The Problem                             by:  Janet L. Stickney                               JanetLynn17@Hotmail.com

 

Being raised in a middle class family I had access to a computer and parents that were fairly open minded. Dad worked as an electrician and mom as a registered nurse, so money was almost never a problem for us. My sister Jennifer had been my closest friend for a long time, the one I confided in and trusted the most, because she found out my secret, and rather than try to hurt me with it, she helped me. She is the one that helped transform me from Michael to Joyce, and I feel lost without her, more now than ever before. Jenny had been killed in a stupid auto accident, and now, almost four months later, I realized I missed her more than ever. At 17, I guess I should have thought things out better, but my desires overcame my common sense, and I did something so stupid that I still can't believe I did it. Since Jenny's bedroom was larger I had moved into it, but I managed to keep all of her clothes, telling mom and Dad that I wanted them to feel closer to her. They seemed to buy it, and I now had a complete wardrobe, including shoes and jewelry, makeup and hair styling things. Mom was taking estrogen tablets like many women her age do, and in my thirst to feel more feminine, starting just before Easter, I also started taking one each day.

I knew what the results would be if a male took them, but I guess I pushed that to the back of my mind and forgot about it, until the middle of the first term of the next school year that is. I noticed that my skin was now hairless from the eyebrows down, my skin had gotten a bit clearer and softer, and I could no longer pick up the weight I could before. My jeans became tight in the seat and loose at the waist, and I had the unmistakable swelling on my chest of two budding breasts. The effect of the hormones had come to roost. I was developing the body of a young girl. I usually wore 'preppy' style clothes, but the grunge look was baggy enough to hide the changes in my body, so I adopted it. I hated the look, but what else could I do?

As soon as I realized what was happening to me, I started to experiment with Jenny's clothes, and found that most of them fit me pretty well. Her bras, especially the new Pushemup bras she had gave me the appearance of having nicely formed breasts even though they were still just bumps. Most of her dresses and blouses fit, and all of her skirts plus almost all of her shoes fit like a glove. I experimented by trying on everything in the closet, eventually getting quite good at presenting myself in the mirror as a young girl. It was about this time that I noticed that my beard was lighter, and my voice, while never deep had not changed, remaining a high tenor, just like it was before.

By the middle of the second term, and with graduation two months away, I had developed a full 'A' cup breast, and by taking my own measurements I was sure I had a 36-25-36 figure under all of the baggy clothes. By then I had started to wear panties because my own briefs no longer fit me well enough, which is how I was found out.

At the time my foolishness was discovered, I was just 5' 7" tall with brown hair I had let grow longer, with green eyes and weighed almost 140. Not exactly skinny, but not as tall or robust as most of the other guys in our school, average, maybe a little smaller I guess. Mom had usually let me have my privacy by not barging into my room, but for some reason, just as I was about to step into the shower she opened the door. As she walked in she caught me in the buff, my boobs standing out firm and proud, my rounded hips and narrow waist hard to miss. I felt like a butterfly stuck to a board with a pin.

"Mom!"

I watched as she closed the door and stood there looking at me.

"Now I know where my pills have been going!"

"Mom I…" She raised her finger and I fell silent as she sat on the bed. "You obviously took the pills on your own; just what did you expect to happen?" There was no denying it any longer, I mean, I looked like a girl except for one small thing. I slipped into a robe and sat at the vanity and told her the entire story. How I started to dress when I was 7 or 8 up to the times when Jenny started to help me, including the one time I had been out with her completely dressed. When I was done, she merely looked at me.

"Tell me what you had planned after you graduated." Like bad chalk on a blackboard, her voice was tight and a bit squeaky, and I knew she was not going to like what I had to say.

"I was going to live and work as a girl mother." There! I had said it. Mom was clearly at a loss for words, so I was surprised when she told me that since tomorrow was Saturday, she wanted me to get dressed as a girl as soon as I got up, so she could see exactly how I looked. "But mom! Dad…"

"Don't worry about your father right now, just do as I say, and be dressed as a girl when you come down for breakfast."

"Yes Ma'am" I answered, since it was the only thing I could say without making things worse than they already were.

Sleeping was almost impossible, and my mind churned up several horrible deaths, all of them mine of course, when I showed up in the kitchen, all dressed. I guess I fell asleep, but I wasn't rested when I got up, and all I could think of was what was I going to wear to my execution! As I slipped on some panties it hit me that the better I presented myself the better it would be for all of us, so with that in mind, I set about getting my best outfit out of the closet, then sitting at the vanity. I had long ago mastered the art of makeup under my sister's critical eye. "Less is more" she always said, and with my light beard I was able to use barely more foundation than she did. I powdered my face and let the foundation soak it up before I brushed away the excess leaving my face smooth, one color, and looking soft. My eyeshadow was just a hint of plum with a soft gray highlight that I blended with my finger. Soft black eyeliner on the upper lid and a black pencil underneath outlined my eyes and made them stand out a bit. When I was done with my makeup I used the water spritzer to wet my hair and used my fingers to rub in a gel, and then put in a few rollers. The bra I had selected was peach in color with a thin band of lace trim and very thin cups. Once I fastened the front hook and settled my breasts into the cups I pulled on the pantyhose and then a short white slip.

The dress was actually a sheath, but it flared at the waist and had a hem that ended just two inches above my knees. The dress was a dark green with a round neckline and was sleeveless. I slipped it over my head, zipped it up, and stepped into black shoes with two inch heels. Then I went back to the vanity and took out the rollers and used a curling iron on my hair, creating a modified pageboy that was full and swept around my ears and had bangs that swept to one side. Small gold hoop earrings, a gold bracelet and a thin gold watch completed my jewelry. At the vanity I added some pink lipstick, a bit of coral blusher, and finally, a dash of Obsession perfume. Looking in the mirror I knew that I looked as good as I ever had, and drew in a breath before I opened the door and stepped out, and headed down the stairs. My heels made a clicking sound on the hardwood floor and I knew that mom was aware that I was there.

