Surrogate Mom                    by: Miss Deborah (Debi) Leigh Johnson

 

Chapter One

My ears could hardly believe what they were hearing. I stared at Ben Erikson, my former step father.

He was a tallish thin man. He was not really thin, but he was sinewy and muscular. He had a reputation as a strong hard worker, who loved strenuous and competetive challenges. his dirty blondish hair was curly, very curly, and long at the back, well down past the top of his shirt collar.

He had a reddish rough looking complexion. I knew that this complexion was because of the many hours that he spent working out in the afternoon sun. I knew that I could never understand a person like that, but he was like that. He loved hard strenuous work, and he loved working outside in all kinds of weather. As for me, give me a nice warm cozy kitchen anytime, and I’d be pretty happy. A man like Ben was just beyond my understanding. But, I would never aspire to understand a man, anyway.

This was the first time that I had seen Ben, let alone talk to him face to face, in over a year. We had just never gotten along. We had learned to live with a mutual dissinterest in each other.

My heart melted for my concern for him. I could see the great depth of hurt that was in his eyes, and I wanted to reach out and comfort him in some way. I knew his hurt, and I understood it. I would never have ever dreamed that I could ever have felt feelings like that, not for Ben though. He’d just been too damned mean to me when I had lived under his roof. My feelings amazed me.

You see, I was born to my mother when she was only a thirteen year old girl, still a child herself. She’d opted to keep me, rather than giving me up to some adoption agency. I was forever thankful for that, even if we did have a very hard life. She was not a very well educated person. But she had a great deal of love for me, and that is what made her so special. I’d always felt a sepcial kind of tie to her that I had never felt with anyone else. It was almost like we were part of each other in some strange way. We were certainly more like very close sisters than any other kind of relationship, even if she was my mother.

When my mother had met Ben, she was just turning eighteen. Ben was already in his late twenties, and he was very well thought of in our community. I was almost five years old then. I liked the big burly man, but I could never understand why he did not seem to like me very much. No matter how much I tried to get him to like me, he was always cool and distant with me.

What my childish mind could not fathom was that I was a boy. I did not feel like a boy. I did not look like a boy. I did not act like a boy, and my mother had never dressed me as a boy. Most of the clothes that I wore were the same little dresses and such that she had worn when she was a five year old. They were stored in trunks in the home that she had grown up in, till they were unpacked for my use.

Her parents had died shortly after I was born, and she was the only child, so she had inherited the house. It is a good thing to, because if she had not inherited the house, we would surely have been destitute. As it was, she was just barely able to make enough money to keep food on the table and to pay the property taxes. She certainly did not have money to buy me lots of expensive new clothes, that was for sure.

I do not know if that was the reason why she started to dress me up in her old clothes, but I like feeling pretty so much, and I liked the feeling of being close to her, as only daughters and mothers are, that I just went along with it, and I enjoyed it. Mom knew I loved wearing her pretty things.

I loved my mom and I had always felt very close to her. The first five years of my life were the most happy years that I could remember. I was her pretty little girl baby.

But then, she had met Ben. She loved Ben. She loved Ben a lot, and I knew that I would never have the same kind of close relationship with her that I had before she had met Ben. My little heart broke at that realisation, but I also knew that mom was very happy when she was with Ben. I was torn between my feeling loss for her closeness, and my desire for her to be happy.

They got married about half way through my sixth year of life. Ben bought me boy’s clothes, because he wanted me to be reaised as a boy. I tried them on, but I cried and I cried, because I hated the way they felt on me. I begged and pleaded with mommy to let me wear my pretty dresses and soft silk panties and slips again.

She knew that it was not right, but she could not stand to see me so unhappy. She told Ben that I was just not suited to being a boy, and that I could never adjust to wearing boy’s clothes. They fought about it for a number of weeks. In the meantime, I continued to wear my pretty clothes. I hated the boy’s clothes. I refused to wear them, now matter how scared he made me. Ben was furious one day when he came home from work, and found that I had stuffed all the clothes that he had bought for me, into the kitchen garbage can.

We never got along after that. I often tried to get him to like me, but nothing I ever did worked. I tried cooking his favourite meals, making pretty drawings for him, and going out of my way to try and be sensitive to his moods. Nothing worked for me though.

He always managed to make me feel like I was some kind of very strange being. I did not like the way I felt when he was around. I did not like knowing that I made him uncomfortable, even though I did not know why I made him feel that way. I did not like the feeling of being totally inadequate to him. I did not like the feelings of knowing that he did not like the way that I looked or acted. I knew that it was because I looked and acted like I was a girl, but I could not understand that. Looking like, and acting like a girl was normal for me.

Somehow, mom had even gotten the school to accept me as a female student. I do not know if she lied to them about me or not, but no one at school knew that I was a boy. I was just accepted as a girl student, and it felt right and normal for me to identify with the other girl students. I did not like boys very much, but neither did the other girls at that age, so I was pretty happy about it all. I loved being a little girl.

By the time that I reached eleven years old, mom secretely started to give me some special pills that she had gotten for me. I did not know what they were. All that she told me that they would help me to stay more like a girl, and would stop me from turning into a boy. That was all I wanted anyway, so I took them willingly.

Ben nearly went through the roof when he discovered what my mother had done to me. By that time though, any of the production of the boy hormones had pretty well stopped. It was when I was twelve that I found out that she had gotten some hormones designated for cows for me.

Also, by the time that I was twelve, I had to wear a bra. My breasts were big enough that it really hurt if I did not wear a bra all the time. I love having pretty breasts, but I really hated growing them. I will remember with thankfulness, that first day that mom gave me a training bra. My pain almost stopped when I put the training bra on, and I was ever so thankful for it.

Mom and Ben had a daughter then, that they called Melissa. We called her Missy for short. The next year, Kenneth was born. My mom told me that I was a god send to her, as she taught me how to take care of the babies, and by that time, I was old enough to learn how to run the house. I did it very well, because I loved being a house keeper. I loved thinking of myself as an older sister, who could help to take care of the babies. I loved how dependent the pretty babies were on me.

Ben got even more and more surly towards me. He was afraid that I was somehow going to influence Kenneth and turn him into a fairy to. I had no intentions of ever doing anything like that. I sort of felt sorry for any boy who had to grow up, wishing that he was a girl, and I would not inflict that kind of agony onto anyone. I loved doting over Missy though.

I tried to explain my feelings to Ben, but he just flew off the handle. He was not only not interested in my feelings, he had no desire to even discuss them with me.

The day that I turned sixteen, I tendered my resignation at school. I went home and packed up my belongings (no boy’s stuff). Kenneth was almost five by that time, and I was pretty sure that mom could get along without me. I just could not live with Ben anymore. I did not want to feel guilty for wearing dresses all the time any more. It was just too hard on me to know that Ben considered me to be the center source for most of the stress in the house. I wanted to be free, even at the cost of leaving my mother.

She wept, but she understood what I was saying. By the time that Ben got home that night, I was on a bus to the nearest city. Mom had saved about four hundred dollars and she had given it to me to get a start in the city. She cried when she gave it to me, pleading for forgiveness for not having saved more for me.

 

Chapter Two

The size of the bus terminal was scary to me. Not only that, but as soon as I stepped off the bus, I had these really creepy types of guys coming on to me, offering to give me a place to live, if I wanted to go home with them.

Mom had warned me about these guys. I was very nieve, but I heeded her warnings. The first thing that I did was to buy a map of the city. The second thing that I did was to buy a news paper and search for the rooms for rent section of the classifieds.

Within three hours, I had located a room for rent, that was only six blocks from the bus terminal. It was not a great room, but it did have it’s own bath room, and the entrance was very close to the front door. It was in a rooming house. It was cheap so I took it. I did not know how long my money was going to last, so I deemed it wise to pay the first three months in advance, and hope that I would have ajob by that time.

I spent the next two weeks looking for a job. I knew that I had no skills other than mostly domestic types of skills, and I knew that girls got paid a lot less than guys got paid for doing even the same jobs, but I just considered that this was a fact of life for me, if I wanted to contiue living as a girl. I had left my home so that I could develpe myself as a girl, and that was just one of the realities that girls faced in life.

