Pamela's Perils               by: Janet L. Stickney                JanetLynn17@Hotmail.com

 

I had gathered up my nerve over the last week as I anticipated being alone for the weekend. I was planning my foray out into the world as if it were an invasion, then, right after school on Friday, I ran home and began to transform myself into the girl I kept within.

Pamela I called her. At my age, 14, I was still skinny with clear skin and barely a beard. With just a few trace hairs on my body, it would not take me long, and I went in the bath to prepare. After that, I dug out my security box and opened it. There lay everything I owned. I took out the birdseed breast forms, then the tiny bra, a pair of clean panties, pantyhose, shoes, my makeup kit, and finally, the dress. I put them on the bed, then began to get dressed. I never felt more alive, or more scared.

My name is Patrick, I'm an only child. I stand 5' 4" tall and weigh 121 pounds. I slipped on the panties, then went in the bath to do my makeup. By watching the girls at school I had figured out what to use, and after the foundation, I used very pale shades of plum and tan eye shadow with a thin line of eyeliner on the upper eyelids and a softer blue under each eye. In my room, I savored each piece of clothing before I put it on, the anticipation delicious as I held it in my hand. The bra, a size 34A had a front hook, and while I did not have any cleavage, none of the girls in my class did either, and the breast forms filled out the bra perfectly. I turned the small knot to the front so it would look like nipple, a trick I had discovered about a month ago. The pantyhose always gave me a thrill as I pulled them on, and this time was no different as I got the shivers once again. Then came the shoes, low heeled white ones, and finally the dress. It was a pale yellow pullover sheath dress with a slightly flaring skirt that was about mid thigh on me, and I loved it. I added the small pearl earrings, the pearl choker necklace, and finally, did my lips in a soft pink. All I needed was my purse, and quickly moved my things into it, then it was just time to eat.

Hearing my heels on the hardwood flooring was thrilling, and I did not hold back, but let my heels clack on the floor as I went into the kitchen to heat up the dinner mom had left for me. By the time I cleaned up it was seven, so I went back to my room, redoing my lips and raiding mom's perfume. To be honest, I probably didn't look as good as I thought I did, but I was more than ready, and went out the back door. That first hint of fresh air, the first waft of wind up my dress was all the I needed to tell me that what I was doing was right. I drew in a deep breath, then walked right down the driveway to the sidewalk and turned right. Without looking to the side, I focused on the sidewalk and in about a half a block, turned left, and headed for the mall. My heels felt great, and the sound they made reverberated like drums to me, even though I knew better. I had wanted to do this for a long time now, but had only recently felt I could. I reached the mall, but could not just stand outside, so I went in, finding myself in the tool center. I quickly made my way to the dress area, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Since the dress I had on was my only one, I had to buy another, and maybe a skirt and blouse, just to give me some choices. I also needed more panties, another bra and shoes, but did not have the money for them right then.

As I walked through the store, I did not linger very long, especially if someone was looking at me, but I did not shy away either. I had read that it would give me away, so I had to act as if I belonged there, and really was a girl. I was in the dress area, a skirt in one hand while I was looking at a dress, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. With a chill running down my back I turned to see a girl standing there. I didn't know her.

"Listen hon, what do you think? The red ones or the green ones?"

I hated the lime green pants, so I pointed to the red ones.

"That's what I thought too! Thanks!"

As she walked away and my heart began to beat regularly again, I went back to looking at dresses, selecting one I liked, then found a blouse to match the skirt I was holding. I was standing in line to pay for them when I saw her. Fear gripped me at once when I saw her. I studiously did not look right at her, but everywhere else, then, when I had paid for my things, I left the area as quickly as possible. I was two departments away before I calmed down after seeing Nana. Yet the mere knowledge that she was in the mall made me think about going straight home, and changing clothes. But I didn't. I had planned this for a long time, and that, coupled with my desire to be dressed this way, and out of my bedroom for the first time, kept me there, in the mall, but all my senses were on high alert. I wandered down the concourse, then into a small jewelry shop. It was one of those stores that sell cheap earrings and such to girls like me, and the store was crowded with girls. Tired, I sat on a stool, planning to wait for a moment before I took off again. Then, while I was distracted, a girl came up to me, and in an instant, pierced my ear! Turning to look at her, she did not hesitate, and pierced the other one! I now had a small gold stud in each ear!

"There you go hon! You're lucky, we don't do the free piercing very often!"

Great I thought, how would I be able to explain these? But the earrings did look nice, and since I had always wanted to pierce my ears and there wasn't anything I could do about it, I maintained my calm, thanked her, then left the store. I wasn't angry at the girls for piercing my ears, but I wondered how I would explain it. I was not paying attention when I walked out. Instead, I was still staring at the girl that had done my ears, and ran right into a woman, knocking her down to the floor. I quickly helped her up, then got a good look at her, from a distance of less than a foot. It was Nana! She thanked me, then, as I tried to walk away…

"Miss…oh miss!" I turned, and she held out my purse to me. I took it, and tried to walk away, but… "You look very familiar dear. Do I know your mother? Have we met before?"

What could I do? I had never been a good liar, and this was my Nana! It took all my effort to calmly say one word, "no", and walk away from her as quickly as I could. By the time I reached the exit I was shaking, sure that Nana had recognized me, even thought she had honestly asked me who I was. Maybe she had not recognized me. I could only hope. Nana raised my mother, and mom is real sneaky, which I knew she got from Nana. All I could do was walk home and hope that Nana wouldn't figure out who I really was. Once at home I went to my room and tried on all of my new clothes, then had a snack and changed into my pajama's and watched television until bed time, which is when I made my next mistake. I forgot to wash off the makeup, so in the morning, it was on the pillow casing!

I was frantic since I wasn't sure how to remove makeup stains, and almost worked myself up into a dither over it, but I threw it into the washer, poured in some detergent, and set it on run. Then I went to my room and got dressed. This time in my new skirt and blouse and my gym shoes. I did my makeup then went to the kitchen to have some cereal. As the washer turned and cranked, I sat there and munched on breakfast, wondering, and hoping that Nana didn't know me. But I had waited a long time for this weekend to come, and I was not going to waste one minute of it. I washed up the dishes, went to my room and touched up my lipstick, and grabbed my purse on the way out of the room. By then the washer was done and I put everything in the dryer, then opened the back door and stepped outside, walked around the house, and met my best friend, Bill coming the other way!

