Author's Foreword and Dedication: Although written before I had met and grew to love Rebecca Anne Stewart; affectionately called Becky by all those who knew her in the chatroom. The resemblance between her and the character Becky Taylor was and is uncanny. So I will dedicate this story to her, my beloved friend and playmate, Becky Stewart. You are still very loved and very much missed…

  

One Last Shot

by Maggie O'Malley

  

PART SIX

Cassie's parents had flown to the coast for one of their weekend getaways, and Brad was in Charleston spending the weekend at a friend's.

She was 16 and it was the first time she'd been in the house overnight alone. Brian had gone home that night around seven, and by nine she was going crazy. She'd called Brian and begged him to come over and spend the night.

She'd used every lure she could think of. "C'mon Brian, we can shoot hoops as late as we want. I got money to order pizza, and... CBS Friday Night NBA is on! It's Portland versus Phoenix, Bill Walton versus Alvin Adams." She'd dangled the game in front of Brian knowing how much he loved the Portland Trailblazers. Just for good measure, she added her trademark, "Pleeease." Brian arrived at her door in ten minutes. They'd played some spirited games of basketball for about an hour and then crashed in the living room. Cassie grabbed a quick shower while Brian went through albums on the stereo. When Cassie came out, her hair was up in a towel, and she was wearing her replica "Joe Namath", New York Jets jersey. It was so big, that it made a perfect nightshirt.

"Next!" she said as she motioned Brian toward the bathroom door.

Brian shook his head. "I didn't bring any clean clothes. I can't take a shower. If I go back to get some now, I may not be able to come back at all."

Cassie put her hands on her hips. "Don't take this personal Brian, but you stink! I'm not going to smell your sweaty self all night long. Just get in the shower and I'll get you some of Brad's clothes to wear."

"Brad's clothes! Are you crazy? Your brother doesn't even like me. If he finds out I've been wearing his clothes, he'll kill me!"

"Relax will ya. He won't find out. I'll run yours through the washer and you can have them back in the morning. I'll wash whatever you wear when I do the laundry tomorrow, and Brad will never know. So... get your butt in the shower, and toss me you clothes. Don't lock the door. I'll slip you some clothes in and don't worry, I won't peek!"

Brian shook his head; he knew there was no denying Cassie. He went into the bathroom, undressed, and slipped his clothes through the door. Cassie was right; he did stink. After about a twenty-minute shower, he stepped out and grabbed a towel. He looked down, and just inside the door was a pile of clothes for him. When he realized what type of clothes Cassie had left him, he was horrified. There, neatly folded, was a light blue cotton nightgown, and a matching pair of girls' panties.

Cassie didn't have to wait for the sound of the shower turning off to know that Brian had finished his shower. She just had to wait for the scream. She didn't have to wait long.

"CASSIE!"

Cassie came to the door. "Now Brian, I can explain."

Brian was too agitated to listen to explanations. "Oh no you don't, Cassie. I don't want to hear no explanations. I just want my clothes back. I can't wear these. For God's sake Cassie, these are girls' clothes. You said I could borrow some of Brad's clothes. These aren't Brad's clothes!"

"Uh well, I kind of had a little problem. See, Brad locked his bedroom door, and you are way too thin to wear anything of my dad's."

Brian tried to calm down. "Okay Cassie, then just get me my clothes then."

"Well...I can't. Right about now they're half way through the wash cycle."

Brian made one last shot at a reasonable solution. "Okay, but if I'm going to have to wear your clothes, just give me a pair of sweats and a t-shirt then."

"That's a great idea, and I would've done it too, only... I don't have any that are clean. I was supposed to do laundry today, but we got to playing basketball this afternoon, and well... I didn't get around to it. Brian I don't have anything else clean. It's either this or I break out a dress."

Cassie waited for a reply but got nothing but silence. Cassie knocked on the door. "Hey Brian, you ain't passed out on me have you?"

Brian answered. The defeat was evident in his voice. "No, I'm still alive, but if anyone ever finds out about this, I won't be. Cassie, you got to swear that you will never tell anybody. I mean anybody!"

Cassie giggled. "I promise! Of course there is an up side to all this." She paused, Brian wouldn't ask what it was, but she knew he was curious. "At least now you can tell all the guys you finally got in my panties." Cassie giggled again.

Brian had to admit that was funny, but he wasn't going to let Cassie off the hook by laughing. "Cassie, this isn't funny. I mean, what if someone sees me?"

"Will you just relax? No one is going to see you. Now get dressed! The game's on in twenty minutes, and I'm calling the pizza."

Brian unfolded the nightgown, and placed it on the sink. He slipped on the cotton panties. He had to admit, they were cool and comfortable. He slid the nightgown over his head, and watched it fall to just below knee length. It was as cool and comfortable as the panties. It felt so good to wear something that felt so free and easy about his body, and when it touched his skin it caressed it. He closed his eyes, and then spun in a circle. He was like a playful little girl. He couldn't help it. For so long, he dreamed of wearing something just like this, and now he was. It was every bit as wonderful as he'd dreamed. He was intoxicated, and wished he could share it with Cassie, but he knew when he walked out that bathroom door he would have to be Brian, a boy in girls clothes.

Brian composed himself and stepped out of the bathroom. When Cassie caught sight of him, she let out a wolf whistle.

"Aw c'mon Pistol, cut it out!"

"Okay, I quit. C'mon over to the couch and I'll comb out that mop of yours."