I found a job at last. It was not a great job, but it was a job that allowed me to earn a living in some kind of anonimity for a while, till I could find something better. It was operating a sewing machine in a canvass factory. It was very hard work, but I kind of liked it. I had operated sewing machines before, and operating the industrial model was quite a challenge to my skills. I soon mastered it however.

I wrote to my mom, and she wrote back. I let her know that even though the job did not pay very much, that I was able to keep my cost of living down, and that after five months, I had been able to save about $2,000.00. I was quite pleased with myself about that. Of course, I knew that it was not nearly enough to do anything substantial with, but it was a good start. The bigger the savings account balance got every payday, the more that I wanted to see it grow.

I decided after six months, that I needed to get myself some more modern styled clothes. I searched around till I found a good used sewing machine. Then I went to the stores and I poured through the racks and racks of dresses, looking for the styles that I thought were really cute. I studied them, then I went home and drew patterns for them, and I made my own dresses, skirts, blouses. I got really good deals on fabrics at discount stores, so I ended up with a substantial wardrobe at a pretty low out of pocket expense. I had also discovered some of the fantastic deals that could be had at the thrift stores and good will shops.

Making my own clothes at night provided me with an interesting challenge, and it did not take a whole lot of weeks before I had developed a really nice wardrobe. The only thing that I actually bought outright, was really pretty lingerie, and groceries. I did not think that I could get the same results that I could get from ready made under wear, so I spent too much money on some delightful, pretty not to mention sexy, lingerie. By the time that I had been on my own for nearly a year, I had about $5,000.00 in the bank, and I had piles and piles of clothes. I made the decision that I should move into an apartment.

I searched the ads again, and I located a really nice apartment that was in the area. It was cheap to. But it was really nice. It was on the tenth floor, which I really liked. I loved the view of the city scape at night. It had a small balcony that was big enough for a small round table and a chair. I found that I preferred to sit on the balcony at night and watch the scenery, more than watching the television.

The apartment also had two bed rooms. I had wanted two so that I could use on for a closet slash sewing studio. I was able to get my hands on some clothes racks from a discount ware house, and soon I had all of my new clothes neatly stowed away.

This was a very happy time for me. My mom had even come to spend one weekend with me, and we were deleriously happy. I wished that she could have lived with me, but I knew that she wanted to be with her husband and her children. I envied her for her domestic life. I missed having the kids around to.

That weekend, she asked me if I had regretted that she had raised me as a girl. I told her that I was happier being a girl than I could ever hope to be, as a boy. I also told her that though I had not tried them out, that the city had places where girls like me could go to meet boys who liked girls like me. She seemed happy.

I was a bit concerned for her, as she looked really drawn out and wan. She assured me that she was feeling good though, even though I did not believe her. But, she seemed really happy. She had brought me pictures of the kids, and they were beautiful. Kenneth, I was kind of surprised to realize had just celebrated his sixth birthday.

I should have expected that, as I had just turned seventeen, but somehow, being as busy as I had made myself, had just taken awareness of the time away. Missy was turning out to be a delightfully beautiful young lady. I loved her long hair, which flowed in big waves almost to her bum. Kenny took after his dad, she told me, and I was happy for him. Ben treated him very well. I was glad that Kenny would not have to grow up wondering if he was a boy or a girl. I loved being a young woman, but I would not wish that on any other boy.

Mom told me that Ben said that he really missed me, even though he had fought with me nearly all the time that I was at home. I kind of missed him to, I admitted, but I was glad to be able to wear whatever I wanted to wear, whenever I wanted to wear it.

I promised her, as I helped her get onto the bus that would take her back home, that I would take some time to relax, while I was still young. I also promised her that I would not neglect developing a social life to. She smiled as she told me that she hoped that I would meet a man who would treat me the way that I deserved to be treated. I smiled. I did not know if I wanted a man or a woman, but a gentle loving man would certainly pique my interest, I was sure.

I made the decision that I was going to keep my promise to my mother. I bought some underground newspapers, you know the kind, the kind that cater to adult tastes. I bought three of them, and I was elated to learn that less than ten blocks from where I lived, there was a club on the main street, that had a drag queen revue.

I decided that I would go to it, and see what professional female impersonators were like. I hoped that I would not seem to be too out of place in there. The idea of making a living as a female impersonator was certainly an intriguing idea to me. I wanted to know more about it.

I dressed rather conservatively in a lovely pink corduroy suit that I had made a few weeks earlier. It had a pale pink silk blouse with a ruffle of lace at the collar, and ruffle cuffs at my wrists. It was really cute. The skirt was designed to be a mini, but I had made it longer, to about three inches above my knees. The jacket was an eton style that ended just below the waist band of my skirt, with three large pink buttons on the front. With the outfit, I wore pink heels and a pink purse. I felt so girlish. I loved it.

When I thought that I looked pretty good, I headed for the ten block walk to the club. I loved it. I felt kind of sexually excited about it to. I was glad that the skirt was a loose fitting one, because I had not tucked myself between my legs, and crammed myself up into my panty crotch. I loved the feel of my penis as it was caressed by the front of my loose fitting panties, so that was the way that I usually wore it.

The club was really crowded. The booths were all full. The only place that I could go to, was the bar. I went over and ordered a white wine. The guy that was at my right, stood up and offered me his seat, which I gladly accepted. The ten block walk in heels had taken its toll, and I was glad to get off my feet for a few minutes.

He told me that his name was Ron. I looked at him from under my long lashes. He was good looking, that was for sure. He stood about 5’ 8", which seemed about right for my 5’ 4" frame. In my heels, I would still have to look up to see into his eyes. Being in a place like this, he was very likely interested in girls like me to. I liked him. He seemed gentle, yet retained his masculinity.

He had a bushy mustache and long side burns to. His eyes were a sparkling light blue, and they almost made me feel like he could look right through me. It made me feel very weak and vulnerable. I loved the way he made me feel when he looked into my eyes, as he talked to me.

I had never entertained the idea of going out with boys before, even if I had spent a lot of time talking about it with my girl friends. (They never knew that I was not a real girl.) I had just never been that interested in interests outside of myself. But Ron was certainly piquing my interests. He was friendly. He was courteous. He was very affectionate to.

He asked me to dance, and I agreed with him. Once we were on the dance floor, he put his arms around my waist, and I could feel the strength in his arms. He felt ever so nice to me. He hugged me close to him, and I could feel his erection pressing against my belly. I thought I would not like that, but it felt kind of nice. I felt kind of flattered to know that I could make Ron feel that way about me. I must be pretty attractive to him, I thought, as I tried not to brush against it, too much.

Ron and I ended up staying together for the whole evening. He got us a booth so that we could watch the revue in comfort. I was fascinated, and I admitted to him that I had never seen anything like that before. He was utterly amazed when I had related the circumstances of my life to him.

He told me that he did not know why, but for all of his life, he had been fascinated with the idea of pretty and feminine boys wearing pretty girl’s clothes, and acting like they really were girls. I smiled and admitted to him that I certainly fell into that ctagory, as I had worn nothing but pretty clothes since that time when I was six, and my step dad had tried to make me wear boy’s clothes, and that I certainly did act like I was a girl. I even worked as a girl, I told him.

Ran was just fascinated. He told me that all of the girls that he had know like me, were either professionals like the girls on stage, or they just dressed up once or twice a month, to get new boy firends. He told me that he was fascinated that I lived 24 - 7 as a woman. I asked what 24 -7 was, and he smiled and told me that it meant twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I wondered how I could eve have been so dense as to not know that.

He asked me about my feelings about boys, and I admitted to him that I had never had a real boy friend, though I did admit that I thought that I was interested in boys, in the same way that real girls are. Ron told me that as far as he was concerned, that was a real waste. He said that a girl like me should be loved and cherished, and that I should have a man doting on me all the time.

