The Scholarship

by

Julie O.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Fifteen

Later that afternoon, we had our friends over dinner. Sam took charge of the grill again and Terri, Sue and my Mom worked the kitchen. I bounced back and forth between the kitchen and the deck. Matt was out on the deck talking with Sam and Phil. He was very excited about being able to talk to a real DA.

It was nice sitting around with friends and family and having a small get together. Cat, Laura and I talked about the trip I was taking to New York. It would be a busy week. We were leaving at 8:00 AM and would be in the city by late afternoon. I still didn't know the entire schedule, but I knew we'd be back Friday afternoon. I would be working as soon as we got back, even though the store would be closed. We had to get ready for the Saturday morning sale and then I was scheduled from 9:00 to 3:00 for the sale itself. After that I was off for the weekend. Mrs. Lincoln didn't want me to work more than that, even though I said I'd be okay.

"So, have you picked out your dress yet?" asked Cat.

"Yes, I reserved a real nice one. I can't wait to show it to you." I had reserved the lavender gown with the spaghetti straps. It was very beautiful and I also liked the price. I could have gone for something more expensive, but I felt that Mrs. Lincoln had done enough for me as it was.

I then told them about some that they might be interested in. I had my eye on a beautiful red strapless gown for Laura. It was stunning and would look gorgeous on her. I had arranged with Cindy and Mel to set it aside as a surprise.

"So, will Matt be coming up here for the prom?" asked Laura.

"Yes. He said that he skipped his own prom as he graduated six months early from his high school, so he is actually looking forward to going," explained Cat.

Cat then asked me about several styles and colors. I told her that she should be able to get one she liked there. She asked if I could set aside a black strapless one for her. I knew she would look elegant in it. I told her that I would do that Friday when I got back. Cindy wouldn't mind as long as I didn't hold back too many.

It was funny there were many stores that sold prom dresses, but none had the type that could be found in Mrs. Lincoln's shop. It was THE place to get a dress and there would be girls from all the area high schools there on Saturday. Cat told me that in the past Mrs. Lincoln had given some girls special deals and sometimes she'd surprised one with a designer label dress for the price of a knock off. It added to the festival atmosphere of the event.

Dinner was really fun. It was great having the house filled with laughter. I was very pleased to see Sam becoming so close to Mom. I hoped that they would take advantage of my absence. I did get a chance to sneak off with Laura for a few quick kisses.

By 9:30 everyone was gone except Sam. I told them I had to finish packing and said goodnight. Actually, I just wanted to give them some privacy. I went on the computer for a while and then to bed. I was so excited about everything in my life. I was surprised that I even fell asleep!

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Sixteen

I was up early, eager to start the trip to New York City. Mrs. Lincoln had said that the limo would be picking me up at 8:00AM. Knowing her attention to detail, I wasn't surprised when it pulled into our driveway exactly on time. I felt slightly sorry for the driver.

I couldn't believe how much clothing I was taking for a five- day trip. However Mrs. Lincoln had been very explicit about what I had to bring. She'd told me that I'd be representing the store and therefore I needed to be dressed presentably. She also had several outfits for me for more formal events.

I said goodbye to Mom, and we were on the road. I must admit that I was more than a little nervous about being with Mrs. Lincoln for five days, as she could be very intimidating at times. However, I had also seen her softer side.

Around an hour out of town, Mrs. Lincoln reviewed the week's schedule with me. After we arrived we would be going to dinner at one of her favorite restaurants and turning in early. Tuesday, we'd be going to the garment district for a series of meetings and inspection of products. Lunch would be with one of the wholesalers. The rest of the afternoon would be more meetings. That evening we'd be going to a cocktail party that one of her old friend was throwing for her. Wednesday we had some more meetings in the morning and afternoon. That evening we would be going to an early dinner then a show. Thursday morning we'd have a quick meeting. She said that she had personal business to take care of the rest of the day so I could have the rest of the afternoon off. However there was another party that I'd be required to go to that evening. Friday morning we were to depart early.

She told me that she'd let me go off for some sightseeing, but that I was to use the limo. I could live with that! The driver was named Tony, and he'd been driving Mrs. Lincoln on these trips for years. He said that he'd give me the full 50-cent tour.

The next couple of hours she reviewed some paperwork. I was content to look out the window. I loved traveling, and I especially loved going new places. One of my life goals was to go to all fifty states and all seven continents. I would hit two new states this trip, New York and New Jersey.

After a while, Mrs. Lincoln started to talk to me. She asked me if I was excited about the trip and I said that I'd barely slept the night before. Mrs. Lincoln nodded and smiled as I told her about my love of traveling.

"I can easily relate to those feelings. I remember when I first left Golden Hill to go to New York. I was just a little older than you. I had an offer to be a model and I took it."

Hoping she was about to tell me about her life I began to ask her questions. "What did your family say?"

"They were not happy. Father was very upset and Mother - Mother, had a major conniption. But I didn't care. My brothers and sisters told me to take a shot at it and I did. I was young and full of confidence."

"So what happened?" I asked.

"You really don't want to hear this do you?"

I turned towards her and nodded eagerly. "Yes, I do!"

She smiled back at me. "Very well. When I was in school I was involved in the drama club. It was the only thing I really liked about school. I was the star of our school plays for three straight years. Someone sent my photo to a talent agent, who then gave it to a modeling agency. The modeling agency sent me a bus ticket and an invitation to audition. I knew that it was one shot in a thousand, but I went anyway. At least it was a free trip to Manhattan," she said.

I noticed that Tony was also listening intently.

"They liked my looks and I was signed to a contract. I gained some modest success and soon I had a pretty good career. However, I didn't want to give up acting and I auditioned for shows in my off time. I ended up in several shows over a three year period."

"You were on Broadway? That is so cool," I interrupted.

"Well, I wasn't a star, but I did have some lines and it was a wonderful life. I met my first husband while I was in a play. He was a producer, and we had a short but exciting marriage. He used his influence to get me a few bit parts in some movies too. Unfortunately, he couldn't stop fooling around and we divorced. He got to chase his starlets, and I got a very nice settlement."

I smiled and heard Tony chuckle a little.

Mrs. Lincoln stared at Tony. "Please, Anthony, I pay you to drive, so keep your attention on the road. Now where was I? Oh, yes, I had just been divorced and was deciding what to do next with my career. I decided that I'd never be a star so I gave up acting and went back into modeling. I was only twenty-three, and I was soon traveling all over the world. I then met my second husband while I was in Paris. We were married for twelve years before he had a heart attack."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, Erika, he had a great life. He loved to travel and he truly lived his life to its fullest. He simply wore himself out. But he did teach me many things, one of which was how to run a business. I was by then too old to go back to modeling, so I opened a boutique. I found that I was very good at it. I used my connections and friends and soon was quite wealthy. Within a few years, I owned three shops, one in Manhattan, one in Newport, and the other in Beverly Hills."

As I listened to her story I thought that her story would make a great book or even a movie. She spoke for nearly an hour, and I was spellbound.

"I met my last husband when I was fifty-two. Dr. Lincoln was a college professor, and he been offered the chance to be the college president at Dewey so we moved back to Golden Hill. It's funny how life goes full circle. I sold the businesses and opened my stores in town. I didn't need the money; it was just something to do. However, the stores took off. When the mall opened, I moved my main store there. I still had all my connections in the business, so I was able to bring in the best. When Dr. Lincoln died I put myself back into the business. I get a lot of joy out of running it and being a big shot in the community. I was too old to start looking for another man, so my job has become my last love." She had a very satisfied smile on her face.

"May I ask what your maiden name was?" I asked.

"My maiden name? It was Bell."

I sat there silent for a second. "Is Ms. Bell at Central related to you?"

"Yes, dear. Nancy is my niece. Her father was my youngest brother," replied Mrs. Lincoln. "By the way, she speaks very highly of you."

"I don't know how I would have made it thought this year without her."

"I just want you to know that I wanted you as an employee on my own. I saw something in you during the Homecoming events that I liked. I asked for her opinion of you before your attack. I just don't want you to think that my hiring you was done out of pity," she reiterated.

"Thank you," I replied. I knew she was telling me the truth.

That explained some of the mystery surrounding Ms. B. I decided to go for broke.

"I know that she has a special interest in me and what I'm going through, but I'm not exactly sure why," I asked innocently.

Mrs. Lincoln sat there silently for a few moments, "We thought that this might topic might come up. I would have preferred that Nancy tell you. However, I think you have the right to know, and since the topic has been broached I will tell you. You must promise to keep what I am about to tell you confidential"

"I promise," I vowed. I noticed that Tony closed the screen between him and us.

"My youngest brother got married and stayed in Golden Hill. They had two children. Nancy had an older brother, Tom," explained Mrs. Lincoln

That would be the policeman's father I thought.

"Tom was a sweet boy. He married right out of school and served in the military. When he got out of the Army, he and his wife moved back to Golden Hill. They had a son and everything seemed normal. However, he was very troubled. I know this because we talked about it often. He knew that I was more worldly and open-minded than most people in town. Tom was dealing with gender identity problems. Only he couldn't accept it. He saw himself as weak and perverted."

I sat there in silence, soaking in her words.

"You must understand that Golden Hill was a very different town back then. There was no one in town he could talk to about it and very little information available. This was almost twenty years ago, and there just wasn't the help available here. He was at constant war with himself. I tried to get him to go for help and offered to take him to a therapist in New York. He refused because he was so afraid someone might find out. He died in a single car accident late at night. The police said that he must have fallen asleep, but I know that it was suicide."

"How are you so sure?" I asked.

