This is a new little story that I had in my mind for quite some time. It is a little different from some other works because I deal with more of the psychological aspects of things. It is also similar to my other works because it deals with the same premise. Also for those wondering, I have finished my novel and am in the process of final editing and finding an agent/publisher. So if you know someone and like my work please contact me.
Summertime Pinks
by Little Katie
Part 1: Finding the true Billy
"Another hot day in the low 90s," the radio announcer said. "There is no chance of rain, so it looks like another scorcher. Keep the air conditioning pumping as Stan the wolfman pumps out the hits. Now for another ten in a row."
Nine year old Billy looked out the window to see if any of his friends were out getting ready for another day of baseball at the community field. It was summer, there was no school and he was free to do whatever he wanted.
"Billy," his dad called from the kitchen.
Billy walked into the kitchen and saw his dad sitting in a red short sleeved collared shirt and a pair of khaki pants. This could only mean one thing, his dad was going golfing. "What dad?"
"You were suppose to mow the lawn today, remember?"
"But dad," Billy was about to spout off a list of reasons why he shouldn't.
"No 'but dad's" you know you have things to do around the house to help out."
"But I am suppose to play baseball today."
"You play baseball everyday. Missing one day won't kill you. You know I would like to play golf everyday, but I can't because I have to work all week this way I can put a roof over you and your sisters' heads and food on the table."
"But why can't Julie do it? she never does anything." Billy said referring to his 13 year old sister.
"Because she is a girl and girls don't do that sort of thing."
"That's so wrong, she gets to do anything she wants and never has to do nothing. And I got to do everything and that just sucks."
"You watch your mouth young man."
"But it's not fair that I got to do everything and they don't."
"It's because they are girls, and that's just the way it goes."
"So if I was a girl then no one would mow the lawn."
"But you aren't a girl, so I guess I don't have to worry about doing it myself."
"I wish I was a girl, then I could get away with doing nothing."
"You know what, I am so tired of having this argument with you all the time. This is like the fifth time this month you have said that. Any little thing I ask you to do, you go back to that. You want to be a girl so much, then you don't have to mow the lawn."
"I don't?" Billy was surprised by the turn of events. Maybe he will be playing baseball today after all.
"No, because you are punished."
"But Dad," Billy couldn't think of anything to say after that.
"You are to spend time in your sister's room. Amanda's room to be exact." His father knew that Julie had a television and radio and that the punishment would be less severe in there. "You want to wish you are a girl every time I give you a chore then maybe you can see how they live. You are to stay in her room until I come back from golf and see how you like it. If you leave the room for anything other then using the bathroom, I don't have to tell you the beating you'll get."
Billy knew not to argue with his dad at this point. He slowly shuffled his feet upstairs to his sister's room. His ploy to get out of doing yard work had failed and he fumed about having to spend a few hours in a baby's room. Amanda wasn't a baby, she was six. But that was enough of a baby as Billy was concerned.
He walked into the room and closed the door behind him. His sisters went with his mom to go shopping. The Lord only knows how long that they would be gone. Billy looked around the room, trying to search for something to keep him occupied. The White room with pink trim and ballerina border offered very little for a nine year old boy to do. Billy jumped onto the four poster bed. Amanda called it her 'princess bed'. Billy stared up at the canopy, looking at its interlacing white and pink fabric.
"How can she stand a room like this?" Billy asked himself. "It's so boring in here."
Billy looked under the bed, a bunch of shoes were neatly arranged by color. There were a pair of black Mary Jane's next to a pair of white ones, two pair of sneakers, one was pink canvas and the other were white leather with pink stripes, a pair of ballet slippers finished the row.
"I don't know why she has ballet shoes, she don't do ballet."
Billy looked at the shelf that had her collection of porcelain dolls. She had a dozen in her collection already. Billy thought that they were a dumb thing to collect. They weren't even like toys, all they could do was sit there and be looked at. He looked at one large baby doll and fixed it's dress a little so it poofed out properly.
"Such a waste of money," Billy said as he felt the doll's hair. "And so ugly too, aren't you an ugly, stupid doll."
Billy sort of laughed to himself and then opened the closet door. He knew that was where Amanda kept all her toys. Her good clothes were kept in his parent's closet and this was just storage. In the corner of the closet a pile of dolls remained unclothed and uncared for. Amanda only had one doll that she looked after. The rest could just disappear for all she was concerned with. These dolls and various stuffed animals only made an appearance if she decided to throw a tea party or something.
"It's such a shame that she treats her things like this, she should at least keep them nice. All she does is take care of her doll molly and lets you guys stay in this prison. Don't worry Billy is here to save you. Sir Billy, knight of the round table shall rescue the damsels from the evil witch's dungeon." Billy galloped around the room like he was on a mighty stead, he circled the room twice and then returned back to the closet. He hadn't played this way in quite some time, but he was enjoying himself slightly and figured it would at least pass the time.
Billy took each of the six dolls and placed them gently on the bed. He arranged them by size and was amazed that they all were practically the same size and probably all could fit in the same size clothes.