I laughed a lot over the evening. I had really liked Ron. He made me laugh. He made me feel like I was pretty special to him to. He was constantly reaching out to caress the back of my hand, and I liked the way that he touched me. He made me feel like he really liked me for being who I was.

When the revue was over, in the wee hours of the morning, I agreed to let him take me to a restaurant. I only had a hamburger, but I sort of didn’t want to go home yet. I liked Ron. I also had to admit that it was the very first time that I had ever been attracted to a real guy, like a girl is attracted to a guy.

Ron hailed a cab, and he took me home. He got my phone number, and asked if he could call me the next day. I wanted to see him again, so I agreed to let him call me. I found that I hoped that he would call me.

I slept till very late. I did not get up till 11 a. m. It was the first time that I had ever slept so long. I spent nearly an hour on my daily ablutions, and then dressed in a halter top and a loose fitting pair of pink shorts. I always wore loose fittng shorts, because they would hide me down there. I did not like to bind myself up down there, as I loved how it felt for a pair of loose fitting panties to be caressing me all the time.

About two o’clock, just after I had started working on a new dress, the phone rang. Usually when the phone rang, it was my mom, or it was one of the girls from work. I did not have a very active social life, and I did not really want one either, so I was kind of surprised to hear it ring. I picked up the phone, expecting to hear my mom’s voice.

"Hullo?"

"Good afternoon Gorgeous. How are you feeling today?"

It took me a moment to recognize the unfamilar deep masculine voice, as my paramour of the eveing before. "OH... Ron? How nice of you to call? I was not expecting you to call? How are you doing?"

"Why not? I said I would call you, didn’t I?"

"Yeah..?"

"You want to go out for supper, Debi?"

"I... I have a better idea? Why don’t you come here, and let me make supper for you? It won’t be anything fancy, but it will taste good."

"That, dear lady, sounds like a plan. You like medium dry white wine, right?"

"Yes, that’s right."

"I’ll see you in a couple of hours, okay? Oh, and Debi?"

"Yes Ron?"

"Promise that you will not dress up real fancy. Promise me that you will wear whatever you are wearing right at this very minute, okay?"

"Really? I’m... I’m not really dressed for receiving company."

"Promise me, Debi?"

"Alright, Ron. I promise that I will not change. I will wear what I am wearing right now."

"I will not know that if you do not tell me what you are wearing right now, will I?"

"I guess not. Okay..." I sighed a feinted exapseration. "I am wearing a white halter blouse and a pair of pink shorts, with bobby socks and pink running shoes. Okay?" I could not hlep but laugh at his insistence that I do not change my clothes.

 

Chapter Three

I put a large steak into the oven, to broil it. I also put some potatoes in for baking. I made a tossed salad, and I made a small custard for desert. I hoped that Ron would like what I made for him. I had to admit that I felt very pleased to be making an intimate dinner for two, for a man that I liked. I put flowers and candles on the table.

I was able to get finished up with my new dress before I heard the heavy knocking on the door. I felt so odd, knowing that I was going to have a man in my apartment. I quickly double checked my makeup, and it semed to be okay for an in home dinner. I hped that he would not notice that I had an erection in my panties. I was glad that my shorts looked more like a loose fitting skirt than shorts. I was acutely aware of how femininely I was dressed, as I opened the door.

Ron’s face broke in a warm smile when I opened the door. His eyes very slowly took me in, from my face down to my toes, then back up again. He did it in a very slow and deliberate manner. I did not know whether I should feel like a piece of meat on a butcher’s shelf, or to be flattered that he liked what I looked like.

I opted to be flattered. I took the wine from him, as he stepped through my door way. Then Ron did something that was totally unexpected. As he passed by me, he stooped over and planted a little kiss on my lips. I was flabbergasted. I was stunned. This was the first time that a guy had ever kissed me. I wondered what I felt like, and I decided that I liked the way he had kissed me. It was even tht much nicer, because he knew that I was a guy, and he liked me for being the girl that I was.

Ron went out on the balcony to admire my view, and when the dinner was served, I called for him to come in. He made short work of the big steak that I put in front of him. He was a constant chatter of light and friendly conversation, as we ate.

He made me feel so small, and I liked the feeling. He was making me feel all over again, that magic of being special to someone. He was also very masculine. I liked that. It made me that much more aware of my own effeminaiton, and I really liked the way that it felt to me.

He had also rented a movie for us to watch. He told me that it was rented, but I am not sure about that. I turned on the telelvision, and the VCR. I went to the bath room to refresh my makeup, and to spritz on fresh perfume. When I came out, Ron was relaxed on the couch. He made my little couch look very small when his frame was sprawled out on it the way that he was.

When I came back in to the living room, he was all smiles. He straightened up, so that I could sit on the couch beside him. I elected to take the easy chair so that the coffee table would be between us. Ron giggled a bit at that. I am sure that he understood the uncertainty that I was feeling, and he was having a bit of fun with me.

"Debi, this movie is special. I got to warn you, it is a bit on the raunchy side. It’s about a girl like you, and a guy like me."

"It... It is? Will I like it?"

"I hope so. I took a lot of care with picking it out for us."

He then picked up the remote, and initiated the VCR. After fast forwarding through the FBI warnings about copy rights, there was a view of a lovely hill top in a city. A red convertible drove up the hill, and parked in the driveway of a house right at the top of the hill. A cowboy got out of it. He looked and walked like a cowboy, but he wore a three piece light grey suit with his big white stetson hat. He also had on cowboy boots.

He rapped on the door of the house, and it was opened by a very attractive thin woman with a thick mane of brown hair. The suit she was wearing was a mauve colour and looked like it might be a two piece. The skirt fell to below her knees, and she wore three ich shiny black heels. She looked kind of wild, and it was very attractive. I knew from Ron’s remarks that the cowboy was like him, and this woman was like me. She did not look like she was a boy, but of course, neither did I, thankfully. She was very attractive, lithe and graceful when she moved. I hped that I was as attractive.

I watched intently. I knew that I had a bulge in the front of my pink shorts, but I did not want to move, lest I call attraction to myself. I did not want Ron to know that the idea of a girl boy being with such an attractive cowboy was really turning me on. I wanted to know what she would do.

The cowboy poured her some wine and they sat on a couch together. He started talking to her, telling her that he was really thankful that she agreed to see him on such short notice. She replied that any friend of Jake Smith was a friend of hers.

They talked for about five minutes or so, then he really blew my mind. I could hardly believe that I had actually heard him say what he had said. "So, you really do like giving blow jobs, eh, Shirley?"

She just smiled at him, reached out and placed her right hand on his thigh, and said back in a sultry soft voice, "If you treat me in a way that makes me feel like a woman, I will make you very glad that you are a man..."

Her next words were lost, as he slid across the couch, ensnared her frail form in his arms, and drove his tongue deeply into her mouth. I was shocked. I was fascinated. I saw the tip of his tongue moving inside of her mouth, and I could tell from the hollows in her cheeks that she was really sucking on it.

I stole a look over at Ron. He surprised me. He was watching me. In particualr, his eyes kept falling to the little pink bulge that was twitching in the front of my shorts. I blushed and looked away. Before I looked away however, I did happen to notice that there was a bulge in the front of Ron’s pants to. I was even more flattered, and humiliated, because I knew that I was responsible for putting it there.

The copule on the screen kissed for a very long time. He kept feeling her breasts, and he moved his hand down under her dress, as she continually caressed his chest, and ran her hand down to caress the front of his pants for him. Then she broke it up, and asked if he would refresh the wine while she went to get into something more comfortable.

She came back in a couple of minutes, wearing a very frilly satin tap panties and camisole. The erection that she had was very evident to. It swayed in a most obscene fashion, in the front of her panties. She went over and sat on his lap, and they were kissing deeply again for a very long time, as he continually caressed her back, her chest and her upper thighs. He spent a long time, lightly caressing her erection through her panties. I knew that I wanted Ron to treat me like that.

Then he stood up. She made a very slow production out of reaching up, and undoing his tie. She removed his suit jacket, then undid his shirt buttons in a rather erotic fashion. When his shirt was off, she lowered her head and spent a very long time chewing and sucking on his nipples. He moaned and pulled her head even tighter to him.

