The sun beat down on the hard clay of the inner delta baking it rock hard under the unrelenting sun. As the waves of heat reflected into the sky it made the air scorching hot, yet the birds loved it because they could ride the thermals without effort, soaring across the delta as they rose and fell, looking for food. The thin shade of the few trees cast a lonely shadow as I stood there in the worn gingham dress, thin, with faded blue and white checks. I had kept it well hidden, then found it and walked out here to try it on. As the cotton dress slipped over my head and caressed my skin, I shivered, even in the heat. As it settled on my shoulders and the buttons drew it tight around me I felt exhilaration like no other in my life. My short legs stuck out from under the hem, not at all feminine, yet to me I was beautiful. No bra, no panties, no nylons, no makeup, just the dress and my ugly shoes, but for that brief moment in time, I became Sarah. I stayed out on the delta for a while, then changed into my own clothes and after hiding my dress, I walked back to the cabin.
Set deep in the woods, the rough cut lumber, now weathered and worn, the roof falling in a few places, described the ramshackle cabin I lived in. It is small, only three rooms, but it was home. My Grandfather and I lived there alone, without the rest of my family. On a trip upriver, a freighter had hit the boat, capsizing it and drowning my sister, and mother. Dad had lived for almost a week before he died, leaving me in the care of my Grandfather. Gramps is a short man with a white mane of hair that flows like water over the falls, deep blue eyes crinkled with age and wisdom, a toothless smile that always came easy, and a bucket full of wisdom. He had never lived anywhere but here, yet it seemed that he knew much about life and all it has to offer. His best friend is a black man named Otis, who is about the same age he is. Otis had told me about how he and Gramps had fished in this area when they were children together, even when it was dangerous because segregation was the law. Tall, Otis also has white hair, and his deep brown eyes seemed to hold on to you, even as you wanted to break away. His hands, long and thin, matched his bony body, and he could play a guitar as well as anyone I ever heard. His face, lined with the decades of repression, always wore a smile that made you feel good.
I'm 16 now, skinny like my dad, with soft brown hair and Gramps blue eyes. My name is Seth. I walked up to the cabin and saw Otis and Gramps, both deep in thought, playing checkers on the small creaky porch. They said nothing as I went into the cabin, and as my back turned to go in, I missed seeing Gramps wink at Otis. "He done it again." "Yup." "You goin' to let my Betty help him?" "Seems like he ain't goin' to stop does it?" "Nope." Gramps made his move and Otis took another man. "You better take him home with you Otis. Your Betty will set him straight" "Or you'll have a Granddaughter." "Yup."
Otis and his wife Janie had three sons. Benjamin, who is an attorney, Mike, who is not quite right but tries real hard, then, Bill. I never knew Bill, but everyone says he was skinny like his father and beautiful like his mother with soft brown skin that glowed with a love for life, hair almost straight but not quite, and brown eyes that laughed and danced a lot. When my family was killed Janie took care of me like I was her own, never saying a word about my loss unless I started to cry. She held me until the tears stopped, wiped my face and kissed me. She was like a second mother in a lot of ways.
"Seth, you go with Otis. Janie wants to see you." "Okay Gramps." I followed Otis across the woods and out through the glade then down the road to his cabin. Like our own, it needed repair, but I knew that it was filled with love, and as Gramps often said, "Don't let appearances fool you boy. Otis hasn't much, but he has everything." That just about described it perfectly. Janie was on the porch smoking as we walked into view. Otis hated her smoking and she quickly put out her pipe, hiding it in the flowerpot where she always kept it. As we grew near her smile broke wide and then as she hugged me to her breast, Otis simply nodded his head.
"I have to go into the city Seth, why don't you come along? It's been a long time since you been there." I could never say no to her, and nodded my head yes. She went in while I waited on the porch, then in a few minutes she and I walked to the road and waited for the bus. It arrived in twenty minutes or so, and as we sat in the old, smoking, gray and purple bus, Janie held my hand. "We're going to see someone that wants to talk to you Seth, our daughter Betty." "I didn't know you had a daughter!" She said nothing as the scenery flickered by in the dirty windows. As the bus stopped at the terminal and we left the huge building, the noise of the city, the bright lights and the traffic momentarily stunned me. Janie held my hand as we walked about four blocks and got on the train, which took us to the far side of the city. Finally we stood in front of a small yellow house with white trim. Janie knocked on the door and a woman opened it. She looked like Janie, only younger!