"You poor things, you're all naked. It can't be nice living in a closet all your life. Don't worry, I'll get you dressed. I know where she keeps all the baby clothes."
Billy walked over to the white dresser with pink heart shaped handles. He pulled open the bottom draw, on the left side were diapers and on the right side were a bunch of dressers. Billy pulled out six diapers and laid them on the bed carefully. He returned to the dresser and picked out six different dresses, making sure that each doll had it's own color. He laid each dress out separate from the others placing them above the doll that was to wear it. After taking care of that, he pulled out six pairs of ruffled socks and black doll shoes. He closed the dresser drawer and turned his attention to the dolls.
"You babies need to be cleaned first, I think." Billy didn't exactly know why he was playing like this. He figured it was probably because he was bored and there was a lack of things to do in his sister's room. He never played like this before, but he was amusing himself at least.
Billy walked into the bathroom that he and his younger sister shared. It joined to both rooms and many times did they fight and yell when the other would walk in on them as they were taking care of their business. He pulled a basin from under the sink and filled it partially with warm water. He grabbed a pink washcloth and the baby powder. In a few moments he was back in his sister's room, ready to get to work.
"Dad wants me to be in this room because I told him I wished I was a girl," Billy told the dolls. "Well I will teach him and will act like one while I am here and then his dumb punishment will backfire."
"Okay, let mommy wash you." Billy said out of spite for his father. With all the gentleness that was in him, Billy softly washed the dolls, getting all the dirt and pen marks off of them. He was certain that most of the pen marks were placed on the dolls by him.
"Mommy is sorry she wrote on you," Billy spoke in a little kid's voice, mimicking his little sister. "I was a nasty boy then, but now I am a sweet little girl. That will teach dad, won't it."
After each doll was washed and dried to Billy's satisfaction he was ready to get them dressed. Billy took the first doll and placed it at the foot of the bed. He lifted the doll's legs and placed a small amount of baby powder on it's bottom.
"That will keep baby from getting a rash and smelling real good." Billy said and then giggled to himself.
Billy took a diaper off the stack. The diapers were designed for little kids to use with their toys. Billy stretched open the elastic band from the waist and positioned it onto the dolls bottom, making sure he gently slid the legs through the appropriate holes. He took a step back to admire his work, Billy was surprised how much they looked like real diapers that were pinned onto real babies.
"There you go, at least you aren't a naked baby anymore." Billy smiled and then pulled a purple dress from the bed. He slipped the dolls arms through the sleeves of the dress and then finally pulled it over the doll's head. He smoothed out the dress after it was finally in place and made sure it had just the right amount of pouf to it. He then placed the ruffled pair of socks on the dolls feet followed by the black shoes. Billy took the damp washcloth and washed the shoes so they shined a little bit.
Billy did the same routine to the other five dolls, finding out that he somewhat enjoyed what he was playing. It wasn't his usual rough and tumble play that he was accustomed to, but this gave him a different kind of enjoyment. He felt proud of his accomplishment after the last doll was fully dressed. Sitting on the bed were six pretty baby dolls, all cleaned and well dressed. Billy put five of the dolls on top of the dresser, this way Amanda could see how to take care of things.
"Mommy won't send the babies back to the dungeon, but I can't play with all of you at once. Sit there like good babies and watch."
Billy picked up the doll that he dressed in the purple dress. He cradled it in his arms and gently rocked it as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"Mommy loves her little baby, you're my favorite and all your friends are jealous because how much I love you."
A warm sensation came over Billy, one that gave him peace and satisfaction all at the same time. He wasn't prepared for the feeling. He felt betrayed by it. It made him have a love for the doll that he didn't think he could have for anything. The feeling confused him and he would of been angry at it if it didn't make him feel so good.
"Mommy loves her baby," Billy said again, only this time more slowly and softer.
Billy found a brush and some hair ties in the bathroom. He started to brush the doll's long straight brown hair. He out the hair into pig tails. He made the bangs come down to just above the doll's eyes.
"What a beautiful baby mommy has." Billy said and enjoyed feeling the warm sensation again.
Billy found a plastic bottle in the closet and brought it to the doll. He rocked the doll while giving it the bottle and looked out the window. His friends were walking toward the park without him, but he didn't care at the moment. He never played like this before, but was finding it immensely pleasurable.
"What are you doing in here," a small voice called from behind him.
"Nothing," Billy said quickly as he dropped the doll on the floor and moved it carefully under the bed with his foot.
"Then why you in my room then?" Amanda demanded an answer.
"Dad told me to stay in here until he came back from golfing."
"You're in trouble." Amanda said in a teasing tone.
"Kind of, I guess."
"What did you do?"
"I didn't want to mow the lawn and die in this heat."
"And dad sent you in here?" Amanda didn't completely believe his story.
"Well, I kind of told him I wished I was a girl this way I wouldn't have to mow the lawn."
"Do you really?"
"Do I really what?"
"Do you really wish you were a girl, silly?"
