Sarah's Story

by

Rob Henson

 

Chapter 6 - Sarah and Kent

It was a Friday two weeks after the conference and Sarah was having a quite afternoon in the office. The visit plans for the next week were complete and most of the timesheets for the previous week had been returned although there were always a few that were missing usually from the same people. Sarah would have to have a word with them, there was no reason for them to be as late as some always seem to be, after all the other carers managed to get theirs in on time. She was just thinking about what to do about the situation when Andy walked in.

"Hello, I didn't think you were coming back today," said Sarah surprised to see him.

"I wasn't but the meeting finished early and the weekend away was cancelled. Diane had to go up to York with her Mother. Looks like her grandmother might be dying." Andy looked dejected, more at missing the weekend with Diane probably than concern about her grandmother.

"I'm sorry," said Sarah wishing she could give him a cuddle.

"No matter, usual meeting then?" he asked a bit more brightly, "give me a few minutes to make some coffee and then come in."

"OK," said Sarah tidying away the notes she had been working on. They always met on Friday afternoons assuming Andy was in the office to review the past week and look for any potential problems that might surface the following week.

She finished tidying her desk, picked up her note pad and went in to his office but he was on the telephone. He waved her in and she sat down in front of his desk. She was wearing a short black, long sleeve dress, sheer black tights and black patent high heels which gave her a very professional look, one she had copied from Clair. As she crossed her legs showing far too much thigh she was grateful there was a barrier between them. She wondered what Andy would think if he could see her from behind the large oak desk. What if she moved her chair around to the side of the desk so that he could see her long shapely legs better. She wondered what he would do. Would he be able to keep his eyes from straying up and down her long, black-nyloned, sensual calves watching her as she moved thinking that she hadn't noticed as she wrote out the orders for next week? She would make an attempt at pulling the dress down but that would just show even more of her thighs. Would he like that....?

The phone snapped onto its cradle and she was back in the room with a jolt. Things had gotten a little uncomfortable between her legs so she crossed them the other way.

"Sorry about that," said Andy.

"Oh.. that's alright... So how did the meeting go this morning?" said Sarah flustered and pulling down her hem. Andy had been with Northampton Social Services following up a lead from the recent conference.

"Great, they are really keen and they've been talking unofficially to Cambridge who gave us a fantastic reference. They said they were looking to renew contracts after Christmas and would be sending tender requests out next week. They also said that they would be keen for us to respond. I'll probably need some help putting it together; they normally arrive late and have to go back in a rush."

"Yes of course. Did you see Phil while you were there," she asked nonchalantly pretending to write something in her pad.

"Yes, he spoke highly of you. He said he was impressed with the way you handled things when he came to the stand. Are you OK?"

She suddenly went quite and very pale.

"Yes fine," said Sarah. She had really enjoyed the evening with Phil and waited for him to call after they had both returned home but he never did. Discussing it with Andy had reminded her that nothing had come of it when she was rather hoping it might. He was the first boy she had been with who had not known that she was basically Simon underneath her sexy underwear. She hadn't a clue what would have happened had he found out about her secret indeed the idea had not even raised its awkward head. She had simply been flattered that he was attracted to her, even though they were both a little drunk, especially when they were kissing outside her room and she felt how hard he was, pushing up against her thigh. Her confidence had grown at the same rate as his cock.

"You were getting on quite well together I seem to remember," said Andy smiling, "I just caught sight of the two of you going off together when I got dragged back to the bar. I assumed... There isn't a problem is there?" He realised he was beginning to go too far.

"No, no problem. We just said goodnight and went to bed. I was shattered. Went off as soon as my head hit the pillow." She didn't sound very convincing. Sarah was still looking at her pad feeling miserable.

"Good. By the way, you don't fancy coming to London with me tomorrow do you. I've got a spare theatre ticket could do with cheering up?"

"No sorry, I promised Mum we would go shopping together in the afternoon and then we are going out for the evening with my Aunt who's staying over."

She felt even more depressed now at having to pass up the opportunity of meeting Andy outside of work.

"Another time perhaps," said Andy, "Now, anything looming next week I should know about?"