I walked into the kitchen, half expecting dad to be there, but it was just Mom and I. Standing in front of my mother for the first time made me wish I could become invisible as her eyes roamed over me from head to toe and back. She sat down and motioned for me to join her. "You look very nice dear, better than I had thought in fact." Mom's piercing blue eyes looked at me and I just knew she had a plan for me, and I probably didn't want to know what it was. "When you started wearing panties every day they started to show up in the laundry, just about the time your briefs quit showing up. I guess I thought it was a harmless way for you to stay close to Jennifer and ignored it. When I told your father what you had done, he told me that he suspected something was wrong, he just didn't know what it was. Now that he does know, we have to figure out what to do next. It's almost impossible for you to live as a boy with a body like yours, so that means that you'll have to become the girl you told me you wanted to be. Have you considered how you'll attend college? All of your records say Michael on them!"

"I had thought about it, briefly, then forgot about it and resigned myself to working in an office somewhere." Mom must have saw something in my eyes because she said in a sift voice, "Tell me what you had planned Michael."

"I use the name Joyce, and thought that I would use Michael for my middle name; that way I could say it was merely a transposing of names, and besides, some of the girls in school have boys names for their middle names."

"That's clever Joyce, but your father and I think that as soon as you graduate, and we have you checked by a doctor to confirm what I think is true, we'll change your name legally and have all of the records amended. In the meantime, you are to dress as Joyce every moment you're not in school. In fact, right after you graduate you are to come home and change for the party the next day."

"But mom!"

"No buts Joyce. Today you and I are going shopping for the perfect graduation dress for you, with all of the right undergarments, shoes, and so on. On the Saturday morning after graduation you'll have your hair, nails and makeup done professionally so you'll be pretty for the party." When I thought of who was going to be there, I wanted to die!

"But mom I've invited all of my friends, and the entire family will be here!"

"Yes dear, I know, but they'll all find out sooner or later anyway won't they?" So why not let everyone know all at once?" As usual, her logic escaped me. But I had no choice, or say in the matter. She told me what I was going to do, and I had to do it. In her mind it was simple. My mind however was racing a mile a minute.

After we ate breakfast, mom told me to get my purse, but as I got up and went to my room she followed along. I didn't tell her, but I had scanned my school ID into the computer and used a Polaroid of myself as Joyce, that Jenny had taken, and merged the two so that I ended up with a very realistic school ID in the name of Joyce Grant, complete with picture. I had my wallet on the dresser and was getting a purse out of the closet when mom opened the wallet and saw the ID I had made. I also had ordered a second card on my credit card in the name of Joyce, which she found. "It looks like you planned ahead anyway." I waited, but she didn't say any more, and as soon as I had added the wallet, tissue, and lipstick to the purse, we left the house for my first shopping trip as Joyce.

"I know that what we are doing seems harsh Joyce, but you did this yourself, and since your father and I can't see any other way for you to go on, you'll have to go along. She was right and I knew it. "Between now and the party I'll see just how feminine you are, and where I think you need it, you'll get a crash course on how to be a lady. That means how to walk, act, mannerisms, talk, and so on. Today all we are going to do is buy you your own panties and a few new bras besides whatever we decide you need for the dress we select."

"Do I have any say in what dress we buy?"

"Of course dear, but I have a certain style in mind, and if we can find it and it looks good on you, then I think we should buy it. Of course, if it looks terrible on you, then we'll find another dress you like."

I had been in the lingerie section before, but I had yet to buy a single thing. My fear had kept me silent and unable to buy what I wanted. Mom however knew exactly what to do, and I found myself being measured for a new bra, and panties. "You really should have your own undergarments Joyce. It's unsanitary to wear another woman's panties even if they have been washed." After we bought three new bras and a dozen pair of panties we went to the dress department. Mom found the dress she wanted me to wear, but fortunately, after I had it on, and it was obvious that it looked terrible on me, I told her I would rather be naked than wear it.

"You'll wear what I tell you young lady!" For the first time in my entire life I think, I talked back to my mother.

"Not that mother. I looked like a grown up dressed in a dress only a five year old would wear. I will not let you humiliate me like that. I agree that you're probably right about the party, but I refuse to add to it by wearing this dress." I saw the resignation on her face even before she spoke.

"I had to try Joyce, and to be honest, Jenny would not wear it either." Then she surprised me by asking what I wanted. It took almost twenty more minutes, but I found it on a rack that had been pushed towards the back.

It was royal blue, cut like a cocktail dress but without the glitter. It had two thin straps and a sweetheart neckline and was cut straight across my back leaving my shoulders open. With taffeta pushing against it, the skirt flared out while the bodice hugged me tightly. Even with my inexperienced eye I knew it was perfect for me, and when mom's eyes lit up, I knew that she liked it as well. We bought it, and at mom's urging, I tried on a corselet. "This will bring your waist down a bit and provide adequate support at the same time dear." We bought that as well, and headed for the shoes department where I got a pair of black patent leather heels and two pairs of flats. From there we went to a costume jewelry store and picked up earrings, a bracelet, and necklace set that were perfect for the dress as well as two more sets of my own. Mom insisted, so I had my ears pierced at the same time, leaving with small gold studs set into the new plastic inserts in my earlobes. "One more stop and we can go home Joyce." It was at a makeup shop, where I had my 'colors' done, and a makeup set was created for me. On the way home we stopped for lunch.

"What's dad going to say when he sees me like this mom?"