"I don't know. I don't think so. I just wanted to play baseball and not have to mow the lawn."
"It would be cool to have two sisters." Amanda laughed so hard that she had to sit on the floor.
"Don't make me hurt you." Billy threatened.
"That would be another good reason to be a sister, you wouldn't hurt me." Amanda kept on laughing, knowing that in a fight she and her brother were evenly matched.
"Well I'm not your sister, I'm your brother and that's probably the way it would stay."
"Do you want to be my sister? I think it would be cool."
"I told you I don't know. I mean I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I was a girl. Being in the middle of two sisters isn't easy for a boy you know."
"Why don't you try it?"
"Try what?"
"Being a girl, boy you're dumb."
"I can't?"
"Why not?" Amanda asked, serious in her questions dropping the teasing tone.
"Because I am not built like a girl, I have something girls don't"
"Well just pretending to be one. I didn't mean be a real one. Unless you know some magic to make you a girl like me."
"No I don't know any magic."
"Then be a pretend one."
"I don't know how to be a girl, all I know is boy things."
"So what, I can teach you."
"But all my friends would make fun of me."
"Just stay home and play in the yard with me."
"I don't think so."
"Why not?" Amanda demanded.
"Because I don't know what to do and I don't think I would have fun or be much fun to be with as a girl. I don't know what to do."
"We could play dolls, you like to do that."
"I do not," Billy raised his voice.
"Then what were you doing when I walked in."
"Nothing, just looking out the window."
"With this," Amanda pulled on the dolls leg that was hanging out from under her bed.
"A doll," Billy blushed.
"Yeah, you were rocking her and giving her a bottle when I walked in. I saw it and you can't lie."
Billy stood up and squared himself to his sister. He was only a half an inch taller then her. A fact that drove him nuts when his friends teased him about it. It bothered him even when his friends weren't teasing him.
"You can keep her, I don't mind. You made her look cute anyway." Amanda handed the doll to he brother and was surprised when he held it in his arms with care.
"I still don't know how to be a girl," Billy stated once again.
"So, just ask me any question. I will tell you the answer as long as its not dirty."
"Um, okay. But you have to promise not to laugh at me."
Amanda held up her right hand and said "I promise."
"Um, does it always feel nice to play with a doll like it's a real baby?"
"Yeah, it's nice to take care of anything. Does it make you feel good?"
Billy blushed and nodded his head yes.
"Cool, want to play with dolls more and then you can pick later."
"Okay, sure. What else do you got, I just know about the clothes."
"We can have a tea party."
"But babies can't drink tea, they drink milk."
"For us silly, we can put the babies in bed for a nap."
"Okay, I guess."
Amanda took her doll from the high chair in the corner and put it on the bed. "Now put yours in bed too."
Billy gently placed the doll that he was playing with next to Amanda's doll. He covered them both with the cover.
"Sing to them a lullaby and I will get the tea stuff from Julie."
"Okay, I guess."
Amanda ran out of the room and downstairs. Julie was probably watching television in the family room and no one was allowed in her room without her permission.
"Rock a bye baby, on a tree top," Billy began to sing. At first he felt very awkward singing to a doll and extremely foolish about doing it. If any of his friends knew what he was doing he would have to move out of the state, maybe even the country. But the longer he kept singing the more at ease he became. By the end of the song he was getting into it, and began the first verse of the song again. He wondered what mothers felt like when they sang to their babies. He wondered if they got the same warm feeling over them and felt the genuine joy that he was feeling at the time.
"Oh my God," Julie said slowly as she came to realize that it was actually her brother who was singing lullabies to dolls."
"Oh shit."
"You know you aren't suppose to use that language," Julie reprimanded.
"How long have you been standing there?"
"For about a verse and a half."
"Your not going to tell my friends are you?"
"Why would I ever talk to those spazoids?"
"To make my life impossible."
"I wouldn't do that. When Amanda told me that you were acting like a girl I thought she was joking."
"Dad made me come in the room," Billy said while searching for an excuse.
"And he said to play with dolls?"
"No, I was just bored and needed to do something until he comes back from golf."
"Sure you were."
"Shut up." Billy yelled at his sister.
Julie sat down on the bed and patted the seat next to her for her brother to sit down. "I was only teasing, I didn't mean to get you mad."
"I feel like an idiot."
"Why because you want to be a girl?"
"Yeah." Billy said without realizing he had answered.
"Oh my God, you do?"
"Huh?" Billy was unsure what his sister was talking about.
"I asked if you wanted to be a girl and you said yes."
"I though you asked if I was feeling like an idiot because I was acting like a girl."
"No, I didn't. Look if you do want to be a girl, you can tell me. After all I'm your big sister and I don't think it would be all that bad if I had two little sisters."
"I don't know."
"What don't you know?"
"If I want to be a girl. I told dad that because I didn't want to mow the lawn."
"So if you had the choice would you be a girl?"
"I don't know. I don't know what its like to be a girl."