"Because Nancy was babysitting for him that night. When the police called about the accident, she found the suicide note. It was a full confession about his feelings and why he had killed himself. Nancy was sixteen at the time and even then she was levelheaded. She gave me the note and we decided for the good of the family that we'd keep it secret. She didn't blame her brother for what he'd done; she was very angry that there was no one he could turn to for help."

"She would have been at Central the first year of the competition?" I remarked

"Yes, that's right, Erika. Nancy was a senior for the first year of the program. After she graduated, she went to college to become a teacher. When she came back to town, she sought my help to get hired at Central. I believe that she saw the scholarship contest as a way of saving others from a life of pain. She especially watches out over students like you who are starting a voyage of self-discovery. I guess she sees it as sort of a family duty."

Mrs. Lincoln looked over at me and saw that I had tears gently rolling down my cheeks. I tried to speak but I couldn't. It explained so much. I was too overwhelmed by emotions. Part of me felt like I'd just intruded into something very personal but the rest of me was very glad that I knew what had happened. I had even more respect for Ms. B. I was so proud to know her.

I regained my composure and tried to express what I was thinking to Mrs. Lincoln. I was amazed that she let me ramble on for a while. Ms. B was even more of a role model. Her life had been changed by a tragedy, and she'd tried to turn it into something positive. That was something worth emulating.

"What about his wife? Did she know the truth?" I asked.

"Yes, she knew about Tom. She was confused and blamed herself. Thankfully, I was able to get her help. It's too personal to discuss the exact details, but she eventually recovered from what happened," replied Mrs. Lincoln. "Are there any other questions you have concerning the scholarship?"

"Did you know the woman who set up the scholarship program?" I asked.

"Yes, I knew her. She was a wonderful woman and a dear friend. I would like to say that I had some influence on her idea to set up the competition but it was strictly her idea. She was years ahead of her time in her thinking. She felt that the program would have long-term effects on Golden Hill and eventually the surrounding area. She described it as a stone being thrown into a still pond with the ripples spreading out. I would say that she was right."

"So is that the main reason for the program?" I asked.

"It is one of the reasons. You'll learn the others later. Now I think that we need to find a place to eat lunch. Freshen yourself up, dear." She pressed a button and the screen came down. She told Tony to stop at the next town and go to the regular restaurant. We pulled into the parking lot of a small diner. I was a bit surprised that Mrs. Lincoln would eat in a roadside diner, but she told me that you could get the best food at diners.

"These places thrive on the business traveler. Therefore, their reputation is extremely important. I think you'll be quite surprised at the quality of their food," explained Mrs. Lincoln.

Apparently Mrs. Lincoln ate there often, as the manager made a big fuss over her. The food was excellent.

I had much to think about. Mrs. Lincoln had given me more insight on Ms. B and the scholarship program. I still had questions that I wanted - make that needed - answers to.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Seventeen

We checked into the hotel right on arrival in Manhattan and the suite was incredible. Mom and I had lived in smaller apartments. There was a large living room area where you first came in. Mrs. Lincoln's bedroom had a side office included. My room was very luxurious. The bathroom had a whirlpool bath and a separate shower stall. The view overlooked Central Park. I kept waiting to wake up from this dream.

I unpacked and hung up my clothes. My evening outfits were labeled by the day they were to be worn. I got a laugh out of this. However, I couldn't argue with what she'd selected for me. I knew from the labels that these were very expensive dresses. She'd selected simple but elegant outfits for me. I held up my dress for dinner. It was a simple black sleeveless dress. This was the dress that Cindy said that every woman needed in her wardrobe, as it was so versatile. It may have been simple in looks, but I recognized the designer label. It undoubtedly cost more than my prom dress!

I looked at my watch and saw that it was only a little after five. Mrs. Lincoln was on the phone. She'd told me to be ready at 7:00 PM sharp. Actually she didn't need to include "sharp". I had learned that when she said a time, you'd better be ready then. It is a trait that I follow to this day.

I explored the suite a bit more. There was a small kitchen nook. I opened the fridge and found it fully stocked. I knew that for the price this suite cost all these extras were included. I took out a diet cola and went back to my room. I was fascinated by the view. San Diego is a nice city, but this was New York! I strained to look out both ways to see as much as I could. I was so captivated that I never heard Mrs. Lincoln enter the room.

"It is something isn't it?" she remarked softly, as she joined me at the window. She placed her hand on my shoulder, as she stood behind me.

I just nodded.

"I never tire of looking at it," she added.

We went to a very ritzy restaurant for dinner. They obviously knew Mrs. Lincoln, and they really sucked up to us. It was really fun being treated as a celebrity. Thankfully, Mom had taught me how to behave in a fine restaurant. I knew that I was under the watchful eye of Mrs. Lincoln, who seemed to approve of my etiquette.

"I see that your mother has brought you up with proper manners," she remarked with a smile.

"Yes, I'm grateful now for what Mom taught me. We went out for good dinners instead of having big gifts for birthdays and major celebrations."

"It is nice to see a young person who was raised properly."

"Mom did her best to raise me by herself. We lived with my grandparents until my grandmother died. From the time I was six, it was just the two of us."

"Your father didn't help?" she asked.

"He had nothing to do with us," I said in a matter of fact manner.

"You seem to have accepted this fairly well."

"I guess it helps that I've never met him, and now I have no desire to ever meet him."

A few people came over and talked to Mrs. Lincoln. She introduced them to me as Miss Erika Walters. It was the first time anyone had referred to me as Miss—another of those special moments. I just sat there and soaked it all in.

After dinner, Tony drove us back to the hotel. Mrs. Lincoln briefed me more on my duties for the next day. She gave me a leather folio case for papers or invoices. I was to be responsible for keeping everything in order. I knew that she didn't need me to do this, but I played along.

I sat up for a while with a cup of tea, looking out the window. I wrote out a few postcards, but mostly I looked out the window. I alternated between thinking about everything that had gone on that day and my future. I really wanted to go on to be a teacher now. I almost felt like I was in training so that Ms. B could pass the baton on to me.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Eighteen

We had a simple breakfast in the room. I had tea, croissants, and orange juice. Mrs. Lincoln had a small fruit cup and some tea. I also took my dose of hormones.

"Have you always drunk tea?" she asked

"Yes, I was introduced to it when I was young. Our neighbor was from London and she often watched me often when Mom worked late. I've never really acquired a taste for coffee. Well, other than cappuccino!"

Mrs. Lincoln nodded in approval. "Erika, how late did you sit up last night looking out the window?" There was a slight smile on her face.

I smiled. "Late! How'd you know?"

"It's what I did my first night here."

I dressed per Mrs. Lincoln's recommendations. I was wore a blue skirt, a white silk blouse, and a matching navy blazer. I also was wearing flats. She said that we would be doing a lot of walking and heels were too much of a nuisance.

Tony was waiting for us in front of the hotel. I couldn't help but smile at all the stares we got as we got in the limo.

"Enjoying yourself, my dear?" asked Mrs. Lincoln.

"Very much so, thank you! Riding around in a limo is fun!"

We made three stops that morning. I did my job and made sure that all the papers were in the right place. For lunch, we went with an older man to a deli. I was kind of surprised that Mrs. Lincoln would go to a deli, but I was to find that Mrs. Lincoln was full of surprises. The men working behind the counter all seemed to know her and they made a big deal about her being there.

The man was one of her earliest business partners and they had known each other for years. The food, was of course, excellent. I'm still searching for a kosher dill pickle as good as the one I had that day.

As we drove to the next stop, I asked her about lunch.

"When I was on the stage, I ate there almost every day. Thankfully, I was blessed with a high metabolism. You just can't get good deli food in Golden Hill. Sometimes I think that part of the reason that I come back here is for their food."

There were a few more stops before we went back to the hotel. We had some time to get ready before the cocktail party that evening. The plan was to go to the party around 8:00 and then go to a late dinner.

I wanted to go for a run, but I knew that Mrs. Lincoln wouldn't approve of me going out of the hotel. Fortunately, there was a fitness center in the hotel, so I went and ran on a jogging machine for a while. While I preferred to run outside this was better than nothing. I listened to my CD player as I ran. The nice thing about the jogging machine was that it looked outside. I was surprised by how comfortable I felt. I really didn't think about anyone figuring out my true gender. Since I had been in New York, I'd been accepted at face value.

As I ran, I thought about my future. I was sure that I wanted to teach. If I won the scholarship, then I could go to school fulltime. If not, I'd still go to school on a part-time basis. If I went part-time, then it would take me a few more years. I also debated on whether or not I wanted to start school fulltime that fall. Part of me wanted to take some time for the adjustment to being fulltime. Yes, I know that I had been living as Erika since the fall, but I wanted time to adjust outside of the safe haven of Central High. I knew that the surgery would be a big deal and would put me put of circulation for a while.

I put my sweats back on and headed back to my room. I looked forward to the day that I could use the locker room like everyone else. I had plenty of time to get ready, so I lingered in the whirlpool bath. I decided that if I would have to have one of these some day!

Eventually, I had to get out. I took my time as I got dressed. I put on my bra and panties. I wondered when I would no longer need the boob inserts. It would be nice to get rid of them. I then attached my stockings to my garter belt. The dress was lovely. Again it was basic black, but it still looked great. This one was silk, and had a fuller skirt and a slightly scooped neckline. As I checked my makeup, I looked over my scar. It wasn't as prominent, but it was still noticeable. I uttered a silent curse for Jason.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Nineteen

Mrs. Lincoln looked wonderful. She really knew how to dress up. She inspected me and seemed pleased, except with my simple silver chain. Mrs. Lincoln felt that it was too understated. She left and came back with a string of pearls, matching earrings and a bracelet. She explained these were a loan and not to get too excited as they only looked expensive. I think she told me that so I'd feel more at ease.

