Texas Gal
by  C. Sprite
© 1999

 

Chapter Three       Life Goes On

Mother awoke me about an hour later. She said, "Time to get up now, David."

David? My name is Darla. Was she talking to me? Then I remembered that I was supposed to summon David. I looked up at Mother and looked into her eyes. They were a little puffy as if she had been crying. I sat up in bed.

"Breakfast is ready," she said. "Your sisters have already left for school. Come down as soon as you're dressed," and she left the bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed and visualized myself packing a suitcase and leaving the house. A cab pulled up and David got out. We embraced each other and as we did I became David. Darla Anne got into the cab and I waved sadly to her as it pulled away. Then I walked into the house and upstairs to my bedroom. I changed into my school uniform of dark blue trousers, starched white cotton shirt, dark blue school tie, and white socks with black shoes. I went into the bathroom, washed my hands and face, and combed my hair. I had a bit of trouble with my hair. It was usually straight and hung very flat. Now it had a little curl to it, and the cut made my normal style look funny. I combed it as best I could and went downstairs to breakfast.

Mother greeted me at the kitchen door. She kissed me on my forehead and asked me how I felt. "Okay," I said. "What's for breakfast." She said that she was making French toast. Now that I was downstairs, she would make mine. She went to the stove and I saw her put the bread into the egg and milk mixture, then lift it out and put it into the frying pan to cook. In a few minutes she brought over a plate of three French toast. I took one and poured maple syrup onto it.

She said, "Is that all you're going to have."

"Yes, Mommy," I said. "I don't feel very hungry today."

As I started to eat, Mother said "David, about Darla Anne…" I stopped eating and put down the fork. "How do you feel about her going away?"

"If it was up to me, she would still be here," I said. "I loved being Darla. I had so much fun with you, Judy, Mary, Susan, Gina and Maria. It was the greatest weekend of my life."

Mother looked at me in a wistful way and said, "And we all loved having Darla Anne with us. It was a wonderful weekend for all of us too." The expression on her face changed as she willed away the wistful look. "But now it's time for you to get to school. I called and told them that you would be late, so you won't be in any trouble. Finish eating and get ready. I'll drive you." I ate the rest of my French toast and got up. I started to carry my plate to the sink and Mother stopped me. "I'll take that David, just get yourself ready for school." I handed her the plate, dropped my hands to my side, looked sadly over at the sink, and turned to the kitchen door. I went upstairs to get my schoolbooks and my jacket. I walked down the stairs holding onto the handrail, as I had recently become accustomed. When I reached the bottom, I saw that Mother was waiting on the porch for me. We walked to the car and she drove me to school. When we arrived at the school she pulled up in front and parked. She said, "Are you going to be okay?"

"Sure, Mommy," I said. "I'm fine."

She kissed me on the forehead and I got out of the car and walked into the school. I looked back as the door closed behind me and I saw that she was still watching me.

I walked into the school office to report in with the warden. Mrs. McCloud, the school's ancient office clerk, was there. She saw me and said, "Ah, David. Are you feeling better? You're mother told us you would be late because you had a tummy ache." She leaned over to the intercom and called the principal.  

Sister Mary Frances came out of her office and said, "Hello David, are you feeling better?"

"Yes, Sister, I'm okay now," I said. "Thank you for asking."

"Good," she said, "I'll mark your attendance down. You can go to your classroom now."

"Thank you, Sister Mary Frances," I said, and left for my classroom.

 

Mother had pulled away from the school and returned home. She cleaned up the kitchen and then walked around the house to straighten things up, here and there. As was her custom, and the custom that she was teaching my sisters, she had already made her bed and straightened up her bedroom before going downstairs this morning. She went into David's bedroom and was surprised to see that the bed was made and all his clothes were picked up. She sat on his bed and began to weep. She blamed herself for the pain that he was feeling. She decided that she had to talk to somebody about it so she dried her eyes and went downstairs to call Dr. Clark. Dr. Clark's receptionist put her through after checking with the Doctor.

"Anita," Mother said, "thank you for taking my call. Do you have a minute?"

"Of course, Liz, I haven't stopped thinking of you and the girls since yesterday. How are you doing?"

"Not too well. I dropped David off at school a little while ago. He looked so sad. I feel so terrible about what I did."

"Liz, I'm free for lunch. Can you come over? We'll grab a bite together."

"Yes, Anita, I can make it. What time?"

"How's 12:30 sound? I won't have any more appointments until 4 o'clock so we can take our time and talk."

"Great, Anita, I'll be at your office at 12:30. See you then."

"Okay Liz, see you later."

After hanging up, Mother sat and thought over the events of the last two days. Then she decided to do a load of clothes before getting ready to leave for lunch with Dr. Clark.

Dr. Clark greeted Mother like an old friend. She told her receptionist that they had a lot of catching up to do and that she would be returning late, but in time for her next appointment. She made Mother feel that she could confide in her, with complete confidence that it would never be divulged to anyone else. Once they reached the diner where they planned to have lunch, mother started to relate everything that had happened since they had parted yesterday. Anita Clark sat and listened to everything. Their food order came and Mother halted until the waitress left, then continued. "This morning was as bad as I had feared. When I told Darla Anne that it was time to leave, the girls all broke down and cried. They cried and hugged each other as if they were never going to see each other again. I brought Darla Anne to David's bedroom, took her sleepwear from her, removed her nail polish and toe nail polish, and gave her David's underwear to put on. I told her to lie down until she felt better. I hoped that she would begin to feel better about being David again."

