The Student                by: Alyssa Davis

 

It was a week before finals of the Fall quarter. Les was having a constant struggle with his studies and decided it was time to seek professional help. By the middle of his second year of college, he was having doubts whether he should continue pursuing a degree in Business Administration. He scheduled an appointment with a counselor at the school's health center, feeling the need to talk to someone. Les was assigned to see Dr. Ruth Jordan, a staff psychologist.

 

Entering her office, he greeted the woman attired in white lab coat over a business suit..

"Hello Dr. Jordan, I'm Les Adams...thank you for seeing me."

"Hello Les, and welcome. Please, call me Nancy....What can I do for you?"

"Well, uh…Nancy," he said hesitantly, "I'm in the middle of my sophomore year and I've been having a terrible time. I cant seem to concentrate on my studies. It’s getting progressively worse and I don't know what to do. I've been thinking maybe I should just drop out."

"Oh don't be so hasty. Let's talk about it. How have your grades been?"

"Falling...from B’s to C's and D's. I did well in high school when I lived at home...now, I live alone, and I'm floundering."

"What do you think is distracting you? Do you have an overactive social life? A girl friend, maybe?"

"No, on the contrary, actually I have no friends...I'm pretty shy. And, in fact, I am kinda lonely."

Les was growing more uneasy with each passing moment of the interview. He knew what he wanted to say but was afraid to verbalize it.

Nancy was looking at the lengthy questionnaire Les had filled out prior to his appointment. It asked him to state his reasons for seeing a counselor and any specific problems he wanted to discuss. He had trouble putting his feelings into words on the form and was even more perplexed now in person.

"You mention about having a problem with gender identity...will you elaborate on that, please?"

Les began to blush and squirm in his chair. He shifted his body with uneasiness..

"Well, when I look at girls, I feel I’m looking with envy, Nancy. Not the usual desire a boy would have for a girl. It seems I admire their clothes, their actions, everything about them as if I was one of them. I think I may want to be a girl. I get so preoccupied thinking about it, I cant think of anything else." It was apparent Les was embarrassed saying this.

"Are you attracted to girls sexually, Les?" Nancy asked, now probing the subject deeper..

"Oh yes," he asserted, "I'm not attracted to men, if that's what you're thinking. But, to be honest with you Nancy, I do like to wear girl’s clothes," he confessed quietly, blushing deeply. He had come seeking help and wanted to be cooperative. He knew this was not the time to be secretive.

"When I was living at home, I used to put on my sister's things and pretend I was a girl. It relaxed me and actually felt normal to me. Now, living alone, I don't have access to her things but I dream about it, to the point where my thoughts are filled with cross dressing."

Now, Les was opening up, and Nancy was taking notes.

"As I said, I do look at girls but with envy...I admire their outfits and wonder how I'd look in them. Maybe they sense it, because they don't show any interest in me, so I don't try to ask a girl out on a date."

"Do you want to date girls?"

"Of course I do."

"Tell me more about your desire to cross-dress. When did you start?"

"When I was 10 years old, I was invited to a Halloween party with my sister. My mother dressed me in girl’s clothes so we could go as sisters from an Alice in Wonderland story. It was the easiest and most readily available costume. She went the full course, everything from panties to makeup...I offered no resistance and, in fact, enjoyed it. So did my sister. Everybody thought I was a real girl and treated me accordingly. It was different, better than I had ever experienced. A feeling overcame me that I liked, and I think I was hooked."

"Did you tell your mother how you felt?"

"Yes, and she said it was OK for me to feel that way and not to be ashamed. It was only meant to be harmless fun." But, from then on, any chance I had, I secretly put on Sis's clothes and continued the charade. For the next costume party, I asked to go as a girl again and Mom understood why, I guess. After that, she let me…almost encouraged me…to dress openly at home and even bought me some of my own things. She didn’t want me doing things in secret. My sister and I frequently played together as two girls and she helped me a lot. She was very generous about sharing her things. I guess she really wanted a sister.

"How did you feel when you dressed as a girl?"

"I don't know...comfortable, relaxed, almost natural, I guess. I've never been a very masculine boy. You know, all the contact sports and rough stuff. Rather, I always preferred girlish, more domestic things. I like to cook, and growing flowers, and such."

"Do you get sexually aroused"

"Initially, I did, but I don’t anymore. After a while, it felt so natural for me to wear dresses."

"Do you want to be a woman?"

"No, I don't think I'd actually want to change my sex completely, Nancy, but I often wonder what it would be like to experience life as a woman."

