma's cheek and started down the stairs. The distraught woman sighed as she heard the front door close. Car door opening, closing, an engine starting. Silence.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Maud, who had moved to the back seat of the car to allow Jude the front passenger seat, reached over the seat and caressed Jude's cheek.

"Thanks for the thought but I'm okay with this. Only wish this happened years ago." Jude giggled. "Maybe not. I wasn't eighteen so they could have stopped me. Would have been nice though if I could have spent my high school years with you two."

A flicker of light from the back seat told Jude that Maud had lit a cigarette and passed it to Sara before lighting one for herself.

"Jude?"

"Sure. I'd love to try one."

Jude took the lit cigarette and placed is gingerly between her lips. She sucked on it as if drinking from a straw. A fit of coughing as Sara and Maud laughed.

"Try again later. You'll get the hang of it if you still want to," remarked Sara.

"Sara, can I ask a favor of you before we go home…Sorry, I mean before we go to your place."

"Jude, honey, no need to apologize. You were right the first time. You are going home. My place, as you call it, is your new home, at least your city home. I'll explain all about that after you settle in. Now, what's this favor?"

"Could we just drive along the avenue? I don't know why but I want to see it one more time before I leave this neighborhood forever. It sure wasn't a fun place for me."

"Just give me directions and we'll go to any place you want."

The car purred slowly through the early spring night until Jude suddenly yelled for Sara to stop. Michael stood on the corner chatting with Carol and one or two other girls.. He had somehow managed to get home an change out of his cum stained chinos into jeans. His face showed a few bruises.

Jude lowered the car window and called softly to Michael.

"Michael, sweetie, you got jumped didn't you? I feel badly for you even though you deserved it."

"I guess I did."

"You guess?"

"No. I know I deserved it after what I said to you. These guys were supposed to be my friends. Can you believe Carol and Joyce scared them off?"

"Tell me about it some other time." Michael started to smile in the hope that Jude would forgive him, allow him to see her again, maybe a real date.. His face fell as Jude continued. "If there is an other time, which is very unlikely."

"But why?"

"Michael, you should be able to figure it out for yourself. If you can't, I don't have the time to explain it to you now. I saw you so I just wanted to say good-bye. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back here, not ever. I'm glad I saw you so I could tell you that when you told me how you felt about me, how I turned you on , it made me feel good, made me think that thee was a chance for a girl like me to survive and grow into what I was meant to be around here. In a sense I'm glad you woke me up because if not you something else would have woken me up and I know that if they beat you because they thought you let me make you cum, they probably would kill me, beat me to death. In a way you may have saved my life. Thanks."

Jude leaned out the window and pulled Michael's face to her own. She covered her mouth with his and kissed him deeply. She broke the kiss long enough to whisper, "Keep thinking about me when you jerk off. I'll remind you of what you lost when you lost me." She resumed the kiss as Michael's dick stiffened in his jeans.

"I guess you'll have to see if those two can get you off like I did. "I'll be in touch…maybe…maybe not."

Jude closed the window and with a half smile watched Michael stare open-mouthed. He walked back to the two girls.

"Say,' observed Joyce, "That kid's really, really pretty. Michael, you're keeping secrets from us. Since when do you know such really, really swank girls?"

"I've seen her before but I can't remember where I know her from. Too cute for her own good is what she is. It'll come to me, it'll come to me." Carol screwed up one corner of her mouth as if she was determined to remember from where she knew this troublesome little cutie pie.

The color faded from Michael's face. What would happen to him if Carol realized that the girl in the car, the girl he had let kiss him so passionately was Jude. Maybe he would take a cue from Jude and leave the neighborhood as soon as he could.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Jude awakened the next morning as if from a dream. She was reluctant to open her eyes lest she find herself in the her old room, in her old life. One peek at the flower print sheets told her that the last few weeks had been no dream.

A gentle tap at the door. Jude sat up, swung her legs over the edge of the bed and adjusted her cotton nightie as she slipped her feet into her fuzzy slippers.

"Come in."

"Good morning, Judith. Now doesn't that sound so formal, so correct in more ways than one?"

Jude nodded and smiled at Sara whose robe had opened enough to show white

nylon panties clinging to the unmistakable contours of a GG.

"Good morning, Miss Sleepyhead. Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes. There are some papers you need to fill out for summer school. I'll explain that over breakfast."

"Sara, I know I should be grateful and I am. I'll do almost anything, be almost anything you want me to be but I'd love to know why you're being so nice to me."

"It's because you deserve to be the person you want to be, the person you're meant to be. That means you're the beautiful butterfly coming out of its cocoon, the ugly duckling turning into a beautiful swan. Just what this beautiful and so specially gifted young girl does with herself is for you to discover and decide."

"Wait as second. I like what you're saying but what do you mean about me being so gifted? I mean just what talent do I have?"