It was a stand off. If I ran back in the house he would know for sure who I was, and if I stood there he might figure it out, so, either way, I had to get past him and get out of there. Without I word I stepped forward, reaching him in two steps, and just as he was about to say something,….

"There you are! I've got that skirt ready honey, so come back inside and I'll fix that button for you."

Turning, you guessed it, I saw Nana was standing there. I took the lesser of two evils, spun around, then went back in the house, clutching my purse like it was a football. No matter what happened, being here with Nana, like this, was a lot better than having my best friend find out about me. That was sure death.

"I thought that was you yesterday." She looked me over from head to toe, then sat down at the kitchen table. "Come and sit down dear, and tell me what you had planned for today."

Trying not to swallow my tongue, I opened my mouth, but no words came out as every fear I ever had of being discovered had come true.

"You look so nice, why don't we go to my house? We can talk a while, then maybe later have a nice dinner?"

There was nothing to say, and would not have anyway, so I simply nodded my head yes, and followed her out the front door, then walked to her car. That's the reason I never saw her. Nana had parked out front, and come in the front door just as I went out the back. Nana has a key for our house, which is how she got in. Bill was out front, saw me walk to the car, then waved to me as I got in and Nana drove away. Neither of said a word for almost ten minutes, then…

"You look just like your mother when she was your age, did you know that?"

"Ummm…no."

"Well you do, and you are just as pretty as she was, maybe more so. I'm sure that you're scared, but there is no need for that. I won't tell anyone unless I tell you first, okay?"

"Okay…I guess."

"What is your name? Patricia?"

"No" I said a bit squeaky, "Pamela" I said, then shut right up again.

After that Nana never mentioned how I was dressed, not even once. She did however always speak to me as if I were a girl. For a while all we did was talk, then she wanted to know how big my wardrobe was. I didn't want to say, but finally told her, and said that when she saw me at the mall, I had bought a few more things to give me more choices, and accidentally had my ears pierced. As I told her how it happened, it sounded just as awkwardly funny to her as it did to me, and we were both laughing by the time I finished my tale of woe. That seemed to break the ice, and I managed to relax. A few minutes later there was a soft purr of the doorbell, and Nana asked me to answer it. Sure that nobody could possibly know me, I did as she asked, went to the front door, and yanked it open.

I did not know the lady standing there, asked her name, then asked Nana to join us.

"Mary! How nice to see you again! Come in and let me introduce you to Pamela."

Mary looked to be about Nana's age, a bit taller, and truthfully, better looking. We met, then the two of them sat to talk. Not wanting any part of that, I slipped back into the kitchen and took a soda out of the fridge. After a bit I decided to walk down the basement and check out those huge closets I knew were there. Nana had dresses, skirts and so on crammed into those closets, some hers, some mom's, and some from my Aunt Jennifer. Old bras, slips, sweaters, blouses, shoes, belts, jackets and so on were all there. I knew it before, but never went near the closet since that would have exposed why I wanted to spend some time rummaging around in those closets. Now, it didn't seem to matter, so I began to sift through the clothing, trying to find something, anything that would fit me. Looking at the sizes I found a lot of things that would fit me, and noted each item, etching it into my brain. Skirts in all colors, dresses that went passe then came back into style. Purses and jackets, a few suits and even a winter coat were all there, and I wanted them. There was no way that would happen of course, but it was nice to dream a little.

My parents would not understand, and having a closet full of girls clothing would certainly tell them something. Dad would freak out of course, and mom only a little less so. They would think I was a sissy, and I did not want that. With a sigh I closed the closets and went back upstairs. It had been over an hour since I left, and did not expect to see the woman still there, but she was. I heard her tell Nana that her grandson would be picking her up, just about the time the doorbell rang. Once again, Nana told me to get the door, so I opened it. A boy stood there. Taller than I am by quite a bit, he smiled and I let him in. Of course, he was there to pick up the woman, but I noticed that his eyes never left me for long. He left with his Grandmother, then Nana asked me if I found anything I liked in the closets. How could I deny it?

"Yeah, I saw a few things that looked kind of nice…I guess."

"Pamela, let us not lie to one another." She said, then, "I'll bet that you found a lot of clothes that you liked, and wished that you could have. Am I right?" I slowly nodded my head yes. "That's nice dear, because Mary, the woman that just left mentioned that her Grandson Michael needs a date for some kind of special event he has to attend next week. I think its some kind of sports awards dinner."

Immediately, I did not like the way this conversation was heading.

"Mary suggested that perhaps you would like to attend." I started to object…"You look just darling Pamela, and with just a tiny bit of help, you'll be the belle of the ball so to speak. Besides, He is kind of cute, isn't he?"

There was no way I was going to answer that question! But Nana was right. Michael was cute, in a way, I guess. My biggest concern, on top of what Nana was leaning towards saying, there were my parents. There wasn't any way I could just get all dolled up, then show up as some guys date, and get away with it, and I wasn't eager to try and test the theory that I might get away with it. But Nana persisted in telling me all about this event, at least what she knew of it. No was the only answer that came to mind. In my heart, did I want to go? Yes. Did I want to be the "belle of the ball so to speak"? Yes. Did I like dressing as a girl? Yes again. Was I stupid enough to try it? No. Would I provoke my parents and risk death? Nope. But Nana had something in mind, that much was obvious, and I knew what it was. She just told me! Like I said before, mom is sneaky, and she got that from Nana, so I had to be extra alert, or I might find myself doing something I want to do but can't. To my very great relief, Nana dropped the subject.

By the time it got dark and I had to go home, Nana had not suggested that I change, but she did say that she would be over sometime the next day, and took me home. As I undressed and got ready for bed I fervently hoped that Nana wouldn't tell my parents about my dressing up, or try to fix me up as a date for Mike. I washed off the makeup before I went to bed, not planning on getting dressed, since my parents could come home any time after noon. In the morning I carefully put things away, made the bed, and so on, so that the house would be in the same condition as when they left, and hopefully, nobody would be any wiser.

My folks got home, and as mom looked around and saw that the house was still standing, she told me she was very pleased, then asked me what I did while they were gone. I told them the truth. I went to the mall, met Nana, and spent some time at her house. I did not tell them how I was dressed. I was in my room later that afternoon when I heard voices. Opening the door I could just hear them.

