Author's Foreword and Dedication: Although written before I had met and grew to love Rebecca Anne Stewart; affectionately called Becky by all those who knew her in the chatroom. The resemblance between her and the character Becky Taylor was and is uncanny. So I will dedicate this story to her, my beloved friend and playmate, Becky Stewart. You are still very loved and very much missed…

  

One Last Shot

by Maggie O'Malley

  

PART FIVE

The pony-tailed blonde spent most of the next two weeks just hanging around Jamestown. No longer worrying about running into Cassie, she felt much more at ease to explore the town.

The weekend before the opening of the new season, Becky came down with a very nasty stomach flu. When Cassie picked her up Wednesday evening, she was pale and fevered, but determined to play. As Cassie drove, she described the long and storied history of "Cassie's Court." She said some of the greatest times of her life were spent playing basketball with her best friend on that court. Becky's stomach churned from the stomach flu, and her heart ached from the memories that Cassie stirred up.

Waiting for Cassie when she pulled into the driveway were Mandy, Devon, and Cassie's brother Brad. The kids rushed up to the car, and started dragging Becky toward the court. Cassie laughed, "It's tough being a star isn't it?"

Shooting her friend a grimacing glance, she then just threw up her hands in total surrender. Cassie stopped Becky's entourage long enough for her to meet Brad. They both returned polite "Hi"s, but as she walked toward the court, Brad gave her a quick once over and smiled. The blonde noticed it, and smiled to herself. "In twelve years, he never once gave Brian the time of day. In twelve seconds, he actually spoke to, smiled at, and checked out Becky. You go girl!"

The kids led her around the house and to the court; it was if she'd stepped through a time portal. Everything was very nearly the same as it had been twenty years before. The house, the court, and the lot next-door were almost identical to the way she remembered them. Becky glanced over to her old house and saw time had not been so kind to it. The basketball goal was gone. The grass was high and the house was in desperate need of a coat of paint.

Devon, watched her stare at the old house. He told her, "No one's lived there in a long time. It's pretty junkie." Becky tried to get her mind off old memories and old houses by shooting with the kids, but the flu was racking her body, and she had no energy. She played the best game she could, but hardly able to breathe, and she had none of her old drive and hustle. Cassie played pretty well, but the team missed Becky's spark, and they were soundly defeated.

All the while playing mother hen, Cassie drove her friend home. Becky enjoyed having Cassie's motherly side directed at her. She played the dutiful daughter in return, by answering, "Yes, Mom," to every statement she made. She then left the younger woman with strict orders of bed rest and herbal teas. Just to accentuate it, she finished with an ominous, "or else!" if Becky didn't do it.

Lying around the apartment the entire week, Becky drank herbal teas until her bladder was floating, but the flu hadn't subsided. When Cassie picked up Becky, she could tell she was still sick.

"Did you stay in bed, and drink herbal tea like I told you?"

Becky smiled, and did her best little girl voice. "Yes Mom, I did. I was a good girl!"

Cassie shook her head and smiled back at her. "Okay you goof! If you want to act like Mandy, then I'll treat you like her. I'm going to call my doctor and get you an appointment, Little Miss!"

Immediately the blonde waved her off, "No, Cassie, that's not necessary. I'll be fine. It's just a nasty flu. Look, I'll pick up some flu meds at the drugstore when we get back."

Cassie wasn't convinced. "C'mon Becky. Let me call my doctor. She's a real sweetheart. She can prescribe something stronger than those over-the-counter pretenders.

I can probably get you in this week, pleeease..."

Becky did the one thing Brian had never done before. She managed to resist the power of a Cassie "pleeease."

"No! Cassie, really! I've seen enough doctors to last me a lifetime. I'll be alright." Seeing the concern in Cassie's eyes, she added, "I'll make you a promise. If I don't get better in a week or two, you can call your doctor. Okay?"

The mother of two, Cassie knew she'd won a minor victory and gladly accepted it. "Okay, but I'm going to hold you to that."

Closing the conversation with her little girl voice again she simpered, "Yes, Momma."

Cassie shook her head and smiled as they arrived at her house.

