The Scholarship

by

Julie O.

 

Chapter Ninety

"Are you excited about going back to work?" asked Cat

"Yes, and not just because I like working there, but it's another sign that I'm getting my life back to normal."

"Normal?" asked Cat. She had a big smile on her face.

"Well, normal for me, that is."

"Speaking of normal, did you know that our dear, sweet Erika will soon be a mother?" asked Laura.

"You get the baby this weekend?" asked Cat

"Yes. Well, it can't be worse than being pregnant."

"I'll bet you never thought you'd say that!" laughed Cat, and we all broke out laughing.

"Speaking of you being pregnant, I have some photos for you. Kristen gave me these this afternoon," Laura stated as she handed me several photos.

"I like this one," remarked Laura, pointing to the one with her looking at me.

"Cute!"

"So what are you going to do with your child when you go to work on Sunday?" asked Cat.

"We can have up to eight hours of 'baby sitting' over the entire weekend. Mom has agreed to watch 'junior' while I'm in group therapy and during work. The main key will be attached to my wrist, while a second key can be used for up to eight hours. Mrs. Roberts said that the recorder in the doll can tell the difference in between the keys, so we shouldn't try to cheat."

"I heard that you won't get a lot of sleep this weekend. Kristen said that the baby woke her up half a dozen times every night," added Laura.

"By the way, how come you two didn't take child development?" I asked

"I actually wanted to, but I couldn't fit it into my schedule. So, I settled for fashion design," stated Laura

Cat just smiled. "I decided that you were enough of a project this year."

"Well, I hope you get a passing grade!"

"I'm happy so far," replied Cat, with a smile

"I agree, I think she's done a great job," added Laura.

Even though I knew they were kidding, I also knew that there was no way I could have made it this far without them.

 

Chapter Ninety-One

On Thursday, we had our latest meeting of the Magnificent Seven. Ms. B collected the slips for the fashion show. She told us that next week we would be measured for the show. The show would be in three weeks and they would need time to make alterations. She reminded us that there would be a practice session the day before and then the actual show would be on Sunday.

"You'll also get a complete makeover the day of the show - hair, nails, makeup, the works!"

I was looking forward to the show. I remembered how much fun it had been to be pampered during Homecoming. Caroline also thought it would be fun. As for the rest, it was a mixed reaction.

Denise was worried that they would make her look too conservative. Ann just saw this as another hurdle and seemed sort of indifferent. Lisa was also indifferent. I was a bit worried about her, she'd been unusually quiet the last couple of days. Claire, as usual, said little and gave little indication of her feelings one way or another.

The only one who seemed against doing the show was Debbie. She thought it was stupid and designed only to humiliate us. Ms B said that wasn't true.

After the meeting, we were finishing up our lunch. Ms B walked out to go get some papers she wanted to give us.

"I still don't think they should be able to make us do this, after all it's the weekend. It's bad enough they take up our school time," Debbie bitched.

"If you don't like it, you can always quit," snapped Caroline. Like me, she was getting a little fed up with Debbie.

"It's easy for you, Caroline. You love this stuff, just like your crazy friend," replied Debbie in a harsh tone.

There was a loud silence in the room as everyone looked at me for my reaction.

"Excuse me?" I replied, trying to hold back my rising temper.

"You heard me. You snapped and went nuts, that sounds like crazy to me. I'm surprised that they let you back into school," continued Debbie.

"You want me to shut her up?" asked Denise, standing up and punching her fist into her other hand.

"No, she isn't worth it," I remarked to Denise. I was really trying to control my temper. I then turned to Debbie. "Yes, I had a breakdown, but I'm getting better."

"You aren't fooling anyone, Erika. I just hope that when you go completely psycho that you don't hurt anyone. I just wonder if you really got raped. Maybe you did trick Jason?"

Those were the magic words and I jumped up and started at Debbie. Thankfully, Caroline and Denise held me back. Ms. B came back in the room and demanded to know what was going on.

"Erika went crazy again, Ms. B, I would have been attacked if you hadn't come in. I think you should get her some help," lied Debbie in a calm sweet voice. "Her friend Caroline was also threatening me. I think you should kick both of these freaks out of the contest."

"That isn't true, Ms. B. Debbie provoked Erika by calling her crazy and saying that she lied about the assault," interjected Claire. "Caroline and Denise just defended Erika."

I don't know what was more shocking, Debbie's actions or Claire being the sudden voice of reason.

"I see. Is there a way we can resolve this now, before taking it up to the front office? I have a good idea what happened. Erika, will you accept an apology from Debbie?" asked Ms. B.

Before I could speak Debbie interrupted, "Me apologize to her? If anyone should apologize it is her."

I just shrugged my shoulders.

Ms B talked to everyone and they all confirmed what Claire had said.

"Debbie, you need to come with me please. I'll talk to the rest of you later," stated Ms. B.

Later that afternoon, I was called up to the front office. I was told to take a seat outside Mrs. Lee's office. I waited there for five minutes. The door opened up and Caroline walked out. She gave me a thumbs up signal.

Before I could speak to her, I head Mrs. Lee's stern voice, "Please come in, Erika."

I walked in and found Ms. B was sitting in front of Mrs. Lee's desk.

"Have a seat please, Erika," said Mrs. Lee.

I sat down. I was feeling a little nervous as I thought I might be in trouble.

"We've talked to the rest of the contestants and we believe them when they said that you did nothing wrong. However, Debbie is facing some discipline. She violated the student code when she said those things about you. I'd like to hear your input on all this before I decide what I will do," explained Mrs. Lee.

"I've calmed down a lot and I'm willing to forget about it, if she apologizes." Thankfully, I'd a chance to calm down. I wouldn't have been so forgiving right after the incident. I'd been lucky that Debbie refused to offer an apology, because I wouldn't have accepted it then.

"Do you have anything else you want to add?" asked Ms. B.

"I'm angry about what she said. But I doubt that there is anything I can do to change her opinion. I just want her to stay away from me."

"Thank you, Erika. You may go back to class now," stated Mrs. Lee

Later that day I heard that Debbie was suspended for two days. She wasn't kicked out of the contest but she dropped out on her own. When the suspension was over, it was Dan who returned to school. The first thing he did when he came back to school was to find me and tell me that he was sorry for what he had said

Dan was very anxious to sit down with me and apologize. He looked very relieved to be out of the contest. He told me that the stress of the contest had been getting to him and that the awful things he'd said to me were said out of anger at his own situation. It hadn't been personal, but he also said that was still no excuse for the vile things he'd said. He was very competitive and he'd just got too caught up in the idea of winning. He was getting some help now. I didn't have him go into any more detail. It was enough to know he was trying.

He seemed very sincere and I accepted his apology. I had to admit that I liked Dan a lot more than Debbie. I still consider him a friend today. He wished me good luck for the rest of the competition. I thought about how he'd handled it and wished that Jason had been as levelheaded.

 

Chapter Ninety Two

My first night back at work was great. I arrived at 5:45 and found my clothes rack in the back. Technically it was spring now, but it was still cold, at least to me. The outfits reflected the change in seasons and my outfit for the evening was a light spring woman's skirt and matching jacket. I noticed that most of the outfits on the rack were pastels. I also had to get used to heels again.

Mel told me that we had a few weeks of slack time until the big push for the proms and formal dances. She added that they'd just received their big shipment and that it was being sorted in our warehouse. Once our shipment arrived, we would be swamped.

"Mrs. Lincoln makes it a big event. She will start it on a Saturday morning. The store will be closed on Friday so we can get everything ready. To build up the suspense, we even put up curtains so no one can see in. On Saturday morning, there'll a line all the way past the coffee stand waiting for her to open the store. It'll be hectic, but a lot of fun," explained Mel.

"I'm looking forward to it!" She told me the dates that prom sales would start. I was relieved that it would be the weekend after the fashion show.

"Besides, you'll get first pick. Are you are going to the prom?" she asked.

Mel knew that I was dating Laura. She thought we made a cute couple.

"Yes, we've talked about it. Laura wants to get her dress here too."

"That's good. I'm glad that she won't be wearing a tux," quipped Mel.

"Maybe I'll be in the one in a tux, have you thought of that?" I stated.

Mel just started laughing. "I'm sorry, Erika, I just can't picture that!"

 

Chapter Ninety-Three

"Here you go, Erika," said Mrs. Roberts as she handed me the doll. "Now you are responsible for its care from now until Monday morning. Treat this as you would a real baby."

She attached the main key to my wrist and showed me how to insert it. Whenever the baby cried and vibrated, we were to insert the key. Our response time would be recorded. She told us that sometimes we might go several hours between the need to put the key in, and other times we'd have to insert it several times in an hour. The key represented feeding, changing, attention, etc. She also told us not to drop or toss the doll, as that would be detected and recorded. She also gave me a temporary key that could be used by someone acting as a baby sitter. It could only be used for a maximum of eight hours. That would cover me during my group session and work.

We were given a car seat type baby holder to carry it around. I knew that this would be a very long weekend.