"Jude, you've been sold a bill of goods for too many years. Don't you remember hw easily you turned that young cops head the other afternoon? Do you realize how gracefully you're able to move in heels and a skirt although you're so new to wearing such things? You can sing and you'll learn to be a dancer. And the most special gift you have, the one that sets you apart from all but a few special girls…"

Jude interrupted with the enthusiasm of a child opening a special present.

"You mean girls like Maud and me, right? Do you really mean it's because I have a prick makes me special?"

"Yes, love, I do mean that. What I just said still doesn't answer you're question about hwy you're her with me." Here Sara paused and looked at he wall as if she wee seeing something painful, something tragic and sad. "I can't talk about it now, it hurts too much and I've got to meet with some people on business matters later this morning. Sweetie, I promise to tell you everything.

Say, how about tonight? I'll ask Maud to join us. I'm sure there are tons of questions you have. I'll clear things up for you. Give you the whole story from beginning to end. You just have to promise me one thing, that you'll put up with my crying."

"I promise."

"Good girl. Breakfast will be ready in ten minutes."

Jude showered, slipped into pink cotton panties, crew socks and a white bra.

A powder blue, Peter Pan collared short sleeve blouse and a gray a-line skirt. She slipped on her saddle shoes, brushed her hair went downstairs to the kitchen of the duplex.

Sara, still in her robe, was bringing two players of scrambled eggs, home fries and bacon to the table. Toast was already on the table.

"Drink your orange juice first. There's jam and marmalade in that server. Do you prefer milk or cream in your coffee?"

"Sara, you're going to spoil me."

"My plan exactly but you have to wash the pan and the dishes this morning." "Fair enough but what about the other mornings?"

"I have someone come in to cook and clean. You'll like her. As soon as you're done with the dishes, you can go for a walk, learn to find your way around the area. There's some money on your dresser so you don't have to walk around with nothing in your purse. I do want you to fill out the forms for summer school. They're in a folder I left on top of my desk There's a brochure in the folder so you'll get some idea of what I'm getting you into. It's in a New England shore town. Don't worry; I'm not abandoning you. I'll be up there too as will Maud. Try to find time to see Cassandra. She's the herbalist. Her shop's on the ground floor."

"Yes, I remember it. But why?"

"She can develop a regimen of herbs for you that will keep your face smooth and shift the little body fat you have to your hips. Even has some that will improve those cute little tits of yours although they're pretty perky as small as they are now."

Jude smiled and then began to cry.

"Judith, what's wrong? Are we going too quickly for you?"

"No, nothing's wrong. I'm just so happy."

After doing the dishes, Jude strolled around the neighborhood as Sara had suggested. Just off the main commercial street there were occasional small shops or boutiques tucked into buildings that seemed primarily residential. Jude window shopped, fascinated by the one of kind, hand made jewelry and the hand woven or hand knit scarves, shawls, and capes that some of these shops featured. She found a tobacco and news dealer where she marveled at the unusual titles on the magazine racks. In the narrow world she had so recently abandoned such things were the province of libraries.

Then she found the section of magazines for girls her age. Jude felt a glow, a self-righteous, self-satisfied glow. In her old life she had only dared to glance furtively at these magazines in fear of being further tormented by the chumps who couldn't understand the boy so different from themselves and not understanding the boy/girl feared her. She had longed to lie in her bed in the evening and browse through these magazines filled with articles on girl things, ads for the latest intimates.

Jude reached for the current issue of Seventeen,, leafed through it quickly and added Young Miss to her purchases. No odd looks when she carried her selections toward the counter. Jude paused to select a candy bar and a roll of mints before paying.

The attractive girl radiated a happy confidence as she stepped out into the sunshine. She would walk home, home to Sara's, put her magazines on her bedside table, not hide them as she would have had to if she even had dared to bring such girl things to that disastrous place she had been forced to call home. That done, she went downstairs to introduce herself to Cassandra.

A small bell tinkled as Jude opened the door to the shop. A strange but not all unpleasant smell greeted her. The softly lit shop was unlike any the young trannie had ever seen. Arrangements of dried herbs lay on shelves or in decorative vases. Kitchen herbs were displayed in packaging from the size of seed packets to what looked like apothecary jars. More kinds of herbal teas than were commonly seen in the fifties beckoned invitingly. Then there were jars of what looked powders, pills, and crushed leaves. Liquids on shelves labeled tinctures. syrups, extracts and elixirs transformed light to gorgeous and subtle colors.

"You must be Judith, a pretty name for a pretty girl. Sorry if I startled you."

"That's okay. I really didn't know what to expect. I guess I should thank you for the compliment. It is a pretty name but kind of awkward to be called to be called Judith. Sounds so stuffy. Judy will do very nicely or just Jude."

"Well, just Jude. Sara wants me to start you on a course of herbs to enhance what I can already see are great natural gifts." She held out her hand and ran her finger tips over Jude's cheeks. Cassandra and Jude studied each other briefly.

