Symmetry

by Kathryn Nelson
© 2002, katnel20@hotmail.com

 

As I sat at the vanity, staring at my reflection, I still couldn’t believe I let them talk me into doing this. I knew the vision in the mirror was that of me, but it was an image that I was not at all familiar with. I wasn’t what you would call a great beauty, however I did think I was pretty. Behind me, my mother and grandmother were talking to each other while I remained oblivious to their conversation.

"He looks so cute and I think he likes the look too," my mother said. "Let’s give him a couple of minutes to soak in all in before he goes."

Mom was wrong of course. I needed a couple of hours before I thought I would be ready to move. Unfortunately, I had an appointment to get to and while physically I could go, mentally, I was a wreck. During those next few minutes, I had the time to go over the last 12 hours again in my mind.

It all started last night right after dinner. The phone rang and Mom answered it. It was for my Aunt Beth, my mother’s sister, but she wasn’t home. In fact Beth was away for the weekend with her latest date. I stopped calling them boyfriends a while ago when I discovered that Aunt Beth went out with different men all the time. It didn’t pay for me to get friendly with any of them or even learn their names because she would have a new one by next week. You see, Aunt Beth was young, beautiful and quite the little flirt, as Grandma would always say. She was also a real clotheshorse and spent all her time either out with men or in the stores shopping for clothes. She only bought from the upper scale stores because her looks were her number one priority. I’m not sure I ever saw her wear the same outfit twice, but then again, I don’t really pay much attention to those things. I know grandma always yelled at her for spending all her money on her looks, but at least she was doing it right.

Oh yeah, my name is Mike Collins and I’m 14 years old. I live in my grandmother’s house with my mother and aunt. Mom and I have lived here for a couple of years now since my Dad passed away. Aunt Beth who is several years younger than mom has never been married and has always lived with grandma. We live in Lakeside, which was pretty much a summer resort community just outside the city. My grandparents bought this house as their retirement home just a year before Grandpa died.

Grandma owns the flower shop on Main Street. She bought it as something to do to keep her busy in her retirement days and she has become a shrewd businesswoman. Mom started working with her when we moved here. Dad didn’t leave her much money so she sold the house and moved in with grandma. It turns out that grandma doesn’t pay her much so I imagine we will be living here a long time. My aunt works in an office close to the city. She and grandma don’t get along well enough to work together which suits my aunt just fine.

So, about that phone call for my aunt, apparently she had agreed to be a bridesmaid for her friend Marie that she works with. Marie had called to remind Beth that the dresses were in and she should meet up with her and the other members of the bridal party the next afternoon at the bridal salon. Mom thought that Beth was away for the entire weekend but checked with grandma first. Grandma, I found out, was livid. She had met once already with Marie to discuss providing all the floral arrangements for the church and the reception. She was counting on the job of doing the wedding and didn’t want to lose it. A job of that size could easily make up for a slow month.

Grandma got on the phone and took the information about the time and place for the fitting. She assured Marie that Beth would make it. She gave Marie her word that it would be done. Mom spent the next hour on the phone trying to track her sister down. She didn’t know the name of the man Beth was with and she had no idea where they went. She called most of Beth’s friends and co-workers but came up empty handed. Grandma tried herself to call some people but she had no luck either.

I think it was when I walked into the kitchen to get a drink that my fate was sealed. Grandma and mom where in a heated debate about how irresponsible Beth was, when I pushed my way past them to open the fridge. They both glanced at me and I think it was grandma who first began looking at me like she was sizing me up for a full inspection. No words were spoken, but I had the sneaking suspicion that she was up to something and her gazing at me was giving me the creeps, like I had done something terribly wrong.

I quickly grabbed a soda can and walked as fast as I could back to the solitude of my room. I sat down in front of my computer and tried to concentrate on some new material I got that day. It was Friday and I had just finished taking a 2-week summer school course at the local community college on computers for middle school kids. I love playing all types of computer games and mom thought it would be a good skill to learn how to do programming. I really liked the course and wanted to try to make something myself but I need lots of new software for my computer to do it. This game creation program was over $100 and my mom said I would have to work around the house and do extra time at the flower shop to work it off before she would buy it for me.

Mom knew I hadn’t made any friends since we moved to Lakeside. I was happier before because dad and I did a lot of activities together. I’m small and skinny for my age and never was into any sports. Since we’ve been here, I pretty much kept to myself in my room with the computer as my only source of entertainment. Grandma doesn’t even have cable or a satellite dish so there’s not much to watch on TV here. The kids at school are very different and it’s been hard for me to relate to any of them. I was reading about some computer graphics techniques when mom knocked on my door.

"Mikey, grandma and I would like to speak with you", she said in a rather calming tone.

They walked into my room together and I felt like I was being doubled teamed. Without saying why, grandma asked me to stand up and slowly turn around. A lesson I learned very early in my life was when grandma gives a command, you don’t stop and question her, you just blindly obey. I stood up quickly and started to turn while my eyes were glued to her staring me up and down. She ordered me to turn again, slower this time and I of course did as she said.

"He’ll do just fine", grandma said to mom. "We’ll start first thing in the morning." And without another word, she left. I just looked at mom with this big question on my face of ‘what was that all about?’ Mom told me to ‘sit tight’ and she went down the hall to grandma’s bedroom.

I could hear some loud talking, mostly from grandma but I couldn’t exactly get the gist of the conversation. I knew it had to be about me, so I walked to the room myself and stood in the doorway. As soon as they saw me, they stopped talking and both looked at me.

"Honey, we need you to do a big favor for us," mom began.

"No, he will do this," grandma interrupted with an accent on the ‘will’ part.

What followed could be best described as a good cop, bad cop scenario. Mom was talking with her almost pleading tone and grandma with her sweeping authority over us. I was still trying to piece together what going on when mom put her hand on my shoulder and led me into the living room and had me sit on the couch.

She began her story with how fortunate we are to have grandma and how generous she had been these last few years by taking us in and providing well for us. I just nodded my head and was hoping she would get to the point a bit quicker when grandma entered the room and mom began to falter a bit in her speech.

"Please mom, just tell me what you want me to do," I said in frustration.

"We need you to fill in for your Aunt Beth tomorrow," mom began slowly. "She has an appointment for a fitting for her friend Marie’s wedding."

"A fitting? Fitting for what?" I asked.

Mom looked over at grandma and then looked back to me. "Your Aunt Beth was asked to be a bridesmaid and we need you to go in her place to have her dress properly fitted."

My mouth just hung open. I couldn’t even begin to find the words to respond to such a wild idea. Why was I the one selected to do this task? Before I could speak, grandma took a step closer and explained about the lost income if I didn’t do this. She said it was my duty to help the family and I shouldn’t make a fuss over a small favor. Small favor? This was a monstrous favor to ask of a 14-year-old boy. Pose as his aunt and try on dresses?

"Wait a minute, won’t they all know I’m not Aunt Beth?" I asked.

"You don’t need to be Beth," mom responded. "You are the exact height as her and with a few adjustments, your figure can be the same also. You see, we just need someone about the same size to go in her place just this once, have the dress altered and that’s it. You’re the only one here that can do it since grandma and I are much taller and heavier. Please dear, it should only take about an hour. The only ones to see you in the dress will be Marie and the other bridesmaids. If you do this for me, I promise you I will buy you that computer stuff you want."

"But I’m a boy mom, I can’t go in and try on a dress! Those women will laugh at me, it’s too embarrassing."

"No one will laugh at you dear. Grandma and I will make sure of that. Please, do this for us".

I looked over at grandma and saw that determined look on her face. I felt I had no choice in the matter. They would both make my life miserable if I didn’t do what they asked. I decided to do it and took a shot at getting something more out of it.

"If I do this for you, will you also buy me a new graphics card?"

"Let’s see how well you do honey, and then we’ll discuss it."

Mom had no idea what this was going to cost her so she put me on hold pending my ‘performance’. I guess I had to think of it as acting since I was to play a role that was not normally me. I saw grandma smile for the first time in a while and she went inside to phone Marie back.

Later, grandma came in and announced to us it was done and that we would start first thing in the morning. I asked mom what she meant by that and she said I was going to have the necessary adjustments done to have Beth’s figure. I though about that for a bit and tried to decide what that meant. I attempted to picture Beth in my head and how I was so different. I know women have breasts and that meant I would need them too. That would probably be accomplished with some padding. I would also have to hide what was between my legs, but they can’t just remove that, could they? I went to bed that night feeling pretty nervous about what awaited me in the morning.

