Susan's Little Sister

by Jennifer

 

Chapter 6

 

I was woken by a gentle shove. As I opened my eyes I gave a contented little murmur as I stretched my sleepy limbs, and saw the face of Susan looking at me with a smile on her face. 'Morning Lucy' she said, 'Time to get up. All ready for your day as a little girl?'

'Sure am' I said with a grin, 'What time is it?'

'Six o'clock' she replied, 'But I want you to be showered and dressed before the others are up. We don't want them seeing you going to the bathroom with your hair like that, do we?' My hair. Of course. That would ruin everything. I put my hand to my head as she grinned and said 'Exactly. Now let's go to the bathroom together. I'll keep watch while you have a shower, and then I'll get you dressed before I get myself ready. Once you're dressed we can relax.' I saw her point, and quickly jumped out of the bed and went down the passage with her. I made a swift detour into the toilet, and soon afterwards was taking a refreshing shower. After Susan had dried me down, we went back to our room and she set about dressing me.

We both knew that Wendy wanted to dress me for Jennifer's party, but Susan intended to take charge of that little chore, as she didn't want Wendy to be the one to tie ribbons in my hair. My wig was an excellent one, but at such close proximity we couldn't risk her realising that I was in fact wearing a wig.

The pink party frock that I liked so much was already hanging on the wardrobe door in readiness. Susan dressed me in similar fashion to the day before, except this time I wore pink satin knickers with small bows of pink ribbon and a white vest as befits very small girls. I gave a sigh of pleasure as Susan took the frock down off its hanger, and pulling it on over my head, fastened the buttons down the back and tied the sash belt in a neat bow behind me. Then she pulled a pair of white cotton ankle socks with frills around the ankle, and buckled a childish pair of red leather sandals on my feet.

Sitting me down in front of the mirror, she carefully placed the wig on my head, and after securing it on with spirit gum, she took two lengths of pink satin hair ribbon and tied each one in a neat bow on either side of my head. She finished off the effect with two white plastic hair slides to set them off. Standing me up in front of the full-length mirror, she stood behind me and put her hands on my shoulders. We both looked at the image of the little girl in the mirror and beamed with pleasure. 'Oh Lucy' she smiled, 'You look lovely. I never thought I had such a pretty brother. You look absolutely perfect.'

I had to agree, and could hardly believe that the dainty little figure in the mirror was me.

Susan examined me closely and smiled as she said 'Yes, very nice. I must say Lucy, you really do make a very sweet little girl. Now you just stay here while I get myself washed and dressed.' I sat down obediently in front of the small portable television in the room and watched the early morning programme, while my sister went to the bathroom before returning to dress herself in a cream coloured blouse with a tan suede waistcoat and a brown corduroy skirt. She brushed her long hair back in a ponytail and tied it behind her head with a bow of red tartan hair ribbon. She completed the ensemble with a pair of knee high tan leather boots, and looked very smart. Only the horse was missing I thought.

By this time the house was stirring, and as we sat there waiting for everyone else to get up we could hear a succession of people using the bathroom. Finally Susan decided that it was time to go downstairs, and giving me a final check over, she nodded, smiled, and led the way downstairs.

We heard the sound of human activity in the kitchen, and went in to find Wendy preparing breakfast. She turned to look at us and said 'Well it's nice to see such early birds. I thought I was the only one in this household. Oh Lucy, you look absolutely gorgeous. You certainly know how to look nice, don't you? That pink dress suits you to perfection, and the matching hair ribbons and red shoes look so nice. I think I'll have to do some arm twisting and see if I can get Michaela into something equally pretty. I'm certainly not going to have her going to the party in trousers, and that's final. Especially with you looking like that.'

I sensed trouble, but realised by her expression that she meant it. Mick wasn't going to be happy about that idea.

The three of us sat round the kitchen table to eat our breakfast, and the girls gradually joined us bleary eyed and one by one. They were obviously used to going to bed late and getting up late.

'So what's the programme for today?' said Wendy, 'You'll need to get a few things in for tonight won't you?'

'Yes' said Carol, 'We'll pop down to the shops this morning and get what we need. The others will arrive about seven or eight tonight I should think. What are you doing about Jennifer's party?'

'Well I was going to drive Mick and Lucy over there just after lunch, but with the car being repaired I'll walk them over there and then I've got to go on to the hairdressers. Gillian Parker's mother says she'll drive them home afterwards, so they'll be quite safe. When they get home they can party with you for a while, but I want them in bed by ten o'clock. OK?'

'Yes, sure Mum' said Carol, pleased that the two youngest would be out of the way by the time the party really got going.

We finished our breakfast, and helped do the washing up before the three older girls left to do their shopping in preparation for the party. It was a warm sunny morning, but rather than go out Michaela and I decided to stay in before going to Jennifer's party. We went and sat in the garden, and she told me about her prowess as a footballer. It seemed to be the only thing she was interested in, and she proudly showed me her collection of football memorabilia. I did my best to pretend I was interested, but it wasn't easy. The only thing we had in common seemed to be her wish to be a boy and my wish to be a girl. I was again tempted to broach the subject, but thought it best not to until I'd discussed it with Susan.

The morning passed pleasantly enough, and eventually the girls arrived back from their shopping expedition. Wendy came out into the garden and said 'Come on Mick, time to get you ready for the party. I've laid something out for you in your room.'

Wendy disappeared with Michaela to get her ready, and barely a few seconds later a faint bellow of rage could be heard coming from upstairs. Mick was obviously putting up a fight. I felt worried, but Carol looked at me and grinned. 'Don't worry Lucy' she said, 'She always kicks up a fuss when we put her in a dress, but when Mum decides on what she wears, Mick doesn't stand a chance. It's usually a mixture of threats and blackmail, but she'll do as she's told. She always does in the end.' I was curious to see what her outfit was going to be. Surely it wasn't going to be a party dress.

But it was. After a short while the two of them reappeared, with a subdued Michaela wearing a white satin party frock almost identical to mine. She wore white ankle socks and a pair of white leather sandals on her feet, but with her short hair she looked like a boy wearing a dress. Carol looked at Michaela and grinned. 'Well my goodness' she said, 'Looks like I've got a younger sister after all, although with your hair like that I'm not so sure. You still look like a boy even if you are wearing a dress.' Michaela looked daggers at her, and she certainly didn't appreciate Carol's sense of humour. I couldn't help sympathising as she blushed to the roots with embarrassment.

'I tried to tie a couple of bows in her hair' sighed Wendy, 'But they kept falling out. I'm afraid her hair's just too short. Oh well, never mind, at least she's wearing a dress to match Lucy's, that's something.' Michaela gave a snort of disgust, and walked out into the garden. I decided not to follow, as I felt that she wanted to be left alone with her anger, so I stayed indoors with the others. Wendy began to prepare lunch, but suggested that Michaela and I should only have a light snack so as not to spoil our appetites for Jennifer Mottram's party.

Lunch over, Wendy decided it was time to be off, and with the warm sun shining out of a clear blue sky, she suggested that coats would be unnecessary. The girls said goodbye, and Wendy accompanied Michaela and me to the front door. She opened it, and we stepped out into the bright sunshine and set off down the street towards Jennifer's home.

After only a few minutes, I had an uneasy feeling as I felt that several passers by were looking at me and grinning. For a moment I thought that perhaps my wig had slipped, betraying my true identity as a boy. Then I realised that the object of their attention and amusement wasn't me. It was Michaela, and I suddenly realised that they were under the impression that she was in fact a boy dressed as a girl. Michaela looked at me and hissed 'This is all your fault. You just had to insist on wearing a childish little party frock didn't you? Thanks to you, Mum's made me wear one as well, and I feel like a complete idiot. If anyone I know is at the party, it's goodbye to my street cred forever. Just look at the way those people are laughing at me!'

