Nelle

by: Sarah Dechand

 

"Don’t unpack your stuff, just your clothes and some other essentials. The other stuff we’ll have to put in storage for a while." said Nelle. "We’re going to have to move." It was true. Her place was comfortable for 1, even 1 plus a long term guest. But since I would no longer be living out of a suitcase (actually a knapsack), it would be too cramped.

I sighed, and stacked the boxes in a corner. Then I took a suitcase holding clothes to the bedroom to unpack. As I began, Nelle entered, and looked at me, and said "Make sure you unpack your girly stuff." Then she stopped, as though she were measuring something, thinking it through. After a moment, she said "You look miserable, honey. Why don’t you change into something a little more, you know, cuter, for me?"

I sort of knew what she had in mind, but I had to ask, anyway.

"You know, something softer, which shows your shape more. Or maybe something more colorful, more cheerful, more summery. I could pick it for you, if you want."

"I don’t know…"

"Yes you do! You know you want me to dress you, and you know I want to do it, so just let me. I promise it will be worth your while."

Nelle was right as usual, and it didn’t take a genius to see it. I loved the way women dressed, and I loved the way Nelle dressed me. The thing I didn’t love was the way my life was getting away from me. Already estranged from colleagues at work, and hundreds of miles from family, Nelle was the only thing left that resembled a support mechanism. College buddies? Nope – not since the New Years disaster of ’88 (but that’s another story involving collapsing bookshelves and lots of vomit.) Friends from childhood? All back home in a humble small town. Church? Not religious. Hobbies – well, I guess you could call this thing with Nelle a hobby.

So I agreed to let Nelle pick out my outfit, but insisted that I would absolutely not wear the dreaded blue checked pantsuit. I followed Nelle into the bedroom, and watched her sort through her closet. Every so often she would stop, and look at a dress or top, and consider. She finally settled on a two piece set – a batik printed vest with a matching pair of linen drawstring pants. I shook my head. "no way. I’ll be made for sure if I wear that."

"Not if you let me make you up, and you shave those nasty armpits!" said Nelle hopefully, but I wasn’t buying. Nelle looked a bit hurt as she hesitantly went back to looking through the closet. She became more and more agitated as she looked for something suitable, but finding nothing, became more and more exasperated. Finally, she picked out a slightly shiny red short sleeved blouse with a single button at the back of the neck. "You can wear this with your grey slacks," she said curtly.

I put the blouse on over my bodyshaper, and searched through my suitcase for the slacks. They had no pockets, zipped up the back, and fit close. I put them on, and noted how smooth they made me appear in front. Without a jacket, this outfit would display me more than even the blue checked pantsuit. I put on my makeup, light trouser socks, and my loafers, and presented myself for inspection.

"You look good!" said Nelle cheerfully, and I blushed at the thought. Even if I did look sort of ungainly and flat chested for a woman, the nights of - well, let’s call it what it was – training – with Nelle had paid off, and I could comport myself well enough to pass, as long as I didn’t have to speak. "Let’s go. We need to find you some more summer clothes, and a place to live.!" Nelle handed me a purse for my stuff, and we left for a long adventure.

Clothes shopping turned out to be less than a total success, since I resisted Nelle’s efforts to buy me a dress, and I wouldn’t go for anything sleeveless. But Nelle did make me buy another two pantsuits similar to the blue checked number, one bright pink and one pea green, each with some embroidery on the front. And I did buy some tee shirts that had a bit lace at the neck and arms, and a pair of loose fitting printed drawstring pants with a matching vest that I could wear over the tee shirts. I figured that if we were going to be going out on the weekends, I might as well be comfortable.

We were more successful with real estate, though. We found a place in a new development which was big enough for both of us – a two bedroom apartment in a 4 story building that was near shopping and the commuter rail station in a close in suburb. Nelle had been scouting out a place for us for weeks, it turned out, and when I saw the one she picked, I had to admit that it was nearly perfect. The trouble was, in order to make a deposit, I’d have to sell my car, or something to raise the money.

We returned late in the evening, after eating out and going for drinks, and I was grateful. The waistband of my slacks was cutting into my tummy, and the shiny blouse was both conspicuous – way too businessy for the weekend – and uncomfortable, since it was not possible to open the collar. I had to admit, though, that it had been a pretty good day despite the fact that my appearance had drawn a few odd looks from men and women alike. Or maybe I was just a little too self conscious.

