This story is based on a sad real life situation. If what came after really happened, well, I guess I'd be pretty happy. Knowing it can't, I guess I'll have to enjoy fantasy. At least for now. If the story seems disjointed, I wrote it in chunks over a period after I was fired from student teaching, which basically ended my hopes of a teaching career, on Columbus Day weekend of 2003. This was entirely a development for catharsis, and I hope you get some enjoyment out of it.

  

New Horizons

by Saintly

  

So I sat there. It was a brightly lit white tabletop. The mirror was round oval, about half a height above my head from my sitting position, with a line of large round white frosted light bulbs, each giving off a soft glow down. The tabletop was a cool marble, white with darker stripes in it, with some dark patches. It wasn't the greatest quality of the stone - it's common for tabletops. But it defiantly gave a very strong look. The table it sat on is old... oak, I think. But it was stained very dark. It had shaker-style legs and had a cut out area so a person could pull a chair and sit at the mirror with the full table top in front of them. The table was built with dovetail joints and was so hard. Gees. This was odd.

Well, on top of the table was an assortment of odd bottles... small squat ones with jutting black plastic handles, in deep red. Small round and rectangular compacts. Glass bottles with odd liquids.

It was my make up table.

My. make. up. table.

Gee, even saying it was odd.

It was in a tiny room off of my bedroom, which instead of being a poster-clad mish-mash of styles that would make the 'Queer Eye' guys wretch, was a softly decorated off-white with a few pink highlights.

Did I mention I was a woman?

I wasn't 2 days ago. My name WAS Bobby. I was a college student in Upstate NY, an education major. My life-long goal was to be teacher. I couldn't dream of anything more I wanted. I was a good teacher too. I could remember all the way back to when I was a little gi... boy. Sorry, this change has even changed my way of thinking. When I was a young boy, I remember teaching the other kids grammar and computers -

when I was 6.

But that was until last Thursday. It's always last Thursday isn't it? Well, while I was doing my student teaching, well, let's just say it didn't go all that well. My placement was in a program for kids who didn't want to learn - kids who mostly have left, or been kicked out of school. Two suspensions in the first week, in different situations. Half the class having 10 or more absences in the first 5 weeks. Worse yet, my observer never saw the good, only the frustratingly bad.

So when I was pulled, I was upset, of course. But, I wasn't crushed. I knew it was coming. I felt it coming on. And well, I was okay. Until I got home.

I bawled. I bawled so hard that a large guy like myself might, in any other scenario, be laughed at. But no one, none of my friends who came to support me, could bear to see a broken man like that. When my old friend Rene came by, after everything seemed pretty dark. It wasn't just the Indian summer sun going down, it was every thing I dreamed. I'd not be a teacher. I don't know what could have happened.

"Bobby... bobby, sweetie, look at me."

She was cute... not beautiful, but a soft, round face. Always softly made up. She said she just never could imagine or remember a time she didn't go out with some color on her face.

"Bobby... you're a very smart, strong person... you've helped me so many times... common. We'll talk, and we'll enjoy the evening."

I got up, washed my face. It was a sorry red, the red you get when you lost it all. A mix of salt-tear irritation and embarrassment. We got into her car. I never needed one, so I never got a license. Not that I was much of a mood or condition to drive...

"Bobby, we're going to be driving. Tell me everything... relax..."

I told her everything that had happened. How I felt. How my parents reacted, how my friends did. She drove out of town, down the Northway and into the Adirondack mountains. She got off at one of the high exits. The radio, on low in the background, faded out as we moved past the signal strength of the stations from both Albany and from Montreal and Burlington. She clicked it off.

I kept on talking. She kept on driving.

"Bobby, sweetie, close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Well, trust me."

I did.

"Bobby, I know you're a pagan, and you have a very open mind. You've had to take one of the hardest blows of your life because of some very small-minded people. While listening to your story, and what you've told me since your started this horrid event, I had an idea." I wanted to sneak my eye open.

"Just keep your eyes shut..."

I complied quickly.

"Bobby, for as long as I've known you, you've been so open and honest. Few people

tell so much and expect so little. You ask little in life, and often you don't get

what you give."

I kept my eyes shut as she told me how special I was.

"I also know your little secret."

I had a lot of little secrets. Wonder which one she may have meant.

"Bobby, I know one thing you've always had dreams about is what life feels like for girls."

My stomach got very tight. Gees, there's a lot of TG stories stories that end with the boy being a sex slave that begin like this.

"Hehe... your too cute."

"What do you mean?"

"What you thought."

I remained quiet. I really didn't follow what she could mean.

"Bobby, we're both pagans. How hard is it to think I might have magical powers? That I could be a witch... not just a spiritual pagan, but maybe one with some sort of arcane powers?"

"All is in the realm of possibility... but it's not exactly what you'd call probable."

"You can drop the Spock thing." Great, how did she know about my secret Star Trek obsession too?

"Sure, sure you could. I'd believe it too. You've always been honest with me."

"Well Bobby, you've passed the first two tests. First, you did honestly not look.

Second, you show faith in your friends."

"Tests?"

"Well, Bobby, please open your eyes." The car rolled to a stop, the engine hummed

to a halt.

After a solid 10 minutes of my eyes being rather tightly clenched at her request, it took a few minutes for things to focus. The tiny cabin looked like something my parents wanted to retire in.

"I don't think we ended up in Illinois, so why are we at Lincoln's birthplace?"

She gave a soft laugh. The laugh she gave when she couldn't burst out laughing at a comment she found funny. This was another hint something was up.

"Bobby, here's where we meet."

"We?"

"Come on in."

I got out of the car. I was going to go to the back to get my coat, but she brushed it off, saying it wasn't important.

We walked into the dark cabin. A snap and pop and some overhead lights illuminated. The cabin was fairly large, looked like 5 rooms. The furnishings were rather lush. Big comfy chairs, a fireplace, a long table in the dining area, and full kitchen. It honestly looked a lot smaller outside.

"Rene, Hun, what is going on?"

"You know, I always found how you call all girls 'hun' cute."

"Well... it's just what I've always done."

"You never had any sisters."

I thought I'd be servicing some pimp in Albany or Boston by 9 PM tomorrow.

"No, never had any sisters." She gave another soft laugh. "Oh, right, the mind-reading thing. Okay, Professor X... something is really odd here."