Wendy heard her comments and said sharply 'We'll have none of that Michaela. You insist on having your hair cut short, so you can suffer the consequences. You're the one who wants to look like a boy, so it serves you right, and I don't want to hear another word about it. And one other thing. I know you insist on being called Mick at home, but while you are at the party you'll answer to your proper name of Michaela. Is that understood?'

Michaela gave a huff of resignation, shrugged her shoulders, and said 'Oh all right. But only while we're at the party.'

'Very well. Now come along, we're nearly there.' Michaela looked grimly ahead as if wishing for this nightmare to end as soon as possible.

A few minutes later we arrived at a large house set back from the street, and walked up the drive to the front door. Wendy rang the bell, and a moment later the door was opened by a pleasant looking woman who smiled at us and said 'Oh hello Wendy, do come in. Just go on through into the garden.' We walked through the dining room and out through some French windows onto a patio on which some garden seats and furniture had been arranged. I looked at the scene and heard Michaela visibly groan at the scene before us. Not surprising really, it was the very essence of what she'd been dreading. In front of us on the lawn were about a dozen girls of our age, all dressed in their best party frocks. From time to time they darted about with shrill squeals, while some of the younger ones were discussing the finer points of the dolls they were holding. The mothers stood around, chatting and beaming at the little girls at play, and Michaela groaned again.

'And who's this little girl? smiled the woman, looking at me, 'I'm Barbara Mottram, Jennifer's mother. What's your name?'

'Lucy' I said politely, 'Lucy Proctor.'

'Lucy's spending the weekend with us' said Wendy, 'I hope it was all right to bring her.'

'Of course it was' smiled Barbara, 'My goodness Lucy, that is a pretty dress, isn't it?' Turning to Michaela she said 'And it goes nicely with your dress doesn't it Michaela? Why don't you take her over to Jennifer and introduce her?'

'Right' said Michaela, and taking my hand she led me over to where a group of girls were talking together.

As we approached them, a tall girl wearing a pale blue dress with plaits hanging down her back looked at us and said 'Oh hi Mick, glad you made it. Goodness, I hardly recognised you wearing that dress. How come?'

'Don't even start me' retorted Michaela. 'This is Lucy, whose staying with us. Lucy, this is Jennifer. And this is Trudy, Hilary, Gillian, Anne and Rosemary.' The girls acknowledged me, and Jennifer persisted with her questioning.

'So how come they managed to get you into a dress?' she said. 'It's not like you at all, especially something as childish as that. You look about six years old!'

'Ha ha, very funny' said Michaela. 'Well, when Mum saw what Lucy was wearing she insisted on me wearing something similar. I feel a right twit.'

'Yes, well knowing what you usually wear I'm not surprised' said Gillian with a grin. You must be really hating this.'

'You can say that again' said Michaela with feeling. The other girls couldn't help grinning, as it seemed they were familiar with Michaela's preference for being treated as a boy. They didn't continue with their mild teasing of her though, and with her normal reputation for being a tomboy, I suspected they were all a little afraid of her. After a few minutes they changed the subject, and began discussing the latest girl's gossip. With my own experience of mixing with the girls at home I had no difficulty in joining in the conversation, and suddenly felt elated when I realised that every one of them accepted me as being a little girl. I was in seventh heaven.

Wendy suddenly walked over to us to say that she was going on to the hairdressers, and that we were not to forget that Gillian Parker's mother was going to drive us home later. She said goodbye and left us to enjoy the party.

A buffet spread of everything that any child could possibly want to eat had been set up on the patio, and when the table was laid, Jennifer's mother told us to help ourselves. It was a wonderful spread, and instinctively I nearly grabbed a plate in boyish fashion, ready to cram some goodies into my mouth. That would have probably raised a few eyebrows, but fortunately I suddenly remembered everything that my sister had told me, and sat on a chair with my food on a plate, nibbling at everything as daintily as I could. I was the very picture of an innocent little girl of eight.

Once we'd eaten our fill there was little wish to play any boisterous party games, so we settled down to watch one of Jennifer's latest videos while our food went down. As the video came to an end, Gillian's mother came over to Michaela and myself and said 'All right girls, we're going now. I'm giving you a lift home, so come along.' We stood up with Gillian, and thanked Jennifer and her mother for her hospitality. 'You're very welcome' smiled Mrs. Mottram, 'It's been nice meeting you Lucy, and I hope we see you again sometime.' We went out to the car, and were soon on our way back to Michaels's home. The car stopped outside the house, and thanking Mrs. Mottram for the lift, we said goodbye to her and Gillian, and went into the house.

By now the preparations for the girl's party were in full swing, and we were immediately roped in to help. But before she would do anything, Michaela dashed up to her room, and reappeared a few minutes later wearing her customary shirt and slacks. At least it wouldn't seem odd to call her Mick again. As for myself, the last thing I wanted to do was take off my pretty party dress, so I wore it for the rest of the evening.

With everything more or less ready, Carol, Fiona and Susan went upstairs to change, while Michaela and I helped her mother to finish preparing the refreshments in the kitchen. With our tummies already full of cakes and trifle, there was little danger that Michaela and I would nibble at the food as we assembled the canapés and other tasty treats. Once we'd helped lay the food out on a table in the lounge there was nothing else for Michaela and I to do, so we settled down to watch TV.

After what seemed an age, the three girls came downstairs very smartly dressed, looking more like twenty year olds than seventeen, and I was startled at how mature my sister looked. They certainly looked the part of confident young women, and Wendy complimented them on their appearance. Carol switched on some music, so Michaela switched off the TV. We sat around waiting for the first guests to arrive, and half an hour later the door bell rang. Carol went to answer the door, and a moment later came back into the room accompanied by a girl of their own age plus her boyfriend, who introduced themselves as Tricia and Gary.

They knew Michaela already of course, and when they saw me, Tricia smiled and said 'Oh isn't she sweet? I love that dress, it reminds me so much of the parties we had as kids. How old are you Lucy?' Susan went through the by now familiar process of saying who I was and where I was from, and once again there was no question that they accepted me as an eight year old little girl. Well what else would they do? By now I was supremely confident and comfortable in my role as Lucy.

Over the next hour or so more and more guests arrived, including the boyfriends of Carol and Fiona. By the time there were about a dozen couples in the room I whispered to Susan 'I thought you said this was going to be an all-girl's party?' She looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. 'Well I thought it was' she said, 'Looks like I was wrong. Never mind, just enjoy yourself.'

The evening wore on and the noise grew louder, but by this time I was beginning to feel tired after the exertions of the day. I began yawning uncontrollably, and suddenly Susan came over to me and said 'You look tired Lucy. It's gone nine o'clock. D'you want to go to bed?' I was too tired to argue, so I nodded sleepily and said 'Yes, I reckon I've had enough for today.' Susan told me to say goodnight to everybody, including Michaela, who seemed grimly determined to stay awake, and she took me upstairs to our room. She removed the ribbons from my wig before brushing it out and putting it on its stand, and then helped me change into my nightdress. Then she tucked me into bed, kissed me goodnight, and shut the door behind her, reminding me to put my wig back on if I wanted to go to the bathroom.

I lay there for a while thinking over the day's events, well pleased at how far I'd come in deceiving everyone that I was a girl. To the faint sound of the music playing downstairs, I drifted off happily to sleep, eager to see what the next day would bring.