"I don't know, but I do know that he won't get violent, that's not his way. But of course you know that. He's distressed of course because he had great hopes for his son. Now he has another daughter, and since Jenny isn't here I'm afraid it might push him over the edge. You do look a lot like her you know."

"I know mom, but I'm not Jenny, and I don't want to try and replace her. I just wanted to be myself, my real self, the one that you didn't know about."

"But I did know Joyce. I always knew, but I thought it was just a passing thing and forgot about it. I guess I was wrong, then, and now. You're not Jenny you're Joyce. Be strong for your father and don't be afraid. He's just as scared as you are right now." "I'll do my best mom, but give me time to get changed before I face him tonight." She nodded her head yes, and after lunch we went home.

I took everything to my room and looked at the clock. I had almost two hours to get ready for my father to meet Joyce. Another shower to wash away the scent of fear that had surrounded me all day, washing my hair again, and shaving as close as possible. I rubbed in some lotion and knew that my skin was soft and supple, smooth and clear; that of a teenage girl, not a teenage boy. I had put away the new panties and bras, except the ones I was going to wear. I stepped into the panties and snugged them to my waist, then wrapped the bra around my waist and after fastening the front hook pulled it up and settled it in place. I was just sitting down at the vanity when mom came into the room. "Let me help you." She sat next to me at the vanity and began to show me a different way to do makeup. I have to say that by the time mom was done, between what Jennifer had shown me, and what mom suggested, all traces of my facial masculinity were gone of course, and in its place was that of a very pretty young girl. The look that mom had suggested was about the same as I had always done it, but with different colors. I actually did all applications, mom just told me what I should do, and she was right. Then she wet my hair again and began to set it in rollers using a gel before she put the rollers were in. Then I had to endure the plastic cap of the hair dryer for thirty minutes before she let me get dressed the rest of the way. She wanted to help, but I told her I could do it myself and she left the room.

I sat on the bed and pulled the pantyhose on, tucking myself just before I pulled on the padded pantybrief. I slipped on one of Jenny's dresses, one she had not worn yet by the time she had died. I struggled with the zipper up the back, I always did with back zippers, but as I managed to get it zipped up I felt the material close around me and the swell of my breasts against the soft material made me smile at my reflection in the mirror. The dress was a shirtwaist style, the hem was a good 2" above my knees. It was white, with a small orchid print on it, the collar, flat on my shoulders left the neckline open enough to see a hint of my cleavage.

I stepped into my new white heels, and called mother back to the room. She smiled at me and began to unroll my hair, then after brushing it out, she trimmed my bangs. When she was done, my hair was every bit as feminine as any other girls, and a lot better than I had ever managed to do it. I had waves that framed my face while the back was extra curly. Mom fastened a white necklace around my neck with the small pendant hanging just perfectly in the small vee between my breasts. When mother was done with that, I went to the vanity and colored my lips with a deep red. I turned to face her, resplendently dressed as a young girl my own age. "Just one more thing mother." I gave myself a few dabs of perfume then followed her as she walked out to the patio behind the house. With every step I could feel the material of the skirt swaying, the taste of the makeup and the smell of the perfume I had on, making me feel more feminine than ever before, but scared at what dad would say when he saw me for the first time.

"Ready?" I nodded my head yes and mom and I walked down the stairs and out to the patio where dad was waiting. I was holding on to mom's hand, squeezing it actually, as we stepped outside. Dad looked up at me and then stood up. His eyes roamed over me, from head to toe and back, settling on my breasts before his eyes met mine. Then he shocked me.

"Since you're all dressed up, and looking very pretty I might add, we can't let all of this work go to waste, so I made reservations for dinner at your favorite place. But before we go out, I need to know your name. I can't very well call you Michael can I!" I was still rooted to the spot, waiting for lightning to strike me when he asked me, "Do you want to tell me?"

"It's Joyce Dad."

"Okay Joyce, get your purse, I'll cleanup a bit myself and we'll go to dinner!" The very thought of going out dressed this way both excited and scared me. But when my fears once again rose to the surface almost choking me, mom took my hand and we went back upstairs. While mother changed, I sat at the vanity and made sure my purse had everything I needed, including the lipstick and a small mirror. When mom was ready we joined dad on the patio again, and I was doing fine until our neighbor came across the yard, and walked right up to the table. When I looked up, I was looking right into the eyes of a girl I had grown up with! Beth stood there a minute, then, just a moment later, I saw her eyes open wide as she realized exactly who I was.

"I'll be damned!" Her eyes never left me as she flopped into a chair across from me. Her eyes went to my mother, then my father before they once again came to me. "You look fantastic! I never would have guessed it was you if you weren't sitting here!" My mouth had gone dry again and I was unable to talk at the moment, which mom must have figured out.

"Joyce has decided to live here now Beth, so it's probably good that you meet her now, because she needs a good friend right now." Beth grabbed my hand and squeezed it, then told me she was glad to be my friend. "I've been the only girl in the neighborhood for a long time Joyce. I can't tell you how glad I am that you're here now." My tongue was still not operating, and all I could do was smile and nod my head. "We we're going out to dinner Beth, why don't you join us?"

"I'd like that Mr. Grant, let me go home and change. I'll be back in 30 minutes if that's okay."

"Of course Beth. We'll be right here."

