Punished at Primary School

by Jennifer

 

CHAPTER 8

The Tea Party

 

Sunday morning dawned bright and clear. The morning sun shone into my room, and I had no difficulty getting up as soon as Mum came in. I went to the bathroom, and as on the day before, my outfit for the day was ready for me. Once again, Susan had deliberately chosen among the cutest dresses she could find. This one wasn't quite as babyish as the day before, but it was still humiliating. It was pale pink decorated with little rosebuds, and featured all the typical traits of a little girl's dress, a peter pan collar, short puffed sleeves, a smocked front, and a row of buttons down the back with a tie belt that fastened in a bow at the back.

Mum soon had me dressed much as the day before, but this time I wore brown leather T bar strap shoes. She was brushing my wig into place as Susan came into the room she said 'Lovely. Oh my dear little Jennifer, how sweet you look today!' I said nothing.

'Oh by the way Mum' she continued, 'Please don't bother to put any ribbons in his hair. We'll do that when he's put on his party dress at Jane's later on.'

'Well in that case I think he's ready. Come along, let's get down to breakfast.' We went downstairs, and I sat demurely at the table, eating my breakfast daintily under Susan's constant supervision. By now it was almost beginning to become second nature to me.

Breakfast over, I went out into the garden to enjoy the quiet Sunday morning. You could hear the birds singing, and the faint ringing of a church bell. It was so peaceful. I sat on a garden seat in the shade and smelt the scent of the roses. I was at peace. But not for long. My reverie was shattered by Susan when she came out into the garden, stood over me with her arms folded , and said 'OK Jennifer, it's party time. Let's get you over to Jane and Fiona's. I can't wait to see you in the lovely party dress they've got for you! Come along.' I reluctantly rose and we went into the house. Mum made a few adjustments to my dress and gave my hair ribbons a final adjustment before Susan and I went out of the front door.

After a brisk 20 minute walk through the village in bright sunshine, we reached Jane and Fiona's house, and Jane opened the front door to let us in. 'Hi' she said, 'Mum's out, so I'm afraid she's going to miss the fun. Never mind, go straight through into my room, I've got everything ready.' We went down the hall and into her room. Fiona was there, and seeing me in my pink dress, burst out laughing. 'Oh my' she giggled, 'He looks like a four year old! I love it, really cute.'

'OK' she said, 'Fiona, I want you to go into the lounge for a few minutes. There's something we want to do to him first, and I'd rather you didn't see it.'

'You're not going to hurt him, are you?' said Fiona, with a concerned look on her face. 'No, of course not' said Jane. 'When you come back you'll have a really good laugh at Jennifer, I promise. Just go into the other room for a few minutes, and we'll tell you when to come in again.'

'Oh, all right' said Fiona reluctantly, and went out of the room, closing the door behind her.

'Right' said Jane, who seemed to be in command, 'Let's get started. Now Jennifer, we've got a little treat in store for you, but it won't be to your liking. We're going to dress you up, but you may not want to go along with the idea. That means we can either do it the easy way or the hard way. Which would you prefer?' Surrounded by four girls far bigger than me, I realised that I didn't stand a chance. 'All right' I sighed, 'I don't really have much choice, do I?'

'Exactly' chuckled Jane, 'Very wise. Let's get started then. Jennifer, behold your party outfit.' She pointed at her bed, and I gulped at what I saw waiting for me. Neatly laid out on the bed were a disposable nappy, white ankle socks. Hanging on the end of the bed was a large sized white baby frock, which was obviously intended for me. It had the usual peter pan collar, back button fastening, short puffed sleeves and a back fastening tie belt. It was decorated with small pink bows and smocking across the front.

Jane took my hand and stood me next to the bed, and with the assistance of the other girls removed everything that I was wearing except my wig and my shoes and socks. Now I understood why Susan had selected mary jane shoes for me. They would obviously emphasise my new status as a toddler. In a couple of minutes I was standing there completely naked, blushing with embarrassment. The four girls grabbed me by the wrists and ankles, picked me up, and laid me down on my back on top of the disposable nappy. Jane pulled the ends round to my front, and taped them together with the self-adhesive fastening tapes. Once this was done, she went to the door and opened it, calling out 'OK Fiona, you can come in now.' Fiona came running in, took one look at me, and burst out laughing. 'Oh yes' she said, 'A cute little baby in a nappy! What comes next?'

'Baby frock time!' said Jane, 'And Jennifer, in case you think it won't fit you, don't worry, it will. This was made up for me for a fancy dress do a few years ago, and should be just about perfect for size.' She picked up the frock, put it over my head and pulled my arms through the sleeves. Then she buttoned up the back and tied the waist sash behind me in a neat, tight bow. I looked at myself in the mirror with growing anxiety. The frock was similar to the babyish yellow one I had worn the day before, except that it had a different smocked pattern across the front, and only came down to a few inches above my knee, giving a very babyish effect. If I bent over, anyone behind me would see my nappy.

'Right Jennifer' said Jane, 'Let's do your hair.' She sat me down, and as usual, my wig was soon styled into two bunches secured with bows of white hair ribbon and two pink plastic hair slides.

The girls now stood me in front of a full length mirror, and I couldn't help but stare at myself with fascinated horror. There in front of me was a little girl who looked about four years old. This time the girls had excelled themselves, and I blushed with humiliation at the transformation. A chorus of approving giggles went up at the effect, and Jane chuckled 'I think Emily's going to love having Jennifer at her party!'

'Oh yes' said Susan, 'I think Jennifer's going to be the centre of attention. Now before we go any further, I must take some photos.'

'Oh no! Please sis, no pictures, please,' I protested.

'Sorry Jennifer' she grinned Jane, taking her camera out of it's case, 'We've got to have a record of this. Bring him out into the garden girls.' Willing hands grabbed me, and I was soon in the garden facing Susan with her camera. She took a plentiful variety of photos. Close ups, full-length and from all angles. I grimaced as she recorded my humiliation for posterity, and I dreaded to think what she might do with them. When she was satisfied that she had taken enough photos, she folded up the camera and slung it over her shoulder. 'Well' she said, 'That should do for now. I suppose we might as well be off. Come on.'

The girls led me out into the hall, and Jane opened the door. I pulled back, not wishing to expose myself like this to the world, but taking a firm grip of my arms, the girls thrust me out into the sunshine. Jane shut the door behind us, and a moment later I was being walked along the pavement with my amazonian (it seemed to me) escort.

They couldn't have chosen a worse moment. We'd been walking for about ten minutes, when suddenly I saw three boys walking towards us. As they approached, I recognised them as being in my class at school, and worst of all, one of them was Harry Wyatt, my worst enemy. I desperately tried to hide behind the girls, but sensing my desperation, they chuckled as they stopped walking and held me by the arms so that I was standing conspicuously in front of them. I tried to recoil away from the boys as they approached, but the girls held me firmly in their grip. The boys knew Jane and Susan to talk to, and there was no real enmity between them, so Harry just said 'Hi girls, where are you off to?'

'Oh' grinned Susan, 'Just taking my little sister here to a kid's tea party. You've met her before, haven't you?'

'I didn't know you had a sister' he said, looking at me, and his face suddenly froze in a grimace of disbelief. The three boys stared at me for a moment, and then exploded into peals of laughter. 'I don't believe it' shouted Harry, 'I don't believe it! Tommy Anderson isn't a schoolgirl at weekends, he's a cute little baby! Oh this is too much! Sue, you're my friend for life after this. Doesn't he look cute! How old are you little Jennifer? About three?' I ground my teeth in despair while the girls kept me firmly in their grasp.

'We decided that he should be a toddler today' said Jane, 'We're taking him to Emily Cooper's tea party to join the other little girls.'

'Oh boy' grinned Harry, 'You've made my day. Have you got any photos of him?'

'Yes' said Susan, 'I've already taken some today, and I expect we'll take some more later. After all, we've got another couple of months to go yet. We should have quite a little collection by the end of term.' I blushed at the thought.

'Great. Can you let me have one?'

'Sure Harry, I'll make sure you have a set to show the kids at school.'

I could have cheerfully throttled my sister at that point, and was certainly paying for all the hard times I'd ever given her.

'Well we must get going' said Jane, 'See you later Harry.' The boys gave a last loud chuckle, and we continued on our way.

It took about another ten minutes to reach the Cooper's house, and we went in through the front gate and up the path to the front door. Jane knocked, and I began to tremble slightly with nervous anticipation. Mrs. Cooper opened the door and invited us in, telling us to go through to the garden where we could here cries of shrill laughter coming from the little girls playing there. As we all went through, she didn't at first look at me closely, but as we went out into the sunshine of the back garden, she suddenly recognised me. A look of astonishment came over her face, and she couldn't help laughing as she said 'Who on earth is this? It is Tommy isn't it?'

'It certainly is' said Susan, smiling broadly as she explained the situation to Mrs. Cooper and the other curious mothers, whose expressions changed from curiosity to howls of laughter in less than a minute. Some of them wiped the mirthful tears from their eyes as Susan held me forward for their inspection. 'Well all I can say is, well done' said Mrs. Cooper, 'Diana had told me about it, but I didn't expect I'd have the pleasure of seeing him. What an exquisitely appropriate punishment. How did you think of it?'

'Well actually it was our form mistress Miss Jones' idea' said Fiona, 'He's got to wear a girl's school uniform for the rest of term, but he also has to dress as a girl at weekends as well.'

'So' chuckled Susan, 'We suddenly had this delightful idea of bringing him to Emily's party dressed like this, we just couldn't resist the opportunity. By the way Mrs. Cooper, I hope you didn't mind us bringing him along.'

'No, not at all' beamed Mrs.Cooper, 'It was a brilliant idea, I'm sure that all the other little girls will absolutely adore him!' She looked across the lawn to where Emily and her friends were eyeing me with a mixture of puzzlement and mirth. 'Come here Emily' she said 'Come and see Susan's new sister!' Emily and her friends walked across and inspected me. I had to stand still while they fingered my dress and pulled my hair, giggling more and more loudly as they realised that I really was a boy dressed as a girl. Finally they all fell about on the lawn, laughing uncontrollably. Eventually things calmed down a bit, and I was handed over to Emily and her friends with strict instructions to enter into the spirit of their games.

No one can imagine the agony of that moment. Under the watchful eye of Susan and her friends I was forced to endure humiliation after humiliation as I played out my part as one of Emily's little party guests. And yet even worse was to come.

Under the shade of a tree was a baby girl sitting in her playpen, and although not yet able to stand up properly, she sat there and gurgled with happiness at the general air of merriment, and was constantly the centre of attention. Jane picked her up for a while, and as she was putting her back in the playpen, she looked at me and grinned. Then she went across to Mrs. Cooper and started talking to her. They kept looking at me and grinning as she spoke, and I had a horrible feeling that Jane had dreamed up some other means of humiliating me. Unfortunately, I was right.

With smiles on their faces, the girls came over to me. Taking me by both hands they walked me across to the playpen. 'Jane's just had a lovely idea' grinned Susan. 'She thinks that baby Sarah might be lonely, and would like a little playmate. Get into the playpen and sit down cross legged.'

'Oh no, that's too much' I gasped. 'You can't mean it. Please!' But the look on her face told me everything I needed to know. She certainly did mean it. 'And before you even think of refusing' smirked Jane, 'Just remember those lovely photos we've taken of you. Imagine what we could do with those!' Tears of frustration welled up in my eyes as I clambered miserably over the bars of the playpen and sat down obediently. 'Put your hands together on your lap Jennifer, just like a proper little girl' giggled Jane. As I did so, Emily and her guests gathered round the playpen and began giggling at me through the bars. 'Jennifer' laughed Mrs. Cooper, 'Whoever thought of the name?'