 

 

Chapter 7

 

I woke up in the morning to a silent household. Susan was fast asleep next to me, and for a while I lay there quietly, watching the rain beating against the window pane. It looked like the sort of wet Sunday morning that discourages anyone from getting up, especially if they've been up late the night before.

But like most ten year olds, I was impatient to be up and about, and decided to get myself washed and dressed. I climbed out of bed, and remembering to put on my wig, I padded off down to the bathroom for a shower. Locking the door behind me, I removed my wig and laid it down gently before taking my shower and drying myself off. Then I put on my nightdress and my wig again and went back to my room.

My sister hadn't stirred, but by this time I was more than capable of dressing myself without her help. I opened the wardrobe door and sighed with pleasure as I looked at the row of little girl dresses that Michaela had outgrown hanging up there. I sorted through them, and eventually drew out a primrose yellow dress and hung it up on the wardrobe door ready to put on. I looked through the pile of matching clothes and shoes which had been put on a trunk in one corner of the room, and soon found what I wanted.

I put on a white wincyette vest and a pair of pale yellow silk knickers with small satin bows, and then took down the dress from its hangar. I pulled it on, and by now had no difficulty in fastening the buttons down the back and tying the sash belt in a reasonably neat bow behind my waist. Then, taking a pair of white cotton ankle socks, I sat down on a chair and pulled them onto my feet, being careful to turn them down neatly. I'd selected a pair of black mary jane T bar shoes to wear, and I soon had these strapped securely onto my feet as well.

Now for my wig. I brushed it thoroughly, but as I did so a sleepy voice said 'Morning Lucy. Up already?' I turned and saw that Susan was awake. She saw me with the wig in my hands and said. 'Just a minute, let me do that for you. Sit in front of the dressing table mirror.' I did as I was told, and she got out of bed and came over to me. Giving the wig a vigorous brushing, she arranged the small undercap on my head, and then placed the wig carefully on my head. After securing it round the edges with spirit gum, she took two lengths of white satin hair ribbon, and tied two bows in my hair, one on either side. That done, I stood up for inspection. She smiled at me and said 'You'll do. Now if you're going downstairs don't make any noise. People are still trying to sleep.'

'I won't' I promised, and quietly went out of the room while Susan got back into bed to continue with her lie-in.

I could hear the quiet sound of a radio and the clatter of dishes coming from the kitchen, so I went downstairs to find Wendy busy clearing up the previous night's dirty dishes. She turned as I entered the room and said 'Good morning Lucy. Nice to see that someone else is up. I don't think we'll see the girls before ten o'clock. Would you like some breakfast?'

'Yes please' I said.

'Well just help me dry these dishes and I'll cook you something. Would you like to see if Michaela's awake and then you can have breakfast together.'

'I am awake' said a sleepy voice from the door as Michaela came into the room in her pyjamas. 'Good' said Wendy, 'But go and get washed and dressed first Mick. And hurry up, we'll wait for you to get ready and then I'll start cooking.' Michaela disappeared, and I helped finish drying the dishes and putting them away.

Michaela didn't take long to get ready, and soon returned wearing a shirt and a pair of jeans, her short hair parted as always on the boy's side of her head. We laid the kitchen table, and sat and ate our breakfast cereal while Wendy cooked us some bacon and eggs. She sat down with us to eat, and we were soon well fed and ready for the day.

Breakfast over, she looked out of the window and said 'Well it doesn't look like much of a day I'm afraid. I thought you two might like to go down the sea front, but this rain looks set for the day. So what would you like to do?'

'I don't know' said Michaela. 'Anything you'd like to do Lucy? I'm easy.'

'What about the aquarium? I said, suddenly remembering that Brighton had one.

'Well you can go there if you like' said Wendy, 'And you can go on the pier afterwards.' Remembering how much I'd enjoyed the pier amusements on the Friday afternoon, I said 'Oh yes, I'd like that.'

'All right then, but I think I'll come with you. I'll just see if the girls are awake first.'

Wendy went upstairs, and came back a moment later saying 'Well they're more or less conscious, but we'll leave them to get up and cook their breakfast in their own time. Now why don't you two go and clean your teeth, and then we can go.' We went upstairs to brush our teeth, and were soon ready to leave.

We went into the hallway to put on our raincoats, and as I was suddenly reminded of the pink Barbie mac and boots I'd been given. 'Could I wear the Barbie raincoat and boots please?' I said. Wendy smiled. 'Of course you can' she said, 'Where did you put them?'

'They're up in my room' I said, 'I'll just go and get them.' I went up to my room, and taking the pink mac and boots out of the wardrobe, ran downstairs with them. I sat at the bottom of the stairs and removed my shoes. I stood up and put my legs into the pink wellies, and then Wendy held the Barbie mac for me while I put my arms into the sleeves. She pulled it on over my shoulders, and fastened the press studs up the front. The mac was slightly large for me, and as the hem and sleeves hung down well over my legs and hands I really did feel like a little girl.

In the meantime, Michaela had put on her navy blue gaberdine school raincoat, defiantly buttoned up on the boy's side, and with the belt buckled around her waist. Wendy put on her beige poplin raincoat, and opening the door, could see that the rain was teeming down. Looking at me she smiled and said 'Just a minute Lucy. We don't want those pretty ribbons getting wet, do we?' She pulled up the pointed pixie hood of my raincoat and tied the tie tapes in a bow under my chin. She pulled the hood well forward and said 'There we are poppet. Nice and snug.' I couldn't help smiling to myself at the thought of being called poppet, a term usually reserved for very little girls. Wendy and Michaela took an umbrella each, and we stepped out into the rain as they put them up. Wendy shut the door behind us, and we set off through the heavy downpour.

The rain lashed down on the quiet Sunday morning street, but as we turned into the main road there were more people about, and by the time we reached the town centre they grew in number, some of them probably holidaymakers determined to be out and about despite the weather.

It took us about twenty minutes to reach the aquarium, and we immediately went in. As soon as we were inside, I unfastened my hood and threw it back off my head and unfastened my mac down the front. But I left it on to save the bother of carrying it. We went through the turnstile and were soon in a wonderland of underwater life. We wandered from tank to tank, and I loved the part where we walked through a transparent tunnel at the bottom of the largest tank, surrounded by sharks and rays.

We stayed there for about an hour or so until Wendy suggested that we might like to go across the road to the Palace Pier. We left the aquarium, and found that it had stopped raining. We went onto the pier, and headed straight for the amusements at the end. Once again I was careful to maintain my persona as Lucy, and so while Michaela insisted on going on the ghost train and the more stomach turning rides to show how macho she was, I was careful to show a preference for the gentler amusements.

As lunchtime approached, Wendy suggested that we should head for home as she was planning to cook a Sunday roast, and the mention of lamb and mint sauce was enough to make us eager to get back. We walked home, and soon arrived back, to find that the girls were up and about.

We hung up our coats in the hall, and Wendy set about preparing the Sunday dinner. I volunteered to peel the potatoes, and Carol produced a white frilly apron for me to wear so as to protect my dress. I swished about in it, and she told me that it was part of an Alice in Wonderland outfit she'd worn to a fancy dress party as a little girl. I couldn't believe my luck when she suggested that I might like to have it if it fitted me. She disappeared for a moment, and came back a moment later carrying the blue dress to go with the apron, plus a pair of white frilly ankle length pantaloons.

Susan suggested we go upstairs for me to try it on, and in the safety of our room, she removed my dress and dressed me in the pantaloons, blue dress and white frilly apron. She even removed my hair ribbons, and replaced them with an Alice band that she pinned into position in my hair. She changed my shoes for a pair of black patent strap shoes, and the illusion was complete. I looked utterly sweet.

