Queen Rider
Joanne Foxcourt
2005
Fort Hold, 5th Pass 4.24.8, Evening
"I think you and the Wyerwoman have gone insane," Bartalon grimaced as he listened to the plan laid out in front of him.
"You haven't seen the lad since the Weyrwoman went to work," Paellion suggested. "You would swear up and down that he was a born girl."
"I find that hard to believe."
"You don't have to take my word for it, go see for yourself!"
"That seems a little voyeuristic, doesn't it?" Bartalon suggested. "Regardless, you and I both know that the lad is a boy and he will grow into a man. What are you going to do then?"
Paellion sighed and took a sip of his wine. "I don't know," he finally admitted. "If we're lucky, he'll always remain slight with that delightful light voice."
"Have you seen what his father looks like?"
Paellion nodded.
"He's also as hidebound as they come. He tried to convince me to do something about this situation. Not that I could, but he seemed especially upset that a son of his was in a woman's role, as he called it. Regardless, if the blood holds true, the lad is going to be stocky when he hits his growth."
"If the blood was holding true, he would have done so by now. Now he looks like his eldest sister, so I don't think he'll ever take after his father," Paellion disagreed.
"Maybe," Bartalon replied, sounding doubtful. "Still, I wonder what you expect my role in this charade to be?"
"Pressure on Holder Darion."
"How so?"
"Darion is the wrench in the plans. I can discredit the statement of nearly anyone on this topic other than the actual family. I need to make sure that, at the very least, he doesn't confirm suspicions."
"You could always claim that he disguised his daughter as a boy to ensure inheritance," Bartalon suggested.
"You sly old man you! That's a great suggestion!"
"I was only joking."
"No, it's perfect! It neatly disarms suggestions from people who might have met the lad while pulling the teeth of Holder Darion at the same time." Paellion was laughing gleefully now.
"You're serious, aren't you?" Bartalon asked.
"Very." Paellion was still chuckling as he sipped on the wine. "Oh, this is just perfect."
"I don't know why I'm agreeing to this."
"Because you no more believed your daughter should Impress than I did."
"True," sighed Bartalon. "I'm actually relieved, despite the show I put on at the Weyr."
Fort Weyr, 5th Pass 4.24.8, Evening
"Two days," Jara grumbled at B'rall, "and I can't figure out how women stand it."
"Stand what?" B'rall asked, curious.
"Having their chests bound up like this! It itches."
"I don't know, maybe it's better than the alternatives."
"What alternatives?" Jara asked.
"I don't know, I don't have breasts. You could ask Marina," B'rall suggested.
"I don't really see myself asking the Weyrwoman such a question. What are the other weyrlings saying?"
"Not a lot, really. I guess they just don't know what to make of you."
"Me neither, so I guess that's fair."
"They don't dislike you," B'rall told her.
"But?"
"But the confusion is making them unsure."
"Still? Marina suggested that this disguise would, well, help clear it up," Jara grumbled.
B'rall shrugged. "It doesn't, but then they were there. Their dragons like you."
Jara smiled at that.
"All the dragons like you," B'rall continued. "I can't figure that out." He ignored the pointed look from Jara. "I mean, it's not like dragons much dislike people or anything, but they also don't really say much about anyone other than their rider. However, they talk about you all the time."
"Really?" Jara sounded skeptical.
"Yeah. Karanath likes you almost as much as he likes me!"
"Oh, come on!"
"No, I'm serious," B'rall told her. "He's always asking Sianeth how you're doing."
"Maybe he wants to fly Sianeth when the time comes," Jara suggested, blushing at the thought.
"He's not the only one. Ask Sianeth."
They all ask about you, Sianeth agreed sleepily.
"Why?"
Because you're special.
"I'm special? How?"
I don't know. Because we're together?
"Maybe that's it, it's unusual," Jara agreed.
It's not unusual for us to be together.
Jara sighed. "I still can't convince Sianeth that I'm not a girl," he told B'rall.
"Well, I can scarcely credit it and I already know better."
"Thanks, I think."
"Larel! Please come in," Marina greeted the Masterhealer. "I suppose you're wondering why I asked you here?"
Larel smiled. "It's always a pleasure to visit the Weyr," he replied. "I hope it's not an emergency? It's a little unusual to receive a summons via bronze dragon."
"Not an emergency, my dear Masterhealer, more of a conundrum as it were."
"Oh? D'vid hinted along some lines. Is this about your unusual new queen rider?"
"You're quite perceptive," Marina laughed. "Yes, it is."
"The Masterharper has been quite busy," Larel noted. "However, I helped to deliver the lad in my Journeyman days, so I don't believe the tales. It's quite an usual circumstance, is it not?"
"Indeed. I guess we hadn't thought of other people who might have known the boy intimately enough to know better."
"It's unlikely to be many of us," Larel reassured her. "His Hold is reasonably remote and the other healer at the birthing has since passed away. So what is this puzzle you are presenting?"
"Our biggest worry is the lad growing up."
"I would think so, given the physical nature of his father."
"Just so. It presents a bit of a problem if this whole ruse is to succeed. I was hoping, maybe, that there might be some way that the Healer Hall could help?"
"Perhaps," Larel admitted. "However, many of the options available to us are rather permanent. I would hate to damage the lad like that only to have the ruse fall through anyways."
"Damage?"
"There are some medications, some that we give older women, that could be used on him, but their effects are not predictable."
"That won't do," Marina decided. "I won't risk his health for this."
Larel sighed in relief. "I was hoping you would say that," he told her. "I didn't want to use them anyways. I don't know if they'll be entirely necessary anyways, the lad always did take after his mother."
"It's the best we can do."
"Is it really necessary?" Larel asked.
"I don't entirely know," Marina told him. "As Farallen noted at the hatching, change upsets people, especially during a Pass. This is a very big change for Pernese to accept."
"What if it happens again and that lad isn't as adaptable to this ruse?"
"I don't think it will. The dragons have reacted very strangely to Jara."
"Jara?"
"That's what the dragons call him, her. I really have to start thinking of Jara as a girl in case I let it slip by mistake."
Laral laughed. "That's quite a remarkable piece of news, this naming."
"There's precedent for it, in a way, but not like this," Marina agreed. "What's more, even T'kon has admitted that his Galleth is infatuated with her."
"Also unusual."
"It's endemic to the dragons. They're protective to the point of being fussy and it isn't just in this Weyr. I'm almost afraid to let Sianeth fly thread when the time comes in case the dragons forget what they are supposed to be doing just to protect Jara."
"Surely not that serious!" Larel protested.
"I wonder at it sometimes, though maybe it's not quite that bad."
"All for a boy that Impressed a queen," Larel mused.
