A Time to Every Season

by Tigger
Copyright 2002, All Rights Reserved

 

Part III

 

Chapter 6: Reconsideration if not Reconciliation

The anger that had but a scant two hours earlier stalked the halls of the old Victorian Mansion was still there, but the beast was once again suborned to the iron will of the Mistress of Seasons House.

Jane's second approach to Audrey's room was far more circumspect, but no less purposeful. After they had finished their strategy discussion, Art had insisted that she take a short, calming stroll in her garden to soothe her soul, followed by a nap to restore her equilibrium before confronting Audrey.

*And he'd been right, as usual,* Jane admitted as she stood in front of Audrey's door. At least she didn't feel quite so brittle as she had at the end of the planning session. She took a deep breath, knocked on Audrey's door, and then as she had so many times before with so many other students, entered the room without waiting for a response.

~------------~

Audrey was lounging on the window seat, staring out over the late afternoon expanse of the estate. Her only acknowledgment of Jane's presence had been a short glance, a frown of disgust, and a pointed turn of her head back to the window.

"That was well done," Jane said as she walked over and seated herself on the bed. "Edith White would have been impressed."

Audrey wondered who the hell Edith White was, but forced herself not to ask.

Recognizing that her opening gambit had failed, Jane proceeded with the next step she and Art had agreed upon. "We need to talk, Audrey," Jane said firmly, "And since you are still under my supervision by your parent's decree, and more to the point, by your own word, we will have that talk."

She could ignore the bit about her mother, Audrey mused. She was rather unhappy with Prudence Rockwell at that particular moment, too, but Jane had struck home with the jab at her pride and her honor. With ill-grace, she turned just enough that she could see Jane without having to look directly at her. "For what good it will do, go ahead and talk," she said shortly.

The chained beast inside Jane snarled again, showing its teeth and unsheathing its claws, but she managed to hold it at bay. She did wish she had Art, or perhaps better still, Diana here to act as a mediator, but Art had pointed out that Diana would have instead been a barrier, and that was the last thing that either Jane or Audrey needed if this confrontation was to be in any way productive.

"You're angry," Jane observed, "and feeling betrayed. I won't trivialize either emotion by trying to tell you they are not warranted."

"Smart move, *MS* Thompson," Audrey snapped.

"But NEITHER will I tolerate you behaving like a childish brat when we both know that you are well able to conduct yourself like the mature woman I know you are."

"You're angry, too," Audrey noted, "Although you're trying to hide it."

"You threatened my son with violence," Jane said coldly. "When he was here, at my request, solely to help you. Of course I am angry, but that emotion does not lend itself to solutions, and since solutions are what you AND I both need just now, I refuse to let my anger control me."

"To help me? To HELP me?" Audrey's derisive laugh hid the sob she was really feeling. "Do you think that is REALLY what he was doing? I don't, not by a long shot, Ms. School Teacher. Your SON lied to me and then told YOU my secrets in the bargain."

*Here it is,* Jane thought wearily, *The hurt and betrayal that Art assured me was at the root of this debacle - the feelings that none of my other boys felt because their situations were so different than this. And because they never fell in love with their big sister.*

"That was his job, Audrey. In part, I asked him to do those things because I was so unsure of how to proceed with you. I don't know how girls react to my treatments as well as I understand boys, so I needed an insider. Quite badly, in fact."

"Well, why didn't you just use another bloody girl!"

*You knew it would come to this,* Jane told herself. *I can only hope Art is correct in his estimation of how she will react to the truth.*

"Because there was no other girl. You are the first I've ever taught here."

"WHAT?!?!"

"This is the first of the hard truths you must hear, child. It might be easier if I told you the history of Seasons House, and what Marie and I, and for the last few years, my son Darryl do here. It started more than twenty-five years ago, at a very exclusive school for girls called Eastmore. . . "

~------------~

"I don't know if I can believe that," Audrey breathed after Jane finished her tale. She was intrigued in spite of herself. "A school where male juvenile delinquents learn manners and the social niceties in skirts?"

"In all but one or two cases, they learn a good deal more than that," Jane said proudly. "I'm proud of all my boys."

"Still, it's hard to believe that hunk Ken ever wore skirts."

"He had a late growth spurt. However, before that, he was one of the most passable students I have ever had."

"Okay, I guess, but I don't understand why they put up with it. I mean, it makes them freaks - some might even say perverts."

"If they come to me, they usually have no choice. Well, they do, but those choices are always even less desirable than the one you faced. Two thirds of my boys are court referrals, having the choice of trying my rehabilitation program or facing years in a juvenile prison or detention hall. The rest are here because their parents have given them an ultimatum. There are, for example, several boarding schools in this country that are run like 365 day-a-year boot camps they wish to avoid. They come to me, and usually, by the end of the first week, are so cowed that they no longer think of escaping me, only avoiding discovery as boys in skirts."

"And the role Darla played? The oh-so-friendly snitch? Bet that was your ace in the hole. 'Hey, Ms. Jane? Thomasina is planning a prison break tonight'."

"That was never necessary. Unlike you, none of them had access to any clothing suited to their self image. They'd have had to attempt any escapes wearing girl clothing, and while many of them could have eventually done so successfully, they lacked the necessary confidence in their masquerade until much later in their tenure here."

"So how do you justify your little spies?"

"I do not need to justify anything, Audrey, because for almost all the boys, the program has worked. If I did need justification, I have it in Michael."

"The boy who escorted Darla, I mean, Darryl to the club? He was a student here, too?"

"Yes. And he attempted suicide because I pushed too hard. Had it not been for his big sister, he would be dead. So, to answer your question, that is why I want to know what is going on in my students' heads, and why I will ask their companion to betray trusts to find that out."

Audrey felt her stomach twist at that, for there was no question in her mind that Jane was telling her the absolute truth. Michael had been, well, nice to her that evening. *But that's not the point,* she told herself sternly. "Well, I was never so endangered, was I? So what was your excuse with Darryl? What was HIS?"

"He doesn't need an excuse. His only failing in this was falling in love with you. And once he did, he became far less willing, despite what you believe, to betray you to me."