Cassie began working the tangles out of Brian's long hair. There was something so relaxing to Brian, whenever anyone combed his hair. He softly moaned as she worked the comb through. It wasn't only the feeling of the comb that was relaxing. The feeling of the panties and the nightgown were still working their magic. He was going to hate sleeping in his boxers and tank top even more after spending the night in these.

Cassie finished, as the game started. For the next hour they were glued to the set as Brent Musburger narrated the fast-paced action between the Blazers and the Suns. By half time the pizza had yet to arrive and Cassie called to complain. It was of a typical Friday night and pizza deliveries were running behind. They apologized, and told them to expect the pizza within the next thirty minutes.

Cassie reached over and felt Brian's thick hair. It was still damp. She went to the bathroom and returned with a blow dryer and some mousse. "Here, you hold the mousse while I blow dry your hair." Brian hesitated, and then took the can in his hand.

Cassie examined his hair before beginning. "I bet your hair would look so much better if we feathered your bangs back."

Brian tried to object to the beauty parlor treatment, but the roar of the hair dryer drowned his pleas out. Ten minutes later, Cassie stepped back and smiled approvingly at her work. The feathered bangs and lightly tussled hair had really brought out a quality of softness in Brian's face, and Cassie's eyes lit up as another idea came to her. She grabbed Brian's hand and pulled him up the stairs to the entrance to her bedroom.

Cassie's bedroom was a mirror of its owner. It was a little disheveled, a mixture of themes from both a boy's and a girl's world. It was warm and comfortable. It was Cassie.

On the door to her bedroom hung the life sized "Pistol" Pete Maravich poster that Brian had bought for her. Clothes and records were scattered across her bed. Posters of sports stars, and rock stars adorned her walls. A desk piled high with books, sports cards, and softball equipment sat against one wall. A stereo, and a bookcase filled with stuffed animals and trophies sat against the other wall. Straight ahead was a huge white vanity, cluttered with brushes, hair ties, and cosmetics. Cassie's large bay window was just to the right of the vanity, and a light blue lace curtain that matched her bedspread framed it. Beneath the window sat three pairs of shoes: her school-dress tennis shoes, muddy softball cleats, and a pair of black three-inch heels. If anything in that room truly captured the diversity of Cassie, it was those three pairs of shoes.

Cassie led Brian into the room and straight to the chair in front of her vanity. She took her hand and pushed Brian down into the chair.

Brian looked up at Cassie. She was wearing her impish grin, and he could see the mischief in her eyes. "Cassie...what are you up to?"

Cassie didn't answer, because she didn't hear him. She was too busy searching through her cosmetics to find exactly what she wanted to match his skin tone, and bring out the features that had peeked when she styled his hair.

As soon as Cassie started holding up bottles and compacts and then starring intently at Brian's face, he knew what she was up to. "Cassie, I know what you're up to, and you can forget it! I'm not going to let you do this." Brian said the correct words, but his heart wasn't in them. He wanted her to do this. He was as excited as she was, even more so, but he couldn't admit it. This was becoming a waking dream, and with each passing minute, Brian was losing more of himself in it.

Cassie could see he was caving, and she moved in for the kill. "Aw c'mon Brian, it's just for fun. I really want to see what you would look like with a little make-up. Blow drying your hair and feathering your bangs made an incredible difference in your face. I want to see if a little make-up will have the same effect. Just think of this as like... dressing up for Halloween, okay? If you want me to, I'll take it off as soon as we get done. Brian, I promise, this will always be our little secret."

Cassie reached down and held Brian's left hand. She rubbed her thumb against his fingernails. The impish smile returned. "Oooh, I bet a deep burgundy on those nails would really go with..."

Brian cut her off immediately, "Cassie, I'm not wearing nail polish, and before you even suggest it, I'm not wearing one of your dresses." Brian had finally made his last stand of masculinity. It was a house of cards though, and if she had pushed just a little harder...well, there would have been no telling how far Brian would have gone.

Cassie though, was satisfied with what Brian had given her for now, and she didn't push him for more. "Okay, you win. I'll just do your make-up and then quit."

She rubbed her hand across his face. "Wow Brian, your skin is smoother than mine. This is going to be so much easier since you don't have much facial hair. You got nice cheekbones, but they're not very noticeable. I might be able to bring them out a little. Now if we can get those baby blues of yours to stand out, and paint you some lips."

Her voice trailed off; the gears were once again spinning. She finally assembled her tools, and then had Brian turn his back to the mirror and face her. She didn't want him to see anything until she had created the finished product.

"Brian, I don't want you to turn around until I tell you. I want to see the look of surprise on your face. Keep in mind I'm not a make up artist or anything. I don't live in this stuff like the "giggle wiggle's" do, but I think I know enough to bring out some of your features. I have a feeling we're both going to be surprised by what we get."

Brian tried to sit perfectly still, as Cassie enveloped his face in a malaise of blushes, bases, liners, shadows, lip stick and mascara. When she stepped back and regarded her work, her eyes were wide open in disbelief. She covered her open mouth with both hands.

Brian's own eyes were wide, but in horror, as he was sure from Cassie's reaction that the whole thing had turned out horribly. "Okay Cassie, how bad is it? You said it was just like Halloween. Who do I look like, the Bride of Frankenstein?"

