Story Of An Indian Cross Dresser - Ram(A)

by Lata Sharma

  

I am ram from Mysore and the story starts when I was in 12 th std in a co-ed junior college which was attached to the degree college. I live with my aunt Aruna who happens to be my mothers elder sister. Few years back in a great tragedy my parents along with my aunt's husband and daughter Prema died in a ghastly road accident. Since then my aunt has nurtured me with lots of love and affection through the worst period of both our lives. For me she is like god incarnate and she also tries her best to fill in for my parents also. Simply speaking I adore her and our lives revolve around each other. She not only manages our house but also family business with fair bit of success.

During my school days I used to be karate champion and leader of the dramatic group. More often than not I used to be hero in most of the plays and win prizes. When I went to the junior college I did not have much difficulty in getting in to college karate team and though a junior was one of the best in college. On the other hand I did not get entry in to the dramatic society in spite of my credentials as college already had a very good team and I was kept in waiting list. The college annual functions were usually held in the winter and that year was same. I concentrated on my karate championship and did not bother about dramatics as I had no chance. That year the college management changed the dramatics format and informed that the competition would be between girls versus boys. All the male roles in the girl's team were to be performed by girls only and similarly all the female roles in the boy's team were to be performed by the boys. This new format brought lot of cheer among girls team and there was stiff competition from many girls wanting to perform male roles and hence they selected a play which had three male characters. On the other hand there was total disappointment in the boy's team and they selected a play with only one female character. Even then there was fighting among the boys team as nobody wanted to perform the female character and virtually they had decided to concede defeat to the girls.

That was the time the captain of the boy's dramatic team remembered me being in the waiting list and called me. When I met him he asked me if I was still interested in joining the dramatics group. Without knowing the reasons for his offering a role to me I thought it my good luck and instantly accepted the offer. He further informed me that he is finalizing my name with the management and under no circumstances I shall withdraw my name which I agreed. He asked me to meet him and the professor in charge next day for collecting the details of the script and my role. As soon as I went home I informed my godmother i.e. my aunt about my getting a role in the play which also pleased her a lot.

Unfortunately I had no idea what was in store for me when I met the professor in charge of dramatics. I was informed that I was being offered the most important role of a female character and I must put in my best to ensure success of the play. It was then I realized that I was tricked in to accepting that role. I was totally confused and lost all my enthusiasm about the play and went home with a pale face.

I then decided that under no circumstances I shall play that role and thought of the paradox of a boy's karate champion in a female role. I wanted to seek my aunt's help in talking to my dramatics professor known to aunt to take me out of the play.

What I had not expected was the response of my aunt when I told her of my problem and need of her help. She said there is absolutely no problem and she would help me. Then I asked her when she would speak to my professor. She replied that she was not going to speak to my professor but would be happy to help me with my female role. That was the last thing I had expected from my aunt.

I tried to convince her that if I did female role the boys would tease me and as such I had never played a female role before and it would be big failure. Then she asked me what my views about females are as she herself was one. Are the females supposed to be some kind of second grade human beings or are they not capable of managing things that men can do or is it some kind of male chauvinism? These questions were hurled at me for whom I had no answers. Then my aunt affectionately explained to me that we should not look down upon females as given the opportunity they can also excel in many fields as much as men. Then she took her own example about not only managing the house but also the family business after the tragedy. In my case I was only playing a role in a drama and as a good artist I must accept any role given gracefully and do my best. As a last weapon she said if I had any respect towards her also being a female I must accept the role without any reservation.

I thought about my predicament most of the night and knew that no way in the world I was going to disappoint my aunt as she was the most important person in my life at that time. Before going to college aunt asked me to give the script and details of my role for her to study in preparing me for my role. She also enquired about the date of the play which was a month away, and she said that was more than enough. When I went to the college the boy's dramatics team greeted me warmly as it was a great relief to find some one to do the female role. At that point I made it clear to them that I was doing the role only because of my aunt and anybody trying to tease me or act funny with me will be treated to some of my karate kicks. As they all were aware of my karate expertise promised to behave themselves. Further I requested them to keep the details of the play and roles secret from the girls.

When I returned home I saw aunt back from the office in a pleasant mood. When I asked her about the reasons she told me that she has read script of our play and my role and has prepared an action plan. As per her plan she told me that every day after my return from college I should wear girls dress till next morning so that I will get used to the dress I was to wear in the play. Further she would teach me all the girly mannerisms like walking, talking, behavior etc. All these would take at least 2 to 3 weeks and during the last week I can go for dress rehearsals fully dressed up. She said that she has also discussed the details with my professor and that the last one week's dress rehearsals would be held in our house. Further together they had decided to make sure that the boy's team wins the competition as it was the lady professor who was responsible for the new format in girls favor.

As a starter she brought the suite case containing clothes of her late daughter prema. As our sizes were similar the clothes would fit me fine. As per the script I am supposed to wear sarees during the play. However aunt told me that before I try the sarees she would prefer me to try the long skirt, blouse and the half saree which her daughter used to wear so that I get used to wearing the dress and learn to manage the plusher also informed me that she has ordered a wig from the rental which arrived as expected and within a few days I should be receiving two sets of new wigs one with long hair and other with shoulder length hair. I was absolutely dumbfounded at events taking place around me that left me totally confused. In any case I did not want to dampen aunts spirits and thought of playing along as per her wishes.

She asked me to take her daughters suitcase to my room, undress and wear one of the petty coats and call her. When I undressed I was wondering whether I should continue to wear my underwear or opt for one of the silky panties and decided to try the panty which felt nice. Then I put on the petty coat and called for aunt. She greeted me with a smile and set about selecting a set of long skirt and matching blouse and half saree. Further as I had very little hair on my face like mustache or beard she said it would be fine. Once done she taught me how to wear the dress and adjust the half saree which was held in place on the shoulder and fastened to the blouse with a safety pin and put bindi on my fore head. Then she brought the rented wig and adjusted it on my head and as it was with long hair she stood behind me and hair was woven in to plait. While doing so she told me that dressing up as a girl is a little tedious job as they wear several things like make up, bangles, ear rings, chains, anklets etc. For a first day I have started with dress and the wig and gradually I could go on adding various items as I start getting used them and feel comfortable. As she finished plaiting my hair she asked me to turn and face her as she wanted to see how I looked like. When I faced her suddenly her face turned from pleasant smile to deep pain and tears started rolling down. Then she left me as it is and ran to her room virtually crying.