 

Mom woke me up at 8am. I hadn’t slept very well that night and I was a bit grumpy getting up. She fed me breakfast, pushed me into the bathroom and had me remove my pajamas. She looked me over from head to toe and then took out her electric shaver. I asked what that was for and she told me that girls my age should have smooth hairless legs. She lowered the toilet seat cover and had me sit down while she started to do my legs. After doing part of one leg she handed me the shaver and told me to finish the rest myself. I never used a razor before since I had virtually no hair anywhere but mom said I needed to remove the fuzz from my legs.

When I turned the shaver off, mom came back in and inspected the job I did. She took the shaver from me and touched up a few areas. She started the shower and had me get in. I was given some new soap, which was much creamier than my usual and felt much softer on my skin. Mom also gave me a different shampoo and told me to wash my hair twice. It made my hair smell like strawberries and after I finished the second rinse, she handed me a bottle of conditioner. She had me use a lot of it and asked me to let it sit for 5 minutes before rinsing it out. This gave me more time to think about what was else was to happen that morning. I guess they just wanted my hair to be extra clean.

Mom handed me a towel as I stepped out of the shower and while I dried off, she put another towel around my hair and arranged it so it would stay in place like a turban. When I was done drying off, she took my towel and handed me some underwear. As I stepped into them I realized they were not mine. These were beige with some lace around the edges and no hole in the front for me to use the toilet like all my briefs had.

"Why can’t I wear my regular underwear?" I asked.

"Look, you’re going to have to stop questioning me on everything we do today. Do you want to go there looking like a boy in a dress or a normal teenage girl? These clothes are necessary to give you the shape of your aunt and if you’re going to fight me every step of the way, we’ll never make it there on time."

She then went into the talk again about helping grandma and that I already agreed to do this and it was too late to turn back now. I tried to keep my mouth shut as she handed me a robe and led me into Aunt Beth’s room.

She sat me down on the bed and began looking through the chest of drawers. Grandma came in and immediately removed the towel from my head and started to use a blow dryer. My hair had gotten very long and I couldn’t remember the last time I had it cut. She used a rounded brush, spending a lot of time fluffing and styling. When it was dry, my hair was fuller than ever before. She took a comb and parted it down the middle and tied both sides up. I could see the twin ponytails in the mirror across the room and I looked like I was 8 years old. As she approached me again with 2 hair ribbons, I spoke up.

"Grandma, you’re making me look like a little girl! I won’t go out like this."

She was getting angry when mom agreed with me and removed the hair ties. She combed at all forward and had me just push the hair away from my face over each ear. My hair wasn’t trained that way and it kept falling back into my face. Mom looked around and found a white headband and arranged that on my head. I complained about the headband, which only made both mom and grandma angry. Mom removed the headband and put my hair in a single ponytail like I usually wore it except she left out the center part and put the tie much higher on my head than normal. I saw the tail flop around the back of my head in a high arch and decided I could live with that. Grandma then took a white scrunchy and twisted it around the hair tie three times to make it tight and gave me her victory look.

Mom asked me take off the robe and handed me another pair of underwear that were white and larger than the pair I already had on. She motioned me to put them on and I started to remove the pair I had when she stopped me and said to put these over the others. I gave her that questioning look of not knowing why I needed 2 pair when she explained that this was a special control top shaper. She pointed to the diamond shaped panel in the front and said it would help with my figure. They were very tight to put into place and when they were up, I felt it molding my waistline. She looked intently between my legs and pulled the waistband out to reach inside. I stepped back and asked her what she was doing. She said she needed to flatten the front because I was showing, so I stuck my hand in and pushed myself down between my legs. If you looked hard enough, you could still see a lump between my legs, but it was the best I could do. It was uncomfortable at first but both women looked and gave their nod of approval.

Mom had me turn around and then went down the hall to get something. She returned with some pillowcases and folded them flat. She opened the waistband and stuffed one on each side and spent a few minutes arranging them between the 2 layers I had on. When she was done, I had wider hips and a bigger behind. I saw grandma looked pleased but I was beginning to feel like a stuffed animal.

I thought my waist was tight until mom came with a pair of pantyhose. She rolled them up into balls and slipped them over my toes and covered my feet. She then talked me through unrolling them up each leg, a little at a time, to not rip or stretch them out. When they were all the way up, I had another tight band around my waist with a very smooth front. My skinny white legs now looked like I had a nice even tan and as my thighs rubbed together, I felt a shiver from the silky smoothness of the pantyhose.

Mom asked me to hold my arms straight out in front of me as she guided a white brassiere through them and secured the hooks around me back. She pulled it down till it started to tug at my shoulders and then straightened out the straps. I wondered if it was really necessary since I have a completely flat chest when grandma handed me a rounded object. It felt like Jello wiggling in my hand and when I turned it over, it had a nipple on it. She said it was a breast form and showed me how to slip it into the cup of the bra. It felt cold against my skin at first, but it seemed to warm up on its own. She gave me a second one and I slipped it in the other side just like the first one. When grandma walked out of the room, I asked mom why we had forms and she told me about when grandma was in the hospital a few years back. She had cancer and they removed both her breasts. Grandma uses breast forms now to give the appearance of breasts and these were her old pair. The ones she uses now are more lifelike and she likes them better. I never knew this and looked at myself sideways in the mirror to get the full effect of my new figure. My chest sure felt real to me, as I had to lean back more to compensate for the extra weight on my front. Doing this only made my breasts stick out more and they jiggled around as I walked.

Mom asked me if I preferred to wear a dress or a skirt. The image of me in full female wardrobe shook me a bit and I asked her why I couldn’t just wear shorts or pants. She explained that I still had a small bulge in front and that it might show through. I started to think about the girls in school and what they usually wore. When they weren’t in jeans, they almost always wore a skirt. Then, I thought about the type of dresses that the younger girls wore, like the pink satin type that I use to see them wear at birthday parties.

Mom began to get impatient and told me to decide or she would do it for me. I chose a skirt. Mom walked into Aunt Beth’s closet, which is one of the largest in the house. It was filled to capacity with clothes on both sides. All of them were very colorful and some still had the original tags attached. Mom started taking out skirts and showing them to me. Mostly they were in bright colors like pinks and fuchsia and all had very flowery designs. I said no to all her choices and saw that she was getting impatient again. We settled on a dark solid one that she laid out on the bed.

She went into the dresser and took out a white slip with a scalloped lace trim. I thought about another tight thing around my waist and asked her if could do without it. She said yes, but I would then need a lined skirt. So, back into closet she went and searched through for more skirts. We decided on an A-line type that she said was a good choice because it would be easy to walk in with the side slits. The skirt was knee length in black with a large flower print on the lower half. She went to the other side of the closet and got out a white top. I put it on first and noticed it had ribbing all over and a high neck with pads sewn in which made my shoulders look much broader. I saw that the sleeves only came a few inches past my elbow and told mom that there was a problem. The sleeves were too short. Mom laughed and told me they are three-quarter sleeves and are supposed to be like that.

I stepped into the skirt and started to zip it in the front. Mom saw that and turned it around and said most skirts button in the back. I struggled a bit with the zipper and button and mom asked me if I needed help but I managed to get it closed. She stuck her hands under my skirt and I pulled back thinking she was tickling me. What she did though was pull on the bottom of the shirt and explained how she was straightening it out. My breasts were really sticking out now that everything was pulled tight on top.

Mom went back into the closet and asked if I wanted to wear heels since I’m short. I told her I would pass and she gave me a pair of black flats with a small wooden heel. I slipped them on and they were a bit tight. She said that’s the way women’s shoes normally fit and to just get use to it. I figured I could manage for a couple of hours.

My stomach started to grumble and I asked what time it was. Mom went through the jewelry box and got out a small watch on a thin gold stretch band. I put it on my left wrist and saw that it was afternoon already. She gave me 3 thin gold bracelets and told me to put them on my right wrist. They made a distinctive jingling sound that made me think of a cowbell announcing to the world, here’s a female coming through! She said that girls my age usually wore earrings but I immediately said no. All she had were ones for pierced ears anyway and I felt relieved.