'I did' said Fiona, grinning, 'Suits him, doesn't it?'

'Oh yes, absolutely perfect I'd say' said Mrs. Cooper, 'A perfect name for a little baby girl.' She looked at me for a moment, and then a fresh smile crossed her face as she said 'You know, I've got just the thing to complete the picture. Hang on a minute, I'll go and get them.' She went indoors, leaving me uneasily curious as to what she had in mind. I didn't have to wait long to find out.

A moment later, she came back holding up a pair of pink leather baby reins. 'How about these for baby Jennifer?' she grinned. My reaction of horror was matched by the giggles coming from the girls and the mothers standing close by. I was certainly the centre of attention. 'Oh yes!' laughed Jane, 'The perfect touch. But will they fit him?' I prayed that they wouldn't. Some hope. 'Oh I think they will if we let out the straps' said Mrs. Cooper. 'Stand up Jennifer.' Groaning, I got to my feet as she adjusted the straps. Holding the reins up in front of me she said 'Right, arms in.' Susan willingly pulled my arms through the straps, and turned me around so that Mrs. Cooper could fasten them up behind me. As she buckled the reins firmly shut behind me I felt imprisoned. 'Excellent' said Mrs. Cooper, as she tightened the adjusting straps, 'You won't get out of those in a hurry. Now sit down again.'

I sat down miserably, and as everybody clustered around the playpen, there was one more nasty surprise for me. Mrs. Cooper opened a small plastic case and took out a baby's dummy. 'Now Jennifer' she laughed, 'One final touch. Open your mouth.' Knowing the consequences of refusal, I opened my mouth, and she thrust the dummy into it. 'And don't you dare spit it out' added Jane, 'If you know what's good for you. If you do, I'll tie it in your mouth. And if you try and undo those baby reins we'll tie your hands behind you. It's up to you.' I automatically tried to reply, but with the dummy in my mouth could only say 'Mmmf! Mmmm! Mmmp!' which was the signal for a roar of laughter from everyone. Except me of course.

After this I was generally left alone to my humiliation, except when the occasional little girl would come across to have a giggle. Jane made certain that the dummy stayed in my mouth, and I certainly didn't dare remove it, knowing that they now had the set of humiliating photos to threaten me with. I was now well and truly subject to the girl's slightest whim. My misery continued for the next three hours, and when it was time for tea, we all enjoyed a feast of cakes, jelly and ice cream. I heaved a sigh of relief as Jane took dummy out of my mouth, but had the mortification of having a baby's bib tied around my neck and being fed by Fiona, who took every opportunity of spreading the food generously round my face in true baby fashion. At least it tasted nice , anyway.

It began to cloud over, and a cool breeze sprang up as dark rain clouds gathered overhead. I was finally allowed to clamber out of my wooden prison, and everybody moved indoors as the rain began to fall. Looking up at the sky, Susan said 'We really should be getting home, but this rain looks as if it's set in for the afternoon.'

'Oh that's all right' said Mrs. Cooper, 'I can lend you something.' We went into the hallway to where there was a coat stand. 'Now let's see. Susan, you can borrow Diana's school raincoat.' She helped Susan into a navy blue belted gaberdine raincoat with a hood that she put up and tied under her chin. Turning to me she grinned and said, 'And I think we've got just the thing for you, Jennifer. Diana, have we still got that raincape you used to wear when you were a little girl?'

'Oh yes' grinned Diana, 'What a lovely idea! I'm pretty sure it's still hanging up in the cupboard under the stairs. Hang on, I'll have a look.' She went to the cupboard and went inside. 'Yes, here it is' she said, and came out carrying a bright yellow PVC raincape. She gave it to her mother, who shook it out and held it up. 'Yes, this will do nicely. Come here Jennifer, let's see if it fits you.' I stepped forward reluctantly, and stood there obediently while she draped the cape over my shoulders and fastened the buttons down the front. The cape smelled strongly of PVC, and hung down to just below my knees. It was a good fit, and once again I cursed myself being so small. 'There we are' said Mrs. Sewell, 'That'll keep you nice and dry, won't it?'

'Don't forget to put up the hood' said Susan. 'Oh no, of course not' said Mrs. Cooper, 'We don't want to get your pretty hair ribbons wet, do we?' She pulled up the pointed pixie hood of the raincape, buttoned it firmly under my chin, and gave the hood a final tug forward to make sure that it covered my head properly. Standing back, she grinned and said 'There we are, one little girl all ready for the rain. He looks a bit like Little Red Riding Hood, doesn't he?' The girls laughed, and Susan said goodbye as the two of us went out into the rain to walk home. The rain drummed onto the raincape hood and ran down onto my rain soaked legs and feet as we walked. I felt so like a little girl walking next to my big sister, and those people who walked past us in the rain didn't even give me a second glance. I was even a bit glad that I was wearing the pixie hood. At least it hid my face a little.

As we trudged along, Susan said 'Tommy?'

'Yes?' I said.

'Something I just thought of. Now that I've got those cute photos of you, you do realise that you'll have to do anything we tell you to do from now on, don't you?'

'And if I won't?' I said.

'Well, I'll just hand out copies to all the kids in the village, and your life won't be worth living. Especially if they find their way to your new school when you start there in September.' She heard my little groan of anguish at the mere suggestion, and she knew that she had me just where she wanted me.

'You really would do it, wouldn't you?' I said.

'You betcha' she chuckled, 'Just try me.'

'So if I cooperate?'

'I'll keep the photos safe, and I promise that I won't give them out. Not even to Harry Wyatt. I'll just tell him the photos didn't come out.'

I thought for a moment, and realised that I had no choice but to trust her. 'All right' I said wearily, 'You win. I think the whole idea stinks, but I suppose I don't have any choice really, do I?'

'Nope' said Susan triumphantly, 'And one other thing. You're not to tell Mum about this. If you do, those photos will be all over the village. Right?'

'Right' I groaned.

We trudged on through the downpour until we finally reached home. We went in, and Mum came out to meet us in the hall. When she saw me she smiled and said 'Goodness me, it's Little Red Riding Hood!'

'Ha ha' I said slowly and sarcastically.

'That's what Mrs. Cooper said' laughed Susan, as she unfastened my hood and unbuttoned the cape. She hung it up before removing her own raincoat and hanging it up next to my cape before we went into the lounge, where Mum had lit a fire. Looking at me, Mum broke into a broad smile when she saw the baby frock I was wearing. 'Well goodness me' she said, as my sister tugged playfully at my baby reins, 'What a lovely baby!'

'Come on Jennifer' teased Susan, 'Sit down on the floor cross legged, like you did in the playpen.' I was too tired to argue, so I sat obediently at her feet on the carpet. Mum smiled at the effect. Sitting around the fire, we reviewed the day's events, and Mum made us a cup of tea.

Susan insisted on me sitting on the floor for the rest of the evening, and Mum must have wondered why I submitted so quietly to this added humiliation. Little did she know about the humiliating photographs that Susan now held over me like a sword of Damocles.

We sat watching television until Mum said 'Come on Tommy, time for bed, you've got school in the morning.' I welcomed the chance of taking off the baby dress, and we went up to my room where she helped me out of the reins and baby clothes. After cleaning my teeth I was soon in bed, and drifted off in anticipation of spending the next five days as a schoolgirl again. Ugh.

 

 

CHAPTER 9

My Coming Out

 

It's surprising how you can get used to almost anything. As Mum dressed me for school the next morning, I didn't feel nearly as bad as I had at first. This was probably because my school uniform was nowhere as humiliating as the baby frock I'd had to wear the day before. Even having my ribbons tied in my hair didn't seem too bad. Walking to school with Miss Jones seemed less of a drama than before, and even the taunts of the others at school became more endurable. And as Mum had predicted, the teasing gradually reduced as they ran out of new insults and I stopped reacting to them.

The days passed, and after another week or so I was able to dress and undress myself in my school uniform without effort, and even tie my own hair ribbons. I didn't realise it, but a subtle change was occurring deep inside me. The change became obvious one Saturday a couple of weeks later, when I'd been taken into town with Susan and Mum. I was wearing a pink and white check gingham dress with white ankle socks and matching white T bar sandals, and my hair was held in place by two bows of pale pink hair ribbon. Even Susan's enthusiasm for teasing me was beginning to flag as my discomfort at being dressed as a little girl became less and less apparent. What she didn't realise was that I genuinely didn't object to being dressed as a girl any more. Something long dormant in me was beginning to stir, and was coming nearer and nearer to the surface.

We went into a dress shop to buy some things for Susan, and as she and Mum were looking at some teenage style dresses, my eye was caught by the most beautiful little frock on a dummy in the corner. I went over to it and ran my fingers down the bodice. It was similar to the childish dresses I'd been wearing, with a peter pan collar and puffed sleeves, but it was longer, and not quite so babyish.

I suddenly realised that I wanted to wear it, and was surprised at myself when I found myself saying 'That's lovely!' Mum has sharp ears, and she turned and looked at me and said 'What is, Tommy?'

'This dress' I said, smiling at her. 'This dress. Isn't it sweet?' Mum and Susan came over to me. 'You mean you actually like it?' said Mum. 'Yes' I said, 'Really. Can I try it on?'

Mum didn't know what to say for a moment, and Susan gave me a look of total disbelief. 'Now come on Tommy' she said, 'You're just pretending, aren't you?'

'No' I insisted. 'No, I really do want to try it on.'

Mum looked at me and realised that I meant it. She smiled and said 'Well, I must say that I didn't expect your acceptance of dressing as a girl to be quite so enthusiastic. You really want the dress?'

'Please' I said, hardly believing what I was saying. 'Very well then' said Mum, thinking she was calling my bluff, 'You asked for it.' Turning to the shop assistant she said 'Can she try this dress on please?'

'Of course' said the girl, 'Just come over here.' She took us across to some clothes racks on which hung a multitude of different coloured dresses. Looking at me she said 'What size is she?'

'Size ten' said Mum. The girl pulled out a dress identical to the one on the dummy and said 'Here you are, size ten.' Mum took the dress and said 'Come along Jennifer, into the changing room.' She took me into a small cubicle and unfastened my dress before removing it. She held up the dress and I put my arms and head into it, taking care not to dislodge my wig. Mum buttoned up the back and tied the belt in a neat bow before ushering me out into the showroom. Susan smiled her approval. 'That really does look nice' she said quietly, 'You know Tommy, you should have been a girl, you look prettier than I did when I was your age.'

The shop assistant looked at me approvingly, and obviously had no idea that I was really a boy. 'Oh you look lovely' she said, 'It suits you perfectly. Do you like it?'

'Oh yes' I said, doing a small pirouette and seeing the dress flare out.

Mum and Susan looked at each other, and my sister shrugged her shoulders in puzzlement. They still didn't believe me. Or else they didn't want to believe me?

'All right' said Mum decisively, as if to test my resolution, 'I'll buy the dress for you, but it means that you'll have to wear it. I'm not paying out good money for nothing. Understood?'

'Of course' I said, 'Don't worry Mum I really do want it.' Still mystified by this sudden change in attitude, she paid for the dress. 'You might as well wear it home' she said, 'And I think we'd better have a little chat.' I felt as if a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders as I realised that I was what I'd vaguely heard of as 'coming out', although I didn't really know what it meant. I breathed a sigh of relief as we walked through the shopping precinct where I could show off my new dress, completely accepted as a girl.

