Regrets, I've Had A Few

by WannabeGinger

 

But then again, too few to mention……….. I don't think so!

Indeed, many crossdressers have lives filled with regrets. They/we have to console ourselves with the high spots, the wonderful interludes in which we indulge ourselves. Before we feel guilty, or before we hastily hide away things that will betray our desires. We can't summon the courage to disclose our feelings to someone we love – wives, girlfriends, whoever…. Could they ever react positively? Not on your life! Worse still, we may throw the "baby out with the bathwater" at times, believing that we can do without indulgence of our feminine instincts. We throw away the clothes we have kept hidden. We ditch the cosmetics that we struggles to learn how to apply with care. We even put a beautiful wig into the trash; the wig that finally transformed the image in our mirror and made us feel whole, or wholly female.

 

I've been there and done all of these things. And yet…… the impulse is still strong. In the street, I admire women I see, usually for their striking and beautiful hair at first; then the facial features and how make-up highlights the best aspects for them. I admire their clothes, it's true, but only as part of the whole picture…. the illusion that I would hope to adopt, if they're "my type" of girl.

 

So what do I do? I buy more clothes, or at least underwear, of my own. I can wear my wife's clothes when she's not around (I'm lucky) and can buy her things I might fancy for myself. Then, what do I do, I chicken out and throw my things away again. I read and write CD stories, living through them the fantasy that I can't bring into reality………….. Crystal's Storysite is the best of them all but it can't be logged onto my "favourites" for fear of discovery. I do enjoy a visit to a Transformation salon occasionally, when business travel permits, or gives an excuse.

 

I call myself Karen when I'm dreaming, in memory of a client who was a wonderful (GG female) businesswoman with striking green eyes. She was tall but made the most of it; no fear of heights, she wore high heels that accentuated her shapely legs….. as I should do. She had a wonderful fall of highlighted blonde hair which I continuously dreamed of copying, if only my own hair would grow fast! I regret never making an approach to her; we could have made music together.

 

Regrets, there's another. I read loads of stories that deal with TG and surgery, S&M and dominance, forced feminizations……… these aren't for me……. I just wish… I just wish…. for gentle, understanding of the desire for a boy to be more like a girl, just now and again.

 

I keep my secrets "back in the box"… Pandora's not a lady I could live with. I tried to discloe all of this to my wife one time, but she hit the panic button! The limit I'm left with is to wear lipstick from time to time……… if it makes me feel better…….. Oh, so much more could be beautiful.

 

How can a wife be involved willingly?

………….But, through it all, when there were doubts, I wish I'd done it "my way".

  

  

  

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