Stupid Husband Tricks

Old Wife's Tail—Part Three—Uranus is a Gas Giant

by Juliette Lima

 

Well thanks do very much

For all your kind attention

I'm sure your belief's and such

Are stretched to great distention.

 

The six of us sat around Gayle Cockburn's table after finishing dinner. My cousin still wearing my wife's body typed industriously on a laptop. "Well here's a hell of a note!" Cindy's spouse exclaimed.

"What's that Colonel?" I asked.

"These files on the laptop our swarthy little friends were carrying have a ton of good intel, and the numbers of over two dozen disposable cell phones they distributed to four cells working undercover. Cindy let me save this to the flash drive and then you can send the data off over our battlefield laptop."

"Why don't you just wi-fi link from your reticulum to either Cindy or the laptop?" I asked.

"What?" the three government agents asked.

"All reticulae can link to one another and can also seek out wi-fi connections. Don't you guys ever read the tutorials? You can form a network and have all the data transferred in milliseconds." I replied.

Several seconds later I felt a thump between my eyes as if a moth had flown into me and I suddenly knew everything on both computers and every thought my two friends, my cousin and her husband, and the other agent Carl had ever had. I began to blush as I realized the others knew all my thoughts as well. Cindy being the consummate pro paused only long enough to wink salaciously at me and to highlight only the needed data from the captured computer and send it streaming to headquarters.

"Well that was enlightening, you know we now have to reactivate your commission, Major Lund." Said the willowy woman that was my old commanding officer.

"Well what's the worst they can do to me? Wax my crotch and call me baldy?" I replied.

"Well that's already history" Cindy rejoined.

The cell phone on the table played a few bars of "Over the Hills and Far Away" and Col. Langebruck answered. A few terse words later he looked at the group and said "grab your gear and move your rear troopers we have places to go and blood to flow"

"Colonel you are blessed with the soul of a poet" Alex remarked.

Looking at me he said "Major are you ready for a fight or has the prancing around in a dress sapped your strength?"

"I can still hit what I aim at even if I'm wearing lingerie, as I recall I put more in the ten-ring than you every time we went head to head. Can I go home and get my rifle?" I replied

"No, Eddy is at your place and will bring your gear, we will provide you a set of night BDU's and armor too. Can you morph at will?" He replied pulling a bag across the floor.

I thought for a moment and grew to my full height and weight plus about 10% and faced him and asked "This big enough for you SIR?"

He looked as stern as he could while still contained in Bettina's body and tried to not look at the major piece of manhood I had grown. My cousin Cindy who had played numerous pranks on me as a child and had constantly tried to get me exposed sat in Martina's body and blushed. Carl and my two friends just looked on and murmured "Daaahmn" in an awestruck way.

"Major you still have a perverted sense of humor." Col. Langebruck intoned.

"It's gotten worse since I learned to change from male to female and back. Of course it helps to have a warped sense of humor when you find your only defense is to kiss an ass to get close to the receiver of your enemy." I replied.

Tommy and Alex followed suit and soon the three of us stood nude and very obviously male. As Col. Langebruck and his associate Carl morphed into males every bit as well developed as us Cindy rose to the occasion and rose from her chair and morphed in one smooth motion into a six foot tall red headed goddess. She was joined by Col. Langebruck's wife who was now a blonde of truly marvelous proportions. The arrival of the two women also brought out a five-gun salute from the men present.

Once the laughter subsided we all dressed in night BDU's and with the arrival of Eddy and Dan from my house we quietly prepared for our foray. I loaded the old reliable Colt Model 1911A, and slipped it into the shoulder rig I wore. I turned my attention to the Ruger Mini 30 I had acquired sometime ago, with its 7.65 MM round it would make considerable impact. By the time I finished the others were fully equipped and Eddy and Dan had become male as well. Last to arrive was Cindy's husband Jimmy who as the lone unmorphed female looked at the five BDU clad males and two "Combat Divas" and remarked "Why am I always the last to get the uniform of the day memo?" as he swapped out the body of Julie Southwick for his own combat version. As Jimmy rigged out his gear Cindy and Marta distributed liter sized containers of chocolate shakes, which we inhaled along with ration bars. We linked our reticulae into a wireless LAN and were silently briefed by Col. Langebruck about the situation. In short order we left Cindy and Marta manning the CP at Gayle's and moved out in three groups, The colonel and I headed to the mobile clinic to debrief our captives, while Tommy and Alex moved to secure the cul-de-sac containing our homes and my boat. Carl, Eddy, and Dan set up a forward observation point under the bandbox at the Town Square.

At the motor home that was dubbed the "Busch Mobile" we found a team of Techies sitting silently in front of three nude middle-eastern looking women who were weeping and begging in accented English for clothing and release from the clamps holding them immobile. I listened to my reticulum read off who was whom and I approached the tiny little woman that had been Tariq Al Waqari. I already knew all I had downloaded when I swapped out his feminine alterego but he had sequestered some of his memories and we needed the name of the container ship being used to transport the rest of the assault team. And the container number. We knew she would talk in 72 to 96 hours as the agency had tweaked the serum and enhanced the "compliability" programming but the data told us the container ship would arrive in 24 hours. Also there was a LNG tanker scheduled to arrive in Baltimore soon enough that it was the most likely target. I began to talk quietly to the tiny woman and added to her discomfort by softly stroking her cheek and wiping her tears. As I talked the technician monitoring her through the wi-fi link to her still installed but reprogrammed reticulum, tweaked the controls and stimulated her sex so that she became more aroused. I asked her if she was aroused about having her lover visit her tonight and she protested she wasn't a woman. I drew on a latex exam glove on my right hand and slipped my hand below her already moist crotch and slipped a finger into her wet and slippery opening. I used my thumb to squeeze on her stiff little clitoris and wiggled the intruding finger. I softly murmured "You are so hot for that lucky guy Jasmine he is going to have such a good time poking this hot little hole."