She pulled into what must have been the last space in the car park on a busy Saturday afternoon. She was in a hurry and had just completed three laps of the busy multi-storey before spotting someone pulling out of a space. She was meeting Clair for lunch before they hit the shops for some serious therapy. It was mid summer but not as hot as it should have been so her dress was longer than the mini skirts she usually loved to wear which would show off her long slender legs to perfection. She grabbed her handbag opening the door at the same time not noticing that the man standing by the next car was about to unlock his door to leave.

"Careful darling," he called, "I'm too young to die." Sarah turned quickly and saw what was about to happen.

"Oh I'm terribly sorry, did I catch you?"

"No damage done this time. That's a nice little run around, this year's model isn't it? I'm Kent by the way," said the man.

"Sarah. Yes my dad bought it for me for passing my exams." She looked at him and he held her stare. She was mesmerised. He was very good looking, just over six foot with thick blonde curly hair, clean shaven and wearing a black leather jacket and jeans. His face was something to die for, thin but not shallow and well tanned with the most gorgeous, deep blue eyes.

"He must be doing well then to buy his little girl a nice new car," but she hardly heard him. "Is there something wrong?"

"Sorry, er no nothing, yes it was good of him," she finally shook herself free of his gorgeous image.

"I used to have one of those a while ago but I prefer the sports jobs now, bit more excitement."

She looked down at the powder blue, soft top sports car, a BMW Z3, and suddenly pictured herself in the passenger seat next to Kent, her hair flowing in the wind. Kent noticed she had gone off the air again but could see she was interested.

"It runs really well, fancy a spin and see how it goes?"

"No, sorry I can't, I'm meeting my Mum I'm afraid."

"I didn't mean now, I'm busy myself. How about tomorrow? We could have a drive to a pub I know out towards Newmarket. We could open her a bit if you like, it should be quite on a Sunday."

"That sounds nice," Sarah heard herself saying still dazed.

"Tell you what, we'll meet right here at midday and you can leave you car. I'll drop you back afterwards, OK?"

"Yes that would be good, see you at twelve."

He smiled, put on his sunglasses and quickly got into the BMW, pulled back and with a wave was gone. Wow, thought Sarah, what a dish and once again she pictured herself in the car hammering through the roads of Cambridgeshire.

"There you are, is everything alright?" asked Clair. She was always concerned about Sarah even though nothing had ever happened to cause a problem, as far as she was knew anyway. Clair was waiting outside the restaurant where they had agreed to meet. She had had to go into the office that morning on an urgent case that was coming to court the following week.

Clair had helped her all she could with make-up, her voice and walking, often going out together to give Sarah confidence. She had no idea whether Sarah would see the year out as they had agreed or revert back to Simon sooner but it did seem that week by week Sarah became a little stronger and Simon was slowly slipping away from them. It was not a problem though and, if she was being honest with herself it was nice to have a daughter to share those experiences with that Richard simply didn't understand, especially shopping.

"You look nice," said Clair, "I like that dress."

Sarah had enjoyed getting ready that morning and had taken her time. A long soak in the bath first and then plenty of perfumed talc. Then tidy her hair which was a simple cut and apply her make-up. Once again, light but effective. Her skin was smooth and milky with hardly a blemish which was set of nicely by the green eye shadow and pink rouge on the cheeks. Today she had also chosen a pale pink lipstick. When she had finished she checked in the mirror and was pleased with the result. It was then time to get dressed.

She wore a green matching underwear set which had been padded by Clair in the way all her bras had and her panties were fairly tight which although slightly uncomfortable when her cock was tucked out of the way, gave her a nice feminine shape. She pulled on fresh pair of extremely fine tights which felt amazing on her smooth talced legs. They were light brown and showed her red varnished toes off to perfection and looked very sexy in the white sandals she had also decided to wear. Although she had also chosen a flowered pattern summer dress in was slightly thicker than just cotton and with a lining so it was quite warm in the chill air but not so heavy that she would be too hot. She checked in the mirror and felt good. A nice looking young lady. She smiled at herself and got ready to leave.

"How was work, all done?" asked Sarah.

"Yes, no problem, just one of the junior barristers getting in a panic but we sorted him out."

They had lunch and then spent a delightful afternoon ambling around the shops of central Cambridge buying the odd outfit that caught their eye plus extras that were always required like underwear and tights and, more recently for Sarah, stockings.

