Jim continues to wrestle with his inner turmoil. Miss Gladden, (the principal of the second school at which he has applied for a teaching internship) counsels Jim to accept his love of silk and embrace it, or suffer the alternative throughout his life by hiding from his desire to feel the touch of fine clothes. She just said he should face his problem, as she did, not try to run away from it.

 

Northwest Bound          by: Virginia Kane

 

Part Two

"You mean it is normal for transvestites to harbor feelings of self-guilt for wanting to wear women’s clothes, Miss Gladden?"

"Exactly, Jim. We go to counseling for it, regularly, hon. Part of the fetish is to hate your own weakness for what you are doing, and suffer from frequent bouts of depression over it. I might as well be honest with you. It isn’t all peaches and cream. It’s better for you to find out now, and be prepared to face it. You remind me of how I reacted to it when I was your age. At times, I would blame my dad, the mill, or even the whole world. I blamed anyone but myself for my irresistible compulsion to put on a lovely nightgown or a matching bra and panty set.

I guess men who never try it, even once, simply don’t know. Once I tried it a few time, I was hooked. Right now, you’re going through the same ordeal that I once went through." She then paused amid the anguish she faced while recollecting her own earliest trials with crossdressing. "I’m sorry, Jim. I had a very hard time accepting my desire to dress back then. It still isn’t easy to talk about it. I think it will help you, though. Please. Let me help. Don’t agonize over your enjoying it so much. Give yourself enough credit for being a sensitive person, easily hurt by others who may try taking advantage of you for your tenderness. I know. I walked the same path you are on now, and I want to make it easier for you.

You enjoy life in ways that aren’t within the limited views set for society like armor to protect itself from its pathetic fear of deviant sexual behavior. Men often use a phony bravado to convince themselves that they don’t want to appear different. Bullshit! I’ll lay you odds that most men experience some homosexual contact by the time they grow up. They’re all too chicken to admit to themselves that they have a softer, kinder, gentler side and enjoyed it, out of fear of derision.

To cover their fear of being human, they revolt and treat anyone who admits to being a loving person, rotten, like your last lover did. Why do you think the lowly bastard treated you like shit? He couldn’t face the fact that he was attracted to another man. It wasn’t allowed. Instead, he took his tirade out on you, instead of on himself. It happens to many of us who are willing to admit to wanting to get personal with a member of the same sex, once in a while."

"Are you saying it is normal to hate what you are doing and you do it anyway, because you can’t help yourself? Do you experience the same torments? Like the ones I’m having right now?"

"Jamie, I don’t know what’s normal or isn’t for other people. I found is normal for me to feel repugnant for dressing up, at times. I learned to deal with it. What you have to do is find out whether you’ll do it anyway, too. Once you can answer that major question, you can learn to deal with it, as I have. Try it for one week. Don’t do anything silly or anything sexual. You aren’t ready for any of that yet. From your school record, I thought you were a dyed in the wool feminine submissive.

I guess we all have to be ‘man enough’ to admit when we make mistakes, Jamie, and I made one about you, prejudging you. Are you prepared to make a mistake, as well, by quitting now and spending the rest of your life trying to figure out if you should have at least given it a try? In our sub-culture, we call people like that ‘closet queens’."

"Closet queens? Oh, I get it. They dress up in secret, but are too afraid to go out in public wearing women’s clothes. Why bother?"

"Public chastisement, self-consciousness, who knows? I’ll bet every married man in the world has put on his wife’s panties, at least once, just to see what it feels like. Probably scares the shit out of most of them when they find out it feels good and they might like it too much! Men are such ‘whussies’"!

The two giggled like a pair of teenagers for a few minutes. Jamie was becoming comfortable with talking to her about his fears. Miss Gladden stopped laughing and looked him square in the eye. "Are you going to be one, Jamie? Will you hide your shame behind a phony, macho bravado and not admit to yourself that you love the feel of satin, silk or lace against your body?"

Jim thought for a few seconds and stammered it out. "No, I guess not. You help make it seem easier to accept. I’m glad you came over to talk to me. I was sure this was a sick thing to do. Now, knowing others face the same inner doubt, it doesn’t seem as bad. I am what I am. Hiding from my passion to wear women’s things won’t stop me from wanting to do it. I’ll take your advice and try it for a while, and try to be honest about it to myself. Maybe after a week of facing it, I’ll feel more secure about accepting what I can already guess about myself. I’m probably very gay. If I make up my mind, can I talk to you about it, first, before committing? Will you be angry if I decide that I really can’t go through with it?"

"I can never be angry with a person for being honest with me, Jamie. My promise to provide you with your internship still stands; with or without your dressing as a woman. If you’re not completely comfortable with dressing, we’ll find someone else, that’s all. People move on, get better job offers and accept them. It happens

"I’m used to it." She looked into Jim’s eyes and slowly leaned forward. Likewise, Jim felt himself leaning forward until their lips met in a soft and tender kiss. His heart was beating rapidly as her lips opened slightly, and rubbed against his, ever so gently. After a long kiss, they parted and she whispered to him. Never deny or ridicule yourself, Jamie. You’re far too nice a person."

Silently, he promised himself that he would try not to be too critical of himself. Then he considered. "I only need a bit more time to be sure."

Her palm fell upon his bare knee, and she noticed that he didn’t react violently. "Want to have some innocent fun in the meantime that won’t make a difference, should you decide to drop out?"

"Ugh, well, we just met. Exactly what did you have in mind?"

"Nothing gross, Jamie! I just thought you’d like to know what it feels like to be rid of all that ugly hair on your legs and arms. How can you stand it? Ugh! C’mon, let’s go into the bathroom, and I’ll show you how to shed all that fur. You’ll love it! If you don’t, it will grow back in a few weeks and no one will be the wiser. In the meantime, you’ll learn the difference of how good your pretty legs can really feel. Does that sound tame enough of an experiment for now?"

"Okay, I’m game. Sounds harmless."

They went into the bathroom and she extracted a large jar of smelly, pink cream out from beneath the sink. After he carefully took off his nightgown and panties, she spotted the latex codpiece.

"Did you wear that thing all night?"

"Yeah, wasn’t I supposed to?"

"Not to bed. Wasn’t it very uncomfortable?"

"Not really. It did keep me from getting too excited, and I was able to move it to one side to use the john, so I figured it was supposed to stay on, so I wouldn’t stain the panties, so they could be returned, if need be."

"That thing is called a ‘gaff’, dearie. It’s used to flatten you when you are out in public in a tight dress, so no one can see the bulge of your genitals. You don’t need to wear it when you are alone in your room.. And, girls’ panties are never returnable. How could you watch those videos last night wearing that thing? Wasn’t it painful when you were aroused?"

"I couldn’t get aroused with it on. I thought it was supposed to keep me from getting aroused. That’s what the sales lady said. It sure worked.

Every time I saw a scene that would normally get me going, it got tight and, well, I wish I had known I could remove it. I was afraid I would violate some sacred, unwritten rule, by wearing the feminine clothes without it."

"Doesn’t that beat all! No wonder you didn’t respond to the sex flicks. I expected you to get excited from watching those videos. They were supposed to turn you on to wearing girly things, not the other way around. Maybe you aren’t as swift as I thought you were. Take that damned rubber thing off. Just for that, I’m going to remove all of that ugly hair between your legs and around your groin, too."

"Whoa! Just a minute! This has been fun, but I’m not so sure I’d like that. Horsing around with girls’ clothes and being initiated by the other teachers was one thing, but doing anything that would be detectable later on, is something else again. How would I be able to go anywhere with my arms and legs exposed with all the hair gone? Besides, It would make me feel like a little kid again."

"Good. Then you won’t go anywhere for a while without dressing in girl’s clothing, first. Keep wearing that gaff all night and you’ll find out, soon enough. That thing can cause you to perform like a little kid again. Are you trying to fry your gonads? Normally, your body automatically maintains a delicate temperature level in your testicles by expanding or contracting muscles in your scrotum. Keeping your balls up tight for too long, not only will hurt, but will destroy your sperm, as well. Seems you don’t know much about anatomy or hygiene. What were you doing during the biology classes on reproduction?"

"Must have missed that class. I learned about a man’s anatomy by a more direct technique, up close, from my former roommate. No wonder he demanded that I wear tight panty girdles all the time. After he warned me that he’d spread copies of a picture of me fellating him, he forced me into repeat performances with ever increasing frequency. He said he didn’t want to see any sign of my manhood while servicing him, which was just about every day, once he was sure I wouldn’t fight him back. He told me liked it better if I looked more feminine like the sissy I was. Eventually, I stopped resisting his demands. I didn’t really want to, but I felt I was totally at his mercy, with no way out. I figured there was no point in feigning false modesty any longer. I was his sissy cocksucker, all right!

He got me to wear a full body corset, at first, when we were alone in the dorm, with nothing else on, beside that thing. He’d parade around naked to tease me. He said I should be happy to see the effect my being a sissy had on his raging equipment, but he didn’t want to be reminded that his ‘sissy cocksucker’ had something to hide. So, I kept it up tight against my body in the tight corset, so he wouldn’t berade me so much.