Then she sat on the edge of the couch, and she reached up and in a slow way, she opened his belt, unclasped his pants, lowered his zipper, and then let his pants drop to the floor. She knelt on the floor, and she took off his boots, then removed his pants from his feet. From that position, she stayed on her knees, but she straightened up her back. Her face was right in front of the bulge in his white jockey shorts. She smiled up at him, and she gently rubbed the front of his shorts.

"You want for me to suck it now, for you, handsome sir?"

"You got it babe. That is why I am here, right?"

She smiled as her hands pulled his shorts down to his ankles. His cock was right in front of her face. I could tell by the look on her face, that she really liked doing what she was doing. But, in the back of my mind was the certain knowledge that Ron expected me, a girl like the one on the video tape, to also like doing to him, what the girl on the tape was doing to her lover. I had always known what people thought of fairies, but I also knew that guys expected for girls to like sucking cocks. All the guys that I had gone to school with would have expected for me to suck them and to like doing it, because if thier minds, I was a real girl. I knew differently, and I had often wondered what it would feel like to me, to do it.

I tried not to squirm, but the sensation of my silk panties on the ultra sensitive underside of my cock was really driving me crazy. I was fascinated by how womanly this man was, and it was very exciting to me. I almost let out a moan when I saw her open her mouth, move her head forward, and receive the end of the cock. She moaned like it was a wonderful feeling to do that to him.

He moaned as he drove his cock deep into her mouth. I could see the head of his cock moving on the insides of her cheeks, and I wondered what that felt like. I saw her lock her lips, look up at him, and then suck as she moved her head back. It was obvious from the deep shadows in her cheeks that she was sucking him very hard.

She licked and sucked and masturbated him for a good fifteen or twenty minutes, before she made him cum for her. I almost envied her. I knew what people thought about girls like me, who did things like the girl on the video tape was doing, but it was so terribly exciting to me to see someone, a someone who was a girl like me, actually do such a thing to a real man. It was also quite obvious to me, from the experession on her face, that she was really enjoying what she was doing to. It was giving her pleasure, to pleasure a man in the way that she was doing it. I understood that.

I asked Ron to turn the tape off. It was too graphic for me. I found that I wanted to do those things to Ron, but I was so ashamed of these desires. Ron realized that I was kind of upset. He took the tape out of the machine, and he apologized for bringing the tape over.

I told him that it was alright. He apologized to me again, kissed me, and told me that he thought he had better go.

I agreed with him. What I wanted him to do though, was to take me in his arms, kiss me like the cowboy had kissed the girl, and to make me kneel down in front of him, and make me do to him, all the things that the girl had done to her boy friend. But, I did not let him know that this was what I wanted. I wanted for him to remember that I was a god girl. I did not feel like a good girl. I felt like a horny slut.

Ron asked me if it would be alright for him to call me the following weekend. I said that I would like that. As soon as he left, I had to run into my bed room, lower my panties, and relieve myself. I had a huge load to relieve. It is not very often that I am as cranked up as I was then, but visions of that girl kneeling submissively in front of her man, and the look of adoration and pleasure that was on her face as she took him into her mouth, were terribly erotic to me.

 

Chapter Four

I had almost decided that I was going to get Ron to seduce me when he saw me the next weekend, but that Thursday I got a call from Ben.

My mother had died. The funeral was on Saturday. He wanted to know if I wanted to go home for it.

I called my boss, and she told me that there was no problem if I took a week off to go home and help out with the arrangements. She told me that she was sorry about my mom to. I thanked her for being so very understanding.

I did not even think about Ron calling me, till I was half asleep on the bus, and almost half way home. I had worn a white summery dress, white two inched high heels and white earrings. I hoped that Ben would not light into me about the way that I was dressed, but I had no male clothes, and I had no intention of buying any either. I certainly had no plans for wearing male clothes. Besides, everyone in the small town thought that I was really a girl anyway, and they would be shocked to see me dressed as a boy.

Ben met me at the station. He did not say much. He took in a quick look at the way that I was dressed, but he did not make any comments. He held out his hand to shake my hand, rather than the hug that I had expected, the hug that I wanted. My heart cried for him, because I knew that he had dearly loved my mother.

I could see the deep pain in his eyes. He loved her, and he missed her. I wondered if he had loved her as much as I had loved her. It was strange to think of the big gruff man loving someone like my mom in the same way that I had loved her, but whenever I saw the pain in his eyes, I knew that it was possible. I hoped so, for my mom’s sake. I knew that she had loved him dearly.

He did not say very much on the way home. I was thankful that no one but Ben knew that I was not a real woman in the town that I had grown up in. I knew that he would never tell anyone either. He’d be too ashamed that they would identify him with me, and he would not be able to handle that. I did not even know if the kids knew that I was not a real girl.

When we got home, Missy and Kenneth just about drove me to the ground as they atttacked me for hugs of greeting. I loved the way their small arms felt around my neck. I had not realized how much I loved them and had missed them, before this. I almost started crying, I was so happy to see them again.

They ushered me into my old room. Missy had moved into it, so it was still kept pretty much the way that I had kept it. Missy and I would share her bed. I knew that I’d have to be more careful than I ever had, because she was a smart and inquisitive little girl. I looked forward to combing out that beautiful mane of her hair for her.

Neighbours from our church had brought over platters of sandwiches for our supper. They just stayed long enough to pass on their condolences, then they left. It was a very active time, and I did not have much time to think. Everytime I started to think, Missy or Kenny needed me. They were still young enough that there was very little that they could do for themselves. I smiled and I loved being so needed. In a way, I was kind of feeling like my mom, I guessed.

We had the wake that night, and almost everyone in the small town came by to pay their respects. I cried to see my mom in her coffin. I cried to see how Ben hurt so much. I cried when the ladies hugged me and told me how much they were going to miss my mother, because of of the little things that she was constantly doing for the neighbours. I heard hundreds of little stories of how she had touched their lives with her loving generostiy, even though she never had much money.

The funeral was on Saturday morning. I found that most of my time was taken up with helping Missy and Kenneth to get ready. The just seemed to need so much attention. I was only vaguely aware that I was slipping into my mother’s shoes. Finally, they left me alone for half an hour, to let me get myself dressed.

Ben cried all the way through the service. It hurt me to see the way the quiet sobs wracked his body. I had only had bad experiences with Ben, but I saw how much he had loved my mother, and I was really hurt for him. I wished that I could just go over, wrap my arms around his shoulders and let him cry on my shoulder, but I knew that he could never accept that, not from me.

The rest of the day passed in a whirlwind of activity. Finally, at long last, we were left alone, Ben and I. The kids were in bed. We sat on the couch, watching the late news on the television. Ben turned to me to speak to me.

"Debi, I got to let you know somthing. I... I stand a very good chance of losing the kids."

"Wha... What do you mean, Ben? How can you lose the kids? You’re their father..."

"I haven’t got any money to hire a house keeper for them. You know what kind of hours I work. I would hardly ever be here for them. Welfare would see that they were left alone most of the day, and they would take the babies away from me." He lowered his head into his big hands, and he shuddered as he cried out his remorse. He really was scared of losing the kids. I was frightened for them.

I could not resist my desires to comfort him. I was terribly afraid that he would push me away, but I just had to do something. I got off my chair, and went over to sit beside him on the couch. I wrapped my left arm around him, and placed my right hand on the left side of his head, and I pulled him into my shoulder. I was surprised that he did not resist.

I held him there, crying with him, as he cried into my shoulder. A number of times he tried to speak, but I shushed him, and let him continue crying. It might have been the first time that this big man had ever cried in his life, I realised, as I cradled him there. I felt sort of special.

Ben cried for over half an hour. I kept petting the side of his head as I hung on to him. This is what my mother had done to me when I had needed consoling. Finally, I sensed that he was ready to stop. I did not know what to do, so I just stayed there with my arm around his shoulder.