I got lucky at first. The baby didn't need any attention for the first two hours at school. The first time it started to cry, it startled me so badly that I almost dropped it. It was supposed to sound like a month old child, but it sounded more like a cat in heat - make that a robot cat in heat. It was loud and very annoying.

Coach Chambers let me stay in her office during PE. I spent my class time entering track data into her computer. I was looking forward to helping her after school. She understood that I was limited in my hours. I would help out on Wednesdays and Fridays starting next week. She also asked if I could be flexible once the meets started. I said I'd see what I could do.

The class was playing basketball and Coach Chambers came in and asked how I was doing.

"No problems, I'm up to entering in this week's times."

"You have no idea how much this helps me. So, has Robo-baby been peaceful?" she asked.

I laughed. "That's a good name. I was tempted to call it 'smoke detector'."

"By the way, how do you like Jenny McCall?" she asked

"She's been a lifesaver. First after the assault, then the trial and my collapse, and now she is helping with my transition."

"She is something. We trained together during college, I'll bet you didn't know that?" asked Coach.

"She mentioned that she knew you, but she didn't go into any details. I can tell she's a runner. We ran together a couple of times while I was recovering."

"Jenny was really good. She could have been a top marathon runner, if she hadn't gone into medicine," explained Coach.

Just then Robo-baby began to screech. I picked it up and inserted the key.

"Sorry."

"That's okay," smiled Coach.

"She was that good?" I asked.

"You bet. I have to go back out there. Have a good weekend."

I suspected that she wanted to tell me something else.

Robo-baby went off two more times that morning. By the time I got to lunch, I was really sick of that screech.

"You are calling your child 'Robo-baby'?" asked Laura with mock disgust.

"That's mild! Wait until you hear it go off at 3:00 AM. I won't tell you what I called mine," growled Kristen

"I like the name," concurred Tracey. "It's very fitting for the little beast."

"Actually, Coach Chambers christened it." I went on to tell them what happened during PE.

"You still want to go out tonight with it?" asked Cat.

"Sure, we're just meeting the gang for pizza. Guido's is used to us disrupting the place, and we haven't been kicked out… yet."

"What time are you going there?" asked Kristen

"Sevenish," Cat answered. "You want to join us?"

"I really would. I'll ask Alex and call you later," replied Kristen

"What about you, Tracey?" I asked

"Sounds good, it's been a while since we've all been together, besides if Alex is going somewhere Mike will have to follow!"

The rest of the school day was okay. The baby seemed to go into quiet mode for two-hour windows. I knew that this was too good to be true.

When I got home, it went off several times in the first hour. I must admit that calling the doll "it" and "Robo-baby" doesn't sound very nice, but it was very hard to get close to a screeching plastic doll.

I showed Mom how to insert the key. She said that she couldn't understand my displeasure, as it didn't look like it was that bad.

"Wait until it goes off," I answered.

Fifteen minutes later, it began to scream. I was pretty fast with the key. Mom walked into my room.

"Was that the smoke alarm going off?" she asked

"No. That was your grandchild." I got a dirty look for that one.

Sam arrived just as I was leaving with Cat and Laura. He looked at the doll and smiled. "When did you start playing with dolls?"

"Mom will explain. It's a school project. Bye!"

 

Chapter Ninety-Four

As we drove to Guido's, Cat told us that Kristen, Alex, Tracey, and Mike would be joining us. In addition, to them Caroline and Paul were also meeting us there.

I sometimes felt bad that Cat wasn't dating someone. I asked her about it once and she told me that she really didn't mind. I knew that it wasn't for a lack of opportunities. Cat was constantly being asked out. She was just happy not being in a relationship.

Luckily, Robo-baby was well-behaved and only started screeching once and that was as we were walking in.

It was great just hanging out with friends. Everyone was full of conflicting emotions. We were excited that we had only had a few months until graduation, but at the same time there was a sense that something wonderful was coming to an end. Mike and Alex were both very excited. They had decided to go to State, even though they'd both had better offers individually.

Paul was surprising silent about the doll and me. He told us that if it was even half as hard as the pregnant day was, it would be awful.

I also got some questions about my job and when the prom sale would start.

"Have you seen the dresses yet?' asked Kristen excitedly.

"Not yet, but we'll be getting them into the store next week. I'll give you a review when I see them."

"Cool, I really love the gowns that your boss picks out," added Tracey.

Kristen invited us over to her house but I declined and went home early. I was afraid that the doll would start acting up, and I had to get up early in the morning for group. Cat said she'd give me a lift in the morning.

 

Chapter Ninety-Five

All I can say about my first night with Robo-baby was that it completely sucked! Yes, that's a crude word, but there are few other words that so completely describe what it was like. I think the longest continuous time I slept was maybe ninety minutes. It was like sleeping with an alarm clock set to go off at random times. That thing was a great pregnancy deterrent. I think it might have been different if it gave back any sort of emotion.

I was very happy to leave it with Mom when I went to group. But that was only two hours.

"So how was Robo? Did it behave?" I asked Mom as we came in.

"It hasn't made a peep," smiled Mom.

'Maybe the batteries died?" suggested Cat.

Just then it went off. "No such luck!" I exclaimed as I inserted the key.

We grabbed a couple of sodas and went upstairs, taking Robo with us.

"What do you think of Laura's offer?" asked Cat, as she sat on my bed.

"I don't know. It may sound strange, but it's like my mind has made the switch sexually. I'm flattered that she thinks so much of me, but it isn't that important to me. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, but I don't think you should be so quick to dismiss it. In less than a month you'll be on female hormones and testosterone blockers. Once you start on them, you will lose the ability to perform."

"I understand what will happen. I've been doing a lot of research online about hormones and their effects."

"Look, I'm not trying to talk you into something and neither is Laura. It's just that we want you to go into your transition without any regrets."

"I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I know that I'm lucky to have friends like you two."

"Oh, one more thing, I am not the hypothetical person that Laura talked about. You are very special to me, but I think that you and I together would make things way too complicated."

"That's true."

"You still love me, don't you?" she asked

"Yes, but I know that it will never be. I'm content to have you as my best friend and reluctantly accept that that's as far as we will go. But I'll always hold a special place for you in my heart."

"I feel the same way. I just know that it would be a disaster if we ever got together. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. The minute I met you, I knew that we would be life-long friends. You are my sister and you know how close sisters are!"

"I can live with that." We sat there in silence.

Robo's screech broke the silence and almost sent me through the ceiling.

I quickly pushed the key in and shut it up. We looked at each other and broke up laughing.

"Anything new in your love life?" I asked

"Maybe. I met someone on the trip to the crime lab."

"So, tell me about him," I asked.

"He's a college student, sophomore and we just hit it off. He's studying criminology and he wants to apply to the FBI after he graduates. He knows that I'm a high school senior and he doesn't mind. He's only two years older than me. We've been trading e-mails."

"Did you tell your mom?" I asked.

"Yes, she is a little concerned, but she trusts me. This is still in the early stages and it might not go anywhere."

"Does he have a name?" I asked.

"Yes, his name is Matt," she answered, with a smile.

For the next thirty minutes she told me all about him. He sounded nice. I even ignored the obvious dig that their names rhymed.

"He may come up here during spring break. I told him about you guys and he said that it sounds like I have some really cool friends."

"Did you tell him that your best friend is a transsexual, who's in a heavy relationship with your old lesbian girlfriend?" I asked with a big grin on my face.

"No, not in those exact words. You make it sound like one of those scandal TV shows," laughed Cat.

Laura called and asked what we were doing. Because of Robo, our options were limited. If they hate cell phones in the movie theaters, they'd ban us for life if Robo went off. So Laura suggested that we rent a video and hang out. That was fine by me.

I really don't remember the video as I fell asleep once it started. I was jarred out of sleep by another screech. It would be another very long night.

 

Chapter Ninety-Six

That night was a repeat of the previous night. As I lay there awake I thought about how hard this would be for a single parent. I was even more impressed with Mom. I thought about the monumental responsibility that went with having a child. While it was true that I couldn't become pregnant, there was the possibility that I could become a mother some day, through adoption or something like that. It was a dose of reality that made me think. Part of me wondered what it would be like and whether I could do as good a job as Mom had done. I gained a whole new appreciation for this little assignment.

I got my second - or was that third or fourth, wind by the time I got to work. I actually felt a little guilty leaving it alone with Mom. Cindy got a lot of laughs out of my descriptions of Robo. She said that being married didn't necessarily mean that the load was eased. She said that she'd gotten up every night for their first baby, but she'd insisted that her husband help more with the next two. Mel said that she was in no hurry to get pregnant. She did tell us that she and Cliff were getting more serious. Cindy asked when were they getting married. Mel smiled and said not that serious.

I got home and Mom told me that Robo had only gone off twice. She also said that Terri had invited us for dinner.

We had a nice dinner. I always felt at ease when I was with Terri and Cat. Robo only interrupted us once. Cat made me bring the photos taken when I was pregnant. Terri became hysterical laughing at the pictures of me pregnant.

"I'm so happy that I can provide entertainment for my friends."

"Is this the last big hurdle with child development?" asked Terri, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Yes, from here on it's just easy stuff like tests and papers."