"Oh, right," Audrey snorted. "How about that dress DARLA convinced me to pick so that DARRYL could pant at me, or the time she HELPED me fit a bra. And let's not forget about how you found out about Miss Phoebe Elisabeth, eh?"

"In the first two cases, Audrey, what else could he do under the circumstances that I forced upon the pair of you? In the case of your late, unlamented bitch of a governess, I NEEDED that information to understand why you reacted as you did. However, once he realized where his feelings lay with you, he asked me to send Darla away because playing his role in my program with you was tearing him up. That's the first time he's ever done that, and Darla has helped many young people."

"So why didn't he go away?" Audrey challenged.

"That is also my fault, I am afraid. I used the one argument he couldn't resist."

"Oh? You'd cut him off and make him work for a living?"

"Audrey, that is unworthy of you. Stop and think, please. You are letting your anger cloud your thinking even though you know him better than that. No, the argument he could not refute was that you needed Darla. You had come to trust her judgement, to share little parts of yourself that you needed to talk to someone about."

"And you needed him to keep passing along each little secret, every small confidence didn't you?"

"I did," Jane agreed, "But more importantly, Darryl agreed you needed Darla."

"And how did you come to THAT momentous conclusion?"

"We were truly afraid for you, Audrey, and as I just pointed out, this is how my program has always worked. I have a senior student, not just as my agent-provocateur, but also as an informant so that I know what is really happening inside the head of a student on whom I am putting a great deal of psychological stress. If your mother had sent you somewhere else, then other methods might have been used."

"Then why did you have to use HIM?!? Because he's a little perv and he likes playing dress-up so you indulge him?""

"My son is in no way a freak, nor is he in any way perverse," Jane said resolutely. "Darla, or rather, Darryl, is the best student I have ever taught. He's been involved with my work now for almost six years and has an almost uncanny insight into how students are reacting to me and my teachings."

"So he's been doing this, living like a girl, for years?!?"

"I told you what I did," Audrey was reminded.

The girl recovered quickly, Jane noted with some admiration. "But he still came telling tales to you, didn't he? Just like I thought."

"In the early days, yes, But more recently he has refused. After he told us about your governess, he declined to tell me anymore specifics. You will note, if you think back on recent weeks, just how often Darla instead encouraged you to tell me your own secrets and feelings."

It was true, Audrey thought, but that didn't begin to soften her outrage. "Why should I believe you?"

"Perhaps because I've never been untruthful in my relationship with you," Jane said simply. "However, only you can choose to believe that."

"I'll have to think about that and decide for myself, Ms. Thompson. We may have entirely different definitions of untruthfulness. In fact, I am nearly sure that we do. So, what happens now? Whether I choose to accept your explanation or not, you still hold my personal dreams in your hands."

Jane shrugged, her years suddenly weighing heavily on her. "There's really nothing more I can teach you, Audrey. You've mastered all the extrinsic skills - the cosmetics, the dressing - all the externals of being able to present yourself as an attractive and feminine woman in society. And you've learned other ways to deal with both your temper and your fears of men . . .."

"FEARS?!? I'm not afraid of men!"

"Perhaps not now," Jane replied softly, "but you were. Your 'do unto them before they have a chance to do unto me' attitude is what brought you here in the first place. You were finding threats in situations where others would see only lack of manners. What would you call that?"

"Well, why should I tolerate their 'lack of manners' as you call it?"

"You tell me," Jane ordered, "And you still haven't answered my question."

"Okay, maybe I was, um, 'overly concerned' with what men might do, or might want to do. That still doesn't excuse their behavior."

"No, it does not, but neither does it excuse your responses. Manners provide the lubrication that keeps the wheels of society turning. If not for that friction, there would be no need for oil."

Audrey nodded slowly. Her anger at Darryl, which she now realized was directed also at Jane, was still there. But she could see a difference between that anger and the out of control rage that had almost ruined her life. That earlier rage, had it covered for and been reinforced by fear? Audrey wondered if that might have been the case, but she couldn't seem to focus on that deep a concept just then. She was too upset to do more than nod to Jane, but she had to accept that there was at least the possibility that her mentor might be right.

"That still doesn't justify what Darryl did," she added in a warning tone. "That wasn't fair!" *Particularly when he was courting me. Did I tell him anything girl-to-girl that Darryl then used to advantage? Oh, I don't know.*

"Perhaps not," Jane answered, unaware of Audrey's private thoughts and worries. "Setting aside for the moment the fact Darryl only did as I directed him to do, so if you are angry with anyone it should be at me, I think you are fair enough to admit that you have learned to control whatever it is that motivates your anger, both the other night in Boston, and again today."

"What do you mean by today?"

"When Darryl confessed his role in all this and tried to beg your forgiveness."

"I didn't forgive him," Audrey retorted. "Haven't forgiven him!"

"But neither did you attack him. No, the things that my colleagues and I can teach you have been well and truly learned. The rest, I am afraid, cannot be taught and must be learned by yourself."

"What is that? And more importantly, am I stuck here until you decide I've learned this 'the rest'?"

Jane sighed. "I am giving you some latitude here because of your emotional distress, Audrey, but please recall one last time that nothing happened here that you did not agree to accept, whether you knew the specifics or not. To answer your second question first, you are welcome here as long as you wish to stay. If you stay and continue to behave appropriately, I will keep my word on overseeing and funding your continued athletic training. Should you elect to leave, I will be forced to tell your mother that, in my opinion, you have met the minimum standards for a viable place in society, but that I was disappointed that you had not embraced those aspects of femininity that would have offered you more of a chance to be happy as well."

"Happy by whose definition? Yours, of course. I could ask you how you can be so sure that what makes you happy would do anything other than make me miserable, but there's no point in that discussion. Okay, so knowing my mother and her opinion on this . . . school of yours, and knowing that she will NOT fund my training program until you are . . .completely satisfied, that means I stay. That is, however, your call to make, isn't it, Ms. Thompson?"

Jane barely controlled the wince of hurt that she felt at Audrey's reverting to the more formal address.