We journeyed home on the bus, and as soon as we got home, Mum sat me down in the lounge. 'Now' she said gently, with a look of concern on her face, 'What's this all about Tommy? Are trying to tell me that you suddenly like wearing dresses?' I had no difficulty in explaining my feelings, as the truth came out naturally.

'Well, yes I do' I said, 'But it isn't suddenly. Ever since you've all made me dress as a girl I've grown to like it more and more. I hated it at first, but now it doesn't bother me at all. Oh how I wish I was a girl!'

'But why do you want to be a girl?' said Susan, 'You're a boy and that's all there is to it. This is ridiculous!'

'Not so fast' said Mum, 'He's a boy of course, but we all have a mixture of male and female in us. I can remember what a tomboy you were when you were younger. Remember that summer holiday when you cropped your hair and refused to wear a dress until you went back to school? Maybe this is the same thing in reverse. I think we should indulge this whim for the time being, and see how long it takes for Tommy to get tired of it. Let's face it, he has to dress as a girl when he goes to school at the moment, so let's see what happens. And if he still wants to be a girl at the beginning of the summer holidays, we'll keep him in dresses at least until the following term. By then I'll decide what to do.'

'So does that mean I can live as a girl until then?' I asked eagerly. Mum hesitated for a moment, and then smiled as she said 'Yes, but remember there's no backing out. I want to see how long you can keep this up. Very well, you will live as a girl without a break for the next four months, until the beginning of the autumn term. Susan, I want you to help in making sure that he learns how to behave as a proper little girl. He'll soon find out how trying that can be sometimes.'

'Well all right' grinned my sister, 'I must say it's been so nice just to pretend that he's a girl for the last few weeks. He's become quite gentle recently, and it's been nice to have no horrible aggressive boys around! Yes Mum, I'll keep my little sister Jennifer in check. We'll soon see how much she enjoys it, and since she's getting so confident, why don't I take her to one of my school sports afternoons some time? I'd like to introduce her to some of my friends, and I know they'd love to meet her!'

I suddenly realised that I'd crossed the point of no return, and would be spending the next four months living as a girl. A moment of doubt passed through my mind as I realised that it was now out of my hands, whether I liked it or not.

In retrospect, I think that after the departure of my overbearing macho father, Mum and Susan welcomed even the illusion of eliminating the remaining male from the house, and I was certainly happy that my inner, feminine self would be allowed to flower at last.

And so the decision had been made. I felt a wave of relief as I stood up and smiled at my mother. 'Thanks Mum' I whispered, hardly able to believe my luck. I smiled at Susan, who grinned back at me as she anticipated the fun she would have in converting me into a convincing little sister. I walked out into the garden and sat on the swing under the apple tree. The warm afternoon sun and the scent of the roses together with the call of a distant cuckoo almost lulled me to sleep as I closed my eyes. I felt more relaxed than I had for a long time.

'Well little sister' said a voice suddenly, waking me out of my reverie, 'I still can't believe you actually want to be a girl, but by golly, I'll make sure you find out what it's like.' I opened my eyes with a start to find Susan standing over me. I think she'd had a chat with Mum, because there was something new in the way she was looking at me. Gone was the hostile expression which had accompanied her humiliating ridicule of me before, and in its place was a gentle smile, almost as if I really was her younger sister.

'Now' she said, 'The first thing you need to do is perfect the way you walk, stand, sit and talk. You might fool the boys at the moment, but you wouldn't fool many girls. Let's start with that.'

And so began my first lesson. Susan made me walk up and down the garden, and kept correcting my posture until she was satisfied. I learnt how to move my hips, how to position my legs and feet when standing still, and how to move my arms like a girl. She taught me how to sit down properly by smoothing my dress under my bottom as I sat. How to clasp my hands gently together in front of me, and all sorts of other mannerisms. She taught me how to brush my hair aside with my hand, tossing my head slightly as I did so. She drilled me as persistently as a sergeant major, until finally she said 'Well, that's pretty good Jennifer. A little bit more and I think you'll be ready to meet my friends.' I smiled with pleasure as I realised that the compliment was genuine, and hoped that the enmity she had shown me before was gone.

Susan called Mum out into the garden, and put me through my paces. Mum stood there with a slight smile on her face as I demonstrated everything I'd just learnt. Suddenly she walked over to me and took both my hands as she looked tenderly into my eyes. 'Well Jennifer' she said, I think they're going to get a bit of a surprise at school on Monday. That's a really amazing transformation.' Turning to Susan she said 'That really is very good Sue, you've done an amazing job. You should give lessons in deportment. I think he's good enough to fool anybody now! I might take him to one of my club meetings soon, just to see if he can fool some of the ladies there. I think he will, but that will be the real test.'

The idea of being presented to perfect strangers as a girl thrilled me, and I said 'Oh yes Mum, that would be great!'

'Yes' grinned Mum, 'But only when we've done something about your voice. We've got to raise the pitch a little, and Susan needs to coach you in expression and the actual words you use. But I think you'll do it.'

We went indoors to tea, and as I sat there eating, Susan constantly reminded me how to eat like a demure little girl. I found that now that my true inner self was being given free reign, I was enjoying every moment of it, and was keen to learn. After tea we cleared the table to do the washing up, and she fetched a pretty frilly apron that she had worn when she was little. I felt a thrill of pleasure as she tied the tapes behind me in a neat bow. 'There' she smiled, 'That will keep you from soiling that pretty new dress.'

The washing up took no time at all, and Mum removed my apron and hung it on the kitchen door for future use. We went into the lounge, and Susan produced some books for me to read. 'Here we are Jennifer' she said, placing them on the sofa next to me, 'These will teach you how to think like a girl. I want you to get right into the feeling of what it's like to appreciate the kind of things I did when I was your age. Things such as girl's games and hobbies, and dressing up. Just try and absorb it and before you know it you'll feel quite at home with it. In a couple of weeks I'll introduce you to some younger girls that you can play with, and I'll watch you to see how you go.'

She left me to look through the books, and before long I was absorbed in some of her Christmas annuals of the past. It was a new world for me, and I needed a little guidance from Mum and Susan as I read through them. But I knew by the way I was enjoying them, that my transformation was going to run smoothly.

Eventually I began to tire, and Mum took me up to bed. She undressed me, and as she kissed me goodnight she smiled and said 'Night night little Jennifer. Sleep tight, and mind the bugs don't bite.' She switched off the light and I drifted off to sleep in a haze of pleasurable memories of the day's events. At last the truth was out, and I felt happier than I had for a very long time.

 

 

CHAPTER 10

Miss Jones Learns the Truth.

 

Sunday morning was wet. In fact it was pouring. Mum dressed me in my primrose yellow dress, with matching hair ribbons of course. As we sat at breakfast she said 'Jennifer, in view of your new attitude, I think it would be a good idea if we go round to see Miss Jones, otherwise she'll wonder what's going on when she takes you to school tomorrow. I'll give her a call, and we can pop over this afternoon.' I felt quite comfortable about the idea, and grinned as I wondered what her attitude was going to be. After all, once she realised that I actually wanted to be dressed as a girl, she would know that I no longer regarded it as a punishment. Oh well, that was her problem.

Mum phoned her to arrange for us to go and see her, and the time was set for four o'clock that afternoon. Being a wet day, I stayed indoors and continued reading some of Susan's books and watching some videos. Mum cooked a Sunday roast, and after I'd helped with the washing up (wearing my apron of course), the time soon passed.

Eventually it was time to go, and as we went into the hall, Mum looked at my face carefully as she took down my red mackintosh and held it out for me to put on. But even this was no longer unpleasant for me. Somehow, now that I had committed myself to being a girl, wearing a girl's mac seemed the most natural thing in the world. Mum realised this as I obediently put my arms into the sleeves and she buttoned me into it and fastened the belt. She then put on her own red tartan mackintosh. Susan opened the door for us to reveal the downpour outside. 'It's absolutely bucketing' she said, looking at my feet, 'I think Jennifer had better wear my old wellies. Hang on, I think I've still got them somewhere.' She went into the spare room, and returned a moment later with a pair of bright red rubber boots she had worn as a little girl.

'Here we are' she said, 'They'll match your mackintosh perfectly.' She sat me down on the stairs, and removed my shoes. Then she pushed the right boot onto my foot. I pressed hard down into the boot, and suddenly my foot popped past the heel and into the bottom. Then she did the same with the other one. I stood up and found that they were firm but not too tight, although I had a feeling that getting them off would be a bit of a struggle. Oh well, we'd worry about that later.

Mum put up her hood and tied the tie tapes in a bow under her chin, while my sister put up my hood and fastened the button under my chin, smiling as she did so. She gave my hood a final tug well forward, and I was ready for the rain. Mum and I stepped out into the rain, and she put up her umbrella. We set off for Miss Jones' house along the deserted streets. No one would be out in this downpour unless they had to. As before, my mackintosh kept me dry, and this time I smiled as I realised how sweet I must look peeping out from under my hood. I splashed my feet in the puddles childishly as I revelled in being a little girl. I was loving every minute of it. I could see Mum smiling under her hood as she saw how much I was enjoying myself.

We soon reached Miss Jones' house, and Mum rang the door bell. Miss Jones opened the door and we went in. 'My goodness' she said as she closed the door, 'You're absolutely soaked. Never mind, take off those wet macs and come into the lounge.' While Mum removed her mac and hung it up, Miss Jones unfastened my hood and lowered it before unbuttoning my mac and hanging it next to Mum's. I could tell by the slightly puzzled look on her face that she found my happy expression not what she had expected at all.

We went into the lounge and sat down. Thinking she was gently teasing me, Miss Jones looked at me, smiled, and said 'Oh Tommy, what a lovely dress, you do look sweet today, although the effect is perhaps slightly odd with those wellingtons on your feet!'

'I know' I replied, 'Isn't it gorgeous? It's one of my favourites.'

This certainly wasn't what she had expected at all, and she frowned. Noticing her expression, Mum smiled and said 'Yes I know, something's changed, hasn't it?'

'Well…yes, what's happened to him?'

'It started yesterday. We were in a dress shop with Susan, and suddenly he said that he wanted to try on a dress he liked. I couldn't believe what I was hearing at first, but thinking to call his bluff, I let him try it on. He said he really liked it, so I bought it for him. And when we got home we had a chat. I don't quite know how to tell you this Miss Jones, but something's happened. I don't know if it's because of his punishment, but apparently it's come to the surface that he's secretly wanted to be a girl for some time. At first I thought he was bluffing, but by now I'm satisfied that he's genuine. He doesn't only want to dress as a little girl, he wants to be one. I've been wondering what to do, because obviously he's no longer humiliated by his punishment, in fact he's positively enjoying it.'

'So my suggestion is that we should leave the arrangements as they are for the time being. In other words he can wear his girl's school uniform from Monday to Friday, dresses at weekends, and I'm going to keep him in dresses over the entire summer holidays. Hopefully he'll grow tired of it, but otherwise I don't yet know what to do to discourage him. I suppose it's possible that he may be one of those people who feel that they're trapped in a body of the wrong sex, so in view of such a serious possibility I think we should indulge him for the time being until I've taken some professional advice. I certainly don't think it's a case of punishing him any more. I think you'll agree that his behaviour has improved enormously since he's been dressed as a girl. He's far less boisterous, and we haven't had a single case of mischievous behaviour in that time, have we?'

Miss Jones had been listening intently, and by the way she was nodding her head, I knew that she agreed. 'Well Jennifer' she smiled, 'So you really want to be a little girl do you?'

'Yes Miss Jones' I said quietly, 'It just all seemed to come out yesterday.'