"Well," mom asked, "did he do it?"

"Just like you predicted."

"I cannot believe what I am hearing" Dad said, "Patrick is dressing as a girl, and going out like that?"

"He was nervous of course, especially when he saw me, but he didn't run away either." Nana paused, then…"He's a real doll by the way, just cute as all get out, and while I don't know how he did it, he has a real nice figure. Why, I'll bet that not even you could pick him out of a crowd, let alone if he had a little help!"

"Patrick? Looking like a real doll?" Clearly dad was upset. "I'll go have a talk with him, and put an end to this in a hot minute!"

"No you won't" my mother said, "You know what the book said, that it won't go away simply because of a threat, it will only drive him to be more secretive. Myself, I would rather help him than punish him. If we help him through this it might go away all on its own, and even if it doesn't, he'll have all the tools he'll need when and if he becomes a woman!"

"He met a young man yesterday" Nana interjected, "and he wants to take Pamela to some sort of awards banquet as his date. The boy is the Grandson of a friend of mine. It was an accidental meeting, but in my mind, this would be the perfect chance for us to see just how strongly Patrick feels about being a girl. If he refuses, you'll have your answer, but if he agrees to try it, and you agree, then I think he'll do it, especially if you are the one to help him. He isn't able to do his hair very well yet, but his makeup is passable although he could use some guidance there as well. But you have to let him feel as if he is safe trying this, or he will retreat and start hiding again. "

There was a long pause, then my dad spoke up.

"This boy. How old is he?"

"Almost the same age, maybe a bit older. Why?" Nana asked.

Then dad shocked me. "Older boys dating younger girls only means trouble, so, I want you to talk to him about what is proper and what is not!"

"Just how much trouble can he get into!? He is a boy after all. I'll go talk to him right now" mom said, and I scurried into my room as quietly as possible.

I heard her footsteps as mom climbed the stairs, waiting for her to open the door and confront me with the truth. She came in while I sat on the bed. We traded glances as she closed the door.

"Almost every Halloween since you were six or seven, you always wanted to go as a Princess, or some other girl and put up a fuss if I said no, then I caught you completely dressed as a girl when you were 12, and that was in the summer! Ever since then I have suspected that you were still dressing up, but I never caught you at it. I found the odd trace now and then, which is why I suspected that you were still dressing up Patrick. We left you alone for the weekend to see if you could manage on your own, then Nana found you strolling through the mall dressed as a girl! Your father is very upset with you right now, but based on what Nana says, I am going to assume that you have been dressing up as a girl in secret for a long time now, and based on what she said she saw yesterday, I know that I'm right. So, because you like to dress as a girl, your father and I have decided that you can accept that date with the young man you met yesterday."

"But mom!"

"No buts young man." Mom gave me a look, then, "Answer this simple question for me. Have you, at any time in the past, ever dressed as a girl simply because you wanted to?"

Mom knew the answer to that question, which, like any good lawyer, is why she asked it. Since I knew, that she knew, the answer to that question, I nodded my head yes, and she told me that this was the same, only different. Huh? She told me that she was going to help me become the girl of my dreams. No discussion, no arguments, and nothing I said was going to change her mind. Mom gets that way sometimes. She had never approved of my dressing up, then, when she caught me that one time, she made it very clear that she had a son, and liked it that way. That's what's so confusing. Now she wants me to be seen in public, at this awards banquet no less, as a date for a boy I just met! This shift in her viewpoint was so dramatic that it threw me a little. It just popped out when I asked her why the about face, all she said was that it was time for me to see what it was really like to be a woman. But I knew why. She had read some book. I had heard her say that.

In her words, "We just can't change clothes and be someone else dear. Women have to do a lot things that men do not have to do, so, since you have decided that being a girl is fun. I intend for you to see that it's not all fun and games. Girls like to be pretty, and that takes an effort which, I hope, will make you see the light and stop this nonsense." She drew in a breath and told me she wanted me to get dressed so that she "would know what she had to start with." I resisted of course, but in the end, I could not refuse. Mom waited for me to start changing clothes, and when I did not move, she told me to go ahead, she was there to help me.

"Mother, I said I would do this for you. I don't need your help to get ready, or dressed."

"Okay, okay! I was just trying to help."

Then I got stupid and blurted out, "No you weren't. You were going to see how I do certain things. I'll handle it mom."

She was pissed, that was obvious, but she must have known that if she pushed me any harder there wasn't any way I was going to get dressed and expose myself to possible ridicule from dad. I knew that she wasn't very fond of the idea that I liked to dress as a girl, and I knew that the only way to get my parents undivided attention was if I looked just like any other girl my age, maybe better. I knew that I could manage that, without her help, and told her that again. My mother is real good at head games, but over the years I had learned a thing or two, and planned on taking the wind out of her sails as quickly as possible. Dressing as a girl once in a while is one thing, being on display for my parents is entirely another. I had no choice but to be as perfect as I could be. I locked the door to my room as soon as she left, stripped off my clothes, then began to once again become Pamela.

Over the years I had learned, by trial and error, how to do a number of things, like make my own breast forms out of birdseed and old nylons, and at one time I used small towels to pad my hips, then I found a padded pantybrief in a store, bought it, and used that now. Mom did not know that, and I wasn't about to tell her. Creating the right shape then getting dressed was the easy part. Makeup and hair were the areas I never mastered, but was good enough to get by with. That's what I wanted mom to help me with, if anything. I slipped on a pair of panties then my bra, and finished dressing, including doing my own makeup. I wore the new dress I had bought. The dark green worked well with my only pair of heels, which were black. Mom had left me with the impression that without her help, and regardless of what Nana had told her, I might not be presentable. That always made me mad when mom did that, and I made sure that I looked just as nice as when I first left the house. My biggest concern was dad. I would not take a lot for him to decide that a good ass whipping would kill my desire to dress as a girl, and believe me, he would not hesitate to take that route if he thought it would work. That's why I took an extra few minutes to check myself before I opened the door and stepped out of the room. Believe me when I say that was very hard to do.

