Teddi Dianne's Diary

by Teddi Dianne Seibert-Aldoennetti

© 2003

 

(The innocent (?) years)

chapter III

As we ride, I seize the opportunity to accomplish some quiet thinking. Quiet?! If thoughts were sounds then the Niagara Falls are in the vehicle. He holds my hand most of the trip. When we arrive at a guarded gate, Jerry shows some papers to the soldiers at the gate and I present them my passport (with it's colour photograph), and the papers attesting to my security clearance. Once inside we follow a soldier in another car to a building into which Jerry enters after asking me to remain with the vehicle. A few minutes later, however, I exit the limousine and pace beside it as the driver and I wait for Jerry to return. Walking past the driver for the umpteenth time, I ask him if he has previously been to any of these demonstrations: "If so, do they require much time to complete?" He answered, "Sometimes Miss! Today looks to be a session which may go until one or two... May I be so bold Miss, as to ask how you happened to meet each other?" I tell him, "I work for one of their California Executives and am trained in firearms. As I have known Jerry for some months, it seemed an obvious choice to have me conduct a little demonstration." "I beg your pardon Miss, I had thought that you and the young master were close friends." "Well,.. if you include being engaged to him as 'close friends' then I suppose we are." "Then I believe my first impression was correct Miss, and I hope you will be together for a long time." I thank him, puzzling over his curious statement.

Half an hour later Jerry returns. The driver opens my door for me, as Jerry enters on the other side of the vehicle. Once again in the car, Jerry tells me: "We shall follow several vehicles to the demonstration area. Once there I shall introduce you to PaPa. Later you may also be given an opportunity to demonstrate your capability with both a rifle and your little toy. It was manufactured, by the way, at one of our European factories and, if you do well, it will be an indication of the capabilities of our larger caliber pistols." After a few minutes of waiting, we were driving once again. "Oh, Jerry, look. There are more of those trees with the pink blossoms. Don't they look pretty? The road is lined with them." Jerry agrees with me as I watch the countryside go by. He gently places his hand on my leg and says: "Good. You are not shaking. I am continually impressed with you. I know father will be favorably impressed also." Soon we are into another developed area where grandstands have been erected. We did not require much time to reach this, the demonstration area, and once again the driver holds open the door for Jerry and myself. "Good Luck, Miss, with your demonstration," he says. I reply: "The name is Teddi or, if you must be more proper, Miss Winchester. And your name?". "Winston, Miss. Ah, Miss Winchester." "Thank-you, Winston. And thank-you for wishing me luck," I call back to him as Jerry and I walk away. "You're quite welcome Miss," he calls back to me. I could see we would need to gradually bring him around to calling me Miss Winchester, I doubt he would ever call me Teddi.

Jerry offers his arm for me to hold, and I accept his right arm which frees my right hand and arm to quickly reach into my clutch for my pistol should I need it. I may as well think about my methods before I may need them. We begin to walk toward a group of military and civilian personnel and his father. As we approach, he murmurs quietly, "You are shaking, my dear, what is wrong?" "Panic, your father, nothing more," I answer very quickly. I must continually amuse him for once again he laughs quietly turning to me and placing his hands gently upon my face he kisses me softly upon my lips, then whispers: "Lo, though you walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, fear no evil, for I am the most evil one in the valley." I laugh aloud, and he says that is the first time he remembers seeing me laugh. "It is a good sign," as we turn and continue walking, "Tomorrow evening perhaps we may go to Services together?" Church? What will God say? HE knows I permitted the rapes to continue and did not kill myself. HE knows I began to enjoy the acts of sex. HE knows I am not pure to come to Jerry. If only HE may forgive me (for everything).

His father is delightful (and he is not missing any teeth). He takes me away from Jerry, saying I am too good to be engaged to him and, offering me his arm, he walks to each of the persons with whom he intends to speak while I remain at his side. He introduces me to them each time as "his son's attractive fiancee, Miss Winchester." I, of course, am embarrassed constantly (I really must stop turning all shades of scarlet), although by the time we reach the eighth or ninth introduction I have gained some restraint.

Throughout most of the demonstrations I have been at his father's side. Finally Jerry rescues me, saying: "Father, Teddi is my date and besides it is time for her to demonstrate for the assemblage." His father says something to him in Italian (I believe) and he replies. Seemingly an argument ensues between them for a brief period then sighing deeply, his father takes my hand, kisses it then remarks: "It has been a pleasure Miss Winchester. Thank-you for humoring an old man." It is exciting to have old world etiquette treating me as an equal, therefore as I smile at him I reply as graciously as I might, "Sir, when I first learned I would be meeting you I was extremely apprehensive. However, you are such a gentleman, you have quite allayed my fears and I find your company to be very pleasant." He smiles deeply, and appears to stand inches taller. With a slight bow, he said: "Thank-you Teddi, I may call you Teddi? You make an old man feel young again." I said he most certainly may use that name when addressing me and I am very pleased to have met him.

Once again on Jerry's arm (a broad smile upon his face), we walk down the stands to the field where a waiting sergeant hands me a rifle similar to the one I examined last night. As I remove the magazine discovering it to be loaded, and then check the chamber, he indicates two targets about 300 yards away and says, "Do you think you could hit one of those, Miss?" I insert the magazine, chamber a bullet and assume the standing position I have learned through NRA training of past years, placing my left arm in the sling I proceed to place 15 shots into the two targets in considerably less than ten seconds. Then, magazine removed, I hand the weapon to the sergeant who verifies it as cleared by myself. Collecting my purse, I walk back toward a now pale-faced Jerry as I begin to address the assemblage but am interrupted by an officer (a captain Jerry tells me later), who walks up to me and in a loud voice says he understands I have another demonstration to present, might it be how to dance. I immediately snap my automatic from my purse, turn, and as my purse begins to fall, fire four shots past the captain into a silhouette target about 75 feet distant. Changing my aim slightly I fire the remaining four at a second silhouette just after the purse has hit the ground, the empty casings pelting the unfortunate officer.

As I place my automatic on safe I smile at him as the same sergeant who handed me the rifle picks up and hands me my purse, winking at me as he does so. I thank him, remove a full magazine from my purse exchanging it for the empty one presently in the pistol, snap closed the action and once again begin to speak to the assembly: "Although the weight of the rifle has been reduced; due to it's design, the recoil remains low enough that even a woman may place good shot groupings. As for the pistol, the larger caliber long barrel semi-automatics (see, I have learned how to sound intelligent when speaking about some firearms) are somewhat more accurate than the one used in this demonstration."

Turning, I then walk over to Jerry, who seems amused, as the Captain angrily calls for all targets to be brought in for inspection. Jerry's father appears to be in shock, but that changes quickly as the rifle targets arrive and shortly thereafter the pistol targets as well. My 15 rifle shots have grouped less than six inches in either target. Jerry's father is ecstatic. Then to make matters even better the two pistol silhouettes arrive. Of the four shots spent on the first target all had gone into the head (five inch group), and of the four remaining shots all would have hit the heart of the second. I don't believe the captain wants to meet the Lady in a dark alley, for he comes over to me and apologizes. "That is quite all right, Captain. Oh, by the way, the name is Winchester, Miss Teddi Winchester." The name is like a slap across his face, for he recoils several inches and steps backward before saluting me and saying loudly: "A very good demonstration, Miss Winchester. Have you anything else?" I tell him, "No, thank-you Captain, that is all I intend for today." I think the enlisted men at the demonstration will not allow him to forget this day for a while.

Jerry's father approaches us remarking to him, "You will, of course, be bringing Miss Winchester with you when you come to Europe this summer; oh, and may we speak together later this evening, perhaps after the Program?" Jerry seems a little panicked saying he is not certain I shall be free to join them in Europe; and yes, he will be over immediately after this evening's Performance. The three of us walk over to look at my targets once again. Jerry was relieved I had not tried to shoot my little automatic at the rifle targets as the 75 foot distance was quite enough of a chance. I remind him; "the targets are only paper, so even should the bullet be going too slowly to be effective against a live target, it could still readily penetrate paper. A group smaller than four inches at 50 feet is very likely to hold to less than six inches at 75 feet. I did, however, underestimate the rise at 75 feet and hit the first target too high on the head instead of lower where I had a chance of severing the spinal cord through the throat".

He and his father look at me strangely, Jerry saying, "Perhaps I have greatly under-estimated my fiancee and perhaps also you are more of the Lady... Winchester than I could believe. Please, Miss Winchester, may I have the honor of your presence the remainder of the day? We have much we may accomplish, and this evening there is the Stage show." As he was SOOO proper, so therefore was I saying; "Perhaps there is much more to the woman here than you have thought. So, of course, should I not also be a Lady?" His father listens to us and smiles as he turns and walks away toward the generals and U.N. representatives.

Several hours pass before Jerry appears to have gathered the courage to speak with me again concerning where and when I have learned to shoot. I quietly tell him, "Any Winchester who cannot hit a target is not worthy of their name. I have been learning to shoot for years, and I could do better if the barrel were a little longer." That agitated him, a confused expression on his face, he bowed a little as he said quietly "I will see you receive a new 9mm automatic, holster and ammunition. It will have a 135mm barrel. Please Teddi, if you have more surprises tell me of them." I told him the 9mm would be too large for my hands, so we settled on a nice 7mm long-barrel Biretta. "Jerry, please, when we are somewhere private, I must discuss with you some things concerning me. (I want very much to make further plans with you)."

Early that afternoon when we return to the hotel, I have another shower and a short nap. This has been the first opportunity I have had to notice the room. There is a mural painted on the ceiling in the entry and another in the bedroom. The wallpaper is beautiful and depicts a southern plantation house on one wall and should you stand next to it and look back at the other walls you may see the plantation spread out before you. I am in the process of dressing when Jerry telephones. I tell him I am still dressing but if he is ready he may come over and help me. He was knocking on my door in moments. I open it sufficiently he may enter and then lock it closed once again. I was wearing my hosiery, high leg brief, and strapless Bustier and am holding my emerald green gown in place. Turning my back to him, I hold my hair up out of the way and he fastens the back of the gown for me. I turn back raising to my toes that I may hug and kiss him. He returns it (with emphasis) and I melt... I must not, not yet. Now the matching high heels, purse, a little makeup and perfume, of course the Emerald necklace, bracelet, and earrings. Oh, one last thing, the holster and pistol. I place the spare magazines, passport, ID, money, and permits into my clutch purse.

Once again I notice he seems a little disconcerted as he watches me prepare. Perhaps thoughtful might be more correct. He does seem much more subdued and respectful, less emphatic than he has originally been with me. I ask him what is troubling him. He says: "Nothing." But even his single word answer indicates something is amiss. I once again broach the subject, saying he has said little to me since this morning, have I done something to upset him? Again, he tells me, "No." Standing a short distance back from me, he looks at me from several feet away as though he is seeing me for the first time. There are tears in his eyes. "What have I done to have upset you so, and bring tears to your beautiful eyes?" I ask as I take a kerchief and gently dab at his face. He looks long and quietly at me, slowly he holds me close and closing his eyes kisses my lips full and long, breathing my perfume deeply. He is shaking. I place my hand gently against his cheek as I say "I know something is amiss. Is it your father? Is it me?

OH,.. Oh no, you didn't get the sale because I ruined it!" "Non, Non, Bella Mia," he says; "You helped us make the sales, they were very good orders. It... I... When first I saw you at the apartment... Please sit down, we must speak... When first I saw you at the apartment, then again at the school, I have made a discovery. Please, do not interrupt, I must speak,.. excuse me, say this. You... I... You have become a wonderful Lady, Teddi. You have become the woman I have desired in my heart. You are intelligent, courageous, willing, strong. I wish somehow I could make you forget... make us forget the apartment ever happened. I wish I could make you feel you are worthy of being the wife of a young man who has just met you and is falling in love with you."