"The dragons insist that he's a girl."
"You're full of surprises you know!"
"It's a daily event for me," Marina told him. "It appears that some new revelation about this child crops up on a regular basis."
"I should talk with this child, I think."
"Oh?"
"Someone that unusual should be studied a bit, don't you think?"
"Jara?"
"Oh, sorry Marina, please come in," Jara called, jumping up from his bedding.
"We didn't disturb you, I hope?" Marina asked as she strolled into the weyr, the Masterhealer in tow.
"No, I was just reading some history of the Weyr."
"Good!" Marina smiled approvingly. "Have you met the Masterhealer?"
"Sir," Jara replied, holding out his hand.
Larel looked at him thoughtfully for a moment before returning the greeting. "No need to be so formal, Jara, I delivered you when you were born."
"Oh! Then you, um, well know?"
"I do, but don't let it worry you."
"The Masterhealer wanted to meet you," Marina added.
"Me? Why me?"
"That, my young friend, is a question that many of us are asking," Larel replied. "Perhaps we can begin to find an answer to it?"
"What do you mean?" Jara showed them to the small table in the weyr and offered klah.
"I don't know yet," Larel admitted. "However, I think by asking some questions and exploring the situation, we might come to an understanding."
"Okay," Jara agreed doubtfully.
"Alright, why don't you tell me what happened, in your own words," Larel suggested.
Jara took a deep breath and began to tell the story of Impressing Sianeth.
"Saleth and Brineth wouldn't let you leave the grounds?" Larel asked, surprised.
"They told me it wasn't over and that I should stay. They commanded me to stay, really," Jara replied.
"Has this ever happened before?" Larel asked Marina.
"Not that I've ever heard of," Marina told him. "What's more, Wrybeth prevented the other girls at the hatching from getting close to Sianeth, now that I think about it."
"Why's that?"
Sianeth had chosen, Wrybeth told Marina. Her choice was perfect, there could be no other.
"What?"
She needed Sianeth to become whole. Dragons protect and Jara is special.
"Well, that's a revelation," Marina managed to say.
"What?" Larel demanded.
Marina relayed Wrybeth's observations. "I don't understand," she added. "Needed Sianeth to become whole? I can't think of a rider that hasn't felt more complete with their dragon."
"It's obviously deeper than that," Larel told her.
"I'm still here," Jara noted, sounding a little cross.
"Oh, I'm sorry my dear!" Marina replied. "Wrybeth's revelations were just a bit surprising. Do you know what she means?"
"No, I don't think so," Jara said. "I mean, I always wanted to be a dragonrider, who hasn't, but that doesn't seem like what she means."
Larel regarded Jara with a speculative look. "You've adapted to this guise quite well," he noted.
Jara flushed.
"I mean no insult, Jara, it's just something to note. Have you ever thought of being a girl before?"
"Of course not!" Jara shouted as Sianeth stirred in her sleep.
"Hush child," Marina cautioned. "Sianeth needs her sleep. Larel didn't mean it as an insult."
"Truly," Larel agreed. "I'm just trying to understand what the dragons are seeing and we're missing. How have you felt, these last couple of days?"
"Nervous," Jara admitted. "Itchy too."
"Itchy?" Marina asked.
"I'm not used to having things strapped across my chest all the time."
"It's better than the alternative," Marina laughed. "It can be quite painful, especially during threadfall, if things aren't properly contained."
"I don't have anything to contain," Jara noted.
"Indeed, but the illusion requires that it appears that you do."
Jara sighed. "I never thought life could be so complicated," he groused.
"Well, I for one, am a little jealous Jara," Larel told him.
"Why?"
"No matter how strange this is for you, you have Sianeth and always will. That's a special bond that most of us will never experience in our lives. Like you, I dreamt of it also."
Jara nodded mutely.
"I need to digest all of this information," Larel declared. "It's late and I expect that I'm not the only one who is tired and who has had a lot to absorb."
"Do you have any ideas?" Marina asked.
"Some, but it's too early to speculate. It's time for me to start doing some research in the old records."
Fort Weyr, 5th Pass 5.15.8, Evening
"Something's not right Marina," Jara cried, running into to the Weyrwoman's weyr.
"Shh, child, whatever is the matter?" Marina soothed as Jara all but jumped into her arms.
"There's something wrong with me," Jara sniffled, his voice slightly muffled.
"Wrong?"
"My chest, it's wrong."
Marina stepped back slightly and held Jara to look. "I don't see anything wrong."
"I'm growing there!"
"What?"
"I think I'm getting breasts," Jara admitted, his tears starting again.
"That doesn't make any sense," Marina declared. "How can you be growing breasts?"
"I don't know," Jara wailed.
"Shh, calm down," Marina soothed, stroking Jara's hair. "There must be a logical explanation. Let's call in the Masterhealer."
"I'm at a loss," Larel admitted to Marina. "I don't have an explanation. As far as I can tell, Jara should be a basically healthy young lad. I gave him, I mean her, something to help her sleep for a while. Sianeth appears upset, though."
"Wrybeth has calmed her down," Marina noted absently. "No clues?"
"None," Lareth shook his head. "For all intents and purposes, he looks like any young girl just starting to blossom into adulthood. Minus some differences around the groin, of course."
"Of course," Marina noted drily.
"Mind you, even there he seems a bit, well, underdeveloped."
"That's unusual, most dragonriders are well endowed."
"Jara is hardly usual," Larel noted. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Jara's body has decided to agree with the dragons."
Marina raised an eyebrow.
"Like I said, if I didn't know any better. Something isn't quite right."
No, Wrybeth interjected. It is right.
Larel looked at Marina in surprise.
"You heard that?" Marina asked as Larel nodded. "What do you mean dear heart?"
Jara is becoming herself.
Larel shook his head in confusion as Marina asked, "what do you mean?"
It's natural. With Sianeth, she is whole and is becoming what she should be. Dragons protect.
Marina gave Larel a helpless look. "You know as much as I do," she told him.
"Which isn't much," Larel agreed. "Clearly, something is acting to change Jara to fit the mold the dragons see in her. What, exactly, is the question. Not even dragons can do that."
"No, not even dragons," Marina agreed, her voice trailing off in speculation.
You're awake, Sianeth noted as Jara stretched on his furs.
"Are you hungry?" Jara asked, concerned.
It is night, time for sleeping. You've slept since the Healer came.
"And you stayed awake?"
You were upset. You shouldn't be.
"I'm changing Sianeth, in ways that shouldn't happen."
It is good. Wrybeth says you are becoming whole and that I am helping you. I want to help you.
"What does she mean?" Jara demanded, his voice echoing his frustration.