Mom announced that I was all dressed and we walked into the kitchen. My shoes made a distinctive tapping noise on the floor as I walked in broadcasting to all that I had arrived. Grandma turned around and looked right at me.

"Michael, you look beautiful", she said.

Grandma actually hugged me for first time in years. I felt like I just entered into the woman’s only club and I had been made an honorary member.

After we finished lunch, I started to help clear as always but grandma stopped me and said she didn’t want me to dirty my clothes. I realized that this is what it took to get out doing my chores, wear nice clothes. I went into the hall and saw my full reflection in the large mirror. I spent a good deal of time looking at myself and playing with my skirt when mom pulled me back into Beth’s room. She had me sit at the vanity facing her, away from the mirror.

"Most girls your age wear a little makeup and it will help make you look less of a boy," she commented.

She applied foundation to hide some of my acne but continued to blend it into my entire face. She brushed my eyebrows and trimmed what she called some stray hairs. As she did this, grandma made some suggestions and she added some color to my eyelids and brushed some mascara on to my eyelashes. Then, using a wide brush, she swept some color onto my cheeks. Last, she used a tiny applicator and added some lip color.

Mom and grandma declared me ready at which point mom turned me around to look at myself in the vanity mirror. My first instinct was to look behind me to see who was there because I didn’t recognize the reflection I saw staring back at me. I moved my head left and right and smiled. Mom had done it. I looked like a girl, older than 14 maybe even 17 or 18 years old. I was euphoric, it was like a whole other person had been molded from me and she was pretty.

I was still trying to get use to my image when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Mom told me it was time to go and I replied, "Go where?"

"To the bridal store", she reminded me and I suddenly froze. I wasn’t ready to leave the house and especially not be seen by other people. Mom sensed I was frightened and gently guided me into her car.

I spent most of the ride with my eyes and head down, playing with the hem of my skirt. Mom told me again about being a boy in a dress versus a girl and to try to be positive and friendly. She told me to always sit with my knees together and ankles crossed, hands folded on my lap and to stop fidgeting. She said she should introduce me as Michelle since Mike was no longer appropriate. I thought about what she said but still didn’t look up until she turned the engine off.

She got out of the car and when she saw I didn’t move, she came around and opened my door. She whispered for me to swing both legs out together and step out. I gathered up all my courage and made my move into the store as I held my mother’s hand tightly.

A woman who worked at the store greeted us inside and escorted us to a private room in the back. There, a young woman introduced herself as Marie and also her mother standing beside her.

"Hello, I’m Dorothy, Beth’s sister, nice to meet you both," mom said. "And this is…"

I suddenly gathered up all my courage, stretched out my hand and cut her off. "Hi, I’m Shelley, I’m happy I could help out."

There was dead silence as Marie and her mother both stared up and down at me. This seemed like the crucial moment and I was waiting for the axe to fall when Marie turned to Mom.

"Your mother was right, she is very close to Beth’s size, and I think this will work out fine."

Phew, I made it over that hurdle, I had the correct figure and she referred to me as female. Just then, a young woman came out of a doorway labeled ‘fitting room’. She had a long beautiful lilac gown that made her look like she was floating on air as she moved through the room. It had a large bow on the back and as she turned around to face us, I panicked.

"That dress is completely open on the top. She’s not wearing a bra and you can see half her breasts", I whispered to mom.

The dress was cut to be off both shoulders and it left everything exposed. Mom was concerned too as the woman was introduced to us as Marie’s sister Angie, the maid of honor. A woman who did the alterations then led Angie to a platform in the corner. She stood there as the woman began doing her adjustments.

I was on the verge of tears when another woman came in from the same doorway. She also wore a long gown in lilac but the top went up to her neck and covered the shoulders. Mom told me not to worry, she was probably a bridesmaid and the maid of honor dress was cut differently from that of the others. Marie introduced us to Megan as one of the four bridesmaids. I realized mom was right about the dress and I felt extremely relieved.

As the others began to talk about the dresses, I felt mom let go of my hand and start to back away. I asked her where she was going and she said she had an errand to run and would be back within an hour. I looked at her as if to plead to not leave me alone, but she just motioned me to stay as she walked out. I felt very frightened to be left in a room with people I didn’t know and worse, dressed as a girl. I think Marie sensed my fear and came over to me. She grabbed my hand and led me back into the fitting room.

There were two more women inside. I was introduced to Holly who was in jeans and Annie who was in the process of undressing with just a tee shirt and panties on. Another store employee with "Karyn" on her nametag came in with a clear plastic bag containing another bridesmaids dress. She helped Annie put it on, zipped her up the back and then turned to me.

"You must be Beth," she said.

"No, I’m Shelley… but, yes I’m Beth. I mean I’m filling in for Beth". I said, confusing her a bit.

She told me I should hang my clothes over there and pointed to a few empty hangers hooked on the wall. Holly started talking to me as we both began to undress. She asked me if I was ever in a wedding before and I said no, I was just filling in for my aunt. She told me about several she had been a part of and Annie also told us stories of past weddings. They both joked about having to wear hideous gowns and then spoke about the guys they were matched up with. The details got to be a lot more intimate than I expected two women to discuss. Holly’s tales of her exploits were rather graphic but most fascinating to someone with my level of inexperience. I never realized how concerned women were over the size of a man’s penis. Well, at least these two were. I began to think of my own just then and was glad that it was still small and carefully tucked away, out of sight.

Annie was called inside to get fitted next while Holly and I continued to chat as she was dressed. She asked me where I worked and I told her I was still in school. She assumed I was in college, which started her off again on her former school days and conquests over many men. Her stories were funny and provided me with a lot of incite of what I was in store for in the future. I had taken my skirt and top off and I noticed the other women had their shoes off, so I left mine against the wall. Standing there in just the bra and pantyhose, I was feeling a bit too exposed, but Holly’s stories kept me from thinking about it.

Marie came back in and I told her that the dresses looked beautiful and that everyone looked so lovely and other things I remember my mother saying to other woman as complements in the past. Karyn brought in another dress, looked at me and said, "This one’s for you dear."

She held it open as I stepped into it. There were many layers of fabric inside the skirt, which danced against my body and felt like thousand of tiny fingers massaging me. Karyn straightened it out along my sides and pulled down on the hem as it fell to the floor. I felt a chill run through my entire body as she raised the zipper all the way up my back. It was a feeling I was not to forget. Holly told me I looked beautiful and with my looks, I would soon be invited to more weddings. The thought crossed my mind quickly but was then dismissed, as this was a one shot deal for me.

Karyn told us both to go inside for the adjustments and I mimicked Holly and we both held the skirts of our dresses up on each side to keep them from dragging on the floor. Once inside, Holly went first as I waited my turn and looked around at all of us in our matching dresses. The conversation was very lively as I listened to more tales of weddings past and how they hoped this one would be much different.

The moment came when it was my turn and I carefully stepped up to the platform. I was told to put on the white shoes that were on the floor there. They had a narrow heel that was at least 3 inches high and I was just hoping I wouldn’t fall down as I slowly slipped into them. They were loose fitting and I had to concentrate on keeping my balance in them. At least I didn’t have to walk anywhere. I found if I put more weight on my toes and less on the heel of my foot, I could do fine.

I was facing the 3-sided mirror and saw a full-length view myself in a dress for the first time. I liked what I saw and broke out in a wide smile. Then, as the woman was looking over the fit, she started to touch me on my top. I thought she was checking if my breasts were real and I got nervous again. She gave me a little smile and then kneeled down at my feet. As the woman used pins around the hem, I saw a flash of light. As I was told to turn, there were more flashes and as I looked out into the room, I saw my mother with one of those disposable cameras. She was taking pictures of me in the dress and I would have ripped it out of her hand if it were not for the high heels on my feet. It made me mad that she wanted to record this event but I figured I would grab the camera later and toss it before she had a chance to develop the pictures.

Just as I was done and stepping out of the shoes, Marie came in wearing a magnificent white gown. It was breathtaking and for a quick moment, I wanted to try that dress on too. She looked like an angel and held herself with such grace. The other girls gathered around her and I decided to do the same. Mom proceeded to take more pictures of me, me and the other bridesmaids, the entire group and even one of just Marie and me. She probably used up all the film on these shots.