"Seth, this is Betty". She let us in, and after we ate, Janie told me that I was going to stay with Betty for a while! "Gramps!" "I'll look after Gramps Seth. Right now you need to stay with Betty." She kissed her daughter, then me, and left me alone in this strange house, with a woman I had just met. Betty sat and looked at me with those brown eyes of hers, a question on her face. "Your wondering why you're here, so I'll tell you right out. I used to be Bill, the youngest son of Otis and Janie." I know that my mouth popped open; the woman sitting there is beyond beautiful, she reeked class and poise, beauty and money. "Your like me Seth, that's why Janie brought you here, so I can help you discover that girl you hide inside." She knew! That means that Gramps knows! And Otis and Janie too! I sank into the chair, instantly ashamed and afraid, nervous and excited all at once. "How many dresses do you have Seth?" I looked into her eyes, searching for deceit and found none. I was torn between my desire to dress as a girl, then, admit it to this total stranger, yet she waited as I decided that this was, or might be, my only chance to dress as a proper girl.
She waited, patient, like Janie, yet I was unable to speak it out loud. "How would you like to see how you look, all done up right in a pretty dress with makeup and heels?" My hand went to my nearly naked head, my hair shorn short in the summer heat. "Don't worry about that honey, I have plenty of wigs. I nodded my head yes, still unable to put voice to it. "Before we find out just how pretty you are, we should talk a bit." "About what?" I asked her. "About you, about being a girl, or a woman, why you feel this way, why I feel this way, those kind of things." I had no idea what she was talking about, but I went along, hoping that I would figure it out. "Stand over there and let me look at you Seth." I stood up, about five feet away from her. "How tall are you? 5''6?" I nodded my head yes, then she told me to take his shirt off! "Ummmm. 120 pounds?" Again, I nodded my head yes. Have you ever had sex? With anyone?" "No!" Betty smiled and told me to sit down. "You think you want to be a girl, or do you just like dressing up as one?" "All I ever did was wear my gingham dress, but it made me feel so…It's hard to explain I guess; complete?" "Me too Seth."
The more I looked at her, the more beautiful she became, and the harder it was to think of her as a man. Betty didn't look like a man in any way at all, then, all at once, I knew that I wanted to be just like her. "I want to be a girl." Betty said nothing for a moment, then, Betty began by telling me how much pain I could suffer by dressing as a girl. From the taunts, to the possible violence against me every time I set foot out of the house. "Unless you do it right, every time, all of the time Seth. Momma told me that it was my job to teach you how to be a proper girl and let you find out for yourself if that's what you want." Her eyes grew brighter and I saw a flicker of remembrance in them. We sat silent for a while, then, "I was just like you Seth. Confused because I liked the thrill that dress gave me every time I put it on, but knew that most people wouldn't understand, and kept it hidden…but I knew, even then that I wanted to become a girl. When Momma gave me those shoes I knew that she had finally found out. That same day, when I got home, she took me to the glade so we could be alone and talk. You know how she is. It's hard to lie to her and make her believe it, and it all came out, all of it. How I felt when I had the dress on, why I did it, how often, and so on. In that tiny school I went to, the same one you're in, a boy in a dress would stick out like a purple lion with green stripes, so I waited until I graduated, then with Momma along, I moved to the city. Since then, she has been here a few times to check on me. She's the one that insisted that I dress and act like a lady, and she was right Seth. It paid off. Now it's your turn."