Cassandra was about five feet eight. She wore a long sleeved jewel neck tee and a billowing paisley print skirt which showed her adequate figure to great advantage.. She wore ornate sliver earrings, and matching necklace and bracelet. They were exotic in design and appeared to be quite old. Rings, equally exotic adorned her graceful fingers which were stained with the result of the herbs she had been working with when Jude entered.

"Just let me close the shop and we can see what we'll do with you."

From under the counter Cassandra took a small card with a clock face and movable hands. To the left of the clock face were the words 'BE BACK AT.' She moved the hands of the clock to twelve thirty, more than two hours from the time shown on Jude's wrist watch. Feeling a little uncomfortable Jude tried to make small talk as Cassandra dimmed the lights and locked the door.

"I'm fascinated by your jewelry, just so unusual. And you carry it so well."

"Thanks. They were gifts from my amah. That's a native nursemaid. I spent part of my childhood in India under the raj."

"Raj?"

"The English colonial rule over India."

Jude had been moving through the strange shop with Cassandra as they chatted and now found herself in a room behind the shop.

"Say, you said Judith was a pretty name but so is Cassandra."

"Now it's my turn to thank you. Not my original Christian name though. I thought Cassandra was fitting so I adopted it when I came to the States. Now, back to the business at hand. I'm going to have to ask you to strip down to your bra and panties. Would you feel more comfortable if you changed behind that screen?"

Jude felt her face growing warm as she blushed but decided she had to brave it out. She would strip down to her bra and panties in front of this exotically attractive woman scarcely a few years older than herself.

"Not necessary. After all we're just a couple of girls together even though I'm a different sort of girl from you."

"Not a bit of it," smiled Cassandra in a voice that had dropped almost to whisper. "We do have that very special something in common, special among girls that is."

Jude, who had unzipped her skirt and was stepping out of it, froze in surprise.

"You don't mean to say you have a…" The trannie hesitated in confusion over what to call her male member. Penis would sound too stiff (pardon the unintended pun)., too prudish, Any other word might sound too coarse, too familiar.

"You can say it: penis, dick, cock, prick, John Thomas, schlong; whatever you like. As you so aptly said 'we're a couple of girls together," Cassandra , in a rather matter of fact tone encouraged the young and inexperienced boy/girl to use words that best conveyed what she wanted to say.

Jude, skirt in hand, stood in her panties and blouse staring in disbelief at Cassandra. The herbalist undid her skirt, let it fall to her ankles and stepped out of it. She wore moderately high heeled sandals and tan stockings held in place by a garter belt that was barely visible under her red nylon panties. The outline of Cassandra's cock indicated she wore no gaffe. Jude, enthralled by her companion's body, kept glancing down at the outline of her prick through her panties as watched the older girl's every move.

Cassandra reached behind her head, unpinned her hair and shook it loose.

Jude felt her cock straining against her gaffe as Cassandra reached forward and unbuttoned the younger trannie's blouse. Jude let the blouse slide off her shoulders and down her arms.

Cassandra studied Jude, knelt before her and eased the younger trannie's panties down her legs. The gaffe followed. Jude reached back and unhooked her own bra as Cassandra pulled her tee over her head before wiggling her panties down. As astounding as Cassandra's prick were her breasts. Not large, but round and sensual as their soft flesh pushed over the edge of the décolleté bra. Jude stood whimpering as Cassandra kissed her navel, her waist.

Cassandra rose, put her hand behind Jude's head and covered the boy girl's mouth with her own as her free hand weighed Jude's balls, squeezed them playfully. Jude felt Cassandra's hand on his bottom as her finger toyed with is bottom hole.

Jude found herself lying on her side as Cassandra tongued her nipples. The herbalist turned her attention to Jude's cock as she ran her tongue around the rim of her cockhead. In an instant they lay on their sides in a sixty-nine position. Jude's orgasm vibrated through every fiber of her young, slender body as her cock pumped burst upon burst of cum into Cassandra's eager mouth. Suddenly Jude had her first taste of cum as Cassandra yielded to Jude's unpracticed but instinctively satisfying ministrations.

Jude lay back exhausted and elated form the spontaneous first experience of making love to a girl like herself. Cassandra lay over her covering her face with tender, playful kisses. Cassandra got up, slipped on her panties and smiled at Jude. The exhilarated trannie watched Cassandra dress and then did the same.

"Shall I buy you lunch or should we eat in?"

Jude smiled and nodded. "Eat in." They both giggled at the obvious double entendre.

Cassandra put together a salad and some cold smoked fish that was new to Jude as were so many things in her life since that chance meeting with Sara.

"By the way, I saw you staring at my tits. Nice, aren't they?…Oh please don't fret.. There's no need for you to be embarrassed by perfectly healthy feelings. Truthfully, I find that sort of thing flattering when it's from someone like you, someone so freshly attractive and to whom I'm so instantly drawn.

"I started out with little ones like yours. An herb called black cohosh, actually American Indian, improved things. I'd like to start you on it but we may limit the time. Not every girl, especially every girl of our sort, looks good with big boobs. You might be just as sexy as could be with a smaller set. We do want your admirers to remember that you're that special sort. We'll decide together once you have a keener sense of how you want to develop your femme persona.

