Prologue

"The parody is the last refuge of the frustrated writer. Parodies are what you write when you are associate editor of the Harvard Lampoon. The greater the work of literature, the easier the parody. The step up from writing parodies is writing on the wall above urinals." - Ernest Hemmingway.

"Turnabout is fair play." – Jill M I

The following parody has many references to Cary Grant and his movies …above and beyond the obvious. Should you get bored with this story, or if the story runs against your grain... use it as a puzzle... try to pick out all those references.

This story also contains several un-attributed quotes. We apologize for trying to be someone or something we’re not. We suspect the gentle reader has some experience in the art of deception and will forgive our transgression as we forgive your ‘trans-dress sessions’.

 

Our Son Nick and Old Lace

by Jill M I

 

Chapter One - Bringing Up Baby

This is a tale of a loving family. Anything can happen when love means you always try to make the other person happy.

We join the Brewster family in the 70’s as it has apparently reached the end of the line. There are no ‘rooster’ Brewsters to pass on the family name. The only living Brewsters are Abby and Martha. They’re both in their early 40’s. Each is as lovely and lovable as the other. They could have both spent there childhoods in St. Olaf with Rose of The Golden Girls. It’s possible either of them still could marry and have a son. However, they’re confirmed spinsters, making such an event not at all probable.

The Brewster mansion is in a fashionable part of fashionable Boston. The Brewster sisters are known for their charitable good deeds. The Brewster Foundation is counted on to help provide financial aid for even the most unworthy venture. They’ve never met a cause they didn't like. While some suspect their mental capacities, no one questions the size of their hearts.

The Brewster family became wealthy several generations back. Their wealth is such that they’re amongst the leading philanthropist in the nation. They live quite comfortably and meet their charitable obligations without touching the principal. Neither Abby or Martha has (nor ever will have to) added to their wealth through anything that resembles gainful employment.

Their home is a Queen Anne style Victorian. With a gabled roof, shingled insets, angled bay windows under the gables and several ‘towers’, it is an architectural masterpiece. Martha and Abby love their home. They admire the Victorian lifestyle so much they carry forward the dress and attitudes of the Victorian era.

Wealth does have its privileges. When enjoying time together in their house, Abby and Martha are able to dress in authentic Victorian style. If they can’t find heirlooms to buy, they simply have new clothing made from 80 year-old patterns and antique fabric. In an uncommon burst of good sense over sentimentality, they refuse to accept the Victorian passion for an extremely tiny waist. They’re aware that Victorian women often caused damage to their digestive organs by corseting them too tightly. The Victorian clothes Abby and Martha wear do require a certain amount of fitness to hag properly, but did not demand an unnatural waistline.

Abby and Martha use modern cosmetics and beauty aids. However, their use of ‘paints and pot’ is tempered with an eye toward the conservative nature of the Victorian woman.

The sisters never dress in anything that calls unnecessary attention to them when they venture from their mansion. It’s part of their personal code not to cause other people any undue concern.

They believe a lady should be quiet in her manners, natural and unassuming in her language and careful not to wound anyone’s feelings. The Brewster code compels them to give generously and freely. Scorning no one openly, they pity the unfortunate, the inferior and the ignorant. They think a lady should carry herself with an innocence and single-heartedness that disarms the ill-natured and wins respect and love from all.

They’re exceptional good at winning love from all. Once you know the Brewster sisters, there is nothing you wouldn’t do to make them happy. Perhaps it was just these admirable qualities and the intense loyalty and love they inspired that created fertile ground for what occurred over the next three decades.

Despite what dull people would have you believe, eccentricity is not a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride. Aristocrats are often thought of as eccentric because they are entirely uninfluenced by the opinions and the vagaries of the masses.

Early in 1974, a young woman came to the Brewster mansion to act as their cook. She was a delightful young lady with a winning smile and a quick wit. She was single and pregnant. They met the young lady (Regina Lambert) at a home for single mothers they supported through their foundation. They were so taken with Regina they opened their home to her, telling her they were in dire need of a cook. It was a forgivable lie. Both sisters were culinary masters. They loved cooking. Strictly for the joy of the effort hey made jams, jellies and other preserves. Their pride was an elderberry wine they concocted and served with their most festive meals.

The Brewsters never let on to Regina that they were anything but totally helpless in the kitchen. They suffered through her very limited repast repertoire with huge smiles. Her ‘epicurean’ delights caused them to gush with delight.

Regina often spent quiet contemplative moments in front of a painting in the library of the South wing of the mansion. The painting was of Mortimer Brewster, an ancestor who had made his living on the sea. The father of Regina's baby had also been a seaman; a chef on a tramp steamer that was lost at sea.

"It’s fate." sighed Regina. "If my baby is a boy, as I’m sure he will be, his name will be Mortimer. His father’s name was Archie, Archie Leach from Bristol, England. No one should have a name like Archie! Archie had changed his last name from Ferrante to Leach. He didn’t really care for Leach after trying it out. He was going to change his entire name again, but couldn’t decide on something new. He had considered taking the initials of a famous movie star, reversing them and coming up with a name using those initials. That was Archie for you. No one else would think of doing such a thing! I think Archie would have liked being called Mortimer. "

"That’s wonderful" replied Abby for herself and her sister, "I’m sure our great- great grandfather would approve."

The affection between the three of them grew stronger as the blessed event approached.

Regina had sweet, old-world habits that fit into the Victorian household. She kept a piece of twine in her pocket to remind her that all she amounted to was less than the value of a piece of twine.

The sisters arranged for a friend of the family to look after Regina’s health. Dr. Einstein was in his late twenties. His youthful appearance didn’t inspire confidence. His small stature (5’3", 130 lbs.) and bugged-eyes masked the fact he had graduated at the top of his class at Heidelberg School of Medicine. The sisters became aware of him through one of their charities that helped new immigrants get started in America. Dr. Einstein loved the sisters and would do anything for them. Although he spoke fluent English, his heavy accent often charmed the Brewsters with an Old World quality that also fit into their Victorian ambiance. His apparent lack of confidence resulted in a breathy giggle punctuating many of his statements.

It was two weeks before the due date, when Dr. Einstein dropped by the Brewster Mansion for Regina’s final checkup. Everything appeared to be okay, even though Regina seemed overly tired. The sisters 'forced' Dr. Einstein to stay for dinner. While Regina napped, Abby sent out for a meal from a deli. They would have preferred creating something wonderful in their kitchen for their friend, but wouldn’t risk hurting Regina’s feelings.

The young doctor was offered a glass of their elderberry wine while they waited for delivery. Unfortunately, he didn’t realize its potency. He nervously drank several glasses and became intoxicated. The sisters politely ignored his condition as they ate what proved to be a satisfactory meal of deli meats and cheeses.

As they were rising from the table, they heard a moan from Regina’s room.

Something was dreadfully wrong. Dr. Einstein knew enough not to treat her in his impaired condition. Abby called an ambulance. It arrived in under ten minutes. The paramedics whisked her away to the hospital.

Later that night, Regina gave birth. She smiled at the boy with the full head of hair lying on her stomach. Her last words were, "Mortimer, I love you."

The circle of live begins and ends... many times at the same spot.

Dr. Einstein never forgave himself for not being able to give immediate care. He also thought he missed something in his prior examinations that may have saved Regina. No amount of assurance from his colleagues could convince him there was nothing he could’ve done for her. He quickly and quietly ended his relationship with the hospital. Quietly, the good Doctor left town, leaving no forwarding address.

The sisters adopted the traditional black Victorian mourning clothes. They held a small ceremony for Regina. She was buried in the cemetery next to their house.

Of course, they loved young Mortimer from the first moment they set eyes upon him. His curly blond hair, sat atop a face with his mother's fine features. He was slightly small and blessed with Regina's unforgettable smile.

There was a private christening ceremony where he was formerly named Mortimer L. Brewster. They legally adopted Mortimer. They decided to tell him what the L. (for Lambert) meant on his thirtieth birthday or when he seemed mature enough to appreciate his mother. They also decided to tell Mortimer he was their nephew and that Regina had been their sister. Abby and Martha kept the news of his birth/adoption to themselves and cancelled all appointments for the next six months.

Mortimer had been dressed in the traditional Victorian gown for his christening. He looked like an angel. So much so that Abby and Martha couldn’t bring themselves to have Mortimer wear anything but elegant, infant gowns.

Soon Mortimer had developed ringlets. Mortimer seemed like an improper name for a child with wispy, blond ringlets dressed in satin and lace. The aunts considered several names that better suited the baby. They started with Virginia, moved on to Barbara, gave a thought to Betsy, then Dyan, a second thought to Barbara… before settling on Judy. Great, great grandfather Mortimer’s wife had been named Judy. Once they started calling him Judy, they quit calling him Mortimer altogether. It was so natural to think of him as their adopted niece.

It was always their intention to start dressing Mortimer as a boy ‘the next day’. The next day just never seemed to come.

When they started accepting callers again after the six months of private mourning, everyone just assumed "Judy" was a baby girl.

As time went on, Judy seemed to be more and more feminine. It was hard to say whether her femininity was due to nature or nurture. Judy seemed to love everything about being a girl. So much so that Martha and Abby just knew it would be very wrong to try to force Judy to be a boy. The "aunts" had seen what happened to young children whose parents had tried to make a left-hander do things with their right hand. It was an act of love that kept Judy in dresses, tights and Mary Janes with huge, white, satin bows on the top of her abundant ringlets.

It's said that the only normal people are the ones you don't know very well. On the surface, the Brewsters seemed quite normal and the sisters did what they had to... to convince the world and themselves that things were 'normal'.

Martha arranged for Judy to receive health care from a clinic that received considerable financial support from the Brewster Foundation. The doctor readily agreed that it was best for everyone involved if Judy was allowed to follow what appeared to be nature’s course. There was no consideration given. There were no clandestine meetings. Things just flowed the way they did ‘normally’.

In Victorian times, boys were often kept in dresses well into their childhood. The sisters knew love was what Judy needed most, not someone prodding her to be a he. There were no big decisions made… each day just went the way it should. Day after day.

The Brewster Foundation contributed quite heavily to a local orphanage. Abby and Martha received a call from the orphanage a week after Judy’s second birthday. A seven-year old boy and his one-year old brother had been left without any living relatives when both parents were killed instantly in an auto crash. Their names were Johnny and Theodore Grant. Johnny had been attending a military academy for boys. He wanted to go back to the academy and was very upset there was no money for tuition to a private school. His parents had died deeply in debt due to a downturn in their business. Johnny demanded that he not be separated from his brother. They were family.

Many people will adopt a one year old. But, add a seven year old as part of a set (with a deep desire to attend an expensive military academy) and adoption becomes improbable.

Abby and Martha’s hearts went out to the two boys. They admired Johnny's resolve and agreed to adopt both of them. They asked Johnny to keep their adoption a secret from Theodore and Judy. Johnny further agreed to allow the courts to change their last name from Grant to Brewster. He swore to allow his brother and his new 'sister' to believe they were all Regina’s children. They all now had a mother who died during Teddy’s birth and a father who died shortly before that at sea. Johnny was becoming addicted to the Brewster practice of going with the flow to create ‘normalcy’.

Life in the Brewster family was idyllic. The huge Victorian home allowed each child to have their individual tower. When they played together it was in the common rooms.

With eight bathrooms, it didn’t occur to the boys to venture into a girl’s bathroom. Judy’s secret was never in jeopardy. Judy, of course, was oblivious to her own ‘difference’, as even her doctor treated her like a healthy, young girl in every respect.

The aunts were never tempted to put a gown on Theodore. He was almost bald until he was three. He seemed very appropriate in trousers. The aunts could tell that the rambunctious Johnny was all male, so they never gave a thought of him as being a candidate for the same dress code as Judy. Judy had come to be in dresses through ‘normal’ circumstances. Johnny and Theodore were in pants through ‘normal’ circumstances. Things were exactly as they should be in the Brewster mansion.

Every action in the Brewster mansion was ordained in love.

Johnny talked so longingly about the academy that the aunts begrudgingly sent him back. He loved the military live. His brother and sister and the aunts missed him sorely during the school year. Visits were never long enough or occurred with enough frequency.

Still the children grew close. The house was filled with love and harmony.

Judy played with Johnny and Theodore, but would never allow them to roughhouse with her. Judy was physical, but only in girlish activities such as dance or skipping rope.

