Author's Foreword and Dedication: Although written before I had met and grew to love Rebecca Anne Stewart; affectionately called Becky by all those who knew her in the chatroom. The resemblance between her and the character Becky Taylor was and is uncanny. So I will dedicate this story to her, my beloved friend and playmate, Becky Stewart. You are still very loved and very much missed…

 

One Last Shot

by Maggie O'Malley

  

PART SEVEN

The next day went pretty much the same. Cassie and Becky were like two girls out of the movie "Big Chill." Cassie drug out the 8-track stereo from the attic, and the women shot jumpers to Kiss. "I want to rock and roll all night." They didn't shoot any spirited games of one-on-one, as Becky was a little too tired, but both women enjoyed being back on the court that had been their home for so long.

They spent an afternoon browsing photo albums and wedding snaps. That evening Becky gave Cassie a notebook full of Internet websites that dealt with transsexuals. Cassie had told her she wanted to learn more about what her best friend was going through.

Becky somehow found the courage to brave a few bites of Cassie's famous, "Tuna Noodle Casserole", before excusing herself to the bathroom and losing it. Becky had been in the bathroom for quite sometime when Cassie began to get concerned.

She knocked on the door. "Hey girl, you okay?"

Becky answered wearily. "Yeah, it's just these ulcers. Could you bring me my overnight bag? I need a shower."

Cassie didn't like the way Becky sounded. "Are you sure you're going to be alright?"

"Yeah, I just need a shower...and this time I have my own panties, so you can keep yours."

Cassie smiled. "Okay you little shit!" She brought Becky's bag and handed it to her through the door.

Becky emerged about an hour later. She was pale, weak, and hot from the shower, but she managed a smile for her best friend as she grabbed a Diet Coke from the fridge, and stretched out on the couch.

Cassie headed toward the bathroom to grab a shower of her own. "Hey, did you leave me any hot water, bathroom hog?"

Becky smiled. "We spent two hours watching Magnum P.I. videos. You probably need a cold shower anyway!"

Cassie stood in the bathroom door. "I'll get you for that one!"

Becky fired back, "Promises, promises!" as Cassie closed the door behind her.

With Cassie out of sight, Becky let out a moan and rubbed her aching stomach. She hoped she'd got all the blood up. She'd been heaving blood and bile for quite sometime, but she'd never tossed up that much blood before. She was taking over the max on her painkillers but she was still in pain most of the time. Come hell or high water, she had to be on that plane Saturday night. She couldn't keep up this charade much longer, but she didn't have to. Once she got on that plane it would all be over. She'd check into the hospice, and when the end finally came, Cassie would receive the letter explaining the rest of the truth.

When Cassie came out of the shower, Becky was asleep on the couch. Cassie grabbed a soda, fired up the computer and began searching the transsexual sites from Becky's notebook. Two hours later, she was starring at the screen in both amazement and sadness. She was amazed to find the wealth and depth of information available. She was saddened to read so many stories of souls who have suffered all their lives, just like her Becky.

Cassie sent out emails to any of the sites that looked pertinent or interesting. She got up from her chair, rubbed her sore hip, and limped over to the couch. Becky was sleeping peacefully. Cassie slid down beside her. She pushed a stray blonde curl away from her eyes. Her face was pale and slightly emaciated. Distinct dark circles beneath her eyes gave her this "homeless English waif" look. Becky was nearly 40, but at that moment she resembled a sick little girl and Cassie cradled her. She fell asleep with Becky's head on her chest.

The next morning Cassie arose to overcast skies and light drizzle dancing on the roof. Becky was already up. When Cassie heard the rhythmic bouncing of synthetic leather on asphalt, she knew where her friend was.