Becky played a little better, but the flu had robbed her of her stamina, and she couldn't stay in the game for more than three minutes at a time. They lost the game and their record fell to 0 and 3. Cassie drove Becky to the drugstore to pick up her flu meds before dropping her off at the apartment. Cassie repeated her earlier prescription of bed rest and herbal teas.

Becky settled in for the night. She hadn't eaten since breakfast, but her churning stomach balked at the thought of food. With a Diet Coke, she washed down a few saltines and took her night meds. To take the flu meds, with all the other medication she was taking, was unthinkable; she just could NOT risk a drug interaction. She went to sleep telling herself that she would be over this flu by next Wednesday, or at least her friend would think she was. There was no way that she was going to see Cassie's doctor, or any other doctor in Jamestown.

Come the following Wednesday, Becky actually felt a little better. Her stomach still wasn't taking food very well and she was a little tired, but definitely better. She put on her uniform, pulled her hair up and put on a little extra base to cover the paleness of her skin and the dark circles beneath her eyes. She did her best impression of a Diana Prince smile as her friend picked her up for the game. Cassie eyed her new friend closely as she slid into the Suburban. "Hey girlfriend, you feeling any better?"

Becky flashed the smile and answered. "Much better, and I owe it all to you and your herbal teas!"

Cassie rolled her eyes at the flippant remark, and then noticed her friend's heavily made up face. "Hey what's with all the war paint tonight? You got a hot date with Brad after the game?"

Waving her hand and the girl shook her head to say no. "The only "hot date" I have tonight is with an offensive rebound, okay? Actually, I just felt like being pretty tonight." Becky pursed her lips, batted her eyes, and struck a femme fatale pose.

"Okay, Madonna, just be ready to play tonight. I'd like to win at least one game this season."

Cassie didn't get her wish as her team dropped their fourth straight game. Becky played her best game on Cassie's Court, but she still wasn't anything close to the dynamo she had been at the community center. After she got home from the game that night, she had terrible heaves and her body ached at every joint.

In the early hours of the morning, she sat by the window. She was crying, rocking and clutching her childhood stuffed lion. He was as well worn as the Velveteen Rabbit, and just as well loved. Across her bed lay pamphlets, medical reports and books, but she didn't need to consult them. Becky knew it all by heart. She didn't have the flu any longer, maybe she never did. Coming from California she wanted to believe she might lose her pursuer, or that somehow Cassie's magic could make it all better, but those were childish dreams, as hopeless as those Brian used to have. Brian used to believe that if he just wished hard enough, he could wake up one morning and be a girl just like Cassie. But he had learned a long time ago that those dreams couldn't come true. Now, Becky was learning the same lesson.

The only thing left for her now was to decide how much longer you could risk staying. As long as she could still get up and down the court and spend time with her, she wanted to. However, if Cassie suspected the truth, or if she allowed herself to get too sick before leaving, she would end up in a hospital with Cassie by her side. She was not about to put either of them through that. Increasing her pain meds the slender blonde decided to continue doing what she'd been doing all along, take each day as it comes, and be ready to leave tomorrow.

She played the next two games, and then missed one. She used her sore knee as an excuse, and Cassie half bought it. There was but one game left in the season and Becky knew it was to be her final game. She wasn't about to miss it.

Not even pancake make-up could hide the dark circles or the tiredness in her face and eyes. Already slender by nature, she looked emaciated, having dropped twenty pounds over the last six weeks. Sweat ran streaks down her make-up before the game even started. The July heat was bad, but Becky knew it was her fever that had returned. She grabbed a bottle of PowerAde and washed down some pills while Cassie eyed her suspiciously; the coach was worried about her friend's health, and intended to confront her about it after the game.

Knowing this was to be her last game, she summoned up strength out of pure heart and willful determination. For the first time all summer, she showed flashes of the old Becky and at halftime they were up five. Though tired and sick, nothing could have kept her off that court the second half. With two minutes to go and the game comfortably in hand, the tall blonde and another girl fought for a rebound. Becky banged hard off the other girl and then fell to one knee. A wave of nausea overcame her and she stumbled courtside. She heaved up the blood-splattered bile she'd grown accustomed to seeing the last few weeks, wiped her mouth and turned to find Cassie's concerned face behind her.

Cassie's eyes lit up at the trace of blood on Becky's lips. "Girl, you're bleeding! Are you going to be all right?'