I was really shocked and shaken by her behavior and followed her to her room and found her sobbing. This was the first time I had seen her in this state since the tragedy 3 years back and tried to console her and enquired what made her so miserable. While still sobbing she replied it was the dress I was wearing which made her cry. Then I asked her if I should remove the dress she firmly said no and hugged me and started caressing me affectionately. After a while she composed herself and told me that after she saw me dressed and wore the wig I was looking so much like her late daughter prema which made her break down. She also said that as I was her sister's son it was normal to have resemblance but she had never imagined it would be so striking after I was dressed up in her clothes. Further she said that the female role I got was a blessing in disguise and she would love to see me in her daughter's clothes which give her an opportunity at least to see a look alike of prema around her. Then she warmly hugged me and kissed me on the fore head and thanked me for giving her the opportunity to see her daughter in me after 3 years.

All this made me emotionally choked and I also started crying hugging her. Both of us had the feeling mother and daughter rather than aunt and nephew. That night she asked me for the first time if I would mind sleeping in her room which I willingly agreed and we kept talking late into the night about our dear departed souls and how happy she was at least to find her daughter back in me. As both of us were emotionally drained we must have gone to sleep some time in the early morning.

When I was awake late around 11 am I found aunt was already up and greeted with me a warm hug and a pleasant smile. When I asked what she was doing at home at this time instead of going to office she told me that she had taken the day off to spend it with her dear daughter, meaning myself. Since it was quite late I was also off from my college for the day and both of us shall spend the day leisurely at home. However she asked me to get ready in my boys clothes as we had some shopping to do for her daughter. The shopping consisted of all the items her daughter would wear from head to foot that were not available at home or suitable for my size. She also told me that she was planning to buy me a few sarees for my play later once I got used to the dress. On the way back she even bought flowers for me to wear and this was first time in 3 years that these were bought. This was a new experience for me and I was prepared to do anything to see a smile on my aunt's face, wearing the female dress being the least.

Once back home aunt told me that the house maid had seen me in the dress and she had explained to her that it for the drama practice. Further she was told that for the next one month she will always find me in the dress at home and she should not talk about it to any one. After she assembled all the items purchased and those available at home aunt told me that she would like to dress me up nicely whenever I was ready. Having already got used to wearing the dress previous day for more than 12 hrs and the very special emotional mother/daughter bonding we had established I told her I was ready right away. This brought about a pleasant smile on aunts face which I had not seen in past 3 yrs.

I then went to my room, undressed and changed in to silky panty and petty coat and let aunt take charge. By that time she had selected a nice flowery silk long skirt, matching blouse and half saree and dressed me up. Then she asked me to sit in front of the dressing mirror and started with the make up on the face, works on the eye brows, eye lashes and a matching bindi. Once this done she nicely combed and cleaned the wig before adjusting it on my head and made a plait of the long hair. Next came the anklets and then the clip type ear rings, and half a dozen bangles on each hand. Then she went to her room and brought back few boxes of jewelry that belonged to my mother and asked me to select. As most of them were on the heavy I preferred two chains that ware lighter. That completed the dressing up and when I looked at myself in the mirror I could see a beautiful girl that I had become. Then as aunt brought a photograph of her daughter prema and compared it to the girl in the mirror I understood why aunt had reacted that way the previous day.

Both of us ware happy with the progress made and I was also gradually coming to terms with my dress and secretly started enjoying though afraid of mentioning it to aunt. I was running around the house and helping aunt in various household chores and occasionally making visit to the dressing mirror to see and feel my feminine self. During one of those visits I found that though the dressing looked perfect still something was missing and discovered it only during the next visit to the mirror which was my flat chest as the girls of my age would normally have at least small grown breasts. Though I wanted to tell aunt about it I was feeling shy and tried to stuff a large hankie on each side in the blouse which was casually noticed by aunt. She did not mention any thing to me and told me that she had to go to the market for some purchase she had forgotten and I should stay home and enjoy myself.

It took aunt about an hour to get back from market. I utilized this time feeling and playing around with my dress. I always used to be fascinated how ladies always keep adjusting the pallu of their sarees. I had also noticed aunt removing the safety pin fixing the pallu to the blouse as soon as she returned from office and let the pallu free flowing on the shoulders. Then some times she would bring the loose end of pallu to the front and tuck it at the waist or some times she would take it and bring it forward on the right shoulder completely covering both the shoulders. I remembered all these and tried each of these patterns of pallu play and go to the mirror and see how it looked like on me. In short the one hour absence of aunt was fully utilized with different girly mannerisms.

When aunt returned she noticed the free flowing pallu on my shoulders and enquired, I replied that I was trying to see if I could manage the pallu without fixing it with the safety pin on my shoulder. Then she commented that I was learning quite fast and if I could also manage walking well with the dress I might graduate to wearing sarees in the next couple of days. Aunt excused herself for next ten minutes as she said she had to attend to some incomplete work and went in to her room. When she came out she held a padded satin bra suitable for my size just purchased in front of me and asked me to go to my room and wear it under the blouse and if I had any difficulty I should call her. I felt very shy as I took the bra and went to my room to try. As I removed the blouse and checked the bra I noticed that the ten minutes aunt spent in her room was to stuff the cups of the bra with fine cotton and stitch up a cloth as a cover. I tried to wear the bra but was having difficulty with fixing the hooks at the back and called aunt. She came and taught me how to do it and said that with little practice I shall learn easily. After I wore the blouse I decided to let the pallu free flowing on my left shoulder without fixing with safety pin as I wanted to continue to enjoy playing with my pallu.