My last night with Robo was similar to the others. I needed a weekend to recover from my weekend!

 

Chapter Ninety-Seven

I eagerly returned Robo to Ms. Roberts. Everyone else had a similar look of exhaustion and relief on their faces. She commented on how haggard we all looked. She was amused by the nickname Robo-baby. The only thing left was to write a report on our experiences.

With Robo behind me, I looked at the upcoming week. Mr. Kline confirmed that it would be this Friday that I'd be talking to his classes on my trial. I sat down with him and we discussed my lecture. He made a few suggestions, but otherwise he felt it was very good.

Wednesday, I helped Coach Chambers for the first time. I must admit that I missed not being able to compete. Still, it was fun helping. Rachael said now that I was back she knew that they would have a great season. Basically, I was a glorified secretary. I recorded and collected data for Coach. I had a clipboard, whistle, and stopwatch, but my main job was to record data. I didn't mind, as it was another step towards recovery.

Our Thursday group meeting was good. The flap caused by Debbie had passed. Since we were no longer the seven, it was up to Caroline to come up with the next nickname. Everyone seemed to like "The Super Six."

There were only two weeks left until the fashion show. A woman from the show came in and took our photos and measurements. She was a little put off by Denise and her tattoos. While the specifics were still held back, we did learn that there would be three wardrobe changes. One outfit was described as casual and the other two were supposed to be more formal. We were promised that there would be no bathing suits!

I noticed that Lisa was still more quiet than normal. I sat next to her while the others were getting measured.

"What's wrong?" I asked

She looked at me and gave me a small smile, "Is it that obvious?"

"Well, you have seemed a bit down the last few weeks. If you want to talk about it, I'm a good listener."

"Thanks. I may call you later."

I didn't press her any more. I wondered what was up.

During lunch I told everyone about the fashion show. Laura and Kristen were a bit jealous.

"I can't believe that you get to wear nicer clothes than me," moaned Laura with a laugh.

"Well, maybe you should talk to Ms. B. They might need a few more models for the show."

Kristen and Laura looked at each other. "I just might do that," stated Laura.

Cat then brought up the topic of my lecture. Mr. Kline had told me that he was getting a lot of requests for other students to attend. He asked if I would mind if more students were let in. I didn't mind. To be honest, it was a bit of an ego boost to hear that so many people wanted to hear me speak.

"So, do you know how many people will be there tomorrow?" asked Cat.

"Well, not exactly. I know that Mr. Kline said that it could be close to 200."

"Are you nervous?" asked Laura.

"A little, but it can't be worse than being cross-examined."

"Well, they say that one way to feel more at ease is to picture the audience in their underwear," said Kristen.

"Yes, but the trick is not to picture yourself the same way," added Cat.

We all broke out laughing. I asked them if they were coming. They promised to be in the front row and to be wearing clean underwear.

 

Chapter Ninety-Eight

When I got home from work, Mom said that I had a message from someone named Lisa. I thanked her and took the number and called her up.

There was some initial small talk until Lisa came to the real reason why she wanted to talk to me.

"Please, don't take this the wrong way, I fully support what you are going through but this is more about me. I just have been wondering if this has all been worth it. I know that for you and Caroline it's a bit different. But I have been thinking that my memories of my senior year of high school will revolve around dressing like a girl. I didn't expect this to go on the whole year."

"You thinking of dropping out?" I asked. I was slightly stunned by this revelation. Lisa usually seemed so steady and calm.

"I don't know. I really want a shot at the scholarship and to drop out at this point would make what I've done this school year kind of pointless. I mean if I'm going through this all year, I should at least reap the rewards."

"Have you talked to Ms. B about your feelings?" I asked.

"Not yet. Do you think I should?" she asked

"Absolutely! She is very understanding. I'm sure she'll be very helpful."

"If you were in my shoes, what would you do?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. But if your main goal was to win the scholarship, then I would stay. I don't think anyone worth having as a friend wouldn't understand why you did this."

We talked for twenty more minutes. She told me that she would talk to Ms. B before she made any decision. We did talk about one last thing.

'What do you think will happen if we all make it to the end of the year? Do you think that we will all get a scholarship or will we share it?" asked Lisa.

"I don't know, maybe we should bring that up at the next meeting."

"Good idea. Well, I'll see you tomorrow. I'm looking forward to hearing you speak!"

I talked to Mom about what Lisa had told me. I hadn't really thought of the problems and issues than the non-transgendered students were going through. I was too wrapped up in my own issues. I know, how shocking, a teenager being self-absorbed!

Mom agreed that it would be very difficult for someone like Lisa. There was also the perception that she might actually be transgendered and in denial.

"There is also the issue of the family and loved ones. It could be very overwhelming. Look at that boy, Dan, you told me about!"

"Well, Ms. B said that our class was breaking a lot of new ground and they would be making changes to the program."

"Don't get me wrong, I think the basic idea of this competition is commendable. I used to think that where we lived was pretty liberal and accepting. I work with many Central High grads and they are much more open-minded than people I worked with in San Diego. Well, you have a big day tomorrow, I think you should get to bed."

We hugged each other and I went to bed. I thought about what Mom had said. The scholarship contest sure seemed to have long reaching effects

 

Chapter Ninety-Nine

I took special care getting dressed that morning. I wanted everything to look perfect. I went with a white long sleeve blouse and a green and blue plaid skirt. I also wore my favorite black boots. As I did my makeup, I noticed that my scar was looking better. It was still noticeable, but it was fading.

Mom thought I looked very distinguished! I just hoped that I didn't make a fool out of myself.

Before school, I met Mr. Kline in the auditorium and he showed me how to work the projector. He had helped me prepare a few Power-Point slides. I would be explaining the process of a criminal trial, and of course I'd be including my own experiences. The second hour would be open for questions. There was also a camera set up to videotape the proceedings. He told me to relax and enjoy myself.

I was excused from homeroom so I could review my notes and try not to faint. Well, maybe I wasn't that nervous. Thankfully, there was a podium that I could hide behind.

I was sitting off to the side when everyone began to arrive. I was pleased to see Mrs. Lee and Ms. B as they entered. Once everyone was seated, I tried to estimate the crowd. I think it was around three hundred, as a lot of other teachers had brought their classes.

Mr. Kline gave me an introduction and explained what would be happening. He asked that all questions be held until the second hour. He looked over at me and motioned me to come over. Somehow, my legs worked and I approached the podium. I was very moved by the reception. I only hoped that I lived up to their expectations.

I described the criminal process from the gathering of evidence to the sentencing. I explained how the system was a balance between preserving the rights of the defendant and ensuring that justice was served. I did get a bit opinionated when I talked about the cross-examination of the victim, especially during a sexual assault case.

The second hour, I opened it to questions. Mr. Kline had a microphone and he walked around to get the question. Afterward, I told Mr. Kline that he should host a show.

There were several great questions. I was asked about the evidence collection phase while I was in the ER.

"Well, I was a little out of it, but I knew that it had to be done. The policewoman who did the collection was very sympathetic and was specially trained to deal with victims of sexual assault. I'm glad she was there as it contributed to my attacker being brought to justice."

I was aware that many in the crowd knew Jason and some still considered him their friend. I tried not to get too personal with my statements.

Another questioner asked me to talk more about my testimony and cross-examination. They also asked about being coached for being on the stand.

"I think that the coaching and preparation was vital. It helped me tell my story in more detail, and much more clearly and concise. I wasn't told what to say, just how to say it. They told me to be very truthful, as any lie would be used to discredit my testimony.

"How did you feel about the way the defense attorney portrayed you and then cross-examined you?" asked a female student.

"Looking back, I understand that he was just trying to get his client off. However, in the case of a victim of sexual assault it kind of felt like being attacked all over again. I took it very personally. He had no proof to support the things he said about me, yet because it was said in court and printed in the paper some people believed it. It's not hard to understand why many victims of this sort of crime don't want to press charges."

"Did your being in the scholarship contest and the fact that you're really a guy have any part in the trial?" asked a male student.

There were a few heads turning to see who asked the question and there were also a few people booing,

"Excuse me everyone, but it's a legitimate question. Actually gender plays no part in the legal sense. Sexual assault is sexual assault, regardless of the gender of the victim or the defendant. Yes, my being in the contest and being transgendered did become an issue, especially in the defense's case. But as far as the DA and the judge were concerned, I was still entitled to have the crime against me prosecuted. This hasn't always been the case and in many areas crimes against transgendered victims are handled poorly."

I saw Cat grinning in the front row and I wondered what she found so amusing.

"Erika, would you explain what the defense was trying to prove in their case, especially the part that about attack being provoked?" asked Ms B.

She had asked me ahead of time if she could ask me that question, so I wasn't caught off guard.

"Well, it's a popular defense when the person attacked or killed is gay or transgendered. They call it the 'gay panic' defense. The defense claims that the defendant was so shocked by the behavior of the victim that they snapped. In my case they admitted that Jason was with me, but claimed it wasn't rape, and that it was only afterwards that he discovered I was male and then he freaked out. They claimed that his reaction was normal and that anyone would do the same thing."