"Yes, Bobby, it is... let me explain. For ages on ages, people have ignored worship of the goddess, correct?"

"Right."

"And those who have returned to her priesthood are very unique individuals, right?"

"Often." I was never dedicated to a goddess, nor a god... just to the path of learning.

"Bobby, you were born wrong." Now I was getting nervous. "We made a mistake."

"We? A mistake? Rene your making less and less sense her."

She turned to face me. I could see a little tear on her left eye, trickling down her face. It was slightly smearing a bit of makeup.

"We... help to place people."

"Who are we? And place what people where?"

She sat down into one of the large chairs. I sat near her, on an ottoman. Now, so it's clear, she once again was right. It's not something I like to jump out and talk about. "Hello, I'm Bob, and I'd really love to have been born female. Coffee?" It's just not a normal conversation, you know? But, it's something I've put in the back of my head since I first read accounts of transsexuality. And finding TG fiction on the internet well, that was a gem. But it was something I never really gave any real thought to. I was, from my youngest days, very large. Well, really, fat. I'd look closer to the large woman from the Drew Carey Show then any girl I read about in those stories. And also a very typical boy, slightly aggressive I mean, despite the nagging feeling I should have been different. "We made a mistake," she says. I couldn't disagree.

"We are Agents... Priestesses of the Unknown Goddess."

"Unknown Goddess? You mean like in Ancient Greece?"

"Yes."

"I thought it was the Unknown God."

"Historical inaccuracy."

"Oh." Gee that was simple. I looked around. The room did have Greek themes - one of the wooden timbers was carved to look like a Doric column, and the mantle over the fireplace had several small figures, looking like depictions of the Gods and Goddesses of Greece. I continued, "The Unknown God... Goddess was the force that Greeks, especially Athenians, worshiped to cover their bets. If there was a God... dess they didn't know, they could worship her, and she'd cover it."

"Right. You always were a history person." (Was she talking about me in the past tense?) "Well, Bobby, she had MANY small jobs... one of them was taking potential human lives from the ether and putting them where they were meant to be."

"And there was a screw up with me."

"A big one. Your soul is female. And you've known that for a long time."

I'm now legally weirded out. "One complaint that your observer said is that you never looked comfortable. What word did he use?"

"Withitness. It's actually a word in teaching philosophy."

"Well, one root of that problem is your soul. You don't feel comfortable very often. Not 'with it'." I stooped down into my makeshift seat. This was starting to get eerie. She continued, "I can't say why. Sometimes mistakes happen. Sometimes, the Goddess does it for a reason, to find the weight of someone's character." I felt a click in my head. My mind turned to bind rage... I jumped off my stool and threw it with a hard heel kick.

"My character?!" I screamed, "What of my character do I have if I am born wrong? All my life's work, the people I knew, the work I've done, the struggle's I've handled, it was all wrong...." I slumped down. This was the last thing I needed. She was telling me I was wrong. Just like everyone else. Just like the advisor who said my lack of "Withitness" was a reason not to give me my life's dream. Just like the councilor who said, "You'll never be a teacher, you have a learning disability."

She walked slowly. I turned my head in a hard wrench, looking directly to her eyes. Everything seemed blurry. A mixture of tears, irritation, and simple lack of processing made my vision poor. I had discarded the glasses I wore every day since the 6th grade earlier, so that didn't help either.

She touched the top of my head. In various philosophies, the top of the head is an opening for the spiritual into the centre into the body. It's called a chakra, the crown chakra to be specific. She snapped her fingers over it. That's when something most unique happened. Light.

I felt the most intense white light penetrate my body. I don't mean I saw it. I felt it. It went through me, around me, invading every cell of my body. That was my first opportunity to see her.

She was rather radiant. Female in form, but only mildly. Her whole figure was one similar form, simple sparkling white energy. She had a head, with long flowing hair made of the same material of the rest of her body, but no face, simply a nose line and something I could perceive as a brow ridge. No eyes, mouth or a real nose to speak of. Her body was her clothing... billowing like a dress, but in her own flesh. She was breathtaking... it was what I always felt a Goddess should look like... she was beautiful.

The area around us was a stark black, which only highlighted her deep beauty. We seemed to be floating... my feet were hanging, but I didn't feel held... simply there. We two, the Goddess and the confused young man, stood in a column of light, as he first saw something in a larger world.

Then, she spoke. It wasn't vocal. It was spiritual. It rang in him, the way a young child's conscious rings when she might want to take a cookie, but knows better. This spiritual ring was so perfectly clear.

"Greetings, my child... Rene has told you of Me..."

I had to think pretty fast... I spoke my response not knowing what else to do. I didn't know how to respond, but I decided to be polite, just in case. "Yes Milady... you are known as The Unknown Goddess."

"But known now, I pray, to you."

"Yes milady."

The figure took a warmer stance then her previous form. The face seems to relax from its previous stoic nature. "You a respectful young man. She has spoken to you about the error?"

"Milady, with due respect, if there was an error, was it not in Your power to correct?"

"There is no God of full power, young man, and We desire near perfection. But we realize the errors, and fix them."

"How can You fix an error made 22 years ago, without destroying what is made in that time?"

"Simply, my child... I wish you."

"Wish me, milady?"

She came nearer... she touched the hem of my shirt. "Yes my Child. You were made to be one of my servants. Like Rene."

"She was fated to come to you?"

"Yes."

"So I am to change my profession? After 4 years of my life devoted to something different? Milady, that is an..." Suddenly my voice lost its power.

"No, my child. You see, I have no male priests. Nor male followers. In these times, I only show myself to those whom I fate. All so far have been female. Unfortunately, an error has lead to one of my chosen to be born as a male."

I didn't know how to react. Power flooded back to my vocal cords. After a moment or two, I responded, "I am unsure how to continue, Milady. I am at a very frightening crossroads my life. I..." again the power dropped.

"Yes, my child." I noticed then she never called me by my name. I stood up in my dream world... not sure how or what I was standing on.

"Milady... I am a ruined person at the point this has approached... did you develop this situation?"

"No, my Child, though it is within my power. Your reviewer was judging you. I'll leave it to my brothers and sisters in Power if it was a fair judgment."

She seemed genuinely saddened... the brow ridge dropped and the entire being gave off a sense of remorse.