I stood there for a moment before I could accept the inevitable, and took my first step. The stairs, carpeted as they were, hid the sound of my descent, then I stepped onto the hard floor of the foyer. Nana looked up and smiled at me, then waved me into the family room. My feet froze for a moment, then I found myself walking into the room, facing a perilous future if this all went wrong. Both of my parents were staring at me, neither spoke, letting their eyes take in the vision of their son dressed as a girl. It seemed like an eternity before mom spoke.

"You…look very nice dear."

That hesitation in mom's voice told me that I had managed to take away their previous vision of me in a dress, but I gave no outward sign that I knew that. Dad let his eyes roam from head to toe, his mouth drawn in a tight line, his chin moving as if to speak, although no words came forth. Nana sat across from me, smiling and nodding her head slowly as if to tell me I had done well. Mom fell silent, her face slack, without any visible emotion I could see. I stood there, letting them stare at me until I could take it no more, walked across the room, and sat in the only place that had at least some safety attached. I sat next to Nana. Locking my knees together, I sat on the edge of the chair, tense, waiting for the verdict. I would be safe, or dad would take his belt off. There wasn't going to be any middle ground because there couldn't be.

"Ahem." We all looked at dad. "For the record, I want to know for sure, yes or no. Do you like dressing as a girl?"

Of course I did! That should have been obvious, but dad wanted me to say it out loud.

"Yes" I said shakily, but did not hesitate. How could I say anything else? If I said no, my days as dressing as a girl would be over until I moved out. I said yes, and hoped I would continue to live.

"You look so… I never would have thought it possible" he said, then, "but, you're only 14! What happens later? What if we let you go with this boy on a date and he tries to kiss you? I'm just not sure about all this, and I have to say that I am disappointed in you. While I agree that you look very nice, I raised a son, not a daughter!"

I sat there with nothing to say. I don't mean that I guess, I had something to say, it's just that dad wouldn't like it. I felt the rising fear in my stomach and the tears in my eyes, but kept silent. Dad hated me now. I had lost all of his respect, I just knew it, and that hurt me deeply, yet there was no way to deny what we all knew as the truth, since I had said it out loud myself.

"Patrick" Mom said, "if we let you…dress up once in a while, would that satisfy you?"

"I think" Nana said before I could answer, "that perhaps spending some time, full time, as a girl would let everyone find out just how much we should allow. Why not let him stay with me for a while? I'm all alone, and could use the company in any case, and that would give you a chance to come and visit without all of you having to try and cope with this every day."

Nana had hit on it! I was in favor of it right away, and while mom was nodding her head yes, it fell to my dad to make the final decision. We all looked at him, but his eyes were on me, and I tried not to break out in a rash as he decided.

"If what your mother says is true, that you'll just do this anyway, even if we say no, and you'll then try to hide it, I don't see that I have any choice, but to be frank, I do not like you wearing dresses. You are a boy, and boys don't wear dresses! But, you can stay with Nana, although we will both be dropping by unannounced to see how you're doing. Your mother read a book on this, and she told me that boys like you will do it no matter what, so, we are going to let you do this. But, if it turns out that you cannot, or will not, give it up, then we'll all know at that time and we can deal with that when we get there. If you decide to quit, just come home at any time."

Dad was going to let me keep dressing as a girl! I wanted to jump up and hug him but stayed put because Nana put her hand on my leg as a gesture for me to stay put. The tension in the room was thick as I anticipated standing up and walking to my room to pack. Since I would not need very many of my boy clothes, it would not take long. Nobody spoke for a moment, then Nana took my hand in hers and with a small squeeze of her hand, led me up the stairs and into my room. As I began to pile my pitiful few girl clothes on the bed, my father walked into the room.

"Pat…Pamela."

I turned to face him, sure that he had changed his mind.

"I just came up her to tell you that while I do not like this, I expect you to do your very best at all times. Anything less might reflect on all of us if someone were to discover that you are a boy. Can I have your word on that?"

I needed my dad. I loved him, and this was as close as he ever got to saying that he loved me, even though the exact words weren't there. Unable to hold it in any longer I ran to him and put my arms around him and hugged him as hard as I could, then felt his arms encircle me. After a moment…

"You better take your computer. I'll take it down to the car as soon as you unhook it."

An hour later Nana and were on our way. I was not confused at my father's reaction when he saw me the first time, I expected that. I was confused when he told me to do my best. He hated me in a dress, yet he wanted me to dress and act like a girl to the best of my ability. He did not hate me like I thought, yet mom seemed cold and aloof, wanting to help me while I wanted to do it alone. Maybe I was wrong, but I don't think so. Mom never once said she wanted a daughter, never dressed me as a girl as punishment, nor did she ever insist on it at Halloween. In her view, boys were boys, men, only smaller. Her view did not include boys that wanted to be girls, but she had found a book, read it, and discovered that I was not alone, and learned that many like me hide rather than face themselves or their families. I was caught, plain and simple, but that did not abrogate the truth. I wanted to be a girl, not a boy, and now my parents knew it. The chasm between my parents and I was, like many kids and their parents, wide, but mine had grown to gigantic proportions, all because of a stupid dress.

Nana didn't say much on the way to her house, and that gave me time to reflect on my immediate future. Knowing Nana, she would insist that I dress in a very feminine manner at all times, which meant that I would be wearing lots of lace, satin ribbons and so on, none of which were the least bit like what any girls I knew wore. I could see a struggle looming, and began to wonder if all this pain and anger was worth it. Still on edge from my meeting with my parents, I began to have doubts, and almost told Nana to take me home, but didn't. Dressing as a girl, full time, had been a long time dream of mine, and I just couldn't quit now. I would give it two weeks before I decided. Two weeks as a girl, every day, would allow me to see if this was for me or not.

Nana and I spent a few hours getting me settled into my room, which was my mothers old room. I set up the computer, hung up and put away my clothes, then joined Nana for a drink on the patio. Between us we had not said twenty words since we arrived.

"Pamela, I know you are worried about your mom and dad, but they agreed to this, and they would not have done that unless they believed that what you are doing is more than a prank. As I see it, in order for all of you to discover the truth, you will have to become a girl inside and out, then believe it all the way into your soul. I don't mean taking drugs or anything like that, but how you look and act, what you wear and how you speak. If you concentrate on those, then it will be easier for everyone to accept what you and I already know."

I sat there listening, trying to absorb what Nana was saying, but all I could see or think about was the look on my parents faces when they saw me for the first time.

"Pamela? Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, I heard you Nana. I'll try."

