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A New Season Approaches

by Ann O’Nonymous

 

Part One

It was a quiet Saturday in the offices of Y-Cros Cable Network when Ann Gentry entered the reserved conference room and looked around at the somewhat familiar faces staring expectantly at her. As the new Chief of Programming, she was there to initiate discussions regarding a new season line-up. Her task was to get the network out of third place, where they had been mired for the last five years.

"Ladies, I assume all of you have read the memo, concerning the development of new programs for the coming season, circulated about three weeks ago. I will not go into details, except to say that I have been given carte blanche to move us into first place among the networks! As explained in the memo, since more stations have been allowed to show Gay, Interracial and Bisexual situations, I feel that we are able to break new grounds," she stated as she strode to the head of the conference table. She took a sip from a glass of mineral water and took her seat.

Jackie Simpson, head of the comedy writers, asked: "Exactly how broad a latitude are we broads allowed?"

"Recent rulings have expanded the allowable programming parameters. As usual, there have been a few suits by right-wing groups, but all for naught. As long as no serious damage is done to anyone, I do not foresee any limits!"

"Just what do you mean by serious damage?"

"As long as they can walk after a day or so, it’s acceptable. If we can add at least one new prime time viewer, it’s all right. As long as there are no big lawsuits, it’s good enough."

Paula Chou, a sitcom writer with the station’s biggest hit, was next with her concerns. "And are we just putting a few programs in, or are we revamping the whole lineup. Also, are we responsible for our own areas, or can we give some ideas outside our area of expertise?"

"Whatever works! We’ll be trying everything from new quiz programs, sitcoms to cooking shows, although I hope we don’t go that far. There may be major changes, or just some ‘cosmetic’ improvements (at this statement, there were a few nervous titters in the room), at this point in time, I really do not know. I do know this: excessively violent shows will be eliminated, and programs showing such violent situations in them will not be tolerated by the executive management."

Sandra Maxwell, a freelance writer, inquired: "As I understand the new rules, for one thing we are allowed to quote use any type situation in our programs as long as it could appear in real life unquote. And I take that to mean we can’t create a situation, is that correct?"

Ms. Gentry thought for a moment, and then replied, "I’m sure that there are so many different areas that appear in real life that we should not have any problems. If there are no more questions, I would like to proceed."

"OK, first as senior writer, I’ll start the ball rolling," Vikki Darden replied. Vikki was a go-getter kind of person. She was responsible for prime-time programs. "How about this: Young married couple moves into a haunted house! I’m thinking of calling it ‘Spirited Romance.’ Slowly, over the season, a ghost witch turns the male into a female and the female into a male. Or, the witch takes over the man’s body."

"Yeah, and if it happens at the seashore, she could be a sand-witch," quipped Jackie.

Ms. Gentry sat with a pained look. "I hope that you didn’t waste too much time on that! Now I can see why we are so low in the comedy ratings. Who’s next?"

"Ahem. I do have an idea about a quiz show."

"Paula, let’s see what you got."

"Well, it isn’t fleshed out, but here is the basics. We pick five or six males from an audience, ask them questions a female should know. We give prizes to the first two ‘winners’ and the rest we dress as females and have them live and work that way. Twice a month, we bring them back for another try at winning back their manhood. The program would be weekly, and they could be made to work in our offices as secretaries, file clerks or computer operators."

"Hmmm. Sounds interesting. How about legal – aren’t the office workers unionized?"

"I checked. The regulars are, but the temps aren’t. Regulars work for the upper echelon, temps type the scripts for the various programs, keep file copies in the proper place, and are, essentially, gofers! They would be exposed to the public a lot."

"OK, research some typical Q’s and A’s, and I’ll give them a look. We can have a trial run, maybe iron out any bugs and legalities that might crop up. At the least, we could get some very cheap labor."

Ann glanced at Sandra, who was grinning from ear to ear. "Now what are you smiling about, Sandy."

"Oh, I was just thinking about an idea that was running through my mind."