Taking my hand, she led me downstairs and a chorus of approval went up from everybody. (Except Michaela of course, who maintained a dignified aloofness and said nothing). I beamed with happiness as I stood in the middle of the room feeling every inch a girl, and asked if I could keep the dress on. Susan said yes, until it was time to go home. She didn't feel that travelling on the train would be very suitable dressed as Alice in Wonderland! I felt saddened at the thought of returning home, as I'd had such a wonderful time. But all good things must come to an end.

Sunday lunch was delicious, and after we'd finished with the washing up, we all settled down to watch TV in the lounge and let our lunch go down.

The afternoon passed all too quickly, and eventually, Susan said we must prepare to leave. I went up to our room with her, and she removed my Alice in Wonderland costume and she dressed me once more in my yellow dress. But she left my Alice band pinned into my hair. We packed our belongings into our case, and managed to get all the clothes I'd been given into another case provided by Wendy. That done, we took our cases downstairs and put them in the hall. Suddenly seeing both my red mackintosh and the Barbie mac hanging in the hall, Susan asked me which one I'd like to wear home. Since the red mac was dry and the Barbie wellies were so bulky, we opted for the Barbie mac. I removed my shoes, and Susan folded up my red mackintosh and packed it with my shoes into one of the cases. Then she helped me on with the wellies ready to go home. We went back into the lounge, and Susan said it was time for us to be off.

'Well it's been lovely having you both here' said Wendy, 'So do come again. And please bring Lucy with you Susan, I think she's delightful.' What greater compliment could I ask? There were hugs and kisses all round, and Michaela grinned at me as she said 'Thanks for taking that stuff off my hands Lucy. Now I know there's no chance of me wearing them again.'

We went to the front door and Wendy opened it. The rain was once more teeming down, and Wendy helped me into my Barbie mac and put up my hood while Susan put on her PVC raincoat and put up her hood. Then, picking up a suitcase each, we said a final goodbye and walked out into the driving rain. I was so glad of my Barbie mac and wellies. Not only did they keep me dry, but I was well aware of just how much like a cute little girl I must look. The only drawback was the steady stream of water that splashed down off the hem of my raincoat into my wellies. My feet were soon soaking wet, but I didn't care. I was loving every moment of it.

We climbed the hill up to Brighton station, and soon found ourselves out of the rain, standing on the station concourse. Susan checked on our next train, and we made our way onto the platform where our train was waiting. We climbed aboard and found ourselves somewhere where we could sit side by side. Susan put our cases on the luggage rack and we lowered our hoods before sitting down.

There was no one else within earshot, so as we sat back and looked at each other, Susan smiled and said 'Well Lucy, how did you enjoy your weekend? Happy?'

My expression must have told her everything. 'It was fantastic, the best weekend I've ever had. Everybody thought I was a girl. It was great! I just wish we could have stayed there for longer.'

'Well you certainly passed the test with flying colours. I heard the girls talking about you and they thought you were so sweet. They said that they wished that Michaela was more like you. Considering you're actually a boy, that's quite a compliment on your performance I reckon. You've done really well and I'm proud of you. The question is, what happens next?'

I knew what she was getting at, and my face fell. 'You mean after Mum gets home?'

'Exactly. We're going to have to tell her about your little secret sometime you know. We can't go on covering up for you forever, can we?'

'But she'll go mad!'

'No she won't. She might not like it, but she loves you and only wants what's best for you. She may not understand at first, but after seeing you in action this past month, there's no doubt that you really do feel much more comfortable as a girl. The question is, would you want it to be permanent? That's a lot different to just dressing up from time to time you know.' She could see that I felt very unhappy about telling Mum, and smiling gently, she took my hand and said 'Look. Why don't I break it to her gently first? Then we can all sit down and talk about it together, and I promise you she won't go mad, I know she won't.'

Her supportive and reassuring smile decided me. 'Well I suppose you're right' I said hesitantly, 'We can't hide it forever. But as long as you stay with me while we talk.'

'Of course I will. Now don't worry about it, you'll be fine, so just enjoy the next few days and we'll work out exactly how we're going to tell Mum.'

The train pulled out, and all the way back to Horsham she continued to reassure me that everything was going to be all right. Her powers of persuasion gradually reduced my fears, and by the time we reached home I was ready for the inevitable moment of disclosure.

I continued to live as a girl for the remaining days until Mum arrived home, and by this time I felt totally at ease living as Lucy. I needed no more assistance from Susan to help me dress and undress, and all the right little girl mannerisms were by now second nature. She'd certainly done quite a job in the last month, and by now she'd convinced me that telling Mum was the best thing to do. Best of all, I was no longer afraid to tell her. I was ready.

The night before Mum arrived back, Susan suggested that we make no effort to hide my dresses, but to leave them hanging in my wardrobe ready for when she would tell her my secret. She said it would be best to be completely open about it. And so as I went to bed that night, I left my wardrobe door open so that I could see my dresses hanging up in a neat row. My Barbie raincoat hung on the back of my door, and my wig was on its stand on top of my dressing table. Tomorrow was to be all or nothing.

 

 

 

Chapter 8

 

The next morning I dressed as David, and it felt horrible. My boy's clothes felt heavy and uncomfortable after the delicate satin of my dresses. My trousers rubbed against my legs and felt rough after spending a month with the air flowing free around my bare legs. I fervently hoped that we could persuade Mum to allow me to dress as Lucy, at least from time to time. That would be better than nothing.

We knew that Mum was due home late that morning, so Susan told me to go out and not to return until she'd had a chance to broach the subject of my gender preference with Mum. She suggested that I go into town, so I went for a walk, alone with my thoughts, nervously wandering around for several hours. Eventually I could bear the suspense no longer, and decided that by now, Susan would have had time to talk to Mum and the moment had come for me to put in an appearance. I set off homewards, and dragged my steps, fearful of what sort of reception Mum was going to give me. I finally reached the front door and went in.

Hearing voices in the lounge, I went in to see Mum sitting on the sofa, while Susan sat in an armchair. Mum smiled at me and I ran across and hugged her. She kissed me on the cheek and I sat down next to her. Suddenly I could see that she'd been crying, and it wasn't difficult for me to guess why. Susan must have told her about my secret.

She looked at me sadly and said 'Susan's been telling me about what you've been up to while I've been away. And for several years it seems, when I haven't been looking. Is it true? Do you really like dressing as a girl?'

This was the moment of truth, and taking a deep breath I said 'Yes I do. Sorry Mum, but I don't just want to dress as a girl. I want to be one! I always have.'

'Yes, that's what your sister told me. But why? Do you feel like a girl?'

'Not all the time, but most of the time I do. I just feel happy when I'm wearing dresses. It feels so, so right!'

'Well I must say this is all a bit of a shock, and I still find it hard to believe. But I have heard of such cases before, and I think the first thing we need to do is establish whether you just want to dress as a girl, or that you actually want to be one, which is quite another matter.'

Suddenly I realised that she wasn't mad at me, in fact quite the opposite. Susan must have done some pretty good explaining, because Mum seemed quite calm about the whole thing. She continued with 'Well David, all I want is for you to be happy, so this is what we'll do. If you really want to dress as a girl when your at home I'm not going to stop you, in fact I want to see if this is just a passing phase, or whether we really do need to think about something more permanent. So for the time being, you will dress as a girl when you are at home, and you will not dress as a boy again unless I say you can. We'll see how long this is going to last. Perhaps after a few weeks in dresses you might change your mind.' Some hope of that I thought confidently.