I hold his sobbing head against my chest, kissing him gently on his neck. I caress his shoulders and touch his cheek softly, my perfume filling his nostrils, as I think about that which he has just said, my heart pounding in my chest and Niagara Falls pouring through my head once again. Finally as I attempt again to dry his tears, I say quietly into his ear, "Darling Jerry, with you near to me I do feel worthy. I find myself longing to be taken into your strong wonderful arms. To be touched by you, to be kissed by you, to be your woman, your wife. I have gone through the curse each month and longed for a man who will take me in his arms and tell me the world is a wonderful place where we shall live together. You must listen to me. You have become that man for me and I am a woman with a woman's needs and desires. Possibly... I may be the woman for whom you have been searching. I pray this may be so. Physical appearance is not the only attribute that makes a woman. The ability to care about her man and want to help him to succeed, to try to her utmost to be beautiful for him and to comfort him when he is sad. These are just a small part of being a woman. A man is a woman's companion for life, a woman is likewise the man's companion. You are aware of my deformities and that which must occur for me to safely bear your children, our children. If you prefer never to see me again, I will understand. Just return me home, allow me to leave and this will never have happened. Perhaps I may be fortunate and be permitted to have the operation which will correct my problem allowing me to complete my life bearing the children of someone as nice as you. But if you are willing to continue with me for a few more days, a few more weeks, a few more months; then get up and I will dry your tears...

Remember this morning? Did those men see a defective person in woman's clothing or did they see an attractive, desirable, capable, young woman and envy you for being engaged to her? Come, my love, let me kiss away your tears, then we must depart or we shall miss the first act of the Program. Come now, a quick kiss for your fiancee and we shall be off." Once again, as he rises, he looks at me strangely almost unable to meet my gaze. I reach up with my kerchief to dry the tears from his handsome face saying: "You still haven't given me my kiss," as I give him my most enticing look. He laughs and smiles, "Teddi, my love, let us kiss and then we shall go see a Stage show. And perhaps, to see MaMa also. I know this will sound strange but, I grow very much to love you Teddi. I am thankful you consent to be my fiancee."

"Lo, though we walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, we shall fear no evil for we are together and God is with us. You love a woman, mon chere, at least that is what the doctors are saying. Simple surgery may remove the defects and then a baby may be conceived and born, and WE shall raise the young man together, for you shall be his father, and I his mother. If you could but accept me as I am now then simple operations shall prevent my womanhood from killing me and I may satisfy all of your needs." Once again he begins to cry softly, "Here now! Jerry, you promised to take me to the Show. We cannot go if you continue to do this," I bully him. He quietly allows me to once again dry his tears and straighten his coat. After I say my fiancee looks handsome, he examines me and tells me I am ravishing. He helps place my stole over my shoulders and, with a quick kiss, out we go. Down to the lobby, out the front doors to the waiting limousine we walk. A new driver but the same vehicle, I recognize a small dent on the front right door; also I note this car sits low to the road and the windows are thicker than most so the vehicle is probably armored.

Apparently the word had gone around because the driver is extremely courteous to me, especially so when Jerry enters the vehicle first as I continue to watch all around us. When I thank the driver for opening the door for us he acts as though he must ignore my words. The lady is a weapons specialist, possibly a bodyguard assigned by the father. No one is to test her determination. As we ride, I ask Jerry if he has the tickets (a little late but I finally remember), he fumbles in his jacket pockets and comes up with two tickets and a smile. "That is my Jerry," I laugh, "he always has the bases covered. Tell me, will we see your PaPa at the Performance? And, pray tell, what does he really think of me? Have I a chance?" Jerry looks at me, as does the driver, for I notice him look in the mirror which seems to be adjusted so he may watch us, not the road. As Jerry answers me, I slowly remove my automatic from it's holster as I continue to watch the driver. Jerry does not skip a beat when he sees the weapon but continues to tell me that his PaPa does indeed like me but he shall not be accompanying us to the Program. "This is a night for us to enjoy without other family."

I ask if we shall be very late arriving. Perhaps there may be a more direct route available; as I place the automatic into the right ear of the driver. "Is there a reason you watch us and not the road? I shall not be very happy to learn we have missed the first act because you did not drive the most direct route. Who sent you and what do they want?" The driver's eyes look at mine in the mirror and I do my best to stare him down succeeding principally as he must continue watching the road. He says please to be very careful with my automatic and he will pull over and explain. It seems PaPa sent him, and Jerry tells me that is true for the man is one of their trusted bodyguards. I remove the pistol from his ear but continue to hold it. The father likes me but wishes to know more of my intentions toward his son. He has not been very fond of the acquaintances Jerry has previously encountered and wants to be certain I am not just after money. The driver is one of many body-guards in the family's employ and is to watch, listen, and report all he may learn. "You may tell Jerry's father, YES I am interested in his son but not for money as he has told me it has been given to his older brother. Jerry is an intelligent, caring, compassionate man whom I find to be very endearing, and I wish to be his wife and the mother of his children. I did not know who he happened to be but simply knew him as Jerry until well into our relationship. It is my intention to marry him and I shall not accept anything from his family should we, Jerry and I, decide to continue this relationship. Now Mister Bodyguard, will you take us to the Show please, or must I drive this car myself?" "Miss Winchester, put away your pistol, I deliver you to theater before curtain rise." "Thank-you!" I smile and sit back slipping the pistol into it's holster upon my leg then adjusting my gown once more to conceal the automatic.

Jerry sits back and seems very thoughtful, I place my arm in his and move closer to him (as the bodyguard continues to watch). Jerry retrieves his arm, placing it around my back gently resting his hand upon my upper right arm. The bodyguard says something in Italian to which Jerry replies, there is a brief exchange of comments for perhaps a minute or two (mostly on the side of the bodyguard) before I say: "Pull over, I shall call a cab and return to the hotel. If the two of you cannot speak in a language I may understand then I need not be present. Pull over I say." "Please Signorina Winchester, I mean no disrespect." Says the bodyguard, "I am merely repeating message from his father and say I think this time Jerry, I may call him Jerry I have known him most of his life, this time Jerry has found a woman who is not,.. what do you say, not empty-headed goldminer?" (I think he meant gold digger.) "You are fine Lady." As I look at Jerry, he appears to be in shaken from their exchange in Italian. His right eye betrays a tear, and he certainly seems agitated. More softly I ask, "I think, Mr. Bodyguard, we do not need to go to the Show. Would you take us back to the hotel please, I must talk with Jerry. If afterward he and I are not to see each other any longer then I ask of you, please keep him safe for the right woman. Also, I am sorry I placed the pistol in your ear, but I didn't know you were trustworthy." "Signorina Winchester, I think you are right woman for Jerry. I hope you feel... charisma. But for moment... You have show to attend." Jerry seems stunned by the turn the conversation has taken. I notice the car is stopping and suddenly realise we are at the theater as the bodyguard says to him: "Jerry! Come to senses or you and Signorina Winchester miss curtain," bringing Jerry aware of his surroundings.

We had a lovely although very thoughtful evening. When we return to the car the bodyguard is gone and another driver is waiting. We enter quietly and are driven back to the hotel where we eat a late snack before returning to our rooms. Jerry, of course, will not enter my room. I ask if we shall have any private time together tomorrow because we must talk and decide if we shall continue our relationship. He tells me he hopes so, however that is now his father's decision. If the bodyguard, Giorani (I learned his name from Jerry, he is Sicilian and has been with the family many years) gives a favorable report we may likely continue to see each other but with more caution. "I was afraid you would shoot him. I have never seen him be so careful as when he was talking with you." "Darling Jerry, I was frightened also, that is why I never removed the safety. May we practice dancing again tomorrow? I'm afraid I am too tired this evening and besides you must go to meet your father." I then reach up and kiss him full and passionately on his lips before turning and retreating to my room, as if riding on a green cloud. I leave him standing in the hall with his thoughts, the taste of my lipstick, smell of my perfume, and a strange expression upon his handsome face.

Early the next morning (time goes by much too quickly) the phone rings. When I answer, a strange voice says: "Signorina Winchester, it is time to rise. Please pack, for we leave one hour." I thank him, shower quickly and dress, this time in a Camel colour turtleneck sweater and Houndstooth trousers, with dark brown suede pumps and jacket. I have brought with me only a few selections but am able to mix and match them giving me many outfits. Once everything is packed I call Jerry's room but receive no answer. I decide to go down to his room however as I reach for the door someone knocks. Opening it I find Giorani, "Giorani!" I exclaim, "May I call you Giorani?" "Cia Signorina." "Thank-you, Giorani. Do you know where Jerry has gone? I called his room but there is no answer." "He go to early conference with his father, the Signore, Signorina. It is time we must be on way also. This is porter who is to move luggage down to car." "Thank-you Giorani, I believe... I am... ready to go now," I reply as I hurriedly check the room.

We go down to another limousine, not the one from last night (this one sits higher off the street and has normal windows). As only Giorani and I shall occupy the vehicle, I ask if I might sit up front which brings a strange stare from him but he recovers quickly and says: "Of course, Signorina." closing the back and then opening the front passenger door. As we are pulling away from the curb I apologized once again for my actions with my automatic. "All is well, Signorina, no one was harm." "All the same I'm sorry I did it, and would you please call me Teddi. You are always calling me Signorina Winchester or Signorina. I am not a goddess, you may call me Teddi or even nothing at all, if you so wish." "Thank-you Signor... Teddi. This may take time. Jerry was but small child when first I come to work for family. He has grown before me so I may call him Jerry. I was correct, Signo... Teddi, you are lady for it is not where you were born or much money you own that make you who you are. It is time, training and the Soul and Heart. You are Lady, more than many born to title. Please, you must be careful, the Signore investigate you. This he has done with all women Jerry bring home. You are only first to receive ring for your finger, and to have gain the Signore's attention so quickly and completely. For now, it is my job to provide for you protection. This is new and the Signore has never ask we protect one of the Signorina who accompany his son.

Signorina Teddi, I be good judge the people. I know if I ask of you, you will tell me truthful. Please, what are you intend to Jerry?" "Giorani, do you ask me for you, or do you ask for Jerry's PaPa?" "Signorina, should it matter which? If I ask for the Signore will you answer more or less truthful?" "If you ask for the Signore then I will answer but without all of the truth because of a promise to Jerry. If you ask only for yourself, and not to tell the Signore, then I will answer you with all of the truth, however, you must allow me to completely finish my answer before you make a judgement of me." "Signorina, you make my work difficult. Yes, the Signore ask me to learn much of you. If you will accept my honor I will not tell the Signore that which you now tell me, more than this I cannot say." "Thank-you Giorani. I shall tell you all of the truth, please do not think I am a bad person, Jerry knows and yet he is beginning to accept me this way. Giorani, you will hold much power over me and this is frightening to me but I will tell you the truth. Please pull over and park, this may take a little time."

