Robin's Last Stand

by

Paul G Jutras

 

For seventeen years now Roger new he should of been female. He did everything in his power to convince his mother of that fact. Even when he tried to be his true self, he met up with an unmoving object. His mother. He never figured out if it was because she was a bigot or simply too embarrassed to admit the truth to herself. After years of the verbal abuse, he had quite enough.

It all started one day as the tourist area he lived in seemed to dry up on business. It was extremely slow and Roger was lucky to see a single shopper come through his cashier line every five minutes.

"You may go if you want." Susan said with a sigh.

Roger looked at his watch and saw that his mother wouldn't expect him home for another hour. A chance to do some shopping and stand up to his mother about it when he got home. With a thank you to his boss, he went to the clock and punched out for the say.

"Should I reveal my secret to my boss and risk being fired." Roger thought as he recalled reading how a cross dresser from another branch of the store chain in another town had gotten fired. Not the right image their store wanted to project it was said.

Since their supermarket didn't sell purses, Roger removed his name tag and left the building. He went down the strip mall and looked at the prices. He wondered tried to remember if there were better prices when he had been window shopping, but then decided to buy it.

"How can I help you, Mr. Bucks?" The woman behind the counter asked as she referred to the store name on Roger uniform shirt; which she had eyed.

"I'll... I'll take this." Roger said nervously. In the past he had always bought his feminine stuff around a holiday or birthday so that card could be bought at the same time. The look the woman behind the counter gave him, made his stomach do flip flops. What he bought wasn't hers to judge.

After making it to the car, Roger heart was pounded in his chest. Normally he felt more relax shopping. "Relax, Roger, relax." He told himself. "Remember, the doctor said on your last check up that if you didn't remove the stress from your life; you'd end up having a heart attack."

Nothing made Roger more nervous that his mother. He got in his car and drove across the parking lot to the drug store. He wanted to made sure nobody saw him carrying a purse while he was dressed as a man. Even if the outfit he had on was the unisex uniform all employees wore. An outfit he was once mistaken for a girl from behind in. "Forget how you're currently dress." He told himself. "In and out, you can do it."

Roger went into the drug store and eyed the cashier waiting on some customers. He moved his way over to some T-shirts and pretended to look at them while eyeing the cardboard containers of nylons beside the shirt. Making sure that nobody was looking in his direction, he examine the sizes and took it with him in his hand basket. He then looked at the women razors and grabbed one with some shaving gel. All his life he used electric razors and hope he could shave with a straight one without killing himself.

As he headed for the counter, he saw a magazine on hair styles and picked it up. He nervously waiting in line with the idea that all eyes were on him and him alone. He wished so much he could of currently dressed up at the time of doing the shopping. He also remembered how many times he had seen in his own store some guy buying tampons and other items that had that he figured as for a wife or girlfriend and hoped the woman waiting on him would think the same. "Come on, come on." He thought as the items were scanned and bagged.

He couldn't feel relief just yet. Now it was time to face his own mother. It would be sooner than he thought since when he got home, his mother was reading on the front porch.

"They let you out early, Roger." Mary said with a smile. "Give me the keys and I'll put the car in the garage for you. I still don't trust you not to drive in straight."

"What you got there?" She asked as Roger stepped out with a shopping bag in hand. At that moment, Roger felt his mouth go dry and his heart leap into his throat. He wanted to speak, but the words got caught in the passage.

"S...Something I wanted to buy myself." Roger squeaked out and he slung the purse strap over his shoulder and looked in the horror on his mothers face. "I asked you for ten Christmas' in a roll to buy me a purse. This year I didn't asked, but only because I'd hope after our talks that you'd get the hint yourself."

"You're never going to be a woman in this house!" Mary said firmly. "You can't be serious about becoming one. First of all, you'd make an ugly one. And second, the idea would give your father a heart attack. Do you want that?"

"You know mom, I'm tired of you preaching to me!" Roger said as he summoned the courage to say what he much. "All my life it's been the same re-run coming out of your mouth. I'm sick of trying to figure out if you're just too embarrassed to admit the truth to yourself or if you're some kind of bigot."

Mary just stood in stunned silence as her son spoke back to her for the first time in his life. She didn't know what to say or what to do. That bit of golden silence was music to Roger ears.

"You know, I don't care anymore." Roger said firmly. "It's my life and I know I've meant to of been born a girl since the age of three. I will live my life the way I want to live it and the only way you're going to stop me is if you're filled with enough hatred to blow my head off with a gun. You'll have to kill me to stop me from being what I've always known I was meant to be.

"Roger, you want to get your father a heart attack when he finds out?" Mary said as she followed Roger into the house.

"Can't even call me Robin, can you?" Roger said with anger. "Since the doctors said that if I don't mellow from the stress you cause me, I could be the one to die of a heart attack. Not that you care if I live or die."

"You don't mean that." Mary protested. "You know that I love you and only looking after your best interest."

"I'm old enough to know what's best for me, mother." Roger shouted back. "You have a funny way of showing you love me. If you truly did, you'd respect my choice in life, if you agreed with it or not."

"You're never going to wear a skirt or dress in this house young man." Mary glared at him with hopes her threats of disowning him would snap him back to his senses.

"I just said that you're two choices are a dead son or a live daughter." Roger glared harshly into his mothers eyes. "Do I take it from that last statement you'd prefer a dead son. Are you really so full of hate?"

The two were at a Mexican stand off with neither given a inch. Mary didn't know what to do with her son and Roger was out of patience and ideas into how to make her see things his way. Mary let out a sigh and collapsed on the couch, shaking her head in disbelief that her next words could mean the difference between her kid living or dying.

"You wouldn't really kill yourself would you?" She asked ready to call a doctor in order to help talk him out of doing anything rash. Hoped to talk him out of changing his sex and except himself as a male.

"I love you very much and never wanted to hurt you live this." Roger let out a sigh of his own. "That's why I suffered in emotional pain as I have. But as I said, it's my life to live as I want. You can't live it forever no matter how much you wish. You know I'll never be happy the way I am."

Mary just stared at the pain in her son's eyes and felt totally defeated. "Being a woman means this much to you, doesn't it."

"I wouldn't put you through so pain if it did." Roger said as they started to make phone calls to start the transition process of hormone replacements and doctor appointments. As his mother helped teach him how to apply make up and dress with blouses that buttoned in the back, she saw her new daughter, Robin's face light up like never before. A light of happiness that shined from within. Happiness that spread and made Mary feel better for the first time since learning of her son's feelings.

THE END

 

 

 

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© 2001 by Paul Jutras. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.