I don't know. You are Jara and I am Siabeth. We are together and that is whole. Still, Wrybeth and the others say there is more. I don't understand either. I want you to be happy.
Jara forced himself to relax and went over to cuddle against the dragon. Idly, he scratched Siabeth's eye ridges as he contemplated the first time he had touched a dragon. Saleth had been so sure, rightly it seems, at least in the basics of it. Still, that fabulous moment couldn't compare to the sheer joy in scratching Siabeth.
You're feeling better. I like when you scratch there.
"I know, my love. I am feeling a little better, but I still don't know what to do."
You are learning. You don't think of yourself as J'red anymore.
"You snitch on me when I do!"
I only want you to be whole. Wrybeth says this is the only way. Dragons protect. Dragons protect you.
Jara threw his arms around Sianeth. "I love you Sianeth, you know that."
I know. I love you too.
Fort Weyr, 5th Pass 5.16.8, Morning
"Jara! Over here," D'vid called as Jara walked into the cavern looking for breakfast.
"Good morning bronze rider," Jara smiled in genuine pleasure. "You're up early."
"I'm helping with the first flying lessons," D'vid admitted. "Though it's still too soon for you to go up."
"Sianeth is almost as big as a full grown green."
"True, but that's barely half her adult size."
"I want to fly," Jara whispered. "I need to get away from all of this, somehow."
"This?"
Jara waved at his body and the clothing he was wearing. "This. This guise, this person that I have to be. I need to go up in the sky, someplace where I can just be me."
D'vid smiled in sympathy. "Soon, my young friend, soon. Has it been that bad?"
"Something is happening to me," Jara admitted.
"Oh?"
"I'm well, um..."
"That's not very clear," D'vid grinned at him.
"I'm growing breasts!"
D'vid's eyes opened in astonishment. "That's not possible," he stated.
Jara shrugged. "That's what Larel said too, nevertheless, they're growing."
"Oh."
"I don't want them," Jara told him.
"I can imagine," D'vid agreed. "However, they could be useful."
"I don't see how."
"Well, it helps the disguise."
"Some disguise, I'm turning into a girl! I don't want to be a girl D'vid!"
"Surely it isn't that bad?" D'vid asked.
Jara glared at him.
"I mean, maybe it's just swelling or something."
Jara shook his head. "It's been too long. I thought so too, but after a while they just got bigger."
"I don't know what to say," D'vid admitted.
"I'm sorry," Jara replied, feeling abashed. "I shouldn't burden you with my problems."
"No, it's okay, I'm just at a loss. I'm just a dragonrider, I don't know anything about healing or anatomy. Has the Masterhealer said anything?"
"He doesn't know either," Jara replied in frustration.
"It is unusual, you must admit. Perhaps he needs time to research the records?"
Jara nodded and stared morosely at his breakfast.
"Cheer up," D'vid told him. "At least the flying lessons are starting!"
Jara smiled at that, his mind reaching out to the just waking Siabeth. "Siabeth wonders what the fuss is about. She says that she has wings, dragons fly, and riders ride."
D'vid chuckled. "All of the dragons say that, but it takes time to develop the muscles and become used to the activity. It's a very sad day for the entire Weyr when a young dragon pushes past it's limit."
"Does it happen often?" Jara felt a pang of concern.
"Once is too often," D'vid told him seriously. "However, it is a rare enough event thanks to the training. I understand your impatience, but school yourself. You're a Queen rider, you can control your desires."
"I can't even control my body," Jara snorted.
"Ladies don't snort," Marina noted as she approached the table, smiling at the guilty start that Jara gave. The lad had come a long way in adopting the guise, Marina reflected, though Sianeth reported that he, shards she, still referred to herself in the masculine. "Wrybeth tells me that Sianeth is as anxious as you to fly," she added as she joined the two at the table.
"Oh yes," Jara sighed, his eyes losing focus as he thought about Sianeth and the clear blue skies above Pern.
"Patience," Marina smiled.
"That's what D'vid said!"
"D'vid is adventurous, but wise, even if his nose for trouble is better suited to a brown rider."
"I protest!" D'vid laughed, "Brineth is the trouble maker."
If you would kick him Jara, I would be grateful, Brineth suddenly sounded in Jara's mind.
"Hey!" D'vid jumped back as Jara aimed the kick. "You're subverting my dragon!"
Marina's peals of laughter rang out across the room. "Oh my! It seems that Brineth is reluctant to accept blame for your exploits!"
"How are you today Brineth?" Jara asked with his mind, suddenly feeling a little daring.
I am well, Brineth replied. You are troubled. Don't be, dragons protect.
"I'll try," Jara responded silently as D'vid turned to gaze at him intently.
"You're really more remarkable than A'lon and Saleth ever really imagined, you know," D'vid said, his gaze still intent.
"What?" Jara jerked around. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."
D'vid waved away the apology. "Brineth decides who he will talk to and apparently you're one that he will. Nevertheless, he feels a need to protect you. Why?"
Jara shrugged helplessly and looked at Marina. "Wrybeth said the same thing," Marina responded. "For some reason, they believe that Sianeth is necessary for Jara to become whole. Nobody really understands it, except the dragons and they aren't explaining it very well."
"I'm really not all that remarkable," Jara disagreed.
"On the contrary, you ride a queen," D'vid interjected. "For that reason alone you are in select company. Add in the circumstances and you become entirely remarkable." Marina nodded her agreement.
"I guess I just don't understand."
"Neither do we, dear, but we'll figure it out."
Harper Hall, 5th Pass 5.16.8, Afternoon
"I'm exhausted," Larel admitted as he accepted the cup of klah from Paellion. "I've been up all night straining my eyes looking for clues about what could be happening with young Jara."
"I take it that it has been fruitless so far?" Paellion asked.
"Indeed, but even with the records in sorry shape, I've barely plumbed the surface of the information available."
"I must admit, I've not managed to retrieve an explanation or even an example from Harper lore. How is Jara taking this change?"
"She's upset, as you might imagine," Larel replied. "While it certainly benefits the disguise that you and Weyrwoman have concocted, the child is not happy with the apparent permanence of it."
"I wonder if that happiness is a function of life outside the Weyr?" Paellion mused.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, in truth my friend, the lot of women on our beknighted planet is not as good as it could be. The Weyr is different, the Weyrwoman is really the power there and women are encouraged to be independent. This is not what happens in the Holds or even many crafthalls, as you well know."
"The Healer Hall has always encouraged women!" Larel protested.
"Indeed, I don't intend to disparage our respective crafts in this regard, but you know as well as I that fewer women are coming into the crafthalls and much of that is a result of fathers attempting to achieve alliances through marriage."