"My Lady... you seem, at least as I can perceive it... very sad. How may I help?"

"You've lost your career. Your beliefs in Gods and Goddess are being confirmed one-on-one, and one of your first statements... is to ask how to serve." Gee, said that way...

Click.

I was fated to be a servant. My life... I could have been so different... happy.

"Yes my Child."

I reared back in a little fright. "Sorry Milady... the reading of minds is still disconcerting."

Her mood lightened slightly. Not unlike Rene.

"My child... Rene has informed me that in your deepest fantasies... you knew you were to be born female, or that you were not meant to be male." I could only blush for a moment.

"Yes Milady. I've never felt comfortable in my own skin."

"Your skin is wrong, not your feelings. How could feelings ever be wrong?" That was it. The tears started to flow. Her mood changed now to complete compassion.

"It's okay, my dear. It's okay..." the figure embraced me. It was like a warm blanket being wrapped around my shoulders. I leaned my tired head into her head.

She held me the way a mother might hold her child after one of the small tragedies that could envelop their world.

"I'm wrong." I just laid into her. She supported my girth.

"No. You're not wrong. Your flesh might be but Bobby is not the flesh, nor even the name. You are you. The kind person. The person who took a day of suspension to knock out someone talking badly about your brother. The person who wanted to give up more profitable careers to teach. The person who slipped notes of support to people who were depressed by failure. The person who offered free tutoring to almost anyone, offering to learn any subject to help anyone else. Who was crushed by the person he was..."

I listened to her. She was right... those things were not because of my physical form. They were because I was a good person. Like my teaching... I wasn't given a fair placement. It was stacked against me. Unlike teaching, I was successful. Just not in one or two facets. All over, very successful.

"My child... please, will you let me fix the error?"

I looked up. That cool white featureless face stared down with a warm glow.

"What you change... will it be like I was never born male?"

"Yes. I wouldn't make changes to the situations you've made choices in, or those who made choices about you. It's not my place."

"So now I'd be a girl who failed student teaching?"

"No. You'd be the person with a different direction. Who happens to be a woman." My new Goddess had a very comforting manner. Any... well any being else who said that I might take it was hokey or insulting. But I knew where she was coming from.

"What would I be like? Would I change who I am."

"Bobby, you know that not to be true. I realize your fear. But I will alleviate it. You will have a small pendent. Anytime in the first 10 days you feel too uncomfortable, you can break it and it will all go away. You never met me. Rene took you to a country retreat for a weekend where you drank and forgot your problems over the long weekend. If you find it acceptable, take the pendant off, leave it in a drawer, and enjoy your new life."

"This is becoming more and more like one of those TG stories, Milady."

"I know. Well, you're comfortable with the ideas in them. So I'll accept them as parameters for dealing with this delicate situation." Gee, not just easy going, beautiful and willing to give me a new existence, but smart too. Why didn't I meet HER for my prom? I might have gone.

"Your such a cute soul..." I started to laugh... it felt natural as her form radiated the same kind of feeling. She realized the absurdity of fixing a Goddess' mistake too. And I think she enjoyed it.

"My Goddess... I accept. Please... May I be your servant?" The brow ridge of the figure softened like a mother, hearing her child say 'I love you."

"Of course my beloved child. Welcome to the truth..."

She wrapped her arms around my neck... the white "fabric" floated down, and over my head and under my feet... encapsulating me. It was extremely dark... I felt the cocoon I was in cut away the fabric of the clothes I was in, and peel them off. The material focused around me, grafting to my skin. I first felt it around my pelvis begin to change.... the matter that I was composed of was changing. My 200+ pounds was eating away. I always carried it a lot in my midsection, and on large thighs.

I wondered what I would be like... well I knew what I'd be like, but what I'd look like. The darkness was very warm, and I concentrated on what I'd like. I wanted to be shorter... I wasn't tall enough to be 'tall' as a guy, and either as a girl, but not 'short' either. A kind of uncomfortable medium that was annoying to no end, especially sense I was an extremely early grower - I was very tall very young, then stopped. It was really kind of silly wearing the same pants from 8th grade as my last day of high school, and by stupid coincidence, just before you're about to have your XY changed to an XX.

The general feeling inside the cocoon was extremely quiet. My thoughts were all I heard. I could feel more things changing. I was losing weight. The fabric became higher. My arms I kept flat and slightly separated. I could feel warm tingling all over. I also felt the fabric falling. I assumed the weight was my body changing. The deep darkness was increasingly relaxing. I started to hear less and less as my mind seem to slow down. I guess I needed to have a few changes upstairs too.

My next waking thought was very frightening. I wasn't really one for unconsciousness I didn't want, and I had never been knocked out in all my life. That includes 4 years on the gymnastics team. Wait, gymnastics team? I wasn't, I was on the wrestling team wasn't I?

I moved my arm under the fabric. It was much looser. I breathed deeply... I felt my chest for the first time... it was a shock. Gee, a girl's chest is more sensitive... I mean a lot more. I wish I had done it more to my former girlfriends now.

It was about then I went to feel the fabric, which when I touched it, promptly opened up. I saw a ray of white through my cocoon. I didn't know how long had passed. Not that I cared. I liked it. I felt something odd as I sat up. The hole got bigger. I guess this is my way out. Non-stop... to something different.

I walked out. My eyes only saw white. I guess they were different. Maybe girls had like spider vision and they didn't tell anyone and I was the first to find out... no. I guess I'm thinking of the insane. I always deal with stress with joking.

Well, my eyes started to adjust. It was still the white area from my "vision." I guess I was still in it. But that was all I could see was white.

"H... hello?" My voice was different. Mezzo I'd guess. I wasn't ever good with musical terms.

I sat down... my vision wasn't right yet. Like it was intentionally hazy.

"Hi..." it was the Goddess. She was speaking to me telepathically.

"Milady? Yes, I'm here..."

"Welcome to your new life, little one."

"I can't see yet."

"Just takes time sweetie. Don't worry. I've taken a few liberties, called in some favors... the eyes? You have better then perfect vision." If nothing else, there's 150 bucks a year I got to keep. (This was kind of a joke - I realized later being a woman DID cost me a bit more. Sure, I saved on eyewear but do you know what a good container of foundation goes for?) "And your size. Well you've felt that. Your now quite lean. If I were a doctor, I might tell you to put on a few pounds. Don't go ruining that now..."