Nana told me that in the morning we would go through the closets and select things that I could wear. I did not tell her I already had a very good idea of what I wanted. I spent the rest of the day moving furniture around in my new room, then, after a listless night of sleep, Nana and I attacked those closets. She surprised me by letting me select what I wanted, and later, after I had moved the clothes to my room, I had a closet that was full of clothes. Before I rejoined Nana, I changed into a pleated green and white skirt like the type cheerleaders wear and white pullover shell. I loved it. When Nana saw me she merely smiled and told me it was time for lunch. About halfway through lunch Nana asked me if I would like to get my hair and nails done, and of course, I said yes. About half an hour later we were on the way to her salon. It would be my first time inside of a salon, and did not know what to expect, but I was led to a chair, and the girl began to style my hair. I sat there for about half an hour, then had my nails done. By the time I saw myself in the mirror I was on edge in anticipation of what I looked like. When I saw my reflection I almost didn't recognize myself! My almost shoulder length sandy blond hair was done so that I had curls framing my ears while waves cascaded around my head, with a fluffy top and wispy bangs caressed my forehead. I loved it. My nails had been filed and manicured, then painted in a soft red. I was overjoyed.

Then Nana took me to the lingerie section of a big department store and filled my arms with panties, bras, slips, nightgowns and even a pantybrief. By the time we were done shopping I had been all over that store, and not one person even looked at me as if I were a boy, which only confirmed my feelings from my first foray to the mall. Nana and I put things away, then she sat me down at the vanity and told me that for the awards banquet she had the perfect dress, but also, she wanted me to have my makeup done by a professional. How could I refuse? I tried on some more of the outfits I had brought up from the basement, and found out that I looked fine in some and like hell in others. Eventually I figured out what styles looked good on me, and took what did not look good back to the basement and replaced them with others.

On the morning of the banquet Nana and I went back to the salon. The same girl did my hair, but this time she attached some sort of small wig to my own hair. When she was done I had a hairstyle that looked as if I stepped right out of Gone with the wind. From there we went to one of those makeup places where I had my makeup done. When she was done I looked at least 15, maybe 16 years old! The moment we were home Nana followed me to my room, and told me to undress.

"Don't get shy on me now Pamela. I have a surprise for you."

I undressed to my bra and panties, and for the first time someone saw how I managed to have boobs and hips.

"Take all of those pads you use out dear."

The minute they hit the bed Nana laughed just as she told me to remove my bra. When I did, she opened a box and handed me a breast form that looked and felt like the real thing!

"Just a bit of adhesive and those will become part of you Pamela. Now hold still."

In just a few moments I had two small but very lifelike breasts on my chest! The Nana told me to lower my panties and face away from her, which I did. I felt the glue, then she applied some more padding, but when she was done and I looked, the was no seam that I could see, and I had hips and a rounder bottom!

"Now, put these panties on, then I have one more thing for you."

I quickly changed into the black satin panties, then turned to face her. In her hand was a black satin and lace garment, and I had no idea what it was. She wrapped it around me, then fastened the hooks up the front before she began to pull the laces tight. It wasn't uncomfortable at first, then I felt the pain of constriction, which subsided after a little bit. I now had to stand a bit straighter, and at the same time it shortened my stride. A satin diamond in the center of my waist held me in and gave me a very nice shape, and while it was tight, it made me feel extremely feminine. Nana smiled, then showed me how to "adjust" my boobs in the bra so had I just a bit more cleavage, then I sat and pulled on the hose. Garter tabs were new to me, and Nana helped me do them so I did not strangle myself. The important parts that is. Then she pulled the dress out of the closet. The dress was floor length, empire waisted with a low, square cut neckline. It had a sheer skirt of black chiffon that lay over the satin under skirt. The shoes were black to match the dress, and I slipped my feet into them as quickly as I could.

The straps holding the high heeled sandals on gave my feet a sexy yet demure look. Pale pink lipstick, some perfume, small gold stud earrings and nothing else completed how I looked. To say I was shocked when I looked in the mirror would be an understatement, yet I was also excited. My breasts pushed out against the thin material, just barely cresting over the bra cups while my hips, now accented by the corselet that gave me a fabulous shape, but the dress, well, it merely complimented the way I looked, my new shape and so on. As I stood there staring at my reflection, Nana handed me the small clutch bag, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and walked me to the front room, where I stood waiting for my date. I was nervous of course, it was my very first date with anyone, and it was with a boy!

Michael showed up with his mother, dressed in a tuxedo, and looked just about as nervous as I felt. With heels on, I was almost as tall as he was, so that when Nana and his mother insisted on pictures, we looked just like any young couple together. Michael took my arm and escorted me to the car, then his mom drove us to the banquet. There were a lot of boys, and some girls that I knew, and they all saw me, yet not one of them recognized me, and once, on the way to the ladies room, a girl named Janet that I knew from school joined me as we walked across the hall. She never had a clue, and I giggled on the inside. Janet was one of those girls that always have boys after them, and had a snobbish attitude towards girls that she figured did not meet the standards of her "class". But she accepted me, and that was what was so funny to me. As a boy, she wouldn't even look at me.

During the evening I noticed how the new breasts felt as I walked, bouncing a little, even held up and in like they were. The scent of my perfume, the taste of my lipstick, the way my hair flounced when I walked, tickling my ears, and of course, the way Mike kept looking at me, all made me feel as if I belonged there, in that dress. After dinner he and I danced, and as we moved around the dance floor, I saw my parents at a table! They looked at us, but I wasn't sure that they would recognize me, but Mike led us away from them before I could look at them again. As we reached the far side of the dance floor, I saw my dad tap Mike on the shoulder.

"Sorry, but I would like to dance with my daughter Mike."

Since dad was a lot taller than either Mike or I, when he swept me into his arms and looked down, he could plainly see that I had breasts. His hand in my back felt so strange, yet also, comforting.

"You look spectacular Pamela. Nana called and told us what you would be wearing, and I am really glad she did." Dad paused for a moment, then, "in all my life I never expected that you would turn out this way, but I will also admit that you are quite lovely, which is the hardest for me to accept I guess. By the way the young man is looking at you, he also thinks you're quite pretty."

I was at a loss for words! My dad? Telling me I was lovely? All I could do was try and smile.

"Lets go see your mother."