After he parks the car I begin my explanation: "I am a woman and I am a boy. Jerry has known this since we first met but I don't know if he fully understands. The doctors say it is very simple to remove the boy part to allow the woman part to function normally. I have come to love Jerry and want very much to become completely a woman, his woman, his wife. I want to give him babies and help him in his work. I want to spend my life with him if he would have me as his wife. It is important that you understand Giorani. I love him. I am proud and happy to be with him, and I hope he may someday want me as his wife. I may mate with him but cannot give him a child until I have had the surgeries. Otherwise, should I become pregnant, both I and my child shall die in the effort of childbirth. Please, should the Signore require it of you, if you are able to obtain the medical records from the doctors and the hospital, prove to the Signore that all I want is to be the woman in his son's life. I know the older son has the family money, all I want is Jerry." The last few sentences come out through tears which brings to me the realization that I indeed hope Jerry loves me as much as I love him.

"Signorina, please, I know it take great courage to tell me of this. Jerry tell me you are courage woman. I respect you for this, and I know in my heart who you really are. You are Signorina Winchester, you are no boy." He gently reaches out to hold me saying: "Signorina, please. Miss Winchester, Teddi, here... here is... handkerchief, dry you tears and tell me where I may find these records. I am to help you, Signorina. I have seen the change you work on Jerry. He is now, how you say,.. a sick puppy of love? He does not eat well, he does not drink, he talks only of Miss Winchester. Are you real Miss Winchester or he create you, no?" I nodded my head. "He know you are also boy?" Yes, again. "He has taught you how to perform and behave?"

Still crying I answer: "N... No!.. This is me. This is how I... treat people and how I wish to be... treated. You have all been so... so nice... to me. Oh G... Giorani,.. what am I going to do? I love him. All I want is to be near him, and work with him, and hold him, and kiss him. I wish it were possible he could really want to marry me." "But Signorina, he love you. I have seen it. You were not there last night when he and Signore have argument over you. His father is very angry Jerry has given ring without ask family permisso... permisso..." "Permission?" "Cia. This not to be done. Tell me truthful, Jerry has been honorable with you?" "WHAT?.. YES,.. he has been a perfect gentleman. He just spends too much money on me. It is better to make the business grow than to spend foolishly." "Signorina, that is what his father has said also. You are great Lady, like the Signora, this I think. Come, dry your tears, we must go meet your Jerry." Then in a conspiring tone he asks: "It is true, what I have hear?" "What?.. What have you heard?" "I hear you pick from your purse little automatic and shoot two targets Bang-Bang with empty ?? (casings?) falling on idiot (this he pronounced Ed-de-oht)." I laugh which helps to eliminate my tears,"Yes that is true. I fired four times at the first target and fired four at the second target. All eight empty... casings hit the capt... id-di-oht." He laughs loudly and tells me he wishes he could have seen that.

"Please Signorina, would you give to me your little automatic and magazines? Then look into compartment," he indicated the glove box. I take the automatic out of my purse, removing both the magazine and the chambered bullet. After collecting the additional magazines I hand it all to Giorani looking at him with some concern as he pockets the items which look like toys in his hand. "Please Signorina, the compartment..." I open the glove box and remove a heavy cardboard box. When I open it I find a new larger automatic with a long-barrel. There also are three magazines, all of which are fully loaded. I look at him in puzzlement, check the pistol and place it all into my purse. "Teddi, I may call you Teddi? We will meeting your Jerry in few minutes where you may have breakfast and then we go to range where I teach you to make pistol sing." I hug him and briefly kiss his cheek, then take my handkerchief to wipe off the lipstick I deposited there. Embarrassed, he exclaims: "Signorina! I mean, Teddi! You must not do that... I think I will enjoy seeing both of you together with family. There will be much love for the bambinos." I hug him again (but remember not to kiss him).

"Giorani, why do I need protection? Why does the Signore ask you to be here; to gather information, or to protect me?" "Both Sig.., Teddi. I am to report to him that which I learn but I am also to test you to see if you may protect yourself or if you need protection. I think you may learn to protect yourself well. This is very good. The Signore see in you that which he also see in his wife the Signora. For this reason you will be most especially investigated. He will want only the best for his son." Frightened, I immediately replied: "But I am not the best. There are so many untainted women, who need no medical intervention to allow them to safely have children. Many of these must be what the Signore believes his son should marry. He will investigate and find a monstrosity, and I will never see Jerry again," Tears were again flowing, "help us... help me... Please." I think I ruined my makeup all over his jacket.

"Signorina. I know you have told me you are also boy. You do not... seem... boy. You are very much woman and you treat men as they expect woman to treat them. I will do all in my power to help you and Jerry, but first I must hear from his own lips he know you are also boy. Come Signorina Teddi, if you will move to the back of vehicle, you will find all you need to make repair to face and remove mark of tears. Soon we be with your Jerry, and no other family." He walks around to my side of the car and opens my door allowing me to exit, he then opens the back door and as I enter, he pulls out the lighted mirror, a small pull-down sink (in a car would you believe), and towels which had been hidden away. Finally, he hands me my purse from the front seat. "I will drive slowly, Signorina, to allow you time to refresh. With your permission I may accompany you to breakfast with your Jerry?" "Oh, Yes Giorani. Please do. We three must talk and you must hear from Jerry that which I have told you."

By the time we arrive, I have some real hope for the future. When we enter for breakfast, Jerry tells Giorani to wait but I say I have invited him to breakfast with us. "Besides, your father has assigned him to protect me and he cannot do that if he is not with me." Jerry looks at me and at Giorani with an expression clearly showing some confusion as the three of us are shown to a table for breakfast. I quietly explain to Jerry that I have told everything to Giorani and he wants to help us. Jerry did the completely unexpected and acts as though he is totally unaware of anything about which I am speaking. Once again in tears, I give him back his ring. As tears freely flow down my face, I ask Giorani please to take me home just before I run outside to the car which is locked forcing me to stand against it as I cry.

Following me, Jerry relents. As he gently drys my tears he asks me to wait for he would speak with Giorani, who has followed us outside. They speak quickly in Italian or Sicilian or some other language and Jerry admits he knew and has promoted the deception. He then tells us he has allowed it to go out of hand and is now in love with me as once again he places the engagement ring on my finger. Again I cleanse my face before we return to the restaurant for a small breakfast. Once breakfast has been completed we drive perhaps half an hour to reach the range. My head on Jerry's shoulder, his left hand holding mine, his right arm around my shoulders while slowly and gently he caresses my hand with the thumb of his left hand and my upper arm with his right. We speak as we drive and I tell him: "At the present time I am preparing for the surgery and have medications which I consume each day. Interventional surgery is required but it is no worse than separating twins. The doctors believe, should it occur, my chances of natural childbirth are extremely good. I may safely give you children, my love." He looks so very strangely at me after I have said that to him. His hand holding mine tightly and his face changing so it almost begins to glow. Giorani sees the change and says something in their language actually causing Jerry to blush. I have never seen him blush before. Giorani laughs, not a mocking laugh, but one of relief and happiness, he then says to me, "Signorina, may God smile upon you both for I am certain Jerry love you also. May you have many children." His smile and stature changing to that of a parent who is proud of the way his children have grown. He turns in his seat humming a little tune of some sort as he continues driving to the outdoor range.

Upon reaching the range Jerry walks to the back of the vehicle selecting several small cases which he carries toward the range as Giorani picks up another larger case and brings it along. We go in, I pay our fees (their hands are full), pick up targets and walk to the assigned locations. When Jerry opens one of the cases I see several pistols and magazines in it. Giorani opens another case and brings out ammunition, handing me two small boxes and a pair of hearing protectors which look similar to earmuffs except they cover my ears completely. I am glad my hair is not up or these would have most certainly rearranged my appearance. We remain at the range for three hours as I learn to make my new automatic "sing" and the operation of other firearms is demonstrated to me as well. One 9mm is able to operate on full automatic finally affording me the opportunity to learn to control an automatic weapon. The range master hears the automatic fire and comes over requiring us to produce our papers to prove we are allowed to carry and use both concealed and fully automatic weapons. He examines my Federal permit and asks if I am FBI. Shamefully, I tell him I am military intelligence, he pauses for a moment then walks away muttering to himself. Jerry hugs me and Giorani just wags his finger at me.

Our practice completed, Giorani drives us to an airport where the jet awaits us. Luggage is transferred, as well as the firearms and remaining ammunition, then we three board the aircraft, off once more. I have never given much thought to the time Jerry must spend in travel but I am beginning to comprehend as we travel together more and more. The thought of having a bodyguard around me all of the time is also new. I had treasured the times Jerry and I were alone on the aircraft but now Giorani is along. This results in my being more attentive to that which is occurring around me and generally being less talkative. However, suddenly I realise I have not thanked Giorani for today's lesson. I call to him saying, "Oh Giorani, I meant to thank you for teaching me the proper handling of the automatic. I appreciate it very much." "My pleasure Signorina. There will be more lessons and then we may obtain your... permits of the Continent. For young woman you are fearless and capable much like Signora. I think Jerry is lucky man." Giorani makes me feel happy and fortunate to be engaged to Jerry.

We continue to fly for a little less than three hours before landing again. Upon exiting the aircraft, I find the outside air to be cooler than that at our departure point but still very pleasant. We have flown into Canada, once again necessitating a visit with customs to display passports, permits, and declare our weapons. We spend some little time with them principally because our weapons may be concealed and there are automatic weapons on board the aircraft. Customs seals are placed on the cases and the cargo compartment in which they are stored allowing them to remain on board. Since we are not taking them out of the aircraft in Canada this is not a problem. My Federal (U.S.) permit plus paperwork previously obtained during the prior trip to Canada afford me the opportunity to retain my semi-automatic pistol. Giorani has European paperwork which, as a bodyguard, permits him to retain his weapons as well and they issue him some paperwork similar to mine. I have never seen the weapons he carries until today. The inspectors require him to produce them such that they may file the models and serial number information. One of those pistols looks like a cannon to me but seems to belong in his hands. He also carries two smaller firearms, several knives and many magazines of ammunition. How he may carry so much weaponry and make it disappear seems like magic. He is watching everything intently and offhandedly makes some comment to Jerry who immediately turns to glance at me. They both smile which disturbs me,

I begin to check myself to determine what it is that is amiss. My clothes? My hair or makeup? I check my clothing and remove a compact, using it's mirror to check my hair and makeup. Jerry smiles at me with his eyes, Giorani makes another short comment and they both laugh. I have no ideo what is the matter and am beginning to blush. This has the effect of causing them to laugh even more. I am confused, what is wrong? Just then the customs agent looks up and also smiles causing me to blush even more deeply. I must have something out of place. "Jerry, why are you doing that? What is wrong with me? Have I something on my jacket?" Beginning to remove the jacket that I may see the backside. Jerry comes over and tells me all is well then explains Giorani had noticed me watching all the weapons he carries with an expression of amazement on my face. When they both looked at me I began to check myself and blush reminding them both of his mother (the Signora). "You are a precious Lady, and I am a lucky man." I smile and slowly reach up to gently kiss this wonderful man fully on his lips, then again slowly draw back and finally remove my hands from his face as, smiling, I continue to gaze into his eyes. "Bravo," says Giorani adding more which I do not understand. Now it is Jerry's turn to blush. Giorani just stands back and, like the happy chaperon he may be, smiles at us. The Customs agents are also watching and smiling. Now we both blush and I turn and hide my face on Jerry's shoulder. Finally we are allowed to proceed to our destination, another hotel.