Aunt next started the tutorials about girly ways of walking with small steps, talking softly, and to normally bend the hands etc and asked me to practice which I did for most of that day. I must admit that as I was walking around the silky touch of the panty and bra on my body had sensational effect. I also made several visits to the dressing mirror to look and feel my feminine self which was a sheer delight. The addition of the padded bra had brought about completeness to my feminine figure. By late evening I was not only feeling comfortable with the girly ways but also doing fairly well. This was certified by aunt with a kiss on my forehead. After dinner I asked aunt if she was feeling ok and wanted me to sleep in her room. Aunt replied that she was feeling fine and I could sleep in my own room as that may help me in discovering and feeling my feminine self better. Honestly she was right and I was not only feeling more feminine but also comfortable with that feeling.

Next morning after bath I dressed up in my boys clothes and went to college. The dramatics group gave me the time table for rehearsals with one week to learn the dialogues and home practice and the actual rehearsals would be held after that. The professor also called me and appreciated aunt for the special interest shown in the success of the play and I must work hard for the play. For the rest of the day in the college my mind was full of thoughts of the previous day's experiences. The only other thing I appeared to be interested was to watch the girl students and the lady teachers about how they were dressed, how they were behaving, walking, talking and started making mental notes for practice later at home. I also started looking for the sarees worn by them which I liked so that I could ask aunt to buy me later. Apart from a few important classes the only other activity I participated was the karate practice.

It was very important for me to win the karate championship to offset the image of my female role in the play as this would help me in dealing with the boys who might try to tease me or fool around. The way my karate was shaping up I was almost sure to win but I had to ensure that there were no lapses. Further this boys championship was also required to counter balance the feminine feelings I was slowly developing. I had also decided that I was going to keep both my male and female aspects separate.

After a good karate workout and feeling boisterous I returned home to find aunt still in the office. May be she was busy making up for previous days absence. As I was relaxing aunts phoned up to inform that she will be home only after an hour. Then I started wondering about the prospects for rest of the day. I knew that as soon as aunt returned she would ask me to dress up in fem clothes, so I though it might be a good idea if I could go through prema's suitcase and select the clothes myself and set about the job. There were several sets of cloths in cotton, pure silk, and polyesters and I ended up selecting a beautiful silk long skirt with red body and black border along with matching blouse and crape half saree. Then I thought I would also assemble all the other items I would wear like the panty, stuffed bra, bindi, bangles, anklet, chain and the clip on ear rings. Once done I went to the bath room and had a shower and thought of waiting for aunt to get back and looked at the time which told me that she would not be back for another half hour.

As I was wondering what I should do till aunt returned it occurred to me that I must give her a surprise by opening the door fully dressed up in fem clothes. That started my first experience of dressing up on my own. At the end of my dressing I looked in the mirror and found that I had done fairly well for a first attempt as I was successful even wearing the bra properly. That gave me confidence and went on to wear the bindi, bangles, ear rings, anklets, and little makeup which was not so satisfactory. Then I put on the wig and adjusted on my head. However I had no idea how to make the plait and hence left the long hair flowing on my back.

As I was looking at watch the door bell rang. I opened the door and aunt just stood there for a while and burst in to laughter and once inside she thoroughly inspected me and said I was learning the fem dressing much faster than she had imagined. After she freshened up she corrected my makeup and plaited my hair adding few more items like hair pins which held different parts of hair in a pattern that aunt had made and hair was looking quite compact and stylish .when I told aunt that it was very nice she replied that fem hair can styled in hundreds of ways and over a period lady styles her hair which is comfortable to her and to her liking. She further said she would also style my hair in different styles daily so that I can also choose what I like most. Then as aunt asked me to fetch some item from upstairs I almost tripped on the stairs but held on to the rails. Noticing this aunt said when you are wearing a long skirt or saree and climbing stairs you must hold the saree or skirt in the front and slightly lift it so that it does not foul with the feet. Well that was one of the several lessons aunts kept teaching.

By end of that day aunt was quite pleased with my progress and said that I was ready to try wearing a saree from the next day. Though there were several sarees of hers as well as my moms at home she would like to buy me some new sarees, some for wearing at home and some for the play. She said that as a young girl I should be wearing the type of sarees that is fashionable among girls of my age. So she asked me to get home early from college next day so that we could go shopping for my sarees. There was nothing exciting in the college next day except that I had taken special interest in watching the girl's dresses and type of sarees they were wearing and made a note of what I liked.

As promised aunt was early from office and both of us drove to the best clothes market in town and after parking the car decided to first do a bit of window shopping before selecting the sarees which was worth the effort. When I mentioned to aunt type of sarees I had noted and liked in the college and found on some shops windows we went and bought 3 of them first a synthetic saree in multi colored floral design the second one printed silk saree also designed in combination of yellow and brown with brown and gray temple border and third one a georgette saree in red body and gold border. Then aunt wanted me to buy some cotton sarees to wear at home and she selected a kota saree in green and gray mix and a voile saree in floral design of sky blue and white. Special care was taken to see that the pallu's of all the sarees were nice.

That done next on aunts list was matching blouses for the sarees, the fall and matching petty coats. When we purchased these entire aunt took me to a cosmetic shop for buying some lipsticks, mascara set and nail polish. Final purchase for that evening was ladies sandals and aunt said a sandal with 2 inch heel would be appropriate and bought 2 pairs. On the way back she stopped over at the ladies tailor and gave all the sarees for stitching the fall and pico and blouses to be stitched as per the sample she had brought from home with necessary corrections she had noted and as per new designs. She asked the tailor to make it urgent and must be delivered at home by next evening. It may be worth noting that this was first time in three years that any ladies clothes were purchased by aunt.

