Nelle

by: Sarah Dechand

Part 3

 

It was a miserable day for me, but in some ways, a great day for Nelle. I had fumbled one of our largest accounts, thanks largely to my indifference. I had really been completely sexually absorbed by my adventures with Nelle, and not been paying attention to our clients. Madison and Nelle worked for days to put things back together. The whole scenario put a dent in our bottom line, and worse, in Madison’s pride. He was furious, and the hammer fell on me.

Madison insisted on taking over my projects himself, with assistance from Nelle. As for me, well, since Nelle would no longer be able to deal with the minutiae of the office herself, I could assist her. So I was demoted to assistant office manager, and of course, my salary was downgraded to that low level. On the other hand, Nelle got a promotion, a raise, and an assistant, me.

Fortunately, Nelle agreed to let me move in with her. The reduced salaray meant I would no longer be able to afford my lease. It was just as well. I practically did live there, anyway. We rode the train home awkwardly, silently. Summer was in the air, and it was crowded, and hot. As much as I wanted to congratulate Nelle and delight in her success, I felt acute shame that it came due to my failure. Nelle, who might have gloated – it was in her personality – seemed sympathetic. Of course, that changed when we got home.

The second we entered the apartment, Nelle broke out in a huge grin, gave a little whoop! and grabbed me by the hands and pulled me into the bedroom – "Let’s get dressed, baby, we’re going to go out and celebrate!" Celebrate. Sure, I thought. I tried to put on a happy face, but my heart was not in the act. I was just plain miserable, and stood, like a tree, in her bedroom. But Nelle wasn’t having it.

"Listen. I want my party, and you’re going to have to give it to me, girlfriend. Now take off your slacks and shirt, get into the bathroom, clean up, do your face and your hair. When you come back, I’ll have picked out something for you to wear."

I moved slowly towards the bathroom. How could I say anything to this? How could I respond? On the one hand, Nelle was totally out of bounds. She really had no right to push me around like this. But on the other, this whole situation was the result of the fact that I enjoyed submitting in this particular way to Nelle - to the point where I could no longer properly do my job. On the one hand, I was utterly humiliated by my fall from grace, which was pretty much public knowledge at the office. But on the other, I was proud of Nelle, and wanted to help her in any way.

"Move it, girly! Stop daydreaming!" snapped Nelle.

I moved. I shed my shirt and pants, and stood in my tights and body shaper. I tried to focus on the task at hand, and made my preparations. My focus paid off, for when I emerged from the bathroom, I was met by Nelle’s warm smile and a hearty hug, during which Nelle rubbed my bottom through my girdle and tights. I looked over her shoulder onto the bed to see what outfit she had picked out for me. I saw something in a small navy blue and white houndstooth check. "You are going to look so precious in your suit tonight, darling." she whispered in my ear, and led me to the bed.

The suit was a two piece, pants and top set. There was a matching pair of comma heeled blue pumps on the floor. The pants zipped up the back, and were made of rayon and acetate, and fully lined, like the top, which had short cap sleeves and a round collar and was embroidered with about a dozen daisies on the front. It was designed to fit over the pants at the waist, but stopped short of the hips, accentuating curves. It was the most feminine outfit I’d known Nelle to own, and I’d never seen it before. Then it clicked. She’d said "your suit." She must have bought it for me. I put in my breast forms, and pulled on the pants, then stepped into my blue pumps. I felt both fear and excitement as I put my arms through the top, and Nelle buttoned the 5 large buttons in back. "My new assistant is adorable!" she exclaimed. I looked at myself in the mirror and had to agree that adorable was the right word for the outfit. I felt sure that I would pass to 99% of the people we encountered, something which gave me the faintest bit of pleasure.

We went to dinner at a nice mediterranean place uptown, outside our usual neighborhood. Nelle sprung for a cab to spare us the walk. The meal was delicious, Nelle gregarious, and the wine was going to my head, but as the waiter brought our espresso and pastries, I fell to earth like a bucket of water. It was Madison. He had apparently been at the restaurant and was on his way to the door. But of course he saw us. Nelle is the kind of attractive person that everyone hopes they run into outside the office. My only hope was that he wouldn’t recognize me.

No such luck. They had surely set me up for this encounter. And I sat in absolute, petrified, silence as they had the following conversation.

"Hi Nelle! You know, it’s really nice of you to take your new assistant out for dinner."

"Well, we just wanted to start things off right, you know, make sure that we’re seeing eye to eye about things."

"She sure looks cute tonight."

"I think so too." Then, addressing me, she said "Why don’t you stand up, dear, so Madison can see you in your adorable checked suit?"

"Oh, you don’t have to do that," he said, "We’ll have plenty of opportunities to see you in your outfit, I’m sure."

"Don’t be too sure, Madison, I don’t think we’ll be wearing this to work anytime soon." said Nelle, to my relief.

"Well, it would be just fine if you did. In fact, after groveling in front of Harris and hanging on a thread just to keep the account thanks to this fuck-up," he said bringing his hand down onto my padded shoulder, "and the terms, unbelievable, we’ll be lucky if we ever get out of the red on that project. I don’t mind at all if its embarrassing to wear that stuff to work."

"We all have limits." Said Nelle firmly.

"Well, it’s up to you, Nelle. You’re responsible and smart. Dress her however you like."

"Thanks, Mad."

"Well, Goodnight."

After Madison left. I was wrecked. I felt sick to my stomach and could hardly breathe. Nelle held my hand for a few minutes, and, when I finally calmed down a bit, led me out of the restaurant. I was trying my hardest not to cry, but like so many of my other efforts, this was a failure. The tears poured freely, and Nelle was there to wipe them.

What a curious mixture of anger and gratitude I felt for her. It was love, but also treacherous, unknowable, and nearly disastrous. These thoughts steadied my mind, and after walking about 10 blocks, Nelle hailed us another cab home. My face was an utter mess. We cleaned up and went to bed. I slept like a rock. Who knows what I dreamed?

I didn’t want to overdo it for work the next day, so I asked, and was allowed, to dress in a much less eye-catching way than the night before. My pants even had pockets and I wore a shirt with buttons on the right. The day was slow and awful. I moved my personal stuff from my office to a desk out near the kitchen. I didn’t even get a cubicle. Nelle got a large cubicle next to Madison’s office, with a view of a window. Not the best real estate, but not bad either. Then Nelle showed me some of my new duties. Opening and sorting the mail. Keeping coffee on. Covering reception. Keeping track of the supplies in the supply closet. The filing system. As the office fuck-up, I didn’t get much sympathy. It was as if I were contagious, or something, but my colleauges (make that former colleagues) basically ignored me. There was no fire escape play, and lunch was a slice of pizza. It was like I had a big "L" for "Loser" tatooed on my forehead. At home, no sex.

The next day, Friday, was no different, but after work, I went back to my studio for the last time, and finished packing the last of my stuff, and moved finally into Nelle’s. I looked in my bathroom mirror for the last time, and saw the changes full on my face.

My cheeks rounder, my face fuller, the edges softened.

My hair much longer and framing my face.

My eyes, faded and more washed out, as though my spirit had less energy, less power.

But I watched my eyes, and thought of Nelle, and the love I had for her, and the love she held for me, and my eyes brightened, but my brow came together and tensed, and tears fell like stones, dropping endlessly to the lowest depths of the ocean.

 

 

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© 2001 by Sarah Deschand. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.