I really enjoyed the walk through the lobby of the hotel and out to the limo. The party was really cool. It was thrown by some of her old friends in the fashion industry. I became a little star struck when I saw several celebrities and famous models there. They all came up and spoke to Mrs. Lincoln. Obviously, she had understated her importance.

After the initial introductions, I was allowed to go off on my own. Apparently Mrs. Lincoln had put out the word that I was only seventeen, so, I was not to be hit on or be allowed to drink. I was getting some very interesting looks from several men there. Yes, I enjoyed every second of the attention. Who wouldn't?

I got into a really nice conversation with an older woman. Her name was Violet and she said that she had known Sylvia since her earliest modeling days and they had once shared a loft. I couldn't picture ever calling Mrs. Lincoln Sylvia!

While we were talking a man joined us. As we talked, he kept staring at my face. I thought it was my imagination at first. He kept shifting his position to get a different view. I was about to say something when he spoke up.

"I didn't mean to be rude Erika. I was just looking at the scar above your eye. I'm a plastic surgeon, and I was wondering if you'd considered having any work done on it," he inquired.

"I hadn't really thought about it. I was hoping it would fade some more," I replied, as my hand went up to touch it.

"I could do a nice job on it. I owe that to Mrs. Lincoln. Do you mind telling me how you got it?" he asked.

"I was attacked. The same person reshaped my nose." I was hoping that I wouldn't have to go into more detail about the attack.

"I see. Well, let me give you my card. I can take care of your nose too. In fact, you should get that done first," he stated. He was looking at my nose now.

"How do you know Mrs. Lincoln?" I asked as I took his card. It read Dr. David Ayres.

"She's an old family friend. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have been able to afford medical school. I take it you work for her back in Pennsylvania?"

"Yes, I do. She's a wonderful employer."

"She's a wonderful person. I'm serious about the offer. It would be an honor to care for one of her loyal employees," he offered with a smile.

"You said that you were attacked. Was it a mugging?" interrupted Violet.

"No, It was an abduction, assault, and rape," I stated. I immediately kicked myself for saying it.

There was instant silence around us.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to pry," Violet apologized.

"It's okay. I'm a bit more comfortable about it now. It happened last fall and thankfully they caught and convicted him."

The manner in which I talked about it raised my status. I was now seen as more than a teenage girl accompanying the guest of honor, although I didn't want to be just identified as a rape victim.

Jenny had said that, while it wasn't a pleasant topic, there was no reason to feel shame about what happened. She really emphasized that I was not at fault and I had no reason to be afraid of questions. She said that I could use it as an opportunity to educate.

Several other people came over and I was asked a few more questions about it. Thankfully, the topic eventually changed. Dr. Ayres came up to me later and said that he really wanted me to call him. I thanked him and told him I'd think about it.

Anyway, the rest of the evening was far more pleasant. I had my picture taken with several models and a few other famous people. Hey, if they wanted to feel sorry for me, that was their problem. I was happy for the photos.

Afterwards we went to dinner at a little bistro near the hotel. A few of Mrs. Lincoln's friends joined us. I saw several famous people in the restaurant, including several actors and actresses. I tried to act as nonchalant as everyone else, but it was hard. I mean, I was a high school student from Pennsylvania and it wasn't hard to get excited when the person at the next table was a famous actor. I fought the urge to ask him for an autograph.

On the way back to the hotel, Mrs. Lincoln asked me if I'd enjoyed myself. I figured she would eventually know everything that had gone on that night, so I told her the whole story.

"Violet has always had a bad habit of asking the wrong questions. I'm glad you handled it so well." Judging by the tone of her voice, she approved of the way I handled myself.

"Did you really share a loft with her?" I asked. I tried to picture the two of them living together and I couldn't!

She smiled. "Along with many other things. Those were some wild times. I will have to wait until you are a bit older before I can tell you those stories."

I smiled thinking about Mrs. Lincoln being a hell-raiser!

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty

The next day, we went around to some more meetings. It was raining although it wasn't that cool. It truly felt like winter was gone. As I had done on Tuesday, I correctly sorted the papers and order forms. I was looking forward to that evening and the show.

The day went by pretty quickly. I was amazed by Mrs. Lincoln's energy. She never seemed to get tired. She told me that there was something about the city that energized her.

On the way back to the hotel, Mrs. Lincoln directed Tony to stop in front of an inconspicuous store entranceway. The name on the door said "Undercover Elegance." It was in a delicate gold script on black glass. You might miss it if you weren't looking for it.

"Tony, please standby, we'll be here for an hour, maybe longer," ordered Mrs. Lincoln.

As we stepped out of the limo Mrs. Lincoln told me to leave my folio. She told me that I wouldn't need it.

We entered the shop and were immediately greeted by a woman, and it was obvious that she was an old friend of Mrs. Lincoln. She had a very upscale, cultured British accent.

The shop was very upscale and extremely stylish. It sold the finest imported European lingerie and foundations. Everything looked gorgeous and very expensive!

I figured that Mrs. Lincoln was just making another social call, as her story didn't carry lingerie.

"Bridget, this is the young woman I told you about. Erika, this is a dear friend of mine, Bridget Wellington," stated Mrs. Lincoln as she introduced us.

"We have some lovely new items in, that I think will fit you quite nicely," stated Bridget.

I was slightly confused and embarrassed and glanced over at Mrs. Lincoln.

"Don't worry, my dear. Think of this as another part of your education of becoming a young woman. One of the best ways that a woman can feel good about herself is to wear something very luxurious and elegant under her clothing. No one else has to know what you're wearing, but they can boost your self confidence," explained Mrs. Lincoln.

"Additionally, they just make you feel good," added Bridget. "I took the liberty of setting out some items, based on your description of Erika."

Bridget pointed to some lingerie laid out on a display case. I was almost afraid to even touch the items, as they were so beautiful. Mrs. Lincoln looked them over and made some suggestions. She ended up picking out three matching sets of lingerie. All three included a bra, panties, garterbelt, and a half-slip. The first set was a dazzling white shimmering nylon with lots of lace. The second set was hand-embroidered blue satin and the last set was lavender with a tiny floral print. Additionally, Bridget brought out a chiffon nightgown and peignoir. They were both pale pink in color, trimmed with delicate white lace ruffles. Bridget described them both as waltz length.

"Please put these on my account, Bridget," remarked Mrs. Lincoln.

Bridget nodded and then turned to me with a smile on her face. "We just got in some exquisite silk stockings. I'm giving you a few pairs, Erika. Save them for special occasions."

I thanked her and followed Mrs. Lincoln out of the shop.

On the way back to the hotel, Mrs. Lincoln turned to me. "You have a long road ahead of you. The transition will be difficult at time and there will be good days and bad days. When you're feeling low, treat yourself and wear these. It will cheer you up knowing that you're wearing the most luxurious undies that money can buy."

"I don't know what to say, except thank you very much," I replied, holding back my emotions.

Mrs. Lincoln smiled. "You're welcome, my dear."

We got back to the hotel by four and I decided to go for another run. Due to the rain, the machines were a bit more crowded. While I waited, I talked to a businesswoman who was in town from San Diego. It was fun to reminisce with her. If she guessed my real gender, she never let on. I was getting more comfortable being outside of the safety net of Golden Hill

My dress for the evening was like the others, very beautiful. It was long, elegant, and dark blue and had a matching bolero jacket. I was tempted to wear some of my new lingerie, but decided to save it for another day. We had tickets to the hottest musical on Broadway. I was stunned when we sat in the producer's box. I wondered what his history with Mrs. Lincoln was!

The show was fantastic. I immediately acquired a taste for Broadway shows. I was overwhelmed by the costumes and the music. I smiled thinking that Mrs. Lincoln had performed on this very stage. Now that would have been something to see!

Afterwards, we went to dinner. The restaurant was packed when we arrived. They were telling most people that there would be a minimum one-hour wait. However, the maitre d' immediately seated us. We got more than a few dirty looks as we were whisked into the restaurant.

During dinner we talked about the show. Mrs. Lincoln thought it was good, but not as good as some shows in the past. I also got used to people walking up and saying hello to her. She was like visiting royalty.

I scanned the room and saw more celebrities. I was excited when one actor came over and talked to Mrs. Lincoln. He was a famous movie star and I'd seen many of his movies. It was very exciting when Mrs. Lincoln introduced me to him. All right, I was totally star struck! He took out a pen and signed the menu for me. I thanked him for the autograph.

He took my hand and gave it a gentle kiss. "Enchanted, m'dear." It was the exact same line from his last romantic movie!

I collected a few more autographs that evening from visiting celebrities. I later framed the menu and it hangs today in my office, along with a photo taken of Mrs. Lincoln and me on that trip.

I really didn't want to leave, and I think that Mrs. Lincoln felt the same way. But all good times come to an end. I was so excited that I had a very hard time falling asleep that night.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty-One

Thursday, we only had one stop to make. We went to a warehouse where Mrs. Lincoln inspected several batches of merchandise. I wrote down her comments on each rack of clothes. I was wearing a tan skirt, brown boots, a light green silk blouse, and a forest green blazer. She seemed pleased with the shipment and the quality of the outfits.

We finished around 11:00 and she told me that she had some personal business to attend to and that a friend would be driving her. I could use the limo to tour the city and to do some shopping. I was to be back at the hotel no later than six.

"We've been invited to dinner with some friends at 8:00. I expect you to be ready at 7:45. Now have a good time this afternoon," she said.

She also made me promise not to leave Tony.

If you ever have a chance to have your own limo for the afternoon, I highly recommend you do it at least once. I initially felt funny sitting alone in the back and I asked Tony if I could sit up front with him.

