Kim EM's Retrograde Dreams

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This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance between this story and any actual person, living or dead, is coincidental.
The story contains mature subject matter. It may contain adult situations and/or language. If you’re not old enough to legally read this (and you know who you are), then get out of here before it’s too late. You’ve been warned.

Permission is granted to archive or repost this story as long as the text is unaltered, and the copyrights and this notice are included. And don’t forget about the underlying copyright and licensing terms. Oh, and this permission is conditional upon it’s being available only on free sites. No membership fee, "Adult Check", or other means of skinning money out of people are allowed.

I’d love to hear from any readers with comments. Email me at kim@kimem.net. Other stories are available at http://www.kimem.net
If you liked this at all, don’t forget to check out the official archive of Ellen’s remarkable Saga of Tuck at http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes/ And if you’ve read it already, well, read it again. It’s worth it.

Retrograde Dreams by: Kim EM


***
04:13 16 Jun

	I was just making lunch, pigs-in-a-blanket again, when 
Ricky came running up to me.

     "Mommie!" he cried, "I can't find it anywhere!"

	I looked down at him, vaguely surprised that he hadn't 
messed up his makeup this time.  "What's that, Ricky?"

     "My other earring.  I can't find it ANYWHERE!" he started
wailing.

	I shushed him as well as possible, and warned him not to 
wake Stella.  Then, just as I was getting him quieted, the phone
rang.  Damn.  I hurriedly went to pick it up, but couldn't find
the pickle, so I had to go for the wimp phone on the wall. 
"Hello?"

	A burst of static came from the phone, and all I could make 
out was "...his...  ...er residence?"

     "No, this is the Johansen residence.  This is Valerie
Johansen.  May I help you?

     From nowhere came a tracery of machine gun fire stitching me
up the middle, and as I fell, I could hear Ricky crying "Mommie,
mommie..."

***

	The next I knew I was on a table in the operating room, and 
there was quite a crowd.  Or was the room really that small?
Mike leaned over and whispered "Sorry, Tuck-old-bud, but it was 
all I could afford. These places are EXPENSIVE!"

	I wanted to get off the table, to stop being the center of 
attention, but I couldn't move.  The doctor, masked and gowned,
leaned over and then ripped the sheets from my body, exposing it 
to the world, in all its horrible splendor.  My figure, its
shape, was pure Valerie... except for one part, which was
embarrassingly evident.

	The doctor stood, watching me, and then slowly pulled the 
mask from her face.  "Hello, lover, it seems you're all developed
now."

     Debbie.

     "My work on you is almost done, love.  But there's only room
in there for one of you."  She leaned down and pulled something
from the tackle box on a side table. "So who will you be, Tucker
or Valerie?"

     I tried to answer, I really did.  But my mouth wouldn't
work... all I could do is watch in stunned horror as she lifted 
the carving knife, and touched the point to one soft breast.  "If
you don't choose, I'll have to choose for you", she whispered as 
a lone drop of blood broke through the skin.

	The blood, it seemed to be spreading across my body, and I 
tried to block out the sight.  But I didn't pass out, or get
woozy, and I wasn't able to close my eyes.

     "No decision, love?  But no decision IS a decision."  And
with that Debbie moved the knife lower, down to the one part of 
me that wasn't part of Valerie.

     As the world flared white with agony, I heard one last thing
as my senses faded.  "I owe you some pain, missy.  And I always
settle my debts."

***

     *Damn, that hurt*  I was going to have to learn not to lean
over the counter like that when doing my makeup.  But at least
there was a good side.  I didn't have to go through any more
elaborate charades before heading for work.

     I checked the time and hurriedly finished dressing.  One
final thing, I pulled on my gym shoes, grabbed my bag, and then 
rushed into the hall.  I set the security system, then double-
timed it down the stairs.

     "Looking good, Sis!"  Brian called from his seat in the
living room.

	I looked down to see my orange shorts and the owl on the 
front of my tee, and everything went grey.

***

	Dad walked in as I finished dressing.

	"Um, Dad... I can... that is..."

     He waved one hand dismissivly.  "Don't worry about that,
Eugene.  All your mother and I want is for you to be happy.
Everyone changes when they grow up.  Everyone.  I did, your
mother did, everyone."

     "Tucker, you're not the same person you were as a child.
That's okay.  Whatever other people may think, whatever they may
say, you're still our child, and we will always love you."

	"And Valerie, don't ever let them drive you crazy."

***

	I was sitting alone, silently eating my lunch, when Mike 
walked up to me, a troubled look on his face.

     "Tuck, it's not good," he remarked.

     I looked up at him, annoyance on my face, as the bra was
digging into my chest again.  "What is it this time?"

	"We took a vote, and, well, we've decided to revoke your 
membership in the Boyz.  You just, well, you don't fit in any
more.  You look too much like a mallbunny, and think what having
one of them would do to our image?"

     I just sat there, tears running down my cheeks, and asked,
"What about me?  What'll happen to me?"

	Kim was there, sitting at my side, her arms wrapped tightly 
around me.  Behind her was the Pack, all of them, even Debbie and
Lisa.  Finally Kim spoke up. "You're one of us now, Val, now and
forever."

***

	I woke up panting, my chest heaving a mile-a-minute, and my 
sudden motion woke Amy, in whose bosom I'd been sleeping moments 
before.

     She stretched lazily, smiled gently at me, and said, "Good
morning, lover."

***
04:41 16 Jun

	I woke up panting, my chest heaving and my gorge rising, as 
I made a panicked bolt for the bathroom.  I made it just in time,
as my insides tried to fill the bowl with everything I'd ever 
even thought of eating.

	I sat there on the floor for a while, comforted by the cold 
tile and the welcome feel of reality.

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