Once back home aunt said that she would get the dinner ready in half hour and without any word being mentioned I went to my room and started to change in to house wear (fem clothes)when aunt called me and said that she wanted me to be only half dressed in petty coat and blouse. When I finished my makeup, wearing wig, and accessories I dressed up only in a petty coat, bra and blouse when aunt walked in with few house wear sarees from my mothers clothes and asked me to select as she was going to teach me how to wear a saree.

She first explained to me the details of saree like the tucking end with fall stitched at the inside bottom, the loose end or pallu and body of the saree and started to teach me how to begin wearing with first by tucking it to the petty coat on the right side in the front and tucking it around the waist right to left and completing a round. Then came the important aspect of saree dressing i.e. making pleats leaving enough allowance of saree for taking around a second time and hoisting the pallu on to the left shoulder and leaving an appropriate length of pallu free flowing on the back. Then she thought me the art of making the pleats from the remaining part of the saree and tucking it in to the petty coat in the mid front. She demonstrated the process by wearing a saree on top of the saree she was already wearing and the dressed me up in that saree leisurely explaining each step. She also explained that wearing a saree nicely is an art and adds to the beauty of the person wearing. When I looked at myself in the mirror I found that I was looking at least 2 yrs elder to my age which was also confirmed by aunt.

I started running around the house in the saree and was feeling great especially the dancing of the pleats on the feet and playing with the pallu by putting it in different ways and as it was a house wear saree I also slept in it to a blissful sleep. Next day in college was a busy day with few important classes and extended karate workout. When ever I could get time, I was looking around for girls and lady teachers and observing their sarees and way they had dressed up and picking up some useful tips. I was informed by the dramatics professor that the rehearsals would start 3 days later and all the members should learn their dialogues at least for the initial part of the play.

By the time I reached home aunt was back and inspecting the sarees & blouses received from the tailor. She asked me to freshen up and get dressed up in one of the new house wear sarees and try out the blouses for the fitting. Aunt further informed me that the new wigs were also received and I could try them also. Though I tried to wear the saree by myself I ran into difficulty both with the pallu and making the pleats which were corrected by aunt who also gave me some tips on the subject. Then I informed aunt about learning the dialogues for rehearsal. She said that the best way one can do justice to any role would be to try, feeling and living the character as far as possible. She further said that I should learn and try to deliver the dialogues only when I am dressed in a saree and from then onwards till the end of the drama competition she shall start addressing me a chitra which was the name of the girl whose role I was playing.

The new wigs were fantastic with beautiful and soft hair. Since I had already tried wig with long hair I wore the one with short hair which was unto my shoulder length. As I was walking around I found the hair dancing on my shoulders and the feeling was great. Aunt also suggested that I must also practice walking with the new 2 inch heeled sandals she had bought. I must admit I was not very comfortable initially but after an hour or so I was able manage my walking with the sandals fairly well. Regarding the dialogues aunt said that once I complete learning them by heart part by part she would also read them out so that I could correct the way to recite them. Anyway I spent next two days learning the dialogues by heart and aunt had no role to play except assisting in perfecting my saree dressing and the way I walk and talk while dressed up. She had also made it a point to address me all the time as chitra and except for some initial hiccups I had also started responding to that name.

That day being a Sunday we had decided that both of shall stay at home and I could dress up the whole day and try out the new sarees bought for use in my drama. Aunt also suggested that I must take an oil bath and apply turmeric paste on my body as that would help reducing the body hair and keep my skin shining. The job of applying oil and the paste was entrusted to the house maid even as I was still dressed in previous day's house wear saree except that I had changed in to a sleeveless blouse. I removed my wig and the maid applied oil liberally on my head, exposed parts of my back, arms and on the feet and then applied the turmeric paste all the while giggling and telling me how she used to do this to prema when was alive. On the remaining parts I told her that I shall apply on my own in the bath room. As I finished my extended bath washing off the oil and the paste I felt very nice as if my skin had come alive.

Once out of the bath aunt asked me to wear the petty coat, bra and a nightie and thought me the girly way of wrapping the towel on the head for drying the hair. After the hair was properly dry aunt spent time to remove some hair between the eye brows with a tweezers and put on the complete make up including base, powder, making the eye brows, eye lashes, and for the first time kajal which was initially uncomfortable but got used to it quickly. Then she fixed the long hair wig and plaited the hair differently with all the accessories whose names I am yet to learn. That done she asked me to wear one the sarees meant to be worn for the play while she headed for the bath room.

As I looked at the three sarees I decided on the printed silk saree in blue and brown combination with brown and gray temple border. Then I changed in to a matching petty coat and blouse and leisurely tried wearing the saree. There were two areas which I was yet to master were the length of saree pallu to be left on the back and making the pleats in the mid front for tucking in to the petty coat. Anyway it took me two attempts to come to grasp and on the third I did fairly well. Then I put on a designer saree safety pin on the pleats at the top to fix them on to the petty coat. Regarding the pallu I was still undecided when aunt walked in and complimented me on saree dressing. She mentioned that as a young girl even she took about a week to dress properly.

When I asked her about pallu dressing she mentioned that while going out to office or a party or any other purpose ladies normally pleated and folded the pallu on the left shoulder and fixed it so that it gives a graceful and formal look and they are not required to handle the pallu or adjust it. When a lady is at home or with friends they do not feel the need for formality and let the pallu free flowing. However this does not mean that a free flowing pallu is not graceful as it also has its grace and beauty if properly worn except that the lady has to pay adequate attention to it and keep adjusting it from time to time, further it also provides flexibility for the variety of ways one wants wear the pallu. Then I decided to try both styles.

After a while as aunt finished her pending jobs during which time I also spent my time feeling the pleasures of dressing up in new saree, she said we should start our script reading. First she asked me to recite my dialogues memorized and corrected me as required. Then she also read from the script and asked me to note the difference when the same dialogues are delivered by a female and try to adopt the style. This exercise continued till I had perfected delivering the initial part of dialogues in fem style. The next part of the dialogue delivery she said was as per the requirement of the situation in the play and the overall context of the character I was playing. For understanding this aspect I must read the complete play a few times which will give me an idea about how I must perform my role. She further said that once I came to that level and feels comfortable with my dialogue delivery she would teach me about how to feel free with my saree and try various ways to handle the dress in the process of play while I was on the stage and asked me to continue my practice.