Here we shall meet his father for supper, after Jerry and I return from yet another Program. "Supper is not formal so you may wear that which you are now wearing, however we must attend the Opera in evening clothes. We will have perhaps an hour to change after services." He looks approvingly at my attire as we three walk the hall to the suite and it's myriad of bedrooms. The porter unlocks the door, and before I might enter Jerry scoops me up as I give a little squeal. He carries me into the room just beyond the doorway, gently allowing me to stand once again. "I will be very happy the day you are in a wedding gown and we are married," he remarks. I may scarcely breath, looking into his beautiful eyes I answer, "I think I'm the luckiest girl in the world." "Children," Giorani breaks our reverie, "if I may, we must allow Porter to bring in luggage." Again I blush (this is happening all too frequently) for I had in that brief wonderful moment forgotten all else but Jerry and how much I love him and want always to be with him (Saturday is going by much too quickly).

The suite has seven, count them, seven bedrooms. Four are to the left as you enter the sitting room from the hotel hallway door and three are on the right. We settle into the three on the right with Giorani in the first, Jerry in the second and my room furthest down the short suite hallway. It is a man thing, put the woman furthest out of harm's reach. It does not matter that I, not Jerry, have a pistol (nor, as I have discovered, that I happen to be a better shot). We now wash quickly and go out to Church.

Jerry is Catholic. He must have spoken with the Father as I am certain the sermon was specifically tailored for me. It dealt with acceptance and forgiveness, and more specifically with a young woman who has not attended the Lord but who has given use of her body to men. That and her subsequent forgiveness. I hope I am interpreting the sermon correctly for it may be that I am forgiven. I hope forgiven for all. After services Jerry notices my moist eyes and smiles, gently kissing my forehead then escorting me out to the car. We return to the hotel and Jerry's father still has not arrived so we unpack and change. Meeting back in the suite's spacious sitting room where the three of us spend a few minutes in conversation before departing for the Opera (La Traviata). Again, why do we not have programs like this in San Diego? I pray the few parallels of this opera and my life do not continue. I wish to forever remain with Jerry as his wife.

When we return to the Suite we find Jerry's father waiting. Having arrived perhaps an hour earlier, he has taken the time to settle in before we returned. As we enter the room he stands, comes over to me and kisses my hand before leading me to the couch where I sit as everyone finds their places. We converse briefly about the previous day, some business he has transacted in Canada, the Opera, and a little about me and how I had met Jerry. I tell him that which Jerry has instructed me to use as my background as that is the only information available to me. I make a few small embellishments which fit tightly into the scheme in response to some of his questions and Jerry fills in where I could not be expected to know the answer. He asks once again if I will come to Europe with Jerry and I say: "I'm sorry, but I have used all my vacation time for this year and may not take unpaid time off as I must pay my debts. Thank-you very much however for inviting me but I'm afraid I must refuse." He smiles, looking up at Jerry and says to him, "Miss Winchester is secretary? I am certain we may use her services in Europe. Is it not fortunate that the time we need her to work is that time when you are also with us? Make the arraignments and I will be happy to see you both at the summer home." I am stunned. I thought I had found a way out but now I am to go AND I must learn to be a secretary in the few weeks remaining prior to departing for Europe (in addition to completing my studies such that my grades shall be sufficiently acceptable that I may "go to camp"). As we depart for supper I begin to panic but Jerry says, "Do not worry Teddi, I will take care of everything..." and quietly he adds, "everything!" I know he will indeed, I simply wonder at the manner in which he will "take care of everything".

Supper is enjoyable, Jerry's father is very agile mentally and the old saying "a mind like a steel trap" seems to loom prominently in my mind. I must be very careful of that which I say to him for I believe he will remember it all and deduce a great deal from that which I say and do. The evening presses on and the conversation continues as we return to the hotel. Once upstairs we sit and continue to talk for perhaps an hour, the conversation now slowly turning toward the speed with which events happen these days and how not long ago one would have considerable time to make adjustments as the situations changed. Now if one has not made a decision within the day, they are to be found 'sitting in the dust' tomorrow.

Just as we are about to retire for the night, the Signore says something to one of the two bodyguards who is in his company and who then hands him a small case. He rises approaching me as he asks that I stand. I do so as I look at him in puzzlement. He then asks me to turn my back to him. With some apprehension as I stand defenseless before him I see in the mirror as he reaches up toward my neck. Suddenly I feel his hands upon my neck as he places a very exquisite gold chain about it. On the chain, hanging down onto my sweater is a gold heart with four diamonds and a ruby set into it. "Oh... It's beautiful. I... It's beautiful. Thank-you." I could not think clearly enough to speak credibly, I simply raise onto my toes and kiss his cheek. He smiles and laughs quietly and says something to the others who also laugh and, of course, I begin to blush. Jerry comes over to look at it so I hold it up for him to see. When he sees the heart, the smile briefly leaves his face and he becomes rigid for just a moment, then the smile returns as though nothing has happened. We walk over to the mirror that I may look at the total effect. I decide the necklace will go well with many of my clothes. I whisper, asking Jerry what caused his expression to change and he quietly says he will tell me when we retire to our rooms.

A few minutes later I thank the Signore once more as the members of our entourage depart the sitting room in preference to our bedrooms. Once on our 'side' of the suite Giorani asks that he might see the necklace and I walk over to him so he may look at it. His expression changes also. "Why are you both doing that? What is so special about this necklace that you... What does this denote? Please, won't one of you talk to me?" They both begin to speak at once, look at each other and do it again. We all laugh then Jerry tells me: "The necklace is just like the one PaPa gave to my brother's wife before they married. The diamonds are PaPa, MaMa, and we two sons. The ruby is you. Unbidden, my hands go to my face covering my mouth and nose as I stand there now as rigid and white as both Jerry and Giorani had been. After a few moments of concern I realise this means I have been accepted and I fling my arms around Jerry's neck and begin kissing him. Giorani just smiles and turns, going into his room. I have been accepted!

 

chapter IV

I awaken the next morning to the sound of someone tapping on my door, "Signorina are you awake?" It is Giorani. I put on my robe and answer the door. "Signorina, we will leave in hour and half, would you be ready, per favore?" I smile at him and say, "Yes, thank-you... Giorani, please remember what I said about you calling me Teddi, if you so wish of course." He smiles nodding his head "Cia, Signorina 'Teddi'". We both laugh. I shower and dress in a green print blouse, tan culottes, and dark brown boots. With a dark brown sweater in the event the weather turns cool. I prepare my purse, put on the new necklace, and of course my engagement ring. I decide to carry the pistol in my purse with one of the spare magazines, the other spare in the pouch on the holster on my left leg. Should I need it, it is in easy reach as these culottes are very full. I fasten the sweater by a clasp such that it drapes over my shoulders but is not as warm as if I were actually wearing it, then continue packing my cosmetics case. Once finished, I exit to the sitting room and wait. In a minute or two, one of the Signore's bodyguards comes out from their bedrooms and upon seeing me says 'Buongor' something or other in Italian (?) but all I understand is 'Signorina'. I say: "Good Morning, I'm pleased to meet you." He then haltingly says good morning to me in English and apologizes because his English "not so good." I tell him "All that matters is you are trying and I understand you just fine. Grazie for speaking to me in my language." He smiles, gives me a little bow and continues on his way.

Everyone I have met has been so nice, very polite, and they try vigorously to help me understand them. Just then Jerry's father comes out, speaking with another bodyguard. I continue to stand waiting until he notices me. When he sees me he smiles, saying: "Good morning, I trust you slept well?" "Yes, thank-you!.. I'm afraid I delayed your other bodyguard for a few moments trying to say Good Morning. I hope you won't be upset with him if he is a minute or two late." He chuckled, "It will not be the first time a pretty girl slows him in his duties. But I will remember and not remonstrate..." (I looked this up in the dictionary... it means to reprimand) "him should he be a minute or two late. If you will come down with me, Jerry is now ordering breakfast for us and I have told him I shall bring you with me." Without skipping a beat in his flow of words he continues: "If you have your pistol with you, would you aim it at the hall door quickly?" He no sooner has said that than my purse is falling to the floor, the pistol in my hand and I am crouching as I aim at the door, the safety is off and I nearly fired a bullet through the door. My face turns pale as I expect the world to come to an end. Nothing has happened, there is no one entering.

The bodyguard also has his pistol in his hand, a puzzled expression on his face. As the Signore says something to him (Italian again), I look around the room at the doorways leading to the bedrooms still seeing no intruders. He turns to me as the guard holsters his pistol (another cannon) saying: "We will need provide more training to you but you are doing well. You had more warning of the target than did he, and required only half more time to be ready. Very good for no training." The bodyguard (I never did hear his name) says something and the Signore turns to me once again, "He noticed you removed the safety as you crouched, he is concerned about your extra ammunition for if you forget the location of your purse during the conflict how will you reload?"

Removing the magazine, handing it to him, I smoothly raise the left leg of the culottes, recover a spare magazine from it's pouch upon my leg, and rapidly insert it, completely by feel, into my pistol while never removing my eyes from the door. "Bravo, you will train well. Already you think ahead for your protection. You carry your pistol without us to admonish you to do so and think about reloading it." He turned back to the bodyguard and continued to speak with him as I was handed my spare magazine. Picking up my purse I put the pistol away and a mere minute later we are on our way to breakfast, my right arm on the Signore's left. I like him. He is staunch but kind.

Oh, breakfast! How do they remain so thin? I believe if an entire side of ham had been on the table the five of them would have devoured it. Of course, they look at me and wonder how it is I have any weight on my bones because "You do not eat enough to sustain a mouse" I ate FOUR pan cakes, TWO large slices of ham, and Three cups of coffee -far more than twice that which I normally eat for breakfast and lunch combined. I think I need to diet… I KNOW I need to diet.

As the five of them all speak Italian (?) that language is most used during breakfast. The waitress asks how it is that I am the only woman and speak English while the five men all speak a 'foreign' language. "That is very simple actually, several gentlemen are in our country on business and I am the fiancee to one of them. I have finished. If everyone is ready we may depart." as I look around the table, the Signore nodding his head. I then ask the waitress: "May we have our check please?" After breakfast we separate at the airport, the Signore's entourage is going back to Europe; while Jerry, myself, and Giorani are going to San Diego. We board the company plane for the journey. Jerry checks to be certain I have my school books that I may study as we are flying. He requires the morning to formulate plans for my trip to Europe and to 'conspire' with Giorani concerning my possible 'trip to camp' Oh, and Jerry also helps me to study. Have I happened to mention I love him?

Sometime shortly after noon, I have finished studying (and pass Jerry's verbal exams) so we begin discussing the plans of the next four weeks. There will be no further journeys for me until 'camp' and Jerry and I shall be spending only Saturdays and week-day evenings together until the Senior's day-trip and the Prom. Jerry seems to believe the emerald gown shall be fine for the Prom as I am not trying to be a girl but a young woman whose boyfriend has invited her to the prom. He also thinks my Houndstooth trousers and green silk blouse will be very good for the day trip. I should have plenty of time to arrive at the Estate to change clothes as the 'camp' requires all those attending to arrive four days before our school year ends. Many of the eastern schools close a week or even two prior to those in California. Additionally, as an incentive to my father, my name has 'won' a drawing held each session by the 'camp', and my expenses have been waived plus two additional weeks added to the original session. Mother and father need pay only my transportation to and from the camp. The last five school days will not be a loss as all of my exams are to be completed during the previous week. I could, therefore, leave for 'camp' the day before the field trip and Giorani will pick me up at the Los Angeles airport then drive me back to the Estate.

