Peach Snaps

by Sally Stephanie

  

Patricia 'Peach' Crawford was a very professional businesswoman with a chain of successful nightclubs to her name. It seemed whatever venture she entered in to she would make it a sure-fire hit.

From the top of her long blonde hair to the shiny pointed toes of her favoured black patent stiletto heels, she was the epitome of beautiful.

Not that she was anything less but a hard taskmaster. Her acid tongue had sent many of her employees running to the washroom in tears. And that was her secret – every single person she employed was female. From the accounts to the cellar she had made it a rule only to employ women.

Her newest venture was a Bavarian Beer Keller outlet in the posh district of Town. It was proving very popular. And not just for the continental lagers and spirits that it offered but also because the waitress service was at the table.

Not many full-blooded males could resist being served huge quantities of lager by a blonde maiden in authentic Bavarian national dress.

Girls were more reliable and she felt she could trust her own kind far more than the opposite sex.

Patricia even went so far as to discriminate whenever a male applicant's form landed on her desk.

And that was the start of her trouble.

And that was when she snapped.

When she steadfastly refused to interview one Mark Andrews she had no idea he would be so pig-headed to report her for discrimination to the equal opportunities commission.

Patricia was not in the mood for any small talk as the man from the commission was shown in to her office. She did not bother to stand up and greet the man, only offered him a seat and asked him why he found it necessary to arrange this meeting.

He was not quite what she had expected. In fact he looked quite charming and was a lot younger than she had first imagined.

When he spoke he did so with authority,

"I'm here Miss Crawford because we've received a complaint from a member of the public that you were acting in an discriminatory fashion towards him"

She flicked a speck of fluff from the jacket collar of her pale pink skirt suit and thought to herself about the choice of words the official had chosen. She particularly banked the phrase 'discriminatory fashion'. Perhaps she would use that herself one day?

For the next twenty minutes or so she argued her case. All the staff were girls because they best suited the themes of her on-going business ventures. In fact in the six years she had been in business there had been less than a handful of male applicants and, as she was in the best position to judge, none of them were even remotely suitable for whatever position was on offer.

Although the ministry man appeared sympathetic he re-iterated the fact that Mr Mark Andrews had felt so badly treated in not being granted an interview. And, it was his job to investigate the matter fully, and then recommend whatever action might be required to satisfy the complainant.

She asked what he intended to do?

He made a note against his paperwork then looked up from under his spectacles.

"Well, that is really up to you Miss Crawford. If you were to re-consider Mr Andrews application then you would be satisfying the tenets of the commission".

She remained outwardly calm as she asked

"And what if I refuse to re-consider?"

He sighed then told her

"You could be taken to court. Mr Andrews would have a strong case and he strikes me as the type of person who would pursue you with the full force of the law. Do you really want to go to court for what is essentially bar work?"

This only served to make her really mad. How on earth could one little creep jeopardise her business?

But she held her temper and gave the impression that she wanted to co-operate. In her mind she wanted to wring Mr Andrews neck but she knew there was more than one way to skin a cat.

"If I was to re-consider his application, or even take him on as a member of staff, you are saying that I would have to treat him exactly the same as anyone else in my employ?"

He nodded then stated,

"You cannot discriminate against any of your employees, to do so would leave you open to potentially damaging litigation"

She stood up and made a special effort to smooth out her skirt as she walked round the desk.

"I'm sorry if I sound as if I'm repeating myself, but what you're telling me is that anyone I employ deserves to be treated the same as any other person on my payroll?"

"Everyone has to be treated as an equal, no exceptions", he replied in an almost triumphant mood.

Patricia Crawford gently nodded her head then said,

"I would have to provide them with the same working conditions as other employees, without exception?"

The man nodded.

Patricia Crawford sat back down and opened up her desk diary. She looked at her schedule then back to the man.

"If I decided to grant Mr Andrews an interview, would you mind being present? I wouldn't want to run into trouble if Mr Andrews turns out to be totally unsuitable for the job".

The man looked back at his paperwork before answering,

"Well, it wouldn't be normal practise for someone from the commission to attend the actual interview"

She was not going to let him off and reminded him,

"You must agree that Mr Andrews is already slightly prejudiced against me – I don't want him to go running back to you with false allegations or unfair treatment. If you were there you would simply be acting as an observer".

As he pondered the situation she calmly glanced down at her gleaming high heels. She did not look him straight in the face until he began talking again,

"I take it you are saying that you will give Mr Andrews an interview?"

She nodded and glanced in her diary

"Yes, providing he can make two o'clock tomorrow afternoon?"

The man noted the timing then told her,

"Very well. Because you've been so cooperative I'll do as you wish. I will contact Mr Andrews as soon as I get back to the office. Shall I telephone you to confirm his attendance?"

Patricia Crawford stood up to signal the end of the meeting,

"No, get Mr Andrews to telephone me himself. After all, he's the one looking for bar work, not you".

 

The next day Patricia Crawford wore her most 'serious' business suit. She was not a great fan of black, or trousers, but it gave her a particularly hard edge - and she wanted to give Mr Andrews the full treatment when he turned up for his interview.