"I went down to prepare breakfast, and found myself crying as I worked in the kitchen. I forced myself to stop when I heard the girls coming down. Their eyes were all red and puffy, and I knew that mine were too. We ate breakfast in silence. The girls hardly touched their food. Judy finally spoke up and said to me, "Why Mommy?" I asked her what she meant. She said, "We've come to think of Darla as our sister. Since Saturday, we stopped pretending that David was a girl and actually believed that Darla WAS our sister. We didn't question her presence, we just accepted her. Why?" I told her that I didn't understand all of it, but that I thought we must have WANTED to believe it. Since Darla was of course their sibling, they were used to her presence and basic appearance. The feminine attire that we had forced her to wear reinforced the image in our minds that Darla was a girl. Then, her marvelous acting ability completed that image. David actually had the ability to transform herself, to THINK herself female. In her own mind, she was a female. As a sibling who is a female, she is automatically our sister, or daughter, as the case may be. They thought about it for awhile and seemed to agree. Susan said, "I wish Darla was my sister all the time." Judy and Mary agreed. They kissed me goodbye, grabbed their books and coats, and left.

I didn't admit to them that I also wished, heaven help me, that David was a girl. After we talked in the park on Sunday, I thought about what you said. David will have a very difficult life as a man. Her gentle nature, soft features, and slight frame, while desirable in a woman, will present many obstacles as a man. Anyway, after the girls left for school, I sat in the kitchen thinking about the weekend for a while, and then went upstairs to get Darla.. er.. David. David had fallen asleep and I had to wake her. Her eyes were all red and puffy from crying. It was all I could do to keep from crying again myself. I told her to get ready for school and come downstairs for breakfast. She came down dressed in her school clothes and I made French toast for her. It's her favorite breakfast food. But she only had one piece. She was obviously sad about not being Darla anymore. While she ate, I asked her how she felt. She said that she wished that she were still Darla. After she ate, I took her to school. Oh Anita, she was so sad. What have I done by extending that stupid game that the girls started? I should have halted it as soon as I got home. I feel that this is all my fault. I've caused my children so much pain. I hope that some day they can forgive me." Mother broke down at that point and started crying. Dr. Clark moved around in the booth to comfort her. The waitress came to see what was wrong but Dr. Clark identified herself as a doctor and told her that it would be okay. When mother stopped crying she apologized to Dr. Clark.

"Liz, you love your children with all your heart," Dr. Clark said. "Don't you think that they know that? They know that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt them. The girls started the game, and they are probably feeling like you; blaming themselves for what happened. You said that David told you that he had the greatest weekend of his life. Do you think that he would wish that it never happened?"

It worked. Mother stopped crying and started to cheer up a little. "Anita, thank you," she said. "Thank you for being here with me and thank you for helping me."

"Liz, I told you on the phone that I was thinking about you, and the girls, ever since we met yesterday. I did a little research last night about your problem. I read some case studies in a medical journal about gender identity problems. The chances are very good that, given David's nature and slim body, he would have experienced some form of gender identity difficulty, at some point in his life. Most likely at puberty, when a young persons body is bombarded with hormones, and they are desperately trying to establish their sexual identity. That is the time when he will need the most guidance and help to find his way in life. He merely had an identity experience a year or so sooner."

"Anita, what do I do now? David is unhappy about returning to being David. How long will it be before she gets over her unhappiness?"

 "Liz, are you aware that every time you have talked about David, you have referred to him as she or her, and never once as he or him."

"Oh my God, Anita, I think that you're right. I'm still thinking of David as a girl, a girl wearing boys clothing."

 

School was letting out while Mother was with Dr. Clark. I had had a miserable day. At noon recess, I found a place to sit by myself. Since the boys were supposed to stay on the boys' side of the playground, and the girls on theirs, and, since I was usually excluded from most of the games, it was easy to be alone. In class, I sat quietly and never raised my hand once. My teacher asked me if I was feeling okay, because it was so unusual for me not to raise my hand at all. I told her that I had been sick in the morning and wasn't entirely better but didn't want to go to the school nurse. She accepted that and continued with the class.

After school, I walked home with my sisters and the Marcoti sisters. We lived about 12 blocks from the school, so the walk was a lengthily one. As usual, the girls gossiped about the other girls at school as we walked. Everything seemed back to normal. I was once again excluded from their world. I trailed behind the little group all the way home. Every once in a while, one of them would glance back at me then quickly turn back when they saw that I was looking. When we arrived at our street, the Marcoti sisters said goodbye to my sisters and turned right to go to their house while we turned left to go to ours. Then Gina called out, "Goodbye David." I turned and saw her and Maria wave at me. I smiled and waved back. I felt much better. We walked the last half block to our house and climbed to the porch. The door was locked and Mother's car was not in the driveway, so Judy got her key out of her purse and let us in. We all went upstairs to change from our school clothes. The girls walked into their bedroom and I walked into mine.

After putting my books on my small desk, I sat down on the bed. All the emotions that I had been holding in while in school let go and I started crying. I cried until I could cry no more. Then I got up and changed my clothes. I hung my school things in my closet and went to my desk. I sat down and did all my homework. When I was finished, I went to my bookcase to select something to read. I had read all of the books there. Many had been read so many times that the pages were becoming dog-eared. I pulled out my copy of "William Shakespeare's - The Taming of the Shrew" and began to read. The concentration required to read the play, and follow it, soon pushed all other thoughts out of my mind. I was returned to reality by Susan's voice in the hallway outside my door informing me that supper was ready. I book-marked the page that I was on and went downstairs to eat.

Everyone was at the table, including Father. As soon as I sat down, he said grace, and then we ate our meal. As usual we ate in virtual silence because Father preferred it that way.

When we were done, Father stood up, kissed my Mom as she sat in her chair and said, "Another wonderful meal, honey. What did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful wife?"

"And I ask myself what I ever did to deserve such a wonderful husband," Mother said.

They kissed again. Father straightened up and said, "David, come into the living room please and then he left the kitchen." I looked at my mother and she nodded in the direction my father has just gone.

I went into the living room where my father was reclining in his favorite chair. I stood at his side and he said, "David, I was talking with a friend of mine today. He and his wife are in scouting. His wife is one of the den mothers of a local cub pack. The cub scouts are open to young boys between the ages of seven and ten. I enrolled you in the pack. Isn't that great? You will have your first meeting tomorrow with Mrs. Robison's den meeting."