By now it was time for lunch and aunt asked me to change in to a house wear saree and taught me how to fold the new saree properly before hanging in the wardrobe. I was slowly but surely coming to grips with fem dressing as I found that it was at least a hundred times more tedious than male dressing. The house wear saree I selected was the green and gray Kota saree with which I had fallen in love for its softness and light weight as its pallu sat on my shoulder and its feel on my stuffed bosom. After we finished lunch I helped aunt with clearing the dishes from the table and cleaning up which I never used to do as a boy. Aunt really appreciated this change in my attitude and said that all members irrespective of gender should contribute towards house hold chores to lessen the burden on few people. This role in the play had really turned my life upside down and the best part is that I was enjoying it.

After resting for a while aunt took me to her wardrobe and took out all the sarees and started explaining the details of each saree like the fabric it is made of, its color combination on the body, on the pallu and the border. Then she asked me to fold each of them properly and put them back. In fact there were names of so many colors which I had heard for the first time. Further she also showed me how ladies feel the sarees by opening the folds and putting them on the shoulder and delicately caress the fabric over the bosom which I was also asked to try. All this made me feel that fem world was much different from male and one has to live it out as I was doing to understand dressing in fem attire leave alone feel like one. By the time we finished with aunts wardrobe it was 5 in the evening and aunt said that my mother's wardrobe she had preserved was much larger as she was very fond of a variety of sarees and we should see it on some other day.

After freshening up and a cup of tea aunt said that both of us should get ready and suggested that I wear another new saree and this time I selected the synthetic saree in multi colored floral design and wig with shoulder length hair. Aunt also dressed up in one of her favorite roller pressed cotton saree in peach colored body and red border and red/golden pallu. In the earlier years aunt used to dress up quite elaborately and used to be a beautiful looking lady. However since the tragedy she had lost interest in that aspect as suddenly she grew older by several years and accordingly her dressing and making up also changed to simplicity which also looks very graceful. As for me I was dressed up and made up to the hilt in my new saree which was looking really beautiful on me and the feeling smooth synthetic material on my body was sensational. Aunt also liked my selection of the saree and said that having dressed up so nicely we should go out for a walk and get some fresh air.

Having dressed up in fem clothes and always being indoor I was really nervous at the prospect of having to go out in public and said a firm no. Aunt as usual was persuading me not to be a scary cat as she was also accompanying me. Further as it was a Sunday not much of crowd will be on the streets and being evening with sun set nobody will recognize me. Even then she said that we shall travel by car up to the mg road then take a walk on those wide roads which is a favorite place of evening walkers. As such that place being far away from our house we will not come across any known people. This was essential for me to perfect my walking in the dress and wearing two inch heels. Any way still nervous I agreed and aunt said that's like a good girl and we set off for my first outing in dress.

As aunt was driving and not many people on the road, being out for the first time I pulled the pallu over my head and half covered my face which made aunt laugh. She said that as they say offence is the best way of defense I should also have similar attitude and feel care free and show more confidence in myself. In fact I should showoff to be more girly than normal girls and that advice really helped me to feel more comfortable with myself in the dress. After parking the car we set about our walking on that pleasant evening with cool breeze by pacing ourselves in such a way that there were not many people either in front of us or behind. After my initial nervousness faded I felt more comfortable and at ease and continued our walking for an hour all the while gossiping about several girls in my college. That was also my first experience of girly chat with aunt also telling me stories of her teenage friends and jokes which made both of us laugh several times.

In all it was a wonderful and memorable evening as aunt had also become my (girl) friend for that duration and had laughs after years. On our return to the car park aunt saw a flower vendor and bought some flowers for me and fixed them with hair pins. The fragrance of the flowers had its wonderful effect probably only a fem can enjoy. On our return journey I was feeling very confident about myself and my ability to go out in public wearing the dress.

Back home I was feeling great at the experience of my first outing in public in dress and it was showing on my face which was also confirmed by aunt who also expressed happiness at the job well done. Then I changed into my favorite kota house wear saree, had dinner and went in to a blissful sleep. Next day at college was hectic with classes, extended karate workout when I was summoned for the rehearsals which were being held at a secluded room away from other activities with only dramatics members permitted. The prof. First explained the story/ script to team, which, was a comedy and then introduced each actor with their role to be played by them and my name, was called in the end as I was the only fem character.

In the play I was to play central role with a father, brother and two boy friends who were trying to outbid each other for my favor and attention as both of them wanted to propose to me. On my part I was having fun by inciting each against other and in the process exploiting each of them to my requirements. In the end I refused to accept both by saying that I was interested in a non existent person. The play was in 4 acts and I was to appear in 3 acts. Then the Prof asked each of us to recite our dialogues for the first act and that done asked the whole team to come back next day with any suggestions to improve the play. After I went home I explained to aunt and asked her suggestions as she had read the script thoroughly she replied that she will think it over and let me know next morning.

As promised aunt mentioned that as mine was the only fem role in the play and a central character it may be better if I was present on the stage on all the 4 acts which the Prof should redesign. Secondly as I do not accept both the boys' proposals they may be disappointed and the last act should be made more humorous. When the rehearsals started I explained these suggestions to the Prof who appreciated them along with few others and promised to arrange for necessary changes. We then continued our rehearsals by sequentially reciting our dialogues and correcting them as necessary. The rehearsals continued for the rest of the week gradually increasing our roles from act one to part of act three by end of the week that was sat noon. All through those weeks rehearsals I had taken care to see that my recently acquired feminine qualities are not reflected in my action which I had kept reserved for actual play on the stage on the d day. As such no other actor was complaining as long as they were not asked to take my place.