"Why don't you try it. Jenny's older brother lives like a girl and she is totally cool."
"Jenny or her brother?"
"Both."
"I still don't know."
"Why don't you just try it for a while if you are so interested?"
"Mom and dad would flip out?"
"I'll take care of them, why don't you have your tea party with Amanda and wait for dad to come home. This way you can really think about it and then me and you will talk later tonight.
"Okay, I guess I can do that."
"Amanda you can come in now," Julie called out.
Amanda walked in with a tray with a tea pot on it and two fancy cups.
"Mom made us ice tea but we can't spill it or nothing or she would get mad."
"Mom knows?" Billy was wondering how many people knew about his comment to dad.
"She knows you are in the room and that we are going to have a party."
"You didn't tell her about what I said to dad did you?"
"No, should I have?"
"No, let me just have a tea party and wait for dad to come home."
"That's what I'm thinking." Amanda laid out a sheet on the floor and placed the two cups on them. One cup on each side for her and her brother. She poured the tea half way in each cup, this way none would spill. She sat Indian style in front of her cup and Billy followed suit.
Billy held out his pinkie as he slowly sipped the tea. Amanda laughed at seeing her older brother acting like a proper princess. Before long Billy was laughing as well, forget all about his confusion. He stopped thinking about if his comment to his father was more of a truthful declaration or a slick ploy to get out of doing chores. He just enjoyed the moment, and enjoyed being with his sister. He hadn't had this kind of fun with his sister since she was two. He had grown up and his machismo told him that playing dolls and playing with a little girl was wrong. But playing with his sister didn't seem wrong at all, it seemed all too right. They had two more cups of tea and Billy listened to his sister tell him about her morning shopping. For a six year old she seemed to know a lot of what was going on in the world around her. He had to laugh when she told him of a guy whose shorts kept riding up and looked like a thong. She told him how they stopped at the pet store and she almost cried because of the poor kittens in the cage that just wanted someone to take them home. Amanda told her brother how she tried to get their mother to take one. He never knew his sister had such a funny outlook on life and had a genuine love for people and things. He now regretted all the times that he had pushed her too the side for more important things like baseball and video games. It was like he was meeting his sister for the very first time. The warmth that he had felt taking care of the doll returned, but this time it was far greater and overwhelmed him. A tear began to build in his eye because he always loved his sister, but for the first time he was realizing why.
"Billy," his father called him from downstairs.
"Yeah dad?"
"Come down here."
Billy placed his cup gently on the sheet and quickly got up to see what his dad wanted. He was certain that a lecture was coming, and probably some more ultimatums.
"What dad?" Billy said respectfully as he walked into the family room.
"Are you ready to quit being a girl and do what you are suppose to?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know? You spent two and a half hours in your sisters room, you should be dying to get out and save a part of your day."
"I like being a girl, I think." Billy said with uncertainty but trying to be at least honest.
"Are you nuts? Did you stay out in the sun to long the other day?"
"No, I'm being honest. I swear. I liked being with Amanda and playing with her things. It was kind of cool."
"Well, you have to mow the lawn anyway, so you can cut that shit out."
"I'm not lying. I think I really wish I was a girl and not just for not having to mow the lawn."
"I'm tired of your shit, quit lying and mow the lawn."
"I'm not lying."
"Okay, well if that's the case go up to your bathroom and get undressed and I will give you something to wear while you mow the yard."
"Yes dad," Billy dropped his head as he walked up the stairs and into his bathroom. He slowly got undressed, placing his clothes on top of the hamper.
Dad walked up the stairs and went into Amanda's room. He went into the bottom draw and found exactly what he was looking for to get his child to quit the act.
"Here you go princess," dad said and then flung the article of clothing into the bathroom.
"You want me to wear that?" Billy was shocked, amazed and confused.
"Yeah, you want to be a girl so bad and you aren't being a liar then put that on and a pair of sneakers and then mow the lawn."
"But, dad!"
"No buts, if you don't do what I said I will tan your hide good and you won't be allowed out for a month."
"Yes sir."
Billy picked up the pink bathing suit. He was still embarrassed by the fact that even though he was almost three full years older then his sister, they were the same size. He slowly stepped into the silky feeling lycra bathing suit. He pulled it up as far as it was suppose to go, the cool feel of the material made him feel good, but totally self-conscious about what he was about to do. He slid his arms through the appropriate holes and wiggled everything into place. He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. The purple and blue fish looked cute against the pink background. The little tutu looking material made it look like it was meant for a toddler however and that made what he was about to do doubly embarrassing. He walked out into his sisters room.
"I thought mom threw that out."
"I guess not."
"It's for little kids, I only wore it once and hated it."
"So it's not just me?"
"Nope, but how do you feel in it?"
"It feels nice. I guess. I hope no one sees me though."
"It hides your wee-wee."
"What?"
"You can't tell that you have a wee-wee so no one would know you are a boy."
"Except for my hair and that everyone knows me."
"Well if someone new sees you they can't tell you have a wee-wee. You look like a girl with a really bad haircut."