"Do you have any idea of how much you look like her, and act like her?"

"No... I don’t. Do I?"

"If you was the same age, you could have been identical twins. She was so beautiful, so delicate, so loving and you look just like her, Debi. I see you, and I see her." He sobbed quietly agian, as he looked into my eyes.

I was aware that he was talking to me, like I was an adult, and a female adult. Ben had never been able to bring himself to do that before. I sat patiently and waited to see what else he would say. He made me feel so womanly, and he was not even trying to do that.

"I... That is, we... I don’t have even enough money to pay for all of the funeral home, let alone hire a nanny to come in and see for the kids, and if they get taken away from me... I just would have no more reason to live? Those kids are my life..." He started sobbing again.

I knew how he felt. I loved those two kids to. The very thought of them living in a stranger’s home, and never seeing their bright eyed smiles again was just too much for me. I cried again, as I wondered what could be done.

I could help out with the funeral, because I had some money saved, but I did not think that it would be enough to help out with a nanny. My job just did not pay enough for me to try and take on that kind of long term financial burden either. It was good for a single person, but not for supporting a family to any degree. I knew that Ben, though he worked hard, did not earn much of a salary. It was questionable if they would have made it financially, if they had to pay for rent, or mortgage payments. I was glad the at least the house was paid for.

Finally Ben sat up. I sensed that he had cried himself out.

"Would you consider coming hom, and living here again, Debi, for the sake of the kids?"

This is the point in the story where I first started writing this account. I looked at him. My heart went out to him. But, could I give up the life that I had been living for the last year?

"Ben... I... I live as a woman, now. I have a job as a woman. I do not even own one stitch of men’s clothing. I... I even sort of have a boy friend. I... I could never start to live as a man? It would be impossible for me to do? I just could not do that?"

"No... No, I don’t mean anything like that Debi. I mean, well, I guess that I mean to ask you if you could sort of take over where your mom left off? Would you come home and help me take care of the babies?"

"You want me to be Missy and Kenny’s mother?" The idea fascinated me. I’d always felt maternally towards them, and I’d always envied my mom, knowing that I could never walk in her shoes. She was a good mom, but I’d never be able to be a mom. Mom’s don’t have a penis in their panties.

"Well... If you put it that way, I guess that I do mean exactly that. Yeah, I guess that this is what I am asking of you?"

I looked deeply into Ben’s eyes. He was looking back at me to. He was not judging me. He was asking me for the help that I could give him, by becoming a surrogate mother for his children, for my half brother and sister. Could I do it? I knew that when the idea had first occured to me that this was what he was asking, my heart had leapt into my throat.

"Ben, if I was to agree to this insane plan of yours, I would always be a female. You know that don’t you? I would never want to be a male mother. I’d have to be like a real mother, a female mother... You know what I am trying to say, Ben?"

"Yes, I know that. I also know that if you do not do this, I’ll lose my kids. I couldn’t bear to lose my Chrissy and then to lose the kids to."

"I... I can try it for a little while, Ben, and see how things go, okay?"

He smiled for the first time in days, and he threw his arms around me and squashed me in a huge ber hug. I felt his strength, and it started to turn me on. I felt ashamed of my feelings for my step father.

"I’ll need to go back to the city, Ben. The law requires that you give your employer two weeks notice, and I have accumulated a lot of stuff over the last year. I need to take care of all of that stuff. Uhhh... You said that you did not have enough for the funeral? How much do you need?"

"Well, it’s going to run about $9,000 and I have about $5,000. Once I pay that down, I will have no more money at all. I never thought to put life insurance on your mom. I just figured that since I was so much older than she was, and the kind of work that I do, that I would be the first one to go. I just never figured."

"Well, I have aboutt $6,000 saved. I was going to buy a car with it, but you can have it if you need it."

"I appreciate that Debi. I sure never thought you’d be acting this way, not after the way that I treated you when you were growing up. I can not tell you how sorry I am about that."

"You never understood me."

"That is for sure. But, I got to say, you have turned out to be a real fine young woman, Debi, a really fine young woman indeed."

My heart almost burst at hearing his words. This man knew how to say things that opened up a feminine heart. I began to see why my mom had loved him so much.

 

Chapter Five

The next three weeks were very hectic. Ben arranged for one of the neigbour ladies to keep an eye on the kids till I would be able to move back home. My life was a whirlwind of activity. I had to pack up my huge collection of dresses, and ship them off to home.

I had no idea of where I was going to be able to keep all these pretty things, but I should have known that Ben would have worked something out for me. He did to.

Ron was really sorry that I was going to be leaving the city. He wanted to know if he could keep in touch with me, and I agreed, but I really knew that he would not keep in touch. The basis of his love for me was a sexual attraction, and that is not a strong basis for any kind of relationship. I hoped that he would find the kind of girl that he wanted, then marry her, and turn her into an honest woman, instead of a boy wearing dresses. He laughed at that, as he kissed me goodbye.

At long last, the time had come. I’d gotten all of my stuff packed and shipped off. I got onto the bus, and I watched the city that I had come to love, as it receeded into a distant memory, as the bus took me away to a brand new life. I was scared, and I was excited. I hoped against hope that I could be a good mom.

Ben met me at the station. He told me that all of my stuff had arrived that afternoon, and that he had the boxes put into my room.

"My room?"

"Well, we can’t very well let a mom live in her daughter’s room, can we? I cleared out a section of the basement, and I made a very nice room there for you. I even but in a bath room, so you’ll never have to wait in line. Missy helped me with some ideas about what kind of furniture to get for you. I hope you like it?"

"I will like it Ben, I promise."

The kids were all over me once again, when I got out of the car. It felt so nice to be at home again, a home that welcomed me as a mother, albeit surrogate mother. But my heart burst with happiness. It was just too bad that it had taken my mother’s death to bring such acceptance from Ben all about.

The room was really special. Ben had tried to make a statement when he had built it, and he had succeeded. It was all done in pale pink, even the carpeting. The bath room was a four piece, with a built in vanity desk that had a huge mirror with inlaid light bulbs. The bed was a canopy styled double bed, with lovely shirred ruffle trimming.

The furniture was all done in an off white anttique applique. It was lovely. My mom must have told him about how many dresses I had, because he had built me a huge walk in closet. I figured that this new room must have taken up half of the basement. It was absolutely gorgeous, and I knew that Ben really valued my being here for him, to do this kind of thing for me.

I had to shoo Missy out of the room, as she was just the most curious little thing about the fiteen or twenty boxes that were neatly stacked in the center of the room. The rest of the family agreed to leave me alone so that I could get settled in. believe me, that was a very big job.

It took me nearly five hours to get my clothes unpacked and stowed in the closet. I also found that the closet was big enough that I would have room to put a small table in there, and set up an area for my sewing nook. I found just exactly the right table to, and I flopped on the bed, exhausted, but deleriously happy.

There was a light rap on the door.

"Come in?"

It was Ben. He smiled at me, and he noted that all the boxes were empty.

"Just put all of those boxes out here, and Kenny and I will take care of them tomorrow for you, okay? Uhhh... I hope I am not being presumptive, but your mother told me that all of your dresses were very beautiful. I figured, well... If you would not be upset about it, that maybe none of the dresses that you have are for... For doing mothering types of stuff. If it is okay with you, I can bring your mother;s stuff down here for you? You are the only one here who would have any kind of use for it?"

"Thank you Ben. That is very thoughtful. And your are right. I do not have house work clothes, that is unless you want to see me running around the house in cute little shorts and halter tops?" I laughed, knowing full well that his conservative nature would not let him be very comfortable with the idea of a boy running around the house in sexy not to mention skimpy, girl’s clothes.

"Well, now that might not be too bad a sight to see at that, might it?"

He closed the door with that remark. I was floored. Those were the last words that I had ever expected to hear coming from him. As I lay there, thinking about his words, I was ashamed to find that I had an erection growing in my panties. I was even more amazed to find that I was reacting to Ben as a girl would react to a sexy man. I had to admit it though, Ben might be a back woods kind of person, but his gentleness, not to mention his very good though rough looks, certainly would turn on a lot of the ladies, me included.