"You are going to have to stop being so readily impressed by boobs on a girls like us. While I do have a pretty nice set, it's mostly packaging. The right bra can really make the most of what we've got. Much more important than any amount of herbs. You'll learn, you'll learn."

Jude, her face blushing beet red right down to the roots of her hair, nodded.

"Judith, there's really no reason to blush, especially not after what we just enjoyed together."

"Cassandra, I don't mean to be nosey but I'm curious about why you took the name Cassandra. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all, at least not when it's a kindred spirit that asks. You do know that Cassandra was Trojan maiden who was raped during the sack of Troy. You know after they Greeks got inside the city with their ruse using a wooden horse. She should have been given sanctuary because she was clutching a statue of Athena whom the Greeks of Athens venerated.

"I'll give you some background. My mother was a practitioner of Celtic arts. That's how I leanred this profession. She and my father split up. You see he was an officer hell bent on his careeer and decided my mother was a liability. That and the fact that I was as much a nance as could be imagined made him hate us both."

"A nance?"

"Nancy girl, the reverse of a tomboy."

"Oh, I get it; like I was, too."

"So you can empathize. When mother died I came to live with him. Since then I've come to believe he had something to do with the accident that killed my mum. Of course my father couldn't bear my presence so he sent me of to a public school, what you would call a private school. Thought they would make a man out of me. The older boys thought they could use me like a girl since we were all isolated form outside social contact. I had better taste than to put out for those clods. One night when I was by myself in chapel… It was horrible. They came in and raped me. I got sent to the headmaster who acsued me of being a filthy little homo, a trouble maker who corrupted the wholesome youth of England.. Can you believe that? The head knew bloody well that these future leaders of England as he called them, young hypocrites is what they were, were busily enjoying each other's dicks and ass holes at every opportunity.

"I wrote to my amah who came and took me away from there but not before I beat up one of my attackers. Felt ever so good. I vowed then and there that anyone who even tried to force themselves on me would pay dearly for the attempt. You'd be wise to develop that attitude and the skills to go with it. Well, back to my story.

"My father was glad to be rid of me. He paid my board for me to live with my amah, saw to all my school costs and so on.. She saw to it that I was trained in all sorts of martial arts so that I would never be raped again. As I grew older my father sent me money to stay away from him in an ironic twist on the so-called remittance men in Somerset Maugham. I made him pay dearly and he still does but I needed something to do with my time. "When Indira, my amah, decided to go back to India, I looked around for ways to support myself in case dear old dad snuffed it. I began by working in herbal shops around London. Wanderlust eventually set in. so I thought about spending some time in Canada or the States. That's when I heard about the woman who owned this business looking for an apprentice to eventually buy the business from her. I wrote to her and here I am"

"I'm so glad you did come here." Jude reached across the table and put her hand on Cassandra's. She felt less lonely knowing that her's wasn't the only family unable to cope with a boy/girl in their midst. The difference was that Cassandra's mum gave up position and wealth to give her child unqualified love and protection even though it may have cost her her life. Jude's own life seemed less painful given the horrors Cassandra had been through. Cassandra not only survived but made a place for herself as an independent woman, self-styled and free of any thing that didn't fit her needs. Of course Cassandra did have some very special talents, not the least being that sine qua non of all specially endowed girls.

Jude's reverie was interrupted by Cassandra. "Come along. I hate to break this up but we'll find time to be together. Right now, I've got a business to run, orders to fill. And, you, little lady, have got to get back upstairs before Sara gets too frenzied about you being out on your own for too long. Stop by for tomorrow about mid-day to pick up your, let's just call them vitamins."

Cassandra put her arm around Jude's waist as she walked the young trannie to the door. Jude was puzzled by what Cassandra had said about Sara getting frenzied if Jude were out on her own for too long. That didn't seem like Sara at all. Then Jude remembered how indignant Sara was when Jude had failed to phone her when Sara thought she should even though nothing had been said about when to call. Then, too, there had been that time Sara has slapped Jude's face when she had said 'cunt.' Maybe Sara wasn't as easy going and as generous as Jude had thought.

That's not fair of me to say Sara is ungenerous; she's giving me so much. I'd still be stuck in that revolting life I was living if I hadn't met her. She doesn't want me out on my own for too long 'cause she cares about me. That's it. And she only smacked me 'cause she wants me to be a lady.

Cassandra, her arm still around Jude's waist, reached to unlatch the front door of her shop. The two were almost face to face.

"We'll do this again…soon."

She ran her hand across Jude's forehead, smoothed her hair, and pulled Jude so they stood pressing against each other.

"Go now. Take care of yourself."

As they kissed good-bye she knew that her intimacy with Casandra was the beginning of a special relationship. She wondered, too, what story Sara would have to tell that evening. Then there was Maud. What brought her to this oddly assembled group that was turning out to be Jude's refuge and salvation? Yes, despite the doubts that Cassandra had put in her head, Jude was still convinced that this was her only path to salvation. A frown crossed her face as she wondered just what Sara had in store for her?