Larel sighed and twirled the klah in his cup. "I must admit that you have the right of it, but how does this affect Jara?"
"It's mere speculation on my part, perhaps a Harper whimsy, but perhaps the greatest problem that Jara faces with this is the attitude towards women that she has been brought up with."
"Are you trying to become a mind healer?" Larel smiled. "Her attitudes would not be helped given the nature of Holder Darion, I agree."
"A harper must be first, and foremost, a student of people," Paellion reminded him, sounding a little pompous in the declaration. "It was plain to all who could see that Darion was less than pleased by the outcome of the Hatching."
"As you say," Larel replied. "I certainly won't discount your observations on that score. Still, I wish I understood what was happening with her physiologically."
"I have every confidence in you my friend."
"Well, that makes one of us. I've never encountered such a person as this."
"Yes, our latest queen rider is something altogether unique. I wish I could write his song, it would be a worthy tale."
Fort Weyr, 5th Pass 5.26.8, Afternoon
"You are not to try and take your dragon between until you have been given proper instruction and training. Today we will perform a short flight to accustom you and your dragon to the process," G'ten instructed the assembled wyerlings, his countenance stern.
The weyrlings, including Jara, nodded their understanding. I don't understand the delays,Sianeth mentioned as Jara checked the riding straps for the fourth time that morning. He may be old, but does he have to be slow as well?
"Hush, he's only looking after us," Jara replied, trying to hide his grin. "Soon we'll go between and I'll take you to visit my sisters."
Sianeth's eyes whirled in pleasure and she nudged Jara affectionately with her nose.
"Mount up!" G'ten called from the back of his aging blue as the weyrlings quickly climbed aboard their dragons. Already Jara could feel the clear blue of the sky calling to him, but he restrained the urge to leap ahead of the instruction even as he felt Sianeth's amusement at the efforts of her, now, much smaller hatching mates to prepare. At some unheard signal from G'ten, the forty nine dragons leapt to the air, their quick springs causing their riders to jerk back in their harness.
Within moments, Jara could feel the exhilaration of Sianeth's powerful muscles straining to catch air and propel them high above the Weyr. The vista spread out around them and each finally saw the spectacular vista that was Pern, the vista that drew their ancestors to this planet and kept them there to breed the magnificant dragons to fight the thread that threatened their idyllic choice. "I love you Sianeth," Jara called. "I want to be up here forever with you!"
It is beautiful and it feels right for you to be on my back and us to be in the air as we should be. G'ten is ordering us to return. Sianeth didn't bother to hide the sounds of resentment in her mental voice.
Jara laughed and squeezed Sianeth's neck. "We had best return love, we've outpaced our weyrmates."
Slow and small, they thought that they could keep up with me.
"Karaneth came the closest," Jara noted.
I let him, Sianeth responded, sounding a little smug. He will have to fly much faster if he ever hopes to catch me.
"Sianeth! You aren't..."
No, not yet.
Jara felt a sudden surge of relief at that and turned to watch the ground approach. Idly, he noted that the other weyrlings were already on the ground and that G'ten looked a little angry. "I think we might be in trouble," Jara commented as Sianeth completed her graceful landing.
Ignore him, he's only a blue.
"Jara! I told you to land and when I say land, you land!"
"Sorry G'ten, Sianeth wanted to stretch her wings," Jara apologized.
G'ten glared hard enough for Sianeth to swing her head around and interpose it between the two humans. Aveth, G'ten's blue, bugled an objection to which Sianeth responded with a strong hiss.
"Enough," G'ten said forceably. "You can explain your carelessness to the Wyerleader. Class dismissed."
Fort Weyr, 5th Pass 5.26.8, Evening
"Young lady," T'kon started, his facial muscles twitching, "G'ten is your Wingleader while you remain a weyrling and you will obey him!"
"I'm not a young lady!" Jara shouted back. "I apologized and he glared at me so hard that Sianeth became upset."
T'kon glared.
"We came back down," Jara continued, "but just because Sianeth is bigger and can fly faster doesn't mean we were disobeying."
"Young wings need time to develop," Marina added quietly. "G'ten was only concerned with Sianeth's well being."
"I know," Jara agreed morosely, dropping into the chair he had jumped from before looking blankly towards the ceiling. "Both of us, especially me, wanted to rise in the sky so badly. We wanted to be some place where we could just be us, to be away from all of this where we have to live in disguise and pretend."
"I don't think we should continue this Marina," T'kon said, his gaze softening.
"We have to," Marina replied, a helpless look on her face. "The Harper rumors have done their work too well and there are, well, other reasons."
"Other reasons?"
Marina sighed before looking to Jara for agreement. "Jara has been, well, developing oddly for a boy."
"What, by the first egg, is that supposed to mean?"
"Jara is growing breasts and there are other changes."
"What? Are you sure you aren't a girl," T'kon demanded of Jara.
"Of course I'm sure!" Jara shouted, jumping up again.
"Easy," Marina cautioned. "Jara is a boy, I have seen him. Nevertheless, there is no denying the changes. Larel has examined him and is looking for answers."
T'kon shook his head and laughed softly. "This is getting beyond crazy," he noted. "You know Holder Darion is going to think we've done something."
"Such as?" Marina demanded.
"Who knows?" T'kon shrugged. "He's been surly and uncooperative ever since the Hatching and he seems to be blaming us for the whole situation. Remarkably, however, he hasn't heard that rumor that the Harper spread about."
"Isolation has its advantages."
"What rumor?" Jara asked.
"The Harper let it be known that your father secretly disguised you as a boy so that you could inherit the holding," Marina told him.
"He wouldn't like that at all!" Jara exclaimed as the two Weyrleaders nodded. Jara started laughing before the tears started.
"What's wrong?" Marina cried, jumping up to comfort him.
"I can never go back, go back to being Jared. Look at me! Even if I tried, nobody would believe it."
"Do you really want to?" Marina asked, her eyes intent.
Jara's eyes registered helplessness, confusion, and sadness.
"A rider can't commit suicide," T'kon stated forcefully as Marina continued to worry at the problem of Jara.
"I know that!" Marina sighed in exasperation. "A rider can, however, push her dragon beyond endurance and that would be suicide."
"Won't happen."
"I wish I was so confident," Marina responded snappishly.
"Marina, with every dragon on the planet practically hovering over the pair, do you really think that they could do something that foolish?" T'kon demanded.
"No," Marina sighed.
"I wish I hadn't let you start this masquerade though."
"I don't think it would matter. You saw the child, did you think he was male? His body is really changing."
"It makes no sense!" T'kon stated again as Marina shrugged. "Surely the Healer has some idea? Anything at all?"