Billy looked down to see if his sister was being completely truthful in what she was saying. Sure enough there was no evidence that he had a penis. It was completely flat down there and that fact bothered Billy more then anything else.
"Hurry up princess," Dad called from downstairs, "the lawn isn't going to mow itself."
Billy ran downstairs and his dad waited for him by the door to the garage.
"Still wishing you were a girl now," dad said sarcastically.
"I told you I don't know, I think so."
"Well princess don't forget this." Dad placed a pink hat that read "Girl Power" In bright purple lettering squarely on his son's head.
Billy walked with his head down into the garage and pulled the lawn mower into the bright hot sun. He looked up and down the block to make sure that no one would see him. He breathed a sigh of relief at seeing the empty street and started the task at hand.
"Do you know what your son is doing," Mom asked dad.
"He's mowing the lawn like I told him, I hope."
"Well he is doing that, but do you know what he is wearing?"
"Yes, I do. I told him to?"
"You what?!?"
"He was trying to get out of his chores by being stupid so I figured I would teach him a lesson."
"By putting him in a girl's bathing suit?"
"He kept saying he wished he was a girl so he wouldn't have to do what he was suppose to and I got tired of it. I figure this should teach him a lesson and I won't ever have to listen to that crap again."
"Maybe he didn't won't to have a heat stroke, it's like 93 degrees out side."
"So what?"
"Don't you think that's a bit severe for a child to be outside working in."
"I had to do it when I was his age."
"Not in heat like this."
"Don't go babying him. That's probably where he learned that stupid excuse of being a girl. He goes out and plays baseball in this heat, he can at least mow the lawn once a week."
"Well I hate to break it to you, but he doesn't seem that effected by the bathing suit. But the poor kid is sweating to death."
"He doesn't need to be effected, all he needs to know is he can't pull shit on me."
Billy continued make his way around the yard, making sure that he kept straight lines and overlapping what he did so he didn't miss a spot. He was three-quarters of the way done when a group of four boys turned the corner to the block. Billy thought if the kept the hat down low and avoided eye contact that perhaps they wouldn't realize it was him. Billy turned his back to him as he mowed towards the house. He figured that was good because they wouldn't see his face. When he turned back to head toward the street the four boys were standing there, watching.
"I told you it was him, pay up," One boy said.
"I wouldn't of believed it if I didn't see it," another boy said as he handed his friend a dollar.
"What are you doing?" The first boy asked.
"I am mowing."
"Are you some kind of fagot," the third boy said and then the group started to laugh.
"Why are you dressed like that?" the second boy asked.
"Because he is a sissy," the first boy answered.
"No," Billy yelled defensively.
"Because he is really a fagot then."
"No I'm not," Billy got red with anger and embarrassment.
"Then what reason could you possibly have?"
"It was a dare by my father," Billy tried to come up with the best excuse he possibly could. "He said if I did this then he would get me the new PSX when it came out and a few games for it."
"Well you look like a cream puff."
"Yeah, but when I get the PSX I bet you all are going to want to come over and play it.
Glenn, the fourth boy who had kept quite until this point, slowly walked up to Billy and leaned towards him. "You look really cute and pretty," he whispered into Billy's ear.
Billy was shocked by what he heard, and didn't reply.
"What did you say," the first boy asked.
"I told him that he shouldn't walk to far from home or he'd wind up getting his butt kicked."
"You're going to kick his butt," the first boy asked.
"No, he doesn't hit girls," the third boy answered.
"Come on lets go to someone's house, it's getting to hot to just stand here watching someone mow the lawn." Glenn told the group.
"Yeah, let's go." The first boy said.
The group left, with them laughing and saying good bye sissy and the like to Billy. Billy watched them leave, still confused at why Glenn would whisper that into his ear. Was he simply joking around, trying to tease him or was he being honest. Did he really look pretty? Billy blushed at that prospect. He finished mowing the lawn without any more interruptions. He emptied the grass clippings into a lawn bag and placed it on the side of the house with the rest of the trash. He returned the lawn mower into the garage and hit the bottom that allowed the garage door to close. He walked back into the house, tired from the work and confused by the exchange with Glenn.
"Are you okay," Mom asked.
"I guess," Billy answered, "I am just hot."
"Come into the kitchen, I have some lemonade for you."
"Thank you mommy."
"Since when have you been this polite, and 'mommy'." Mom smiled.
"I don't know, I just felt like saying it I guess."
"Probably the heat, drink some lemonade and cool off." Mom poured the lemonade into a tall glass filled with ice.
"Mommy, am I pretty?"
"Of course you are, all my kids are."
"I meant like girl pretty."
"Oh, is this because the boys were teasing you. I saw that but your dad said it would be better we didn't interfere."
"Kind of, I guess."
"Well, you would be pretty if you were a girl. But you are young still and you will get those rugged handsome looks once you start to mature a little bit more."
"Oh," Billy never thought of himself as pretty or handsome. But being told that he was pretty, even for a girl made him even more confused.
