Author's note: I can't believe that so many of you have stuck with me on this story which has gone on for so many pages! Thank you to all of you and especially those of you who have kindly taken the time to leave comments. Thanks and credit are due to the wonderful Hebe Dotson and Anne Baker who tirelessly correct my mistakes and improve my writing – I could not have done it without you two special ladies – any errors that remain, are mine.

    

No Half Measures

by Jenny Walker

© 2003

PART 25

  

CHAPTER 49

I stood in front of the mirror in my bedroom in my father's house. Although I was looking in the mirror, my mind was miles away. I had been thinking back over the previous eighteen months of my life. When I remembered what life had been like before… before my change, it seemed like a faded memory of a dream. It was as if my previous life was not quite real. I don't know if it was psychological or not, but when I recalled previous memories as Nick, they seemed to be in jerky black and white in my mind. The memories since I had become a woman were played back in full-blown, widescreen Technicolor. Sure, I could still remember a lot of events from those earlier days, but I realised that my life had been little more than a nondescript series of failures for several years. Yes, there were highlights and I smiled as I remembered back to meeting Jools and the times we had spent together. In contrast, the last eighteen months had been a whirlwind of major life events: both good and bad.

Before, as Nick, I could probably have counted on one hand the people that I counted as good friends. Now I would have to write a list and would still worry that I had missed someone out. The people that had enriched my life passed before my mind's eye and I smiled to myself at the fond memories: Paul, Sam, Charlie, Aaron, Herby, Kate, Gina, and the Scots. The list of close special friends was something I treasured: Jools, Beth, Laura, Brian, Kevin, Peter, Rachel, and Gareth. Then there was my family; my smile grew wider: Dad, Claire, Aunt Vera, Dawn and Phil.

My smile faded in intensity for a brief moment as a wave of sadness passed over me. I remembered that most special friend of all that can never be replaced: I saw my mother's face in my mind and I had to blink hard. I remembered her with joy, fondness and the assurance that she was in a better place – a place in which one day I would see her again. Finally my mind turned to the most special person in my life: my soon-to-be husband, Jon. The feeling of love, desire and anticipation that flooded through me nearly made my knees buckle.

My eyes refocused on my reflection in the mirror. I shook my head slowly as I could hardly believe my eyes.

My wedding dress clung to my figure. The two thread-like shoulder straps were barely noticeable. The fitted bodice did a marvellous job of containing my ample bosom and the flowing narrow ivory skirts descended to the floor in waves of shimmering satin. My hair had been exquisitely styled as it swirled up in shiny tresses that were gathered on top of my head. A few wisps of curly ringlets seemed to escape from the top of my head and descended to frame my face.

I don't think I had ever seen my make-up done better; Beth had excelled herself. Who else would I have got to arrange my hair and make-up for the most important day of my life? She had commandeered a local salon, for a price of course, and had spent hours with me that morning. A fresh all-over waxing session; washing, drying and setting my hair; cleansing, moisturising and making up my face – I had thought that I would never be ready. She had brought me back to the empty house and helped me into my dress, stockings and matching high-heels. I had then been left alone as she returned to the salon to work her magic on Claire and Jools, who had been taken there by my father. I think even he was scheduled for a quick tidy-up trim of his hair.

My reverie was disturbed by the sound of the front door opening and closing downstairs. Voices drifted up from below, but I just stood there and looked at myself. Was this really happening?

"Admiring yourself?" Claire said teasingly from the doorway.

I turned to face her and spotted Jools behind her. "Guilty, I'm afraid," I said with a smile.

They hadn't seen my finished appearance until now. "Goodness gracious," Claire murmured as she came into the room, Jools following. "You look…" Her voice trailed off and she frowned momentarily. "I can't imagine the words required to describe you?"

"That bad?" I said with a twinkle in my eye.

"Divine," Jools said emphatically. "That's about the only way to describe you."

Claire nodded. "That's about right."

I looked at them. They were wearing their matching lilac bridesmaid dresses. Aside from the colour difference, they were of a similar style to mine, with just a slightly shorter and less ornate skirt. Their hair was styled beautifully and their make-up flawless.

"You two look amazing," I said sincerely. "Don't go showing me up today, you hear me?"

Claire chuckled and moved to one side of me. Jools stood at my other side.

"Rubbish," Jools said softly. She gently turned my head back towards the mirror. "There's no one who could show you up at the best of times, let alone today."

I tried to make some noises of protestation, but Claire slid her arm around my waist and hushed me.

"Nicola, I've come to accept the fact that my sister is by far the better-looking one in this family."

"Claire…" I protested again.

"No, seriously," she interrupted. "You are beautiful and I'm not going to let you deny or dispute that. In fact, I want to hear you say it yourself."

"Come on, Claire, you're embarrassing me."

Jools chipped in, "No, she's right. Let us hear you say it."

I looked at them both. I saw their resolute gaze and sighed. What hope did I have? I smiled shyly, looked into the mirror, and softly said, "I am beautiful."

I felt a warm glow spread throughout my body. It was the dream I would never have thought to imagine when I was younger. It was every girl's dream and now it was mine: to be a beautiful woman marrying the man she loved. I thanked God for the privilege of being allowed to live that dream. Claire and Jools gently hugged me.

I laughed nervously. "It's just a fluke of genes, some dodgy hormone receptors in my system… and a little bit of prompting in the right direction from my friends."

Claire squeezed my arm. "Do you really think it was a fluke?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No, I believe this was the way I was meant to be."

"We'd better go downstairs, Jools," Claire said. "The limo will be here for us any moment." They air-kissed me and wished me luck. As they headed out of my room, Claire turned and looked over her shoulder. "There's a rather nervous gentleman downstairs who is waiting to see what his daughter looks like."