Cassie dressed and sat down at her computer while she laced her shoes. She decided to check her messages before heading out. She was pleased to find one new email already. It was from one of the transsexual sites she had contacted last night. Rather than read it immediately, she printed it and left it in the tray. Spying Becky's notebook, she decided to return it to her bag before she forgot to. Cassie opened the bag and gasped. She pulled out one of her own bath towels. It was soaked with damp and dried blood. Cassie fell to her knees, and put her hands over her mouth. She was frightened and shocked. She no longer believed Becky's story about ulcers. She didn't know what was wrong with Becky but it was serious and she was going to find out.

She turned over the bag, and dumped its contents on the floor. Clothes, papers and pill bottles tumbled out. Cassie gathered up all the bottles. She hadn't realized that Becky was on so many medications. She had no idea what they all did, but she knew who could tell her. She picked up the phone and twenty minutes later she had her answers.

Those answers prompted more searching by Cassie and that search netted her two letters. One letter was addressed to Becky from a hospital in California. The other letter was addressed to Cassie. She read them both and now she knew the whole truth.

When she got up and headed for the court, she had the letter addressed to her in hand. Most of her questions had already been answered by what she had found, but she was still determined to get the rest of the story from Becky herself.

Becky was shooting free throws when Cassie jogged onto the court. Becky didn't see the hurt and angered look in her eyes when she passed Cassie the ball. "Hey, Pistol, I just felt like shooting in the rain."

Cassie held the ball a moment, and starred down at the court shaking her head. She then raised her eyes to look at Becky. She paused a moment, and then turned and fired the basketball up toward the house.

Becky could see that Cassie was crying. "Cassie, what's wrong?"

Cassie reached out and grabbed Becky's hand. With her other hand, she took the letter that Becky had wrote her, and smacked it down hard on Becky's palm.

Becky swallowed as tears welled in her own eyes. "Oh Cassie, I'm so sorry...Please, just let me explain..."

Cassie roared at Becky as tears and raindrops mixed on her face and fell to the court. "Oh no you don't! I listened to you explain for over two hours at Li'l Italy's and then half the night. You explained so much to me, but you left out one little detail didn't you. You neglected to explain to me that my best friend wasn't going to California for ulcer treatment; she was going there to die! Damn you, how could you sit there and share all that with me, and then lie like that?"

Becky wiped the tears and the rain from her eyes and tried to speak, but Cassie wouldn't let her. "I don't want to hear it Becky. I don't want any more explanations. I don't want any more lies. You're going to listen to me for a while. I'm going to share some of my feelings with you. Do you have any idea of what it feels like when you open your friend's sports bag, and pull out a bath towel with enough blood on it to draw vampires? How would you like to call your ex-husband in Denver to ask him about the medications your friend is taking, and then finding out she's got painkillers they only prescribe for the terminally ill! How would you like to find a letter from the place where your friend has decided to go and die alone? Oh, but that's not all. It gets better! How would you like to find a letter addressed to you? When you read it, you discover that your friend loves you, and hopes you can forgive her, because by the time you are reading it, she's dead!"

Cassie wiped the tears from her eyes. Her body was trembling from the cold rain, and strong emotion. "But, you want to know the real kicker about this dead friend who wrote you this letter is? As you read it, and your heart is crushed by her loss, she's still alive, standing in the rain and shooting baskets!"

Cassie finally stopped and raised her face to the sky. Her arms were at the side of her body, and her fists were clenched. Becky tried to approach her. She had no idea what she could say or do that might help her friend now, but she had to try. Becky put her hand on her best friend's shoulder, but the strawberry blonde pushed it off, and turned her back on her.

Becky begged her to listen. "Cassie, please...you got to believe me. I never meant to hurt you like this. I just couldn't tell you that I am dying."

Cassie spun around to face her friend. "Why Becky? Why couldn't you tell me? Did you think I couldn't handle the truth? What the hell else do I have to do to prove to you that I can handle the truth? You disappear for all those years, never one word, and then you come back as a woman. For six months we play basketball side by side, and then you finally tell me who you really are! Sure, it took me two margaritas and I punched you, but I handled it didn't I? I handled it because I love you. I love your soul, not your body. I just want you in my life in whatever form brings you happiness, and for as long as you have life to live."