"This can be a good thing if you let it Joyce. Just relax and enjoy it. After all, this is what you wanted." Mom had once again let me know that no matter how scared I was, and no matter what they did, this was my doing and I might as well get used to being a girl now. Dad was strangely silent, but several times I saw him looking at me with something akin to surprise. Beth came back right on time, and we left for the restaurant, Beth and I in the back seat. Over dinner mom told Beth about the party and asked her to come, and she said she would be there. For the very first time I was out in public with my parents, and they acted as if it was the most natural thing in the world; I wondered if I had drifted into the twilight zone because it was not the reaction I had expected. Later, after we returned home, Beth and I sat out on the patio alone. "Those are real aren't they?" She was referring to my boobs of course, and I nodded my head yes. "I thought so. Nobody could look as good as you do without some help. Your skin is hairless and smooth, and you don't have on much more makeup than I do! They had to be real!" It was time I told her the truth.

"All of it is me Beth. Boobs, hips, narrow waist, smooth skin and all. I started taking mom's estrogen pills almost eight months ago, and this is what happened. I've been dressing up as a girl since I was a child, with Jenny helping me a lot. I had planned to live as a girl when we got out of school, maybe in another city, but mom walked in on me and saw me naked. One thing led to another, and here I am. Mom and Dad told me that sooner or later everyone would find out anyway, so at my party on Saturday, I'll be Joyce rather than Michael. Mom insisted, so I even have a new dress for the party, and an appointment at the salon on Saturday morning." Beth didn't say anything for a long time, then she wanted to know why I had never told her.

"I thought that we were closer than that Joyce." "I was afraid Beth. If you went crazy and told everyone at school, then what? How many boys do you personally know that want to be girls?"

"None" she admitted.

"That's what I mean Beth. I had to keep it a secret. Not even my parents knew until a few days ago, and they found out by accident." "It's okay Joyce." As she got up she told me she would be over the next day.

I slept better that night, but visions of people laughing at me kept haunting me, and the more they appeared the more I knew that the only way to beat it was to look as good as possible every time I was dressed as Joyce. The next morning I wore shorts and a top without a bra, sandals and makeup. The no bra look was a first for me of course, but it emphasized my new status perfectly, and left no doubt in any one's mind that I was female, inside as well as outside, or at least as close as I could get. Dad's mouth dropped open when he saw me but mom just smiled and handed me a cup of coffee. Later, after mom and I had done the dishes, Beth came over.

"I have something for you Joyce, let's go to your room and I'll show you." I led the way and as soon as I closed the door she opened her purse and held out a strappy flesh colored thing. "It's a dancers belt. My brother had to use it when mom made him take ballet as punishment for something. He's moved out now and I found this in his room." I took it and looked it over before I figured it out. "It makes the male dancers as smooth in front as the girls. I thought that you might be able to use it." I had it in my hand, when she suggested that I try it on. "Go ahead Joyce, I'll wait here." I went in the bathroom and quickly removed my shorts and panties, and after a moments struggle, the flesh colored latex rubber gaff was on, and I now had the smooth front of a woman! It was tight, and a bit uncomfortable at first, but after I rearranged things a bit, it felt okay, and I put my panties and shorts back on, and rejoined Beth. The gaff was virtually undetectable, even under my panties, and my shorts now fit a lot better and gave me a more feminine look. Beth and I spent the whole day together, and we shared some secrets, becoming closer than I had ever imagined. We told each other things we would never have said before. I felt as if I had a new sister, and I think she did too.

Every day after that I wore my male clothes unless I was at home or on the weekends. I hated the grunge look and could not wait until I could wear clothes that I wanted, and looked so much better in. We were let out of school at noon to get ready for the graduation that night, and I had to strap my boobs down so they would not show. I got my diploma, and after we ate at a nice restaurant, we went home. "Your appointment is at ten in the morning Joyce, so you better be ready by 9:30."

"Okay mother."

I was up at seven, and after a shower and a shave, I got dressed, starting with the gaff. I had worn it every day since Beth gave it to me, and I was now quite comfortable with it on. Mom had told me dress casual, so I wore a short skirt and a blouse that buttoned up the front, flats, and no makeup other than thin foundation and lipstick. My hair was now long enough, so I pulled it back into a ponytail, added some perfume, and went to the kitchen. Mom and I had breakfast, and Beth joined us just as we were ready to leave.

She had made her appointment the same time as mine so we could be together. It was going to be my first time in a salon, and I had no idea what to expect, except both mom and Beth said I would love it.

The salon was about the size of the entire lower level of my house, decorated with plush carpeting, soft pastel wallpaper and cherry colored furnishings. Soft jazz played in the background and the general mood of the place was relaxed. Several women sat in very soft looking chairs while they were made over, and manicured. I never even suspected this place existed! Mom checked us in, and I waited in the lounge, drinking coffee until a girl named Kathy came and got me. She escorted me to a chair, and as I sat in front of the mirror, she began to ask me what I wanted done. "I… I'm not sure. My graduation party is later today and I wanted to look as nice as possible."

"Then you want the works!"

"Works?"

"Sure! A lot of the girls are having that done now. Hair, nails, a pedicure, makeup, the works!"

"Then that's what I want" I said, smiling just as Beth and mom walked over.

"I'm getting the works mother, okay?"

"For my only girl? Of course!" Kathy smiled, and asked me how I wanted my hair done, but I didn't know the name for it, so she gave me a book and when I showed her she smiled and started in on my hair.

Beth was sitting two chairs away and mom was across the aisle. I watched Kathy as she worked on me, trimming and cutting until she was satisfied, then she began to wash in the dye that would make me a blond. Rollers began to appear and soon I was under a portable dryer, sitting at the manicurist table. She told me nails could be a little longer, and when I gave the go ahead, she cleaned and filed them, then added acrylic extensions, bonding them to my own nails, then filing them into nice oval shapes. A soft red polish was added and with my hands in a nail dryer, she started on my toenails. When she was done I was sent to Marilyn who did my makeup in a way that made me look radiant. She used soft green, plum and coral, deep black and gray. Then she thinned my eyebrows out and gave them a slight arch. When she was done I was taken back to Kathy who started to take the rollers out. The style I had picked out was a modified Gibson. It was fluffy and had a bun on the back of my head, tendrils of hair down the sides of my face that curled and bounced. My bangs were swept to one side and my ears were now wide open. It was a sexy style and not likely to be mistaken for a something a man would select, and I loved it. Mom and dad had told me what I was going to do, but rather than let it beat me down, I intended to be as feminine as possible. By the time Kathy was done mom and Beth were also done. Mom paid the bill, and after a short drive, we were back at home.