"Stay in the back, kid. It'll make everyone think you're a celebrity. Now, where do ya want to go?" he asked.

I told him that I wanted to see some of the city and do a little shopping. Tony had been born and raised in New York, so he knew all the shortcuts and bargain spots. I also didn't mind him calling me "kid."

He took me to a hole-in-the-wall pizzeria in Little Italy for lunch. He claimed it was the best in the city. It was hard not to agree. We split a pizza and talked.

"So how long have you known Mrs. Lincoln?" I asked, taking a bite of pizza.

"My Uncle Vinny was her driver a long time ago and I first met her when I was five. I would sometimes ride around with him. He was a driver for one of the big companies and she took a liking to him and used him exclusively. She helped Uncle Vinny get the loans he needed to open his own limo service." He took another slice of pizza. "Anyway, I took over the family business and even though I have nearly twenty drivers working for me, I always take her contract personally. I wouldn't miss one of her visits for the world!"

"I think she is special too," I concurred.

"So, what's your story, kid? I know she thinks pretty highly of you," he asked.

I told him an edited version of my working for her. I didn't tell him I was TS. It wasn't necessary, even though it wouldn't have made a difference.

"If you don't mind my asking, who beat you up?" he asked. "I noticed that your nose was broken."

I told him about Jason.

"Do ya know where they locked up the guy?" he asked bluntly.

"No, I'm just glad he's in prison," I replied. I wondered why he cared where Jason was locked up.

"I could place a few calls and it could be arranged to make his life - much more difficult," added Tony with a sly smile on his face

I didn't know if he was kidding or not, and I politely refused his offer.

True to his word, Tony gave me a great tour of the city. There was no way that I could see everything, but we saw a lot. He told me that the next time I was in town I should call his service and he would ensure that I was taken care of. I also saved a lot of money when I went shopping. I bought some t-shirts for my friends and a sweater for Mom. The shirts were the standard tourist type, but I knew my friends would love them. However, I bought Mom a really nice Icelandic sweater. I also picked up a few things for myself. Tony made sure that I got the best prices, he was an expert at the local art of haggling.

He was right about sitting in the back. Whenever we stopped, I turned more than a few heads when I got out. We both got a laugh out of people staring and pointing. I made sure that I had a photo taken with him.

We arrived back at the hotel at 5:30. I beat Mrs. Lincoln back by fifteen minutes. I didn't ask what she did. I figured she'd tell me if she wanted to. She did ask me about my afternoon. I told her about my adventures and how wonderfully Tony had treated me. I skipped the part when Tony offered to put a hit on Jason.

I wore yet another black dress for dinner. This one had long, flowing, see-through sleeves with a little ruffle at the cuffs and hem. Mrs. Lincoln seemed to approve of my appearance. Working for her had really taught me how to dress properly.

Dinner was with some of her friends from her second marriage. We ate in their penthouse apartment. It was better than I expected. There were three couples. Two were husbands and wives, and the third couple was two women. Mrs. Lincoln later told me that the two women had been lovers for nearly forty years. They spent most of the night telling one outrageous story after another. I sat there soaking it all in and I hoped that my life would be half as exciting as theirs.

After dinner we sat in the living room and talked. One of the two lesbians asked me if I wanted to see the view from the balcony. We went outside and I had to admit that it was breathtaking.

"May I ask you something personal?" she asked.

"Sure," I replied.

"When did you start your transition? Don't get me wrong dear, you're very passable," she remarked with a smile.

I went on to tell her about the scholarship contest and my self-discovery. She was very pleased that I was able to transition. She told me about the hassles she and her lover had had through the years. I told her about Laura and our relationship. It was a very pleasant conversation It was getting a bit chilly so we went back in.

On the way back to the hotel we talked about the evening. Mrs. Lincoln wasn't surprised that the one woman had made me.

"She was always my most observant friend. She notices everything."

"She sounds like my friend Cat," I stated. "By the way, I just want to thank you again for this wonderful trip."

Mrs. Lincoln nodded and smiled. "You're welcome. I've enjoyed your company. It was fun to see the city with a young girl on her first time here."

I gently squeezed her hand and smiled at her with my eyes on the verge of tears.

When we got back to the hotel, I packed up my things. We were hitting the road early, as she wanted to get back to see how the store was doing.

After I finished packing, I sat by the window and drank a cup of tea. I wanted to soak in every remaining second of the trip. The trip was one of those defining moments in one's life. I now was clear about my path in life.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty-Two

We left the city before dawn. Tony got us out of the city with little difficulty. Most of the bad traffic was inbound. Mrs. Lincoln reviewed the orders and invoices. There was nothing for me to do but doze off. I guess the week caught up with me.

I woke up somewhere in Pennsylvania. I checked my watch and I saw that I had been asleep for three hours. Mrs. Lincoln smiled as I looked around.

"Good morning," she greeted.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know I was that tired." I wiped the sleep out of my eyes and took a drink of water.

"No reason to apologize. Do you feel like working this afternoon when we get home?"

"Absolutely, Mrs. Lincoln," I replied eagerly.

"We should be done by 7:00 PM tonight. Cindy does an excellent job in setting up for the sale. Oh, I almost forgot, here is your pay for this week."

She handed me an envelope. It had $500.00 in cash inside. I was stunned, as I hadn't expected to get paid.

"Now before you say anything, I just want you to know that I want you to have this. Think of it as a bonus. Now, don't just spend it all foolishly, you can put some away for school."

I was really moved and I gave her a hug. I felt very close to her and I guess in some ways I saw her as my grandmother - or was that my fairy godmother?

The rest of the trip was uneventful. When we got to my house I went in and dropped off my bags and changed. Because the store wouldn't actually be open Mrs. Lincoln told me I could dress casually. I slipped on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I left a note for Mom that I was back safely, going to the store, and would be home around 7:00. I put on my school jacket and rejoined Mrs. Lincoln.

Tony dropped us off at the store. I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He gave me his card and told me to call the next time I went to the city.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty-Three

As expected, I got a dose of sarcasm from Mel when I entered the store.

"Well, well, look who's here! Figures you show up when most of the hard work is done," she cracked. She then walked up and gave me big hug. "Did you have a wonderful time?"

"It was unbelievable. I am still on a high from everything we did!" I exclaimed.

"That's great. You can tell me all about it while you help me up front," remarked Mel

Cindy came up and gave me a big hug. "I want to hear everything."

Cindy was in charge of getting the store ready, and she ensured that we were all working. As I worked I told them about the trip. They had both gone on similar trips at least once, so we could talk about similar experiences. As I said earlier, I really didn't know the day shift that well. I knew them by name, but that was about it. But they were all nice people. Mrs. Lincoln wouldn't allow any unpleasant people to work for her.

Cindy put me on decorating the store. We hung up balloons and streamers from the ceiling, and there were also school pennants to put up. I made sure that Central's was the most prominent one displayed.

We finished around 6:30. Cindy gave me a ride home. She told me that I needed to be at work by 8:30. She asked me if I wanted a ride and I told her yes.

"I'm so happy that Mrs. Lincoln took you on this trip. It shows that you have entered the inner circle."

When I got home, I found that Terri, Cat, Laura, and Sam were already there. Mom had invited them all over to welcome me back.

It was great seeing them all. Laura and I hugged and kissed for a long time. I really missed her.

I brought down the gifts and thankfully I hadn't forgotten anyone. As we ate I told them about my trip. I again left out the offer of the hit on Jason. I didn't want to get Tony in trouble with Sam. I also couldn't wait to get my photos developed.

I caught up on what everyone else was doing. Matt had left to return to school yesterday. Apparently he had won over Terri. Laura told us that she'd made a short trip to Penn State. I could tell that she was torn between being excited about college and leaving me. I felt the same way.

I noticed that Mom and Sam were sitting really close. That made me very happy.

I told Mom that Cindy was giving me a lift to work. I asked Laura and Cat what time they were showing up. They said that they would be in line starting at 7:00, since the mall no longer allowed people to camp out. I wasn't sure if they were telling the truth. But Terri confirmed that girls used to camp out the night before to get in the store early.

After everyone left, I sat at the kitchen table with Mom. It was good to just talk with her. She told me that she and Sam had were getting very close and she thought he might propose to her soon. That was wonderful news and I gave her a big hug. I hoped that it was true. I then went to bed. Saturday would be a very busy day.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty-Four

Saturday morning, I arrived at the store with Cindy. I was stunned by the sight of the long line of girls waiting to get into the store. We went in through the back entrance. Mrs. Lincoln had us all wearing the same style outfit, the standard basic black sleeveless dress. I was assigned to one of the cash registers, along with a woman named Sally. She was one of the dayshift workers. Cindy and Mel would be working the crowd with the rest of the staff.

Mrs. Lincoln had hired additional security to limit the number of girls in the store at one time. One of those velvet bank ropes was set up to control the crowd. Some of the other mall stores tried to get in on the action. The shoe stores were giving an additional twenty percent off to anyone showing a receipt from our store on any item purchased that day. The coffee stand also had an employee taking orders from those in line. They appeared to be doing some good business.

Cindy knew I had reserved dresses for Cat and Laura. She didn't mind, since I'd asked ahead of time. She told me just to send them to see her when they came in.

There was a weird sense of calm, as we got closer to 9:00 AM. We could hear the crowd behind the closed door and the drawn curtains. Mrs. Lincoln gave a signal at 8:45 and the curtains were drawn back. I looked out at the line of girls as they peered in the glass doors trying to get a look at the dresses. I saw Cat, Laura, Kristen, and Tracey all together, there were around fifteen girls ahead of them. I recognized most of the girls in line ahead off them. I was pleased to see Caroline, in third place, behind a couple of other girls from school.

