On Becoming A Squaw

by: Betsygirl

Part 6

A year had passed since the chief and the tribal council had announced their decision that had completely changed my life. Through what I had originally regarded as folly, but now came to see as the collective wisdom of our people, I had been ordered to become Pretty Maid, a woman of our tribe. From using hormones to enhance my body to my wearing of satin lingerie and deerskin dresses to the tasks that I performed, I was, per the order of the chief and tribal council, to live as one of the women.

Upon reflection, I have come to realize that this decision enabled me to live out the best year of my life. It hardly seemed possible that an entire year had elapsed since that fateful decision. I had come to adore the softness of the satin lingerie that we wore under our deerskin dresses. The communal bath that we shared each day enabled me to develop many wonderful friendships with my tribal sisters. Wearing a deerskin dress and moccasins each day enabled me to be the woman that the Great Spirit had intended me to be. My experiences of being in the colonial movie and wearing both a wedding gown and a corset had allowed me to accept my innate feminine nature.

As I first nursed at Fair Dawn's breasts and drank her life-sustaining fluid, I recognized that the Great Spirit, in her wisdom, had given me the ability to cope with all that was occurring by giving me the inner spirit of a woman. The opportunity to experience life as a woman was additionally underscored when I represented all of the women of the tribe through my participation in the state's beauty pageant. When I was then selected to be among the four finalists for the title of 'Fairest in our State', I knew that the wisdom of the chief and tribal elders had been validated. Now that Fair Dawn and I had been joined in accordance with the ancient traditions of our people, I felt that the Great Spirit had shown me my special path by truly blessing my life with the best of all things.

One morning, during our bath in the stream, I saw that my sisters were engaged in animated whispers. Yet, when I would be near any of them, they would suddenly become silent. In a sense, this bothered me, as I had had a good relationship with my sisters since my first days as Pretty Maid. I asked Fair Dawn about this but she could not give me an answer. Likewise, neither my first wife, White Dove nor my friends, Little Deer and Pale Moon, could or would enlighten me. While I was not concerned about the women hushing their whispers in my presence, yet it was still on my mind as we exited the stream and dried ourselves.

We returned to our cabin and dressed in our satin lingerie. As we dressed, Fair Dawn would always assist me by lacing me into my satin corset. I had grown to love the feel of the restrictive garment as it defined and enhanced my feminine body. Even though I had been off of my hormones for some time, I did not want to lose my feminine shape and the corset ensured I would continue to look my feminine best. After I was corseted, I would don my white satin slip, deerskin dress and moccasins, quickly take care of my hair and makeup and go and join my sisters in performing the tasks that awaited us that day.

Today, the routine was the same as other days. Between doing our laundry and the daily meal preparations, the women still managed to have the time to foster friendships and chat. However, I still noticed the women engaged in their excited whispering, which would quickly stop when they saw me approach. This evening, Fair Dawn had volunteered us to do the last part of the cleanup after the evening meal, allowing our sisters to have some free time. After we had finished, Fair Dawn asked, since it was such a nice evening, if we could walk to the ceremonial clearing before we returned to our cabin. I was naturally in agreement since I felt it was a nice time to be outside. As we neared the area, I noticed that the clearing was lit more than usual. When we entered the clearing, I noticed that all of the women of the tribe were already assembled there.

I was surprised to see them until my true sister, Quiet Stream, stepped into the center of the clearing and spoke. "Pretty Maid, in the life of our people, the first anniversary of one's birth is an important time. It is when we celebrate this new life having successfully completed the earliest and most difficult part of life's journey. Gifts are presented that symbolize the path that the Great Spirit has planned for the one so honored. Normally, it is a child that is so honored in this manner. This night, we are here to recognize the first birthday of Pretty Maid and celebrate her life among our people. Though an adult in the number of moons you have seen, you have been a part of us in your present state for only a year. While I loved you when you were my little brother Little Bear, I have come to love you even more since you have been my little sister." With that, Quiet Stream came over and gave me a big hug.

Pale Moon, Little Deer and White Dove each spoke of how my sisters had accepted Pretty Maid due to the kind spirit and helpful nature that she always displayed. Little Deer commented that I had faced my early days as a woman of the tribe with great reluctance, as if there had been an error made by the chief and the council in their decision. White Dove said that the will of the Great Spirit was evident in my emergence as Pretty Maid, even though she still had a love in her heart for my former self from when she was my wife. However, now that she had known me as Pretty Maid for this past year, she felt that the Great Spirit had guided the chief to the correct decision. Pale Moon noted that the gifts being presented were, in a small way, the women's vision of the path that the spirits of our ancestors had set before me. Having said that, she gave me a prettily wrapped box. I carefully undid the wrappings and removed the lid. From inside, I took out a pair of black four-inch pumps, two starched crinolines, a white, frilly apron and finally a lovely black satin French maid's uniform. Pale Moon smiled and said that since I was Pretty Maid the women wanted me to truly look like a pretty maid. I smiled back at their play on words with my name and hugged Pale Moon. I thanked all my sisters for this and every kindness they had shown me.