Nancy put down her notepad and looked at Les.

"Transvestitism is not such a terrible thing, Les. Girls commonly cross-dress and sometimes it's even considered fashionable, but unfortunately, society doesn't accept the reverse, although we're seeing more of it in show business. Actually, in early theater, only men played the female parts. There were no female actors. In fact, if women tried to perform on the stage, they were stoned or shunned.

If you're comfortable dressed that way, why don't you buy some things and wear them at home. You're alone and have plenty of opportunity. You're not hurting anybody. Maybe it would relax you to the point where you could concentrate on your education."

"Oh…I'd be too embarrassed to shop for ladies clothes for myself." Les started to blush again. "It was easy to help myself to my sister's things...they were so accessible."

Nancy suggested he make the attempt.

"People aren't going to tease you. In most cases, clerks want to make a sale and will be very cooperative. I think it would relieve a lot of your stress if you lounged at home in some comfortable garments of your choice. Are you willing?"

Les agreed with trepidation. He really wanted to go back to cross dressing. To feel feminine again. This was the encouragement he wanted. Nancy said she wanted to see him again after his finals and get a report on how he felt.

"On your next session with me, Les, I want you to tell me if and how your cross dressing has helped you."

"Yes ma’am, and thank you for your help."

Les went shopping, as directed, for a basic wardrobe of woman's clothes. He selected the items he wanted, guessing at many of the sizes or asking the advice of salesgirls saying it was a gift for his twin sister. With the aid of a credit card financially backed by his mother, he bought a bra, panties, hosiery, a slip, a skirt, a top, and shoes, spreading the purchases around several stores so as not to arouse suspicion. Only his mother would see the charges, and hopefully she would understand. For the first time, he was going to wear all his own things. Nancy was correct, the salesgirls were very friendly and cooperative, likely assuming he was buying gifts for his sister or girlfriend or not even caring. He didn't find anyone suspicious of his purchases except when he purchased a pair of silicon breast forms, but then, he passed it off that he had to wear them for a Frat initiation. This was a new experience for him...he had never before shopped for his own feminine clothing.

 

Returning to the seclusion of his apartment, he eagerly changed into his new attire and immediately felt his feminine persona take over; the softness of the sheer, smooth fabrics against his skin, the silky firmness of the stockings encasing his hairless legs. Wearing a skirt and matching top over his lingerie, and feeling so comfortable and content, he sat down to fix his hair. He normally kept it long anyway, so it was easy to arrange into a woman's style, having had a lot of instruction from his sister. He simply pulled the sides up and fastened it together with a barrette. He finished the look with a touch of pink lipstick. Les liked the taste and feel of lipstick on his lips.

Now, being able to relax in his new transformation, he returned to his studies for his exams with a renewed spirit, freed of frustration. From this time on, Les wore lingerie under his male clothes and spent all his time at home totally cross-dressed. He felt so naturally feminine that he quickly developed enough confidence to occasionally go grocery shopping as a woman. The only makeup he wore was lipstick and a trace of blush for a little color. More than that would have been out of place in the student community.

Fall Quarter ended and Les passed his exams. As promised, Les visited Nancy for a follow-up report of his scholastic progress. He reported to her that he was very happy with his new wardrobe, he had passed his exams, and he passed the courses. He asked her advice about registering for the next quarter's classes as a girl. Her response was to not be too hasty. She suggested he continue as he was doing to see how it affected him in the long run. He told her he often went out to the store en femme and passed with no problem. Nancy appeared not to be happy with that but withheld comment. Les also told her he had written his mother about what he was doing and her response was only concern about his happiness and that she would support whatever he did. That information pleased Nancy...one hurdle overcome, she thought.

Nancy, seeing a positive change in Les’s attitude, expressed an interest in seeing him crossdressed. He invited her over for tea during the quarter break, which she accepted. She was curious to see Les in his new persona as compared to the Les she knows from his office visits. For this event, Les put on a black sleeveless dress, accentuating his breasts (breastforms), with dark pantyhose and high heels. He fashioned his hair up into a French braid and carefully applied his makeup, complete with foundation, eye shadow, mascara, blush and two carefully applied coats of lipstick with nailpolish to match. He wore two small gold hoops in his pierced ears to complete the outfit.

