With the very kind permission of Femur, I have adapted one of his covers as inspiration for this story. Many of you are aware that Femur does wonderful covers, based in the Spells R Us, Altered Fates, Ovid, and Bikini Beach Universes. While this story was inspired by that work, it DOES NOT fall into any of the categories mentioned above, and contains no magic of any kind. This particular story is based on the cover "Proposals". Femurs work can be found at http://www.geocities.com/tgcomics/

 

Proposals                  by: Janet L. Stickney                         JanetLynn17@Hotmail.com

 

I was turned down for military service, not only because of an inner ear problem, but I was a year to young. I had could only watch as several of my friends left to start a new adventure. As the days turned into weeks, I began to see on t he news and in the paper that many of the guys that went to war never got letters from friends or family, if they had any, saying that it was as if they had dropped from the face of the earth. No letters, no packages, calls, or even email arrived to break up their days. As I thought about that, I realized that I, like so many others, was guilty of taking their sacrifices for granted. Then I learned that three of the men with me when I tried to enlist had been killed in combat. That nagged at me for a long time, then, when I saw on the news that the armed forces would forward unnamed letters to men in the field as a way to cheer up those men that had no families, I called the number, got the information, and began to write a letter to some unknown guy. But, while the men would like to hear from anyone, the woman I talked to told me that a letter from a girl was appreciated more. I didn't give it a lot of thought, and since I knew that they wanted to hear from females, not me, I "created" a girl. I called her Janet.

After a few days, I got an email from my cousin, a single girl that was our age. She and I weren't that close, but I called her, and as we talked, she told me about a guy that was serving with her boyfriend, telling me that he didn't have a girl to write him, and suggested that maybe I knew a girl that could write to him. Of course, I said I did, telling Gail that I would contact her and ask her to write to the guy. While I'm not into guys, I thought that maybe, writing him as if I were a girl, I could ease his pain a little, figuring, what could it hurt? Then I sat down and created a fictional person, a girl who was 18, 5'7" tall, auburn hair with bright blue eyes and a smile that would melt ice. At first, I simply wrote to Bill, telling him what was going on in town, how I missed having eligible guys around, and so on. He wrote back, how much he hated war, being shot at and all that. He disliked "C" rations, or those MRE things (Meals Ready to Eat), and how two of his buddies had been hit, one killed. After three letters, all on my own, I actually made some cookies and sent them to him, along with some of those drinks that come in a plastic box.

Our letters began very platonic, then among the words that described the horror he was in, then, after I sent him the cookies, his letters turned racier, and he wanted me to send him a picture of the fictional girl I was supposed to be! If he was going to die he said, he wanted to know what "Janet" looked like! I didn't know anyone that could pose for me, and in desperation, I asked my mom to help me, hoping that she knew someone. I cautiously explained what was going on, how it started, why I created Janet, then got a very serious lecture. She told me that teasing men that were risking their lives was more than mean, it was cruel she told me, and didn't cut me one bit of slack, accusing me of taking advantage of people in danger. Then later, after she calmed down, she realized that I was only trying to ease the pain of terror my friend was immersed in. She said that while my intentions were good, I had created a fiasco, and told me that I would just have to figure out a way to get out of it. A few hours later, right out of the blue, mom told me she had the answer.

"I understand your reasons for posing as a girl, you only wanted to make his time away pleasant. But you have sent him cookies, written all of those letters, just like a girl would, and while that's all very admirable, there is no girl named Janet for him to get a picture of, is there?" It was a rhetorical question, so I said nothing. "But," mom said with a grin, we can create her, in person, just as you did in print."

Dumber than the proverbial post, I asked, "How?" I asked, "I don't know anyone that fits the description I gave him!"

"Well," mom started, "hair can be dyed, and you do have lovely blue eyes, so I was thinking that we should get you all fixed up, as a girl of course, then take a few pictures that you can send along to Bill! It'll only be for the pictures of course, but he'll finally have something to base his…dreams on!"

"Me!? As a girl?"

"Yes dear, you. After all, you're the one writing to him, you're the one that sent him cookies, and you're the one that started this, so there really isn't any other choice, is there?" I was shocked that mom would even suggest this, but before I could say anything, "First, I need to find out how big you are, then I'll have to get you at least a few things, for the different pictures of course, before we can begin to create this girl you call Janet. I think that first thing tomorrow I'll get you some clothes, then we'll get you all fixed up! Believe me, you'll look just darling as a girl!"

"Mom! Noooo!"

"Honey" mom said softly, "even though you started this with kind intent and a good heart, it's up to you to see this through. This man deserves more than a batch of cookies and some scented paper, and a picture is just the thing. So, stand up so I can get a few measurements."

Mom was a very pragmatic person, not given to flights of fancy, so when she decided that I was going to become a girl named Janet, she meant it, and I knew it. My worries didn't even come into it as far as she was concerned, so it was that later, right after dinner, she coated me with hair remover. After I washed it all off, my skin was hairless and red, until she and I rubbed in the skin lotion which brought back my skin color. Just when I thought she was done, mom took me in the bath, washed, then dyed my hair a soft auburn, just as I had described, setting my hair in rollers when she was done. In my normal pajama's, I looked terrible, but mom told me not to worry, that by lunch the next day I would be a very pretty young lady! Sleeping on those rollers was a bitch, and in the morning I was a bit cranky when I went in the bath. Just the sight of my head covered in rollers gave me the willies. Then, right after breakfast, mom left to "buy a few more things" she said.