The girl pressed on determinedly. "Now it is YOU who has not answered the first question, Ms. Thompson," Audrey reminded her teacher. What must I learn to satisfy you and earn my real freedom?"

"What's more important, Audrey? Satisfying me, or satisfying yourself? Are you satisfied with only meeting the minimum standards? Or are you willing to try to be the best you can be? As I said, I can't 'teach' you what you need to know, but I might be able to help you find it on your own. In any event, I'm willing to try if you are."

"Now you are sounding like a recruiting commercial. What do you mean by 'the best I can be'?" Audrey asked, and then Jane saw real anger flare in her dark eyes. "This is just a way to get me to forgive Darryl, isn't it? You're going to keep me here until I make nice with your kid, or is there something else you want me to make with him?"

"AUDREY! That was uncalled for. Your relationship with MY son, such as it is or was, is not to the point. Finding within yourself the compassion, the caring, and ultimately the fairness to face the world like a WOMAN IS the point. You can do that without ever seeing Darryl again if you truly believe that his behavior was both unfair and offensive. I don't, but I am woman enough to know that I am not always right, so if that is what it takes, he is already packing to leave my house - his HOME - tonight."

"Tell him not to bother. It just doesn't matter any more, at least, not to me!" Audrey snapped, telling Jane how much Darryl's offer truly did, in fact, matter to the outraged young woman. "As to what I have to, quote, learn, end quote," she went on, "'Compassion, caring and fairness' - that all sounds like a lot of double talk to me."

"Perhaps it does, in abstract, or perhaps such concepts are among those rare things that must be understood from inside and that can never be truly explained. If you already understand, you don't need the explanation. If you don't understand, no amount of explanation will ever suffice." Jane looked at her student and was not surprised to see angry confusion in her eyes. "As I said, you are free to choose. If you stay, I will continue to support your Olympic training. If you decide to leave, then you must deal with Prudence along those lines for yourself. Now, you must excuse me, Audrey, my family needs me. Perhaps you would help Marie with the dinner preparations?"

"Um. . . sure."

 

Chapter 7: A New Deal for Audrey

Marie winced as she watched Audrey attack the breakfast dishes, soaking in the sink after the morning meal. *She's going to rub the glazing off the plate if it doesn't shatter in her hands first.*

It was all Marie could do not to squeal in dismay when the girl rather forcefully set the plate into the drying rack. Moving quickly, she intercepted the hand reaching for a crystal juice glass. "I'll handle that," she said as she moved the tall girl back from sink towards one of the stools near the serving island in the center of the large kitchen.

"It's my assigned chore," Audrey reposited pugnaciously. "By Ms. Thompson herself!" she added with an air of exaggerated deference.

"Well, I don't care to replace any of those settings," Marie growled back. "That's some of my favorite china, not plastic or melamine, and you can just sit there on that stool until you have yourself under control."

"I AM under control!" Audrey all but bellowed back, and then had the grace to blush. "Well, I thought I was," she averred, as she slid onto the high-seated stool.

Pleased with the exchange, Marie hid a smile as she turned her attention to the sink filled with dishes. "So, what set you off, cherie, if I might be so bold to ask?"

"ohhhh. . . " Audrey groaned disgustedly.

"Well, that tells me a lot," Marie teased.

"If you must know, I saw Darryl today for the first time since I found out about his nasty little trick. I mean, here I've had to sit through more than a WEEK of these interminable meals with Ms. Jane constantly casting this mournful looks over at Darla's, I mean, Darryl's empty chair. And then, during the one time of the day I am truly free from this place, during my morning run, I practically trip over him."

"He hasn't left, Audrey, although I understand he did offer to leave, if that was what you wanted or what Jane thought best for you. In fact, he's using the apartment down at the stables."

"Well, today he chose to go running on the same trail I chose."

"Oh my GOODNESS," Marie breathed, holding one damp palm over her heart, "and so you had to share an entire path? Now why didn't the world as we know it go up in a huge fireball?"

"It's not funny," Audrey replied stiffly. "And we didn't share it. As soon as he saw me, he stopped and disappeared into the woods. Once I passed where he had hidden, he came back out and took off the other way."

*And I wonder just what annoyed you the most, Cherie? That he was there in the first place, or that he went out of his way to avoid you?*

"I'm sure that was difficult for you," Marie said as she turned back to her sink.

"Hmmmm. . ." Audrey replied. "I really don't understand why Ms. Jane wants to keep me here. It's not like she's working with me all that much, and it's pretty obvious to me that everyone is miserable with me around."

"I rather like having you around, sweetheart," Marie said offhandedly. "I would, of course, like it better if you and Darryl were both here. Besides, didn't I see Deputy Beale with you the other day, helping you with your shooting? And I know that Jane has been working with you at the stable with your jumping. So, how can you say she's not working with you?"

"That's different," the girl asserted. "I mean, she hasn't done any of the girlie-stuff with me since the night we went to Boston. What's the point of being here, then? I would get better coaching at the National Training Center, which is where I would be if your friend would just tell my Mom she's done with me. Minimum standards, indeed."

"That's between you and Jane. I guess I do have a question, though, if you wouldn't mind answering it."

Audrey shrugged. "Ask away. I don't have to answer."

"I know that Darryl told you he was Darla. What I don't know, because neither he nor Jane will tell me, is why he unmasked himself to you?"

Audrey threw her arms up dramatic and exaggerated chagrin confusion. "How in heaven's name would I know what was going on in that oddball kid's head?" she asked, scowling.

*Pull the other one, Cherie,* Marie thought. "So, why don't you tell me what led up to him making such an out-of-character decision."

The scowl momentarily deepened, but there was something about Marie that made Audrey feel safe, cared for, even though she knew the housekeeper loved Darryl, too. Forcing herself to relax, she organized her thoughts and began to speak. "You remember the day Darryl . . . kissed me, right? Because we, that is, you and I, talked about it?" Marie nodded. "And you told me that I ought to give him one back, right? Well, I was all ready to do it - dressed really nice, even did a bit of work on my hair and face before going out for the run. Heck, I even used perfume, though lord knows it would have been washed away by sweat at the end of our run."