Upon arrival, Nancy, thinking it was Les's sister, identified herself and asked if Les was at home. He laughed and welcomed Nancy in. Recognizing his voice, Nancy was amazed at the transformation. Les, with his slim, almost frail, body, smooth skin, and shapely legs, was indeed a beautiful young woman. He conducted himself as a perfect hostess, serving tea very effeminately, having had lots of practice with his sister at their play tea parties. Nancy, observing all this, witnessed how Les was so relaxed and acted so naturally as a woman. Again she asked him if he wanted to be a woman. This time he answered, "I don't know, Nancy. I am very comfortable in this role. I do wish to live as a woman, but I'm not sure if I'd want to have a sex change. That's so permanent. I'm just not happy being a man. Never have been. This is how I desire to be." He started to cry and Nancy embraced him to give him comfort. She conceded that maybe he should begin the Real Life Test program, living as a woman full time, start HRT and after two years, if he so desired, he would be eligible for the sex reassignment program. Meanwhile, he should register for his classes as a girl...his name was androgynous so there'd be no change in paperwork. No one would know the difference.

Acting upon Nancy's advice, Les started the hormone pills, and registered for his new classes as Leslie Adams, wearing a dress and makeup...appearing as a young lady. He actually looked forward to the first day of school. Now he could relate to the other girls and talk about their clothes and other girlish subjects with them. He now comfortably identified with his female classmates, and they accepted him as a girl. As a boy, he was ignored. Now, as a girl, he was invited into study groups with the other girls, and some boys! His social life began as he developed new friends, male and female, as Leslie. Everyone accepted him as the young lady he presented. One boy, in particular, found Les very attractive and struck up a relationship. Les, at first, liked the attention and companionship, but also found Brad physically attractive, also. Brad was large, tall, and handsome as well as very gentle. Les knew this attraction shouldn't be, but his feminine feelings were so overwhelming, he was tempted to forget he was a male since he was living as a woman. They often worked on their homework together, went out for coffee together, and it eventually evolved into a date.

At first, just a movie, then dinner and a walk. Their friendship became close, Brad assuming Leslie was a real girl and Les, feeling like a girl, finding Brad extremely attractive, but both keeping the relationship very respectful. The hormone medication was beginning it’s effect.

Leslie's grades continued to improve, his whole attitude changed for the better. He continued to report back to Nancy who kept records of his progress. She was delighted to see the positive changes but was concerned about Leslie's dating. Nancy asked to be kept informed of his actions, which he promised to do. Leslie told Nancy that he felt so totally feminine now that he had no guilt with his attraction to Brad, but promised to be careful. He didn't want Brad to get hurt emotionally.

Meanwhile, Les’s breasts were showing signs of development as well as other aspects of his body. The emotional changes were more subtle.

One night, Leslie and Brad went out for dinner and dancing. Les had never danced as a girl. The first time with his frail body in Brad's strong arms on the dance floor, Leslie almost melted. It was a slow dance. He felt so warm and secure. Dancing backwards in high heels was a challenge, but being held by Brad tightly pressed against his body made it worth it. Leslie could feel Brad's firm maleness growing. It was unusual for him to think that he was the cause of Brad's arousal but it was a good feeling. When the music stopped, Brad gave Leslie a soft kiss on the lips before releasing him from the dancing position. Leslie did not resist, and, in fact, had wanted that for a long time. Brad continued being a gentleman, while taking Leslie home. It was a Saturday night. Leslie invited Brad in for coffee which he accepted. Leslie brewed a pot of coffee while Brad relaxed on the sofa. Leslie sat down next to him and, without hesitation, placed her arms around Brad's neck and gave him a long hard kiss on the lips. Their tongues met as their mouths opened in passion. The smell of Leslie's perfume and the taste of her lipstick aroused Brad's manhood to full attention which did not go unnoticed by Leslie. Her diminutive center also was firm but concealed by her loose skirt and contained within a restrictive panty girdle. Brad assuming the dominant role, continued to kiss Leslie while his hands slowly ranged around Les's body, one under her skirt, feeling the stockings and girdle; the other fondling Les's developing breasts filling her bra. Les enjoyed Brad's warm strong hands on her feminine body, but she kept her legs together preventing Brad from feeling between her legs.

Things were getting too heated, and Les broke loose to serve the coffee. She was letting herself slip into a situation that she was not ready for and needed to sort out her feelings. She wanted to live as a woman, and felt like a woman, but she was still a male, so why was she so strongly attracted to this young man? And why did she want to belong to this man? But, at this moment, she wanted to be made love to by this man. This, Les knew, was not natural...or was it? The hormones were effective.

They finished their coffee and with a long, tender goodnight kiss, Brad departed. Les had never felt so feminine. She had never even kissed a girl, and now she was the girl being kissed by a boy, and she liked it.

