Roberta's Christmas Wish

by

Paul G Jutras

 

Every year Robert enjoyed spending Christmas with his parents. For the 31 year old, this year would be different. In September he had told his mother that of his plans to become a woman. She was hurt to say the least. As he finished his morning shower and stood before the bathroom mirror in his underwear, he look was a mixture of disgust and fear. As he ran his hand through his hair he hope to get started on hormone replacement therapy before he began to get thin on top. He often seen hair on the book pages he read and bathroom floor and that worried him.

As he put his foot up on the side of the bathroom, he began to spread some shaving cream on his legs. Before he could take a razor to it, his mother opened the door. Robert quickly grabbed a towel and covered his flat chest. "Mother please!"

"What are you doing!" Robert's mother cried out. "I thought we've been over this. You'd make one ugly woman and your father would never understand. Why do you think I had you go to the barber shop yesterday. If you try to tell your father, you're out of the family for good!"

With tears on his face, Robert just whipped the shaving cream from his legs, His mothers harsh words made her sound like a bigot to his ears and made him want to slit his own thought. For to him, it really sounded like she preferred to have a dead son over a live daughter. Instead of going for a knife, he decided to drown his sorrow in a powder doughnut.

As Robert whipped away the tears, he got out the metal cookie cutters and started to help his mother in baking the cookies for when his dad got home that afternoon. His dad had been a military captain on his way home from a mission in Turkey. Robert had considered talking to his dad by E-mail. With troubles around the globe, all messages going in and out were screened.

When his father did show up in his white decorative uniform, Robert want up and gave his father a big hug. With a pat on his back, Robert let go with the happy feeling of him being home alive and well. "Is there anything new with you?" he asked Robert.

"No." Robert lied.

"How's things going?" His dad asked.

"Fine." Robert said with each lie feeling like another nail in his coffin. Robert hated to lie, but promised his mother not to talk to his dad about his feelings. All twisted up inside, Robert's dad admired the angel that that Robert bought his mother for the Christmas tree.

After a beer and relaxing with the news on television, Robert and his mother went off to Burger King for supper. As they pulled up to the drive through Robert felt more frustration as the woman running the order window couldn't see to hear well and had to have the order repeated to ensure that he got his Lord of the Rings goblet. Robert wanted the feminine elf but before he could ask for it, his mother choose the Fordo Hobbit one for him.

After supper, the family gather around the Christmas tree to hand out presents. While Robert would of liked Barbie or Powerpuff Girl wrapping paper, he ended up with Pokemon one. While he hoped for female things, beside a TV/ VCR combo, he got male pajamas, underwear and the like. Each more getting him more down than the last. The final item a Marvel comics super hero T-shirt.

The next day, his parents went off to their grandparents for the next 24hrs. Since Robert had that day off work, the first thing he did was going into the bathroom and shaved his legs. He followed that up by painting his toes red. He had to keep pushing his cat away from sniffing his wet nails. He then got dressed in open toe shoes, a red Christmas sweater with snowmen and pine trees and black slacks.

"Donna." Robert said as he went to his mom best friend next door as Roberta. "Tomorrow I'm telling dad how I was always meant to be a woman. Since mom would never go shopping with me, I wondered if you'd help me pick out something nice before the stress drives me insane?"

"Oh...okay." Donna said in shock. "Just let me get my purse."

At the mall the two of them went from store to store. Thanks to the 25% coupons with the chocolate Robert got at J.C. Penny's, he picked himself up a new purse along with a $59.99 blue velvet dress in tall, along with a red $39 turtleneck and $34 sleek- fitting Hollywood pants in camel shade.

"How's these pants?" Roberta asked as he stood in a red rib knit turtleneck, low raise stone wash flare jeans and holding a blue novelty T-shirt with the word Princess written across the chest.

"Great." Donna nodded, not knowing what else to do.

"Come on." Roberta said, slipping into Ronda by Mudd 5 ½ polyester lining 1" platform boot.

"Sorry." Donna said as she put down a animal print skirt set. "This is a little much to handle. I never expected that you... that."

"I understand." Roberta's cherry red lips smiled. "Let me pick up some Chynna sandals at Payless and we'll head home."

That evening Roberta slipped off her heels and stretched her polished toes. Not having the confiding shoes or any stockings was wonderful on her feet. She cross her bracelet adorn ankle leg with the other and began typing at the computer.

DEAR MOM AND DAD

I understand if I've been a disappointment for you. If he hate me enough to wish me dead, I'd understand. I sometimes want myself dead ever since I first came out to mom. She has verbal child abused me such that I even considered taking her to court once or twice. But mostly I feel like I failed myself as well as you. That why; as you realized, that I have be depressed at times. Why mom made me feel like cutting myself, electrifying myself and would of walked into the street to become road kill if one of you hadn't grabbed my arm on more than one occasion. I just know that I've always was meant to be a woman and the only way to stop me is through my death. I write this in tears in case this become my last will when you read this tomorrow. If you do kill me, that you honor my last request to be buried in a dress.

Your loving daughter,

Roberta.

The next day Robert went to work in his unisex uniform all the men and women employed wore. When he got home, he found his parents waiting for him. "What is the meaning of this!" Robert's father shouted. "You're no son of mine! I want you out of here now and never to step foot inside again!"

"Dad, I had hope you'd understand." Robert said in tears. Instead of running out the door or to his room, he ran to the kitchen. Pulling a knife out of the draw, he held up his arm and slit it show that blood came out. "You prefer a dead son to a live daughter, huh." Robert said in tears. "You can have it that way."

With that, he drove the blade into his gut. The room spun and he collapsed to the ground until he blacked out. When Robert woke up, he was in a hospital bed. His bandages and the operated wound made it hard for Robert to speak or breath.

"He's waking up." Robert heard his mother said. "What were you thinking. Were you really in that much pain?"

"When I cut myself at work and went to the doctors for a shot, I was told that I was suffering from such stress from you; mom, that it was only time before I suffered a heart attack. That's why with dad talking about retiring I had to throw all risks against the wall and speak up. Even if it meant my life."

"It really means that much to you?" Robert father said as Robert nodded and were handed some pieces of paper. "I still don't approve, but don't want you to kill yourself either. That's why signing this paper will officially change your name to Roberta and the other will start you on H.R.T. I just hope you don't regret this choice."

As the papers were signed, Robert was officially dead and only Roberta remained.

THE END

 

 

 

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© 2001 by Paul Jutras. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.