On Sunday Sarah met Kent as agreed at the multi story car park in the centre of town. He was leaning on the bonnet of the Z3 talking to someone on his mobile phone. It looked like he was arguing with who was at the other end. When he caught site of her he finished the call and smiled.

"Well hello gorgeous, how are you today? Ready for some excitement?" Sarah blushed, "Come on then let's go."

They climbed into the car and he pulled out of the car park heading off eastwards out of town. They chatted casually as he pushed on the accelerator and was soon speeding along the dual carriage way at over ninety miles an hour. Sarah's hair was blowing wildly in the wind but it was so exhilarating. When they finally pulled up at the pub just off the main road she was breathless.

"So what do you think," asked Kent, "like it?"

"Fantastic, it's so fast."

"Come on lets get a drink and we can sit in the garden," Kent headed into the pub and Sarah followed.

Kent noticed the heads turn as they walked through the bar. Sarah was wearing a very short corduroy skirt and a pink brushed wool jumper. Her tights were a dark shade of brown with ankle boots. Kent had looked down at her legs when they were driving but she hadn't noticed. He liked what he saw.

They took their drinks into the garden and sat in the sun chatting about the car and Kent's job. He worked for himself delivering expensive cars all around Europe. He was currently working for a main dealer in Cambridge on a short term contract and had moved over from Birmingham where he was normally based. He had bought the BMW cheap when a customer pulled out and had to make a fast sale before moving abroad. Sarah was impressed. He said he also did the odd bit of private work but didn't go into any details.

They arrived back at the car park a couple of hours later and Kent got out to hold open the door of Sarah's car. Everything seemed to go quite for a moment as they stood there and Kent leaned forward and took her shoulders in the strong hands. She lowered her eyes for a second and then they kissed, long and passionately.

"Like that?"

Sarah lowered her eyes.

"Yes," she said softly.

"We can do it again if you like and you can have a drive next time if you feel you can handle it."

She suddenly realised he was talking about the car and blushed at her mistake.

They agreed to meet again the following Wednesday in town. Kent was late and Sarah waited for over half an hour before she saw him turn the corner talking on his mobile as he had when they met the previous Sunday. He put the phone away and kissed her on the cheek. She was annoyed that he never apologised but held his arm as they walked off to the local pizza house. He said that he only had time for a quick meal and had to go off early to attend to some business. It sounded mysterious but chatting about the day over the meal soon moved her mind onto other matters. He never called again for over a week after that but suddenly rang and asked if she wanted to go with him to a meeting in Peterborough the following Saturday afternoon. They arranged to meet in the car park as they had done the first time they had gone out together. Sarah was busy that morning seeing a relative so meeting there was ideal for her.

He had been abroad delivering a new Jaguar and one or two other things as well but didn't explain further. They sped off once again and she enjoyed every moment of the ride. The sun was hot and once again she had worn a short skirt showing off her long legs. Kent met someone at a house on the outskirts of town while Sarah remained in the car. She saw the man hand over some money to Kent but he never ventured an explanation and she never asked. She wondered if it was the man Kent talked to on the mobile.

They flew back to Cambridge breaking at least three traffic laws at any one point in time arriving back at the car park during the early evening. The multi story was quite on the upper decks where they had parked and they got out of the sports car. Kent said he had to go out again and so couldn't be with her for the evening. Sarah was disappointed but he came and stood close to her and held her shoulders. Her legs weakened and she relented. She leaned forward and kissed him and he took her in his arms the way she loved. They kissed for a long time their tongues exploring each other viciously. Kent lifted her onto the bonnet of her car and placed both hands on her knees and began to slide them under her dress over her smooth silky tights. She looked around but the car park was deserted. Oh how she wanted him inside her but that must not happen. Not yet and not here. He must know about her first. She gripped his wrist and slid off the car causing her skirt to slip right to the top of her legs.

"I've got to go, when shall I see you again?" she asked embarrassed at showing off her panties.

Kent smiled.

"Not sure, I will be going away again. I'll let you know when I get back. Maybe you could come with me next time?"

"Er.. yes Ok, maybe." Sarah's mind was reeling at the offer and how she might swing it. There were too many hurdles in the way at the moment though. She would have to take her time but could she keep Kent at bay without him losing interest in her? She was sure he must have lots of girlfriends.