Cassie calmed and reached up to take Becky's hands in hers. "Becky, there's only one thing I can't handle, and that's being shut out of your life. You shut me out for seventeen years; please don't shut me out again. I'm the closest thing you have to family now. Family sticks together. You can't just face this alone."

Cassie was searching for the words to reach Becky. "When we were twelve and two-on-two champs, we were the ultimate team. We could beat anyone who came on that court. C'mon Becky, be my teammate again. Let me face this with you, please!"

Cassie was spent, and she fell to one knee. Becky sat on the court next to her, and put an arm around her. She pulled Cassie to her chest, just as Cassie had done her so many times. She sat there cradling Cassie, and trying to put together the words that could help her friend.

Becky pushed the wet hair from her face and began. "Okay, Pistol, we'll talk about it. What can I tell you that you haven't found out already?"

Cassie raised her head and turned to look at Becky. "How long...I mean how long have you known about the cancer?"

Becky paused, took a deep breath, and began recounting the events to Cassie. "It was almost two years to the date that Mom had died and I'd been post-op about 10 months. I had been blowing off my six-month exam for quite sometime. I was just so sick of doctors and examination rooms that I couldn't bring myself to go. Well, just after Thanksgiving, I'd came down with what I thought was a nasty flu, and I couldn't seem to shake it. I had no choice but to call my doctor and make an appointment. She chewed me out royal for missing my last two, and for punishment I think, she scheduled me for a complete exam, including a mammogram. I wasn't forty yet, but I was considered to be high risk because cancer ran in my family."

Becky stopped and lowered her head. "I guess it's time for another confession. I didn't tell you the whole truth about my mother's death. I kind of led you to believe she died from complications of the stroke. Well, you probably can figure it out now, but I'll tell you anyway. The cancer that ran in my family was my mother's. The stroke didn't kill her, breast cancer did. I watched the doctors carve her breasts from her body, but it didn't stop the cancer and she died within a year after her last operation. I didn't tell you, because I was afraid you might make the connection before I could leave."

Cassie squeezed her hand. "Hey, that part doesn't matter any more. I just want to know what's going on, okay?"

Becky continued. "I really didn't think much about the mammogram. To me it was just another rite of passage. I told myself that having my breasts smashed into pancakes was just something that went with the territory I had moved into.

"Well, you can imagine what happened when they told me the results. I couldn't believe it. My first mammogram and I had a 'Bingo!' right out of the gate."

Becky stopped for a moment, rubbed her hand across her face and tried to compose herself. "From there, than they ran tests, and more tests, and then I had an exploratory surgery. Not only did I have breast cancer, but it had also spread. They pretty much told me that they couldn't remove it all, but they did recommend trying to get what out what they could, and for me to begin chemotherapy. In their opinion, I was terminal, but they could buy me a little more time. I told them to shove their scalpels and their chemo. I wasn't about to let them take me down the same road they took my mom down."

A smile pursed at Becky's lips. "You know what's funny about the whole thing? I used to think that if I had to live as a man for just one more day it was going to kill me. So what happens? I finally get to live as a woman, and it kills me!"

Cassie couldn't listen anymore. She grabbed her friend and hugged her. Tears choked her voice as she spoke. "Oh Becky I'm so sorry! I...don't know what to say, or do? You must be so scared...so angry!"

Becky pulled back from Cassie's embrace. "Scared? Yeah, I'm scared all right, but not of death. I've not been scared of death in a long time. When I was 12, I'd go to bed praying I'd either wake up being a girl, or not at all. To me, death is just a journey from this world to another, but I am scared. I'm not scared of dying. I'm scared of living or at least of what my life is becoming. I'm scared of the sickness, of the pain, the suffering, and how long it's going to go on. I'm scared of wires, and tubes and the machines that pump things into you, just to keep you breathing, long after your body has given up. Most of all, I'm scared about what all this would do to my best friend if she had to sit there and watch me die, just like I did my mother."