Mrs. Lincoln walked up to the front of the store and gave us all a quick look. She seemed pleased with how the store looked. She then signaled Cindy to open the doors. Mrs. Lincoln greeted each girl as they entered. It was busy but orderly. I kind of expected it to be more hectic. Sally told me that the word was put out to the girls that any disorderly conduct would result in them being asked to leave the store. Apparently in the past there had been some fights over dresses.

I saw Cat and Laura enter and I waved them over, "You see that woman over there?" I said, pointing at Cindy. "She has some dresses for you to look at."

"What time are you off?" asked Laura.

"Three."

"I'll be here to pick you up!" Laura then winked at me.

I watched them walk over to Cindy. I then had my first customer to check out. The customers came in at a steady pace. Every now and then Mrs. Lincoln would come over and tell us to give a girl a discount. I don't know her reasoning for the discounts but knowing Mrs. Lincoln they were probably justified. I was blown away by the amount of money some of the girls were spending. I'd gone to my junior prom back in San Diego and had spent a few bucks on a rental tux. Even with flowers, dinner, and the tickets, I still spent less than what I had paid just for my dress for this year's prom. I really never knew what a big deal prom was until now.

Caroline came up and she was very happy with the dress she'd picked out. Like many of the girls in line she only had her receipt. The actual dress was in the back with Rita. Mrs. Lincoln included free alterations with all prom dresses.

"Did you get a nice one?" I asked as I checked her out.

"Oh yes! I never thought I'd would be so happy over buying a dress," she stated with a laugh. She had a huge smile on her face. "By the way, how was New York?"

"Wonderful! I'll call you later and tell you all about it."

Sally smiled at me. "I remember my trip. I went with Mrs. Lincoln three years ago. I had one of the best times in my life."

In between customers we traded stories about our trips. We suddenly had a big rush at the registers, which we took in stride. Most of the girls were so happy about getting the dress they wanted, the general mood was contagious. Mrs. Lincoln walked over, part of her constant tending to a smooth Sale day.

While she was standing there, a couple of girls from Red Hill came up. Either they were wearing their boyfriend's school jackets or their names were Nick and Tom and they played on the football team.

They were just behind Kristen in line. I was about to take her slip when I heard "Nick" say something about the "faggots at Central." I immediately looked up and glared at her.

Kristen turned around and asked politely, "Excuse me. I didn't catch what you just said?"

"Nick" looked at Kristen, sneered, and said very loudly, "What I said is that I hope that none of these lovely dresses are wasted on those freaking FAGGOTS at Central. It would such a shame to have a SISSY wearing a pretty gown. Do you have a problem with that?"

Before anyone else could say a word, Mrs. Lincoln walked over and took their receipts out of their hands. "I'm sorry, but I will have to ask you two to leave. You are disrupting my business," she stated in a calm firm voice. "Take your business elsewhere, as neither of you is welcome in my shop."

"Tom" was about to protest when Mrs. Lincoln stopped her with a stare. I was struggling not to break out laughing.

"Tom" and "Nick" stood there for a second and then stormed out of the store without saying a word. Mrs. Lincoln acted as if nothing had happened and handed the receipts to Mel to take back to Rita, so the dresses could be put back on the rack

Kristen came up to me and smiled, "That was worth standing in line to see, it was so cool the way she handled that," she whispered

"Thanks for standing up for us," I whispered back.

"No problem, Erika! That's what friends are for!"

Just then Mrs. Lincoln walked back to the counter and told me to take fifteen percent off Kristen's order. Kristen was stunned but recovered and walked over and thanked Mrs. Lincoln, who acted like nothing had happened.

A few minutes later Cat and Laura came up with their receipts. "What happened up here?" asked Cat.

I told them that I'd tell them later. I did ask them to drop my film over at the one-hour photo shop.

The rest of the morning was uneventful. Rachael came in and we chatted for a few minutes while I checked her out. I was pleasantly surprised to see Ann come in with one of her sisters. She was the only other contestant to come in. I knew that there were other stores, but I had hoped to see Lisa and Claire. I doubted that Denise would wear anything as conventional as our gowns.

Around two o'clock "Nick" and "'Tom" came back in with their parents. They both had very smug looks on their faces.

"Tom" pointed over at Mrs. Lincoln. "That's the saleswoman who threw us out of here!"

I almost choked as I heard her call Mrs. Lincoln a "saleswoman!"

Mrs. Lincoln walked over to them. I immediately sensed that this was an unfair fight. They only outnumbered Mrs. Lincoln by six to one. They should have brought the whole town of Red Hill to make it fair.

"I believe you owe our daughters an apology. I'm a personal friend of the owner of this business and I know that she wouldn't approve of her employees mistreating my daughter," threatened "Tom's" father as he tried to intimidate Mrs. Lincoln.

There was a long silence before Mrs. Lincoln replied. "Sir, I AM the owner of this business, I know that I DO NOT know you." She let her words sink in.

I was stunned to hear her actually raise her voice.

He stood there trying to decide what to do next. I could see sweat forming on his forehead. He looked back at the others with a "deer in the headlights" look on his face.

Then "Nick's mother" spoke up, "If you don't want to hear from our lawyer, you'd better let our daughters in here!"

Mrs. Lincoln turned towards her. "I dislike idle threats even more than liars. These young women made bigoted and insulting comments on my business premises. If anyone is going to apologize, it should be your daughters If you want to call your lawyer, that is your right, but I must warn you that you would be wasting your time and money. Now, you are starting to try my patience. Please leave my store and never return. Good afternoon."

They stood there for a second and then meekly left the store without saying another word. That was the last time we heard from them. Mrs. Lincoln watched them leave and then went back to work as if nothing had ever happened.

Sally turned to me and whispered, "I'd have paid money to see that!"

I nodded in agreement. I felt so proud to know Mrs. Lincoln and to be her employee and friend.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty-Five

A little after three o'clock I was off for the day. Mrs. Lincoln gave me Sunday off, since she wanted me rested for school on Monday.

"I know you don't want to make a big deal about what happened with those two girls, but I just want to thank you." I gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"It was my pleasure, dear. I must admit that it makes me feel good to know that I still have it," she chuckled.

I caught up with Laura and Cat and we walked over to get my pictures. I told them all about what had happened.

"She's so cool!" exclaimed Laura. "I wish I could have seen that."

I paid for the photos and we went down to the food court to look at them. I was happy to see that most came out.

I showed them the picture of Tony and told them about his offer concerning Jason.

"Do you think he was serious?" asked Cat.

"I'm not sure," I answered.

"I'd have taken him up on the offer," remarked Laura.

All of the pictures from the cocktail party came out, so, I had proof to go with my stories! Cat and Laura were both impressed.

"I take it everything went well with Matt?" I asked Cat, as we looked at the photos.

"Yes, very much so. Mom really likes him a lot,"

"That's great."

Cat and Laura then caught me up on everything that had gone on in the past week. We talked more about my trip and other things. Cat asked me how it was going with my hormone treatments and I told her that so far I didn't see any difference. Laura kidded me about checking my boob size everyday. I had to admit that she was right, even though I knew it would be months before any changes were visible. They both told me that almost every girl checks herself as she matures, so it was very natural for me to do so too.

I had to admit that I felt a little different. I think it was more because I knew that I was starting my transformation than any real effects of the drugs.

"So, when am I going to see you in your new lingerie?" asked Laura with a sly grin on her face.

I felt my face getting warm.

Laura giggled. "You're so cute when you blush."

We then talked about who might be the third person going through transition. We all had our theories and ideas. I hoped that everyone would be back on Monday. Cat said it was pretty remarkable that there were still six left. We also talked about how they might decide the winner or winners. We all felt that everyone who made it to the end of the year deserved to win.

Cat looked at her watch and said that she had to leave to go out to dinner with her mom. I think that she just wanted to give Laura and I some time alone. We decided not to waste her kindness and we went back to my house.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty-Six

We had the house to ourselves as Mom had left a note saying she was over at Sam's house for dinner. Laura looked at me and smiled. She took me by the hand and led me upstairs.

We sat down on the bed facing each other. We just looked in each other's eyes. She lifted her hand up and caressed the side of my face. I could feel myself trembling slightly. I hoped that I always felt that way when she touched me like that. She leaned over slightly and we began to kiss. Our arms drew us closer into a deep embrace. I felt her hand starting to gently explore my body. She guided one of my hands down to her breasts, and I slowly rubbed her nipples, as she had shown me earlier.

We then lay down on the bed and continued to make out and cuddle. Laura then unbuttoned her top, exposing her bra.

"You'll soon have these." She took off her top and then her bra, exposing her breasts. "I figure you are curious about them."

She had me gently rub her nipples. I watched as her nipples hardened and seemed to grow in size. It was such a sharing moment. She was right about my curiosity. I had countless questions and didn't know where to begin. I had seen pictures of breasts and had felt a few, but this was different. I couldn't wait until my own breasts began growing. Laura explained how the sensations of pleasure went deep into her chest and that it wasn't just a localized sensation. She smiled as she told me that she couldn't wait until she could return this pleasure to me.

She then reached over and helped me out of my top. I felt a little strange as she helped me out of my bra exposing my chest. She rubbed my nipples, but they weren't that sensitive. She told me that they would become fun to play with. She cupped what little fat there was.

"Don't worry, my love. They'll grow into lovely breasts just like mine."

We then kissed again. I caressed her breasts while she did the same to me. That was as far as we went that night. Laura was slowly bringing me along and I was a willing subject. Any doubts I had about being on the right path about my sexuality were gone. I had no desire at all to be with Laura, in a male role, as Eric would have tried.