The girl paused - went silent for several moments. Marie tried to hold out, but couldn't. This was the cusp, she realized. "Well? What happened?"

Audrey's eyes fell, and she found herself studying the toes of her shoes. "I wimped out," she self-accused. "I had him cornered, Marie, in arms reach. I couldn't do it. I guess I wasn't ready."

"That must have been hard for you, cherie," Marie said gently. "Then what happened?"

"I had this really brilliant idea - I'd make a plan - start slower than ravishing his mouth like that. . .work my way up through stages, until . . well, until," she finished with a rush.

"Sounds sensible," Marie offered coyly.

"I thought so! Only problem was that I didn't. . .don't know anything about how to go about sedu . . I mean, going about that kind of plan, so I needed help and. . and. . "

*OH MY,* Marie thought with sudden clarity. "And you asked Darla how to go about. . . planning for Darryl." It wasn't a question. Audrey nodded, her movements suddenly jerky.

"Now I understand," Marie breathed. "That does indeed explain a great deal, including why he, as you put it, hid in the woods today."

Audrey snorted. "Does he really think I'd hurt him?"

Marie smiled gently at Audrey. "No, cherie. In fact, I'd take any bet you want to name that he is afraid that he will hurt you." *More than he thinks he already has,* she added to herself.

"Yeah, right," Audrey snorted as she jumped off the stool and began to pace the room. "I could pound him into the dirt anytime I decided I wanted to do it."

"Of course you could, dear, though if he had a mind to protect himself, he would surprise you. He's a lot tougher than you are giving him credit for. But of course he would never fight you. That's not the sort of hurt I had in mind anyway, and you know it."

"He DID hurt me! Isn't that enough? He SHOULD hide from me!"

"Yes, petite, he did hurt you, and that is tearing him apart."

"Now why should it?" Audrey snapped sarcastically. "Everyone says that it wasn't his fault. He was just 'following orders' like a good little girl. . boy scout."

"Do you think those assertions matter to him, or somehow lets him forgive himself? You are hurt. He was part of it. My boy would find that very hard to forgive."

For the first time since that sad afternoon, a crack appeared in the hard shield Audrey had put up around her emotions. "Oh, Marie, I never wanted him to be hurt, at least, not after I,. . . I don't know, after I absorbed what was going on."

Marie put down her cloth and came over to pull Audrey into a strong embrace. "Have you told him that?" she asked softly.

"No," Audrey managed to get out through a suddenly tight throat. "I . . . I'm not ready . . I can't do that. Not yet."

Sighing, Marie nodded. "And so you run on one path while he hides from the hurt he's caused you."

"Oh, God, Marie," Audrey sobbed as she buried her face into the older woman's shoulder, "this is just so . . . so screwed up. It isn't supposed to hurt like this!"

Marie had no answer to that, so she just held the weeping girl. For long minutes, the only sounds in the kitchen were Marie's encouraging murmurs, and Audrey's weeping.

Finally, the tears began to ebb. With a loving smile, Marie reached over to pull a tissue from a box. "Here. Jane always says that no job is finished until all the paperwork is done."

That earned her a watery chuckle. "Thanks."

"Better now?"

"A little, I guess. It's just so hard, Tante Marie, to lo. . feel like I felt for him, and have him deceive me like that - betray me like that." Suddenly, a fresh spurt of tears began to follow the tracks already etched over her cheeks. "Dammit! I still feel for him! What's the matter with me?!?"

"Maybe, sweet, your heart understands some things your head is fighting," Marie answered, carefully.

"Explain that!" Audrey ordered with an imperiously Jane-ish lift of her chin that almost made Marie laugh.

"I'll try, but it may not be something you're ready to hear." Audrey crossed her arms and pinned Marie with a dark scowl.

"All right, Darryl deceived you by being Darla. Jane told me she's explained how the program works with boys?" Marie asked as much as stated. Audrey nodded. "Tres bien. Initially, having Darla there was something Jane felt SHE needed, and something Darryl was used to doing for her. She used Darryl to work out with you because she didn't want to go outside the family, if you will, for help, and because she felt Darryl could take care of himself physically."

Audrey snorted at that.

"Believe what you will. Kenneth took him down once during a disagreement. Since then, Darryl has learned and practiced under several self-defense instructors. Like I said, if he decided to protect himself, I think you'd be surprised. Anyway, the Darla-thing worked fine until Darryl started falling for you. Now he was caught between his Mother, whose program had saved his life, and his growing feelings for you. What set him off? What made him break faith with his Mother and unmask?" Audrey shrugged, refusing to meet Marie's eyes. "You just told me, young lady!" Marie said firmly.

"When I asked Darla to help me make a plan to seduce Darryl," she answered in a very small voice.

"Precisely. And that says a great deal about how much he really cares for you - heavens, about how much he loves you!"

"What? I mean, maybe he's got ethics or something, but love?"

"Audrey," Marie drawled chidingly. "I know you don't have a great deal of practical experience with the male of the species, but tell me any other reason that a hot blooded young buck turns down the offer of a good hard roll in the hay with a sexy female, eh? Bon Dieu, Audrey, all he had to do was give you that sure-fire 'jump Darryl's bones' plan you asked for. The only way any plan he gave you wouldn't have succeeded is if you had chickened out."

"So? I still don't see how that means he loves. . .LOVED me."

Shaking her head, Marie reached out and took Audrey's chin in her hand, forcing the girl to meet her eyes. "Sweetheart, you already know the answer to that, I think. All I'm going to say is that when a man thinks more of a woman than as JUST a sexy bed-mate, then a SMART woman had better think about what that means and how she feels about it."

For several moments, Marie could see the girl mulling that, trying to reconcile her mentor's words with the way she felt. "Think about that, cherie. Take whatever time you need, but think about that," she said softly.

The emotionally drained girl nodded again, hugged Marie tightly, and then slipped out of the house through the kitchen door.

"Well, we'll just have to wait and see what happens next, won't we?" Marie sighed. "Now that you've got something besides being hurt and angry to think about, that is. I just hope I didn't make things worse for those two kids."