Dad took my arm as we wound our way to their table, then, all at once, I stood there in front of my mother, trying to be brave while also trying not to cry, and still act like a lady. Mom knew at once that I loved being a girl. My breasts, the hips, and also, the way my hair and nails looked.

"Michael seems very taken with you. Are you happy? Being here like this I mean?"

It was a loaded question to say the least, but…"Oh yes mom, I am!"

"You look quite pretty Pamela. Have fun this evening."

That was it! Dad sat down with mom, and I walked back to my table. It was obvious that mom did not like the fact that I was dressed as a girl, and worse, that I turned out to look better than she thought I would. The fact that Michael had eyes for me only made it worse, since she could envision all sorts of things that Mike and I might do, things that only boys and girls do. I walked back, met half way by Mike. He must have seen the look of concern I had on my face because he took me outside for some fresh air, at least that's what he said. What happened was very different.

"Pam" he said, and I turned to face him, a tear forming in my eye.

Without another word he stepped closer, took me into his arms, and kissed me, right on the mouth! I didn't expect it, and while I cannot say it was bad, my brain went into instant overdrive. But I never had a chance, because he kissed me again, longer and harder than before. We were both panting when we broke. Other than a family member, that was the first time I had kissed anyone, and I think that was true for him as well. He grinned, and I started to giggle. I couldn't help it.

He got his award, for wrestling of course, then his mom took me back to Nana's house. At the door, Mike kissed me again, just a peck because his mom was watching, and I went in. I was on cloud nine, but at the same time, I was in turmoil at all the new sensations and feelings that flushed over me that night. Like when Mike kissed me, or when dad said I was lovely, and mom still didn't like me in a dress. Boys were not supposed to like kissing other boys, yet I had, and I did like being a girl. I saw mom and dad sitting there with Nana. Mom got up and walked over to me, and while I did not do it on purpose, I stepped back. Mom stopped dead in her tracks when I stepped back, then she reached out for my hand.

"Pamela. That's a pretty name, and it does suit you. I watched you all night honey, and not once did you act like a boy in any way, and I guess that I never expected that. You want to be a girl, that much is clear now, but if we let you become a girl, just what do we tell everyone? Your friends, class mates, family…your Aunt Heather to name just a few! And what about school? You can't just disappear from our house, then turn up as a girl, can you?"

There was no answer for that, but mom was right. I stood there in my gown and felt, well, pretty, and I did not want to give up what I knew was the real me, yet mom had raised some very good questions. But more important to me was the fact that she was talking as if she and dad had discussed ways for me to remain a girl, and she sounded as if she agreed! Nana told me to go up to my room, and a few minutes later she and mom walked in. They both helped me undress, and that's when, for the first time, mom saw that I had breasts. I heard her take in her breath as I walked to my dresser wearing only my panties, and slipped a sheer nightgown over my head. Because the thin seam had been hidden with concealer, my breasts looked real enough, and under that nightgown, they certainly did. Nana handed me a robe, and I went in to wash off my makeup. When I returned to my room they were gone, but I heard them talking, and walked down the stairs, wrapped in layers of chiffon and lace, my feet making little or no sound. Dad saw me, and waved me into the room. I sat next to him, but not on the edge of the chair like before.

Mom was not smiling, but she did not look as angry as before, Nana was her usual self, while Dad had put his arm around my shoulder.

"It looks like we have some decisions to make, serious decisions, Pamela" mom said, "and since it's obvious to all of us that you would never be happy as a boy, we have to find a way to let you be the girl you want to be. But, since you are a minor, it will be up to us to make the final decision although we will ask you in advance. Now go to bed, and we will talk tomorrow."

Well, the next morning I got up, did my makeup, brushed out my hair, and put on a denim skirt with a top, and went to the kitchen. No matter what my parents decided, I loved being a girl, and I just could not figure out why, if nobody knew I was a boy, why we would tell them! If they thought I was a girl, great! Nana and I ate breakfast, then we drove back to my house. As I got out of the car I saw Bill in his front yard. He watched me as I walked in the house. I did not wave at him. Mom and dad were at the kitchen table, drinking coffee, waiting for me to show up. Without any preamble, dad spoke up.

"We have made our decision. Please, come sit down." I sat, as did Nana. "Since you insist that you are a girl, and want to be one, we are going to let you have your way, for the summer to start with. We have decided to do this, but you have to show us that you mean what you say, and the best way to do that is for you to live here. We cannot afford to send you to a private school, so that means that if you succeed this summer, you will be attending your own school, but as a girl. There is a very good reason for this. If you cannot handle it here at home, how could you possibly handle it in school? As far as the family is concerned, we will take care of that. Your mother will help you if you have a question regarding girl stuff, like hygiene, and you will allow her to help you pick out your clothes. After that, we will play it by ear, but I want you to understand that while neither of us agree with what you are doing, we accept the fact that you believe it. Based on that, you will be free to do as you wish, as long as you do it as a girl. Any questions?"

I had lots of questions, but it just didn't seem like the time to ask them. Like hygiene. What is so hard about that? Harder, was the question of my being accepted by the neighbors and my friends. What if they turned violent? What if I got hurt? Mom and dad waited for me to agree, neither of them smiling, yet neither of them frowning either. Finally, I said yes. Just the chance to dress as a girl drove me to say that, even as I put away my concerns about my friends. Nana suggested that we bring over my vanity and all of the clothes I had selected, and dad said he would take care of it. Then I was told to go outside so they could talk. Bill was out there. My best friend in the whole wide world, and I would have to face him.

Bill is taller than I am by about three inches, and a lot heavier. He has most of his weight in his shoulders and chest although he has an ample stomach. He plays football, and likes hard contact sports. I was never big enough to make any of the teams that required size or bulk, so I played tennis instead, and while Bill knew that I was good at it, he called it a sissy sport. Now he and I would face off, but I would be wearing a skirt and blouse, my breasts and wider hips clearly evident. As well as I knew him, and as close as we were, I still didn't know how he was going to react. If he decided against me, he could pound me into a tiny spot on the sidewalk without even getting tired. My parents looked at me, their eyes wide as I had all this run through my mind. Then I got up and walked to the front door. Standing there for a moment, I drew up all the courage I had, and stepped outside, only to find Bill on the front porch.