When Judy was ten, her doctor noted that her body was starting to show ‘vitamin deficiency’. She was given special shots and pills to help her become a proper young lady. Judy's doctor thought she was doing the right thing for Judy. She was sure it was what the aunts wanted done.

The aunts were unaware of the doctor’s actions and accepted Judy's increased feminine characteristics as affirmation of their original decisions. The aunts had authorized her treatments without reading the documents they signed. They trusted the doctor explicitly.

Judy became a lot more Judy and a lot less Mortimer as time passed.

All went well in the Brewster house of ‘normalcy’ until Johnny came home for the Summer before his first year of college.

The Brewster boys had been raised to be gentlemen. A gentleman is someone who would never inflict pain. One of the boys would soon prove to be no gentleman.

 

Chapter Two - Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House

Following Victorian standards, the juvenile dresses Judy was wearing had started out with their hems at a point just above the knee. The hems had been lowered each year so that the dresses she now wore had hemlines that were about three inches above her ankle. She looked forward three years with great anticipation to her Sweet Sixteen birthday when she would start wearing the same dresses as her aunts. She loved the way they looked with their long skirts grazing the ground, even as they walked in the classic black satins with 2" heels. Judy longed to wear the same type of lingerie as her aunts. She now wore pantalettes, chemises and multiple petticoats under her hoopskirts. She couldn't wait for her first corset. She had started to develop breast when she was eleven and was already wearing a 32B bra.

Both Theodore and Judy were home-schooled by their aunts. The aunts made extraordinary efforts to make sure Judy didn't make any alarming discoveries. Her health books were censored. All novels and movies she was allowed to read or see were PG or G.

The family went on many field trips. Like her aunts, Judy dressed in conventional, modern clothing when she left the house. When she wasn't wearing a hoopskirt, she wore elasticized panties to hide her 'thingy'. She had been told that all modest, little girls tucked their 'thingies' away. As she wore mainly skirts and dresses she had to protect her modesty.

Theodore had only one wardrobe. Due to his exuberant personality, the aunts didn't dress him in Victorian coats, vests and ties. Exuberant… as in tree-climbing, fence-top walking, knee scrapping, bone jarring... personality.

Theodore didn’t see much fun in what his aunts and sister called their ‘Victorian obsession’. He had his own obsession. Theodore read every book he could about Theodore Roosevelt. It was Theodore’s dream to spend a Summer as a ranch-hand in Medora, North Dakota. He collected Roosevelt memorabilia and forced everyone, including Johnny, to call him Teddy.

Judy was becoming quite lovely. Even though her aunts wouldn’t allow her to use makeup, her natural beauty and dazzling smile caused Johnny to brag endlessly about his wonderful sister. He had several pictures of her in his room at the academy. He thought it was neat that she wore the old-style clothing. When all the Brewsters attended Johnny’s graduation at the academy, he was disappointed when she wore ‘normal’ clothes. He had told so many stories about ‘19th century Judy’ he had hoped his buddies could see for themselves.

As it was, he was mighty pleased to have such a pretty, refined sister to squire around the campus. Even though Judy was five years younger than the 18 year-old Johnny, he treated her as an almost equal.

Johnny loved his sister. He often thought that one day they would become man and wife. He wasn't a real Brewster and neither was she. There was no reason (he knew of) she and he couldn't be Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Brewster.

Of course, he told no one of these thoughts. He was willing to wait at least six more years before he would tell her of his love and his plans for their future.

Early in high school, he had dated girls his age. In Johnny’s estimation they were only half as interesting or pretty as Judy. Dating only often enough to meet his social requirements as a cadet, he remained true to his adopted sister.

He was sure Abby and Martha would be delighted to have him marry their niece. Nothing in his life indicated less than total love coming from his aunts.

Johnny had been an excellent cadet. He was very smart, highly motivated and a top athlete. Each residence hall honored one graduating cadet. Johnny lived in Blandings Hall and was named "Mr. Blandings".

It was a week before Johnny was scheduled to go off to college. Johnny had found a million reasons to spend time with Judy and she had enjoyed his attention.

Whoever said "big brothers are the crabgrass in the lawn of life" …didn't know Johnny. Johnny had his license and a new car… a graduation gift. He took Judy and Teddy everywhere. The beach. The mountains. Museums. Ballgames. The opera. Concerts.

Sometimes, they were accompanied by Abby and Martha… Most of the time it was just the three of them. Johnny arranged it so that Judy and he weren't alone together. He didn't think he could handle being with her alone. He simply adored her.

Even though the blond hair of her youth had darkened with age, it gave off a golden glow. The world danced in her eyes. Johnny loved the sound of her voice. He was amazed by her intelligence and in awe of her kindness. He was fascinated by the way she moved... so refined... so feminine... so unlike him.

There was nothing improper in the way he interacted with Judy. It was all very sweet and innocent. However, Johnny's thoughts at night in his bed fast-forwarded to a time when they would marry. Judy was the wife of his dreams. He knew it would be wrong to act too amorous toward her until she was older and was ready to be told they weren't brother and sister. Yet, he made love to her in his dreams every night. Each morning he woke up wishing his dreams could stand the light of day.

Johnny was about to find out a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.

Johnny had just come back from a Sunday morning jog. He had been a trackman at the academy and was considering trying out for cross-country in college. All summer he had done his best to stay in shape. He was thinking about a shower when he remembered a conversation with Judy that prior night.

Judy had commented on his hair and had asked him if he ever used a crème rinse. She had suggested that he try hers. As it was almost 10 o'clock, Johnny was sure the rest of the Brewster family was at church. He decided to try Judy's conditioner without her knowing it, to see if she could tell the difference. He thought his hair looked pretty good as it was. She had said it lacked shine... he was quite sure she was just teasing him... but...

Johnny had rarely been in his sister's bathroom. It was at the opposite end of the house. Privacy is a jewel that the Brewsters cherish.

As he opened the door to her bathroom, Judy was just stepping from her shower, she had been up late the night before watching a video and had skipped church. As she bent across from the shower to the towel rack her lovely breasts dripped beads of water. Her rounded bottom glistened as the sunshine poured through the gossamer lace covering the windows. It was a sight that Johnny fondly hoped would greet him every day of his adult life. Johnny wanted to rip his eyes away from this forbidden vision. He was mesmerized, as one is by a masterpiece, trying to understand how anything can be so beautiful.

While Judy patted herself with the towel she turned toward the door and raised her foot to dry the back of her thighs. Her eyes were closed … She made no effort to cover herself. Her small, but quite evident penis and scrotum bobbed in the sunlight.

"My Gawd! You've got a dick!" gasped Johnny, as he stepped into the room.

"Johnny? Get out of here. What are you doing in my bathroom?" Shrieked Judy as she covered herself and glared at her trespassing brother. "What are you? Are you some sort of pervert?"

"Who are you to be calling me a pervert? You... you... hermaphrodite!"

Johnny had been to a fair that summer with some friends from school. They had seen the bearded lady in the sideshow. He and his friends had taken great delight for weeks in calling each other hermaphrodites. He never suspected the love of his life was one!

"Johnny, have you gone crazy? What did you call me?"

"I said hermaphrodite, you faggot." Johnny's head was spinning. He knew what he saw, but it made no sense. Judy was beautiful. Judy was wonderful. Judy was his sister.

"Johnny, don't call me names." Judy had no idea what faggot and 'heerma...whatever' meant, all she knew was Johnny shouldn't be in her bathroom. She wanted him to apologize and leave.

"Names!!! I oughta smack you right in the mouth... you fraud. You… female impersonator. You're right out of The Crying Game."

Judy, of course, had never seen or heard of The Crying Game. She was completely lost as to why Johnny was so upset.

"You're a fairy… a transvestite. We heard all about boys like you in our psychology class this year."

Judy was really uncomfortable. "Johnny if you don't leave this instant and stop being so nasty, I'm going to cry."

"Go ahead and cry you little drag queen. That's what gay guys do best."

"Johnny, please! Why are you saying these things? I'm not a boy! I'm not a guy!" Judy pulled the towel tightly around her.

"Well you're sure as hell not a girl... girls don't have a penis. I don't know what you are... but you're sure as hell not a girl."

Judy looked behind Johnny and saw Theodore. Attracted by all the yelling when he came in the door from church, he had been in the doorway for the past minute. He had taken in most of what had been said. He looked at Judy, whose towel had slipped again. Theodore wasn't as naive as Judy. He had read enough magazines and books so that he had an idea what equipment a girl had and didn't have. His eyes bulged as he stuttered, "Judy, you're... you're a...a..a... boy."

Judy didn't have any idea why her brothers were saying these things. Why were her brothers being so cruel? She dissolved into a puddle on the floor of her bathroom. PENIS??? What are they talking about?

"I'm getting out of here to some air that's fit to breathe. Somebody's got some explaining to do." Johnny turned and ran from the room.

Teddy raced after him, but was unable to keep up. When Teddy got to the front door, it was standing open. There was no sign which way Johnny had gone. Teddy went to his room and buried himself in a book about Theodore Roosevelt. In a minute or two, he was lost in the life and times of the most famous Roughrider.

Aunt Martha helped Judy to her feet.

"Aunt Martha, what's with Johnny? He said some terrible things to me."

"Judy... it's time we discuss the birds and the bees."

Abby joined Martha in Judy's bedroom. For the next hour they calmed her and told her their version of the truth.

"Judy, you were born a genetic boy." began Abby "You were so sweet and feminine. We just knew you'd have trouble trying to be a boy."

"We didn't want you to have all the problems of being a boy with a slight build and pretty face." added Martha. "It just seemed right to help you become the well-adjusted girl you are today."

"I'm not a girl? That's not possible. I've always been a girl. This is crazy!"

"Well don't you worry, Judy. Because of there's anything Abby and I can do to help you, just let us know and we'll do it."

Judy mentally reviewed all they had already done for her. "Well, er - don't do it until I let you know."

Abby noticed Judy was starting to shake and called their doctor.

For the next fifteen minutes, Judy and Abby didn't say a word. They just held each other and rocked. Abby hummed a soothing tune. Martha waited by the front door for the doctor.

After showing the doctor to Judy’s room, Martha checked on Teddy. Teddy appeared calm. However, he didn’t really seem to know her.

The doctor gave both Judy and Teddy a sedative.

Shortly after the doctor left, Johnny came back. He found the aunts huddling together in the kitchen.

"Judy is a boy."

"Yes, we know."

"You know. Of course, you know!"

"Of course." Said Abby

"Yes, it's the best circumstances for all involved." added Martha with a sensible shrug of her shoulders.

"But, but..."

"Now Johnny, you must forget about it, forget you ever saw Judy naked."

"Forget?"

"We never dreamed you'd peek."

"Aunt Abby you've raised a boy to believe he's a girl. You and Aunt Martha have been living a lie."

"Johnny - how can you say such a thing."

"Judy... or whatever his real name is... has been in dresses since the day I joined this family. You do admit that?"

"Yes, we do. But you don't really think we'd stoop to telling a fib? Do you?"

"I don't know who you people are. Why did you do such a thing?"

"Johnny, things aren't so simple as they look to you today." whispered Abby.

"I can't go on living in this house. There should be a sign on the inside of the front door... Please Wash Hands Before Entering the Real World."

"Johnny!"

"No! I'm the one who should be upset. Not you. You're doing something terrible and I'm not be going to be part of it. I'm going away and never coming back. I want you to give me enough money to get started somewhere where I can forget about all of you. There must be a place where I can go where I won't be tempted to come back and do something awful!"

"Johnny… why are you so angry?" Abby peered into Johnny’s eyes trying to see the love that had been there only a few hours earlier. "I can understand why you're upset. This all must be a shock. But, such anger?"

"Don’t you understand? Can’t either of you realize… I had feelings for Judy. Real feelings."

"Oh." Gasped Abby.

"Oh." Echoed Martha.

"OOOHHHHHHH!" moaned the stunned aunts simultaneously.

Abby again looked in Johnny's eyes. What she saw… scared her. She knew the power of money. Money had always solved most of her problems in the past. "Perhaps it would be best for all of us to put this quietly behind us. Johnny, if we give you $2,000,000 will you go away and never come back?"

Knowing the extent of the Brewster fortune Johnny countered, "Make that $5,000,000."

"If that’s what you want Johnny…"

"Abby, you write the check and I'll pack a bag."