I chuckled. "Tell him I'll be down in a moment. I'll see you both shortly."

A few minutes later, I heard the front door close as Claire and Jools left to be driven to the church. I took one last look at myself and then went downstairs. I took it slowly, as I couldn't see my feet and descending stairs in my heels was somewhat precarious. I quietly walked into the living room where my father was looking out of the window, his back to me. I coughed gently and he turned to me. His eyes widened as he took in my appearance and he smiled broadly.

"Hi, Daddy," I said shyly. "Do I look OK?"

He shook his head slowly and grinned. "OK? No. Breathtaking? Most definitely." He walked over to me and took my manicured hands in his. "I've only ever seen such a beautiful sight once before in my life…"

We both turned our gaze to the photo that hung on the wall. It was taken more than thirty years previously and showed my handsome father as a younger man in a dapper suit, beside my mother in her wedding dress. We both had a sharp intake of breath.

"It's incredible, isn't it?" he mused.

I nodded and murmured, "I can hardly believe it."

Yes, the style of dress may have been different, but the likeness was uncanny. My father smiled at me. "I know you think that Claire was always the one I was more proud of…"

"Daddy, no, that's not right," I interrupted.

He held a finger to my mouth. "I know you thought that and perhaps in recent years I haven't been as encouraging to you as I should have been. I want you to know that today, as I look at you, I can't imagine that there is a prouder father in the whole of the world. I know that if your mother were here, she would be the only one who could maybe feel prouder than I do at this moment."

I swallowed hard and blinked several times. In a husky voice, I croaked, "Daddy… thank you… but please stop or my mascara will be running all over my face." I paused and after ensuring that I had control of the excess moisture in my eyes, softly said, "I love you."

He gently hugged me. "I love you too, Nicola." We held each other for a few moments before he broke the embrace. "I have something for you."

I raised an eyebrow questioningly. "What is it?"

"I'm sure Claire told you not to worry about a necklace today as she would sort it out."

I gasped, "Yes, but I forgot, and she's gone now…"

He chuckled. "Don't worry. She was covering for me. I've got just the thing for you." He reached into his pocket and lifted out a string of pearls. He held them in his hand as if they were fragile and, looking at them with longing, murmured, "Your mother wore these on the day we were married…" He paused and then looked up at me. "These are yours now."

I raised a hand to my chest and swallowed again. "Daddy, I don't know… I can't…"

He smiled and nodded. "You can. She would want you to wear this and to have it." He moved behind me and gently fitted the necklace around my neck and closed the clasp at the back. "Perfect," he said.

I looked in the mirror over the mantelpiece and had to agree. It matched the pearl drop earrings that Jools and Claire had given me earlier that morning. I turned back to my father and smiled. "I don't know what to say…"

"Don't say anything," he said with a twinkle in his eye, "or I'll be blubbing like a baby. I'm determined to get through this day without crying… as hard as that may be."

We were both spared from tears by the honking of the horn from the limousine that had pulled up outside our house.

"This is it," my father said. "Time to go; are you ready for this?"

I smiled and nodded firmly. "More than ready."

----------*----------

During the short drive to the church, my father and I sat in silence in the back seat of the limo, holding each other's hand. My mind recalled the previous few weeks leading up to the wedding. It had been a frenzy of organisation. Aunt Vera had helped me to pick my wedding dress, Claire had helped with the bridesmaids' dresses and Jools was her usual amazing self as she organised the invitations and guest list. My father had insisted on helping me choose and book the reception venue.

Jon and I had spent a lot of time together. Actually, we had rarely been apart and had grown so much closer as the weeks had passed. We had visited his family at least once a week so that they could get to know me and, as time had gone on, I felt more at home with them and I think the feeling was mutual. Mr. Peters had admitted to me that he had always wanted a daughter and that he was delighted that I was to be the next best thing. Jon's mother seemed happy to have some female company within the family for a change. None of them, including Mike, ever said another word about my past – it was loving acceptance.

My father and Jon had also got to know each other better. Jon had accompanied us to church most Sundays, which pleased my father. Jon became more comfortable with the church and was very impressed with Nathan. The two of them had shared some deep conversations and I felt that Jon was beginning to move in the same direction as me, spiritually speaking.

Although Dad liked Jon and was happy to have him as a future son-in-law, there still was this father-daughter thing that created a slight reticence in their relationship. No father can fully welcome the man who is going to take his daughter from him, no matter how suitable that man may seem.

The guys in the band had been delighted to hear our news and Brian was chuffed to be asked to be Groomsman. Laura was thrilled and couldn't stop herself from a round of 'I told you so' when she had heard. Rachel gave me a huge hug and whispered into my ear how pleased she was that things had finally worked out for Jon and me.

I wasn't so foolish as to think that Jon and I could quietly get married without the media finding out. Jools had drafted a statement that was released to the press and the resultant phone calls, enquiries and requests for interviews had been overwhelming. Of course, the tabloids had the usual speculative gossip: since we were arranging the wedding quickly, could it be that Cara Malone was pregnant? I had eventually agreed to do some interviews, mainly on daytime TV chat shows. There was little pretence that the interviews were about my music as the hosts very quickly moved to focus on my impending marriage. I didn't really mind as, to be honest, I was happy to spend all day talking about it to anyone who would listen.

"Here we are," my father murmured as the car pulled up outside the church.

There was a lightning storm of camera flashes as we got out of the car. The media had a substantial representation outside the church. In fact, due to the level of general public interest, the police had closed off the road to normal traffic and several officers were present to control the ever-growing mass of spectators. The cheers and whistles from the crowd were overwhelming. Although I was used to it when performing on stage, this was something more: they had come to see me because of who I was. I did my best to smile at them and wave. My father and I stopped for a brief moment to let the press photographers take their pictures.