Then he got me a wig and some cheap earrings. Wearing them got him hard a lot quicker, so he’d finish and leave me alone. The more femininely I’d look for him, the better he liked it. He never asked me if I liked it or not.

It wasn’t long before I’d rush back after class to get there before he did. I’d get all ‘dolled up’ and take care of his needs so I could concentrate on my schoolwork. What I wanted didn’t make any difference, so I just got used to doing whatever he wanted me to do. It never entered my mind that he was planning to force me to suck off other guys to provide him with more spending money. He was so coy.

He even tried to convince me he would be able to buy me more nice things to wear with the money, like he was doing me a big favor! Guess things haven’t changed much. I bet you’ll soon be expecting me to do the same things; only I’ll get paid for doing it as part of my internship. What’s the use! Let’s get on with it!"

She slapped a big gob of the pink lotion onto his stomach and slowly spread it out, reaching lower, with a devious smile on her face. "I still think this thing needs to be cooled off right now, but don’t worry it will get warmer." She was right. After five minutes, he was covered with the lotion from his neck, all the way down to his ankles. She coated everything with a thick layer except his head and armpits. He just stood there and let her do it. He resigned himself that he was stuck in this predicament, and he couldn’t figure a way out. His skin started to burn.

Miss Gladden turned on the water in the tub and rinsed her hands. She looked at her watch to check the time. If she walked out, He wouldn’t know what to do. He never used a depilatory before. "Ten more minutes." He thought about what she had said. The hair would grow back, and in a few weeks he’d be back to normal. He wondered how often he’d have to repeat the process if he wanted to keep the hair from showing. He heard of electrolysis, and shuddered. That would remove it for good. He’d never have to worry if his faint hair would reveal his true sex.

"Why don’t they make something like this stuff for men’s beards?"

"It doesn’t work. I tried it. Take my advise, don’t. Men’s facial hair is too coarse. This stuff has lye in it and will burn the skin on your face before it dissolves your beard. The only sure fire way to remove a man’s beard is to have electrolysis or dermal abrasion with lasers. Either way is painful, slow and permanent. Imagine! You’d have no beard shadow and would never have to shave again!"

"I don’t have a shadow, and I only have to shave once a day, at most."

"You’re young, Jamie. When you hit thirty, you’ll feel like your chin is covered with sandpaper. If you get your beard removed when you are younger, it will take less time and discomfort. You can save a fortune on shaving cream and razor blades. Who’s to know how often you shave. You’ll always look fresh and clean."

"Yeah, but I’ll never be able to grow a mustache or beard."

"So, when’s the last time you considered growing one?"

"Okay, so I don’t have much of a beard, and couldn’t grow either one anyway. You said it would get thicker as I get older. Maybe I’ll want one by then."

"Then, I recommend you continue to shave and use a heavy cream foundation to cover your beard line. That stuff gets all over your nice clothes, though, and will keep you from hugging anyone, but it works well enough. Here, this is the brand that I used most of the time, before I had my facial hair removed."

Jim took the bottle of liquid foundation from her and examined it. She reached down and adjusted the taps on the tub. She took the bottle back from him and told Jim to get under the shower. When he was in position, she switched the flow to the showerhead and the goop slid off of his skin under the hard spray, taking all of his body hair with it. She explained how to use a face cloth to remove all the stubborn hair, cautioning him not to rub his skin too briskly. The depilatory made his skin super sensitive, and he soon found how much rubbing was too much.

After all traces of hair were gone, Miss Gladding instructed him to step out of the tub onto the bathmat and she patted him dry. She took her time, making sure he was enjoying her pleasant massage of his body, especially his groin. She acted casual, putting him at ease. Gauging her guarded advances, she explained that this particular brand of depilatory was very easy on the skin, while others could give him a severe rash, unless the directions were followed carefully.

Jim looked into the steamed-up mirror, but couldn’t see well. His eyes smarted and begin to fill with tears from exposure to the fumes from the depilatory.

"I need to get a breath of fresh air, Miss Gladden. The smell is making me dizzy and my eyes seem to be on fire. Ow! This stuff smarts! My eyes are so irritated!"

"Don’t rub them, Jamie. Here. Let me show you how to pat them dry." She took a fresh hand towel and placed it over his eyes, instructing him to keep his eyes closed, not to rub the and to let the tears flush out any remaining contaminated water containing the depilatory that may have gotten into them from all the steam in the hot shower stall.

He fled from the bathroom, with her right on his heel, closing the door behind her to enable the fan in the bathroom to suck the fumes out of the building. "Wow! This smarts! My eyes are burning. They’re on fire! Can this stuff blind someone? We must have done something wrong, Miss Gladden." He paced back and forth; trying to resist the urge to rub his eyes, and was beginning to panic.

Miss Gladden took hold of his shoulders. "Turn around, remove the hand towel slowly and let me look. I’m sorry. I should have warned you to keep your eyes shut tightly until all of the cream was washed away and the steam cleared. Your eyes must be very sensitive to the fumes. Let me take a closer look at them."

He was reluctant to remove the hand towel, but eventually let it drop slowly and turned toward her as her profile appeared in his line of vision. She told him he was over-reacting. His eyes looked red, irritated, but not so irritated that he was in danger of damaging his sight. He turned and went into the sitting room to the full-length mirror there and took a closer look into his eyes. In a few minutes, he calmed down. She was right, they looked okay, but they still stung smartly from the irritation. "Wow, they hurt like hell!"

"Are you wearing contacts, Jamie?" He nodded. "No wonder. Take them out. Once again, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you wear contacts."

He returned to the bathroom, opened the door slowly, to check if the steamy fog had dissipated and went in to get his contact case out of his luggage, staying in the bathroom no longer than necessary. He sat before the vanity mirror in the bedroom and took his contact lenses out.

"This kind of lens can be left in for a week at a time, so I never go anywhere without them. You’ll see why in a sec. I don’t need contacts, but my roommate preferred green eyes, so he got these for me, and green eyes don’t cause me as many problems as my natural color. I’m not very fond of my gray eyes. With poor lighting they have a hint of lavender to them. Mom had the same weird pigment condition. People gave me strange looks when I didn’t wear contacts, so I always wear the kind that alters the color of the pupils to blue or green."

"Your eyes are beautiful, Jamie! They may not be very becoming for a young man, but with the right make-up, they’ll be fascinating! Let me show you!" She picked up a small case from the vanity, spent more than a few seconds dabbing tiny amounts of lavender powder to his eyelids, and with a tiny foam pad, spread the fine powder outward until it faded. She then added a darker shade under each eye, blending that away, as well. A little rouge, mascara, and some lipstick, and she stepped back to check for effect. "Take a look."

He turned to face the mirror. Under his trimmed brows, appeared the prettiest eyes he ever saw. They looked deep and mysterious. He sat with his mouth open in awe. Miss Gladden turned his face to hers and planted a kiss on his lips. Then, she kissed each eyelid that he closed as her lips approached them.

"Oh, Jamie! That is sooo sexy! You are a gem! Please don’t leave us. I’ll help you to get ready to teach, personally. You’ll be fully prepared in no time. You’ll have so many students begging to be assigned to your classes. The other teachers are going to work very hard to keep the students assigned to them. You’ll make my job keeping them in line much easier. What a pair of gorgeous eyes you have. With eyes like these, you should have been born a girl, not a man."

"Yeah, I know. Mom said that a lot, too, while I was growing up. It made me feel guilty for being born a guy. I don’t have any sisters, just two brothers. They both made fun of my eyes, and mocked me for mom’s praise of my fair complexion and her feminine eyes. It was a constant nuisance that my mom solved instantly when the new, colored lenses came out. I’ve been wearing colored lenses since.

Do you have any idea what it’s like for a guy growing up with cute eyes? My brothers would constantly tease me about it, saying no girl would ever want to date a guy with prettier eyes, so I may as well date guys, instead. Once, a new kid mistook me for a girl. My brothers and their friends took particular pleasure in setting me up to be approached by him for a date. They had a good laugh out of making chumps out of both of us.

We both got razzed over and over for that practical joke for years. We were so embarrassed over it we avoided each other, but became secret friends who both shared a mutual problem. We were both labeled as sissies over that incident. We kept a respectful distance from one another to keep everyone from teasing us further, but we secretly shared a common bond for years." Jim took a deep breath and sighed. "We lost touch when his family suddenly moved away."

Miss Gladden was standing behind him, massaging his shoulders. He closed his eyes and continued to reflect on the past, appreciative for having a sympathetic ear available to vent his gnawing fears. "You know, that romp with my roommate in college wasn’t my first exposure to the gay lifestyle. My brothers kept me from getting raped once when I was a sophomore in high school, too. Four weirdoes from my school figured I was really gay. They saw me as an easy target. They were going to waylay me and force me to suck them off. I’ll never forget what my two brothers did to them. I owe both of them my life. I never found out how they got word of the intended rape, but they beat the living hell out of those four nuts. Both of my brothers were almost arrested for assault until their friends explained that they did it to protect me from sexual abuse.