"You mean that sort of crap works?" blurted out Mike. There was a round of laughs.

I held back a snicker. "It has been used a lot and in some cases it has resulted in lesser charges or acquittal. However, for it to work you need a jury that shares those beliefs. Defense lawyers often try something similar with women and attempt to show that they brought it on by their behavior of dress. The attacker claims that the woman's appearance caused him to assume she wanted to have sex. The sad part is that it makes the victim the guilty party, the defendant the victim, and relieves the defendant of their responsibility in the attack."

"We have time for one more question," said Mr. Kline.

I was asked about the sentencing and the statement process.

"I think that the ability to give a statement to the defendant and the court is very important. It allows you to speak your mind and free yourself of a lot of pent up emotions. However, I also think that great care needs to go into the statement. Mine was reviewed by several people as I wanted to make sure that it wasn't just a personal attack."

Mr. Kline came up on the stage, "I want to thank you all for coming here, and I want to thank Erika for being so forthcoming and honest with us."

There was a standing ovation. I felt rather embarrassed by it all, and I could feel myself blushing. I also felt relieved that I was able to get through this and that it was so well received.

As people were leaving, Mr. Kline told me what a good job I had done. I told him that I felt exhausted but at the same time exhilarated. He smiled knowingly. He told me that he'd give me a copy of the tape.

During lunch everyone told me what a good job I had done.

"I was impressed with how professionally you handled the questions about Jason. I would have trashed him if I were in your place," exclaimed Tracey.

"The idea crossed my mind, but I decided to stay on the high road."

Cat leaned over and smiled. "I'm impressed with how you so calmly outed yourself in front of the whole school."

She was right, without really thinking about it, I had told everyone there that I was transgendered. Only a handful of friends had known the truth before today. I knew many others suspected that I might be transgendered, but I had just removed all doubt.

"That wasn't planned," I said softly. I was kicking myself internally. I had been identified as transgendered in the trial, but that was different.

"Planned or not, there is no backing away now. Still, I think it was wonderful. We are all proud of you and will stand by you no matter what happens," commented Cat

"I agree with Cat," Laura concurred, as she took my hand.

"Look, Erika, it isn't that shocking and your friends will stick with you," added Kristen.

"Thanks," I said. I wondered if this would affect my standing in the scholarship. Should I talk to Ms. B or just hope that she didn't catch what I said? I decided to talk to her.

 

Chapter One-Hundred

I stopped by Ms. B's office after school. I was a little nervous. I wasn't sure what her reaction was going to be. She had me sit down.

"First, let me say that you did a great job this morning. I was very proud of you."

"Thanks. This morning is part of the reason why I'm here."

She was smiling knowingly at me. "I was expecting this visit."

"I didn't plan on telling the school that I'm transgendered, it just came out," I apologized nervously.

"Yes, it did, but in case you are worried, I want you to know that you did nothing wrong. I expect to receive a few phone calls, but nothing more serious. You have seen experts and you have documented proof of your status. I don't see why this should be a problem. Besides if this was a secret, it was one of the worst kept secrets in Central High's history. I must say that I was very impressed with the matter of fact way you said it."

"Actually, it didn't hit me until Cat mentioned it to me at lunch," I replied meekly.

"What else is on your mind?" she asked.

"Does this change my status as far as the scholarship is concerned?" I asked. I anxiously bit my lower lip.

She smiled and shook her head. "There's nothing in the rules that would disqualify you. I imagine that it may cause future rule changes, but that won't affect you or any other student this year."

I sat there and breathed a sign of relief. I then looked at Ms. B; "I've caused you a lot of extra work this year!"

"Yes, you have, but you've helped make this the best year ever for the competition. There will be changes in next year's contest. All to make it better for the contestants."

"You mean like what happened with Dan?"

"Yes. Your class is entering uncharted waters. We need to pay attention to the needs of all the contestants."

"What will happen this year if all of us make it to the end?" I asked.

"That is still being discussed. Don't worry about it. This is the end of March and we still have over two months of school left. A lot can happen between now and the end of school."

"Has Lisa talked to you yet today?" I asked

"Yes, she has. We had a long talk this morning. She told me that it was your suggestion that she see me. Thank you for doing that. She'll be fine. We expected this to happen as the competition goes on."

"That's great. Can I ask you a personal question?" I asked

She smiled. "Within reason."

"How did you decide that you wanted to do this job?" I asked.

"I started off as a teacher and found that I'd rather spend time helping students, than teach science."

"I see, so will you be staying here?" I asked. There was a rumor that she was leaving at the end of this year.

"Yes, I've heard the rumors myself. Don't worry, those rumors are false. But I may be in a new job. Mrs. Lee wants me to become an assistant principal here next fall."

"Do you want to do that?" I asked.

"Well, my ultimate goal is to be a principal, so it would be a great career move. I haven't decided yet."

"I think you'd be a great principal!"

"Thank you, Erika."

I walked out of there much more relaxed.

I went to the locker room and changed so I could help Coach. It actually felt nice outside. Most of the snow was gone. There were still patches in the shady areas and of course the mountains of black dirty snow at the end of the parking lots. The ground wasn't frozen solid anymore, and the grass was turning green again. While we were out on the track, Coach pointed out some robins to me.

"I guess growing up in San Diego that doesn't hold as much significance to you, but when the robins arrive we know that spring is here."

I watched the brown birds with the red breasts hop across the football field. There was something joyful about it. It was good that spring was finally here.

I had a few things on my mind as I watched and recorded practice times. We had spring break, coming up. Next week we had school and the following week we were off. There was also the fashion show, which was the following weekend. The Monday during break I had an appointment with my endocrinologist and I would be starting hormones. And then there was the prom sales kick off that weekend. That would take us well into April. Then there was the Prom on the third weekend of May, followed by finals three weeks later, and then graduation. It didn't seem possible that school would be over so soon.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-One

Friday evening I went out with Laura again. We headed down to Spencer's again. I was getting very fond of that coffeehouse. It was fun being seen as a regular. It was also very special to Laura as she was much more relaxed there. I know she was still dealing with some issues, but then again who wasn't?

"What do you do when you see someone you recognize here?" I asked, as we sat down on the couch.

"It depends. If it's someone from school then it depends on how they react when they see you. Sometimes there is 'mutual amnesia' and neither person acknowledges the other. There are other students at Central who are out and some that are still in the closet more or less. I respect their privacy if they want to pretend they don't know me. For the most part, most people know that this is a safe haven."

"If they come here, how far in the closet are they?" I asked as I sipped my cappuccino.

"Golden Hill is far more tolerant than most of this area. They aren't that worried about their reception here in town. Some people are wary of being 'too out' because they might not be as well received in other areas. You're lucky that you pass so well. There are have been some bad incidents in the past"

"Cat mentioned that there was something that happened a few years ago with Red Hill. All she told me was that the football team retaliated for something done to some of the contestants."

Laura put down her cup, "It happened our freshman year. Three of the contestants stopped at a fast food restaurant up near Red Hill. They were attacked by a bunch of guys from the Red Hill High football team. They beat them up in the parking lot and then they stripped them naked. They nailed their wigs and bras on the outside of the press box at their stadium, like trophies of war."

"Why didn't the police get involved?" I asked.

"Their police department said it was just a high school prank. So our team decided to take justice into their own hands and they decided to raid Red Hill. The goons who did the attack were wearing school jackets, so our guys had a good idea of who to look for. They went up there and tracked them down at some local joint and beat them up. Then later that night, they went by Red Hill High and removed the "war trophies" and replaced them with the jackets of the guys they beat up."

"What happened after that?"

"Both schools met and discussed ways to prevent a repeat of a similar incident. No one ever got in trouble from the incident, although it did create some real bad feelings between our schools," explained Laura

"You know that Ms. B's nephew was in on the raid. Well, he didn't exactly admit to taking part in it, but he didn't deny it either."

"No one ever admitted to being in on it, but everyone knew who did it. From what I heard, Tom Bell was the leader of the group that went up to Red Hill."

"Do you fail to acknowledge anyone in here now?" I asked, shifting the conversation back to the original topic.

"No, there's no need for it. Everyone in school knows that I am out. Besides I'm proud of who and what I am. I would like to help others going through the same process that I went through."

I leaned over and kissed her.

"Have you ever run into anyone other than a student that you've known?" I asked.

"Just Coach Chambers. I know, it's a stereotype that the girls' gym teacher is a lesbian, but she is really cool. She makes it very clear that she keeps her personal life distant from her students."

"I guess I am pretty clueless about those sort of things. I've been too caught up in my own life to really look at others."

"Don't worry about that. You've had enough on your mind this year. I saw her here a couple of times before I had the guts to talk to her. She helped me a lot like Ms. B helped you."

"It's nice that you had someone to talk to."

"Yes, she has helped quite a few girls with similar issues."

