Stress Reaction          by: Farah Daye

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A tale about the awakening of a husband who reacts to stress in an amazing way - with the ultimate multiple personality syndrome. When his wife discovers his "affliction," she begs him to stand in for her at her job. There he is willingly swept into her passionate and secret romantic liaisons. How will he ever return to his old life when he finds that life as a passionate woman is so heavenly?

--FarahD

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My wife, Leila's, look of wide-eyed astonishment was so precious. That was the first time that she saw me dissociate. We were fighting about family finances - as always - when stress got the better of me. My stress reaction is unlike any other I had ever heard about. I thought that I could always suppress it but that time it simply overwhelmed me. Even my therapist doesn't know what to make of it or how to treat it.

As she watched, my body shimmered, became indistinct, and changed its form. The air in the room ionized as almost 40 pounds of my body weight turned into energy. The size and shape of my body changed radically. After about three minutes, I had reshaped myself into an anatomically correct feminine appearance. The timbre and pitch of my voice and my other physical characteristics were all feminine. Even my hair grew longer until it reached my shoulder blades. I was still wearing my own clothing but everything was too large and looked baggy and ridiculous on me.

After all these years the change still mesmerizes me. I feel my skin become smooth and creamy. I become thinner. My hips grow wider as my legs grow proportionally longer and my feet become smaller. The soft mounds grow rapidly on my chest until they are feminine breasts. And my penis disappears as I reshape into a lovely woman. A feminine vagina appears in its place.

The change was not supposed to happen where anyone else could see it. I had let down my guard. I finally had to tell her about it-- something I had fervently hoped would never happen.

Leila, a nurse who had become a medical student, could not believe her eyes. She had to explore every part of my body with her hands until she was satisfied. Did she think that it was some kind of illusion? I had female breasts, the shorter waist, longer legs, narrower, smaller feet, and wider hips of a woman. My breasts weren't large but they were very real. She even touched them so she knew they were real. Her curious probing quickly showed that I had acquired a vagina in place of what had been there before. She gasped and drew back a little. There was not a visible trace of maleness left in me.

"I guess you have a few questions, don't you?" I asked. I spoke in a soft woman's voice. "Yes, You could say that!" Leila said. She still looked a little stunned. "Umm, these clothes are a little uncomfortable right now. Would you mind if I found something that fits? Then we can sit and talk."

"Honey," she said, "just get into anything you want. I'll make us some coffee. Then I need to sit down and take some deep breaths!"

I went to Leila's dresser and picked out a pair of panties, a bra, and scrunch socks. I found a pastel blue tunic and a pair of black leggings in the closet. I really wanted a pretty dress. I was a little afraid that a dress would be a bit much because she was already shocked. I put on a pair of laced ankle boots and scrunched up my socks over the leggings. After quickly brushing my hair, I rejoined her in the living room. I wanted to apply a little makeup. I'd have felt a bit more self-confident if I did. Instead, I settled for a touch of matte lipstick in a neutral shade. I decided to pass on anything more for the same reason that I didn't put on a dress.

I sat down on the couch and waited. When Leila came out of the kitchen, she stared at me. Finally, she said, "I didn't realize that you wanted my clothing. Sorry, I..."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, honey. I should have asked you. I know this is like the X-Files or something else too weird."

"No, no, it's kewl. I just didn't expect it. I just...I mean...I just don't know what to think or say. That is you in there, Tommy, isn't it? Have you done this before?"

"It started when I was about seven years old."

"And you can, um, go back and forth?"

"Yeah, you can say it that way. I can."

"I have so many questions, Tommy, I just don't know where to start. I'm halfway between shock and hearing a little voice that says 'I wonder how he looks in a sexy dress!' Oh wow, I don't know where that crazy thought came from. Scratch that!"

I grinned at her and we both laughed. "I look damn cute in a tight dress. Just not anywhere as good as you do!" We broke out into loud, nervous laughter again.

"Honey, you talk like a guy but you sound and look like a girl. This is so strange! Why don't you just like talk? I'll just ask you the questions as you go. 'kay? Do you like have a different name when you're, umm, like this?"

"Karin" I said very quietly.

"Whew," you said, "I was afraid that it would be Tammy! Tommy/Tammy, I'd choke on that!" We laughed again. "Would you be more comfy if I called you Karin? It's such an adorable name."

"I'd rather have you be more comfortable."

"Let it be Karin then. I don't think I can call you Tommy. Tell me what I'm seeing. Or like whom I'm seeing. Whatever! You're so different. Your eye color and your skin tone, like everything, honey. I've never heard of anything like this."

Leila stood up, walked over to me, and gave me a tentative hug. We sat on the couch together for three hours while I told her everything that I wanted to share. I left out a few little things. That was only because she might have had a tough time with them.

I reassured her by telling her that I hadn't had sex as a woman. She looked very relieved. It was true. Truthfully, that was partly due to inhibition and fear, but mostly due to lack of opportunity. I spared her that little confession. I feel there is nothing wrong with it but I really was so inhibited. When I'm a biological woman, I mean to say if I remain one, it would be natural, wouldn't it? I'd have the organs and the hormones for it. I never remained a woman long enough to know. I never menstruated or had any other experience to confirm that I was a genetic female.