When she came home she was smiling as she pointed at my bedroom. Once in my room she wasted no time, handing me a pair of panties, which after a bit of a fuss, I put on. Then came the bra which we stuffed with socks. Mom took me to her bedroom and began on my makeup. Assuming she would use a trowel, I lay my head back, but she handed me the jar and told me that I might as well learn how to do it, telling me "girls your age should know how to do their own makeup, and since we don't know when you'll want to send more pictures, you should too." Powder, eye shadow, eyeliner and blusher were used, each one taking a tiny bit of my masculinity away from me, one at a time, until mom said I was done. Strangely, I didn't look like me. I looked like a girl with curlers in her hair! Mom and I went back to my room where I put on a padded pantybrief, a waist nipper, then pantyhose, a slip, and low heels before mom slipped the dress over my head and zipped it up. The effect shook me, but not as much as when she took out the rollers, brushed my hair out, put on the clipped on the earrings and added a necklace. Lastly, I put on the lipstick, a soft red that made my full lips look very sexy.

I looked in the mirror and saw just how nicely feminine I looked. My legs, exposed from mid thigh down, were as good as any I had seen in school, while my waist looked trim and my bust full. My auburn hair lay in waves on my shoulders, soft as any girls and just as nicely styled. In other words, I didn't look like me in any way! Mom took me by the hand and we went into the yard where she started taking pictures. I mugged a little, holding up the edge of my hem to show a bit more leg, bent at the knees to pet our cat, then bent at the waist to smell some flowers. Mom was taking pictures the whole time. We ate lunch, then I changed into a pleated skirt and a clingy white top. Not wanting all of the pictures to be taken in the same place, mom managed to talk me into going to the park where she took another two rolls of film. By the time that was over I was almost used to wearing a short skirt, and made the mistake of telling mom that. We dropped off the film and went home. When we got there I sent Bill an email, telling him that pictures would be coming, both by snail mail and email, then helped mom set the table. I just didn't think about how I was dressed, because it was just a one time thing, and other than the hair coloring, I would be myself the next day.

Later that night mom went to get the film, and I saw myself as a girl on film for the first time, and to my great surprise, I looked …not bad! Mom set aside the pictures she thought were the best, one of which caught me with the sun glinting from my hair, my eyes wide open, and I was smiling. I had to admit it, that was a great picture. As I started for bed, mom casually told me to make sure I did my makeup in the morning.

"Why?" I asked her, "should I put on makeup? I mean, we took the pictures, so why do I have to get dressed as a girl again?"

"It was fun today" mom said with a smile, "with the daughter I never had, doing things with, and I thought that you and I might have another fun day together. Maybe we can go to the zoo?" Mom knew that I loved the zoo, but going out in public as a girl? "I was watching while we were out today," mom added, "and not one person looked at you funny, so I'm sure that if we're careful, you'll do just fine!"

"What would I have to wear?" I asked, since all I had was that dress and one skirt.

"I think" mom said, "that you could wear that skirt and top again, they are still clean. Now go to bed, and remember, do your makeup like I showed you."

And that my friends, is exactly what I did. Doing my own makeup without any help was a bit daunting, but I managed, and was almost as good as when mom helped me. I dressed myself, then mom brushed out my hair, adding a small bow to each side of my head, to hold the hair back away from my face. I kind of liked it. Hoop earrings, a thin gold necklace and one of mom's old watches were added, then I did my lipstick, prepared to go. But mom gave me a spritz of perfume before I slipped on my gym shoes. I was a bit worried about being discovered as a boy in a dress, and while I wasn't into crossdressing, it wasn't that bad, and I thought I looked okay, so I put aside my worries. Mom gave me a shoulder bag, I put my stuff in it, then we left. Of course, mom had her camera with her.

She let me drive, then, once we were in the zoo, she started taking pictures again. Kids were running all over the place, but we meandered our way around them, enjoying the penguins, monkeys, and seals, before we took a break. That's when mom asked a stranger to take our picture. She did that several more times that day, and by the time we were ready to leave, she had another three rolls of film, with me in almost every shot! We dropped off the film on the way home, then after I was in the house, I began to scan in all of the pictures she took the day before, cropping out the excess but not much else, then just as I was ready to quit, mom brought me the pictures from the zoo! I had not even known she had left the house! I scanned all of those in as well, which gave me 216 pictures! Out of those I narrowed it down to about 40 that I thought were okay, and saved them to a new file. Mom reviewed my selections, adding about ten more, then we selected six to send to Bill via email, which I did right then. One of them was of mom and I in front of the polar bear exhibit.