"See you then," he turned and was gone.

He disappeared again for over a week but called as soon as he returned.

"Hi ya doll, how's it going ?"

He was infuriating at times, just turning up as if nothing was wrong but she was pleased to hear his voice again though.

"Hello, I thought you might have called."

"Couldn't, I was in Spain and the phone coverage is not brilliant, it was a bit of a backwater. Still home again and can't wait to get my hands around that lovely body of yours."

He annoyance subsided as she took in the words and her body tingled all over at the thought of his hands caressing her.

"Listen, I am taking a day or two off fancy doing something?"

Sarah thought for a moment. Andy had mentioned that she could take some time out in lieu of her efforts at the conference but there had been too much to do once they had got back.

"I could be free for an afternoon but we're very busy at the moment," she said wondering what Kent might suggest.

"How about we have a drive over to Norfolk. We could find a nice spot on one of the Broads for the day?"

"That sounds nice we could have a picnic if you like, but I could only manage an afternoon" said Sarah.

"and you can have a drive of the Z3."

That clinched it. The weather was forecast to be hot until the end of the week which together with the thought of driving the BMW and being with Kent for the afternoon in the sun by a lake was more than enough to tip the balance.

"That sounds really nice, I could be free on Tuesday. How about I get some food and a bottle of wine at lunch time and then meet you?"

"OK, what time and where?" asked Kent.

"Well," said Sarah thinking quickly, "I will need about half an hour after I finish. One o'clock at the car park?"

"Great see you then."

Monday seemed to take forever to come to its dull conclusion and Sarah tripped off home thinking about what she would wear the following day. She woke early to make sure she had time to prepare properly. It was going to be a hot day so she chose a bright, knee-length, summer dress. She considered wearing stockings but then realised what might happen if Kent misunderstood especially if they were alone as they were likely to be. In the end she picked out a pair of white tights and white shoes. She also pulled out a panty girdle she had bought a few weeks earlier at a time when she was feeling less confident about her appearance. She had no real need for the garment as it was intended as she had a beautifully slim figure but she noticed how constricting it was especially underneath, pushing her extra bits nicely out of the way. She pulled it on over her pink nylon panties and made sure she was well tucked up inside. It felt very tight on her but she slid her palm down between her legs and could feel no trace of her boyhood, it even gave her a better feminine shape. She looked in the mirror and felt good.

Once again someone seemed to be attracted to her. To Sarah, the alter ego and not Simon. Her recent admirers had never met Simon, had no knowledge of that past life. She looked in the mirror again from her toes to the tip of her head. She looked good, beautiful even. Men had said so. Andy, Phil and now Kent not forgetting Ben of course but that was different. Kent was nice, uncomfortable at times but friendly and good looking. She hoped he would think she was nice too. That he would like Sarah as well as ...what?.. not Simon... but what. She shuddered. How would she tell him? He needed to know. She wanted him to know. He must know but how? Oh well not today anyway. Another day ... perhaps.

Like Monday the morning went slowly until it was time to go the shops. She bought some smoke salmon and cream cheese bagels, chicken tikka, crisps, some cakes and a bottle of Medoc. She had remembered to pack the cork screw and a couple of plastic glasses the night before. Kent was waiting in the usual spot in the car park and opened the driver's door for her. As she walked round the car they kissed.

"mmm delicious and I be the foods good too," said Kent sliding his hands over her pert bum. Perhaps the panty girdle was a good idea after all thought Sarah.

She took the car nervously out of the town centre and into the suburbs. They were soon on to the dual carriage way and Kent suggested she 'open it up'.

She pushed on the accelerator and felt the car respond under her. She had never driven anything like this before and she felt the thrill as it pushed her back into her seat. Suddenly she realised the needle was pointing to over one hundred and took her foot off the pedal with a jerk that threw Kent forward.

"What's the matter?" he asked regaining his stomach.

"Nothing, just didn't realise how fast I was going"

"Well take it easy, you nearly had me through the screen." He sounded annoyed.

She kept the speed to around eighty and were soon on the outskirts of Norwich. Her concentration during the rest of the journey meant that she had not noticed her dress ride up her thighs showing more than she would have liked. Kent noticed though which made the trip even more enjoyable for him.