"Not that I know of and it's been several days," Marina replied as her head cocked to the sound of the drum rolls echoing into the Weyr. "Ah, the Healer is asking for conveyance, maybe he has found something?"
T'kon's eyes lost focus for a moment. "I've asked Galleth to see if D'vid and Brineth could fetch him. Maybe he has an answer then, I don't know, the message didn't say."
"Of course not, Larel is not stupid."
The two Weyrleaders waited silently until they heard Galleth bugle a greeting to Brineth, signalling the arrival of the Masterhealer. The pair strolled into the weyr as Marina was already springing forward with, "What news?"
"And greetings to you and Wrybeth my dear Werywoman as well," Larel grinned.
Marina stopped, slightly abashed. "My apologies Larel, but we've become very anxious about Jara."
Larel waved away the apology. "I asked D'vid to join us since Jara has apparently confided in him anyways."
T'kon and Marina nodded.
"I have found some clues in the records of the ancients, as poorly kept as they might be. Master Paellion is quite put out with the archivists on this score, I must say." The others chuckled, knowing the Masterharper loved history. "However, as I was saying, I found some clues. It seems that Jara's condition is not unheard of, though apparently quite rare even before our ancestors arrived here. It would appear that Jara isn't quite completely male nor is he, or she, quite completely female."
The three dragonriders stared at him in confusion. "That doesn't make sense," D'vid finally managed. "There are only two choices: male or female. Every species is the same."
"Not entirely true," Larel lectured. "According to the Masterfisherman, he's observed species of fish that appear to change sex for some unknown reason."
"Are you saying that Jara is changing sexes?" Marina asked.
"Not quite, Jara is really both sexes, or maybe neither."
"Or something else entirely," T'kon commented.
"Indeed. Though, from what I can gather, the dragons have apparently decided that Jara is truly a female."
"Jara seems resistant to that, though the Weyr seems to accept what they see at face value," Marina noted.
"The dragons probably helped that as well, enough so that their riders decided that their first impressions were wrong," Larel explained.
"So, what do we do?" Marina asked.
"That, I don't know. The condition is explained, but a cure is not, which is unusual for the ancients. All I can suggest is that we just allow Jara to find his or her way."
T'kon grimaced. "Jara rather pointedly noted that he is trapped now, thanks in great part to the rumors and suggestions that have since been spread around Pern," he said.
"Those rumors would certainly be reinforced by Jara's appearance," D'vid noted. "I remember the lad when I picked him up for the hatching. He may have been slight, but I didn't take him for a girl. I would now and it hasn't been all that long."
"Maybe I was wrong about the dragons," Larel mused.
"What do you mean?" Marina asked.
"You remember when we decided that not even dragons could cause this?" Marina nodded. "Well," Larel continued, "it may be that they are unintentionally accelerating the process. Impressing Siabeth may have proven to be some sort of catalyst, a very strong one. As you all know, the gold dragon is definitely a powerful female, the greatest of her species, and possesses the strongest will and mind of all dragons, yet she is the breeder and her instincts in that direction are immense. The powerful bond between dragon and rider might have created an internal trigger in Jara, a trigger that responds to the strong presence of Sianeth."
"That is a lot of speculation," T'kon noted.
"True," Larel agreed. "Nevertheless, the evidence strongly points to that or something like that. The changes have been very rapid and, so the records indicate, unusual even at that. They don't record such startling differences as Jara exhibits."
"Which brings us back to the question of what do we do?" Marina said.
"Nothing. It's not even in our hands. Let us hope that Jara can come to terms with the changes and that Siabeth's bond is stronger than Jara's desire to be male."
"No dragonrider would have a doubt over that," D'vid stated.
"No dragonrider faces those particular questions."
Fort Weyr, 5th Pass 6.11.8, Afternoon
Jara revelled in the feel of the wind in his face as Sianeth's wings stretched out and propelled them into the sky. Today, finally, they would be taught to go between, into that cold void that dragons used to transport themselves and their riders nearly instantly across Pern.
Aveth says to visualize the Star Stone at the Weyr, Sianeth relayed. Jara dutifully pictured the Stone in his mind from the angle that G'ten had taught them. I can see it clearly, Sianeth stated, though I already know what it looks like.
"It's probably for my practice rather than yours," Jara smiled.
We are first to go. Are you ready?
Jara nodded as he mentally gave the instruction to go between. Even with the lessons and previous experience, the cold blackness of between nearly took Jara's breath away. Count to three, he told himself as he could no longer feel the strength of Sianeth beneath his legs.
I am here. We are together.
Sianeth and Jara winked into view above the Star Stone and the much warmer air of the spring helped to chase away some of the coldness of between. Jara felt the elation of success.
Aveth says we did well, perfectly positioned. Sianeth conveyed a tone that indicated that there was no doubt that the return would be perfect. He says we are to practice with the landmarks we have been taught.
Jara dutifully began to picture the places they had flown to as their next journey between began.
"How long, do you think, before Jara tries to visit her family?" Marina commented as she watched the young gold dragon go between in another practice run.
"I gave it less than three days," D'vid grinned.
"Gave it?"
"The betting on that is quite hot. I think A'lon probably has the best chance of winning, but I didn't get my bet in on time."
Marina laughed. "I don't know what to do with some of you sometimes," she said, still laughing.
"You know that she has to visit them if, for no other reason, than to cut the ties to the past. She's a dragonrider now, her family is us."
"That's easier for the weyrbred and you know it."
"True," D'vid agreed. "Mind you, given the attitude of Holder Darion lately, he may make the decision much easier."
"I've heard," Marina grunted in mild anger.
"Lord Bartalon is becoming more displeased with Darion as well. It appears that he has taken up heavy drinking in favor of his duties to his Lord Holder."
"All for this?" Marina shook her head.
"I gather that his wife miscarried and with Jara here," D'vid trailed off.
"No heir. Has anyone told Jara?"
"No, and Darion sent no messages."
"Jara should be told," Marina decided.
Barrit Cothold, 5th Pass 6.12.8, Early Morning
I'm hungry, Sianeth noted as Jara prepared the riding straps.
"You can feed when we get to the hold," Jara replied. "I need to see my family, especially with my mother's miscarriage. It's been so long." Marina's revelation last night jolted Jara and scared him greatly. Jara knew his father, things would not be going very well at home with this happening and with Jara's Impression of Sianeth.
I can wait, Sianeth agreed.
"Look!" Mari shouted, pointing towards the sky. "It's a queen dragon!"
"Shh, Mari, your father is sleeping," Liana cautioned as she followed the excited finger pointing of her youngest daughter.
"Oh mama, do you think it's Jared?"