Jude ran to answer the phone even before she closed the door behind her.

"Hi, Sara. I heard the phone ringing just as I opened the door. Glad I got it in time. Cassandra and I hit it off just swell…Okay, I'll stay here and wait for you…Bye."

Jude's face fell as she hung up the phone.

"Sara, I'm ever so sorry I upset you. I know I owe you so much, my very existence as Judith but I don't know if I can handle it when you're so overbearing, so strict. I'm not a baby."

"Jude, it's not that I want to treat you like a child. You've got to understand that. I'm just so worried that something terrible might happen. God, don't you realize that there are all sorts of people who hat anything that's different. They'd kill you as soon as look at you. You'll do fine once you hone your femme skills."

Sara pulled a chair close to Jude and sat facing her protégée. She took the boy/girl's hand in hers. Jude stared in disbelief as she saw tears filling Sara's eyes.

"I might as well tell you know. I was going to start telling you tonight; why I'm taking you under my wing…I suppose you can say it's guilt. No, not simply guilt; atonement is really what I mean.

"It was back in Pennsylvania, near Reading. It was a terrible place for me and even worse for Halie. That's what we called him. His real name was Hale. All that Pennsylvania Dutch influence; so moralistic it was oppressive to any one with any sense of creativity or artistry. There was this cousin of mine, three years younger than me. She…No, when the story begins 'he' would be more appropriate. Halie was just such a delicious, loving kid. Looked up to me. I was a tomboy so I taught him how to play ball and climb trees. That way he would get teased as much for being totally involved in girl's toys and games. We also played dressing up when we couldn't play outside. He looked so pretty in my outgrown clothes. Oh, yes; dressing him up was from the skin out. Panties, the works. Halie remained a sissy but a tomboy kind of sissy. Sounds silly, right? But that's what she was; a flirtatious tomby with a dick.

"He kept at it right through grammar school and into high school. Poor baby got beaten up so many times. Still, he learned to get in his licks. Didn't stop the beatings though. They just ganged up on him.

"He liked girls and boys as make out partners although few boys would admit they wanted to be with him and fewer still would be seen alone with him. One of the really 'in group' girls, Miriam had a crush on him and they began dating. Halie told me she let him try on her things and they would have sex while he wore her underthings. I realized I was jealous of Miriam, that I had a crush on Halie, maybe even was in love with her.

"Halie dropped out of high school and went to fashion school Philadelphia to learn to be a seamstress in hopes of eventually becoming a custom dressmaker designer. He was doing well and finding a social circle he fit into. He, no, she. She is right at this point because Halie spending more and more time as a girl, even dating some straightish men who were quite generous her.

"Halie decided to come home for a vist that Thanksgiving. I tried to talk her out of it but I didn't try hard enough. After church on Thanksgiving morning, Hallie stopped to chat with Miriam Koerner, that girl she friends with before leaving for a new life. God, I was so jealous of Miriam. There was something so nice about her. She was so warm and friendly, really friendly and not of those condescending snobs. I'm ashamed to admit it but maybe that she was so close to Halie had something to do with my being so jealous of her Anyhow, her boyfriend didn't like the idea that Halie and Mim were being so chummy.. He set Halie up. He and his buddies threw Hallie into the river. The coroner said she went into shock as soon as she hit the icy water. Thank goodness she didn't suffer for more than a minute or two. Didn't have a chance and I wasn't there to protect her.

"I finished high school I knew I had o get away from there or I would eventually lose my mind never able to forget that Halie was murdered and having to seethe bastards who did it walking around like they owned the world. I moved to Philadelphia and put myself through the art institure there. When I started making money working with art dealers, I vowed that if I ever come across someone like Hallie, I would help her become what she was meant to be by sheltering her and protecting her.

"Now you know why you're hear and why I worry so about you." Sara broke down and cried inconsolably. "Please, please, Judy. Don't go away from me. I need you, I need you. Hallie, don't leave me again…"

Jude lay Sara's head on her lap and stroked her hair as the older GG cried herself out.. Jude knew she couldn't leave Sara, not yet, not for a long time.

Okay so you need me. But is it me you need or do you need someone to become Halie? How can I make you realize I'm not Halie and I never will be? Shit! I've gotta be me.

Sara, emotionally exhausted fell asleep with her head on Jude's lap. Sara was in a deep sleep, deep enough to allow Jude to reach for a couch cushion, slip it under Sara's head, and move form the couch to the chair Sara had been sitting when she broke down in tears. She reached for the phone, moved it to her lap and dialed Maud's number. No answer. Not daring to leave the room to get a phone directory, the trannie got Cassandra's number from information.

"I'll be up with something to soothe Sara. She'll be calm when she wakes up. The draught I'll prepare for her will keep her clam without making her drowsy."

Sara sipped the herbal draught that Cassandra brewed.