Of course, I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I dated both as a boy and as a girl. I saw nothing wrong with it because I really was both boy and girl at different times. I dated whoever struck my fancy at the time. For a few months, I dated my best male buddy as a girl and he never even knew who I really was. How I enchanted him with my 'intuitive' understanding of his life! He told me that I seemed to know everything about him. It was so much fun. He began to think that I might be the ideal mate. Too bad I could never tell him about the changes I underwent. Can you imagine telling him after he kissed me passionately and slipped his hand under my dress last night that I was really a boy inside? So, I had to break it off because he became excessively infatuated with me. Though it was great fun, I had been terribly thoughtless to date him at all.

The odd thing was that while I was a girl, my boy-self often became so totally suppressed that I remembered it as if it were just a dream. I reacted to my buddy just as any girl would have reacted to her boyfriend. I developed a huge crush on him and flirted brazenly. I wanted him to tell me that I was pretty. I loved when we snuggled and he held me in his arms. When he kissed me, I closed my eyes and I felt secure, totally feminine, and so happy. Inevitably, when I became a boy again, I was very embarrassed by the bits and pieces that I remembered and I looked only at girls as potential partners again. I hoped desperately that I never become so stressed in his presence that he'd find out about me and what I had done.

I told Leila that I wished, once she knew about it, that she might help me to integrate myself. I had been in therapy but it didn't help at all. Therapists --the ultimate know-it-alls-- thought the change was just a story that I made up. Meanwhile I was afraid to risk demonstrating it for them. I didn't feel like a freak or an alien, just confused about how and where I fit in the world.

I didn't really know how I performed the change. I just knew that if I visualized whomever I wanted to look like, it happened. It was part of who I was. I discovered it when I was a child. It was my innate means of escape from abuse. Psychiatrists call the escape process a Dissociative Disorder. Most people dissociate by feeling out-of- body sensations. Others just lose chunks of time or their memories. Still others express multiple personalities. When I dissociated, my body underwent a physical change, the most rare and bizarre dissociation of all. Psychologists say that those reactions are all involuntary. Other people do the physical one too. They just keep it secret. My sister, Marilyn, knew what I did because we played with dolls together. She always let me wear her things. Marilyn had so much fun helping me learn to be a girl and later on, to be a young woman. When we were teens, she loved to explore my body -both my boy body and my girl body-- with ever so much sensitivity and gentle curiosity. It was a sweet though guilty pleasure. We kissed and giggled, all the while delighting in our adolescent secrets.

Once, I begged Marilyn to let me substitute for her just one night so her boyfriend would be romantic with me as he was to her. I couldn't bring myself to admit that to her but she saw right through me. "Isn't he cute?" she asked me. "Oh, yes." I sighed. "You really like him, don't you?" She asked. Again I said yes. "But even now while you're a boy?" I blushed deep red and said "NO." emphatically. "Well, maybe a little bit of girl-ness stays inside of you" Marilyn said. "It has to come from somewhere, doesn't it? I mean, it's no shame to like a boy if you're a girl and you're frequently a girl!" Marilyn had made her point and rattled me deeply so I dropped my request without another word. Even though my alter ego was feminine I was ashamed of my occasional attraction to boys.

My parents never knew about my stress reaction. They were too busy drinking and arguing most of the time. The rest of the time, they yelled at us or they hit us. One day when I was seven years old, my mom came into our room in a rage. She thought that I broke one of her dishes. She didn't find me there or anywhere else in the house. She only saw Marilyn and one of her playmates, assumed to be the neighbor's little girl, and stormed out. She noticed that the girl's dress looked a lot like one that her daughter had. I knew that she'd forget what made her angry. She'd always got too drunk to remember. I was the little girl who played with my sister. We giggled and laughed so hard that our tummies ached.

My mom always saw Marilyn with different little friends. I suppose that she thought I was playing outside. "Wait 'til that little shit comes in! I'll kill him!"

I never changed in front of anyone else but Marilyn. When I was frightened or stressed, I'd start to change. I learned how to control it so that nobody else would find out. Imagine if I had done it while my mom was paddling me? She would have gone even more ballistic. Of course, she would have told my step-dad right away. He was easily capable of killing me. He used to threaten to do that anyway. I survived only because the few times that I started to change, I just shimmered a little and stopped. I was able to control it. She rubbed her eyes and probably thought about drying out

As I got older, I learned how to change whenever I pleased. That was not easy! When I was called on in class, I got nervous. I felt the change starting right away. I had to fight it. What would they do to me if they knew? I'd be some kind of freak. I'd just be taken away to some secret base for experiments. I was very young so my imagination ran wild. Being a child, I thought things like that really happened as they did in the movies.

My sister and I double-dated a lot when we were teens. Picture two boys coming to the door and we two girls leaving with them. Next, picture my mom and dad being too drunk and out of it to have a clue! Like where did the second girl come from! Can you imagine it? I think that tells you all you need to know. We sisters went on fun foursomes to the drive-in movies. Sometimes we just hung out at the mall for two or three hours with our boyfriends. Naturally, we let them kiss us when they brought us home. I didn't tell Leila about that! I didn't dare to mention parking at Lover's Overlook either. Whenever I could, I went shopping with Marilyn to learn all about female survival. All of that was ordinary to us because we had grown up with it. I mean I had grown up with the dissociative change but she was always there.

I had been talking a long time while Leila said practically nothing. "Leila, honey," I said, "Is everything Okay?"