"But Daddy," I said, "I'm going to be eleven in a few weeks. If the pack is only open until you're ten, then I could only be a member until my birthday. I don't want to join the scouts for just a few weeks."

"When you reach your birthday, you'll move on to the Boy Scouts of America. Most of the scouts in Mrs. Robison's den are ten, and you'll have them as friends already when you all become boy scouts. You can join the same troop as they will." Then he gave me directions to Mrs. Robison's House and told me that I was expected there at 3:30 tomorrow. Using my bike, I could be there in ten minutes.

"Okay, Daddy," I said, and I went back upstairs to my bedroom.

Mother saw me going upstairs and went into the living room to ask Father what we had talked about. He told her that he had arranged for me to enter the cub scouts, and that my first meeting was tomorrow. They discussed the scouting program, and Father said that he wished that he could have been a scout when he was young. He felt that my becoming a scout was just what I needed, and that spending more time with boys my own age would be good for me. He then told her that he had heard back from Mr. Burn's office today. He had to fly to Chicago on Wednesday morning with his attorney. He wouldn't be back until late Friday evening. They had a lot of work to do on the land development project, but it looked like the basic deal would be sewn up as soon as they worked out some minor points.

Mother bent over and kissed him, "How could I have gotten so fortunate as to marry a genius. And such a handsome one too?"

He pulled her down on top of him, and kissed her, "Just lucky, I guess. I married a genius also. Keeping this family running smoothly, with the financial hardships that we've had at times, took a genius with the wisdom of Solomon. But life is going to be good from now on."

She got up off of him saying that she had work to do, and that they could finish this 'discussion' later after the children were asleep. He slapped her on the fanny, and she jumped, then giggled, then left the room.

When Mother came into my bedroom, I was lying on the bed, reading my book. She looked to see what I was reading and said, "Pretty heavy stuff, honey. That's 12^th grade, or higher, reading material."

I told her that I wanted something to occupy my mind. Shakespeare forced me to concentrate.

"I see," she said. "Can we talk?"

"Sure Mommy," I said as I put the bookmark in and closed the book.

"David, how do you feel about joining the cub scouts?"

"I don't really want to," I told her. "I don't know anybody who is in the cub scouts."

"That's the good part," she said. "You'll get to make lots of new friends."

"That would be nice," I said.

"Well," she said, "after your meeting tomorrow you can tell me all about it," and kissed me on the forehead.

"Okay Mommy," I said as she left my bedroom.

After school the next day, I climbed onto my bike and rode to Mrs. Robison's house. I rang the front door bell and a pleasant looking woman about my mother's age answered it. I introduced myself and she invited me in. "I'm Mrs. Robison. Come on into the living room, I'll introduce you to your fellow scouts." The living room was joined with their dining room and there were eight boys, my age, engaged in various tasks, spread out over the two rooms. Mrs. Robison told me that everybody was working on a project for an upcoming Cub Scout science fair, and it was too bad that I had not been there several weeks ago when the projects were started. She took me around the room, introducing me to the other scouts. Most said "Hi" or "Hello" without ever looking up from what they were doing. When I had 'met' everybody, she said, "Just make yourself at home, honey, I have a couple of things to do." With that she left the room.

I wandered around looking at the various projects. When I asked questions about what they were doing, I either received no answer, or, got a "Go away" response. Apparently, the pressure of the deadline had everybody on edge. Only one scout even tolerated me. Adam told me in twenty-five words or less what he was trying to do with his project. He added, at the end of his verbal dissertation, that he was too busy to go over the whole thing now, because today was the last day that they would be able to work on their projects. They had to be submitted on Friday for next week's judging. I sat down on the couch, and watched everybody running around, borrowing things from each other, as they all worked on their projects. I felt like it was lunch recess at school and I was again the odd man out.

I sat there alone until Mrs. Robison came back in and announced that it was almost five o'clock and they had wrap up their projects. A couple of mothers had come and were waiting to pickup their sons. As things wrapped up and everybody started to leave, Mrs. Robison pulled me aside and gave me a mimeographed sheet. She told me to be sure to give it to my mother, and she would be calling her tonight to talk to her about it. She told me that she hoped I had had a good time today and hoped that she would see me on Sunday. I thanked her and left. After I got outside I read the sheet. It told about a bus trip to a 'western theme' park on Sunday. I folded the sheet, put it in my pocket, and mounted my bike to ride home.

When I arrived home, I went into the kitchen to tell my mother that I was back from the scout meeting. My sisters were all busy preparing supper, and I wished that I could be with them. They were talking and joking around as they worked. I went upstairs and lay down on my bed. I thought about the Cub Scout meeting, and my isolation there. I thought about school the past two days, and my isolation there. Then I thought about the previous weekend. At first the pleasant memories made me smile. Then I started to think about what I had lost, and I began to cry. After I had been crying for several minutes, Mother came in and sat on the edge of my bed. She tried to console me and I slowly managed to get my emotions under control. When I could again talk coherently, she said, "Was it that bad, sweetheart?"

I told what had happened at the scout meeting.

"That doesn't sound so bad that you should be crying about it."

"It isn't that alone, it's everything combined."

She asked what I meant, and I told her that I felt so alone at the scout meeting, just like I felt alone at school every day. They didn't want me there, any more than the boys at school want me in their games. I told her that when I started thinking about how wonderful it had been this past weekend, with her and my sisters, that I just couldn't hold my feelings in anymore and I started to cry.

I asked her if I was ever going to fit in again, like I had felt that I fit in this past weekend. Was I always going to be the odd man out?

She told me that she was sure that I would find my place in life. I just had to be patient, my time would come. I was, after all, just ten, going on eleven.

"I can't wait to be eleven."

"Why are you in such a hurry?"

I told her that once I was eleven, I could no longer be a Cub Scout and would not have to go back to Mrs. Robison's house and try to socialize with all the ill-mannered boys that I had met today. I remembered the paper that Mrs. Robison had given me for her. I took it out of my pocket and handed it to her.