"Cassandra, I don't know how anything that tastes so awful can have such a claming effect."

"Thanks, old darling."

"It's just so awful knowing that this will happen again and again even though I have Jude to care for and …er, educate."

"We can put an end to these episodes but you have to satisfy your shadow passions, the ones you can't face."

"I don't understand."

"You've exact a threefold vengeance on those who harmed Hallie. We'll have to work together on this but you must understand that we are doing the work of the Goddess, being instruments of her wrath. Preparation will take time.

"Judith, are you in this with us? This may mean you'll be unable to finish high school over the summer or even this fall."

"Of course I am, no matter what it takes. Do you think that for one moment I can allow Sara to go on suffering these episodes when she saved me from an unendurable life?"

"Good girl.

"We're going to put Sara to bed and let her sleep. We have to set up a time for all of us to talk, plan this out. Now remember; Judith, you're going to be a big part of this scheme. You're main activity for the next few months will be to develop all kinds of fighting skills. You're going to have to work on strength training and agility, too. Maud will be more than willing to see to that piece. Then you and I are going to spend time scouring second hand clothing shops, rummage sales, Salvation Army stores, any place and every place that might have dresses, skirts, whatever from the forties. First we'll have to look at any pictures Sara can get us of Halie, especially pictures in girl's clothing but any facial close-ups at all. You see, we're not only going to train you as an expert in hand to hand fighting but we're going to make you into a creditable copy of Halie; or should I say a ghost of Halie."

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Sara walked into the main branch of the library and found the phone books for Pennsylvania.

Foss, Fossler. Here it is; Fossmann, Herbert. Only one. Has to be him. Huh! A business number as well. We'll soon find out what that's all about. Now to se if Mim is still around town. Maybe she broke off with Fossmann, knew him for what he really was. Good for her. Koerner, Koerner, M. Has to be her. If not I'll call her mother's house. Still at her old address. Good, got all three phone numbers and the addresses for Koerner, M. and Fossmann, Herbert, residence and business. Funny how I'm still so curious about Mim.

Jude studied the list of addresses Sara had brought home.

"Say, Sara. I hope you don't my asking but who is this M. Koerner guy on your list? Where does he fit in?"

"He doesn't. She does. M. Koerner is Mim, Miriam Koerner to be precise."

"Oh, yes. The girl who was Halie's friend. The same one who said good-bye to you when you left. If I remember right, wasn't she getting involved with that awful Fossmann character?"

"Yes, but I'm not so sure she wanted to. Girls who stayed there didn't have a lot of control. I'm not sure M. Koerner is Miriam. Wishful thinking on my part, I guess. I want to try to get in touch with her for my own satisfaction."

"I see. Just to find out what happened to her, huh?"

"Judy, when I said satisfaction, not curiosity. Mim was the only kid from all our school years who bothered to say good-bye to me when I left for Philadelphia. She cried for Halie. We hugged each other for consolation. That led to a kiss and not the sort of kiss between two girls who are being nice or friendly. My panties got wet like they never did for any man before or since. My faced must have shown my confusion because Mim started to cry and say how much she needed girls and was so afraid anyone might find out and how she envied me for having the guts to get out but that she couldn't leave her mother."

"Then you really do mean you want to find her for your satisfaction. Pick up where you left off, huh?"

"That would be almost too much to hope for but I also want to thank her for being the first to open my eyes to possibilities other than men. There've been others, romantic affairs with some very beautiful and stylish women but there's no one as special as the girl who first awakened the real you."

"Mim, you look terrific." Sara leaned across the table to kiss Mim on the cheek

"Come on. We can do batter than that," implored Mim. This time they kissed on the lips, a moist kiss redolent with things missed and things to come.

"Sara, you flatter me. You're looking kind of swell yourself."

The two old acquaintances met for a reunion dinner in Reading.

"I want to thank you for coming all this way to meet me. You'll understand why I don't want to be seen back home just yet. I'll explain later but why don't we fill each other in on what we've been doing with our lives."

"There isn't too much for me to tell. I ended up marrying that prick Fossmann. God, I wish I had the strength you had but I was the good girl doing what was expected. Herb wasn't too bad at first but he had a need I couldn't fulfill. He needed other men, young, almost boys really. He would never admit it, not even to himself.

"Given my own needs, we could have come to some kind of understanding but his hypocrisy and self-deceit were unforgivable. His drinking was getting heavier and his drunken rages were more and more savage. I knew sooner or later he would attack me so I learned to take care of myself. Never needed to. He never gave me the chance to defend myself so I could break both his arms. We divorced but I made sure I had enough on him to get a very generous settlement. Bankrupted him. I finished college, went to library school. I became pretty at tracking down rare books and manuscripts form libraries that are being sold off. Thought about doing something with that; maybe open a rare book store. Came back home to keep on eye on my mother in her old age..

"I have a pretty decent life. There are some friends in Philadelphia I visit a couple of weekends a month with in order to get the kind of intimacy the ladies around here are to inhibited to even admit they would like.