The next day I was myself again, and the day after that as well. On the third day Bill sent me an email that was gushy and full of words that told me that he was more than a bit infatuated with the girl he saw. I knew that things could get out of hand, but he was over there and I was here, so I put it out of my mind, until I opened his attachment. It was a picture of Bill. Tall and wide, he dwarfed some of the guys with him, his face was dirty yet he was smiling, his smile wide. On his shoulders I could just make out the bars of a Second Lt., which, since all of his mail had been from a noncom, I knew that he had been promoted. I did not know Bill before, he was just one of many that left with the guys that I knew, and I had been put me in touch with him, purely at random. He looked like a nice guy, and I hoped he survived. I gave no thought as to what would happen when he came home and started looking for "Janet", his pen pal.

Then mom got a call from a friend of hers, a woman she served on a committee with at her club. It seems that she was Bill's mother! She told mom that Bill had all of his mail forwarded to her, just in case, and with my last email, that included a picture of mom and I. She recognized mom from the picture, and on a lark, decided to call! I was in shock, but not as much when mom told me later that she and I had been invited to Bill's mom's house, a week from Saturday, for a "chat" as mom put it. What she really meant mom told me, was that she wanted to meet the girl that was writing to her son. She wanted to check me out in other words! I flopped in a chair, glum as I realized what that I had no choice but to become Janet, as real a girl as I could manage! Mom, standing a few feet away started to giggle, which became a titter that grew into a whole laugh. As she held her sides laughing, the phone rang. It was my cousin. She told me that her boyfriend had been seriously injured, but also, that his LT had mentioned a girl named Janet who had been writing him, and, she wondered, if maybe, I was that girl.

"Why would you ask me something like that Gail?! You know…"

"I know that Bobby was with this guy Bill when he started writing to a girl named Janet, and when Bill showed him the picture you sent him, he thought that the girl looked familiar, so he asked Bill for a copy, and he sent me the one with the sun on your hair. Then Bobby got shot. I haven't heard from him since then, but that's you in this picture I have, I know it's you!"

"But…but…" I sputtered….

"No buts" Gail said, "I'm coming over the day after tomorrow, and I want to meet Janet…got it?"

Well, once I told mom what Gail said, she got that look in her eye again, then told me that since it was beginning to look like I would have to become Janet, once to meet Gail, and again to meet with Bill's mother, I might as well get used to the idea, telling me that I had almost ten days to master being a girl if I was going to meet Bill's mom, and the best way was for me to be a girl all of the time from at least now until then! When I had swallowed that news, she casually mentioned, almost as an aside, that having rolled up socks for boobs wasn't going to cut it.

"Girls sometimes wear clothing that exposes the upper chest, and at your age, people would expect to see something, even a little cleavage would do it, so that means that we might as well find a shop where we can have you fitted with breast forms that are as realistic as we can find. Plus, you'll need to have a wider selection of clothes and possibly better makeup." Pausing, she went on. "We'll go shopping in the morning and get you whatever it is that you need, but from that moment on you'll just have to become Janet, and stay that way for as long as it takes to get out from under this…cloud you have created. If Bill dies, your problem is over and you can return to being a boy again, but if he comes home, I have no idea what you'll do. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. For the moment however, go to your room and we will use that hair cream again. You'll want to have a hairless, soft skinned body when we get you fitted for breasts," Mom paused again, then…"or you can just tell everyone the truth of course, but if you do that, you'll need to consider how it will effect Bill, and how he'll react to that news, keeping in mind that he's in combat."

"Mom I…this is going to be really hard mom! I didn't think…"

"That's right. You didn't think" mom said, "now you'll just have to live with what you have done." Taking my hand, "Who knows, maybe you'll like being a girl and this will all seem funny in a few years. Do you need any help with that cream?"

"No mother, I can handle it."

I went to my room, slowly undressed, and began to use that awful cream again. As I waited, I looked in the mirror, hoping to see just one reason I would not be able to pull this off, besides the obvious. Other than an extra appendage, it was clear that at 5' 7" and 135 pounds, I could pull it off with the barest padding. My hair lay on my shoulders, still in waves from the rollers, With a sigh I knew that there was no way that I would ever admit what I had done, I would be embarrassed to death, especially when some of my friends found out. Accusations would be ugly, and any thought of my original intent would be lost among the tirade I would suffer under. No. It would be better to become Janet, even if I had to live as a girl for a while, and look for an opportunity to break off this attraction Bill had for me.

That night I lay in bed wrapped in a silky nightgown that mom gave me to wear, telling me that all girls like soft materials, and I might as well get used to it. It did make me feel good all over, and I fell asleep thinking of what it would be like to have breasts. I had the strangest dream, that Bill was fondling my breasts and I was reacting to him just as any girl would! The next morning, I went in mom's room and did my makeup before I began to get dressed. Per mom's instruction, I wore the skirt and top again with my heels, but I pulled my hair into a high ponytail before I added the earrings. By the time I put my lipstick on mom was also ready, and we left the house, headed for a shop she told me she found nearby. On the way to the shop…

"I spoke" mom told me, "to a woman named Catherine, and she told me that she gets about twenty men that want to be fitted with breast forms every year, and she also told me those men demanded something that was undetectable, so she has a new line in now, and promised me that once you had them on, it would be as if you grew them yourself! I told her how tall you were and how much you weighed, and she told me that she could easily fit you in a few hours. That's why we're leaving so early. That will leave us more time to find you a better wardrobe!"