"Yes Milady. What happens next?"

"Relax... your eyes will return shortly. Take a look at yourself and when your ready, snap both of your fingers. You'll wake up in the real life with your new body." Her voice was so comforting. I felt ready to snap my fingers there. But, heeding her, I decided to spend this time in my head, or where ever I was, to see.

My eyes were slowly returning. I touched my hip by accident... and was very surprised. There was nothing there. I mean, I was a big guy. Okay, okay, I was disgustingly fat. But where my hip used to be I just brushed air. I guess there was a Goddess of muscle memory, and I'd have to retrain myself for some things. I moved my hand in and touched the curve of my new hips. The skin was very soft, and nothing like the rough, dry oily skin I had as a male. Or, at least, the Goddess had one hell of a skin moisturizer.

My mind was still kind of swimming. Swimming is my term for when I can't focus. I use to really zone out in the pool. My brother and I use to play for hours in the pool and we forgot more then one major things - like school assignments - after long days of swimming in the cheapo above-ground pool our parents put in when we were young and dropped way too much money into. Gee, I remembered all that. And I

remember that how I would have described it last week too. So I guess my memories are still me. I'm still me. I'm just different.

I sat up. My vision was returning and I could begin to see blurry images. I starting patting the ground around me. I realized I wasn't wearing my glasses. I've worn them every day since I was in my early teens and I was nervous I lost them. I'd be fairly close to blind without them. I got nervous patting the ground, pushing to fours as I was searching.

Finally my eyes cleared. I also remembered that little promise of better vision. I looked down at my hands. They were soft. Long fingers and delicate. I curled my fingers and looked at my palm. The scar I gave myself with scissors when I was 12 was still there on my left hand. They were mine all right. But they were smooth. They were so thin, I was afraid I'd break them!

My eyes then dropped to the most obvious physical feature - the only one I had known. My chest had developed into a generous B cup size, I'd later find out. But at the time, they were just two mounds of flesh... my hands cupped them and raised them up, then spilled them out. I felt the soft bounce and realized they were connected fully. I traced the curve to my back. I touched my arms and shoulders... how small everything felt!

My eyes next gazed over to my knee. As a male, I had both my knees operated on. Being obese my entire life, a hard choice of sports in wrestling, and an ill-faded dream of being a professional wrestler (which turned into a nightmare when a botched suplex draped my weakened knees over a taunt wire from 5 feet) lead up to having both knees scoped to fix damage caused. I noticed none of the requisite

scars I had. I touched them and found they weren't even hard. Everything was so soft. My feet... my feet were so tiny! They couldn't have been more then a size 7, I thought. They were 7.5 narrow. I'm just a lil self conscious on that one... but that's just me. Overall, I was a size 4. As a male, speaking strictly in terms of dress size, I was 26W. Wow. That's a drop, huh? I am 5' 5", now, and that was so nice... I could wear a lot of the things I've always had dreams of.

Suddenly the shock came. As I looked myself over, I caught my first glimpse of my centre. There was a dark tuff of hair above it, leading down to the top of a tiny opening. I sat there rather entranced. I was surprised and I don't think it was until that moment the momentous nature of this hit me. I was a girl. It wasn't a dress up game. It wasn't a FM story. It was me. I was this beautiful girl. I was everything I ever was in my most private and wild fantasies. I could do anything I wanted as a girl. Everyone I ever knew knows me as a girl. I was the granddaughter my grandma always wanted. I probably was someone's girlfriend. I also probably liked men.... I didn't know.

I shook myself free... I stretched and stood up.. this was the first time. I could feel differences in my muscle structure. I nearly leapt. The amount of effort I was used to putting into just standing simply wasn't needed. Until I retrained myself, I guess I'd look a little silly. Thank Gods I had some time.

I looked around. the "skin" I was in was gone. I took a few steps in my new body. It was very odd to start. I tried every ways. Long steps. Mincing steps. Jumping. It was while jumping I realized the heavy mane of brunette hair on my head, that reached just past my neck. If I could ask, I probably wanted longer. Oh well - that's my business to style my hair. My hair. hehehe.

I took a deep breath. There was a lot to learn and deal with in the "real world" - I wanted to get started. I released my breath as I snapped both of my fingers.

My eyes focused quickly to see Rene stumped away.

"Rene? Rene are you okay?" She looked up at me, with a look of some fear. Her eyes grew big.

"Oh my.."

"Rene, what's..." then I realized I was my new form.

"You... you really..."

"Yes hun.. the Goddess said she would, didn't she? How long was I out?"

"Out? I just snapped my fingers, if there was time, it was a tenth of a second. A bright flash, and poof, there's a girl..." Oh right, control of time space. Gotta reread Manual of the Planes again. I took a deep breath.

"Well... ummm...", I stammered. Rene just shushed me. She stepped over to the couch and picked up a large fleece blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders. I pulled it tight.

"Well, Sami..." My eyes shot up.

"Oh, she didn't tell you. That's part of my job. She gave you a new name. Your name's Samantha. Everyone calls you Sami."

"Hehe.. it's cute."

"One of your favorite anime characters shares the name, right?"

"Yes..."

She smiled softly. "Now Sami, listen here... we have 3 days. Over on the table is the Necklace the Goddess gave you if you want to back out, but..."

"What's wrong Rene?"

"I don't want you to. You could be really happy..." She smiled and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "And I would be."

"I am not going to make choices right now."

"Good thinking, girl. Now, she gave you the body. My job is to give you the mind... over these 3 days; I have to teach you what you need to know. You have a solid 22 years of girl knowledge to catch up on. Some of it is inside your head, waiting to be unlocked. Some of it you knew from your interests previously. A lot of it is just having the self-confidence you always lacked. I'll help you fill in your gaps. By Monday night, no one would have known."

"Right."

"You have a lot to learn... you need to learn to act like a woman, dress and prepare. You also have to deal with people like a woman. You won't get everything, but most people will write off any odd behavior as being under a lot of pressure from losing your teaching position. You also need to deal with that - no different then as a male."

I stood up... "Could we start by getting me some clothes?"

She gave that laugh again. I still had it, XX or XY.

We walked into a bedroom. It was warm and bright. I sat down on the bed while she got out some very basic clothes - a white cotton bra and panty set, one of my t-shirts and a pair of sweats.