"Do you remember those working class row houses out near the river? They've been converted to very posh duplexes. The old factories were torn down to make a park so we have a river view. Say! After you've taken care of what ever it is that's keeping you undercover and out of town, why don't you stay with me for a few days? I would love to explore the more personal aspects of friendship."

"Mim, I do hope you mean the more intimate aspects of our friendship. If that's the case I would love to spend a few days with you."

Mim rested her arm on the back of her chair. Her tongue touched her upper lip as she smiled invitingly at Sara.

"I'm dying of curiosity. You made sure most of the town knows you're coming back for a visit yet you're hiding out a few towns away. I'll bet you're here to make Herb Fossmann suffer for what he did to Halie."

"Darling, you've always been so insightful."

"Can I help you in any way? I assure you it will be my great pleasure to see him punished even if I don't have an active role in this."

"I'm sure we can find a way for you have some fun, too."

Herb Fossmann left his real estate and insurance office early and stopped off at the Main Line. That Sara Ross was coming home for a visit didn't sit well with him. Especially not since that phone call he got from Maud whatever her name was. She was interested in opening a dance studio in town.

Damn it all. I was willing to swear it was that little shit Halie Spinger back form the grave I was talking to.. Some sort of joke yet everything this Maud bitch told me checks out.

A car was stopped near the entrance to the Main Line Cafe. A girl darted through the October drizzle, paused, smiled at him and stepped into the car. Herb Stopped in his tracks.

Get a hold of yourself. It was a trick of light or your mind playing games with you. No way in hell that could be Halie Springer. Just a kid with the same kind of looks. Yeah, that's it.

The Main Line was a non-descript restaurant with a bar that had pretensions of being a cocktail lounge. At lunch it catered to Rotarian sorts of business men, some with their secretaries or bookkeepers who, some said, filled the gaps in their emotional and physical lives, gaps left by wives who never wanted that role to begin with. The wives also came for lunch when they shopped in the downtown district, a district growing a little too tired to compete for much longer against the strip malls opening along 222. The evening patrons varied with the night of the week. Custom determined which nights were family nights and which were open for adventurous singles and bored spouses. Herb Fossmann was known to be there on any and all occasions.

When Mim had served him with divorce papers his ego had fallen. The divorce settlement her Harrisburg lawyer had gotten further lowered his ego as well as his bank account. That she had successfully fought him off when he tried to visit her in hopes reclaiming his conjugal rights and so rekindling her need of him further deflated him. He stayed out of sight until the black eye and cut lip she had given healed, all the while bemoaning the fact he had a few before going to her apartment. Still, he was grateful she hadn't done more to damage him emotionally, financially, and now, he had admit physically.

He sat sipping Heaven Hill until he felt relaxed enough to be aware of the television program on the bar's set. Herb went to the phone booth and asked his secretary to close the office. He glanced up and down the street before starting for his car. What a relief; no more apparitions of that Halie Springer character.

Got what he deserved. Crazy little fairy. I shoulda been given a medal for putting him out of his misery.

Herb slipped behind the wheel of his Bonneville and eased to the exit of the office parking lot. The car was a bubble of security against the world that seemed of late to be turning against him, to be taking away all his early and often too easily achieved successes. Then the safety of that secure bubble shattered as Herb slammed on the breaks. Halie Springer was standing at the curb smiling at him. By the time he could clear his head, he was gone.

Herb was feeling better after a bath. Another drink and he was ready to make a few phone calls, to go out to meet any of his friends or acquaintances who might be in the mood for a slow enjoyable dinner on the company of loose living ladies. The phone rang.

"Hi Herb."

He froze. It was too much like Halie's voice, too much her intonation to be anyone else, but Halie was dead for over fifteen years.

"Miss me, lover boy?"

"Who is this? If it's a joke it's not funny."

"Why are you so scared? You were never afraid of me before. Would you like to meet me for dinner one of these nights? I'll call again soon."

Two nights later the same call. Well, not quite the same.

"How can you be so afraid of someone you murdered all those years ago? I'll be seeing you soon."

Herb Fossmann awoke with a start. His alarm clock and his phone were both ringing. He swallowed hard before picking up the phone. A sigh of relief when he heard Mim's voice on the other end. His elation turned to chill foreboding as Mim explained the reason for her early morning phone call.

"Herb, I need to see you. I'm frightened and you know I don't frighten easily. That rumor that Sara is coming back for a visit has probably set my imagination going. Last night on my way home I stopped off to get a pack of cigarettes and a container of coffee and when I came out there was this girl at the bus stop. It struck me that her clothes were out of style, things Halie would have chosen had she been free to dress as she was meant to. When I started my car she turned her head toward me; she smiled like she recognized me and then she waved. I would have sworn it was Halie! I opened my handbag and dug out a cigarette form my case. When I looked around the kid was gone but there was no bus in sight. Someone probably gave her a lift in their car."

"Sara, why are you telling me this?" Herb's voice quavered despite his trying to sound calm and tough.