I said nothing because there wasn't anything to say! I had committed myself to this when I decided not to admit what I had done. Bad or worse, I was going to get my own boobs, and I would just live with whatever happened. As we walked in I smelled the aroma of glues and paint, mixing to form an exotic smell that made my nose crinkle. Within a few minutes I was naked to the waist, being fitted with breasts. Catherine was efficient as she quickly determined my skin tone and the right size of breast, then as I watched and without asking, she attached them to my chest with some glue. After she used some kind of dye and I looked in the mirror, it was, just as mom told me, as if I had grown my own breasts overnight! I found out that I was a full B cup, and since the bra I had worn in was way to small, I found myself going braless as we left the shop, headed for the mall. I will admit that I felt indecent without a bra, since those brand new boobs swayed back and forth when I walked while the nipples poked little round spots into my blouse. I didn't mention it to mom, but I think she knew.

Our first stop was of course the lingerie section of the store, which is when I was fitted for a bra by someone that wasn't my mother, and she didn't even blink when she saw me naked from the waist up. I however, was nervous as hell as the woman poked around my boobs, making sure the fit was just right. Then I bought four bras, two very sexy low cut, lace trimmed, demicup Pushemup's, and two that were plain jane style. I wore one of the sexy ones out of the changing booth even as mom was adding nightgowns and panties to the pile. Then skirts, dresses, suits, a swimsuit, shoes and jeans were added in quick succession before we dragged everything to the car and went back in. I thought mom was going overboard, but since I wasn't sure, I said nothing until we got to one of those specialty lingerie shops, and I was fitted with a corselet and a padded brief that gave me curves in all the right places while hiding Mr. Happy, making it look as if he didn't even exist.

Instead of going home as I expected, mom dragged me into a beautyshop where they cut, trimmed, and set my hair in a semi permanent style! My eyebrows were thinned out, my ears pierced, and my makeup was redone as were my nails. By the time I left that shop I knew there wasn't any way that I was going to be my normal male self for a long time, especially after I saw myself in the mirror when they were done with me! As I stared at my reflection I knew, without any doubt at all that I had crossed some bridge, and I had not even known it was there! I looked like a girl from head to toe without the slightest trace that I had ever been a boy! As I looked at mom I saw her staring at me, her eyes sort of wide. As we left the salon I felt as if I were an entirely different person, a young girl that had not existed before that day. Mom and I walked out together, and it felt natural for me to walk like she did, my arms bent at the elbow moving in a rhythmic pattern that matched our stride. My skirt swayed when I walked, my breasts moved up and down, back and forth, yet firmly held in the cups of the bra. So many new sensations assaulted me that I was overcome with a sense of femininity I had never known before.

We were home about half an hour when Gail showed up. I let her in, watching even as her eyes went wide as she searched for some sign that I was myself. As I stood there I could not help but grin at her dilemma, and with a quick turn the left my skirt swirling in my wake, I went in the familyroom and sat down. Gail, her eyes still wide, followed me, sitting just across from me. She said nothing for a moment, then…

"When Bill sees you for the first time, you batter make sure that you have your chastity belt on honey, because he will be in lust almost immediately!"

"Nahhh" I said, confident that she was wrong. "There are plenty of girls out there that would kill to have a guy like Bill! I'm just a guy in a dress Gail, and I have no intention of letting…I'm not that…Bill will know right away, he'll turn me into mush, and it'll be over, just like that!" I snapped my fingers to make my point.

"Turn you into mush? Yeah, probably" Gail said with a grin, "but not like you think! He'll put his tongue in your ear and you'll fall apart right then! I'll bet that you don't even realize that you’re a wet dream for a guy like Bill, do you?"

"I'm all wet, that's for sure" I said, "I'm not a girl, but I have to become one for you, his mother, and who knows who else! I didn't want this Gail! I was just trying to make life easier for some guy over there!"

"Your denial aside" Gail said with a wide smile, "you cannot hide the way you look, or, the fact that you like it! I saw the way you swirled your skirt, that hairdo is a perm I'll bet, you had your ears pierced, and those nipples of yours are pushing out pretty hard Janet. No way that you can convince me otherwise, I'll bet that you found out you like being a girl, and wouldn't stop now even if you could!" Gail paused, then asked mom to take some pictures of the two of us, which she did. "As soon as we get those developed I'll send them along to Bobby and you can send them to Bill!" Gail sounded way to gleeful!

Gail went home after a little while, leaving me wondering just how much deeper this hole was going to get. Each day after that mom would make me do my own makeup and hair several times until she said that I had mastered it, as well as any girl my age could anyway. I became adroit in getting myself dressed and began to develop a fashion sense of sorts. It turned out that I liked fuller skirts that were just above my knees, tops that were fitted of blouses that accented my bustline. I was becoming a girl and didn't realize it until mom and I were at the mall, saw a dress, and almost squealed that I had to try it on! After mom laughed at me, we went in, I tried on the dress, and left the store with it. A summer dress, it had two straps to hold it up, a fitted bodice and a wide skirt, all in an off white with a small flower print on it. With white shoes, it was just darling!