After years of being teased for having feminine eyes, I jumped at the chance to hide them behind tinted contacts. When my roommate discovered me without them one day, he made me wear these. He said he didn’t want other guys to be chasing after me. Said I might be too willing to jump into bed with every guy that chased after me. Fat chance! He knew I wasn’t interested in men. I succumbed to his continued demands only because of his threats to tell the guys that were at that beer blast that I seduced him after we left party, instead of the other way around, unless I’d continue to accommodate him, regularly. I wish I had had the nerve to tell my brothers about what he forced me to do.

He didn’t care about me in the least. All he wanted was my lips on his cock, or my wiling ass to take in his meat. I was like a cheap whore for him to come home to whenever he wanted sex. It could have been bearable if he showed the least consideration for what I wanted. But, no, not him, he always wanted his way.

He never showed the least interest in what I said, wanted to do, or where I’d like to go or anything. All he wanted was sex, with me as his submissive love slave. After a few months, he didn’t even care if I was enjoying our routine romps in the hay. All he wanted was for me to be at his beck and call so he could get his rocks off. You don’t care what I’d want, either. All you care about is providing students with a toy to give them animal relief so they won’t chase the local girls and get the mill into trouble with local businessmen."

Miss Gladden let him continue running off at the mouth. She could sense his deep anguish, and his shame for allowing himself to be so used by someone. His rambling seemed to be leading up to some point he wanted to make, so she encouraged him to continue. It would do him good to get how he felt off of his chest. "Your roommate must have been a real heel. If it helps you feel better, I’d like to know what you did to get rid of him. I hope he got his comeuppance."

"Well, once he got tired of using me daily, he started to get mean. He called me all sorts of degrading names and made me feel worthless. Claimed all I was good for was a cheap thrill, and he had his fill of me. If I wanted to stop him from telling everyone what a cheap slut I’d become, I’d better do whatever he said. I wanted to keep him from publicly humiliating me, so I agreed. I figured he’d have me be more feminine for him, wear sexier outfits and things like that. What he wanted shocked me. He wanted to sell my sexual favors. I refused, but he kept after me, implying that there was no difference if I gave others the same pleasures I gave him. Said one ‘cocktail’ was as good as another, and he knew I grew to enjoy taking his load deep into my throat. He offered to set up dates for me and charge the guys. Said we could both make a bundle off my talented lips and tongue.

His repugnant idea made my stomach turn. When I suggested he do the cock sucking himself, he slapped me around as if I was a girl, and accused me of not appreciating what he was trying to do for me by helping me make some easy money by doing the only thing I was good at. That insult made me feel cheap and terrible. I naively thought he once appreciated what I was willing to do for him, so he wouldn’t expose that I had seduced him that one night when I was so drunk I couldn’t remember a thing. When we were alone and intimate one time, I let him know about my eyes, and thought he’d like to see them, as he was so insistent that I look feminine around the dorm room. After one look at them, he leered at me and warned me never to let anyone else see them unless I was on an arranged date, being paid for providing a customer with a blowjob. If anyone around the school saw them, he might get branded as being a ‘faggot lover’ for rooming with a pansy. That did it.

I couldn’t stand him anymore, but was trapped. I reasoned with him, that it wasn’t fun for me, unless he’d show me that he cared and not try to force me to be his sex slave with other guys. He laughed at me and told me he didn’t give a damn about me, because I was a ‘queer’, not him. He was a real man sowing wild oats with a convenient faggot. I was his ‘fake girl’ who loved to have him feed it to me. Had I refused to continue and keep my mouth shut, or filled with his dick, he’d spread the word that I gave fantastic head. I could never deny it, without lying.

I was grateful when he flunked out at the end of the term. I felt so duped, I even considered changing schools to get away from him. He convinced me he’d still reveal that I was his personal sex toy for the past many months, ever since I seduced him. Even if I did transfer to another school, he swore he’d track me down for not letting him sell me. He’d make it sound as if I was hungry for cock and lived to be taken by men in my butt. The picture of me kissing his swollen head of his cock would be all the proof he’d need.

He published that picture, Miss Gladden. He claimed that he downloaded it on his computer at home and put it out on the Internet because I refused to continue to service him and the customers he had lined up. When you started to take snapshots of me yesterday, at my initiation, my heart sunk. More blackmail.

I felt as if I had just fallen into another trap. As I fitfully tossed and turned in my sleep last night, it came to me. If I refuse to dress like a woman and then you try to blackmail me, I’ll simply expose this whole charade you have going on here. I’ve already been branded, so you have more to lose than I do.

I spent a whole year in dreadful fear of public exposure for behaving like a queer and submitted to a monster’s demands for constant sexual relief. He had proof that I could not deny. In the end, I was still branded as a sex deviate, anyway. To think, I was so worried about him exposing me, all for nothing!"

Jim shuddered, as if an oppressive yoke was lifted from his shoulders. He had told someone about his most dreaded fear. He took a chance that this person, Miss Gladden was so much like him, that she would be sensitive to his turmoil. Maybe she would understand and help him recover from his inner sense of his spiraling down into a bottomless pit that hinted there was no hope for recovery. How could he ever explain his actions to his parents or to his older brothers?

Miss Gladden silently took Jim’s hands in hers and led him to the settee. They sat and looked at one another for a long time. He was searching her eyes for compassion and understanding. She was searching his for his acceptance of his own inner desires. It may not have been obvious to Jim, but she was planning her next move very carefully.

"Wait here, Jamie. I’ll be back in a minute." It was after 7:00 AM. She walked out into the hallway of a public hotel wearing a sheer negligee without giving the risk of being seen a thought. Jim wondered why she wasn’t concerned about being seen. She returned in less than a minute with an eight by eleven color photo.

"Is this the picture you were worried about?"

It was! "Ohhhh, Lord! He did publish it! Where did you get this?"

"Off the Internet. Last night, I called the man who referred you to us. I wanted to assure him that I’d follow through to help you get your teaching certificate, even if we were misinformed about your sexual orientation and you might not fit in here. He filled me in on how you didn’t know that the bastard had published the picture on the web nearly a year ago. He used a blind mailbox and advertised you as a submissive willing to be available for men with unsatisfied desires that wanted to meet with a submissive man for gay sex. The police suspected you were still underage, and traced the mailbox to the college. The college helped them trace the source and arranged to have him expelled. He didn’t flunk out Jamie. He was expelled. To prevent bad publicity, they hushed it up and didn’t involve you. He didn’t dare contest his expulsion under fear of prosecution for pandering.

We had a long talk, last night. Most school officials knew what the cad had done, had him banned from using the Internet for falsely putting an ad with your name on it and had the site cancelled. Unfortunately, the web is not well controlled and the picture reappears on other websites every so often, with false ads from those who are afraid to be recognized. They use your picture to entice men to respond.

I guess some people will use any means they can to arrange contact with others interested in arranging sex dates.

During your last semester, not one student or faculty member who knew about what happened, said a word about his rotten trick, either to you or to anyone else. It’s a shame the school you applied to for an internship before the incident, was under state surveillance and had their own reform agenda. You were merely a sacrificial pawn they used to show diligence in weeding out undesirables. They didn’t have much choice but to set you up, Jamie. They didn’t mean to brand you for being gay; your former roommate already did that. They didn’t even use the evidence they had from the Internet to set you up. They took advantage of what you did by yourself, while you were there: your poor choice of underwear. It may seem trivial to you, but at a religious institution, this wasn’t a trivial matter.

They couldn’t take a chance that you might seek or be coerced into another affair with a teacher or student who discovered who you were from this picture, or take a chance that someone could take advantage of your vulnerability. That could bring down the wrath of the state authorities. The state authorities know about this picture, too, and how you were already railroaded by your ex-lover’s vendetta to besmirch you. The state interpreted your dismissal as proof of the school’s due diligence. They considered you a victim, not a perpetrator, so they didn’t accuse you, but they didn’t interfere with the school’s prudent attempt to extricate you from a highly volatile situation, either.

Every member of your college board of regents and members of the initial panel for internship assignment approval knew about the lousy trick that was played on you. Every one of them was helpless to support you. You spent an entire year in a homosexual affair with this turd, Jamie. If you weren’t gay, why didn’t you go to a counselor at the outset and explain what was happening. Didn’t you realize that things like this are not totally uncommon in colleges, when two men are assigned to the same dorm room? Colleges get plenty of reports from guys who accuse a roommate of homosexual advances. The students get separated, and sometime someone gets expelled. It’s not the colleges’ responsibility to keep willing lovers from sharing a bed.

After a whole year with him, what would you think? You admitted enjoying sex with the guy! Did you expect the administrators to reward you somehow for your determination that you wouldn’t put out for others at his direction? No way! Not after sleeping with the guy for a year, then claiming he forced you to do it. You like sex with him, or you would have come forth sooner to escape from him, unless, deep down, you didn’t mind having gay sex.

Consider this. You heard of open marriages, where couples engage in sex with other people, or swap partners. One partner loves the other enough to tolerate the other’s desire to have sex with additional participants, the only difference is that in your case, both partners were male, and you didn’t want to have sex with any others. That was your choice, not his.