Cassie swallowed and then spoke. "Hardly! I want you to close your eyes, and let me turn you around to face the mirror. Don't open them again until I tell you to, okay? Trust me, you are no Bride of Frankenstein!"

Brian nodded and closed his eyes. Cassie spun his chair around and then told him to open them. Brian hesitated for a moment, sure he was going to be crushed by the image looking back at him, and then finally opened his eyes.

Brian was sitting in the chair, but his reflection had been replaced, by that of an attractive sixteen-year-old girl. He was speechless, but Cassie was not.

"Brian...I thought I could bring out a little of your softer features, but I never believed it would turn out like this. I mean, damn...you could pass for the real thing. I don't think anyone would even recognize you. If you walked by me in the hall, I don't think I would recognize you. It's like I started putting on this make-up and a whole other person just came out, and she's a babe!"

Brian was speechless. He didn't look like a clown, or even a boy in make-up. His reflection looked just as realistic and natural, as Cassie's did. Cassie had accomplished what she had wanted to do. She had brought out his cheekbones, and the eye shadow had set off the blue in his eyes that were now framed by thick black lashes. He never realized how full his lips could look with just the right application and color of lipstick. His hand was almost trembling, as he lightly traced the line of his jaw.

He was almost afraid to touch his face for fear his reflection would disappear.

Cassie lowered her head until her reflection was beside his in the mirror. "I see it, and I still don't believe it. They say that make-up can work wonders, but this is just plain magic! It's like, one minute I was playing hoops with my best friend Brian, and then 'poof!', he's gone and I'm standing here next to Cinderella. I know you aren't enjoying this as much as I am, but I think it's great! You know...we've been talking about Halloween. You ought to let me recreate this for Halloween. Brian, I'm telling you it would be a blast. No one, and I mean no one, would ever suspect."

Cassie was right about one thing she had said, he wasn't as excited about this as she was. He was more so! He was intoxicated by it all, and if he wasn't careful, this girl in the mirror might just banish him to the same dungeon he had imprisoned her in for so long. If she had her way, Brian would never be seen or heard from again.

A pounding at the door downstairs broke the moment. They looked at each other and mouthed the same word, "Pizza!" Cassie raced across her room and down the stairs. Brian heard Cassie open the door and the delivery boy tell her the price. There were a few moments of silence, and then Cassie's voice broke it.

"Uhhh...Becky, could you bring down that twenty on my night stand, pleeease?"

Brian looked at Cassie's nightstand and there sat the twenty. He froze. He knew full well to whom Cassie was talking to when she said, "Becky", but he was not about to come down those steps looking like this.

Cassie summoned her again. "Becky, the delivery guy is waiting. I can't just leave him here and go get the money. You're going to have to bring it down."

Brian wasn't about to walk down those steps, but it was obvious that Becky was going to have to. Ready or not, Becky took her first baby steps.

Becky picked up the twenty, and strode confidently to the top of the stairs. She took the first step quickly, but with each stair she descended, she came more into view from the living room, and her confidence deserted her. By the time she had reached the bottom of the stairs, she was holding onto the banister for support.

Cassie nervously smiled at Becky. "C'mon Becky, you want to bring me over the money. I am sure this guy has other deliveries."

Becky dropped her head and shuffled over to stand behind Cassie. She looked like a little girl who had been scolded by her mother. Cassie took the twenty from Becky's hand and handed it to the delivery boy.

She smiled up at him. "Sorry we didn't have the money ready for you. We were doing, uh...girl things!"

The delivery boy, probably not much older than Cassie and Becky just smiled and gave them their change. He regarded the both of them for a moment, smiled and then headed to the door. Just as Cassie prepared to shut it behind him, he turned. "If you need anything else tonight, just call. We're open until two o'clock on weekends." He paused just a moment, "And that goes for your shy little friend too." With that, he winked at Cassie and left.

Cassie shut the door and turned to Becky. "Did you hear that? I told you that no one could tell you were a boy. I mean, did you hear what he said? That letch was hitting on you! Five minutes after I do your make-up, and you already got guys hitting on you. If you hadn't been starring at your feet, you would have seen him, but he was definitely checking you out Brian...or should I say Becky?"

Becky shot her head up. "Where did you come up with Becky?"

"Well, I couldn't very well have hollered for Brian and then have you descend those stairs as a vision of loveliness, could I?"

Becky knew she was right.

"Becky was the first name that came into my mind. Be glad I didn't say Beulah or something!" Both girls giggled at the sound of the name.

Cassie looked at Becky and smiled warmly. "It's good to see you smile. I think it makes you even more beautiful when you do."

Becky just rolled her eyes and headed into the kitchen to get some cold sodas. The two girls settled into the second half of the game and devoured the pizza. Becky couldn't help feel Cassie's eyes on her. When the game ended it, she called her on it, and Cassie admitted her guilt.

"I just can't get over the way you look. I don't really mean to embarrass you, and I suppose no guy likes to be told he looks like a girl, but it's incredible. I mean we've been sitting here eating pizza, and watching the ball game, and horsing around like we always do, but somehow it's different. It's like I have to keep reminding myself that you're not a real girl. That's how convincing you look."

Becky did not much care for being told she wasn't a "real girl." She was every bit as much "girl" as Cassie was. Brian though, understood the remark, and it was a painful reminder to him that Becky was more like the Cinderella that Cassie had mentioned. She was there on temporary magic, and by tomorrow she would be gone.