On the day we were to visit with Bill's mother I started with a long hot bubblebath, carefully removing all traces of hair, then doing my makeup to perfection, which was almost as good as they did at the salon. I wore plain white panties and bra, my padded brief, pantyhose and a white slip, pulling the dress over my head and zipping it up. I stepped into the shoes and went to the vanity to brush out my hair, adding small white hair clips on each side to hold my hair back away from my face and expose my ears. It also gave me a sort of little girl, or maybe innocent look. I drew on the pale red lipstick, added perfume, green and white button earrings and the matching choker necklace. It wasn't like I wanted to impress his mother, it was more like preserving my dignity. I had no ambition to let her find out I was a boy and did my best to remove all traces of my past.

With mom we drove up the long winding driveway, past the ivied brick fence, around the huge tree, stopping in front of a pair of huge glossy dark doors. A man that could only be his father opened the door, and with a wave of his hand held the door as we went inside. My heels made clicking noises on the hardwood flooring as he led us through the house, out the back, and onto the patio. Brick went in every direction, surrounding a pool, punctuated by tables set here and there, colored umbrella's hiding the tables from the sun. Bill's mother rose to greet us, taking my hand in hers even as she smiled at mom and I. She was small, less than 5'1", and made me wonder how she had borne a giant like Bill. A passing thought, I turned on my smile as we sat down, waiting to be grilled as she made sure that I was the kind of girl she wanted for her son. I wasn't, but I was stuck and unable to say anything about that.

"You can call me Carol dear. You're even prettier than your pictures indicate." she said in an off hand sort of way. "You look a lot like your mother as a matter of fact!" Bill's dad handed me a soft drink, then…"just how old are you dear?"

"17" I said, "but I'll be 18 in a few months."

"Bill thinks you're already 18, did you know that?"

"I sort of told him a white lie Ma'am, Carol, I didn't want him to think I was a teeny bopper."

"I can assure you Janet, he does not think you're a teeny bopper!" Sitting back, she added, "Based on the email we get, I think he's in love, and if you want my opinion, I think that he'll want to spend a lot of time with you, but, he's a big boy, and he can decide that for himself. I only mention it because that's how I think he feels. What about you Janet? How do you feel about Bill?"

What a question! Drawing in a breath, I said, "I'm not sure. I guess, because we haven't met, things would have to come together, and if it works, fine. If it doesn't, at least he will have had a lot of letters and pictures to hold back the loneliness."

Just then Bill's dad said he wanted some pictures, and began taking shot after shot, some of just me, some of mom and I, some with his mom and I, both mom's and me, then several of he and I. There wasn't any doubt that Bill would see them all, and my hole grew a lot deeper. Almost as an off hand sort of remark, Tom, Bill's father, mentioned that there were dances every Saturday night at their country club, and asked mom and I to join them the Saturday night following the next one, telling us it was fancy but not overly so. I looked at mom, using my "pleading no" look, but before I could say a word, mom accepted! We stayed about three hours, then went home. On the way I told mom what I felt. That I was getting in deeper and deeper, and by accepting Tom's invitation, I would be drawn even closer to Bill and his family!

"Janet, you are in almost as deep as you can get now! There isn't any way that you can go back to being a boy now, especially after Carol met you! Don't you understand? She likes you, and thinks that you are perfect for her little boy! She has marriage in mind, and guess who she thinks the bride is going to be!"

"Mom! I can't! Oh no…"

"Janet, I warned you about this, didn't I? Now, nobody is saying that you have to get married to Bill, I'm only saying that you passed Carol's test, and because of that, our serving on the committee together, and your relationship with Bill, she will have no compunction about dropping by the house, and that means that Janet has to be here all of the time now. Besides, those breast forms that were glued to your chest will be there for at least another few months, so you might as well face it. You are now a girl, and will remain one for quite a while. My only suggestion is that you start looking for ways to increase your feminine identity, like ID for example. I'll help if I can, but you should also look into ways to hide your…make yourself look more like a girl all over. Who knows, Carol might invite you over to use the pool, and I'll bet she certainly will, you won't be able to wear the padded panty, and that might present a problem you don't need right now."

As much as I hated to say it, mom was right. What had started out as a good deed had blossomed into more than I ever imagined, leaving me dressed as a girl, with no sign of escape in sight. My fake breasts looked completely normal, as if they were my own, and while I had to get used to them, they now felt like a part of me, and while wearing skirts and dresses was not as bad as I first envisioned, it was rapidly becoming a way of life for me. Just putting on a bra every day, the gentle tug of the straps and the constricting pressure of the back strap began to feel normal. So normal that the few times that I didn't wear a bra, I felt…naked. With my hair styled, eyebrows thinned and painted nails, there were no options left for me. I was, for all intents, a girl, and everyone thought so. Only my mother kept reminding me that she had warned me this would happen. Like the slave that always followed a conquering hero as he entered Rome, whispering that "all glory is fleeting", my mother kept warning me that what I had done was a mistake. Yet she went out of her way to assure that I passed every test, and in every outer respect, was a young girl. The facts were not in dispute. I had done this to myself, all alone. My mother merely stated the obvious, then helped me to become the girl I said I was.