We got dressed and sat there and talked. I showed her the expensive lingerie that Mrs. Lincoln bought me. Laura was very impressed.

"What do you think will happen when I go off to college?" she asked, as she examined the lavender set.

"I don't know. I don't want to think about it right now." I couldn't imagine being separated from her.

"We'll have to talk about it eventually, my love," reiterated Laura. "But we have time for now to be together."

We began to kiss again. I couldn't imagine being without her.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty-Seven

We went downstairs and fixed dinner. I threw together some leftover chicken and rice. It wasn't too bad. We talked about school and the countdown to prom and then graduation. We had about two months of school left, give or take a few days. It almost didn't seem possible that I had only been Erika for around eight months.

"When will you be making your name change legal?" asked Laura.

"Mom is getting the paperwork and we're going to submit it in a few weeks."

"So what's your new middle name going to be?" she asked, taking a bite of food.

"I really don't know," I replied. I took a bite of chicken it wasn't bad.

"Huh?" Laura had a look of surprise on her face.

"Mom is going to pick it for me, just like she would have if I'd been born a girl. Either she hasn't decided yet or she's is keeping it a secret," I explained

"Maybe she should make it a contest and have people post suggestions on the Internet. It could be the 'Help name my transsexual teenage daughter contest'," quipped Laura. We both started laughing at such a silly suggestion. I wondered what sort of entries I would get, if any.

After dinner, we cleaned up and then went into the family room and watched TV together. We cuddled together on the couch.

Laura left around 10:00. I fixed a mug of tea and tried to finish reading a book for my American Lit class. We had to read two books by the same author and then write a comparison of the two. We were supposed to pick two books that told different types of stories. I selected two books by John Steinbeck. I had read "The Grapes of Wrath" before break and now I was finishing up "Cannery Row." Mom had suggested him and I was glad she did. I really loved his writing style; it was so visual. I decided that I would have to go to Monterey, California someday.

I was completely lost in the story when Sam and Mom came home. I didn't even hear Sam's car pull in the driveway. I jumped when the front door opened!

They came in and joined me at the kitchen table. Mom fixed some coffee for Sam and a cup of tea for herself.

"How was your day?" asked Mom.

I told her all about the sale and Mrs. Lincoln and the idiots.

"Sounds like she would have been a good DA," suggested Sam, chuckling, "or maybe a good cop!"

"So, how was your evening?" I asked. I got up to fix another mug of tea.

Mom told me how they'd gone for a long drive and ended up at Sam's for dinner.

"By the way, Sam picked up your name change paperwork, would you like to see it?" asked Mom.

"Absolutely," I answered.

"Now it isn't complete yet as I still haven't decided on your middle name, but here it is," said Mom as she placed an official form in front of me.

I read it and saw my original name, Eric Alexander Walters and then Erika listed as my new first name. It was another of those real moments that I have mentioned before.

"She must be very tired," remarked Mom sarcastically.

"Yes, she doesn't seem too alert or observant," added Sam

I looked up at them and saw they were both smiling. I looked back at the paperwork to see what I'd missed. Then I saw it. In the block for my new name was the last name Warren. I sat there staring at it, the meaning sinking in. I looked up and saw that Mom was now wearing an engagement ring and a big, happy grin.

A huge smile appeared on my face. "This is so wonderful! Congratulations!" I squealed. I got up and hugged and kissed both of them. "When did this happen?"

"Sam asked me this afternoon," said Mom. I'd never seen her so happy.

"I take it you approve?" asked Sam.

"Absolutely! You don't know how happy I'm for you guys!" I could feel tears of joy forming in my eyes.

"There is one more thing. However, we wanted your approval first before we started the paperwork," explained Mom.

"What's that?" I asked. I couldn't imagine what he was going to say next.

"Well, Erika, I know you're almost eighteen and that you'll soon be going to college, but how would you feel about me adopting you and making you my legal daughter?" asked Sam.

It took me a few seconds for his words to sink in. My smile got even bigger and the tears of joy came streaming down. "You really want to do that? I'd love to have you as my dad!" I exclaimed. He took me into his arms and hugged me. I instantly felt safer and secure as I felt his arms surround me.

So, looking back at what happened, in his perverted attempt to destroy me Jason not only made me stronger but he started the chain of events that led to my having a complete family. Life comes with strange and ironic twists.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty-Eight

Sunday morning, I was sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper and enjoying a mug of English Breakfast Tea. I was still in my pjs and robe and the bunny slippers Paul had given me for Christmas. I had the day off and I wanted to relax. It seemed like it had been ages since I had a day with no agenda. The birds at the feeder constantly distracted me, but it was a pleasant distraction. From where I was sitting I could look right at the feeder hanging from the big tree in the backyard. I got a real kick out of watching the variety of birds that came to eat at the feeder, and I planned on getting a bird book so I could identify them. I had just filled the feeder and had tossed some seed and peanuts on the ground this morning.

I was in an excellent mood due to the wonderful news that I'd the previous night. Knowing that Mom and Sam were going to get married made me giddy with happiness. What made me even happier was knowing that Sam wanted to adopt me. It really helped my self-confidence.

I really didn't have a large extended family, especially since my birth father had never acknowledged me. Mom had told some of our relatives of my transition and only a few had responded positively. Most never responded, at all and a few returned our Christmas cards unopened. However, knowing that Sam wanted me as his daughter was a huge boost.

I knew Sam had spent the night with Mom. It made me feel so secure knowing that he wanted to be with her. The shower was running, so I knew they were up. I glanced outside and saw a gray squirrel grab a peanut and make a run across the yard. Terri said squirrels were pests, but I thought they were fun to watch.

Mom came into the kitchen a few minutes later. She turned the stove back on to heat up the water.

"Good morning, Mom."

She smiled. "Morning, dear."

Mom had rarely had boyfriends overnight when we lived back in San Diego, and when she did she'd always seemed guilty about it. I was pleased to see that she was now so relaxed and happy.

After she fixed her tea, she joined me at the table. "I see someone threw some peanuts under the feeder," remarked Mom. I looked back and saw a big blue and white bird fly away with a peanut.

"Was that a blue jay?" I asked. I was pretty ignorant about East Coast birds, not that I was all that educated about West Coast birds!"

"Yes, I think it was," answered Mom. "Did you sleep well?"

"I guess so. I was up quite a while thinking about everything that went down last night. I'm so happy about you two getting married!"

"I know it's kind of sudden, but we saw no reason to wait," added Mom.

"How will his family react?" I asked

"Well, he seems to think that they'll approve. Most of his family is down in Philadelphia and New Jersey. He said that his family has been bugging him to get married for years."

I wondered what it would be like to suddenly have a bigger family. I then realized I knew nothing about Sam's extended family. I wondered how they'd feel about him marrying a woman with a teenage transgendered daughter. I also hadn't known that he'd never been married.

"Have you talked about a date?" I asked. I watched another blue jay grab a peanut.

"My, we are nosey," replied Mom with a smile. She took a sip of her tea. "We talked about July or August."

"Cool." I began to think about what I would wear.

"I'm glad you approve. We have decided that we want the ceremony up here in Golden Hill. I want the people who are special to me to be there. I've made so many good friends here, and they mean more to me than some people back in California who I just happen to be related to. Sam feels that his family won't mind the drive up here, and he also wants his friends to attend."

I knew what she meant. Besides my friends from school and work I had also grown close to many people here. Terri meant more to me than any of my real relatives. Then there were Mrs. Lincoln, Ms. Bell, and Jenny McCall. It bothered me a little that our real family rejected me without ever even seeing me as Erika, but that was their loss.

"Of course, we both want you to be part of the ceremony." She paused for a second and then started to laugh. "I never thought that I'd be asking you to be one of my bridesmaids!"

We both started laughing. I was soon crying from laughing so hard. Sam walked in and stared at us. He just shook his head. "I don't want to know."

All we had was instant coffee, and Sam said that would have to change or the marriage was off. Coffee drinkers can be so grumpy in the morning! He begrudgingly accepted the instant. He just stared like I was insane when I suggested that he try some tea.

Mom fixed pancakes and we sat back and enjoyed a nice family breakfast. As far as I was concerned, Sam was my dad now. The paperwork was strictly a formality.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty-Nine

After breakfast, I excused myself and went upstairs to shower and change. I stripped down and did a quick check of my chest. There was still no change, but considering that I'd only been on hormones for two weeks that was expected. Still, a girl can hope! I also examined my scar and my crooked nose. I wondered if Dr. Ayres was serious about his offer.

The scar was like a battle honor. It had been my daily reminder of what Jason had done to me and how I'd survived. It had also served as physical proof to the rest of the world. Maybe I'd seen it as proof that I was really female because of what he had done to me. But now I felt confident that I no longer needed it. I decided to talk to Mom about Dr. Ayres' offer in a few weeks. He had also suggested a cream I could get that would help the scar heal.

I wanted to see Laura and Cat to share the great news. I got dressed in casual clothes. After my panties, bra, and inserts, I put on my new gray NYC t-shirt and then my overalls. It was getting warmer, but it was still too cool for sandals, and besides it looked like rain. I went back in the bathroom and applied my makeup and checked my hair. I smiled, thinking how it had taken me so long to just put on lipstick when I first got started.

I wanted to wait until after 11:00 before I called Laura and Cat. I went downstairs and finished the last

Chapters of "Cannery Row." When I reached the last page, I closed my eyes along with the book. I wanted to savor the story and the characters a bit longer. I snapped out of my thoughts of Monterey when I heard Sam calling me.

I got up and joined them in the kitchen. "We need to cover one more thing," explained Mom. "Do you have any objections to Sam moving in here?"