Johnny went to his room to get a few things together. When he came back, he took the check and stepped to the door.

"I'll see you in my dreams!" snarled Johnny.

"What was that?" asked Martha.

"Nothing. Just a private joke between me and whoever my analyst is going to be."

Johnny walked out of the door and out of their lives. With him went a small bag, a check for $5,000,000 and a heavy, heavy heart.

 

Chapter Three - Charade

Years went by. Everyone missed Johnny but spoke of him only in whispered regrets.

Teddy went so deep into his role of Teddy Roosevelt that all signs of Teddy Brewster were eliminated. He would pop in and out of conversations with Teddy Roosevelt quotes. Sometimes the quotes fit... other times the connection was unclear. In the past he had not taken part in the Victorian spirit of the house. But, as Teddy Roosevelt, he often wore cutaway coats, vests and elaborate ties with diamond stickpins. The aunts were pleased that he at least was at one with them in this small part of his assumed life.

One afternoon the aunts had a visit from Bishop Harper, an old friend of the family. The Bishop sneezed. Teddy said, "I must be catching cold."

"No dear, it was Bishop Harper that sneezed." remarked a concerned Aunt Abby.

"If I know what pure kindness and absolute generosity are, it's because I've known the Brewster sisters." stated a not so healthy Bishop Harper. "Have you ever tried to persuade Teddy that he isn't a Roosevelt?"

"Oh, no!" remarked a slightly surprised Abby.

Martha added, "Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt."

Abby brightened and said, "Oh, do you remember, Martha, once a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington, it might be a change for him, and we suggested it.

"And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody." Added Martha.

Teddy, who had been standing silently by looked up and said, "The man who really counts in this world is the doer, not the mere critic, but the man who actually does the work, even if its rough and imperfect, not the man who only writes and talks about how it ought to be done."

"Right you are Teddy, right you are..." Bishop Harper sipped his elderberry wine as he quietly pondered whatever became of the real Teddy Brewster. "It's possible Teddy has found it is easier to live through someone else than it is to become complete yourself."

Little did Bishop Harper know the extent of the role-playing in the Brewster mansion.

***

Judy was caught in an old quandary. What do you do... when you find you like aspects of the role you're trying to escape?

After Johnny's discovery, Judy went through a period of withdrawal. She came out of it through self-examination and long discussions with Abby and Martha.

Martha and Abby were sitting in their living room with the now 18 year-old Judy.

She had become a beautiful young lady with a certain amount of musical talent playing the harp and piano.

Judy had reached the conclusion that her aunts had been right years ago. She was content to continue her life as she had in the past. Judy felt that imitation, when it’s not a fraud, is a fine thing. To imitate with success you must have a realistic sense of what can and cannot be done.

"I've come to realize, that I've spent a good deal of my life becoming someone I was not when I was born. In some respects, that makes me unique. In other respects... quite ordinary."

"I guess you're right Judy. We all try to remake ourselves. It is our duty to try to make ourselves better. All we've ever wanted for you Judy was respectability."

"It appears my life has been one long descent into respectability. I wonder if I can ever become ‘normal’."

Judy was dressed in a floor length beaded gown. It was a deep rust color with copper colored beads. The bodice featured a high neckline with a cream lace lining. It had long sleeves with small lace trim attached to the wrist portion and decorated with a beaded applique. The underskirt was a brown, polished cotton. The gown featured extremely detailed pleating.

The Aunts were, of course, were dressed in black as they were still mourning. Even in black, they were splendid in their silk gowns with dull black formal gloves.

Each morning the Brewster women (including Judy) would rise and pull on a loose robe over their undergarments. They would place a muslin cap on their heads before coming down to breakfast. The caps would cover the hair papers they used instead of rollers or hot irons.

After breakfast they would normally put on walking skirts.

If their day called for visitors, their gowns would be made of quietly colored silk. Their daygowns would be outfitted with lace collars and sleeves. They would wear only a modest amount of jewelry.

They always dressed for dinner. All dinner dresses were silks, velvets and lace. Diamonds were used in broaches, pins, pendants, earrings and bracelets. The dresses were all light neutral tints, and black, dark blue, purple, dark green, garnet, brown and fawn with fans to match. The very sensible Brewsters didn’t believe that mourning extended into evening.

In contrast to their conservative clothing when outside of their home, the attitude of the Brewster women while in their home seemed to be that there was nothing worse than wishing you'd put on something more adventurous.

When in doubt, overdress!

Judy never wore diamonds, very rich furs, cashmeres or brilliant ornaments ...as she was young and unattached. She did wear a faux tortoise shell haircomb… which was 4" wide and over 2" high. It was decorated with rhinestones.

"There is no such things as a ‘normal’ person." said Martha as they idly did handwork as they sat together. "Nobody looks so eccentric as a person trying to look ‘normal’."

The Brewsters crocheted their own undergarments. Judy was currently working on a white cotton/ribbon camisole. The short-sleeved garment was so pretty it was an absolute shame it would be worn under layers of outer clothing. Judy was attaching the blue ribbon that gathered the neckline.

"Normal men have killed over 100,000,000 of their fellow men in the past fifty years." added Abby (Martha and she were knitting identical sweaters as gifts for twins they had met at the orphanage.). "We wanted you to have a sensitivity grounded in values that would lead you to a happy and fulfilling life. Any parent wants the best for the children. We didn’t make choices for our children on the basis of what was the politically correct thing to do."

"We wanted you to fully enjoy the fun of femininity. We wanted to wrap you in a world of charm and elegance."

"Elegance does not consist in putting on a new dress." Judy loved these opportunities to chat with her aunts. "I think elegance is getting to the very soul of what one is... I have hope for elegance only if my chosen path of femininity is really toward who I really am. I think I could be an elegant man if that was my predisposition."

"I can't even imagine you as a man." Martha stared off into space trying to picture the very becoming Judy as a man. It was a stretch even she could not accomplish.

"Neither can I", said Judy "So let's put this all behind us and work with the hand that has been dealt."

The Brewster family was once again harmonious. They had successfully placed their problems behind them. Out of sight. Out of mind.

But, were their problems gone forever?

 

Chapter Four - Every Girl Should Be Married

Teddy was telling stories. More accurately, he was reciting accountings Teddy Roosevelt had made of his trips to major Eastern cities. He had stories about Boston, New York, Baltimore and Philadelphia. As he told the Philadelphia Story for the fifth time, the doorbell rang. It was time for Judy to go to work.

"Work can be quite a blessing." said Judy to Abby as she checked her hair, make-up and overall appearance in the hall mirror on her way to answer the door. "Work can be a narcotic, a stimulant... even an antibiotic. It is the closest thing to a wonder drug we know."

Judy loved her job. She had a MBA from the University of Arizona. Every bit of her study had been done on-line. Judy had decided she didn't need the socialization of a traditional college. She was extremely grateful to the Apollo Group and its CEO John Sperling for making it possible for her to attain a top quality education without having to leave the comforts of Brewster mansion. She couldn't have imagined being apart from her aunts and Teddy. It would have been horrible had she been separated from them for five years.

For the past two years, she had been running the Brewster Foundation. She was amazed at the extent of the work involved in properly giving away money. Abby and Martha had been using the services of a law firm to look after Brewster Foundation. Judy quickly realized she could save the Foundation over $500,000 a year by doing the work herself with a small competent staff of three. The savings was applied to charities that could use it.

The staff included another 25 year-old MBA, Elaine Harper... the daughter of the Bishop. Elaine and Judy had known each other almost all their lives. The Harpers lived in the parsonage right across the cemetery from the Brewsters’ mansion. They’d been friends, but hadn’t played together very frequently as the Brewster family was always so busy with each other.

Judy opened the door and let in Elaine. They went to the kitchen for tea. Even though it was Saturday they were meeting to discuss a problem with the Foundation.

Elaine was vivacious. She was the quintessential girl next door. Five foot two, eyes of blue and oh what those two eyes could do. Her ample blonde hair cascaded into a perfect frame for her dimpled face.

Although Elaine was a friend of the family, she had earned the job on her merits. Her MBA came from the Wharton School (University of Pennsylvania). All of the largest accounting firms had offered her jobs with salary and benefits far beyond what the Brewster Foundation could pay. Judy and Elaine both were paid $30,000 a year with minimal benefits. They knew they could make a real difference in the world through the economic muscle of the Foundation and loved every minute of their working day.

They had a quote on the wall of their office from Mother Theresa, "I do not agree with the big way of doing things."

Judy and Elaine concentrated their efforts on the smaller charities, the ones that were often missed by other philanthropist. Their work was hard as they awarded grants to so many organizations. Their efforts were on a personal level and therefore --- extremely enjoyable.

Success, which they both defined as - being the best they could, at whatever they did - demanded long, hard hours. Often they worked on weekends at the Brewster mansion. Even though Judy was the CEO, their work was done in partnership. They enjoyed each other's company immensely.

On those rare occasions when the work eased, they would talk about those things that most interested ‘normal’ (there's that word again) young women.

"Judy, I think it's so neat when your aunts and you wear Victorian outfits."

Judy was wearing a tan walking suit. The jacket was well-fitted but didn’t unduly accentuate Judy's slightly large 26" waist. It had a wide collar; which folded down. There were two large buttons for decoration on the front of the jacket. The sleeves were very large. However, the lower portion of the sleeves (from the elbow down) were fitted. When Judy moved around the room, it sounded like she was walking through a pile of leaves.

"It’s loads of fun. We spend quite a scandalous amount of time making sure every detail is authentic."

"Aren't your outfits horribly uncomfortable?"

"Some involve layers upon layers of fabric." explained Judy. "We don't wear them outside our home. The air-conditioning helps."

"Judy, I don't think I can remember you ever having a date."

Elaine and Judy had become such good friends that such a statement didn't seem too forward.

"I've haven't had much time or much real interest in dating." Judy sighed involuntarily. Many times she had thought about raising a family. She didn’t see how that would ever be possible given her ‘secret’.

"Are you interested in marriage?" asked Elaine. She was blithely moving into an area that was very sensitive.

"I haven't given it much thought." answered Judy ...very vaguely, "How about you."

"My mother once said marriage is like buying that antique you've looked at for months in the store. You love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house."

The two friends giggled at the Bishop’s Wife's sentiments.

"Judy, if you were a man I'd marry you in a minute."

"What?" Stammered a flabbergasted Elaine.

"Think of it. You've every quality I admire. There is something very Victorian about you that goes far beyond your weekend wardrobe. You act with the impulse of your kindly heart. You're brave, but since your conscience is so clear, you have nothing to fear."

"That's not true... I'm afraid of knives and heights."

"Those little idiosyncrasies just make you more charming. You're so comfortable with things. For example, you're never embarrassed."

"Hold it right there, you're embarrassing me right now."

"No I'm not, Judy! You have a great respect for yourself. You know you're honorable and civil to others to a fault."

"Elaine, you make me sound like someone special. All I do is what I've been taught by Abby and Martha. I’m no angel."

"Judy, you’re special. You're never arrogant, yet you're very strong willed."

"I do have enough will to end this conversation before my blush becomes permanent."

"No... you aren't going to stop me. I want you to know how much I admire you. You carry yourself with dignity, yet you're never... what's that old word for arrogant... Oh I know... you're never haughty." Elaine puffed herself up to give haughty the proper weight.

"I'm afraid you're mistaken. I can't even give a public speech. I'm a rotten speechmaker. Making speeches has never been my forte'... not even my fifty or sixty or seventy."

"Making jokes isn't your strong suit either! But, as long as I've started I've got more observations about my boss. ....The trivial doesn't seem to bother you... you're too noble to be bothered by them."

"Noble... you make me sound like a horse." laughed Judy, "The shining knight saved the fair young princess and carried her off on his NOBLE steed."

"I am going to finish... You always seem to know how to handle people... You're kind to those less fortunate. You're never familiar without true affection. You have a gentleness of manner with a firmness of mind. At the office, you command mild authority and ask us to do things as if they're personal favors to you. And, there is one more thing."

"Will you shut up, lady?" said Judy in a tone that allowed Elaine to know no real harm had been done. "Really Elaine, don't you think you've carried this joke a bit too far."

"I wish it was a joke Judy. You're just such a nice person I had to finally tell you how I feel..."