I was a little sad when the others started to head back into the other room to change. I was having such a good time and didn’t want it to end. Eventually, I changed too and said goodbye to the others. Marie was still in her gown as I walked back in. Apparently her mother was not happy with the fit and was arguing a bit with the woman doing the fitting. I said goodbye to her and she thanked me for being a great substitute bridesmaid. She said I got a little taste of what it was like and would be a pro for my next one. Little did she know that this was it for me.

I was in a much better mood for the ride back home. Mom said I was talking up a storm about the whole event. She was glad that no one suspected I was a boy and I was happy about that too. She told me it was a good learning experience to see how woman act when they were together without men around. I didn’t tell her about the crude remarks that Holly had made. I just said that the woman talked about different things.

As we pulled into the driveway, I looked at my watch and saw it was dinnertime already. Mom turned off the car and looked over to me.

"I’m so proud of the way you handled yourself today. I was worried that you would break under the pressure but you came through just fine and I wanted to let you know how much we all appreciate what you did for us."

"I was really scared at first," I told her. "But when I realized that no one was laughing at me, I actually began to enjoy it a bit. It was fun but I’m relieved it’s over. By the way, what’s for dinner?"

As we exited the car, mom looked me over from head to toe one last time.

"You know honey, you look so adorable in that outfit. It would be a shame to change so soon. Why don’t we get your grandmother and the three of us go out to dinner?"

"MOTHER!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and was sure the whole neighborhood heard me. She gave me that ‘just kidding’ smile of hers as we walked into the house. Grandma came out of the kitchen when she heard us come in. She asked how it went and mom told her that I did just fine. Grandma was relieved to know that she had not lost the account and mom made sure to give me the credit for it. I excused myself from the conversation and told them I was going to my room to change.

Mom grabbed by arm. "Wait up honey, I’ll help you get undressed."

I put my hand over hers. "That’s alright mother, I’m a big girl now and I can do it myself."

I gave her my best smile and walked towards my room. I could see grandma’s reaction and almost burst out laughing from the look on her face.

I stopped in the bathroom since I hadn’t gone all afternoon. My feet were killing me from the tight shoes so I kicked them off and lifted the toilet seat. I quickly realized that I had a lot of clothes to drop before I could relieve myself and standing up with a skirt was probably not the best thing to do. I was fumbling with the button of the skirt behind my back when I decided to just lift it up to my waist. I shimmied out of the pantyhose and the waist shaper when my hidden pillowcases fell to the floor. After I lowered my panties, I sat down for some much needed relief.

I attempted to walk back to my room without pulling anything back up but with all that elastic around my legs, it was too difficult. I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and placed everything back for one last look. I turned to see my profile and cupped the breast forms with both hands, pushing them up and outward to get the maximum effect. I imagined myself as the maid of honor with large breasts hanging out so everyone had a full view. God, I was so confused. I was terrified and excited at the same time. Terrified that I went out dressed as a girl and excited that I pulled it off.

I walked out of the bathroom and was just entering my bedroom when I heard mom’s voice.

"Shelley…Shelley, can you come in here a minute?"

What was mom up to? Why is she still calling me Shelley? I thought the game was over. I did my time, now I just wanted to change and eat dinner. I stepped into the living room and saw mom and grandma with another woman.

"Shelley, this is Mrs. Harris. She’s staying next door this summer in the Anderson’s cottage."

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Harris," I said as I reached out to shake her hand.

"Please, call me Liz," she replied. "Shelley, would you be willing to baby-sit for me tonight? My friend cancelled out on me at the last minute and my husband and I have dinner reservations at the Inn. I wouldn’t normally do this on such short notice but it’s our anniversary and we were really looking forward to the night out."

I was speechless. I didn’t want to continue being Shelley. I wanted to go back to the solitude of my room. I looked over to mom and was motioning her to help me out of this. I needed a good excuse but I couldn’t come up with one so fast.

"Your mom told me she would be home all night," Liz continued, "and she said you never sat before but she’s just a minute away if you need help."

"You’ll be fine honey," mom chimed in. "There’s no need for you to spend the evening with your grandmother and me. We weren’t planning on doing anything but read. Why don’t you go with Mrs. Harris?"

"But mom, I haven’t even had dinner yet." I whined.

"That’s no problem," Liz said. "I’m about to feed the girls now and there’s enough for you too."

I looked over at mom one more time. She was not giving me an out so I caved in and agreed to help.

"OK, I’ll do it," I relented. "Let me get my shoes and I’ll be right with you."

"It might be a little cooler later. Let me get you a sweater." Mom said.

She followed me to retrieve the flats I was wearing before and then guided me into Aunt Beth’s room. I sat at the vanity as she lightly touched up my face and then handed me a tube of pink lipstick. She told me to use that while she got out a white button down sweater. I was a bit nervous as I applied the waxy stuff to my own lips. I dabbed a little at a time to not over do it. When she returned, she took the lipstick from me and went over my lips again. She looked at me from side to side and gave me the seal of approval. She fluffed up my ponytail with a brush and after re-adjusting the scrunchy, she handed me the sweater and pushed me out of the room.

I said goodbye to grandma and mom as Liz and I headed out the door. Liz called me her lifesaver and thanked me again for doing this on such short notice. On the walk over to the cottage, she told me she had two daughters. Sara was 4-years-old and Aimee was 2.

We entered the small cottage and I saw a young girl sitting on the living room floor playing with some dolls. I guessed that she was Sara because the other one was smaller and in the arms of her father, clutching him tightly and hiding her face in his shoulder. Mr. Harris said hello but he wasn’t looking over to me at my eyes. His glance was downward a few inches and I realized he was staring at my chest. Liz introduced me to everyone but Aimee kept her face hidden. I said hello back, blushed and turned to Sara on the floor. I did my best to sit down with her without exposing everything under my skirt. I had to tuck my leg under me, which put extra pressure between my legs. I asked her what her doll’s names were and she seemed happy that I was there to play with her. Mr. Harris put Aimee down and she came over to play too. After a few minutes, Liz called us over to the table for dinner. Sara walked over right away and I helped Aimee up. She clung to me so I picked her up and carried her to her chair.

I started to help Liz serve the girls but she insisted I sit and she would do it. The girls and I talked about their summer and ate as the Liz and her husband got ready to leave. After we were all done, I cleared the dishes and was cleaning up when Liz came back in. She was wearing a little black dress with a shawl draped over her shoulders, black pantyhose and black leather heels. I complimented her on the outfit and she thanked me, complimented me back and told me not to clean up. She said she would take care of it later and just have fun with the girls. Again, I found the advantage of being dressed nice and not having to clean up.

Liz showed me the small bedroom that the girls were sleeping in which contained a bed and a crib. She told me when their bedtimes were and where their sleeping outfits were kept. She decided to put Aimee in her one-piece sleeper now to make it easier on me. She asked me if I ever changed a diaper before and I said no. She had Aimee lay on the bed and undressed her right in front of Sara and me. Liz told me to take a clean diaper from the box next to the crib and then talked me through undoing the tabs and pulling the dirty one off. It was a little wet and had a yellow stain on the inside but Liz took it, wrapped it up and threw it in a pail. Sara was watching the whole time and began to tell me how to put the new diaper on her sister. Aimee fussed and told her ‘no, let Shelley do it’. I managed to get it on and Liz said I did well but I needed to make it a little tighter. She gave me a pink sleeper with a white duck pattern on it and I put Aimee’s arms and legs in and snapped it up the back.

Mr. Harris came in and told Liz it was time to leave. I said I had it all under control and to just go out and have a good time. They each kissed the girls goodbye and left. The three of played with the dolls for another hour until Aimee started to yawn. I saw it was her bedtime and picked her up to bring her in her room. Sara told me to check her diaper again in case she made poops. I really didn’t want to change a dirty diaper but a quick check found her clean. I put her in the crib and read one of her books while she rubbed her eyes and fell asleep.

When I went to look for Sara she was trying to open a small bottle.

"Sara, what are you doing?" I asked.

"Mommy said she would do my nails today but she forgot, so I’m gonna do them myself."

I helped her open the nail polish and watched as she very carefully brushed each nail outward with a thick coat of varnish. She was actually quite good at it but she had trouble brushing with her left hand. I helped her do it and must admit that my strokes were not as even as hers. After hers dried, she insisted on doing mine. I figured it would come off easily so I let her. When she finished we had matching nails done up in a soft pink.