With her wristband, Becky wiped away the last trace of blood from her lips. Weakly she replied, "Yeah...I'm okay. I-I... umm...took a shot in the mouth, and I think I cracked a tooth. It's just a little blood, and it made me sick. It's no big deal."

Cassie wasn't so easily convinced, "Okay Mighty Isis! Have a seat and watch us old women finish off a win, but I'm telling you something right now, and I'm serious! Tomorrow, I'm calling my doctor and your going to see her. You can go willingly, or kicking and screaming." She then added with a smile. "And you can ask Devon and Mandy, I like kicking and screaming."

Too tired and too sick to argue she just nodded accordingly. Within in minutes, the game was over and the women celebrated their victory in earnest. Becky helped Cassie clean up the court after everyone else had left. It was only then the baleful blonde noticed the kids hadn't been around all evening. "Hey Becky, where's Heckle and Jeckle tonight? Are they over at Brad's? I miss shooting around with them after our games.

Cassie sighed. "They're with Craig for two weeks. This is his two weeks during the summer visitation. I miss them so much. I'm about ready to go nuts. You know, today's my birthday. This is the first year I won't be spending my birthday with the kids."

Becky had forgotten Cassie's birthday. She couldn't bear her being alone and depressed. "Say Cassie, why don't you let me buy your birthday dinner or at least a drink tonight? You can't just sit around here and be depressed on your birthday. You're turning 39, right?" The mother of two just nodded. "Okay, then next year you will have the right to get depressed. This is the last year to live it up big! C'mon, we'll have a girls' night out. It will be fun, you'll see. You pick the place, and I'll buy. Unless maybe, you got a "hot date" tonight?"

Cassie picked up on the reference. "Touché Becky, but I still don't much feel like celebrating."

Becky pulled a Cassie trick out of her hat. "C'mon girlfriend, I don't feel like going home and sitting alone tonight. We can just sit and talk and nurse a couple of drinks if you want, pleeease."

Cassie couldn't resist her own line and finally agreed.

Changing shirts they headed into town. Cassie's spirits had already lifted. While in the house changing, Devon and Mandy had called to wish her a happy birthday. Feeling a lot more like celebrating, Cassie said she knew the perfect place to go. It was an old high school favorite of hers, and still had the best pizza in town. The blonde didn't have to see the sign when they pulled in to know where the strawberry blonde had taken them. It was "Li'l Italy".

Brian and Cassie had spent so much time and money devouring pizzas there; they should've offered to buy the place. It would have ultimately been cheaper. While Cassie led Becky to what had been her and Brian's favorite booth she gave her new friend an animated description of how cheesy and delicious a Li'l Italy pie was. The shop was permeated in the aroma of mozzarellas, Parmesan and tomato sauce. It was the one smell that always made Brian hungry even when he thought he was too depressed to eat. For Becky, coming here was like walking into an old memory, but the smell made her stomach queasy. Even pizza, one of her oldest and dearest loves, was lost to her now.

Becky ordered a Diet Coke and Cassie ordered a margarita and recommended a large pepperoni pie with extra cheese. "I didn't know you drink, kid." The blonde was shocked.

"Well...I don't drink often, but when I do, it's always a margarita. I got a taste for them in Spain. Craig used to take me to this place that made killer margaritas." The margarita had reminded her of Craig, and happier times they had shared in Spain.

Over the next hour and a half, Becky picked at her slice of pizza, while Cassie poured her heart out about Craig and their failed marriage, of how he had really been pressing hard for a second chance. He had begged her to come back to Denver with the kids and try again. Cassie hadn't mentioned any of this to the kids. They would obviously jump at the chance for their family to be reunited, but their mother knew that they couldn't understand it wasn't as simple as just moving to Denver. She couldn't trust her husband when she left him. What was there to make her think she could trust him now? She still loved him, and always would, but love isn't enough when you live in the real world. There was also the matter of her house, her job, and the kids' activities in school. She didn't want her or the kids to lose the security and routine they'd grown accustomed to.

As always, Becky let her run, and then interjected thoughts and advice, as they seemed pertinent. Cassie finally wound down. She still wasn't sure what to do about Craig, but she felt a lot better having talked about it. Her girlfriend's support had given her confidence in herself to make the right decision.