"Elaine, everything you've said about me is also true about you. You’re a jackpot of admirable traits." Judy was beginning to sense a problem. Along with the Victorian clothes, Judy had developed a prudish, sexually repressed frame of mind. She had made it this far in life by guarding herself against even the slightest temptation. Yet, as a true Victorian, there was a volcano ready to erupt just under her cool veneer.

Judy looked at Elaine for what seemed like the very first time. She saw a woman with all the physical attributes to stir a young man's heart. Judy knew that to be true for his heart was stirring. Elaine's chest was heaving with the passion of the words she spoke. Her eyes were glistening as her face betrayed the true meaning of her words.

Judy was perplexed. The goal of a Victorian love is marriage, followed by the creation of a home and family (And they lived happily ever after!). Marriage with Elaine would be impossible. In fact, marriage for Judy with anyone was unthinkable. ‘Ever after’ was not how she would find happiness in her life.

"Judy, I've had my share of boyfriends." Judy wasn't surprised as she assumed Elaine was leading a 'normal' life. "Although I’m still somewhat sexually naïve, I know that my preference is for men."

"Whew! I thought for a while you were going to tell me you loved me. That would make working together a little uncomfortable." Judy's slight giggle hung in the air.

Elaine leaned across the small kitchen table where they were sitting. She took one of Judy's hands in hers and stared into Judy's eyes. "I can't help it Judy..... I do love you. I've loved you for quite some time now."

"That's impossible!" Stammered Judy, "You like men." Judy reached with her free hand and fingered the piece of twine she kept in her skirt’s pocket. For some reason that piece of twine kept her grounded when she was stressed. Abby and Martha had given it to her the day Johnny had seen her naked. They had told her it was special. They said a day would come when they would explain to her why it was special. That day hadn't arrived but the twine already was very special to Judy.

"I know. It seems crazy. I don't think of you in a sexy way... I want your emotional love... I crave... need your love."

Judy was confounded. She knew that her feelings for Elaine were more than friendship. She knew she loved her with an intensity that was about to boil over. The usually reserved Judy got up and impetuously moved closer to Elaine. She took her face in her hands and wiped at the tears. She leaned and kissed Elaine on the lips.

It was the first time Judy had kissed anyone outside her immediate family. It was not a family kiss. At first it was a kiss meant to console, to let Elaine know everything was okay. Neither girl was ready for the emotional outpouring that ran through their bodies. Suddenly they were locked in a fiery embrace... not having a clue where they were going.

"Well..." Breathed Elaine when they finally broke to look in each other's face, "...I guess that makes us lesbians."

"Not necessarily."

"Judy... We love each other. When two women love each other, they're lesbians!'

"Life isn't that simple."

"What's simple about being lesbians?" Asked Elaine. "Even in this day and age, my parents aren't going to be too thrilled."

"We aren't lesbians."

"Yes... we... are. In case you haven't noticed, neither of us is wearing trousers."

"But, the thing is... I should wear trousers."

"No you shouldn't... you have great legs. You wouldn't want to cover them."

"But Elaine... I've led a strange life... Elaine… I should wear trousers because… I'm really a man."

"Well nobody's perfect." quipped Elaine. As Judy bobbed her head affirming Elaine’s wildest thoughts, all she could manage was, "Oh...".

 

Chapter Five - The Awful Truth

Elaine regained consciousness while lying on one of the large settees in the main living room. As she gazed around the room, she heard Judy talking to Teddy, Abby and Martha.

"Elaine just found out about my born sex."

Martha held a cold compress on Elaine's forehead while Judy gently messaged her hands.

Elaine looked at this very familiar room. She had spent many hours here. Yet, nothing in the room looked familiar. It was as if everything had changed over the past few moments. Ooohhhh... everything had.

Teddy spoke first, "A healthy minded boy should feel hearty contempt for the coward and even more hearty indignation for the boy who bullies girls or small boys, or tortures animals... What we have a right to expect of the American boy is that he shall turn out to be a good American man." Once again an authentic Roosevelt quote from a totally detached and disturbed young man seem to fit like a glove.

"I'm so sorry you've been frightened." said Abby.

"It looks like we've made a mess of things." added Martha.

"I just need a minute to sort things out... I just had the weirdest dream." Elaine looked to the person she loved, unsure what she was feeling. It was like Dorothy waking to find she no longer was in Kansas.

Judy squeezed Elaine's hand, "I'm afraid it was no dream. This is all my fault. I never should have allowed us to..."

Teddy broke in, "There is not in all America a more dangerous trait than the deification of mere smartness unaccompanied by any sense of moral responsibility." Once again Teddy had something to say about something.

It took everyone a few seconds to digest Teddy's words.

Abby spoke first, "Let's have some elderberry wine." She reached for the sideboard to gather glasses and a decanter.

"Judy... it seems odd to be calling you Judy... I don't know what I should do." There was utter dismay in Elaine's voice. "I should kick you so hard you wouldn't be able to lie on your back. But then you can lie from any position, can't you."

"I'm sorry Elaine... I suppose my life has been something of a lie..."

"What’s your real name anyway?" Elaine’s voice lacked its normal cheery tones.

"The name that will go on our marriage license is Mortimer Brewster!"

"Mortimer? What type of name is.... Marriage license???? Did you say marriage license? Oh I love you Mortimer, Judy Brewster... whatever your name is. Let's do it right away. Let's go to City Hall before anyone sane finds us and tells us were too crazy to get married."

This time it was Elaine sweeping Judy into her arms. She kissed her passionately in front of Abby... in front of Martha... and in front of Teddy.

"Bully!"

Explanations could wait. Love conquers all. Abby and Martha helped them cram two years of planning a wedding and honeymoon into three frantic hours. Before they knew it, they were in front of City Hall armed with birth certificates and a desire to live together the rest of their lives. Both Judy and Elaine were in Victorian wedding gowns from the Brewster’s well-stocked closets.

Judy was wearing a gown she designed herself. It was an elegant three-piece. The creamy silk fine crepe had fabulous lace decorating the bodice on the high neckline and extending across the shoulders and around fastening in back. The lace was comprised of small clovers, pinwheels and paisley shaped swirls. The high neck was trimmed with a band of cream velvet. It had four stays in the collar. The bodice was 'pigeon-breasted'. Judy was wearing a bustle, which was built into the dress. The bustle carried the train in a very alluring fashion. There were several horizontal pleats and a 9" ruffle. Judy's gown was cut for a fuller figure with a 35" bustline and a 26" waistline... perfect for the healthy and beautiful groom. In her hair was a Blue, spanish-style, rhinestone hair comb.

Elaine chose a gown of cream colored silk with a very unusual train. The gown was unique in that it had an over vest which crossed across the bodice and featured a high neckline (metal stays kept the collar in place). The actual gown was long-sleeved, with a faux short oversleeve. The cuffs of the sleeves were accented with 2" wide gathered fine net. The skirt was rather straight with a vertical pleat to the side. The gown was perfect for Elaine's petite figure with a 34" bustline and a 23" waist. She carried a Whiting and Davis mesh purse. Its goldtone frame was covered with a scrolling floral pattern. The hand strap was also goldtone mesh. The high neckline of the gown set off Elaine’s heart-shaped face.

"Are you sure about this Elaine. Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops."

"Yes, Mortimer I'm crazy too... crazy in love with you!"

"How can I marry you? I've spent a lifetime cringing when people laughed at Tootsie and Dame Edna. Now I'll be hooked to a minister's daughter. And look at ya... Look at the way you look. What is that infernal contraption you have there." Judy gestured toward a garish pin Abby had placed on Elaine.

"This is a pin I borrowed from your aunts. You know what they say Mortimer, something borrowed and something..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know. Something borrowed and something blue, old, new. Rice and old shoes, carry you over the threshold. Niagara Falls... all those silly things I've made fun of for years. Is this what I've come to? I can't go through with it. I won't marry you - and that's that."

"Yes Mortimer." said Elaine softly with adoration in her voice.

"What do you mean, "Yes Mortimer"? Aren't you insulted? Aren't you gonna cry? Aren't you gonna make a scene?

"No Mortimer." A small tear formed in the corner of her eye.

"And don't ‘no Mortimer’ me either! Don't you see, marriage is a superstition, it's old fashioned, it's - I - I - Ohh... Do you or do you not love me?"

"Yes, Mortimer."

Mortimer/Judy succumbed to Elaine's wide-eyed innocence, kissed her and led her by the hand to the justice of the peace who joined them in holy wedlock.

The people in the waiting area outside the judge’s office were astonished -- not by the somewhat common sight of two women getting married -- but at the sight of a woman called Mortimer.

The judge was slightly flustered by the names and genders on the birth certificate for Mortimer. However, he was determined to move ahead with the two brides.

"Who’s the male?"

"She’s your man." Said Elaine.

"I wish she was." Added Judy.

The judge winced, "Why do they call us Justice of the Peace. There’s no peace in this job."

A few hours later, Judy and Elaine had explored each other's passion with love of a lesbian relationship. They were in the bridal suite of a New York City hotel. Both were more than satisfied even though Judy was not at all able to bring her Little Mortimer into action. Judy had zero between the loins... but it mattered not.

Elaine propped herself up on the pillow and held Judy in her arms, "Tonight you're mine completely."

Judy looked up at Elaine, "You gave your love so sweetly."

"Tonight the light of love is in your eyes." stated Elaine.

Judy looked up at Elaine with the question of the hour, "But will you love me tomorrow?"

Their love was a lasting treasure, not just a moment's pleasure. They could believe the magic of their sighs. They could be sure they would be loved tomorrow.

They made love with words unspoken. They pledged that each would be the only one. They knew their hearts would not be broken, when the night meets the morning sun.

They would love each other tomorrow.

They honeymooned for the next four months. Their trip covered the U.S., North by Northwest. After touring the United Nations they took a train from New York to Chicago. They then flew Northwest Airlines to South Dakota to see Mount Rushmore. Other than a few moments in a field with a crazed crop duster, their honeymoon was perfect.

One afternoon, while they lounged on a secluded beach in South Dakota, Elaine commented on Judy's beauty. "You are simply incredible. You're so sexy and attractive it's hard to keep my eyes off of you."

"The reason I come off being sexy and attractive - I still can't bring myself to say 'pretty' - is because I have had myself rebuilt. I had the hair under my arms taken care of. And I have had an operation to firm my breast. And I spend about a $1,000 a week to have my toenails, fingernails, eyebrows and hair put in top shape. I'm the female equivalent of a counterfeit $20 bill. Half of what you see is a pretty good reproduction, the rest is fraud."

"Oh you. You rarely indulge yourself. You spend much less time on a beauty routine than I do. You just can't take a compliment."

"Perhaps it's much more nature's hating a vacuum... I deny what is, so nature works on what is not. Fantasy fills the void of my lack of reality."

"You're not a fantasy, and I have a suspicion you know it. How did you ever succeed in hiding your sex for all these years. You could be notorious by now."

"Not to expose your true feelings to an adult - - seems to be instinctive from the age of seven or eight onwards. Of course, it helped immensely to not realize until well into my teens that I was anything but what I was supposed to be."

"Haven't you been scared someone would find out about your secret."

"Elaine… like most other people, the only thing I fear is bigotry. Knowing my secret hasn't changed your love for me. It's not knowing who's a bigot that makes my life hard. My aunts convinced me years ago that it was much easier for me to live this charade than to go through life an effeminate man."

"Have you ever wished you could have had a 'normal' heterosexual life."

"Being a heterosexual seems so intense. It is as much a public affair as a private one. Going steady is a high school diploma in heterosexuality, engagement a B.A., marriage a M.A. and children a P.H.D."

"Did your years of celibacy bother you.?"

"Celibacy is a way of admiring a person for their humanity… maybe even for their beauty. I’ve noticed that celibacy is not something you inherit from your parents."

"Have you?" laughed Elaine. "You once mentioned to me that you were uncomfortable when people laughed at Tootsie... do you have a hard time accepting mainstream negative attitudes toward cross-dressers?"

"'Cross-dresser? Aren't you the politically correct angel!"

"I've done my time on-line."

"To answer your question, love of my life, people like Boy George don't disturb me as much as the hetero keepers of the keys and seals. I'm really uneasy around those that KNOW what the world needs in the way of order and who are ready at the drop of a baseball cap to supply that order."

Judy continued, "I read in a book by the Dalai Lama that happiness is thought by many to be an imaginary condition often attributed by the religious living to the dead. Children say they will be happy when they grow up. Of course, adults tell children they are having the best years of their lives. I'm one person who can tell you I'm truly happy being here… with you... at this very moment."