Liana shook her head, but she was hoping that it was her son. It had been so long and Darion had sunk into a depression that had only gotten much worse since her miscarriage. The beautiful gold dragon landed in the small field outside her home and she watched as the lithe figure descended and turned to face them with a smile.
"Jared!" Mari and Aimee shouted as they ran towards their brother. Liana followed at a more stately pace and smiled as Jared hugged his sisters in turn. As she reached her son, his appearance rocked her back on her heels with shock.
"Jared! What is all this?" Liana demanded as she surveyed the visible changes that her daughters had either missed or ignored.
Jara sighed as he released his sisters from the hug. "It's a long story mother," he told her. "Something is happening and even the Masterhealer doesn't understand it."
"Before that," Mari interrupted, "I want to meet your dragon!"
"Mari!" Liana scolded.
Jara laughed. "It's okay mother," he smiled. "Sianeth, these are my two sisters and my mother. Ladies, this is Siabeth."
Liana felt her throat tighten at the obvious love in her son's voice as he made the introductions.
Jara loves you all a great deal, Siabeth said, surprising Liana with the words in her mind.
"Jara?" Liana finally managed. "She spoke to me."
Jara scratched Siabeth's eye ridges. "She knows how much you all mean to me," he told them. "The dragons call me Jara, that's part of the story. Where is father?"
"Your father is asleep," Liana told him, her voice suddenly angry.
"Asleep? With crops to tend?"
Liana gave a tight nod.
"Mother, I've heard about what happened."
"It was the event that pushed him over the edge," Liana sighed. "Come inside and have some klah and tell us what is happening to you."
"Sianeth needs to hunt..."
"Tell her to, it's not as if it matters to your father now."
I will hunt light, Sianeth said.
"Oh Jared," Mari sighed as Sianeth leapt into the air, "she's so beautiful."
Jara hugged his little sister. "So are you," he smiled.
"What's it like?" Aimee asked as her eyes followed Sianeth's flight.
"I don't know how to explain it," Jara admitted. "We're one, together forever. It's just beyond what I had ever imagined." They entered the cot and Jara noticed the signs of Darion's disregard. "It's bad, isn't it?" Jara asked.
Liana nodded. "He was upset that you Impressed Sianeth and then it got worse when I miscarried."
"Drink?"
"Yes, too much. Lord Bartalon has cautioned him, but he refuses to listen. Jared, we could be turned out if something doesn't change soon."
"You can come to the Weyr," Jara suggested as Liana shook her head.
"We go where your father goes," Liana told him. "However, enough of that talk. What has happened with you? You look like one of my daughters and not my son."
"Well, at first, the Weyrwoman and Harper suggested..."
"I don't believe it," Liana finally stated as Jara finished the story. "You started masquerading as a girl? Then you started turning into one? Jared, what were you thinking?"
"I was thinking how to keep my Weyr from having trouble," Jara replied. "Nobody, least of all me, thought that this would happen. Do you think that I wanted this?"
"No, I suppose not. Why do the dragons call you Jara?"
Jara shrugged. "Nobody knows," he admitted. "They just do. They say I'm becoming whole and they are protecting me."
"Well, well," Darion sneered from behind. "I see my son, the girl, has returned. The laughingstock of Pern. The boy on the gold dragon."
Jara turned to face his father and immediately saw the blood-shot eyes and haggard expression of one who had been drinking all too much. "Nobody is laughing at me," Jara told him firmly.
Darion's eyes widened at the appearance of his son. "You look like a girl! What else are you going to do to embarass me and this family?"
"Enough," Jara said, slamming his hand on the table. "I didn't come here to argue with you, I came to see my family and enjoy some time from the Weyr. Clearly, I'm not welcome and I'll leave."
"No!" Liana and Aimee cried out.
"Yes!" Darion shouted. "I don't want this boy-girl thing in my home. It's bad enough that my former son had to Impress a gold dragon, but then to come here looking like a girl. Get out!"
Jara stood up and stomped out of the house, Darion following cursing at him until the large bulk of Sianeth dropped between them, her eyes whirling with the red of anger. Overhead, several bronze dragons blinked in from between and circled above anxiously. Sianeth bugled a calming note as she fixed her gaze on Darion who had backed away nervously.
"I am who I am," Jara shouted at his father. "I don't need you or your approval. Sianeth is all that matters and you'll never understand that."
Galleth says we must return, now, Sianeth told him as she made the leap into the air before taking them between. The bronzes are worried, but I hunted well this morning.
Jara laughed before softly crying as he allowed the blackness of between to provide the cold comfort he needed.
Fort Weyr, 5th Pass 6.12.8, Morning
"Galleth was beside himself," T'kon shouted as Marina comforted Jara. "He said that Darion was going to attack you and suddenly every bronze at Fort disappeared. You were not authorized to take solo trips!"
Jara dried his eyes and sat up. "I had to go," he said. "My mother had miscarried and I hadn't seen my family in so long. I had to see them."
"You took a terrible risk with Sianeth," T'kon scolded, but backing down a little.
"There was no risk. Ask G'ten, Sianeth never misses her mark and I know my old home better than I know the Weyr."
T'kon shook his head and sat down. "What am I going to do with you?" He demanded. "You're disrupting the Weyr."
"T'kon," Marina cautioned.
"What would you have me say Marina? I can only deal with one catastrophe at a time and this child runs into them headlong on a daily basis!"
"Hardly," Marina noted. "We've been remiss in dealing with situations before they get out of hand. All of us should have seen this coming and prepared for it. And Jara is right, too, that G'ten is full of praise for Sianeth's abilities. Like her rider, she is surprising everyone."
"Perhaps that is the problem," T'kon decided as he ignored the questioning stares from Marina and Jara. "Yes, I think that is it."
"What, by the first egg, are you muttering about?" Marina demanded.
"Despite the rocky start," T'kon elaborated. "It is clear that Sianeth and Jara are beyond the basic weyrling training and they need to prepare for more active duty. Sianeth is already grown far beyond her hatching mates and the pair don't need firestone instruction. It's time they joined the Queen's Wing."
Jara caught his breath. "Fight thread?" He demanded.
"Not yet," Marina replied. "You need to learn still, as does Sianeth, but I think T'kon is right. It is time you learned your role in the fight against our ancient enemy."
"It's decided," T'kon said. "I'll inform G'ten that you're no longer a part of the weyrling training. However, young lady, you are not authorized to go off on jaunts on your own until the Weyrwoman gives her leave. Do you understand?"
Jara nodded his agreement.
"Now," Marina asked, as she took Jara's elbow and led him out of the room. "We also need to examine the extent of your changes."
"I have to admit," Marina said, sitting back, "that I just don't understand it."