Suddenly switching the topic to their basketball league and the playoffs next week The coach said, "Becky, since you're not doing anything on next Wednesday, why not come over to the court and work the scoreboard for the playoffs. It will give us a chance to chat, and oh by the way, in case you think this one margarita has made me forget our little conversation at the end of the game, you are sorely mistaken, missy. I'm still calling my doctor tomorrow." Cassie pointed at Becky's plate and its half-eaten piece of pizza. "You've barely eaten one slice of pizza; you've got to be sick."

Before the sick comrade could comment on anything, her friend had said, the team owner's eyes lit up. "I just thought of something. Why don't you crash at my house for a week? You're all alone up in that apartment. I'm alone in my big house. We can shoot hoops, rent videos, and talk all night like a couple of teen-age girl, and... I know you won't weasel out of your doctor's appointment. C'mon it will be good for both of us. Just say yes Becky, pleeease!"

Becky thought for a moment. A week of hanging with Cassie was very tempting, but she'd already stayed too long. If she stayed one more week, she'd end up dying here, and she had already ruled that out.

A sad expression told Cassie the answer before Becky began to speak. "Gee kid, I'd love to spend the week with you, but uh... actually I'm leaving for awhile. I'm going back to California to see my doctor. As you probably have figured out, it's not just the flu that's got me dragging tail. I um...got serious ulcer problems. That's why I've been so sick, and not able to eat. It's kind of complicated but they'll probably run some tests, change my meds, and I'll be my old sassy self in no time."

"Becky, you are coming back aren't you?" Cassie was concerned for her friend's health and sad to think of her leaving. The emaciated girl turned to face the window. Now she was flat lying to her best friend, and she didn't know how much longer she could keep this up. She answered her without looking at her. "I plan to come back. I want to come back."

Cassie reached across the table and squeezed her friend's hand. The younger woman looked across at her friend; both women were on the verge of tears. The winsome strawberry blonde was the first to speak.

"Oh Becky, please come back! I know we've been friends for just a few months, but I've really grown close to you. It's been so great to have another woman to talk to. I can't tell you how much you've helped me by just being there. I love playing basketball with you. We even win a game or two with you around. And the kids... ghad, they love you to death. Becky, I haven't had a friend like you in years. I really don't want to lose you."

Becky's heart was breaking. She could barely look Cassie in the eye, let alone speak. Cassie broke the momentary silence. "Do you remember the first night we met? You looked so familiar to me, but I couldn't remember where I'd seen you. It wasn't until I watched you play the next night at the community center that I figured out who you reminded me of. You remind me of the only best friend I've ever had. That is until I met you. His name was Brian. We grew up together. He lived in the vacant house across the lot from me. We did everything together. We used to sit in this same booth. We'd eat pizza and talk until they ran us out of here. We spent hours and hours, days and nights playing basketball on my court. Those were the best games of one-on-one I've ever played. You could put us on the same team and we could whip any two boys crazy enough to try and beat us. Becky, if it wasn't for Brian, and those workouts we went through, I never would have been the college or pro player I became."

Cassie wiped a tear from her eye. Becky still had not spoken. She couldn't. All she could do was think. "Oh God, Cassie please forgive me. I never meant to put you through this."

Cassie took a deep breath and continued, "I loved him Becky. I really loved him, but it wasn't like you're probably thinking. I mean...we were never boyfriend and girlfriend. We were better than that. We were best friends. The fact that he was a guy never got in the way, and I was closer to him than to any girl I knew. I didn't have very many girl friends. I was so into basketball, and so not into being a disco queen that half the girls I went to school with were afraid I was a lesbian. See, I didn't fit in, and Brian, he didn't fit in either. Brian wasn't any more the typical guy than I was the typical girl. His basketball coach, his teammates, even his own father hated him. I think that's why we were such good friends. We were misfit hoop junkies who didn't have anyone else. We even shared an apartment for years while we went to the University of West Virginia. After college, I went to play pro ball overseas. We lost touch and I never found him again. Lord knows I've tried though."

Their waiter came up to see if they needed refills. The blonde answered no for both of them, "Thanks."