"Karin, I'm enchanted. I feel so sorry for that sad little boy with those mean, stupid parents. You had so much pain and like you just have so much courage. Like all of a sudden I have my wonderful husband and a new girlfriend too. You'll give me a little time to get used to this, 'kay?"

"I can revert right now. It just takes a lot of energy away from me."

"No! I mean you can wait a bit. That is if you don't mind. This is so incredible! I think I do want to see you in a dress, hon. I'd like to see what you'd be comfortable in, 'kay? It kind of makes it real for me. You don't have to do it. Just call me weird or something. I am so curious! Just call it a girl thing or whatever you want, Well, I don't know what. Reality check maybe?"

I grinned at her. "Give me a few minutes, okay?" Then I went into our bedroom and closed the door. I put Leila's leggings and tunic back in the closet and put her bra and panties in the laundry hamper. I really would have been fine in a tee and jeans but I wanted to make it interesting. She had seen me change so I had nothing to lose. I considered shorts, no bra, and one of my own, I mean one of Tommy's shirts, unbuttoned and tied at the waist. Or maybe a cream-colored tee with matching tights and a black jumper? I looked at a tailored blazer and wool skirt as another possibility. Then it came to me. I needed different panties. I wanted black, lacy panties and a bra to go with a low-cut dress. It also had to be black. I rummaged through Leila's pantyhose until I found what I wanted there too. Then I slipped into those cute Maryjane pumps with the chunky two-inch heels. I remember when she picked them out at Nordstrom's. Then I was ready for a classic black party dress.

After I dressed, I put on some pretty pearl earrings and went into the powder room to apply my makeup. I always preferred a light application of makeup. A little touch of blush and subtle, feathered shadow that highlighted my green eyes. When I finally emerged from the bedroom, Leila's jaw dropped. "Oh my! I think I'm in love! Oh Wow! You are too gorgeous!" she squealed.

"If I wasn't a girl, I'd kiss you right about now. Did you want me to wear something a little less...you know?" I asked.

She answered "No, no, that's great. You shocked me but it's okay. I know who you really are. I really, really need a kiss now, Tommy, I mean, Karin. Yeah, Karin. Oh wow."

We shared a sweet, lingering kiss. Leila's tongue hesitantly sought mine. Then she seemed to change her mind and pulled back a little. I pressed gently and suddenly our kiss became passionate. I liked the sensations of having a girl's body and kissing another girl. It was familiar to me. I was surprised that a conservative girl like Leila seemed to enjoy it so much.

"Darling Tommy, Karin, husband, I love you for the heart and soul inside of you," she said.

"And I love you for your heart and soul." We both began to cry. I cry very easily as a woman.

"Sweetie, I'll revert first thing in the morning. I'm completely drained of energy."

"I understand, honey. Find yourself something of mine to sleep in and come to bed."

I undressed, removed my makeup, and washed my face. It had been too long since I had gone to bed in just panties and a feminine nightie. It felt wonderful and natural. I missed the parties and sleepovers that Marilyn and I went to as teens. Finally, she and I exchanged little soft kisses on the cheek and we fell asleep quickly.

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A month had passed since I showed Leila my innate stress reaction. She was quick to find a use for it. How like her that was. She had a use for everybody.

"Tommy, hon," You know how I have to take lots of time off from work to study and stuff? And sometimes I have to spend the weekends at school to go on rounds with our instructors. I'm worried cuz I'm missing a lot of work. So, I have this idea. What if like sometimes you filled in for me? I mean when you do the dissociation thingie, can you just copy anybody you want to?"

"Well, yeah, unless it's maybe Janet Reno. I think my psyche would draw the line there. I might be able to do you."

"Honey, where did you get Karin from?" she asked.

"Karin is different," I said. I think she's my natural alternate personality. I don't have to visualize anyone. I just turn out as Karin. She's always been around. More weirdness, huh?"

"Tommy, I bet you really can't do me!"

"Is that a dare?"

"Okay, yes it is!"

I tried not to look too eager or excited but I was thrilled at the chance to look like my pretty wife. I dreamed about it so many times. I didn't need to close my eyes. I just looked at her intently. Right away, my hands started to tremble. Hand tremors and goose bumps signaled that the change was underway. The air in the room ionized and became uncomfortably hot. I dropped from my 165 pounds to Leila's 124 in less than a minute. She was transfixed by what she saw just like she was the first time. The change was finished in about three minutes. She just kept staring at me without saying a word. I went over to a small wall mirror. And I saw her lovely image looking back at me. For a moment it made me dizzy with happiness.

"Tommy, you're like a twin sister. This is so incredible! Your voice even sounds like mine. How on earth can you do that?"

"I honestly don't know," I said. "It's like I told you last month, a stress reaction thing, It's like a Multiple Personality disorder but it's physical. I escape from stress and leave someone else behind to handle it for me. Somewhat literally, you know. When I was a kid, I just learned how to do it any time I felt like it. I really can't explain it any better than that. I'd have to see a shrink to understand it. So maybe one day if you become one, I'll ask you" Then I winked at her.

I smiled at her and went off to our bedroom for ten minutes. When I came out, I was wearing her nurse's uniform. I wore the cardigan sweater, the white pants and chunky white shoes. I even tied my hair back with a small scarf the way that she did. I loved all those cute, tasty girl things that she always did.

"Well, Do I pass?" I said.