After I had my lunch and was relaxing I got a call from aunt who wanted to know about my program for the weekend to which I responded that I had nothing specific. Then aunt said that she would also be back early and shall bring along a friend who was running a popular beauty parlor to teach me beauty and makeup tips and I should be dressed in one of my good sarees with my normal make up for her to study and suggest improvements. I was a bit uncomfortable at the suggestion but thought that with my outing last week and coming public performance on stage I should as well get used to meeting real ladies other than my aunt. By the time I was ready with my dressing up aunt arrived with her friend who was armed with her magic box of make up and beauty items.

When I opened the door my aunt introduced me as Chitra and her friend as Mary the beautician who observed me from head to foot with special attention paid to my face and hair and asked me to fetch some water so that she could observe my figure and walking style. Once all the details collected Mary asked me to go and wash my face clean and come to the dressing table. Once I sat in front of the mirror she started with the basics and applied a cleaning lotion and applied a cotton swap on the face to remove the hidden dirt from my face and neck which was surprising to note even after a face wash. Then she applied a base cream suitable for my skin, then picked up half a dozen shades of face powders and selected one shade most suitable for my face. Then she set about working on my eye brows , eye lashes and lightly put mascara on my eye shades and under the eyes and again took out a few shades of lipsticks and selected one she was satisfied with and applied with a thin brush. That completed my make up and she had a break for a cup of tea with my aunt and discussed with her about my hair style and aunt suggested that it should be simple as per the requirements of the play but also elegant.

Then she tried out both the wigs and settled for the one with long hair as it suits my role and also provides flexibility to play around. Mary then tried out a few styles with plaits and without by turning and twisting the long hair into half and fixing the loose portion at the neck with help of hair pins and asked me and aunt to choose and we preferred the one without the plaits. Then she undid my hair style and thought us both how to style the hair in that fashion which both of us found to be manageable. Then she explained in detail from the step one about various items used in the make up like the cleaning lotion, base, powder, eye brow, eye lash pencils, lipstick and the mascara and left a sample of each with me for use later. Then Mary said that this was the first time she had an opportunity to style a boy in fem and was very pleased with the result. She also mentioned that even if I go out in public places nobody would recognize me as a boy and the next time I needed her help she would be pleased but I will have to go to her place for which I could take prior appointment and she would attend to me when there are no other customers. She took aside aunt whispered something to her which aunt responded and said she would take care.

Mary refused to accept any payment for her services as it was a learning experience for her but charged for the cosmetics left behind and took leave. After mary left aunt took a good look at me and whispered that I was looking gorgeous and an experts work makes so much of difference and asked me the where about of an old cricket set I had to which I replied that it should be in the old store room. She then went to the store and brought back a few thigh pads and asked me to undress in my room and wear the pads towards the outer side of my thighs inside the panty and dress up. When I came out dressed up as suggested she gave me a satisfactory look and said that was the suggestion of mary as females normally have wider hips and told me that later on she would stitch up the padding properly in to my panties. Then it was my turn to go to the mirror and inspect mary's magic and what I found was stunning looking girl in front of me which was made possible with small corrections and suitable cosmetics and agreed with mary's views that it would be difficult for any one to recognize me as a boy especially after the difference the padding had made to my figure which was looking quite feminine.

Aunt also freshened up and changed in to her favorite cotton roller pressed saree and with limited makeup and said that all the efficient work put in by Mary would go for a waste unless I go out with her and enjoy my new look. Being a Saturday I wondered for a while but then decided to go ahead and we decided to go to the market to do some girly shopping as this would enhance my confidence level and chose to go to a market far away from our house to avoid meeting known people.

It was getting dark as we set off and this time I did not cover up my face with pallu as I had also worn it in a formal way. On the way aunt again repeated her advice of last week to feel care free and confident which really seemed to work as we headed for the market.

After parking the car we decided to go to a shopping mall with aunt advising me to speak in soft voice as near to a girls voice as possible. As we did not have anything in particular to buy we just went around the shops selling ladies items and do window shopping and in the process I was mingling and occasional brushing with people of both sexes and gaining confidence. As we were going around the place I saw some boys giving me a passing look and some boys made comments like real beauty but since aunt was with me they did not go any further.

Then I told aunt that I intended to buy some bangles and went in to a store and started examining the variety when the sales girl came for assistance. I showed her the bangles I was interested and she brought them in 3 colors and asked me to try out for the correct size and aunt helped me with the selection and we bought a dozen in each color. Then we went in to another store and bought few nighty and ladies hankies and few larger size panties for stuffing. Then aunt suggested I also buy ladies silk scarves and purse. While we were in this shop another lady elder to aunt was also shopping and picked up conversation and after a while asked aunt if I was her daughter to which aunt replied that I was her niece. The lady did not give up at that and said I was a real beautiful young lady and she would love to have a daughter in law like me for her engineer son to which suggestion aunt replied that I was still too young and she was not considering my marriage for at least another 5 years. As I was hearing all of this conversation I felt really shy and thought that Mary's magic has passed the test and excused myself and went to another nearby counter. Aunt took the hint and followed me and went we away from that lady and took few more rounds of the mall mingling with the crowd which aunt said would help me to feel comfortable with myself and gain more confidence which was true.

Before returning aunt suggested that we should eat out to avoid cooking on our return home and took me to a restaurant which served north Indian food and ordered stuffed parathas, vegetables and curds for both of us. I found that compared to walking around in the crowd sitting in a hotel for some time waiting to be served was a different experience and had become self conscious which was noticed by aunt and asked me to cool down, feel free. Then she picked up a conversation about that lady in the shop at which both of us had a real laugh and my self consciousness had disappeared. Then I realized that aunt always had ways to soothe me under different situations and as if reading my mind said that I must go through various situations and settings and personally experience and still manage to come out successful. She also said that all this is not so easy but if I continue to be as good as I have been and cooperate I shall definitely succeed. The other basic requirement she said was that I should be really interested in doing what I was doing and more than anything else enjoy what I was doing. This she said was very important as she did not want to force the fem character on me. She then asked me to answer these questions when we get home.