Becky finally spoke up. "Cassie, I don't know what to say. I'm really sorry."

Cassie smiled through her tears. "It's alright sugar. It's not your fault. It's just... well... you remind me so much of him. You look enough like him to be his sister, and you play so much like him on the court, but the way you and I connected...well, that was just the way it was with Brian and me. I know you're not Brian's sister, or long lost cousin, but the resemblance just blew me away. Hey, look... I'm really sorry if this makes you feel uncomfortable. I think maybe I just miss him so much, I started seeing things in you that really aren't there and I apologize. You don't deserve all this. It's just that Brian's been gone so long. I don't even know if he's alive. I've lost Brian. I just hate to lose you too."

Becky's face fell into her hands as she cried. She couldn't let this go on any longer, not one word longer. Everything for her changed. This lie she was living had seemed like the best way to deal with the situation, but now she realized it was totally and cruelly wrong. Her best friend was now going to end up mourning the loss of two friends. She deserved to be told the truth. She needed to know that Brian was a heartless rat who lied to her, and didn't deserve the love she still felt for him.

She raised her eyes to meet Cassie's, wiping the tears from her own eyes. "Cassie, I've got something to tell you and I don't know how to say it, but Lord knows I've got to."

Cassie's eyes grew wide with concern. "Hey girl, you're scarring me now. Look, I don't know what it is that you have to tell me, but I think you better just say it."

Slowly letting out a breath the blonde asked Cassie if she wanted another margarita before she started. She assured her that she would need it, but Cassie just motioned for her to get on with it.

Finally, Becky began. "Cassie, I lied to you. I've lied to you from the first night we met. I did play basketball against you in college, but I wasn't on another team."

Cassie cut in. "Well, I know you weren't on my team. I'm sure I'd remember you from school."

Becky waved her off. "Cassie, please...just wait until I finish."

Cassie nodded, and Becky continued. "We played ball together in college and high school. We played on your court and the lot next door." She paused to swallow. The coach's face was etched with confusion. She still hadn't figured out who sat before her.

Finally removing all doubt, the sick girl told her, "We were good friends and...I had a nickname for you. I called you..."Pistol".

Cassie's mouth flew open. Her mind registered who was truly sitting before her, but it was too much to accept at once. Her eyes were filled with shock and disbelief. Thirty seconds of silence passed between the two women before the girl sitting before her spoke. "For Pete's sake Cassie, say something, anything. Just speak to me!"

Cassie leaned across the booth. "Is that really you in there Brian?'

Dropping her eyes to the table she sighed soft, "Yeah Cassie, it's really me, and I'm so sorry about everything."

Cassie stood up from the booth and stepped over in front of her long lost friend. The other girl stood up and faced her. The strawberry blonde took a moment to stare deeply into the blonde's eyes. At that moment, all she wanted to do was hold the person standing before her, so Cassie grabbed Becky, and put her arms around her. The two women stood in the middle of the floor hugging and crying. In between sobs, the older girl kept repeating, "I missed you so much." The younger just kept saying she was sorry.

The crowd at Li'l Italy watched the women embrace for nearly five minutes before Cassie finally released Becky.

Cassie stood there just looking Becky up and down, smiling lovingly and shaking her head. All of the sudden, the expression changed, and she unleashed a left hook that hit the slender girl square in her right shoulder and sent her crashing back into the booth.

The tall blonde pulled herself upright and looked up at the strawberry blonde. She was furious, and the pain and hurt was evident in her eyes.

"Damn you Becky...err, Brian...oh hell, I don't know what to call you now. How could you do this to me? How could you just disappear like that? Not a word from you in almost twenty years, not one word! Then when you finally show up, you're dressed like a woman! Do you have any idea of what I've gone through, and how long and hard I looked for you? I'll be honest with you. I thought you were dead, because I knew if you were alive, you would have found a way to contact me. Why Brian? Why did you leave like that, and come back dressed like this and acting like a total stranger for six months? I want to know just what the hell is going on Becky, err... Brian."

The wave of anger that had overtaken her best friend so quickly was leaving her just as quickly. Her pain and anguish had exploded, leaving her in tears once again. Becky sat upright in the booth, rubbing her sore arm, and wincing in pain. She looked up at Cassie. "I missed you too, Pistol."

