SRU: Half and Half          by: Roy Del Frink

 

A disgruntled lady walked up to the counter, holding a paper bag in her arm. "Listen here, buddy," she said to the old man behind the counter, "you sold me a potion that would turn my husband into the next thing I said. I said, ‘Change my husband into a Chippendale dancer,’ and look what happened!" She placed the bag on the counter, and opened it. The lady pulled out two chipmunks, dressed in tiny top hats, tuxes, and canes. One had a black nose, and the other’s nose was red. The wizard watched as they did a soft-shoe tap dance, then just laughed.

"I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t do refunds. And it’s not my fault if the spell misheard you. Apparently, you husband got turned into a ‘Chip ‘n Dale’ dancer. Now get out before those Disney goons threaten me again."

Flustered, the woman left the store. Then the bell behind the door tinkled, as a man entered the store. "Hi. Is this the Sparticus Sporting Goods store?"

The old man sighed. "No, Henry, it’s not. Have you misplaced your glasses again?"

"Why, yes, and ... How did you know my name? And that I’m nearsighted, and require glasses everywhere I go?"

"I’m a wizard. Ask me again, I’ll make you a lizard. Now what do you want from me? This is Spells R Us, so we don’t sell sporting goods, just magical potions."

"Actually, I could use a spell to improve my eyesight. I lose those glasses easily, and I hate the feel of contact lenses against my eyes."

The SRU wizard pulled a carton from under the counter. "This should fix the problem." It was a pint-sized package of half-and-half. As he gave it to Henry, the customer noticed something strange about it: Even though it couldn’t gave come from a dairy case, the carton still felt cool, like it had been refrigerated for the past two days.

"This feels weird. Are you sure it’ll cure my eye problem?"

"Positive. Just take it home and follow the instructions. By the way, that stuff’s on special today. Half off if you buy two." The wizard gave Henry a second package of half-and-half, and sold him both for half a dollar. Henry thanked the wizard, then walked home.

It had been a long thirty years for Henry. His parents died in an automobile accident when he was five, and he’d spent the rest of his childhood years in that lousy orphanage. When he finally reached legal age, Henry found a job working at the factory downtown. Two years before, he met his wife, Etta. After a brief courtship, they realized how well they clicked, and the two became husband and wife. Last year, Henry was promoted to foreman. Finally, he was content with his life. But those damn glasses... he’d chuck them in an instant.

Etta, too, felt a little remorse over her twenty-six years. She was born into a wealthy family, and enjoyed the finest life had to offer. But Etta’s parents wanted her to marry this European jerk to cement a business alliance. It had been a stormy ordeal, ending in divorce two months later. Outraged, Etta’s father cut her off from the family and its fortune. Since her family believed in women being subservient to their wives, Etta had never really worked a day in her life, or attended college. But when she met Henry, she found a soul who knew exactly how to deal with life’s hardships. Etta had nobody without Henry, so they got married. She’d also started working as a secretary; it wasn’t Etta’s favorite job, but it helped pay the bills. Still, she fervently wished for her family to accept her again.

Henry met Etta at the door. "Sorry I couldn’t find that sweat-suit you wanted, dear," he said.

Etta kissed her husband, then replied, "Oh, that doesn’t matter. But I noticed you’re holding a little shopping bag, so you must have bought something. What did you get?"

"Oh, it’s this weird little shop I found where Sparticus usually is. It’s some rinky-dink operation called ‘Spells R Us’. I never heard of them before."

"Me either. What’d you get?"

"These," Henry replied, as he pulled the two half-and-half cartons out of the bag.

"What’d you buy those for? You know I always use milk in my coffee!"

"The shop owner told me it’d help my eyesight."

"Could it help me reconcile with my folks?" Etta sneered.

"I have no idea. Maybe," Henry replied. "Now the weirdo shopkeeper told me to follow the instructions before using. Let’s see..."

"Henry, you’re wasting your time. And you’ve already wasted your money!"

"Etta, be quiet! I can’t concentrate. Ah, yes. Here it is. ‘To use, pour contents into a glass of water. Stir and drink.’ Sounds simple enough." Henry pulled a glass out of the cupboard, and poured the magical half-and-half drink into it. He added enough water to fill the glass to the top, then mixed well and drank the concoction. The upper-class matron in Etta made her watch in respectful disgust.

"Feel any better, Henry? You’ve just filled up on milk before dinner, and now you’ll have to use the toilet any second!"