"Honey, you could fool my mom! Sheesh, I swear you could fake out my Gynecologist. We must talk a while! I have to tell you all that I can think of to help you sub for me without anyone catching on. You are so brave and loving to do this for me! I just don't dare lose my job cuz we won't have tuition money if I do. You understand what that means to me, honey, don't you?"

Trust me, I understood. My wife was the most determined and ambitious woman I had ever known. She threw your arms around me and was about to kiss me but she stopped yourself suddenly. "I'm sorry. I can't kiss you, honey. It's like kissing my twin sister or kissing myself in a mirror. It's too, too weird." She paused as if to choose her next words very carefully. "Can I ask you something without hurting your feelings?"

"Sure, anything, sweetie," I said.

"Does the uh, reason that you're not very physical with me any more have anything to do with your changes? We hardly ever make love. I know it's not but it does feel a lot like you're pushing me away. You can imitate a girl sometimes, honey, but you can't know how we react, how we feel about stuff, can you? No, this just isn't what I want to say! Um, this isn't easy to talk about you know. Do you, as a guy, feel attracted to me as a woman? I'm sorry. I said a mouthful, huh? I had to ask, you know. I won't blame you if you get mad at me for this. I don't want to hurt your feelings. Oh, poop! I said way too much!"

"It's true. I can't know what real women feel. I've never changed for more than a day or two at a time. I know that I can do it for that long. I just never had a reason. That's not why though."

While I was speaking, I mused on the situation. There were two identical looking girls talking about their sex life as husband and wife. "Sweetie, there is no actual reason. I am seriously spaced sometimes. It's like another kind of dissociation. I become sorta unable, you know? It's a stress thing. You know, a guy thing, where we, um, you know. Maybe my hormones just are mixed up during the change. I'll probably never know."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to put any pressure on you. I just needed to hear that you love me. I mean that Tommy, my husband, loves me and wants me."

She was more correct than she knew though. Increasingly, I dreamed of living out my life as a woman. When I had sex with her, I fantasized that we had traded places. I had no enthusiasm for other lovemaking any more. When I was a woman, I took stress with more ease, I felt more pleasure in things, and I was happier. I thought that was probably because it was just an escape from my drab realities but I loved and needed it dearly.

"That's okay. Let's talk about your job and what I'm supposed to do there. 'kay?" I noticed right away that I used one of her speech mannerisms. That didn't seem possible. I can only copy a body, not someone's mind. Yet, memory fragments drifted by and the memories didn't belong to me.

I remembered a doll I had when I was a little girl in second grade. Her name was Smoochy Suzie. I remembered my high school prom. Yes, I could see it. I wore a baby blue gown. My date's name was Billy. He was a flaming jerk who tried to rape me. I was never going to date a dumb jock again. I gave him a two-inch scar on his face when I fought him off. He'll remember what he tried to do to me every time he looks in the mirror.

Most of the memories were indistinct but they were real. I felt it was a good idea not to tell Leila about them. For the next two hours, she told me all about the ward she worked in, her duties there, the names of the other staff nurses, and all the little things she thought I needed to know. Not surprisingly, I knew most of it already. I saw everything as clearly as if I had already been there.

It was so strange to find some of her memories when I remade myself in her physical image. I didn't know how that could have happened but I was so grateful for it. When I was still a teenager I had great fun copying the look of movie and TV actresses who turned me on. Slayers of vampires; glamorous spies and assassins with doe eyes and pouty lips; lovely angels; reporters who dated Clark Kent; Starship officers with the bodies of women and ancient alien males inside of them; stylish FBI agents; lifeguards at sunny beaches; and so many more lovely ones. Once, I even did a Russian ice skater. Other times I did rock singers or nighttime soap opera divas. However, I never knew how those women thought or really felt. All I could really copy were their outer appearances. The rest of me was Karin. My sister pestered me to try to copy cute actors that she liked. It didn't work that way. When I dissociated, I always turned female. I never asked for this condition. It was simply my body's natural reaction to stress.

I needed my wife's memories to help me fill in for her at the hospital. Maybe that's why I had them? I'd be able to recognize the staff and her friends, do her job, and care for her patients. I would even gossip with her sister or her mom on the phone. We would laugh about Tommy, that worthless bum of an artist who she married. How I wish I could keep the memories in my head when I returned to my own life. They would probably fade away like mist. They always did. And the things I wanted to remember! How many secrets you kept from me, Leila, honey!

I suddenly knew why she wanted to see me in a sexy dress.

One of Leila's most intense memories came to me. I remembered when I was 16 years old.

I was in my Soccer coach's office next to the girl's gym. She was always so sweet to me. She even asked me to call her by her first name, Jeanine. She was just so buff and gorgeous. I couldn't take my eyes away from her. Jeanine rose from her desk and locked the door to her office. I just had a mad, mad crush on her. I was so embarrassed to crave another girl like that yet somehow I hoped desperately that she would realize it. Then, wonderfully, Jeanine turned to me and kissed my mouth softly. She knew from the way that I looked at her that I wouldn't resist her advances. Jeanine took me in her arms and I just melted. She brought me down to the floor with her and then she pulled down my bike shorts. When her tongue touched my vagina at last, it felt so heavenly. Sweet Jeanine, I shall never, ever forget you. You were the first person who ever made love to me.

Such was the fleeting recall of my wife's first sexual encounter with another woman. It felt like my encounter as I relived it. Honey, I never knew that you had been with women! That is so sexy! Just think, I always thought that Leila was the conservative type. I wish that she had shared more with me.