Beth commented on my hairstyle and being a blond now, but all mom did was smile at me! It was driving me crazy! "I'll be back at four Joyce, see you then." I went to my room to change, and had just undressed when mom came in. She sat on the bed and patted a spot next to her. I sat down and she reached out and took my chin in her hand, and kissed me lightly on the lips. "Today was a test Joyce. If you had balked at all we would not have made you wear a dress. But since we found out you have not shown even the slightest bit of remorse for taking the pills that did this to you. Today I let you do what you wanted just to see what you would do, and you not only let them style your hair, you had them dye it blond, and that Gibson is a very feminine style. You let them extend your nails, and without a peep you fit right in at the salon. I now know for sure that no matter what else happens, you are our daughter now. Your father had hoped that it was just a passing thing, until he saw you without a bra that is. I think that's when he knew for sure. After we get you dressed I want you to talk to him. He misses Jenny, and you look so much like her that he's having a hard time with this. Talk to him."

"I will mother, I promise."

"Lets get started shall we?" I was wearing the gaff, and quickly stripped and got a pair of very thin, high cut blue nylon panties out of my dresser and stepped into them. Mom held out the corselet, and after I wrapped it around myself and had the hooks fastened, I raised my arms and she pulled the laces tight. I felt the material crushing me in a vise of satin and steel, yet it wasn't uncomfortable at all. My waist was now 23 inches, and my breasts sat in the cups of the bra, held in by the strain and a bit of luck I think. Mother showed me how to manipulate my now compressed boobs to create a very nice looking cleavage. "I'll go get changed myself. If you need me call me." After she left I slipped my legs into the nylons and pulled them up and fixed them to the garter tabs and pulled them tight. I slipped the dress over my head and when it was settled on my shoulders I zipped it up. Looking in the mirror I saw the woman I wanted to be, not the girl, or boy, I was just a few days ago. My feet slid into the black heels easily, and I went to my jewelry box and retrieved the jewelry we had bought just for this dress. The earrings were royal blue surrounded by a band of gold, the necklace was choker style and had a matching pendant. I had two rings on each hand, a thin gold watch, and a gold bracelet. I touched up my lipstick, added some more perfume, and when I was ready, I took one last check in the mirror before I stepped out of my room.

Dad was standing out on the patio, his back to me when I walked up to him. "Daddy?" I had not called him that since I was about six, but it somehow seemed appropriate now. He turned to face me, and once again his eyes roamed over me.

"You look radiant Joyce. You're simply beautiful." "Dad, I'm not going to try and replace Jennifer, I can't. But I can't be me either unless you tell me I can." I waited for him to say something, anything, when he suddenly took me into his arms and held me. We did not say a word, savoring the moment instead.

"I had hoped for a son, but a daughter can be just as much fun. We can still do things together like before, you'll just dress differently now."

"Sure dad, just like before." I hugged him tight and kissed him, leaving a trace of soft red lipstick on his cheek.

He still had his arm around me when Beth showed up. "Holy cow girl! You look fantastic!" She was being polite because next to her I was still a boy in a dress. Beth had it all. A firm little body, a perky personality, auburn hair with blue eyes, and a wonderful figure. Beth and I helped mom set out the buffet while dad filled the ice into a tub and added the pop. Everything was ready, and we had about half an hour before the first guests started to arrive.

"It'll be okay Joyce." My dad sat next to me and smiled. "You're just to feminine looking for anyone to criticize you. Stand tall and be proud today. If you look ashamed everyone will wonder why, but if you don't show fear or shame, then they'll accept you a lot easier." "I agree Joyce, do what your dad says." Beth and dad gave me the courage I needed at exactly the right moment. My Grandparents had just walked in. When my Grandmother saw me I thought she was going to faint. "Jenny! But your…!" My mother grabbed her arm and helped her sit down.

"Mother, this is Joyce. There's been a change in our household. She used to be Michael, but she confided in us, and after some discussion, we agree with her decision." I stood there, waiting for something, anything, to happen, when Grandma finally managed to gather her calm. She looked me over carefully and then smiled. "You had me going there for a minute child. You look so much like Jenny that IÉ" "I know Grandma, I understand." She stood up and held me at arm's length, then hugged me. The whole time, my Grandfather just stood there watching. When my Grandmother released me, I looked at him and he reluctantly I thought, opened his arms to me. Right after that is when most of the guest started to arrive, and like a good hostess, I waited at the door and greeted all of them. Some of the kids from school recognized me, most did not, but in within minutes everyone knew.

Most everyone was polite, but it was hard to dismiss the few giggles and the less than discrete fingers pointed my way. All I could do was hold my head up and try not to let it get to me, but the whole time I wanted to shrink and fade away. It seemed to me that the girls accepted me as a girl a bit easier than the guys, so I tended to stay close to Beth and a few other girls. My Aunt Mary and her daughters Megan and Katie didn't blink an eye when they met me, but my cousin Bill was, as usual, a true pain in the ass. Right from the first moment he saw me, he was making remarks and trying to goad me. It got so bad at one point that his mother and my dad told him to be quiet or leave. He slowed down a bit, but his snickering and cruel mouth sent the same message. Not having had the benefit of growing up as a girl, there were a lot of things, subtle things that I missed. It was Beth and Valerie that pulled me aside and told me what they knew and I didn't. "Jeff has been watching you since he got here Joyce, I'll bet he wants to talk to you but is afraid." I started to turn and look for him but Valerie stopped me.