Jools had recommended that we try to facilitate them: keep them happy and they will report generously. One thing on which we were all agreed was that the press weren't allowed inside the church – save for one member who had been invited personally. To help enforce this point, Gareth was doing his impression of a wall at the front door of the church. He winked at me as he stood aside to let us enter.

"Looking fantastic," he murmured to me.

I smiled my thanks at him as we entered the vestibule where Claire and Jools were waiting for us. Claire handed me my bouquet and squeezed my arm.

"Ready, sis?" she asked.

I nodded and smiled. "More than ready."

Our ushers were Kevin, Phil and Jon's cousin, Charlie. Charlie had been very good about the whole thing. I had been worried that he might have felt bitter, but he really was a lovely guy. Jon had had a chat with him and Charlie said that although he envied Jon, he was happy for us and would be glad to help out in any way. I smiled at the guys and Phil slid into the back of the Church to give Nathan the sign that we were ready.

I heard the strains of the Wedding March begin on the organ – Peter was playing for us. Jools and Claire slowly began the procession up the aisle of the Church. When they reached the front, they stood to one side and I began to walk slowly, arm-in-arm with my father. The church was resplendent with wonderful flower arrangements – Aunt Vera had handled those details.

I could feel the eyes of the congregation all fixing on me, but the smiles that accompanied their gaze helped me to feel more at ease. I turned my eyes to the front of the church and I saw my groom. He was standing tall with a proud smile on his face as he watched me proceed up the aisle. He was wearing a full morning suit: tails, dress shirt, cravat, top hat and gloves in his hand. In that moment I thought that he was the most handsome man I had ever laid eyes on. We arrived at the front of the church and I smiled at Jon. His grin widened. As we looked at one another, it was as if there was no one else present.

"Hey you," he mouthed silently.

"Hi," I mouthed back.

The music stopped and we turned our attention to Nathan standing in front of us.

"Dearly beloved," Nathan began with a warm smile on his face. "We are gathered here today, in the presence of God, to celebrate the union of this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Llandaff Methodist Church welcomes you all: family and friends of Jon and Nicola. Let's remain standing and sing our first hymn: 'Love Divine All Loves Excelling'."

The church was filled with the voices of all present. I tried my best to sing, but was almost too overcome with emotion to manage it. I had chosen this hymn. I knew it would be emotional, but it wouldn't have been right to omit it. I saw Jon looking down at me with a concerned smile.

"I'm OK," I mouthed silently.

After the first hymn, Nathan prayed and then introduced the Bible reading. Beth read from 1 Corinthians 13 – a wonderful passage about love. If you aren't familiar with it, you are missing out. My heart quickened as I realised it was time for the Marriage Ceremony.

"Would the congregation please stand," Nathan requested. Once everyone was on their feet, he continued, "If there is anyone present who knows of any reason why this man should not be joined to this woman in holy matrimony, then let them speak now or forever hold their peace…"

There was an agonising pause and it seemed as if the whole congregation were holding their breath. I certainly was. Thankfully there wasn't a sound.

Nathan smiled and looked down at Jon and me. "Christ calls you into union with him and with one another. I ask you now in the presence of God and this congregation to declare your intent."

Jon and I lifted our right hands to each other and held them together as Nathan had instructed us in the practice.

He turned to me. "Nicola Jane Evans, will you have this man, Jonathan Richard Peters, to be your husband, to live together in a holy marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

I smiled at Jon and squeezed his hand as I said, "I will."

Nathan turned to Jon. "Jonathan Richard Peters, will you have this woman, Nicola Jane Evans, to be your wife, to live together in a holy marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

Jon grinned at me and boldly spoke out, "I will."

Nathan smiled and held up his hands. "In the presence of God and these witnesses, I now proclaim you to be husband and wife. Those whom God has joined together, let man not separate." He gave us a little wink. "You may kiss the bride."

Jon turned to me and, with an intense look of longing, lowered his face to mine. He gently kissed me, but lingered for more than a moment. There was a buzz of appreciation from the congregation.

We turned back to Nathan. He grinned. "Traditionally, the marking of the passage to the status of husband and wife is marked by the exchange of rings. These rings are a symbol of the unbroken circle of love. Love freely given has no beginning and no end, no giver and no receiver for each is the giver and each is the receiver. May these rings always remind you of the vows you have taken."

Jon turned to Mike who dutifully produced the rings. He set them onto Nathan's open Bible. Jon took my ring and I held out my left hand. He gently slid the ring into place and then I did likewise for him.

"You may all be seated," Nathan instructed.

He delivered his message to us and, although I can't remember everything he said, there were some words that struck home.

"Jon and Nicola, you are starting out on a long journey, but you are no longer alone. You have each other. I'm going to say a shocking thing now. Marriage is best if it is a threesome."

There was a murmur that spread around the congregation like a ripple across a pond. I thought that I even heard a little titter.

Nathan smiled. "I thought that would get everyone's attention. I'm sure if you think about it, you will work out where I am going. I want everyone to imagine a piece of cord. Could you cut a piece of cord? Well, yes, of course you could. Now imagine two pieces of cord entwined together. Would it be stronger? Yes, it would, but you could still cut it. Finally think of three pieces of cord woven together. This would be much more difficult to cut. I am reliably informed that using three strands makes the strongest rope and if you think of a standard rope, most likely it has three strands." He paused. "What am I getting at? Jon and Nicola, you want to have a strong, lasting marriage. If so then hear the words from Ecclesiastes chapter 4: 'Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken'."