'Well' she said thoughtfully, 'I think we should do as your mother suggests. You'll continue to go to school dressed as a girl, but I think it would be better if you don't tell the other boys and girls about wanting to be a girl, not for this term anyway. I notice that they've just about stopped teasing you, so just carry on as you are, and then we'll decide what's best for you at the end of the summer holidays.'

'All right Mrs. Anderson' she said, 'I'll talk to Miss Winthrop about it and we'll see if any additional arrangements need to be made. Thank you for letting me know about this, we could have had a very difficult situation if you hadn't told me.'

Standing up, she came over to me and smiled gently at me. Tidying my hair ribbons and adjusting them she said 'In a way, I can understand why you want to be a girl Jennifer, you're a natural. The way in which you've changed makes it pretty obvious that you feel more comfortable as one.'

'Susan's been coaching her in the finer points of deporting herself as a girl' said Mum. 'And there's been a remarkable improvement already.'

'Yes, I noticed by the way she's sitting, and with the way she's dressed as well, she really is the very essence of a demure little girl, isn't she?'

This change in attitude was balm to my soul, and I smiled politely at the compliment.

'Well' said Miss Jones, 'How would you like a cup of tea?'

'Lovely' said Mum.

Miss Jones went out to the kitchen to put the kettle on, and Mum squeezed my hand and gave me a reassuring smile. I was in seventh heaven at this fulfilment of my dreams.

The rest of the afternoon passed in pleasant conversation, and I kept smiling to myself as the two ladies spoke to me as if I really was a little girl. Finally my mother looked at her watch and said that we must be going. We went out into the hall, and Miss Jones helped me into my mackintosh. Soon I was once more safely wrapped up in my rubberised cotton mac, and Miss Jones opened the door. Mum and I said goodbye, and stepped out into the steady and persistent downpour. We walked home through the rain, and as soon as we were home, both removed and hung up our mackintoshes.

Susan came out into the hall and said 'Well, how did it go?'

'Good' said Mum as we went into the lounge, 'Miss Jones understands the situation now, and it seems there will be no problem in continuing to treat Jennifer as a girl, at least for the time being.'

'Oh good' grinned my sister, 'I've been thinking of a number of little excursions we can make. I want everyone to meet my sweet little sister!' It seemed for a moment that she'd forgotten that comments like that no longer troubled me, but then I realised that there was no enmity in it, and she assumed that I would be as happy with the idea as she was. Somehow our previous differences were a fading memory, and I realised that she was much happier to have a sweet, gentle little sister than a pain in the neck irritating younger brother. Things were looking up.

We had an amiable evening, and Susan and I played a couple of games of cards, and watched TV. A little later, Mum said 'Come on Jennifer, time for bed, you've got school in the morning.' I was happy to oblige, and she took me upstairs to get me ready for bed. As she untied the bow behind me and unfastened the buttons down the back of my frock, she said 'We must teach you to fasten and unfasten your dresses by yourself. It's not difficult once you get used to it. I'll get Susan to give you some practice.'

I was soon tucked up in bed, and snuggled down under the bedclothes. I smiled, as for the first time I found myself actually looking forward to putting on my girl's school uniform in the morning.

 

 

CHAPTER 11

My New School Routine

 

Monday morning was bright and sunny, and as I sat down in my school summer uniform while Mum watched me fasten my hair ribbons with ever increasing efficiency, I said 'Mum, can I start going to school by myself? I'm not going to run away, and I feel so babyish with Miss Jones taking me every morning.'

'We'll see' said Mum, 'Perhaps in a couple more weeks. I'll see what she says.'

After breakfast, Miss Jones appeared at the door on time as usual, and we stepped out into the sunshine. We chatted as we walked, and I felt completely at ease as a girl as I told her more and more about how I felt. She listened sympathetically, and I felt my confidence increasing as we approached the school. As we drew nearer, and the other children walked with us, I noticed a definite change in their attitude compared to a month previously. Gone were the teasing comments, and even Fiona McPherson was becoming more friendly. She greeted me with a cheerful 'Morning Jennifer', and when I replied equally cheerfully, I knew that I was establishing more credibility and acceptance as a girl.

When we sat down in class, Miss Jones allowed me to return to my original desk near the back of the class. I knew she was testing me to see if I really had discarded the temptation to misbehave, and I didn't betray her trust. I really wanted to be better behaved, and slowly began to feel happier at school.

Sitting behind most of the others, I had a chance to look at some of the girls from behind, and suddenly realised that by now my hair was becoming longer than most of them. A thrill of pleasure went through me as I realised that soon I would no longer need a wig to convince people that I was a girl. That really would be a day to look forward to.

'Jennifer!' – I was brought out of my daydream with a start. Miss Jones didn't look pleased. 'What did I just say?'

'Er, I didn't hear' I said weakly.

'No, you didn't hear because you weren't listening. I think you'd better sit down the front again. Change places with Sarah.' I blushed, and a ripple of laughter went up as Sarah and I swapped desks and I found myself sitting down the front once more. I cursed myself for being so stupid. The lesson continued uninterrupted, and when the lunchtime bell rang, we all went out into the playground. I sat down with some of the girls to eat my lunch, and more and more found myself joining in their conversation, eager to learn the finer points of behaving like a proper little girl. They couldn't quite understand what was happening to me, but seemed to cautiously treat me as one of them. The boys had by now written me off as a lost cause, and simply ignored me.

The afternoon lessons passed by uneventfully, and when the time came to go home, Miss Jones asked me some searching questions as to how I felt, probing deeply to understand what was going on in my confused mind. But she was kind and gentle, with no trace of ridicule in her manner. She dropped me off at my front door, and Mum let me in.

I watched TV for a short while, until my sister arrived home. While she began to prepare our tea, Mum said 'Susan, why don't you take Jennifer upstairs and teach her to do up the buttons of her dresses by herself.'

'With pleasure' grinned Susan, 'Come on sis, upstairs to your room.' We went up to my room, and as I removed my school blazer and summer dress, she took two petticoats out of the wardrobe, together with one of my dresses with a back button fastening and a sash belt that tied in a bow at the back. 'Right' she said, handing me the petticoats, 'Slip these on and then let's teach you how to do up your dress.' I pulled the two petticoats on up to my waist, and the waist elastic held them firmly in place. Then came the dress. I pulled it on over my head, and was soon ready to begin fastening it closed behind my back.

It was an interesting exercise as she taught me how to twist my arms so that I could reach the buttons with both hands to fasten them. The first time it took me a full 5 minutes to achieve, and as soon as I had done up all the buttons she said 'Now, let's see you unfasten them.' This wasn't quite as difficult as fastening them, but it still took a lot of frustrated twisting and turning on my part before all the buttons were undone. But Susan had only just started. 'Now let's see you do it again' she smiled. With a groan, I began fastening the back of my dress up again. Close, open. Close, open. Close, open. The practice went on and on until Susan was satisfied. My arms were beginning to ache, but after about half an hour I was able to fasten and unfasten my dress with reasonable speed.

But my sister hadn't finished yet. 'All right Jennifer' she grinned, 'Now for the other part. Tying your belt in a bow at the back. Not just any old bow, but a nice neat one. Now watch carefully in the mirror and I'll show you.' I'd never really thought about it, but there's a definite technique involved in tying a perfectly even bow which won't slip undone easily. Susan showed me several times, and then, with her hands guiding mine, I eventually learnt how to do it by myself.

Eventually she was satisfied and said 'All right Jennifer, I think you've got it now. Let's go downstairs and show Mum.' We went downstairs, and while I unfastened the dress and removed it in the lounge, Mum came in to watch. 'All right Jennifer' said Susan, 'Off you go.' I put my head and arms into the dress, pulled it on, and despite the aching in my arms, fastened the buttons down my back. Then, carefully drawing the ends of the tie belt behind me, I tied it in as neat a bow as I could, making sure that it was perfectly even.

Mum examined me from the back. 'Very good' she said, 'That's excellent. You had no trouble fastening the buttons, and that bow is perfect. Well Jennifer, now you can dress and undress by yourself, and you know how to tie your own hair ribbons. You're turning into quite the little girl, aren't you?' She smiled as I spontaneously spun around, making my dress and petticoats fill out.

The demonstration over, we set the table for tea, and were soon enjoying an animated conversation as I kept asking my mother and sister questions about the finer points of behaving as a young lady should. All the while I was careful to sit properly and to eat my tea in as demure a fashion as I could muster. After tea, I sat in the lounge watching TV until I went to bed. This time I was allowed to put myself to bed, and it was with some satisfaction that I was able to unfasten my dress myself, hang my clothes in the wardrobe, and remove my hair ribbons. I lay in bed reading a book until Mum came in to say goodnight, and I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

 

 

CHAPTER 12

Some New Dresses

 

The following Saturday morning, we were having breakfast when Mum looked at me and said 'You know Jennifer, if you're going to be dressed as a girl for some time, I think it's time we bought you some dresses of your own. And I think you should also be fitted with a proper school gaberdine raincoat. Would you like that?' My heart leapt, and I beamed with pleasure. 'Oh yes please' I said, 'When can we get them?'

'Well why not this morning?' said Mum, 'We can go to one of the childrenswear shops in town first, and then the school uniform shop.' I couldn't believe my luck, and was impatient to be off.

By 9 o'clock, Mum, Susan and I were walking down to the bus stop. As I stood there in my pretty pink dress, my feet neatly together in their white ankle socks and red leather sandals. For the first time, Mum had decided that I would no longer need to wear a wig. My hair was long enough to pass as a girl's, and with the two bows of pink hair ribbon and a neat fringe at the front, was by now totally convincing. I knew I looked the very essence of a sweet little girl. Two ladies were standing there, and one looked at me and smiled. 'Isn't she a dear?' she said to Mum, little knowing that I was not quite what I seemed. But I blushed with pleasure at the compliment.

The bus arrived, and we climbed aboard. It was only a 20 minute ride into town, and it wasn't long before we were standing in front of the window of a childrenswear shop. I gazed at the gorgeous demure little dresses, and beamed with pleasure. Susan caught my expression and smiled. 'Come on then little sister' she said, taking my hand, 'Let's go in and see what we can find.' We went inside, and went through the boy's department on the ground flor, and up some stairs to the girlswear department on the first floor. As we entered the showroom I gasped with delight. The room was a veritable aladdin's cave of the prettiest dresses in al styles, colours and sizes. There was also a shoe department of the most delightful and dainty styles.

As soon as we reached the counter a kind looking shop assistant smiled at Mum and said 'Good morning madam, how can I help you?'

'I'd like to fit my little girl with a few dresses, together with some shoes to go with them' said Mum.

'Certainly, what size is she?'

'She's a size 10, but I'd like them to be slightly large so that she can grow into them. You know how fast they grow at this age.'

'Of course. Perhaps you'd like to come over to this rack here. They're all size 12, so that should do nicely.' We went over to the rack, and Susan said 'I'd like them to be fairly young looking, you know, similar to the ones of mine that he, er, I mean she's been wearing.' She grinned at this error, but fortunately the shop assistant hadn't noticed. We were left alone to select some styles, and I stood there while Mum and Susan took some of the dresses off the rack and held them up against me. We took about twenty minutes to select three dresses that we all liked, and I revelled in the sweetness of the childish style of them. When we had made our selection, Mum took me into a changing cubicle, and I tried each one on in turn before emerging for inspection. They were lovely. They all had peter pan collars, back button fastening, and tie belts in a bow at the back. The final touch was the short puffed sleeves.