Now, consider this: Lots of guys try to seduce girls into having sex, without any intention of making a permanent commitment. That’s as common as apple pie. Am I right?"

"Sure, but.."

"But what? You had a lengthy sexual affair with another guy, without his ever making a permanent commitment to you in return. What’s the difference? You had sex with him with only one thought in mind. You enjoyed it, just like the girls who give in do. Maybe you wanted some kind of permanent commitment from him, but he wasn’t interested. You didn’t stop having sex with him. Did you? You didn’t do a thing to stop him from sharing his bed, using your mouth and ass for his physical sexual energy.

Now, after an entire year, you feel you weren’t gay, and now claim you didn’t want to engage in pre-commitment encounters with men, nor have an open relationship with a man who would want to continue having sex with others. Does this make sense? You can’t claim you didn’t enjoy having sex with him, or claim you are still a virgin. You have to admit to yourself that you enjoyed the sex for the physical pleasure it gave you because you didn’t try to do a single thing to terminate the relationship up until that point. Instead, you try to blame the director of the first internship for your woes.

Now, you expect me to believe that you are reluctant to get involved in a program where you’ll be able to selectively engage in gay sex which you know you enjoy, perhaps with men who will be more appreciative of you, one that allows you to experience the thrill of wearing all the frills which you must admit excite you very much. You remain reluctant to try to fit into one of the few remaining schools that will tolerate your past indiscretions, a school that welcomes men who suffered public chastisement for previous sexual promiscuity. You find fault with us?!!!"

You are certainly one very confused young man, Jamie! It sounds like you are afraid to admit that you don’t have many choices available to you. Okay, fine, we’ll help you get your coveted teaching certificate. Then what? I suppose there are thousands of school directors who can look the other way and hire you. Well, maybe there are, but they’ll always have it in the back of their minds that you are gay, and they’ll feel like they have to keep a close eye on you.

Is that what you want to do? Do you really want to change and have them looking over your shoulder, waiting for you to screw up, and embarrass them, and then fire you, adding another blemish to your work record? Why not try to fit in with us here? I just met you yesterday, and already, I like you. So do all the others who met you. We’re a tight group. We stick together. Once you complete a thorough course in self-defense, there isn’t a logger in camp that would be stupid enough to force himself on you. They know better.

Having sex with the loggers isn’t mandatory, Jamie. It’s optional. Most guys like having a pretty face like yours for a teacher, to keep them on track, and they study harder if they get to see a trim leg part a skirt once in a while at the front of the classroom. Go for it! Join the team! It’s a lot of fun, and you’ll never have to worry about someone looking over your shoulder or lowering the boom, just because you once had an affair with another man."

Okay, Miss Gladden, I’ll try it. I’ll let you know by the end of the week if I can’t and want to drop out. I promise to decide by then. Oh, I was wondering, when you went out to get that picture, why weren’t you concerned that a stranger in the hallway’d see you? You didn’t wear a robe when you first arrived, either."

The mill books this entire floor of the hotel, continuously. The mill owns the hotel and many of the other business establishments in town. How do you think it can afford to provide extensive expense accounts for so many employees? Take a look at the credit card in your employment folder. A bank that’s also owned by the mill issued it. Our mill is part of a very large conglomerate, yet it is run fairly autonomously. The parent company needs the lumber, likes the profits, and lets our division run things its own way. As long as the profit margins are maintained, they don’t get involved. They don’t want to know how, as long as we do it well.

There are only three of us registered in the rooms right now, you, me and the other new employee I mentioned who arrived two weeks ago. Would you like to meet her now? If you decide to stay, I’ve a hunch you two will spend a lot of time together in training, anyway, so you might as well get to meet right away.

When I called this morning, I mentioned that I only needed to meet with you for a minute or two. Your concerns over staying caused me to change my plans, so I called her and delayed meeting with Geri until later. I do have to spend some time with her this morning. She’s patiently waiting for me. She’s not one of the teachers, but is scheduled to work as part of the support staff.

She’s a confirmed pre-op transsexual. For your information, she’s scheduled to complete her gender reassignment, soon to fulfill her lifelong dream of being as much a woman as she can be. Maybe, you’ll feel better about making your own mind up after you meet someone who has recently made her choice to live as a woman for the rest of her life. She may have some insight that will make it easier for you to decide."

"Okay. Let me finish dressing. Are all of the clothes in that cabinet in my bedroom for me? Some look really nice, but they all won’t go with these hoop earrings, and I can’t seem to get them off. Ouch!"

"What are you doing? Don’t yank at them. Your ears are pierced. The posts go all the way through your earlobes. You have to unscrew the studs from behind your ears, first.

"Pierced? You had my ears pierced?"

"Yesterday, at the beauty parlor, while your hair was drying, the attendant asked you if you wanted them pierced. You told her ‘yes’. Don’t you remember? You didn’t complain about it then. Why did you tell her to go ahead?"

"So, that was the popping sounds I heard that woke me up completely. I thought it was the clasps snapping closed on my earlobes. I didn’t hear her say she was going to pierce my ears, only something about whether I wanted to a pair of large hoop earrings or something more conventional to start out with. I never wore anything as large as these hoops before. How was I to know that they were piercing my ears, and not just clasping the large earrings closed?"

"Really, Jamie. You are too much. You mean to tell me you wore those earrings all night long, too, and didn’t realize your ears were pierced, until now? Let me see them." She examined his ears closely and shook her head. "Not a bit of the usual swelling, and no blood. Can’t you feel the post going through your ears?"

"No, and I still can’t. Do clip-ons feel different?"

"This is a gas. I’ve got to tell the other girls. Don’t you feel the weight of them pull down on the holes in your earlobes?"

"Not really. How is it supposed to feel?"

"Girls bitch about earrings constantly, probably from their playing with them too much. You are something else. Now that you mention it, I don’t remember you touching them once, yesterday, or this morning. Can’t you feel them?"

"Sure, but they don’t hurt bad, and I like the way they look and the feel of their weight swinging back and forth each time I move my head. They’re a pleasant reminder that I look good as a woman. It kept me from balking, yesterday.

I’d like to fit in here, Miss Gladden, really, I would. I’m only afraid of being used or having men lust after me, like some cheap slut, without caring about the person I am inside. Maybe I’m cut out to be a girl, more than a guy. I don’t know. It might explain why I was willing to put up with my former roommate for so long. To me, it seems all girls have to put up with guys’ drooling over them, and I got used to having a guy treat me as if I was his sissy, but he acted as if he cared about me at first. If it makes it easier to teach guys if I wear women’s clothes, that’s one thing, but I’m not keen on becoming a sex toy for anyone again."

"We don’t want that either, Jamie. There is a sure cure for it, but we’ll have to talk about that later. Let me give Geri a call to see if she’ll join us for a minute or two. Perhaps we can all go to breakfast and stop in to see Dr. Shields afterwards. Tell me, Jamie, until the end of the week, do you think you would you feel a bit more comfortable if you continued to receive medication to help you relax? You seem so up tight compared to yesterday. You’re fidgeting and look like you will jump out of your skin if someone knocked on the door right now."

"Let me think… Yes. I suppose so. I can tell you that I feel a lot more nervous about being seen in public in a dress than I was yesterday. Think it’ll help?"

"Yes, I’m certain it will. I’ll call Dr. Shields and tell her. She’s only right across the street, and, perhaps, she can come over here to join us for breakfast and give you another shot to calm our nerves."

Miss Gladden made the call while Jim selected a dress and put it on after he finished applying what he thought was appropriate make up.

"That dress is pretty, but it’s for evening wear, not something a young lady would wear in the morning. Besides, it doesn’t go well with your eyes. I’ll help you pick out something in a minute. First, I think I’ll call the boutique and have them send over some things that will go better with your eye color. Until then, you can wear your contacts; unless I find something you like that will enhance those gorgeous, mysterious eyes."

After her call, she picked out a pale yellow, semi-transparent sundress, trimmed in Chantilly lace at the collar and cuffs, with a billowy skirt held in the shape of a bell by folds of noisy material she called crinoline. Jamie was confused, as the outfit was more elaborate than the one he first had on, but trusted Miss Gladden.

Meanwhile, she searched through drawers he thought were empty. They were full of bras, panties, slips and other things she said were essentials. She then explained the funny looking cabinet in the corner was called an Ardmore, and it held all of his new costume jewelry.

He was busy stuffing himself into a gaff she tossed at him. Then he slipped on a pair of sunshine yellow panties. She exclaimed: "Aha! These will be perfect." She came over holding a pair of dazzling, cut-stone earrings. "Amethyst, the color of your eyes. From now on, except for clear stones, these are the only color of gem you should ever wear. There must be a matching necklace and bracelet in here, somewhere." She held the stones up to his ears to check the color to be sure. "These are absolutely ‘you’ girl friend!"