He looked around and let his words sink in. "Jon and Nicola, what I am saying is very simple. If you want to have a true lasting marriage where you continue to love one another above yourself, there is someone you have to put first in your lives, even above each other. A true Christian marriage is one where Jesus Christ is present. If He is not part of your union, then when the troubles come – as they will, when the initial glow of newfound love and romance fades – which it will, then can you be sure that your marriage will hold fast? Add the third strand of Jesus to your marriage and you will be sure. Put Him first, each other second and yourself after that."

His words were a challenge to us and they were made all the more potent by the gracious manner in which he brought them to us. When he had finished speaking, he introduced the second hymn: 'Be Thou My Vision'. Jon and I had picked it as it had the loveliest Celtic tune accompanying the magnificent uplifting words.

It was then time for the signing of the register. Peter played 'Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring' while Nathan orchestrated the signing. At this point, with me seated and Jon standing over me, I motioned to the one member of the press who had been invited. Keith Wilkinson, dressed in a smart black suit, bashfully got up from his seat and came forward. He had to be his own photographer, but he had said that he wouldn't mind. He took a few photos of us as we smiled for the camera, before he slunk back to his seat.

With that done, Peter moved into Clarke's 'Trumpet Voluntary' with great gusto. Jon and I stood together, my arm through his and we led our wedding party down the aisle. Our guests were all standing and smiling. There were multiple camera flashes. I didn't have to force a smile for the cameras; I couldn't keep the smile from my face. Outside the church, there were even more photographs.

----------*----------

Eventually we managed to make our way through the throng outside the church and get into the limousine. It was a relief to escape the crowds and have some time to ourselves as the car drove off. We were partitioned off from the driver and could talk in privacy.

Jon slid his arm around me. "You look gorgeous, Mrs. Peters."

"Mrs. Peters," I purred. "I like the sound of that."

"Do you?"

"Oh yes. I think I'm going to like being Mrs. Peters."

"I know I'm going to like you being Mrs. Peters."

I leant my head against him. "I can't believe we're married. Is this a dream?"

He chuckled. "If it is, let's never wake up."

"It's a deal," I agreed.

Jon pulled me closer to him. "I'm sorry, Nicola, but I'm going to have to kiss you. I can't control myself any longer."

I giggled and turned my head up to look at him. He brought his lips to mine and we kissed, long, lingering and gentle. His hand stroked my cheek. He murmured, "When I saw you walking up the aisle, I just thought that I was the luckiest man in the world."

I grinned. "No, you're wrong."

"Huh?"

I tried to keep a straight face. "When we are alone tonight in our room – then you will think you are the luckiest man in the world."

The look on his face was priceless. He laughed. "Tell you what, how about we blow off this reception lark and head straight to our room and you can show me just how lucky I am?"

I laughed with him. "Sounds like a good idea, but we can't disappoint our guests."

He sighed. "I suppose you're right."

"Besides, don't you want to have our slap-up meal? Aren't you hungry?"

He waggled his eyebrows. "I'm only hungry for one thing."

We laughed and kissed again.

----------*----------

Despite what Jon had said, we both thoroughly enjoyed our wedding reception. The photo session became a little tedious towards the end, but otherwise it was great fun to get the fancy photos taken with our family and friends.

During our meal, which was sumptuous, a string quartet played and the atmosphere was wonderful. I couldn't eat that much and, surprisingly, Jon didn't seem to have much of an appetite either. He claimed he was nervous about having to give a speech.

The speeches were great: moving, yet humorous. My father gave the first speech, as tradition demanded. He paid a wonderful tribute to me that nearly had me in tears. He talked about how proud he was of me and my achievements. In fact, I did end up in tears when he mentioned that the only sad thing about the day was that my mother wasn't there to share it with us. He choked up too and quickly proposed a toast to us.

Jon stood up to take the floor. I felt nervous for him. "Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of my wife and I…" The applause and cheers interrupted him. He grinned and continued, "I'd like to thank you for being able to share what is the most special day in our lives. Thank you also for your great generosity in the gifts you have given. Nicola and I have been overwhelmed by your kindness."

He paused and changed the subject. "If anyone had told me a year ago that today I would be standing here married to this wonderful woman, I simply would not have believed it. In fact, if someone had told me this even just four months ago, I would have found it incredible." He smiled down at me. "If the truth is told, I think I fell in love with Nicola the first time I met her, but it took me a long time to wake up to this fact." Jon probably didn't realise it, but those friends of ours who didn't know the truth about me and who knew that Jon and I had been childhood friends would have thought this was a lovely romantic tribute to childhood sweethearts. I knew what he meant though, and it was all the more special to me.

"I've had a few girlfriends in the past – and I hope that my brother's speech will have been censored in that regard…" He winked at Mike sitting beside him. "…but I've never known anyone who has driven me as crazy as Nicola." He smiled at me. "That's a compliment, in case you were wondering. For the past year or more, I've been besotted with you."

He looked around the room. "Those of you who know us well will have been wondering what took us so long to realise what you all seemed to know for so long. During this time, our love for each other was growing even if we both tried to deny it. When Nicola finally told me how she felt for me, I could hardly believe it." He hesitated. "We've had a few misunderstandings along the way, but I want you all to know this: we both love each other deeply and couldn't imagine our lives apart." There was a gentle chorus of 'Aww' that spread around the room.

Jon looked down at me. "Nicola, I want the whole world to know how much I love you and that I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you."

I blinked hard as I smiled at him. "Thank you," I mouthed silently.

He put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it affectionately before looking back to the guests arrayed in front of us. "We both want to record our thanks to our parents who have shown us what it is to live together in loving marriages and have brought us up in an atmosphere of love and encouragement. We wouldn't be the people we are today if it weren't for you."