He directed her around the town and they headed out past Wroxham to Barton Broad. She had no idea where they were but Kent seem to know his way. She wondered how. He directed her on to a side road and then into some woods where they parked. It was a short walk through the trees to the bank of the man-made lake. They stopped on the grassy verge for a moment and Sarah noticed a sudden peace descend on them all the more palpable after the noise of the road. The sky was cloudless and the sun felt hot that afternoon. All she could hear was the sound of the water birds calling to each other on the far side of the lake. It was idealic.

Kent placed the car blanket he had brought on the ground and they unpacked the bag. They chatted about not very much and Sarah learned nothing of the trip Kent had just made. He wasn't evasive as such but simply managed to steer the conversation back to Sarah and what she had been doing since they had last met. They soon finished the food and the wine packing the last bits of rubbish away in the bag. The afternoon wore on getting warmer if anything and they both felt drowsy. Kent took of his T shirt while Sarah watched. His chest was muscular and his stomach was flat and firm. He had also acquired a recent tan probably from his trip to Spain although Sarah was under the impression he had been busy. He got a bottle of sun tan oil from his bag and slowly rubbed it in. Her breaths became short as she watched him tip the oil into his palm and slid his fingers over his solid chest making sure he covered every inch. He appeared to be concentrating on the job in hand but he knew she was watching. He could see she was excited which of course was his intention.

Sarah sat quite feeling a nervous tingling all over. Kent put the bottle away and lay back against a tree stump. He tapped his lap with his hand and Sarah slid over to him and put her head on his thigh. They both dozed in the warm sun listening the water lapping on the bank. Half an hour later Sarah came to and opened her eyes. She saw Kent was still asleep. She slid her had onto to his stomach and rubbed him gently moving slowly towards his chest. As she flicked his nipple with her finger he opened his eyes and smiled.

"Come her gorgeous," he whispered.

Sarah moved up beside him and they kissed. Long and deep. Slowly. Noiselessly. She continued to massage his chest playing with his nipple. His hand slid down her dress on to her leg. He caressed her knee and then slid under her dress. She put out her hand and held his wrist.

"Kent, no," she held his hand firm.

"What's the matter. I've a strong feeling you really like my hands on your legs, or am I wrong?"

"No, its just..." She couldn't think what to say. Then she moved close to his ear and whispered. "It's a bad time in the month."

"Oh, I didn't realise." He stopped suddenly and like many men did not know how to react.

She snuggled in to his neck. "But that doesn't mean..." she whispered in the other ear as she leaned over him and slid her hand into the top of his jeans.

It took him a moment to realise what she was saying but her hand sliding up and down his growing cock confirmed what she had in mind. Well she thought he may not be able to have me as he wants but this will feel just as good. She undid the buttons of his trousers very slowly. They were tight against his bulge which made it even more sensual for him. She then pulled down the front of his pants and took his hard cock in her hands stroking it until it was at its full, solid length.

She was pleased that she was so obviously turning him on and she kept rubbing, almost too hard. She saw him twitch. The effect was electrifying, his cock was harder than it had ever been and the cum-wet head was glistening in the sun light. She moved her face nearer to him and slipped the end into her mouth and sucked hard before taking it out again continuing to work her hand up and down his shaft. More strokes and she slipped it in again, sucking twice this time and pulling it out once more. Kent could hardly control himself. He grabbed her hair with both hands and pulled her towards him trying to push inside of her but she resisted. Eventually she pushed her mouth over him and left it there, sucking hard and rotating her head around his now dripping cock head. She continued rubbing, up and down his length gripping tightly and then relaxing her hand and with each stroke, she pushed her head further down his shaft.

She was excited herself now and looked up. Kent had his head back and his eyes closed. Still stroking and moving her head further and further down his length she now had all of him deep inside her throat. She rotated once more and then pulled completely back before lurching forward and repeating the motion.

"I'm cumming," moaned Kent, "you're making me cum." She felt him lurch upward one more time and then lay motionless for about three seconds. She knew what was about to follow and pushed her mouth onto him once more so that he could pump his cream straight down into her. Finally he came gushing into her for a full thirty seconds before stopping.

"Urrrrrg, that was out of this world. Where did you learn that?" He pulled up his pants and clipped the buttons back together. "That was wonderful. I can't wait for the real thing."