I remembered losing my virginity to a shy, sweet boy. I think I mean her virginity. The memory is so delicious. I hope it stays with me. I remember our wedding from behind my wife's eyes. How radiant I felt in my wedding dress. We were wed outdoors and I wore flowers in my hair and a long pearl white gown.

Seeing myself as a lovely bride might almost be more rapturous than I can bear. I'm going to unpack and wear that gorgeous dress as soon as she leaves for the airport. I shall dance graceful dances while wearing her delicate gown. I'll wear flowers in my hair just the way that she did. Thank goodness for self-timers on cameras. I absolutely must have pictures of Karin in it.

With Leila's thoughts, I remembered my little affairs. I didn't think of them like that, of course. They were just sport, just a girl's fun. I gave it no more thought to fucking another man that I did to playing tennis with them. I worked so hard at the hospital. And I studied such long hours and spent so much time at medical school. I needed a man urgently. It was just my way of socializing and satisfying simple needs, you see. You can understand that, can't you? I found such cute and willing partners among the married Interns and Residents. It was always the married ones who wanted to fuck. My husband just seemed, well, indifferent. I didn't even think that he'd mind. To tell the truth, I didn't care. I really didn't want to hurt him but he would never find out anyway.

Oh honey, deep in the recesses of my mind, in the parts of it that were still me, I did care. I thought that Leila was a crude and uncaring girl and that I was a more sensitive version of her. But the thoughts flew away as I was swept more and more into her personality by the force of her memories.

Naturally, I couldn't tell my lover that my husband helped me keep my job by filling in for me when I was away. Maybe I should have said by filling in as me. How lucky for me that he's a photographer and his studio is in our home. He was such a honey to help me out. And just ever so understanding.

I remember how my roommate, Tanya, and I became intimate in college. Her boyfriend left her for another girl. Pre-med students are under such awful stress. We have to cope with it somehow. Naturally, there are many relationship breakups. Poor Tanya had no warning at all when she was jilted. She felt so hurt. All she could do was lay there crying and crying. I cried with her. I wanted so badly to comfort her. I hugged and caressed her. I barely noticed it but she was gently guiding my hand. She was urging me to explore her silky body. Tanya pulled me closer and looked in my eyes. Her eyes were so sad and needful. Then she placed my hands on her pretty heart- shaped breasts to cup them gently. It was so tender. I began to lick them eagerly. I worked my way down her chest toward her sweet innermost fire. She was very wet by then. I made love to her with my tongue and fingers, bringing her to orgasm after orgasm. My wonderful Soccer coach had taught me all the arts of woman to woman lovemaking. It was such a sweet 16 that year.

From that night onward, my roommate, Tanya, and I slept in the same bed. Most of the time Tanya was the more aggressive lover while I was really the submissive girl. We considered ourselves just girls who were intimate friends. We never used words like bi or lesbian or any other term for ourselves. In fact, we both continued to date boys. A few times we slipped a boyfriend into our dorm room and played with him together. We always hoped for one who might want to watch us make love but that never happened. What a shame; it would have been such fun. Everything that we did felt natural to us and that is just what it was. We loved each other so much.

I was so happy that Leila's sweetest memories came back to me. That was such a tender and precious memory. I wish that she had shared it with me while I was a man. For a little while it was my memory too. How sad that I would probably forget it all in a few weeks.

So many memories, Finally, Leila and I went to bed but we didn't kiss or touch each other. She was right. It would have been weird for twin sisters to kiss and hug like lovers. She fell asleep right away but. I couldn't fall asleep at all. I was watching her memories grow inside of me. At times, they overwhelmed me. There was no distinct Tommy or Karin any more. Meanwhile, I learned more about her friends and relationships. I relived parts of her life. The next night I would be working in her place. That was going to be much easier than I had dreamed. I saw her doing so many things. So many surprises, so much to learn.

From then on, three or four days a month I became the pretty blond nurse named Leila. When she had to attend her Aunt's funeral out- of-town, I became Leila for three consecutive days. I was ecstatically happy. The other nurses and I gossiped and laughed about the cute interns and sometimes we dared to share our naughty fantasies about them.

I was sitting at the nurse's station one evening, sipping coffee, when I felt someone come up behind me. It was late at night so the lights were turned down everywhere but at the station. I didn't know anyone else was nearby. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Surprise!" a man's voice whispered to me. The instant that I heard his voice, a floodgate of memories opened in my mind. I stood up and threw my arms around him. We kissed ecstatically. It was Alex, an intern who was my Leila's newest lover. I continued to kiss him, caressing his dear face, and running my hands through his hair.

"How is the most gorgeous nurse on earth tonight?" He asked me.

"She's in heavenly bliss now. She missed you so much," I answered. More memories came to my assistance. "But how did you ever get out of the house tonight?" I asked.

"My wife is at her sister's home in Seattle for the next three days. She took the kids and the house is empty for now."

"Honey," I said, "My husband is at his Auntie's funeral in California. He's gone for three days also!"

"Sweetheart, it's meant to be," he said with a sly smile.

I showered more kisses on him. "I had better look proper now! We give report in ten minutes. I'm out of here at midnight."

"I'll go read or do something while you're looking proper, sweetie. Remember, I love you even more when you look improper," he said and grinned at me.

"You are so naughty!" I said.