Sunday came and went easily, since there wasn’t any unpacking to do. It was a casual day, and I agreed to sell my car to make the deposit. Living out of a suitcase would be easy enough for a while, but it would be good to settle into someplace a little more permanently. Besides, Nelle and I shared enough clothes, a fact that was driven home Monday morning, when Nelle laid out my outfit for work. It was her blue rayon pantsuit – the one she had dressed me in on our first night. There was no way I could wear this to the office. No way. Everyone would recognize the outfit as belonging to Nelle, and they would learn the truth about me, and it would add still more insult to the humiliation I had suffered since my demotion. I stood there in my body shaper, and didn’t budge.

Nelle laid it on the line again: "You know you want to do it. I’m just the vehicle for your odd little fantasy, and that’s OK with me, but I want to control you, and you like to be controlled. Now you put that on!" I hesitated. "Put it on now!" I started to say something, but Nelle cut me off. "Put it on now, or you’ll be going to work in one of your new cute embroidered pants outfits, or worse. I guarantee it." I wanted to say something – to end it, to put a stop to this madness, to get things back to the way they were before, but I just couldn’t find the words, and stood there, frozen.

Nelle wordlessly brought over the hanger with my new, pea green outfit. Reluctantly, I put out my hand to take it, and as I took it, Nelle said in a voice that was all business: "You put that on now, or you’re going to beg to be permitted to wear it." I consoled myself that at least I would be putting on something that nobody else in the office had seen, as I stepped into the pants, pulled them up to above my waist, and dragged the zipper up the back. Nelle helped button the top up the back. I put on my pink trouser socks, which matched the embroidery on the front, and my loafers.

I had to admit, wearing a woman’s suit was much different from wearing a man’s suit.

My stomach was a knot as we entered the lobby and waited for the elevator. It was my last chance to bolt, to stop the awful scene that was about to unfold, but I drifted, like a leaf floating on a stream, into the elevator, to meet my latest humiliation. It was one thing to wear the clothing with Nelle, even in public. But nobody else I knew had ever seen me this way, except for Madison, and that had been the worst. I knew that my former colleagues, who were now my superiors would laugh at me with cold blooded glee. As this thought, I almost lost it – my eyes started to tear up. But Nelle noticed, and quietly slipped her hand up under the hem of my blouse, and gently caressed my tummy through the bodyshaper. This had the desired pacifying affect, and I stepped off of the elevator to meet my fate.

Madison, of course, was delighted to see me in my outfit. "It really ‘suits’ you." He said, pun intended. He and Nelle agreed I should sit at reception, so that everyone could get a good look on their way in, and my miserable day began with the incredulous stares of my coworkers. There were some pretty good comments too, but the one that hit home the most was Cecily, who was normally pretty sympathetic. She just said: "Yikes!"

Naturally, a day like this drags on forever, and I remember the most tiny details of the trivial tasks I had to perform, the paper cuts and faxes I handled. The packages I signed for, and the salesmen who called. Nelle and Madison were working busily on a deal for most of the day, so I only saw her a few times, like when they called me to get their lunch. Naturally, I was sent out to get it, rather than having it delivered.

By 5 o’clock, I felt like a wreck. The day had been totally humiliating in every respect, and I couln’t wait to leave and go home. Unfortunately, Nelle and Madison were still working out the details of their deal. I went in to ask Nelle about plans for the evening, but they shooed me out without saying anything. I looked in my purse, and realized that I had no keys to Nelle’s apartment. I was stuck there, at work.

Finally, at 6:00, Nell came out of Madison’s office, but not to leave.

"I’m sorry to keep you waiting so long, pumpkin, but Mad and I aren’t going to be done for a while. Why don’t you go out and do a little more shopping while you wait for us?"

"Can’t I just go home and cook us dinner, Nelle?"

"Oh no. We’re going to go out for dinner. I’ll tell you what – let’s meet at that italian place uptown near Macy’s at 8:30." And even though it seemed like a suggestion, we both knew that it was a command, as she took me by the elbow and guided me to the door. "You need more underwear and work clothes," she whispered in my ear. And that was a command, too. I heard the bolt slide in the door, locking me out.

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Sarah Deschand. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.