Sara and I played for another half hour until I made her put her pajamas on. She did it all herself and even went to the bathroom alone. When she came out, I finished reading one of her books and before I got up, she gave me a big hug. I told her I had fun playing with her but it was time for bed. I turned the light out and went inside and sat in front of the TV. They had cable and there were so many choices to watch. I surfed through lots of channels but still couldn’t find much to watch. I settled on a movie I had seen before. I must have been exhausted from my day’s activities because I don’t remember seeing much of it before I fell asleep.

The news was on when I woke up from the sound of the front door opening. I was very groggy when Liz and her husband entered the living room. Liz asked me how it went as she checked in on her daughters. I said they were perfect angels when I noticed Mr. Harris was staring at me again, but this time his gaze was even further down. I realized I was sitting in the chair with my legs propped up on a footstool and my skirt was hiked up to mid thigh. I quickly pulled down on the hem and stood up while he walked away to his bedroom with a smirk on his face.

Liz thanked me again for coming and asked me what I was doing on Monday. I thought about it for a moment. Everyone would be at work and my summer course was over. I was planning on learning to program games on my computer since I would be alone in the house.

"Nothing much," I replied. "No real plans yet."

"Why don’t you come with us to the lake then? I could use some help with the girls and I’m sure they would love having you join them."

I agreed to do it and she told me to meet them here at 9 Monday morning. Mr. Harris came out of his room and I turned to leave. He walked up behind me and I got a little scared with him so close. He dropped my sweater across my shoulders and led me towards the door. I told him it was a short walk and I could do it myself but both he and Liz insisted he escort me to my house.

When we got to my front door, I opened it and thanked him. He leaned forward toward me and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he reached out to my hand and placed some paper in it. He said goodnight and that he would see me on Monday.

I walked inside, closed the door and looked in my hand. There was a ten and a twenty-dollar bill there! Holy cow! I forgot that I would get paid for babysitting and I never imagined I would make thirty dollars for playing a few games and sleeping.

Mom came in from the living room when she heard me come in. She asked me all kinds of questions about what I did and how the family was. I gave her all the details of my evening and showed her how much I made.

"I heard you tell Mr. Harris you would see him on Monday?" Mom asked. "What was that about?"

"Liz asked me to go to the beach with her to help watch the girls."

"Honey, you do realize she was asking Shelley to go, not Mike."

Then it struck me. I must have still been a bit sleepy when I agreed to go. It completely slipped my mind that I was dressed as a girl and it was a girl that Liz wanted to go with her.

"Oh my God mom, you’re right. You have to make an excuse for me. I can’t do this."

"You got yourself into this one. I just wanted you to try on a bridesmaid dress, I never expected you to consent to wearing a skirt past today."

Mom was right, I brought this on myself and it was up to me to fix it. She told me to get ready for bed and we would discuss it in the morning. I finally removed all of Aunt Beth’s clothes and put on my own pajamas. It was a relief to not have all that pressure around my waist and chest. I fell asleep thinking about Shelley.

The next morning I told mom that I decided to keep my commitment and go with them to the lake. Mom was a little surprised but told me it was the right decision. We went again into Beth’s room as I was told I would need a swimsuit to wear tomorrow. She went through the drawers and pulled some things out.

"Do you want to wear a one or two piece suit?" she asked holding up a very small bikini in hot pink.

"Very funny," I said. "Let’s stick to the one piece suits."

I put my bra and forms back on and tried on several before we agreed on what mom described as a black maillot suit with multi-colored horizontal stripes. Mom was worried about the straps from the bra showing through. She said that if I moved around too much, one of them might slip off and she explained that women never wear a bra under a bathing suit. She was also concerned about the bulge between my legs and informed me that we had to go out and get a few things.

I turned to go back to my room and get dressed when mom stopped me.

"I think it would easier to shop with Shelley, don’t you think?"

She didn’t wait for a reply, she just took my hand and walked into the closet and began looking for an outfit for me. I looked through some of the dresses as I was thinking about how that bridesmaid dress felt yesterday and wanted something that gave me that floating feeling again. Mom saw what I was looking at and made a suggestion. She gave me a white short sleeve top that fit snug over my breasts then a light blue dress with small flowers on it. She showed me how it had spaghetti straps and an empire waist that made it hang well down to my ankles. I didn’t need pantyhose and because the dress hung away from my body, I didn’t need the waist controller either. I was happy with her choice as she handed me a pair of sandals with white straps and a high wedge heel.

I sat on the bed to put on the sandals and then carefully walked to the vanity where mom was waiting. As she applied my makeup and styled my hair like yesterday, she explained that I needed to adjust my stride and balance to walk correctly in the shoes. I practiced walking around the house while mom got dressed and tripped a few times. I had to add a sway to my hips and take shorter steps and I eventually managed to move about without falling.

I had no idea where we were going and mom was deliberately vague in her responses to all my questions. This made me a bit nervous again as I began to fidget with my clothes. Mom told me to relax and try to enjoy myself. We pulled into a store called "Gotta Dance" that showed ballet and tap outfits in the window. Mom led me inside and asked the saleswoman for a dancers belt. The woman asked what size and mom turned to me.

"You have a 27 inch waist, right?"

As I nodded yes, the woman gave me a puzzled look.

"This is for her? May I ask why she would need the belt?"

"He needs to hide his privates," mom replied.

The woman’s look turned to one of shock. Mom just referred to me as a ‘he’ which made me want to turn and run. She sensed this and held my arm tight. The saleswoman nodded her head slowly and told us to follow her. She searched through some boxes and pulled out something that resembled a small jock strap. She showed me the fitting room and told me to try it on. I looked at it closely. It was skin colored and made of elastic with several straps and a small pouch. I kept turning over and around trying to figure out how to put it on. After a minute or two I heard the woman just outside the curtain.

"Do you need some assistance in there dear?" She asked but didn’t wait for a reply. She just came right in.

"Lift your dress honey, I’ll help you. These things can be tricky to maneuver. That’s good. You’re going to have to drop those panties too."

I was so embarrassed. Here I was in a dance shop, in a dress, exposing myself to a complete stranger. She arranged the belt and had me step into it and moved it up to my waist. She opened the pouch and told me to stick ‘my little thingy’ inside. Then she moved the straps around tight, which made me wince from the sudden pain. My little thingy was squashed tightly against me and it really hurt.

"How’s that feel?" she asked when she was done.

"It’s kind of tight," I whined.

"Great, then it’s a good fit. If it’s not tight, it’s not doing its job. Pull your panties up and you’ll see the difference."

I did as she said and looked in the mirror. There was no trace of my manhood left. I was as smooth as any girl. I dropped my dress back down in place and smoothed the skirt. The woman smiled and opened the curtain.

"Everything’s fine." She told mom, "she’s going to wear it home."

I was still sore as mom paid and we went back to the car.

"Don’t look at me like that," mom said. "You’re the one who made plans to go to the lake. I’m just trying to help."

I knew she was right and the pain was subsiding as we arrived at the mall. She took me into the Juniors department at one of the large stores and started to look around. Occasionally she would take something off the rack and hold it up against me. I kept looking around to make sure no one I knew from school was around. She was asking my opinion on various outfits when I finally asked why we were here. I would only be Shelley one more day and we picked out my suit already. She said she was just having fun shopping with her daughter and that maybe it could be more than one day. I told her "no way" and pulled her out of that area.

We walked to the women’s side when she told me I would need one more item. She went over to the racks of bras and searched through the ones without straps. She took one in white and one in beige and pulled me into the fitting room. I removed my dress and she hung it on a hanger neatly. I took out the breast forms as she unhooked my bra. After she placed the new bra on me, she showed me that they had special pouches for the forms to fit into. I tried both and they seemed to fit the same. Mom decided on the beige one since it would blend in better with my suit.

After she paid, she handed me the little bag and told me to carry it. From the design, it was obvious what was inside. Mom said she needed to look for some clothes for herself as we walked into the casual section. I tried to act interested but it took her forever. She was in and out of the fitting room several times and took me with her each time. I was her runner as she asked me to get articles in a different size or color. By the time we were ready to pay, she got only one pair of pants and one blouse. I was tired from my first long day of shopping and was glad to be headed home.