"Don't look for him silly, let him come to you!" At that exact moment Bill started in on me again, louder this time, and had begun to draw attention to himself.

"A goddam fag if you ask me! She's a he and we all know it! Maybe we should allÉ" That was all he managed to get out before Jeff stepped up and smacked him right in the mouth! Bill, stupid as he was, put his hands up, but since Jeff was half a foot taller, two years older, and 50 pounds heavier, it was no contest at all. Jeff hit him twice more, and by the sound of it, he flattened Bill's nose. Bill was on his way down when Jeff simply walked over to me and stood next to me.

"Any more of that, tell me and it'll stop Joyce." He looked tense, his mouth a straight line as he looked at Bill who was just getting up, holding his nose with both hands.

My dad went to Bill along with my Grandfather and helped him into the house.

Mom held up her hands and everyone fell silent as she stood there waiting. When everyone was quiet, she motioned for me to stand next to her. I had no idea what se was going to do, or say, but she was angry, very angry. "Listen to me please! You have just seen a taste of what Joyce is in for. She chose to do this today, with you, her friends and family, for a reason. When Joyce told us about this several months ago we were shocked, but after we talked with her, we began to understand her needs and wants a lot better. Her father and I support her and will always be here for her no matter what. All day she has managed to ignore the giggles and so on, but Bill's actions showed all of us that bigotry is still alive and well. Sadly, only one of you stood up to him. Joyce is our daughter, she counted on you to be her friends, are you?"

I stood there waiting for someone to say something, anything, to break the silence. Beth walked over to me and gave me a hug, then one after another, the other kids came over until there was only Jeff standing there. Beth nudged mom and they moved away, leaving me with Jeff. Even in heels he was taller than I was, and I had to tilt my head up a little to see his face. With no warning, no hint at all, he leaned over and kissed me right on the lips! It was just a whisper on my lips, but it sent shivers down my back. "I'll be your friend Joyce, if you let me that is." Inside I had a fight going between my 17 years as a male and my desire to be treated like a girl, my dreams of this very thing happening to me, and it left me speechless. My knees were shaking, as he told me he wanted to take me out later, after the party. Beth saved me by interrupting us, dragging me away to meet with Valerie and two other girls, Janet and Cheryl.

"Your mom was terrific Joyce! Especially after Jeff knocked that kid on his ass!"

"Thanks Valerie, mom can get fired up when she's mad."

"Want to tell us about Jeff?" Cheryl was one of the most popular girls in school, and most of the kids would go along with what she did or said, and it sounded like she was supporting me.

"There's nothing to tell! Bill got out of hand and Jeff punched him. Then he told me he was my friend, that's all!" That made all of them snort.

"Yah, right. We all saw him kiss you Joyce. He wants to be more than just a friend; believe me, I saw the look in his eye, and he really liked what he saw girl!" Janet, the pragmatic one of the bunch said it outright.

"He wants to get into your panties Joyce, no doubt about it!"

"Maybe, but he'll be unhappy when he gets there!" Like a chorus, they all said, "when?"

"Does that mean that you intend to…"

"I'm not intending to do anything! He asked me out for later, after the party, for a soda or something, that's all!" They all looked at each other, then at me.

"She has never been on a date before, remember? She'll find out, just like we did."

"Thanks for all of the advice Beth!"

Mom, dad, and my Grandparents walked over and the girls drifted away. "It was pretty hard to miss the way Jeff looked at you earlier, and after he kissed you there was no doubt, none at all." "What do you mean Grandma?"

"That boy likes you, more than a little child. I think we all knew it when he shut Bill up." Then she gave me a hug and told me to come over the next day. I looked at my Grandfather and saw something in his eyes and went to him.

"Grandpa, I'm the same person I always was. I just dress differently now. I need you now more than ever before." Then I saw the thing in his eye roll down his cheek and drip on the floor.

"I don't understand this at all, but your mom and dad tell me you don't either. I guess we'll all have to work on it together, won't we?" His arms enveloped me as I fell against him, the strain of the day finally making tears come to my eyes. I was gently sobbing into his chest when mom, Grandma, Valerie, Janet, Cheryl, and Beth whisked me into the house and up to my room.

"Since you have a date later maybe you should change Joyce, and I have the perfect dress." Mom left me in the room, and it was Beth that finally told me to take the dress I had on, off.

"Here, I'll unzip you." As soon as it was free I stepped out of it and stood there, my wider hips, narrow waist and boobs became more evident. "Damn! A lot of us thought it might be padding but it's obviously not! Just how long have you had boobs?" It was my turn to smile at them.

"Remember how I always wore preppy stuff and then changed to the grunge look?" They all nodded their heads yes. "That's when my boobs started to show." "Enough of that girls. Joyce, lets get you out of that corselet and stockings and into something more comfortable." My Grandmother was in charge and the girls sat on the bed as I was freed from the constraining corselet. With the corset off, my breasts were no longer in doubt, if there ever had been any, and I quickly put on the black bra and then some nude pantyhose. Mother came into the room holding a dress in her hand.

It was a classic black dress, with a scoop neckline, sleeveless with a short skirt, which showed off my legs perfectly. I slid my feet back into the high heeled black pumps as Valerie zipped me up. Janet asked me to sit at the vanity, then she took out the Gibson and began to brush my hair out, teasing it and using a curling iron on it. When she was done my blond hair framed my face like a halo. I touched up my makeup in a subdued, yet sexy manner and looking in the mirror, I thought that Janet and Valerie were looking at me with a little envy. I hoped so, because I thought they were cute. "Try these Joyce." Mom handed me some different earrings, which I put on as soon as I had the others out. Looking in the mirror, I said, "no necklace I think." I redid my lipstick, and perfume, and we all went back to the party.