"Umm... are these mine?" I looked kind of nervous, seeing the underclothing.

"Of course. The Goddess took care of it. She took all your favorite male clothing, and fit it to your new body. She also got rid of some bad quality stuff, and of course, added some new things." She teased me, holding up the bra. I stifled a laugh.

"Stop it! Hey, this is traumatic! I just got a life-sentence of needing under wire support here!" She let out a full on laugh.

"Okay, okay Sami. First, pull these on." She handed me the panties. "They're pretty similar to shorts, so you'll find them easy. Just make sure the front is smooth and you feel comfortable." I did and they did look and feel comfortable.

"Good.. now... your little fear is so not so bad." She handed the bra to me.

"Watch, it's simple." She pulled off her t-shirt and slipped off her bra in a few quick motions. I was kind of shocked.

"Relax, hun. Your one of the girls now. Your going to see another woman sometime

right?"

"Guess so."

"Right. Now watch. Pull the straps onto your shoulders.. lean over a bit and let your breasts fall into the cups gently.. then sit up, reach back and fasten. Try it a few times." I mimicked her motions... until the fastening. That took a few tries. But after 4 or 5 minutes, I fastened it securely, and was able to repeat. I then put on the t-shirt. It was a v-neck in a dark green, and the sweats were simple black ones. Pulled them on, and was dressed for the first time as a woman.

"Not flattering hun. Seriously. I feel bad giving you that."

"It's okay... its what I'm used to wearing."

She smiled. "Sami, that's changed. You don't need to wear sweats and t's any more. You can look cute and attractive, you can do what you've had in your head!" She tapped on my forehead.

"That's big shift... that'll take more then 3 days hun." I looked over at the clock. It was pretty late. At least 9:30. I was an early riser most of the time. "Hun, it's late... I need some time... could we work more tomorrow?

"Of course, Sami."

"Thanks... sorry to cut off right at the beginning, but it's so late. Do we need to go back?"

"No. It's all right. Go lay down. The TV remote is over on the stand. Feel free to do anything you want. You and I have the run of the cabin." She walked out of the bedroom and clicked the door shut. For the first time I was alone in my new body.

I laid down. Well, rather, sprawled out, on the bed. I felt the bra on me and I took a deep breath. It was late, and I realized that I haven't gotten much done except crying and gender shifting today. Some days just aren't that productive.

My eyes drifted off a bit. The room was kind of Spartan. It had one large chest-of-drawers, a small night stand with a remote, alarm clock and a small figurine on it, and a TV stand with the TV on it. I laid back. Friday night, that means Stargate. I snapped the TV on. It was the same cable system so I just flipped over to the Sci-Fi network... I perched up two pillows and laid my head back. It was a poor episode, but it kept my attention.

After the show I flipped to the News and listened to what was going on for the weekend. Murder-death-kills and all that. I was pretty much drifting off to sleep when Rene knocked on my door.

"Sami? Awake dear?"

"Barely", I squeaked out. I again turned my head. I wasn't used to the voice yet.

"It occurs to me you haven't eaten today."

I blinked. "You know, your right..."

"Common... your dressed. Let's go over to McDonalds. You need something in your stomach." I never was one really for McDonalds, but I figured it was okay.

I looked around... "Oh crud."

"What's wrong Sami?"

"Wallet... my wallet was in my pocket, in my pants, which are now... where the hell would they be?"

"Well, they're gone... but your wallet wasn't much use. I know you're not a person to carry cash anyway."

"Okay, okay, I'm a horrid person for living on my ATM card. Gods strike me for my ... you know what I'm not going to finish that sentence. Based on tonight's knowledge... they just might."

"Not a bad idea."

"Doesn't solve my..." A light went on; "Hey, wait. If I'm a girl, where's my purse?"

"Your smart." She pointed a finger down to the night stand, the lower shelf having a small shoulder flap bag, soft tan with gold clasp. "Everything in there is yours Sami - identification, credit cards, your precious ATM cards, hehe, photos and some new things." I opened up the bag and looked. A leather wallet did indeed have anything - even the 2 dollars cash I did have on me. Also in there was a checkbook, a compact, and a sanitary pad. That suddenly brought me to a momentary revelation, but I wrote it off for now.

We went out to the car again. I sat down into the car seat and relaxed. I pulled a few stray hairs out of my face and behind my ears. She gazed at me.

"Something wrong, Rene?"

"Not at all Sami... I'm just happy."

"Why's that?"

"Well... your scared right now, but I really feel"; she started the car, "that you have a bit of peace. You were yourself but not fake. You've been radiating a very calm presence for hours. Your mind is busy, but in the end, you are happy. That's something you couldn't say until this. She continued talking while she pulled out and drove toward the small town, that was about 15 minutes back.

"I do feel a bit calmer. Fear's a good thing. It is a survival instinct. I'm just not into this all yet. Like, when I was looking at my purse, I saw the pad in it. That snapped for a moment. I have to wear those for 4 or so days a month. And I don't know how to yet! That could be really embarrassing, ya know?"

"Yea, I do know. My first period started in 6th grade. Middle of creative writing. I had something to put in my journal that day." We both giggled. "Don't worry sweetie. Your new existence is going to be a challenge. But we'll deal with it. I am going to cram womanhood into you the next 3 days, but you have a life time to master. You might not come out right now a perfect makeup artist, but as you experiment and play, you'll figure things out. Everyone remembers you being a similar kind of girl as you were a boy - extremely nice, maybe not the most spic-and-span person in the world. Any changes in personality they'll chock up to the experience of losing your teaching position."

"Thanks. Your comforting in all this." I know things have been thought through, but I was actually getting hungry and tired. We pulled into McDonalds and got out (I abhor drive thru's). i ordered some chicken nuggets and a diet soda. (this wasn't a change - I drank a two liter a day before - still do). She ordered a value meal.

"Now there's a switch. You ordered a bigger meal then me," she said between fries.

"Well.. I don't know how much I can eat. I kind of was a bottomless pit before."

"Smart girl." That sounded so good to hear.

"Rene, only you and I really know all of this... but I'm really freaked out. I can't keep something like this quiet! I am going to tell someone eventually, I know I will."