"That's how you like me best," he grinned and walked down the hallway toward the doctor's lounge.

45 minutes later, Alex and I were at my house.

I was finally about to know how it felt to have a man make love to me. With Leila's memories, I recalled many lovers, both before and after we were married. I remembered how thrilling it was when a man entered me and thrust deeply into me. I remembered the fiery ecstasies of my orgasms when he erupted inside of me. With her thoughts, I remembered embracing my lovers tightly, wrapping my long legs around them, pulling them closer to me, and urging them to push deeper and deeper while kissing them passionately. That night, I was about to create my own special memories of lovemaking. How precious it would be to carry those memories inside of me always. How sweet to summon memories of warmth, memories of being desired and being desirable, memories of ecstatic passion. Moreover, Alex was just so cute. I couldn't resist him.

Alex started to unbutton my blouse as soon as we walked into the house. I was already loosening his belt. We hugged and fell onto the bed together. I undressed him with Leila's practiced hands. He gently unhooked my bra and pulled my pants off. We continued to kiss and say, "I love you." Soon Alex was undressed but I still wore my panties and the off-white pantyhose that was part of my nurse's uniform.

"Take them off, Leila," he whispered.

"I want you to do it," I whispered.

Alex put the elastic at the top of my pantyhose between his lips. He began to pull them downwards, using his mouth and hands, ever so slowly, touching every part of my body, caressing me sweetly. He kissed and touched me in a way that gave me goosebumps. He's such a sexy man. I loved him so. When just my panties were left, he kissed me and used his tongue to stimulate me even more through my very wet panties. I laughed and playfully pushed him aside and removed the panties for him.

Alex explored my vagina and clitoris eagerly with his tongue. I thought I would die if I waited another second. I reached for his erect penis and guided it inside of me with my wife's experienced hands. What I felt as he entered me and pressed deeply was indescribable. I no longer felt like just a picture of a woman, a mere transient stress reaction. I felt real, complete, and absolutely delirious. The more that Alex throbbed and thrust inside of me, the more fantastic was the bliss that I felt. I loved having his powerful body joined to mine.

I squealed, I moaned, I laughed, I cried, I felt reborn.

I hugged, I loved, I shouted as the boy part of me became submerged and the girl part became real and took control.

I felt my lover's strength, his weight on top of me, his strong arms, the thrill as he penetrated me.

I laughed, I cried, I became a real female at last.

My legs were wrapped around him as I held him as tightly as possible. I moved just like I saw Leila move in her memories. All the while I moaned and squealed with excitement and pleasure. Every time I moaned, Alex thrust deeper into me, held me more tightly, and kissed me more passionately, When my darling lover climaxed, it triggered swarms of orgasms in me. My poor divided soul was utterly dazed. Leila dearest, I thought, I cried your tears and kissed your lover with your lips but with my very own heart and soul! It wasn't a casual fuck as she thought of it, not a mere need, and not her sport but my own pure feminine passion.

My husband, Tommy, just hasn't cared about my physical needs... Was I Tommy once-upon-a-time and did it matter at that moment? ...I had to meet those needs with someone, didn't I? I was so happy that Alex's wife was frigid and disinterested in him. The hell with Tommy and the hell with Alex's wife too. I needed to be loved. I barely even remembered Tommy ...Oh my, were those Leila's thoughts? Did my heart speak out above them?

"You're the loveliest, most wonderful boyfriend I ever had." I told him. We were still panting rapidly and drenched in perspiration. It was true. He was the only intimate boyfriend that I ever had!

"Is that all I am, a mere boyfriend?" he asked me.

"Sweetness, you are my boyfriend, my lover, my knight, my soulmate, my darling, my angel," I said.

"That's better!" he said and grinned at me. He was so sweet and good to me.

"And what am I, good Sir Hunk?" I asked him.

"You are my girlfriend, my angel, my princess, my soulmate, lover, and goddess."

"Oh, I am a goddess, sweetheart. I really am! Oh wow! You make me feel just like one. I love you so much."

"I love you I love you I love you," I whispered until I was utterly out of breath.

I kissed him again and again. A few minutes after he withdrew, I reached hungrily for his manhood. I had none of Leila's memories to guide me in what I wanted to do next. I urgently wanted to take Alex's manhood in my mouth and excite him to a wild orgasm. I kissed his erect penis gently, tentatively at first, licking its sweetness like exquisite candy. Then I kissed it more rapidly, more confidently and passionately as he became more excited, and fully under the sway of my craving. After I swallowed his passion, I felt that he would desire me madly forevermore. The more I satisfied him, the more he would need me and love me. Exciting my lover like that was even more fantastic than I dreamed it would be. I loved giving him pleasure. He looked so dazed, happy, and exhausted. "He's mine now; he needs me, he loves me," I thought. My alternate personality was in complete control of my body then. Transmuted by the act of lovemaking as never before, I was totally unaware of my other self. I loved how it felt to be validated as a female, to be satisfied and real at last.

Alex and I played together, making tireless, lissome love until dawn. We kissed and hugged each other tightly and whispered the sweet and silly things that lovers do. We stayed in bed until almost noon. Leila's body's experience guided the situation. It was as natural as if I had years of lusty lovemaking with men. He would never know that it was my body's first time. Alex joked about my husband. What awful things Leila told him about him, I mean me! I hoped that she didn't mean any of that. She only said those things to seduce him or make him laugh. How I loved to hear him laugh as he held me and kissed me.