"That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me." Elaine leaned back thinking. "Wait, in my teens I served on a committee with a boy who was very nice. One day he said to me... you're a pretty good guy, for a girl."

"Who was he? Did he ever kiss you? Do I have competition?"

"No, I was so scared! I ran out of the building and stayed home for the next two months and never went back to that committee. It was then I vowed to remain a virgin until my wedding night."

"And, technically your wedding night has come and gone and you’re still a virgin?"

Elaine struggled for how to explain virginity to her feminine husband. "Virginity is considered by many of my friends to be a waiting room to be gotten out of as quickly as possible. I just could never see it that way. Technically, yes I'm still a virgin."

"I suppose that technically I'm still a virgin as well. I’ve been surprised by how much I love the dildo you use... however, I guess we could both still wear white if we ever marry again."

"Judy! We're on our honeymoon and you're talking about getting remarried. I should leave you right now on grounds of cruelty."

"More to the point; grounds of stupidity. I don’t see how we’d ever get a divorce. It would be like unwinding the inside of a golf ball."

Elaine diplomatically moved on, "Do you think your femininity has limited you as a person? A rich male is the top of the pecking order."

"The good part - the most fun part - of being feminine is frightening men. Don't you love it when those prejudiced 'rich males' come into the Foundation and try to take advantage of our 'lack of business sense'? It's so much fun when they realize we aren't the ninnies they think we are."

"Femininity is such an important quality that no one can really define it... it's like the supreme court trying to define pornography... you know it when you see it. And, I definitely see it in you." gushed an obviously entranced Elaine.

"I think the difference is that woman know they are fallible... men seem to be blind to their personal limitations."

"It's so wonderful being married to someone who had the same upbringing I've had. I was always so scared I'd make a mistake and marry a Neanderthal that didn't appreciate the difference between a lady and a tramp."

"And what, my sweet Elaine, is the difference? I want out of the Dark Ages."

"Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't …are ladies."

"Do you suppose little boys are taught the same definitions? What if they assume that they've found a lady and what they've really found is a lesbian?"

"What if they assume they've found a lesbian and what they've really found is a cock in a frock?"

"You really have been spending time on-line!"

"Judy, what did you dream about when you were young? Did you dream of getting married? Did you dream of making love to a man?"

"I never thought of, or dreamt about, intimacy. When I thought of intimacy I thought of friendship or correspondence."

"What do you dream about now?"

"I mostly dream about the Howards of Virginia."

"What?"

"That was a film back in the forties."

"Oh you!"

"Really... since you and I have married, I find myself searching myself for signs of illusion like a monkey looks for fleas. I don't want you to be embarrassed by what I am."

"Hey, we’ll have none of that monkey business. I could never be embarrassed by you. What you are… is wonderful... all of you."

"Do you think you'll ever wish you married a more manly man?"

"Before they're plumbers or writers or taxi drivers or unemployed or journalists, before anything else, men are men. Doesn't matter if they're heterosexual or homosexual. The only difference is some remind you of it as soon as you meet them, others wait for a little while."

Judy looked into Elaine’s eyes. "I once read where Madonna talked about effeminate men. She said they intrigue her. She saw them as her alter ego. She was drawn to them. She seems to think she thinks like a guy, but she is feminine so she relates to feminine men... maybe that's why you like me... because you think like a man."

"I don't just like you... I love you... and I am what I am and think like I am. I've always admired elegant men. It probably is hard for a man to be elegant without a touch of femininity."

"Or a that touch of mink." Giggled Judy playfully.

"Mink does look elegant on a man."

"Before Johnny left he said Abby, Martha and I are living a lie."

"Good lies need a leavening of truth. It's very possible you are living the absolute truth. A greater truth than if your aunts had brought you up in trousers."

"Elaine, is an orgasm important to you?"

"Yes! I've had about a million of them the past few weeks."

"What do they feel like?"

"An orgasm is the laughter of the loins."

"Would your loins like a little chuckle?"

"Tickle my innards, matey!"

During their honeymoon they planned their lives. They would continue to live as two women. No one outside of their immediate families would know of their marriage. They wouldn't even tell Elaine's parents about Judy's real sex. They would keep their intimacy by sharing their ultimate secrets.

They didn't want to become a freak show. Due to the Brewster fortune the press would have a field day if they found out.... with people watching their every mannerism, jotting down notes on how they sit, stand, talk and even move... and all in that snide, horrible, corkscrew English.

When they returned from the honeymoon... er... their business trip. Judy and Elaine set about developing a life for themselves. Elaine moved into the Brewster mansion. Ostensibly so she could devote more time to the Brewster Foundation…. in reality, to facilitate her devotion to Judy.

Teddy seemed to have little problem with the arrangement. "Woman should have equal rights with men… especially in laws relating to marriage; there should be the most absolute equality between the two sexes. I do not think the woman should assume the man’s name." The question was… just how much would Teddy bear?

Under their duel guidance, the Brewster Foundation flourished. Judy brought enormous organizational skills to the table. Elaine matched her abilities with her gifted leadership in the investment area. Soon the amounts of their financial grants were double those of any previous time. Further, their active roles in the charities magnified the end impact of any amount they gifted. In Psalms it claims, "Blessed is he that considereth the poor." Judy and Elaine were blessed.

Even Teddy seemed to think things were as they should be at Brewster mansion. He chirped, "I wish to preach not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of strenuous life." Seemingly he was giving his tacit approval to the 60 and 70-hour weeks the young couple was devoting to their labors.

Life was perfect. Elaine truly was a dream wife. The only thing missing was a chance to kiss and make up. When you're in love, life is holiday.

As a wedding present, Abby and Martha gave the couple a houseboat, which they christened Room For One More as they often used it to entertain. Judy felt like he was Mr. Lucky.

"I really like the uniqueness of my life." Said Judy one late evening in their room. "Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth. The American ideal seems to be that everyone should be as much alike as possible."

Elaine gave that some thought and responded. "The concept of mental health in our society is defined largely by the extent to which an individual behaves in accord with the needs of the system …and does so without showing stress."

And, they lived happily ever after… well …almost.

 

Chapter Six – None but the Lonely Heart

"We're not allowing him to stay more than one night in this house." Abby was in tears. She was holding a letter from Johnny.

Judy was away for the day checking on a clinic they funded in West Virginia. Elaine and Martha were sitting at the living room table with Abby.

"Read the letter again, please." said Martha.

"Dear Aunts Abby and Martha… It's time I came home to take care of you. In six months, I'm coming to Boston. I've devoted my life to finding ways to set things straight with people like you. You’ll see! Your son, Johnny."

"He will ruin our lives." cried Abby. "His letter sounds so vindictive. His childhood can't have been all that bad. Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I don’t think he was born to be bad."

"Maybe it's just an idle threat..." From what Elaine could remember about Johnny, she didn't really think he was the type to make an idle threat.

"No. Johnny's coming home to cause trouble. To ‘take care of us’." Martha wasn't crying, but she was definitely frightened.

"He's going to expose Judy as a man and tell everyone the awful truth and ruin everything...people will talk!" Abby was beside herself.

"Oh… you're right... you're absolutely right. We’ll be the talk of the town." added Martha. "He loved Judy and felt betrayed when he found out her secret. He probably has been waiting all these years for the right time to come back and destroy her life."

"We just can't allow that to happen." Elaine was resolved to protect Judy. "We’ll just have to make it impossible for Johnny to have his revenge."

"How can we do that? Will you two move away… like Johnny?"

"No, Mortimer and I are going to live right here."

"What do you mean... Mortimer? Oh..."

The three put their heads together and came up with a plan to transform Judy into Mortimer. They decided they wouldn't tell Judy about the letter. They would slowly change her into him. In six months, Johnny would have nothing to use to damage the Brewster family.

"What will the neighbors think? People coming into the house with one face and going out with another?" asked Abby.

"We must treat each man on his own worth and merits as a man. We must see that each is given a square deal." Offered Teddy.

"They'll believe what they see." Answered Elaine, generally bringing the conversation back on track after Teddy’s venture into Rooseveltland. "When we're through with Mortimer, he'll be the perfect gentleman. Are you two dead set on calling him Mortimer? I really don't like the idea of being married to a Mortimer."

"How about Nick?" Martha seemed ready and enthused. "We'll change him in the "Nick" of time. He'll be our son, Nick."

Nick it was!

***

When Judy came back from her trip she found things to be a little different around the Brewster household. Everyone was trying to be as quiet as possible. Aunt Martha had been suffering the entire day from a migraine. The doctor had been in to see her. He suggested she might be having a reaction to perfume or some other strong scent.

That evening, all of the Brewster ladies put away their colognes, perfumes and scented lotions. The next day, Aunt Martha was much better. It was decided that everyone (including Judy) would no longer wear scents. This was quite a change for Judy. She loved her romantic perfumes. Even though it was a sacrifice, Judy wouldn’t think of putting poor Aunt Martha through such agony.

Two days later, Elaine and Judy went to the beauty parlor for their normal bi-weekly appointment. They both had kept roughly the same hairstyles for a number of years. Judy had been after Elaine to try something new. On the way to the salon, Judy was surprised when Elaine offered to allow Judy to pick out a new style for her. Judy knew just what she wanted to have done to Elaine's hair. Elaine agreed even though she, "Didn't really like the cut."

When Elaine was done, she said, "Now it's your turn."

"Oh Elaine, I don't think so. I love my hair and couldn't possibly change it."

"Oh no! Fair is fair."

"Okay... I'll be a sport. After all, all I really care about is what you think of me!"

"Just keep that thought, Judy!"

When Judy was finally allowed to look in the mirror she was shocked. Her hair was cut into a Grace Jones' style flat-top. It was quite mannish!

"You look so much better." chirped Elaine. "I love it!"

Judy was unconvinced, so much so that Elaine promised they would shop for a wig in a few days if Elaine didn't get used to her new style.

Aunt Abby and Aunt Martha were very taken with Judy's new look. They thought it was marvelous.

***

Judy was surprised by the increasing number of household chores the Aunts had for her. Everything seemed to need attention at a time of day when they couldn't call a repairman. Judy always had a hammer or wrench in her hands.

She broke several nails. Aunt Martha offered a manicure. Martha first removed all the nail polish. Once she had Judy’s nails to a natural color, she filed them down to an eighth of an inch beyond the tips of the fingers.

"It's best if we make them all the same length." reasoned Aunt Martha. "You really damaged this one nail. They'll all have to be quite short for a while."

Judy looked at her hands. With the shorter nails and clear polish her hands looked much less refined and a bit thicker.

Martha worked on Judy's nails every other day trying to salvage the damage done by the 'broken nails'. If anything, it appeared all her nails were getting shorter.

While trying to fix a stuck door, Judy had complained about her lack of strength. Aunt Abby went to the pharmacy and got Judy some special vitamins. Judy was required by Aunt Abby to take about a dozen different pills a day.

It was unthinkable for Judy not to do everything her Aunts and wife wanted.

In the Brewster house, love meant unconditional obedience

***

A week later, Aunt Martha had another migraine. After consideration and a family council, it was decided that the aroma coming from their cosmetics was the problem. Each and every lipstick, foundation, eyeshadow, etc. in the house was boxed away in airtight containers.

The next week was Christmas.

"Elaine, why did you give me men's shirts?"

"Judy, they're all very nice. I liked the style and couldn't find anything quite like them in the ladies’ department. You will wear them, won't you?"

"For you, anything."

Judy either didn't notice the masculine cut of the slacks she was given by Aunt Martha... or wasn't about to spoil the Christmas spirit.

She didn't complain at all about the Sears tools she received from Aunt Abby. Apparently she was to be the permanent household janitor.

Later that week, Elaine asked her if she didn't want to try on her new clothes. Not wanting to disappoint her wife, Judy put on one of the new shirts. It was a bit unhandy with the buttons all being on the wrong side. The pair of slacks Elaine coaxed her to try was a little more familiar. However, the placement of the zipper made Judy blush with acknowledgement of its purpose.

With her short hair and without makeup she looked fairly androgynous. As she looked in the mirror she saw herself as a man for the first time in her life. There was no duality in the mirror. She was a man.

She stared at the mirror for several minutes. Elaine had been watching her anxiously awaiting trying to read her thoughts.