"Go ahead. It'll be another of Sami's silly little background stories, that she used to be a big fat guy until a mystic goddess changed her life." Hearing her say that was, well, comforting. "Look hun, it'll be okay. It's just nerves. Soon enough, you won't be Bobby in a Sami suit. You'll be Sami, period. It's just going to be you. And you have all the time you need."

She was playing to me at this point. I'm the kind who needs constant reinforcement.

We ate and talked about the next day. Tomorrow would be some more dressing, learning terminology and skills like how to match colors right and how to dress appropriate for situations. I also would work on feminine mannerisms and how to act female better. "It's not unlike acting", she said, "but you'll just do it so much, it'll ingrain into you." I couldn't stop smiling. For all the fear, I was

excited about the future for the first time in a while.

We finished our meals and drive back. I was about to slide into my room when she tapped me on the shoulder. "Sami?" I turned around to see her. As I did, she wrapped her arms around me. "Sami... I'm happy. Thank you. Right now we're focusing on the girl stuff... but eventually, we're going to work on making you into a priestess. Your going to be the most amazing priestess the Goddess has ever had." "Okay Rene... thanks so much. Your giving your time for this I know." She just smiled. "there's a nightgown in your closet."

I went to my bedroom and closed the door. I let a tiny breath out. Don't get me wrong, I love Rene, but she does smother just a bit when she's excited. She was like this when we got GTA: Vice City too. She just loves blowing up cars.

I pulled off my short and sweats... and just looked at myself for a bit in the mirror. I really liked what I saw, and I did some closer inspections, I looked at my bust a lot. For guys, that area is very unique. It's something guys just don't get. It was so interesting feeling it and seeing them. I cupped them in the bra and lifted them up, felt around the lines of the bra, and just generally looked for a bit, before slipping the bra off.

Pulling the pale peach gown on, I laid down and snapped the TV on again, listening to the news before curling up on my side. I drifted off to sleep with a slight smile on the full lips that I now had.

Waking up a little after 8, I looked into Rene's room to see she was fast asleep still. I went to the kitchen, and poked around. I found everything for some pancakes, and began to cook. By the time the batter bowl was empty, I had a hungry instructor who wanted some of my pancake-y goodness.

After the breakfast, I went to shower. I peeled off my clothing, and felt a bit odd. I turned on a nice hot shower and settled in for a few minutes. As the water beat down and ran down my new form I kind of just zoned out. It felt good... I mean really good. It felt... well... I don't know how to explain it. It felt warm all over. Not like the water, but well, like something within me was warm. It was really nice zoning there.

Of course, I'm a slob, and forgot to lock the bathroom door, so when Rene barged in I kind of got smacked into reality. She rushed back out. I realized I had covered my privates and my chest. That was worth a pretty good laugh in my opinion. All ready getting there.

After cleaning up some, I toweled off and went to my dresser. The T-shirt and sweats, I guessed, we're okay. I only wore them for two hours. And I was probably going to be changing. I also put on clean underclothes.

"Sami? Sorry about that..." Rene said through the door as I was dressing.

"It's fine hun... I never remember to lock the door."

"Well, let's get started, are you ready?"

"Let's do it."

She brought me into her bedroom. I sat down on the bed where she had a lap desk and a dry erase board. it seemed like Miss Samantha was going to be going to school.

Most of the next few hours was kind of slow. She instructed me on what kinds of clothes were called. Lengths of skirts, types of blouses, kids clothing, professional versus causal, hair styles, everything. It was really sort of boring. The more she talked, the more I wanted to really get to the work. But then again, then I'd be more like my former students. I'd prefer to get my background. Somewhere about 11, she went over different kinds of underclothes, I spoke up. She agreed and we went back to my room. After the quiz. (85/100. Yes!)

The first thing she did was show me some different kinds of underclothes. I tried on a few different kinds of bras and panties. I found the simpler things more comfortable for now, but the others ones didn't feel bad. The demicup bra was really nice, actually. Rene said that over time, tastes and preferences would develop, and not to worry too much.

I really enjoyed the next few hours. After settling on a rather basic set of underclothes, we worked on the fun stuff. I found a really nice flowered a-cut skirt, some nude stockings and a red top. The red brought out some nice colors in the skirt. Rene suggested we go down to the salon in the mall in Albany to get my hair done, add some red highlights. She marked me well for choices.

The rest of the day was learning more girl skills. How to wear stockings, how to do nails, and hair, ya know? That kind of thing. It was fun. By the end of the day, I was moving in a very natural method. I could also feel the ideas sinking in. I also realized some of my memories were changed. I remembered my male memories just fine, but my "new" memories were there too. I remembered Bobby didn't go to the prom. I remember Sami went with one of Bobby's friends - and they had a great time. Sami remembered the sports teams she played on, the games she loved, her favorite girlhood toys, and how to do some things like how to sit down in a skirt. It was coming to me, slowly, but it was there. Noticing the way Rene did things helped. She was kind of a girly-girl, so at this point, she was a good role model.

Supper was simple - Chinese stir-fry from a bag, some extra veggies and a few shrimp added. Diet soda to wash it down. I was wearing my new outfit I picked out. We had done my nails simple - a deeper pink, something to keep the "red" theme going. We spent the evening watching television. Friday night was the Canadian Comedy shows on CBC. We watched the funnies. I don't' know if she appreciated good

comedy in this vein - but This Hour has 22 Minutes, well, it's a different kind of show. Americans just can't understand why a TV show can get right next to leaders and make fun of them.

About 10:30 she excused herself to her room. After several minutes, I was wondering where she went, so I peeked into her room. I saw her in front of a little statuette, just like the one in my night stand. I knocked softly.

"Yes Sami?"

"Wondering what your doing."

"Evening devotion. I wasn't going to layer the religious aspect on for a few weeks... but you know religion well. Want to join?" Something in her invitation was a bright jump to me. Eagerly joined in. I kneeled down next to her and we repeated some prayers in Greek to the goddess' image. After a short time, she was into a trance state. My guess was it was communion with the Goddess, not unlike I've experienced for the last day. I continued repeating the prayers. 5 times into it, I felt a similar ting of energy in my crown chakra just like before. I was standing in the white light again, before the sheet of the goddess.

"Greetings, my daughter."

"Hello, MiLady. Is this..."

"Yes, this is what Rene is also experiencing with me in her own frame of perception. I'm pleased you were so eager to join into worship."