Cassie felt terrible for allowing her emotions to get the best of her like that. She had never hit anyone in anger before. "Are you alright, Becky? I mean Brian... Damn it! This is just too much. I know you're really Brian, but I just can't call you Brian with you sitting there looking like a woman!"

"That's one of the nicest compliments I've ever had, I think." A huge smiled brightened her face even though she could see how guilty Cassie felt after she had hit her. "Cassie I deserved that punch and whole bunch more for what I've put you through. Please don't feel bad about it. C'mon and sit down, before they throw us out. Give me a chance, and I'll try to explain everything I can. Please!"

Their waiter returned as Cassie was sitting down. "Is everything alright ladies?"

Cassie flashed her smile. "Oh yes, uh... were old friends and we haven't seen each other in years."

The waiter returned dryly, "Yes, I can see that. Can I get either of you a refill?"

Cassie fielded that one as well, "Yes, please. Get my friend another diet and I'll have another margarita, heavy on the tequila."

The waiter smiled and went to get their drinks. Becky leaned forward toward Cassie and whispered. "Did you see that look he gave us when you told him we were old friends?"

"Yeah, I knocked you into the booth and then called you my friend. He'd probably hate to see what I'd do if I ran into an enemy in here." Cassie smiled. The two women began giggling, and then held hands across the table. "I'm really sorry about that punch. You sure your arm is going to be alright?"

"Yeah, it's okay, and like I said before, I deserved a whole lot more for putting you through what I have. I just hope that maybe someday you can forgive me."

"Becky...I mean, that's okay if I call you Becky isn't it?"

A huge smile filled her features. "Cassie you are the only person in this world who could call me Brian and not make me mad, but I would rather you call me Becky."

"Okay, Becky it is!" Cassie paused a moment to recapture her thought. "Becky, I have already forgiven you. I love you too much to ever stay mad at you, but you owe me some explanations. I just want to know what's going on, if you feel comfortable enough to tell me. I promise I won't hit you anymore." The team manager lowered her voice to a whisper. "I mean... I know you're not dressing up like this just to play in a women's basketball league, right?"

Becky smiled and shook her head. "No Cassie, it goes way beyond that."

The waiter brought their drinks and asked them if they needed anything else. Cassie said no. He eyed them very suspiciously before leaving.

"Did you see that Pistol? First he sees you slug me, and then walks up and we're holding hands. Probably thinks we're two lesbians having a lovers spat! You think we should tell him the truth?"

Cassie eyes twinkled. "Naah...let him have his fantasy. I doubt if he could handle the truth. And speaking of the truth... How about giving me some? Like, why you disappeared for all these years and never called or wrote. You should have told me what was going on. Maybe, I could have helped. I was your best friend."

"That's why I couldn't tell you Cassie."

Cassie shook her head. "I don't understand. I don't understand that at all."

Becky squeezed Cassie's hand. "I don't really understand all of it either, but if you will listen, I'll try to explain what I can and maybe that will help. So... where do I start? Might as well start with the obvious huh? Cassie, I'm not just dressed like a woman. This isn't all just make-up, and Kleenex stuffed in a bra. I'm really a woman...or at least the best imitation that medical science and plastic surgery could create."

Huge eyes lit up. "Well, you sure fooled me girlfriend and everyone else in the league as well. If anyone would have suspected you were a man, I'd known about it. I thought you looked familiar. I thought you might be Brian's stepsister, but I never dreamed you were a man. Becky, you really look good. You're too skinny, and those dark circles of yours show through your make-up, but aside from that you really look good. I loved Brian to death, but he never looked this good."

Becky smiled and rolled her eyes at the compliment.

"I'm serious Becky, and if you don't believe me, just ask Brad. I've watched him checking you out a number of times when he's came to the games. The funny thing was, with Brad being divorced and all, I actually thought about trying to push you two together."

Becky's cheeks turned a bright crimson and Cassie couldn't miss it. "Oh my God... you're blushing! You really are a girl aren't you?"

Shrugging her shoulders and looking sheepishly at Cassie, the younger of the two said, "I'd like to believe I am. If I'm not, it's too late to turn back now. You can trust me on that one!"