In my bedroom I slowly undressed until I was naked, when I could see just how pitiful I really was. Thin limbed with narrow shoulders, as a boy I could never compete with my peers. I weighed 130 pounds when I first wore a dress, but I was down to 124 because of the diet mom had put me on. My breasts hung there, round and full, the nipples poking out just enough, moving when I moved, bouncing when I walked. No hips and my appendage ruined the vision of a girl that I was supposed to be, but I didn't know how to make how I looked any better, yet I knew that I had to do just that. I had to become the perfect girl, able to go anywhere, wear anything, do anything a normal girl would be able to do. Taking one more look at myself in the mirror, glancing at the pictures of myself as a girl, I realized with a start that contrary to what I was saying, I didn't mind being a girl at all, and in many ways, actually liked it! I went to my computer to search the Internet for answers. As I looked around I began to see other guys that were living as girls, saw just how pretty some of them were, and realized that I could do it too. Eventually I found what I was looking for, a panty that was custom made, and would give me hips while hiding my appendage and giving me a fully functional vagina! Expensive, I carefully printed out the instructions, marked the page, then shut down.

The next day I made careful measurements, including everything about my excess appendage, then walked to the art supply store in the plaza nearby, and determined the exact colors I would need to fill in the form. As I filled out the form I had to choose certain features, but opted for the premium version. If I had to become a girl, then I was by God going to be a fully functional girl! I hit the send button on the computer, printing out my confirmation number, then sat back, satisfied that I had done this on my own. By not telling mom what I was doing, I hoped to catch her off guard by simply wearing something that would let her know that I looked like a girl all over. I sat there anticipating what it would be like to lose Mr. Happy, but the prospect of gaining Ms. Happy began to make me think that however slim, I might just have a chance at not being killed when Bill found out that I wasn't a real girl. I got dressed and went to make dinner.

Mom continued to insist that I practice doing my hair in different ways, learning how to create a French braid as well and a Gibson, pageboy, flip, and so on. My hair was longer, and was becoming a real pain, but mom would only say that having longer hair would make me finds ways to take care of it better. Using a curling iron became a snap as soon as I quit burning my scalp, and of course, learning to do everything backwards to the mirror. Three went by, then four, but on the fifth day a package arrived, which I managed to get. Taking it to my room I ripped it open and saw the panty for the first time. Holding out I could see how it was made, and that it matched my skin tone! Getting undressed didn't take long, and after I locked my bedroom door, I read the instructions very carefully before I began to pull it on. I had to maneuver certain parts to get it up a little more, then I used the included adhesive before I pulled the panty into place, adjusting for comfort. After just a moment I looked in the mirror and saw that I had hips, that small pouch women have just under their belt, and better, no appendage to ruin my version of a girl. I felt no discomfort as I walked around, then deiced to see how everything else worked by drinking a large glass of water. Soon after that I found out just how efficient the panty was.

As I slipped on my panties I saw that they fit better, and for the first time, the vague outline of my new sex. Grinning I finished dressing, but wore the tightest pair of shorts that I had, which were a pair of my old male jeans that had been cut off. The effect was magnificent, and as I slipped on a tee I knew that mom was going to have a cow. I went down to get a soda, positive that mom would notice the changes, but all she did was glance at me before she went back to her knitting! Deciding to take the issue a bit farther, I told her I was going to the mall, and grabbed the car keys. She didn't even look up!

Trying on several different styles was a real kick! Not having to worry about being discovered gave me a lot of confidence that I lacked before, and even took the chance to step out of the changing booth to use the full mirror in the small hallway. I picked out two, one a full cut, one a two piece, paid the bill, the wandered around the mall simply enjoying the thrill of not being afraid. I didn't buy anything else, it just felt good to not be ashamed to be a girl. I saw guys watching me as I walked by, grinned to myself, knowing that I had passed fairly high on their "babe 'o meter". When I went home mom wasn't to be found, so I went to my room and slipped into that two piece, adjusted everything just so, and went back to the familyroom. Still no mom, so I went out back to the patio, simply walking outside without looking. Mom was sitting there with Carol! I saw mom's eyes widen a bit, but she didn't say anything as I sauntered to the table and sat down.

"Janet!" Carol said with a smile, "you look just darling in the suit! Why, I'll bet that Bill will like the way you look in it!"

"Yes" mom said softly, "she does look darling doesn't she? Janet went shopping this morning without telling me what she was getting, now I see!"

"What I stopped by for" Carol said while looking at me, "was to tell you that our daughter will be joining us on Saturday, along with her boyfriend, and she has suggested that he bring along someone for you dear. She said that you wouldn't have to be a table rat as she calls it all night."

I looked at mom who had a small smile on her face. "Sure" I said, "why not?"

Carol stayed a bit longer, then went home, leaving me with mom, who had more than a few questions, primarily, just how was I able to wear a bikini? There was no way I could simply explain it, so we went to my room where I stripped and stood in front of her, completely naked.

Speechless for a moment, all mom did was stare, then…"When I told you to find a way to make yourself more feminine, I never imagined that you could…that someone made…is it functional?"

"In every way mom!" I know, I sounded gleeful, but I was! "They say it will work, just like any girl! I ordered it to fit, and so far, I haven't had any trouble at all!"

"If" mom said with some sarcasm, "it works like you say, does that mean that you could have sex with a man?!"