"No. None at all and you really don't need to ask my permission."

Mom smiled. "I appreciate that, dear. We just wanted to be sure that you're okay with all the changes going on."

It was my turn to smile. "Mom, you and Sam accept me undergoing a gender change. So what's the big deal about you two living together?"

Sam just chuckled and shook his head.

It was decided that Sam would keep his old place and use it as storage until his lease expired. Our house was big enough for three of us and it was an easy drive to work for both of them.

They left to go over to his place to pack up enough stuff for him to get by for a couple of days. Mom also wanted to clean out his fridge, so that it didn't turn into a science experiment.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Thirty

I called up Cat and Laura and told them that I had to see them. They arrived a little while later and I could barely hold in my enthusiasm. I had to make Cat promise not to tell her mom.

"So what's the news?" asked Cat.

"Sam asked Mom to marry him! And he also wants to adopt me!" I exclaimed. My best friends were immediately hugging me.

"Erika Warren. It has a nice ring to it," commented Laura with a smile.

"I like the sound of it myself," nodded Cat.

"I don't even have to change my initials!" I quipped.

We decided to celebrate by going out to lunch. As we pulled into the parking lot of Guido's, we saw Alex's car. We walked in and saw Alex and Kristen sitting next to Mike and Tracey. They waved us over.

It was great being with them as we all had a lot to catch up on. I told them about the return of the Red Hill girls and their parents.

Mike told us that he and Alex had gone to State U during break and had met with the coaches. He was pretty excited; it looked like he might get to play immediately as they had a real shortage of kick returners and defensive backs. Alex said that it looked like he might get red-shirted his first year as they had a lot of depth at quarterback. That meant he wouldn't play his first year. But he didn't seem too upset, as it would give him a year to get used to college ball. He said that quarterbacks needed more time to adjust to college than kick returners. Mike retorted that he was just jealous.

They all wanted to hear about my trip to New York. I passed my pictures around, and there were looks of disbelief from the guys when they saw the pictures of me with the models.

"No way! You really met her? Do you know this girl is in the latest SI swimsuit edition?" Mike was pointing to one woman in my photos.

Tracey glared at him. "I doubt that Erika has looked at that issue and, by the way, what were you doing looking at it?"

"Hey, babe, I just borrowed it from Alex. I was just reading the articles."

"Hey! Keep me out of this. I don't know what you're talking about!" Alex backpedaled, laughing.

Tracey and Kristen were staring silently at their boyfriends.

"I think they owe us an apology," growled Kristen. "I think they should take us out somewhere really nice for dinner on prom night. What do you think, Tracey?"

"Nice and expensive," added Tracey with a smile.

"So McDonalds is out?" offered Alex. "I promise that I'll super-size your meal!"

"Okay, we'll make reservations for here," replied Mike. He leaned over and kissed Tracey. We all started laughing.

"You know what would be really fun? If we all went to dinner together," suggested Kristen.

"I agree," added Tracey.

I looked at Laura and saw her nodding at me. "That sounds great. Cat, do you think Matt would like that?"

"Sure, that sounds cool," Cat concurred.

Kristen and Tracey both looked at Cat and smiled. "So tell us... who is this Matt?"

Cat went on to tell everyone about Matt. I could tell that she was really in love with him. I was very happy for her.

Then Laura spoke up. "Erika also has some great news. Go on, tell them," she said, nudging me in the ribs.

I went on to tell them about Mom and Sam's engagement. They all congratulated me. Laura pointed out that I'd left something out.

"What is she talking about?" asked Alex.

"Sam is going to legally adopt me as his daughter!" Each time I said those words I felt a warm glow throughout my body.

"That's so wonderful. We're so happy for you!" exclaimed Kristen.

We spent the next hour talking about all the changes in our lives. As with every time we were together lately, there was a feeling that we wanted time to slow down, just so we could enjoy the moment a little longer. You want to keep friends like these your whole life. We made promises that we'd always get together, knowing deep down that it might never happen.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Thirty-One

After lunch we went back to my house. Mom and Sam had arrived just ahead of us. We helped them carry in Sam's stuff.

"A coffee pot? Do you mean you're going to try to convert the heathens?" asked Cat as she looked in the box she was carrying.

"Well, I feel it's my duty to help educate the closed-minded," smiled Sam.

"Never! You can have my teabags when you drag them from my cold dead hands!" I growled

"Okay, Erika Heston... we see where you are coming from," quipped Cat

We brought the stuff inside. Cat and Laura congratulated Mom and Sam.

"You haven't told your mom yet, have you, Cat?" asked Mom, as she set a box on the counter.

"No, I haven't. Erika made me promise to wait. But I know she's home right now."

Mom picked up the phone and called up Terri and invited her over. I helped Sam carry some stuff upstairs.

"When are you buying your car?" asked Sam as he hung up his suits in the closet.

"Mom told you about our little bet? I really haven't thought about it much. I've been too excited to see you two together." I put the bags on the floor.

"I have to tell you that I fell for her the first time I saw her. It was very hard to keep a professional distance during the trial. It also gave me added incentive to win your case. I take all my cases seriously, but this was the first one that was really personal. I really wanted to win and put him away because he had hurt you," he confessed.

"I'm really happy that you accept me for who and what I am."

"I saw the real you during the trial process," he replied.

By the time we got downstairs, Terri had just come in and Mom was telling her about the engagement. Terri immediately hugged Mom. She then went over and hugged Sam.

"This is wonderful. You two are a great couple," stated Terri. She looked over and saw Cat and Laura standing there. "I suppose you found out before me?"

"Not only that, but I heard some other good news before you!" added Cat.

"Sam is adopting Erika," said Mom

"I figured I might as well go for broke!" added Sam. "I might as well go from bachelor to husband and father!"

Terri gave me a big hug. She then pulled Mom away to get the details on the wedding.

Cat, Laura, and I helped Sam get the rest of his stuff out of his car. There was a small side room off the living room. Mom and I had used it for storage, but now it would become Sam's office. He told me that he'd have a desk delivered later this week. It didn't take us that long to clean it out. We carried the boxes down to the basement and then joined Mom and Terri in the kitchen.

Sam found a space for his coffee machine on the counter. He seemed very pleased with himself as he started a pot. I actually like the smell of coffee. It's the taste that I've never really gotten used to, with cappuccino being an exception.

Laura had to take off to have dinner with her family, and I broke away from everyone else so I could kiss her goodbye.

"I'll pick you up in the morning, love." We then kissed goodbye.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Thirty-Two

It was my first day back from break, and I needed to see if we'd all made it back. I knew that there would be at least four of us. I'd seen Denise out in the parking lot as we pulled in. She had bleached her hair white and cut it shorter. Surprisingly, she looked good that way. So there'd be at least four left. There was no doubt about Caroline, and Ann had bought a prom dress. I looked around and saw Claire walking down the hall with her flute. I said hi and she waved back. So we had five at least.

I hadn't seen Lisa yet and I feared that she'd dropped out. I then saw Ann walking out of our restroom. I stopped and said hi. I asked if she'd seen Lisa and she shook her head no. I ran out of time and I had to go to homeroom.

"So?" asked Cat, as I sat down next to her.

"I don't now. I didn't see her or..." I paused when I realized that I didn't know Lisa's male name.

"It's Glenn," said Cat, obviously reading my mind.

"Glenn?" I asked.

"Yes, Glenn. Well, you'll find out for sure when you get to American Lit."

The rest of the morning was tough. I didn't want Lisa to be gone. I didn't know Glenn. Lisa, on the other hand, was a good friend. This was hard, as this was the first time that the possibility of a contestant dropping out actually bothered me. I dreaded going into American Lit and seeing some boy who looked like my friend Lisa. I know that I should have wanted the numbers to shrink, but Lisa was my friend.

I looked for Lisa during lunch, but she was nowhere to be seen. No one else had seen her. The good news was that no one had seen Glenn either. I tried to enjoy lunch with my friends. I passed my photos around and we talked about the prom.

I sat down in American Lit and saw the seat next to me was empty. It was Lisa's. Class started and she was marked absent. I knew that I had to see Ms. B as soon as possible.

After school, I went immediately to Ms. B's office. She smiled and asked me in.

"It's good to see you, Erika. I heard that you had a wonderful time in New York with Aunt Silvia," remarked Ms. B with a sly smile. "We do have some things to talk about."

"I do have a lot of questions, but I'm worried about Lisa right now," I interrupted.

"Don't be. We had a call from her parents this morning. Their flight was delayed and they didn't get back to Golden Hill until early morning. She'll be back in school tomorrow. You look very relieved.

"Yes, I was worried that she might have dropped out," I replied, feeling suddenly relieved.

"Wouldn't it serve your purposes better if she'd dropped out? She's your rival for the scholarship, you know."

"I don't care about that. Lisa is a friend."

"Very unselfish attitude," answered Ms. B with a smile, "not totally unexpected however."

We talked a bit about my trip with Mrs. Lincoln, my health, and Mom's engagement. Ms. B brought up my conversation with Mrs. Lincoln on the ride to New York.

"I promise to keep what Mrs. Lincoln told me secret."

"I know you will, and I appreciate that. The note was destroyed, so there is no proof. I've shared the truth with my family including Tom Jr." confessed Ms B.

"How did he take it?"

"Like I did. He was sad that his father was unable to either get help or accept himself. He was also angry that society's pressures made his father feel like an outcast. He also decided that he'd do his part to change people's attitudes so others wouldn't suffer like his dad."

"Is that why he led the raid against Red Hill?" I asked

"Yes, I think it had something to do with it. Thankfully, he works with the law now."

It was getting late and I had to get to work. Ms. B gave me a ride home.