~---------------~

"Marie?" Jane asked after Audrey had left the breakfast table. "Do you have any idea what's changed with Audrey? After she found out about Darryl, she spent more than a week of giving me the best example of 'malicious compliance' I've seen since Michael's early days."

"Oh? Is that why you've stopped the, now how did Audrey put it? Oh yes, the 'girlie-stuff' and have just concentrated on keeping your end of your bargain about her equestrian training?"

Jane shrugged. "As both Art and Darryl have pointed out to me, I really don't have much in the way of the 'girlie-stuff' to teach her," Jane said with a scowl, "at least, not much in the way of outwardly feminine skills and behaviors. The lessons I want her to learn from here on out have little to do with how well her lipstick is applied, or whether her shoes coordinate with her frock. She's been so, I don't know, introspective the past few days? One reason I assigned her scullery duties in the kitchen was the hope that she'd open up to you. Anything you can tell me?"

Marie nodded, her eyes turning furtively toward the sound of the front door opening and closing. "A very great deal. Starting with what's about to happen."

~---------------~

Audrey sat heavily upon the stone bench, the seat cold after a chilly New England winter night. She hoped the weather was not an omen for the sky was gray and the air held the tang of impending snow. She wasn't really sure what was going to come of this, but she couldn't help. . .hoping.

"Marie said you wanted to see me." Audrey felt her heart give a little skip at the familiar voice.

She spun around to see Darryl standing in the door from Jane's downstairs office. Schooling her features, Audrey nodded. "Yes. I think it's time we tried to . . . . to . . . to. . " *to what, Rockwell?* her mind complained.

"To try to find closure on what happened between us?" Darryl offered.

"I guess," Audrey sighed, going back to her seat.

"You asked Marie to set this up," Darryl reminded her. "You must have had something in mind."

Audrey heard the tightly controlled frustration coloring Darryl's normally easygoing tones. For some perverse reason, that knowledge that he was also on edge relaxed her. "I thought we needed to talk, to clear the air."

"So? Talk," Darryl ordered, making sure to keep outside her personal space.

"You don't have to stay on your feet, ready to bolt," she scowled as he took a step backward. "I know I said I'd hurt you, but that was anger talking. . .anger and hurt, and I'm not angry now."

"Just hurt? I am sorry about that, Audrey. That was never my intent. In fact, that is the LAST thing I ever wanted you to feel because of me."

"Then why did you LIE to me?"

"I never lied to you as Darryl, except to protect my disguise as Darla," he sighed. "As Darla, the only untruths I told you were for Jane's purposes."

"So, all those 'girlfriend talks' were the real deal, huh? You never stretched the truth to give Darryl a bit of an advantage, or perhaps to get a bit of a thrill at my expense? You don't think you used your Darla disguise to get every little edge you could?" Audrey's voice rose, and broke in her emotion.

"NO, dammit, I didn't!" Darryl snapped back. "Hell, I broke my word to my Mother, to Jane, because I WOULDN'T take advantage of you that way! That's how I got into this damnable mess, because I told you about me and Darla rather than participate as both in your plan to seduce me as Darryl."

"Oh yeah? What about watching me strip to my undies at that art class with you in the front row, eh?"

"I wasn't the only guy there, Audrey, and you KNEW it when you agreed to pose."

"Oh yeah?" she repeated snappishly. "Think again, pal. The only reason I did it was because that teacher reminded me that it was 'just us girls here', remember, or are you just changing the facts to suit yourself?"

Darryl flushed bright red. "Oh, god, you're right. I guess that I didn't want to remember that. DAMN!"

"And that wasn't the only time, either," Audrey continued, definitely on a roll now, "What about helping me with my bra at the dress shop before the trip to Boston? Great chance to cop a feel, wasn't it?"

"It was, but I didn't!" he replied furiously. "If you'll recall, I closed my eyes as soon as I knew you were topless. You even ragged on me about it." Darryl gave a bark of self deprecating laughter. "I even kept my eyes closed when all I could have seen was your bared back."

"A likely story!" Audrey retorted. "Of course there were only about 27 mirrors all around that damned room!"

She was almost amused when color flooded his face. "Well, that was part of the reason I kept my eyes closed."

"And what about that dress Darla talked me into almost wearing, eh? 'Darryl will love it, Audrey.'" Audrey demanded in a wicked mimicry of Darla's tones.

"I WON'T apologize for that!" Darryl retorted, stuffing his hands into his pockets and turning away from her. "You were so damned beautiful in that dress," he said in a wistful voice that told Audrey just how vividly that memory was burned into his memory. "that you turned my brain to mush and second, because it was nothing but the truth. I, Darryl, DID love it because, DAMN you, you contrary woman, that dress could have been MADE to enhance your beauty!"

"You don't regret deceiving me, do you?" Audrey asked finally.

"I regret that it was necessary to deceive you, but I do believe it was necessary. Whether in the final analysis they were right or wrong is for the future to determine. Jane and Art, two people I both love and respect, said that masquerade was necessary to ensure you got the best possible chance at defeating the demons that bitch of governess set upon you." Then Darryl turned back and locked eyes with Audrey. "And I REALLY regret that I hurt you. Since that day, I have gone over what we did over and over again in my head, looking for ways I might have done something else, for ways things might have come out differently."

"If only we had met under other circumstances," Audrey murmured.

"We did, Audrey," Darryl replied, a small smile on his face. "On the train. Only you were Rocky, and you wouldn't give me the time of day."

"Was I really that bad?" Darryl wisely remained silent, one still-finely shaped brow raised in challenge. Audrey finally shrugged in acquiescence.

When she didn't seem inclined to say anything more, Darryl decided to take a chance. "Audrey, are you happy? I mean, happier overall than you were when you came here?

"I don't know," Audrey finally answered. "I do like, that is, I have come to appreciate my femininity more now. And I, um, I guess I feel more confident. I guess part of the reason I was getting into fights was that I always needed to prove to myself I was, oh, able to take care of myself. Now I know that constant need to prove myself physically was a sign of self-doubt, not strength. I don't need to prove my strength any more. Not to myself and certainly not to anyone else."