I glanced across at my father. There was a certain irony in Jon's words when applied to me, but they were true nonetheless. My father smiled back at me.

"We want to thank all our friends – we couldn't ask for better friends and we'll try to find some room in our lives to have time for you… but not for the next two weeks as Nicola and I will be otherwise engaged." There was a laugh from the room as most people had a fair idea what Jon was implying.

"Last, but by no means least, I want to propose a toast to the women in this room who are the most beautiful but one." He turned to Claire and Jools. "One of you will be the sister I never had, and the other sometimes feels like an extra mother." The guests roared and Jools flushed, but kept smiling. "Seriously, I know how much you two mean to Nicola and we both want to thank you for your support, not only today, but especially in the last year and a half. Ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses to the bridesmaids."

We toasted them and Jon gladly sat down. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. I leant over and gently kissed him. I didn't care that the whole room was watching us. "You were great," I murmured and he smiled back at me.

Mike stood up. "Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of the bridesmaids can I thank my brother, Jon, for his generous comments." He paused and grinned. "There is an old tradition regarding the Best Man at a wedding. It declares that if, for whatever reason, the Groom doesn't turn up, it is incumbent upon the Best Man to dutifully step up and marry the Bride." He shook his head wistfully. "I know he's my brother, but I couldn't help praying today that he might have a last minute change of mind and decide not to show."

There was a roar of laughter at his words. "What I'm trying to say is that my brother has got himself an incredible woman. Am I jealous? Perhaps a little. I've gotten to know Nicola over the last few months and she's not what you would expect for a world-famous rock star."

I blushed and cringed at his words, but he winked at me as he continued. "You see, she's even uncomfortable with me talking like that. Before I knew her, I just fancied her from afar as she is undeniably beautiful in appearance. What I realised as I got to know her is that she is a lovely person who has been through a lot to get to where she is today." He turned to Jon. "Bro, you're a lucky man." He smiled at me. "Nicola, as much as it pains me to say it, your husband is a great guy. I've known him all my life and I'm never going to admit to saying these things, but, Jon, you've been a great example to me and I hope to follow such an example… particularly if it leads to me finding someone half as wonderful as Nicola."

The guests laughed, but Mike held up a hand. "Now, ladies and gentlemen, before you get all mushy on me, let me say that my brother was not always perfect."

Jon groaned and everyone laughed again. Mike chuckled. "I did have some great stories to tell, but Mum censored a few of them." Mike theatrically tore up several sheets of paper and more laughter ensued. "However, there are few that I can share with you…" He went on to tell us a number of embarrassing, but amusing stories about Jon as he was growing up.

When he had finished, it was Mr. Peters' turn to speak. He was brief and to the point. He expressed his delight at Jon eventually settling down. "Jon, son, we both know you've found yourself someone special. This girl of yours - actually I should say, this wife of yours - is a unique woman: love her forever." He looked at me. "Nicola, I'm delighted to welcome you into our family. I know I may be biased, but I can assure you that your husband is a great man. He's someone you can rely on, someone who will do all within his power to look after you, he's someone I've been proud to watch grow from a boy into the man he is today." He paused and I saw that his words had deeply affected Jon.

He cleared his throat and continued. "Yes, my wife and I are delighted to finally have the daughter we never had… all that leaves now is for us to wait for grandchildren! Thank you." He sat down and everyone laughed as they applauded.

I smiled at Jon. It was a smile tinged with sadness and this was reflected in his eyes. Although his father was only joking, there was a certain sorrow in knowing that we could never have children together. Don't get me wrong – I hadn't suddenly become all broody and mother-like, but, like most people, my thoughts for the future had always included having a family.

There were a few impromptu speeches from the floor, wishing us all the best and the like. Mike then wound up the proceedings and the guests began to mingle around. Jon and I circulated together and tried to get talking to everyone that we could. We had a few gifts for those who had especially helped us regarding our wedding.

----------*----------

To say that we had no evening activity planned for our wedding day would not be quite correct. We had plans, but they didn't include the rest of our guests so we had decided to forgo the traditional after-wedding dance. Jon and I slipped off to the room that had been designated for us to change in.

Once inside the door, Jon grabbed me and pulled me to him. He kissed me passionately. When I eventually managed to breathe again, I chuckled. "Hey Romeo, save it for later. We're not done yet. Let's get changed and then leave this joint so we can be together alone."

"It can't come soon enough," he said.

We changed out of our wedding outfits. It was with some sadness that I realised I would never again wear my wedding dress. I almost chuckled to myself. I had always imagined getting married, but who would have believed that I would have ended up wearing that beautiful dress?

I noticed Jon's eyes on me as I stood there in my underwear.

"Hey, Peeping Tom, what are you looking at?" I teased. "Aren't you supposed to be getting changed too?"

He laughed. "I can't help it. When the most beautiful woman in the world takes her clothes off in front of me, what do you expect me to do?"

I grinned and blushed. "I don't know, if you ever meet her and she does that, we might find out."

He smiled. "Stop you being modest."

"Well, stop you flattering me then."

"Never!"

I giggled. "Get dressed would you?"

I changed into a cream, sleeveless short linen dress. I had a pale blue fitted jacket that I pulled on. Jon changed into a smart long-sleeved shirt, white chinos and a navy blazer.

"You look scrummy," I said in a sultry voice.

Jon laughed. "You make it sound like I'm something to eat."

I raised an eyebrow and smiled a flirtatious smile. He laughed and I saw him redden a little.

----------*----------

We made our way downstairs to say goodbye to our guests. We sought out our families. There were hugs and kisses all round, not to mention a few tears. I hugged my new 'Mum and Dad', Mr. and Mrs. Peters.