After reading it she said, "Why this sounds like fun. I bet that you can't wait to go."

I rolled my eyes and looked at her. "Mommy, you're joking right?" I said. "You think I would want to go anywhere with those guys? I just finished telling you that I can't wait to be away from them."

"Now David, you just have to get to know them."

"I do know them," I said. "I know that they are just like the guys at school whom I've known for years. They don't want me butting in on their games. Oh, I know them. The harder I try to be friendly, the more they'll reject me. The more that I try to do for them, the more that they'll try to take advantage of me, and still in the end reject me. Oh, I know them."

She looked at me with a sad look in her eyes and said, "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Your father wants you to try, so give it a try for me, okay? It's only for a few more weeks."

"Okay Mommy, I'll do it for you. I'd do anything for you." She hugged me and I hugged her back. We held each other like that for a few minutes, and then I realized that she was weeping.

"What's the matter, Mommy?" I asked. "I said that I would do it for you."

"I know sweetheart," she said, "that's what I'm crying about. You're doing it for me, even though you hate it. you're so generous and giving. Not at all like most other boys. I wish that there was something that I could do for you."

Without hesitation I said, "Well there is one thing."

"Tell me," she said, "and if it's within my power to do it, I will."

"Let Darla come back again," I said.

"David," she said, "you know that your father would object to that."

"He'll only object if he knows," I said. "Maybe Darla could come back for a visit when he's away sometime. I know that Judy, Mary, and Susan would never tell him." She had, by now, stopped crying.

She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You're as devious as a woman. You should have been born a female. You have a woman's cunning inside that head."

"I wish that I had been born a female. I feel so much more comfortable with girls than with boys. Most girls don't push other girls away simply because they are smaller or weaker then they are. If I were a girl, then I wouldn't be so lonely all the time. Oh I wish that I could be a girl."

Mother gave me that wistful look again that I had seen so much of lately. She said, "It's almost time for supper. I have to fix my face. You wash up and go downstairs, okay sweetheart?"

"Okay Mommy."

My sisters had finished cooking supper and the table was set. Father was due any minute and they were sitting at the table talking when I walked in. They greeted me, then Judy said, "How's the newest Cub Scout in town?"

"I'll bet that she knows the secret handshake already," Mary said.

"Are the other cub scouts as pretty as you?" Susan asked.

I smiled and said, "Fine, No, and, Of course not."

They all giggled and I smiled. We heard the front door and knew that Father was home. Mother had just come downstairs and she greeted him in the front hall. They walked into the kitchen together like newlyweds. Father said hello to us and they sat down at the kitchen table. My sisters jumped up to get the food. I started to rise also, then remembered and sat back down.

When the food was on the table, Father said grace, and then we ate. During the meal, he told us that he was flying to Chicago to close a big land development deal tomorrow. He would be gone for several days and expected us to mind our mother as always while he was gone. We all said, "Yes, Daddy."

He said that on Sunday we would all be going to a 'western theme park.' up in New York. He said that we would be driving in our car, following the bus to the park. I felt better about going to the park knowing that my family was going also. I wouldn't be alone after all.

After dinner, Mother asked me if I had done my homework. I told her that I had been at the scout meeting right after school so I hadn't done it yet. She told me that I should go do it now before any television. I said okay, and went upstairs. After my homework was complete, I decided to read instead of watching television.

At ten o'clock, Mother opened my door and told me it was time to go to sleep, so I put my book away, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and then returned to bed and went to sleep.

Awaking late the next morning, I did my morning bathroom duties, washed my face and hands, and returned to my room. As I was starting to get dressed for school, Mother came in and told me not to dress yet. When I asked why not, she told me that she had made a doctor's appointment for me, for a checkup. She told me to just put on my jeans and come down for breakfast. My sisters were already at the table when I came down. Breakfast today was oatmeal. Mother told us that Daddy had already left for Chicago. My sisters asked why I wasn't dressed for school and she told them that I had a doctor's appointment for a checkup this morning. They finished their breakfasts and left for school. Mother called the school and told them that I would not be in today.

She sat down at the table and she said, "Dr. Clark is expecting us at 10 o'clock so we had better get started. I want you to take a bath so that you'll be nice and clean."

My heart stopped for a second when she said "Dr. Clark." The only Dr. Clark that I knew, was the one that I had met on Sunday, in the park. I said, "Mommy, Dr. Clark met Darla Anne on Sunday."

"That's right honey, and that's who she'll meet again today."

My heart stopped for a second time, "You mean that Darla Anne is coming back?"

"Yes dear, but only for today." I jumped up and ran over to mother and hugged and kissed her.

"Oh Mommy, thank you, thank you."

"Well, I told you that if it was within my power, that I would grant your wish. Since your father is away, and I'm sure that your sisters will keep our secret, then Darla Anne can spend the day with us."

I suddenly realized that Dr. Clark may have been fooled in the park, but would not be fooled when she examined me, and I related this obvious fact to my mother.

"Darla Anne, I told you that we would do our best to see that nobody outside the family learns your little secret, but I felt that it was important to confide in Dr. Clark. She knows because she is a medical doctor and I needed advice. I told her on Sunday while you were taking a walk with the twins. She has promised to keep our secret, and even the twins will not be told. She knew when you came back from your walk. She didn't embarrass you in any way, did she sweetheart?"

"No, Mommy."

"And she won't embarrass you today. Now, we've got a lot to do, young lady. Go upstairs and run your bath."

I hugged her again, and excitedly ran to the door.

"Darla Anne," Mother called. I stopped and turned around. She said, "A young lady never runs in the house."

"Yes, Mommy," I said, then turned and hurried upstairs, but I didn't run.

I ran a bath and used some of the special bath items from the cabinet under the sink. I settled into the warm, bubble bath and after enjoying the sensation for few minutes began to scrub myself from my toes to my head. Mother came in and shampooed my hair. She picked up my clothes and left. I relaxed in the water until Mother came back to the bathroom and told me that she would be ready for me in her room, as soon as I had dried off. She left me a robe and went out. In seconds I was up and drying myself off.