A yellow padded bra to match his panties came next, and Miss Gladden showed Jim how to interlock the front hook and eye catches from bottom to top, while he bent over forward to help gather flesh compressed by the tight wide band of the long-line bra upward to show a hint of "cleavage" over the tops of the lace-edged demi-cups. She pulled a white slip out from a drawer and slipped it over his arms, after she told him to extend them over his head. She advised him he would soon have to learn how to do it all by himself. She wasn’t going to be his ‘ladies maid’.

"Ewww!"

"A slip feels better against your flesh without any hair on your body. Doesn’t it?"

"Wow! Why have women been keeping this secret from us men for all these centuries? This feels so damned good!"

"No men here, Jamie. Only us girls get to shiver in delight from the feel of silk or nylon against our hairless flesh. That particular slip is made of Antron. You’ll learn all the names of all the fabrics in your basic training classes. Silk wasn’t always for women, you know. Men were the first to wear fine lace, not women.

It’s only been about three hundred years that the modern woman in high places started to wear lace and silks, instead of cotton and woolen unmentionables. Oh, there were harem girls in the East, but that was only in the harems. In public, they still have to cover their entire bodies in heavy wool.

They even have to cover their faces, except for their eyes. You sure have a big advantage over them, if the only things that would show were those peepers of yours. You’d have every sheik for miles trying to get you into his harem.

Styles changed, and continue to change rapidly in a modern society. Remember polyester? Not only our clothes, but also our jewelry styles as well. Many more young men wear earrings now; two instead of just one. That became a popular trend about ten years ago. Cosmetic companies are beginning to feature make up formulated especially for men. You’ll soon be watching a video on the fashion evolution since the turn of the last century. On no time, you’ll be an expert on all the styles. That will be fun. Don’t you think?"

"I guess. I would have started wearing clothes like this years ago if I knew they could feel this good. The way these clothes cling to the body without any hair is amazing. Every move causes the cloth to caress your skin."

"You sure change your mind back and forth a lot. An hour ago, you were dead set against crossdressing. I thought I’d have to twist your arm a bit to get you in another dress." She then gathered the yellow sundress on her arms, slipped it over Jim’s extended arms, and pulled it down over his body. As he turned to see how he looked in the vanity mirror, she zipped him up and he felt the tension across his bra covered chest, and tapered waist. He was protruding over the top of the collar, giving his "breasts" a semblance of reality. He put his hands to his waist and swung side to side, admiring the elegance of his figure, as his chest protruded boldly in front of him peeking through the thin, almost see-through bodice of the dress.

"Notice how your body contour seems to have a mind of its own in this dress. It has a fine, extremely strong band of mesh at the waist that assumes the shape that most young girls should have naturally, but men must use help to achieve. A girl might not notice it, but you should feel its gentle tug at your tummy to make your body taper into a wedge, and then blossom at your hips. The skirts under the transparent outer layer have enough starch in them to make any lamppost appear to have curvy hips. Don’t let your arms collapse onto them like that, or they won’t continue to stick out at the sides the way they do now. This dress has a way of saying: ‘You can look, but don’t touch, I’m too delicate.’"

She bade Jim to sit gingerly on the vanity stool as she got down on her knees with sheer white nylons in her hands with elastic lace at the tops. His member surged insistently in the tight confines of his gaff as she rolled nylon up each of his hairless legs and let the elastic snap up against his thigh.

As she put the finishing touches on the second nylon, she let her hand tarry on the bare flesh on the inside of his left thigh. He swooned. "Some big logger is going to drop a load of starch in his shorts when you swoon like that, Jamie.

Close your eyes and dream of some handsome hunk you’d love to have touch you like I’m doing. I told you that you wouldn’t be able to resist. Give nice clothes a chance, and they will captivate your soul."

"I don’t want my soul or anything ever to be captured again, Miss Gladden."

"Sure you do. You know you long for someone to dominate you, but you don’t want to be forced to perform, unless the person is more caring about you and not only out for his own quick thrill at your expense, that’s all. You are perfection in a sundress. Your mother was right. You should have been born a girl. When you let me put this dress on you, your personality changed dramatically. You stopped being so tense. You know this is right for you, don’t you."

Jim kept his eyes closed as her hand caressed his leg, closer and closer to his raging, confined hard-on. "It must be, it feels so right. No, no, it mustn’t be. I can’t let this feeling control my whole life. Men shouldn’t feel like this about sexuality. Men aren’t supposed to want to feel sensually exciting to look at and be touched.

We’re supposed to be the ones looking and touching, not the other way around. Please stop. If you don’t, I might have change clothes and start all over."

"Okay, Jamie. I’ll stop if you want. Let me help you put on your shoes."

She placed an open toed low-heeled off-white pump over his foot that matched his stockings perfectly. Her hand smoothed out the nylon covering his calf and he took another deep breath and let it out slowly. He was being carefully stroked like a fine musical instrument, and he knew it, but he didn’t care. It felt too good to make her stop, even if it wouldn’t cause him to erupt and spoil everything. Her touch was as soft as gentle rain falling on his face from a light spring shower.

He kept his eyes closed, concentrating on the sensations she was causing him to feel inside. There was nothing urgent in her caress. There would be no sudden, violent release, only an inner fire, spreading warmth throughout his entire being. If he could be sure it would always be this way, he wouldn’t hesitate making his commitment to stay in dresses, forever. He tranquil reverie was broken by the knock at the door.

Miss Gladden slowly looked up into his eyes. "That must be Geri. Shall we go to the door together and let her in?"

"Do I look okay? Will she see through it all and laugh at me for looking like a guy wearing a dress? Are you sure I’m ready for it? This isn’t an initiation, like what we did yesterday. That was different. What I looked like then didn’t matter. What if I panic?"

"Relax, you look fine. Well, that chin of yours is going to be a problem in a few hours. You should have shaved, first. Oh well, we’ll see. It still can’t be detected easily. We’ll have enough time for breakfast. We’ll attend to removing those almost invisible fine whiskers right afterwards. Okay?"

Miss Gladden opened the door to admit our guest, who stopped and stared at me with a strange look on her face. Then her eyes opened wide with recognition.

"Jamie! Is that you?"

Jim knew that voice. "Who are?… Omigod! Jerry!

"You’re here, too?" They chimed in unison, gazing at each other in shock. Then, they laughed and suddenly threw themselves into each other’s arms and hugged just like they were two girls.

Louise Gladden wasn’t prepared for the surprise. "Do you two know each other?"

She was unsure of what to say or do, so she decided to lay back a bit and let the two get reacquainted until she could determine how to proceed.

"Miss Gladden, Jerry is the friend that I told you about who was set up to ask me for a date by my brothers when we were kids, and caused us to be the brunt of their joke. We haven’t seen each other for years. Jerry, how cute you look in a dress! I would never have guessed it was you if you hadn’t recognized me first."

"Well, I’ve had a lot of practice. I’ve been in skirts for a long time. I’m amazed to find you here, and in a dress, too. Have you finally decided to take the plunge and come out?

"No, Jerry, I just got here yesterday in reply to a teaching job. I didn’t know about the dress code until I arrived. It’s all so new to me. I agreed to give it a week, but I’m having a hard time deciding if I can fit in or just forget the whole thing and get on with my life and do something else. I shouldn’t have to much trouble getting a job that doesn’t require inquiry into something I got involved with in college."

"Don’t give up your dreams. You’ll be a great teacher. You’ll have no trouble with learning to dress, and I can help you. Jamie, there isn’t another pair of eyes like yours in the world, Jamie. Dressed the way you are makes them even more beautiful. I’ve had dreams about your beautiful eyes ever since the day we met, and my poor heart broke when my family had to suddenly move away. Otherwise I would have built up enough courage to let you in on my secret, Jamie.

I’ve had a crush on you ever since the day we first met, but saw how you reacted to the prank that was played on us, so I had to keep how I felt to myself.

You have no idea how many times I would make plans to tell you that I was gay and had a crush on you, but chickened out, when the opportunity arose. Do you remember how I would call you and we’d talk on the phone for hours when we were kids? Well, I wanted to get together and tell you then, but you were always too paranoid that someone would see us and make more fun of us being gay.

"Yeah, sure, but why didn’t you come right out and tell me on the phone?"

"You were straight! I was still in the closet. I couldn’t take a chance and have you hate me for the way I felt about you. At least, by keeping it to myself, we could see one another once in a while, as long as we didn’t meet alone, so those two brothers of yours would make more wisecracks about us. You know how fast word gets around in a small town like the one we lived in. But, WOW! Look at you! I feel as if my dreams came true. You’re gay, too, and you’re coming out!

For years, I was deeply in love with you, but was afraid to let you know, Jamie. As for me, I guess I knew from little on that I was gay and thought you would hate me for it. Now you are here, too. Just look at you! You’re gorgeous! Does your being here, dressed like you are, mean there is still a chance for me? May I call you and talk on the phone like we used to do?

"I don’t think that will be necessary, Jerry. We’re staying in the same hotel, and my brothers aren’t around to make fun of us, so we can get together face to face, if you’d like. I can’t honestly say that I feel the very same way about you that you say you feel about me, but meeting you after all these years is wonderful for me, too. We could talk about what each of us has been doing over the years. I did miss your friendship. Even if we had to keep our distance, I liked you a lot.