We finished up a second cup and then walked back to the car. Mom was dating Sam again, so we went back to my house to make out a little.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Two

We were lying together on the family room couch, watching TV. It felt good being in Laura's arms. I was very content being with her. It's hard to put down in words, but it just felt right. I would have killed to be with a girl as wonderful as Laura back in San Diego, and I probably would have ruined it by trying to get into her pants. I would have wanted to prove that I was a real man. But as I accepted my true nature and adjusted my frame of mind, the idea of having sex with her as a guy became unthinkable.

"You know that hypothetical offer you made me?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"Well, don't worry about it. I appreciate your offer, but the more I thought about it, the less important it seems. Besides I couldn't do it before when I was a seen as a boy; now I'd be trying to act like a boy to be with someone who doesn't mean anything to me. It is just too complicated and unimportant to me."

Laura reached up and gently ran her hand across my face.

"I believe 100% that my decision to transition is the right thing to do. I truly appreciate that you think so much of me to make this offer, but let's just forget it, okay?"

"I was hoping you'd say that," she replied and we began to kiss.

"I'd better get going, it's almost 11:00 and I promised my mm that I'd be home early!"

"I understand. Oh, I almost forgot, do you think that your parents would come here for dinner? Nothing fancy, just a few steaks on the grill," I asked.

"Sure, sounds like fun. When do you have in mind?" she asked.

"Tomorrow? It would give them less time to come up with an excuse not to do it," I joked.

"Will your mom agree?" asked Laura.

"It was her idea," I said.

"Cool, I'll call you about it tomorrow. I think this will be so much fun."

I waited up and told Mom that Laura would ask her parents about dinner.

"I wish that you'd given them more heads up time," smiled Mom.

"I think that it'll be better if they have less time to say no. Besides, the next few weeks are pretty busy between Easter and spring break."

"Well, I have everything if they agree."

"Cool! How was your date?" I asked.

"Good. No, make that great. He asked me if I want to go to Philadelphia for a weekend with him in May. He has a conference there and he wants me to go with him."

"I hope you said yes!" I answered

"You won't mind being alone?" she asked

"You can have Terri check up on me if you want. I think this is so cool!"

"Okay, I'll tell him yes. Thank you for being so understanding,"

"I'm just happy you are happy," I answered. "Besides, you have put up with me all year!"

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Three

When I got home from group, I called up Laura and asked her if her parents had accepted the invitation for dinner.

"You won't believe this but they said yes!" exclaimed Laura.

"Wow. That's pretty cool!"

"I was stunned when they said that they were looking forward to meeting your mom."

"I can't wait to tell her. By the way Sam is going to be here too. Mom invited him, just in case your parents said no."

"I can't wait to see him again. I only met him when I was giving my statement during your trial" replied Laura.

"He is incredible. I really think that he's getting serious with Mom. I'm so happy about it."

I went on to tell her that they were going to Philadelphia in May.

"We'll be there around 6:00."

We said good-bye and I went and told Mom.

I spent the rest of the morning cleaning the house. Mom called Sam and he willingly agreed to cook the steaks on the grill that night. Mom planned on keeping dinner simple. The dinner would be steak, baked potato, green beans, salad, and cheesecake for desert. Laura had told us that cheesecake was her dad's favorite.

I decided to wear my long denim skirt and a red sweater. The weather was cloudy and cool, but it looked like the rain would hold off until later. I was really looking forward to warmer weather.

Around 5:30, Sam arrived. I got a thrill out of seeing him and Mom kiss when he walked in. They really seemed to be in love.

"Hi, Erika," Sam greeted as he gave me a hug.

"Hi, Sam, thanks for coming."

"Are you nervous?" he asked, as he placed a bottle of red wine on the kitchen counter. Mom had opened the fridge and pointed to a beer and he nodded.

"Yes, a little," I replied. That was a lie. I was very nervous. This was far worse than when I had met Paul's family.

"So, what can you tell us about Laura's parents," he asked as he took a sip of his beer.

"Both her parents are in real estate. Mr. Adams owns the agency, and Mrs. Adams still works in sales." I was sitting down at the kitchen table cutting up the beans for dinner.

"Oh, I've heard of him," nodded Sam. "Phil Adams is one of the biggest realtors in the area."

"Nothing through work, I hope," quipped Mom, with a laugh.

I gave Mom a mock dirty look.

Sam laughed. "No, I know someone who bought a house from him. Still, do you want me to check up on him?"

"Great idea, maybe we can have the police come by and rough them up too!" I added.

Sam looked at me and took out his cell phone. "What time do you want them here?"

I just rolled my eyes. Actually, I was really enjoying this. I'd never liked most of the guys Mom dated. Sam already felt like family. I began to fantasize about what it would be like to have him as a father.

Sam went out and started up the grill. Everything was ready, all we needed were the Adams to arrive.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Four

A little after six, I heard a car pull into the driveway. I walked over and saw it was Laura and her parents. I had met her mom several times and while she was a bit distant, she was at least friendly. Her dad was a different story. He always seemed to be busy when I came over. I was hoping that it wouldn't be a repeat of the verbal battle that I'd had with Paul's dad.

I met them at the door and welcomed them in. Mom and Sam came out of the kitchen and we all introduced ourselves.

I could feel Laura's parent's glares when Laura kissed me. She had told me that she had no intention of hiding her affection for me. Mrs. Adams brought flowers and I found a vase to put them in.

There was some initial tension as we sat down in the living room. I would have preferred to stay in the kitchen, but Mom said that was a bit too casual.

There was some harmless small talk as we sat there. It was too nice and too phony. It took Sam to break the ice.

"I have to put the steaks on the grill, you want to join me, Phil?" he asked.

"Sure sounds good," he answered and they got up and left for the deck.

That allowed Mom and Mrs. Adams to get social. They hit it off immediately. We soon migrated into the kitchen to finish getting dinner ready. We could hear Sam and Phil laughing out on the deck

"So, Jill, how long have you and our charming DA been dating?" asked Mrs. Adams as she checked on the beans.

"Just a few weeks, Sue," replied Mom.

"Well, you make a lovely couple," she commented.

Laura and I went into the dining room and set the table. We felt that it was going okay so far. But Laura was still worried about her dad, as he seemed to be ignoring me. We also wondered when our relationship would come up. We took our time setting the table, as we wanted them to have some time alone.

Dinner went well. Everyone was nice to each other, although I was waiting for something to happen. I doubted that the issue of Laura and I would slip by the whole night. Mr. Adams kept looking over at Laura and I and giving us strange looks.

It was during dessert that something happened that shocked me and just about everyone else there. Mr. Adams stated that he needed to say something. I braced myself for the worst and I felt Laura take hold of my hand.

"When Laura first told us that she…preferred girls, I was, to put it mildly, shocked. I initially thought that it was just a phase that she was going through and that she would grow out of it. Then this year she told us that she was dating you, Erika. We knew that she was friends with you from school and that you were in the scholarship contest. But when she told us that you weren't just a contestant, but that you were going to have a sex change, it was too much. I thought she was doing it just to make me angry. I wanted nothing to do with you. I thought that if I ignored you that eventually she would wise up and meet someone that would make her really happy." He paused for a moment and took a drink of his coffee

I glanced over at Laura and could tell that she was just as nervous.

He put down his cup. "I realize now how wrong I've been. She has met someone that makes her happy. Erika, you are a remarkable young woman, and if you make Laura happy then who am I to say that it is wrong. Laura, I'm so sorry that I've been so closed-minded. Can you forgive me?"

I thought I was in some TV movie. I kept waiting for the sappy music to start. But this was real. Laura went over and hugged and kissed her dad. I could see that she was crying.

The rest of the evening was wonderful. The Adams stayed until almost midnight, and we were all sorry to see them leave. They invited us to dinner the following weekend.

While we cleaned up, I looked over at Mom. "Did that really happen or is this some strange dream?"

"I'm not sure, ask me in the morning," said Mom. "When Phil started with his little confession I was ready to jump in and blast him for being a closed-minded ass. I found that I had to push those feelings away when he told everyone how wrong he had been."

"Me too."

"That makes three of us," added Sam.

When we finished, I said goodnight and left them alone. It was one of the most remarkable nights in my life.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Five

Sunday, I was at work when Mrs. Lincoln came by. It was rare for her to stop by on the weekend, other than a special occasion. I saw her talking to Cindy on her way back to her office. Cindy waved me over to her.

"Mrs. Lincoln wants to see you in her office."

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"No, in fact it's something good. Now, don't keep her waiting," stated Cindy, who had a big grin on her face.

I walked over and knocked on her office door. No matter how many times I went into her office, I always felt a little intimidated.

"Please come in, Erika," ordered Mrs. Lincoln, "Take a seat, please."

I sat down and waited for her to speak.

"I just had a lovely visit with your mother. I needed to ask her something before I talked to you. I have to go on a short business trip to New York City during your spring break. I would like to take you along as my assistant. We would leave on Monday and be back by Friday. This is work and not a vacation. Would you like to go?" she asked.

I sat there and felt a big stupid smile forming on my face. "I would love to, Mrs. Lincoln. Thank you so much."

"Wonderful! Well, you get back to work, dear, and I'll tell you more later."

I excused myself and went back out to work.

Cindy was waiting for me. "I told you it was something good. I've gone with her a few times and have always enjoyed myself."