"Do you like what you see?" Elaine asked.

"I'm not sure... this is a little hard for me to understand."

"Would you like to try something?"

"What do you mean?"

"Would you like my help to see yourself as a man?"

"Oh Elaine, I don't think I can be a man."

"Judy, you can be anything you want to be... you've already proven that." With that, Elaine helped Judy remove the shirt. She helped her flatten her breast with an ace bandage. She brought out a pair of black men’s sox and some tightie-whities. From under the bed, she pulled a pair of wing tips.

"Elaine, where did you get all of this?"

"I've been noticing how masculine you've been acting around the house lately with your tool belt and all the things you've been fixing. You’ve been a regular Tim Allen. We’ve been expecting you to start grunting like him. I figured it was only an amount of time before you'd want to try something like this."

Judy started to open her mouth to argue. She was certain it was her aunts who were demanding she do all the repairs and Abby had given her the tool belt. Yet, she was intrigued by what she saw in the mirror. Sure, her waist was too narrow and she wasn't sporting a five o'clock shadow, but what she saw was convincing.

The heavy wing tips made Judy shuffle. She automatically lost the sway she normally had in her hips. Judy was much shorter without her heels. But, as long as Elaine wore a modest heel, they would still look like a couple.

Judy took off her earrings and other jewelry.

Elaine was excited. "Let's go out!"

"Okay, I'll change into something nice."

"No --- let's go out like this." Elaine had on her normal eveningwear. She was dressed in a skirt and sweater. She looked a little plain without make up but she was a natural beauty.

"I couldn't." Judy was startled by the suggestion. "People would laugh at me."

"You’ve nothing to be scared of… you’re quite handsome."

"You couldn’t tell a mother swan from a father goose."

"Mortimer... look in the mirror. You look as masculine as most men."

Mortimer? Elaine never called Judy... Mortimer.

Elaine cuddled up to Mortimer and pulled his arms around her. She looked him in the eyes and sighed. "You look so handsome. Couldn't we just go out and have a drink as man and wife?"

How could he turn her down? There was a stirring in his loins that he didn't quite recognize. It was as if he was hungry for something.

"Oh, okay... if it means so much to you. You know you are my favourite wife." Secretly, Mortimer was curious to see if he could pass in public as a man.

"Splendid. Mortimer... would you mind if I don’t call you Judy tonight?"

"I suppose that would be best."

"Then you won’t be a girl in name only."

"Aren’t you clever."

"How about if I call you Nick?"

"Nick?"

"Yes, Nicky. I've always loved that name."

"Okay, Nick it is."

Elaine found a billfold for Nick and he transferred most of what he needed. He hoped they wouldn't ask for an I.D. at the bar. He stuffed the billfold in his hip pocket. The bulged felt very unnatural.

"What do I do with the rest of my things that don't fit in the billfold?"

"That's why you have other pockets."

"Elaine, do you know what it is men are talking about when they say they're playing pocket pool?"

"No Nick, I think it's something you'll have to learn on your own."

For the next hour, Nick practiced male versions of standing, walking, sitting and speaking. Elaine told him to keep his hands still when he talked. Nick solved this fault by stuffing his hands in his pockets.

He worked at plopping down into a chair, without care about creases in his trousers. He tried to remember to allow his legs to spread, a very unnatural position for him. Elaine help him lose a little of his perfect posture. She even had him slump when he walked.

Soon Nick was striking the ground with his heels. He didn’t want to be accused of being light in his wingtips.

He also lengthened his stride by more than a third.

When Nick couldn't find any more reasons not to go out, they left… by a side door so that the Aunts wouldn't know. Of course, the Aunts did know and were excited and eager to see how the night would unfold.

They were eager. Nick was anxious.

All his life Nick had been convinced that he was better off a fake woman than a feminine man. Now there seemed at least a possibility he could actually be a man for his Elaine. He was determined to give it a try.

They found a small neighborhood bar. The waitress had breasts that could serve as life preservers. "What'l ya have."

"A white wine... er... for the lady and a bottle of beer for me."

"A white wine... well what do ya think of that." The waitress was obviously not impressed by a woman who sipped white wine. "Say mister, you want a glass for that beer."

"Nope, it ain't champagne!" Nick wondered if he should scratch his crotch or spit on the floor.

Nick was starting to settle in when the waitress came back.

"Say! The bartender is having a real problem with you."

Nick looked over at the bar hoping the bartender would be small. Unfortunately, this particular bartender looked like he could easily break him in half. Nick nervously fingered the twine in his pant’s pocket.

"Say Suzy, what's the problem?" said Nick in his lowest possible register. He was becoming a little less nervous and had finally seen the nametag hanging from her more than ample breast.

"We only got one bottle of white wine. You'd have to pay for the entire bottle if we open it. It would be $7.00. And, we're not so sure we can find a corkscrew."

"Just bring me a beer... with a glass, please." Said Elaine, hoping to keep everything positive.

"Sure, sure cupcake. A glass for m'lady." Suzy obviously didn't count on too many tips.

Things went smoothly for the next hour as they had a few drinks and quiet conversation.

"Nick, I have to go to the ladies room."

"That’s fine. Go ahead. You go and I’ll just sit here and wonder which sex I am."

Nick was surprised when the waitress came over to the table and sat down.

She had the mischievous eyes of someone who had seen plenty in her day. She'd been flirting with Nick all night and was pleased to have an opportunity to come on to him. Leaning into Nick, she gathered up an empty beer bottle and wiped an imaginary spill off the table.

Her voice spoke of years of high times in low places. "You look just grand tonight. Why don't you come up sometime 'n see me? I'm home every evening."

Nick didn't know if she was making fun of him or if she was serious. "Yeah, well I'm busy every evening." He pointed to his wedding ring.

"Busy, so what are you trying to do, insult me."

"Why no, not at all. I'm just 'busy' that's all..."

"You ain't kiddin me any. You know, I met your kind before. Why don't you come up sometime, huh?"

"Well I..."

"Don't be afraid. I won't tell..." She tilted her head toward the approaching Elaine and leaned in to whisper. "Come up. I'll tell your fortune... Ah, you can be had."

"What was that all about?" Asked Elaine returning just as the waitress left.

"The waitress was so interested you’d think she was trying to catch a thief and I was the guilty party. I think I was just propositioned."

"That's wonderful... I mean, she certainly has her nerve coming on to my husband. But, isn't it wonderful that she sees you as a man? A handsome catch at that!"

"I guess so." An unconvinced Nick had to use the bathroom. He wasn't certain what he should do. He couldn't wait to go home and he certainly couldn't go to the ladies’ room. He'd never used a men's room.

Elaine saw him squirming and guessed what he was thinking. "Use the men's room. It's the one on the left."

Nick was appalled by what he had to do, but realized he had no choice. When he went into the men's room, the only stall was in use. He could wait, but hanging around the men's room didn't seem to be a good option. For the first time in his life, he used a urinal. He felt ridiculous, but, was pleased when he found he could aim at the target that had been placed at the urinal’s bottom.

As he washed his hands, he debated whether or not he should tell the other man in the room that he'd hit the bulls-eye. He caught himself before he almost fluffed what little hair he had left while looking in the mirror.

When he got back to the table, he talked Elaine into going home before he did something to ruin the evening.

As they walked in the door of the Brewster mansion Nick called out for his aunts. They came out of the kitchen like they had been waiting all night for Elaine and him to come home... which they had.

"Alright you three. What's up?"

"What do you mean Nick." said a very innocent Elaine.

"Nick?" asked Aunt Abby.

"Nick is nice." said Martha. "I've never known a Nick I didn't like. And, you do look very handsome."

"And, I've never known an Aunt that couldn't change the subject when she felt like it. But, not tonight. You two may have been able to fool me for most of my childhood, but I'm not quite as naive as I once was. Why are you three working so hard to masculinize me?"

"It's Johnny. He's coming home and we couldn't let him hurt you." Elaine was answering for all three of them.

"Johnny??? So that's it. When's he coming?"

"He'll be here in about five months." Said Aunt Martha. "By that time you should be very convincing."

"He's pretty convincing already. If I hadn't kept him on a leash he would have ran off with the waitress at the lounge." Elaine was half peeved - half proud.

"Nick... you should be ashamed of yourself."

"I should be ashamed??? You..."

"Now Nick, we've always had your best interest at heart."

"If you three had anymore interest in me, I'd really be in trouble. Where do we go from here?"

Aunt Abby touched Nick by his upper arm to get his full attention. "Nick, we think you should keep dressing as a man."

"I think so too. But, this is something Elaine and I need to discuss in private."

Nick and Elaine went to their bedroom and prepared for bed. Nick wasn't totally surprised to find a set of men's pajamas already laid out for him. He liked their heft and the way he looked in them.

As he cuddled with Elaine, he noticed she was wearing perfume.

"No more migraines?" asked Nick, with a smirk.

"I'm pretty sure you'll see your aunts in full war paint tomorrow. They've missed their bright eyes and sweet smells."

As Nick buried his nose into Elaine’s neck he felt an unfamiliar twitch in his groin. "Elaine! Do you think it's possible for me to have an erection?"

"With the pills we've been giving you, the doctor says it's very possible you'll finally go through puberty!"

They made love that night as they always had. However, Nick wondered if there might not be ‘Better Living Through Chemistry’ in their future.

Nick dozed off dreaming of new and wonderful things.

The next morning, Nick woke up with a sticky substance in his pajama bottoms. He had experienced his first wet dream.

That afternoon, he went to the doctor and discussed where he was going and what was going to happen to him.

The doctor prescribed a complete P. E. P. program of Pills, Exercise and Pump. Nick left with a new prescription. The doctor gave him a pump like one he had laughed at in an Austin Powers movie. The 'exercise' prescribed by the doctor wasn’t something he was do to in a health club. The doctor wanted him to masturbate at every opportunity. The prescriptions included dianabol, equipoise, winstrol and masteron.

In the past, Nick had always been very comfortable with their female doctor. Now Nick wished the family doctor was an elderly gentleman with a long beard. As it was, Nick couldn't have been in better hands. The doctor had helped several transsexuals; male to female as well as F2M.

"Nick", she said "You're going through one of the most satisfying and stimulating times of your life. Enjoy your transition and try to remember everything that is happening to you. You will never be intersexed again."

When Nick returned to the Brewster mansion he found all his clothing had been removed and replaced with male attire. He changed out of his blouse and skirt into slacks and a sweatshirt. He went looking for Elaine for an explanation of where his clothes went and why.

As he was leaving his room he ran into Teddy.

"Well, you look perfectly idiotic in those clothes.!"

"These aren’t my clothes."

"Well, where are your clothes?"

"I’ve lost my clothes."

"Well, why are you wearing these clothes?"

"Because I just went gay all of a sudden."

"I had a similar problem when I came down with malaria in San Juan. I found it help to left my sword and run up a hill screaming… CHARGE!"

"Teddy, getting my sword up is exactly why I’m wearing this clothes."

Within a few weeks, Nick was able to ejaculate. For some reason, he remembered a poem Johnny had told them when they were young... he now understood the meaning.

They bought me a box of tin soldiers

I threw all the Generals away

I smashed up the Sergeants and Majors

Now I play with my Privates all day.

Nick was beginning to feel quite good about himself.

One day Elaine asked him, "Do you feel guilty when you masturbate."

Without stopping to think at all Nick answered, "Only if I do it badly! Hey don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love."

Elaine knew at that moment that Nick had made a big adjustment from the demure girl she knew as a child.

The Brewster mansion was again scented with the romantic fragrances of Abby’s Arpege, Martha’s Je Keviens and Elaine’s Pavlova. The only scent Nick would use was Aqua de Palma aftershave.

Soon, he actually needed aftershave as his beard started to grow. His eyebrows filled in and he started to break out. For a few days, he wished he could use some concealer to cover his blemishes, but cosmetics were off limits for him. Thankfully, his acne went away as quickly as it had started. For a long tortuous month, his voice broke at unexpected times before he settled into a rich tenor.

His hair became naturally curly.

Nick worked with Elaine to refine his vocabulary. Words like cute, delightful, adorable, etc. were dropped. He started to read the sports page with more regularity. New to sports; he first became a Giants fan. Later, he changed his allegiance to the Dodgers.

He learned that men talk only when they need to… usually to get women to sleep with them… while women sleep with men so they can talk to them.