Well satisfied with our choice, it was time to find some shoes. We went into the display area, and had no trouble finding some delightful styles. They were all leather T bar sandals with a buckle fastening at the side to keep them on securely. We selected one pair each, in red, pink and blue, and I tried them on one by one. They would complement the ones I already had in brown, white and black.

'While we're here' said Mum, 'We'd better buy you some underwear. She chose some delightful silk knickers in various pretty pastel colours, some petticoats, vests, and some ankle socks and knee hi's. I felt quite pampered as the clothes piled up on the counter. As she paid for the items, Mum smiled at me and said 'Aren't you a lucky girl?' I smiled and said 'Oh yes Mummy, thank you!' We thanked the shop assistant and went downstairs and out into the precinct.

'Now then' said Mum, 'Let's see about your school raincoat.' We walked up the precinct until we came to an outfitters. We went in and up to the schoolwear department on the first floor. Girlswear was on the left, and we went up to the counter. A pleasant young assistant came across to us and said 'Good morning, can I help you?'

'Yes please' said Mum, 'I'd like a St. Michael's Primary School raincoat for my daughter here.'

'Certainly' said the girl, turning to a rack of coats behind her. Without asking for the size, she looked at me for a moment, and then drew a raincoat from the rack and took it off it's hanger. 'Here we are' she said, holding it up, 'This is a size 12, I think that will be about right.' It was the regulation St Michael's royal blue gaberdine raincoat with a check lining, double breasted with a belt. 'Here we are dear' she said, 'Try it on.' She held it out for me, and I slipped my arms into it. Then she pulled the coat up onto my shoulders and fastened the buttons up the front before buckling the belt securely around my waist. But there seemed to be something missing. The girl knew immediately what it was.

'Would you like a hood to go with it?' she said. 'Oh yes please' said Mum. The girl opened a drawer and took out a matching royal blue check lined hood with tie tapes and a button flap fastening. Standing behind me, she buttoned it onto the coat. 'Now let's put up the hood shall we?' she said. Moving in front of me she put up the hood and tied the tie tapes in a bow under my chin. 'These hoods are very weatherproof' she said, 'They have both tie tape fastening and this additional storm flap as well. That'll keep out the heaviest downpour.' She secured the button flap under my chin and stood back. The hood was very deep, and protruded well out from my face. Somehow I felt snug and secure from any rainstorm.

I looked at myself in the mirror. The raincoat covered me well, and I felt comforted as I saw that it certainly made my look like every other girl at school in the rain. Mum was pleased with my appearance, and said 'Very good, that'll keep her dry.' As she paid for the raincoat I said 'Please can I wear it home?'

'Of course' said Mum, 'But I don't think you'll need your hood up, it's a lovely day. And if you get too hot you can carry it.' She unfastened my hood and threw it back from my head so that it hung down my back. 'I'll sew it onto your coat when we get home' she said, 'I don't want you losing it.'

We left the shop, and walked to the bus station. Our bus was waiting, and we were soon on our way home. We arrived back at the village, and as we walked home, Fiona McPherson appeared and crossed the road to walk with us. 'Hi Jennifer' she said, 'I see you've got a proper school raincoat.'

'Yes' I said, 'Now I really feel like one of the girls.' She smiled, and walked on as we reached home.

We went indoors, and Mum removed my new raincoat. 'Take your new things upstairs' she said, 'And I'll sew that hood onto your coat. Susan, go upstairs with her and remove all the price tags.' We went up to my room and after snipping off the tags, we hung my new dresses in the wardrobe, put my new shoes in the bottom, and put the other things in my chest of drawers. Then we went downstairs, where Mum was carefully sewing the hood onto my coat at each of the three buttons attaching it. It certainly wasn't going to come off. When she had finished, I proudly hung up my new coat in the hall, secretly hoping for rain when it was time for school.

Mum now made some lunch, and when we had finished, Mum said 'It's such a lovely day. Why don't you two go for a walk?'

'Good idea' said Susan, 'I know, let's go round and see Tanya Morris. I'm sure she'd love to see Jennifer, especially since she hasn't seen her as a girl yet.' What a contrast from previously. A month ago I would have protested vehemently at the idea, but now it seemed to be the most natural thing in the world. Promising to be back by five, we went out the front door and into the sunshine.

As we walked to Tanya's house, Susan said 'Don't worry, I've told Tanya all about you, so she won't be too surprised, except perhaps at how good you look as a girl. Actually, we're doing this by way of an experiment. Her mum doesn't know about you, so I want to see if we can fool her into thinking that you really are a girl. So remember everything you've learnt and we'll see if she's convinced.'

Arriving at the house we rang the bell, and a moment later, Susan's school friend Tanya opened the door. We went in, and as I stood there in the hall, she looked me up and down approvingly. She grinned and said 'So this is your new kid sister Jennifer. Gee Sue, that's quite a job you've done. He looks perfect.'

'She looks perfect' corrected Susan, 'Don't forget, she's to be treated just like any other girl at all times, especially if we're going to introduce her to your mum. By the way, where is she? Is she in?'

'Oh yes' said Tanya, 'She's in the garden. D'you reckon we can fool her?'

'No problem' chuckled my sister, 'Just wait till you see Jennifer in action. She's been well coached by now.'

'Well come on then, come through into the garden.' We walked through the house, out of some french windows, and into the garden.

Mrs. Morris was sitting on a garden chair, and stood up as we approached. 'Oh hello Susan' she said, 'How are you?'

'Fine thanks' said Susan. 'Mrs. Morris, you haven't met my sister Jennifer have you?'

'No I haven't' she said, as Susan stood me in front of her. I stood in true little girl fashion, just as I'd been told to do. Feet together and hands clasped gently together at the front, like so many little girls I'd seen.

Mrs. Morris looked at me and smiled. 'Hello Jennifer, what a lovely dress you're wearing, you are pretty aren't you?'

'Thank you' I said quietly as demurely as possible, and put my head shyly to one side. We all sat on some garden chairs, I in my most convincing little girl posture, legs crossed and my hands together. I hardly joined in the conversation, and much of the topic of discussion was about Tanya and Susan at school. After a while Mrs. Morris suggested a cup of tea, and went indoors to make it. As soon as she was out of earshot Tanya turned to me and grinned. 'Jennifer' she said, 'You were brilliant! Mum's completely taken in. Mind you, I'm not surprised. You've got all the little mannerisms right, and the last thing she'd expect would be a boy in a dress. Well done.' I beamed with pleasure, and was really starting to enjoy myself. Tanya went inside to help bring out the tea, and we sat around, enjoying the lovely sunshine and scent of the flowers. In the distance a tractor could be heard, and every so often a tame blackbird would fly down for a few crumbs of biscuit. It was idyllic.

Eventually Susan looked at her watch and said we must be going. We stood up, and noticing that the bow at the back of my dress had come loose, Susan retied it for me. As she did so, Mrs. Morris looked at me and smiled. 'Well it's been lovely to meet you Jennifer. Please come again.' I thanked her, and after saying our goodbyes my sister and I were seen to the door by Tanya. 'When are you going to bring Jennifer up to school' she said to Susan. 'When I think she's ready' said Susan, 'Probably next month. Tell you what, we've got that Saturday tennis tournament against St. Catherine's on the 12th, so the others can meet her then.'

Tanya thought for a moment, grinned and then said 'I know, why don't you bring her up wearing our school uniform? That would really confuse them.'

'What a good idea!' chuckled Susan, 'Mind you, we'll need a uniform small enough to fit him, about a size 12.'

'Oh leave that to me' said Tanya, 'I'll borrow a spare one from one of the junior girls, I'm sure they won't mind.'

'Ok then' said Susan looking at me. 'What about it Jennifer? Would you like to come up to my school in the same uniform as me?'

'Love to' I beamed, 'Then we'll really look like sisters, won't we?'

'We sure will' laughed Susan as Tanya opened the door, 'That's settled then. We'll fix her up with a uniform next week, and I'll bring it home for Jennifer to try on. I don't think Mum will mind.' Saying goodbye to Tanya, we walked out into the street and made our way home.

When we reached home, Susan told Mum about the idea of taking me to school to meet her friends, and she seemed to like the idea. 'It'll be good practice for her' she said. We sat together in the kitchen as Mum prepared our dinner, and I felt very much at ease. After dinner we washed up and then sat in the lounge watching television until it was time for me to go to bed. By now able to take off my dress with ease, I hung it up neatly in the wardrobe, and was soon snuggled down in my bed and in the land of nod.

 

 

CHAPTER 13

A Visit to Brighton

 

As the weeks passed, my hair grew longer, together with my increased confidence as a girl, and one evening Mum said 'Jennifer, I think you're ready to be presented to someone I know. I'm going down to Brighton to visit Joan Banfield and her friends on Sunday. I've only met her a couple of times, and she doesn't know about our family history, so she won't be surprised to hear that I have a 10 year old daughter. I'd like you to come with me as Jennifer, and I want you to behave as a proper little girl should, and we'll see if we can fool them, shall we? Do you think you're ready?'

'Oh yes' I said confidently, 'I easily fooled Tanya Morris' mum, she didn't even suspect, and now I feel so much better at it.'

'Good' smiled Mum, 'That's settled then. We'll find something extra pretty for you to wear, and you can be a proper, polite little girl.'

The next few days couldn't pass quickly enough as I excitedly tried to choose which dress I was going to wear on my outing. Susan thoroughly approved of the idea and wanted to come to watch how things went, but she had already made other arrangements. Finally the following Sunday arrived.

Mum woke me at six thirty. Pulling back the curtains, she said 'Come on lazybones, off to the bathroom. I'm going to make you look your prettiest today.' I made my way to the bathroom to wash, and by the time I returned to my room she had all my clothes laid out ready for me to put on. Today, Mum was going to dress me to make sure I would look my best, and I was to wear my primrose yellow dress. First I was put into a white vest and pale yellow knickers, and then it was time for the dress. Mum held it up and I obediently slipped my arms into the sleeves, and put my head through. She pulled it down over me, buttoned it up the back, and fastened the hook and eye behind my neck for extra security. Next came my sash belt, which she tied behind me in a large, neat non-slip bow. Sitting me down, she put a pair of white ankle socks onto my feet, and turned the tops down neatly. On top of these went my white leather sandals, securely buckled on.

By now my hair hung down around my face in a natural pageboy style with a large fringe at the front. Mum brushed it, and then tied a neat bow of pale yellow hair ribbon in my hair on each side of my head. Finally she made sure that they would not fall out by securing them firmly with two yellow plastic hair slides. 'Let's have a look at you' said Mum, and stood back. 'Very nice' she smiled, 'A very convincing little girl. Yes, you'll pass, so let's go down and have some breakfast.'

We went downstairs, and Susan inspected me. 'I must say Mum' she said, 'We really have worked wonders with him in the last few weeks, haven't we? If I saw Jennifer walking down the street I wouldn't even give her a second glance, she looks so convincing. She's even acquiring a lovely demure little expression, and her walk and mannerisms are just about perfect. Yes, I think we've really succeeded in turning a nasty little boy into a dainty little girl. Well done, Mum.'

Mum looked at her and said 'Yes, well let's see if he fools Joan Banfield and her friends at Brighton today. If they believe he's a girl, then I'll be satisfied. Joan's a pretty observant person.'

'I'll bet you they think he's a girl' said Susan confidently.

'Well I'll let you know when we get back' said Mum. 'Now get on with your breakfast.'

