Pre-Nuptual Test

by Ann O'Nonymous

 

"This one, in two places; only two more papers and you're done," exclaimed Ms. Jennifer Wilson as she shoved paper after paper under my nose for signing.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but are there more than these? My hand is getting a little stiff!" replied Paul Botts, writing his signature for what seemed like the twentieth time.

"Oh, that's right – you want to see those friends of yours, right? Well, dear, just two more and you're all done! Goodness knows, that was a lot of paperwork wasn't it!"

"Yes, ma'am, but, in the end, I think it's worth it."

Paul bent to the task at hand, crossing t's and dotting i's as they say.

"Well, that's the last of them!" he stated, finishing off with a flourish.

"Okay, Paul, now you run along, see your friends and wish them well. Just remember that the fitting is tomorrow."

"Yes, ma'am. Please, Jenny, would you take care of my copies for me?"

"Sure! Anything for my lovely future son-in-law."

Paul left the large house, got into his car and drove to his favorite place: "The Broken Door." It's a combination bar/restaurant/pizza parlor, originally named for its owner, Joe Brokken; a sign painter's mistake gave the place its present title.

Entering the establishment he heard a small group break into an off-key rendition of "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow and headed in that direction. Seated at the table were Sam Philips, Mike Gilbert, Joe Ward, and a new guy.

After greeting his friends, Paul grabbed a chair, twisted it wrong way around, and sat, straddling it, his chin resting on the back. It felt good that he could now do this for the first time in nine months.

"Was it really rough, Paul – you look worn out!" Sam inquired.

"Emm, not really. There was just so much to learn, so much to do, and there were new things coming up all the time!"

"Can you have a beer, I'm buying," said Joe.

"Well, if you're buying, sure! Actually, it's really up to me whether I stop or not."

Joe signaled for the bartender to bring more brew to the table.

When the cold drinks arrived, Paul took one and sipped slowly, savoring the taste of the dark amber brew, and let out a long "Ahhhhhhhh."

"Great, huh!"

"This is the first I've had in, let's see, ten months. All I had in that time was wine, tea, and iced tea – it was iced Darjeeling, iced Herb, iced Green with Mint, but never an iced Coors, Rolling Rock, Iron City or Millers, not even the Lite stuff!"

"Wow," said Mike, "Oh, I don't know if you know my friend Jack Barnes here. Jack, this is Paul Botts; Paul, Jack Barnes."

Short and to the point – that was Mike all over.

"I don't know how to . . ."

"Spit it out, Jack! We're all friends here."

Jack looked reluctant to share something. Finally, he decided to trust the group: "Err, I am going to be married soon, and my future wife has petitioned the marriage bureau for the pre-nuptial test, and, well, I'm afraid to take it. I mean, I just don't know."

"And you want answers, is that it?" Paul replied, reading between the lines.

"Quite right."

"Okay, here it is in a nutshell: it is a chance to get to better know your future wife and everything about her. You learn her likes, her dislikes, her taste in clothing, food, and so on. You meet her friends, know where she works and what she does. By the time that nine month period is up, you'll know her better than she knows herself."

"Sounds like a lot, Paul," Sam inquired.

"It's a rough time, Sam. I think there are very few men who are willing to take the risk of the test! But, I will say this, you do come out of it a better man for it."

"What's the hardest thing about the test, or don't you want to talk about it?" inquired Jack.

"Hmm, let me see – I . . . I guess wearing pantyhose was the hardest, or was it those 3" heels – that took me a whole month. Maybe it was trying to properly coordinate colors. No, no, I know – it was those stupid pickup lines used by those idiots in her workplace!"

"I cannot imagine you in pantyhose," commented Joe.

"Wasn't! I found some really nice seamed stockings, nicely patterned at the top, and a fairly comfortable sarong girdle to wear. Jack, if you take the test, make sure you get a good garter belt, satin panties and stockings!"

"So, it's all over now. Drink up and have a good time – you won our admiration, my friend," stated Mike firmly.

"Any man who can wear those 4" skyscrapers gracefully got mine," was Joe's comment.

"Well, fellows, this is really nice of you all to come here and wish me well as I near the end of bachelorhood – I do appreciate it, but I can't stay too long."

"Why is that, Paul," queried jack.

"I've got a fitting tomorrow."

Jack smiled the smile of the unknowing as he said, "You're getting a fitting for a Tuxedo?"

Paul laughed uproariously as he stated, "No, a wedding gown with oodles of petticoats and lace – actually I selected it!"

Annie O

 

 

 

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