When I got to her bedroom I saw the panties, panty girdle, bra, and stockings that I had worn on the weekend. They had all been washed and they smelled fresh and clean. Mother told me to start getting dressed. I donned the underwear, and she handed me the tight half-slip and a camisole to put on as well. She had me sit down, and she took a curling iron and went to work on my hair. Then she applied just a touch of makeup to my face. I stood up when she was finished, and she went over to her closet. She told out a hanger and turned to face me.

There in her hand was the pink skirt and blouse set that I had tried on in the department store on Sunday. I couldn't believe it and I got so choked up that I couldn't speak. She was smiling at me and she came over to me and said, "Now don't start crying honey, I'll have to do your face all over again."

All I could say was, "How?"

"I picked it up on Monday afternoon," she said, "on the chance that Darla Anne might come back to visit again. Here, you'll need these also," and she took out a box containing the pink pumps that I had tried on in the shoe store.

Words failed me again, and I went to her and hugged her with all my strength. When I could talk again, I said, "I love you Mommy."

"And I love you Darla Anne," she said, "but right now we have to keep moving. Get dressed, dear."

I put on the skirt, blouse and shoes while she put on her makeup. I went to see myself in the mirror on the back of her closet door. I thought that I looked wonderful in my new outfit. I couldn't wait to show it off. Mother handed me a tube of pink lipstick and told me to put it on. She hung the fine gold chain with the small cross, which I had worn all weekend, around my neck. She put the wristwatch on my left arm and two bracelets on my right. She put a ring on each hand and handed me a new pink purse. She said that she couldn't resist buying it for me when she saw it because it went so perfectly with my outfit. She had already filled it with the necessities and told me to put my lipstick in. Then she had me model my new outfit, first by slowly turning around while she looked for loose threads, price tickets, etc., then by walking back and forth a few times to make sure that it was hanging right. I twirled around twice and smiled at her. I felt like I was on cloud nine. She put on her hat, grabbed her purse, and we were off. I picked up the white sweater, which was still down in the hall closet, in case I needed it but the day was warm and bright.

The trip to Dr. Clark's office took twenty minutes. When we arrived, the office looked dark.

"Are we on time?" I asked.

Mother looked at her watch and said, "It's 9:58. We're two minutes early. Let's see if the door is locked."

We parked the car and walked to the door. When mother tried the doorknob it turned easily and the door opened outward. We walked into the dimly lit waiting room. Dr. Clark came out of her office and greeted us.

"Did I get the time wrong, Anita?" Mother asked.

"No, Liz, I don't have regular office hours on Wednesdays. I use the day for special appointments only. Darla Anne, you're looking extremely lovely today; so bright and radiant."

"Thank you, Dr. Clark. Mother bought me a new outfit. I absolutely love it. And it's so nice to see you again. How are your daughters?"

"They're fine, thank you. They're at the day care center today. I'll tell them that you were asking for them. They very much enjoyed their walk with you the other day."

"And I enjoyed it as well. I hope that I get a chance to see them again."

"Liz," Dr. Clark said, "why don't you do a little shopping so that Darla Anne and I have a chance to talk and do the physical? Come back at noon and we'll go to lunch together. Unless you have other plans?"

"No, no other plans. Okay, I'll be back in two hours then." She leaned over and kissed me, and said, "Now be completely open with Dr. Clark, Darla Anne."

"Okay, Mommy." She left and we went into Dr. Clark's office.

"Please sit down, dear. Your mother tells me that you've been very depressed for the past two days, and she's been very worried about you. That's why I suggested that she bring you in for an examination. Will you tell me about what you're feeling?"

I looked at her for a few seconds and said, "My mother says that you're aware of my little secret."

"Yes, she told me all about how your sisters and their friends dressed you up on Saturday, and how she perpetuated the costuming after she discovered it."

"I didn't want to wear their clothes. At least not at first. But we started to have so much fun together that I didn't want it to ever stop. This past weekend was wonderful, from the time that my sisters allowed me to play Monopoly with them, until I had to become David again on Monday morning. I didn't want it to end. I would like to be Darla forever."

Dr. Clark frowned a minute amount. "You know, Darla, that being a woman is not just dressing up occasionally in women's clothes. It is an entire lifestyle. Aside from the physical differences, there are other factors. But we mustn't minimize the physical differences. Over the next few years your body will experience severe changes. A young female would begin to grow breasts, while her pelvis will widen. A young male will begin to grow facial and body hair while his voice deepens. Nature causes our bodies to develop driving sex urges, a need to reproduce. That is nature's way of continuing our species. We begin to become attracted to the opposite sex. Testosterone, in young males, drives them to do many foolish things in an effort to impress young females. This is nature at its best, or worst. As a male you're able to father children with your sperm. As Darla, you would never have the ability to produce children since you were not born with ovaries, eggs, and a uterus. While your external male organs could be modified, with surgery, to appear as a female's vagina, that is not something to be undertaken unless you're very sure of your feelings."

Dr. Clark and I continued to talk for more than an hour. She would ask questions and I would answer without holding anything back. Then she told me to come into the examination room. She had me undress and put on a dressing gown that she handed me. She checked my eyes, ears, nose, and throat. She examined my arms and hands. She listened to my heart, my chest and my back. I jumped when she first put her stethoscope against me. Why are those things always so darn cold? Can't somebody invent one that's heated? She took a blood sample from my arm using some kind of a needle that pulled blood out instead of putting something in. She had me get up on an examination table and put my feet into some kind of holders that kept my legs spread apart, and up in the air. She examined my private area and I couldn't stop from blushing even though I knew she was a doctor. She took my legs down from the holders and examined my legs, ankles and feet. She told me to get down from the table and bend over it, lying on my stomach. She finished by examining my backside. She told me to remain there for a minute and rubbed something first on my left buttock, then the right.