"In one ear, and out the other, eh Sandy," Sam Wilson, who was there to take notes of the meeting, chimed in. Sam was once a boyfriend of Sandy’s until they had a disagreement over who was to pay for lunch at a local restaurant.

"Don’t mind him, he’s only a man! What do you have in mind?"

"Oh, something similar to one of those real-life courts. We get juveniles in, have them judged, get their parents permission to act in loco parentis, then we go to town on them. I think I can find a place that could be turned into a kind of school . . .."

"Whoa, girl! What you have in view could be construed as child abuse. There are too many lawyers that would just love to get a case like that! ‘She dressed me like a girl, and all my friends laughed at me, boohoo,’ and so on. The papers would have a field day, and we might conceivably receive threats from all over to make us pay."

"OK, then, how about adults. How about we push the limit, similar to one of those survival shows? Here is my idea: ‘How far will you go!’ "

"What do you have in mind?"

"Something similar to a college hazing. We could have a quiz, with very hard answers, and then we dress them as, oh, little girls with frilly petticoats. Maybe French maids or as school girls."

Ms. Gentry had heard enough. It sent shivers through her, just to think of grown men looking like and trying to be little girls. "Yes! On stage, we could have a male stripped, diapered, put in a crib, and bottle-fed like a baby. Or, have a man dressed as a French maid and sent to a ladies’ baby shower. Now that’s more like it."

Jackie interrupted, "Ladies, when you’re through skewering the males, I’d like to get on with this. I have a noon tee time."

"OK, come up with an idea, and you’ll make your tee time – otherwise, forget it!"

"I have. Picture this: a man is placed in a girl’s school as a teacher."

"Oh, Goddess. That’s so lame. St Trinians series did it. Mr. Headmistress did it. It’s been done to death."

"Well, you said an idea – not necessarily a good one."

"Come on, Jackie. You knew what I meant. Now stop screwing around! I need ideas."

"OK. Here’s one off the top of my head. Let’s see where we can run with it!"

"Go ahead. Let’s see where this takes us!"

"A cop busts the wrong guy, and has to hide out in a small town. Since he is well known, he has to hide as a female. He could arrive in town, get a job at the local diner as a waitress, complain about wearing pantyhose and heels, and try to be a woman. All the usual female stuff, ya know. Only the department forgets all about him. Maybe a fire in their records removes all traces that he ever worked as a police officer, so he’ll never know when it’s safe to return."

"Hmm, interesting situation. Maybe we could write in some romantic stuff, and he tries to keep from being exposed, a heroic rescue or a possible scene at the workplace. I’ll think it over, and, I guess, I can fly it to the big bosses. See what they say."

"Can I go now? I still need to wash and dress."

"Yes, go. We can’t have you smelly for your golf game!"

Ms. Gentry looked around at the writers, some scribbling notes, others whispering among themselves. Then she noticed Helen Miller sitting quietly at the end of the table engrossed in writing on a legal pad. Helen was a quiet person, always supplying writings for various programs and never taking a bit of credit.

"Helen, I see you have some ideas. Would you care to share them with us?"

Helen, startled by the sudden use of her name, looked up and around trying to locate the source of the interruption. Seeing Ms. Gentry, she said, "Oh, I’m so sorry. I was just jotting down a few thoughts – I don’t know if they’re usable."

Sandra always had the idea that Helen was too quiet for her own good. She had helped her many times in the past, now she rose to defend her.

"Helen, why not tell us what you have so far, and we can do some brainstorming. Maybe we can build on what you have so far."

"OK, sounds good. Here goes! First, how about a kind of quiz show where we pick three couples from an audience. Each male would be paired with a female other than the one he was originally with. They get asked a tough question, and when they can’t answer, they are sent back to dressing rooms equipped with cameras to record everything. The ladies would be allowed to dress the men as they pleased. On stage, there would be a series of rooms – a nursery, bedroom, office with secretarial desk and typewriter, a dining area with, maybe, an oversized highchair, and a kitchen, as just a few samples. Once the men are dressed appropriately, they would be brought out and placed in the room suitable for the way they are dressed. I’m picturing a Victorian era maid’s uniform and a formal living room, possibly a hoop skirt or a bustle, or, perhaps, a male in a little girl’s, possibly around six or seven years of age, birthday party dress. We could even have some area children in to play games and such."