Becky paused a moment, trying to find the words to make Cassie understand. "What else did you say? Am I angry? Oh baby! Am I angry? I'm so damned angry I could explode. I'm angry with God for making me a woman in a man's body. I'm angry about missing out on being a girl, and having to skip thirty years worth of experiences. I'm angry that you and I won't get to be two blue-haired old ladies who still play one-on-one. I'm angry alright, but what can I do about it?"

Becky stood up, turned her face to the heavens, and shook a fist in the sky. "I could stand here shaking my fist, cursing my fate, and crying until I'm out of tears, but I've already done that, and it doesn't help. Yeah, I've got plenty of anger, but what can I do with it?"

Cassie lifted herself up off the court quickly. Becky could see the fire and passion in her eyes. "I tell you what you can do with it. You can use that anger to fight! You got to go after this thing like you would a loose ball or a rebound, and I'm going to help you. We can fight this thing together!"

Cassie was already forming a battle plan in her mind. "First thing I'm going to do is call Craig. Becky, he's got connections with doctors all over the world. He can get us information on all the latest treatments, and where the best clinics are. There's breakthroughs everyday!"

She squeezed Becky's hand. "C'mon Becky, you can fight, and I'm going to help you if you'll let me, pleeease!"

Becky shook her head. "Cassie, this is one of the reasons why I didn't want to tell you. I know you and how your mind works. I knew you'd have us on some medical crusade dragging me through every hospital and clinic we could get into, and trying every treatment you could find on the Internet. I told you I've already been to the doctors and the hospitals. There isn't anything else they can do for me, or that I will let them do TO me! I'll be damned if I go through what my mother went through. Tell me, Cass, have you ever smelled death? I have. They used to wheel my mother out of chemotherapy, and the smell that came out of there was pure death! In the end, my mother was so sick she begged to die. I'm not going through that. I swear to God, I won't do it, and I won't put you through it either."

Cassie hugged Becky. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry about what your mother went through, and what you went through watching her die. I understand you don't want to suffer like that, but we can find treatments that won't make you sick like that. Just let me call Craig and see what he knows. That's all I'm asking. Oh, Becky, I just got you back after seventeen years, I'll be damned if I'm giving you up without a fight!"

Becky felt a sharp cramp and she grabbed her side. She winced in pain as she spoke. "I can't get through to you, can I? You just can't understand, can you?"

Cassie's temper flared. "What's to understand? My best friend just wants to go away and die without a fight. Is that what you want me to understand? Cause if it is, then no I can't!"

Becky shook her head, and then dropped it to her chest.

"I came here because I wanted to see my best friend one last time. I told you about the sex change because I wanted to share Becky with you. I decided not to tell you that I was dying, because I wanted our last memories to be happy ones."

Becky raised her face and then her arms out toward Cassie. "Will you look at us Cassie? We're crying, we're fighting, and we're standing in the pouring rain. So much for happy memories, huh?"

Becky then turned and started walking toward the house.

Cassie shouted. "Where are you going?"

Becky stopped for a moment and turned. "I'm getting my bag and I'm leaving. There's nothing else left to stay for."

Cassie ran up to her side. "Please Becky; you just can't leave like this. C'mon we can go inside and talk about it, and besides town is seven miles from here and it's raining."

Becky turned to face Cassie; she had a resolution in her eyes that the strawberry blonde had never seen from Becky or Brian. "I won't fight this cancer, and I won't fight you, Cassie. We don't have anything left to say... as for the seven miles into town, it's all down the mountain, and as for the rain, well. I'm already soaked."

Becky hugged Cassie, regarded her face for the last time, and then kissed her on the cheek. "Goodbye, Pistol, I love you!"

Cassie stood there. She couldn't move or speak. All she could do was cry and watch her best friend leave forever.

To Be Continued...

  

  

  

*********************************************
© 2002 by Maggie O'Malley. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, and compilation design) may be printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without the express written consent of StorySite and the copyright holder.