"You two have a wonderful time, you hear me?" Mrs. Peters said as she hugged me tightly.

"We will," I assured her.

I found Jools and Claire behind me. I hugged each of them fiercely. "I love you both so much," I murmured. "Thanks so much for all you've done for me."

We all had tears in our eyes. Claire kissed me on the cheek. "I love you too and I love having you as my sister," she whispered.

"So Nicola," Jools began. "Where are you going on your honeymoon?"

I frowned. "He won't tell me. He says it's a secret."

She raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you get a clue by asking what type of clothes you'd need?"

I flushed and nodded. "Yeah…"

"Well?"

I smiled with embarrassment and spoke softly, "He said that I wouldn't be needing any clothes at all."

They both gasped and laughed. Claire teased me, "No prizes for guessing how you're going to spend the next fortnight."

I felt as if my face was beetroot-like. I chuckled. "Well, what did you expect?"

When I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around and saw my father standing behind me. I instinctively hugged him. He held me close, his arms around me.

"You be careful, sweetheart," he said into my ear.

"I will, Daddy," I replied.

He held me at arm's length and looked fondly at me. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'll only be away for a fortnight and it's not as if you'll never see me again."

He shrugged. "I know, but it's the end of one era and the beginning of another."

We hugged again and as we said our goodbyes, we both became a little moist around the eyes.

Finally, Jon and I managed to extract ourselves from the well-wishers and got into the limousine again. We wrapped our arms around each other and let the crowds witness a passionate kiss. There were cheers and roars from outside the car as we drove off.

We were planning to spend the next two nights in the honeymoon suite of an exclusive hotel just outside London. The journey passed quickly as we talked over our memories of the day. We also spent a fair amount of time with our lips in close contact with each other.

----------*----------

Jon gallantly did what was expected of him as he carried me across the threshold of our Honeymoon Suite. It was luxurious and spacious, but we didn't really care about that. As soon as the door closed behind the bellboy, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me with urgency.

I managed to extract myself from his grasp. "Not so fast, Sunshine," I said with a smile. His face fell. "Don't worry; all good things come to him who waits."

"I've been waiting long enough," he said, sounding petulant.

I giggled. "I just want to change into something more comfortable. Can you give me five minutes?"

He grinned and shrugged. "Sure, but don't expect to be wearing your comfortable things for too long once I get hold of you."

I grabbed one of my bags and secreted myself in the bathroom. I quickly took off my clothes and found what I needed in my bag. It may sound corny, but it was our wedding night and I was planning to make the most of the opportunity. I dressed in silky black lingerie: matching bra and panties, suspender belt and sheer black stockings, and I pulled on a flimsy negligee. I quickly touched up my make-up and brushed my hair.

I opened the door and looked around for Jon. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with an expectant grin on his face. I slowly sauntered out and the grin fled from his face. It was replaced by a look that I'm afraid I can only describe as lust. I paused and smirked. "Like what you see?"

He slowly stood and a smile spread across his face. "Do I ever?" he replied breathlessly.

He started to advance towards me, but I held up a hand imperiously and commanded, "Stop right where you are."

He looked puzzled, but did as he was told. I grinned coquettishly and sashayed towards him. I stayed out of his reach and walked around him. His eyes never left me.

In a sultry voice I said, "You're wearing too much. Get rid of your socks and shoes."

He didn't need to be told a second time and within a few seconds he was standing barefoot. I walked closer to him and smiled. "Hands to yourself… for now."

He chuckled and seemed happy to comply. I reached up as if to kiss him, but simply air-kissed him in front of his lips. "I still need to see more," I said as I began to slowly unbutton his shirt.

"Nicola, I have to say that I'm getting mightily turned on by this," Jon admitted.

I raised an eyebrow. "You don't say." I smirked. "I should hope so because that's my intention." I had finished unbuttoning his shirt and I pulled it from his body before unceremoniously dumping it on the floor.

I stood back and appraised him, letting my eyes roam up and down his body. He looked a little self-conscious, but didn't protest. I shook my head. "Still wearing too much."

I moved closer again and this time I unbuttoned his trousers. He gasped involuntarily. I slowly slid the trousers down his legs and he stepped out of them. His arousal was evident. I stood up and feigned confusion. "What's this?" I asked as I pointed in the direction of his shorts.

He grinned. "That's your fault."

"It's my fault, is it?" I said, trying to keep a straight face. "Then I suppose you want me to do something about it?"

"I… err… I…" He couldn't find any words.

I stepped in and slowly pulled his shorts down. I gently touched him and he trembled a little. "Why don't you sit down on the bed?" I murmured. He did so and I knelt down before him.

"Nicola," he began, as he stroked my cheek. "You don't have to… I mean, I want to make love to you."

I smiled up at him. "I want that too, but I want you to stay the course with me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm thinking that, at the moment, you're not likely to star in the endurance field – if you know what I mean."

He grinned ruefully. "You're probably right, but you don't have…"

"Shush," I interrupted. "Remember Colorado?"

He rolled his eyes. "Every day since then…"

I broke in again, "I enjoyed it. I want to do this, so unless you didn't like it first time round…" I left the sentence unfinished and Jon had no reply.

I lowered my head and began to show him how much I loved him. As predicted, it didn't take too long before nature took its course. He moaned and then lay back on the bed. I scurried up beside him and kissed him.

"Nicola," he said breathlessly. "I love you… you're incredible."

I giggled. "I take it… you enjoyed it?"

He propped himself up on one elbow. "I think you can safely assume that. Now come here!"

He slid his arms around me and we kissed with gentle passion. His hands caressed me all over my body and I could feel myself becoming more aroused at his touch.