"But how did she know! I was real careful all of the time!" "Gramps was on a walk out by the delta and saw you. He told Momma who sent you here to stay with me. "Then Otis knows too?" Betty nodded her head yes, then smiled. "They might be dirt poor, but all three of them saw the way I turned out, and now they simply accept that some boys should have been girls, and in your case, they knew that I would help you if I could." Shocked to find out Gramps knew that I wore a dress once in a while, I sat back in the chair and looked around. Tasteful furniture, paintings and so on dotted the room, the light airy feeling reeked class and it reflected everything that Betty had told me. It was scary to know that people that love you also cared enough to let you become something your not, at least on the outside, and as I looked at Betty I saw that she was smiling at me. "What's it going to be Seth? Stay here with me an explore the girl inside, or go back to the delta and wear that stupid dress once in a while." She asked me, but she knew the answer before I even said it. "I'll stay." "We'll start in the morning then. Right now, let's make some dinner."
I helped her in the kitchen, then later that night she gave me some books to look at. All of them were about being a girl. One was on poise and how to dress, another was on makeup and hair, yet another was simply pictures of various girls in different clothes and hair styles. As I read, she was busy in another room, getting ready for what was to come next. She took me to Chinese, food I had never tried before. I loved it! Come with me." I let her lead me to a small room, all pink and rose with a small bed and dresser. "You'll be staying here for a while. She sent me to bed at ten with a warning that we had a big day ahead of us tomorrow. She left and I looked around. The room, while small, had its own bath, a moderate sized closet that was filled with clothes. The explosion of color that burst out at me when I opened the door made my heart beat faster. My fingers touched the soft materials for a moment, and I knew that soon, something, maybe one of these dresses, would be on me. I undressed and stood naked, my weapon at attention in anticipation of what was coming. Embarrassed by it, I had to wait until things subsided before I slipped on the nightgown she gave me to wear. Pink, its satiny smooth fabric almost drove me crazy with every move I made. It wasn't at all like the cotton I was used to. I lay in bed looking at those pictures, the girls all about my age, all so pretty, with their hair styled nice and clothes that seemed so casually worn, yet looked so nice on them. One in particular kept drawing me back. I put a marker on that page and fell asleep dreaming of looking like that girl.
In the morning we both ate breakfast in our nightgowns, which was so strange for me. "To do this right Seth, I want you to undress, then call me. I have some stuff that will take all of your hair away, but you'll have to trust me because I have to rub it on you. When she walked into the room I saw that she had changed. Now, she wore cut off shorts and a pullover top. Both defined her femininity without question. Her breasts were full and swayed with every step while her long legs supported feminine hips and a narrow waist. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. I felt things rising again but she ignored that and simply began to coat me with a foul smelling cream. Her fingers reached every part of me as I stood in silence, hoping that I would not embarrass myself. "Wait until the timer rings and then go in the shower and wash it off. Shave that scraggly beard of your as close as you can and wash your hair. I'll be waiting." It was strange to see all of my thin hair wash down the drain, then as I soaped up the soft scent of the soap reached my nose and I vigorously washed up, shaved, and made sure that my weapon would not rise to shame me. With merely a towel wrapped around me I stepped back into the room just as Betty walked in.
I watched as she began to set out things for me to wear. White cotton panties, new out of the package, a small yet sexy bra then several things I did not recognize. A short white slip and then, as I watched her open the same closet, she reached in and hung up on the door a short red dress. "Pull on the panties Seth, and I'll show you how to do makeup." I sat as she set out several small jars, then using a touch from each one, she tested my skin for the right color. Under her direction, and for the very first time, I put foundation on my face. Using two fingers I drew it out evenly, hiding my thin beard easily. Then came a powder. "Don't be afraid to use the big puff Seth, we'll brush away the excess when the foundation absorbs what it needs." A few minutes later I brushed away the excess, leaving my face looking soft and smooth, all one color, matte, like Betty's. "This is eyeshadow. For you I think a soft plum and a light gray will work best. Here's how you put it on." I watched in the mirror as she used the thin applicator to draw it on. She handed me a new swab, and I mimicked her as I used the colors she had chosen. After that came the black, liquid eyeliner, which I managed to do on the first try, then a black pencil under my eye to finish outlining them.
