Those Darned Artichokes

by Gwen Brown

  

The three-man crew of the Didaleus was six weeks out on a run to the Scorpious System about 30 Au from their homeport. The Vessel consisted of a huge pod of fuel tanks at the stern with the main propulsion system aft of that. From the vicinity of the tanks a long stem projected along the axis of the vessel almost a full Mile to the forward living quarters and control pod. Freight was carried in huge pods attached to the stem of the Didaleus. Each pod had its own propulsion, guidance, life support, and re entry system. That way, out in remote systems, a pod destined for a passing planet would just be detached finding it's own way to the surface. The custom saved a tremendous amount of energy in spite of the fact that the efficiency of propulsion engines had improved by magnitudes since Man first started into space 237 years ago.

Mark and Eric were aft at the Main Engines working out a flux balance problem when things began to go very wrong. Eric could see that the condition of the Engine in question was not improving and he began to suspect that everything they were trying to do would not stop the instability. Eric suspected a cracked conduit somewhere. Eric wondered if he could simply shut the engines down but as he read the readouts and opened viewing ports into the engines' innards, he spotted what he had feared most. A conduit had broken before the regulator and there was now no way to shut the Engine down.

Eric only had a bad marriage to return to and Mark had a new Wife and a brand new Baby Girl. He'd been very down the whole trip. Mark and Alan (The Man who stayed with the Controls) had noticed his acute depression and Alan had tried to play Amateur Counselor but Eric were having none of that. He was actually a pretty closed Guy and never asked for help, a loner.

As the situation slowly deteriorated, Eric told Mark that he and Alan should grab a Pod and get out of there.

Mark said," Do you really think it is that bad? There hasn't been an engine Fission in years."

"Well, if I can't get this one to settle down, you're gona see another. "He said, knowing he was lying, there was no way he could save the ship. "Keep transmitting your A numbers and I'll slow down for you if She doesn't go to hell on me." He said.

Mark, Alan and Eric had worked together for years. They knew each other better than their own Mothers. Shoot, Alan didn't even know who his mother was and he got a lot of good-natured kidding about it. Mark knew when Eric was lying but he also knew there was no sense in three people dying when one would do. He knew all Eric would accomplish would be to buy time. Alan, once alerted to the situation, set out to meet Mark about half way down the stem.

On the way down in the trolley, Alan began going through the Manifest to see which pod was most likely to contain what they needed if they were out for a long time. Many of the Pods were just a jumble of various items. Alan began to get really frightened and hysterical. It was a joke between he and the other guys that Alan was just useless at physical or mechanical things. He could handle the controls for days on end just getting catnaps and never make a mistake. Mark and Eric had seen that as amazing and really became attached to him, calling him the little Secretary. As one would imagine coping with each other for trip after trip and actually beginning to like one another but none of this came without some bloody noses and black eyes. There was no question for Alan. If he disagreed one or the other of the two would just pound him to pulp. Each of them developed their own habits and Alan eventually just got over his feelings of inadequacy. The other guys knew he could keep everything together up front while they were the crisis guys. They knew how valuable he was but were careful to only give him backhanded complements. "They didn't want him to get out of control." They told Alan.

Alan had never forgotten how the other two had come looking for him when some Hooker talked him out the Door of a sleazy bar they were in. When she got him around the corner, she immediately stuck a hand piece in his ribs and took his wallet. She disappeared down a long alley.

As Alan was walking back up the Alley toward the Bar, three guys decided to have their way with him. They were ugly, dirty and Alan knew he was in for it. "Hey fellas, some hooker already got my Wallet." He said.

What looked like the ring leader said, "Don't worry little fella, we're gonna make you our little sissy boy." Alan froze with fright and backed up until he touched the wall.

Alan didn't know that his two friends were watching all this but were going to let it go until they made their move. It would teach Alan not to go off by himself. "I swear sometimes Alan is worse than babysitting my kid Sister." Eric Said.

"Shit, don't tell him that, he'll bawl and then mope around for a week." Mark said. Just then the creeps pushed Alan down and began stripping him.