'Now Susan's told me that you like to think of yourself as an eight year old little girl called Lucy. Apparently you were successfully able to pass yourself off as her over the entire weekend you spent with her friends in Brighton, and she tells me that not one person even suspected you were a boy. That's something I want to see for myself, so tomorrow morning she's going to dress you up as Lucy, and we'll go shopping. I still find it hard to believe that any boy would actually want to go out dressed as a girl, in fact every other boy I know would regard it as just about the most humiliating experience possible. But if that's what you want, so be it. I'm very curious to see just how well you can pull this off. Then in the afternoon I've got another test for you. I'm going to take you to tea with Mrs. Norton, a lady I met on holiday, and her two daughters. We'll see if you can fool them. I briefly mentioned that I have a son and daughter, but I didn't say what their names were or how old they are, so you can be my daughter Lucy. And unlike Brighton, I think we'd better stick to your real age of ten. If they do discover that you're actually a boy, we'll just say that you're paying a forfeit devised by your sister. I'm sure they'll see the funny side of it, especially the two girls.'

'Now that's all I've got to say for the moment about the matter, except to say that I'm sorry you felt you had to hide this from me for so long. I wish you'd told me before, because all I want is what's best for you. I love you very much and will do everything I can to make you happy. Now give me a kiss and I'll make some tea.'

She put her arms around me and kissed me tenderly on the forehead as if I was a little child. Then she stood up and went out to the kitchen to put the kettle on. I looked at Susan, who smiled and said 'I told you she'd understand, didn't I? Now you can relax and be happy. In the morning I'll turn you into Lucy, and that will really convince her. I can't wait to see her face when I've transformed you, and I think she'll be more than convinced when she finds Anne Norton and the two girls thinking of you as a girl without a second thought. After all the practice you've had by now, this will be a doddle.'

I smiled back at her, full of confidence. I still couldn't believe that Mum had been so understanding, and suddenly I was happy again.

Mum called us into the kitchen where she'd made some tea and sandwiches, and began to tell us all about her holiday. I tried to concentrate, but all I could think about was my forthcoming test the next day. I was determined to convince Mum beyond any doubt that I really did want to be a girl, and I couldn't wait to show her.

We spent the afternoon looking at Mum's holiday souvenirs and hearing all about her adventures on her Mediterranean cruise, and she gave Susan some perfume and Moroccan jewellery, while I received a pair of binoculars she'd bought from the ship's duty free shop. I took them out into the garden immediately and started to survey the neighbouring area. They were good quality binoculars, and the image was as clear as crystal. I was delighted with them, and ran indoors and hugged Mum. It seemed there was still a little bit of boy left in me.

As promised, Mum didn't mention my dressing as a girl again that day, and I sat in the lounge and watched a video until dinner time. After we'd eaten we sat and watched TV until Mum said it was time for me to be in bed, and took me upstairs. She came into my bedroom, and looked at my wig on its stand and my Barbie mac hanging on the door. I opened the wardrobe and she took out some of my dresses and held them up. She smiled and said 'Well you certainly want to look like a little girl, don't you? These are very pretty. Are they the dresses that Michaela gave you?

'And some of Susan's old ones as well' I added.

'Ah yes' she said, holding one up, 'I remember her wearing this one on her ninth birthday. Well come on' she said, hanging it up again, 'Let's get you into bed.'

It was comforting to have Mum home again, and she waited until I'd put my pyjamas on and cleaned my teeth before I climbed wearily into bed. She tucked me in, and sat on the bed for a moment. She took my hand, smiled, and said 'Now don't you worry about anything David. Whatever you want I'll support you, and I know Susan will as well, so you go to sleep now, and we'll see just how good a girl you make tomorrow. I must say I'm curious to see if you look as good as Susan says you do.' She kissed me goodnight, switched off the light and left the door slightly ajar.

I was certainly tired, and the lifting of the tension I'd experienced was both tiring and relaxing. I smiled as I thought of how much I was going to enjoy the next day, and I sank into the arms of Morpheus with barely a murmur.

Chapter 9

 

Next morning I was woken by Mum drawing back my curtains. She smiled at me and said 'All right then lazybones, time to get up. Susan's already up, so do you want her to dress you?'

'Yes please' I said, 'I'll just go and take a shower and I'll call down for her when I'm ready to get dressed.'

'Now that's something I can't wait to see' smiled Mum, 'Don't be too long will you?'

She went downstairs, and I quickly took a shower and dried off before calling for Susan to come and help me dress. Normally I wouldn't have needed her help by now, but today I wanted to look perfect.

She came into my room, looked at me and said 'All right Lucy, today I'm going to turn you into the sweetest little girl in Horsham. We need to really turn it on today if we're going to persuade Mum to go along with all this. Now let's see, which is your cutest dress?' She opened the wardrobe door and worked her way along the row of dresses. Suddenly she stopped and said 'Ah yes, here we are, this will be perfect.' She held it up for my approval, and I grinned and said 'Oh yes. If that doesn't convince her, nothing will.'

The dress was certainly a good choice. It was the primrose yellow one, and so sweet and demure. It was my favourite. Susan hung it up, and took out a white vest and a pair of pale yellow silk knickers. She handed them to me and I put them on while she took out a white stiffened petticoat from the wardrobe and held it out for me to step into. She pulled it up to my waist before tightening the drawstring and tying it in a bow behind me. Then she took down the dress and held it up for me to put on. I put my arms and head into it and she drew it down over me before fastening the buttons up the back and carefully tying the sash at the back in a very neat bow.

I sat down and she pulled a pair of childish frilled white ankle socks onto my feet before slipping on a pair of white leather T bar sandals. She buckled the straps up securely, and made sure that my socks were neatly turned down.

'Now for your hair' she said. I sat at the dressing table while she fitted the wig onto my head, and then, taking two lengths of pale yellow hair ribbon, she tied two bows into my hair. She finished off the childish little girl look with two white plastic hair slides that she clicked securely in place.

'There we are Lucy' she smiled, 'All ready. Now stand up and let's have a look at you.' I stood up in front of the full-length wardrobe mirror, and smiled with pleasure as I saw the by now familiar figure of Lucy smiling back at me. Susan walked around me looking me up and down, and said 'Very nice. Lucy, you look absolutely delightful. Now remember everything I've taught you this past month about being a girl, not just looking like one. Do that, and I think we'll convince Mum to let you dress as a girl, at least for the time being. All right then. Ready?'

'Ready as I'll ever be' I grinned, my heart beating nervously.

'Good. Let's go down to breakfast.'

I led the way downstairs, and nervously entered the kitchen. Mum was busy beating some eggs in a bowl, and looked up as I came in. Her face was a picture. She stopped dead, put down the egg whisk and came round the table to look at me more closely. 'Turn around' she said, 'Slowly.' I did as I was told, and could feel her gaze as she closely scrutinised me. After turning a full circle I stood there in my most demure pose, feet together, hands lightly clasped together in front of me, and with my face turned slightly downward while I looked up at her with my eyes, trying to look as much like a sweet little girl as I could.

'Well Mum' said Susan, 'What do you think of my little sister Lucy?'

Mum broke into a smile. 'Well frankly my dear' (this was the moment of truth), 'Frankly, I think he looks absolutely adorable. I'm amazed. I really had no idea just how much like a girl he could look. If I saw him in the street and didn't know him, I wouldn't give him a second glance. He just looks so sweet.' She stepped forward and adjusted one of my hair ribbons, stepped back and said 'Well I must say I'm impressed by his appearance, it's 100%. Still, let's see how the day goes shall we?'

'Sure Mum' said Susan, winking at me, 'And by the way, would you please remember it's her, not him. This is Lucy remember. It's important for maintaining the character.'