He paused for a moment and winked at me. "You're the one wearing too much now." He eased me out of my negligee and expertly unclasped my bra. I raised a questioning eyebrow. He grinned and shrugged. "I've been practising that manoeuvre in my mind." He then slowly slid my panties down my legs until I could kick them off. He looked up and down my body with an expression that looked like awe. His hands slowly found their way to my breasts and he began to knead them softly. He planted little wet kisses over them and swirled his tongue over my nipples. I lay back on the bed and practically purred with pleasure at the sensations he was evoking within me. He moved lower until he could plant the same kisses over my inner thighs. He was teasing me, just staying out of reach of where I wanted him to go.

"Jon, please," I pleaded.

He smiled up at me and complied with my request. The feel of his mouth, lips and tongue drove me crazy as he gently but persistently explored.

Before too long, I took his head in my hands. "Jon, stop, please."

He looked up and smiled questioningly.

"I want you to make love to me now," I said softly. "That is, if you're ready…"

He sat up and what I saw removed any doubts as to his readiness. He slid up my body and lovingly kissed me on the lips. "This is what I've been dreaming of for so long," he murmured.

"Me too," I whispered, "but hold on just a moment."

I slid out from underneath him and ran over to my bag. I took out a tube and squirted it over my hands. I went back to him and lay down again. I looked up at him and smiled apologetically. "I need to use some… lubrication." I lowered my hand to his lower regions and asked, "May I?"

He chuckled. "Please do."

At the touch of my hands, his breathing quickened. I applied the same to myself and then smiled. "I'm ready now."

He entered me slowly, watching me all the time. He gradually pushed until he was fully inside me. He smiled down at me. "Are you OK?"

I smiled and nodded. "It's a little uncomfortable. Can we just stay like this for a moment or two?"

He nodded and began to kiss me. The discomfort soon began to ease and I couldn't believe the feeling of closeness I was sharing with him. I knew that we couldn't get any closer to each other in physical terms and I loved it. "Make love to me, husband of mine," I whispered.

He smiled and looked at me with intense desire. "My pleasure," he said.

He began to move in and out and the sensations that I started to feel were exquisite. He was gentle and took his time, occasionally asking if I was alright. I assured him that I was and told him to stop asking and keep going. He seemed happy with that. I don't know how long we made love for - time was irrelevant. I pulled him as close to me as possible as we kissed and explored each other's mouths and faces with our tongues.

Eventually I sensed that Jon was moving towards a climax and he suddenly wrapped his arms around me and kissed me hard as his body shuddered over and over again. After a minute, he rolled to one side, but remained inside me. We lay there, cuddling for some time.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too," I replied.

He shook his head and smiled at me.

"What?"

He shrugged. "That's the first time I've ever made love."

I was puzzled. "But I thought you've…"

He held a finger to my lips. "I've had sex before and I might have thought I was making love… but I've just realised what it is to really make love."

I beamed at him and kissed him on the nose. "Then I guess we've both just lost our virginity properly."

After mustering ourselves for a repeat performance and carrying it through to its wonderful conclusion – not that I managed to make it to the finish line myself, but I didn't really mind – we fell asleep in one another's arms.

----------*----------

When I opened my eyes late the next morning, I saw Jon smiling at me as he lay at my side. I blinked the sleep away from my eyes and grinned.

"How long have you been lying there watching me?" I asked.

He chuckled. "Not long enough." He kissed me. "Did I die last night and go to heaven?" he asked.

I laughed and poked him. "If you did you'd better be prepared to die every night from now on."

He gave a mock-frown. "You mean I have to wait 'til night time?"

I giggled. "I doubt it as I don't think I could wait 'til then."

He raised his eyes to the ceiling and smiled. "I think my wife is insatiable."

I laughed. "When it comes to you, my lovely husband, you'd better believe it."

He smiled and winked. "Do you remember in Colorado when I told you about one of my fantasies?"

I instantly knew what he was talking about. "The shower?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You remembered?"

"I've thought about it every day since then," I confessed.

"Really, and why is that?"

I smirked. "Want to turn fantasy into reality?"

A wide grin slowly spread across his face. Suddenly he jumped up. "Last one there has to be the soap monkey."

I shrieked as I chased him to the shower. I was the last one there, but he relented and said that he would pretend that I had won… after all he wanted to get his soapy hands on my body.

----------*----------

I'm not ashamed to admit that we didn't cross the threshold of our suite that whole day. Room service were our only visitors and food wasn't the major goal of our appetites. The love that we had for each other was cemented through physical intimacy as we openly explored each other's needs and desires.

----------*----------

  

CHAPTER 50

I unlocked the front door of my house and then gasped as I was grabbed from behind. Jon swept me up into his arms and proceeded to carry me across the threshold.

I laughed. "How many times do you think you have to do this? Our hotel, our honeymoon and now this?"

He grinned and shrugged as he gently set me on my feet in the entrance hall. "I'm not sure how many times it is called for, but I want to make sure I don't miss any opportunities." He winked. "Actually, it's just any excuse to get my hands on your lovely body."

I chuckled and batted my eyelids. "Honey, you don't need any excuse."

"Ain't dat da truth, Babe," he replied in an awful American drawl.

I sighed and looked around. "It's good to be home."

"Isn't it?" he agreed.

I turned to face him and I put my arms around his neck. "You sure you're happy enough about us moving in here and calling this place home?"

He smiled. "Of course I am. It's a great house. Don't you know I only married you so I could move in here…?" He paused and I was about to berate him when he winked and continued, "So I could move in here and share the house of my dreams with the woman of my dreams."

I shook my head and grinned. "Lucky escape there, buster."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really? What was going to happen to me?"

I smirked. "I was going to grab you and imprison you in my… in our bedroom."