The girls relaxed on the floor. They played the stereo, talked basketball, and debated over possession of the last slice of pizza. Becky knew her time there was limited and by tomorrow she would have to release Brian and return to the dungeon, so she wanted to make the most of every minute. As Brian slipped further into the recesses, Becky did just that. Becky not only looked the part, she was living it, and both her and Cassie became so emersed in the Cinderella magic that they never realized that midnight was about to come early.

A car pulled up in front, but the stereo had drowned out the sound of its motor. Becky was at the foot the stairs, and Cassie on the floor. She had just sent Becky upstairs to pick out the color for the nail job she had talked her into. A key turned in the lock and the door opened. It was Brad. Becky bolted up the steps as Cassie sprang from the floor.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Charleston all weekend."

Brad walked over and examined the empty pizza box. "Changed my mind! I ran into Trent and decided to hang at his place this weekend. We're going to crash this party at the lake."

"So...why are you here then?"

Brad shot his little sister a glance. "Don't go having your period li'l sis, I'm not busting up your slumber party. I just came to pick up stuff out of my room."

Brad pushed by her, and she could smell the alcohol on him. "Whew Brad! You reek! You guys have been drinking haven't you?"

Brad turned to face her, and she could see how red his eyes were. "You've been smoking too! You're stoned Brad. If you guys get busted..."

Brad lowered his face to meet hers. "Yeah I've smoked a little, and I've had few beers. I intend to have a few more at the party, so don't go mouthing about it, alright?"

Brad stood at the foot of the stairs, and looked up toward Cassie's room.

"So, who's your little friend tonight? She ran off so quick, I didn't get a look at her. Is she one of your basketball babes from school?"

Cassie was growing tired of this conversation. When Brad was drunk he was an asshole, and there was no reasoning with him. Tonight he was worse than Cassie had ever seen him.

"Yes Brad, she's from the team. Now why don't you get your stuff and just leave, okay?"

"I can't just leave Cassie. I wouldn't be a gentleman if I didn't introduce myself to your friend. I think I'll go up there and give the pleasure of making my acquaintance."

Cassie's eyes grew wide and she grabbed Brad's arm as he started up the steps. "No Brad, she's really, really shy. You're going to scare her. Just leave her alone! I mean it Brad. Don't you dare go into my room."

The alcohol and drugs had taken over Brad, and they weren't listening to Cassie. "She's shy huh? I've got a cure for shyness." Brad brushed off Cassie's arm and bolted up the stairs.

He opened the door to Cassie's room and stepped in. By this time Cassie was absolutely furious. She jumped in front of him, trying to block his advance. "Damn it Brad, get the hell out of my room!"

Brad scanned the room searching for some trace of his quarry, when he spied the light blue material of Becky's nightgown protruding from Cassie's closet door. In Becky's haste to hide, she had caught her hem in the door.

Pushing Cassie aside, Brad walked over to the door and started to slowly turn the knob. He pulled on the door but it wouldn't budge. He smiled and then leaned on the door. "Hey, I'm Brad, Cassie's brother. Cassie says you're real shy. Well...you don't have to be scared of me. I'm a real nice guy. You ought to come out and meet me. I just want to get to know ya."

Brad braced himself and then tried to force the door open. Becky had both hands on the doorknob, and her feet braced on each side of the door. She was holding on for dear life, but Brad was stronger and the door was slowly giving way. Cassie ran up behind Brad, and beat her fist into his back. That got his attention. He released the door and turned on her.

His eyes were on fire. "What the hell do you think you're doing? I ought to..."

Cassie cut him off as the fire in her eyes matched his own. "If you don't get the hell out of my room right now, I swear I will pick up the phone and call Mom and Dad. I'll tell them about the beer, the pot, the party, and how you came in my room and attacked my friend. If you don't think I'll do it, then just try me. C'mon Brad, try me!"

Brad stood there glaring at her for a moment and then the fire left his eyes. "I don't know why you have to get so mad. I was just kidding around. I don't even want to see your little friend. She's probably as ugly as you are anyway."

Cassie still wasn't backing up. "Brad, get the hell out of my room, now!"

Brad slid by her. "I'm going to my room and get my stuff."

Cassie turned on him. "No, you can leave right now, or I'm picking up the phone." Cassie walked over to her nightstand and picked up her white princess phone. She glanced at Brad.

Brad shook his head. "You're about a psycho bitch, ya know that!" He then headed down the stairs. Cassie heard the front door slam and the lock turn. She waited until she heard the car drive off before she turned the knob on her closet door.

She opened the door to find Becky sitting on the closet floor. She was wrapped in a ball, rocking and sobbing. Cassie bent down on one knee, and placed her hand on Becky's shoulder. "Honey, its all over now. He's gone. I'm so sorry. Brad's a real jerk when he drinks. Please, give me your hand and I'll help you up, okay?"

Becky raised her left hand, and Cassie locked it in hers. She helped Becky to her bed, and then held her. She couldn't imagine what her friend must be going through. All she could do was comfort her.

Cassie rocked Becky in her arms until finally Becky slept. Cassie shoved the books from the bed, and draped the covers over Becky. She then crawled in next to her. She spent the rest of the night with her arms around her, and finally drifted off in the wee hours of the morning.

When Cassie awoke, Becky was gone. The nightgown and panties were folded neatly on her nightstand and a note was sitting on top of them. Cassie picked up the note to read it.