My Karin identity and my wife's thoughts and memories flowed together into one mind. Although I had memories of Karin's few girlish desires, it was not the same. I had not grown up as a girl so it was shallow. Karin had never gone beyond making out with her boyfriends. She longed for fulfillment so often but she had been so afraid. At last, I, Karin, had the lush, overpowering sensations of real feminine emotions and real experiences swirling in my head. I felt fantastically happy and fulfilled.

After Leila returned, she would find out that I had been with her lover. What could she say to him? "You idiot! You were with a copy of me. That was really my husband you fucked!" No, I didn't think so! And what could she say to me? "I can have sex with all the guys I want but don't you dare touch them cuz I don't care if I lose them!" In fact, she never said a word. And she did care. She didn't want this one to forget her just yet. He was such a gifted lover. It was as if she wanted me to keep her lovers warm for her. Naturally, I wanted to oblige her. I would never mind my wife having a guy on the side if he was also making love to me. Not that Alex knew the difference between us. He was as clueless as any guy was but just so sweet and so cute! I think I really began to love him.

Don't be jealous, Sweetie, I thought, because I was a better lover to him than you were. I did so much more to please him. He just couldn't stop touching and caressing me until at last we fell asleep like two spoons. It was so romantic and heavenly. I felt his gentle hand on my breast throughout the night. And there was an even more heavenly sensation as I felt his sweet male organ throbbing against my butt as he slept. I sighed so much. I really wanted to wake him up. I wanted to take his penis deep into my mouth again and swallow every precious drop when he came. He loved that so much. Leila never did that for him or for Tommy. She just teased them without mercy or love but Alex was so much more to me than mere lust. I caressed his manhood tenderly a few times while he slept, taking care not to wake him. I hoped that he had the most luscious, erotic dreams. I knew that I was in them all. I planned a deliciously naughty way to wake him up later. I won't tell you, honey, but I think you have the idea, I thought.

With my feminine personality fully in control, I was so passionate, so anxious to make my darling lover happy. I wanted him to need me with all his heart. I always needed people to like me. I wanted so much to keep his affection that I absolutely devoted myself to pleasing him. That night, I exhausted my poor baby. He would not forget how loving and attentive I was to him. I wanted to be the best lover he ever had. Better than his wife used to be and much better than Leila could ever be. He was only physical relief to her. Her memories deemed him as one more conquest; a casual fuck was her phrase for him. How self-centered and unfeeling she was! I really cared for him. In fact, I adored him. When he had to go home after two days here, I cried bitterly all morning long. I missed him so much.

After my wife returned and I reassumed my male body, I remembered only portions of my adventure. But the memories were so sweet, so dear. I longed for another opportunity to reassume my wife's identity and repeat them. I was obsessed with it. Then finally it happened.

Last night she told me that she had to be away for six weeks this summer, I tried not to show any excitement. I sighed about how much I would miss her. She didn't say a word to me about suppressing Karin or avoiding Alex though she surely knew that I gone to bed with him. She didn't appear to care. I knew that she had other affairs besides Alex but most of her memories didn't stay with me after I became a man again. Somehow, I knew that she wouldn't be lonely while she was away. And neither would I.

Six delicious weeks! It was a part of Leila's education. You could say that it was part of mine too. There would be so much to do! I'd have boys to call. My hubby is out of town, Sweetie, and I'm just so- o-o-o lonesome all by myself. Remember, Leila honey, I mused, I'm just helping you out by keeping your boyfriends warm for you. I'll try not to raise their expectations too much. Not!

I would have all of Leila's pretty outfits to wear. I have never tried on her broomstick skirt with her elegant Liz Claiborne tights. She had a dreamy pair of velvety ballet slippers with silk ribbons to complement the skirt. She had darling silver jewelry that I had not worn yet. I adored the tarnished silver filigree of those earrings. Do she remember that I bought them for her? She has perfumes and colognes that I have not experienced yet. I want all of the sensations of being her because I adore her lovely body so much. Naturally, I won't forget that tight satin black party dress or the cute strappy sandals that go with it either. I can't wait to go dancing with Alex!

I shall do all of the heavenly sensuous things that Leila did with that slender beautiful body of hers. The aromatic bubble baths, the perfumed shampoo that she used on her long, fine hair. Her dark red hair nearly reached her waist. It was so lovely and sexy. I love the subdued, earthy colors of her lipsticks. The dusty rose, soft brown, sensual burgundy, and delicate pink that she liked to use. I love every precious thing that ever touched her. Lacy negligees and panties, silky tights, romantic, peasant blouses, and bright scarves.

...our dark red hair reaches our waist...the earthy colors of our lipsticks...our lacy negligees and panties...our silky tights..our romantic blouses... Leila's, ours, no, mine now, Karin, I am Karin now, Karin with a borrowed name, borrowed clothing and borrowed lovers, but Karin...we are altogether now..we are, I am real at last, I was meant to be a woman.

I watched myself in the mirror as I brushed my hair. My movements were graceful and rhythmic. I hummed little love songs and smiled dreamily. When I go to bed at night, Leila, my wife, will be here in a sense. When I wake up each morning, I shall explore this pretty body, slowly, carefully, stimulating it, reveling in its sensuality. I shall caress my body's lovely heart-shaped breasts and its hardening nipples, stroke my sweet vagina until it is so very, very wet and hot, touch every inch of my now preciously silky skin, and smile my prettiest smile. All that as I look back at her image in my own dear, oh-so-real and sexy feminine body.