My Aunt Mary was sitting with Bill who was still nursing a sore, possibly broken nose and a whopping shiner. "Joyce, Bill has something to say." He looked like he would rather eat a dead cat right then, but he stood up and apologized to me.

"I was wrong Joyce. I'm sorry."

"Thank you Bill." I turned and walked away because I knew that his mother had made him do it. It was not from the heart like it should have been. I started to make the rounds and talk to people, and all of them offered me encouragement. Jeff joined me at the buffet table, and surprised me by slipping his arm around my waist.

"I thought you looked great before Joyce, but now your ravishing." I didn't know what to say, so I kept quiet and we filled a plate and sat at a table, all alone.

I chanced a quick look around and saw Janet and Cheryl smiling at me from one side, and Beth and Valerie slowly moving so they could watch us better. "I feel like a fish in a bowl Jeff, but I want to thank you for what you did." He reached out and took my hand in his, and looked me right in the eye.

"I only wish we had met before today Joyce. I never had a clue, and I don't think anyone else did either."

"I kept it a secret as long as I could Jeff. Based on what Bill did today, could you imagine what would have happened if I did this in school?"

"I would have been there for you Joyce, just like now." He started to lean over and I stopped him.

"Jeff! Everyone is watching us right now!"

"I know. I want them to see just how much I like you." Again, without warning, he kissed me!

"I have to see to my guests Jeff, but hold that thought."

An hour later people started to leave, and I walked each of them to the door, my fear washed away by the events of the day. At last it was just my parents and Grandparents, Jeff and myself. Mom looked at Jeff, hovering close by me, and told me to go. "Get your purse and you two have a nice time, but be home by midnight." I looked at my watch and saw that it was only five in the afternoon. "I'll be ready in a minute Jeff." I got my purse, making sure I had lipstick, my wallet and some money, before I let him walk me to his car. I sat in the seat and let him take charge, which is something I wasn't used to. He was a good driver, and we went riding around for a bit, just talking. "Why Jeff? Why are you so attracted to me, knowing what I am?"

"Listen Joyce, you are the prettiest girl I ever met, and when I first saw you it was like a light went on inside of me, and I knew right them that you were the girl I had been waiting for." I was absolutely speechless, because he knew about me, and every girl in the school had been after him for years.

"But I can't… I mean, you have your pick of any girl you want!"

"Your right Joyce, I do, and I chose you." He drove into the park and stopped by the lake.

I felt his arm as he pulled me closer to him and I was powerless to stop him as his lips met mine. This time his passion was transmitted clearly. I tasted his tongue, but when his hand found my right breast I stopped him. I tingled all over from his touch, and wanted more, but I simply was not ready for that yet. Having someone treat me this way was a fantasy I had held dear for a long time, and now, in his arms it was coming true. Every notion I had about myself was shattered when he touched me, and I found my body responding. His hand once again found my breast, massaging it, making the nipple hard enough to poke out against the thin bra and material of my dress. Ecstasy flooded over me as Jeff gently caressed me, and as I turned to face him he gently blew in my ear. Being here with him was a final barrier for me. I had let another male touch me, kiss me, and caress me. As a male I never would have let something like this happen, but as a woman, I wanted to make him mine. He asked me to touch him, but I could not bring myself to do it.

"That's okay Joyce. We have plenty of time; all of our lives in fact."

"Just what does that mean?"

"It means that now that I've found you I intend to marry you." "But I'm only 17, and I still have college!"

"So do I Joyce, but I'm a patient man, I can wait." To emphasize his point he pulled me to him and kissed me again, and I was helpless to stop him. I'm not sure, but I'll bet I had more hormones flowing right then that at any time in my life! Later we stopped and had a snack before he took me home. That night as I lay in bed I ran the entire day through that small camera we all have in our minds, and decided that maybe Jeff was right. Maybe we were destined to be together. Time would tell.

Mom and I talked the next day, and she gave me the dos and don'ts of dating. "After college you'll have plenty of time for the rest of that Joyce, but right now I think you're to young." She must have figured out what had happened between Jeff and I and gave me the lecture. "I called the doctor and he'll see you first thing in the morning, then we are going to see a lawyer about changing your name and so on." I told her I would be ready.

I had just awakened but was still in bed when mom came in and told me to wear something pretty, so I went about selecting what I wanted to wear that day. Since I knew that we would be seeing the doctor first and the lawyer later, I chose a dress that was light gray with a pleated skirt, made of lightweight fabric that was somewhat sheer. After a shower I slipped on my best pink panties and the matching bra, sat on the bed and pulled the pantyhose on. At my vanity I did my makeup in subtle shades, just enough to enhance my looks without making me look over done. When I put it on and adjusted the gray belt. I had found that it really made me look as if I had a great figure! As I walked to the mirror for a last check the pleats in the skirt swayed as I as I walked and I was amazed at how feminine the dress made me look! I wore the black heels again and took the black purse. After a quick bite to eat mom and I drove over to the clinic to see Dr. Han.

Dr. Han had delivered both Jennifer and I, and had been the family doctor since then. Mom had made the appointment in the name of Joyce, and when my name was called mom and I went into the small examination room. Dr. Han was about 55 with dark hair and deep brown eyes a quick engaging smile, and I liked him. When he came in he looked at me, then mother, before he spoke.