Ann interrupted, "I see. So they are to perform tasks that would be appropriate to the age and sex, eh? Sounds interesting – go on."

"OK, but I was also thinking that we could introduce an element of bondage. Imagine this: the man, now dressed in an adorable pink party outfit with little bows and oodles of lacy frills, is seated at the head of a table with lots of pretty little girls, party gifts and a big cake. He is secured in some way to the chair, with his mouth taped over. They could all play some games, eat cake, and open the ‘victim’s’ presents right in front of an audience. Of course, they are all little girly things.

"Another one could be dressed as a maid, French or a regular uniform, brought out before the people and secured in a seat on stage, where people could bid to secure ‘her’ services for the next few months.

"I was also thinking that, maybe, one of our ‘contestants’ could be dressed as a mother, and required to take another ‘contestant,’ dressed as a teenager or younger, on a shopping trip to a large store. They could even be dressed in mother-daughter outfits."

"It does seem to have some possibilities," Ann mused, "and I guess we could get them to sign a release as a part of being allowed to watch the program. Sam, make a note that the audiences must sign a release to see any program." She watched to make absolutely sure Sam made the appropriate entry in the notes.

Helen continued: "I guess we can get a name later. The next idea is a comedy show. Man finds a strange ring while exploring a cave. He puts it on and becomes a super heroine, albeit a clumsy one. Now each time he does this, he changes not only into a different female character, but also becomes more feminine. At his ‘normal’ job, he keeps trying to hide his increasing femininity from his boss, who is a very butch lesbian."

"Now I wonder who was the model for that," came from Sandra.

Ann replied, "Dear, I’m straight! OK. Write up a few scenes and we’ll try a sell to the bosses to push on our customers."

"I’ve got an idea!"

"OK, Paula, put it on the table."

Paula shuffled the papers a few seconds, a nervous habit of hers, and then began with, "Why not try the court idea with a mock trial. We make the male ‘walk a mile in her heels’ so to speak. There must be a lot of females with gripes against men. . ."

"Honey, every girl living has gripes against men! It seems impossible to believe that there are marriages that actually work."

Ann had had her problems with more than a few men, and she was glad to try these new ideas. After all, some of them might, in reality, make a good show. "Paula, I am of the opinion that this real-life trial business is being overdone. Maybe you could try it in a year or two, but right now we’re going in a different direction. OK, Helen, do you have more?"

"Well, I do but I think someone else should have a say in this."

There was a silence, all eyes turned expectantly towards her.

"Well, here’s what I was thinking. On stage there is a very large box with hundreds of envelopes in it. Three male contestants stand behind screens, stripped to their boxers or whatever, the audience seeing only a shadow of the person. The emcee would ask silly questions with four ‘possible’ answers, each with a number, and, after getting an answer, would then pull an envelope, with that number on it, out of the box. That would be what the contestant would get. The ‘prizes’ might be a bra, pantyhose, box of tissues, perfume or a similar item. He would be required to put the item on! The first person to be ‘fully clothed’ would get a nice prize, like maybe a new computer!"

"One question. How does one ‘put on’ a box of tissues?"

"Well, that may be a problem," Ann said, adding, "We’ll just omit that item. Here’s something that might make a sci-fi sitcom. The story would start out with a dying woman who puts a curse on a house, something like, ‘No man will touch any item in my house, it will possess them.’ So, when a male sits on her bed, he goes back several years and into her body. He would know he’s a man, but would be unable to do anything. There could be a book he pulls out in the library, let’s say ‘Little Woman,’ and he is immediately transported to the body of Meg, Jo, Beth or Amy."

"Let’s just hope she doesn’t have too many XXX-rated books," Jackie interjected.

"Now how about if he picked up a phone book," mused Helen, "he could wind up with one hell of a Multiple Personality Disorder!"

 

To be continued.

That’s not all, folks, Annie O

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Ann O'Nonymous. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.