Other than slipping the gingham dress on, I had no idea, other than the bra, what all that stuff was, but Betty guided me through it all, and I began to feel free, like the birds I had watched soaring over the delta. First came the padded pantybrief, which made my hips a bit rounder and wider. Then a torturous thing called a waist nipper. As I fastened the hooks she watched and waited as I drew in a breath, then she pulled the laces in, making my waist shrink even more! Under her direction I fastened the bra around myself, then once I had the shoulder straps in place she slipped in a pair of soft, flesh colored things that made it look as if I had breasts! "That's better!" I was smiling as she coached me on how to pull on the pantyhose, the slick nylon making me shiver as they slid up my now smooth legs, taking away the knobbiness of my knees, leaving my legs looking smooth and shapely. Surprised, I smiled at her even as she held out the slip. It went over my head, settling on my shoulders, the lace trim at the hem a positive sign of what was coming. The red dress also went over my head, and as she zipped it up and the material closed around me, I felt the swell of my new breasts as they strained tightly against the material of the dress. From a box on the bed she took out a short brown wig, which was placed on my head and set in place with pins, then once again I was at the small vanity.
My reflection in the mirror gave me chills, as the girl looking back at me wasn't me! Betty brushed on a pale blusher, then handed me a lipstick. Red, the soft color went on easily, the waxy film hiding my small mole, bringing to life a smile I did not realize I had. I felt the prick as she pierced each ear and inserted a small gold hoop, then a thin chain of gold went around my neck. "Use this where I tell you Seth." The perfume dauber was in my hand as I touched my neck, elbows and wrists. The shoes she gave me were low, the heel not very high, but shiny and black. "Now then. Stand over here and see what we have done." I saw her, standing awkwardly in the unfamiliar heels, the hem of the dress caressing her at mid thigh, the low round neck hinting at, but not exposing any of my new delights. The short sleeves came to a point between my elbow and shoulder. "What do you call yourself? Seth isn't a very feminine name is it?" I had chosen a name, but had not yet ever spoken it out loud. Now, it didn't seem to matter. "Sarah" I said, and Betty merely nodded her head. Taking my hand she and I went to her front room.
She had me stand there, in the center of the room, as she stared at me. "Put your feet together and your hands folded in front of you, then look at me." I did as I was told and saw a smile break across her face. "You're quite pretty Sarah, and at your age, if you keep this up, in a few months you'll be gorgeous beyond your wildest imagination. If you stay with me for a while I'll teach you everything you need to know about being a girl, and then, a woman." The unspoken question lay between us, and she told me to sit down. "Let me explain how I got here Sarah."
Like me, she had grown up out on the delta, poor like the rest of us. But she had known from early on that she wanted to be a girl, and also like me, had one dress she would wear, far away from anyone, enjoying the fantasy for a few hours before she returned to the grinding task of living. "Mom saw me leaving one day, and it happened to be the day I got careless. She saw the dress and asked me about it. Those eyes of hers dragged it out of me without her saying a word. Mom said nothing, then went in and got her best shoes and gave them to me! That day I wore that stupid green dress and those shoes for most of the day." Betty chuckled at the memory, then, "I kept sinking into the ground with those heels, but I refused to take them off. Later, when I was 18, I came to the city and found work in a bar. I didn't know that it was a female impersonator bar, but the minute I saw those girls I was in heaven. They helped me, taught me how to dress and act like a woman so I could work as a woman every day. In time, I became Elizabeth, Betty. I own several small shops in town now and I'm quite well known. Now it's my turn to help you, just like some day it will be your turn to help some other young man realize his dreams."
I sat there knowing she was right. The moment I saw Sarah in the mirror I knew that I could not give her up, but thoughts of Otis and Gramps, Janie and Benjamin ran through my mind. What would they say? What about school? What about Gramps? "Mom told me to keep you for the rest of the summer Sarah. She'll look after Gramps. Since you'll be here all summer, you can help me in one of the shops. I opened a new one not far from here, and I need someone to work the register." I knew, but had to ask, "As a girl?" "Of course! How else could you learn anything about being a girl if you don't look like one? Besides, it's a dress shop, and all of my clients expect to see a girl there." Before I had a chance to say anything, she told me she was going to change, again, and for me to wait there. As if I was going anywhere without her! She returned wearing a gray skirt with a pink blouse and black heels, and fresh lipstick. "Ready?" What was I going to say? No? She opened the door and led me outside, and then to her car.