"You will have a wonderful time. I went with her a couple of years ago," concurred Mel. "We even went to a Broadway show."

I was walking on air and the rest of the day flew by. I couldn't believe my good luck.

When I got home, I was so excited. Mom thought it was a great opportunity and totally approved of me going.

"Mrs. Lincoln obviously thinks very highly of you."

I also thought that my being out of town might speed up the romance between Mom and Sam.

I couldn't wait to tell both Laura and Cat. They were both very envious.

"I don't get it, you get to work in the fanciest store in town, you get to be in a fashion show, and now you get to spend a week in the city, it's so unfair!" joked Laura.

"I'm just lucky I guess!"

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Six

The week before spring break was hectic. I had several big things to worry about besides just class. I would be seeing the endocrinologist that week. Mom had been able to get my appointment moved up from the following week.

Caroline told me he was very cool. She said that he saw what we were doing as a medical issue that needed to be treated. She told me she'd have to see him every three months as a precaution. I was very excited to see him.

Then there was the fashion show. Saturday was practice and Sunday would be the show. I was pretty excited about it, even though I had no idea of what we'd be wearing. I trusted Ms. B and knew that she wouldn't let us be humiliated.

But what was really dominating my thoughts was the trip to New York. Mrs. Lincoln said that she would tell me more about the trip this week at work. I felt very honored that Mrs. Lincoln invited me. I knew she really didn't need an assistant, but I would do whatever she asked me to do.

I had to admit that I didn't know a lot about Mrs. Lincoln. Yes, I knew she was a successful businesswoman, but I wasn't even sure about her real age. Judging by the pictures in her office I guessed that had to be in her seventies, even though she looked and acted much younger. I also had heard conflicting information on how many times she'd been married. Like most larger than life characters, there were so many rumors about her. I was hoping to find out a bit more about her on the trip.

Speaking of mysteries, I had consulted with Cat about who might be the third person about to go into transition.

There were only four others in the contest besides Caroline and I. It really wasn't my business, but I was curious. We sat down one evening and discussed who it might be. For each candidate, there were factors for and against their being the one who was transitioning. Cat then brought up something that I hadn't thought of; that was that maybe the third person wasn't a contestant. I didn't think was likely, but it did make me think.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Seven

That evening at work, I spent much of the time placing the prom gowns on hangers. They really were lovely and I could understand why the other girls at school made such a big fuss over them. However, they were also very expensive. I really couldn't justify spending that much money on a dress. Luckily, there were plenty of less expensive dresses that were also really nice. I was keeping a mental checklist of what was available. My friends at lunch were counting on me for inside information.

I narrowed my choices down to three or four selections. I tried to calculate the cost, including the dress, shoes, accessories, and my hair, and I saw that I'd be spending a lot of money. Still I wanted to look beautiful that night and debated on what was my upper limit.

I was eyeing several simple but elegant gowns. There was one style that I liked that was really nice. It had spaghetti straps and it came in several colors. I thought red was a bit over the top for me and looked more at the pastels. There was a very nice lavender one. I decided that I'd run my selections by Mel and Cindy.

Mrs. Lincoln called me into her office and told me more about the trip. We would be driving and it would be around a six-hour drive. The good part of this was that it meant six plus hours in a limo. Mrs. Lincoln didn't like to fly, and she wouldn't think of driving that far herself. She told me that since she had the money she might as well enjoy it, besides she could always claim it as a business expense.

We'd be staying in a top hotel in Manhattan overlooking Central Park. She said that we would be sharing a suite, but not to worry was we would each have our own room. She told me that as I would be representing the store, I would be expected to dress appropriately. She gave a list of what I would need to bring. I made a quick check and found that I had most of what she desired for during the day. It was my eveningwear that was lacking.

"Don't worry about the formal wear, my dear. I have some outfits from the store that you can borrow. In fact, I have already selected some for you."

She then went over our schedule. Monday and Friday were traveling days. The other days we would be visiting suppliers and making purchases for the store. She also said that we had two parties to attend. They were more business than social, but she promised that I'd have a wonderful time. She also said that she'd like to take in at least one Broadway show, depending on our schedule.

It all sounded wonderful to me. I knew she could sense my excitement

"Since this is your first trip to New York, I think you should have a memorable visit."

She then dismissed me and sent me back to work. I think that I would have worked for free in exchange for the trip.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Eight

Tuesday was my appointment with the endocrinologist. I had to be there at 9:00, so I didn't go to school in the morning. I'd have to go in afterwards. The staff in the doctor's office couldn't have been nicer. I underwent a physical and they drew blood. I also had to fill out a bunch of medical forms. The whole experience was a bit less dramatic that I had expected. The doctor just saw this as a medical condition and that it needed to be treated. We walked out of there with prescriptions for hormones and testosterone blockers. I also made a follow up appointment for three months. The nurse handed us a lab sheet. She told us that I'd need to come in a week in advance to get blood drawn.

I was a little worried about how we were going to pay for all this. Our medical program would only cover the appointments and not the prescriptions. Mom told me not to worry, that we would get by.

We stopped at the pharmacy and dropped off the prescriptions. Mom said that we would pick them up that afternoon after school. I was a little disappointed, as I wanted to start immediately.

I knew that the hormones would take time to cause noticeable changes. Mom also mentioned that Sam was picking up the necessary paperwork for my legal name change. It was another one of those real moments. This was really happening. I was moving towards being Erika legally. Mom explained that, once we filled out the request, it would have to go to the courts for approval.

I was riding a wave of euphoria the rest of the day. I was so happy. Laura said that I was too happy and was bordering on annoying, but I knew she was actually very happy for me.

That afternoon, I picked up my pills. Cat and Laura asked to be there when I took them for the first time. Of course, there was no immediate change or effect when I took the pills. Still, mentally I felt different. I was now entering a new phase in my life and it deserved to be noted with some sort of ceremony. We celebrated by going to Spencer's and having some cheesecake with our cappuccinos! It seemed very appropriate.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Nine

Thursday, we had our latest contestant meeting. I was pleased to see that the Super Six was still intact. Lisa was returning to normal and didn't seem as depressed as before. She told me that Ms. B was helping her a lot, but she was still not sure what she was going to do. I hoped that she would stick it out to the end, but at the same time I wanted her to be happy.

Denise was her usual offbeat self. She told us that the Downfall of Humanity was now playing strictly classic punk and that they were working regularly in clubs down in the college area. I told her that I'd seen their handouts at Spencer's. However now they were playing clubs we were to young to go to. I was actually curious if they had really gotten better.

Claire was still quiet. I had hoped that her outburst a few weeks ago had marked a change in her personality. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't a recluse or anything because she was involved in school activities. She played the flute in the band. I was told that she was a wonderful musician and that she played several other musical instruments. I wish I had gotten to know her better.

Ann was also hard to figure out. I wouldn't have expected her to still be in the competition. She had been very open that she was in this strictly for the money. But she had long since paid off the money she owed her sisters. I asked her once why she was still in, and she'd said that it was because the scholarship gave her a ticket out of Golden Hill. But what didn't make sense was how excited she was about the fashion show. I was beginning to wonder if all her protesting was to hide something. Maybe she was the third one.

Ms. B came in and reminded us that there would be a practice session on Saturday from 11:00 to 3:00PM at the Civic Center. Now our town's civic center was slightly larger than most lodge halls. Still, it served its purpose. She told us that, in addition to being shown how to perform we would also be seeing our outfits for the first time.

"Who is going to be watching us?" asked Ann

"Women from the Chamber of Commerce and associated women's groups. Of course, your mothers may attend too if they want," explained Ms. B.

"No men?" asked Lisa.

"None have ever shown up before," said Ms. B. "You'll be showing off summer and fall fashions. Some of the women there are in retail, others use these shows as a social event, and for others it's a fund raising event."

"Summer and fall?" asked Lisa, "But spring just started, why not spring outfits?"

"Stores need time to place orders," I explained.

"Whoa, I see that you are learning something at work," said Caroline.

"Well, I expect to see you all there at eleven sharp, and by the way lunch will be provided," stated Ms. B.

I walked out to talk with Ms. B. It was my time of the week for a private meeting.

"So, are you excited about going to New York City?" she asked as we entered her office.

"How do you know about that?" I asked. I had planned to tell her about it today.

"I have my ways," she answered with a sly smile.

I thought about pressing the point more, but figured that it was useless

We talked about how I was doing. I told her about starting hormones and the paperwork for the name change. She was very happy for me and also very proud of everything that I had overcome in the past year. Only a fool would have failed to notice that she had a special interest in my progress. At first I'd thought it was out of sympathy over my attack, but I could sense that it was much deeper than that. I decided to wait instead of asking her about it.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Ten

Friday afternoon, I was working with Coach Chambers. We had a home track meet that afternoon, so I was kept busy. As much as I wanted to have been competing, I knew that I was in the right place. I really couldn't devote the time to practice and besides, these girls were really good. With my talent, at best I'd be struggling in the middle of the pack. I still ran to stay in shape, and I enjoyed it as a way of relaxing. I sometimes ran with the team just for fun.