"I have wanted this my entire life, milady. I am somewhat saddened she didn't bring it to me earlier. How often and for what reasons do your priestesses do this?"

"Simply to commune. To talk. To report if I have them working on a task. You'll find we are a simple group, young one. We simply desire betterment of the human condition. And soon enough, you'll serve fully. For now, just enjoy learning. Enjoy yourself, my daughter..."

Her voice trailed off as I came to. It was just a few seconds. Rene was still focused, so I just let her continue.

Curling up in my bed, after changing and fixing my hair for the evening, I was brushing my hair with a stiff bristle brush. The quiet repetition was dulling me a bit. It was kind of settling in. I realized what I did then.

I was beginning to get paranoid. What the hell did I do? I can't really be a girl... I mean I was raised male, how the hell do I act female? I started to get really freaked out... I'm a girl. A lot's different. I mean, I have to be different. All my natural kind of aggression needs to go. I need to react like a girl. I have to live with different things. I'm going to bleed for several days each month. I am going to probably be attracted to guys... guys are going to want to have sex with me! Sex?!? Hey if they want sex... they could take it I couldn't fight back...I could be... no no no... I laid back and was crying. At some point, I fell on my bed while pacing about. I fell asleep.

I woke up somewhere like 2 AM. I was kind of a wreck. I knocked on Rene's door.

"Ahh... yes?"

"Rene? Sorry to wake you..."

"No, its all right Sami. What's wrong?"

"I just... I just was feeling very scared and freaked out for some reason."

"Tell me about it. I'll go get some tea." We walked to the kitchen.. I sat down at

the table as she started up the electric kettle.

"It... it just hit me. Well... I don't know how to be a girl. I'm a boy, I mean, I've had 22 years of training one way... changing mid stream... I just felt overwhelmed... and..." She handed me a cup of black tea. I took a sip.

"And?"

"I... I had some really unpleasant thoughts..." I gulped down most of the cup. My hands were shaking pretty badly by this point. She cupped my hands in hers.

"Honey honey... relax... take a deep breath.... It's okay." I began to cry.

"R.. Rene... I'm not the big strong person any more... but I still have that mind set... I can't simply bulrush my way through life... I have to change and that's scaring me so much.... I... I'm going to be different and that's not something I even considered going into this." All this time I had a rather tight grip on that pendant.

"Hun..." she tried to interject.

"I had bad thoughts.... I'm going to be a girl... there'll come a time... I need to deal with it... girl things will happen... I am going to have a... my period. And, and I'm also going to have to deal with guys... I mean I'm not attracted sexually to you or to anything I've seen... I could only think.... "

"You'd like boys?" She was very tentative.

"Yes... but worse... boys would like me. They'd see me as a sex object... I mean I know how boys think. I mean, 99 point 9 percent would just be posturing, a few wanting a relationship, a few wanting some simple sex... but there...there could be that one in a thousand freak... the one... who wants.... And I wouldn't... and he..." She interrupted me.

"Honey... no one is going to rape you." I broke down when I heard the word. She helped me put down the tea cup and helped me to my feet... she walked me into the living room. She sat me down on the couch and held me. I was sobbing quite badly.

"I'm scared... so scared... so much... I don't know..." I squeaked out in between my sobs. She laid my head down on her shoulder... quietly shushing me and comforting. I curled up into a tight ball and cried as she relaxed me.

"Sussssh..." the air pushed through her teeth as she rocked me softly. "It's okay... I know sweetie. Welcome to your new life. The realizations you had just now were fully known and expected. Honestly we'd be worried if you hadn't had them soon. We talked about them earlier... but it just didn't sink in. Now it has. Yes you're not the big strong person you were before. But your difference is great...

now you're the one in control. You do more work, but you make the choices. Remember running around after girls? Remember when we use to go to the Cafˇ on campus after you were out prowling all night fruitlessly? I nodded slowly...

"Well... you get to see the other side now. Don't worry. A lot of being a girl... it's instinct. It's observation and learning. It's learning you've done all your life - whether you remember it or not. And when you start to feel your way through it." She stroked my hair softly.

"It's so much isn't it? Having to change so much so quickly. But you can do it sweet heart... I have so much faith in you. In just a day you all ready move and look like a girl... all you need to do now is just stop thinking your Bobby... your Sami and then you'll feel better. Can you do that for you?"

"I..." I looked up into her eyes. She was beginning to tear up... I think she's really happy... she said this was expected. But it just hurt. I pulled myself up, sitting down on the couch.

"I'm Samantha. I'm ... I'm who I am. It's scary... and I'm nervous. But I'm here. "

"Yes... that's right. You're here." She smiled in relief. I dried away some tears. About this time the clock started to give it's Westminster chimes - it was about 3 AM.

"Oh sweetie," she said in a coy manor, "You have to get to bed... you have a big day."

"I thought we were going to do more practicing."

"We are. But being a teacher, you know the best part for a student of any educational experience is the Field Trip right?"

"You mean..."

"Yep... girl's day out hun! Shopping, lunch, hairdresser... you know, just to get you used to the things. Don't worry; we've set it all up. We told them that you're from a family of all boys and never really got into the girl things, but want to now. So, we're due at 2 PM down at Albany for the hairdresser, but we got to do a lot before then. We have to leave pretty early. By the end of tomorrow, we're going to have you so ready..." I gave a rather beaming smile.

I got myself up, went back to bed. I fell asleep, looking at the Goddess' figurine.

I woke up about 8 and felt pretty good. A quick shower later I felt much better. Rene was all ready making breakfast, so I went and put on a pair of black jeans and a baby doll t-shirt. Always loved these things. This one was just a nice solid red. I slid on a pair of black flats. Still wasn't all that great at walking in heels. That's just one of those things ya have to do. A lot. If you want to be good. Thinking about it hurts still.

"Morning silly... not bad, think it'll work fine to get us down there. Now eat up, we've got a trip."

A simple breakfast of eggs and toast was eaten rather quickly. I think she saw the glimmer of excitement.

Honestly, it's kind of a blur at this point. The Drive was a lot of chatter. I drove this time. It was pretty nice. The roads were quieter then I'd expect on a holiday weekend. Her car was a gentle drive. Kind of smaller then my big car - the one I lovingly called the Land Ark. Maybe something like this vehicle would be better. Assuming THAT didn't change too.