Breakfast was accompanied by a lively discussion between Susan and I on the finer points of my appearance, and by the time we finished, we'd come to some sort of agreement. As we rose from the table, Mum looked at her watch and said 'Goodness, we'll miss the bus, we'd better be going. Susan, I'll leave you to do the washing up.' We went into the hall and Mum put on her beige poplin raincoat and put her folding umbrella into her bag. Then she took down my red rubberised mackintosh and handed it to me. 'It's quite fine at the moment Jennifer' she said, 'So you don't need to wear your mac yet, just carry it over your arm for now. There's some rain forecast for later though, and you'll probably need it then.' I hung my mackintosh over my arm, and after saying goodbye to my sister, Mum and I were soon walking down to the bus stop. The bus into town arrived almost immediately, and we climbed aboard.

I was beginning to acquire some confidence as to my appearance by now, so I sat demurely and quietly next to Mum, and no one even glanced at me twice. So very different from some of my earlier bus journeys. We got off the bus at Redhill station, and went into the booking hall. At the ticket office Mum said 'One adult day return to Brighton please, and one for the little girl.'

After collecting our tickets, we went through the gate and onto the train platform. I stood there in the sunshine while we waited, my feet neatly together and my arms crossed in front of me with my mac hanging over them. After a short wait our train arrived and we got in. We found a seat facing forward, and Mum placed me next to the window. I went to put my mackintosh on the luggage rack, but she said 'No Jennifer, keep it on your lap. I don't want you to lose it accidentally on purpose, do I?' She knew full well that I much preferred to wear my new school raincoat, and still didn't really like the feel and rubbery smell of the mackintosh. It was very babyish in style, and although I wanted to be a girl, I didn't want to look like a baby. But Mum had read my mind, and I held the mac on my lap for the rest of the journey.

We reached Brighton in about an hour, and as we came out of the station a cold sea breeze blew in our faces. 'Goodness, it's a bit chilly' said Mum. 'You'd better put on your mac now Jennifer, give it to me.' She took the mackintosh from me, and held it up while I slipped my arms into it. Then she buttoned it up to my neck, and did up the belt. 'I don't think you need your hood up for now' she said, so standing behind me she tidied the hood so that it hung down from my shoulders neatly. 'There, that's better' she said. 'Feel warmer now?' I did, and for once I was almost glad to be wearing the hated mac. 'Come along then' said Mum, 'It isn't very far.' We walked through the town to Joan Banfield's house, and once again no one took any notice of me. They just assumed that they were seeing a mother and daughter.

We finally arrived at the house, and as we stopped at the door, Mum said to me 'Now remember Jennifer, you're a little girl, so play the part, all right?'

'Don't worry Mum' I said, 'I've had enough practice by now.'

'Yes, I believe you have' she said, 'Well let's find out, shall we?' She rang the bell. A moment later, Joan Banfield, a pleasant faced middle aged woman, opened the door to let us in, and we entered the hallway. 'Let me take your coats' she said, and Mum and I removed them for Joan to hang up. As I handed my mackintosh to her she held it up and said 'Oh what a lovely little mac. D'you know, I used to have one just like this when I was a little girl. They're not very popular these days, which I think is a pity, as they are so completely waterproof.' She smiled at me, and led the way into the lounge. Two other women were in the room, and for a brief moment it made me think of some of the dreadful aunts I'd met. Fortunately, these ladies looked much more relaxed and much les forbidding.

'Let me do the introductions' said Joan. 'This is Anne White' she said, indicating one woman, 'And this is Maureen Turner.' Taking Mum's arm, she said 'This is Mary Anderson and her daughter Jennifer.' The women greeted us pleasantly and we all sat down in separate armchairs. I took care to be on my best behaviour, and exhibited all the attributes expected from sweet, dainty little girls. Aided by my appearance I had no problem in convincing them that I was most definitely a girl, and I was almost beginning to enjoy the deception. The topics of conversation were boring to say the least from my point of view, until the subject of children's behaviour came up. Here I gave it my undivided attention. 'I just cannot understand children these days' said Maureen. 'Most of them go off the rails by the time they reach their teens, and all the girls seem to want to do is behave and dress more like boys every day. Do you know, in a school near where I live, the girls wear trousers as part of their winter uniform instead of skirts or gym tunics? I just don't understand it.'

'Yes' added Mum, 'I've noticed it's just the same with my two girls, although thank goodness their schools still insist on a traditional style of uniform for them. Mind you, they still hate wearing it because they get teased terribly by the girls from other less formal schools. As soon as Susan gets home she can't get out of her uniform and into slacks and T shirts quickly enough. Anything as long as it isn't a dress.'

'Well it's nice to see that Jennifer hasn't been converted yet' said Joan. 'Mary, she really does look charming. That dress she's wearing is so pretty, and exactly how I like younger girls to look. Just look at her, sitting up properly, legs neatly crossed, hands together on her lap. And the two matching bows in her hair complete the picture so well.'

'That's just what I was thinking' said Maureen, 'She really is as pretty as a picture. Jennifer, do you usually dress like that at home?' I looked at her, smiled sweetly, and said 'Oh yes, mummy insists on it.'

'Well I fully approve' smiled Maureen, 'As a matter of fact my mother was equally insistent, and I wasn't allowed to wear trousers at any time. Once my brother lent me his jeans, although she had warned him not to. He and I went out together and she was furious when we arrived back home. She punished him by taking him out the next day wearing my most babyish dress, ankle socks and a pair of my mary jane shoes. She put bows in his hair, and then made him go with her to a fair that she knew all his school friends were going to. They never let him forget it. He cried most of the day, and he never lent me any of his things again.'

'My goodness' laughed Joan, 'That's what I call a real punishment. Ingenious, but very effective I should think.'

'Oh definitely' said Anne. 'Actually, when I was in my teens, one of my friends and I tricked my brother David into trying on my school uniform as a joke. Unfortunately for him, what he didn't know was that my friend's older brother Mike was standing by to complete the joke in a way he didn't expect. Along with a couple of my other school friends, we dragged David out to Mike's car, forced him into it, and took him for a nice long drive. We found a quiet spot to stop, and we four girls pulled David out onto the pavement. Mike drove off, so David had to walk six miles home with us. It took about three hours, and he was so embarrassed. He didn't have a wig of course, so as you can imagine, we had a really fun filled walk home. It still makes me smile when I think of it.' The conversation continued for some time in similar vein until Joan prepared afternoon tea for us. I sat there demurely with my plate on my lap, the very picture of a well behaved little girl.

Eventually it was time for Mum and I to be on our way home, and after we had said goodbye to Anne and Maureen, Joan took us out into the hall. Mum put on her coat, while Joan took down my mackintosh from the coat stand. Through the window we could see that it was raining steadily, and Joan held out my mac for me to put on. I slid my arms into it, and she began to button it up. 'Well this will keep you nice and dry' she said, fastening the belt. She pulled up the hood and buttoned it closed under my chin, and pulling the hood forward she peered closely at my face and smiled. 'I always think that little girls look so sweet when they're wearing their mackintosh hoods' she said. 'I suppose they look a bit like a bonnet, really.'

'Yes, I know what you mean' said Mum, 'And as you said earlier, these rubberised satinette raincoats are so waterproof as well as making the wearer look like a proper little girl.'

Joan opened the front door, and after saying our goodbyes, Mum and I stepped out into the pouring rain. The sea breeze blew the driving rain hard against my mackintosh, and I must admit that once again I was quite glad to be wearing it, even though the rain poured down it onto my bare legs and soaked my feet in their short ankle socks and sandals. As we walked along, the hem of my wet mackintosh slapped against my bare legs, and the hood restricted my field of view. Eventually we reached the station, and went onto the platform where our train was waiting. We stepped on board, and soon found seats, again facing forward. I went to remove my mackintosh, but Mum said 'No Jennifer, keep your mac on, it's too cold to take it off. Leave your hood done up, put your hands in your pockets, and sit down.' I miserably did as I was told, and sat there like that for the entire journey. My wet mackintosh started to feel cold and clammy, and the rubberised satinette material smelt. The cuffs of my sleeves and the hem of the mac continued to drip water.

At last we arrived back at Redhill, and as we stood up to get off the train Mum allowed me to take my hands out of my pockets, but still not to take off my hood. It had stopped raining, but was still very cloudy with a cold wind blowing in our faces, so my mackintosh hood gave me some protection. We walked to the bus stop where our bus was waiting, and climbed aboard straight away. One of my school friends, wearing a pink PVC raincoat with the hood down, was already sitting on the bus with her mother. Mum obviously knew them, so we sat down next to them. The little girl turned to her mother and said 'Mum, that's the boy whose got to dress as a girl. Doesn't he look sweet!' The woman looked at me and said 'Well I must say I wouldn't have guessed if you hadn't told me. Is he really dressed as a girl under that mac?'

'Certainly' said Mum, 'I'll show you. Stand up Jennifer.' Turning to the woman she said 'We call him Jennifer because it's so much less confusing for people when we're in public.' I stood up, and Mum removed my mackintosh and put it on her lap. My dress and hair ribbons were now revealed as I sat down again. The woman grinned broadly, and said 'Well I must say I'm amazed. He really does look like a little girl, doesn't he? But he must feel incredibly humiliated, so why does he have to dress as a girl?' Mum explained, and when she had finished, the woman said 'Well it's certainly an exquisite way of punishing him, and now that I know what he's been up to, I think that he deserves all he gets. And I must say' she said, smiling, 'I'd love to show him to a few naughty little boys I know. If they could see him like this and we threatened them with the same treatment, I'm sure they'd be as good as gold.'

The conversation continued in much the same vein, and I briefly felt embarrassed again at this reminder of my punishment. Still, it couldn't be helped. The bus arrived back at our village, and looking out of the window, the lady said 'It's started to rain again.' Mum saw that indeed it was. 'Stand up Jennifer' she said to me, 'And let's put your mac back on.' I stood up, and once again I was dressed in my mackintosh like a little girl. As Mum finally buttoned up the hood, the woman looked at me and said 'I'm just so impressed. With that mac on and the hood up he really makes a convincing looking little girl. Amazing.'

We arrived at the village bus stop and all got off. Saying goodbye, Mum and I set off homeward through the rain, until finally we opened the front door and went in. We removed our wet coats, hung them up, and went into the lounge where Susan was watching television. Mum said 'Here we are again, mission accomplished.'

'You mean they didn't realise?' said Susan.

'Not for a moment' said Mum. 'As far as they were concerned, he was just a nicely behaved little girl. Worked like a charm. Tommy, I'm almost proud of you. Now go upstairs, take off those wet shoes and socks, and bring down a pair of dry socks and your black T bar sandals. I'll put them on for you.' I went up and did as I was told, and I was soon back in the lounge wearing my dry ankle socks and T bar shoes, firmly buckled on. Tea time soon arrived and we sat down to eat. After the tea things were cleared away, we all sat down to watch television. I was actually allowed to stay up until nine before being sent off to bed. It had been quite a day, and I didn't need much persuasion. I was soon tucked up in bed, and drifted drowsily off.

 

 

CHAPTER 14

A Day at Susan's School

 

As the weeks passed I felt more and more at ease in my new found identity as a girl. Although Mum and Susan had been a little derisive at first, they gradually came to realise how much happier I was, and the possibility that the change might become permanent became more and more of a possibility. After a further month, as the end of the summer term drew closer, they began to realise that the very idea of returning to the life of a boy was becoming more and more alien to me. I revelled in the sheer pleasure of being a girl, and started to keep in the company of girls almost exclusively. They too began to lose any doubts they may have had at first in my sheer enthusiasm at being one of them. It was only a matter of time before we were inviting each other to play at each other's houses with our parent's blessing.