Just before two o'clock her receptionist 'buzzed' her to announce that Mr Andrews had arrived with the man from the equal opportunities commission.

Patricia said that the two men should be shown in but not for another five minutes. She then removed her trainers and stepped into the high-heeled ankle boots. A quick application of lipstick and she was ready to go to work.

Mr Andrews looked more of a weasel than his application had first indicated. His haircut was not fashionable and he looked as though a good three-course dinner would not go amiss either.

She curtly indicated that he take a seat, with the equal opportunities man sitting at the back of the office ' to prevent any undue influence being exerted on either party'.

Patricia felt as though she was simply going through the motions. It was obvious to her that Mark Andrews did not have the qualities she required to become a worthwhile employee at the Beer Keller.

But the man at the back of the room kept making notes and she sure as hell wasn't going to throw away her livelihood at the behest of this 'street urchin'.

When the interview was over she looked across at both men.

"Well, Mark. I don't believe in beating about the bush so, I would be most happy to offer you the position as bar attendant"

The man at the back of the room looked sceptical. Why the change of heart? Having listened to the interview responses even he found Mr Andrews an unsavoury character.

Mark Andrews flashed a triumphant smile. He had won a major victory.

Patricia smiled back as best she could. Mr Andrews would be laughing on the other side of his face very soon.

"Now Mark, have you seen the Beer Keller?"

He said he had spent one night in the place and liked what he saw, especially the girls he quipped,

She nodded and said wholeheartedly,

"Yes, we do have some stunning girls downstairs!"

 

Mark Andrews was especially smug and laughingly replied

"And I'll be joining them soon!"

Again Patricia faked a smile and said quietly

"Yes, that's true. When can you start?"

He did not pause to think but replied cockily

"How about tomorrow night?"

She agreed but stipulated that,

"You'll need to come in early afternoon – for your uniform and introduction to the bar. The usual stuff, contracts and so on. Three o'clock isn't a problem is it?"

Mark Andrews said that was no problem, adding

"I've always wanted to wear a uniform – looks more professional I think"

Patricia Crawford indicated that there was no more to be said until tomorrow, and escorted the two men out of her office. When she shut the door she smiled and said aloud to herself

"Oh you'll wear a uniform alright – and you'd better be professional"

Mark Andrews was punctual for his first day and Patricia Crawford made a point of being downstairs in the Beer Keller when he was brought into the bar by one of the girls.

Patricia said she was glad he was on time as they had a lot to get through before the place opened at six.

He signed his contract without really looking at it. All he wanted to know was how much he was going to make and if the 'tips' were good.

Patricia handed him a copy of the contract and said the amount of tips he made depended on how he treated the customers,

"But a good girl can easily make thirty or forty pounds a week"

She noted that he did not pick up on the last statement and then showed him round the bar. It was important that staff knew exactly how things worked and he would be 'mentored' for the first few nights until he got the hang of things.

After about an hour she had shown him everything there was to see about the place. She reminded him that he should ask questions if he was at all unsure about any aspect.

He said he would soon pick up the skills and enquired about his uniform.

Patricia faked an 'almost-forgot-about-that' look and apologised profusely for keeping him waiting so long

"We cannot have our new employee working in his own clothes – that would not be fair!"

Then she took him through the bar and in to the staff area.

The staff room had a built-on dressing area and each employee had their own locker. Mark Andrews's eyes bulged open as he looked about the dressing room. He could hardly believe his luck but had to ask

"You mean all the staff change in the one room?"

Patricia nodded and replied,

"Of course, why not?"

He pointed to various items of personal clothing that the current shift workers had left lying around their lockers: skirts, high heels, even underwear.

"You mean girls and men have the same dressing room!"

Patricia stopped beside one locker and opened it before telling him,

"No",

He looked puzzled and was even more so when he glanced inside the open cupboard.

"But you just said?"

Patricia smiled then dropped the bombshell

"We don't have any male employees Maria!"

He was, for the first time, speechless. Had she just called him Maria?

Patricia lifted out 'his' uniform

"Now Maria, this is your locker and here is your uniform – lets get you changed"

He looked in horror as she held up the authentic Bavarian Shepard girl costume. The black high heels and a set of white underwear (that included lacy-topped hold up stockings) might not have been quite so authentic but they did nothing to ease his terror.

 

Patricia Crawford reminded him of his obligations as she puffed out the short sleeves of the blouse. Then she added the blonde pig-tailed wig, a girly hat, followed by a coat of red lipstick on his mouth.

"There, you are the perfect alpine serving wench Maria! No-one could say you're a victim of 'discriminatory fashion' now!"

As the wording of his original complaint echoed in his ears he looked at himself in the mirror. Only last week he had spent part of the night in the bar antagonising girls who had worn the same uniform that he now found himself wearing.

He wondered how on earth he was expected to get away working like this? And what if some drunken guys tried to 'hit' on him?

Patricia Crawford allowed herself a satisfied smile. She was going to enjoy this.

  

  

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