Neither could Sarah but unfortunately she couldn't provide the real thing he wanted unless she could convince him that she had something just as good.

Once again he disappeared and just as before she never heard from him for a week or so and then he called suggesting they go to the cinema. She was beginning to get used to it now and she liked him a lot. The latest James Bond film had come to town and he couldn't resist them. It was probably the fast cars she thought.

The following Saturday she had got the bus in town and met Kent at the cinema. His hands were all very her from the start of film and it was obvious he wanted more than he got on the previous date. She began to feel uncomfortable. It was a late film and by the time they emerged into the bustling streets the pubs and restaurants were closing. They had both left their cars behind and had to get the bus back home which was in opposite directions for them. Sarah's bus stop was deserted and located in a dark back street. It wasn't due for another fifteen minutes so they walked a few yards further on stopping in a dark office doorway.

She looked around but the streets bad cleared. He pulled her to him and their lips came together. His tongue pushed into her mouth and his hands held her waist. She closed her eyes and dreamily held him hardly feeling his hands sliding over her hips and pulling her dress slowly up with his strong fingers until he could feel her beautifully rounded bum through the smooth nylon of her tights.

Suddenly she knew she had to stop him before it was too late but this felt so good, so exciting; she let him continue. Her own hand slid down to feel the enormous bulge in his trousers and she gently rubbed him until it was hard just like it had been at the lake. He groaned and she could feel his hand moving around to her front. She wanted to tell him, she wanted him to accept her. She had thought about telling him tonight. She even had a plan of sorts but it didn't included what was happening now. Perhaps once he realised her secret everything would be fine anyway. She felt his finger slide into the waist of her tights and between her legs. She was only wearing the flimsiest of panties which hid nothing. She was already hard from the excitement but his fingers caused her to throb noticeably.

He stopped abruptly. His hand moved no further. His lips were still touching hers but they were not kissing any longer. She saw him slowly open his eyes and it felt like she was holding a block of ice. His hand gripped her cock painfully hard and he could feel the weight of her balls, there was no mistake. He pulled away and she tried to smile but it died on her lips. She began to realise that the situation she had created was getting out of control.

His hand squeezed once more as if to confirm what the nerves in his fingers had already passed to his confused brain and he pulled his hand out from under her dress letting it fall back into place.

"What the ...." he said but not finding the words he needed.

"Kent, I meant to tell you...." except she could see he wasn't listening.

"What are you..." She looked at his eyes, they were wide now. Wild and staring.

He stepped back and looked her slowly up and down. It unnerved her. She felt his eyes entering her, discovering the secrets of her very soul although the biggest secret she possessed was now known to him.

"Jesus, your just a fucking poof." He wasn't shouting but his voice was raised, slow and deliberate.

"I've been dating a fucking POOF."

All the emphasis went on the last word and she was worried. She knew he was volatile, he had shown that side to himself often enough, even violent if he wanted to be. She was now beginning to get fearful.

"Bloody hell," he looked around at the audience that must be laughing at him but there was no one there. "I've been dating a fucking queer."

"Kent, stop saying that. I'm not a .... gay. I'm a woman, a girl. Its just that..."

He looked at her again but this time it was as a stranger. She never saw him pull his arm back, she only saw the flash of his sleeve and for a second she was confused. The next moment she felt dizzy as the air escaped her lungs and then the pain in her midriff grew. It rose up and washed over her and she started to lean forward. The punch was hard anyway but more so because she wasn't expecting it. Her legs were no longer supporting her and she slid slowly down the wall she had been leaning on. She reached on the floor and lay in a heap like a rag doll that had been tossed into a corner. After the second wave of pain she felt sick. She wrenched but there was nothing inside of her to bring up and the action brought on even mores waves of pain. She did not see him lift his leg indeed she saw or heard nothing of what went on next.

"Hey you, leave her alone," Kent stopped and turned at the voice.

"Mind your own fucking business," He said and looked down at Sarah with utter contempt.

"If you ever breath a fucking word of this to anyone I'll kill you. Do you understand?" He leaned foreword and spoke to her in a very low but menacing whisper.

Sarah was sobbing now. She hadn't really understood what he was saying but something deep inside of her knew the answer must be 'yes'. The sound slowly left her lips.