Any attempts by my family to contact me at the Wyoming 'camp' will result in a temporary delay due to the lack of telephones at the wilderness sites. This will necessarily require someone to drive out to the wilderness site, locate me, and bring me back that I may call home. In reality the camp will simply notify Jerry in Europe and we shall call from there. I was concerned that someone who was not party to the deception would tell my parents I was not present at the camp but Jerry said that had been completely arranged and not to worry. The Prom is a Thursday evening/night and we are to fly to New York and on to Europe Friday. I shall finally be using my passport as Teddi Winchester. I reach up and kiss Jerry happily then turn and kiss Giorani on his cheek, "Thank-you for helping us Giorani," He didn't blush however he became very agitated. "Signorina!" he says. Then Jerry says "Hey... (something Italian)" and Giorani turns bright red as Jerry laughs. "Signorina, please. I am happy married man," Giorani manages to sputter. Jerry laughs again, starting to speak in Italian and changing to English, "You see? I have told you she is impetuous... but wonderful." I kiss Jerry again. "She is truly rare find. Much like your MaMa," answered Giorani. This is like a fairy tale and I have found myself to be cast as the Princess, and Jerry is my Prince.

We have finally arrived again in San Diego. During the drive to the Estate we detour that I may indicate to Giorani the location of Dr. Mahler's (the Rees-Stealey) building downtown, Scripps Hospital and Dr. Neber's office on Silverado in La Jolla, then we continue to the Estate. As we had traveled west, the ground time required for the six hour flight was only three hours so Jerry and I still have several hours of afternoon during which we may be together. We decide to go to the beach at La Jolla Shores so I change to my bathing suit. Once there we splash and play. As he chases me through the water, I forget completely how scanty my two-piece suit happens to be and we have a wonderful time. Giorani watches us discretely from the shore. He later makes a comment to us about youth in love. I wish my body had even now been corrected and I could give Jerry a child. I want so much to be the mother of his children, I feel the ache of desire but cannot chance the mating because although I may mate I would eventually die from the act. Finally as it is getting late, I mention I shall need a shower to cleanse my hair before returning home so we dry, returning to the car and the estate. Home, it becomes more and more difficult to leave him and return to my biological parents residence. This is now my home. I beg him to allow me to come one day soon, become his wife and never leave again. We could go to Dr. Neber together and explain and I could become a complete woman, for all time to be Jerry's wife, the bearer of his children.

His eyes slowly fill with tears as are mine. Holding me close he whispers there is nothing he would like more. Unfortunately, for now, we must allow his father his traditions and even these have made a surprisingly rapid change. There had been several years between the time the family met his brother's girl friend and she was finally given a necklace as a sign of acceptance of her as his wife to be. "PaPa has known you only two days and you have a necklace. He has talked with me and Giorani and MaMa. Of course, with you also. He is captured (I think he meant captivated) and must believe you are good for me. You are certainly much more... much more refined than the women I have previously introduced to them. You also are not afraid of PaPa or of firearms and from the time he first met you, you have not brought shame upon the family; you are careful to be elegant and feminine while being firm. Because of this PaPa is most especially interested in learning more about you." "What do I do if he learns too much too soon?" I say in panic, "I don't want him to misunderstand. I love you and want to be your wife. The doctors say I may bear children and I want them to be your children. Please, we must talk with my doctors. I want to be the female for you, To be only female before your father discovers and comes to the wrong conclusion, forbidding us seeing one other." "Bella Mia, I will not allow that to happen. We shall be husband and wife; even as Giorani has said, much love will be available to the children. But it is becoming late and you must return home. Please go to your room and change and I will ask Giorani to take you there." Very reluctantly, I do as he asks. I do not want to end this wonderful period in my life and greatly regret we are not husband and wife going to our bed together.

Jerry's tutoring is still paying dividends as I have improved so much in most of my studies that the final grades will definitely exceed those agreed upon allowing me to go to camp. Mother showed father the letter from the camp detailing my winning the draw and reiterating the need for me to leave school early. He is happy about me winning as that will "save a lot of money", but he says I may not leave early. If I "was a straight A student I could see the way clear." But he would not reward me for being 'mediocre'. I may leave after the school year has ended. Mother explains the camp has stated in their letter that late arrivals would not be accepted. He says then it is out of his hands and he supposes I may not go. The following Saturday, in tears, I tell Jerry I may not go on the day trip or to the Prom with him because I may not leave school early, the trip to camp canceled despite my improved grades. He told me not to worry as yet. He would speak with mother, perhaps something could still be done. Meanwhile I have more studying to do to prepare for my final exams and he has also arranged for a tutor Saturday afternoons to teach me the secretarial skills I shall need during the European trip. "I suppose this means I will be spending little time with you during the next three weeks. You realise, of course, this will be torture to me." He tells me I am correct and it shall be so for him also but we may have some little time together.

The morning passes entirely too quickly although I am able to answer Jerry's questions correctly and he believes I shall do well at school the next week. My understanding of history is also slowly improving. The secretarial tutor is not due to arrive until one-thirty today which allows us almost two hours to simply enjoy each other's company. Jerry drives us to a little place in Del Mar for lunch and afterward we sit at the cliffs in Torrey Pines to watch the gliders for 20 minutes before returning to the Estate. The tutor is quite prompt and drudgery begins. Shorthand is terrible, but most of the other skills are quite simple. (Although I shall have three more intensive weekends of shorthand, it is very difficult and I much prefer the Dictaphone. Typing is a breeze. I learn the key positions during the first day and practice every afternoon after school. Each of the following weekends I test well at typing and have reached 50 wpm, with few spelling errors, by the end of the three weeks. If I am uncertain of a word, I look it up in the dictionary and correctly type it, however, this slows my typing rate. Shorthand is usable, but sonic notation is not my idea of a valid method of scribing.

It is during the last Saturday that my pistol falls out of my purse. The tutor moves several items from the table, including my purse, and the pistol drops onto the table. I pick it up returning it to my purse then place my purse on another table near to me. She asks why I need a pistol and I reply I am a licensed bodyguard who also needs some secretarial skills. She says as that is the case my abilities are sufficiently developed such that I may 'hold your own' and she will so inform Jerry that I am ready for most assignments. This is fortunate as we have no more Saturdays available if somehow I am allowed to go to Europe. I see Jerry only in passing at school during the following week and we are unable to study together as he is very busy all week. Saturday we are also unable to be together as he must be out of town. This allows us only the final week of school. The week I should be at 'camp'.

Monday arrives and I have not departed for camp, I am at school and very disappointed. Just after noon I am directed to go to the office where I find mother waiting. She removes me from school and once we are in the car she tells me I shall depart for 'camp' just after we see Dr. Neber. I ask if father has changed his mind and she informs me he has gone to Woods Hole, Massachusetts as a representative of the Electric Boat division of General Dynamics just this morning. He will also travel to several other locations back east, and will not return for 3 weeks. "What he doesn't know, won't hurt him." As we drive to Dr. Neber's office she asks if I have decided anything she may need to know. I tell her, "If it will not disturb you, I should very much like to become completely female and marry Jerry." She smiles at me saying she hopes we will be happy together. Then we enter the office and wait (20 very long minutes) before we go in to see Dr. Neber. He gives me two prescriptions to begin taking. One pill of each at the morning and evening meals. He also gives me an injection (Oww... that is worse than a booster shot) and says when I return from my trip we may continue the series and arrange for the surgery. He provides a typed statement which he has signed and his staff has witnessed (he tells me to carry it with me at all times). In reading the statement I find it states, essentially, I am a female who has been born with additional sexual organs. Medical intervention to correct the abnormality is soon to be accomplished. Presently 'she' is undergoing medical and psychological therapy to ease her transition through the surgery. I hug both mother and Dr. Neber and fairly dance out of the office. Mother drives me to the Estate's gates where once again I hug her promising to bring back pictures of Europe and Jerry and I together. "Mother, I would have expected you to have difficulty with my desire to remove the penis and bear children. I thank-you more than you will ever know, but how is it that you want to help me?" Mother replies she has been aware I was both male and female since my birth but father refused to accept it until 1952 when my breasts began to obviously develop and he was confronted with the situation. It was then that the first tests demonstrated a completely fertile female within. Mother had been allowing me to be a young girl occasionally as I well knew, that I might learn what it was like so as to be able to make an educated choice when the time comes to decide which course the operation should follow.

When, more recently, I began to spend larger amounts of time as a girl (with Jerry) and he had reported several times that I was very ladylike and studious while a female, mother had become more suspicious that I should be allowed to make the corrections to my body that would allow me to bear children without danger. Now she is happy for me because Jerry has said he has fallen in love with the woman I am supposed to be and he asked if she would mind if he married me. Now I may reveal to him the statement from Dr. Neber which declares I shall soon have my operation and be capable of safely bearing his children. I hug her, thanking her again, and go to the trunk of the car to obtain my suitcase. She tells me there is a surprise in it, we kiss and hug again then I enter through the gate and walk on up the drive waving goodbye to her as she drives away. Walking to the cottage I unlock the door and enter. After changing my clothing I check the suitcase finding two new negligees, one green and one blue, and several satin panties with matching brassieres all of which I place in the dresser drawers to be packed later. Then, after completing my makeup (not much to do there), I place the appropriate papers, cosmetics, and pistol into my purse.

Finally finished, looking alluring in my culottes and green silk print blouse, I telephone Jerry. He does not answer, instead I have reached some gentleman. Flustered, I excuse myself and re-dial reaching the same individual but this time, puzzled, I ask for Jerry and the gentleman explains the young master is away for the day. "Might I have your telephone number and I shall give him the message upon his return". I say, "Yes, thank-you." Quite disappointed, giving to him the number of the cottage's outside line, "Does Giorani happen to be available to speak with me please? Tell him this is Miss Winchester." "Oh, Miss Winchester, the young master has given us a message for you. He asks if you are able to come by today would you care to attend a funds-raising dinner with him this evening? We are to extend you every courtesy, calling him immediately with your answer and provide transportation for you. Might you be able to attend?" "Thank-you, and yes I am so able. Would you be so kind as to tell me the dress code? Is this to be formal or casual?" "It is most definitely formal, Miss. It will be held at a facility somewhere in Sacramento. We have been instructed to take you to the airport where the family plane will transport you." "Thank-you, I shall be ready shortly. Will you be able to arrange transport for me to the airport on such short notice?" "Most certainly, I shall notify the driver and pilots. Do you wish a driver to pick you up at your home?" "No thank-you, I shall arrive at the Estate and you may make the arraignments for me to depart from there." "Very good Miss, I am looking forward to meeting you, please ask for me when you arrive, my name is William." More travel! But soon I shall be with my Jerry. I am ready to explode. I so want him to see the paper from Dr. Neber. I need copies. I shall be able to safely birth children soon.

I change to the emerald gown, and matching emerald jewelry. I need only three attempts to open the safe, doing better. The heart I move to a short chain upon my wrist next to my watch, my emerald bracelet is on the other wrist. Now the fur stole, just in case of a chill in the weather. I check everything once again and exit the cottage locking the door before walking to the main house. Upon ringing the doorbell, a gentleman answers and I ask for William. "I am he, Miss, and you are?..." "Good afternoon, William. I am Miss Winchester." "Very pleased to meet you, Miss. The Young Master has told us a great deal about you. Please come in, I will have the driver bring the car around. May I take your stole and clutch?" "Yes, thank-you, the stole, I will carry my clutch... I hope he has not told you too much about me. After all, a girl must have some secrets." "Not to worry, Miss, he just seems to be enthralled and never ceases to speak of you. He was a little apprehensive and hoped you would be able to make the dinner. He was fairly chewing his nails to the bone, actually. Would you care for a refreshment?" "No thank-you William. I would like to depart as soon as possible." "I understand Miss. However, the aircraft will not arrive for perhaps an hour or more so there is a little time for you to meet the staff and relax. Would you mind coming to the kitchen Miss?" "Not at all, and please call me Teddi. I am not heavy on protocol, thank-you." William guided me to the kitchen where I meet his wife, Ann (the cook). Two gentlemen who are taking a meal are grounds-keepers, John and Robert, and moments later another gentleman walks in and is introduced as the chauffeur, Tom. "What, no bodyguards here today?" They all look a little apprehensive as William explains the security personnel have all traveled with the Signore and the Young Master. "The Signore informed us you were quite capable of protecting yourself, but I will arrange for a security agent to accompany you if you so desire." "No William, thank-you, that is not necessary. Your information is correct, I do not require a bodyguard. I was simply surprised as normally one has been assigned to accompany me."