Cassie's eyes narrowed, as she got very serious. "Hey, I was wondering, when did you become Becky? I mean really become Becky. Do you know what I mean?"

"If you mean when did I have sex reassignment surgery, it will be two years in December. If you mean how long have I felt like Becky...it's been all my life. This all started before I met you. When I was little, I used to wish I were a real girl. I watched cartoons and wished I were a girl superhero, or some princess. Do you remember when you called me Mighty Isis today?"

Cassie thought and then finally nodded.

"She was my favorite super hero. I wanted to be her so bad. She had that white silk outfit, and the power bracelet. She was beautiful and strong and so cool. There wasn't a warrior girl or princess that I didn't want to be."

On a roll, the blonde continued, "When I was in the second grade, I wrote little stories about being a real girl, and how happy I would be. Everybody else was reading about Dick and Jane, and I was writing about being Jane. I wasn't totally into ribbons and lace, but I liked some of the clothes that girls wore, and boys couldn't. I don't remember wanting a doll, but I had my lion, and I would've given anything to have been able to go over and play make-believe with the girls. Crazy thing was Cassie, I thought every little boy growing up felt the same way I did. I didn't know any better. I never doubted for a minute that I was a boy. I looked like a boy; dressed like a boy and most of all, my parents told me I was a boy. Parents love their children, and as a kid, you just know that your parents would never lie to you, and never let you do anything that was wrong or could hurt you. If they'd told me I was a bird, I'd tried to grow wings and fly."

Cassie rubbed Becky's hand, encouraging her to go on; needing to know what her best friend had been going through, and Becky needed to tell her.

"I told you that when I was little, I had a lot of superheroes and princesses that I wanted to be, but once I met you, I never had another. I think from the first day you threw rocks at my window and got me out riding bikes, I wanted to be just like you. You became my friend, my sister, and my idol. I still feel the same way about you today."

Tears filled both women's eyes. Neither took a hand to wipe them away, as they knew there would be many more to come. "Cassie, when you were growing up, I thought you were the perfect girl. You had every thing I ever wanted. You were a girl, you were cute, you loved sports and were good at them, you were fun to be with, brave and very caring. You even had two parents who loved and supported you.

"Every time we did something together, there was a part of me that wished I could be you doing it. I wanted people to look at me, and treat me like they did you. I use to go to bed wishing I could wake up and be your twin. I just knew you would be as happy as I was about it. I wanted to do the whole Haley Mills, Parent Trap thing. I thought once your parents realized you had a twin, they would just adopt me and we could live as sisters. We could play on the same basketball team together and everything. Pretty sick stuff, huh?"

Cassie lightly put her fingers below Becky's chin and raised her face to meet her own. "No...I don't think it's sick, or stupid or wrong. I had no idea that you felt that way. I don't think I've ever been worthy of being anyone's idol, but I'm honored that you would want to be like me. I would've loved having you as my twin sister. Of course, if you ask me, I think I would rather be Mighty Isis, than Cassie Miller any day."

Cassie tried to coax a smile from Becky, but could get no more than just a slight turn of her lip. "Becky, I think most of all, it just makes me feel very sad to know that you felt that way for so long, and I never had a clue. I just wished I could have done something."

"Cassie, there wasn't anything you could do, and I really didn't know just how different I was from other boys until I was 12. I know you remember that two on two tournaments we had that summer. Your father bought trophies and we never lost a game. Do you remember the uniforms we wore? You wanted to wear your baby blue silk uniform from the girls' team at school. So, as always, I wanted to be just like you. Do you remember what I talked you into doing?" Cassie's mind drifted back almost 30 years, and then a look of recognition flashed across her face. Becky could see she remembered. "I got you to sneak me another uniform out of the coach's office, just so we could be twins. We even had matching wristbands. I was so happy and excited, and I thought we looked cool! The other boys didn't think it was cool at all! I never told you what they said to me after the tournament, or what my father did when he found out that I won a basketball tournament wearing a girl's uniform. I didn't want you to feel bad about getting me the uniform, so I didn't say anything. From that time on though, I knew I was different from all the other boys, and that it wasn't a real good idea to show it."

Becky took a drink of her soda, and took a deep breath before starting up again. "It wasn't until we were in high school, that I realized just how much I hated being a boy, and how much I wanted to be a girl, a girl just like you.