All of a sudden she administered a needle in my right butt-cheek where she had swabbed it. I screamed, and would have jumped, but she had placed her hand on the small of my back and I was pinned to the table. She said, "I'm sorry Darla Anne, but if I told you that I was going to give you a shot you would have tensed up, and it would have hurt more." She removed the needle after the plunger had been fully depressed and the medicine was in my body. She rubbed the spot for me. Then I thought I would go through the roof as she plunged a needle in my left butt-cheek. I should have been prepared since she has swabbed both checks with alcohol. Again, she had put her hand on my back to keep me from jumping up. When she had finished injecting me and removed the needle, my derrière hurt so much that I started to sob. "There, there, dear," she said, "all finished. You can get dressed now. Do you need any help?"

"No thank you, Dr. Clark. Is it okay if I rub my backside?"

"Of course, dear. I'll just clean up and meet you in my office, okay?"

"Okay, Dr. Clark."

After she had left the room, I went over to a mirror and looked at my posterior. There were two tiny red dots where she had administered the needles, but otherwise was okay. I rubbed the two spots. The pain had already started to diminish as I removed the dressing gown and got dressed. Using the makeup that Mother had put in my purse, I touched up my face. When I stepped into the office, I saw that Mother had returned and she was having a discussion with Dr. Clark.

Mother smiled at me and said, "How's my little girl?"

I told her that I was fine except that I was a little sore from the injections that I had received.

"Well, we want to make sure that you grow up to be a healthy young lady, now, don't we?"

"Yes, Mommy."

"Okay, shall we go to lunch, then?" Dr. Clark asked. We agreed, and so we left for a small restaurant down the road.

It was wonderful to be outside in the fresh air, after suffering the medicine smells from the examination room. We had a delightful lunch with Dr. Clark. She regaled us with funny stories from her days at Medical School. After lunch we dropped Dr. Clark off at her office. She said that she wanted to see me again in six months, no more, or if I was feeling ill.

When we pulled away I asked Mother if she knew why Dr. Clark wanted to see me in six months, when usually I only got a checkup once a year. She said that I was at a point in my life when my body would begin to change dramatically; it's called puberty and all young adults go through it. She said that my sisters get semi-annual checkups now and will continue to get them until they've completed their pubescent changes. Then she said that we had some time to kill before the other girls got home from school, so we might as well do a little shopping.

We headed for a nearby department store. We looked at shoes, then at makeup, dresses, and lingerie. Mother had picked up a number of items at the makeup counter. She had loaded my arms with them. Now she picked up an armful of things in lingerie; panties, bras, girdles and hose. As she accumulated them in her arms, I said, "Mommy, those things are the wrong size. Even Susan has outgrown that size."

She looked at me and said, "Why Darla Anne, these things are for you. You can't keep borrowing your sister's things."

I just stared at her for a minute. "But Mommy, Daddy doesn't want me around. He just wants David."

"Oh, leave your father to me. I'll see that you get to visit as often as possible."

I went to her and hugged her as well as I could with my arms loaded. "I love you, Mommy"

"And I love you, Darla Anne. Now let's take a look at the jewelry. She selected several inexpensive bracelets, rings and necklaces. Then she purchased a wristwatch for me. She said that the one that I was wearing was often unreliable and it is important to always be punctual. Then we went to the checkout counter, and, after making the purchases, we headed for home.

We got to the house before my sisters arrived home and we went upstairs to David's room. Mother cleared the bottom drawer of the dresser and put the items that she had bought in there. She said that with the portable mirror, and the cosmetics, I could practice putting on my makeup so that I no longer needed her or my sisters to do it for me. Then we went downstairs to have a cup of tea.

My sisters arrived home from school just as we got to the bottom of the stairs. Judy was the first in, as she was always prepared to unlock the door if they found it locked.

"Darla Anne is here," she said. She, Mary, and Susan rushed in, and they all hugged and kissed me. I hugged and kissed them all back and we all giggled.

"Darla Anne, you look wonderful," Susan said. "Isn't that the outfit we looked at on Sunday?"

"Yes," I said. "Mommy surprised me with it today. I simply love it."

"It was to be a birthday gift but I thought that it would be nice for her to wear it today for her unexpected visit," Mother said.

"Yes, what are you doing here?" Mary asked.  "Of course we love that you are, but we thought that Daddy forbid you to come back."

"Daddy only said that David had to be back on Monday, which he was," Mother said. "Darla Anne asked me if she could visit until tomorrow morning and I said yes. But it would be better if your father didn't know about her visit. Let's just keep it among us girls, okay?"

"Of course Mommy. We'll keep all her visits to ourselves, assuming that there may be more visits," Mary said.

Judy and Susan quickly agreed.

"Okay girls, go get your homework done, and then we will go out for dinner and a movie, in celebration of Darla Anne's visit today.

My sisters went upstairs to change from their school clothes, and do their homework. I went into the living room and sat down to concentrate on my full change to Darla Anne. I hadn't done it earlier because I would have to talk to Dr. Clark as both David and Darla. I visualized David leaving and Darla coming. A little over three hours later, we were on our way to the Pizza Hut in the next town. The restaurant was busier than I would have expected for a Wednesday evening. The booths, around the windows, would have been a bit crowded for the five of us, so we sat at a table in the center of the room. We ordered sodas, and a large mushroom and onion pizza. While we waited, we chatted about the previous weekend, and about the coming weekend, with its trip to the theme park. A group of young boys came into the restaurant and sat down in a booth right next to our table. I watched my sisters as they sneaked quick peeks over at the boys. The boys didn't sneak looks; they stared openly at us, seemingly waiting for some invitation to join us. When our pie came, we all dug in. They had cut it into ten slices, as we had requested, so we each got two. By the time we had finished, the boys had gotten their pie, so they were no longer staring at us. I had an opportunity to look at them without appearing to signal an invitation. The four appeared to be about fourteen, or fifteen years old. They were all cute, if not handsome, and they were all wearing sweatshirts from the local junior high school. As we got up to leave, I could tell that they were once again staring at us. I recalled Dr. Clark's telling me of the driving sex urges of puberty. I felt that, if we had asked them to, these young boys would all roll on the floor and bark like dogs, just to win a smile from us. Mother paid the bill and we headed for the movie theatre. We thoroughly enjoyed the movie, and arrived home about 9:45.