I fell asleep in a lovely floor length pink night gown. It was my favourite. I had never dreamed that I would ever be able to wear it in this house though. When I awoke, I was very refreshed. Having my own private bath room was a luxury in a house as hectic as this one had seemed to be, when I was growing up in it.

I rose, wrapped my pegnoire around me, and made my way up the stairs. The kitchen was still neat. The kids had not gotten into it yet. I hummed as I put on the coffee, and started the eggs and bacon. It did not take long for the aromas to attract my loyal following.

First it was Ben. He came in, sniffed the air and grinned, advising me that it had been a while since that smell had filled the air. He leaned over the stove to check out what I was doing. He commented that I looked very pretty, then he gave me another smile, and went off to his bed room to prepare for the day.

The kids were dressed and seated at the table, bickering as per usual, when he returned. He sat and gave me an appreciative smile, as I laid out his breakfast for him. I sat down to, in my mom’s usual chair. Missy commented about how pretty my night gown and pegnoire were. Ben smiled and told me that I did look very pretty in it. Kenny just made a face which he finished off with a good humoured grin. He was a nice kid, all boy, and I was going to enjoy being his surrogate mother.

Before he left for work, Ben transferred a number of boxes that he had packed the night before, into my room. Once the kids were gone, and Ben was gone, I had the chance to finally take stock. I hung up the dresses. They were worn for sure, but they were still pretty. I searched through her lingerie, and I only kept the prettiest stuff. The rest, I let go into the trash. Lingerie was one thing that I did not lack for. Three of my dresser drawers were full of very pretty lingerie.

I put on one of my mom’s dresses, and I set about to vacuum the house. It had not been cleaned in a long time. I guess that her illness had carried on for a long time. I wondered why they had never told me about it. I felt ever so nice to know that I was wearing my mom’s clothes, as I was walking in her shoes. She was the kind of lady that everyone wanted to be around, because of her bright personality. Now, it was my turn to be just like her. I felt lucky to be able to step into her shoes, and I hoped that I could do a good job.

It took me all morning to get the living room cleaned to my standards. I would do the rest of the house one room at a time. I went into Missy’s room, and was surprised to see that she had already made her bed. But she’d thrown her night gown and panties on the floor, rather than in the laundry hamper, which was only two feet from where she’d thrown them. I smiled. I was really going to like being her mother, her guide, her role model. I just hoped that I could be good enough for her. I already knew that we shared special times, when we would sit on her bed together, and I would brush out her beautiful hair. She did not seem to know that I was not a real girl, and I liked that.

Kenny had also made his bed. I was surprised at how neat his room was, that is till I opened his his closet. All of his dirty clothes were piled up to waist high, on the closet floor. I smiled as I sighed, as I commented into the air about how a woman’s work was never done. I lugged all the dirty laundry down into the laundry room, and started on the massive task that was set before me. It was obvious that my mom had not been able to do the regular house work for quite a while. I missed her.

While the washer was doing it’s work, I went back upstairs, and into Ben’s room. It was a mess. He had under wear all over the place. His bed was not made. I started to make it, then I was struck with the realisation that my mom had spent many years of her life, laying in this bed, beside this man. She had let him make love to her in this bed. She had pleased her man in this bed.

I lay down on the bed, and I had a myriad of feelings wash through my psyche. I moaned for missing my mother. Even though I’d grown away from her over the last year or so, I missed her terribly. I also knew that she loved Ben. I wondered how I would deal with that. I could smell his manliness in the room, and it made me erect. I knew that I should feel guilty about that, but I had to admit that he excited me that way.

I must have lay there for nearly an hour, weeping for my loss, and wondering about how these strong new feelings that I was having were going to affect my life. I also felt lonely. I walked in my mother’s shoes, and I now had a desire to do all of those intimate things that she did with her husband to.

I wept because I felt totally inadequate to provide a maternal influence on the home for Missy and Kenny. I loved those kids so much, and I wanted nought but the very best for them. It all seemed to be so hopeless as I lay there. The responsibility seemed to be too big for my tiny shoulders to bear.

After a while though, I got up and managed to get together enough drive to pick up all the dirty clothes, and to finish making the bed for Ben. I trucked his dirty laundry down the stairs. It was time to put the washed load into the drier and a new load into the washer. I was exhausted. I checked my watch and saw that they kids were going to be home from school in half an hour. Where had all the time gone?

I went back to the kitchen and prepared a light snack for the kids. If I remembered right, they were always hungry when they got home from school. I knew, after a check of the cupboards, that I should make some cookies tomorrow. I was thankful all over again, at how thorough my mother had been when she trained me to run a household. In that regards, I was able to walk in her shoes, and do it competently.

Thus went my first day. I got through it, and I was successful. It got easier as the days wore on.

We settled into a kind of a routine. Ben, as his job required, was away till around eight every night. When he did get home, he was tired, and he was dirty. I would have supper ready for the kids around 5:30. I would have something that was not quite cooked all the way through, that I would put into the oven fifteen or twenty minutes before Ben would get home. By the time he’d taken his shower, he was ready to eat.

Usually, he’d fall asleep in front of the telelvision by 10:30 or so. I would turn off the television, and that would wake him up. He would stumble off to the bed, to make sure that he got a good night’s sleep for the next day.

This went on like this for nearly a month. I was getting a bit frustrated at not having adults to talk to. The kids were great. They were just so thankful that I had come home to take care of them, that they went out of their way to be nice to me, and to show appreciation.

Ben, I had noticed over the few weeks that I had been back at home, slowly but gradually become more surly. Even the kids noticed it and wondered what was going on. I wondered if I was doing something to cause him problems.

Finally, one Friday night, I decided that I could not take it any more. I had to confront him about the way he was acting, and to see if there was something that I could do to help the situation. I did not want to live in the hell that I had grown up in, but it seemed like he was getting that way again.

I waited till later that night, after the kids were in bed, and Ben was well fed. As per usual, the kids went to bed around nine. Ben was sprawled out on the couch, watching whatever on the boob tube. I walked into the living room, turned off the television, and went over to sit on the lazy boy in front of the couch.

"Ben, you and I have got to talk. Over the last three or four weeks, you have been turning into a real bear. I gave up a good life to come home, and to help you keep the kids. But, Ben, you have got to know that I will not accept living with you the way that we did the last time. If it means that you lose the kids then so be it. I am starting to really feel uncomfortable around you. Is there something that I am doing wrong, to make you not like me again?"

Ben just looked at me for a very long time. I could see by the expressions that flitted across his face, that he was struggling with something that was hard for him to express. I hoped that he was not going to say that he hated me, not after all this?

"Debi?" He spoke, and I could hear the agony in his voice. My heart went out to him once again.

"Yes Ben? You can say anything to me. I hope that you know that?"

"Do you... do you have any idea of how much you look like her and act like her?"

"No... I guess that I don’t."

"Everytime I see you wearing one of her pretty dresses, I miss her so much all over again. I... I do not hate you, Debi. I love you. The problem is that I sometimes confuse what I feel for you, for what I felt for your mom? It’s very hard for me. It is not anything that you are doing wrong. You are doing a terrific job of taking care of the babies the way that you are. It’s me, it’s a problem with me, Debi."

I really did not know what he was talking about. I did know that I did not want him to feel bad about me. I went over to sit beside him. Like that first time, I cradled him in my arms and I let him sob out his emotions. I did not know what to say, so I just kept repeating over and over again, "It’s alright Ben, no matter what it is, it’s alright... We can work out anything, you and I. I’m here to help you, Ben, no matter what it is, I want to help?"

After fifteen or twenty minutes of this, he sat up and looked me right in the eye.

"Debi, I might as well tell you this, so you can try and understand. A man... A man has certain needs, and the woman that he loves takes care of those needs for him. The problem is that the woman who loved to take care of my needs is no longer here.