By now, everybody in the village knew about me, but were either too sympathetic or polite to cause me any great anguish. Most people simply accepted the situation, and it was soon my pleasure to often be greeted in the street with a cheerful 'Hi Jennifer' by those that knew me. The acceptance was a huge relief, and I was determined to progress further and further towards a fulfilled girlhood.

Susan finally decided that I was ready to be presented to her friends at her school tennis tournament. She'd borrowed a school uniform in my size, and I was more than eager to try it on as the day approached. It was a winter uniform, but still, that didn't worry me. So when the Saturday of the tournament arrived I leaped out of bed eagerly when it was time to wash and dress. Mum was going to dress me on this occasion, with Susan's assistance. It was an unseasonably cool day, so she too was going to wear her winter uniform. I was delighted, because that meant that I would be dressed just like my sister, who I now adored and admired.

Susan came into my room already dressed in her Sacre Coeur Convent school winter uniform. It consisted of a crisp white blouse and school tie together with a navy blue gym tunic with a back button fastening and belt. A navy blue blazer went on top, with white ankle socks and black T bar sandals on her feet. The school hat she carried in her hand was in navy blue felt, and had a hatband with a crest at the front, and elastic to fit under the chin and keep the hat firmly in place. In other words, she looked the very essence of an English schoolgirl, and I smiled at the prospect of wearing a more senior uniform than the one I usually wore.

I happily stepped into a pair of navy blue knickers and white vest, and soon I too was dressed in my blouse and tie, gym tunic, and blazer. Once I was dressed in my ankle socks and T bar sandals, I stood up and looked at myself in the full length mirror. I felt wonderful. I looked at my sister and then back at myself. A broad smile crossed my face as I saw how identically we were dressed. The only difference was the two bows of ribbon in my hair. Susan insisted on these as a mark of my junior status at the school.

Preparations completed, we went downstairs to breakfast, and when we had washed up, Mum took us out into the garden where she took some photos of us both for posterity. As I looked at how similar to Susan I looked, a thought occurred to me. I turned to Mum and said 'Mum, when I go up to senior school, could I go to Sacre Coeur?' This was the first really positive indication I'd given that I really wanted to remain as a girl permanently. She frowned slightly, and said 'Well I don't know. I think we'd better wait until the holidays and then I think it'll be time that you and I went to see someone I know of. They may need to give you some tests and then we'll see.' In other words she wasn't going to promise anything yet.

Susan and I got ready to leave, and after putting on her own hat, she carefully placed mine on my head. As she pulled the elastic under my chin she said 'If you ever did go to my school, the first rule you'd need to know is that we're never allowed to be seen out of school without wearing our hat. They're very strict about that sort of thing.' I smiled, feeling quite happy with such an arrangement.

Saying goodbye to Mum, we set off down the road to the bus stop. Fiona McPherson saw us and waved. 'Hi Jenny' she said, 'My goodness, don't you look grown up!' I giggled and said 'Well maybe I'm practising for when I go up to Sacre Coeur.'

'You'll be lucky' she called out, 'But you never know. See you.'

Susan and I reached the bus stop, and in a few minutes our bus turned up. We climbed aboard, and some of Susan's school friends were already on it, seated at the back. We paid our fare, walked down to join them, and sat down. There was a moment's silence, and I felt I was under a microscope as the girls looked me up and down. Then one of them smiled and said 'Well Sue, I'd never have thought it was possible. Is he really your brother?'

'He sure is' said Susan proudly, 'But forget the he please. You all know the situation, so just remember that this is my sister Jennifer now and please treat her as such.' I must say that Susan had prepared them well, and there was barely a giggle from any of them. I think they were fascinated rather than amused. Nevertheless, they began to ask me many questions as they tried to understand how a boy could be unembarrassed at being dressed as a girl. It wasn't difficult to explain. I told them that yes, it was the ultimate humiliation if you were a boy, but if you knew that inside you thought and felt yourself to be a girl it was the most natural thing in the world. 'Well I think you're very brave' said one girl suddenly, 'You certainly look utterly and completely like a girl, especially in our school uniform.'

'Oh you should see Jennifer at weekends when she's wearing really pretty dresses' smiled Susan, 'She's the very picture of innocence. A bit like those paintings of 18^th century little girls by Sir Joshua Reynolds we saw in art class the other week.'

'Oh yes, I remember' said the girl, 'Yes I know what you mean. Very demure and pretty.' The conversation continued in this vein, and the natural acceptance of me by the girls lifted my morale to new heights.

The bus finally reached the stop just outside the school, and we all got off and went in by the main gate. 'Now Jennifer' said Susan, 'Stick to me like glue, I don't want you getting into trouble.'

'Don't worry sis, I won't' I said, and meant it. My days of getting into trouble were well behind me by now. We all walked along a path which led round to the back of the school buildings and onto the sports ground. Immediately in front of us were four tennis courts on which there were several girls warming up for the first match.

Susan suddenly spotted Tanya Morris seated on a small grandstand, and we went across to join her. Before we sat down Susan stood me in front of her and said 'Well, what do you think?' Tanya looked at me intently for a moment, and then grinned. 'That is absolutely amazing Sue. If I didn't know the past history there's no way that I'd doubt that this is your sister. How are you feeling Jennifer? Nervous?' I thought for a moment before my face brightened and I said 'No, not at all. I'm loving every minute of this.' She could see that I was sincere, so she just laughed and said 'Well, it looks as if your dearest wish has been fulfilled, so I'm glad for you.' She was kind. We sat down, and being closely surrounded by the girls from Susan's class I soon felt safe and at ease.

The tournament began, and having expected the sort of enthusiastic cheering that would have been apparent at my school, I suddenly realised how different a senior school was when it came to tennis. Had it been a hockey match it would have been a different matter, but here it was like a miniature Wimbledon. Polite applause accompanied every point and volley, and the quiet concentration was apparent.

After the first few games Sue looked at her watch and said 'I'm hungry. Anyone fancy something to eat?'

'Great idea' said Tanya, 'Come on, let's go and get something.' We stood up and strolled across the grass to where a refreshment marquee had been set up. We helped ourselves to some sandwiches, cake and lemonade, and sat down on the grass to eat. As we sat there relaxing and chatting, I felt natural and relaxed until my reverie was disturbed by Susan saying 'Well, I suppose it's time we put Jennifer to the test. Let's introduce her to some teachers and see what happens. Ready Jennifer?'

'Ready as I'll ever be' I said confidently, 'All right, let's do it.'

'O.K.' said Susan as we stood up, 'Now most of the teachers don't know whether any of us have brothers or sisters unless we tell them, so I'll introduce you to Miss Frost and Miss Jones over there. Come on.' Susan, Tanya and I walked across to where two older teachers standing with cups of tea in their hands. As we came up to them, one of them smiled and said 'Oh hello you two, and how do you think it's going?'

'Well we were well up on them when we went for lunch' said Tanya, 'So I think the cup will be ours for another year.'

'Don't be too sure yet' said the teacher, 'Pride comes before a fall.' Suddenly noticing me, she smiled and then looked slightly puzzled. 'And who is this?' she said, 'I don't recognise her, which class is she in?' This was the moment, and I decided to help out. I turned on my best little girl voice and said 'Please Miss, I don't go to Sacre Coeur yet, but I want to when I'm old enough.' Seeing the bemused grin on her face, Susan swiftly intervened. 'I'm sorry Miss Frost, I should have explained. This is my sister Jennifer and she's always saying how much she wants to come here. She begged me to let her come with me today, and she insisted on wearing our school uniform. I thought it would be all right just for a day.'

Miss Frost smiled. 'Well of course it's all right' she said, 'I think it was a charming idea. When will she be old enough?'

'Well if she's accepted she'll start a year next September.'

'Excellent. Well I must say it's nice to see such enthusiasm so well in advance of coming here. Let me know when she's coming here for interview next year and I'll see if I can put in a good word for you.'

'Oh thank you' I said, bubbling with excitement, 'Thank you very much indeed!' She chuckled at my exuberance, and we said goodbye and returned to our seats at the tennis.

After another couple of hours I began to fidget, and noticing this, Susan said 'How would you like to have a look around the school Jennifer?' She really was being considerate, and I jumped at the chance. Tanya had had enough tennis for now, so she came with us. They gave me a complete guided tour, and after another couple of hours I knew many aspects of life at Sacre Coeur, all of which I found inviting in my new persona. As we walked outside again we were greeted by three more teachers. Susan introduced me to them, and once again, they obviously accepted me as her sister without question. My confidence was now at an all time high.

After speaking to them we decided that it was time to go home, and headed off to the bus stop. As we waited there, Tanya said 'Well Jennifer, I think you were brilliant with the way you met Miss Frost. She completely accepted you as a girl, and from now on, I will too. You've passed your test with flying colours. You must be really pleased Sue.' Sue looked at me, fondly rearranged my hair ribbons, and said 'Oh yes, I'm pleased all right. After today I'm pretty sure that we've seen the last of Tommy Anderson, and I've gained a lovely little sister. Jenny.' She put her arm round me and gave me a little hug.

The bus arrived and we climbed aboard. We soon arrived back at the village, and Tanya said goodbye. As soon as we were indoors Mum regaled us with questions as to how the day had gone. 'Brilliant' said Susan, 'Absolutely brilliant. The teachers accepted Jennifer without any problem at all. At one point I could hardly stop myself laughing at how well it went. I can say one thing Mum, I think that from now on we'd better get used to it. Jennifer is a girl now.'

Mum looked at me and smiled tenderly. 'Yes, well in a way, but not completely yet. Now we're going to have to go to the next stage of Jennifer's development before we can be absolutely certain. Next week I'll go and see Miss Winthrop and we'll discuss all the implications. And then I'll make an appointment to see a specialist in gender reassignment.'

'Gender what?' I said, having never heard the term before. Mum smiled and took my hands in hers. 'Gender reassignment. It means turning you from a boy into a girl forever. How do you feel about that?' My answer was of course predictable. 'It sounds fabulous! Can they really do it? Like magic?'

'Well not exactly. First of all you have to have lots of tests, and live as a girl for a while, just to be quite certain. And if both you and us and the doctors all think it's the best thing for you, then it means an operation to turn you into a girl. But remember, once you've had the operation, you'll be a girl forever without any chance of ever being a boy again. That's why we have to wait for a while.'

An operation. That sounded a bit drastic. I looked into Mum's eyes and said 'An operation? What sort of operation?'

'Well, you know that boys and girls are different between the legs, don't you?'

'Oh yes of course, I've got a willie and girls have a hole!' Susan burst out laughing at my innocent spontaneity, and Mum tried not to laugh. 'Well not exactly' she grinned, 'But that's the general idea. The operation means that they remove your little penis and change it into a girl's organ. That's why there's no going back once it's done, and why it's important that we're really sure. Now don't worry' she said, 'We've got plenty of time to decide, but I will go and see Miss Winthrop and discuss it with her.'

Satisfied that Mum seemed to have things in hand, I didn't pursue the subject any further for the time being, and Mum went into the kitchen to get our dinner ready. Susan and I went out into the garden while she continued telling me all the finer points of passing myself off as a girl. After dinner I decided to be alone with my thoughts for a while, so I went up to my room and read some of Susan's old annuals. Mum called up to me when it was time for bed, and I didn't need much persuasion. It had been an exhausting but enjoyable day.