Mother said that it was late, and since tomorrow was a school day, we should start getting ready for bed. I hated to see the day end. Tomorrow morning, David would return and I would have to leave again. We went upstairs and began the nightly ritual of cleaning, bathing, and general maintenance. We talked about the day. I told them about my checkup and about shopping afterwards with Mother. They were, of course, envious that I had been shopping while they were in school. But they said that they would rather be in school, than receiving needles in their backsides. Then they told me about their day, and the gossip that they had learned at school.

Eventually, talk turned to the four boys at the Pizza Hut.

"The tall one kept staring at Judy," Susan said, "and the cute one with the blond hair kept staring at Darla Anne."

"Well, the one with the light brown hair and hazel eyes kept staring at you Susan," Mary said.

"And the one with blue eyes and brown hair kept staring at you, Mary," Judy said.

I marveled that my sisters had noticed so many details in their quick peeks at the boys.

"How about it Darla Anne, would you go out on a date with that boy if he had asked you?" Susan asked.

"Susan, you know that I'm too young to date, but I'll go out with him if you double with hazel eyes."

Judy laughed and said, "Both of you are too young to date. You know the rule, ladies. No dates until you're thirteen. Susan has less than a year, but Darla Anne has to wait a year and two weeks. So hold yourself in check, girl. Your first petting session with a boy will come soon enough."

Mary said, "I think that they were all cute. I would love for us to all go out on a date together. If Mother hadn't been with us, I would have invited them to join us."

"Mary," Judy scolded, "that wouldn't have been proper. We don't know them or anything about them."

"One way to learn," Mary said.

"If you keep talking like that, you'll get a reputation. And then no nice boy will want anything to do with you," Judy said.

"I can think of several things that they would want to do with me if I had a reputation."

"Mary, stop that right now," Judy scolded. The silence was deafening for a moment, and then we all started laughing so hard that we had tears running down our cheeks.

Mother came in and said that she was glad to see us all having such a good time, but it was time to go to sleep. We climbed into bed, and she turned off the light, then left, closing the door behind her.

Susan found my hand in the dark and said, "I'm really glad that you came to visit again. We have so much fun every time you're here. I'm like Mary. I would love for all of us to go out on a date together. Sharon Kelso from school has two cousins that sound really cute. They're twins. When we're old enough, I bet she'll fix us up and we could go out with them. Mary and Judy can get their own dates."

I squeezed her hand and said that that sounded wonderful. I fell asleep dreaming about going out on my first date.

  

The sun, on my face, woke me up. Susan was just waking up also. We said "Good Morning" and lightly kissed each other as we got out of bed. Judy was stirring as we went to the bathroom. Susan used the toilet as I washed my face and started to brush my teeth. She joined me at the sink after she peed, and she washed her hands. While she brushed her teeth, I sat on the toilet and peed. Then I washed my hands and we went back to the bedroom. Judy was up and Mary was standing there rubbing her backside. Judy had apparently again employed the most effective way to get Mary moving in the morning. Mary was definitely not a morning person.

Mother came in and said, "Darla Anne, time to leave sweetheart. I'm sorry."

I could see from the look in her eyes that she really was sorry. My sisters gathered around me and said, "Good-bye. See you again soon." We all kissed and I left with Mother. The parting wasn't nearly as bad as the last time. We just had to hope that Father continued to take trips occasionally.

I went into David's room with Mother. She said, "You know how to remove the nail polish now, dear, so you can get ready by yourself. Dr. Clark gave these to me yesterday for you. Take one each morning. There are enough here for a month. She will send another bottle in a couple of weeks that will contain enough to last until your next examination."

"What are they, Mommy?"

"Special vitamins to give you strong bones, clear skin, and a healthy body, dear. They are special so don't share them with your sisters. They could make THEM very sick. Okay?"

"Yes Mommy." I took one of the pink and yellow capsules and popped it into my mouth, and swallowed. There was no taste. I assumed that was because of the plastic-like surface of the capsule. I sat down on the bed and removed the nail polish, then the silky nightie, bra, and panties. I folded them and put them on my dresser. My backside was still a little sore from the needles that I had received yesterday at Dr. Clark's office.

I lay down naked on David's bed and visualized walking out the front door in my new pink outfit. David arrived in 'our' cab and we embraced as he stepped out. I watched as Darla got into the cab. She looked exquisite in her new outfit. I waved as the cab pulled away. I walked into the house and upstairs to my bedroom. I changed into my school clothes and went downstairs for breakfast.

Susan saw me first and said, "David's back. Hi David." I said "Good Morning" to her and my other sisters and sat down. After breakfast, we all left for school.

Three days later, I was on a bus headed for 'Dodge City' theme park. When the bus pulled into the parking lot of a rest area along the New York State Thruway, the driver said, "Fifteen minutes folks," and then bounded off the bus running towards the restaurant and rest rooms area. I had to wait until the bus had pretty much emptied since I was seated in the rear. Some people chose to stay aboard. I walked to the line of cars behind the bus, intending to ask my father if I could ride the rest of the way with them, since I was seated alone in the bus, but our car was not with the others that I recognized from the Church parking lot. Mr. Robison was standing nearby talking with one of the drivers.

I walked over and stood there, looking at him until he acknowledged my presence, and then asked if he knew where my parent's car was. He looked up and down the row of autos and said, "Come with me, Davy. We'll find them." He walked along the row of cars, talking with every driver until he found one that remembered seeing my parent's car.

"Yeah," the man said, "they were right in front of me. When the bus and everybody else pulled into the rest area, they continued driving on the Thruway. They probably didn't feel the need to stop. I almost did the same thing, but my wife wanted to use the restroom."