I was nervous of course, but not afraid. The scent of the perfume I had on, the taste of the lipstick, the sway of the skirt and the heft of the breastforms gave me confidence, maybe unwarranted, but with my hair now so feminine, nothing about the way I looked spoke of a boy in a dress. I relaxed and let her take us to her new shop. Set in a wealthy neighborhood, her shop was painted pink and rose, just like my room. Inside were racks of dresses, suits and formals, a small area of lingerie, including bras and panties, babydoll nightgowns and short, thin robes of all colors. The counter was near the front of the store with perfumes and sachets showing through the glass. We were the only ones there as she showed me around, then, in a small office, I filled out the employment form. "Use the name Sarah…do you have a middle name?" "No, but my mothers name was Janet, can I use that?" Betty smiled and nodded her head yes as I wrote in Sarah Janet Grant, age 16. She showed me how to do things, staying there all day with me. That night she took me to eat at a nice restaurant. As we ate, a number of men came to greet her, all of them certainly drawn to her beauty.
"That's going to happen to you too you know." "Not me! I'm not that way….I mean I never… you know what I mean! She smiled at me and said nothing for a moment, then, "You want to be a girl?" "Yes, of course, why?" "Girls date boys, and boys are just smaller men Sarah, and a girl as pretty as you will have boys all around." Nothing I said would change her mind and all Betty would do is smile whenever I said no, making me wonder about myself.
The next day, she had me do my makeup without coaching, then I had to wash it off and do it again, twice more before she said it was okay. I wore a yellow dress that had white trim with white heels. Day after day Betty kept prodding me, coaching me in how to stand and walk, use my hands and sit. My voice was a tenor, but she showed me how to speak in a higher tone without sounding false, and each night she made me recite from a book in my feminine voice. By the end of the second week, dressing as a girl every day, she said I was ready. "Ready? Ready for what?" "It's time to see Gramps and Janie Sarah. They set this all up for you, and now its time you and showed them the girl you have become." Instantly I became nervous. Here, alone with Betty in a city full of strangers was one thing, but back home? My concern was etched on my face even as Betty giggled at me.
"The first time I went back home dressed as a girl was hard for me too Sarah, and I didn't have anyone to go with me. You'll be fine, and besides, they are expecting us. Wear the green dress and your black heels, but bring flats along." Betty, while always pleasant, never let any slack into my training, demanding that I do it right, every time, all of the time, and this time I knew why. If I looked or acted any less than the girl Betty had shown me how to become, all I would be was a clown, or a boy in a dress with pretty shoes and nothing more. I went into my room and set out what I needed, stripped and headed for the shower. An hour later I appeared in the living room for inspection. It was a daily ritual so Betty could see how I was learning. She smiled and nodded her head yes, the first time she said I had done everything right. I looked in the mirror again for one last check while Betty locked up. The green dress was a sleeveless sheath with a square cut neckline, two straps holding the dress up in front. My breastforms, now attached to my chest with glue looked like my own, swelled up, showing a modest cleavage. The hemline was at mid thigh, my legs long and trim, held tightly in the grasp of the pantyhose. My hair was pulled back on the sides to reveal my ears and the small gold and green button earrings that matched the pendant necklace hanging between my breasts. The dress swelled over my breasts, then down to a tapering waist and over my now flaring hips, allowing a short sway from the material with every step I took.