On the way back I was pondering over the questions put by aunt and reviewed the events of past 2 weeks. First of all as a person interested in stage and a good actor that I was she had insisted on my taking up the fem role offered as she wanted me to respect females that was due to them. Second was the mother / daughter bondage we had developed after my first dressing up and the subsequent pleasure I was able give her was worth more than anything I could ever do for my god mother. Thirdly in the process of dressing up during the past 2 weeks I was not only interested but was also thoroughly enjoying dressing up as a fem and discovering my feminine self. With this clarity of thought I was smiling at myself and hoped that it would please aunt.

After we reached home I went to my room and changed in to my favorite kota saree and came out and felt that aunt was somehow anxious to know my answers to her questions. Then I thought I shall prolong the suspense for some more time and sat in front of the tv to watch some program and aunt said she would also go and change. When aunt came out I could still see the anxiety on her face about my thoughts. As I put off the tv and got up aunt thought I was going to my room to sleep and was about say good night but instead I went to her and hugged her tightly and put my head on her bosom like a small child and thanked her for every thing. Then I told her that I not only liked and was interested in fem part I was living but was also thoroughly enjoying myself and held on to her for some time. When I released my hug aunt held my face and kissed me affectionately on my forehead and said that I had given her a few anxious moments and when I told her that I had done it intentionally she displayed mock anger which broke in to a broad smile as we hugged each other for some more time when the phone rang.

Aunt spoke on the phone for a while and then she carried the cordless to her room and closed the door. I did not know about the call except that aunt continued her smile and said that she would make all efforts to see that I was comfortable with whatever I wished to pursue and went to her room to sleep. Next morning as usual aunt was up early and had stitched up the panties with padding which would increase my hip size around 2 inches. When I woke up the house maid was ready to give me oil bath and like previous week had an extended bath. Then aunt told me that she would like me to try out the makeup tips given by Mary and dress up in the red georgette saree. As I had some difficulties with the wig aunt helped me out with the new style and told me that she was going out for a while and expects me to be fully dressed up when she returned.

After about 15 mts aunt returned and the door were opened by house maid as I had still not finished my final adjustments to the pallu. When the maid saw one of my distant cousins Raji accompanying aunt she started giggling and was silenced as they wanted to surprise me. When I opened my door fully dressed up there stood in front of the door aunt and Raji smiling away to glory. Raji then hugged me by addressing as Chitra and said to aunt that she was right in describing me as beautiful looking girl and further complimented that I was real cute and kissed me on both the cheeks in girly style.

When I asked aunt why she did not tell me about Raji's plans she said yesterday was my day of suspense and today was hers and told me about last evenings phone call. She further told me that she wanted to give a surprise to both me and Raji and told her what to expect only on the way from bus stand. Raji further said that I look so much like prema who was very close to her and her best friend. Raji is my aunt's distant cousin's daughter and they stay in Bangalore about 3 hrs from my place. Raji for the past two years has been working in a marketing company and visits our town occasionally normally for a day or two. However this time as the local manager is away for one month she has been asked to take charge which she readily accepted as she would normally stay with us and she happens to be a great admirer of aunt who was also her role model.

Aunt and raji get along very well and when aunt gave her the complete story of my fem dressing and told her that it was a very good coincidence for her to be staying for a month as she can give me girly company and help me in perfecting my fem behavior. Raji happily agreed to the suggestion and hugged me again and said we would hit off greatly. Raji being a city girl normally wore jeans with tops, salwar suits, skirts & blouse, and rarely wore sarees and hence aunt made it a point to tell her that from now on till the drama date she should also wear sarees at home to give me company. As such aunt was not against raji wearing her normal dresses but she said they can wait till the drama was over after which I could also try out her dresses.

After raji took her bath and came out wearing a flowery skirt and matching blouse I found it very nice. When aunt enquired she said she had no choice as she had not brought any sarees.

Then aunt called us both to explore my mother's wardrobe which had a large stock and variety of sarees at least twice the size of aunts. They consisted of variety of silks from mysore, dharmavaram, banaras and madras and latest garden silks. Then there were several cotton sarees from madurai, kanchi, gadwal, kota and bengal which were all roller pressed. These also consisted of a large number of printed silks, voil cotton, polyester and other synthetic sarees. Aunt took out all these and laid them on the bed nicely and started explaining details about each of them which was a lesson for both of us girls. After more than an hour when we finished aunt told us both to select any sarees we liked to wear. Raji selected few printed silks and synthetic sarees in flowery patterns and I also picked up a few printed silks and my favorite kota sarees. Then aunt told Raji she can try 3 fittings of blouses ,one aunts, second moms and third mine and which ever fits her better she could use and found that moms size fitted her nicely. So Raji went in to the guest room and changed to one of the printed silk saree in purple body and red border and looked different and beautiful.

Aunt also dressed up and brought the jewelry and asked Raji and me to wear them and proposed that we all go to the temple and on the way bought flowers for me and Raji and fixed them on the hair. Being a Sunday the temple was a bit crowded. So we three entered the temple from the exclusive ladies only side which was my first experience of mingling and rubbing body with traditionally dressed ladies both young and old. While we were waiting our turn for puja I noticed a couple of my college girls near us and my heart almost came to my mouth and as usual aunt always kept an eye on me and enquired. When I told her about the girls from college she just said ignore them and in case they look at me give them a confident smile. However they did not recognize me and were busy gossiping the event passed off to my relief. Experience and confidence is the key to my problems said aunt and assured me that at least till the drama is staged nobody will recognize me and after which having seen me on stage in dress people might recognize me in public if seen in dress.

After lunch aunt said that she wanted to take a nap and I and Raji took charge of clearing the table and cleaning up the kitchen and were relaxing and got into girly chat. Then Raji started smiling and said that it has been real pleasant surprise to her what aunt told her on the way home from bus stand and to see me in saree again reiterated that I look real cute and she was in fact envying me. Then I replied that even she was looking beautiful in saree and with make up like mine she will definitely look more beautiful and explained to her the Mary's magic. Raji thanked me for the compliments and in her usual way of expressing pleasure kissed me on both cheeks and said that some time she would also like to visit Mary for a makeup session with me.