"Do you want to get out of that bathing suit? You only had to mow the lawn in it."
"No, it's okay for now. It kind of feels nice anyway."
"It does?"
"Mom, does it make me a freak or a fag because I like wearing this and liked playing with Amanda and her dolls?"
"No, no it doesn't. It just means that you like some of the same things as your sister and that is a good thing and it doesn't make you a freak or a fag."
"I just wish this bathing suit didn't have this tutu thing, it looks ridiculous."
Mom laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"Amanda said the same thing when she first saw it."
"She did?" Billy smiled
"Yes, I think you two are a lot a like. This little thing your father did may help you see that."
"She is pretty cool, I love her."
"That's good. Go talk to your dad and tell him that you are done. I think the Mets are playing and you can watch them with him.
"Okay, and mom."
"Yes?"
"Thanks for listening."
"Your welcome." Mom smiled as she watched her son walk out of the room. She didn't want to tell him how precious she though he looked in the bathing suit.
"Dad, I'm done."
"Did you take care of the clippings," Dad asked.
"Yes I did."
"Do you still wish you were a girl?"
"I don't know, I guess so."
"You aren't going to give that up, are you?"
"What I do now."
"Look you want to wish you were a girl then I guess you don't need to watch the baseball game since girls aren't interested in sports."
"I didn't do nothing."
"You know what you are doing. You want to keep up this little charade then why don't you go up to Amanda's room and spend the day with her. You aren't allowed out for the rest of the weekend."
"But, dad!"
"But nothing. I don't like being showed up. No go upstairs and don't change out of your outfit, girl."
Billy walked upstairs to his sister's room. She was sitting on the floor playing with her Barbie doll and doll house.
"What you doing?" Billy asked as he sat down next to his sister.
"Playing Barbie. why aren't you out with your friends?"
"Dad punished me."
"Why?"
"Cause I told him that I might still wish to be a girl I guess."
"You weren't joking?"
"No. I don't know what I want. I feel all mixed up inside and can't pick."
"I know if I was a boy I would wish I was a girl. Girls are so much better."
"How?"
"You really want to know, your not fooling?"
"No, I really want to know."
"Okay, being a girl is better because you get to look nicer, smell better and do cooler things."
"Like what things?"
"Ballet and take care of babies and wear pretty clothes and talk about feelings. Boys don't do none of that."
"I guess. I always wondered what it was like to be a girl, I just never told anyone."
"Well, you can play with me and learn. I will teach you."
"Thanks." Billy gave his sister a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He got a whiff of her hair and had to admit to himself that she did smell better.
"The first thing you need to do is get out of that baby looking bathing suit and put on something normal."
"Dad said I had to stay in it. I don't like it at all either."
"Okay, I will put on a bathing suit too. At least we can match and this way you don't have to look silly by yourself."
Billy smiled at his sister and appreciated the fact that she was so willing to help. She went into her bottom drawer and pulled out a pink bathing suit so they could match.
"This one doesn't have a tutu, but it's the same pretty color and we can be like twins."
"Okay cool," Billy said.
Amanda pulled off her dress right in front of her brother. She wasn't wearing anything underneath except a pair of pink panties. She then took them off as well.
"What are you doing?" Billy asked, surprised that his sister was standing naked in front of him a few steps away.
"You have to be naked under a bathing suit."
"But, why are you changing in front of me?"
"Because it is my room."
"But you haven't been naked in front of me since you were three."
"You were a boy then, today you are a girl."
"How?"
"By magic." Amanda placed the bathing suit on the bed and then grabbed a wand from her closet. She walked up to her brother. "By the magic in me, I make you a girl for the day." She tapped her brother on the head. He giggled at the gesture.
"Do girls do this a lot when their alone?" Billy asked as his eyes were fixated on his sister's private area.
"Do what?"
"Change in front of each other."
"When they need to," Amanda was aware that her brother was looking at her 'cunny'.
"Cool, I guess."
"What are you thinking?"
"You want to know for real?"
"Yes I do," Amanda sat on the floor, her legs were kept apart so her brother could see what he wanted to look at. She didn't know why she was letting him view her this way, but was curious to what boys thought of that part of the anatomy.
"I am thinking what it would be like if I had what you did, down there."
"You mean you aren't thinking something dirty?"
"No, not at all. You're my sister and that would be wrong."
"What if I wasn't your sister?"
"I still wonder what it would be like if I had one, I bet it's cool."
"It's okay, girls really don't think about it that much."
"I really wish I had one of those," Billy said softly, not really aware that he had said it out loud.
"You really do don't you?"
"Oh, I didn't know you could hear that."
"It's okay, maybe one day you can get one." Amanda laughed and then decided it was time to put on her bathing suit before her mom or dad came into the room.
Billy started to cry, he didn't know why he was crying. He felt lost and confused and afraid and his emotions could keep track of his thinking.
"What's wrong?" Amanda sat down next him and put her arm around him.
"I don't know what's wrong. I feel so mixed up inside."