I find it necessary to reiterate my desire to be called Teddi rather than being so formal. Everyone is friendly and Ann is a truly nice lady. She allows me to sample a salad she has just prepared (I must have her teach me to prepare one like that, it is delicious). William and Tom confer for a moment then Tom exits the kitchen door and I notice he is walking toward the garage. "If Tom is ready, I believe all I need is my stole and I am ready to depart." As William leaves the room, I turn toward the others, "I am pleased to have met you all and look forward to seeing you again. Oh, thank-you William, Good-bye everyone." As William helps me with my stole, Tom returns. We walk out to the car where Tom opens the door for me that I may enter, then he comes around and we are off. I ask him to make a short detour to a department store in La Jolla at which, mother has explained, they are piercing ears for free if one purchases the earrings from them. I purchase a nice pair of earrings which, although not precious stones, complement my emeralds. The piercing didn't hurt too badly. I expected far worse, although I am continuing to bleed just a little. They watch me perhaps 10 minutes, then I am allowed to depart but first I locate and purchase two more pairs of earrings. Finally I am ready so Tom and I are off once more for the airport. If mother could only see me now, a Chauffeur and private plane (I am the only passenger). The pilot informs me as we await permission to take off that the flight will require slightly over an hour and we shall be met at our destination upon arrival. I cannot imagine the cost of operating a private plane for just one passenger but it must be considerably more than a commercial flight. (The people in the airport terminal were extremely solicitous as I awaited the arrival of my private jet.)

What was that? Have we landed? I realise I have been asleep. The excitement must have been too much as I only just remember departing Lindberg Field about four-thirty. My watch says it is now five-fifty. Looking out the window I notice we are approaching a terminal where a limousine is waiting. I see Giorani! Where is Jerry? He may be in the vehicle. No! No, he would be out waiting, he must be with his father. Here comes the pilot. "Did you have a good nap, Miss? There is a car waiting for you and I will have the door open in just a moment." "Yes, thank-you. I must be more exhausted than I thought." Just then he opens the door and the stairs unfold. He exits and turns to take my hand, helping me down the stairs. I thank him again then call to Giorani, "Buona Norte, Giorani."

I walk toward him throwing my arms around him when we finally reach one another. "Signorina!," he says. "Giorani, I wish to show you a piece of paper I have received from Dr. Neber. Is there anywhere we may make copies? I am so happy. I'm glad you have met me." He begins to laugh at my exuberance. "Signor... Teddi, I am happy to see you also. Perhaps now Jerry will not continue talking but will wish to hold you close and we may all rest our ears. What is this piece paper you tell me? Here, into car, we may talk as we ride." He holds open the left door (nearest the airplane) and as I enter the car I notice a driver. I move in all the way to allow Giorani to enter behind me, closing the door behind himself. He introduces me to the driver who nods his head saying something to me in Italian which I take to be 'pleased to meet you' so I say "I am pleased to meet you also." Taking out my statement from Dr. Neber I hand it to Giorani who opens it and as he looks at the paper I whisper in his ear, "I shall soon be capable of giving birth without danger to me or to my child." I show him the medications and tell him the surgery will occur in a few months. Smiling he hands the paper back to me saying he is very happy for us. "Giorani, I'm surprised, but happy, you were sent to meet me. I thought you might be at the Estate but when you were not there I believed I would be traveling all the way without extra protection." "The Signore decide you be all right travel from Estate to aircraft and up to here. You probable be capable of protect self even now. This close he feel I should be here to meet you so you will not be near only strangers. Also as he send me, the others will realise you are important to family and adjust to protect you. Tell me, have you place your little toy in anyone's ear lately?" "Oh Giorani, I'm SO sorry. You will never allow me to forget that night will you?" "Signorina, it is not often anyone holds a weapon at me and I do nothing. You are especial person and I am to teach you more about weapons and how to protect yourself." "NOW?" I ask. He begins laughing. The driver says something to which he replies (in English), "Cia, she is the one." The driver moves the rear view mirror, raises an eyebrow and looks at me in the mirror as Giorani laughingly says, "Cia, she is beauty but she has heart of killer." "OH! You,.." I punch Giorani lightly in the arm and he makes a great pretense of injury as the driver straightens the mirror once again. We seem to drive forever! After nearly an hour, I tell Giorani it seems I have not seen Jerry for years, I am hardly able to wait. He laughs and says to the driver, "She has been away from her Jerry for years, since week last." They both laugh and the driver says: "Amouri." "Ohhh...," I punch them both in the shoulder and they both pretend great injury laughing all the while. "Not to worry, Teddi. We are soon to arrive."

"Please to not exit of car but allow us to open door." I begin to search the people standing along the curb trying to see Jerry. I suddenly realise I see hundreds of people. "Giorani, they told me at the Estate this was a little party. How many people are here?" "For party, perhaps one,... two hundred." he replies, "To see Aldoennetti family, perhaps touch one of you or perhaps harm one of you are maybe thousand more. Does this frighten you?" "No... I simply have never experienced this before. Does it happen often?" "Signorina, most every party or event held with family is much publicity and always people come. It is way of life." he remarks as he shrugs his shoulders. "We will stop now. Do not go out until I open door. There will be other bodyguards to help so simply exit vehicle and walk with us, all will be well. Please do not shoot anyone, we will do that if necessary. But if we raise our weapons you should do same and try to hide behind one of us." "Giorani, you are frightening me." "Signorina! Are you not Winchester? Be brave, remember you have heart of killer and those out there are more afraid you than you of them," he finishes as he then exits the vehicle and walks around to my door. It is not opened immediately as other men are preparing a path for me. I have just begun to realise the continual fear royalty must have of crowds of people.

One must walk and smile and act unconcerned while examining all around for the face of a potential killer. I have never been a target before and it is not a good feeling. The door is opening, I gather the folds of my gown and, holding Giorani's hand, exit the vehicle as I smile at everyone. We walk toward the building, the crowd is deafening. Once inside the noise diminishes greatly. Those in the crowd have no idea who it is I may be. They simply have come to see the rich and powerful, or those whom they perceive as being the source of their problems or salvation. It is a sad commentary of the lives of most of us. We are in the hotel lobby and still I do not see Jerry. Giorani and two others are conferring. For the moment everyone is ignoring me so I may look around the lobby. A policeman is coming over to me; no, I suppose he is a security guard. "May I see your identification please?" he is asking as he approaches. I reply, "I am Signorina Winchester" and begin to reach into my clutch for my passport. I see him beginning to draw his revolver as he is watching me intently. His revolver is out and beginning to point in my direction. Stop that! I drop my passport and begin to remove my pistol from my clutch as someone screams (I think it is me), just as he aims his revolver at me I kick at it, missing his hand but tangling my foot in my gown and causing me to begin to fall. He is trying to follow me down with his weapon as I aim mine at his face. Firing my own weapon twice in his direction, I remember hearing three loud shots (BANG... pop-pop) all occurring at nearly the same time. I have lost my balance and as I fall to the floor I notice the guard is going down also. In a panic I look for Giorani. Then, out of nowhere, two of the bodyguards are flying through the air in my direction landing beside and on me, knocking the air out of my lungs as they land, covering me with their bodies. "I am fine, I am not harmed. Sto bene! Let me up." I blurt out.

They will not allow me to rise saying something loudly in Italian but all I recognize is 'Giorani' and 'Signorina'. Giorani runs over and tells me to remain on the floor, "You have been shot Signorina. Let them check you," as he then walks over to the security guard who is dying. My little bullets have penetrated his throat. He is bleeding profusely from his neck and mouth, with little trickles of blood coming out of his nose and ears. The crowd outside has gone silent. Others are even now only beginning to react, it is like watching a slow motion movie. "Giorani, I shot him. He was drawing his weapon, I kicked at it and shot him. What have I done?" "You have protect self Signorina," said someone, "You have done well." I begin to shake and cry and the next thing I remember, we are in a hallway and one of them is carrying me toward the elevator as two others walk along with their weapons drawn watching our path.

"Put me down, I may walk now. I'm all right. Sto bene. Sto bene!" "No Signorina. You are hurt, you no walk," says the man carrying me. "Put me down! I'm all right!" "For moment Signorina. WATER! Here, sit." Moments later someone hands me a glass of water as he says; "Here Signorina, here is water. You are brave Lady, Signorina. If you not kick at revolver you would be dead." He touches my arm lifting it gently and examines the wound high on my side. As I, for the first time, notice blood on the bodice of my gown. After taking a sip or two I dip a kerchief in the water and dab at the bodice trying to remove the blood only to have it replaced by much more. The bodyguard applies pressure to my side once again as I begin to shake and cry. When once more I awaken I am on a bed, my arm and side are bandaged, the towel beneath me covered with blood as is part of my gown. Jerry is sitting next to me on a chair which has been brought alongside the bed and he is caressing my hand. "Jerry... I killed him. I shot the guard and killed him." "I think, Teddi, you had substantial help from God. When you kicked the weapon you did a brave thing and saved your life. You have not been badly harmed and one more assassin has been removed."

"Why? Why do people want to do that? I don't know him. Why did he want to harm me?" He shrugged his shoulders, "We will never know. Infrequently it happens. I am sorry it happened to you. Please, it is important. You must listen to me. The four bodyguards who were to protect you are all very upset and believe they have failed you. You must let them know you trust them and believe they are most capable. It is important, for they may not be able to properly protect any of us again if they believe they have failed. Could you do this for the family and for them?" "Oh yes, they were wonderful. Can't we do something to show how much I appreciate that which they did for me?" "Good. Come, take a sip of water and we will go see them and they will protect you even more strongly. And yes, they shall each receive a bonus of 15,000 Lira." He holds my hand leading me out of the bedroom to a larger room which I recognise to be part of a suite. The Signore and many others stop talking and he comes forward to me. "Teddi, how are you feeling?" As I come forward I recognize Giorani and the two who had kept me on the floor. They are all standing together with one other whom I do not remember, they will not meet my gaze.

"I... what? feeling? I... am fine, just a little shaken. Thank-you." I walk over to the four of them and ask Giorani if they all understand English. He says some 'not so good', so I ask if he would tell them what I say. The Signore has followed me and says: "I will translate for you Teddi." As I explain I believe I am very fortunate they were there to protect me and am very happy they did a good job I went to each in turn and kissed him on the cheek saying "Grazie, sto bene." I hold their hands in mine, each in turn, and thank them again, telling them they would be given that bonus. "I would have any of you as my bodyguard for you have shown me you are fearless and capable. Grazie." After the Signore finishes translating that which I have said, they seem relieved and will look me in the eye once again. Then I remember seeing a clock on the wall and looking around say: "Do we not have a dinner we are to attend? We should not be standing around here." Everyone laughs as the Signore quickly translates that which I have just said. He turns looking at me, "Jerry is correct, you are a special Lady. I think, however, you should remain here." "Nonsense, I shall be fine." He gives me a little bow as he picks my clutch off the table and hands it to me. The clutch is too light, "Where is my automatic? Has anyone seen it?" At the Signore's translation the bodyguard whom I do not recognise produces it and hands it to me. "Thank-you." "I am pleasure, Signorina." he says. The Signore comments to me once more before beginning to give instructions: "Your gown is ruined. There is not time to clean it before we must depart." Jerry asks if I feel up to going and I say: "Yes, of course. We must. But I shall probably sleep very well tonight." He laughs loudly and then explains what has been said and everyone laughs again and agrees, his father watching me carefully the entire time.