"But are you happy?"

The tall young woman hesitated, then sighed. "Not right now. I thought we . . . I thought I might have found something more than just . . . confidence. And I . . . and that was based on a lie."

Darryl couldn't bring himself to look Audrey straight in the eye. "I just wish I . . . I wish we could have helped you more."

There was no question of the sincerity of that wish. A small smile lighted Audrey's features. "Not satisfied with minimum standards, either, huh?"

A familiar smile answered hers. "I get that from my mother."

"So, tell me. What did Jane say to you? About what happens next?"

"Don't you know?

"I, ah, well, I haven't talked with Jane for a few days," he admitted, somewhat sheepishly. "I've seen you down at the stable. And wasn't that Deputy Beale showing you how to shoot?"

"I'm staying a while longer," Audrey replied. "I'm not sure how long, but your Mother is keeping her word about my training. I'd do better at the National Olympic Training Center, but for now, this is okay. Darryl? Why didn't you just quit when you. . . well, when things started getting complicated? You could have. I understand you said you felt you couldn't go back on your word to your Mother and tell me what was going on, but why did you keep on deceiving me like that?"

"A lot of reasons. A big one, in the back of my mind, was that I was afraid you might push Jane into a situation where she felt she needed to take action that might endanger your Olympic dream. You're both the same kind of hard-headed, contrary female - each determined to have your own way. That's only one of the many ways that you two are alike."

"Me?" Audrey practically squeaked in disbelief. "Like Jane?"

Darryl laughed sadly. "If you could only see yourself in the mirror right now. Lips pursed, eyes wide, chin stubbornly out and your right eyebrow cocked. I can't tell you how often I've seen that same look of outraged disbelief on my Mother's face.

Stubbornly quelling an urge to feel amusement or even a bit of pride, Audrey sniffed. "There's no need to be insulting," she mumbled, before adding. "If I am like your mother, who are you, Darryl? Really? And are YOU happy with what you do?"

"You mean being both Darryl and Darla?"

"It's rather daunting to have spent hours and hours with someone, thinking you know him, or her, and then find out that it was all a disguise, a role."

Darryl sighed, and then sat down beside Audrey, careful to keep from brushing against her in the process. "With the exception of recent events, the answer to your question is yes, I am happy as I am. What I do as Darla IS important. I, we, that is Jane, Marie and I, have helped a dozen or so boys, who were on their ways to bad ends, find a better way to live. As to you not knowing me, well, you really do. Darla IS me. . .I AM Darla. . .just as I am Darryl. Just like you are both Audrey and Rocky."

"That's just one more thing, Darryl, that has become kind of hard for me to deal with, to believe in right now, if you know what I mean."

Darryl grinned mirthlessly and said, "You think it's hard for you? You should have seen it from my side, especially early on when I was just coming to grips with it myself."

Audrey's expression showed a willingness to listen, at least Darryl hoped that's what he saw. He tried that out with a question.

"Jane told you about my . . . circumstance before coming here, right?"

At Audrey's nod, not accompanied by a frown or some other expression of disgust, Darryl continued. "I guess I honestly can't say if that . . . affected me somehow. But it was a long time before I could respect who I was as Darryl. I'm small, but I'm not weak."

Audrey's smile this time had honest agreement, a hint of remembered challenges over grueling runs granting Darryl's point.

"Well," he said, "for a long time in there, the only 'me' that seemed . . . worthy of respect was Darla. As Darla, I am . . . desirable. Cute, witty, graceful, attractive. Even more importantly, it was Darla who was able to help a bunch of guys by working with Jane as the big sister. By the time I came to accept who Darryl is, I had also come to appreciate those, well, admittedly feminine parts of me. I didn't want to - don't think I should have to - give up Darla just because I now respect Darryl."

"I . . . see," Audrey said quietly, but the conviction Darryl hoped for was not in her eyes.

"Perhaps," he said, disagreeing by too-gentle agreement. "At least, you might someday. It's not easy to understand. Believe me, I know," Darryl said gently as he leaned over to softly kiss Audrey's forehead. Then he stood and stepped away from her. "I know. Be well, Audrey. If you need me, or just want to talk some more, tell Marie. I'll be around."

With that, Darryl slipped out of the garden. As it was to turn out, that was the last Audrey would see of him before she left Seasons House.

~----------------~

"Mom?" Darryl called as he stuck his head into Jane's upstairs study. "Do you have a moment, please? We need to talk, I think, about Audrey."

~----------------~

Prudence Rockwell picked up her pealing office phone with a sigh. She had been hoping to slip out for an early and extended lunch hour. *Well, maybe I can deal with this quickly.* "Pru Rockwell speaking."

"Pru," a richly toned feminine voice replied. "Jane Thompson here. How are you?"

"Fine, Jane. How are you? What's up? Some problem with Rocky?"

"I'm well, Pru, and we do need to talk about your daughter. It's not really a problem, but I want to discuss a plan with you for your approval since she is still a minor."

"And you said she was doing so much better," Prudence said sadly. "All right, Jane, what do you want to do to her?"

"Not to her, Pru, because she is doing so much better. It's just, well, it's just that this she might be ready for more than I can do for her here. Let me tell you what's happened and what I propose to do with her, all right? Ask questions as I go."

"Okay, but let me lock my office door and tell my secretary to hold my calls," Prudence said, kicking off her stiletto-heeled shoes. "I think this calls for my full and undivided attention."

~-------------~

"Ms. Thompson?" Audrey asked from the parlor door. "Marie said you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, dear. Come in, please, and take a seat. I have a proposal for you."

"I have decided, Audrey," Jane began, "to offer you an alternative to staying here with me for another few months."

"Yes, Ma'am?" Audrey replied cautiously.

"I have made inquiries with friends of mine who are associated with the USOC. Provided your fees are paid, there is room for you at their national training site. If you and I can come to an accord, I am willing to underwrite your training costs."