Mark and Eric moved swiftly and using both fists in a single ball pounded one of the guys right between the shoulder blades. "That should hold you." Eric said. The other two guys taken off guard just cut out running.

Alan was gasping for air, trying to scream but could not make a sound. He was weeping like Mark's sister. Mark knew better than to be gruff. If he did then Alan would cry for days. Instead, they took him into the Bar and got him so drunk he passed out.

Late the next day, when Alan woke up, they convinced him it had been a wild dream.

Eric laughed softly as he continued working. It was a sort of hysteria.

They were really running out of time when Alan decided on a pod destined for a Grocery Chain and a Shopping Center. Now, these Pods are often really big, sometimes almost 600 feet long.

Alan assumed that it would contain all the food they needed past the 30-day emergency supplies. He had no idea what the stuff for the Shopping center was but he just knew it would be helpful.

Just as Alan was getting into the Pod and preparing it to run on its own, he heard Eric tell them the last thing he would ever hear him say, "OK guys you need to leave right now. I can hold this maybe-another 30 seconds.

Mark knew he was about 4 minutes from Alan and began to feverishly try to speed the Trolley up. He shorted out the SCR drive and the Trolley took off extremely fast knocking Mark onto the rear cargo bed. He almost rolled clear off the thing. Just as he managed to get back into the control seat, He saw Alan waving at him. By now the Trolley was going almost 200 miles an hour with Mark frantically trying to stop it.

" OK guys, you have about 15 seconds, I'll try to hold it a little longer. Mark sobbed hysterically and suddenly just sat back in his seat. He didn't try any more to stop it, he knew there was NO time left. Alan stepped back into the Pod sobbing piteously and banged the Emergency release hard enough that it broke but the Tongs released anyway. The blue button next to that was the hasty way to leave and Alan did not hesitate to use it.

Alan heard Mark say, "Tell my wife I love her when you get back." It is surprising some times how fast you can get tears flowing down your face. It seemed instantaneous to Alan. "I sure will Mark, I'm sorry it didn't work out." Mark only heard the first part of the sentence because at that moment the Trolley crashed into the Living and Control section.

Alan was very good with Control systems and it only took him a few seconds to override the safety features of the Pod's Propulsion system. Designed only for Planetary maneuvering the Pod had not nearly as much power as a Star Cruiser or even the Freighter behind him.

The Pod was scarcely 10 miles from the explosion. The shock wave, along with debris from the Freighter hit the Pod almost instantly. Even 10 miles lessened the Pod's risk of being struck. The area of a sphere increases much more rapidly than the Radius so the chance of Alan surviving the blast was down to only un-survivable. Alan heard a relatively small piece strike the Pod but he never remembered hearing the next piece because he was unconscious the instant it hit.

At first when Alan began to waken, he didn't know where he was. The lights were out and he could hear an ominous hiss somewhere. The impact had given him an almost fatal head injury. His equilibrium was almost non existent. He vomited almost immediately. He kept it up every minute or so until he reset the power system. He knew those systems very well but he had never prepared to do it in the dark. Strangely he found if he closed his eyes, he could concentrate on feeling his way around better. The system had been on several minutes before Alan even thought of opening his eyes again.

It hit him that he was indeed alone and his two other team members had died in the crash. He fell down and sobbed until he felt drained. Some how, he had to pull himself together.

He had to see what the hiss was because it could be leaking very critical fluid or gasses. It would be difficult doing anything with his eyes brimming with tears. Even in his confused and nearly incoherent state, Alan laughed so hard that he fell down when he saw what was hissing. It was the Propeller on a child's toy Airplane. The crash had been so violent a Crate of toys had broken open and the power connected on the now wingless bi-plane. He managed to painfully get to his feet and return to the control panel that was now a serious mess. He could see the Propulsion and Navigation systems were a total loss.

His headache and his Nausea became so overpowering that Alan stumbled to the Emergency Med. Station and took what he though he needed. He was about to return to assessing the situation when he suddenly had an overpowering urge to lie down.