'Oh yes, of course.' Turning to me, Mum smiled and said 'All right then Lucy, sit down at the table and we'll have some breakfast. And be careful not to spill any food on that pretty dress. It's delightful, and rather suits you I must admit.' I grinned with pleasure at this early apparent acceptance of me as Lucy, and held great hope for the future.

We sat at the table and I remembered everything that my sister had told me about being a girl. I sat up straight, and ate my food in small dainty portions, drinking my tea in little sips. Mum watched me with a look of friendly amusement as we discussed how well our weekend in Brighton had gone and how happy I'd felt there as Lucy.

Breakfast over, I put on my Alice in Wonderland apron while I helped to do the washing up and put away the breakfast things. All the time, Mum kept looking at me with a bemused smile on her face. She must have found it hard to believe that all this was really happening, and that the little girl helping her was in fact her son David.

'All right' she said, 'Now for our little shopping trip into town. Go upstairs and clean your teeth Lucy, and then we'll be off.'

'OK Mum' I said, and walked daintily up the stairs with Susan to brush my teeth and let her give me a final check over. She looked at me, winked, and said 'All right Lucy, let's go shopping shall we?'

We went downstairs and into the hallway, where Mum was putting on her red tartan mackintosh. 'You'll need your macs' she said as she buttoned it up and tightened the belt around her slim waist, 'It's absolutely pouring.' Susan put on her royal blue school gaberdine raincoat, and then took down my red rubberised mackintosh and shook it out. As soon as Mum saw it she said 'Oh yes of course, that's the mac you wore as a little girl. Perfect for Lucy, I'd forgotten we still had it. Here, let me put her into it. It'll be just like I did with you about ten years ago.' She took the mackintosh from Susan, and holding it up for me she said 'Here you are dear, arms in.'

I slid my arms into the sleeves, and pulling it on over my shoulders, she buttoned it up to the neck and fastened the belt. She stood back and smiled as she said 'Well I never thought I'd see that being worn again. It's just like having a younger Susan again. Which gives me an idea. Since you want to try being a little girl, I'm going to treat you just as I did your sister when she was your age. That means I expect you to not only behave as a little girl, but you will do the sort of things she used to do. That means extra housework among other things. You'll soon find that being a girl may not be as much fun as you seem to think it is.' If she thought that would put me off, she had another think coming.

'Right then' she said, let's be off.' She opened the door, and as we saw the rain pouring down, Mum and Susan put up their raincoat hoods. Mum turned to me, and pulling up my hood, she fastened the button fastening securely under my chin before pulling it forward. She looked at me for a moment, smiled, and said 'Don't you look sweet peeping out from under that hood? I have to admit, you really do look like a girl. Now let's see if you can behave like one. Come along.' She picked up an umbrella for extra protection and we stepped out into the rain before she locked the front door behind us.

As we walked down the street huddled against the downpour I was very careful to immerse myself in the character of Lucy. Despite the rain, I tripped along with little steps, knowing that Mum was watching me. A few people passed us by in the rainswept street, but unsurprisingly, no one gave me a second glance. The rain ran down my bare legs and onto my feet, quickly soaking them in the process. That was one disadvantage to not wearing trousers and a pair of boy's wellies! We soon reached the town centre, and were glad to take cover from the rain in the shopping precinct. We lowered the hoods of our raincoats, and started purchasing various items on Mum's list. Eventually she suggested we stop in a cafe for morning coffee, and we went into a coffee bar where we removed our raincoats and sat down at one of the tables.

I was now in full view of everyone, a boy wearing a dress, ribbons in my hair, and a pair of ankle socks and sandals on my feet. And no one took any notice of me at all. Mum kept looking around to see if anyone was looking at me in a way that showed I looked odd, but there was no reaction at all. I sat there demurely eating a slice of cake and sipping daintily at a milk shake, confident that things were going just as I'd hoped. I looked at Susan and she smiled at me, nodding her approval. She was obviously well pleased.

We finished our snack, and as we stood up to leave, Mum asked me to carry my mackintosh over my arm so that everyone would still see me wearing a dress, as we went round a few more shops. She was still expecting someone to think I looked like a boy dressed as a girl, but she was to be disappointed on that score. One or two people looked at me and smiled benignly, but otherwise, no reaction at all. Eventually, Mum decided it was time to go home for lunch, and she buttoned me into my mackintosh again and pulled up the hood before we went outside into the rain.

We walked quickly home through the downpour, and as soon as we went in through the front door we hung up our wet raincoats in the hall and went through into the kitchen. We sat down at the table, and Mum looked at me and smiled. 'Well I must say Lucy, you certainly passed that test with flying colours' she said, 'You really did surprise me. Not one person even looked at you twice, so it's obvious that a quick glance at you is enough to convince anyone that you're a girl. Mind you, a quick glance is one thing, but a close up conversation with Anne and her two girls this afternoon might prove different. I still think they'll see through your disguise.'

I didn't really like the word disguise. To me it was far more than that. It was my way of being the real me, but I didn't pursue the subject. Keeping Mum on side was much more important if I was to get what I so desperately wanted. She prepared us a light lunch while I sat in the lounge reading the girl's comics that she'd bought me at the shops. I even surprised myself when I found the subject matter interesting to read, but this only emphasised that my wish to actually be a girl was genuine.

As we finished lunch, Susan said 'OK Mum, I'll do the washing up. You can be on your way.' Puzzled for a moment, I said 'Aren't you coming?' She laughed and said 'How can I? Don't you remember that Mum said she had one son and one daughter? You'll just have to be the daughter, that's all.' She saw my look of concern and said 'Don't worry Lucy, you'll be fine. You were OK at Jennifer Mottram's party the other day, weren't you? Now stop worrying, you'll carry it off easily.' She was right of course, and I realised I had nothing to worry about. I hoped.

'Well come along then Lucy' smiled Mum, 'Let's be going. We'll drive over, so you won't need your mackintosh. I don't want you hiding under it, especially with that hood up. I want people to see you properly.' We went to the front door, and Susan shut it behind us as we walked down the front path to our car, parked in the street. We both climbed in, and were soon on our way to Petworth, about fifteen miles away.

As we drove along in the warm summer sunshine, Mum kept looking at me and smiling. 'Nervous?' she said,

'No not a bit. I'm used to being Lucy by now, especially after our weekend in Brighton. That was really good.'

'Well we'll see what happens this afternoon. If you get through this test undetected, I'll decide whether you should go on dressing as a girl or not.'

'Will you let me know when we get home? Today?'

Mum looked at my eager face, smiled and said 'All right. I'll let you know then.' I glowed inside, eager to show her my talents as a little girl in front of others.

Reaching the outskirts of Petworth, Mum soon found Anne Norton's house, a rather grand affair with a broad drive. We turned in through the gate, drove up to the front door, and Mum parked the car. We got out and went up to the front door, and Mum adjusted one of my hair ribbons before ringing the bell. A moment later the door was opened by a good-looking woman about Mum's age, who smiled and said 'Mary! How lovely to see you again. Come on in.' We went in, and she led the way through the house and out into the garden.

Two girls were sitting on garden chairs, and they stood up as we came out of the house. Like their mother they were pretty, and both wore floral summer dresses. The younger one had her hair in pigtails and wore a dress similar to my own, while her elder sister wore something more adult. The younger girl seemed to be about my age, and the older one I guessed to be about sixteen.

'Well let me do the introductions' said Anne, 'These are my daughters. Amy is the youngest, and the older one is Julia. Girls, this is Mrs. Proctor, the lady I met on holiday, and this must be....?'