One day Elaine brought home several paint sample books. She pointed to a color and asked Nick what it was.

"That’s blush." Said Nick with confidence, wondering why Elaine was asking such a question.

"No Nick, that’s pink." Corrected Elaine.

"Well darling, it certainly looks like blush."

"I know honey, but it’s pink. Let’s try this one."

"That’s rose."

"No Nick, that’s pink."

"But you said that other one was pink."

"Yes dear, I know. Let’s try another."

"Now that one I’m sure is melon."

"Nick… this is also pink. Men only recognize 10 – 15 basic colors. They don’t know the names of the various hues and shades. While women have dozens of names for the shades of pink, that’s all lost on men. It’s like all those tiny engine parts that men seem to be able to name. Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes."

"My choices of color names have been restricted to a small child’s crayola box?"

" Yes, if we want to eliminate the potential of a problem with Johnny. Now, what’s this?" Elaine pointed to a color that matched what had been Judy’s favorite mulberry lipstick.

"Darling, you know that’s PINK." Nick scratched his crotch for emphasis.

"You’re the best, Nick."

"I’ve learned that only two things are necessary to make one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her way. And second, let her have it."

Elaine smiled deeply and said. "That’s the type of male garbage you should be spouting. I think we’re really making some changes in you."

"Nonsense Sweetcheeks, the only time a woman really succeeds in changing a male is when he’s a baby."

The fatty deposits that had been Judy's breast subsided and were surgically diminished to proper proportions. Liposuction help Nick remove the excess from his posterior.

At the same time his diet (40 – 50 grams a day of saturated fat) added girth to his waist … now 32". He joined a health club and started pumping heavy iron. He was becoming broad at the shoulders and narrow at the hip.

Many of those in the neighborhood and those involved with his work were amazed at the changes. Nick complained to Elaine, "They all repeat rumors that I'm homosexual. Now… I don't think that's an insult, but it is all nonsense." (When Nick was a twenty-four year old ‘Judy’, he had been hit on by Randolph Scott, a CPA that audited the Foundations books. While Judy somewhat enjoyed the attention, she considered the advances to be heterosexual. Judy was fairly certain she wasn’t gay. Yet, she didn’t take the initiative to move the relationship to a sexual level. Although she had been tempted.)

At first Nick had urges to grab his wife's cosmetics and work on his appearance. Over time, he became accustomed to his face.

The hair on his legs and torso became thick and dark. Nick really didn’t miss the periodic waxings Judy had endured.

Nick decided to quit masturbating. After a week of 'celibacy' he knew it was time to consummate his marriage.

Nick and Elaine checked into the same hotel where they had been on their honeymoon. They requested the same suite. After a glass of champagne they shyly found their way into bed.

Nick kept the upper position. After a minimum of foreplay he slipped his swelling member into a place he had only visited before with his mouth and tongue. They locked together like legos and undulated as if they were on a mission. Where Little Mortimer had struck out, Little Nicky hit a home run.

Nick felt his loins explode with a huge ‘belly-laugh’. At the same time, Elaine arched her back as they were pronounced man and wife …by Mother Nature.

Elaine presented Nick with a haiku she had written.

He became a she

Later she became a he

I’m in love with YOU.

As they dined on a late snack, Nick talked of the sexes from his unique perspective. "I liked being a woman. Most women are instinctively wiser and emotionally more mature than men. They know their insecurities. A man rushes about trying to prove himself. It takes him much longer to feel comfortable about getting married. Of course our kids might be stumped if they’re ever asked… name your father’s gender."

Now… they lived happily ever after. Well… except…

 

Chapter Seven – Walk Don’t Run to Boston

When Johnny left the Brewster mansion that ill-fated morning, he left equipped with the basic tools needed for survival. His military training at the academy compelled him to approach most situations from an analytical standpoint with the barest minimum of emotion.

Discovering the love of your life is a male after assuming for twelve years that she was female, was still too much to process immediately.

He realized he needed to put some distance between Brewster mansion and himself.

He needed a plan.

Johnny went to the airport and allowed himself one whimsical decision. He had no predisposition as to where he wanted to live. He followed what appeared to be a happy couple into the airport and decided to go wherever they went. They both turned out to be professors at Indiana University. Johnny quickly found himself in Bloomington Indiana.

Johnny established residence in a Holiday Inn and took several weeks to develop a plan.

First, Johnny needed to decide what he wanted to do with his life. Second, he had to resolve his anger. He had been deceived for whatever reason, but needed to move on. Third, he needed an investment strategy for the $5,000,000, so that money would never be a problem for him.

Johnny had a natural love of books and education. He knew he wanted an advanced degree. He found the library at Indiana University to be very helpful. He found in incredible amount of information regarding gender dysphoria and transsexuals. He found the topic to be fascinating. He soon decided to pursue a degree in Medicine with an emphasis on gender studies. He was an excellent student and was highly motivated. He seemed hyper-sensitive to every bit of knowledge about his chosen field.

Johnny had successfully turned adversity into opportunity.

During the first few months, Johnny kept his money in money market accounts. He read several books and studies regarding investing money. He came across a paper written by William C. Sharpe regarding the impact of style and sector on stock values. According to Sharpe, 90% of a stocks price is established by external factors. Sharpes’ studies indicated predicting performance of individual stocks was fraught with peril.

Johnny decided to invest solely in mutual funds.

Johnny theorized that the managers of mutual funds would be influenced by their personal preference. Some people invest solely in value stocks while others put their trust in growth stocks. The same applies to large cap/small cap. Rarely, if ever, do people switch basic investment philosophies. The wisdom in the market suggests that you pick a mutual fund manager and ride with him for the long run. However, the market fluctuates between growth and value stocks favoring one or the other in cycles. Johnny decided to pick mutual funds according to what was being favored in the market. He set a standard of trying to catch 85% of the markets efficiencies. He did this by factoring emotion out of his financial decisions. All of his mutual fund choices were made by his preset equations.

Part of Johnny's education at the academy had been extensive training in the use of computers. Johnny programmed a Macintosh to make his style/mutual fund choices.

Johnny also applied the same logic to sectors. He found mutual fund managers that were experts in each of 32 sectors. He rode them until his indicators suggested their sectors were out of favor.

His no-emotion approach allowed him to avoid the greed/fear cycle that harms most individual investors. Johnny enjoyed the full positive impact of the bull market of the late 80’s and 90’s. His disciplined approach to vacating a sliding market allowed him to sell most of his NASDAQ holding when that index was still at 4,500. He practiced asset balancing from the very start, so his losses had been minimized. His gains were substantial.

Johnny lived a simple life; spending less than $50,000 a year on his personal expense.

Johnny didn't want contact with the Brewsters. He had set aside any personal rancor, but, believed he would grow more as an individual if he put them in his past.

He changed his name to Cary Dudley.

One evening during his internship he had a few drinks at a local pub with a doctor from the hospital. Toward the end of the evening, the doctor allowed the alcohol to loosen his tongue.

"You know Cary, I wasn’t always a associated with a teaching hospital. I once had a thriving practice with the Boston society set. All of that started to unravel the day I met the Brewsters."

Cary could hardly believe his ears. "Isn’t that amazing. My life was also changed by a family called Brewster in Boston."

"My Brewsters were nice enough." Said the doctor. "But there was something about them that seem to indicate trouble."

"The Brewsters I knew were also nice. They just were incredibly quirky."

"Quirky… that would be appropriate for the family that led me to leave Boston."

"I’ll bet your Brewsters didn’t run around their antiquated mansion in 150 year old dresses."

Cary was shocked when his drinking companion passed out. He didn’t think he had been drinking that heavily. Dr. Einstein just wasn’t the type of person to become inebriated.

The next day, the two compared notes and became very close friends. Fate had brought them together. Cary’s story brought Dr. Einstein to have new interest in gender related medicine. After Cary completed his internship they created a clinic backed by Cary’s money. It soon became a thriving practice.

The Dudley Institute is located in a small, three-story, brick building on Jordan Avenue not far from the main Indiana University campus in Bloomington, Indiana. The building design told you immediately that its occupants had more important things to do than spend time on architecture.

In the lobby is further proof the building is one of purpose. The mission statement for the Dudley Institute is posted on the wall in 6" block letters for all to see. "Tempora mutantar, nos et mutamurin illis." (Times change and we must change with them.)

On the table in the lobby is a brochure that outlines the philosophy of the Institute. Its heading declares, "We will accept all patients that demonstrate a desire for help with their gender dysphoria. Financial help is available."

"Judy, Judy, Judy! That’s all I’ve heard from you for the past few weeks Dr. Dudley." Doctors. Einstein and Dudley met daily to consult. They shared each others patients using a team approach to optimize their effectiveness.

"I’ve never said… Judy, Judy, Judy." Retorted Dudley.

"Well, you’ve certainly said something like that every time we’ve talked recently. And, next week you’re scheduled to finally go to Boston to see the Brewsters."

"I’ll admit I’m eager to see them… including Judy. I’m ready to go there and help her with her problem." Cary’s familiarity with transsexuals and transvestites had him in the habit of referring to his patients in the gender they preferred irregardless of birth gender.

"How do you know she has a problem?" Asked Dr. Einstein.

"I assume that living in that household would lead to a few problems. They’re insane."

"Insane, Cary? Don’t you think you’re a little harsh?"

"I find that when dealing with the insane it helps to pretend to be sane." quipped Cary. "Sometimes when I looked in my aunts’ eyes I got the feeling no one was driving. It appears there’s a little too much chlorine in their gene pool."

"Cary!"

"You know I’m kidding. I look forward to seeing all of them. I had a very good childhood and hope to set some things straight. Besides, what a case study Judy will be! The process of turning a man into a woman is enormously complicated."

"She is unique in her upbringing. But Cary, I want to remind you… the Brewsters are eccentric. The rich can be ‘eccentric’, it’s only the poor that have to be ‘nuts’. But, what makes you so sure Judy is having a problem?" Dr. Einstein persisted, "It sounds to me that she was fairly well-adjusted from the way you describe her."

"Sure she was… up until I freaked. There’s no telling how much damage was inflicted that morning. I’ve been afraid to go back until I felt able to clinically cope with the situation. But, think of it. What a chance to work with someone with a totally different perspective on gender identity. Since most children are taught there are two different sexes and that a persons gender group is stable over time and situations. Think of the lack of gender consistency in Judy’s life. Think of trying to determine if she has problems with gender labeling, or did have problems as a small child. I sure hope Abby and Martha will be cooperative."

"Have you thought of the different schmas you might encounter?"

"I’m certain Judy will have extraordinary mental representations about the sexes."

"Children learn about societies sexual differences by placing emphasis on what they’re expected to learn. Boys think they’re expected to know more about trucks and engines, so they listen much more intently when such things are discussed."

"Judy represents an opportunity to either support or refute some of those theories." Dr. Dudley went on, "As you know, we have many associates who believe hormone level determines children’s abilities, behavior and personalities. Judy might help us shed some light on this as well.

"I’m not so sure you’re ready to face your past."

"What a pity you and I can’t trade problems. You seem to know exactly how to solve my dilemmas."

"Cary, I don’t think you’re being entirely fair with me."

"How’s that my fine colleague?"

"I’m trying to be serious and you’re joking."

"Maybe I joke because I am so serious?"

"Maybe your conscience is bothering you too much?"

Cary eyes were fixed on the ceiling of his office, "Anyone whose conscience never troubles him, must have it pretty well-trained."

"You know Cary. I can joke too. For instance… Did you know human beings are the only creatures on Earth that allow children to come home?"

"Yah, we watched that Cosby special together. You don’t think Abby and Martha will kill me and bury me in the basement, do you?"

"That’s absurd. Home is a place where they have to let you in. Cary, do you think there’s a chance Judy might be happy just as she is?"

"Well most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

"It possible she is happy." Said Dr. Einstein. "It’s logical that a man who has lived as woman for as long as Judy has would be content in her role."

"If the world were a logical place, men would ride sidesaddle." Cary reminded his friend. "If the stars are aligned right, my trip to Boston should be very positive."

"Cary, you know I don’t believe in astrology. Of course, that’s typical for a Capricorn. I know you’ve been using the name Dudley to distance yourself from the Brewsters. Now that you’re going back to re-establish ties, do you have any desire to use your real name."