"Just remember, that's all." He turned and was gone.

A minute later the middle aged lady had caught up with her.

"Here let me help you, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine" Sarah got up although her legs were still shaking. She leaned against the wall and coughed trying to be sick again but failing with more pain welling up inside of her.

"What was it, a mugging? I couldn't really see," the woman asked picking up Sarah's bag.

"Y Y Yes, he tried to take my hand bag," She was gratified that she could disassociate herself from him, "but it's OK he didn't get anything."

"Lucky I came around the corner when I did. Young louts I expect. We must call the Police."

"No, we can't" she said panicking "I.. I didn't see him, I don't want any trouble I just want to go home, please, just walk with me to the bus stop and then I will be OK."

"Are you sure? We shouldn't let them get away with it you know."

The lady brushed the last of the dirt from Sarah's coat and they walked the few yards to the bus stop.

She arrived home and everyone was in bed. She crept up the stairs, undressed and showered. It was as if she had to rid herself of every part of him. The bruise on her stomach was just starting to come out and the dull pain had subsided slightly. She stood there, unmoving for twenty minutes just letting the hot water take her to a nicer place away from the pain. She found a plain night dress and climbed into bed burying her head in the pillow but the painful thoughts would not go down. She began to think about the future and what she would do. How could she ever find a boy who would accept her for what she was? Her mind was in turmoil. The pain put any memories of Ben and the recognition he had of her, out of reach. Now a depression crept over her slowly like a dark cloud on a sunny day, until she felt utterly miserable and began to cry. Softly. The tears disappeared straight into the pillow without making themselves known. This was not the physical pain, which she could stand but the confusion and uncertainty.

Maybe it was time for Simon to come back and take over again. Being Sarah was great but it was not worth this. How could people be so horrible? She had done no harm to anybody in her young life. It just wasn't fair. Her sobs were deep now but muffled by the pillow. What was she going to do. She couldn't go forward and did not want to go back. The next morning she would tell her Mum it was all over. Sarah would be no more. Slowly the sobs eased and the pain subsided enough to allow sleep to wash over her and take her back to that place where there was no pain.

The next morning she got up and dressed as usual making triply sure that her make up was perfect and the clothes were well matched. Her heart was not in it though and she was dressing by instinct. She had changed her mind about telling her Mother, for the time being anyway. She needed to think things through a bit more. She got the bus to work which was busy and she had to stand up. She couldn't help but notice an ad at the bottom of the page of the newspaper the man next to her was reading - Transsexual and Transgender Support Group, Need help? - it said in large letters. She tried to see the telephone number but the man turned the page before she could memorise it. It looked liked one of the many free papers that were full of ads but he got off the bus before she even had an opportunity to see it's name. Dam, she thought, they might be worth calling if only to be able to tell some one about what had happened. She had no one else.

She tossed the idea around in her mind all morning and, when lunch time came and the office emptied out, she called Directory Enquires. They gave her a number for the organisation she had seen advertised which she wrote down on her desk pad. She would not ring them from here, though, she would use her mobile when she was alone.

The rest of the day went slowly and people had noticed she was quite but they were unaware of the depth of sadness that kept rising up inside of her. Later that evening alone in her bedroom and with the room in darkness she rang the number. She did not want to look at herself. She felt like a freak.

"Hello, Trans-Gender Support, how can I help?" A ladies voice answered.

Now that she had made the call she didn't know what to say. Her mind raced but, like a car with its wheels in the sand getting nowhere.

"Hello, anyone there?"

"Yes," Sarah heard a very quite voice speak but it didn't feel like hers.

"Is there something I can help you with?" The voice at the other end suddenly became soft and reassuring.

"I don't know," said Sarah.

"How about telling me your name?"

"It's Sarah."

"Hello Sarah, I'm Emma. Is there something you would like to talk about right now?" The voice was friendly and encouraging.

"Yes, I suppose so. But I don't know where to start."

"That's OK. Would you like to tell me about Sarah first? How old is she and how long has she been around?

"She's nineteen and has been dressing as Sarah for about two and half years, I guess."

"and is she around all the time now or just some of the time?" The voice was silky, gently pulling her in.

"She.. I .. I became Sarah full time about three months ago."

"Do you live on you own?"

"No, I am with my parents and they have been helping me."