And that bathing suit that she just bought--I mustn't forget that! I wonder whom I shall ask to take me to the beach. The suit is not too skimpy and I have the long legs that will make it look stunning on me. It's nearly backless except for a dozen crisscrossed spaghetti straps. I had the same size 8 figure that she did: 5'9", 124 pounds, 34B-25-35. Just like you are, Leila honey! I exulted. I shall wear that sexy red chemise and lacy panties that she bought at Victoria's Secret. I was so disappointed that she never wore them for me. But I didn't have the heart to reproach her even the tiniest bit because we both intended to wear it for our dear lover, Alex. I planned to wear all her things for the same sexy lovers that she did. I will try on her silk blouses and pretty scarves, her provocative peasant blouse, her shortest skirts, and softest, most cuddly sweaters. I will wear her black and red blazer with a tailored white blouse, silk scarf, and pleated wool skirt. So many choices each morning. Shall I be sweet and innocent-looking today? Shall I be elegant? Shall I look ready for the office or shall I be romantic or sexy?

I'd attend her aerobics and dance classes and wear her skintight bike shorts and tank tops. I can't wait to tease and flirt with all those cute buff guys around the gym--just as she did.

I'll caress my breasts and make my nipples hard. Then I'll touch my lovely vagina -- it is exactly like hers -- and bring the sweet juices up to my lips. I'll touch and touch and touch and just float away on my sighs of pleasure. I love her so much. She'll be so far away but I'll have her taste and touch right here in our bed. I adore looking in the mirror to see Leila's pretty face looking back at me. She --or is it we now?-- always have the loveliest smile.

I haven't met Marissa, our new neighbor, yet but I've seen the look in her eyes. I can tell that she's attracted to Leila. She is absolutely gorgeous. A friend who knows her from work told me that she prefers women partners. I shall have to invite her over for dinner. I want to be a very friendly neighbor. I'm not going to be a copy of Leila every night, of course. My Karin body must have a social life too. Karin will soon have her very own lover right next door! Karin's lover is a darling girl. I know Leila would find her adorable too. If only she could find it in her heart to share a night of dreamy lovemaking with Karin, it would be so sweet for us both. I might never want to be Tommy again. But as of tomorrow morning, she'll be away and her name will be my name for six wonderful weeks! I'll be Leila. How sweet! How dreamy!

Have a lovely trip, honey. Don't worry about a thing. No problem, dear, I'll cover your nursing job at the hospital. I'll do a fine job and be good to everyone, especially certain sexy doctors. It will be just as if you never left. I love you, sweetheart. Bye bye! Be good! I love being just like you, I thought to myself.

I love Leila so much. I feel happy and warm when I see her lovely reflection looking back at me from the mirror. She has such a pretty face, so delicate and feminine, so gentle and intelligent. I have to break my reverie now and finish dressing. I'll call Alex tomorrow. Meanwhile, Leila's latest hunky boyfriend will be here in an hour. I want to wear something that he will find irresistible. I think I shall be really daring and naughty. I may meet him at the door wearing only a red chemise and the lacy panties. I want him to pick me up and carry me off to bed. I feel so fulfilled when one of Leila's adorable boyfriends makes love to me. I work so hard to please them, to thrill them. I am tender and attentive to their every need. Karin is in control now although she looks just like Leila for a little while.

Sometimes I wish my wife could become the male that I was and be my husband. I would carry on my life as his wife. I would devote myself to pleasing him and make him so happy.

When my wife was home, we agreed that I would not copy her body and I'd try hard not to become Karin if I became stressed. When she's out for short periods, I assume my natural Karin body-- the real me. No longer an alternate personality, an emotional stress reaction, but the beginnings of a real life. I finally knew who I really was and I was happy. Leila hasn't met the real Karin. She's a pretty lady just like her. I made Karin the same size that she is so they can share clothing. One day soon I know that our marriage will become too stressful for me. I'll never be able to stand being two people forever. I'll just become Karin permanently. I'll gladly leave Leila. Then I shall hope to snare a husband, give birth to his children, and live out my life as a spoiled suburban housewife. If my husband neglects me, I shall take lovers just as my wife did.

I love Leila dearly but I can hardly stand living two different lives any more. You can understand that, can't you? I thought. It's no longer a stress reaction but the source of the stress itself. My sweetheart's feminine body is much more fulfilling than my male body ever was! I would not want to stay in it forever though. Karin is my natural alternate personality and she is much better for me. There's a darling young intern named Alex whom I shall arrange for Karin to meet. I can't wait for them to get together! I just know that they will be so intimately compatible. After all, Karin will already know absolutely everything about how to please her new boyfriend. I know that he'll fall madly in love with her. Isn't it just so delicious to plan romantic trysts?

I look forward to my yummy, pampered life in the suburbs. It would be wonderfully ironic if I became a doctor's wife. Maybe I shall and I know just the one for me! Right now, the only thing that I can think about is making love to Leila's latest cute boyfriend. He will expect so much more of her after I've had him in our bed. There will be time enough to make love to dear Alex another day. Oh dear, it's time for me to slip into the red chemise now. Leila's lover will be here in a few minutes.

Isn't this so romantic? Oh, I hope he brings me flowers!

(c) 1997 Farah Daye

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