"Obviously, I haven't tried that, but yes, according to the instruction sheet, I could, if I had to, but I didn't buy it for that, only to make it safer for me to be a girl!"

"Not safer Janet" mom said with a sigh, "only more like a girl." Sitting on the bed watching while I slipped the panties back on, "Girls have to worry about things guys never worry about! Like rape for example, or a wayward boyfriend that demands attention even though you don't want to do it. And if you somehow manage to stop him from getting into your panties, there are other ways we girls can satisfy a man, which I'm sure you've heard about, and many men like just as well! No dear, being a girl isn't going to be that much safer, just different! But, now that you have the body, I suppose that we might as well see about getting you some valid ID. Driving around looking like a girl with your old drivers license isn't the smartest thing you could do, especially if you tried to prove you are a male!" Mom stood up, then, "you better get dressed honey, we have to get you a party dress for Saturday night."

Without another word mom left and I got dressed, wearing a skirt rather than cut off jeans. The dress I bought was a soft lilac color, a sheath that accented every one of my new curves, and the low cut top displayed some of my ample cleavage. Mom finally smiled when she saw me in it, telling me that I looked spectacular. By the time we got home I also had shoes and a bag to match, plus some new jewelry. Taking everything to my room I checked my email. I had not heard from Bill for almost ten days, and hoping he had not been hurt, was anxious to get an email from him. I had nine!

Bill had been on a mission, which is why he did not respond right away. But he went on and on about the pictures his dad had sent him, telling me that he could hardly wait to meet me. He said that his dad liked me, and his mother was hoping that we got along well when we did meet. I read that, and knew that mom had been right. Carol saw me as the bride at her son's wedding! He did not say where he had been, nor any details about his mission, only that it had been scary. Without thinking my hand went to my lap and I caressed my new parts, wondering just how good they were, and if I would really need them. As I looked at the picture he attached, I saw that he had grown a beard, which actually looked good on him.

On Saturday night I got to meet Bill's sister. Marilyn was a bit bigger than her mother, and not as pretty, but she was very nice, taking the time to introduce me to everyone she knew at the club. My 'date" was Ken, a friend of her boyfriend. We both knew it was a set up, and while he was polite and very nice, we were, at best, just casually together. However, many of the older men there started to ask Marilyn and I to dance, and after the third round, we escaped to the ladies room.

"That's a bunch of dirty old men out there Janet!"

"I'll say, that last guy didn't look anywhere but down my dress!"

"I'll bet" Marilyn said with a grin, "that you're saving that for my brother!" Winking, she whispered, "I can tell you that he's really a big teddy bear Janet, just play him a little and he'll be yours forever!"

"A teddy bear?" I asked, "After being in a war? I'll have to wear cast iron panties just to be safe I think!"

"I hear he has a can opener Janet, you better get the extra think ones!"

By the time Marilyn and I got back to the table we were fast friends, and I had another clue as to Bill's personality. Mom and I went home, but I was bubbling about what Marilyn had told me about Bill so much that mom stopped me in mid sentence.

"You do realize that you sound exactly like a love struck girl? I think," mo said smiling at me, "that you like being a girl, and maybe even liked it before you bought that special panty!"

"Mom I…"

"None of that Janet. It was obvious tonight. You like being a girl, and what's more, I think you're falling for this warrior you've been writing to. So, on Monday morning we'll get you all fixed up legally, and I won't hear any more of this nonsense about you not wanting to be a girl, because I think we both know it's true! Isn't it?"

I didn't even bother to answer her because she had guessed, or known, how I felt about myself. It wasn't as if it struck me all at once, yet she was right. I liked being a girl, and no longer wanted to be a boy. I wanted to be able to have Bill take me into his arms like a bear, then ravage me with abandon. It made me smile to myself when that thought traced its way around my brain, and looked forward to having my identity become that of a girl, which is what happened on Monday. Rather than go straight to the drivers bureau, mom went to our lawyers who changed my name almost on the spot! I became Janet Lynn, and with the paperwork in my hand, was issued a new license, listing me as a female.

Marilyn and I got together many times in the next few weeks, which came to her asking me to spend the night with her. Agreeing, I packed my nightgown and some other clothes, then drove to her house. We were like teenagers I guess, with her mother telling us to quiet down a few times. Then she pulled out what she called her "toy". It wasn't much bigger than most guys, but as she held it in her hand describing how it felt, she grinned and handed it to me. It was the first time I held anything like that that wasn't my own!

"Technically, I'm still a virgin" Marilyn told me, "but Brutus there took my cherry when I was in high school. Want to try it? I have another one, a brand new one!"

"Me?" I asked incredulously, "you want me to stick that thing in myself?"

"You don't have to do it right now silly! Take it with you, and on those lonely nights when it gets to you, well, it does lack something, but it does refresh a girl!" Marilyn sounded positively overjoyed!

Later, without her seeing me, I slipped it into my bag. I wanted to see if my panty worked, and if it did, what would it feel like to have a man inside of it. Marilyn went back to school the following week while I applied to the local college, applying to enter the nursing school. I did that after talking to mom, realizing that she was right. I was never going to be a man again, but I wanted to have a good job, so I picked nursing. I was in my third week at college when I heard about the program, and quickly enrolled as a guinea pig. The aim? To help a male become a female by using new drugs.