Reporting back to Nancy, Les told her of his relationship with Brad, their date, and his feelings after being kissed. Nancy was not surprised. She knew that with Les's living and feeling as a woman, and taking female hormones, it was inevitable that Les would start acting as a woman, emotionally. She told him that he would probably want to undergo sex reassignment at some point in time. Les still resisted the idea and thought it was just a temporary loss of control and it would pass. He promised to be stronger in the future.

Les and Brad's relationship grew closer as Brad pursued Les. Les wanted to tell Brad the truth about his true gender, but he didn't want the deception to cause the loss of Brad's friendship, so he kept delaying the disclosure. Meanwhile, their encounters were becoming more romantic and more intimate. They both wanted each other but Les was playing the coy female and resisting Brad's advances, and Brad respected Leslie enough to not push the issue. He even talked of marriage! Les knew that the longer he waited, the more difficult it would be. Especially with the large circle of friends they had and everyone seeing Leslie and Brad as a couple, (but a couple of what)?

By the end of their third school year, both Brad and Les took summer jobs at the college so they could be together, Brad working as a lab assistant and Leslie, as a librarian. Her body was now fully developed as a female as were her emotions. But the medication continued as a maintenance dose.

One evening, Brad formally asked Leslie to marry him. Les knew he could wait no longer. They went to Les's apartment for a talk.

Sitting on the sofa, Les said, "Brad, I do love you very much, and I know you love me and want to marry me, and I want to be your wife more than anything, but, I'm afraid it's not to be."

Brad looked puzzled and hurt. "I don't understand, hon...why not?"

Leslie, looking frightened and apprehensive, knew it was time. He leaned over, gave Brad a long, romantic, kiss and, saying nothing, he gently placed Brad's hand on his groin. Les was wearing a thin dress with a loose skirt and a nylon slip. Brad could feel the distinct form of Les's diminutive genitals for the first time. They were not tucked back as Les usually kept them when he was with Brad. Brad did not pull his hand away. He wanted to be sure of what he was feeling. Was it a sanitary pad? It was indeed male genitalia! Was this a joke? If so, a terrible one. This woman he had been dating for almost three years and loved was not a female! How could this be happening? A whole gamut of emotions rushed through him. He didn’t know whether to be angry or to cry.

"Why have you never told me about this?" Brad asked, trying to remain calm. This beautiful young woman he had courted for two years and wanted to marry has just revealed herself to be a male.

"All this time...you led me to believe you were a woman. You're so pretty, so feminine. We've shared so much. I've fallen in love with you." His eyes were tearful.

"Oh Brad, I wanted to tell you from the beginning, but at first, I didn't want to lose your friendship, then I fell in love with you, and I didn't know how you would react. I was afraid. I got all confused and didn't know what to do. I suppose now you hate me for deceiving you, but honestly, Brad, I may be a male but I'm not a man, I am a woman in every sense of the word, and I do love you so much. I'll never go back to being a man."

"No, I don't hate you, although I should. We've been together too long...I only know you as a woman and can only think of you as one. I've learned to love you as the beautiful woman you are. I don't want to lose you either. I'm all mixed up too. I want to make love you but, I cant make love to a...man. But, your not a man, either. Oh, you're a male, but certainly not a man. Would you ever consider a sex change?"

"I never wanted it before, but to be your wife, yes I would, my love."

With Les's hand retaining Brad's hand on his hardening organ, they kissed passionately. Brad did not resist caressing this surprise appendage of the woman he loved. Les led Brad into the bedroom, where they slowly undressed each other while kissing, and climbed onto the bed, something they both had wanted to do for a long time. They fondled and groped each other's naked bodies, their bodies rubbing and undulating in passion. Les had a sweet smelling, frail body with soft feminine skin from the use of diet and beauty products. Brad's was big, hairy, masculine. Touching and masturbating each other's organs until they both climaxed, their juices combined in a consummation of their engagement. They had shared a moment of maximum intimacy and fell asleep in each other's arms as lovers.

Leslie told Nancy that he and Brad were engaged to be married after graduation, and he wanted to start the SRS program for a sex change. Nancy expected such news. By the end of Les's senior year, he had developed all the female physical and emotional characteristics he had desired for so long and was ready for surgery. After the surgery, Leslie and Brad were married in a church wedding with their families and friends in attendance. With her sister as bridesmaid, Leslie was a beautiful bride, and was blessed by her mother.

 

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