**********************************

Suddenly they were back to 2002, and their booth at Li'l Italy's. "Do you remember what that note said?" Becky looked into Cassie's eyes.

Cassie thought hard. "I don't think I remember exactly. I know you signed it "Becky."

Becky remembered. "The note read: Cassie, thanks for having me. Love Becky."

Cassie shook her head. "You didn't come back over to my house for almost a week. I wanted to call you, but I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. Ghad, I honestly thought we were just having fun that is until Brad showed up. I mean, you looked so great that night, but I never really thought that Becky was anything more than just some make-up, a nightgown, and one night of fantasy. I thought you were so upset because you were afraid Brad would realize you were Brian, but it was a lot more than that wasn't it? When I saw the look on your face when you saw your reflection for the first time, I should have known then. You gave me so many clues that night, and I can't believe I didn't pick up on any of them. How could I have thought that you were a boy, after I seen what you looked like as a girl?"

Becky rubbed Cassie's hand. "Hey, it's like I've been telling you. If you're not looking for something you don't see it. You know, if Brad hadn't crashed our party, I think I might have told you before the night was over. I was so happy and caught up in being Becky that it would have just flowed out of me."

Cassie regarded her friend for a moment. "I just thought of something. Is that where you came up with Becky? From that one night?"

Becky smiled. "You got it!"

Cassie's eyes lit up. "You mean I named you?"

"Well...you were the first one to see her. Without your help that night, she may never have emerged into the real world. In a way, you created her. I think that made you entitled to name her. From that day on, she was Becky."

Cassie was clearly overwhelmed. "I don't know what to say. You make it sound like I was a mother naming her child." She paused a moment to reflect on her words. "Wow! That sort of makes me your mother, and you're aren't just my best friend, you are my long-lost daughter. Oh Becky, I wish I'd found you sooner."

Becky squeezed her hand. "Me too!"

Becky sipped her soda as Cassie continued. "We lived together for four years in college. I can't believe you didn't finally say something then."

"Well, you were so busy with school, basketball, and the groups I never felt like the time was right to dump this on you. Luckily, I met someone with whom I could talk about this."

Cassie cut in. "That had to be your counselor, Miss Childers."

Becky nodded.

Cassie continued. "I knew you were talking to her about more than just social anxiety and your father."

"She's the one that told me I had a medical condition, and there were others like me, people who felt just like I did. She told me that the technical term for my condition was 'transsexualism'. The best way I can explain it is that a transsexual is a person whose mind and soul are of one sex, while their body is the other sex. It's a lot more technical than that, but I think that's the best way I can describe it. I know that's how I feel anyway.

I also learned there is no cure for this condition. There are no drugs or therapy that will make it go away. There is however, a treatment."

Becky waved her hands in front of her body. "Ta da! This is the treatment! Of course, what you see is the finished product. It's a long and painful journey to finally get to the place where the doctors' will agree to give you the body that you should have had all along. It's not quite as perfect or real as your body, but it's hell of a lot better than the one we had before. Marie Childers is the one who opened this world for me."

By the time we graduated, I knew that's what I wanted to do, but I still was afraid to tell you. I was sure you would end up talking me out of it. When you got the offer to play in Spain, I couldn't drop this bomb on ya. I thought you might turn the offer down just to be here for me, and I couldn't let you give up your dream to help me chase mine. That's when I came up with my "four year plan". I knew you were going to be in Spain for four years. I was so sure that I could get everything done while you were gone. I was going to be waiting for you when you stepped off that plane. I knew you would be mad at me for disappearing like that, but I was going to look so beautiful and be so convincing, that you would just have to accept me. Well...as you know, It took me just a little longer than four years!"

"So, what happened to your four year plan? I mean did you have second thoughts or something?"

Becky started again. "Well, ignorance cost me four years. Not just my own ignorance, but also the ignorance of the psychiatrist I was seeing. I will never understand how that man could treat me for four years, and not be convinced I was a transsexual, when Miss Childers said she knew it after our first meeting."

Becky paused a moment. "Wait a minute. I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me back up. Once you left for Spain, things started happening. Mom and Dad sold the house and moved to Arizona before you had been gone a month. About that same time, I packed two suitcases and went to New York. Miss Childers said that I had a much better chance of getting proper treatment in some place like Chicago or New York. I could probably find clinics and support groups there that dealt with my condition. She said I also stood a better chance of acceptance in such a large city.

It took me about a week to find a job. I got on at an insurance company working in their records division. As soon as I got medical coverage, I went looking for therapist who specialized in my condition. I thought I had found one, and I met with this man for one hour a week for the better part of four years. He kept telling me that we needed to explore other issues. I told him that I was only interested in one thing, but he wouldn't listen. He kept going on and on about anxieties I had concerning my father. I had anxieties all right, but they were all on account of him! The only thing I needed from him was to get an authorization for female hormones, and a letter to get my surgery. He was too ignorant to see that I was a transsexual, and I was too ignorant to realize this quack was just taking my money. Finally I called Miss Childers, and she said not to waste another hour with that guy.

About two months later, I met the most incredible woman. I went to a gay, lesbian, and transsexual-counseling center that I had read about in the paper. I talked with one counselor who was just there to screen people, and kind of push them toward the best possible person to help them. She set me up an appointment for the very next day. I got to the center about six o'clock, and waited for my counselor. Ten minutes later she comes out to get me. Her name was Maria Scala. She was a woman of Italian decent. Dark-complexion, with hair and eyes to match. She was about five-foot-eight, very well built, and appeared to be in her mid to late 30's.