Alan had no idea how long he slept but when he wakened, he felt like he could devour a Turkey raw but more pressing was the need to pee. He almost made it to the bathroom. He was so relieved when he finished, he did not mind cleaning up the yucky mess.

His Stomach felt like a black hole so he got into the Emergency food supply. Sure it was those horrible imitation Granola bars and some of what was supposed to be Orange Juice. He was so dehydrated that he downed one 12 ouncer in one gurgle. He sucked down two Granola bars like a Wolf on a fresh kill. In a few minutes he felt really sorry he had eaten so fast. It was all he could do to not lose it all on the floor.

He began to poke around the Controls again to see what was repairable. He found that he could indeed make the propulsion system operate again but he could not fix the servo unit, which moved the Engines to steer it. Running those Engines that way was a bit like making an 18^th Century Cannon a space ship.

He quickly decided there was no immediate solution to that problem. He sighed and said to himself, "I'll think of something later." He was still very dizzy and his head still hurt just enough to irritate him. It was not long until he was lying down again. That went on for almost a week until he woke up feeling refreshed enough to actually do some work.

He felt gratified that at least the Gravity was still working. Of course that would be pretty hard to destroy because each floor section had its own built in attraction unit.

After wondering around for a few minutes he looked out the small port. The stars were rushing by as the Pod tumbled through space. He wondered if he could repair the attitude jets and how long the charge for them would last. It took him almost two days to get anything out of the Navigation System and he did not like what it told him. It appeared that his Pod was shooting off to an uncharted area of space with very dark matter strewn through it.

He realized very quickly that he did not have enough reactionable mass to change direction with the maneuvering system. The Main engines were too much of a risk to use with no control system. That knowledge made the day seem very bleak. He'd stayed on ship time, as was his habit.

In the next days, he began to sort through the inventory of the Pod. Even though he would be stealing, Alan did not care too much what people thought about his efforts to survive. He had about three weeks Emergency Food left and then he would be eating what ever was in the Container.

As he began to inventory the contents of the Cargo Container, he felt happier, with something to do. This Pod was huge, so he looked for the stuff for the Grocery chain, first. There was lots of Juices in containers in the Refrigerator unit. He found enough meat to last a while if he augmented it with other food. Then he found a huge locker full of packaged Artichoke Hearts. He searched all through that Locker but could find nothing but Artichoke hearts in that one.

He also found a huge supply of Hardware for a Store. He began to think that he could perhaps fix the servo on the Main engines. He buried himself in searching the remaining contents, taking notes as he did. He hoped he would find more food. As he reached one end he began finding the stock for a clothing store. It seemed like all he could find was little Children's clothing and Women's Clothing.

The next day, after drifting for almost a month the Pod passed into the Dark matter. No one had ever been to this sector before and he felt sort of like an Explorer. The trouble was he did not want to be one.

The routine continued for another month, one morning when he wakened he felt mildly sick to his stomach, and his skin felt like it was crawling. At first he thought it was simply some sort of flu or something. When he was doing his periodical checks of some of the still working instruments, he found no unusual radiation but he was passing through one of the strongest Magnetic Fields he had ever seen. The Field was apparently the cause of his Crawling skin. He had no way at this point to avoid it.

Alan did find what he thought were the correct materials to fix the Servo and perhaps some of the Navigation Equipment. He set to work energetically, hardly eating or sleeping. He assumed his tiredness and weakness was due to too much work. He no longer kept track of the days, he simply wanted to get out of there. All the meat was now gone and aside from fruit juice all he had left was a mountain of Canned Artichoke hearts. Alan had no way of knowing that the Artichokes were canceling some of the damage the Magnetic field was inflicting upon him but it was at an unexpected price.

He first suspected something was different when his shoes kept falling off. Looking down, his feet seemed smaller. Then one day at lunch he became suddenly ashamed when he saw what a mess the dinning area had become. Alan decided he simply must clean it before he did another thing.