After the meet, I was helping Coach enter data in the computer. I knew that Coach appreciated my help. She preferred coaching to the all the administration that went with the job.

"I will definitely miss you while you are away next week," smiled Coach. Even though it was break, the team would still be practicing.

"Well, I'll catch up on data entry when I get back."

"I didn't mean it that way. I think it is wonderful that you are going there, especially in style. The first time I went there was in college. We were there for a winter track meet. We were crammed four girls to a room," reminisced Coach.

"Was Jenny with you on that trip?" I asked.

"Yes, we still laugh about how small the room was. There was a double bed and two cots. You could barely walk in the room," she remembered with a laugh, "The rush to use the bathroom was comical."

"Have you been back there since?" I asked

"Yes, a few times. Jenny was in the marathon a few years ago and I went up there with her. We stayed in much nicer accommodations, but not a suite."

"Jenny was in the New York Marathon? Wow!" I exclaimed

"She's done more than just that one. She was in the Boston Marathon last year and several others over the years, and she even finished in the top 20 once," bragged Coach. I hear the pride in her voice as she rattled off Jenny's accomplishments. She mentioned that Jenny was debating sending in an entry for the Ironman Triathlon, as soon as she improved in her swimming.

I knew that Jenny was a pretty good athlete. When we ran during my recovery time, I could tell that she was just keeping the pace slow for my sake. I also wondered if they were just friends or was it something deeper. Not that it made any difference. It's just that I thought that they'd make a good couple.

"Have you ever been in a marathon?" I asked

"No, I blew out my knee during college. It prevents me from getting into the kind of shape you need to run that distance."

"Sorry to hear that."

"Well, if it hadn't happened, I never would have gone into teaching. I was training for the Olympic trials when it happened. I had an outside shot at making the team and I was training really hard when I got hurt. The prognosis after the surgery wasn't good. I went through a long rehab and I knew that my real competitive days were over. My recovery forced me to reevaluate my life. I was able to get back in good enough shape to teach and coach, but not good enough to compete at a high level."

I sat there silent. I was searching for the right words.

"Don't get me wrong, I don't live in the past. I love teaching and coaching. I can't imagine doing anything else. Sometimes it takes time to know that you took the right path."

"Good advice," I replied quietly, thinking about the decisions that I was dealing with

"Look, Erika, I know that you've got some big things to deal with, you'll get through them. You are a great competitor and stronger than you think."

"Laura said that you were good to talk to," I replied, smiling at her.

"You two are good for each other." She then looked at the clock. "It's nearly six. Can I give you a ride home?" she asked.

"No, that's okay. Laura is meeting me, and we're going down to Spencer's."

"Nice place," she smiled. "Try their key lime pie the next time they have it, it's worth it, even if you have to run off its calories."

I said good-bye and she wished me a good trip to the city.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Eleven

Sitting in our usual spot in Spencer's, I told Laura about my conversation with Coach Chambers. She was surprised that she had once been in training for the Olympics, but she wasn't surprised at the encouragement that I'd gotten from her.

"I told you that she was good."

Laura and I had the night to ourselves. Her parents had gone out with Mom and Sam. They wanted to have an adults-only night and we didn't mind.

"I still can't get over your father the other night." I took a forkful of the key lime pie. Coach was right, it was delightful.

"I'm still waiting for the aliens to return him and take away the double who's been living with us," laughed Laura. "Seriously, I am so happy that he is willing to try to accept me for who I am. He and Mom have actually contacted PFLAG about getting some literature!"

"I'm so happy for you." I offered her a taste of my pie.

"Oooh! That's good! I may have to go get some for myself."

"I'll miss you while I'm away," I sighed.

"I am so envious of you! I've always wanted to go to New York City."

"We can go together someday," I proposed.

We were both aware that soon after graduation we would be separated. We knew that it would be difficult to maintain a long distance relationship. But neither of us was willing to bring the topic up. It's true that we'd only be a five-hour drive away from each other, but even that was too long. So we made the most of the present.

"I hope that Cat's new boyfriend is still here when I get back. I really want to meet him," I remarked, changing the subject.

"So, are they really getting serious?" asked Laura.

"Yes, they trade e-mails daily. She seems to like him a lot."

"What does her mom think?" asked Laura.

"Cat said that she is supportive, but doesn't want Cat to get too involved until she is ready. I think it has something to do with her father. She told me that they got married in college and divorced two years later."

"Does Cat ever see her dad?" asked Laura, as she finished the last of my pie.

"She told me that she hasn't seen him since she was six -which is more that I can say."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to open old wounds," apologized Laura.

"You didn't. The man who fathered me wanted nothing to do with me or my mom. That's his loss," I explained.

"Do you think that Sam will ask your mom to get married?" asked Laura. She moved closer and put her arm around me.

"I hope so. I want Mom to be happy and I really like Sam. At first, it was because he was my white knight riding to my protection. But now he already seems like one of the family. I wouldn't mind him being around all the time." We kissed and I tasted the lime on her lips.

Just then Laura's cell phone rang. It was Cat, and she asked if we could meet her and Matt at Guido's. We agreed and said that we would be there in twenty minutes.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Twelve

We caught up with them at the restaurant. Cat had told him all about both of us. He'd told her that he was anxious to meet us.

Matt was everything Cat had said that he was. He was 6-1, brown hair, blue eyes and had a charming smile. He was intelligent, well spoken but not at all stuffy. In some ways, he reminded me of a younger version of Sam. He was pretty cool about hanging out with three high school seniors.

After talking with him, I could see why Cat was so taken with him. In addition to the chemistry between them, they were also intellectual equals. Cat could talk to him about science and law, and he treated her as an equal when he responded. He also had a great sense of humor and could tell a great story. By the end of the evening we were all friends.

After dinner we split up. Cat said that she would be at the fashion show on Sunday with Terri and Mom. I told her that I'd see her then. We hugged and then Laura and I went back to her house.

We had hoped to be alone for a while. Laura kidded me that she wanted to check the progress of my four-day-old boobs! Unfortunately when we got to her home, we saw Sam's car parked next to her parents' car in the driveway. The lights were on and it was obvious that they were all back from dinner.

"We can keep driving and go to my house," I laughed.

We debated it for a second and then went in. They were of course happy to see us. Judging by the way they were acting, you'd have thought they had known each other for years. It was a little surreal. I rode back home with Mom and Sam. Mom told me that they'd had a wonderful time. She also said that we were having them over Sunday evening along with Terri, Cat, and Matt. That was cool, as I wanted to see everyone before my little trip.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Thirteen

Caroline picked me up in the morning and gave me a ride to group. She wanted to explore the campus area while she waited for me. We had a good session. I was beginning to feel that I no longer needed it. I knew that I would have to check with Jenny first. I felt that it had served its purpose and I was ready to move on. But I had a terrible track record when it came to making these decisions.

I was happy to share some time with Caroline. She and Paul were still deeply in love. I was happy for both of them.

We talked about hormones and transition and a little bit about the other four. She also wasn't sure about who the third might be. We both found it a bit strange that she hadn't come out like we had. For the most part we were totally accepted in school. Since I outed myself during the lecture, I'd had a lot of support from my classmates. I caught more grief for being in a lesbian relationship with Laura than being TS. I found that kind of ironic.

Oh, there were classmates who were apathetic towards the other contestants and me, but they didn't bother us. Some felt that there was too much attention given to the contestants and some felt that it was a distraction. Others didn't like the grief that they got from friends in other schools. In some ways I sympathized with them, still they were getting a lesson in diversity. Thankfully, the school's code of conduct was strictly enforced and the only harassment had been from Jason and his cronies.

Caroline asked me if we were going to the prom together and I said absolutely. Thankfully, she didn't make the tux crack that others had made. She also told me that Paul's and her cartoon had been selected as a finalist in a national student competition. If they won it would mean a $2,000.00 scholarship prize. Of course they'd have to share it, but it would be a great honor and a nice thing to have on a resume. I wished her good luck.

We arrived at the Civic Center and parked. We were nearly an hour early and we decided to go in anyway.

The early bird may get the worm, but the early arrival gets her nails done before everyone else! We were each given a complete manicure while we waited for the others to arrive. They had two stations set up, and the others would have to wait until later. I must admit that I really love being pampered! In addition, they had a small buffet set up for us.

The practice was pretty simple. We were shown how to walk up and down the ramp. The hard part for some of the contestants was doing it in heels. Thankfully, I'd a lot of practice due to work. They even had me show some of the others how to walk in them. Amazingly, Denise was also a natural! This was almost unbelievable due to her size. She was surprisingly graceful.

After we practiced, they broke us up. Ann and Claire were next to get their nails done and the rest of us were taken away to try on our outfits. Originally, we were only going to model three outfits, but due to our decreased numbers that was increased to five outfits each. My first two were nothing special. I guess that the outfits I wore at work spoiled me. Don't get me wrong, they were nice, but they were not up to Mrs. Lincoln's standards. The first was a summer suit and the other was a fall suit. The summer one was a light tan dress and matching jacket. The fall outfit was a dark navy skirt and matching jacket with a silk blouse.