She sobbed and said "I don't want a man I am a man some infidel has done awful things to me. Please it's against your laws to do this to me I will tell the newspapers how the great Satan abuses prisoners and the world will know you are abusing me."

"Jasmine you won't use that mouth for any thing like talking for a long time, your boyfriend will fill that hole as fast as he fills the other little wet one."

She began to chatter in Arabic and her companions joined in chanting over and over the mantra of the suicide bomber and all other terrorists. I withdrew my hand and the technician flicked the switch that stated the stimulator and soon the religious chants changed to squeals of sexual excitement. We left the three squealing women to the tender mercies of the techs and went forward to the driving and command station.

We surveyed the situation map and noted the concurrent approach of the Panamanian Container ship "Isthmus Princess" bound for Baltimore and the Liberian registered LNG tanker "Uranus". I studied the situation and then heard my reticulum say, "The three prisoners are in physical distress and likely to lapse into comatose states in five minutes" Col. Langebruck having heard through the LAN called over the intercom to the techs and stopped the stimulation. We went back to the containment area and saw the three prisoners convulsing and writhing. I formulated a thought and as soon as I had it ready to say I heard over the LAN "Let's do it."

We released the petite prisoners and carried them back to the small bedroom where we stored them unbound on the king-sized bed. I opened a cabinet and pitched three sheer bra and panty sets onto the built in vanity and turning toward the colonel I took the three pairs of six-inch heels he proffered to me and set them on the floor. The colonel withdrew a vaccination gun like the ones used in mass clinics and in sequence injected each petite little naked butt. He motioned me to leave and we soundlessly left the room, leaving the door unlocked, as well as unlocking the secondary entrance in the aft part of the motor home. We retired to the forward command section and observed our captives as they stirred and began to confer among themselves quietly. They found the lingerie and heels and in deep blushes donned the feminine clothing, a search of the one locker in the room revealed three mini-dresses that most whores would be at home in. Still blushing the three donned the dresses and tried to quietly leave the room while tottering in six-inch CFM pumps. They clattered to the door and tried the exit. Finding it unlocked the trio opened the door and stumbled out into the dark. We followed the "escape" on the monitors as the FLIR cameras showed the three terrorists tottering along in thin dresses and ankle breaking heels. Once out of our line of sight the guys in the village center OP spotted them and began sending real-time video of the trio. The freshening breeze was flipping the short skirts up and the hypersexualizing programming the formula and hypnotic was suffused with began to cause the newly turned out girls to start fondling each other whenever the wind revealed a panty seat or crotch. Soon the three were staggering toward my house and dock but completely engrossed in kissing and fondling each other. We had followed along under the cover of darkness and so were able to see the three disgraces when they met the rest of their team. In short order they exchanged recognition codes and once the six men were all out of cover and in contact with the sex-starved changelings the mauling and pawing started. Not only were the men turned women in a hypersexual frenzy but the six men seemed to have been starved as well. We watched the six men as they stripped the women and themselves only to start double pumping each girl. As the orgy continued the Coast Guard contacted the colonel, over the VHF radio, to inform him the container ship had passed our location and a single container was now floating low in the water. As the cutter watched the container reared its door end and revealed a cargo net fouled over the container. The cutter reported the container doors cracked open, but as soon as they opened the container sank like a stone. They had listened to the sounds of frantic pounding on the doors as the container sank in the Middle Grounds Deep, a section of the bay over one hundred feet deep. No sounds were heard after the container hit bottom. About dawn the LNG tanker "Uranus" sailed by and twelve hours later began unloading liquefied natural gas at Baltimore. We noticed the big ship sailing by as we loaded the exhausted orgy members onto Stokes's stretchers so we could load them on to the Chinook Helicopter that sat waiting for the captives. I heard a car approach as the Chinook went out of sight and turned to see Martina running toward me. "Hey big boy, you want to have your old wife's tail for breakfast? Or do you prefer to be inside the girl looking out?" She asked sassily.

I stooped and grabbed her knees and stood lifting her from the ground and folding her over my shoulder. I started walking home as Martina squealed in surprise. I picked my rifle up and held it at port arms across Martina's knees and turned into the freshening breeze causing a new squeal to erupt form Marti as the breeze lifted her dress over her back to reveal her bare bottom. The now released Henry Stilton sheepishly walking toward his home paused as we passed him and started to say something but I cut him off with. "Can't talk now Henry I have to get my breakfast eaten before it gets cold. You and Myra have a good long talk. Bye now"

 

EPILOGUE:

Our little village normalized (as much as it could) over the next few weeks. The women of the town returned to being women. The men who had taken part in the "horrid little episode" as Gayle Cockburn called it were required by the village to perform "Community Service". The summer that followed was known as the "First Annual Crab Festival and Lingerie Show" with all the miscreants serving as lingerie clad serving girls. Strangely enough a lot of wives joined in as serving girls, notably Myra Stilton, who actually changed the name of the "Bee Hive" to "Henry's Inn". The loving couple reconciled nicely it seems, I called there yesterday and Myra answered "Henry's Inn, or at least he will be tonight."

  

  

  

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