"That makes two of us," Jara shrugged.
"Larel found some information in the old records."
"Information?"
"What's happening to you, apparently, isn't entirely unknown to the Ancients. However, it's happening faster than they said it would or could."
"Why?" Jara demanded.
"We don't know," Marina admitted. "Larel thinks that the dragons might be the reason that you're accelerating."
"The dragons? How?"
"Another thing we don't know. The dragons, however, insist that you're a girl and they seem to be much more interested in you than anyone would expect."
Jara ground his teeth in frustration.
"You're still doing it," Marina noted. "Think Jara!"
"Sianeth!"
It is better for you to become who you are, Sianeth replied, unperturbed by her weyrmate's outburst.
"I can't believe that you managed to get my dragon to snitch on me," Jara grumbled as Marina laughed lightly.
"Sianeth is doing what she thinks is best," Marina added as Sianeth's eyes whirled in agreement.
"So, what do I do?" Jara finally asked.
"Nothing," Marina replied. "What can you do? Or any of us? Even if the Ancients knew how to cure it, we've lost that skill, like so many other skills before."
"And it helps you, doesn't it?"
"I won't lie to you Jara, it really does help."
"I don't like this," Jara muttered.
"Look at it this way," Marina suggested. "If you started changing back home, without us or Sianeth, what do you think might have happened?"
"It isn't right," T'kon stated, glancing at his wingleaders. "Those dragons seemed ready to actually attack."
"I don't think they would have," D'vid disagreed. "Mind you, Holder Darion might not know that."
"The only time I've ever seen my Dilloth that upset, angry really, was when thread almost hit me," K'rin noted.
"Galleth denies that he would have hurt Darion," T'kon sighed. "Nevertheless, I felt his anger and he didn't wait for me. I can't fathom it. Jara is a good kid, we all want her to be happy, but I've never seen nor heard of the like."
"Brineth has been like a broody Gold ever since he met Jara, " D'vid commented. "A'lon tells me his Blue is the same way. For some reason, which the dragons won't explain, they're extremely protective of Jara."
K'rin laughed lightly. "That's an understatement in my opinion. I have to agree with T'kon, I'd swear Dilloth was ready to flame Darion. Fortunately, he hadn't chewed any firestone."
"Well, it doesn't matter," T'kon decided. "Jara is staying here, Darion is staying in his Hold, and life will move on."
Harper Hall and Fort Hold, 5th Pass 6.12.8, Evening
"Rumors are appearing," Garen stated as he sipped the light, Benden, wine.
Paellion regarded his young journeyman with a raised brow. "Care to elaborate on that a little?"
"Most of the people believe our story of Jara, but there are a few who know better. One, at least, has been spreading his opinion quite freely."
"Any idea who?"
"A man named Arabak," Garen told him. "He's sort of a renegade, but does odd jobs here and there for shelter. At least, that's what I've been able to determine, though I think there is something more there."
"Why is that?" Paellion asked, intrigued.
"Well, the Holds that he works for tend to get robbed after he leaves. He's spread out in his work, so none of the Holders have put it together."
"What's his connection to Jara?"
"Darion. More specifically, he worked for Darion for a lot of turns and Darion is one of the few that hasn't been robbed. Arabak would know who Jara was and would be able to figure it out."
"Why would he care?"
"That," Garen grumbled, "is something I haven't determined yet."
"We need to find this Arabak," Paellion decided.
"Truly, but the finding is the hard part. He moves around, a lot."
"So do you, my friend, so do you."
"I knew I wasn't going to be resting for a while," Garen grinned. "Do you suppose I could finish my wine?"
"Holder Darion is becoming a serious issue," Seren, the Steward of Fort Hold noted. "His crops are not being tended and reports indicate that he spends most of his time drinking."
Bartalon sighed. "The Jara situation is part of that problem," he said. "With his wife having a miscarriage, Darion has gone over the edge. I'm reluctant to turn them out, however, as his family has a long history there."
"Agreed, but the situation is getting worse since Jara made an appearance."
"T'kon was quite put out with that trip," Bartalon smiled. "Though I understand it was more because Jara shouted him down."
"The appearance of riderless Bronze dragons over the Hold was quite surprising as well."
"Indeed. Marina has said, on several occasions, that the dragons have taken a special interest in this child, though they haven't given a good explanation as to why. Apparently, they had decided that Jara was in danger."
"The Harper rumors are taking hold too," Seren added. "Though there appears to be a counter rumor going around. Garen, the Masterharper's spy seems to be on the problem."
"Has Darion heard either of them?"
"Likely not, he's seldom sober enough to even look out his windows and his Hold is isolated."
"Small blessings then. Well, I suppose that it is time we paid Holder Darion a visit and reminded him of his duties to Hold and Weyr."
"I'll make the arrangements," Seren agreed.
"Also, send Maliana to me. I've heard more reports of her poor treatment of the drudges and she's tried my patience beyond enduring," Bartalon instructed. "I was a bit put out when Jara Impressed Sianeth, but I think that was for the best. Maliana would make a poor rider with her attitude."
"Enough!" Bartalon shouted. "If I hear another report of you beating the drudges, I'll set you to sweeping the stables wearing only a shift! Have I made myself clear?"
"Yes Father," Maliana muttered.
"What? I didn't hear you."
"Yes!"
"Watch your tone with me," Bartalon snapped. "I think it's time to find you a suitable husband and settle you down with proper responsibilities."
"Husband! Never! I'm going to be a weyrwoman!"
"You had your chance and, Marina agrees with me, you won't be presented at a hatching again. It's done."
"I hate you! I hate you and that boy-girl thing!" Maliana screamed as she bolted from the office.
Bartalon rubbed his temples. "Yes, it's time she was married off," he muttered to himself. "Though I hate to inflict her on any of my loyal Holders."
Bartalon's eyes took in the neglected appearance of the land as the riders approached Barrit Cothold. "It's worse than I though," Bartalon told Seren. "The cot, itself, is the only thing that looks tended to."
"Indeed," Seren agreed, his eyes sweeping the untended fields as well and the site of Liana appearing at the door to the cot.
"My Lord Holder," Liana greeted, her face looking worn and sad. "What brings you to this dreary place?"
"Ah, my dear Liana," Bartalon responded as he dismounted from the runnerbeast. "Sad duty, I'm afraid. Darion has been far too lax of late and I have allowed it to continue all too long out of deference to the situation."
Liana shook her head slowly. "He's lost to me," she told him. "With Jared and my miscarriage, he is not the man he was. Have you come to turn us out?"
Bartalon winced. "Not yet, I've come to turn Darion around."
"You'll not succeed Lord Bartalon, nor do I think I care anymore."