When we entered the house, mom stopped to show grandma her outfit and insisted that I open my little bag and show her my purchase. Grandma was all smiles and happy to see my new bra when the front door opened and Aunt Beth walked in. The conversation stopped as she looked over to as and stared as me. She was about to say something when she did a double take and began to laugh.

"Mikey, is that you? Why are you dressed like that… and in my clothes no less?"

"He dressed like this to save your ass," Grandma scolded her.

Grandma explained what had happened and how irresponsible Beth was to not keep her appointment and to jeopardize the order for flowers. She really let in to Beth while mom and I stood by and watched. Beth apologized but grandma just kept ripping into her. After grandma cooled down, Beth looked me over again.

"I’m sorry Mike. Thank you for doing that for me" Beth said. "You look awfully cute in my dress but there’s one thing I don’t understand. If the fitting was yesterday, why are you still dressed in my clothes?"

Mom explained about the new cottage residents and my babysitting. She said I would be borrowing her bathing suit tomorrow to help Liz at the beach.

"Fine, whatever you want. What’s mine is yours little nephew, or should I say niece."

"By the way, her name is Shelley," mom added.

"Cute." Beth replied as she went to her room.

That night, I put on my pajamas again and knocked on Aunt Beth’s bedroom door. I handed her back the clothes of hers I had worn that day and turned to leave. She told me to wait up and pulled out something from her dresser drawer.

"Shelley, why don’t you wear this to bed tonight? It always makes me feel nice."

She handed me a short white nightgown that felt smooth and silky. She gave me kiss on the cheek and told me not to forget to wash my face well to remove all the makeup. As I turned to leave, she gave me a little tap on my rear and told me to have sweet dreams.

Mom came in my room to say goodnight when she heard me finish up in the bathroom.

"I see your aunt has begun dressing you now." She said, looking at the nightgown. "It’s OK, we all like to feel sexy sometimes. See you in the morning."

 

Monday, mom woke me up early because she wanted to help me dress before leaving for work. The house is always chaotic on workday mornings with 3 women sharing 2 bathrooms. When I returned to my room after a quick breakfast, mom had laid out my clothes for the beach. I put on my belt and tucked all my boy parts away. I wore my new bra, which held the breast forms in well, and I put on Beth’s bathing suit. I made sure none of my straps were showing and went looking for mom to do my face. She was in the bathroom, so I peeked into Beth’s room and saw her sitting at her vanity wearing only a full slip. She saw me in the doorway and invited me in. I sat on her bed and watched her put on her makeup. She was an expert at applying it and she did it rather quickly. She used a lot more creams and brushes on her face than I did but when she was done, it didn’t look like she had much on.

When she stood up, she motioned me to sit in her place but I told her I was waiting for mom. She had me sit there anyway and helped me do my own makeup saying that my mom never mastered the ‘art of cosmetics’ as she called it. I reached for the foundation but she stopped me and said I wouldn’t need that for the beach. She gave me different colors for my eyes and cheeks and helped brush it out smooth. She lined my lips with a special pencil and handed me a tube of lipstick and told me to color between the lines while she went to put her dress.

Mom came in and was surprised that my face was already done. She handed me one of her beach bags and said there was a towel and sun cream in it. She wanted me to use the cream so I wouldn’t get sunburn. Beth came out of the closet and handed me a black sheath beach cover-up with a large flower pattern below the waist. She said it would keep my shoulders from burning and mom agreed. As I lifted it over my head and pulled down around me, I saw it came just even with my knees. Beth also gave me a straw hat with a curved brim. The hat had a large black ribbon around it and she placed it on my head showing me which way it was to be worn.

Mom looked at her watch and said she had to go. She told me to call her at the store if I needed anything and then ran out. Beth said she was late too. She grabbed her purse and filled it with the contents of another. She took her sunglasses and placed them on me saying I would need those too. I looked in the vanity mirror and saw that they were round and quite large for my face. Beth said I looked like a movie star and that I would be the prettiest girl at the lake. She checked her image in the mirror one last time and patted a little powder on her shiny nose. As she turned to me, she handed me the tube of lipstick and told me to put it in my bag too. Then she gave me an air kiss on each cheek saying that we mustn’t ruin our makeup as she dashed out the door.

I went into the closet one last time and saw the vast array of shoes on the floor. I found a pair of black flip-flops with a 3-inch sole and put them on. I started looking through all the clothes in the closet. Like mom had done to me the day before, I took some off the bar and held them in front of me as I looked in the full-length mirror. Beth had so many clothes, I almost lost track of time. When I saw the clock in the bedroom, I quickly put everything back, grabbed my beach bag and ran over to the cottage.

Liz was just packing little backpacks for the girls when I arrived. Sara and Aimee were very happy to see me and ran over to give me hugs. I kneeled down and hugged them both together. I was looking around for Mr. Harris and asked Liz where he was. She told me he was only here on weekends and that he went back to the city to work. I was relieved that I didn’t have to deal with his stares and advances. We walked to the private section of the lake that was close to the house. I held Sara’s hand while Liz pushed Aimee in the stroller.

When we arrived at the lake, Liz and I unpacked while the girls ran down to test the water. I noticed that Liz wasn’t wearing a bathing suit.

"Don’t you like the water?" I questioned her.

"Yes, I do like it but I really can’t go in today, it’s my time of the month."

I had no idea what that meant, ‘time for what’ I thought. I must have had a curious expression because she leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"I got my period."

I was even more confused now and I saw Liz was staring at me as I took off my cover-up and walked down to the water’s edge towards the girls.

I spent the morning playing in the sand with the girls while Liz sat in a shady section reading a book. She kept watch over us at first but as the morning progressed, she became more comfortable with me and concentrated more on her reading.

After lunch, it got very cloudy and chilly. The girls were getting cold and so was I. We went to put our cover-ups on when Liz suggested we pack up and go to the park. We all agreed and went back to the cottage to change. I told them I would meet them in a few minutes when Sara asked if she could change at my house. I quickly said that all her clothes were here and that I would be back in a hurry. I ran to the house and took my suit off. I didn’t have any idea what to put on but I figured the dress or skirt I wore the last two days wouldn’t be the right thing to wear to a playground.

I ran around Beth’s room looking in the dresser for a pair of pants. The drawers were packed tight and it was difficult to look through them. There were some clothes hanging over a chair in the corner. These must have been what she took over the prior weekend and I found a pair of pants there. They had a white and purple pattern to them, which were not what I had hoped for, but I had no time. It took a minute to figure out how to put them on because the zipper was on the side. When I got them zipped, I noticed they were too short. They came to just below my knees and there was a rip on either side of the bottom. I saw the other leg had the same rip and I thought that maybe they were supposed to be there. There was a very soft purple sweater on the chair too and when I picked it up, it was in two pieces. I put on one first that had no sleeves and was tight across my chest and then the other which had long sleeves and buttons. I tried to button it up but it was very tight and besides, I found it very difficult to do because the buttons were on the wrong side, so I chose to just leave it open. I found her leather sandals on the floor and strapped then on. They had a low heel and were really comfortable after wearing such high ones.

I quickly tried to redo my hair but it was a mess. The wind at the lake had wrecked havoc with it and I couldn’t get it to stay down properly. I found the white hair band and used it to keep all the stray hairs in place.

When I returned to the cottage, the three of them were outside waiting for me. Sara looked up at me and ran back inside. I asked Liz what was wrong but she didn’t know either. She was about to go in after her, when Sara re-appeared wearing a big smile. She now had her hair arranged with a white headband very similar to mine as Liz and I gave out a chuckle.

I picked up Aimee to put her in the stroller but she clung to me tightly. We began the walk to the park and I carried Aimee in one arm while Sara took hold of my other hand and Liz pushed the empty stroller. It was short walk but after the first block, Liz told Aimee to get in her stroller. She didn’t respond and looking down, I saw that she had already fallen asleep. We sat at a bench near the playground and Sara ran over to the slide. Liz reached over to me and she very carefully put Aimee in her stroller without waking her.

"Your sweater is so soft, no wonder Aimee wouldn’t let go of you," Liz said. "Is it cashmere?"

"Uh…I don’t know."

"And those Capris look great with it," she added.

I looked down at my feet, moved my sandals around and thanked her. She again gave me a puzzled look.

"Where did you get your shoes?" she asked me.

"Uh…I don’t know," I said again. "My mother bought them for me."