He heard me open the door, turned, and we stared at each other for a moment. Then he stood up and moved as I stepped outside. His eyes never left my face, and no words were spoken. Then…

"You goin' queer on me Pat?"

That was a favorite word of his. Queer. This was my only chance to get it right, and I said what had rattled around in my mind for a long time.

"No. Not queer. I am going girl. It's easier, and the name is Pamela."

That's when he let his eyes roam over me, from my hair to my shoes, lingering on my breasts for only a moment. As we stood there, I knew that he was struggling with the concept that his best friend was now wearing a skirt and had boobs, and all I could do was wait. It would be fine, or it would be ugly. With Bill, there wasn't a lot of in the middle.

"Those real?" he asked, then pointed at my breasts.

I did not want to tell him the truth, and since he would never see them, I said yes. Well, they were real, I just didn't grow them myself. I had deluded myself into thinking that they were mine, really mine, and to say they were, seemed natural. Bill just stood there for a minute, not saying a word, then stepped back and asked me if I wanted to walk down to the drugstore. He had to pick up his mom's prescription! He stood there while I swallowed my shock, then he stepped away, waiting for me to join him. I stepped down, and together we walked to the drugstore. I know he was watching me, to see if I was as much a girl as any others he knew, and I did my very best to be the girl I was supposed to be. I must have passed his little test, because he started calling me Pamela on the way back home. I stopped at my house, but he asked me to come over to his house so I could meet his mother. Now, she knew me as well as she knew Bill, and I wasn't that anxious to face her. But sooner or later, I would have to do it, face her I mean, and with Bill there, I had some chance, and meekly nodded my head yes.

Bill's mother is a tiny woman, almost my size, and always has a bright smiling face. Bill let me in, and I stood there, a lump the size of my shoe in my throat as I waited while she walked in. She looked at me and smiled, then Bill told her my name.

"This is Pamela. She and I are old friends mom."

Mrs. P looked at me, first without recognition, then she realized who I was. Her eyes went wide, for only a moment, then she smiled at me again.

"You're quite pretty Pamela. I had no idea Bill had such good taste."

Trying to be funny, I said, "well, men are all easy aren't they?"

That made her laugh, but Bill took it wrong and moved away from me. That's when I said I had to go, and left for my own house. Somehow I knew that I had hurt, or scared Bill, and I wasn't sure why. By the time I got home Nana and dad had left. Mom was sitting in the familyroom knitting. I told her what had happened, from the moment I stepped outside until I walked back in the house, then asked her why Bill seemed so…distant.

She looked at me, then started to laugh! I turned to walk away, afraid that she would begin one of her tirades.

"Wait!" I turned, and she patted the seat next to her.

"You were right! Men are easy Pamela, but that's not why Bill acted the way he did. He liked you before, and now he is probably attracted to you! Can't you see it? Bill, like all males, are attracted to pretty girls, and while you are pretty, he also knows that you are still a boy! For you to infer that he is easy, only made him defensive. After all, how can he say that he is attracted to you, without challenging his own view of himself? Let him chew on what you said for a while. He'll see that it's just an expression, and come back. If he does, you'll know he has accepted you. If he doesn't, no matter how much it hurts, you'll know where you stand, won't you?"

Mom sounded as if she knew all that from experience, and I accepted what she said. I would have to wait for Bill to make the next move. I sat there watching mom knit for about twenty minutes, then the doorbell rang. I went to the door and saw Melanie standing there. She lives down the street about five houses, and has the same birthday I do. I have known her almost since birth, and she is the one I wanted to be most like. I opened the door and let her in, then she looked at each other for a moment before she grabbed me and hugged me!

"This is so cool! You look fantastic! When Bill told me I just had to see you for myself!"

I wrote what she said correctly, but it actually, when Melanie said it, it came out as all one long word. Melanie is a doll. Her skin is like porcelain, her are bright blue and always wide open, her smile just radiates friendliness, and she has a great personality. That's why I wanted to be like her.

"Jenny and I were going to the mall with my mom. Want to come?"

Did I ever! I went and asked mom, and she gave me some money. I grabbed my purse and walked down the street to Melanie's house. Her mother never gave me a second look. Jenny was there, and her mom drove to the mall and dropped us off, with strict instructions to meet her at a certain place at a specific time. We all said we would be there, and the three of us went inside. I had never experienced what it was like to go shopping the way they did. Jenny called it "malling". I say it was chaos with money. Fun, yet I could not get used to the idea of running into a store to try something on, even though they knew they would not buy it! Jenny had tried on a dress that made her look like a sack of something, and while she was changing, I asked Melanie why Jenny never questioned who I was.

"Because she already knows dummy."

"She hasn't said anything." I said, hoping for more.

Just then Jenny came out, and the three of us began to walk down the concourse.

"Pamela was wondering why you took her…change so well Jenny."

"Easy. Every year since I can remember my dad has always dressed up as a woman at Halloween. Doesn't look too bad either. But we all know that he likes it, and it doesn't hurt anyone. He's still my dad. If he wants to play dress up once in a while, I guess he can."

"This" I said, "isn't dress up for me Jenny. This is the real me, and I intend to stay a girl forever."

"Great! Now there will be three of us, and Melanie and I can share the load when it comes to fighting off the boys!"

That broke the ice, and I relaxed, and simply enjoyed myself. Twice they managed to get me to try something on. One was a pair of Capri pants, they looked okay I guess, and the second was a sheath dress. It was tight, short, low cut and red. Everything I owned was on display in that dress! My breasts poked out and peeked over the top of the dress while my narrow waist and wider hips were accented. Plus, the hem was well above my knees. I wasn't about to buy it because mom would never let me out of the house in it! After that, both Jenny and Melanie teased me about my knockout figure, and suggested that if I wanted Bill for my own, I could get him easily! After being kissed by Mike, the memory of it lingered in my mind, and I had a passing thought what it would be like with Bill. I erased that thought quickly. He was my friend.

We met Melanie's mother, who drove us home, then I walked home. Dad was there. He told me that all my clothes and the vanity had been set up in my room. I went up to clean up. Mom asked how the day was, dad wanted to know about Bill and I. I said there was nothing to tell, and I went to bed. Mom and I went grocery shopping in the morning, and for the first time as a girl, I wore jeans. Mom said I looked fine, and did my best. Jenny and Melanie stopped by just after lunch, and we sat on the front porch watching people. Bill and Randy, along with Greg rode by on their bikes, looking at us and smiling. Jenny said she thought Randy was "so hot he is on fire". I thought Randy was a dork that didn't have a clue. But Melanie said that she was sure that Bill liked me by the way he looked at me. I said it would never happen because Bill was my best friend. Both Jenny and Melanie laughed when I said that.