"I did try to be a boy. I tried so hard to be the son my father always wanted, but I just kept on failing him. The more I'd fail, the harder he would push me. The more he pushed, the more frustrated I got. Sooner or later I would just end up crying, and he would just rage! "

"I loved basketball, but I hated being on that school team. I couldn't fit in with those guys. I always felt so... uncomfortable. The showers were the worst. I felt so ashamed standing there naked. I hated my body anyway, so when they starting teasing me like they did, I couldn't have felt any worse. I would be so upset I would cry all the way back from practice. There was only one thing in high school that I had to look forward to, and that was hanging with you. When I was with you, I wasn't Brian anymore. I was Cassie Miller, basketball star, or her twin sister Becky. When I hung out at your house, I imagined we were two girls watching the tube, eating pizza, and shooting hoops. When I came to your games, I imagined myself scoring every time you scored, or that I was one of your teammates feeding you a perfect pass, and you giving me a high five after you scored. When your parents hugged you, told you they loved you, and looked at you with pride. I so wished it was me they were hugging."

Cassie reached across the table and extended her arms and hugged Becky. Her heart broke as she realized just how long her friend had lived without acceptance and love.

"Becky, I still don't understand why you didn't confide in me. I was your best friend. I wouldn't have turned my back on you."

"Cassie, I did want to tell you, Lord did I want to tell you, but I was too afraid I'd lose you. I couldn't run the risk that you would reject me. Cassie you were the only person in the world that really cared about me. My father hated me, everyone at school hated me, and even I hated me. I know my mom cared, but I wasn't about to put her in the middle between my father and I. Can't you see, that if I'd lost you then I'd been totally alone, and I would have went crazy or maybe even killed myself? Think about it Cassie...we were 16 years old. Do you really think you could have handled your best male friend telling you he wanted to be you or your twin sister? Can you honestly tell me you wouldn't have run away? Do you think you would have ever been comfortable with me again?"

Cassie thought for a minute. "I'd like to believe that I could've handled it. I would have been shocked, but I don't think there's anything you could've said that would have run me away, or stopped me from loving you."

"Maybe you could've handled it, and maybe you couldn't have, but I didn't want to risk losing you just to find out. I wanted to change, but I didn't want our friendship to change.

"I just can't believe you had all this going on inside you and you never said a word. I was you best friend. I should have noticed it. I should have been able to figure it out." Cassie shook her head in disbelief.

"You weren't looking for the problem, so you didn't see it. Although...once, I almost told you, and another time I showed you, but you couldn't see it. It's not your fault. You just weren't looking. Nobody was." Becky smiled at Cassie.

"When did you almost tell me?" Cassie was curious from Becky's last words.

A broad smile came across Becky's face. "Do the words, 'Little Kings Crème Ale' mean anything to you?"

Cassie smiled and then groaned. "Oh yeah, I still get nauseous just walking by them in the supermarket."

Becky quizzed her again. "Do you remember the conversation we had before we both ended up on our knees and tossing our cookies?"

Cassie blushed this time. "Yeah, I remember. I was such a goof. I thought you had a crush on me. Boy, did I ever miss that by a mile."

"Cassie, you couldn't of known. I'll tell ya a secret...I kind of wanted to kiss you. I wanted to see how you would react. I wanted to live that through you, just like I was living everything else. I knew it was wrong for me to kiss you, but I thought you wanted to kiss me, and well...I didn't want to disappoint you. I was sitting there, looking at you. Your eyes were closed, and you lips were waiting for a kiss. I leaned forward, and then stopped. I didn't know if I should kiss you, or tell you the truth. I so wanted to tell you the truth. I only hesitated a moment, but it was enough. Your eyes opened, and your face went pale."

"The Little Kings went reverse gears on us, and then we were too busy praying and heaving to think about kisses or secrets." Cassie nodded.

"That's pretty much the story. By the next day, we were both too embarrassed to ever discuss it."

"Okay Becky, I'll buy that, but when did you show me? I got to believe I would have noticed that!"

Becky took a long drink of soda before starting. Once began, the words took them back to a Friday night during the spring of 1979. It was as if it was happening for the very first time.

To Be Continued...

  

  

  

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