She took me to her office, and asked me why I was there to see her. I poured out my heart for over an hour, and she barely said a word. Once I finished, she told me why she had been so quiet. She said she wanted to be sure that my problem was one that she had experience in dealing with. In her opinion I was a transsexual, and she was definitely qualified to help me. It wasn't that she had done years of research on the subject or something. It was because she was a transsexual herself! She was the first transsexual I had ever met, and Cassie, she was absolutely gorgeous! She told me that she had been through the entire process and had her sexual reassignment surgery about 5 years ago. She's never regretted one day. If I was interested, she would be willing to help me. Was I ever interested! I began therapy with her in July of 1988."

Cassie's eyes lit up. "I got married to Craig in July of 1988. I remember planning the wedding and having to select my maid of honor. If you'd been there, I'd made you the first male maid of honor in the history of Jamestown. Now I find out you could have been a traditional maid of honor, and probably looked better in your gown than I did my wedding dress."

They both laughed out loud over that thought, but Becky was quick to point out that she didn't start living full time as a woman until 1990.

"I spent about a year in therapy with Maria before taking my next big step. She referred me to a doctor who prescribed female hormones for me. It takes a little while for them to start working, but once they do, it's like going through a second adolescence. I had the same mood swings most teenagers go through. I'd start crying for no reason at all sometimes, but I never once doubted this was the right path.

By the end of the second year, the hormones were making a noticeable difference to my anatomy. For six months, with the exception of my job, I lived full time as a woman and loved it. I prepared myself to take the next step. I was putting together a petition to the court to change my name to Becky, when I received a letter from my mother in September of 1992. After my father died, she had sold the place outside Phoenix, and moved to southern California. In the letter, she asked me to please come to see her as soon as possible. I packed two suitcases full of my men's' work clothes, and caught a flight the next day. When I showed up at her place I was dressed like Brian. I knew if my Mom sent for me, it had to be serious, but when a nurse answered the door, I realized just how serious it was. Mom had suffered a stroke. Her speech was slurred and the left side of her body had partial paralysis.

I intended to stay for maybe a week. I ended up staying for six years. You don't know how many times I picked up that phone to call your parents house. I wanted to talk to you so bad, but I couldn't bring myself to face you yet."

Cassie could see the pain in her friend's eyes. "Oh Becky, you don't know how many nights I prayed that phone would ring and it would be you on the other end. I had no idea that your mom was sick. I really wished you had called. I'd come out if I could have."

"I know you would've came, but I guess that was something else I had to do on my own. It cost me six years on my journey to becoming Becky, but it was worth it. It gave me a chance to get close to my mother, and her close to me."

"Becky, did you tell her about what you doing in New York? I mean...did you ever tell her about Becky?"

"Not at first. I didn't want to drop that bomb after her stroke. I figured I would just dress in my "Brian" clothes, but continue taking the hormones. As long as I was discreet, I didn't think she'd notice.

That lasted for almost a year. I came in from my morning run and Mom was sitting in the kitchen. My shirt was soaked to my chest and well it was...revealing. Mom looked up and said, "You really ought to wear a sports bra when you go jogging." I almost spit Gatorade all over the table when she said that."

"Well", Cassie prodded. "How did she take it?"

"Actually better than I expected. She knew I was really unhappy, but she had no idea this was why. She had recognized the physical changes shortly after I arrived, but was waiting for me to say something. She finally got tired of waiting. Long story short, she said she really didn't understand why I needed to do this, and she didn't know if she could ever think of me as her daughter, and not her son, but I would always be her child, and she would love me no matter what. What more could I ask of her Cassie?"

Cassie gave her friend a warm smile. "I'm really happy you were able to get close with your mother, and tell her about what you were doing. So, did you start dressing as a woman again after you discussed everything with her?"

"No, I just never really felt it was right. I know she wouldn't have objected, but I think we both would have been uncomfortable."

Cassie squeezed Becky's hand. "Uh Becky, you really haven't come out and said it, but you keep talking about your mom in the past tense. Has your mom passed away?"

Becky blew out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, she died in December of 1998, eight days before Christmas."

"I'm really sorry Becky"

"Thanks Cass, but don't be sorry. She was in tremendous pain in the end. I prayed she would be released. I know now that she's in a very good place, free of the pain and suffering.

After she died, I decided I had nothing else to wait for and was eager to get on with the journey. I didn't want Becky to have to wait one more day. I threw out all my Brian clothes several days after the funeral. I called Maria in New York, and asked her if she could help me find a good therapist in the Los Angeles area. She called me back two days later with a name. I sold the house, and moved into a small apartment in Montclair, California. Montclair is a lovely little suburb of Los Angeles, and just minutes away from the therapist office.

Once I set up residence, I decided to finish what I had started in New York. I filed my petition for name change. I had already been given Becky as my first name. I took Marie as my middle name. It was in honor of Marie Childers, and Maria Scala who had helped me so much on my journey. Finally I took Taylor for my last name. Taylor was my Mom's maiden name. I thought it was the least I could do for her."

Cassie nodded and then a question came to her.

"How do you think your father would have taken it?"

Becky sadly smiled back at her.

"Mother said it would have killed him, if he hadn't already been dead, but...I wonder. I wish now I could have told him. Maybe once he realized why I could never have been the son he so desperatly wanted, he would have quit blaming himself and me. Maybe, just maybe, he could have loved a daughter."