"That bad?"
"It's that bad," Liana told him. "I loved him, I truly did, but he's lost to me. I can no longer reach him and he doesn't respond anymore. Jared offered us the protection of the Weyr; I'm willing to take it now."
"You know what is happening in the Weyr?" Bartalon asked.
"I do."
"Then?"
"Turn us out, Lord Bartalon. You'll gain nothing from Darion anymore."
"Ah Liana, I have to try."
Liana shrugged and allowed him into the cot. "Darion is sleeping off last night's wine. Would you and Seren like some klah?"
"No, I think not," Bartalon replied shaking his head slightly as he grasped Liana's hand. "Holder Darion! Attend your Lord Holder, immediately!" Bartalon suddenly shouted.
Fort Weyr, 5th Pass 6.15.8, Afternoon
Jara could barely contain his excitement at the imminent arrival of his mother and sisters, though he was saddened that it had come to this. Rumor had it that his father had totally ignored Lord Bartalon and then, when fully confronted, only told his Lord Holder to get out. Lord Bartalon was left with little choice but to evict the family.
You should dress better, Sianeth told him.
"What?"
Wrybeth asked me what you were wearing because Marina wanted to know.
"Sianeth!"
"Your dragon is right," Marina stated from the entrance to Jara's weyr.
"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?"
"You're dressed like a boy or like you're going to fight thread."
"I am a boy!" Jara stated.
Marina looked at him without blinking.
"Why can't I greet my family as Jared?" He finally asked, tears appearing at the tips of his eyelashes.
Marina sighed. "Jara, love, even dressed as you are, you don't look like a boy. Have you looked in the mirror?"
Jara shook his head as Marina gently guided him to the revealing image.
"I wish," Marina whispered to him, "that it could be different, but it isn't. You are changing and we can't prevent that. As much as it helps the disguise, I would help you undo it if I could."
"Would you?" Jara demanded, sound harsh.
Marina spun him to face her. "By the first egg, I would! I never wished this on you, I simply wanted to make it easier for you and everyone else. How I could I know that this would happen?"
Jara's face crumpled as the tears came freely.
"Jara, love, we all love you. The dragons love you, your weyrmates love you. We only want what is best for you."
"This isn't it," Jara sobbed as Marina stroked his hair.
Sianeth voiced her distress, we only want to help.
"I'm turning into a girl Sianeth!" At that outcry, the sounds of hundreds of dragons crooning reassurance echoed throughout Fort Weyr. "I'm sorry Sianeth," Jara said, feeling the soothing presence of all of the dragons. "I just don't know what to do!"
"Do nothing!" Marina stated. "I don't mean to sound harsh, but it is time that you started to become alive. You ride a queen! You are beautiful! You should be proud and carry yourself like it is so!"
Jara stepped back.
"Listen to me," Marina ordered. "You have to discard this self-pity and start to hold your head up as a queen rider. The Weyr deserves that and, more importantly, your dragon deserves that."
I love you, Sianeth said.
Liana shivered as the warmth of the sun helped to relieve the cold chill of between from her second dragon ride of her life. Despite her sadness, she was looking forward to seeing Jared again and she could sense the excitement of her two daughters over the same feelings. Looking down from the great back of the bronze dragon that carried them from Fort Hold, she could make out tiny figures waiting for them, her motherly intuition sensing Jared's presence amongst them. As they descended, the small group of people moved back into the shadow of the cave, providing space for the dragon to land.
"Welcome to Fort Weyr," Marina said as Brineth landed.
"My thanks, Weyrwoman, for allowing us to come," Liana smiled gratefully as she was helped from the dragon's back.
"Mother…"
Liana turned to the voice and gasped. Before her, Jared appeared, remarkably beautiful, dressed in a lavender gown befitting a gather.
"It's Jara, mother," Jara stated firmly.
"Jara…" Liana whispered. Aimee and Mari stood behind her, their mouths open with surprise.
The four of them stared awkwardly at each other for a long moment as the rest of the group remained silent. Finally, Liana seemed to shake herself and broke the tension. "Jara, you are beautiful," she finally said. "You're beautiful, you ride a queen, and you make me so proud of you."
"Really?" Jara replied.
"Oh, Jara, I do love you!" Liana cried as she pulled her former son into her embrace.
"This is all yours?" Aimee asked as Jara showed them her weyr.
Finally, Sianeth stated.
"What?" Jara asked, startled as Aimee asked her question again. "Sorry Aimee," Jara replied. "I was responding to Sianeth."
"About what?"
Jara shrugged. "Anyways, it's mine. I guess queens are entitled to a little bit of privilege, though not too much!"
"What happened?" Liana finally asked.
"I don't know mother, I wish could explain, but not long after I Impressed Sianeth, I started to change. I fought it, I really did, but it didn't stop."
"You look like Aimee," Mari noted.
"So do you," Jara smiled in return. "We all look like mother, really. I guess that's a blessing and a curse for me."
"Marina told me, yesterday at Fort Hold, but I guess I didn't really believe her," Liana admitted. "My mind had an image of you that I couldn't see past."
Jara sighed as she sat down. "I couldn't either. Marina finally told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and become who I should be. The problem is, I don't know who that is!"
Liana gave her a hard look.
"What did you expect me to tell you mother? That I like this?"
"No, Jara, I don't. What I expect you to do is to do your best and be proud of yourself. You are here because you wanted to be here, you begged to be here. We let you come and the event destroyed your father and led us to this. I don't blame you for it, not in the least, but I expect you to make our sacrifice worthwhile. Marina has been soft on you, I won't be. You'll be the best queen rider I can make you or you'll live to regret it."
"Live to regret it as a girl," Jara grimaced.
Liana smacked her and Jara rocked back in surprise. "Yes, by the first egg, as a girl! Do you think we get to choose? Be thankful that if you have to be a girl, you get to ride a dragon. Life isn't so wonderful for those of us who don't, but we make do and survive, pride intact."
"Well said!" Marina called from the entrance. "Our Jara has been allowed to mope about for far too long."
Jara looked back and forth between her mother and her Weyrwoman. "I don't have a say, do I?" She asked, seeing the expressions on the faces of the two women.
"No," Marina agreed. "For better or worse, your body and rumor has made the decision for you. However, Wrybeth tells me you made a breakthrough."
"Oh?"
"You didn't notice, did you?"
"No."
"You didn't notice that you have thought of yourself in the feminine tense? A bigger breakthrough than I thought!"
"What?" Jara asked, sounding startled.
It's true, Sianeth added. You thought of yourself as a her when you showed your family our weyr.
"Uh…"
"I think we should celebrate," Marina decided.
*********************************************
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