But they were right, as I was to find out the next day. Later that afternoon mom had me help her with the laundry and fix dinner. In the morning I stood in front of the mirror naked, admiring myself from the waist up. There was only one defect. I folded it out of the way and stood there. Now I looked like a girl, and wanted to look the way I did then, but did not know how. That's how I was when mom walked in on me. Of course, she saw me, which is when the tears started. I began to bawl like a baby, and she came and held me until I managed to stop.

"I have been watching you carefully for the last few days Pamela, and it's obvious to me that this is not a game for you. Your father and I are in agreement. No matter what we do or say, if we made you become a son once again, you would be miserable. We don't want that for you, so we have decided to make your transition a little easier."

"How?" I asked, not understanding.

"I have been doing some research on the Internet, and discovered a way for you to fit in with all of the other girls, no matter where you are. If you agree, I will make it look as if you are a girl down there."

I hugged her, then waited while she went to get her supplies. The I had to lay on the bed, my legs up in the air. It was a very embarrassing position, but mom said there was no other way. Mom used to work for a dentist, which is where I think she got that spray, because it smelled like a dentists office. It made my entire groin go numb, and while I couldn't feel anything, I could see moms face, and she was biting her lower lip. A sure sign that she was concentrating. About twenty minutes later she helped me stand up, and when I looked in the mirror, my manhood was gone! My hand fell to my groin, which is when my finger slipped into the small slit that had replaced my tiny weapon! She had done it! I spread my legs to make sure, but all there was to see was that slit. Enraptured as I was, I did not see mom until she moved beside me.

"Now we need to have that talk about feminine hygiene. Put some panties on and sit down."

It was disgusting. The talk I mean. Vaginitus, yeast infections, menses, and so on, none of which I thought pertained to me, yet mom went on as if I had a normal vagina, and had to know about them. When I mentioned it, she pointed out that yeast infections can occur in any warm damp place, and I now had a warm place that I had to be careful to keep dry, or risk infection! Mom stayed, then, while I had started to put my bra on, the phone rang. It was Jenny, and she invited me to join her at her house to use the pool. Not wanting to pass up the chance to fit in, and wearing a swimsuit would do that now, I asked mom if she had a suit that would fit me. When she grinned I should have guessed. She went to her room, returning with a bag.

"I figured you might need this, so I bought it yesterday."

Opening the bag, I saw a bikini! Taking it out of the bag, I saw the red and white suit, and how little there was of it. I took off my panties and slipped on the bottom, and saw that the brief bottoms fit me perfectly, and while my new sex was not visible, it was also clear that I wasn't hiding anything. The top was a mass of strings which mom helped me with. When I looked, all I could see was girl. I pulled on a pair of shorts, a top, and my gym shoes, then grabbed a towel and after hugging mom, went out the front door and headed for Jenny's house.

I did not hear him coming, and until Bill touched my arm, did not realize he was there behind me.

"You goin' to Jenny's?"

"She said she was having some kids over for a pool party, and called me."

I saw the towel in his hand and knew that he had been invited too.

"Mind if we walk together?" he asked, and I said yes.

There were about twenty kids there, and they all seemed to accept me for what I seemed to be, a girl. My inner fears were still nagging at the back of my mind, even though I knew that I could strip and prove I was a girl. But it wasn't until Bill removed his shirt and invited me to join him that I slipped off my shorts, top, and shoes that he saw all of me for the first time. I saw his eyes widen, then that stupid grin of his when he looked at me. Maybe Melanie was right. That Bill liked me, as a girl that is. He went in the water, along with some of the other boys, then Janet, Mary, Jenny and I went in. Not suspecting anything, I was extremely surprised when Bill popped out of the water, right in front of me, splashed me in the face, then went under water again. Wiping my eyes I also missed it when he came up behind me, and snapped the elastic on my bikini bottoms. Grinning, he rose out of the water like a giant, pushed me backwards, and as I fell into the water, he followed me.

Under water, he pulled me to him, and kissed me quickly before we both went up for air, and girl, I needed it, the air I mean! Bill had caught me off guard with that move, but now I knew for sure how he felt about me. Mom was right. His friendship had blossomed into an attraction, and like all boys his age, was acting out his attraction. Me? Well I was shaken, but not afraid any more, and let him slip up next to me and put his arm around me. Janet had been after Bill for a while, and when she saw Bill and I together she gave me a dirty look. I could not have cared less. From that day on I never once looked back, and was accepted into the ranks of the girls as one of them. Most of them didn't even know that I was a boy once. Only a few, and they kept silent, especially after they saw me naked. It was at Mary's house for a pajama party. Everyone was changing into their nightgowns, and I did too. When Melanie saw me she only grinned, because she was the only person I ever told about what mom had done.

By the time school started both of my parents had accepted the obvious, and dad had even scolded me for wearing a skirt that was to short! I was a senior in high school before Bill and I had moved past the initial stages of our attraction, but by then I had my own hips and breasts thanks to Nanas doctor and close friend. There was only one thing remaining, and mom had kept making it look as if I were a girl, once a month, since that first time. Now, I cannot remember what it was like to have that appendage between my legs. Bill and I had gone to a dance when he made his move on me, and I will admit that I gladly let him discover the delights I had hidden for so long. When his hand touched my breast for the first time I thought I would melt right then, and when his fingers sought out what I had in my panties, I opened my legs to make it easy for him to find what he wanted.

Driven to lust by our mutual desires, I touched him, then, when I had to deny him entry to even more, I took him the best way I knew how. As he lay there moaning I felt no remorse at what I was doing to him. Not me, I was woman, he was man, and when the time came that I could prove it, I would buy a pair of those edible panties and show him just how much of a woman I really was. But right now I have to finish getting dressed. Dad is taking me to the annual father daughter dance where he works, and he is still the number one guy in my life. Mom helped me make the dress, and now, after all this time, she and I are very close, as only mothers and daughters can be.

 

© 2000

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