As if on cue, Henry suddenly felt an urge to empty his bladder. "Excuse me, dear," he said, as he ran off towards the bathroom. Once he finished passing the mysterious fluid, he felt his whole right side start to tingle. The peach fuzz on his right side smoothed out into nothingness. The right half of his nose got smaller and daintier. His right eye got somewhat smaller, as his right eyeball got bigger. Henry could feel the right half of his hair curl, then fall down to the right side of his waist. His right torso assumed the classical hourglass shape, and he felt a rather large but smooth mound form under his right nipple. The whole time, Henry’s left side remained its usual self. He was worried and called out, "Etta, dear, could you come to the bathroom? Something strange his happening." Then he started to undress, to observe the changes more closely.

Henry sounded so panicked, she rushed to the bathroom. "I’m sorry I offended you dear. It’s just my... " The moment Etta opened the bathroom door, she yelled "WHO ARE YOU?"

"It’s me, Henry. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I’m sure it’s the half-and-half."

Etta just sat back and stared as the changes continued in Henry’s body. As soon as Henry removed all his clothes, he noticed all the body hair on his right side had fallen out. His right leg was shorter and more supple. Poor Henry found himself collapsing to the ground, as his right foot no longer reached. And still, the changes continued. The right half of Henry’s mouth got fuller and more pouty. His right finger turned straight and slender, and his right fingernails grew out. His right nipple got thicker, and his right areola grew larger, as a massive right breast grew underneath. The skin on Henry’s right side grew softer and smoother. Now everything on Henry’s right half had changed except his groin. Worried, Henry picked up his penis with his very feminine right hand. It didn’t wither and disappear, however. Instead, the right half faded away, leaving a strange half-cylinder-shaped organ. His right testicle also disappeared, and his left one doubled in size. Stunned, Henry also saw his right side develop the right half of a vagina. Inside, he could feel half a womb, a right Fallopian tube, and a right ovary develop. The right side of his prostate also disappeared. Henry was now all male on his left side, all female on his right.

Etta could only stare at the change in disbelief. Now that it was done, she was furious at the Spells R Us wizard. "How DARE he change my Henry into that - that - BEAST! I’ll sure him for all he’s worth!" Returning to the kitchen, she picked up the remaining carton of half-and-half, preparing to dump it down the drain. Before she reached the sink, though, she saw the front of the carton: "Wizard’s Own Half-And-Half. Make All Your Half-Baked Wishes Come True!" Then she remembered Henry’s long-held desire to lose his glasses. She ran upstairs with the carton, asking her husband, "Can you see?"

"Yes, very well," he replied. "With my left eye as well as my right! I don’t know what that stuff did, but it worked quite well!"

"Wow! Maybe I should try some myself," Etta replied. She returned downstairs and followed the instructions. Then she felt her left half gradually turn masculine, similar to her husband’s feminizing right half shortly before. Even her ovaries changed, with the right one doubling in size as the left disappeared. Now Etta was all woman on her right side, and all man on her left, just like Henry. While Etta pondered what to do next, she heard the phone ring. "Hello?" she answered, being careful to use only the right side of her mouth.

"Etta, dear!" It was her father. "It’s so good to hear you after all this time. Your mother and I are sorry we threw you out of the family over that old tiff. Could you ever forgive us?"

"Of course I can, and will! This is great news! Thank you so much, daddy!" Etta hung up and rushed into the bedroom.

She saw Henry exploring his new body. He stuck his pinkie finger up his new half-pussy. It was strange, but Henry enjoyed this new sort of feeling. When he saw Etta at the door, Henry blushed. "I had no idea I was being watched," he blurted.

"Don’t worry; I’ve done that many times," Etta laughed. "Now what do you say we make it a night to remember?"

Henry agreed. They had sexual intercourse, with Henry fucking Etta while Etta screwed Henry with their half-cocks. It was strange, but they enjoyed it, especially the way their half-dicks constantly rubbed against each other, and their half-clitorises touching. Both quickly came, with a double-dose of semen and a double-shot of the feminine juice.

The following day, Etta quit the job she never did like, and set out to reclaim her share of the family fortune. Most people had a hard time taking this carny freak seriously, but Etta managed to convince them. It helped that her license photo and other ID’s had been altered by the magic half-and-half. Even her name had been changed, to "Henrietta Sampson". (Sampson was Etta’s maiden name.) After winning her millions again, she came home to Henry. His stuff, too, had been changed, and his name was now "Henrietta Lawrence," instead of Henry Lawrence. Henry started calling his wife ‘Etta, while Etta called her husband Henri. It would be a strange life, they knew, but the two of them would make the most of having their spouses’ "better halves".

THE END

 

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