And the problem is that you look so much like her, that it drives me crazy. She was so sexy, you know. You do not even know it, but you are just like her. You drive me crazy with my desires, Debi. It has nothing to do with you. It is something deep inside of me that is wrong. I hope that you can forgive me?" He shuddered and collapsed into my arms again.

I held him as he sobbed in my arms. I did not know what I was feeling, but I loved this bear of a man, and I wanted to help him. I turned my head down so that my lips were on his forehead. I genlty kissed him and told him that it was alright. I told him that I understood, and I kissed his forehead again.

He responded slowly. He sat upright again, and he stared deep into my eyes.

"You... You understand, and you do not hate me for it?"

"No, I do not hate you, Ben. I... I love you. I have always loved you. I have always envied my mother for having you. I had a boy friend in the city, because he reminded me of you, Ben. He was strong, and masculine, and gentle with me."

"You... You would do that for me, Debi?"

"Ben, I have come to love you over these last few weeks. You asked me to be a surrogate mom to these kids. I guess that being a surrogate mom to your children also means that I am a surrogate wife to their father?"

He stared at me for a long moment. I was afraid that he was going to hate me for saying that to him.

He stood up, reached for my left hand, which he gently took, and he indicated that I should stand up. I stood up, right in front of him, closer than I had ever stood to a man, excepting Ron. I tingled inside. I did not want it to happen, but I did want it to happen to. I wanted to become his wife to.

I smiled very nervously.

"Debi? Do you understand what you are saying to me? There is no going back you know. If you choose to do this, there is no going back. Do you really know what you are doing?"

I smiled up at him. "Ben, I love you. I want yo to stop being so grumpy all the time. If I can help, I want to help..."

 

Chapter Six

His face broke apart in a wide smile. He slowly put his left arm around my shoulders, and he pulled me against his hard muscular body. His body was really hard to. I had never been so close to him in my life, and it made me feel so small and weak, and vulnerable. I could not help it. I trembled inside, and I yielded to the wonder of this new sensation that was wracking my body and emotions. My cock sprang to instant erection in my mother’s panties. It was beautiful.

He lowered his face to me, and his mustache scratched my face in a most delightful fashion, as he planted a very warm, very tender light kiss on my lips. I felt like I was going to feint away and swoon to the floor, so I put my arms up around his neck to hold myself up. He made me melt, and my knees buckled from the excitement he genereated in me.

I felt the heat of his fingers right through the thin material of my dress and slip as he gently caressed my back, tracing out the outline of my bra straps. He made me so weak in the knees. I began to tremble. I placed my hands on his hard chest to steady myself, but I still felt very weak. His heart was beating wildly under my palms. I excited him, I knew.

I slid my hands up so that I could rest my palms on his shoulders, to lend me support. I wanted to melt, he turned me on so much. I knew that this was the moment that I began to feel a womanly type of love for this man. I could feel his erection rubbing against my tummy, and it was terribly exciting to me. I shuddered.

"Debi? Are you alright dear?"

"Ummm. Yes. Why?"

"You are shuddering? Are you sure you are alright?"

"Yes."

"Why are you shuddering?"

"It’s because... I... Uhhh... You really excite me. Ben.. You excite me..."

Once the words were heard, I could almost sense his puffing up in pride. I loved being able to affect him the way that I did. That was part of the excitement. A lady had a great deal of control when she submitted to her man, did she not? I marvelled at how much power a owamn seemed to have over a man, when she submitted to him.

He kissed me again, then he reached down. In a seceond, I felt his arm under me, as he picked me up, as though I were of an inconsequential weight. He made me feel so small and weak. I let my arms go around his neck, and my fingers knit together behind his head. I smiled at him, as his pleasure with me was written all over his rugged face.

He carried me into his bed room, the room where he had made love for so many years to my mother. He went around to my mother’s side of the bed, and he gently lay me down on it. It was a subliminal message to me that I was truly walking in my mother’s shoes, and I was not a male son to him anymore. I’d become, in his mind, his surrogate wife. He was going to use me like a wife, and I could hardly wait for him to do it to me.

I watched as he stood up straight and he stared down at me with a gentle smile on his lips. I felt his eyes, as I watched them move very slowly from my face, down to my high heeled feet, and back up again to my face. His eyes stopped for a moment at the twitching bulge in the front of my dress, but he seemed to like it. He did not hate me for it.

"You are so beautiful Debi. You look so much like your mother. You could be her identical twin, a younger version. You are very lovely. You are a very sexually attractive woman, young Debi."

I watched as he walked over to his side of the bed, and he started to undress. His removed shirt revealled the knotted muscles in his arms and chest. He was so completely masculine. I watched, fascinated. I"d seen my own naked body before, but it was nothing like this man’s. This was a man’s body, so very unlike my soft shapeliness.

Soon he w as completely naked. He turned to face me, and stood there for a long moment. It was my turn now. I let my eyes move from his face, down over his chest, over his flat hairy belly, down to his throbbing jutting cock. It seemed so big, and so very ugly that it fascinated me. I was amazed to find that I was drawn to it. I wanted to feel it with my fingers. I wanted to feel it inside of my mouth. I wanted to taste it.

I’d heard about guys like me before, but I had never really ever understood what their attraction to guys was. Now I knew. I wanted to touch this man in intimate ways, and I wanted to please him. I wanted him to like me, and I wanted to really please him. I wanted to please him in the same ways that my mother had pleased this man that she had loved.

My dress was throbbing with the erection that pushed out at the front of my panties. I had never been so excited before. I stared at his cock, taking in every little detail, and then I slowly let my eyes move back up over his belly, over his wide hairy chest. I liked his hairyness. I looked back up into those gently smiling and loving eyes.

"Are you sure that you want to go through with this, Debi? You look like you do, but are you really sure? There will be no going back..."

"Yes, Ben... I am sure. I want to please you. I... I want to love you... I want to love you just like my mother loved you..."

He knelt on the bed and then he moved so that he was laying on top of me. His cock was grinding into the front of my panties, and I could not resisit how exciting it was. I clung to his neck. I sucked his tongue deeply into my mouth, and I bucked up against his weight. I came in a most shattering orgasm. I pumped up into his cock, and in my mind, I could feel him inside of me, as though I really were a girl.

It took me about fifteen minutes to recover from the intensity of the orgasm. All the while Ben was kissing my face, ears and neck. His strong fingers treid to be gentle, as they kneaded my sensitive breasts. He made me feel as though he really loved me, and that I was a cherished prize of his. It is no wonder that my mother loved this man, if he treated her the same as he was treating me at the moment. When he sensed that I had recovered, he rolled off of me, and lay on his back.

"What do you want me to do now, Ben?" I asked timidly. I was still somewhat breathless.

"Well, have you ever fantasised about what you would like to do to a real man?"

"Yes, of course I have. All girls do that."

"Why don’t you just do whatever you fantasised that you would like to do, just like in your fantasies?"

I smiled. I rolled up onto my right side. I could not believe that he was going to let me do whatever I wanted to do. I reached up with my left hand, and with the tips of my fingers, I gently began to caress his face for a few minutes. Then I watched my hand as it moved down to gently caress his hard little nipples. I loved the way his hairy chest felt, and the way that his nipples got so rock hard.

Then I did what I had only dreamed of doing. I watched my hand as it moved down over his flat muscled belly, down to his cock. For the first time in my life, I saw my hand reach out and grasp the shaft of a man’s cock. I did not consider my own cockette to be a man’s cock. It was so exciting to touch Ben this way, I shuddered in pure bliss.

It felt like a rod of iron, under the satiny smooth covering of his skin. He moaned and I felt him throb in my hand. I gently masturbated him for a very long time, mesmerised by the sight of my girlish hand doing what my mother’s hand had done to this man before me. I was in her place. I felt that it was one way of passing on my love for my mother, to love her husband for her, as she had loved him.

I leaned over and began to kiss his chest. I could not resist my desire to kiss, to nibble and to suck on his nipples. They were terribly hard, like little rocks. He gently caressed my back, and he moaned out his pleasure, as he let me kiss him in this fashion.