One important change Raji brought about to our conversation was to keep addressing me in feminine gender common in most Indian languages unlike English. For the next hour or so both of us started chatting about my college girls and how I had started viewing them differently since dressing up and Raji also spoke about her close girl friends and some colleagues. Then she asked me about how I felt about boys to whom I replied that I did not have much experience except the previous days outing at the mall and the boys and the lady's comments about me. When I told her the full story of that lady she started laughing and said that how nice it would be if she could meet that lady and get more details of her son and if she could propose herself at which both of us started laughing for a few minutes. When I asked Raji about her boy friends she told me that one colleague, one of her classmates and one from the neighborhood were trying to woo her but she has not responded to any one as such. Then I told her the story of my play and hoped that she will also not disappoint all of them. Raji then told me that whatever girly chat we have should be between us only and not even aunt should know anything.

That evening while we were dressing up to go for a walk Raji suggested I do my makeup in a simpler fashion which is normally done by most of the girls and they do stylish makeup and hair only for special occasions and aunt also agreed to this suggestion. Then both of them helped me to design a simple make up ensuring that I would still continue to look feminine and I also left my pallu free flowing. Just as aunt was parking her car she saw one of her acquaintances and told us to carry on as she would catch up with us after a chat with her. That left me and Raji and we started in our usual route all the time raji addressing in fem gender which made me feel real girly.

After a while we saw two boys walking towards us from opposite direction. As we were about to cross Raji addressed them as hay handsome and the boys just stood there in front of us and in the absence of aunt I was feeling nervous when Raji just asked them for the time. After the boys responded she just smiled and said thanks and introduced me as Chitra to which I mumbled out faint hay and herself as Raji and said see you some time. When the boys said why not spend some time together now with the beautiful young ladies she replied that our aunt was about to join us and we must leave. Anyway the boys were quite thrilled to meet two beautiful young ladies and hoped to meet us again. All through her chat with the boys I was trying to smile and put up a brave and confidant presence. I was really cross with Raji and asked her why she did that, she replied that it was for my benefit as she wanted me to experience meeting unexpected strangers and still feel normal. Raji further said that as long as I was dressed in fem clothes I should consider myself only as a girl and nothing else and learn to respond like any other girl would do.

It took me some more time to normalize and when I realized that I had conducted myself fairly well my anger towards Raji disappeared when we saw aunt coming towards us. Raji did not mention anything to aunt about our encounter with the boys and after walking for a while aunt suggested we go to one of the Sunday market for some groceries and eat at Dasprakash before going home. It was only after we reached the market that I realized it was near our college and my worst fears came true when I saw some of my classmates (boys) among the shoppers. At that point I was debating with myself if we should avoid them by moving away to some other area of the market and then remembered advice of Raji and aunt decided to face the situation. As per Raji's advice I had my make up done moderately and hence did not attract any special attention from young men or even ladies as I was looking like any other girl in the crowd. Even though some of my class mates passed by near me nobody recognized me and one of them even said excuse me miss as he wanted me to give him way to cross. While going through this experience I was really pleased with myself and my improved abilities and as Raji had mentioned was feeling and being treated like a real girl and was enjoying it.

For the next week all three of us were busy and our rehearsals really going in top gear with all the 4 acts. All the actors were doing very well and the only concern of the members was if can be feminine enough on the stage and as promised the Prof had made changes for me to appear in all the 4 acts and end was also made humorous. On my part I had made it a point not to exhibit my feminine abilities during rehearsals and Prof even spoke to aunt his concerns to which aunt told him not to worry about me and concentrate on other actors. She also assured him that she will help them out with my role when the final rehearsals were held at our house. As requested by aunt Raji made it a point to wear only sarees at home on her return from office and was a great company. With every passing day I was growing feminine by leaps and bounds and at times used to regret having to change from saree to boys clothes to go to college.

After finishing classes that day and before the rehearsals I suddenly realized that due to my over indulgence in the fem role I had neglected my karate practice in the past two days and decided to compensate. In fact I was quite relieved to come back to reality and did an extended workout of karate which brought about a sense of balance and the boisterous masculine feeling came back. The rehearsals were well under control and I had started letting out the fem character of my role little at a time and even the Prof appeared to be satisfied and was banking on aunt for the rest. As for the dress practice at home it was going fine and improving every day under supervision of aunt and Raji. One afternoon when both raji and me were home early and dressed up as aunt asked us to go and pay the telephone bill as it was the last date. When Raji and I reached the payment centre it was quite crowded and we somehow managed to reach the ladies queue which was also a bit long. After a while Raji asked me to hold the bill and cheque and be in queue as she would be back in a few minutes and went out. Due to the rush the queue was moving slowly and as per my estimate it would take at least 15 mts for our turn to pay.

As the male and female queue were adjacent it gave ample opportunity for the men to keep staring at the ladies including myself for visual recreation and even after 10 mts Raji did not turn up. For me all by myself passing those 10 mts was like hours and knew that Raji had done it on purpose and put up with the remaining time and paid the bill. When I came out looking for Raji she was nowhere to be seen and was wondering whether to return home on my own by auto. As I was signaling for an auto I heard a voice from the back calling me hay sweetie and found Raji who was all the while around the counter hiding from my sight and followed me. This time instead of showing any anger I gave a smile and said thanks for the company and she accepted my compliments by saying well done baby. That was my first experience of independently handling an activity in dress though for a short while.

As the week was coming to an end aunt was relying more and more on Raji to manage my activities in dress and gradual feminization. I must say she was doing very well except that at times she would put me in unknown territory and expose me to unexpected situations and all the while I have been learning to handle myself and realizing that it was as much a mental game as the physical aspect of the dress.

  

  

  

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