We had a special friendship because of that gag they pulled on us. I miss you after you disappeared. I wanted to get to know you better and become the best of friends. What happened?"

"It’s a long, long story. Can I tell you later? It isn’t a very good story, and I don’t want to get depressed right now. You can’t imagine how happy my finding you here makes me feel. What a wonderful surprise! Imagine, we both picked the same company to work for, out of the jillions of jobs in the world!"

"Well, my options were limited. I got canned from my first job placement, and the mill was the only offer I got, after that. I still have to complete an internship before I can apply for a teaching certificate and find a regular teaching job. No offense, Miss Gladden, but I had my sights set on teaching at a regular high school, and go to graduate school, so I could teach at a college someday."

Miss Gladden nodded, listened intently, and chose not interrupt. There was a good chance that jerry would be the key to Jamie’s staying on and becoming a great asset to the school, a good investment, if Jamie had other reasons to stay.

"Yeah, I know. I heard the roommate."

"You heard? How?"

"My mom’s sister still lives in your home town. She knows your mom fairly well and kept me posted. I knew how you were doing, who you dated, and a lot of trivial things, anything she could get her hands on about you, even that you had a roommate in college that did something terrible to you, but my aunt couldn’t find out what it was. Your mom wouldn’t say."

"Did she say my mom knew what it was?"

"I don’t know. She said your mom thought it was a bunch of lies anyway, so she wasn’t about to repeat rumors that weren’t true."

"Look, Jerry, I might as well tell you, rather than have you find out from someone else. I got rooked into a submissive gay relationship, with that roommate. I hated it but I couldn’t figure a way out. He blackmailed me into having sex with him. It didn’t matter. By my own stupidity, I later got labeled as a sex deviate when I got canned from my last job. Miss Gladden can show you a picture of me giving head to my roommate. That may make you feel more comfortable about telling me about your being gay, but it doesn’t help me much. I’m not comfortable with it, at all. I didn’t know that this job involved my dressing like this or I wouldn’t have applied. Even if I do have experience with a man, sexually, I don’t know if I want to continue.

Coming here wasn’t my idea, but I didn’t have any other options. I hate to break your bubble, but I’m not too sure I’m going to stay. I only promised Miss Gladden that I’d give dressing in women’s clothes a week, to see if the idea grows on me. The clothes feel keen, and I like wearing them but the rest of the requirements aren’t very appealing to me. Sorry, but I have to be honest about it. I hated being tricked into that gay relationship, and wish it never happened. I’m sorry. I prefer to date girls. I’d like for us to be friends, but don’t count on anything else."

"As long as we’re being honest, Jamie, let me tell you why I’m here. Ever since we had to move away, I dreamed of becoming a girl, for you, so I could seduce you. Maybe, you might fall in love with me. We were attracted to one another, once, back when we were younger. I know we would be perfect together if I was a girl, so I came here to have a sex change. I couldn’t afford one otherwise. Even if you didn’t like me like this, I would find some man to love me.

The program here will enable me to get the operations. I’ll work off the cost by driving a rig, and being nice to men who don’t care if I once had a cock of my own. I figured it’d be temporary, and since I’m not a virgin anymore, I wouldn’t mind having sex with guys until I could pay off all the bills.

Then, my plan was to come looking for you. I figured I’d have a fighting chance if I was a girl, but if you still didn’t want me, I still would be better off as a woman for the rest of my life, instead of a fucking faggot to be pushed around by narrow minded jerks. I never dreamed I’d meet you here of all places. You were so adamantly anti-gay when we were growing up. What happened to change your mind so completely?"

While Jim and Jerry were talking, Miss Gladden was trying to piece together what the two were saying and use the information to help Jim sort out his feelings so he would commit to staying. She sensed the time was right to intervene. "Excuse me, girls, but we do still have a breakfast reservation, and I think I believe I hear someone getting off of the elevator. It must be Dr. Shields. We do have one little matter to attend to before breakfast. I don’t know how much time she has, so why not continue your reunion after she sees you,"

Dr. Shields heard most of Miss Gladden’s last comment as she approached the open door. "These two knew each other as kids, Dr. Shields. Geri was once set up to ask Jamie for a date, as he was told Jamie was a girl by her brothers."

"Impossible! What you told me last night was hard enough to believe. Now this? Has Jamie decided to join your program, or not. Which is it? By the way, I can’t join you for breakfast, after all. We have a logger being flown in with a compound fracture. I have no more than a few minutes. Shall we all go inside?

Jamie, Miss Gladden mentioned you were on pins and needles and suggested a sedative to calm your nerves. Do you want me to give you something?"

"Yes, Dr. Shields. I can’t go out in public dressed like this, especially now that my friend Geri is here. I already agreed with Miss Gladden that I’d need something each day ‘till the end of the week. I promised to give dressing this way a trial and see if I can deal with it. Either way, I’ll make my decision by then."

Doctor Shields looked a Jamie with a raised brow. "So you think you might fit in, after all. It didn’t seem likely this morning. Miss Gladden mentioned how you first balked when she call you this morning. What made you change your mind?"

"She convinced me not to be hasty and to give it a trial run for a week. I also agreed to receive the medication for my nerves that I had yesterday, so I won’t be jumpy in public and give myself away every time someone looks at me. I feel like everyone can tell that I’m really a man."

"It might help if you shaved."

"Does it show that bad?"

"No, but it will in a few hours. Why don’t you let our staff remove a few hairs from your cheeks each day? Come over to the clinic right after breakfast. Don’t shave. They’ll need the stubble to grab with their tweezers. You’ll never miss them and it won’t be noticeable. The removed hairs will make trimming a nice sculpted beard unnecessary. I’m increasing the dosage of your medication a bit today. With your renewing an old friendship, and getting rid of unwanted hair from your face, you’ll need more to remain calm and in control.

Geri, the same goes for you. I noticed you were shaking like a leaf yesterday. You need an increase in dosage, as well. You must be developing a resistance to the medication, and it will help you to remain in control. No more outbursts. Try to your temper under control. Okay?"

"Sure, Doc."

Jamie looked at Geri, then Miss Gladden, and finally to Dr. Shields. "What kind of outbursts?"

"Geri can get very angry if anyone questions her decision to change her sex. She didn’t want to be a man anymore, and even tried to hurt herself, once. Then she suddenly changed her mind. Insisted she couldn’t possibly go through with it. She discovered she had to remain a man for some reason, but won’t tell us why.

She’s been wearing women’s clothes full-time for over a year, and was approved for gender reassignment by three psychologists who insist she should become a woman, for her own mental well being. She even tried to do the job once, herself. Didn’t you Geri?"

"Aw, Doctor Shields. Why’d you have to tell Jamie that? Now he knows. Jamie, I took some drugs that make cows give more milk. Someone told me it would help me grow breasts. It was all lies to get me to pay a lot of money. The drugs only made me very sick. That’s when they put me into the hospital again.

Three different doctors agree that I should apply for total gender reassignment. After I gave my consent, and they decided to help me, I got much better. Then, after I was released from the hospital and put on a hormone regimen, everything seemed to be fine. Then, I was cruising the net one day, looking for Ts contacts that shared my condition, I saw a picture of you sucking a…"

"Damned!" Jamie exclaimed. That bastard even caused you grief."

"The ad said a pretty transsexual was interested in meeting men with big cocks to stuff her mouth with. I downloaded it to make sure. I compared it to pictures I have from when we were in school together. It was you. Even with the wrong eye color, I knew it was you. You looked so feminine when you were young, I thought you must have had the same idea that I did, and already had the surgery.

That’s when I had my last breakdown. The doctors didn’t think there was much hope. I freaked out. I thought I was too late, and didn’t want to be a girl anymore. First they thought I might try to do away with myself, unless I was changed into a girl. Then I refused to continue on the regimen. I couldn’t tell them I discovered you already changed, and now you’d only be interested in men. Tell them Jamie. Tell them about us. Tell them it was for you that I waned to become a girl, but now I mustn’t. Tell them." Geri was becoming very upset. Jamie didn’t know what he should say or do. He just stood there while his dear friend was starting to go into convulsions. He didn’t recognize the symptoms, but the doctor did.

"Easy, Geri. Lie down, here on the couch. Jamie didn’t have any operations and doesn’t plan to have any." Dr. Shields took Geri’s pulse, as the girl collapsed in a fit of convulsive sobs.

The two older women looked at Jamie as if trying to confirm what Geri had said. He shook his head from side to side and shrugged, to convey he didn’t know a thing about any of this. Dr. Shields put two fingers up to her lips to caution Jamie not to talk. She reached into her black bag, gave Geri a shot and quietly signaled Miss Gladden to call the clinic or the desk. In reply, Miss gladden gave her a quizzed look. She whispered to order a wheelchair for Geri.

Geri shot up off of the couch like a rocket. "I don’t want to be sedated. Please, please, don’t let them change you into a girl, Jamie. Promise me, Jamie. You’re my very secret friend. Remember? We’ll be together again. Soon. Oh, no. I can feel the drugs working! No, not now! We’re so close. I’ll be the girl, not Jamie. I’m the girl. Don’t you dare touch her Take me. I’ll do what you want. Let me be the girl for you guys. I’ll do whatever you want. Don’t touch Jamie!"