I have never killed anyone before, I don't like it. I ask for a few minutes that I may attempt to wash as much of the blood off my gown as I might. Now it is not nearly so obvious, although the bandages on my arm and side are quite apparent and make the stain obvious should one look for it. I return to the sitting room, ready to depart as the Signore again gives me a little bow. "You are a courageous lady, Teddi. Stay close to Jerry this evening. If you feel faint he shall help you." We take the elevator down to the lobby and the bodyguards form a substantial barrier around us as we walk to the limousine. After entering it I am much calmer. Moments later we drive away.

I have not been paying much attention to the speeches or the people whom the dinner is to support as I am still shaken thinking again and again about that which I have done.. Sitting between Jerry and his father I feel protected, especially with the bodyguards so near to me. Jerry's brother and his wife sit on the other side of the father. She is a very pretty woman and I feel like the ugly duckling as I look around at all the attractive women sitting at our table. There are seven couples and two men, one of whom is Jerry's father. I begin to remove the bandages but am stopped by Jerry, "Do not Teddi, the doctor said to allow them and the medication to remain for several days." "But I feel fine now," I protested, "there is no pain and I am able to move without any discomfort." Just then Jerry's father touches my right arm and asks me to allow them to remain. "It is badge of courage. All here," he said quietly as he indicated everyone in the great hall, "are under the same threat. You have shown that although anyone may be a target, we need not succumb to fear. Besides, the colour goes well with your gown." I smile, almost laugh a little, and agree to allow them to remain, then excuse myself to go to the powder room. As I begin to leave the table two of the bodyguards with whom I had spoken at the hotel materialize at my side and follow me, checking the powder room before allowing me inside as they wait outside the door to escort me back to the table. I am still shaking from the encounter and try to relax a little by splashing some water upon my face and then drying it. Suddenly the door opens and I spin around, my hand instinctively reaching into my clutch, only to see two Ladies enter the room laughing as they enter. As they look at me, glancing at the bandages and my panic stricken face, the room becomes distinctly icy.

Excusing myself, I exit; collecting my escorts as I rush to our table, my long emerald-green gown billowing and flaring in my wake. "Welcome back my love." says Jerry, "We were just discussing your exploits of this evening. Soon all will know we may defend ourselves." "Yes," I answered, "I have just met two Ladies who apparently are not of the opinion a girl should defend herself." "They are just envy... envious of you. If they had been in the same situation they would probably be dead now. How are you feeling?" "I am very tired. The trip and shooting have taken much of my energy." "We shall not be very long here, my love. PaPa shall give speech soon and then we may depart. Your injury is good excuse to leave early." "Forgive me," I exclaim, "if in the future, I do not allow myself to be shot before such a gathering thereby requiring us to stay through the entire event!" Jerry laughs. His father, who is close enough to hear us laughs also and touches my hand. Our conversation has been held at a low volume but now his father repeats it to the entire table. Everyone laughs and I turn bright red. People turn from their tables to see what it is which has amused our group so. A few have heard some or all of the Signore's statement, repeating bits and pieces of it to those at their own tables.

The main Speakers are finally delivering their pearls of wisdom and before long the Signore is called upon to deliver his. The tables have been situated in such a manner that everyone may see the podium. With the sound system it is not difficult to hear the speaker. The Signore delivers his speech and then makes a short commentary about the need for everyone to be aware of their surroundings finishing with: "This evening, shortly before arriving at this gathering, an attempt was made at our hotel to take the life of the fiancee of one of my sons. Because the young lady had great presence of mind and attacked the would-be assassin rather than standing idle, she is still very much alive and with us all at this banquet. I cannot recommend that everyone here learn to defend themselves for many do not have the temperament to do that. Why else do we have the bodyguards?" Laughter. "However, sometimes a situation may occur, so quickly, that we also must react in order to save our lives. You may have noticed the young lady and wondered what fashion statement she is attempting. The bandages hide the bullet wounds she received even as she attacked the would-be assassin. Her bodyguards did not fail her, time and position required her to save herself from the sudden attack. The bodyguards would easily have removed any other assassins who may have been close, but her own valor saved her life. Teddi, please stand for a moment, I wish all to see you are well and are a motivation to us all." Jerry takes my hand and helps me to my feet. My face turns quite pale and then bright red, tears beginning to slowly fill my eyes as I start to shake. Slowly returning to my seat, once more unable to meet anyone's gaze, the hall explodes with applause. I cannot help myself, I bury my face in Jerry's shoulder and great sobs shake my body. "Good," Jerry says to no one in particular as he holds me close, "now healing may begin."

Jerry and I depart the hall following the completion of the next speech, my crying subsided by then, my eyes red with the tears. Again a crowd outside, the bodyguards take their job very seriously as do the police who have been informed of the attempt earlier upon the life of a young woman now to be in their care. The police, our bodyguards, Jerry and I travel back to the hotel. Although it is only 10 or 15 minutes away I am instantly asleep upon Jerry's shoulder (I am really giving it a workout) as we begin to drive. He gently awakens me for we have arrived at the hotel, the crowd now much smaller than it had been when I arrived previously, the police presence much more pronounced. Again we do not immediately exit the vehicle but wait for Giorani to open the door. This time no one leaves my side even after we are in the building as we walk to the elevators and ride up to our suite. Once in the suite, the bodyguard who had returned my pistol to me remains with us and the others go back to the Hall to await the Signore and the rest of our party.

Perhaps twenty minutes pass by before a knock occurs at the door. This brings the bodyguard to his feet, his pistol in his hand, as I start and begin to search for my clutch. Locating it, I also draw my pistol; fear evident upon my face as the bodyguard cautiously opens the door. There is a brief verbal exchange and then the door is opened to admit two gentlemen who hold police badges. "We would like to speak with the Lady if we may. I am Lieutenant Baxter and this is Sergeant Doyle of homicide." They spend perhaps an hour speaking with me before leaving. Why do I carry a handgun? May we see the permit? Have you ever shot anyone? On and on and on. How many shots did you fire. Did he hit his head when he fell? By the time they finish I am again in tears and Jerry is about to throw them out of the hotel. The man whom I had shot was from some state in the east and had been out on the west coast about three months. (Later the Italian newspapers report that a check into his records showed he had been a mental patient and no one seemed to know how he was able to obtain the job as a security guard with that record. He had once in the past attempted to kill someone but was deemed to be harmless now he was on medication.) "He won't be a threat to anyone now," says the Lieutenant. "And how long, Lieutenant, will it be before I stop shaking and no longer imagine every knock at the door is a killer, or see him in my sleep and become frightened? Are you able to answer that?" I am crying... again! "I'm sorry Miss, I wish it was in my power to make you feel safe again. All I can say is I still see people I have had to shoot or who have shot at me. Sometimes when I sleep and sometimes when I suddenly remember the situation while I am awake. It is never easy. When someone like yourself becomes the victim of such a person, even though you survive, it makes me so angry I just want to go out and kill all the bastar... excuse me, kill all those who are a threat. Unfortunately I must operate within the confines of the law. So when a victim survives I rejoice for a few minutes and then go back to try to help prevent it from happening to others. You also have helped, because there is one more sicko who won't be plaguing society anymore. Thank-you Miss. I pray that you recover soon." "Thank-you Lieutenant. I'm sorry I spoke to you that way. I just never shot anyone, never killed anyone. I guess I should just be happy I am alive. Goodbye and good luck. I hope your dreams improve also." "Thanks, Miss. Gentlemen, Goodbye." As they walk out into the hall the Sergeant says "Did you notice, she never put down the pistol. Do you think she'll be..." The door closes and I am unable to hear any more of the conversation. I excuse myself to Jerry and the bodyguard and go to my bedroom where I lay upon the bed, placing the pistol beneath the folds of my gown where I may quickly reach it. It might be some time before I feel safe again.

I hear knocking! The door is opening. "What,.. Who is it?" as my hand seeks the pistol under my gown. "Teddi, are you all right? It is Jerry." "Yes?!.. Yes, I am all right." I sit up as they enter the room. Jerry helps me to my feet as I ask: "What... what is wrong?" "We heard you screaming and came to check." "Screaming? I don't remember... I just laid down to nap and then you were in the room. I..." They look at each other and Giorani says perhaps I might like to come out and visit with the family for a few minutes. Jerry says: "Yes, come out with us." I look at the concern in their faces, "All right, I'll be out after I have freshened myself a little." They depart the room closing the door and I turn to my bathroom where I splash some water on my face and pat it dry. A little lipstick, some perfume, my pistol in my clutch... ready. Walking out of the bedroom and down the hall to the suite's meeting/living room I find the family and bodyguards in an animated discussion. Sitting in a chair off to the side that I shall not disturb anyone I watch for a while. Most of the discussion is in Italian, even the wife of Jerry's Brother is speaking Italian although I think she looks Spanish. She is very pretty. Jerry brings me a drink but I refuse it, I did not want an alcoholic beverage just now. "Perhaps, simply a Pepsi?" I ask quietly. He quickly returns with my drink and I sip at it while the conversation continues. Finally finishing my drink I continue to sit for a while before returning quietly to my room, the conversation still continuing. Moments after I close my door there is a light tap upon it. As I open it, I find his brother's wife standing in the hallway. "May I come in?" she asks. I invite her into my room and as she enters she motions to me to close the door again. "Teddi, my name is Sophia, like the actress," she says, as she gracefully flows into the overstuffed chair across the room from the bed. "We have not been formally introduced but Alphonso's brother has talked of you so much I feel I know you." I am happy to meet her and reply: "Hello Sophia, I am very pleased to meet you. I'm afraid I don't speak much Italian so, after a time, I simply decided to return to my room. I did not mean to insult you, or anyone else for that matter."

"I understand Teddi. It may be difficult at times, but today something happened to you that seldom happens to anyone. I have not gone through it nor am I likely to do so as I am not as capable with a firearm or in a fight as are you. I envy you your ability to protect yourself, but I must rely upon paid mercenaries. I do not completely

understand that which you are going through but I watch and I listen. I have heard the bodyguards say how brave and capable you are and they now worry because you do not set aside the event and go on with your life. You must, you know. If you do not, it will eat at you from inside and you will become unable to do those things which, as Jerry's wife, you must. When, by the way, is the wedding to be?" Laughing I say, "We have not yet set a date. I imagine it will be next year. Jerry and I have only known each other for little more than four months." "So little? I would have thought a year or perhaps two. You both seem to be suited for each other, and Jerry will not stop talking about you if you are not near to him. I think I have known you for months but have only heard about you for a few days. However you have managed it, he is your man. He has had his pick of women but he wants none of them, only you. I don't know how you have captivated him so. It took me three long years to become Alphonso's wife. I imagine a lot of it is obtaining the blessing of the family." "Yes, I agree. The Signore shocked both Jerry and myself when just the other day he gave me a little heart which Jerry says means the parents approve. I don't understand how it has happened so quickly but I am happy. I want to give Jerry beautiful children." "So soon? Have you... You know..." "No, we have waited and we will continue to wait until we are married. I simply want to make him happy." "You seem quite young, Teddi, to be considering a lifetime commitment." "That may be true Sophia, but it feels right in my heart. Besides I could continue to work for a year or two so we may save some of our money. Then when we have our children we will be better prepared for them." "I think I best be going. Alphonso may wonder what has become of me. It was nice chatting with you Teddi. We must do this again sometime." "Thank-you for coming, Sophia. I needed someone to talk to. Someone to remind me that there are still many beautiful things out there waiting for me to simply look and see them. I must tell you, when I saw you at the dinner and even now, I feel like an ugly duckling. You are very attractive and intelligent. I think Alphonso is also a lucky man." "Why,.." she answered, looking and sounding quite surprised, "Thank-you Teddi."