'Oh sorry' said Mum, 'This is my daughter Lucy.'

'Well hello Lucy' smiled Anne, 'My that is a pretty dress. How old are you?' I remembered to use my real age, and replied 'I'm ten.'

'Ten. That's the same age as Amy. If you lived here you'd probably be at the same school and be in the same class as her.' Now that would make things interesting I thought to myself with some amusement.

We sat down, and Mum and Anne began to regale us with various memories of their holiday together. I sat up in my by now well practised dainty way, and although the girls kept looking at me, they didn't appear to be over curious. I had little doubt that they'd been completely taken in by my appearance, just like everybody else.

After a while, Anne turned to Amy and said 'Why don't you show Lucy your doll collection?' She turned to Mum and said 'Amy's been collecting dolls ever since I can remember. And not just dolls to play with. She's got many from other countries and it's turning into quite a collection. That Moroccan one I bought for her is her latest acquisition.'

'Well I'd like to see them too' said Mum.

'All right, let's all go up to Amy's room and she'll show them to you.' We stood up, all except Julia, who decided to stay sitting in the warm sunshine. The rest of us went into the house and upstairs to Amy's room.

It was a room I'd have given anything to have as my own. Pastel pink wallpaper decorated with roses ran round the room. The curtains were pink, and the wardrobe and dressing table were painted white with small flowers. A white and gold brass bed stood in one corner, and a large doll's house stood in another corner, with storage shelves for Amy's toys above it and a doll's pram next to it. A small desk and bookcase finished off the furnishings. A teddy bear and a large beautifully dressed doll sat on the bed, and Amy's collection of dolls sat in rows on some shelves.

'Well here we are' said Anne, 'This is Amy's den.'

'Oh it's lovely' said Mum, 'Really lovely.' We went over to Amy's dolls, and she picked up one wearing a Moroccan costume. 'This is the one Mum gave me' she said, holding it up, 'Isn't it beautiful?'

'It certainly is' said my mother, 'I should have got one for Lucy.' That would have been a bit different from binoculars I thought wryly.

Amy certainly had an extensive collection of dolls from all over the world, and all beautifully dressed, usually in their national costumes. 'I've got over eighty dolls by now' said Amy proudly, 'So soon I should have a hundred if you count the ones I had when I was little.'

'My goodness that is impressive' smiled Mum, 'It certainly is a lovely collection.' We stood around examining the dolls for a few more minutes, and then Anne said to Mum 'Why don't we go downstairs again. Amy and Lucy can stay up here if they like.' No doubt eager to show me her other toys, Amy took my hand and said 'Yes I'd love to.'

'All right' smiled Anne, we'll call you when tea's ready.' She and Mum left the room, leaving me with Amy in this delightful little girl's wonderland.

Amy started pulling out all her toys, eager to show me everything, and as so often happens with children, the floor was soon strewn with dolls and their tea sets, various Barbie items, and several games. Then she opened her wardrobe to show me her many and varied dresses and I was in seventh heaven. Here I was, sitting on the floor with a little girl of ten, accepted completely as another girl of the same age. Unlike any other boy, I didn't have to feign an interest in such things because I was interested, and delighted in holding some of the dolls. How I envied her.

The time flew by, and being a very happy and amiable little girl, Amy made me welcome. She was delightful. Feminine but not at all stand offish, and I warmed to her. Suddenly we heard Anne calling us down to tea, and quickly put all the toys away before we dashed down the stairs, Amy a little more boisterously than me, as I had to keep up appearances.

Tea had been laid in the dining room, and after quickly washing our hands, Amy and I sat down next to each other at the dinner table. We passed the sandwiches round politely, and I was on my very best little girl behaviour, nibbling politely and sipping my orangeade silently. Cakes and trifle were to follow, but I was careful not to eat too much so as to give the impression of being as delicate and dainty as possible. And it was working. I could tell by the benign expressions of Anne and Julia that they regarded me as a delightful little girl. I was definitely winning the day.

The meal over, we all helped to clear the table, and after washing up the tea things we all went back out into the garden to enjoy the late afternoon sunshine.

The conversation turned to school, and it was just as well for me that there were girls as well as boys at my primary school. When it came to describing my activities there I simply imagined myself as Janet Baxter, one of the girls in my class, and described what she did. With a few imaginative embellishments. Amy went to the junior school of St. Catherine's Girl's School, while Julia was about to start her last year in the senior school. I thought how wonderful it would be to go to an all girl's school. If only I could.

Eventually Mum decided it was time to go, and we stood up to take our leave. Anne gave me a little kiss and a hug, saying how much she'd enjoyed seeing me, and my heart missed a beat when she said I must go round again some time. Amy enthusiastically agreed, so there was no doubt that they completely accepted me as a little girl by then. I looked at Mum, and she nodded, saying that there was no reason why not. At that moment I realised I'd won what I had so desperately hoped for. We went to the door and said goodbye, thanking them for their hospitality, and they waved us goodbye as went down the driveway and out into the street.

Mum didn't say much on the way home. She was obviously deep in thought, and I could understand why. But as soon as we reached home, we went into the lounge with Susan, and Mum sat down on the sofa with me. This was obviously the moment.

'Well' said Susan, 'How did it go?' There was a moment's silence, and then Mum replied 'Well. Very well. In fact far better than I expected. I must say, David's (or rather Lucy's) performance as a girl was impeccable. Even I sometimes forgot that he's a boy. Yes, I must say I was impressed.'

'So does that mean he can go on dressing as a girl?'

'Well at home, yes. And he can even go out at weekends if he wants to. He'll wear his normal school uniform during the week of course, although he can change into a dress after school if he wishes.'

'But Mum' I said, 'I told you before, I don't just want to dress as a girl. I want to be one! That's the whole point. It's when I'm dressed as Lucy that I know I'm Lucy. I always have been!'

'Well we'll have to see. I'm still having trouble coming to terms with this. Now tell me more about how you feel, and for how long this has been going on.'

It was a very long conversation. With Susan's help I explained everything about how much I felt that I was a girl trapped in a boy's body, desperate to be my true self. And Mum listened, deep in thought. From time to time she took my hand and looked into my eyes with a mixture of sympathy and kindness.

Eventually she said 'Well David, it does seem that you really do wish to be a girl, and perhaps it will be possible. But that would mean an operation, you realise that, don't you?'

'Yes' I said quietly, my heart beating, 'It's called gender reassignment. I've read all about it' Mum looked surprised for a moment and then said 'Yes, well I suppose I should have expected that. Do you realise that you would have to live as a girl continuously for quite some time first, just to make sure that it's really what you want?'

'Yes.'

'Well it's not just up to us you know. You'll have to have lots of interviews with various doctors so that they can be sure that this is what would be best for you. Would you be prepared for all that?'

'Yes I would. It's what I want more than anything else in the world.'

'Well that may be how you feel now, but we'll have to see what happens.' Suddenly she straightened her back as if she'd come to a decision. 'All right then' she said, 'If that's what you want, that's what you shall have. I'm never going to stand in the way of your happiness. I know only too well how much you've been bullied at school and called a cissy, and it must have been miserable for you. You don't like rough games, and I've seen how you prefer to spend your time with girls rather than boys. This latest episode only confirms what I've suspected. So here's what we'll do. Next year is your last year at St. Mary's Primary School, and the year after that you'll be going up to secondary school. By that time you'll have been living as a girl all the time for a year, except during school hours. And by then, the doctors should be able to tell whether or not you should go on to a mixed school as a girl, or even possibly to an all girl's school.' Suddenly she looked thoughtful and said 'Now that's a thought. The headmistress of Lauriston Girl's School is Margaret Rawlings, who happens to be an old friend of mine, and I'm sure she would be supportive of the idea once she's seen you in action a few times. By that time your hair will have grown, and if you're introduced to the girls as Lucy, I doubt that they'll ever question it. The teaching staff will have to know about this of course, but I'm sure they will go along with it'.