Pulling into the large mall in Albany was fast and she quickly shuttled me around different places. Ann Taylor, Express, Deb, Limited for some different and new clothes. After a nice long run through H&M, I suddenly had a small revelation.

"Hey, Rene...."

"Yeah, Sami?"

"Crazy thing it just came to mind... where the hell is the money coming from?"

"Hun, think of it - you were transformed into a girl by a goddess. Don't you think if she could do that, she could find some way to pay for this? She's provided. Don't worry." Then she showed me the card. She smiled coy - "Goddess Express - don't leave home with out it." We both giggled as we looked around a small jewelry shop. Left there with a new watch and a gorgeous pair of earrings. Of course, I ended up going to get my ears pierced. That was... unpleasant. At best. We had lunch at Ruby Tuesday's. As I was enjoying a hamburger, Rene was too busy smiling like a fool.

"What in the world is wrong girl?" I asked after a few seconds.

"Sami, look over there..." she pointed to our right. A young man was trying to pretend he wasn't looking. "He's checking you out sweetie..."

"No way..."

"Yes hun..." I started to giggle stupidly. "Hun, go say hi... maybe you'll get a drink out of it..."

"I couldn't... I mean..."

"Do it hun, you'll feel better when you do it." I am so easy to bend to pressure. I slid out of the booth. He was blushing slightly.

"Hi... my crazy friend said you were checking me out..." I think I had just sliced his head open. He was beet red.

"uh... yeah. I'm.. uh I'm Matt."

"Samantha."

"C.. Could I get you something?" he stuttered out.

"Just a coke. We're kind of on the clock, thanks." He asked the waitress to bring over two cokes and we struck up a quick conversation. He worked in mall security and was on lunch, and lived in the area. I told him I was from up north, and was just visiting. Generally, I was really relaxed.. He relaxed after a few minutes. After we finished, he gave a quick hug, and walked out. I was really kinda shocked

at my own confidence and ability.

"Okay hun," I was snapped back to reality "We have 10 minutes to get to the hair dresser."

"Oh... sorry Rene."

"You did so good their hun! I'm proud of you." She had paid and we were walking toward the hairdresser's.

The hairdresser was a friend of Rene's, and we basically used our "Never really had a makeover but we're doing it now" story to cover up why I basically had no idea how to style my hair. It was kind of nice. She colored my hair to bring out some chestnut highlights, and showed me some different ways to wear it - how to put it up, how to style it myself, braiding, and how to keep the new coloring. I also got drilled with the new idea of this amazing stuff - conditioner. Huh. If only I was an ape with a bone around an obelisk.

After the hair care, Rene said she was feeling rather beat. And we had to get back to the Cabin to pack up. I have to say my little day out was thrilling.

The rest of the afternoon was pretty basic. I packed up all my new things from the shopping trip, About two hours later Rene popped in.

"Hey, Sami, If you have no problem, I'd like to get going tonight... let's go back up to town and then go out."

"You got it!" the idea of going out was just too great. I rushed the rest of my prep and was ready to fly in a half hour. The drive up was, yet again, really quiet. She was handling it. I was in my same outfit. It was pretty nice. The shock was pulling into my apartment. The outside was the same. The downstairs - which I shared with three other guys - the same, except for some new art on the walls, and it was, uh, clean. One of them, ploped down in his usual spot infront of the PS2, pouring over the latest derivative Anime-based RPG.

My room - now it was different. My sturdy iMac was there - on a much nicer table. In the corner was a small vanity, like I described earlier, and then everything was so great. I was home again. I was in Samantha's home.

So, I sat down. At my makeup table.

My. Make. Up. Table.

And I smiled. Tonight was full of possibilities. And I was ready to dive in.

.=.=. 12 weeks later. .=.=.

Sense my change, I've had some high points and low points. One of those roommates moved out - after stealing 600 dollars. He was always kinda a jerk. No one remembered Bobby. For a day or two, that was kind of disturbing. But finding how comfortable I was at being Sami, well, I just kinda lost that connection to Bobby. I mean, I can fully remember BEING him... but he's not me. I'm me. Everything - from childhood photos to sports trophies to old school papers show it. In a large part, I am Bobby - all of Bobby's friends were my friends. All of Bobby's enemies were mine too. I was teased and insulted as a child still. But for other reasons. Generally, I was the same. People even still called me by Bobby's nickname - Saint. My family had a daughter in 1981, not a son. And I was Daddy's little girl apparently. I did go home for Thanksgiving - and found almost everything exactly the same. Even my brother is still embarassed by my mere sight for being his crazy older sister.

I've begun training for being a priestess. I really love it... the rituals are fantastic, and the comfort of being in Her presence is intoxicating. In commune with the Goddess, we decided to tell the other women of the group the whole truth. Other members constantly fascinated. They look to me to help them in dealing with their boyfriends, even as it's gotten harder for me to fully remember what it would be like for them. My official role has been in dealing with children. With my background in education, and a real empathy for everyone (the fathers, mothers and the children) has helped me greatly. They've helped me out too. One who is a dress maker has helped me learn more about clothing. Another, who worked at the college, helped me sort out my educational troubles, so I'll graduate in May with a degree, and I can continue on in my education. Where exactly, I can't say, but the Goddess willed and protect, that I do know.

Rene has been as fantastic a friend as ever. She and I go out all the time, and we're generally as thick as thieves. She even got me through the trauma that I expected of my first period. And while I called Tom from the mall that day a few times, we just didn't want to start anything. My roommates, except for that idiot, have been completely unfazed. They did notice I was dressing better then they remember though.

When I started all this, my worry was why. Was it simply because I was scared? Was it because I wanted it? Honestly, at that confusing time, I couldn't have given an answer. My best response would be I made a choice. The great thing is I have a lifetime to enjoy it.

As I'm sitting here writing these thoughts and memories down, I'm reminded of a few things. For one, that sooner or later, as I grow more and more detached from Bobby, I'm going to forget he was there. That's partly why I'm writing it down. I don't know if I should forget. If I was, something will happen. I'll lose this notebook, and it'll go away. If I was meant to know, well, good. this'll help. I plan on keeping this safe, unopened, but near.

  

  

  

*********************************************
© 2003 by Saintly. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, and compilation design) may be printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without the express written consent of StorySite and the copyright holder.