Becky sighed and Cassie squeezed her hand lovingly.

Cassie had listened to her friend's story for quite sometime. She was overwhelmed by the amount of pain her friend had endured, just to lead some semblance of a normal life. "You are the bravest person I've ever met."

Becky waved off the praise. "I never thought I was brave, just desperate. It was either become Becky or die trying. There really was no choice in the matter. If you can't be you, then you are no one, and I couldn't live one more day as no one. I think having that attitude is what got me through my surgeries and everything else.

I had my final surgery, the sexual reassignment one, in February of 2000. I had a pretty rough year leading into the surgery. For the first time in my life I went looking for a job as a woman, but that created a problem. Becky had no work history. If I listed my past work history, and they checked it, then it would show I had been Brian, and I was afraid they wouldn't hire me. It took me four months to find a decent job. The personnel manager said she didn't care about my personal history, just as long as I could do the job.

I had some socialization problems too. I was always afraid that when people looked at me, they could tell that I was something less than a real woman. That took quite a while to get over, but as I felt better about my appearance, I didn't worry about that as much any more. At any time I could have walked away. Until that doctor broke out his scalpel, I had yet to truly cross a point of no return. I've never once looked back, or regretted the crossing."

Cassie was a little curious about the surgeries. "Do you mind if I ask, what all you have had done?"

Becky paused, making a list in her head. "First of all, if Mom hadn't left me the house and some money, there may not have been many surgeries. The surgeries are expensive!"

Becky rubbed her fingers across her nose. "Let's see... I have had rhinoplasty on the nose, surgery on the throat to remove my Adams Apple, and to feminize my voice. I have had a face-lift, and a little liposuction. As you can tell, the voice surgery wasn't entirely successful. I went to a doctor in Oregon to have the sexual reassignment done. It cost me over twenty thousand dollars, but it was the best twenty thousand I have ever spent." Becky winked at Cassie.

"It took me a year after that to finally get the nerve to come back to Jamestown. You know the rest of the story from there. Okay, any questions class?"

Cassie shot her hand up and did her best Arnold Horseshak impersonation. "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!"

Becky smiled and pointed at her. "Uh, the freckled face girl in the front row that's had too much margarita."

Both women laughed. They needed a good laugh. There had been too much crying that night.

Cassie got a serious look in her eyes. "All kidding aside Becky, can I ask you something kind of personal?"

"After what I've poured out to you for the last two hours, I don't think I have anything personal left, but please, go ahead and shoot, Pistol."

Cassie was still feeling a bit embarrassed by the nature of the question and Becky could read it on her face. "You said that you've had sexual reassignment surgery, and that you're as close to physically being a woman as possible. Does that mean you now have a... I mean, that you don't have what you used to have anymore?"

Becky had to smile. It was a perfectly legitimate question, but there was never an easy way to just come out and say it. "I think I know what you're asking me, so let me help you out. Not only can we play on the same basketball team, but also we can both hit the same shower, and I don't think either of us would be embarrassed by what we saw. I had a gynecologist in California, and he told me he wouldn't have known had I not told him. I'm pretty much the same as a woman who has had a complete hysterectomy. I don't have menstrual periods, but I do go through mood swings. I will have to take estrogen every day for the rest of my life. I can't get pregnant, but I can have sex. I don't think I left anything out. Does that answer your question?"

"I get the picture Becky, literally!"

More laughter followed that remark, before Cassie posed her next question. This time she leaned forward and almost whispered it. "You said you could have sex. God you must think I'm so rude to ask you this, but...have you had...I mean, as a woman?"

Becky looked from side to side, and then whispered to Cassie. "No, I want to be just like my hero, and save myself for marriage."

Cassie smiled and realized she shouldn't feel so guilty about asking Becky these questions. She was her best friend. "Do you think you really might get married? Will they let you do that legally?"

"Legally, I can get married, but honestly I don't think I ever will. It's so hard to find the right person, and sooner or later you have to tell them about your past. That usually ends it right there."

Cassie took part of Becky's own words for her next question. "You said it's hard to find the right person. Can I assume the right person is a guy? I mean... if you're attracted to women, I can deal with that. There are several lesbians that play in our league, so it's not a problem."

"That's a very normal question. My problem is gender. It's about the sex I am, and not the sex I find attractive. I guess what I am trying to say is, I have just as much chance of being gay or straight, as a genetic woman."

Cassie nodded in understanding, but she also realized that Becky hadn't really answered the question. "Okay, I understand all that, but are you going to tell me which one you are?"

Becky smiled. "Let me ask you a question and you see if you can figure it out. I'd say you owe me a question by now anyway." Cassie nodded in agreement before Becky began. "When we were in college, unless you had a game, there was one television show we never missed. We took the phone off the hook, and didn't answer the door. If you can remember the show and its star, then you have your answer."

Cassie thought for a minute, and then blurted the answer out. "Tom Selleck, Magnum P.I.!" Having said that, it took just a few seconds for the realization to set in. Cassie smiled impishly at Becky. "You like Tom Selleck?"

Becky narrowed her eyes and smiled hungrily. "That man was hot then, and he's just gotten better with age. He's got a body to die for. He's got the eyes, the hair, the smile and the personality. He is the total package! Of all the things I love about him, it's the personality I love most. He is sensitive, compassionate, and honorable. He is this kind of down-to-earth type of guy, with a boyish quality that makes him cute, and he loved sports. Did I mention his body? I swear, if I ever met that man in real life, I would probably just dissolve into a puddle."