"Herb, don't get excited. I wouldn't have even thought to mention the incident but tonight when I looked out of my window toward the river, she was there again. She's back. I know that's impossible but she is. Herb, she was standing on the river!"

"You've been in the sauce?"

"No, I never drink that much. Herb, I need you to be here. I'm afraid to be alone tonight. Come on over. Maybe we can put our heads together and come up with some rational explanation of what's going on."

Herb walked out to his car. He stopped, frozen in his tracks. It couldn't be yet it was. Halie was walking toward him.

"Hello, Herb. You see I'm back. Here I am. It's just us."

"I killed you once, I can do it again. You can't hurt me. I'll send you back to hell where you belong!"

He charged at the apparition and swung at her. It was as if his fist went through thin air but something more solid than thin air connected with his ribs, sent him sprawling. The big man lumbered to his feet and attempted to grab the long dead boy/girl who slipped her hip under his and, with a perfectly executed judo throw, dumped him on his back. He rolled onto his knees and attempted to clear his head. As he struggled to his feet whoever or whatever it was landed a punch to his face. He ran to his car, locked the door and started the engine.

Herb broke every traffic law in his desperate attempt to escape the petite fury. As he eased the car into the guest parking area the headlights illuminated the riverside park across the road. Halie was beckoning him from the edge of the river bank.

This can't be. No way in hell could she have gotten here before me. How did she get here so quickly? She has to be some sort of demon from hell. What do I do? Wait, get a hold of yourself. You can't go up to Sara the way you are. She'll laugh at you when she sees you so panicked. Have a smoke, clam down and then go up to Sara. God, help me!

What Herb didn't know was that it was Jude who had confronted him outside his house and that Maud, a reasonable facsimile of Halie when seen from a distance, had waited across the street in the riverside park for him to show up after Jude had finished with him. Meanwhile, Cassandra had driven Jude to Sara's apartment where she slipped in unnoticed.

The figure across the road had dissolved into the mists by the time Herb had finished his cigarette.

"Thank goodness, you're here." Sara hadn't ever been that pleased to see him. The moist kiss with which she punctuated her greeting felt good against his lips.

Maybe I can sleep with her tonight. Something good may yet come out of this. Fossmann, you haven't lost your way with the ladies.

Herb's arrogant hopes were dashed as Sara pulled him to the nearest window.

"You see her don't you. She's been out there for two nights now. She's there when I go to sleep, when I wake up. She seems to dissolve before my eyes when the sun starts to get higher in the sky. I don't know what she wants with me unless she thinks…Oh, my God! She's walking toward the road."

"Okay. Okay. Bolt the door. Don't even think about letting anybody in. I'll call the state police."

"And tell them that the ghost of a transvestite you murdered fifteen years ago is back to get revenge?"

"Yeah, you're right."

He glanced out of the window. Then, with increasing fear in his voice, he spoke.

"She's gone. Maybe she's given up. Yeah, that's it."

Almost immediately there was a tapping coming from the living room. A pause as they entered the darkened room. Someone was tapping on the door to the terrace.

"Herb, do something. That door's been locked since last weekend. How could anyone be out there when we're three stories up from street level?"

"It's a bird of some kind of animal, you dumb bitch! See for yourself."

He pulled the curtain aside and turned white as Halie smiled at him from the terrace. She opened the locked door and stepped into the room.

The terrified man ran form the apartment and down the stairs. Jude followed at his heels, driving the panicked man across the parking lot. He raced down the road barely evading a milk tanker. There was one escape, one way out. Pausing to get his bearings, he looked back to see Halie standing at a distance.

He trudged along the road to the bridge where Halie met her tragic and undeserved death. Mim had meantime telephoned the state police to report that her ex-husband had been to her apartment raving about being pursued by the ghost of dead boy who had been Mim's friend but who her ex had, at the time, said didn't deserve to live.

"Yes, sergeant. Herbert Fossmann. He said he was going to the bridge where the boy died and that there was only one way he could atone. Please hurry. He was determined to kill himself by jumping off that bridge."

Mim hung up the phone and turned to Sara.

"About two or three minutes for him to reach the bridge. Cassandra drove Maud there, just in case he changes his mind. Maud will terrorize him into jumping once he's near the bridge."

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"Maud, keeping him at bay until the police arrived was a brilliant move. He's hopelessly insane. Knowing that he'll spend a long time in a mental hospital cowering from Halie's ghost is so much more satisfying than simply driving him to suicide would have been. Sooner or later he'll be discharged and we can decide then whether to drive him to suicide or put him back in the hospital."

"Sara , so deliciously vindictive when you want to be."

"Say, you two," said Jude. "Cassandra and I deserve from credit in this."

A mischievous grin played across the boy/girl's face.

"You know you tow should visit him at the hospital now and again. Maybe every so often I can come along. I'm sure he'll think I remind of someone."

The five friends laughed and went back to sipping their wine.

Mardee Louise Prynne

  

  

  

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