"My real name is Johnny Grant. As we’ve discussed, I was adopted. I think it would be too painful to go back to being called Johnny. I actually much prefer Cary. Given time to consider, I’d like to have a name that wasn’t surrounded by turmoil or anger. How about a hybrid of my past and present names. How does Cary Grant sound to you?"

"Sounds a little formal. Stick with Dudley. By the way, where did you get the name Dudley?"

"It was just something I picked up playing softball."

"You picked your name from a softball? Your family is loaded with individuals!"

"You and I would be out of job if our society quit picking on us individuals. Those who talk about individuality the most fervently… are also those that most object to deviation. Things are changing. Some day people will just think what they want to think and then everyone WILL BE THINKING ALIKE, which seems to be what people want."

"Johnny, why do you think people have such a taboo about cross-dressing?"

"Taboos are only the hangovers of diseased minds. They are the product of fearsome people who use religion and morality to impose their will upon us."

"We are so worried about how others see us."

"The truth is, if we saw ourselves as others see us… we would vanish on the spot. People just don’t see one another."

"All people want is what they can never really get… respect. People are to concerned about negative comparisons with themselves to ever truly respect each other."

"Johnny… I think you’re ready to go to Boston… to set things right."

***

Nick, Elaine, Abby and Martha were paging through a photograph album from over 20 years earlier.

As had become normal in the household, Teddy was alone in his room. Of late, Teddy had become something of a loner spending long hours by himself behind closed doors. He seemed to spend quite a bit of time online. Package after package arrived for Teddy. He always opened them in his room.

Teddy had a credit card he was allowed to use for personal purchases. The aunts told the accountants to pay his bills as long as he didn’t spend more than $250,000 a year. They felt it was Teddy’s business and Teddy’s business only what he did in his room. Lately Teddy had lost a considerable amount of weight. Over the past several months, he had received many packages that he opened in the privacy of his room. Everyone respected Teddy’s privacy and hoped for the best.

"Look!" Said Elaine, "Here’s a picture of Johnny, Judy, Teddy and me making fudge in the kitchen. Don’t we look happy?" Elaine was glowing like a woman carrying a child.

She didn’t know it yet, but she had Nick’s baby on board.

Nick looked at the photo and thought about today being the day Johnny was scheduled to arrive, "A family’s photograph album is generally about the extended family – and often is all that remains of it."

"I hope this extended family goes on as one." Said Martha, "I’m praying Johnny will remember the love we all had for him."

Judy closed the album and sighed, "Not even Johnny would want to have his entire family hate him. There’s a power the family can exercise over you that is more powerful than anything else in society."

"It might be best if Johnny just doesn’t show!" Said Nick, "I’ve discovered there are advantages to being male and I like them. I owe that discovery to Johnny. Like Orwell said… All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. I like being a more equal animal."

Just then the doorbell rang.

Nick answered the door, recognized Johnny and immediately hugged him.

Johnny was slightly taken aback. He pulled away and looked Nick over from head to toe.

"Teddy?"

"Judy."

"Judy??!!"

"Judy."

"Ahem!" Everyone turned to the feminine voice from the top of the stairs. There stood Teddy. He was a vision of pearls, tight curls and a flowered dress (that swirls). There’s little question what Teddy had been doing in his room for the past several months. He was the picture of grace and contentment. Teddy had found his true self after years of search.

"I’m no longer pretending to be my uncle. From now on I will simply be me --- Eleanor Roosevelt. The woman who married her cousin and later became a lesbian."

Nick said it for everyone.

"Well, I’ll be the son of a sea cook."

 

The End

 

Appendix - References to the career of Cary Grant

I’ve included many references to Arsenic and Old Lace, but will not list them. This great Frank Capra farce was filmed in 1944. The cast included Raymond Massey and Peter Lorre. If you haven’t seen this movie for a while, rent it immediately. Some critics pan it as Grant’s worst film, citing his mugging. It might not be high drama, but it is great low-comedy.

 

 

Chapter One - Bringing Up Baby

"Bringing Up Baby" is a comedy filmed in 1938 co-starring Katherine Hepburn

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They met the young lady (Regina Lambert) at a home for single mothers they supported through their foundation.

Regina Lambert was the screen name for Audrey Hepburn in the 1963 classic ‘Charade’.

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His father’s name was Archie, Archie Leach from Bristol, England.

Archie Leach was Grant’s real name.

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His father’s name was Archie, Archie Leach from Bristol, England.

Grant was born in Bristol, England.

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Archie had changed his last name from Ferrante to Leach.

Grant played Nicke Ferrante in "An Affair to Remember" with Deborah Kerr in 1957. This film is mentioned in "Sleepless in Seattle’ as the ultimate ‘chick-flick’.

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He had considered taking the initials of a famous movie star, reverse them and come up with a name using those initials.

According to Hollywood legend, the studio picked Cary Grant’s name by taking the initials from their current top star’s name (Gary Cooper), reversing them and filling in the name.

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She kept a piece of twine in her pocket to remind her that all she amounted to was less than the value of a piece of twine.

Grant carried a piece of twine in his pocket supposedly to remind him of his modest upbringing.

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They started with Virginia, moved on to Barbara, gave a thought to Betsy, then Dyan, a second thought to Barbara… before settling on Judy.

Grant had five wives… Virginia, Barbara, Betsy, Dyan and Barbara.

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Chapter Two - Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House

‘Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House’ co-starred Myrna Loy in 1948

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Because of there's anything Abby and I can do to help you, just let us know and we'll do it."

Judy quickly reviewed in her mind what they had already done for her. "Well, er - don't do it until I let you know."

Roughly a conversation that took place between K. Hepburn and Grant in ‘Bringing Up Baby’

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Chapter Three - Charade

1963 Audrey Hepburn

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She had become a beautiful young lady with a certain amount of musical talent playing the harp and piano.

Grant played both the harp and piano.

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Chapter Four - Every Girl Should Be Married

1948 film with soon-to-be wife, Betsy Drake

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When he had told the Philadelphia Story for the fifth time, the doorbell rang.

1941 Film with K. Hepburn… the fourth and final film with her

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The two friends giggled at the Bishop’s Wife's sentiments.

1948 film with Loretta Young

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"That's not true. I'm afraid of knives and heights."

Grant was afraid of knives and heights.

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All I do is what I've been taught by Abby and Martha. I’m no angel.

1933 movie with Mae West… Extremely Funny

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I'm a rotten speechmaker. Making speeches has never been my forte'... not even my fifty or sixty or seventy."

Grant thought he was terrible at making speeches. The above is a direct quote.

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"Will you shut up, lady!"

Grant told people to "Shut up" in many of his movies.

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Chapter Five - The Awful Truth

1937 with Irene Dunne

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But then you can lie from any position, can't you.

Regina Lambert in Charade

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Oh I love you Mortimer, Judy Brewster... whatever your name is.

Paraphrased from Regina Lamberts well known speech at the end of Charade.

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"She’s your man." Said Elaine.

 

"I wish she was." Added Judy.

I Was a Male War Bride 1949 with Ann Sheridan

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Their trip covered the U.S., North by Northwest.

1959 thriller with Eva Marie Saint

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After touring the United Nations they took a train from New York to Chicago. They then flew Northwest Airlines to South Dakota to see Mount Rushmore. Other than a few moments in a field with a crazed crop duster, their honeymoon was perfect.

Roughly the route taken in North by Northwest.

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You're not fantasy, and I have a suspicion you know it.

1941 with Joan Fontaine

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How did you ever succeed in hiding your sex for all these years. You could be notorious by now.

1946 with Ingrid Bergman

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I don’t see how we’d ever get a divorce. It would be like unwinding the insides of a golf ball."

I Was a Male War Bride

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I mostly dream about the Howards of Virginia

1940 with Martha Scott

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Hey, we’ll have none of that monkey business

1952 with Marilyn Monroe

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"Or a that touch of mink." Giggled Judy playfully.

1962 with Doris Day

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Life was perfect. Elaine truly was a dream wife.

1953 with Deborah Kerr

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When you're in love as these two, life is holiday.

1938 with K. Hepburn

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As a wedding present, Abby and Martha gave the couple a houseboat,

1958 with Sophia Loren

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which they christened Room For One More as they often used it to entertain.

1952 with Betsy Drake

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Judy felt like he was Mr. Lucky.

1943 with Lorraine Day

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Chapter Six – None but the Lonely Heart

1944 with Ethel Barrymore

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Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories

Deborah Kerr as Terry McKay in ‘An Affair to Remember’

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I don’t think he was born to be bad

1934 with Loretta Young

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"He's going to expose Judy as a man and tell everyone the awful truth and ruin everything...people will talk!" Abby was beside herself.

1933 with Irene Dunne

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"He's going to expose Judy as a man and tell everyone the awful truth and ruin everything...people will talk!" Abby was beside herself.

1951 with Jeanne Crain

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"Oh… you're right... you're absolutely right. We’ll be the talk of the town."

1942 with Jean Arthur

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"How about Nick?"

By naming him Nick he would actually be Nick Ferrante; Grant’s screen name in An Affair to Remember.

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You couldn’t tell a mother swan from a father goose

1965 with Leslie Caron

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You know you are my favourite wife

1940 with Irene Dunn

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Then you won’t be a girl in name only

1939 with Carole Lombard

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Say Suzy, what's the problem?

1936 with Jean Harlow

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You go and I’ll just sit here and wonder which sex I am."

I Was a Male War Bride

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"You look just grand tonight. Why don't you come up sometime 'n see me? I'm home every evening."

Nick didn't know if she was making fun of him or if she was serious. "Yeah, well I'm busy every evening." He pointed to his wedding ring.

"Busy, so what are you trying to do, insult me."

"Why no, not at all. I'm just 'busy' that's all..."

"You ain't kiddin me any. You know, I met your kind before. Why don't you come up sometime, huh?"

"Well I..."

"Don't be afraid. I won't tell..." She tilted her head toward the approaching Elaine and leaned in to whisper. "Come up. I'll tell your fortune... Ah, you can be had."

On screen by-play between Mae West and Grant in 1933. This is as close as Mae West came to saying "Why don’t ya come up and see me some time?". Much like Grant never saying onscreen, "Judy, Judy, Judy".

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The waitress was so interested you’d think she was trying to catch a thief and I was the guilty party

1955 with Grace Kelly

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"Well, you look perfectly idiotic in those clothes.!"

"These aren’t my clothes."

"Well, where are your clothes?"

"I’ve lost my clothes."

"Well, why are you wearing these clothes?"

"Because I just went gay all of a sudden."

In Bringing Up Baby, Grant has a scene where he is wearing a woman’s pink robe. The last line above is supposedly the first time the term ‘gay’ was used in the mainstream to describe a homosexual.

*

They bought me a box of tin soldiers

I threw all the Generals away

I smashed up the Sergeants and Majors

Now I play with my Privates all day.

One of Grant’s favorite poems.

*

Even though the Brewster mansion was again scented with the romantic fragrances of Abby’s Arpege, Martha’s Je Keviens and Elaine’s Pavlova, the only scent Nick would use was Aqua de Palma aftershave

The only scent Grant used

*

New to sports; he first became a Giants fan. Later, he changed his allegiance to the Dodgers.

Grant was first a Giants fan and later became a Dodgers fan

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They all repeat rumors that I'm homosexual. Now… I don't think that's an insult, but it is all nonsense

A direct quote from Grant.

*

he had been hit on by Randolph Scott, a CPA that audited the Foundations books. While Judy somewhat enjoyed the attention, she considered the advances to be heterosexual. Judy was fairly certain she wasn’t gay. Yet, she didn’t take the initiative to move the relationship to a sexual level. Although she had been tempted.)

Grant was widely rumored to be gay. He lived with Randolph Scott and was thought to have been his lover. This was never substantiated.

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name your father’s gender

I Was a Male War Bride

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Chapter Seven – Walk Don’t Run to Boston

1966 film with Samantha Egger

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"Judy, Judy, Judy! That’s all I’ve heard from you for the past few weeks Dr. Dudley." Doctors. Einstein and Dudley met daily to consult. They shared each others patients using a team approach to optimize their effectiveness.

"I’ve never said… Judy, Judy, Judy." Retorted Dudley.

Grant never said this in any of his films.

*

 

The process of turning a man into a woman is enormously complicated."

I was a Male War Bride

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As I write this I may have forgot to write down other references. If you find them you’re a better woman than I, Gunga Din.

1939 with Douglas Fairbanks, Jr.

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Jill M.I. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.