Mr. Robison thanked him and walked back to the bus with me. He said," I guess that you'll have to wait until we get to the park, Davy. We only have about another hour. Okay?"

"Sure, Mr. Robison. Thanks."

I went aboard the bus and returned to my seat. I sat there staring out of the window as people returned. Then the bus started moving and we returned to the highway for the final leg of our trip.

We pulled into the parking lot of the 'Dodge City' theme park. Again I had to wait until everybody was off the bus. I climbed down and looked at the crowd gathering at the ticket office. I scanned them looking for my family. They were not among the assemblage. So I started running up and down the rows of cars in the parking lot. When I had covered the entire lot and had not found my parent's car, I ran back to the ticket office area. Most of the crowd had filed through the gate. Mr. Robison was standing there checking off names on a clipboard as people passed him. I waited until everybody was through before I approached and told him that I still could not find my family. He looked at his clipboard and said that they had not gone through yet unless they had purchased additional tickets. I told him that I had run through the parking lot and our car was not here.

He looked at me and said, "You ran through the ENTIRE parking lot?"

"Yes," I said. "I looked at every single car. Ours isn't here."

He chuckled and said, "We're going to be able to use you in the marathon at the Scout Olympics. Well, let's go into the park. I'll be leaving my list at the gate so that your family and a couple of others can get in when they get here." With that he checked off my name and ushered me through the gate.

I stood there unsure of what to do. After he had spoken with the officials at the gate, he saw me still standing there and smiling, said, "Well, don't just stand there. Have fun." He pointed to a group of scouts and told me that I should go join them. I walked over and stood with the group. I recognized two of them from the den meeting. I said hello and got the same response as at the den meeting. They totally ignored me as if I wasn't there. I tried to make the best of it so I tagged along with them hoping to gain some acceptance, as they became familiar with my face and presence. We watched a shootout in the street, following a staged "bank robbery." The good guys won of course. There was a horse race on the main street and every once in a while a stagecoach would come rumbling through. There were cowboys and dancehall girls walking around. A western event was staged somewhere in the park about every half-hour. I continued to watch for my parents. When the scouts that I was tagging along with stopped to eat, I split off and went back to the gate. I didn't have any money to buy food.

I asked the official at the gate, if my family had come through. He checked the list and replied that everyone had shown except them. I walked back to the main street and started a solo tour of the town. I walked into every building that was open to the public. I wandered over to an area where a crowd had gathered. It was, by now, about three o'clock in the afternoon. The town sheriff had a cattle rustler in custody and was asking the crowd if they should put him in jail or dunk him in the pond. The crowd screamed "DUNK HIM," so they put him in a chair that was attached to a long pole and swung him out over the pond. Then they dunked him in the pond. The crowd roared each time that he hit the water. They would raise him up, dripping and sputtering, and say, "Should we do it again?" The crowd would scream "AGAIN." After three dunks, the crowd wanted more, but the sheriff said, "I think that he's learned his lesson, folks. We'll let him go. He won't do it again." I thought to myself, 'At least not until the next show.' It was still only April and despite being a warm day, I felt sorry for the poor employee who had to get dunked in that pond. I bet that the water was pretty cold.

Mrs. Robison spotted me and came over to where I was standing. She said, "David, why are you walking around alone."

I told her that I had just come from the ticket office, because I was checking on my parents.

"You're parents aren't here yet?" She said.

I shook my head. We had now been at the park for five hours.

"Have you had anything to eat?" she asked.

I shook my head again. She said, "Oh, you poor dear," and gave me two dollars to get a couple of hot dogs, a soda, and a bag of chips. She said that she didn't want me riding back to New Jersey with an empty stomach.

I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I started eating. At four o'clock the loudspeakers announced that the Cub Scout tour group was leaving and that we should board our bus. I walked to the bus and climbed aboard. My parents had not come yet and I couldn't imagine where they had gone. Three hours later we pulled into the church parking lot. The parents that had not accompanied their sons were there to pick them up. Within ten minutes, almost all the cars were gone, and the bus had left. The Robisons were there, along with another scout leader's family. My family was still absent.

Mr. Robison came over to me and said, "Your folks must have gotten their signals crossed somewhere about the pickup time, but we can't just leave you here. Come on. We'll take you home." So I climbed into their car's back seat with their son, Adam, and they drove me home.

When we got to my house, the house was dark, and only my mom's car was in the driveway. I got out of the Robison's back seat and thanked them for the ride home. I told Mrs. Robison that I would bring the two dollars, which she had lent me, to the next den meeting.

"It doesn't look like your folks are home, Davy," Mr. Robison said.

"That's okay," I said. "I'll just wait for them here. I'm sure that they won't be much longer. If they are, I'll just go to the Marcoti's house up the street."

I didn't want to spend any more time with Adam Robison. He was outwardly unfriendly to me as if I had done something to him, even though I had only met him less than a week before. The Robisons told me to call them if my parents didn't show up by nine o'clock. It was now about seven thirty. I said that I would and they left.

I went up the front stairs and sat on the top step. Only Judy had a key, other than my parents of course, so I couldn't get into the house. The day had been an exhausting one and I was feeling sleepy. I stepped into the vestibule and closed the doors. Laying down on the carpet, I closed my eyes. In a matter of minutes, I was fast asleep. I was awakened by a rapping noise. I opened my eyes and looked into the bright light of a flashlight being pointed at my face.

I heard someone say, "Here he is. I found him." I groggily sat up so that the vestibule doors could be opened. When I stepped out onto the porch, I found that a policeman was wielding the flashlight.

"You're David Drake, aren't you?" he asked.

"Yes, Sir," I responded. At that moment, Susan and Mary came running up the stairs. They grabbed hold of me and hugged me for all I was worth. They were crying loudly. I asked, "What's the matter? I'm okay. I just fell asleep."

Susan stopped crying for a second and said, "Oh David, it's Daddy. He's dead. And maybe Mommy too," and then she broke down into incoherent crying again.

 

(Continued in Part 4)

 

 

 

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