"Geri. Listen to me. This is Doctor Shields. Jamie will stay with you. Jamie won’t leave. You don’t have to go away again. If you do, Jamie will go, too. No one will change Jamie. Can you hear me?"

"She’s out." Miss Gladden pulled me aside.

Suddenly, Geri shouted. "He isn’t changed? Don’t let them hurt my Jamie. Take me. I like men. I can do it better. Don’t hurt him!!!" Then she collapsed again. She appeared to be composed, asleep, having a nightmare. Jamie was afraid for her. He never saw anything like what just transpired.

"What was that all about?"

Dr. Shields looked at Jamie and back again at Miss Gladden. "Maybe you could tell us. She has these outbursts occasionally. No one can make much sense of it. Her mind blocks out some terrible incident when she is awake, but when she has a convulsive seizure, she rants about it, but doesn’t make much sense.

You may have something to do with these outbursts. This is her first one she had in months. The shock of seeing you again, and wearing a dress may have been too much for her. She’ll be coming around in a short time. Try to help her to talk about what happened. She suffered some sort of trauma, but can’t remember it. We’ve tried. We have to know what it was, in order to help. Maybe, if you try, she will remember.

The three women waited for Geri to recover. Dr. Shields took her pulse again and smiled. "The seizure has passed. She’ll be all right. She’s resting."

A knock, and the door opened with two men pushing a wheeled stretcher. After Geri was transferred to it, Dr. Shields turned. "I’m sorry, but I’ll have to leave. I have to attend to that broken leg." To the attendants she said: "Try to keep her calm. Take her to ‘admitting’ and have her place in a ‘secure’ room. We can’t tell how she will react when she wakes. I’ll be there if I can. I’d like Jamie to stop by. If she sees her again, we may be able to determine the cause."

Jamie felt helpless. Miss Gladden put her arm around Jamie, and he turned and put his head on Miss Gladden’s shoulder and his arms around her waist. He was shaking from anxiety over what he witnessed. She comforted him, and took note of his reactions. He behaved, as a woman would do under stress, clutching on to the nearest person. He sobbed and let the tears flow.

"It’s okay. Cry if you feel like it. I understand."

"Do you? Can you know how I feel? That rat and the lousy picture of me out on the net, look what it did! I’ll get that bastard if it’s the last thing I do!"

"Oh? How will that help Geri? Do you want revenge? What good would that do? Jamie, if we have to demand justice for everything little thing that happens to us in life, we won’t have time to do anything else."

"Little thing! How can you say that! It ruined my reputation, my first internship, my chances to go to grad school, ruined Geri’s hopes and dreams, and now I have to face my mom, knowing that she knows her youngest son is a queer and lied to her. How can you call it a little thing?"

"I’m sorry. What I meant is that what we are is a result of a thousand little things that happen to us. You can’t point to any one facet and put all of the blame on a particular event. Let’s see if we can do some good, instead. We can discuss what to do over breakfast. Shall we go to the dining room or have something sent up?"

"I don’t care. I’m not the least bit hungry. I don’t think I can eat anything. I’d rather go across the street to see how Geri is doing. Damn! One bright moment, and it all turns upside down! I guess I’ll be here for a while, now; to keep track of Geri."

"Somehow I feel responsible. All those years, we haven’t seen one another, and now I find out Geri was stuck on me, the whole time. Makes you wonder."

"Okay. I’ll go too, Jamie. She can be reassigned to my department so you two can see each other when she isn’t working. How would that be?"

"Do you think she’ll be okay and be able to work? She didn’t look to good when they wheeled her out of here. She could be in the hospital for weeks. I wish there was something I could do. I feel responsible and so helpless."

They went to the clinic and Miss Gladden convinced Jamie to have brunch after they found out Geri was asleep and wasn’t expected to be up for hours. Keeping Jamie’s mind occupied by talking about the mill and the education program, Miss Gladden got Jamie to agree to stay on indefinitely, at least until they knew if Geri would recover completely. After several cups of coffee, a nurse joined them and told them Geri woke up and they could go in to see her. "She asked to see you."

"Which one of us?"

"She’s expecting both of you, I guess. We told her we knew where to find the two of you, when she asked."

"Thank you."

When they got to her room, Dr. Shields was there. Geri was in the raised bed, but was restrained with cuffs on her wrists and a wide band over her waist. She had a guilty look on her face when they walked in. "Sorry to be such a nuisance to everyone. I don’t know what came over me. I just freaked out, again."

"It isn’t your fault. Some of us have more trouble than others when encountering stress." Dr. Shields assured her. "Maybe Jamie can help get to the bottom of whatever it is that causes your ‘blackouts’."

"Blackouts?" Jamie didn’t understand.

"Geri doesn’t remember anything that happens when she has a seizure, Jamie. That’s why you might be of some help. We think her problem goes way back when you two knew each other as kids."

Geri looked composed and looked at Miss Gladden. "Everyone says you can be trusted. I want to trust you. They’ve got to listen to me. I don’t want to be so much trouble. I’ll try to tell you everything I can, but I’d like Jamie to be here while I do.

I don’t think he knows anything about what happened to me just before we moved away. My family didn’t want anyone to find out. I wanted to become a girl because of what happened when we were kids…"

Dr. Shields asked if she could stay, as well, and then Miss Gladden asked. "I don’t understand. What are you saying, Geri. Jamie was the one who bore the brunt of the joke. You were told he was a boyish looking girl, with funny eyes, don’t you recall? Dr. Shields, Is Geri confused about that?"

"The final pieces of a complex puzzle are coming together. Jamie, do you know anything about Geri’s brutal rape? It took place in you home town."

Jamie shook his head from side to side, looking puzzled.

"Geri’s medical records indicate she was gang-raped by four thugs, like you told Miss Gladden almost happened to you, but was prevented by your brothers. She was beaten unmercifully, mutilated and left for dead.

I reviewed the extensive medical records and the psychological evaluations when Geri reported here for job placement. The sex change was highly recommended by the attending psychologists at the hospital that successfully treated Geri for her mental trauma stemming from the brutal rape. Geri was partially dressed as a girl during the rape. When she was found, dying, she was wearing a torn dress, and tattered nylons. Panties and a torn bra were also that was found with her, and she was wearing make up. The injuries and admitted sexual preference all suggest that Geri should become a woman. Recently, he suddenly changed his mind, but refuses to explain why. She says she doesn’t know why, but knows she can’t go through with it."

Without funds, she couldn’t afford the recommendations. She was referred to us because of the mill’s attitude toward providing needy candidates with assistance as well as a good job and the opportunity to exercise her sexual preference. The mill doesn’t require services, mind you, it only condones or ignores the casual ‘friendships’ that occur.

She was to pay off a portion of the costs through payroll deductions working as a shuttle driver. We usually employ women who enjoy mixing in with the loggers as they are transported to and from the field units, but post-op transsexuals work equally as well, and understand men better.

After Geri was gang-raped, he was taken to a local hospital and at the request of his family; everything was kept hush-hush. His parents transferred him to another hospital later to get him as far away from his hometown as they could, and they dropped out of sight to avoid publicity.

"He nearly died from his injuries. The doctors repaired his body, but his mind still suffers the worst damage. Something prevents Geri from discussing anything about who so viciously violated him, except it was a case of mistaken identity, and he was raped instead of some other kid.

As he grew older, Geri realized he would never be a complete man again. They kicked him very hard when he tried to resist, so hard that they severely crushed his genitals. He was already unconscious, and couldn’t defend himself. When they first brought him to the hospital, he was covered with blood and semen. They had to reconstruct his intestine, repair his torn vocal chords and keep him from bleeding to death from the slaughter. The report indicated two well-endowed men tore his lips wide open from what appeared to be simultaneous entry."

"You don’t have to go any further, Dr. Shields. I know who raped Geri, and I know why. Let me see if I can add the final pieces to the puzzle. I was set up by four guys to be raped. My older brothers got word of it from friends and they all gave the thugs a sound beating. Apparently, it wasn’t sound enough. They must have planned another attempt, and to repay the beatings.

Instead, Geri substituted himself in my place and intercepted them. That is what he meant when he was shouting that he was the girl, the pretty one during his seizure. Rape wasn’t enough for them. They took out the beating they got on Geri, as well. They tried to kill him, Geri, instead of me. That was smart. They must have figured out that Geri’s parents would bolt, and not report it, because of Geri’s dressing up as a girl. His dad is kind of timid. They figured his parents wouldn’t try to find out who did it, and prosecute. They were right. It also explains why they suddenly left town, without a word."

They looked at Geri. She had passed out. "You have to help her, Doc. Geri has to know I now know what she did for me. I have to help put those maniacs away so they don’t hurt anyone else. They already got away with it for nearly ten years.