I remain in my room for perhaps a minute before I make the decision to return to the family, placing my pistol into it's leg holster out of sight, and the clutch upon the night stand before going out once more to find Jerry. Slowly coming up behind him, finally reaching out and holding his arm in mine as I move to stand next to him. He pauses a moment to look at me and smiles. Placing his other hand upon my arm as he resumes his conversation. In a few minutes he is finished and leads me over to the bar where I obtain another Pepsi and he a glass of wine. We carry them out onto the balcony where we find the air to be wonderfully cool and the night beautiful. The hotel is just far enough from the lights of the town to allow us to see some stars. An airport must be nearby as large aircraft are coming in to land every few minutes. He turns me toward him and leans down slightly to kiss me, in my heels I am perhaps three or four inches shorter than is he. As we end our kiss I remember the paper Dr. Neber has given to me. I tell him: "Jerry, I have a statement from my doctor. In only a few months, surgery will remove the deformities and I shall be capable of giving birth to our children... I love you." He smiles and kisses me again, a long, memorable, lingering kiss. "I love you too Teddi. I pray I will be able to make you happy." (Oh you do, you do.) Remembering I have no clothing here, "When may we return to San Diego?" I ask of him. "All of my clothing is there and I must change for tomorrow's day trip." "We will not go to the day trip, my love, nor to the Prom. Tomorrow we shall leave for Europe." Europe! "But our plans, my clothes, I must pack. I cannot travel like this," as I indicate my gown. "That I may resolve." he smiles mischievously, "Come, we will go downstairs and open a few stores." We stop at the Concierge who places many telephone calls, but finally tells us he is unable to reach anyone who is willing to bring in personnel so early on such short notice. "When must we depart, Jerry? If it is not until the afternoon, we may have my clothes packed and sent to meet us or, if it is not too expensive, I shall fly back and pack them myself, then meet you en route somewhere. Please! I much prefer to have my own clothing anyway." He thinks about it for a moment saying, "I will speak with PaPa." PaPa agreed with me, saying he had gone through the same situation with the Signora, "It is best to allow the women their little eccentricities." Soon I am in a car on my way to the airport with Giorani at my side. The Signore will no longer allow me to travel unaccompanied since the incident. I shall be able to change and pack, then our two parties shall converge in New York and travel on to Europe together.

Giorani watches over me 'like a mother hen' throughout the trip. After a few minutes of flight, melancholia (isn't that a marvelous word? Melancholia...perhap pensive would be a better word) sets over me once again. He sits watching me until he may no longer hold his comments finally saying: "Teddi, you are no longer child. You must accept things as they happen and go on. You are still concern about taking of life,.. No? You must not be concern. If you had not kill him, I would have done so. He harm you, and I see he die slowly, painfully. He is dead in only few minutes, this is not enough. I will not allow harm to come to family. I am sad I was not to attention of that around you. It is my problem. You are young woman and not be so sad. The world is wonderful place, I have seen it, as shall you. You must be happy, for your Jerry is good man and he is in love to you. Please Signorina, please let it go and be the happy girl I first see, smiling at her Jerry, and so full of joy. You are not like many who think only of the bad and expect everyone to... to... do harm, taking that which you have. Little things have make you happy. Like when Signore give to you little heart you wear on hand," he reaches over and touches the bracelet, "You could not believe. Then when you learn the meaning, the joy fill you and you are like candle in dark room. Please Signorina, let it go." He releases my hand and the bracelet, still looking at me as he sighs deeply, his address before Congress finished. Remaining in his seat for only a minute or two, he sighs once more as he rises and goes forward to the pilots compartment. I continue to sit thinking about all he has said. I have never understood Giorani was so compassionate and caring until now. He, like the others, is a kind and understanding man. I walk forward to the lavatory where I remove the bandage from my arm. Cleaning my arm carefully, I find a deep gouge which is just beginning to scab over. Throwing the bandage into the trash I return to my seat once again allowing the bandage on my side to remain until a later time. I wait for perhaps ten or fifteen minutes, Giorani has not returned so I knock on the door to the forward compartment. Moments later it opens and Giorani is standing before me. I smile and take his hand, "Thank-you Giorani. You are a good friend." He smiles and seems to straighten: "Thank-you Signorina, my heart is again happy." "Could you come back and talk with me for a little while or do you need to be in the cockpit?" I ask him. His smile becomes even larger, "I be back soon, Signorina, I must talk with Signore in few minutes then we may talk about whatever you wish. You have remove bandage?!" "Yes, and I think I have removed some of the dark cloud with it." "Bravo Signorina! But for now I must go. I come, we talk soon." He closed the door as I was returning to a seat where I might look out a window as the sun is beginning to rise. I watch the ground slowly pass by and the clouds both above but mostly below us. Large areas on the ground look like parts of a painting or patchwork quilt with a river or highway, a slender thread, rushing through the squares as though searching for some elusive destination. Giorani was right, 'The world is wonderful place, I have seen it, as shall you' and there is so much to see, so many people to meet. I am a lucky girl because I have the love of a 'good man' and the friendship of many others. Soon we are landing at San Diego.

Once back at the cottage I change, before packing, into some clothing more suitable to travel. Of course it so happens it is one of my favorite outfits, a light Camel sleeveless turtleneck sweater and Black/Brown Houndstooth trousers, with dark brown suede pumps and jacket, my long dark brown hair trailing down my back appearing to be light in contrast against the very dark almost black background of the jacket. I have packed those things mother has given to me and placed my gown into it's own case. I do not know if I shall need it but it is the only gown I own and it would not do at all to have allowed it to remain in San Diego while I need it in Italy. Rush, Rush, Rush… Once again on the plane, I remove my jacket but am now reconsidering as the air seems just a little chilly since we have been airborne these past few minutes. Just as I begin to situate my jacket, Giorani reenters the cabin from the cockpit and hurries over to assist me. "Thank-you" I say to him. "Always polite. You are good addition to family. Many have desired to marry Jerry ('always for money' he whispers), but no one has been kind or polite to those of us who work for family except you, and family." I look at him blankly, "But it takes no extra effort to be kind to people. You are no less important than I. Why should I not treat you with respect?" "I tell you some time that you are Lady, do you remember? This is reason. True Lady treat all equal and with respect as you. I have known many people since work for Signore. Many do not treat with respect. Many do not see us", he tapped his fingers on his chest, "as people. Many do not care about us. You care. You worry about... 'little' people. You have big heart and do not like hurt others. Then when you are hurt you try very long to decide what you do wrong to make them hurt you. You have done nothing, Signorina. Some people must hurt others just to prove themselves. The real proof is how you may treat someone well even when they have hurt you. I am talk too much, it is because you are good to listen and you care. When you shoot assassin, we do not come to your aid before it end. Even then you thank us for helping you and we receive... is more money?" "a bonus, Giorani." "Cia, abonus. We did not earn this and yet you pay to try to show us you... appreciate. You try to make us feel good when we do not our job. We..." I hold my hand up before his mouth: "You did your job. All of you. You protected me as quickly and safely as you possibly could. I should have remained close to you and not wandered away. You did not cause the man to attack, but you all came to my rescue very quickly and prevented any other attack. There may have been others also ready to kill, but you all reacted so quickly it frightened any other attackers and they did not reveal themselves. You all earned those bonuses." Giorani smiles at me with a hint of tears in his eyes: "You see, Signorina, what you have say. Even a bad thing you turn and make good. You are only second person who brings... water to my eyes." "tears" "Cia, tears. My wife, she also is like you and appreciate much. I be very happy you shall see her we arrive Italy (he pronounced it, Eeh-tahl-eeah)." "I would love to meet her, Giorani. Like you, she must be a very special person." "Cia, Cia, especially person." I take his hand in mine saying: "Would you please tell the others who were to protect me that I DO believe they earned the bonuses. If any additional people were there to kill me, I would not be alive had all of you not acted so swiftly. Please tell them thank-you for me." "Cia Signorina Teddi, but I think I not make it sound so good as you."

We stop once to refuel during our travels, the aircraft although having a long range, remains many hundreds of miles short of reaching New York from San Diego. We are fortunate as today we need only half an hour and then are on our way. Giorani and I departed San Diego Tuesday morning shortly before eight, finally reaching the east coast a little after five in the evening, local time. Less than an hour later we are reunited with the family. Soon thereafter we are boarding a commercial flight to London. Once there we shall change planes to go on to Italy. The first class cabin is nearly filled with our people, few others are present. Sophia and I sit together so we may talk. When finally we decide to go to the lavatories, a drunken male passenger makes a grab for her. As he will not listen to reason, I ring the stewardess just as two of the three bodyguards riding in first class begin to walk down the aisle to come to our assistance. Nodding my head at them, they stop for a moment and wait as the stewardess quickly arrives. I display to her some of my federal papers and request the male passenger be detained by the airline for return to the United States. The charge is assault on visiting royalty and I request he be turned over to the FBI upon his return to the U.S., the alternative I tell him, is that I may shoot him now. He finally begins to comprehend he is in serious trouble and quickly decides he wishes to become a coach passenger for the remainder of the trip, where he will cause no further trouble. He apologizes profusely to Sophia, I thank the Stewardess saying to her: "I suppose if he will behave himself the rest of the trip we will let it go by. But I expect to be notified as to his behavior." We then continue to the lavatories as though nothing has happened and the bodyguards return to their seats. Upon exiting my compartment, I find Sophia waiting and we return to our seats together. "Thank-you, Teddi. I must tell you, when first I learned you were unafraid of using weapons or of fighting, I disapproved. The idea of any woman holding or using a weapon is foreign to me. You are demonstrating to me that a woman may still be feminine while learning to protect herself. When we return to Italy, would you teach me to shoot?" I could not believe that which I was hearing, "I am not qualified to teach. Giorani is instructing me. If you like, I could ask him to instruct us both. I will help you in any way I may, however you should know much of using the weapon is learning to observe your surroundings, and not the actual use of the weapon. If you cannot accept handling and firing and perhaps killing, then you should not try. Even when I used it last night to shoot that assassin, it was an act of desperation. I thought I was to die, and only the grace of God saved me. My own stupidity placed me in danger. I am fortunate that all I received were these minor wounds. Though I survived the shooting, it was many more hours and actually not until shortly before I arrived at New York that I found my mind would survive. If Giorani had not said the things he did, I probably would not have wanted to live. It is no small thing to kill someone. Anyone who may kill without remorse is dangerous and not one to whom I would turn my back. If after we reach Italy you still wish to learn, Giorani and I will teach you." Sophia and I did not speak much during the remainder of the journey, most of our precious time was spent sleeping in preparation of the continued travel tomorrow (now this) morning.

 

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