"Gosh, you are a very lucky young lady. Most people like us have to live in the closet for ages, sometimes forever."

"What do you mean, like us? Are you a trans..." her voice trailed away as suddenly it didn't seem right to pry.

"Transsexual? Yes. I am due to have the operation next year."

"Oh, so you know what I'm going through then."

"No, not at all. Everyone is different. Tell a bit more about yourself. Although we are similar no two people's experiences are the same. What made you call tonight? Has something happened?" It was as if Emma could read her mind but not in a threatening way.

"Yes, something happened last night and I don't know what to do."

"Would you like to tell me about it," asked Emma softly sensing that it was something significant.

"Well," Sarah took a deep breath but felt the tears welling up inside of her again.

"Take your time, I'm here for you now. Tell me what happened from the beginning. There's no rush."

Sarah sniffed and started from when she first met Kent. She also wove in a few other significant details and finished right up to date, telling Emma how she was feeling after what Kent had done to her.

"Oh dear I am sorry?" said Emma when she had finished.

"I thought he was nice."

"Many men have difficulty with this subject and its not always easy to predict how they might respond."

"Yes I see that now," Sarah said in a low voice.

"So first things first, do you need to see a doctor?" asked Emma

"No, I'm alright now, I'm a bit bruised but the pain has nearly gone."

"Be careful, its easy to cause internal problems with a punch. If it seems to be taking longer to heal than it should or if the pain comes back then straight round to your GP. Promise?" Emma sounded insistent so Sarah agreed.

"Good, now how's Sarah doing and what does she need right now?" Emma continued.

"I was thinking of going back to being Simon." Sarah replied softly.

"Would that be possible?"

"Yes I think so."

"and is that what you want to do?" Sarah thought for a long time but Emma did not interrupt.

"No. I like being Sarah. It feels right. Natural. I want to carry on but I want to be a girl in every way and to meet boys," she was upbeat now but then stopped and thought for a while, "I suppose that's never going to happen," she sounded despondent once again.

"Listen, a lot has happened to you already and you are still very young. There is much to learn for any teenager growing up and sometimes it isn't easy. You've also decided to add another dimension to your life, for the time being anyway and now you are learning about relationships, communication and lots of other things that we all must pick up to be able to live successfully amongst other people in the world."

"Yes I see," said Sarah thoughtfully.

"There will be many boys and men who will not have a problem with your position. Obviously lots would but some won't. There are even some who go out of their way to meet transgendered females." Sarah nodded and remembered Ben.

"Have you thought about the future?"

"In what way?" Sarah was confused again.

"Do you want to be a woman permanently?"

"I...I don't know. I haven't really thought about it." She told Emma about the agreement she had with Clair and Richard.

"Ok that's fine. In which case you need to be aware of what the people around you are assuming when they see and meet you and what you are prepared to let them continue believing."

"Yes," Sarah was beginning to feel better now.

"...and contrary to many myths TG girls don't jump into bed at the first opportunity when they meet a boy so you don't have to either." Sarah laughed.

"What has happened has happened. It's too late to put the clock back and change things but you can learn from the experience. Think about how you might handle things differently next time, if there is to be a next time. Many people have all sorts of secrets or something specific they must say to a partner before a relationship can move on and the other person may not always like or accept what they hear. That is their prerogative of course. If you want things to go further with someone then have a strategy, work out what could go wrong and how you might deal with that. Above all make sure you don't leave yourself in a vulnerable position - physically or mentally. Do you have any friends apart from your parents who know about you position?"

"No there's no one else"

"You might consider joining a support group. I could give you details if you like."

"Yes I understand," Sarah said almost, but not quite smiling. "I could do that."

"You sound intelligent I'm sure you'll do fine. How are you feeling now?"

"Much better thank you. I guess I was just expecting everything to be perfect." Said Sarah.

"Perfection comes to those that work at it, I always find. Is there anything else I can help with?"

"No I'm fine now and I know what to do. You've been a great help. Thank you."

"Ok that's good and if you need to talk again just ring this number and ask for me. Take care."

Sarah put the phone down and pondered on the conversation for a few minuets. Of course, it's Kent who has the problem not me, she realised and I'll take things as they come and see what happens. It would be nice to have a friend though who she could share her secret with.

  

  

  

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