I began to kiss my way down his belly. Soon, the cock that I still held in my hand, was only a scant half an inch from my face. I raised my head and I smelled it. I liked the smell. He was manly. I pursed my lips, and I planted a loving kiss on his very dry cock head. It felt so natural for me to do this. I felt as though I were honouring him for being such a man, for having what it takes to bear the responsibility of raising a family. I wanted him to know that I honoured and loved him.

I knew that this cock had spawned my brother and sister, and I knew that this cock had spent much time deep inside of my mother, as she pleasured him for her love of him. I was aware of my complete feminine nature, as I kissed this man;s sexuality.

I continued kissing the head of his cock, leaving light traces of my pink lip stick all over it. I was amazed to find that I thought that it looked kind of cute, even if it was so ugly. I genlty felt his balls with my fingertips, as I kissed his shaft all over. I was amazed at how much he trusted me, to let me do whatever I wanted to do with his family jewels. Then I wanted more. I opened my mouth as wide as I could, and I pressed my head against his cock head. I wanted to feel the dry skin on my tender lips.

The cock seemed like it was too big to go into my mouth. I had a brief moment of panic. Then my rational side took over. I realised that what it needed, was lubrication. Hesitantly, I put the tip of my tongue onto his cock head, and I started to taste it. I liked the taste. It was kind of salty, sort of a bit like sweat, but there was also some kind of other taste that I just could not define. I began to lick the head of it all over till it was really soaking wet. Then, I licked all the way around it, till my tongue went about half way down his shaft, licking lovingly all the way around the hard shaft.

Ben was nearly throwing a conniption fit. He was writhing around, moaning out about how good I was making him feel. He kept calling me honey, and pretty. As he did so, I wanted even more to pleasure him. Then I opened my mouth again, and tried to take him into me again.

I felt the hard hot rubbery head of his cock as it slowly began to pass over my sensitive lips. I could hardly believe that I was really doing it, at long last. I prolonged the moment, to enjoy it. I felt the head of his cock as it reached my tongue, and it slid even further into me, till I began to gag a bit. I pulled back just a bit.

I felt the big head stretching out the sides of my cheeks from the inside. I had never had my mouth so full before. It pressed against my tongue. My lips were stretched. Ben was writhing and moaning and I knew that it was only going to be a short time before he let me have the same reward that he had given to my mother for so many years.

I lay there, slowly moving my tongue over his shaft, very aware of my own effemination, and his masculinity in my mouth. I knew now, that I had really finally become what I had suspected that I had always wanted to be. I was a fairy cock sucker.

When I looked in the mirror in the morning, I would be looking at a cock sucker, and the thought pleased me. I was doing what real girls did, at long last, and I was really liking it. I felt more womanly than I have ever felt, and it was exhilerating. I was acutely aware of every feminine stitch that I was wearing, and it was wonderfully erotic. I was hard again. I wanted to make wonderful love to this man who was helping me become all that I wanted to become. I wanted to be his new love, and his pleasure. I wanted to ubmit to the role of being his loving wife.

I moved my tongue under him, as much as I could, and I moved my head back and forth slowly. I loved the way his cock felt as it moved inside of my mouth. I felt so utterly womanly pleasing my surrogate husband in such an intimate fashion. I wanted the moment to last, but I knew that it would not. Besides, my neck and shoulders were beginning to get sore from all of the contortions and unaccustomed stretching.

He tensed up, grasped my head by entwining his fingers in my hair, and he drove himself into me, as I felt my mouth stretch to its limits. Before I realised what was happening, his first jet of cum spurted with a strong force against the top of my mouth, then the second and the third, till I lost count because there were so many of them.

Somehow, I managed to keep most of it in my mouth. Some of it spilled out of the corners of my mouth, but I kept most of the thick salty substance in my mouth. I did not really enjoy it, aside from knowing how much I was pleasing Ben, but it was not a bad experience either. I asked myself if I would do it again for him, and the answer was an unqualified yes, I would suck his cock for him, as many times as he wanted me to suck it for him. I did like sucking it, because it made me feel so utterly womanly to suck it.

He lay still, utterly drained, emotionally and physically. I just lay there for a long while, holding his cock in my mouth, and once in a while, I would suck at it and lick it for him. I wanted him to know that I had really wanted to please him in the same way that my mother had done for him for their long years of marriage. I hoped that he liked me as much as he had liked her.

When he started to shrink, I gave him one final suck, and I let him escape from my sucking lips. I did not know what to do with the large thick load that I had in my mouth. I rolled it around on my tongue for a while. I liked the way it felt. I liked the way that it tasted to. I decided to swallow it. I wondered what I would feel like, knowing that I was swallowing the load of cum that I had sucked out of my step father. I was mildly surprised to find that I did not feel anything, excepting a satisfaction that I had been able to get it from him, just like my mother had before me had taken it from him.

I moved my head up so that it was laying on his chest. I could feel the beating of his heart. His arm hugged me tightly towards him, and I felt him kissing the top of my head. I knew that this meant that he liked me. I hoped that he liked me a lot.

Before I was aware of it, I was waking up in his arms.

I looked up at him, almost fearful of what he must think of me for doing what I had done. I knew what he used to say to me, before I moved back home. I wondered what he would think of me now. I was certain that I had fulfilled his worst expectations of me, by submitting to his desires for me in the way that I had.

He smiled at me, and he kissed my lips. Then he asked me how I had slept. That was my first morning as a surrogate mom for my brother and sister, and as a surrogate wife for my step father.

We kissed each other for a very long time. Finally, he told me the had had loved what I had done tom him, but that there was somehting else that my mother had done for him that I still had not done yet. I asked what that was. He smiled and he told me that the main difference between husbands and wives was that the husbands fucked their wives, while the wives were fucked by their husbands.

I was scared, because Iknew how big he was, first hand, but he asked me to trust him not to hurt me. I kissed him and told him that if he wanted to fuck me, then I would just have to let him have his way with me. He smiled and told me that I had no idea of how much like my mother, I really was.

I rolled over onto my tummy. I felt his hand pushing my dress and slip up. Then his fingers lowered my panties to about mid thigh. His strong fingers spent a long time exploring my round cheeks, and he kept commenting on how pretty they were.

Then he put some kind of grease on his fingers, and he very gently worked the tips of his finger inside of me. It was uncomfortable, but he was gentle, and he soon had me admitting that it was feeling kind of nice. It was not long before he had a second then a third finger inside of me.

He told me that it was time to become a complete wife, and I responded that I wanted to be his wife as completely as I was able to be. It was sore, but I was able to receive him inside of me. He treid to be very gentle.

I lay there, knowing that I was in complete submission to him. His weight pinned me to the bed, and I could not move away, even if I had wanted to move away. I felt him ever so slowly move into me, filling me completely, then he would pull back very slowly, leaving me feel empty and waiting for him to fill me again.

He made love to me like that for a long time, whispering in my ear about how nice my pussy felt on his cock. I liked it. I knew that in his mind, I was his pussy. The idea of being his pussy, just like my mother had been, was terribly exciting to me. The front of my panties was being ground into my erection, and I could not stop myself from a terrifically sensuously orgasming, as just the very idea that I was getting my pussy fucked by a real man made me feel even more womanly than I had felt the night before.

I received him into me, and soon found that as he pulled out, that I was raising him to keep him inside of me just a wee bit longer. It was not long before he just rammed deeply into me, and I felt myself being filled with his cum, just like he had ejaculated into my mother before me, on this bed, perhaps while she was even wearing the same clothing that I was wearing.

When were were done, he asked me if I had liked being fucked.

I kissed him, and I asked him when he would be ready to do me again. He liked that.

The kids smiled with silly grins when they saw me coming out of daddy’s room.

The kids are all grown up now, all moved away and at college. Ben and I are still together. I love him more every day, and he treats me like a queen. Of course, now that the kids are away from home, and we are alone a lot, I have to submit more and more often to his rather voracious sexual appetite, but I can assure you that I do so very willingly. Ben is an excellent lover, and husband.

He is the kind of man that makes a woman enjoy her sensuality.

 

© 2001
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