"Wait here." Amanda stood up and ran out of the room, two seconds later she returned with Julie.
"You two talk, I will go downstairs okay?" Amanda slowly backed out of the room, knowing that this was beyond her grasp.
"Are you okay," Julie asked.
"I don't know about me anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"I think I really want to be a girl."
"So what?"
"So, I'm a freak, a faggot, everyone will hate me."
"No one is going to hate you and there is nothing wrong with you."
"All my friends are going to hate me. They already made fun of me."
"Then they aren't your friends, they're just some jerks."
"But I am all mixed up inside."
"Why are you mixed up?"
Billy sniffled and the tears rolled down his cheek.
"You can tell me, this way I can help."
"I think I was suppose to be a girl. I thought I just told that to dad because I didn't want to mow the lawn. But, everything I've done today as a girl felt like it was right. Even wearing this stupid thing felt right, and playing with Amanda like girls are suppose to felt right. It is like my soul's been hiding for so long and I let it out for a few seconds and now I can't put it back in hiding. I'm scared."
"Oh, it's okay. I knew this would happen sooner or later." Julie hugged her brother and let him cry on her shoulder.
"You knew?"
"Sure, ever since you were a baby you were more like girl babies then boy babies. All the way until you were five you were like all the other girls I knew. That's when dad made you start sports and stuff but I knew that part of you would come back sooner or later."
"So what do I do? Dad is going to kill me. He is already peeved because I told him I wish I was a girl."
"I told you, I would take care of dad. It is important for you to be yourself."
"But I don't know what myself is anymore."
"We will find that out together. Me and Amanda and Mom will help you. You need to do what feels right for you, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. Okay?"
"Okay, thank you for helping."
"It's okay little sister." Julie smiled and then hugged her brother and kissed him on the forehead.
Billy kissed his sister on the cheek and watched her as she walked out of the room. He sat down on the floor and began to play with the Barbie doll that was in the doll house. He had watched his sisters play with them all his life and always wanted to join in but was afraid of being yelled at by his father. A few minutes later Amanda walked in and joined him. Billy had a lot of fun playing with his sister and there was a lot of laughter that filled the room. They didn't talk about Billy's confusion or what the next course of action would be. They just enjoyed each others company and Billy vowed to himself that no matter what he chose to do, he would be an active part of Amanda's life and not just an onlooker.
Billy and Amanda stayed in her room for a good three hours. They played with dolls, played dress up with a trunk of items in the closet and spent a good time sitting at the window sill and pointing out pictures in the sky. It was time for dinner and the two siblings walked downstairs.
They ate fried chicken, corn on the cob and watermelon for dinner. There was an eerie silence from the tension between Billy and his father. He could see the disgust in his father's eyes every time he was looked upon. He almost broke down and cried several times but kept his composure.
"So are you ready to give up being a girl?" Dad asked after dinner.
"No, I like it," Billy said softly.
"You are really pushing your luck kid."
"I'm not trying to push my luck. I'm being honest."
"Okay, you want to be honest. Honestly go upstairs and take that shit off of you and I will give you what to wear tonight. You want to be a little sissy fagot, then that is what you will do."
Billy started to cry hard and stood up and ran upstairs as fast as he could.
"Dad, why can't you leave him alone. He didn't do anything." Julie said in her brother's defense.
"You stay out this or you won't be allowed to use the phone for a month."
"But dad,"
"Another word and I will make it two months."
Julie didn't say anything else. When her dad was like this he never could see reason.
Dad got up and walked upstairs. He shuffled through his younger daughters clothes and found the objects that he wanted to humiliate his son with. He threw them in the bathroom.
"Put these on faggot. Want to be a sissy, might as well do it right."
"Yes sir." Billy picked the clothing off the floor. He heard his dad walk out of the room.
Billy heard a light rap on the door that led to his room. He opened the door and let his little sister into the bathroom with him.
"It will be okay, dad is just being dad." Amanda dried her brother's eyes with her finger.
"It still hurts."
"I know, but he loves you and so does everyone else. You better get dressed, dad is waiting for you downstairs."
"Okay," Billy took off the bathing suit and laid it gently on the hamper. He noticed that his sister was staring at his penis the way he was staring at her area.
"You couldn't see that through the bathing suit. It's so small."
"I wish I never had it."
"You would look better without it."
"Yeah it should just go away I think."
"You better get dressed. It might fly away." Amanda laughed.
"I wouldn't be that lucky." Billy smiled at his sister and thought it was weird that he felt so at ease around his sister in his state of undress. The last time she saw him naked, she accidentally walked in on him while he was using the toilet and Billy about had a stroke. But, now it felt natural, that it was okay now because they were alike. They were both girls, just one was in the wrong body.
"How does this go on, which way is front." Billy handed the pair of frilly white undies to his sister.
"The tag goes on the left like this," Amanda handed her brother back the pair of undies and watched as he slipped it on. As soon as they were in place all traces of his penis vanished and he looked exactly like she would of in them. He then placed the sheer pink nightie on. It didn't leave much to the imagination because you could see right through it.