*Where did this come from?* Audrey asked herself in disbelief. "That sounds, well, that sounds almost too good to be true, Ms. Thompson. What's the catch? You said I had things to learn on my own, and you would tell my Mother that if I asked to leave."

Eyes steady, Jane replied, "There is no catch, Audrey. And yes, I believe there are certain things I would ultimately like you to learn, but I have concluded that perhaps my home is not the place you will have the best opportunity to learn them. For your part of our agreement, you will simply agree to behave and present yourself as the lovely and personable young woman you are."

"That's it? Just promise to be little Miss Mary Sunshine and not beat up the boys and you'll pay for my training?"

"You're being intentionally crude, Audrey, and I'm not going to react so you might as well stop trying to push my buttons. You agree to continue to behave in the same exemplary manner as you have these past weeks, and yes, I will pay your expenses."

Amazed, Audrey could only stare in wonder. "How will you know if I do? Are you going to have me watched? Some type of undercover surveillance type?"

That made Jane chuckle. "Heavens, no. You'll simply give me your word. That has always been beyond question, even before you came to me, and so, it will be good enough for me now."

So many things ran through Audrey's overloaded mind, but the only thing she could get out was "Why?"

Jane smiled gently. "Because Darryl asked me to do it," she said simply. "He came to me and said it was wrong of us to force you to stay when there was such a better opportunity for you elsewhere. He also asked me to pay for it."

Stunned by that, Audrey said the first thing that came to her "Wants me out of here, eh?" and instantly regretted it.

Jane's blue eyes went ice cold. "Audrey, are you trying to anger me, because I know you are not that stupid? You and I both know perfectly well why my son chose to intercede with me on your behalf. Now, if you give me your word to uphold your part of our new bargain, I will send Marie up to your room to help you pack. Your plane leaves tomorrow morning."

 

Chapter 8: Interludes

Seasons House - Master Apartment W-Hour Minus 4

Jane looked at her reflection in the mirror and was pleased. *You'll do for an old almost-spinster-school-teacher lady,* she assured herself as she made one last, probably-unnecessary touch-up to her lip gloss.

"You look marvelous," Art said from behind her. "Absolutely marvelous."

"Well, I have to put my best foot forward today and I don't want my face melting in this summer's heat," she grinned up into his so-well-loved eyes, "There's a covey of my old students here today and I can't have them thinking I'm losing my edge."

"Now we both know that's not true. Once you got shanghaied into this little ceremony, you've been planning this to the least detail. You WANT to shine out there."

"And will I?" she challenged.

"Like the sun, my love, like the sun."

Jane smiled at her husband, a smile few who knew her would recognize, for it was one only Art could bring to her lips. "It's hard to believe we've gotten to this point. Do you remember when Darryl came in with the results from the Olympic Qualification Match? Lord, but that was as cold a February winter's day as this August day will be hot."

~---------------~

Seasons House: W-Day Minus 170

"Mom!" The shouted call brought Jane up from her reading with a jerk.

"DAR-RYL!" she snapped back. "My hearing is excellent, and there is NO reason to shout like that!"

"Sorry," he grinned as he walked into the downstairs office. "I got carried away."

"Indeed?" *Well, I can hardly fault whatever has put that grin on your face. I can count on my fingers the number of times I have seen you so. . .happy since Audrey left.* "And what is it, pray tell, that fills you with such good humor?"

Darryl held up a sheaf of papers. "This! It's the results of the Pentathlon Olympic Qualification Match."

"Isn't February a bit early for a Summer Olympic qualifier?"

"Not really. They do it as part of regularly scheduled competitions instead of as a special Olympics-only event. This one was in Mexico."

"I see. How did she do, dear?"

Neither of them had to ask who 'she' was. "Fourth place over all - second alternate."

"In the men's competition?" Jane asked.

Handing Jane the printed pages, Darryl shook his head. "Nope. For whatever reason, she competed against the women. That tenth place in the fencing really hurt her, and she could have done better with the gun, but her swimming, running and horse-jumping were all top five finishes and individual bests for her, at least in competition."

"I will have to call Pru and find out why she didn't press the issue of competing in the open division," Jane murmured.

"I cross-checked her performances against the men's division. She wouldn't have made the top ten there. Her horse jumping was up to snuff, and her run was okay, but she just wasn't competitive with the foil or the air pistol in that field," Darryl said, his demeanor beginning to darken. "I figure she'll blame being here for that."

"She needed what we did here, dear," Jane said gently as she came over to embrace her son. "You know that."

"Yeah, I know that. It's just so hard sometimes. I never really thought about what would happen when it all ended, Mom. I mean, I thought about it, but I guess I never let myself think about how life might be without her. With the boys, they were always at the point where they knew they could pull it off, and usually, were beginning to enjoy the masquerade. Their feelings were always positive at the end."

"Just another way that she was unique in my program, dear."

Darryl sighed, nodded, and then stepped out of his Mother's arms. "By the way, you said at breakfast you needed to talk to me about something. What's up?"

"Well, you did mention that you are at loose ends since Brown changed their Medical School program so that new students can only start in September?" At Darryl's nod, Jane continued, "I was hoping that. . . "

"Hoping what?"

"Well, your Aunt Ruth and I were wondering if you'd mind being Darla again. . .for just a little while?"

"Like I wasn't Darla just last week for that 'Girls Night Out' with you, Diana, Caro, Sandy and Michelle. What's up, Mom?"

"Well, Ruth has a young man on her docket in the next two weeks, and she thinks that he is perfect for our program here."

"You did say 'young man', didn't you?" Darryl asked evenly.

"Yes, dear, I did. A young fellow named Melvin Morris."

Darryl's eyes flashed devilishly. "Lord above, Mom, one thing's for sure."

"What's that?"

"Whatever name we give him as a her is bound to be an improvement. When does he arrive?"

"Next week or two, assuming you agree to play big sister. Ruth has to set up the deal with his lawyer first, and that will take a few days to set up and get down on paper."

"Let's do it, Mom," Darryl said, his voice suddenly hoarse. "I don't want my last memory of Darla-the-big-sister to be that look of hurt and pain on Audrey's face."