 

 

CHAPTER 15

My Transformation Begins

 

The weeks went past, and by the time the end of term approached, all trace of any teasing at the hands of the other children at school had vanished. The boys left me alone, and the girls cheerfully accepted me into their circle of friends, only too pleased to help me on my way to becoming one of them. Even the teachers called me Jennifer by now, and I'd almost forgotten what it was like to be called Tommy. I entered into my new role with intense pleasure and relief at being allowed to be my true inner self. It had been decided that it was no longer necessary for Miss Jones to escort me to and from school, as it was obvious that I no longer regarding being dressed as a girl as a hardship. Quite the opposite in fact. Every morning I would dress myself in my school uniform, and walk to school as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Just before the end of term, Mum arranged to have a talk with Miss Winthrop and Miss Jones about my future, and one Saturday morning, Mum and I walked down to the school for the discussion. I was dressed in my favourite primrose yellow summer dress, white ankle socks, and white leather sandals. Matching pale yellow bows and hair slides kept my hair neatly in place. I certainly looked the very picture of an innocent little girl.

We arrived at the school and went straight through to the school office where Miss Jones was sitting at a desk, marking homework. As we went in, she looked up, smiled and stood up. 'Ah there you are' she said, 'Miss Winthrop's waiting for us in her study at the moment.' She led us through to the headmistress' study, and knocked at the door. 'Come in' came an imperious voice from within. Miss Jones opened the door and ushered us in. Miss Winthrop looked her usual imposing self, and stood up to shake hands with my mother. Looking down at me she smiled and said 'Well my goodness Jennifer, you do look lovely, quite the little lady in fact.' I beamed with pleasure at the compliment.

Miss Winthrop paused for a moment, and then said 'I think it might be preferable if Jennifer were not here to begin with. Perhaps she'd like to go to the children's recreation room until we're ready for her.' The other two nodded in agreement, and Miss Jones said 'Off you go Jenny, pop along there and I'll come and tell you when to come back. We'll be about an hour.' She opened the door and I went out of the room and down to the recreation room. It was lovely to have it to myself, and I lost no time in switching on the computer and surfing the net.

Computers being what they are, it only seemed that a few minute passed before Miss Jones came into the room and told me that it was time to return. I reluctantly logged off and switched off the computer, and walked back to Miss Winthrop's study, wondering what to expect next. I sat down next to my mother, and found myself under the kind and sympathetic gaze of the three adults. Mum smiled and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, and after a momentary pause, Miss Winthrop began.

'Now then Jennifer' she said, 'We all know why you're here, don't we? At the beginning of term we decided to punish an unruly little boy by making him dress as a girl. But what none of us suspected, including you it seems, was that inside you was a little girl trying desperately to get out. When you first showed every sign of not caring, we suspected that it was just a trick to stop the other children from teasing you. Well, it seems that we were wrong. As the weeks have passed, you have adopted the mannerisms and behaviour of a typical little girl with an enthusiasm that surprised us. So it seems that you really want to be a girl. Is that right? You really want to be a girl?'

My intensity of conviction gave my expression full reign. 'Please Miss Winthrop' I exclaimed, 'I don't just want to be a girl, I am a girl! I'm not pretending! I've never been so happy in my life to be able to be just, well, me.'

'Yes Jennifer, from what you're mother's been telling me, I don't think there's much doubt about that. Now she's told you what will have to be done to really turn you into a girl, hasn't she?'

'Oh yes.'

'And you understand just what it means? That once the change is made, you will be a girl, and then a woman for the rest of your life?'

'Yes, and it still doesn't make any difference. I must be allowed to be me!'

Miss Winthrop paused with a serious and concerned look on her face. Then it seemed she had made up her mind. 'Very well' she said decisively, 'Your mother is going to arrange for you to have some tests during the summer holidays, and she will keep me informed of the results. It's probable that the doctors will want you to live as a girl for a year or so, and it will therefore be necessary for you to continue to wear your girl's school uniform for the whole of next year, before you go up to a senior school after that.'

'Jennifer' she said gently, 'It's just possible that you may decide that this isn't really what you want.' I opened my mouth to protest, but she put up her hand to silence me. 'I know,' she continued, 'You're absolutely sure at the moment, but a year is a long time, and it's important that we see if you still feel the same way by then. Now I know you don't think it's possible at the moment, but if at any time next year you have the slightest doubt about being a girl, I want you to tell your mother, Miss Jones, or me immediately. We'll understand, and we won't tell anyone else. All right?'

I sensed their wish to be kind and understanding, and was grateful. Besides, the prospect of spending the summer holidays wearing my dresses, and the whole of the next year in my school uniform sounded like bliss, even it did mean having some tests. I looked at their faces, and couldn't help but smile at the prospect. 'Yes, that's all right' I said, 'I promise I'll let you know if I have any doubts, but I don't think it will happen.' Time was to prove me right.

'Well I think that's all for now' said Miss Winthrop, 'Does anybody else wish to add anything?'

'No I don't think so' said Mum, as they all stood up, 'Thank you very much indeed Miss Winthrop, you've been most helpful and understanding, I appreciate it.'

'Not at all, it's most important in such situations that we keep each other fully informed of any developments. Please let me know how things go with the tests, and Miss Jones will report to us both on any day to day developments or changes in behaviour when she's in the class room.' I loved being referred to as 'she' in such a natural way.

The meeting over, Mum and I said goodbye, and made our way out of the school and into the street. Looking down at me, she smiled and said 'There, feel better?'

'Oh yes' I said, 'That's really great. Can I really be a girl from now on?'

'Well depending on those tests. I'll make an appointment for you to see the doctor, and we'll see what happens. Now' she said, brightening, 'Let's celebrate, and go into town and buy you a new dress. Then perhaps we'll go to the pictures. How's that?'

'Oh Mum I love you' I said, and hugged her with delight. We reached the bus stop, and were soon on our way into town.

Mum bought me a new dress, and took me to the pictures, and as mother and daughter walked hand in hand, I knew for certain where my future identity lay. Now the serious part was about to begin.

 

 

CHAPTER 16

The Irreversible Change

 

The school year came to an end and the summer holidays began. It was to be the most intensive period of my young life so far. A fortnight after the end of term, Mum took me to a clinic in Brighton that specialised in gender reassignment. I was introduced to Mr. Redman, one of the specialists, and he gradually became something of a friend. To begin with, Mum took me to see him for one afternoon a week, but later on I would spend several days at a time staying there. After a while, he took me to visit other boys and girls to play, and sometimes we went out around Brighton together. But all the time I knew that he was carefully analysing my behavioural patterns, especially in the company of other children. This programme continued for several weeks, and as the summer holidays came to an end, it was time for him to tell Mum of his findings.

I can remember that historic late August visit to the specialist as if it were yesterday. We sat in his office with the warm afternoon sun streaming through the window. Outside we could hear the faint roar of Brighton's traffic. His manner was clinical but sympathetic and friendly as he opened his notes and began.

'Well Mrs. Anderson' he said, 'I've had ample opportunity to analyse Jennifer's behaviour over these last couple of months, and I have to say that this is one of the strongest cases for gender reassignment I've ever come across. Her entire mode of relating to other children, adults, and the world in general almost demands that she be allowed the fulfilment of expressing her true character. How she managed to live as a boy I can't imagine, although it's not uncommon for these feminine characteristics to lie dormant when they are unintentionally repressed.'

'It was fortuitous that with the intention of ridiculing a boy by making him dress as a girl, that very act of punishment has granted Jennifer her escape into reality.

I'm therefore recommending that she should continue to live as a girl for the next year on a trial basis, assisted by continuing therapy and hormone treatment. The timing will be critical, since she's about to start her last year at primary school, and will be going on to a secondary school the following year.'

'I suggest that provided the treatment proves beneficial, she should undergo surgical gender reassignment a year from now, preparatory to going to her next school. I think it would be very advisable for her to attend an all girl's school, to minimise her contact with boys, and to intensify the assimilation of her femininity. You mentioned that she would like to attend Sacre Coeur Convent as her sister has, but I would advise against it. I think it would be more helpful if she goes to a school where she is completely unknown, so that no one will be aware of her past history except perhaps for the most senior staff.' The wisdom of that wasn't lost on me, and I immediately accepted that my destiny would not be to attend my sister's school.

The rest of the interview was made up of arrangements being made for my further treatment, and for regular assessments to be made, and when it was over, Mum and I stepped out into the busy Brighton streets and walked down to the sea front. We went for a walk on the pier, and as we mixed with the happy children around us, I felt so well merged with the girls. I was truly happy.

So the decision was made. The new term began, and I was soon going to school in my new winter school uniform of white blouse and royal blue gym tunic. The fact that I had once been regarded as a boy was by now forgotten by everyone, and I grew to love being with my new girl friends.

The year passed. I continued to see Mr. Redman at the clinic regularly, and as the hormones took effect, I found all trace of my former boisterousness fading away.

The following May, in preparation for my attendance at an all girl's school the following September, Miss Winthrop arranged for me to be interviewed by Miss Reynolds, the headmistress of Ruyton Girl's School, about five miles from home. They were personal friends, and Miss Winthrop made her fully aware of my situation. Miss Winthrop was extremely kind and understanding, and said that if I were to undergo my operation, I would be allowed to attend Ruyton.

In July, Mr. Redman decided that I was ready for the great moment, and early in August I entered the clinic for surgery. I'd never had an operation before, but was well assured by everyone that it really wasn't much to worry about. I was so eager to make the change that I accepted their assurances willingly.

The operation was a total success. I spent the first few days of recovery in some discomfort, but it steadily passed away, and after a couple of weeks, they decided I was ready to see the results of my operation. I'll never forget the sensation as they pulled back the blankets and gently removed the dressings. A nurse held a mirror down in front of me so that I could see. I looked down, and gasped in disbelief. Yes, it was really gone. There in between my legs was a neat fold in my skin that I instantly recognised as female. I'd been told what to expect, but it still came as a bit of a shock. Tears began to roll down my cheeks, and the nurse said 'What's the matter?'

'Nothing' I said, 'I'm just so happy.' A murmur of relief went up from the medical staff, and the doctor replaced the dressing. I lay back with a sigh of relief. It was done.

I recovered quickly, and was able to go home a week later. A week after that my stitches came out and I was healed. Now my new life could really begin.

That September began with a rush. There was so much to do in preparation for my attendance at Ruyton Girl's School. One Saturday, Mum and I went into town to buy my new school uniform. The summer dress was in a grey and maroon check with a front button fastening, with short sleeves and a white collar. A buckle belt pulled in the waist. The blazer was maroon, and the summer hat was a straw panama with a maroon hatband with the school crest on the front. The regulation footwear was a pair of white ankle socks for juniors and knee hi's for seniors. The shoes were black T bar sandals with a side buckle fastening. For wet weather there was a rubberised cotton grey belted mackintosh with an attached hood. The hood had a maroon lining and tie tapes to secure it under the chin.

Mum decided to buy my winter uniform at the same time. This was a white blouse with a silver and maroon diagonally striped tie, on top of which was worn a grey gym tunic. The tunic had a back button fastening and a buckle belt, and the hat was grey felt, with a maroon hatband. We wore a thick grey overcoat for very cold weather.

Loaded down with shopping bags, Mum and I drove home, and Susan was eager to see me in my fine array as soon as we arrived. I was happy to oblige, and when I was dressed for her inspection she was delighted. She looked me up and down, turned me around and smiled. 'Well Jennifer' she said, taking both my hands and looking into my eyes, 'I guess you're no longer my little sister. You're a big girl now!'

That was the beginning of my new life. I attended Ruyton Girl's School for the next six years, and they were among the happiest days of my life. In all the time I was there, only the matron and headmistress knew of my past, and that's the way it's been ever since.

I left Ruyton five years ago and went on to university. Now I work for a law firm in Brighton, and every time I walk past that clinic I think of the little boy I used to know, and I smile. Life can be good sometimes.

 

THE END

  

 

 

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