The next one was more interesting. It was pink and had a floral design done in sequins. It was very flowing and feminine. I loved the way it felt.

In between outfits, Ms. B came up to me with an older woman.

"Erika, this is Mrs. Craig. She is in charge of this fashion show," introduced Ms. B.

"I'm pleased to meet you, Erika." She smiled as she shook my hand. "I've been waiting for years to run this event with contestants."

"It's has been fun so far."

"Well, young lady you have been selected to wear the main outfit for the show. Before you say anything, it is due to your measurements that you were selected for this honor," she explained.

I wondered what she was talking about. Then I saw it. It was a wedding gown. It was exquisite. The dress was all silk and lace and had all sorts of embroidery on it. There were hundreds of pearls sewn into the gown. There was also a long train. I was almost afraid to touch it.

"This was just acquired by our historical society. I have wanted to show it off and I figured that the show was as good a moment as any. We will need to put you in a corset but it shouldn't be that bad. Because of the care necessary to get you into it, you will only be wearing four outfits."

"How old is it?" I asked. It was so beautiful

"It was used in a wedding back in 1898. The bride was the daughter of the owner of the steel mill. Back then there was a big steel mill over in Red Hill. It closed back in the 1940's when the railroad closed the line that connected it to the coal mines. The mill's operations were moved to Pittsburgh. It had a devastating effect on the local economy. I'm sorry, I kind of get caught up in telling our area's history."

"I don't mind. I find history very interesting, especially local history." I couldn't take my eyes off the dress. I couldn't believe that I'd get to wear it. It was pretty cool to be able to model something so old.

"Now we need to see how it fits," she said.

I had to strip and they tightened me into the corset. Only the dress was old. Everything else was modern, but selected to match the dress. The corset was an experience. I was the right height, but my waist was several inches too big. The corset took care of that. The woman tightening it told me how to relax and breathe as she laced me up. In addition to the corset, there were several layers of petticoats. The dress itself was very tight in the waist, hence the need for the corset. The only thing more painful than the corset was the boots. They were laced up replicas of period boots. I found that I could barely walk in them. They would limit me to small steps. At least the discomfort of the corset passed, the shoes hurt the whole time I wore them!

Even with the discomfort, I loved wearing the dress. Maybe it was because of the historical nature of the outfit, or maybe it was because I was singled out. Either way, it was pretty cool. It took them a long time to get me dressed and even longer to get me undressed. Because of the age of the dress, they had to be very careful. I was very grateful when I shed the of the boots and the corset.

Mrs. Craig told me that in addition to the dress they'd fit me with a wig and give me period makeup. It was pretty exciting.

After we all changed, they met with us one last time. We were reminded to be here by 10:00 to be ready for the show starting at 12:00. Only Caroline saw the wedding dress. She told me that I was lucky that the original bride was the same height as me. Mrs. Craig requested that we keep quiet about the bride's dress, as she wanted it to be a surprise.

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Fourteen

I was at the Civic Center around 9:30. I was really excited about the show. Caroline beat me there and was getting her hair styled. Mrs. Craig came up and showed us the schedule. I would be the first one up in the first three groups. I would then get into the dress and be transformed into a 19^th Century bride. I would be the last one on the runway.

I was happy to see everyone show up. Only Lisa looked a bit down. I wondered how much longer she would last.

They soon had us all ready to go. Denise looked pretty good when she was normal looking. They'd made sure that she had outfits with long sleeves to hide her tattoos.

I was nervous because I had so many friends in the audience. In addition to Mom, Laura, Cat, and Terri, Mrs. Lincoln had said that she would attend. She normally skipped these events, but she wanted to see one of her girls being shown off. Cat said that Kristen and Tracey might also show up.

Of course, Ms. B was there. She gave us all a pep talk and had her picture taken with all of us.

The show started at noon and we were more than ready. We could hear Mrs. Craig introducing everyone. We peeked out and could see that it was very full, maybe 150-200 people. We could hear Mrs. Craig making several announcements and then the music kicked off.

I did feel a bit nervous as I stepped out on my cue. I walked and smiled as they'd told me. It's difficult to concentrate on not tripping and trying to look natural at the same time. The addition of spotlights and flashes going off made it a bit more difficult. It was also not hard to slip into a fantasy of being a model. Hey, I'm not fooling myself. I'm considered cute, but I am not a model. Still, it was fun to fantasize. It was also cool hearing the announcer describe the outfit.

Caroline followed me. As soon as I stepped behind the curtains, I was dragged away to be changed into my next outfit. It was sort of like a big assembly line. They did a quick check on my makeup and pointed me back into the line. Denise was the last person in the first group. She was wearing a nice spring dress and jacket. Just before she went out she turned back and winked at me. I had to laugh.

Before I went out the second time, Mrs. Craig made a few more announcements. Then the music started up again and I was back on the walk. I was in the fall outfit this time. I was more relaxed, wanting to remember the moment for the rest of my life.

Like before, as soon as I was off the stage I was rushed back to change into my third dress. I really liked the pink dress, although I couldn't think of a single place I could wear it. I saw Ms. B watching it all and she looked so happy. I guess it was from the pride in seeing us survive this latest challenge.

I watched as Ann came off the stage. She had a huge grin on her face. Unfortunately, I never got to see Claire due to the order in which we were going on stage. Too bad, I imagined that she would look great.

I really soaked it in on my third walk. I knew that my last time out I would have to be prim and proper. However, I had a bit of fun with the pink dress. I really strutted down the walk. Cat commented later that I was having way too much fun.

When I got behind the curtain it was time to be helped into the antique wedding dress. I stripped down and was helped into the corset. I felt my waist being contracted with each pull of the laces. Then came everything else. There were stockings, petticoats, a camisole, and then the boots. The dress was lifted onto me. They adjusted it and ensured that everything was in place. Next they put a wig on my head. The style was more late 19^th Century. They carefully redid my makeup and added some period earrings. The last step was the veil. It wasn't the original one, but it was from the same time period. I couldn't help but think about what it must have been like for a girl back then. She'd have had limited options in her life, and I wondered if she'd even loved the man she was marrying.

I was assisted over to the stage and waited behind the curtains until I was introduced. Ms. B almost didn't recognize me. I know that I surprised the other girls. Just before I went out, I was handed a bouquet of flowers. I was instructed to walk slowly out to the end of the stage, then wait for 30 seconds before slowly turning around and walking back.

I could hear Mrs. Craig tell the crowd about the special treat she had for all of them. She explained the background of the dress and how it would be put on display at the county historical society. Then I got my cue and I started out on the stage. Of course, they played the wedding march. I carefully walked down the walk to the end. I knew that if I tripped or fell that I'd never hear the end of it.

I was almost blinded by the flashes going off. There was also a lot of applause. I reached the end and slowly counted out my 30 seconds to myself. I heard Mrs. Craig describing the dress and its significance. As I turned around to head back, I was suddenly hit by a wild thought. In an act of total spontaneity, I tossed the bouquet of flowers into the crowd. I got a shocked look from Mrs. Craig, but everyone else seemed to enjoy it.

By the time I reached the curtains, everyone else was out on the stage. Mrs. Craig walked out and introduced each of us, one by one. By the time she got to me, she had recovered from my tossing the flowers and was all smiles. Apparently the ovation I got from the crowd had won her over.

Then the lights came up. We got to pose with various people, most of whom I didn't know. I did get to pose with Mom and most of my friends. Even Mrs. Lincoln posed with me! I also saw Mrs. Lee there.

Mrs. Craig hovered by me the whole time I was out there, to ensure no one brought any food or drink near the dress. We stayed out there for nearly an hour before we were allowed to go change. She then escorted me back to the changing area. My feet were really killing me, but the corset didn't feel that bad.

I posed for several more photos before I was allowed to change. They carefully undressed me and packed up the dress. Thankfully, the makeup artist changed me back into a modern girl.

It felt good to be back in the modern world, but I was also sad that the show was over. I went out and rejoined Mom and my friends. The funny thing was that most of the women there didn't recognize me as the bride they had just been talking to.

Ms. B was talking to Mom when I found them. They all applauded me as I walked up.

Ms B shook her head and laughed, "I thought Mrs. Craig was going to have a fit when you tossed the bouquet into the crowd."

"Who caught it?" I asked

"I couldn't tell, but it was the highlight of the show," exclaimed Mom.

We stayed there for almost an hour. I got to meet the parents of the other contestants. Denise's parents were completely normal looking while I had been expecting the Osbornes or something like that. Claire slipped out before I could meet her parents. Caroline's mom and aunt were really nice too. I also met Ann's mother and older sisters.

Right before we left, Ms. B called us all together, "Mrs. Craig has a few words for you."

"Girls, I want to thank you for making this the most successful show we have ever done. We more than doubled the amount of money pledged and donated from last year. I want to tell you that you each will be receiving a $500.00 donation to your individual college funds. Again, thank you very much for you time and effort."

We each went up and thanked her. So now I had $1,500.00 for college. It wasn't a fortune, but it was a good start.

 

(continued)

  

  

  

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