He sniggered. "Sounds like our honeymoon all over again."

"Hey!" I protested. "I wasn't the one who was always looking to do… you know what."

"No?" he countered. "I could have sworn you were."

I tapped him on the chest. "It was you. I think I'm going to have to call you Mr. Horny."

He inclined his head. "Then I think that makes you… Mrs. Horny."

I met his gaze with a deadpan expression on my face. Then I smiled and nodded. "We're a great match, aren't we?"

He pulled me into an embrace and kissed me. "Unbelievably so," he murmured. He waggled his eyebrows. "Want to show me our new bedroom?"

I bit my lip and grinned as I took his hand and led him up the stairs.

----------*----------

Our honeymoon had been fantastic.

Jon had taken me to the Maldives. He hadn't revealed our destination until we had been about to check in for our flights. We hadn't stayed at any ordinary resort either: Jon had reserved an exclusive mini-island solely for the two of us. It was only about two hundred by fifty metres in size and was connected to a nearby larger island by a quaint wooden bridge. He had refused to tell me how much it had cost, but I knew that it had to be horrendously expensive to stay there. We'd had a luxury cabin to ourselves – the only accommodation on our little paradise island. Meals from the main resort on the larger island had been delivered on request and we'd also had a daily maid service from there. Apart from that, we had been totally alone and it was wonderful.

Jon had surprised me with another aspect of our stay. Apparently he'd been entirely accurate when he'd said that I wouldn't need any clothes with me. The island we were staying on had been designated as a 'naturalist' island, if you know what I mean. Suffice it to say that with an ocean-facing beach protected by a ridge of palm trees down the middle of our island, we'd enjoyed total privacy. I had been shy at first, but we had soon got used to our Eden-like experience.

Initially I had been worried that, with no other human contact, we would have run out of things to say to each other, but it wasn't a problem. That wasn't just because a lot of our activities didn't require any talking – although that did take up a fairly significant amount of our time. We revelled in getting to know each other completely and fully in every way. I'm not going to go into more detail, but let me simply say that the memory of tenderly making love on the beach with the warm waves lapping against our feet as the red sun slipped towards the horizon will stay with me forever. Perhaps also because it was the first time that I experienced the climactic joy of… well, I'm sure you get the picture.

----------*----------

I woke up the next morning and rolled over to look upon my sleeping husband. I slid my arm around him and snuggled contentedly against him. The rhythm of his deep breathing almost had me falling asleep, but then he stirred and rolled towards me. His eyes popped open and he gave me a sleepy smile.

"Hey you," he murmured.

I kissed him on the lips. "Morning, my husband."

He smiled widely and stretched. "Are we living a dream?"

I nodded and grinned. "It feels like it, doesn't it?"

We lay there in each other's arms without speaking for a few moments.

Jon broke the silence. "So, what's next?"

"What do you mean?" I asked lazily.

He shrugged. "Our unfinished business…"

I grimaced and sighed. "Yeah, I guess we have to return to reality, don't we?" I rubbed my eyes. "It shouldn't be too much longer. Not much more. I reckon a week should see it done – all caught up and finished."

"How long did they say it should take once you are finished?"

"About a month, maybe six weeks."

He nodded. "That still gives us plenty of time."

"Yes, but we'll have to talk to a number of people during that time. Give them a heads up."

He chewed his lip. "Some people won't be sure we're doing the right thing."

"Are we wise, Jon?"

He looked closely at me. "It's up to you really. What do you think?"

I sighed. "I can't go on with a shadow hanging over me. We've got a wonderful new life ahead of us, in so many ways. I don't want to make this decision alone as it will have a big impact on you too."

He pulled me close to him and cradled my head in his arms. "I'm one hundred percent with you. I always will be."

I rolled over and planted a tender kiss on his lips. "I love you so much, Jon."

"I love you too and I know just the way to show you."

I raised an eyebrow innocently. "You do? Well what are you waiting for?"

----------*----------

So, dear reader, this brings us to the end of my story. I had come to realise that I wouldn't be free to live my life with the potential threat of exposure at any time. Moreover, I had also come to understand that the new person I had become demanded that I be honest about whom I was and who I am. Perhaps in a way I had Simon to thank for being the catalyst to aid us in this decision. His 'Sword of Damocles', which lay hidden with a solicitor that we had no hope of finding, was the stimulus to the work I had been doing over the past few months. It was the only way I could envisage to blunt his sword.

What the public reaction will be, I cannot foretell. What the impact will be on any career that I may be left with, I do not know. I fully expect that many of you will criticise me for different aspects of what I have done. Some may do it in public; many may do it in private. I am sure that some will say that I have said too much and been too explicit at various stages whilst others will demand that more should have been revealed.

I can assure you that what you have read is an accurate representation of what has taken place leading up to where I am today. There is one detail in my story that is necessarily fictitious, but that is not to hide something about myself: it is to protect others. At their request, I have not made clear the true origins of one essential aid to my transformation. If you can work this out, well and good; if not, do not fear as it doesn't change the substantive details of what took place and who I am. For the most part, the names are real. Where a person has so requested, names have been changed.

No matter what anyone may say, I know that I can honestly declare that in what I have written, as in my music, I have given that which is encapsulated in the title of this work, my autobiography: 'No Half Measures'.

 

THE END

----------*----------

[ Author's endnote: Phew! That's it at last. Writing this story has been a pleasure for me and I'd like to thank the tireless efforts of the webmistresses who take the time to work so hard that we authors can share our work with all of you. Thanks for bearing with me all this time. I have a potential sequel in mind for these characters which is set ten years after the events of NHM. However it may take me that amount of time to work up the stamina to write it! ]

  

  

  

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