Bill and I stayed in touch, and I even sent him a picture of myself wearing that lacy black babydoll I bought. He did seem to like it more than I did. The program I was in kept close records on me, and by the time Christmas arrived I was so big that mom and I went to have the breast forms removed, discovering that under them I had grown to a full A cup and my hips had filled out a more than a little! Free from those breast forms at last I felt like an entirely new person, but I knew that I was only half way there. It was about then that I pulled that special toy out of my dresser, and one night, deep in the dark, I pushed it into my panty, feeling the hardness as it pushed against my own skin as the panty seemed reluctant to give way, then the small opening grew larger, and it popped inside. As I lay there in the dark pushing and pulling I dreamed of having Bill doing this to me, panting as my dreams became more vivid the longer it went on. Finally I pulled it out, holding it in my hand, looking at it in the dim light.

It was an irresistible force that caused me to first kiss it, then take it, the taste of plastic in my mouth doing nothing for me at all, but I knew that it would be different with a real man, and smiled as I put it away in my hiding spot. With my hairless body, now naturally curvy shape, and new attitude, I made the decision to have the panty taken off. My clothes were getting tight because of my expanding hips, and while I would miss the ability to wear anything, it was worth it to just be myself. Mom helped me get it off, and when we saw the sad state of my manhood, it was obvious that all I needed was a bit of tape to return to my normal look.

By the time spring arrived I was a fully developed woman with a special extra something, and my doctor told me that if I was ready to become a girl, he was ready to do it. I signed the paperwork, and within a week I was a girl, a real girl, and I looked forward to having Bill guide me through the tender process of taking away my real virginity. Carol, Tom, mom, and Marilyn all came to see me, although I wasn't sure what they knew about me, I didn't say a word about the surgery. As quickly as possible I was up and about, attending classes while getting used to being a girl all over again. Then I got word that Bill was coming home, but…

"Dearest Janet" his letter began, "I will be home within two weeks, and I long to hold you in my arms while kissing you in as many places as I can find. You are the ray of sunshine that helped me cope with the war, and I always read your letters over and over just to get me through it. But I suffered a grave wound that will inhibit my ability to get around easily, so I will understand if you decide that I am no longer worthy of your attention. I'll be home on the twelfth….Bill"

I read that letter over and over, growing madder and madder each time I read it. If he thought that I only wanted to be with a man that was whole, he was wrong! I wanted to be with Bill, and I really didn't care if he was injured. Not telling me what his wounds were was the act of a coward, which I knew he wasn't, and that made me so angry that I called his mother! When I read his letter to her, I could hear her sigh.

"Janet honey" she said softly, "Bill was shot on the arm. He lost part of his left hand. He thinks that you'll reject him because of it. I told him he was being silly, that you have gone to great lengths to be the kind of girl he always wanted, but he is ashamed that he made a mistake that cost him this injury. Janet, he is in love with you, but doesn't want to face what he sees as the certain rejection you would have for him."

"I want to be there when he steps off that plane Carol. I'll show him who's rejected and who isn't! I've waited a long time for this, and he is not going to deprive me of it! I don't care about his hand! He's home, alive, and that's all that counts! Please, let me know when his plane is coming…please!"

Well, Carol not only told me when his plane was coming in, she took me with her to greet him, making the reservations herself. I was between Carol and Tom when we saw him walk off the plane, his hand in a small bandage. He looked smaller in person, yet there was no mistaking his wide grin. We waited for the process to go ahead, then Tom and Carol hugged and kissed him while I waited to one side. His eyes found mine, the stupid grin he has opening wide as his eyes settled on me. Slowly he moved away from his parents, came to me, and in one sweep of his hand he pulled me close to him and kissed me. Laughing in joy, I returned his kiss and hugged him tightly. Then we all went to the hotel, and later to dinner.

A Major, he had risen through the ranks to hold command of an elite force that faced danger every single day, yet he had come home alive. The tone of his voice, the way he walked and moved fascinated me and I stayed as close to him as I could, until we suddenly found ourselves alone. Strong as he was, he was shy around me, so I took the lead and made him come to my room where I quickly changed into that lacy black babydoll I sent him a picture of, then stood there and let his manliness take over.

The drought of affection we both went through during his absence became a memory as I slowly yet firmly and carefully undressed him until there was no holding back. His warm breath on my neck and his soft furry body excited me, driving me to moan in pleasure. Then his lips found my breasts and I soared to new heights and lay back so he and I could savor our first time together. Driving hard, he impaled me not once, not twice, but three times, each with more abandon than the previous, and I began to lead him to those points that I found particularly exciting when he touched me. Hours passed into a whole night, then the morning before we emerged sated and happy as only two young lovers could be. I had experienced what it means to please a man and I wondered to myself why I ever fought being a girl.

I saw his wound as he changed the bandage, and realized that nothing would stop me from loving this man, not even a few missing fingers. I let him lead me to breakfast, knowing that it was the first of many more, just as the night before would be just the tip of our exploration as a man, and a woman.

 

 

© 2001

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