While doing that he noticed what a mess his nails were and as he cleaned them began to think it was silly to have his hair so short. He couldn't imagine why he had kept it cut all these years.

He finally got the Navigation System at least partially functional and even gave the Main engines a short burn. With those tasks behind him, there was time to dwell on more important matters like cleaning himself up and seeing to his clothing. He could not imagine why he'd been wearing those awful faded blue coveralls, what had he been thinking.

One morning after a shower, which he found very comforting, he noticed that his breasts had grown significantly in the last months. Alan was surprised that he was not upset; it all seemed so right. He also noticed that Shaving was almost unnecessary now. When he sat down to do his nails, he realized that he had nothing to put on them and felt really frustrated. Then he realized that he had never tried to do his nails before. Where did that come from? It was all so very exciting to him.

In another couple of weeks it was obvious to Alan that he was becoming female and that he would have to start thinking of a Name. In the mean time he'd had time to poke around in the Department store Supplies. On his way down one of the isles, he felt an excitement he had not known since he was a child. He was going Shopping and felt so good! As he walked he began to think how it was now impossible to ignore his breasts. He'd have to reign those babies in before he got a black eye. At the thought he began to laugh uproariously, what he heard astonished him, why it was a Woman's melodious laugh. He was laughing for the first time in months.

Dampness started dribbling down his leg and he knew that he had laughed so hard that he'd wet his pants. He'd given up standing to wee a few weeks ago. Why then it was becoming just a nubbin.

Today he woken feeling a bit nauseated and when he got up, a searing pain went right through his crotch. It was so powerful that he dropped to the floor straight away. There was only a little blood and in the absence of cramps he assumed what he felt was only the initial opening and not his menses.

It surprised Alan that he was not upset about all this. This change just felt so right to him. He wondered if he would have the same Retina Print. If he didn't how would he identify himself. He doubted that anyone would believe him.

Knowing he was rapidly departing Malehood, he began to think of tasks that he could not do when the transition became complete. That was the last thought he had before he closed his eyes to sleep that night.

The next morning Alan began to look at the Pod's velocity through the dark matter and it did not seem really fast. He thought in a few weeks of reverse thrust he could at least reverse course and try to go back the way he came in. He'd have to do some of the plotting by hand but that seemed manageable. It took him all morning to figure the parameters and to start the Main Engines. He decided that it was no emergency to get out of the dark matter but he did need to do it.

All this time he had worried that when the transition was complete, he would not remember how to pilot the ship. He waited for the slight rumble of the propulsion to settle into a steady throb. Only then did he set about his next tasks. The end was near for Alan.

Alice sat on the bed in her shorty PJs hoping she had made the right decision. That solved firmly in her mind, she lay down to sleep. She wakened feeling rested. Alice wakened somewhat amused, thinking of her worry the night before. She remembered being concerned that she was making the right decision but in actuality what decision was there. It was all mostly out of her hands. Gosh she was becoming sick of Artichokes.

Her shopping foray was a great success. There was an excellent wardrobe of Ladies clothing and Petites in some sizes. It was a good thing that she had two sisters. Not that she actually learned much about dressing from them but she had seen enough of their rooms and the things they did to serve as a primer for how she should conduct herself.

Alice knew that these were the latest fashions back at base but she had no idea where she would wind up and did not know what she should wear then.

Lately there had been an emphasis on Fashion in the 19^th and 20^th Centuries. Alice had no way of knowing if they'd gotten it right but she just loved the Corsets and huge sheer skirts. One of them even had a Poodle sewn to the skirt. She wondered how Elvis did the twist wearing a Corset.

She'd spotted some of that denuding jelly for her legs but as it happened, she had no hair what so ever except on her head and a tight little bush between her legs.

Over the last months she'd let her hair grow and it was turning a beautiful ash blonde. It was nearly down to her shoulders and she loved it. Alice could hardly wait to get to some out of the way world and stay on it forever. This last episode had made her want a little ordinary life.

She thought in another three months the Pod should emerge from the dark matter and who knows where she would go then.

  

  

  

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