"I know that I can never thank you enough for everything you've done for me this year," I stated as we pulled into my driveway.

"Your happiness is my reward," she replied.

I felt a lot better about everything as I walked into my house.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Thirty-Three

Mom dropped me off at work on her way to class. We were each on our own that night, as Sam had called and said that he'd be working late to prepare for a trial starting that week.

There were still girls coming in for dresses, but the frenzy was over. Mrs. Lincoln said it was the most successful sale ever and I was happy to have been part of it. The night was spent helping Mel rearrange some displays. We worked well together since I was immune to her sarcasm, and I could give it back pretty well when I needed to.

My problems started when I took the trash out back. I felt a slight bit of fear as I walked back from dumping the trash. As I walked back to the store, I had a sudden sensation that I was in danger and I had to fight the urge to run back to the store. I didn't freak out or anything, but it did bother me. I did feel my heart pounding as I walked very quickly back into the store.

Once inside, the feeling of fear went away as fast as it had arrived. I went back to the front of the store as if nothing had happened but there must have been something in the way I looked or acted that gave me away. Cindy asked me what was wrong. I told her nothing, but I knew that she didn't believe me. The rest of the evening passed without any problems.

On the drive home, Cindy brought it up again. "Okay, Erika, what happened?"

I explained the feeling of sudden panic in the hallway.

"I want you to tell Jenny about this. You still have a long road ahead of you," she ordered in a very serious tone.

"Did you have a similar experience?" I asked.

"Yes, I had some things to deal with. My recovery was very cyclic, and I went through massive ups and down. It was a bit frustrating at times. Basically, what I want to tell you is that you need to stay in therapy. It will really help you."

I wanted to ask her more questions, but I didn't want to pry. Maybe she could sense my questions as I sat there in silence.

"Look, why don't we get together and talk about this sometime? I know you have group on Saturdays, so why don't I pick you up afterwards and we can go somewhere private and talk about it?" she offered as she pulled into our driveway.

"I appreciate it, that sounds like a great idea," I said. I gave her a big hug and then walked into the house. Thankfully there was no return of the panic I had felt earlier.

To be honest, I was getting fed up with group. There was too much anger and living in the past in many of them. It had helped me through the worst after the attack. I wanted to move on with my life and not dwell on the past. I wanted to talk to someone like Cindy one on one.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Thirty-Four

When I got inside, I found Mom and Sam setting out dinner. They'd both just gotten home and neither had eaten. They'd had just cooked a pot of spaghetti and it smelled great. I was also hungry, as I'd only had a cup of tea at work.

We talked about our day as we got dinner ready. I prepared the salad and told them that Cindy and I would be meeting after group on Saturday. I didn't tell them about my little panic attack, as I saw no reason to make them worry.

Mom was really enjoying her classes. She said that she was thinking about going for her MBA, especially if her company would pick up most of the tuition. Sam headed that he thought it was a great idea, as he poured her a glass of red wine

"Terri is thinking about doing the same thing, so we could study together," said Mom, as she took a sip of her wine. "Mmm... that's really good!"

"That would be great. When I start classes, we could form our own sorority!" I quipped.

Sam just shook his head, "That'd be great for my image. I can see the headlines now 'DA Moves Into Sorority House!'", he joked as he sliced the bread.

Dinner was great. I didn't mind that it was so late. Just sitting there with Mom and Sam felt so good. It was worth the wait to have a complete family.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Thirty-Five

I woke up with a start around 3:00 AM. At first, I was completely disoriented and panicky. It took me a second to calm down and reassure myself that everything was okay. I'd just come out of a horrific nightmare. In it, I was back in Jason's van. I was taped up and he was about to attack me again. It seemed so real. I turned on my light and had to see that it was just a bad dream. I then noticed that I was soaked in sweat. I got up and got a drink of water and changed my pjs.

I'd had many nightmares about the attack before, but they'd never felt so real. The last one had been during the trial. Combined with the earlier panic attack at work I was really worried. Was I about to have a second collapse? Three in the morning is a great time for personal fears to sink in. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I went to an old ally to force my fears away. But bringing up my hatred for Jason only made me feel worse. Was I becoming as bitter and angry as Dana and some of the others?

I didn't want to try to sleep, afraid of another nightmare, and I was debating on what to do next when I heard Mom at my door.

"What's wrong, honey?" she asked. She walked in and sat down on my bed.

I went on to tell her about my nightmare and the earlier incident. I expected her to give me grief over not telling her about the incident at work, but she said nothing. She just sat there and put her arm around me and listened to me. I felt better talking about it with her and soon felt very sleepy.

I woke up at my regular time. I was tired, but I felt calm. I showered and dressed and went downstairs for breakfast.

Mom and Sam were already downstairs. I could smell the aroma of Sam's coffee. It instantly made me feel safe and secure. To this day, the smell of coffee in the morning is very comforting, even if I still drink tea.

I greeted them and sat down at the table. From the concerned looks on their faces, I knew they'd been talking about me.

"I'm calling Jenny this morning," stated Mom. I knew from the serious tone of her voice that this was not subject to discussion.

"I understand," I replied. I had a regular meeting with her after school, but I knew that it was important that she knew what had happened. "I know I should have told you about work last night. I just didn't want you to worry and I thought it was a one time incident."

"You can always talk to us about everything, Erika," reminded Mom, "It's our job to worry about you."

"Erika, you are very important to us. Seeking help is a sign of strength and not weakness," added Sam.

I got up and hugged both of them. Thankfully I held back my tears.

"I'm so grateful that I have such understanding parents. I want to make one thing very clear, that this relapse or whatever it was had nothing to do with you, Dad."

"I know that, hon," he replied

That was the first time I called Sam "Dad". It felt very good. I could tell that it got to him too: his grin was a mile wide.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Thirty-Six

Cat sensed that something was wrong, but she waited for me to bring it up. Laura looked upset as I told them what had happened.

"You may want to lose your hatred of Jason, but I wish he was dead," uttered Laura. I'd never heard such bitterness in her voice.

"Look... no need for you guys to be upset. I'll get through this. I won't try to carry this whole weight on my shoulders like last time."

"You've got that right," added Cat. "I know that I don't really need to say this, but if you need to talk, regardless of the time, call me."

"That goes double for me," smiled Laura.

"Thanks. Now do me a favor and keep this between us, okay?" I asked.

We pulled into the student lot and made our way to homeroom. I was happy to see Lisa as we entered the school. We agreed to talk during American Lit.

Laura and I kissed goodbye. I told her that I needed her more than ever. She smiled and said she felt the same way. I felt better as I walked into homeroom. Paul was in full class clown mode. He was finishing telling some story that had everyone laughing. Even though we had broken up months ago, we still cared a lot about each other. He obvious sensed that I was troubled and he tried to cheer me up. I think that he still felt some guilt about the attack. He came up and modeled the t-shirt that I'd bought him in NYC. He did some silly poses and I had to admit that it made me laugh.

The rest of my day went pretty well. Being around people was the best medicine and I felt better as the day progressed.

Lisa and I had a good talk at lunch. She told me that her family had flown down to Washington, DC during break. Her father was being offered a job and they'd turned his interview into a short vacation.

"So, if he gets the job, when will you move?" I asked.

"He'll go there by himself, then Mom and the rest of us will join him after I graduate. They want me to finish high school here," she replied

"Are you staying in the contest?" I asked.

"Yes, for now anyway. I'm having some second thoughts," she confessed

"Well, do what is right for you. I'll be your friend either way." I made no effort to talk her into staying in. It would have to be her choice.

"Thanks, Erika, I appreciate that you'll always be my friend regardless of my decision!"

I sat there for a moment then spoke. "You need to decide what feels good for yourself. You know, better than I, that the class will support your decision."

"So you wouldn't care if I came to school as Glenn tomorrow?" she asked.

"I'd miss Lisa, but I figure that Glenn would be a great friend too."

"Thanks," she said.

I had no idea of what decision she was going to make. But I knew that it was important that she make the choice that would make her happiest.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Thirty-Seven

After school I met Mom and she drove me over to see Jenny. We talked about my day at school and how I felt. I knew Mom was more concerned than she showed. After all, she'd skipped her class that night so she could be with me.

Jenny met us in the reception area and walked me back to her office. I was afraid that she was about to put huge restrictions on my life again, or even worse, blame this on Sam moving in.

She had me tell her what had happened and she allowed me to express my fears. I was relieved that she said that she'd let me go on with my present schedule. She also said that Sam's being there was obviously good for me. I then asked her why I suddenly had these incidents after going for weeks with no problems. She went on to tell me again about Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and Rape Trauma Syndrome.

"Erika, anytime a person goes through a traumatic experience the effects can be very long lasting. Having fears and nightmares are very common. I can't promise that they will go away. I'll try and help you learn to live with them."

"So, I may have these sorts of things the rest of my life?" I asked, dreading her answer.

"I can't answer that. But I want you to know that this is part of the healing process and that it isn't your fault. We accept residual pain as part of recovery from an injury to our bodies. It's more difficult to accept it when it's to our mind and soul," she answered.

We talked more about what was going on and how I should try cope with my fears and nightmares. I was happy that she didn't talk down to me or treat me like a kid. I also accepted that I'd need her for a long time. She thought that seeing Cindy would be a good idea and it would help us both.

We talked much longer than normal, but she felt it was necessary. We made an appointment for the following week and she told me to call her if I needed to. I promised that I'd do as she asked.

I spent a quiet night at home, not planning on staying up too late. I needed a good night's sleep. I talked to Laura for a while and then traded a few e-mails with Cat. I hoped that their strength would carry me through this rough spot.

 

(continued)

  

  

  

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