Betty wore her white summer shift with white earrings and shoes with a brown belt, which contrasted nicely with her soft brown skin. She was gorgeous in every sense of the word. "Ready?" "I guess." She drove while I sat, watching the scenery go by. The closer we got to home the more I started to fidget, until she made the last turn. Then, all at once, I relaxed. Betty pulled the car in next to Otis' house and opened the door. I waited a moment longer, then Janie appeared on the porch and looked at me. I opened the door and got out, standing just like Betty taught me, waiting. "Come here girl! Let me look at you!" I walked to the porch and took the two steps up to Janie and stood there, afraid, yet proud, confused but ready. "Lord you're beautiful!" Just at that moment Gramps walked out on the porch and saw me. We locked eyes, then he let his eyes drift over me from head to toe and back. A smile broke out on his face, that toothless grin of his telling me all at once that it was okay. I went to him even as his arms circled around me and held me tight. "Feel as good as you look?" "Yes Gramps, I feel wonderful now." Otis watched Gramps and I, then I turned to him and let him pull me to him. "Sarah has been working hard for this day, and in my humble opinion, Seth has gone somewhere never to return. In his place is this girl here, Sarah Janet Grant." I stood as they all looked at me, then Gramps sat in a chair, never taking his eyes from me.
"Now that you have been with Betty for a while, learning how to become a girl, I need to know. Is this what you want?" Direct as always, his question went straight to the heart of it, but the answer rose to my lips before the sound of his voice faded away. "Yes Gramps. Now I know for sure. Before I just felt this way, but … "Then you owe it to yourself to become the lady your mother, Janie, and Betty are. Don't be a prisoner of your pride Sarah, and never do less than your best, because we all expect it from you. The minute you say you can't, then you won't, and you will fail." I looked to Janie, who stood close to Otis, the woman who treated me as her own, a mother to me when I needed one, and a woman of infinite wisdom. Betty, silent as I stood under their gaze, finally spoke up.
"She can't stay here, which I'm sure you all realize. Sarah has a lot more to learn, and she has to attend school and so on, so I want to have her stay with me. We can have Benny change her name legally and take care of the rest, then she can live with me." Gramps started to say something, then Betty told them that if I had any chance to succeed like they wanted me too, I would also have to take medication to help me develop a feminine shape. "I know all of the right people and she works for me at one of my shops, so she will be helping herself, me, paying for most of what she needs herself, and become the woman you say she should be." Her points were all well taken, but I knew that Gramps would miss me a lot. "Betty is right Horace" said Janie, "She is the only one that can help Sarah like she needs. If she stayed here some of the other boys might hurt her and you know it. Besides, it's time your family moved out of this swamp and into the outer world." Gramps knew that she was right because he had said the same thing many times. He knew that he was the last of the family to live as he had for over sixty years. He would never move, but when he looked at me I recognized the way his eyes smiled at me, and then, his toothless grin opened wide and his eyes sparkled.
"I miss your mother Sarah, a lot, and seeing you reminds me of her, but you're the image of your Grandmother at the same age, so I have something for you." He opened his hand to reveal the small ring. He handed it to me and as I slipped it on my finger he told me it was my Grandmothers. "It was her wedding ring Sarah. Wear it always, for me." I hugged him and felt the tears run down my face as his arms held me tightly. "Okay you two, we have food to eat!" Janie took my hand and I followed her inside. The rough walls painted white, the table, worn smooth by years of service, and the small wood stove told of a family in love with life and each other. I sat between Janie and Gramps, secure and safe no matter what I wore, but now, at this minute, I felt the love for me soaking in from all directions. Betty and I stayed until it started to get dark, then, with tearful goodbye's, she and I left.
The days went by quickly, Benjamin changed my name on all of my records, and I started to see a doctor. By the time school started in the fall my skin was smooth to the touch and I had the beginnings of breasts. Betty had a friend come over, and using a technique many impersonators use, she changed me to look like a girl elsewhere. Her name was Sheila, and she was big! At least 6'3" tall, she had huge blonde hair, but she was beautiful and well proportioned. I'll admit that I was a bit embarrassed, but when she slapped that ice bag on me I forgot all about that. Her fingers manipulated my parts, then with some adhesive, she created, using my male parts, what looked like girls parts! When she was done the thin slit that remained gave me the ability to attend school without worry. Because Betty had insisted from the first day that I sit for all functions, it was redundant for Sheila to remind me that now I had no choice. As I looked in the mirror I felt my hopes rising equally with my confidence. Now I could wear anything I wanted without regard to hiding things, or being embarrassed once in a while, but according to Sheila, that was now impossible. Betty taught me a lot that summer, but when I started school in the fall it was a real eye opener. The girls, no longer the giggling children of the year before, were more focused. They set their sights on a boy or two and then made it a goal to get a date. Since I had no way to relate to boys that way, I rose to the top of my class. But unknown to me, several boys wanted to take me out! Completely unaware of this, a friend I had made, Claire, told me, then suggested that I pick one!