Cassie laughed. "You convinced me! There's no doubt in my mind, which way you swing. So you want to go rent some Magnum episodes and melt together?"

Becky replied in her best "Higgins" voice. "Thomas will just have to wait!"

Cassie laughed and shook her head. "You are ate up girlfriend, you know that?"

"So I've been told by many a doctor. Do you have anything else you want to throw at me?"

Cassie thought for a moment before asking her next question. "Is there anything you regret about it all?"

Becky nodded. "There are two things I guess. One, I should've have taken the chance and told you. I was wrong to disappear for all these years. I cheated myself out of many years of friendship and put you through hell.

Two, my biggest regret of all. I will never get to know what it feels like to be a little girl. All those experiences that girls have that prepare them for womanhood, I will never have. It's like I went from 10 to 40, and I'm missing the thirty years of experience in between. I gained so much from you sharing your life with me as a girl and a young woman, but Becky deserved more than just living through you. She deserved her own chance to grow up, and she'll never get it."

Tears fell from Becky's eyes as Cassie realized how much her friend yearned for the one thing she had been so unjustly denied. Cassie's own heart went out to her friend and the little girl within her that would never grow up.

"Becky, I wish there was something I could say or do. I can't imagine what it must be like."

Becky wiped the tears from her face. "Try to imagine this if you will. You wake up one day and discover you have a boy's body. You know you are really a girl, but since you don't have the body, nobody will believe you are really a girl. You still think like a girl, still want to dress like a girl, and you still want to do girl things but you can't anymore, because now everyone thinks you are a boy. Since you look like a boy and everyone treats you like a boy, you try to be a boy. That turns out even worse, and now all the boys hate you. You can't play with the girls because even though you are a girl on the inside, you are a boy on the outside, and they won't play with you. You can't play with the boys, because even though you are a boy on the outside, you are still a girl on the inside, and they won't play with you.

You get lonely, and sad, and discouraged, but you don't know what to do about it. You don't have any magic to change your body back into a girl's body, but you do meet a wizard that can alter your boy's body to make it look a little bit like a girl's body. He does all that he can for you, and you look very nice, but you will always be a girl in a rebuilt boy's body until the day that you die."

Cassie rose up from the booth and went over to Becky. She reached out a hand, and Becky took it. Cassie pulled her into an embrace. She whispered lovingly, "You'll never be an imitation to me. You're my best friend, and you're all woman."

They hugged a moment longer before Cassie spoke. "C'mon girlfriend, lets get out of here. I think we've given the customers enough of a floor show for one night, don't you?"

Becky dropped a twenty down on the table and they headed for the parking lot. Once inside the car, Cassie took command. "We'll run by your house and you pick up whatever it is you need to crash at my place until you leave for Los Angeles. I wish you didn't have to go, but I understand why. You just need to let me know when your flight is, because I am driving you up to Charleston and putting you on the plane. I will also pick you up when you come back. You got that young lady?"

Becky smiled and returned with the appropriate response. "Yes, mother."

Cassie smiled and returned with her appropriate response. "Goof!"

Becky packed a bag and then dumped all her medicines in. Her flight was set for Saturday. All she wanted was two more days with her friend. She prayed she would get them. It had felt so good to tell Cassie the truth, and she had taken it all better than Becky could have hoped. If only she would have had the courage to tell her the whole truth. Becky would tell her the rest, just not in person. She had a letter prepared that explained everything, and Cassie would receive it after Becky's death. In her heart, Becky felt this was the best way to handle it. She had been wrong once before. She hoped she wasn't wrong again.

They were driving up the mountain when Cassie spoke up. "There's still one thing I don't get. Once you came back here, why didn't you tell me all this as soon as we met? Why did you wait so long?"

"I didn't plan it that way, Pistol. I had a letter all set to mail to you. It explained the basics and asked you to come to my apartment if after reading it, you still wanted to see me. I was going to wait about a week or two and if you didn't come by, I was going back to L.A. I never dreamed I'd be shooting baskets with your daughter. As soon as she told me that her mother played in Spain, I figured it out. Although I should have known by the way she hooped, she had to be your daughter. Well...once I realized who she was, you were already walking up on the court. I was so sure you'd recognize me, but when you couldn't make the connection, I chickened out.

I wanted to tell you before our first game, but you were late as usual, and then after the game, you left before I could catch you.

I decided to tell you after our second game but, we started talking about Craig and the kids, and..."

Cassie jumped in. "Okay the second game was my fault. I was really upset that night. I should never have said anything about it."

"No, I'm glad you talked to me. You needed to talk and I wanted to help. By the next week, I had decided not to tell you until we could sit down and have a long talk. With my leaving, I knew I needed to tell you tonight. I agonized over it all evening long, and then when I told you I was going back to California, you started bringing up your past history with Brian. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to tell you. I guess the time was finally right!"

Cassie dropped her right arm over Becky's shoulder. "I'm just glad you're home. It's been tough living without my best friend.

Becky leaned toward Cassie. "Missed you too, Pistol!"

The women sat up half the night laughing, crying, and hugging, as each one filled the other on more of the missing pieces from their seventeen years apart.

To Be Continued...

  

  

  

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