Billy walked downstairs and showed his dad that he was wearing what was given to him.
"So how does it feel to be a sissy faggot," dad asked nastily
"I am not a sissy faggot," Billy answered defiantly.
"Oh no? Then what are you?"
"I'm a girl."
"Get to bed, now!" His father yelled and Billy quickly retreated to his room and to his bed. Amanda, who was watching from the top of the stairs, watched the exchange.
"What are you doing to that poor child," Mom questioned dad.
"I don't like the shit that he is trying to pull."
"George, you knew this was bound to happen from when he was a little kid."
"He is a boy and he has to live that way."
"We took him to six psychiatrist when he was little and you knew he identified as a girl. You just couldn't except that and forced him to go against his own nature. Now you are angry and mad because he is acting like himself."
"He is not acting like himself, he is acting like a little queer. Jesus, Louise those quacks tell you what you wanted to hear and you bought it hook, line and sinker. He was doing perfectly fine as a boy, and would do fine if you didn't coddle him all the time."
"I don't coddle him, I treat him like the person he is. And if six professionals can see that he had a problem with his gender then why can't you."
"Because I didn't raise no queer, and I am not about to start. I will embarrass it out of him if I need to. What I am not going to do is tell him that it is something right for him to do."
"You are a real asshole, do you know that. You know what the doctors said about confront him about this. You know you can destroy all of him if you keep this up."
"Those doctors are wrong, he just needs to toughen up and this is how you toughen people up."
"I am not going to allow it, and if you pull any more of this shit I will leave you and take them with me. Do you understand. I will not allow you to destroy that child because you have an over developed sense of masculinity. Just face the facts that he wasn't suppose to be a boy and move on from there."
"I am not listening to your lies. I am going out for a drink."
"Yeah, go out. Get drunk. But don't come back here until you can except the facts of life. You have forced that child to live the way you wanted him to, and I will no longer allow it. He has to find himself for himself."
"Whatever." George took the keys off the end table and slammed the door as he walked out of the house.
Mom waited five minutes to calm down and then walked upstairs to her son's bedroom. He was crying profusely and his two sisters were consoling him.
"Girls," Mom said, "let me talk to Billy alone for a while."
The girls didn't say a word, and left the room in silence.
"Billy are you okay?"
Billy looked up with tear soaked eyes, not knowing what to say.
"Your dad will come around, it's a difficult thing to deal with."
"But you knew. You knew and didn't say anything. How could you."
"Your dad thought it would be best to let you live like most boys do and that you would adjust into that role."
"Do you know how long I thought there was something wrong with me and was afraid to say something because I thought you would hate me. But, you knew all along."
"I would never hate you, never in your life. We thought that since you were doing all the boy things and had friends that that aspect of your life was just a phase and you out grew it."
"But I didn't. I've been wishing I was a girl to myself for so long but I pushed it out of my mind because I didn't want anyone to be mad at me."
"I won't be mad. Tell me what do you want to do. Honestly."
"I want to be a girl, I really do. I hate doing boy things, I just didn't think I had a choice."
"We will have to let you talk to a head doctor and talk about your feelings. But if you want to live like your sisters then you can."
"But what is wrong with me?"
"Nothing is wrong, you just have the wrong body. I knew that from the beginning. We will work it out, somehow okay?"
"Yes mommy." Billy smiled and hugged his mom tight.
"You don't have to go to bed this early if you don't want."
"Can I sleep with Amanda and stay in her room. This room feels weird tonight."
"Sure you can, why don't you spend the night in Amanda's room."
"Thanks mom." Billy kissed his mom on the cheek.
Billy walked into his sisters room. She was wearing a sheer nightgown as well, but hers was white. Billy noticed that she wasn't wearing anything underneath.
Amanda noticed her brother was looking at her. "It's okay, it's to hot for panties tonight, you should try it."
"Okay," Billy said and then removed the frilly pair of panties. He laughed at the fact that they were both practically naked.
"Want to play with some dolls," Amanda asked.
"Mom said I could sleep with you if that is okay, maybe we can talk."
"Sure," Amanda hopped on the bed and crawled under the sheets.
Billy followed after her. He put his arms around his sister and gave her a good squeeze as she hugged him back.
"Thanks for being such a cool sister." Billy gave his sister a peck on the lips.
"Thank you for being a cool sister too." Amanda laughed.
Billy laid in his sister's arms and wondered how much the world had changed in just one day. He felt safe and secure in her room and in her arms. He felt secure with who he really was. All those years trying to be the best boy that he could be, going against his nature, feeling wrong about life were now gone. Now he had to search for who he really was, the summertime blues were replaced by summertime pinks.
This is the first installment. There are a lot of issues to deal with, especially dad. I probably would of made this two or three chapters in the past and tease the heck out of my audience. But, I decided to deal with it as a full day. I don't know how long I will make this and what will come from it because I don't know where in the world I am going. Just like Billy. Hope you enjoyed… leave comments.
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