~--------------~

Kingston Train Station: W-Day Minus 160

*I should have set up something like this as soon as we got back home from putting Audrey on the plane to Colorado,* Jane mused. March's winds were swirling as she stood on the Kingston train platform, awaiting the arrival of yet another student. Hopefully, immersing themselves in the familiar roles, rituals and activities of Jane's program would at last dispel the remaining specters of Audrey's final days at Seasons House.

Even now things were coming back to what passed for normality in Jane's world. Darla, once again a blonde, was turned out in full debutante style in her knee length white dress and coordinating hat. Old fashioned petticoats made the dress stand out prominently from her opaque-white stockinged legs. Modestly heeled patent pumps, white gloves and a matching shoulder purse completed her costume.

Jane herself was dressed in her most austere black business suit, with her hair swept back ruthlessly into a tight chignon and her cosmetics subtly harsh. She'd have her new guest on the defensive within hours or know the reason why.

"Ready, Pancho?" she asked as the train appeared, rolling into the station.

"Ah, Cisco," Darla grinned back. "I was born ready."

"Well," Jane breathed as the doors of the train cars opened, "It's show time, kid. . . oh my god. . "

"Huh?" Darla replied, slewing her eyes in the direction Jane's own wide eyes were now locked and saw a young woman carefully stepping down from the train.

March's blustery winds sent dark waves of hair fluttering across the tall girl's face, obscuring for a moment her identity. Her jeans, sweater, and corduroy jacket provided no particular clues, nor did the unremarkable duffel and garment bags she carried. Still, to Darla, there was something about her that was instantly familiar.

And recognized.

"Audrey?" Darla said, her voice barely a whisper.

"For heaven's sake, Darla, go distract her while I try to capture Melvin. I can't imagine what she'd be doing here if not to come see us."

"You did tell her she was welcome anytime," Darla reminded her.

"And so she is, but for now we need to keep her and Melvin separated until we can tell her what's going down."

"I'll get her and we'll take a cab home. I'll put her in the stable's apartment until we figure out what to do next."

"What is she doing here?" Jane wondered.

"I am almost afraid to find out," Darla replied as she moved out to intercept Audrey, but Jane could hear the faint, fearful tendril of hope in her child's voice, and prayed that it would not go unanswered this time.

~--------------~

Seasons House Stable: W-Day Minus 160

They'd both been rather reserved during the taxi ride to Seasons House. Audrey had not said anything when Darla had directed the cabbie to take them to the stable and not the main house, and she'd simply stood by as Darla paid the man his fee and tip.

"Come on," Darla ordered as she reached for one of Audrey's bags. "I'll show you the apartment."

"Don't bother with the bag, I'll get it. I'm not wearing heels."

"Too bad," Darla snipped. "You look great in them. Well, are you coming or not?"

The rooms were clean and nicely appointed. That was only to be expected in Ms. Jane Thompson's domain. What did surprise Audrey was that the furniture actually looked comfortable. She set her bags and the floor and turned to face an obviously nervous Darla. "Well, whatever I expected for my return here, seeing you, that is, Darla wasn't included. Nice hair, by the way."

Darla blushed to her blond bangs. "It's my real hair color this time. Jane and Art felt that having someone with similar coloring as a role model would help and also that you were more likely to disregard me as a blonde ditz."

"So, why are you in. . .what did you say? Ditz mode now? Heck, why are you Darla now?"

"You saw the kid Jane collared at the station? The one she hustled off before you could say hi to her?"

"I wondered why she ignored me when I called to her."

"New student. He's probably getting raked over the coals by Jane right now for his many failings. Lunch will be an extremely formal, multi-course meal that will give Jane ample ammunition to hammer his table manners before he is sent up to take a nap. During the nap, all his boy clothes will disappear - locked up into the attic - and by this evening, he will be wearing his first girl clothes."

"And Darla is involved with all that? As opposed to Darryl?"

"Just like with you, only more so," Darla said diffidently. "I help him make the transition sometimes, keep an eye on him for Jane other times and still other times I help set him up for one of Jane's lessons."

"You spy on him, and tell HER what was told to you in private." The trenchant disapproval in Audrey's tone made Darla want to flinch, but years of training under Jane Thompson supported her.

"Jane has had one student attempt suicide," Darla replied, head held high and chin held out, "and another who might very well have, had I not been keeping her informed of his thinking and actions. You can't appreciate that because she was so careful with you, having had different goals for you, but what she does with the boys is intentionally devastating. She needs someone like me on the inside until the boy makes the turn."

"Ah, yes. Well, if you say so," Audrey replied, turning to look out the window over the empty paddock. She obviously didn't want to talk about it any more, at least right then, so Darla offered an alternate subject.

"So, why are you here?"

"Unfinished business - with your alter ego, your aunt, and I guess now that I've seen you, with you. Will I get the chance since you have a student here now?"

"The schedule is pretty flexible after the first week or two," Darla replied, refusing to allow herself to hope. "Jane will always make time for one of her kids, and I will always make time for you, Audrey."

"One of her KIDS? I don't think so!"

Darla only shrugged. "I guess that's for you and Jane to work out. I will tell you that, insofar as she is concerned, it is only the truth. If you aren't one of her kids, it is and will be only by your own choice. In any event, that won't change the way she feels."

"Hmmmph. So, when can we get together? I'm kind of tired right now. The plane was much quicker and less tiring than the train."

"Tomorrow? This afternoon and tomorrow morning are pretty critical and I have big parts to play. After breakfast it becomes mostly Jane and Marie's show until after the noon meal. Can I call you, say about nine o'clock?"

"Works for me," Audrey replied.

"I've got to run, okay? I have to play hostess at that lunch-from-hell today. Oh, and if you get hungry, just use the phone to call the kitchen and tell Marie. The number is on the card underneath the phone." Darla started to leave and then stopped herself. Almost shyly, she turned back to face the tall girl she loved. "For whatever reason, I'm glad you're back," she said softly. "Very glad," she added, and then turned and almost ran down the stairs, slowing only in deference to the two inch heels on her shoes."

 

 

 

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