Do you think Geri cab hear us? I’ll get them, Geri. I’ll get them and take care of you from now on. Don’t worry. My friends from college will help. They helped last year, and I didn’t even know about it, until this morning. Yu won’t even have to know, either. Like I didn’t know you helped me. You and the college, and even the woman at the novitiate helped without my knowing it. It’s my turn to help make things right. I promise, Geri, I promise.

Do you think she heard me Dr. Shields? I know she’s asleep, but she had to hear me, she had to."

"Maybe she did. She was fighting against the second shot I gave her to help her to rest. She knows, otherwise, she wouldn’t have let the second shot take effect.

I gave her enough morphine to put a horse to sleep, but she wouldn’t without knowing you were here. Her vitals are stable now, since you added that last part or element to the puzzle. We’ll know more in a few days."

It took over a week, but Geri gradually got better. When Jamie told her that he was positively not going to change his sex, the improvement was dramatic.

He stayed with her every day until Dr. Shields and her associates were certain she would not have another seizure.

Once she returned to the hotel, they were inseparable. More oft than not, they’d awake in the morning on the couch in the sitting room, having fallen asleep while watching a late movie. Once Jamie awoke with Geri’s arms wrapped around his neck, as she slept with a smile on her face. He touched the remote to shut off the television set. Then, he leaned toward her and kissed her cheek. She smiled and squirmed a bit and opened her eyes, smiling. She kissed his lips. His manhood reacted, immediately, so he moved to relieve the strain that his now familiar gaff caused.

"Take it off. I want to see what you have.’’

"Only if you will, too."

"Don’t wear a gaff. Don’t need one, remember?"

"Oh."

Her hand slid down Jamie’s chest over the bra and slipped under the waistband of Jamie’s panties. "I’ll help you. You shouldn’t sleep with that on. I’ll remove the panties, then you take off the gaff."

As Jamie stood up, she stripped the panties to his ankles in one swift move. He kicked them aside and peeled the tight, padded latex from his groin, resulting in the release of his hardening cock, which loomed before Geri in the shadows of the light streaming into the room from the half closed bathroom door.

She leaned forward without getting up and kissed the tip. He let out a soft groan, as her lips engulfed him. He tottered above her, unable to maintain his balance as she took his entire length deep into her throat. "Mmmmmm! That’s good. You taste funky from being caged up all day, just the way I like it."

"Sit down on the couch. Lean back and let me do it right."

He obeyed and she immediately got on her knees with her arms on his thighs to lever them apart. As she took him back into her mouth, she caressed his sack with one hand and slid the other up under his bra cup and tweaked his nipple. She continued lazily sucking him and playing with his body until Jamie couldn’t hold back any longer. It was ages since his last ejaculation, and it seemed to take him forever to unload.

Unbelievably, after an entire year as a sex toy for another man, it was the first time Jamie was on the receiving end of a blowjob.

It took half an hour for him to recover. When he tried to reciprocate, Geri pulled away. "Don’t! If you want to please me, play with my breasts. I can’t get excited like men do anymore."

He obligingly pulled her up off his knees and planted a kiss on her lips, tasting the familiar remnant of sperm on her lips. He set her on his lap and repeated the kiss, using his tongue to glean more of the salty taste from her.

"Oh! That’s right. You already know the flavor of a man’s stuff. Do you like how you own tastes?"

He wrapped on hand around her waist and slid the other between her legs and wrapped the palm over her mound. "How bad is it?"

"Real bad. It’s real small, and scarred. Doesn’t even look like anything. Just a lump of useless skin, hardly more than your cute nose." She touched her fingertip to his button nose and giggled.

"Then, I’ll keep my eyes closed. I don’t want to be like my old roommate and be only on the receiving end. I demand equal rights."

"All of the important part is gone. It isn’t sensitive like yours. I can’t even give you anything to taste. Wouldn’t you rather wait until it gets rebuilt like a girl’s pubic mound? Then you can use what you have to keep my new pussy open and not heal shut. That sounds like a lot more fun, doesn’t it?"

They played, kissed and chattered like a couple of school girls all night long, and the following night, and the following, and cemented the relationship when Jamie found out by exploration at Geri’s insistence, that the doctors did a marvelous job repairing Geri’s tush. Jamie was very careful at first, and reluctant to enter her, but after she assured it wouldn’t hurt, but rather give her immense pleasure, Jamie found the act was mutually satisfying, as Geri orgasmed (internally) from penal stimulation to her prostate gland. After all, the normal erogenous tissue of her corona was lost to her when she was repeatedly kicked in the groin when she was gang raped, so she was dependant on internal stimulus.

She did enjoy also having her developing breasts caressed. They were growing rapidly after Dr. Shields determined it was safe to increase her hormone dosage. Geri confirmed in writing that she was ready to have the final operation so she could be a better lover for Jamie.

After Jamie and Geri discussed it for hours on end, Jamie tried to envision how she would look with a vagina. He insisted on trying to provide her with an orgasm by fellating Geri, before she had the remnant restructured and her empty scrotum converted into labia.

He claimed his considerable experience would enable Geri to ‘rise to the task’.

She did in fact react to some degree, prompting Dr. Shield to recommend that the gender reassignment surgeons performing her reconstruction create a clitoris out of her remaining penal tissue.

Jamie envisioned Geri as a total woman, one he could take to the altar as his bride. He could hardly phantom how a person would care so much about another person as to put his life in jeopardy to protect his loved one from being raped. In his mind he was convinced such love could not go unrequited.

Geri was scheduled to return to the institute that recommended her gender reassignment. Jamie asked to go along to keep her company during the trip. Jamie also wanted to stop at Geri’s parents’ home, advise them of her decision, and ask for their blessing, because ---Jamie then proposed to her.

"I accept, but only if you promise not to be upset if I decide to continue driving for the mill. We owe them a lot for understanding and reuniting us, and providing the medical care, well, most of it. You’ve been goofing off and not keeping up with your end of the agreement with Miss Gladden. You agree that we have to have an open relationship. Don’t you Jamie?"

"I’ve been trying not to think about it, but I know you’re right. Miss Gladden has been making comments about my getting the lead out and starting the training I was supposed to get weeks ago. Looks like I won’t start teaching until after the year-end, with the spring semester. She said that still wouldn’t give her much time to prepare me.

If you plan to work instead of being a housewife, and then I’ll stay dressed as a woman to be able to provide the students with the expected incentives to study.

Not too many know we plan to marry. Maybe that’s for the best if we’re going to have an open relationship. They already treat us more like sisters than a couple."

"Yeah, well you better be my ‘salami sister’, mister. Miss Gladden will never have to take you for a visit to her special lady friends that appreciate men who know what it takes to be pretty. Messing with the guys is one thing. I did enough of it, too. Messing with the ladies will be strictly forbidden. You better be a one-woman lady, buster, if you know what’s good for you."

The two of them laughed at the joke. They were obviously going to be prostitutes, but they still found a way to be jealous, if either fooled around outside of the job.

Having sex is one thing in an open relationship. Love from within the heart is a completely separate issue.

Geri had the surgery, recovered and returned to work, while Jamie prepared to teach class out in the field. Yes, they both had sexual relations on the job.

Geri liked driving a shuttle for the mill. Told Jamie she met the nicest guys that way, real appreciative ones. No one ever tried any thing funny, since they knew they’d lose their jobs and maybe more. Men vied for her attention all the time.

The men saw to it (tee hee) that they were always treated well. The mill knew fully how all the ‘girls’ provided fun and recreation to the hard working loggers. They didn’t interfere, except when they discovered a married man’s wife believed her man was doing something more than enjoying the view of their sexily attired bodies. The married men were taboo!

Loggers’ wives were encouraged to participate in the mill’s health clubs, fashion shows, cosmetology classes and arts and crafts classes, so they could keep in shape to deter their men from wandering. The ‘girls’ got to meet them socially. Jamie and Geri were surprised at how cordial they were. They knew the married men were ‘off limits’ to the ‘girls’, and most of them understood that unmarried men were less likely to accost them or their daughters as a result. They had less to worry about. The men appreciated how sexy looking they were, and how the wives tried to do their best to keep up, to hold their men’s interest.

They always practiced safe sex. The men respected that, knowing that they had encounters with other men. The men wanted the ‘girls’ to be careful, to continue to share the fun with them, not the risks. One of the group did come down with something. She was dismissed, retired really.

Both Jamie and Geri enjoyed being treated like ladies by the men. They were careful and were good at pleasing the muscle-bound jarheads, and it wasn’t always by providing sex. Sometimes, a lonely guy merely wanted a pretty girl to talk to. Hell there still was plenty of sex. You could say they shared opposite ends of the same perspective (Or is it the other way around?) when it happened and it happened a lot.

Geri and Jamie took up a hobby. They wrote down some of their exploits and shared them with each other. The experiences were quite different. Since her operation, Geri could get totally naked and no one could detect she was once a man. She sure didn’t look like one. Jamie looked like a girl but couldn’t strip to the buff. It would spoil the illusion. As a result, he’d never strip, and the guys would figure out why, and didn’t push her to see her groin. Especially when she’d pull down the back of her panties and show them her big rear end.

But that’s another part of the story! Part Three to be precise!

 

(to be continued)

 

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