"Well I saw a pair just like them at a store a few weeks ago and wanted to buy them, but they were almost $200. I little too expensive for me."

I had no idea they cost that much, so I was very conscious at that point not to damage them.

Later, when we were back at the cottage, Liz asked me if I would continue to be a mother’s helper for the next 3 weeks, helping her with the girls during the weekdays when her husband was at work. I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep pretending to be Shelley and I was thinking about a good excuse. I told her that I have to work at the flower shop on Tuesdays but she said that would be fine, I could do it 4 days a week. I was thinking some more when Sara chimed in and begged me to do it. I realized it was all my decision and thought about my original plan of sitting alone in my room all summer with the computer.

"How’s $100 a week for the 4 days?" Liz asked as she opened her wallet and handed me five $20 bills.

What could I say? Grandma only paid me $10 a day when I helped a full day at the store and that was hard work compared to being a mother’s helper. The money aspect completely overrode my senses and I agreed. Both girls jumped up and down and cheered my decision. I said goodbye and told them I would see them Wednesday. Sara asked her mother if they could visit me in the shop tomorrow and Liz said yes. I gave her directions to the shop without even thinking that it meant I would have to dress as Shelley tomorrow too.

I told mom when I got home about accepting the job from Liz. I thought she would be mad but she wasn’t. When I told her that they were coming to the store tomorrow and I would have to wear more of Beth’s clothes, she just looked at my hair and decided I needed to do something to make it easier for me. That night I washed it and she put my hair up in curlers. When she finished my head was completely covered and she sprayed some foam in and put a net on to cover everything. I had to sleep with it all in which was very uncomfortable.

 

Mom woke me up early and I went into Beth’s room for an outfit. She was still in her nightgown as she looked over to me.

"You again? I suppose you need something to wear to the store today. I’ll get you something but let’s start doing this at night from now on. It’s getting just too busy in the morning when both of us have to share the same closet."

Beth gave me a pair of light blue denim pants that had no pockets. She told me not to get confused and showed me that they zipped up the back. I was looking at the embroidery around the bottom of each leg when she gave me a matching denim vest, also embroidered, with a white top sewn in to it. She threw me a pair of white socks and got some white canvas sneakers out of the closet. I took everything and got dressed in my room. Mom saw me dressing and said she would be in soon to do my hair.

Beth was in the bathroom when I got back to her bedroom. She was dressed when she came in and saw me sitting at the vanity. I was doing my face the way she told me yesterday. She gave me a few more pointers and suggested some changes to my eye shadow since I would be mostly inside today. Boy, there was an awful lot to learn.

Mom came and took the net off my hair. She took all the curlers out and used a brush to shape it. I watched in the mirror as my head filled with large curls. Some of my hair still fell into my face so she put two pearl hair clips on either side to keep it away from my eyes. When she was satisfied, she had me shield my eyes as she applied hair spray to keep it set. Beth gave me a black purse and threw in my lipstick and some other things. She started to leave when I asked her why she wasn’t putting on her makeup? She smiled and said she was late, and that she’ll do it in the car. I went to my room and put all my money in the wallet I found in the purse.

As soon as we got in the store, mom and grandma put on flower print aprons with their names embroidered. Today, mom handed me a spare one with no name and kidded me about having "Shelley" sewn in. I went about my usual chores and went out back later when the weekly delivery arrived. The regular driver looked at me and said "Hi Mike." but stopped and gave me a funny look. I totally forgot about the way I was dressed and was very embarrassed about it. We unloaded the truck together but I know he kept staring at me the entire time. I’m sure he wanted to say something but he stayed silent.

By mid afternoon it was quiet as was typical. Grandma was at her desk in the office doing paperwork and I decided to sit out front next to mom who was starting to make a small arrangement. I asked her how she knew what to do and she began to explain about the art of flower arranging.

"I like to start with a central theme and then I build outward in a symmetrical pattern to give it balance."

It didn’t take long for her to get off the subject by relating what she was doing to life in general.

"You see, we all need balance in our lives to maintain our own symmetry. We can’t be too one sided or we’ll fail. See how this one is starting to open up and bloom, that’s the way I’ve see you these past few days. You have been so closed up in your shell lately on the path to failure, but since Shelley appeared, you have truly blossomed. She’s given you that needed balance in your life."

I’m sure I blushed quite a bit as mom looked up and asked if this conversation was embarrassing me.

"No," I replied. "I just feel very different now, more alive than I’ve felt in a while."

"Michael, what will happen to Shelley at the end of the summer?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Will I see her anymore or will she just disappear?"

"You mean you’re worried that I won’t stop wearing Aunt Beth’s clothes?"

"No honey, what I mean is you’re defined by more than just the clothes you wear. Don’t you see that your whole attitude changed the day you put that bridesmaid’s dress on. A part of you has emerged that I haven’t seen in a long time. Shelley has always been inside of you and posing as a female has brought all of her traits to the surface. I guess I’m asking if you can keep this personality while wearing Mike’s clothes?"

I didn’t think I had changed much at all, if anything, I’m just scared a lot more now. But maybe there was something different about me.

"I don’t know mom, I guess I feel more excited lately and a lot more aware of things around me. I feel I get treated special as Shelley by everyone, even grandma and you seem a lot more relaxed with me this way."

"Fair enough," she replied. "Then I have to ask your question. Can you be 100% sure right now that when the summer ends, you can stop wearing women’s clothes?"

I didn’t have an answer to that one. I guess by not replying, she assumed the answer was no.

"You don’t have to answer that right now honey, you still have a couple of weeks to think about it," mom said. "Think about what I said and try to find the symmetry within you."

By then, she had finished up the flowers and took a leftover piece of Baby’s Breath and put it in my hair under one of the clips. She gave me a big smile and I leaned over and gave her a hug.

We embraced until we heard the bell on the front door tinkle. I heard two little girls giggling and I walked around the counter and bent down. "Shelley, Shelley" they both yelled. I picked them up together in each arm and they both hugged me.

Liz and mom started to talk as Aimee played with the flowers in my hair. I took both girls and showed them around. I brought them back to where all the flowers were stored and showed them all the pre-made arrangements. I let them each pick their favorite flower and Aimee asked me to put in her hair like mine. She wasn’t wearing a barrette so I weaved it in her hair just above her ear. When I was done, Sara asked for me to do the same for her. As we got back inside, I heard Liz.

"You have a very unique daughter."

"Yes, more unique than you know," mom replied.

After they left, grandma came out and paid me $20. She told me the bonus was for being extra good. I didn’t think I did anything different today except wear different clothes. It was getting around to closing time and I was doing a final sweep of the back. When I finished, I came out front and found Beth there. She was talking to mom and when they saw me Beth turned to me.

"I’m giving your mom the night off."

"What do you mean?" I questioned her.

"Hang up your apron and grab your purse sweetie, we’re going shopping."

Mom said that Beth would get me a few things I needed for the next few weeks. So, I left with her. In the car, she looked over at my chipped pink nails.

"First order of business is getting rid of those horrid babyish nails. Only little girls wear that shade."

We stopped at a full service salon and both got a manicure and pedicure. The woman asked me if I wanted extensions and I looked over to Beth.

"Whatever you want, this one’s on me."

I decided not to, I thought it would be too much. When the woman finished, we were twins in our matching shade of strawberry red, except that Beth’s fingernails were much longer than mine. As we held our hands next to each other, I almost regretted my decision to skip the extensions.

Beth asked the woman for someone named Carol and was told she was at dinner. So we went across the street to a small restaurant and ate at a small table in the bar area. Beth seemed to know lots of people and I could tell she enjoyed flirting with all the men as she introduced me as her niece.

After dinner, we went back to the salon and Beth had me sit on a stool at one of the mirrored stations. A woman came by and Beth introduced me to Carol.

"This pretty thing is my niece, Shelley and she’s ready for her first professional makeover."

Carol and Beth proceeded to critique my features and discussed what each thought I needed. As Carol began to apply various products to my face, she gave me complete instructions on how to do everything. The entire process only took 15 minutes but my head was spinning from all the terms they used as I tried to remember each step. Beth told me which products I should buy and I wound up spending over half my money on makeup. Carol was nice and threw in some special brushes as a bonus. As I was paying, Beth whispered for me to tip Carol $20 for her time and instruction.

