Sadie Hawkins Day by: Roy Del Frink
FEBRUARY 25, 2000:
Well, it’s getting to be that time of year again, February 29. Or, as some folks call it, Sadie Hawkins Day. Traditionally, it’s a day that women get to chase the guys, rather than the other way ‘round. But that’s not the REAL origin of Sadie Hawkins Day. Let me tell you about how it all started.
My name is Lee Hart, and I live on the island of Ficman, a tiny British possession in the South Pacific. All the locals came here via boat nearly four hundred years ago. We’re descended from about twenty British men and women who found refuge on this deserted place after their boat was stranded at sea. Today about a thousand inhabit the island, with only five last names: Hawkins, Hart, Miller, Zink, and Frink. And right here, on February 29, 1804, was the very first Sadie Hawkins Day.
The first leader of Ficman, Andy Hawkins, was a sorcerer. His magical abilities are genetic, and anyone descended from him has some of those abilities. Sadie Hawkins was his great-great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter, and used her powers for mischief. On that fateful day nearly two hundred years ago, she cast a spell on the island. All the men had a vagina for a day, and all the women got stuck with a penis. This lead to widespread confusion, and many a person was disgusted about it. After the community learned what had happened, they suspected Sophie was the cause of it all. She admitted it publicly, and promised never to pull a stunt like that again. Despite all the problems and confusion, most of the people decided to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and many men learned how their ladies can be pleased. Many women, too, tried taking on the man’s role. Indeed, some husbands and wives even tried exchanging the usual roles during lovemaking. Everything went well, except for poor Stephen Zink, who ended up pregnant and had to carry around the baby - and the opening - for the next nine months. Still, all ended up enjoying the experience, and were glad the whole thing was over.
So it came as a great shock on February 29, 1808, when everyone discovered their genitals had switched again! Sadie was dumbfounded at the sight of her newly-returned penis, until she realized her error in casting the original spell. She specified it to only last for "February 29," but neglected to specify a year! So all of Ficman was stuck with mixed-up genitals once every four years. (Except for 1900, which had no February 29. The island went eight whole years without those crazy days.) Many people found it frustrating, even unnatural, so they just try to spend the day in hiding. (I suspect they masturbate alone, but of course they won’t admit it.) Most, however, have tried to do out-of-the-ordinary sexual activities during the special day.
For example, on February 29, 1992, Irving "Bad" Miller and his wife Anne-Mal spent the day experimenting. "Bad" had always wanted to try getting screwed up his butt, but didn’t like the idea of gay sex, so he never got to do it. But now that his wife Anne-Mal could screw him, he went for it. Bad later admitted it was one of the best ideas he ever got. Anne-Mal discovered her penis was so long, she could tittie-fuck herself, so she tried that. And she loved it, as she told me later. One of the most memorable events on Sadie Hawkins Day, 1996, was my brother Bill’s decision to try lesbian sex with Roy Frink. It wasn’t as could as it could’ve been, since neither one had female breasts, but they both enjoyed it. If you’re worried how I could learn such sexual secrets, don’t be. We’re a fairly small community, so we have no secrets, and since Saide Hawkins Day gets us all, the Ficmanians don’t see any reason to keep our little escapades to ourselves. Me, I’m only 20 years old, and the spell only affects people over 18. Thus, I haven’t come under its effects yet. I’m curious what’ll happen, though, since it’s the 2000 Sadie Hawkins Day. Legend says that the century February 29th’s are special, but since we’ve never had one before, we don’t know exactly what will happen. And I’m the first hermaphrodite born on the island, and I’m curious how that will effect me. Still, it’s just a few days off now, so I’ll learn soon enough.
FEBRUARY 29, 2000:
Today was special, all right! Definitely a Sadie Hawkins Day for the ages. On Century Sadie Hawkins Day, everyone got four breasts, and a full set of both male and female organs. And I got two of each! Guess that’s what happens when you’re born with one of each. Anyhow, I had quite a lot of sex. I tried squeezing my nipples, and to my surprise, milk came gushing out of them! Walking around the island, I discovered everyone else was lactating as well. With a sudden rush of extra organs, everybody who was anybody tried screwing two people at the same time. Or even the same person in both orifices. Me, I went for the ultimate; screwing two "ladies" while being entered by two "men". And when I came, I CAME! I didn’t suspect anyone in the world would ever have a chance to enjoy sex like this. Now I’m sorry that nobody will ever have a chance again! Oh, well, looks like it’s back to normal tomorrow.
MARCH 1, 2000:
You won’t believe this, but everybody on Ficman woke up today with the same crazy set of male-and-female organs they had yesterday! A discussion with Eric "Raven" Hawkins, the current chief of Ficman, was in order. Raven discovered Sadie Hawkins’s old notes, hidden away in his attic. Nobody had seen them in nearly two hundred years. From them, we learned the true nature of the 2000 Sadie Hawkins Day. In addition to all the extra organs, everyone on the island who had sex that day got pregnant, and will keep them all until the baby is born, at least. So now I have twins in different wombs! What are the odds of that? Anyhow, even if I ever turn back to normal, I don’t wanna! I love my new body! Two "heads" (and pussies, yuck, yuck) are better than one. I’m gonna see if Raven can give me this permanently.
THE END
© 2000
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