Before I could resume my place, Fair Dawn had moved to the center of the circle with another box in her hands. I came forward as she handed it to me. As I opened the box, Fair Dawn said, "With this present to Pretty Maid, I make an announcement this night to all of my sisters." She paused dramatically while I removed a lovely white satin blouse and dark blue satin jumper from the box. She continued, "I give Pretty Maid this lovely maternity outfit as a symbol that I am with her child. I trust she will wear it often during my pregnancy." It took a few seconds for her words to sink in. As the Great Spirit had given me a second chance in life by allowing me to become Pretty Maid, I realized that Fair Dawn was being given a second chance by the Great Spirit to deliver a child into the world. I was so happy that her wish was being fulfilled, since she had been one of the women that had helped to guide my early steps when I became Pretty Maid. As I hugged her, the women all excitedly cheered.

Once the cheering stopped, Pale Moon and Little Deer offered to help me change into Fair Dawn's symbolic gift. I smiled and readily agreed. In a few short minutes, I was back in the clearing wearing my satin maternity blouse and jumper. Little Deer had been able to tie a soft floppy bow in the front of the blouse. During the evening, all of my sisters expressed their happiness for us to both Fair Dawn and me. The celebration now became a twofold affair with prayers and chants offered for both the one year old Pretty Maid and for the new child being carried by Fair Dawn. Both Fair Dawn and I offered our own special prayers to the Great Spirit, asking her for a healthy daughter to be born to us. Even the food that we enjoyed during the celebration had a symbolic significance. Fair Dawn and I both only ate and drank those things that were symbols from the Great Spirit of our femininity and womanliness.

We returned to our cabin after the celebration had ended. I commented on the nice double surprise that I had received that evening, both from the celebration and from Fair Dawn's announcement. After we changed into our satin negligees, we got into bed and simply held each other tightly throughout the night as we slept.

Throughout the following months, we had much to celebrate. I had worn my new French maid's uniform many times and had enjoyed wearing it each time. The black satin covering my body seemed to shimmer in the proper light. While wearing it, I truly felt like I was a pretty maid. The crinolines under my uniform skirt would rub against my stocking clad legs while I moved about, reminding me of the joy that I was experiencing since becoming Pretty Maid. When one of my sisters saw me in it, she would always comment on how lovely I looked wearing it. Additionally, Fair Dawn and I were able to quietly celebrate the first anniversary of our joining. Our sisters had covered for us during the evening meal. This allowed us to have a quiet dinner by ourselves. Fair Dawn was also regularly seeing the female shaman of our tribe, who was actually highly trained in the complete field of obstetrics and gynecology. The shaman even had a small, modern, up-to-date facility where the women could come for any needed hospitalization.

Every checkup of her ever-expanding belly showed everything to be fine for both Fair Dawn and the baby. I regularly wore my maternity blouse and jumper as well as a maternity empathy belly as a way of being at one with Fair Dawn. The shaman would also examine me when she examined Fair Dawn. However, my pelvic exam was slightly different from the one that was done on Fair Dawn. Nevertheless, the shaman noticed that, on occasion, I sighed softly as she gently probed my feminine opening. My examination by the shaman was an added means of being at one with Fair Dawn, especially during this time. I could also understand what she was experiencing for, as her belly expanded, so also did my empathy belly expand, making it more and more difficult to move around. The shaman advised us both to maintain our regular routine with the women of the tribe. If there was excessive fatigue or any other problems, we were to see her at once.

During her pregnancy, Fair Dawn could not wear the satin lingerie and the deerskin dresses as she normal did. Nevertheless, she wore some very nice maternity outfits and appropriate lingerie. In our cabin, I would wear some of the maternity outfits after she had worn them. Every other day, I would change from my deerskin dresses into my maternity blouse and jumper. There were days when I wished that I could feel the baby growing inside of me as it was growing inside of her. I had almost truly become a sister of the tribe in my thoughts, in my apparel and in my body.