'Now I don't think you'll be allowed to have an operation to turn you completely into a girl for at least a couple of years, but at least you can live as a girl in the meantime.' I could hardly believe my ears. I was going to be Lucy forever, and Mum was going to help. I burst into tears of happiness and hugged her with joy, full of excitement.

At this point Mum decided it was time to put the dinner on, and she got up and went into the kitchen. I sat there looking at Susan for a moment, sniffing back my tears of joy, brimming over with happiness. She smiled, came over to me, and gently wiped away my tears with her handkerchief. 'Well there you are Lucy' she said, 'You've finally got what you've always wanted. Looks like I'm going to have a kid sister after all, aren't I?' And we laughed.

 

 

Chapter 10

And that's how my dream began to come true. Mum let me continue living as Lucy every day, and even took me shopping to buy some new dresses and other clothes of my own.

But eventually the summer holidays came to an end and my last year at primary school began. Mum took me to see my headmistress Mrs. Wainwright to explain the situation. She was wonderfully understanding and supportive, and promised to keep an eye on me, although she said that she was curious to see me as Lucy. So Mum invited her to come and see me at home the following Saturday afternoon. She came for tea, and by the time she left, there was no question about her supporting me in any way she could. She thought I was charming, and said that if the other kids at school hadn't already known me as a boy, I could have easily attended as a girl.

I still had to wear my boy's uniform to school, but Mum made sure that I wore only dresses at all other times. My hair was allowed to grow, and by the end of the school year the following June it would be long enough for me to be convincing as a girl without needing my wig.

A fortnight after the September term began, Mum took me to a clinic in Brighton that specialised in gender reassignment. I was introduced to Mr. Redman, one of the specialists, and he gradually became a friend. To begin with, Mum took me to see him for one afternoon a week, but later on, by arrangement with my headmistress I spent several days at a time staying there. After a while, he took me to visit other boys and girls to play, and sometimes we went out around Brighton together. I knew the reason for this. All the time he was carefully analysing my behavioural patterns, especially in the company of other children. This programme continued for several months, and by the following spring he felt it was time to inform Mum of his findings.

I remember that visit to the specialist as if it were yesterday. We sat in his office with the afternoon sun streaming through the window. Outside we could hear the faint roar of Brighton's traffic. His manner was clinical but sympathetic and friendly as he opened his notes and began.

'Well Mrs. Proctor' he said, 'I've had ample opportunity to analyse Lucy's behaviour over these last few months, and I have to say that this is the strongest case for gender reassignment I've ever come across. Her entire mode of relating to other children, adults, and the world in general almost demands that she be allowed the fulfilment of expressing her true character. And the earlier the better. How she's managed to live as a boy thus far I can't imagine, although it's not uncommon for these feminine characteristics to lie dormant when they are unintentionally repressed.'

'It was fortuitous that Lucy's sister Susan has been so understanding over the years, and now you yourself, by granted Lucy her escape into reality. I'm therefore recommending that she should continue to live as a girl for the time being, assisted by continuing therapy and hormone treatment. I also suggest that she should undergo surgical gender reassignment in June, preparatory to going to her next school in September. Normally I would recommend a waiting period of a couple of years, but in this case the evidence favouring reassignment is so strong that I feel inclined to bring the operation forward.'

'Now as far as her secondary education is concerned, I think it would be advisable for her to attend an all girls' school, to minimise her contact with boys and to intensify the assimilation of her femininity. You mentioned that she could attend Lauriston Girl's School, particularly since the headmistress is a friend of yours. I think that would be most beneficial if she goes to a school where she is completely unknown, and no one is aware of her past history except perhaps for the most senior staff.'

And that was that. My fate was decided, and in a few months I would be a girl, attending an all girl's school. I could barely contain my eager excitement.

The rest of the interview was made up of arrangements being made for my further treatment, and for regular assessments to be made, and when it was over, Mum and I stepped out into the busy Brighton streets and walked down to the sea front. We went for a walk on the pier, and as we mixed with the children around us, I felt so well merged with the girls. I was truly happy at last.

My last few months as a boy passed by, and I continued to see Mr. Redman at the clinic regularly. As the hormones took effect, all trace of the male side of my personality faded away, and my memories of being a boy called David became more and more hazy.

The following May, in preparation for my attendance at Lauriston Girl's School the following September, Mum took me to be interviewed by Margaret Rawlings, the headmistress. She was wonderfully kind and understanding, and said that if I were to undergo my operation, I would be allowed to start at Lauriston in September.

In June, Mr. Redman decided that I was ready for the great moment, and I entered the clinic for surgery. I'd never had an operation before, but was assured by everyone that it really wasn't much to worry about. I was so eager to make the change that I accepted their assurances willingly.

The operation was a total success. I spent the first few days of recovery in some discomfort, but it steadily passed away, and after a couple of weeks, they decided I was ready to see the results of my operation. I'll never forget the sensation as they pulled back the blankets and gently removed the dressings. A nurse held a mirror down in front of me so that I could see. I looked down, and gasped in disbelief. Yes, it was really gone. There in between my legs was a neat fold in my skin that I instantly recognised as female. I'd been told what to expect, but it still came as a bit of a shock. Tears began to roll down my cheeks, and the nurse said 'What's the matter?'

'Nothing' I said, 'I'm just so happy.' A murmur of relief went up from the medical staff, and the doctor replaced the dressing. I lay back with a sigh of relief. It was done.

I recovered quickly, and was able to go home a week later. A week after that my stitches came out and I was healed. Now my new life could really begin.

August came. There was so much to do in preparation for my attendance at Lauriston Girl's School, and one Saturday, Mum and I went into town to buy my new school uniform. The summer dress was in a maroon and white candy stripe with a front button fastening, with short sleeves and a white collar. A buckle belt pulled in the waist. The blazer was maroon, and the summer hat was a straw panama with a maroon hatband with the school crest on the front. The regulation footwear was a pair of white ankle socks for juniors and knee hi's for seniors, and the shoes were black T bar sandals with a side buckle fastening. For wet weather there was a rubberised cotton grey belted mackintosh with an attached hood. The hood had a maroon lining and tie tapes to secure it under the chin.

Mum decided to buy my winter uniform at the same time. This was a white blouse with a silver and maroon diagonally striped tie, on top of which was worn a grey gym tunic. The tunic had a back button fastening and a buckle belt, and the hat was grey felt, with a maroon hatband. The uniform included a maroon gaberdine raincoat with a check lining, a belt, and a detachable hood. For extra warmth there was a grey and maroon woollen scarf with matching grey woollen gloves.

Loaded down with shopping bags, Mum and I drove home, and Susan was eager to see me in my new school uniform as soon as we arrived. I was happy to oblige, and when I was dressed for her inspection she was delighted. She looked me up and down, turned me around and smiled. 'Well Lucy' she said, taking both my hands and looking into my eyes, 'I guess you're no longer my little sister. You're a big girl now!'

That was the beginning of my new life. I attended Lauriston Girl's School for the next six years, and they were among the happiest days of my life. In all the time I was there, only the matron and headmistress knew of my past, and that's the way it's been ever since.

I left Lauriston five years ago and went on to university. Now I work for a law firm in Brighton, and every time I walk past that clinic I think of the little boy I used to be, and I smile. Life can be good sometimes.

 

THE END

  

  

  

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