Next, we went to a corset shop. Beth said she didn’t mind sharing her clothes with me but sharing the undergarments was a little too personal. The saleswoman had a foreign accent and knew Beth by name. Again, I was introduced as her niece. Under Beth’s direction, I bought 2 bra and panty sets, one in black and one in a very lacy white, plus 2 more panties in silk with small bows. Beth had me get a white camisole and a padded panty brief to give my rear more shape. She bought herself a red lacy trimmed chemise and a black bra and panty set like mine. We went to pay and it came to more than I had left in my wallet. Beth paid the balance and said I could pay her back after payday next week. The money went so fast, I had spent over $200 in less than an hour.

At home, mom wanted to see what I bought and she gave Beth a dirty look when she saw how sexy some of the items were. I went to my bedroom and made room for my new clothes in my dresser as I neatly folded everything and put them away. Beth gave me a jar of cream to use on my face and told me to make sure I washed it thoroughly before bed.

The week went on with Liz and the girls and I felt really close to them since they never left my side. On Friday after lunch on the beach, both girls were exhausted and fell asleep on their towels. I was staring out at the boats on the lake when Liz put her magazine down and asked me to move my towel and come sit next to her. She started to speak quietly so as to not wake the girls.

"Tell me something Shelley. What’s your real name?"

I thought, what strange question, why would she ask me that?

"Michelle," I answered with some hesitation.

She reached out to me and took hold of both my hands with hers.

"Is it really? If I were to look at your birth certificate, is that what it would read? For the baby’s sex, would there be a check mark for female?"

She knew. I wanted to crawl inside a shell and die. Instead, I broke down and cried harder than I’ve done since my father died. She held me close to her the same way I‘d seen her hold Sara and Aimee this week whenever they were upset. I felt very comfortable being held in her arms. When I had calmed down after a few minutes, she reached into the diaper bag and took out a tissue and dried my eyes.

"How did you know?" I asked her.

"Well, it was a lot of little things, but I think the biggest one is that you don’t look like a 14-year-old girl."

"Yeah I know. I look like a boy don’t I."

"No, on the contrary, you look more like a 35-year-old woman. Your clothes are always perfect, quite stylish and almost always expensive. But I don’t think you even know that. For example, do you know what a ‘tankini’ is?"

I shook my head no.

"You should, you’re wearing one."

I looked down at my swimsuit, it was a colorful two-piece but I liked that the top came all the way down to overlap the bottom piece.

"Most teenage girls now a days try to show as much skin as possible, but you dress very conservatively. See those girls over there? Look how they wear those tiny bikinis. They do that because they want to attract boys by showing off their god given assets. When not at the beach, they wear very short shorts with low riding waistlines and skimpy tops to expose their midsections.

"You don’t like my choice in clothes?" I questioned.

"No, in fact, if I were more your size, I would love to borrow most of them. They’re just not what people would expect someone of your age to regularly wear."

I began to tell her the story of Beth and the bridesmaid’s dress and how her timing of asking me to baby-sit led to my current situation. I told her none of it was intentional and I never meant to fool or deceive anyone, especially her and the girls.

"I guess I should stop being your mother’s helper and go back home then."

"Are you kidding?" she said. "The girls would be crushed if they woke up and found you gone. They really love you, you know, and I’m not letting you off the hook that easily. You agreed to help all summer and I’m going to hold you to it."

"But aren’t you angry with me for doing this?"

"No Shelley, I’m not angry with you. In fact, I’d like to help you."

"Help me, how?"

"You see this?" Liz asked me, holding up her magazine. It looked like some kind of medical journal. "I’m a psychologist. Although my practice is mostly adults, I’ve had some training with teenagers. You know the best thing to do is talk with someone about what’s been happening with you."

I had to agree. The whole week I’d been dying to let my little secret out but was too terrified to reveal anything.

Liz asked me a lot of questions about growing up, living with my grandma and aunt. We talked about my father and how my life was different before moving to Lakeside. She was a good listener and I felt comfortable telling her things I never spoke of before. We had to stop when the girls woke up but we had a chance to talk several more times. Liz was a little sneaky in getting the girls to nap most afternoons so we could continue to talk.

In those conversations, Liz made me see the symmetry in my own life between being a boy and a girl and I think it helped to make me a better person. She said it would be difficult juggling the fine line between holding Shelley inside and bring her out to the open, but that eventually I would find the right balancing point I could live with.

Over the course of the next 2 weeks, I was given a crash course in women’s apparel. Mom took me with her when she went clothes shopping on the weekends. Beth took me several more times during the weeknights and even Liz took me fall clothes shopping for the girls. I spent my free evenings either together with my family at home or talking with Liz in the cottage after the girls went to bed. Our ‘sessions’, as Liz called them, helped me to find out what kind of person I wanted to be. I revealed to her that since the day I put on that first skirt, I hadn’t turned on my computer even once. I told her of my big plans to use all my summer earnings on new hardware and software to help my programming. The fact that I spent my last dollar during the previous shopping trip with Beth didn’t seem to bother me. Liz said I made some real progress but I didn’t feel any different.

 

The day came when the Harrises loaded their car to leave. For some reason, I felt like getting all dressed up nice to say my goodbyes. I had my eye for a while on a navy blue princess cut dress that was in Beth’s closet. The collar and cuffs were white and it had a fitted bodice with darts running over the bust and down to the hemline. Somewhere over the last 3 weeks, I learned that this style worked to elongate someone who is short by drawing the eye downward which would in effect lengthen the body. With it, I wore white opaque pantyhose and a pair of white leather sling-back pumps. I went into the bathroom with my growing collection of cosmetics and did my best makeup job yet. I brushed my hair back into a high ponytail and tied it off with a long white ribbon.

Liz was just finishing up when I arrived at the cottage. I hugged Sara and opened the car door for her to hop in. I lifted Aimee up and put her in her car seat as she began to cry. I then closed the door and turned to say goodbye to Liz. She gave me her business card and showed me where she had printed her home number on the back. She told me that "Shelley or Mike" could call her anytime.

I was waving goodbye as the car drove away. I guess I had used my hand to wipe the tears from my eyes because I noticed some smudged makeup on my fingers, so I went home to fix my face. I looked around the empty house and realized this had been the first time all summer I was there alone. I was feeling very sad at the time and decided to change my clothes and go to the beach.

I walked around alone for a while but eventually wandered to the far side of the beach where the townies usually hang out. There, I saw other kids from my grade and made a bold move to walk toward them. Danny, a kid I knew from the neighborhood, called out when he saw me coming.

"Hey Mike, haven’t seen you around all summer."

"I’ve been away and just got back."

He invited me to hang with him and the others, so I sat down to be with my peers.

"Who was that girl I saw around your house?" Danny asked.

"Oh, you mean my cousin Shelley?"

"She looks real nice, is she coming to the beach?"

"No," I said sadly. "She left just a little while ago, I’m not sure when she’ll be back again."

 

Epilogue

Things did change for me after that summer. I was a freshman at the regional high school and met Cynthia at the first fall dance. We seemed to hit it off right away and being my first love, I was very attentive to her needs. We spent a lot of time together at the mall where we had the opportunity to do a lot of window-shopping. Being your typical jeans and t-shirt kind of teen, Cynthia had a lot to learn about fashion and I know she was suspicious of my seemingly vast knowledge of the subject. We were physically about the same size and I knew from personal experience what would look great on her. I even mentioned several nicer outfits to try on as I steered her around the stores.

I guided her towards the trendier shops and went a little too far when I mentioned some of the clothes by brand name. When questioned, I wrote it off as the experience gained from living with three women. I’m not sure she bought it, especially that day we stopped at the cosmetics counter at a large department store and I gave her tips on what would look good with her coloring. When she confronted me later, I only admitted to looking through a lot of the magazines we had at home and that seemed to satisfy her for the moment.

I spoke with Liz on the phone a couple of times that fall. I assured her that I was fine and she seemed even happier than mom when I told her I had my first girlfriend. Liz mentioned that she and her husband were considering renting the same cottage again next summer. I told her that I would love to see the girls again and she said they asked about seeing me too. I told Liz that Shelley was still around but she hadn’t made a public appearance since the day they left the cottage and I was a little sad about that. Liz said that although she missed seeing Shelley too, she was happy the way things turned out.

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Kathryn Nelson. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.