"Jennifer? I thought you had…"

"This is Michael Dr. Han. As you see, there have been a few changes." He never batted an eye when mom gave him the news, but asked her what we wanted. That's when we told him the whole story.

"So you have been taking female hormones for almost 18 months now! I think an examination is in order." Mom left, and he gave me the most complete physical I ever had experienced. When he was done he called my mother back into the room, and with me sitting there in nothing but that thin gown, he told us both what we had figured out on our own.

"Joyce has the body of a girl of about 15, but I expect that within a few months she will develop fuller breasts and so on. I cannot see any reaction to stimulus and she is unable to become erect due to the force of the estrogen. Her testicles have shrunk and her penis is flaccid and small. My recommendation is that we remove the testicles, and use a technique a colleague of mine has developed to make her look more normal." Then he went on to explain the operation and why it would be better for me. "There is no way she can return to her male status successfully. She will always have a feminine appearance no matter what we do, and since this is obviously her choice, I think that we should make her as feminine as possible." It did not take long for mom and I to agree, and he scheduled another appointment for the next day.

"Well, it looks like we have a new daughter!"

"I'm scared mom, but I'm also looking forward to this because for the first time in my life I'll feel complete even if I'm not." She smiled at me and we drove to the lawyer's office. Once we explained everything to him he drew up the papers and I signed them.

"By this time tomorrow you'll have a new name and I can then change all of your records for you. Good luck Joyce." It was done. In less than a day I had legally become a girl.

At the clinic the next morning Dr. Han and his associate Dr. Benson carefully went over every step of the operation with me in great detail. "We will be removing your testicles first, then we will make an incision just below the bikini line and reroute the urethra so the correct position. Then we will pull the remaining penile tissue up inside the body and use the skin from the testicles to create the labial folds while at the same time moving the nerve bundle to the correct position for a female. This is not a sex change operation, although it is close. You'll have to wait until your 21 for that, but in the meantime you will look and function like a normal female, but without the ability to accept penetration. Do you understand all of that?"

"I can't wait doctor, any time your ready I'm ready!" Three hours later I awoke in a small recovery room with mom and dad sitting there. Once the doctor's said it was okay, I went home and straight to bed, where I stayed for the rest of the day and that night.

In the morning, when nature called I went in the bathroom, and was literally relieved to find that everything was working just fine, as advertised. I was still sore and had to wear a pad, but I was able to get a pair of clean panties on and my robe. Slowly I walked to the kitchen and was greeted by my parents, then we had breakfast together.

"It's virtually final now isn't it Joyce?"

"Yes dad, and I've never been happier, thanks for understanding." "Oh I don't understand it at all Joyce, I have just accepted the facts as they are." I had my mouth full at the moment and couldn't answer him. "By the way. You still like hockey, basketball and football don't you?"

"Of course! Dad, I dress differently now, but I like everything I did before! Why?" "I wanted to know if I should renew my season tickets for hockey season is all."

"I'd like that dad."

Two days later Beth came over later in the morning, with our mail in her hand. "Hi Joyce; here's your mail." I took it and quickly opened the one from the courthouse. I was legal now! My name was officially Joyce Michael Grant, female! I let Beth read it, and after we hugged we went to my room. "Why don't you change and we can go back to my house?"

"Okay, sounds good to me." I slipped the robe off and when Beth saw the bulge of the pad she asked me why I had it on. I simply could not resist, and slipped my panties down. The why was clearly evident.

"Joyce!"

"Neat isn't it!" I said as I pulled the panties back on. "The doctors did it yesterday."

"Does it, I mean can you have…Hell!"

"No I can't have sex, well, vaginal sex anyway, but the rest works just fine!" I pulled on a skirt and slipped on a bra and a blouse, ran a brush in my hair and stepped into my flats. As we walked over to her house she asked me about the surgery. "They didn't use stitches Beth. They used that new surgical glue instead. Dr. Han said it will let me heal quicker and be less noticeable."

In her house I walked right past her mother and into Beth's room, something she would never have let me do before. Just as I was about to sit on the bed her mother walked in. "I'm not sure that you should be in here Joyce." "It's okay mother, she had the surgery a few days ago, and she's just like me now." She looked at me with doubt written all over her face.

"Call my mom Mrs. White, she'll confirm it for you, or I can do it myself if you like." With a smile she leaned against the door and said, "this I have to see for myself!" I looked at Beth, then I pulled up my skirt and slipped my panties down. The look on her face was worth it. "I see! Well, it's okay for you to be in here I guess." When we were alone, I started to giggle, then Beth joined in. It seems that the problem of my wanting to be a girl had been solved, and now that I was one, I could be myself and no longer worry about it.

"You said no vaginal sex, which means…"

"What it means is that Jeff isn't going to take me to bed."

"Ya, but, we all do things for our guys sometimes, and if your not going to do that, that means that you'll…"

"Be a virgin when I get married Beth."

"Right. Now lets hit the mall Joyce!" Dad and I patched up the rift and we became closer than ever before. I entered college, and did my best, while Jeff kept insisting we would get married one day. Two months after Dr. Han fixed me up, Jeff touched me there, which drove him crazy and me wild, yet nothing happened between us. It did leave both of us wanting to share more, and I finally told him why we could not share that way. He didn't like it any more than I did, but we lived with it. Beth and I grew as close as sisters, sharing private things, while she helped me become even more feminine while mom drifted back to her usual mother of a daughter mode. Twice while we were shopping she tried to get me to wear that ugly dress, failing both times, but we also grew close, and I was no longer worried when she saw me naked. After all, she's a woman, right? Dr. Han has scheduled me for surgery, but I didn't tell anyone, and asked my folks to stay silent as well. I wanted to surprise Jeff, and I knew exactly how and when, but that's for later.

The End ?

 

 

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