I talked to Betty about it and all she did was laugh and tell me she told me so! Then she told me that I might as well, or risk being tagged with a nasty label. That Friday night I went on my first date. Tom was polite, I was scared, but we had a good time. Then, at the front door he tried to kiss me and got me squarely on the chin. On his second try he did it, and as his lips touched mine I felt a shiver down my back. Betty was waiting for me, but didn't ask me any questions I couldn't answer, and I went to bed, confused by it all of the new emotions flooding through me. The fact that I went on a date was merely expected of a girl my age. But when I kissed Tom I felt emotions so new to me that I can't describe them. I did know that I liked the way it felt, and that's what scared me the most. Over the new few months Tom and I went out almost every Friday, and around the school we became known as a couple. Tom never once asked why I was living with a black woman, nor did her treat her with anything less than total respect, which gave him stature in my eyes.
At Christmas Janie and Otis, with Gramps along, stayed with Betty and I. There was singing and gifts, kisses and hugs for all, food, to much to eat at one sitting, and of course, we had each other. Janie and I were doing the dishes when she asked me how my development was coming, and I think I surprised her when I said that I no longer used the breastforms. Clearly, I had at least a full A cup. "Any boyfriends?" Sounds innocent doesn't it? "Tom. We've been dating for a while now." "You don't let him touch you do you?" "No! Of course not! I'm not that kind of girl!" Janie snorted and we went on to put away the dishes. Later that night Tom came over.
As soon as I opened the door he kissed me, and everyone saw that, including Gramps, but they all stayed silent as I introduced Tom to everyone. His gift to me was his class ring! "Go ahead Sarah, put it on." I looked at Janie who was grinning, then to Gramps who was just watching. Otis finally spoke up. "You better put that ring on girl, or this young man is liable to think you don't like him." I slipped it on my finger, then let Tom kiss me again. After that the party really got going and we all relaxed. Tom and Otis found out they shared a love for small wooden figurines, Gramps and Tom had an easy relationship, while Betty, Janie and I sat and watched the men. All in all it was a pleasant evening, and myself, I had it all.
I was a girl now plain and simple. Maybe not in the body, but in the heart, and everyone I loved and loved me back agreed. I had stepped up to the abyss, looked over the edge, then made the leap, landing safely on the other side. Tom, who does not know, remains a close friend, even now. We broke up that next Spring, which hurt me, but was for the best. That summer I became a female in every way possible. Janie died of a heart attack shortly after that, leaving Gramps and Otis without her steady influence. Otis and Mike moved in with Ben while Gramps stayed in his cabin until that winter. Then he moved in with Betty and I. I graduated number one in my class and was accepted at college, and was honored to have Gramps and Otis, Betty Mike, and Ben as my guests. In all of this I learned that what Janie had told me many times was correct, and I can hear her soft voice saying it even now. "Pride is one of the seven deadly sins child, but so is prejudice. Never let others determine your life for you, accept the family you have and do your best." Janie and Otis were my second set of parents, Betty my sister, and they all treated me that way. They accepted me just as I am, faults and all, boy to girl and all that means. Gramps, soft spoken and usually silent led by example, and it was with great honor that I had the privilege to introduce them all as my family. Without them I would still be out on the delta wearing that worn out old dress instead of here, top of my class and headed for college, coed or not.
Life isn't complicated unless we make it so, and finding the right road to follow is hard, but when you do, stay there and be undeterred in your quest to find both yourself and happiness. I was seduced by a need I had no name for, yet when I did, I found peace in my quest.
© 1999
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