In addition to the regular activities of the tribe, there would be special celebrations throughout the year. Obviously, the celebration of the first birthday of a member of the tribe was an important event. Additionally, each year, the tribe held a formal celebration of thanksgiving to the Great Spirit for her guidance through the past year. Our ancestors first began this traditional thanksgiving long before the Pilgrims arrived on these shores. However, one concession from the ancient ways had been made. Rather than have the women of the tribe doing all of the preparation, the tribal council had hired a caterer to provide the meal. My sisters took advantage of this occasion to really get dressed up. Our storehouse of nice gowns and dresses would be depleted for this one special evening.

Fair Dawn really wanted to attend this year, even though her due date was very near. She felt that she needed to give special thanks to the Great Spirit for the child she was soon to deliver. She had joked that if her time came during the affair, at least she wouldn't have to wait for the shaman. Fair Dawn had selected a dressy maternity outfit, which consisted of a red satin, tunic top with 3/4 length sleeves and a full black satin ball skirt with a stretch front. Fair Dawn allowed me to select a pretty outfit that was not a maternity outfit. I had selected a dark blue satin tunic with a wide white satin band near the bottom and a matching ankle-length straight satin skirt. With her low heels on, Fair Dawn, even in her advanced state of pregnancy, looked absolutely beautiful. I had selected four-inch heels, as had most of my sisters. When I was dressed, Fair Dawn complimented me on how nice my outfit looked.

We left the cabin and made the short trip to the great ceremonial hall. Our spiritual leaders had decorated the hall with symbols of prosperity and thankfulness throughout. This was the one time where my sisters could "let their hair down" and really dress up. The vast array of satin gowns and dresses in a wide variety of styles and colors was truly a sight to behold. As we made our way inside, we encountered the shaman, dressed far differently than I had ever seen her previously. She wore a gold satin, ankle-length sheath gown that clung to her every body part. She inquired briefly as to how Fair Dawn was feeling and then said that if we needed her tonight, she would be nearby.

We sat with Pale Moon, Quiet Stream and Little Deer. Each of my sisters looked radiant in a different color satin gown. Pale Moon wore a high-necked, sleeveless pale green satin gown with a fitted bodice and flowing skirt. Quiet Stream wore a red, ankle-length satin sheath with short sleeves. Little Deer had selected a halter-top gown with a long straight skirt in pink satin. My former wife, White Dove, was seated with Running Bear at another table. She wore an exquisite lavender satin, full skirted dress and looked lovely in it. After the meal, we relaxed and listened to the traditional speeches from the chief and selected members of the tribal council and then from our spiritual leaders. During the third or fourth speech, I noticed that Fair Dawn was experiencing some distress. As I looked at her questioningly, she merely nodded her head. Pale Moon sensed what was happening and signaled quietly to Little Deer, who quickly went to get the shaman. Quiet Stream assisted Pale Moon as they helped Fair Dawn move slowly from the hall to the medical facility. I was following closely behind, picking up my long skirt so that I would not trip over it in my haste.

We arrived at the facility just a few minutes before the shaman arrived. Quiet Stream had already begun to prepare Fair Dawn by having her skirt, tunic and lingerie removed and a plain hospital gown put on her. Little Deer and Pale Moon offered their assistance to the shaman. Each of the women donned a white lab coat to protect their lovely gowns. In addition to her other duties, Quiet Stream was the shaman's chief assistant and nurse. It seemed somewhat strange to see these attractively gowned women in this setting, preparing for the delivery of a baby. Since I was not well versed in these matters, the shaman suggested that I stand in the corner, out of the way.

I anxiously watched as each of the women assisted Fair Dawn. I listened as the shaman gave directions to her assistants and additionally told Fair Dawn when to push. I observed that Fair Dawn was just about to deliver her baby during her final contraction. Just at that precise moment, the alarm clock rang, signaling the end of my nightly sojourn with the tribe. It also signaled the beginning of another day. I was disappointed that the clock had not allowed me to experience Fair Dawn's delivery.

Since that untimely awakening, I have found my dream satin outfit of blue and white tunic top and the matching straight skirt in a fashionable boutique. When I purchased it, I felt that the saleslady knew I was getting it for myself. She even offered to let me try it on if I so desired. While it was a nice offer, I just knew that it would fit, even without trying it on. I now wear it regularly in the evening, along with my white satin lingerie and heels, hoping that by being so dressed, I will, in a future dream, be able to return to the medical facility and be with Fair Dawn and our new baby. I hope that the Great Spirit blessed us with a beautiful and healthy daughter. I have so much that I want to teach her about what it means to be a woman of our people.

 

 

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